First-World Problems...Part 863

That's where the lawn guy turns his commercial mower to follow the edge of the lawn, and over an entire spring and summer, depending on the weather, he wears a bald patch or two into the lawn. That, coupled with some much larger bare spots caused by a fallen tree sent me to the MegaHomeLowesDepot for a bag of lawn patch. You know...the same stuff that didn't work very well the last two times I used it.

And guess what? It didn't work very well this time either! What a shock. I may be stupid, but I also learn very slowly. What I should have done is obvious...rake out the dead stuff, add some top soil, and then seed it with real grass seed, instead of the mix of sawdust, dirt and a few dozen grass seeds that the mixes seem to be.

Next year I will have learned my lesson.

Well, maybe the year after that. But definitely by 2024.

Posted by: CBD at 02:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 First planting

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:01 PM (UHVv4)

2 Not hedging my bets

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:01 PM (UHVv4)

3 I rose to the occasion so I'll nood

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:02 PM (UHVv4)

4 Although I am waiting for the weed spray and grass seeding guys

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:03 PM (UHVv4)

5 Mitt is winning the horse shit fertilizer war I guess

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:04 PM (UHVv4)

6 Then again Mitt's had plenty of practice

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:04 PM (UHVv4)

7 What are all those white things?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2021 01:05 PM (63Dwl)

8 This reminds me how I had to fire my lawn guy.

He'd weedwhack the edges and that was fine. But as time went on, he kept getting more and more aggressive and pretty soon, a sizable area of the yard was becoming hardpan desert.

I wasn't paying good money for that.

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent, STEM Guy at May 02, 2021 01:05 PM (ZSK0i)

9 My lawn guys are badly late because they've got alot more clients this year I figure from lockdown b.s.

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:05 PM (UHVv4)

10 What are all those white things?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2021 01:05 PM (63Dwl)

Petals from the neighbor's tree. It was really windy a few days ago and the entire lawn is covered with them, and it looked like it was snowing!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 02, 2021 01:06 PM (Q9lwr)

11 Hmm, couldn't post on the last thread....

Posted by: OrangeEnt at May 02, 2021 01:07 PM (7bRMQ)

12 My lawn guy has been showing up with a lot more of his "cousins" lately.
Hmmm...

Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2021 01:07 PM (axyOa)

13 What are all those white things?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2021 01:05 PM (63Dwl)

Racists....

Posted by: OrangeEnt at May 02, 2021 01:08 PM (7bRMQ)

14 Just tell the lawn guy "alto."

Posted by: Frasier Crane at May 02, 2021 01:08 PM (CWMF2)

15 Green spraypaint. Problem solved, engineer style.

Posted by: CppThis at May 02, 2021 01:09 PM (zcf1k)

16 Yeah, Toronto and upstate NY (that I know from an Insty commenter friend) were windy as a bitch the few days ago too, CBD.

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:09 PM (UHVv4)

17 It only took me two seasons to learn the issues with lawn patch stuff.
Now those mole smoke bombs on the other hand...I still use those. At the end of the day, there is nothing like lighting a fuse. Sure, it doesn't do much, but somehow I feel better.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2021 01:10 PM (axyOa)

18 Did you have some sort of party the night before, involving confetti?

Posted by: creeper at May 02, 2021 01:11 PM (XxJt1)

19 CBD is to lawn patching as Bullwinkle is to pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

This time for SURE!!!

Posted by: Doof at May 02, 2021 01:11 PM (mZUr4)

20 CBD, couldn't you just have the guy turn around at different spot? Also, is that a high spot, maybe you could level the ground around there?

Posted by: OrangeEnt at May 02, 2021 01:13 PM (7bRMQ)

21 It only took me two seasons to learn the issues with lawn patch stuff.

The problem with lawn patch stuff, even if it takes hold, is that it oftentimes has a different strain of grass in it, so as your lawn goes into dormancy you get a piebald effect.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 02, 2021 01:14 PM (qEvwq)

22 Now those mole smoke bombs on the other hand...I still use those. At the end of the day, there is nothing like lighting a fuse. Sure, it doesn't do much, but somehow I feel better.
Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2021 01:10 PM (axyOa)

When I was in high school for a time we lived in a rural area of California that was plagued by gophers. One time a neighbor down the hill got so fed up he stuck a rifle muzzle down a gopher hole and began blazing away. I went and got my father, and we laughed our asses off. It was just like the cartoons, except the gopher didn't tie the barrel into a knot.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 02, 2021 01:16 PM (qEvwq)

23 Lawns take a lot of water. I gave up on mine. I now have pretty weeds and bare dirt.

Posted by: Ronster at May 02, 2021 01:18 PM (Rlg4J)

24 The lawn patch I've seen is mostly just Rye seed.

Won't work down here. Up there should be fine. And costs about -- Nothing. $1 a lb maybe.

It usually dies in the heat of August but so what

Posted by: Uncle Rick at May 02, 2021 01:18 PM (48/MM)

25 I once looked for Crabgrass seeds as you can't kill the stuff and you would only have to mow once or twice a year.

Could not find. I blame Big Lawn Mower.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at May 02, 2021 01:19 PM (R/m4+)

26 >>>Petals from the neighbor's tree. It was really windy a few days ago and the entire lawn is covered with them, and it looked like it was snowing!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 02, 2021 01:06 PM (Q9lwr)
------------------

I must cut the yard a difficult certain way For if one blade of grass or leaf lands in my neighbor's yard.
Well, ... she ... is ... so ... prissy

Posted by: Braenyard at May 02, 2021 01:21 PM (1ENjc)

27 I overseed yearly with a bag of seed allegedly designed for the area. It's not coated with the fungicide Scott's uses.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:22 PM (ONvIw)

28 "a bag of lawn patch. You know...the same stuff that didn't work very well the last two times I used it."

I used to use PatchMaster. That stuff would thrive, even growing on a dry bowling ball.

Posted by: Ride The Non-Operating Reefer With gp at May 02, 2021 01:22 PM (qpX6U)

29 I know I said I'd take every drop of rain Mother Nature would give us but will admit I'm looking forward to a little dry spell. It took me two days to mow the yard and it's growing again like that plant in the "Little Shop of Horrors". It's not really much of a yard...just mostly weeds...but they're an improvement over the gravel yard that came with the house.

Crepe myrtles are a month behind. They got nipped by a freeze just as they set on new leaves. Didn't kill them but they're having to start from scratch now. At this rate it'll be August before they bloom.

Dogwood season is over. Mourning period has set in. No more clouds of white among the trees.

The end of winter means I can get outdoors and ignore the havoc Dems are wreaking. Just in time, too. The rage-meter has been pegged since November.

Posted by: creeper at May 02, 2021 01:23 PM (XxJt1)

30 I had to get rid of one lawn guy as he just could not comprehend that the ivy I'd planted to fill in a bare spot under a dense shade tree (which I wanted to keep) was NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MOWED.

Jesus Christ, dude.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia at May 02, 2021 01:23 PM (JZT2F)

31 Was "prissy" a typo??

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:23 PM (UHVv4)

32
One thing I loved about living in the mountains is that nobody expects you to have some manicured lawn. You just rake up the pine needles every so often, and scatter alpine grass seed and wildflowers if it looks little thin. Boom. Done. And you move on with your life, instead becoming a slave to the putting green in front of your house.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:25 PM (Uh2oA)

33 Gopher season!
Rabbit season!
Gopher season!
Rabbit season!

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:25 PM (UHVv4)

34 Prissy, pretty much hits the nail on the head.

Posted by: Braenyard at May 02, 2021 01:26 PM (1ENjc)

35 Greetings, CBD ... You might want to slice around the perimeter of that bald spot -- at least an inch deep -- and lift out the whole chunk. The soil may have become SO compacted by the lawnmower pivoting that any current/future grass roots will struggle to survive. Another reason to examine what's happening underneath the surface is to eliminate the possibility that a small colony of grubs are munching away at the roots (a bare spot which grows larger each year is a good clue).

Posted by: Kathy at May 02, 2021 01:26 PM (h3RRP)

36 32 sounds good. I find that the donk greenies use more lawn chemicals than anyone.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:27 PM (ONvIw)

37 CBD, look up Einstein's definition of insanity some time when you have a minute.

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:27 PM (wyw4S)

38 Drive a stake into the spot. The mower will have to go around. Then you'll have a stake surrounded with grass.

Posted by: pawn at May 02, 2021 01:27 PM (Cfk8j)

39 Okay, Braenyard, just don't call Mike Tyson "pithy" or he might misunderstand.

Posted by: andycanuck at May 02, 2021 01:28 PM (UHVv4)

40 "One thing I loved about living in the mountains is that nobody expects you to have some manicured lawn."

If I could afford to pave over my entire lawn with asphalt, I would do it. I already removed all the damn shrubs. Who needs the maintenance hassles of lawns, shrubs etc?

Posted by: Ride The Non-Operating Reefer With gp at May 02, 2021 01:28 PM (qpX6U)

41 My son is pretty intense about keeping his lawn green. He covered the bare patches about 6 weeks ago with seed, it has grown in and the grass looks very nice. I have to say it adds to the attractiveness of a property and seeing brown yards with dead looking grass is a unappealing distraction.

Posted by: washrivergal at May 02, 2021 01:28 PM (ZE5eB)

42 Always happy to hear of someone else having the same problems as me. A few years ago I gave up cutting the lawn myself. I hired someone new this year as the previous company (large outfit) taught it's crews how to operate the equipment but not how to mow a lawn or properly use a line trimmer. Hint: It is not necessary to shave each and every blade of grass down to dirt within 3 inches of the lawn border. New company is a small outfit, one of the three owners is on every crew, or else they are the entire crew. Oh, and there's no language barrier.

Now I have some areas to replant and was just wondering about trying the combo seed/fertilizer/mulch things. Your post, CBD, is timely.

Posted by: George V at May 02, 2021 01:28 PM (U2Tva)

43 Looks like stacy abrams sat on that lawn

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 01:29 PM (85Gof)

44 Looks like stacy abrams sat on that lawn
Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 01:29 PM (85Gof)

Oh noes he din int!

Posted by: Tank Abrams, Fat democrat at May 02, 2021 01:30 PM (R/m4+)

45 "taught it's crews how to operate the equipment but not how to mow a lawn or properly use a line trimmer."

It all pays the same whether they do it wrong or right. Like many people in many professions have discovered.

Posted by: Ride The Non-Operating Reefer With gp at May 02, 2021 01:31 PM (qpX6U)

46 Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:25 PM (Uh2oA)
----------------------------

Ya. Again upsetting Mrs. Prissy there is a spot in the front yard where these attractive blue wildflowers sprout every spring.

At first I cut them thinking they were some kind of grass but later noticed the blooms. Now, I leave them till they go to seed.

Posted by: Braenyard at May 02, 2021 01:31 PM (1ENjc)

47 I will admit that I am a total failure at getting reseeded grass to grow. I've given up trying.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 02, 2021 01:33 PM (W4eKo)

48 The HOA in one of my places had a ground maintenance contractor. The whole crew were from south of the border. The supervisor showed up one day while they were around my house. His name was Rudolph.

He was about six two, blonde and blue eyed. I asked him where he picked up his very fluent command of Spanish.

He was from Argentina.

Posted by: pawn at May 02, 2021 01:35 PM (Cfk8j)

49 Bluegrass is best seeded in the fall, every weed on the planet is vying for germination in the spring, and then the droughth conditions soon follow. It is difficult to be successful. Not that it can't be done, but late August in many parts of the US is excellent. Cooler temperatures, more rainfall, less weed competition.

Same thing with fertilization. Fall is when the pros hit it. Not springtime.

Posted by: Common Tater at May 02, 2021 01:35 PM (IG8lb)

50
Though, the first house we lived in up in the mountains when I was little was an f'n NIGHTMARE. We bought it from a rich guy who was selling it at a ridiculous price ($250k), for personal reasons. He built out the whole property himself, and the house was basically a mansion, which was nice. Problem was, this dude was from Estonia, and one of his dreams was "big American lawn."

So unlike most homes up there, this place had an actual lawn, with a sprinkler system. A 7-ACRE LAWN. Joe Mannix and I would spend basically our entire spring and summer mowing that shit. By the time we'd use that push mower and weed trimmer to get it done, we'd have to start over. And we had a riding mower, but my dad wouldn't let us use it.

It cured me of wanting a lawn for the rest of my life.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:36 PM (Uh2oA)

51 >>>If I could afford to pave over my entire lawn with asphalt, I would do it. I already removed all the damn shrubs. Who needs the maintenance hassles of lawns, shrubs etc?
Posted by: Ride The Non-Operating Reefer With gp at May 02, 2021 01:28 PM (qpX6U)
----------------------------

My buddy covered his yard with rocks but left breathing /watering circles around the trees. No Lawnmower.

On the other hand there are plenty of shrubs and flowers that require little or no maintenance. Lillie require a good dusting for snails and pill bugs once a month - that's not a lot of work. Althea's just grow and bloom.

Posted by: Braenyard at May 02, 2021 01:37 PM (1ENjc)

52 I will admit that I am a total failure at getting reseeded grass to grow. I've given up trying.
Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 02, 2021 01:33 PM (W4eKo)
-------

Maybe you should try reverse psychology. Plant weeds and perhaps grass will grow instead.

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:37 PM (wyw4S)

53 And we had a riding mower, but my dad wouldn't let us use it.

It cured me of wanting a lawn for the rest of my life.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:36 PM (Uh2oA)
-----

He was trying to keep you guys out of trouble

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:38 PM (wyw4S)

54 I only have about 70 percent grass in the backyard. I am now dealing with erosion which is part of the reason I can't get grass to grow in these areas. Plus being in the shade 95% of the day. I just don't want to put out the thousands of dollars it will cost me to fix but I will have to address it eventually....

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 01:39 PM (UUBmN)

55 Maybe you should try reverse psychology. Plant weeds and perhaps grass will grow instead.

Why didn't I think of that?

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 02, 2021 01:39 PM (W4eKo)

56 49 blue grass doesn't like summer heat unless you water all the time. I tend to use a mix of perennial rye

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:40 PM (ONvIw)

57 When I quit mowing the lawn myself about ten years ago, I have always hired a local small company. The guy I had for years moved, then I hired a weird guy. This year I hired a new guy and his partner is the one from the original guy that moved. Just two guys.

Posted by: Infidel at May 02, 2021 01:40 PM (E0OEG)

58 Why didn't I think of that?
Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 02, 2021 01:39 PM (W4eKo)
-------

You should hear my theory on getting kids to like broccoli versus chocolate!

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:41 PM (wyw4S)

59 One of my brothers kept breaking the gasoline powered lawnmowers. Dad was Not Amused.

Then one day, what should appear in the garage?

A genuine 1930s era manual push reel lawnmower. Ha! Said brother thought dad was joking. He wasn't.

Posted by: Common Tater at May 02, 2021 01:42 PM (IG8lb)

60 Just two guys.
Posted by: Infidel at May 02, 2021 01:40 PM (E0OEG)

The suits never fit when I bought them at "2 Guys".

Am I dating myself?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 01:42 PM (85Gof)

61 My yard guys, two brothers and their crew, have been doing my yard for close to 16-17 years combined. The only constant are the brothers. I think one of them got deported for a while but appears to be back...

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 01:42 PM (UUBmN)

62 The suits never fit when I bought them at "2 Guys".

Am I dating myself?
Posted by: Nevergiveup

lol.

Posted by: Infidel at May 02, 2021 01:44 PM (E0OEG)

63 The guys who do my lawn kinda speaka da english

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 01:44 PM (85Gof)

64 You should hear my theory on getting kids to like broccoli versus chocolate!

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 02, 2021 01:44 PM (W4eKo)

65 I did a few jobs in Palm Springs at expensive country clubs, it always amazed me how they could turn a bunch of sand into lush green grass in just a week from seed

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at May 02, 2021 01:44 PM (1EzGC)

66 In NJ we have Rutgers ag extension. They are very helpful when it comes to choosing seed, soil, or determining if you have a disease on tne.lawn.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:44 PM (ONvIw)

67 >>>I just don't want to put out the thousands of dollars it will cost me to fix but I will have to address it eventually....
Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 01:39 PM (UUBmN)
------------

There is an Indian (dot) grass with roots from hell (it looks like what one would imagine bamboo) that will help stop the erosion but you must be diligent and not allow it to spread.

Posted by: Braenyard at May 02, 2021 01:44 PM (1ENjc)

68
He was trying to keep you guys out of trouble .

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:38 PM (wyw4S)

------

Oh most definitely. When we weren't mowing, mostly in the fall, he had this giant pile of river rock for us. He'd make us load it in the wheelbarrow and move it from one end of the property, and then back. It was just a straight up Sysiphean task to keep us from being idle.

Finally, one year, he had us use it to build an attractive retaining wall. I thought "YES! now we won't have to move it any more."

The very next spring, our older brother got drunk and slammed his truck through it, so we got to rebuild it in the fall.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:44 PM (Uh2oA)

69 use root stimulator on everything. Everything

Arr look at aasrr. Drool, fart shit . Yeah

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 02, 2021 01:45 PM (EFCBR)

70 It'll work better if you do it near the fall say the end of August or early September.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at May 02, 2021 01:45 PM (j3npP)

71 Rabbits are my lawn care nemesis.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2021 01:46 PM (zUEDs)

72 Don't think I've ever had mexicans do the yard. Always a white guy and a black guy. Weird.

Posted by: Infidel at May 02, 2021 01:47 PM (E0OEG)

73 71 better bunnies than deer

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:47 PM (ONvIw)

74 The very next spring, our older brother got drunk and slammed his truck through it, so we got to rebuild it in the fall.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:44 PM (Uh2oA)
------

I'm guessing he's the one who should have been mowing lawns and moving rocks.

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:48 PM (wyw4S)

75
My ex-girlfriend had Mexicans do her lawn, and they weren't very good. Replaced 'em with a a couple Vietnamese dudes, and they were much better.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:48 PM (Uh2oA)

76 Green things that grow and I don't seem to get along. Give me a house plant and in a month it will be toast. I've often wondered if they hate me because I'm a Climate Change Denier.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 02, 2021 01:48 PM (W4eKo)

77 Over 30 years I've worked out how to get a dead patch to grow. It's a PITA though so I still have a few spots I *should* fix.

1) Get a small tiller/cultivator (I've got a little electric one that does a 7.5" square). Till the dead spot down an inch or two so you have nice, loose dirt and no crust.

2) Seed it well. For my remaining spots I've been mixing deep shade and strong sun together because the remaining spots are in one or the other.

3) Cover the seed with a layer of peat moss. Learned this from the local good grass seed company. Makes a *huge* difference.

4) Keep it watered for a week or two.

Your grass *will* grow. Whether it will make it through the summer and become a permanent fix... hopefully.

Posted by: KCSteve at May 02, 2021 01:48 PM (gw2g1)

78
I'm guessing he's the one who should have been mowing lawns and moving rocks.
Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:48 PM (wyw4S)

-------

Ha.

Ha.

HAHAHAHA!

Yeah, not happening.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:48 PM (Uh2oA)

79 Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 01:42 PM (UUBmN)
----------------

Is your tack on A/C installed?
Was it easy to install?
Is it noisy?
Am I nosy?

Posted by: Braenyard at May 02, 2021 01:49 PM (1ENjc)

80 There's actually a white guy mowing my lawn right now. I can hear him sneezing from here from the pollen. I don't care what kind of a job he does though because he does it for free. He also bought me this house.

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:49 PM (wyw4S)

81 better bunnies than deer
Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:47 PM (ONvIw)

------------

I'll put 10 cute bunnies chewing the lawn down to the dirt 24/7 up against Bambi any day of the week.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2021 01:49 PM (zUEDs)

82 Still didn't get my plumbing leak fixed, eh someday

Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 01:50 PM (Cxk7w)

83 My first world problem is I appear to be trying to get a Cen-Tex mini MoMe "lunch, book club, recipe swap, etc" together in spite of myself. It will be a casual LONG lunch at a venue we are still working on in the south Austin, Dripping, Kyle, Buda area. There will be no shooty stuff or days on end parties, sorry. Just a group to eat and converse on best practice medical treatments, longbows/crossbows, cream in coffee, books/ebooks, sous vide, maple syrup on french toasts, and other various and sundry things.
We are thinking the last weekend of May or one of the first weekends in June. Email me if interested with best weekend for you. It could be a Friday or Saturday thing.
email in nic

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 01:51 PM (UUBmN)

84 82 Still didn't get my plumbing leak fixed, eh someday
Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 01:50 PM (Cxk7w)

---------

How are your wife's meatballs? Still sore?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2021 01:51 PM (zUEDs)

85 81 bambi straps the leaves off the trees as well as some bark. They eat the shrubs, even the hydrangeas and thorny roses. They leave huge piles of shit, and break fences. With rabbits. I could forego crocuses and we could coexist. Foxes won the day. Deer moved in, and assholes feed them in the winter.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:53 PM (ONvIw)

86 81 also rabbits still run...deer stand their ground

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:54 PM (ONvIw)

87 Deer can munch a lot in just one invasion (into the garden, inside the wire). But yesterday it was the squirrel that dug up some of my newly planted gladiolas ... I put an old screen over them, he seemed perturbed this morning.

If he would just stand still I could resolve the issue, but mostly I like watching the squirrels, and they do little harm.

Posted by: illiniwek at May 02, 2021 01:55 PM (Cus5s)

88
bambi straps the leaves off the trees as well as some bark. They eat the shrubs, even the hydrangeas and thorny roses.

-------

At the next house we lived in after the Monster Lawn house, there was a horse pasture. My dad isn't a horse person, so he raised goats on it, and we made an enclosure for them to stay in at night, near the watering trough. What we didn't think about, was that there was also a stand of aspen in there. Those goats stripped them bare and killed them in one year.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at May 02, 2021 01:55 PM (Uh2oA)

89 I have 5 acres to deal with. I'm lucky if it doesn't look like a Kansas prairie inside of week if it's not mowed.

Somehow, I'm not feeling your pain.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at May 02, 2021 01:55 PM (3H9h1)

90
86 81 also rabbits still run...deer stand their ground
Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:54 PM (ONvIw)

----------
Are you sure those are deer? It sounds more like a moose.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2021 01:55 PM (zUEDs)

91 How are your wife's meatballs? Still sore?

English is my 3Rd language. So, what you say?

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 02, 2021 01:56 PM (EFCBR)

92 That deer in the yard sounds like a freezer stuffer.

Posted by: Braenyard at May 02, 2021 01:56 PM (1ENjc)

93 Cover the seed with a layer of peat moss.

Have not tried that. Thanks for the tip.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 02, 2021 01:57 PM (W4eKo)

94 90 deer. This is central NJ. They are getting aggressive. I wonder if it's the meaty dog and cat food the assholes give them in winter?

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:58 PM (ONvIw)

95 92 this is NJ

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:58 PM (ONvIw)

96 She wasn't mad,they can't stay in the freezer forever

Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 01:58 PM (Cxk7w)

97 Your grass *will* grow. Whether it will make it through the summer and become a permanent fix... hopefully.
Posted by: KCSteve at May 02, 2021 01:48 PM (gw2g1)
-------

Thank you for this! I'll have to tell by husb --er, lawn guy.

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:59 PM (wyw4S)

98 Not sure why the bare spots at Dad's grave but I'll keep seeding.

Posted by: DaveA at May 02, 2021 01:59 PM (FhXTo)

99 The current group of dreadful deer number 13. They're voracious and tenacious

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 01:59 PM (ONvIw)

100 Would deer be good dog food?

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 02, 2021 02:00 PM (EFCBR)

101 Things never change.

Posted by: blaster at May 02, 2021 02:00 PM (bWXm6)

102 Would deer be good dog food?

No.

Posted by: Baracky O'Cracky at May 02, 2021 02:01 PM (W4eKo)

103 Would deer be good dog food?
----
YES! they actual sell venison dog food and it's expensive.

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 02:01 PM (UUBmN)

104 If Mittens is getting sand in his vagina in Utah it ain't just the desert.

Posted by: DaveA at May 02, 2021 02:01 PM (FhXTo)

105 Are hot wires legal in NJ?

Posted by: Braenyard at May 02, 2021 02:01 PM (1ENjc)

106 100 probably. But Bogie is a Russell, not a Gsd

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:01 PM (ONvIw)

107 I don't care what kind of a job he does though because he does it for free.

Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:49 PM (wyw4S)

Lawn guys with benefits?

I assume you cook for him...

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 02, 2021 02:01 PM (Q9lwr)

108 105 in the suburbs? No

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:02 PM (ONvIw)

109 Thank you for this! I'll have to tell by husb --er, lawn guy.
Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:59 PM (wyw4S)

-----------

I've read about those lawn guys in Penthouse Forum.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2021 02:03 PM (zUEDs)

110 Any suggestion of a cull brings out libs with signage "they were here first". Usually people from NYC and Philly with the students as well

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:03 PM (ONvIw)

111 Sounds like a job for The Paolo.

Posted by: CppThis at May 02, 2021 02:03 PM (zcf1k)

112 Are 2 Guys burgers cheaper than 5 Guys?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2021 02:04 PM (63Dwl)

113 I don't know what kind of grass it is, but they planted this grass seed they sell on the OR coast. Tolerates shade and wet conditions. We have actual grass in the front yard. Only problem is I am now expected to water the stuff.

Posted by: Notsothoreau - look forward at May 02, 2021 02:05 PM (YynYJ)

114 112 Are 2 Guys burgers cheaper than 5 Guys?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2021 02:04 PM (63Dwl)

-----------

They should be. Three fewer guys means lower overhead.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2021 02:07 PM (zUEDs)

115 Just back from collecting ticks with my doggehs. Six today between them made for a 2021 high, but I'm optimistic we can easily top that number in days and weeks to come. Probably because of globull enwarmening or something.

Posted by: Huck Follywood at May 02, 2021 02:08 PM (Zny85)

116
do your lawn guys pee in yo bushes when they gotta go?

or do they hold it till they drive by a McDonnalds or similar restaurant??

Posted by: will choose a nic later at May 02, 2021 02:08 PM (bTQ72)

117 On the subject of getting grass to grow: sometimes the problem is soil PH. Soils with clay tend to be alkaline and, generally, plants like things a little acidic. Soil acidifier is readily available.

Posted by: Delurk Ergo Sum at May 02, 2021 02:08 PM (YwPJG)

118 Replaced 'em with a a couple Vietnamese dudes, and they were much better.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice

There are two Vietnamese families (related) in our neighborhood with gorgeous gardens. Seriously like destination type gardens

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:10 PM (DGBrj)

119 I just put a bag of lawn patch on an area I had some dead shrubs removed. Did not work. I will have to regroup and try something else.

Posted by: Mister Scott (formerly GWS) at May 02, 2021 02:10 PM (JUOKG)

120 117 a local ag extension can test cheaply and tell you exactly how much to use. They're an underused asset where people rely on the big "services". They are happy to spread grub killer annually, where an application of milky spore will last for many years.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:11 PM (ONvIw)

121 Move to a swamp. You will not have any bare patches.
Very little of your "lawn" will be grass but it will be very green.

Posted by: Big V Caffeinated at May 02, 2021 02:11 PM (6Pqz7)

122 What I meant to say, but forgot is, it might be useful to test your soil PH. Having forgot the obvious, there, the obvious.

Posted by: Delurk Ergo Sum at May 02, 2021 02:12 PM (YwPJG)

123 Deer has to be good wolf eating so imagine dogs would love it

Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 02:12 PM (Cxk7w)

124 Huck Follywood , eeek ticks!
What do you use for your doggehs?

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:12 PM (DGBrj)

125 121 Move to a swamp. You will not have any bare patches.
Very little of your "lawn" will be grass but it will be very green.
Posted by: Big V Caffeinated at May 02, 2021 02:11 PM (6Pqz7)

PS Gator good source of protein.

Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:13 PM (yrol0)

126 an application of milky spore will last for many years

Do they have a newsletter?

Posted by: Sandra Flook at May 02, 2021 02:13 PM (W4eKo)

127 Move to a swamp. You will not have any bare patches.
Very little of your "lawn" will be grass but it will be very green.
Posted by: Big V Caffeinated at May 02, 2021 02:11 PM (6Pqz7)

-----------

What do you do if your house falls over and sinks into the swamp?

Posted by: The Swamp King at May 02, 2021 02:14 PM (zUEDs)

128 123 Deer has to be good wolf eating so imagine dogs would love it
Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 02:12 PM (Cxk7w)

Since many dog foods are venison based, I wonder if my neighbors are giving them that? I hate to see those troughs in the winter

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:14 PM (ONvIw)

129 This the best question I have thought forever that wasn't about sex:

Can a dog be trained to find gold?

I know I have asked before, old fart shit.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 02, 2021 02:15 PM (EFCBR)

130 Many years ago I discovered the joy of not giving a fuck about a perfect lawn. I mow it once a week. The end. And it looks fine. Grass is pretty damn resilient and will figure out a way to grow without applying the 1000 products for sale at Home Depot.

Posted by: Joe XiDen at May 02, 2021 02:15 PM (Ug6f0)

131 Kerry and Uncle Joe determined to get us all killed:

There are two secret side deals to the nuclear agreement with Iran that will not be shared with other nations, Congress, or the U.S. public.

Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:15 PM (yrol0)

132 130 We no longer strive for the look of astroturf. We have some weeds and clover. I'm not sure chemical gardens are particularly healthy.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:16 PM (ONvIw)

133 get rid of the lawn and put a lily pond in there

Posted by: blog at May 02, 2021 02:18 PM (V13WU)

134 hmmm

Posted by: runner at May 02, 2021 02:18 PM (V13WU)

135 As long as my lawn looks better than anyone else's on the block, I feel I have nothing more to prove.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2021 02:18 PM (zUEDs)

136 132

Yep. As long as it is green, Im happy.

Posted by: Joe XiDen at May 02, 2021 02:18 PM (Ug6f0)

137 Move to a swamp and you will wish had more grass than mosquitoes

Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 02:19 PM (Cxk7w)

138 What do you do if your house falls over and sinks into the swamp?
Posted by: The Swamp King at May 02, 2021 02:14 PM (zUEDs)

Probably the same thing I'll do when this place slides down the hill.

Posted by: creeper at May 02, 2021 02:19 PM (XxJt1)

139 Lawns are white privilege anyway.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at May 02, 2021 02:19 PM (EZebt)

140 133: I've added more groundcovers and am adding more soon. Deer don't eat pachysandra, so that's a plus. I also found that whole cloves are useful on the shrub beds due to the strong scent.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:19 PM (ONvIw)

141 My lawn is fine, but it is far from the shining star on the block. Some of my neighbors must have a lot of free time and or money. Mine is green, mostly, cut weekly, and mulched. The rest is up to G-D

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 02:20 PM (85Gof)

142 141. I'm just not willing to have a chemical application twice a month like some of the lawn crazies around here. I'm amazed to see their kids on it the same day.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:21 PM (ONvIw)

143 $80 Billion on Amtrac
More than all subsidies since 1980

Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:21 PM (yrol0)

144 Many ill-tempered water moccasins live in swamps.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at May 02, 2021 02:21 PM (isGZP)

145 Lee Trevino used to tell a story. Said he lived in a very nice part of town. One day, mowing his yard, a Cadillac pulls up, the window rolls down, and the woman asks him how much he got to mow that lawn.
"The woman here lets me sleep with her".
Window rolls up, the car pulls off.

Posted by: MkY (Lost my AR) at May 02, 2021 02:21 PM (Foq6I)

146 132 130 We no longer strive for the look of astroturf. We have some weeds and clover. I'm not sure chemical gardens are particularly healthy.
Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:16 PM (ONvIw)

LOL! I don't mow the clover every time. It's natural fertilizer. It fixes nitrogen from the air and has done an excellent job of helping what little grass there is to grow.

Posted by: creeper at May 02, 2021 02:21 PM (XxJt1)

147 A white guy cuts our lawn. Sometimes with white kid helper. Not sure if that makes us more or less racist.

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:23 PM (DGBrj)

148 As long as my lawn looks better than anyone else's on the block, I feel I have nothing more to prove.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43

Watch out for lawn protect rackets. Imagine a 1000 BLM splinters.

So easy to sprinkle weed seeds.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 02, 2021 02:23 PM (EFCBR)

149 Looks to me like that lawn could use some fertilizer.

Posted by: Ben Had at May 02, 2021 02:24 PM (t1c00)

150 A question for you lawn pros out there...will peeing on your lawn help?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 02:24 PM (85Gof)

151 147: Our guy is Italian with a Latino assistant who is careless with the weed whacker. Last year I handed him a bill for the ruined flowers, he is more careful now.

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:24 PM (ONvIw)

152 Lee Trevino used to tell a story. Said he lived in a very nice part of town. One day, mowing his yard, a Cadillac pulls up, the window rolls down, and the woman asks him how much he got to mow that lawn.
"The woman here lets me sleep with her".
Window rolls up, the car pulls off.
Posted by: MkY (

Sounds like Lee Trevino, lol.

Posted by: Infidel at May 02, 2021 02:24 PM (E0OEG)

153 A question for you lawn pros out there...will peeing on your lawn help?
Posted by: Nevergiveup
No pro, but you gotta spread the love around.

Posted by: MkY (Lost my AR) at May 02, 2021 02:25 PM (Foq6I)

154 A white guy cuts our lawn. Sometimes with white kid helper. Not sure if that makes us more or less racist.
Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom
----
Definitely more... you are putting some poor brown person out of a job////

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 02:25 PM (UUBmN)

155 A white guy cuts our lawn. Sometimes with white kid helper. Not sure if that makes us more or less racist.
Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:23 PM (DGBrj)

It does. You should hang your head in shame.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at May 02, 2021 02:25 PM (isGZP)

156 Looking at the photo, apparently the very ground you sit upon is cursed.

Posted by: MW at May 02, 2021 02:25 PM (KXr4W)

157 Here's my tale of oppression: I was at Kroger looking for Crystal hot sauce and in all the dozens upon dozens of brands, no Crystal! Had to substitute Frank's (which is the hot and vinegary style I needed for a marinade).

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Iron Fist in Velvet Glove in Iron Gauntlet Clutching an Iron Mace at May 02, 2021 02:26 PM (Dc2NZ)

158 @124 Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:12 PM (DGBrj)

Sorry I missed you Vmom, I still use the discredited Seresto collar. I know some dogs have had bad reactions but our dogs have never had a problem in the years we have used them. We also vaccinate against Lyme.

Truth is, though, we pick ticks off of them every day. Burn the little bastards in the stove flame.

Posted by: Huck Follywood at May 02, 2021 02:26 PM (Zny85)

159 157: (sniffs back the tears) Oh no!

Posted by: CN at May 02, 2021 02:27 PM (ONvIw)

160 I have a little bit of grass in my dandelion fields.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at May 02, 2021 02:27 PM (kTF2Z)

161 Can a dog be trained to find gold?

I know I have asked before, old fart shit.
Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 02, 2021 02:15 PM (EFCBR)

Depends on how much jewelery she is wearing and how much perfume.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2021 02:28 PM (axyOa)

162 150 A question for you lawn pros out there...will peeing on your lawn help?
Posted by: Nevergiveup

Only if you're trying to kill it and make it stink.

CBD ... Can I interest you in some astroturf? Never needs to be cut or watered so its win-win and you get to fire your yard monkey.

Posted by: Gmac - WTF did you think was going to happen? at May 02, 2021 02:28 PM (UIHSQ)

163 lin-duh. would you email me your phone number, please.

Posted by: Ben Had at May 02, 2021 02:28 PM (t1c00)

164 Eris, I like Crystal hot sauce coz its just peppers, vinegar, salt. My substitute is Texas Pete.

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:28 PM (DGBrj)

165 I just got my letter Josef Stolin telling me he fulfilled his promise of giving everyone $2000, even though he takes credit for the $600 Trump sent out in December....
**rolling my eyes here**

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 02:28 PM (UUBmN)

166 In this part of the Great Dismal Swamp we are three foot above sea level.

Skeeters are a constant but I am so mean old and bitter they avoid me.

If my house sinks into the swamp I get in my boat and go fishing.

Posted by: Big V Caffeinated at May 02, 2021 02:30 PM (6Pqz7)

167 Sorry I missed you Vmom, I still use the discredited Seresto collar.

--

Still here!
I use Frontline. Seems to work some far (knock on wood)

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:30 PM (DGBrj)

168 A question for you lawn pros out there...will peeing on your lawn help?
Posted by: Nevergiveup

Only if you're trying to kill it and make it stink.

Well I don't like one of my meighbors?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 02:31 PM (85Gof)

169 Mrs D used to have a white dude cut her lawn but she fired him when he started drinking too much beer before the job was done.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2021 02:31 PM (axyOa)

170 162 150 A question for you lawn pros out there...will peeing on your lawn help?
Posted by: Nevergiveup

Perhaps one of the only positive pieces of advice that I was ever given was that supplied by an old courtier who observed: Only two rules really count. Never miss an opportunity to relieve yourself; never miss a chance to sit down and rest your feet.

--King Edward VII

I think number 1 applies here...

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at May 02, 2021 02:31 PM (PiwSw)

171 I sometimes wonder if I rival Weasel in pine trees, they are not good if you don't want every green living thing under them out spreading in foot area.

Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 02:31 PM (Cxk7w)

172 How do you get this money from Josef Stolin?

Posted by: Infidel at May 02, 2021 02:31 PM (E0OEG)

173 Don't use the "patch" seeds - they are mostly rye grass that will either burn out in august heat or not grow after frost. Rye is a lie; it sprouts quickly, grows fast....and then it dies.
Think Bluegrass - but you can't plant it until fall. it won't sprout until spring, and it won't look 'good' until the following spring.

Posted by: Hobbiehawk at May 02, 2021 02:32 PM (PvEOB)

174 I'm a mosquito magnet. If there is a mosquito within a one mile radius it will find me and bite me and leave me with welts that takes a week to fade.

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:33 PM (DGBrj)

175 I never spawned nor married. Have long hair. They think I'm on their side. Ha ha ha.

Is the line tapped?

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 02, 2021 02:33 PM (EFCBR)

176 How do you get this money from Josef Stolin?
Posted by: Infidel
-----
I'm not really sure, it just appeared in my account. Of course now that I've done my taxes I have to give it all back....

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 02:33 PM (UUBmN)

177 I've even had a mosquito bite me INDOORS

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:33 PM (DGBrj)

178 Ben Had,
Done.

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 02:34 PM (UUBmN)

179 Ooh, I missed a number, it was Edward VIII not Edward VII (stupid monarchy + Roman numerals...)

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at May 02, 2021 02:34 PM (PiwSw)

180 144 Many ill-tempered water moccasins live in swamps.
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at May 02, 2021 02:21 PM (isGZP)

I run by a swamp and steped on a little black snake in the rain yesterday.

screamed like a little girl
shit my pants
hurt my neck and shoulder from the hop skip dance

Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:34 PM (yrol0)

181 How do you get this money from Josef Stolin?

Fly to Mexico City. Drive to the border. Walk across with your hand out.
Rinse. Repeat.

Posted by: Huck Follywood at May 02, 2021 02:34 PM (Zny85)

182 screamed like a little girl
shit my pants
hurt my neck and shoulder from the hop skip dance
Posted by: rhennigantx
-----
ROTFLMAO!!!

Posted by: lin-duh 27-4 at May 02, 2021 02:35 PM (UUBmN)

183 There are two secret side deals to the nuclear
agreement with Iran that will not be shared with other nations,
Congress, or the U.S. public.

Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:15 PM

Secret fake Treaties in name only is what it's all about with the democrats. IIRC obama had three secret codicils with his iran Nuke "treaty" that he paid them $80 billion in cash for.

Posted by: Mister Scott (formerly GWS) at May 02, 2021 02:36 PM (JUOKG)

184 I run by a swamp and steped on a little black snake in the rain yesterday.

screamed like a little girl
shit my pants
hurt my neck and shoulder from the hop skip dance
Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:34 PM (yrol0)

***
So you were that assh*le!

Posted by: Little Black Snake at May 02, 2021 02:36 PM (axyOa)

185 Fly to Mexico City. Drive to the border. Walk across with your hand out.
Rinse. Repeat.
Posted by: Huck Follywood

Ha, far too pale for that. I have to work and pay taxes.

Posted by: Infidel at May 02, 2021 02:37 PM (E0OEG)

186 80 There's actually a white guy mowing my lawn right now. I can hear him sneezing from here from the pollen. I don't care what kind of a job he does though because he does it for free. He also bought me this house.
Posted by: bluebell at May 02, 2021 01:49 PM (wyw4S)
---

Make him a watermelon margarita.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Iron Fist in Velvet Glove in Iron Gauntlet Clutching an Iron Mace at May 02, 2021 02:37 PM (Dc2NZ)

187 screamed like a little girl

shit my pants

hurt my neck and shoulder from the hop skip dance

Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:34 PM (yrol0)

Imagine how I feel!

Posted by: Little black snake at May 02, 2021 02:38 PM (7bRMQ)

188 Many ill-tempered water moccasins live in swamps.
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at May 02, 2021 02:21 PM (isGZP),

Ive yet to meet a nice tempered one.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2021 02:38 PM (axyOa)

189 Somebody stepped on me yesterday! Freaked me out so bad I bit my tongue and I'm poisonous! Dammit!

Posted by: A Snake at May 02, 2021 02:38 PM (kTF2Z)

190 184 I run by a swamp and steped on a little black snake in the rain yesterday.

screamed like a little girl
shit my pants
hurt my neck and shoulder from the hop skip dance
Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:34 PM (yrol0)

***
So you were that assh*le!
Posted by: Little Black Snake at May 02, 2021 02:36 PM (axyOa)

Our client has suffered immeasurable physical, emotional and systemically racial harm. You will be hearing from us shortly.

Posted by: Benjamin Crump, counsel for the little black snake at May 02, 2021 02:39 PM (PiwSw)

191
I'm a mosquito magnet. If there is a mosquito within a one mile radius
it will find me and bite me and leave me with welts that takes a week to
fade.

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:33 PM

Same here. A mosquito bite raises a scratchy painful welt that last for weeks. If I get stung by a bee or get bit by fire ants I am laid up for days and the swelling leaves doctors baffled.

They once mainlined liquid benedril into me to get the swelling down.

Posted by: Mister Scott (formerly GWS) at May 02, 2021 02:39 PM (JUOKG)

192 There are two secret side deals to the nuclear
agreement with Iran that will not be shared with other nations,
Congress, or the U.S. public.

Posted by: rhennigantx at May 02, 2021 02:15 PM

No doubt. Do you have a link for that?
Do you mean this time or last time?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 02:39 PM (85Gof)

193 When cool out, snakes very lethargic.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 02, 2021 02:40 PM (EFCBR)

194 If I get stung by a bee or get bit by fire ants I am laid up for days and the swelling leaves doctors baffled.

Posted by: Mister Scott

We must be related! I got stung by a bee once on my arm. Local swelling, 3 days later I wake up with welts all over my body - could barely open my eyes they were so swollen. Dr put me on prednisone.

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:42 PM (DGBrj)

195 164 Eris, I like Crystal hot sauce coz its just peppers, vinegar, salt. My substitute is Texas Pete.
Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:28 PM (DGBrj)
--

I got Texas Pete too, just in case. They used to have this in chow halls.

I bet hot sauce preferences lead to more incendiary food fights here than mayo wars. (It's Yucatan Sunshine FTW).

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Iron Fist in Velvet Glove in Iron Gauntlet Clutching an Iron Mace at May 02, 2021 02:42 PM (Dc2NZ)

196 "Rye is a lie; it sprouts quickly, grows fast....and then it dies."

A lot of mixes have ~10% annual rye, so there is a quick flush of green. The rest is perennial rye, or fescue, or bluegrass ... various mixes of all those maybe. I like the mix of all of them ... seed in spring, cover with some straw and water a couple times, done.

Posted by: illiniwek at May 02, 2021 02:42 PM (Cus5s)

197 No step on snek!

Posted by: A Snake at May 02, 2021 02:42 PM (kTF2Z)

198 FWP

I didn't have the right kind of sauce for my stir fry- had to use hot sauce.

Also, the table cream ran out- had to use half n half in my coffee.
But I will carry on, somehow.
Remember me
AVENGE ME

Posted by: DB- just DB at May 02, 2021 02:42 PM (iTXRQ)

199 Astroturf is the new earth friendly option here in Seattle. It's being marketed pretty hard in the rich neighborhoods.

I have a beautiful little courtyard I hang out in when the beach is either too windy or too crowded. No grass. Just perennials and mossy ground covers. And a lilac tree. What's best is I don't have to lift a finger and it's so peaceful.

Posted by: nurse ratched at May 02, 2021 02:44 PM (PLoJn)

200 The hot sauce I don't like is the one with a wooden cap - forget the name.
Grainy feeling in my throat with that

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:44 PM (DGBrj)

201 No step on snek!
Posted by: A Snake at May 02, 2021 02:42 PM (kTF2Z)

When I was on Okinawa, I took a picture of a sign at Hacksaw Ridge of a snake. The hygienists there were Japanese and spoke kinda english. I showed her the picture and said "Don't pet the snakes"? She smile and giggled and shook her head yes. LOL

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 02:45 PM (85Gof)

202 Nurse, WTF would they opt for petrochemical fake grass in the lush and verdant PNW?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Iron Fist in Velvet Glove in Iron Gauntlet Clutching an Iron Mace at May 02, 2021 02:45 PM (Dc2NZ)

203 203 The hot sauce I don't like is the one with a wooden cap - forget the name.
Grainy feeling in my throat with that
Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:44 PM (DGBrj)

Cholula.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, what knows hot sauces at May 02, 2021 02:46 PM (PiwSw)

204 When I was on Okinawa, I took a picture of a sign at Hacksaw Ridge of a snake. The hygienists there were Japanese and spoke kinda english. I showed her the picture and said "Don't pet the snakes"? She smile and giggled and shook her head yes. LOL
Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 02:45 PM (85Gof)
--

One of the Okinawan gate guards tossed a dead habu at us. Hell yeah I shrieked!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Iron Fist in Velvet Glove in Iron Gauntlet Clutching an Iron Mace at May 02, 2021 02:46 PM (Dc2NZ)

205 202 Astroturf is the new earth friendly option here in Seattle. It's being marketed pretty hard in the rich neighborhoods.

-
Does astroturf burn?

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:46 PM (DGBrj)

206 What are all those white things?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2021 01:05 PM (63Dwl)

Petals from the neighbor's tree. It was really windy a few days ago and the entire lawn is covered with them, and it looked like it was snowing!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 02, 2021 01:06 PM (Q9lwr)

And here i thought some rabbits were mauled to death by neighborhood coyotes.

Posted by: Reuben Hick at May 02, 2021 02:47 PM (SpIgF)

207 We prefer to sous vide the rabbits.

Posted by: Neighborhood Coyotes at May 02, 2021 02:48 PM (kTF2Z)

208 Two years ago I had 13 cottonmouths in a culvert in one of my drainage ditches. This year it holds a bullfrog the size of a dinner plate.

Posted by: Big V Caffeinated at May 02, 2021 02:49 PM (6Pqz7)

209 211 Two years ago I had 13 cottonmouths in a culvert in one of my drainage ditches. This year it holds a bullfrog the size of a dinner plate.
Posted by: Big V Caffeinated at May 02, 2021 02:49 PM (6Pqz7)

Is his name Jeremiah?

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, what knows hot sauces at May 02, 2021 02:50 PM (PiwSw)

210 Secret side deals with the terror lords in Tehran? I bet Secretariat is named as intelligence liaison with the power to release secret into to the bastards.

Posted by: Huck Follywood at May 02, 2021 02:50 PM (Zny85)

211 Have long ago there are secret deals with Iran from Barky's administration.

Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 02:50 PM (Cxk7w)

212 Cholula.
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes,

Me no gusta

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:51 PM (DGBrj)

213 When i was in Sinop, the locals would graze their sheep near the Field Station. They would carry the usual staff to prompt the sheep, but to also kill the asps. Not sneks. Effing Indiana Jones quality asps!

Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2021 02:52 PM (axyOa)

214 Jesus this conference telecon will never end. Sigh. All I have to do is listen but still

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 02:53 PM (85Gof)

215 Have to check with the wife on yard stuff. I haven't bothered with it in 40 years.

Posted by: Javems at May 02, 2021 02:53 PM (8SSHh)

216 *looks up habu *

I shan't be visiting Okinawa....

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, what knows hot sauces at May 02, 2021 02:54 PM (PiwSw)

217 Have to check with the wife on yard stuff. I haven't bothered with it in 40 years.
Posted by: Javems at May 02, 2021 02:53 PM (8SSHh)

Do you also rent the wife out for other people's yards? Asking for a friend

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 02, 2021 02:55 PM (85Gof)

218 We have no ticks or snakes here. Too wet. They live out east. I am going to have real problems when I move.

I really have no use for lawns. I like white clover for a lawn. But they knocked it down in the appraisal because of the lack of landscaping. I think they are trying to find a lawn care company. We looked into it but didn't want to pay that kind of money. I get stuck with the water bill anyway.

Posted by: Notsothoreau - look forward at May 02, 2021 02:55 PM (YynYJ)

219 Since Trump I cannot see the GOP in the same way as I once did.

Oh I knew there were a few that were screwing the base over but I thought basically they were a at least temporarily wall against further slips and slides down the ol hell bound greased rut.

No. No. They are total one hundred percent on board with all that the left wants and does. They just wave their hands around a bit and hope you miss the changeover and if you don't then so what?

And it's the guys at the top. The guys who the media talks to the most that gives away the game. You'd think they'd be a little more circumspect as they are in the spotlight. But. NO.

Fvck them all. Forever. I'm even going to have to not vote for my rep in the state house cause while they have a majority they can't seem to overturn a veto by Wolf stopping his unconstitutional power grabs. They have the votes they just don't care or don't want to be bothered.

Posted by: jakee308 at May 02, 2021 02:56 PM (MF8yO)

220 Jake, throw them all out

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 02:59 PM (DGBrj)

221 I think I'd have a talk with whoever mows your lawn and explain that this is his problem to fix or he can head on down the road.

All they have to do is rotate their turnaround point during the process.

It can't be that hard to do it differently. I suppose it could be difficult but I'd bet they're just too lazy and all they need is an incentive.

Posted by: jakee308 at May 02, 2021 02:59 PM (MF8yO)

222 Posted by: jakee308 at May 02, 2021 02:56 PM (MF8yO)

Yep, I think their support for Arlen Spector Charlie Crist Lincoln Chaffee Jim Jeffords John McCain (may his funeral end shortly) John Boehner Eric Cantor Lisa Murkowski Susan Collins and Mitch McConnell should have given us a clue...

I'm sure more could be added to this list.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, what knows hot sauces at May 02, 2021 03:00 PM (PiwSw)

223 I just noticed that grass is starting to sprout and so first mow will come soon. Dog poop is in the way in the back yard.
I may need to hire a dog poop cleaning service

Posted by: Brother Northernlurker just another guy at May 02, 2021 03:00 PM (cSyAR)

224 Wash up
ITS DINNER NOOD

Posted by: Skip guy who says NOOD at May 02, 2021 03:01 PM (Cxk7w)

225 Ticks are a serious problem here, have found them crawling on me after a shower in bed.

Posted by: Skip at May 02, 2021 03:03 PM (Cxk7w)

226 Skip, are you sure those aren't bed bugs?

Posted by: Herr Frau Doktor vmom at May 02, 2021 03:10 PM (DGBrj)

227 Heh.

Vmom killing a thread is a thing to behold.

Take a bow dear lady.

Posted by: weirdflunky at May 02, 2021 03:48 PM (ViF0c)

228 I live in Michigan where we have arguably the best grass in the while country. So good Bob Seger wrote about it in a song. That said, we own a landscape company in Florida and I went down a few years ago to work for a couple months. Although there are a few types of grass down there, none compares to ours and it doesn't take much to create a bald spot. You can easily keep it green but it reminds me of crabgrass.

Posted by: Bill R. at May 02, 2021 03:54 PM (wzzJf)

229 Come to my house, I still have half dozen downed trees you can cut up and drag.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 02, 2021 04:22 PM (yQpMk)

230 Not sure why the bare spots at Dad's grave but I'll keep seeding.
Posted by: DaveA at May 02, 2021 01:59 PM (FhXTo)

This cried out for a Meghan McCain sock.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 02, 2021 04:31 PM (yQpMk)

231 Or you can cut your own frigging grass like we learned to do when I grew up.

Posted by: Dogbert at May 02, 2021 05:17 PM (+dTjI)

232 a golf buddy gave me a bag of 50-1-1, worked best lawn ever
can't buy it nmow

Posted by: akak at May 02, 2021 05:20 PM (eDbTJ)

233 Ah, southern Arizona. No shoveling, no mowing, and you don't have to scrape sun off the windshield in the morning. I will happily sweat for that.

Posted by: azjaeger at May 02, 2021 05:40 PM (3/XaG)

234 Plant some dandelions on that dead spot. Jeez...we're screwed.

Posted by: Iggycaster at May 02, 2021 08:29 PM (L7p8z)

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