Heir to the Chipwich Ice Cream Fortune Pays "Investigators" $9 Million to Spy On His Estranged Wife; He Sues Them After They Sexually Assault His Wife

And the couple is now... back together?

The heir to the Chipwich ice cream fortune paid private investigators nearly $9 million to spy on his estranged wife, but now he wants his dough back -- because two of them raped her, a new lawsuit charges.

Millionaire David Smith -- who has since reunited with his spouse, Susanne Gold-Smith -- says he paid $140,000 a week for months to the International Investigative Group to trail his then-estranged wife.

...

But while the gumshoes were on Smith's payroll, two of them sexually assaulted his wife, and three more coerced her into sexual foreplay, court papers claim.

The lawsuit describes one alleged instance in which investigator Richard Custodio entered Gold-Smith's Plainview, LI, home in January 2018 at 12:30 a.m., went straight to her bedroom, "climbed on top of her and initiated unwanted, invasive sexual relations.

"Gold-Smith ultimately surrendered to Custodio's sexual demands, as she was afraid to resist out of fear of retribution," the court documents charge.

...

Smith's suit also alleges a similar scenario involving former NYPD cop-turned-PI Yanti Greene.

The suit claims Greene lured Gold-Smith into his car on April 24, 2018, behind a Fairway in Plainview, "removed Gold-Smith’s pants, climbed on top of her and initiated invasive sexual relations."

The suit says that a month later, Greene drugged Gold-Smith and raped her in his car while recording the attack on his smartphone in the same supermarket parking lot.

In court papers responding to Gold-Smith, Greene, who is acting as his own lawyer, claims she is the one who raped him.

The accused parties all deny the charges.

Also:

Gold-Smith and her husband initially split in 2016. Last year, before the couple got back together, Gold-Smith sued her husband for $25 million, claiming he demanded sex in exchange for visits with their son.

Um... I don't know what to make of this. None of this makes any sense.

Posted by: Ace of Spades at 02:09 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 Whut?

Posted by: steevy at September 03, 2019 02:09 PM (l9mVC)

2 Uhhhh . . she sexed up the PIs?

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:10 PM (bDqIh)

3 Flying Saucers > Chipwiches

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:10 PM (Zd2mR)

4 FBI agents in training?

Posted by: Rick in SK at September 03, 2019 02:10 PM (FZYNt)

5 This is about me, isn't it?

Posted by: Little Billy Kristol at September 03, 2019 02:10 PM (qC1Sy)

6 1. Why weren't the cops called?
2. They're back together?
3. There's a Chipwich fortune?

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:10 PM (RD7QR)

7 $140,000 A WEEK?

Are we sure he didn't pay them to attack her?

Posted by: Toni at September 03, 2019 02:11 PM (ppbIJ)

8 Do they make a cement flavor?

Posted by: Andy Ngo at September 03, 2019 02:11 PM (R+uC2)

9 just goes to show having money doesn't equal having brains

Posted by: Rick in SK at September 03, 2019 02:11 PM (FZYNt)

10 .........

I mean, the Biden thing is no longer the dumbest story of the day?

Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 02:12 PM (69Ie7)

11 Love is a many splendored thing.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:12 PM (+y/Ru)

12 Sounds like she worked the jealousy angle and he fell for it.

Posted by: blake - used pronoun salesman
at September 03, 2019 02:12 PM (qC1Sy)

13 isn't this really the story of Bill Kristol, Jonah Goldberg, and David French?

$9M has got to be some kind of cucking record for paying someone to rawdog your wife.

Posted by: x at September 03, 2019 02:12 PM (nFwvY)

14 and three more coerced her into sexual foreplay,

-

I'm not sure that's how sexual assault works.

Posted by: Moron Robbie is a Proud Black Woman - my word as a Biden at September 03, 2019 02:12 PM (fsa/N)

15 These Investigators. Do you have their number, Ace?

Posted by: Bill Kristol at September 03, 2019 02:12 PM (Zd2mR)

16 To be fair though putting ice cream between two chocolate chip cookies was pure genius.

Posted by: steevy at September 03, 2019 02:13 PM (l9mVC)

17 I still have "Invasive Sexual Relations" on VHS. Hid it from my parents when I was a teenager.

Posted by: CrustyB at September 03, 2019 02:13 PM (ToSAM)

18 I mean, the Biden thing is no longer the dumbest story of the day?
Posted by: trev006

day ain't over yet kemosabe

Posted by: Joe Biden at September 03, 2019 02:13 PM (FZYNt)

19 $140K a week? Daaaaaayum I'm in the wrong bidness!

Posted by: George Soros at September 03, 2019 02:13 PM (FiUMj)

20 Maybe she seduced them?

Posted by: IC at September 03, 2019 02:13 PM (a0IVu)

21 >>To be fair though putting ice cream between two chocolate chip cookies was pure genius.


It was rolling the exposed edges in mini chocolate chips that made them great.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:13 PM (Zd2mR)

22 What a world we live in.

Posted by:
Grump928(C)
Native Texan and Alabama Alumn
Twice as Smug as You
at September 03, 2019 02:14 PM (QF1yA)

23 Bill Kristol can't afford this game.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at September 03, 2019 02:14 PM (YslsA)

24 More rapin' than a UN Peacekeeper Brigade.

Posted by:
Grump928(C)
Native Texan and Alabama Alumn
Twice as Smug as You
at September 03, 2019 02:14 PM (QF1yA)

25 Lawsuit? If what they did actually happened, why not charge them with sexual assault, which is literally against the law?

Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:14 PM (786Ro)

26 This is the way investigations are done. Everyone leaves satisfied.

Posted by: Paolo at September 03, 2019 02:14 PM (J70i0)

27
So...is this another one of Joe Biden's stories?

Posted by: naturalfake at September 03, 2019 02:14 PM (mIQCW)

28 what the heck is a chipwich?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:14 PM (KZzsI)

29 The important thing is:

What is "Chipwich" ice cream? I've never seen it in stores. Unless it markets for $5.69 a pint; then I wouldn't look at or remember it.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (ClOmq)

30 So . . . wifey had herself a PI sandwich, in which they were the cookies and she was the ice cream, and a couple more PIs were the, uh, chips?

This sounds really kinky. Dare I bing her image?

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (bDqIh)

31 That's taking the notion of a private dick to a whole new level.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (ytC/k)

32 That is all sorts of messed-up, all around.

Posted by: DocJ at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (77WPm)

33 It kinda sounds like everyone involved is lying.

Posted by: irright at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (pMGkg)

34 Just a WAG:
She found out he was tailing her and boffed them to get back at him. They reconcile and when confronted, she claims rape. They deserve each other.

Posted by: mc at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (l1TIo)

35 Money cannot buy love.

But it CAN buy lots of PI investigation.

Posted by: Czech Chick at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (J9wxX)

36 Chipwich's are awesome.

That's all I got.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (9VeU0)

37 This sort of thing never happened in my day.

Posted by: Philip Marlowe at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (ClOmq)

38 Ice cream sammich

Posted by: BignJames at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (X/Pw5)

39 Must be some east coast thing

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (KZzsI)

40 She fell for the banana in the tailpipe.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (Zd2mR)

41
I like ice cream. And money. And conspiracies. And inappropriate behavior. This post speaks to me.

Posted by: Joe Biden was a paste eatin' man at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (8YsoX)

42 Greene lured Gold-Smith into his car on April 24, 2018, behind a Fairway in Plainview


********

Wait a second. He did this in plain view?

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (mvenn)

43 what the heck is a chipwich?

Vanilla ice cream sandwiched between 2 large chocolate chip cookies. AKA, heaven on food form.


Posted by: DocJ at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (77WPm)

44 #FirstWorldProblems

Posted by: kallisto at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (3nTd6)

45 I coulda' done all that for a lot less $$.

Posted by: BignJames at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (X/Pw5)

46 And then there is this - how much money/how pissed off at estranged wife do you have to be to spend $9M?

Jeez.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (9VeU0)

47 This is bizarre. Sounds like the plot to a porn film.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (ycWCI)

48 >>Wait a second. He did this in plain view?


The Fair Way.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (Zd2mR)

49 MAGNUM

PI!

Posted by: EXTERMINATE! at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (OSc32)

50 39 Must be some east coast thing
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019


*
*

Agreed.

Posted by: The Continental Op at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (ClOmq)

51 She fell for the banana in the tailpipe.


It was a surprise.

Posted by:
Grump928(C)
Native Texan and Alabama Alumn
Twice as Smug as You
at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (QF1yA)

52
Must be some east coast thing
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:16 PM (KZzsI)

---------

The Chipwich, or the telling bizarre fairytales about your insane behavior? 'Cause I'm embracing the power of "and."

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (AzW6q)

53 Is she hot?

Posted by: Don Q at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (NgKpN)

54 DDG'ed Susanne Gold Smith.

YIKES, gentlemen. If he got back with HER after THAT, he is crazy!

Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (69Ie7)

55 Sounds like two insane people to me.

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (BoJzR)

56 This would be a featured article if the Weekly Standard still existed.

Posted by: Captain Hate at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (y7DUB)

57 The Chipwich, or the telling bizarre fairytales about your insane behavior?

Well probably both

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (KZzsI)

58
Sounds like a knock-off version of Clue.


Mr. Greene. With the turgid member. In the parking lot.

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (mvenn)

59 Lawd and a-Lay-deee Chipwich!

Chipwich: "I say, Worcester, that steak sauce smells delicious. But I think I'll just have some ice cream. Waiter, could you put that between two cookies?"

Worcester:"Capital idea, Chipwich. I say, has anything ever been named after your family?"





Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (O8WFE)

60 Going with "the rich aren't like you and I"- couple of rich pervs living some sort of weird cuck fantasy is my guess.

Posted by: Farmer Bob at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (IWZO4)

61 "Look, when I do close investigation I mean CLOSE"
--Sleazy PI

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (KZzsI)

62 $140,000 a week.


Plus expenses. It was the $3k a week, for lube, that tipped him off.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (Zd2mR)

63 34 Just a WAG:

She found out he was tailing her and boffed them to get back at him.
They reconcile and when confronted, she claims rape. They deserve each
other.

Posted by: mc at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (l1TIo)

I rate this scenario as Highly Plausible.

Posted by: DocJ at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (77WPm)

64 happy Tuesday!

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (9AakA)

65 53 Is she hot?

Nah. I would not hit.

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (O8WFE)

66 A Chipwich is an ice cream sandwich made of ice cream between two chocolate chip cookies. Sometimes, the sandwich is rolled in chocolate chips which stick to the ice cream. The original Chipwich was invented by Richard LaMotta (1942-2010) in New York City and was made up of vanilla ice cream sandwiched by two chocolate-chip cookies.

-
Not the worst idea I ever heard.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (+y/Ru)

67 President Trump's Chipwichs come with 2 scoops

Posted by: CNN at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (FZYNt)

68 The wife was horny and giving it up for the PI's. This isn't rocket science.

Posted by: kallisto at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (3nTd6)

69 34 Just a WAG:
She found out he was tailing her and boffed them to get back at him. They reconcile and when confronted, she claims rape. They deserve each other.
Posted by: mc at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (l1TIo)

This actually sounds about right.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (RD7QR)

70 Chipwich people are bat-wich crazy people.

Posted by: JuJuBee at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (ICxfW)

71
A chipwich is not a sandwich. It's ice cream and cookies.

But your wife between two burly PIs - that's the best kind of sandwich.

Fight me!

Posted by: Jonah Goldberg at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (AzW6q)

72 At 140K a week, sounds like he was the one getting raped.

Posted by: mc at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (l1TIo)

73 Just in case people think there is lying going on, there is this from another story about this. According to Yanti Greene:

He said that after making "constant sexual and perverted advances" toward him for months, the defendant tracked him down in an empty shopping center parking lot and forced him to engage in oral sex with him. In a separate instance at a future date, she sought him out at the same location and sexually assaulted him, Greene claimed.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (9VeU0)

74 31 That's taking the notion of a private dick to a whole new level.
Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:15 PM (ytC/k)


Also of "tailing" her.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (HOIfB)

75 140k a month.

If true, the investigators should be charged with taking advantage of a mentally disabled person.

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (BoJzR)

76 As a former PI long ago this kind of thing never happened to me. Unreal.


Are they all lying? This seems too bizarre. Or something.

What a weird world this has become.

Posted by: turambar at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (Gylu/)

77 Well I never have purchased Chipwichs, altho I know what they are. Guaranteed I'll never buy them now. If I want to give money to crazy people I'll give it to our locals.

Posted by: cfo mom at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (RfzVr)

78 The Brits also call potato chips "Crisps".
That's fucked up.

Two peoples separated by a common language

Posted by: Truck Monkey at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (flINI)

79 Lawd and a-Lay-deee Chipwich!

Chipwich: "I say, Worcester, that steak sauce smells delicious. But I think I'll just have some ice cream. Waiter, could you put that between two cookies?"

Worcester:"Capital idea, Chipwich. I say, has anything ever been named after your family?"

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM



We have an early threadwinner. Collect your winnings on the shelf next to the pudding cups.

Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (786Ro)

80 >>Not the worst idea I ever heard.


It is if you don't modify the cookie recipe a bunch.

And shrink the chips so they don't break teeth.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (Zd2mR)

81 Looks like the level of ethics with "gumshoes" is about on par with the FBI.

Posted by: Dan Smoot's Apprentice at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (H8QX8)

82
The amazing thing is that the family is named Chipwich. Pure serendipity.

Posted by: Joe Biden was a paste eatin' man at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (8YsoX)

83 Seein' how this couple is East Coast - and could afford $9 Million on a PI - I'm gonna' make the leap and assume they're progressives.

Ergo - fuck 'em. Don't care - hope they're both miserable.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (ytC/k)

84 Just think of David French or Bill Kristol paying the bulls and running up a big tab, kind of like compulsive gambling except the bookie is fucking their wife.

Posted by: Trump poisoned my cat at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (iw59Q)

85 She raped him, or so he says:

In court papers responding to Gold-Smith, Greene, who is acting as his own lawyer, claims she is the one who raped him.

Gold-Smith made "constant sexual and perverted advances" that Greene shunned for months, court documents allege.

Gold-Smith finally tracked him down to the desolate shopping center parking lot on April 24, 2018, when he was off duty and raped him and forced him to engage in oral sex with her, Greene claims.

A month later, Gold-Smith allegedly sought him out at the same location, climbed into his car, took off her clothes and climbed on top of him while he was seated in the driver's seat.



So many questions. . .
If she was sexually harassing him for months, why wasn't the investigation over?

Not saying men can't be raped, but what he describes sounds like it could have been thwarted, seeing as how he was dressed and not bound in any way (she doesn't look like a she-Hulk).

How could that happen *twice*?

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (bDqIh)

86 Not seeing the problem here.

Posted by: Billy "Put some ice on that" Jeff at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (oS0xz)

87 The heir to the Chipwich ice cream fortune

I think I see the problem.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (HOIfB)

88 She's definitely hitable.

Posted by: Wise Cracker at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (XT6Vl)

89 Not just a Chipwich heir- Eskimo Pies, too.

Why did they leave Eskimo pies out of the headline? Racists!

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (9VeU0)

90 if I had nine mil just lying around, I would like to think I would find better things to spend it on.

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (9AakA)

91 The girls at college used to make those. They'd eat a salad for lunch and then because they were so "good" about their diet, they'd reward themselves with a fist-sized serving of soft ice cream between two cookies.

Then cry later about how their butt got so big in college.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (KZzsI)

92 54 DDG'ed Susanne Gold Smith.

YIKES, gentlemen. If he got back with HER after THAT, he is crazy!
Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 02:17 PM (69Ie7)

Maybe for her a Chipwich isn't just an ice cream treat. IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (RD7QR)

93 'I'm taking you off the case.'

'What!?'

'You're in too deep.'

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:21 PM (Zd2mR)

94
Why did they leave Eskimo pies out of the headline? Racists!
Posted by: blaster

it sounds like the PI's got the most of that pie

Posted by: Rick in SK at September 03, 2019 02:21 PM (FZYNt)

95 The phone rang. It was the killer. He laughed at me. That was all, he laughed at me.

I was no longer a man, I was an ugly thing. I wanted to crack his skull like an eggshell. I wanted to twist his ears until they came off like bread crusts. I wanted to mash his face like a cantaloupe.

That was when it came to me: I hadn't had any breakfast.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at September 03, 2019 02:21 PM (ClOmq)

96 So Paulo wasn't available?

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Get Your Fat Girl Throws Down Training Videos at The Outrage Outlet! at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (hLRSq)

97 Greene, who is acting as his own lawyer

good luck with that. he's going to be sucking a lot of state pen dick.

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (9AakA)

98 $140K a week? Jeebus. My local escorts just charge 200 a throw for the Untrusted Wife Humps Sneaky Private Dick for Revenge role play.

Posted by: Lickmuffin at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (m/owh)

99 >> The heir to the Chipwich ice cream fortune


Piker.

Posted by: Sue Ellen Mishke at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (Zd2mR)

100 OT, you people are not going to believe this but respected journalist and Nazi Hunter, Bob Penn, thinks a picture of a guy eating a Popeye's Fried Chicken cake is not racist, unless it has watermelon as a side.

https://tinyurl.com/yxjzsf9c

Posted by: Dr Spank at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (P1AAi)

101 25 Lawsuit? If what they did actually happened, why not charge them with sexual assault, which is literally against the law?
Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:14 PM (786Ro)


Maybe they're Democrats.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (HOIfB)

102 P.I.

You know, Paolo Intercourse.

Posted by: andycanuck at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (Dh1wo)

103 I would have kept an eye on her for $50k a week plus benefits.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (ZLI7S)

104 Now we know who Paulo works for.

Posted by: Puddin Head at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (2LelM)

105 members of the golden sperm club

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (p0A33)

106 Sounds like the kind of case where I root for everyone involved to die.


And what part of our suffering country is afflicted with Chipwich ice cream, anyway ?

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (pkvuH)

107 Ooops, BEN Penn, sorry. That's how important he is.

Posted by: Dr Spank at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (P1AAi)

108 Yanti Greene is a very googlable name.

He's ex-NYPD. Seems like maybe he wasn't named officer of the year or anything.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (9VeU0)

109 None of this makes any sense.
_____________

Especially the part about paying PI's $140k a week to surveill your wife. That's insane. He could have hired ethical PI's, who would not have raped/had sex with his wife, for a helluva lot less.

Posted by: TrivialPursuer at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (k4dH2)

110 Bertha is NOT going to like this. She's about as cuddly as a roll of barbed wire at the best of times, and when she thinks we missed out on a big fee . . .

Posted by: Donald Lam at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (ClOmq)

111 >>I would have kept an eye on her for $50k a week plus benefits.


And by benefits he means Weed.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (Zd2mR)

112 I have never interacted with the very, very wealthy. I have dealt with rich people but not "I have two mansions, a yacht, and a Maserati collection, I think I'll buy a castle" rich. From what everyone, everywhere says, they're freaking crazy and messed up at a level its difficult to express but I would like to believe at least some of that is jealousy talking.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (KZzsI)

113 have no fucks to give for these mental midgets. probably lefty phucktards all the way.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (KP5rU)

114 He Screamed, She Screamed, they all Screamed for Rape Rape Scream!

*you said rape twice*


I She LIKES rape!


/snrk



Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (p7zrD)

115 There's a Chipwich fortune?
Posted by: joncelli,

Its dwindling

Posted by: JT at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (arJlL)

116 Dayaaaaaaammmm!

Posted by: Cookie Puss at September 03, 2019 02:23 PM (ymnmz)

117 I'm not believing anyone's story till I see it on pronhub

Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (786Ro)

118 76 As a former PI long ago this kind of thing never happened to me. Unreal.

you need to up your game if you ever want to.make your name in Penthouse Forum.

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (9AakA)

119 Now we know who Paulo works for.
Posted by: Puddin Head at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (2LelM)


The Paolo... he does not need to resort to force, except a gentle, but firm, admonishment for the women to wait their turn.

Posted by: Paolo at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (wCmLp)

120 How could that happen *twice*?
Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (bD

Agree that it didn't need to happen once but on the flip side, how does she allow herself to be allegedly raped twice also?

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (BoJzR)

121 What in the Wild wild world of Sports is going on? Magnum, PI would never have done that.

Posted by: JAS at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (dT9VH)

122 And what part of our suffering country is afflicted with Chipwich ice cream, anyway ?
Posted by: sock_rat_eez at September 03, 2019 02:22 PM (pkvuH)


It's a northeast thing though there are copies elsewhere.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (9VeU0)

123 I also never heard of Chipwich before, but they have a website.

https://theoriginalchipwich.com/

Must be a regional brand.

Posted by: zmdavid at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (xqRaG)

124 Man, that's cold hearted between two chocolate chip cookies.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (+y/Ru)

125 >>As a former PI long ago this kind of thing never happened to me. Unreal.


This seems like a lot of tv mystery movies/episode, no?

Something like: Rich guy hires PIs to catch wife in affair. She catches on to this and seduces the PIs. Further, she tells him to drag out the investigation to rack up $9 million in charges. As insurance, PI films the sex, and has some of his guys engage her, too. Then, wife runs back to hubby with sob story about rapey PIs, and PIs use video to extort more money. After a couple of requests for more money, the couple go public, screw the tape, we're not paying any more $$.

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (bDqIh)

126 Helpful hint to all multi-millionaires - don't get married.

Rotate girlfriends, no more than six consecutive months. You'll be happier. And wealthier. Trust me.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (ytC/k)

127 That stuff, right there, is f*ked up.

Posted by: South Park Stan at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (ufFY8)

128 Ice Cream used to be such a wholesome thing.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (FTlwv)

129 In the parking lot. That's real high class investigating tactics right there. How does one line up a job like that?

Posted by: zeera Moron Author Working on Book @ at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (T9rmq)

130 I rate this scenario as Highly Plausible.
Posted by: DocJ at September 03, 2019 02:18 PM (77WPm)


We believe it!

Posted by: Brazzers at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (wCmLp)

131 Agree that it didn't need to happen once but on the flip side, how does she allow herself to be allegedly raped twice also?
Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions


sounds like the girl that tripped and landed on the sleeping man's erect penis, 85 times in a row

Posted by: Rick in SK at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (FZYNt)

132 'I'm taking you off the case.'

'What!?'

'You're in too deep.'

"And your cover's blown."

Posted by: mc at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (l1TIo)

133 As a former PI long ago this kind of thing never happened to me. Unreal.

I'm guessing you never saw that kind of paycheck, either

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (KZzsI)

134 He adjusted himself to hot women climbing into his car, and then no more hot women came along, and he adjusted himself to their not climbing into his car.

Posted by: Sam Spade at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (ClOmq)

135 "90 if I had nine mil just lying around, I would like to think I would find better things to spend it on.

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (9AakA) "


Dear Lord, no kidding. Same here.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (pkvuH)

136 To be fair, most women fantasize about this sort of thing.

Posted by: Bernie Sanders at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (Zd2mR)

137 Choco-Tacos > Chipwiches

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (O8WFE)

138 Can confirm that every ice cream truck in my neck of the northeast has chipwhiches.

Used to love them.

Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (k76MH)

139 Man, these 50 shades of gray books are *weird.*

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (KUaJL)

140 Oh they dit it behind the Fairway, then Joe Biden roughed up the PIs.

Posted by: kallisto at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (3nTd6)

141 I knew I was in trouble when she told me to meet her in the desolate parking lot behind the Fairway. She was a zaftig brunette, the kind to make a bishop renew his vows.

Posted by: PI guy at September 03, 2019 02:26 PM (ICxfW)

142 So it was a sort of whoopie pie?

Posted by: Bob Eubanks at September 03, 2019 02:26 PM (ymnmz)

143 I'll bet Mr. Chipwich Fortune paid the $140,000 a week for "production quality" surveillance video. IYKWIM.

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:26 PM (mvenn)

144 All that's missing in this story is a ficus and an island.

Posted by: ShainS -- unemployed single-round magazine salesman at September 03, 2019 02:26 PM (tfpWb)

145 If I'd done something like that as a PI, my dad would have disowned me.

Posted by: Jim Rockford at September 03, 2019 02:26 PM (ClOmq)

146 So much for that TV and movie standard of the hard boiled PI barely making enough money to keep bullets in his revolver and whiskey in his flask.

Posted by: Nearsighted Cyclops at September 03, 2019 02:26 PM (xV6Pj)

147 A Chipwitch can't compare to a good Ice Cream Sandwich. BTW - Wegeman's house brand ICS are fucking awesome.

Posted by: Puddin Head at September 03, 2019 02:26 PM (2LelM)

148 Must be a regional brand.


Susanne was allegedly a regional broad.

Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (786Ro)

149
You can't escape my
Private eyes
They're boning you
They see your every move
Private eyes
They're boning you
Private eyes
They're boning you boning
You boning you boning you

Posted by: Ball & Scrotes, ft. Lil' Chipwich at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (fUqBx)

150 Maybe for her a Chipwich isn't just an ice cream treat. IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:20 PM (RD7QR)

AIWID- AND I WISH I DIDN'T.

Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (69Ie7)

151 Eeen America,
first you geet the chipwich,
then you geet the power,
then you geet the women.

Posted by: bananaDream at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (l6b3d)

152 Sorry to got OT but this just showed up.

Walmart to Dramatically Limit Ammunition Sales After Horrific Shootings

Walmart is discontinuing sales of short-barrel rifle ammunition such as the 223 caliber and 5.56 caliber, discontinuing sales of handgun ammunition and discontinuing handgun sales entirely in Alaska.

The biggest retailer in the world is additionally asking customers at Walmart and Sam's Club
to no longer openly carry firearms in stores, in states where "open carry" is allowed, unless authorized law enforcement officers are present.

https://bit.ly/2ksSX7l

Posted by: rickb223 at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (Jcvz2)

153 What in the Wild wild world of Sports is going on? Magnum, PI would never have done that.

-
Magnum PI had to beat chicks off with a stick!

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (+y/Ru)

154 I'm fantasising about having an extra nine million dollars.

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (9AakA)

155 141 I knew I was in trouble when she told me to meet her in the desolate parking lot behind the Fairway. She was a zaftig brunette, the kind to make a bishop renew his vows.

Posted by: PI guy at September 03, 2019


*
*

You mean the kind to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window.

Posted by: Philip Marlowe at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (ClOmq)

156 137
Choco-Tacos > Chipwiches

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (O8WFE)

Name your wife's favorite sexual position.

Posted by: Bob Eubanks at September 03, 2019 02:28 PM (ymnmz)

157 Um... I don't know what to make of this.


Fapwich!

Posted by: Bitter Clinger at September 03, 2019 02:28 PM (YA914)

158 With so much 'heavy petting' and Rape-rape going on it will be interesting trying to get a coherent story out of the group of 'investigators.'

Movie time.

Posted by: Voter theater. at September 03, 2019 02:28 PM (50+hg)

159 She must be some cookie.

Posted by: Marcus T at September 03, 2019 02:28 PM (8ts9m)

160 Applicable Last Boyscout scene:

https://youtu.be/se4dXWjanlE?t=205

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:28 PM (KZzsI)

161 144 All that's missing in this story is a ficus and an island.
Posted by: ShainS -- unemployed single-round magazine salesman at September 03, 2019 02:26 PM (tfpWb)

Okay. Noir police procedural/PI novel featuring a ficus, an ice cream sandwich, and an island. Go!

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:28 PM (RD7QR)

162 incest will do these things

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (p0A33)

163 Raunch Pecan

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (FTlwv)

164 suddenly Ilhan's love life doesn't seem so weird.

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (9AakA)

165 I might believe this if the wife's name was Susanne Gold-Digger instead.

Posted by: ShainS -- unemployed single-round magazine salesman at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (tfpWb)

166 Not the kind of case to make me leave my houseboat.

Posted by: Travis McGee at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (ClOmq)

167 The Aristocrats.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (ry0Ke)

168 I wonder if they even bothered taking these guys into custardy?

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (Zd2mR)

169 "Screw the tape" is what got her into trouble in the first place!

Posted by: andycanuck at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (Dh1wo)

170 118 Was a long time ago and the job wasn't that great. Tailing cheaters and child custody cases were not a lot of fun to deal with, believe me. And the pay wasn't that great no matter what TV/movies say.

Posted by: turambar at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (Gylu/)

171 Throwing away $140,000 to get it on with your bosses wife seems rather short sighted. She better be gorgeous.

Posted by: Randy M at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (iwy8d)

172 153 What in the Wild wild world of Sports is going on? Magnum, PI would never have done that.

-
Magnum PI had to beat chicks off with a stick!
------------------
Did you see the little faggy guy they thought could relaunch Magnum PI with? When you make a Ferrari look big you by sitting in it, you are not Magnum or a PI.

Posted by: Puddin Head at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (2LelM)

173 Not the kind of case to make me leave my houseboat.
Posted by: Travis McGee


"Yeah I quit doing divorce cases too"
--Amos Walker

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (KZzsI)

174 138 Can confirm that every ice cream truck in my neck of the northeast has chipwhiches.

Used to love them.
Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at September 03, 2019 02:25 PM (k76MH)

---

Are you worried about secret ingredients now?

Posted by: Joe Biden was a paste eatin' man at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (8YsoX)

175 Maybe Mr. Chipwich should have hired me.

Posted by: Honey West at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (ClOmq)

176 Not the Cookies.


Get the rainbow sprinkles.

Posted by: Mrs Chipwich at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (Zd2mR)

177 After a couple of requests for more money, the couple go public, screw the tape, we're not paying any more $$.

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:24 PM (bDqIh)

OR:

Married couple wants to live cuck fantasy
Hires PI firm for insane money
Videotapes fantasy
Pretends it's real rape
Gets money back

GENIUS.

Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (69Ie7)

178 Sounds like a knock-off version of Clue.


Mr. Greene. With the turgid member. In the parking lot.
Posted by: Muldoon

At the beginning of the game....."OK, who wants to be the Turgid Member ?"

Posted by: JT at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (arJlL)

179 There's a Chipwich fortune?
Posted by: joncelli,

Its dwindling crumbling.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (+y/Ru)

180 Okay. Noir police procedural/PI novel featuring a ficus, an ice cream sandwich, and an island. Go!
Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:28 PM (RD7QR)


By day three, stranded on this lonely deserted island with nothing but coconuts and one ice cream sandwich scavenged from the galley, a man's thoughts would wander. Especially with a dame like her. When she stepped up from the beach wearing nothing but a ficus leaf and a smile, I knew I didn't stand a chance.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (ytC/k)

181 This makes perfect sense. Guy is clearly a loon since he spent 9M investigating his ex. He is a cuck's cuck.

Wife is clearly a slut. She left the ice cream dude, but still wants that ice cream money. She is the kind of broad who would fuck anything. I bet she would fuck a snake if it held still long enough.

So she wants to get back to top off her accounts, but how to explain the reports and video of her fucking the PI?

easy -- lie. She is lying like crazy and chip man will believe anything.

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (LWu6U)

182 Okay. Noir police procedural/PI novel featuring a ficus, an ice cream sandwich, and an island. Go!

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:28 PM (RD7QR)

________


LOL. And as told by Joe Biden ...

Posted by: ShainS -- unemployed single-round magazine salesman at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (tfpWb)

183 171 Throwing away $140,000 to get it on with your bosses wife seems rather short sighted. She better be gorgeous.
Posted by: Randy M at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (iwy8d)


DDG her photo.

'Nuff said.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (HOIfB)

184 167 The Aristocrats.
Posted by: BourbonChicken at September 03, 2019 02:29 PM (ry0Ke)


THIS is the threadwinner.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (9VeU0)

185 >>>3 Flying Saucers > Chipwiches

probably. But chipwiches SHOULD be better.

I think I always used to expect chipwiches to be much, much better than they turned out to be.

Posted by: ace at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (PbpT7)

186 Nobody here image-searched Susanne Gold-Smith. I'm sure of it.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (hjaPQ)

187 Oh, she's a peach:

Smith, whose father once ran the Chipwich and Eskimo Pie empires, paid IIG $8,838,845.74 to track his wife from February 2016 to January 2019 and wants the full sum returned with interest.

He also is demanding an additional $30 million for alleged fraud and gross negligence. . .

Gold-Smith and her husband initially split in 2016. Last year, before the couple got back together, Gold-Smith sued her husband for $25 million, claiming he demanded sex in exchange for visits with their son.

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (bDqIh)

188 Did you see the little faggy guy they thought could relaunch Magnum PI with?

"Oh my gawd Tom Selleck was so butch with all that chest hair and so tall *shrieks* it scared me til I peed a little, didn't I pee a little Maurice?"
--CBS Executive

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (KZzsI)

189 anyone have a plain ol' ice cream sandwich lately?

They're great. They don't need any improving.

Posted by: ace at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (PbpT7)

190 "Yeah I quit doing divorce cases too"
--Amos Walker
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019


*
*

Long past time you moved out of Detroit, Amos. Not that New York is much better nowadays.

Posted by: Archie Goodwin at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (ClOmq)

191
Stacy Keach is ... Yanti Greene: Private Dick
Coming this fall to CBS

Posted by:
Grump928(C)
Native Texan and Alabama Alumn
Twice as Smug as You
at September 03, 2019 02:32 PM (QF1yA)

192 I would have tracked her for 1/4 of the price, but first she would have blown me

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 03, 2019 02:32 PM (p0A33)

193 133 Nope, not at all. LOL

Posted by: turambar at September 03, 2019 02:32 PM (Gylu/)

194 Challenge Accepted.

Posted by: It's It Ice Cream Sandwich Heir at September 03, 2019 02:32 PM (Z1ykJ)

195 Fudgie the Whale Vs Chaco Taco?

Posted by: Bob Eubanks at September 03, 2019 02:32 PM (ymnmz)

196 Walmart has been slipping away for years, another finger just lost its grip on the slippery slope.

Their prices on ammo weren't that good anyway.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at September 03, 2019 02:32 PM (pkvuH)

197 I bet she would fuck a snake if it held still long enough.



Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (LWu6U)


*looks down, says nothing*

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:32 PM (ytC/k)

198 I'm much less excited as others about the idea of Ted Cruz debating Alyssa Milano on gun control. Obviously he greatly dwarfs her in intellect and rhetorical ability, but how much does that matter in today's world?

Milano will probably yell some line like 'Your gun should not have more rights than MY VAGINA!!!" Which will be massively retweeted with captions like "Milano DISEMBOWELS Ted Cruz!"

Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (N4xQB)

199 I wonder if they sandwiched her in a three way?

A Lucky Breyer, so to speak....

Posted by: Bitter Clinger at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (YA914)

200 Old and busted: Philip Marlowe

New hotness: Philip Marlowdown.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (+y/Ru)

201 Katie Pavlich
@KatiePavlich

Translation: If you support the Second Amendment and self defense, don't shop at our stores

Million of gun owners: Okay. Also, this is good for mom and pop gun stores.

Katie Pavlich Retweeted Ana Cabrera
NEW: Walmart ends all handgun ammunition sales and asks customers not to carry guns into stores
11:26 AM-3 Sep 2019

Posted by: BetaCuck4Life at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (9BmSv)

202 >> anyone have a plain ol' ice cream sandwich lately?

They're great. They don't need any improving.


I miss the Carvel ones.


Also, Cookie McPuss on St Patricks Day.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (Zd2mR)

203 Magnum PI had to beat chicks off with a stick!
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:27 PM (+y/Ru)


Phrasing, heh

Posted by: Somewhere on Ventura Highway at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (M+Lyo)

204 We admit, we'd have been tempted.

Posted by: Stu Bailey and Jeff Spencer at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (ClOmq)

205 Sounds like a Gene Wilder - Richard Pryor movie. Special guest star Courtney Love.

Posted by: Burger Chef at September 03, 2019 02:34 PM (RuIsu)

206 188 Did you see the little faggy guy they thought could relaunch Magnum PI with?

"Oh my gawd Tom Selleck was so butch with all that chest hair and so tall *shrieks* it scared me til I peed a little, didn't I pee a little Maurice?"
--CBS Executive
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (KZzsI)

Only in the 80s could a guy with a mustache, cut off jeans & a convertible live in a beach house with a distinguished older gentleman and not be gay.

Posted by: josephistan at September 03, 2019 02:34 PM (Izzlo)

207 You know, the family that owns Blue Bunny Ice Cream (best ice cream ever) wouldn't need a PI, since they still live in a small town down the road. "Oh, Mrs. Wells? Yeah, I see her at Fareway every Tuesday at 2 when I'm shopping there, except for one time three months ago when I was shopping at 1:30 because the church needed hot dog buns and....."

You think I'm joking.

Posted by: pookysgirl at September 03, 2019 02:34 PM (XKZwp)

208 Nobody here image-searched Susanne Gold-Smith. I'm sure of it.
Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (hjaPQ)


Nothing special - the dude should have shown her the door, written the necessary check, and upgraded. He would be happier.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:34 PM (ytC/k)

209 To follow on TV music from earlier, at least one Mike Hammer TV series had Harlem Nocturne as its theme, and that one is definitely worth a listen.

Especially on this kind of thread.

(I'd YouTube-andTinyUrl it, but I'm on my phone, sorry.)

Posted by: Lance McCormick at September 03, 2019 02:34 PM (psiI5)

210 186 Nobody here image-searched Susanne Gold-Smith. I'm sure of it.

Oh, no. Certainly not. Wouldn't hear of it.

(clears image search history.)

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:34 PM (O8WFE)

211 Walmart has been slipping away for years, another finger just lost its grip on the slippery slope.

Walmart's CEO announced a new initiative because he claimed Walmart's customers were primarily concerned about social justice.

Right.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (HOIfB)

212
Um... I don't know what to make of this. None of this makes any sense.



Posted by Ace of Spades

Simple: Don't eat that ice cream!!!!

Posted by: Archer at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (gmo/4)

213 Is there a Choco Taco heiress? I hope so.

Posted by: jhawk90 at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (Xvo1a)

214 same guy was suing his wife for $25M last year for giving up the snatch.

Posted by: x at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (nFwvY)

215 196 Walmart has been slipping away for years, another finger just lost its grip on the slippery slope. 

Their prices on ammo weren't that good anyway.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at September 03, 2019 02:32 PM (pkvuH)

Burn their HQ.
Salt the earth.

Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (69Ie7)

216 Susanne was allegedly a regional broad.

She had wide-spread appeal.

Posted by: Diesel Jones at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (0CeRG)

217

$9M for a private investigator??

Rockford worked for $200/day plus expenses

Posted by: Soothsayer at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (kGJFi)

218 I'm much less excited as others about the idea of Ted Cruz debating Alyssa Milano on gun control. Obviously he greatly dwarfs her in intellect and rhetorical ability, but how much does that matter in today's world?

Milano will probably yell some line like 'Your gun should not have more rights than MY VAGINA!!!" Which will be massively retweeted with captions like "Milano DISEMBOWELS Ted Cruz!"
Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (N4xQB)



MSNBC: Milano Kookie beats Teddy Bear Cruz in brutal debate

Posted by: Somewhere on Ventura Highway at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (M+Lyo)

219 Barring hyperinflation, if you had $9 million and spent $2k a week, it would last just short of 90 years.

And shit like this is what that gets wasted on.

Nine. Million.

FML. I need fewer scruples so I can scam my way into that kinda dough.

Posted by: Grand Inquisitor Cavil, I can has Stinger missile? at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (AM1GF)

220 Never heard of Chipwich. However, the It's-It factory is just outside my work window, and the aroma of the baking cookies on Wednesdays is sheer heaven.

Posted by: kathysaysso at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (vkS2Z)

221 209 To follow on TV music from earlier, at least one Mike Hammer TV series had Harlem Nocturne as its theme, and that one is definitely worth a listen.

Especially on this kind of thread.

(I'd YouTube-andTinyUrl it, but I'm on my phone, sorry.)
Posted by: Lance McCormick at September 03, 2019


*
*

The one with Stacy Keach, or the one with Darren McGavin?

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (ClOmq)

222 I wonder if they sandwiched her in a three way?

They did it Haagan-style

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (O8WFE)

223 Noir police procedural/PI novel featuring a ficus, an ice cream sandwich, and an island. Go!

Smoke curled upward toward the ceiling fan, but it had died years ago, so the smoke formed a layer near the ceiling like a fog bank. I was glad for it, I couldn't see the old acoustical tiles any longer with the holes I'd counted over and over sitting at my desk waiting for a case. I should have given up smoking years ago but the coffin nails gave my hands something to do other than clean my pistol, again.

Then the bell rang in the outer room were clients would wait for me amid the old magazines and vinyl chair that squeaked like farts any time you moved in them. I unlocked the door and let her in. My new client.

She was dressed like an ice cream sandwich, a brown sleeveless dress almost the same color as her island tan, with a white stripe down the middle from her cleavage to just below where it would be illegal to go out in public. She had on some kind of hat that looked like ficus leaves, and a stare that made me feel like a cheap PI in an old dirty office.

Which I was.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (KZzsI)

224 If you read this story, it almost seems like this is a fantasy kink she has.

One set of guys is mentioned, then another set of three guys, then another guy is claiming she assaulted him.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (ycWCI)

225 "189 anyone have a plain ol' ice cream sandwich lately?

They're great. They don't need any improving.

Posted by: ace at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (PbpT7) "


Truth.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (pkvuH)

226 207 I was being stalked by Blue Bunny for a while on I-95. LOL I guess I was going home around the same time as the route guy for them because I would see them on the highway almost every night for a while there. It was pretty funny. Never had their ice cream.

Posted by: turambar at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (Gylu/)

227 Yep, I won't be complying with Walmart's no-carry request.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (hjaPQ)

228 >> Is there a Choco Taco heiress? I hope so.


I saw Hairless Choco Taco open for Rufus with Chaka Kahn at the old Carousel Ballroom back in 79!

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (Zd2mR)

229

I'll tell you right now, this Chipwich heir is a stupid eccentric
who will die penniless.

Posted by: Soothsayer at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (kGJFi)

230 To follow on TV music from earlier, at least one Mike Hammer TV series had Harlem Nocturne as its theme, and that one is definitely worth a listen.

Yeah, the Stacy Keach one. Not a great show, but Keach was interesting to watch and it had an interesting feel.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (KZzsI)

231 The only way this could be funnier is if they were the heirs to the Lay's fortune

Posted by: JT at September 03, 2019 02:37 PM (arJlL)

232 >>>Walmart's CEO announced a new initiative because he claimed Walmart's customers were primarily concerned about social justice.


their social justice concern is right below their chipwich concern.

Posted by: x at September 03, 2019 02:37 PM (nFwvY)

233 Nothing special - the dude should have shown her the door, written the necessary check, and upgraded. He would be happier.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:34 PM (ytC/k)


You'd think, wouldn't you? With $9 million on hand to piss away? Yowza.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 03, 2019 02:37 PM (HOIfB)

234 The one with Stacy Keach, or the one with Darren McGavin?

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius


Stacy Keach, I remember that one and loved it.

Posted by: Grand Inquisitor Cavil, I can has Stinger missile? at September 03, 2019 02:37 PM (AM1GF)

235 (clears image search history.)
Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:34 PM (O8WFE)

Amateur.

Posted by: Bob from the NSA at September 03, 2019 02:37 PM (k76MH)

236 " Nobody here image-searched Susanne Gold-Smith. I'm sure of it."

She looks like you'd expect after being married to an ice cream mogul.

Posted by: Randy M at September 03, 2019 02:37 PM (iwy8d)

237 The picture of her in the article is not... unattractive.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:37 PM (ycWCI)

238 We are in a full employment situation today but still......NINE MILLION buys a lot of p*ssy .
Guess this Chipwitch guy is more particular than your average Moron when it comes to throwing 9 million down.

Posted by: Voter theater. at September 03, 2019 02:37 PM (50+hg)

239 What would be the title of this one's "Hard Case Crime" comic be?
The Dairy Queen's Confession!The Case of Chipwich Coruption!Too Hot For the Frozen Section!

Posted by: bananaDream at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (l6b3d)

240 The one with Stacy Keach, or the one with Darren McGavin?
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019


*
*

I checked -- the '80s version with Stacy Keach: https://tinyurl.com/y27kcgxc

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (ClOmq)

241 I'll tell you right now, this Chipwich heir is a stupid eccentric

who will die penniless.
Posted by: Soothsayer at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (kGJFi)


Every gold-digger in the NY/NJ area probably has him targeted right now.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (ytC/k)

242 Mrs Smith may have been hot when she was younger. Looks like she put on a few pounds but still definitely a BJ 1.

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (BoJzR)

243 Milano will probably yell some line like 'Your gun should not have more rights than MY VAGINA!!!" Which will be massively retweeted with captions like "Milano DISEMBOWELS Ted Cruz!"
Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (N4xQB)



Milano's vagina is literally a death camp.

Posted by: Diesel Jones at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (0CeRG)

244 I find it hard to believe she taped any of them.

This is an insane story. Whut.

Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (9hauA)

245 I miss the Carvel ones.


Also, Cookie McPuss on St Patricks Day.
Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:33 PM (Zd2mR)
----------
Apparently the guy who owns the Atlanta Falcons and Atlanta United bought a Carvel franchise just so he could have one of their ice cream machines in the office at M-B Stadium.

Posted by: jhawk90 at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (Xvo1a)

246 He shouldn't have hired a firm called "Private Investirapers" in the first place.

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (Q3dyo)

247 Um... I don't know what to make of this. None of this makes any sense.

Posted by Ace of Spade



You're hired!

Posted by: DOJ OIG's office at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (786Ro)

248 Those pics I see of Walmart customers always show them with pyjama bottoms falling off their gigantic asses. How do they carry wearing that?

Posted by: Northernlurker at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (Uu+Jp)

249 237 The picture of her in the article is not... unattractive.
Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019


*
*

I imagine she was pretty cute when she was younger.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:39 PM (ClOmq)

250 Milano's vagina is literally a death camp.
Posted by: Diesel Jones at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (0CeRG)


Do we still have Superfund Sites?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 03, 2019 02:39 PM (HOIfB)

251 -
--
What would be the title of this one's "Hard Case Crime" comic be?
The Dairy Queen's Confession!The Case of Chipwich Coruption!Too Hot For the Frozen Section!


Posted by: bananaDream at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM

---------------------

The Cream-Filling Overflows

Posted by: irright at September 03, 2019 02:39 PM (pMGkg)

252 MSNBC: Milano Kookie beats Teddy Bear Cruz in brutal debate
Posted by: Somewhere on Ventura Highway at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (M+Lyo)

Brought to you by Brawndo! "The Thirst Mutilator"

It's got what plants crave. (TM)

Posted by: Warai-otoko at September 03, 2019 02:39 PM (AURKQ)

253 Long past time you moved out of Detroit, Amos. Not that New York is much better nowadays.
Posted by: Archie Goodwin


"Wait til you see what happened to San Francisco"
--Sam Spade

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:39 PM (KZzsI)

254
Which I was.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (KZzsI)


Pretty good. Just needed a bottle of bourbon in the file cabinet and a neon hotel light shining through the cracked window.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 02:39 PM (lvwZ3)

255 244 I find it hard to believe she taped any of them.

This is an insane story. Whut.
Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (9hauA)

The tape may have been part of the kink. The guy claiming she assaulted him admits to videoing it on his cell phone.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:39 PM (ycWCI)

256 Never heard of Chipwich. However, the It's-It factory is just outside my work window, and the aroma of the baking cookies on Wednesdays is sheer heaven.
Posted by: kathysaysso at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (vkS2Z)

It's-It is by far the best version of these types of ice creams

Posted by: Somewhere on Ventura Highway at September 03, 2019 02:40 PM (M+Lyo)

257 Any truth to the rumor that the refrigeration units at the Chipwich factory broke down and they liquidated all their inventory?

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:40 PM (mvenn)

258 $140,000 A WEEK?

Are we sure he didn't pay them to attack her?
Posted by: Toni at September 03, 2019 02:11 PM (ppbIJ)

Does said heir just live off The Fortunes his ancestors made? Because that might explain his lack of understanding of the value of money.

Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 02:40 PM (9hauA)

259 Looks like she put on a few pounds but still definitely a BJ 1.
Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (BoJzR)


I concur - she does indeed have a head.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:40 PM (ytC/k)

260 Nobody here image-searched Susanne Gold-Smith. I'm sure of it.

I was image-seaching "chipwich". Now I want some ice cream.

Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:40 PM (786Ro)

261 187 Oh, she's a peach:

Smith, whose father once ran the Chipwich and Eskimo Pie empires, paid IIG $8,838,845.74 to track his wife from February 2016 to January 2019 and wants the full sum returned with interest.

He also is demanding an additional $30 million for alleged fraud and gross negligence. . .

Gold-Smith and her husband initially split in 2016. Last year, before the couple got back together, Gold-Smith sued her husband for $25 million, claiming he demanded sex in exchange for visits with their son.
Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:31 PM (bDqIh)

So everybody involved is bonkers except for the kids, who will be bonkers later. Sigh.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:40 PM (RD7QR)

262 Any truth to the rumor that the refrigeration units at the Chipwich factory broke down and they liquidated all their inventory?


That sent a shiver down my spine.

Posted by:
Grump928(C)
Native Texan and Alabama Alumn
Twice as Smug as You
at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (QF1yA)

263 The problem with the Mike Hammer version of Harlem Nocturne is that they sped it up, made it peppier, which kind of ruins the effect. Like what they did with "Suicide is Painless" in the MASH TV show.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (KZzsI)

264 "Forget it, sarge. The trail on this case has gone warm. And melty."

Posted by: Warai-otoko at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (AURKQ)

265 244 I find it hard to believe she taped any of them.

This is an insane story. Whut.
Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (9hauA)

The tape may have been part of the kink. The guy claiming she assaulted him admits to videoing it on his cell phone.
Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:39 PM (ycWCI)

I meant raped. Sorry!

Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (9hauA)

266 ALL ABOARD THE WHORED EXPRESSS!!!!!!!

Posted by: yumper at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (rNi/8)

267 She was dressed like an ice cream sandwich, a brown sleeveless dress almost the same color as her island tan, with a white stripe down the middle from her cleavage to just below where it would be illegal to go out in public. She had on some kind of hat that looked like ficus leaves, and a stare that made me feel like a cheap PI in an old dirty office.

Which I was.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019


*
*

Where's that applause icon when you need it . . .?

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (ClOmq)

268 Those pics I see of Walmart customers always show them with pyjama bottoms falling off their gigantic asses. How do they carry wearing that?
Posted by: Northernlurker at September 03, 2019 02:38 PM (Uu+Jp)


Don't ask.

Posted by: DR.WTF at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (aS1PU)

269 219 Barring hyperinflation, if you had $9 million and spent $2k a week, it would last just short of 90 years.

And shit like this is what that gets wasted on.

Nine. Million.

FML. I need fewer scruples so I can scam my way into that kinda dough.

Posted by: Grand Inquisitor Cavil, I can has Stinger missile? at September 03, 2019 02:35 PM (AM1GF)

Invest it in a dividend index fund and you could spend 270k/year while it grows.

Posted by: Someguy at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (4i8PS)

270 susanne looks fine but I bet she is a tiger in the bedroom. after a toot of coke.

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (9AakA)

271 I'm not cray cray you're the one that's cray cray.

Institutionalized.

Posted by: Suicidal Tendecies at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (MAstk)

272 Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019

Excellent.

Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (k76MH)

273 The Rocky Road to Rape Town

Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (lvwZ3)

274 I meant raped. Sorry!
Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 02:41 PM (9hauA)

No worries, this is a bizarre story in need of precise verbiage to even try to describe what happened.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (ycWCI)

275 So everybody involved is bonkers except for the kids, who will be bonkers later. Sigh.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:40 PM (RD7QR)

Prime Antifa recruitment material

Posted by: kbdabear at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (qAR6u)

276 A GOP state rep from Washington, has been deplatformed and othered. His crime? Talking about Jesus on a talk radio show and saying we should limit the number of muslim immigrants. He's lost all his corporate donors. All this due to a co-ordinated MSM attack on him.

Just a tale for those who think the MSM has no power anymore.

And this is WA state, where Dems control everything. This guy had no real power to do anything being in an ever shrinking minority party. And still, he had to be destroyed.

The left doesn't fuck around.

Posted by: George Soros at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (FiUMj)

277 Eskimo Pie

That's now "Indigenous Peoples of the North Pies", thank you.

You can still call Moon PIes "Moon Pies" for now, till we figure out how the moon is rayciss. Which we will.

Posted by: The PC Police at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (O8WFE)

278 The one with Stacy Keach, or the one with Darren McGavin?

One of the Keach ones. There were IIRC two apparently separate Mike Hammer series starring Keach.

Mike Hammer has been adapted a bunch, is what I'm saying.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (psiI5)

279 >>It's-It is by far the best version of these types of ice creams


The It Cookies don't have enough molasses in them.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (Zd2mR)

280 Barring hyperinflation, if you had $9 million and spent $2k a week, it would last just short of 90 years.

I think I could manage to squeak by on two grand a week

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (KZzsI)

281 Did Stacey Abrams write this novel?

Posted by: Anna Puma at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (C6jEi)

282 "O"


This is her Ice Cream face?



Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (p7zrD)

283 This week, on Cold Case Files...

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (mvenn)

284 Mike Hammer TV series

-
Speaking of great TV show themes . . .

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QDWtESy4fOs

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (+y/Ru)

285 You can still call Moon PIes "Moon Pies" for now, till we figure out how the moon is rayciss. Which we will.
Posted by: The PC Police at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (O8WFE)

You know how much cheeze those wipipo eat...

Posted by: Warai-otoko at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (AURKQ)

286 Um... I don't know what to make of this. None of this makes any sense.

****

Hell, I've never even heard of the ice cream.

Posted by: Diogenes at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (axyOa)

287 >>I find it hard to believe she taped any of them.


The PI taped it. One assumes as an insurance policy in the event she claims she was raped. Which she did. He accuses her of rape in response. Yeah, it was consensual and the PI thought to get proof.

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (bDqIh)

288 "Millionaire David Smith -- who has since reunited with his spouse, Susanne Gold-Smith -- says he paid $140,000 a week for months to the International Investigative Group to trail his then-estranged wife."

Oh, TRAIL his wife. They must have heard the word NAIL instead.

Posted by: ascap at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (gJAok)

289 I think I could manage to squeak by on two grand a week.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (KZzsI)


Me too ... might have to clip some coupons, but it would be worth it.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (ytC/k)

290 281 Did Stacey Abrams write this novel?
Posted by: Anna Puma at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (C6jEi)

It was a collaboration with Bernie Sanders.

*shudder*

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (ycWCI)

291 She seems to spend a lot of time behind the supermarket. I'm just pointing that out.

Posted by: Al Crapton at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (B4E8C)

292 "227 Yep, I won't be complying with Walmart's no-carry request.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis at September 03, 2019 02:36 PM (hjaPQ) "



Yeah, I don't open-carry anyway, so no problem complying.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (pkvuH)

293 Fuck my wife--please!

Posted by: David " at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (hjaPQ)

294 Wait a minute, Chipolte Ice Cream?

Posted by: Anna Puma at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (C6jEi)

295 The PI taped it. One assumes as an insurance policy in the event she claims she was raped. Which she did. He accuses her of rape in response. Yeah, it was consensual and the PI thought to get proof.
Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (bDqIh)

Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me...

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (ycWCI)

296 They churned out one hell of a story.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at September 03, 2019 02:45 PM (3oZNM)

297 This sounds like the plot of an Always Sunny episode.

That's how ridiculous this story is.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at September 03, 2019 02:45 PM (KUaJL)

298 >>The Rocky Road to Rape Town


Dulce de Anal

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:45 PM (Zd2mR)

299

I wish I had known about this guy. I'd mow his lawn for $10K a week.

Posted by: Soothsayer at September 03, 2019 02:45 PM (kGJFi)

300 The real mystery here is:

What the hell is "Chipwich," and in what way is it associated with "a fortune"?

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 02:45 PM (Q3dyo)

301 294 Wait a minute, Chipolte Ice Cream?
Posted by: Anna Puma at September 03, 2019 02:44 PM (C6jEi)

I went to a hot sauce festival and they had Cayenne Chocolate.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:45 PM (ycWCI)

302 She looks better in the NY Post article that outlines her suit - but still, I have no idea why this guy is so hot for her. He's got all the money - he should be making the rules.

And rule one should be move her ass out and get something 30 lbs lighter and fifteen years younger. I recommend a South American vintage.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:46 PM (ytC/k)

303 No doubt others have mentioned how comfortably Ted Cruz managed the 'best debater' of one of the anti-tea pink brigades. I always enjoy seeing that kind of courtesy in a formal debate -- although I think Cruz/Farage would be the best of the best as far as formal debates and they could draw straws as to who would defend what position.

Good to see that the Munk Debates mentioned over the weekend are getting some love -- Steyn absolutely dominated regarding immigration. Sadly, I think the woman (some UN muckety-muck) is the one Icky Ilhan wants to 'supervise' our own borders.

Schama is honestly intelligent enough to know when he was bested and kudos to him for his courtesy and grace in losing.

Posted by: mustbequantum at September 03, 2019 02:46 PM (MIKMs)

304 The PI taped it. One assumes as an insurance policy in the event she claims she was raped. Which she did. He accuses her of rape in response. Yeah, it was consensual and the PI thought to get proof.
Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (bDqIh)

I meant raped (sorry!), but yeah. Seems like the most likely scenario. Regretted sex (especially when you want to get back with your rich husband) = rape.

Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (9hauA)

305 Is there not a single Banana Split joke in here?

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (Zd2mR)

306 I went to a hot sauce festival and they had Cayenne Chocolate.
========

I was the emcee!

*hic*

Posted by: Hillary at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (vg8iE)

307 Have any retailers banned the wearing of red head gear yet?

Posted by: Northernlurker at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (Uu+Jp)

308 I recommend a South American vintage.

Mark Sanford concurs.

Posted by: The PC Police at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (O8WFE)

309 I guess I'll look next to the Eskimo Pies next time I go to Walmart, see if I can find a "Chipwich."

Vanilla ice cream between two Nilla Wafers is good too.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (ClOmq)

310 Apparently, jalapeño margaritas are a thing.

I tried cayenne chocolate before. It's good stuff.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (lvwZ3)

311 Maybe we should move our HQ from Arkansas to San Francisco?

Posted by: Walmart at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (MAstk)

312 One of the fun things about having kids is enjoying desserts that you might have avoided for one reason or another. I never bought I've cream as a single adult. But the freezer is always stocked now with some kind of frozen treat. At the supermarket ice cream takes up an entire row of the freezer section. And the selection is beyond staggering.

Posted by: Max Power at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (llxrS)

313 Even when I was drinking, I wouldn't have hit that.

Posted by: Matt Scudder at September 03, 2019 02:48 PM (ClOmq)

314 305 Is there not a single Banana Split joke in here?
Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (Zd2mR)

I am sure we could fit Winona Ryder into this story.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:48 PM (ycWCI)

315 305 Is there not a single Banana Split joke in here?
Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (Zd2mR


With all the nuts involved, you'd think so.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 02:48 PM (lvwZ3)

316 Mark Sanford concurs.
Posted by: The PC Police at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (O8WFE)


Mark was a fool - but no fool when it came to the booty.

If I ever get out of this one, I won't remarry. I will, however, date a string of South American women until I die. Hopefully from sexual exhaustion.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:48 PM (ytC/k)

317 Anyone remember Rockford charged? I know he would be sure to clarify that it was plus expenses.

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:48 PM (BoJzR)

318 He probably wants to get out of paying them, figuring they already got "paid."

Posted by: JoeF. at September 03, 2019 02:49 PM (NFEMn)

319 Walmart? Bad? Nonsense. They're muhJoCreators and stuff!


Posted by: George Soros at September 03, 2019 02:49 PM (FiUMj)

320 281 Did Stacey Abrams write this novel?
Posted by: Anna Puma at September 03, 2019 02:43 PM (C6jEi)

Not enough Doritos.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at September 03, 2019 02:49 PM (RD7QR)

321 "311 Maybe we should move our HQ from Arkansas to San Francisco?

Posted by: Walmart at September 03, 2019 02:47 PM (MAstk) "



That would be my considered opinion, yes.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at September 03, 2019 02:49 PM (pkvuH)

322 317 Anyone remember Rockford charged? I know he would be sure to clarify that it was plus expenses.
Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:48 PM (BoJzR)


Someone mentioned two bills upthread.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 02:49 PM (lvwZ3)

323 I guess I'll look next to the Eskimo Pies next time I go to Walmart, see if I can find a "Chipwich."

********

You might have better luck at your local convenience store. (Stop -n- Go, Toot-n-Moo, 7-11) in the frozen treats display case with the Klondike bars, Nutty Buddy cones and the like.

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:49 PM (mvenn)

324 I don't know what to make of this. None of this makes any sense.
-----------

It's the sugar, Ace. Too much sugar.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (hnyqs)

325 She likes receiving Vanillinguous

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (O8WFE)

326 I wish I had known about this guy. I'd mow his lawn for $10K a week.

Posted by: Soothsayer at September 03, 2019 02:45 PM (kGJFi)

I'll do it for $9K Mr. Chipwich guy. I'll even clean your pool.

Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (k76MH)

327 Ace, have you seen this yet?

Google emerges as target of a new state attorneys general antitrust probe

More than half of the nation's state attorneys generals are preparing to announce an antitrust investigation into Google next week.


-- WaPo

Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (786Ro)

328 312 . . . At the supermarket ice cream takes up an entire row of the freezer section. And the selection is beyond staggering.
Posted by: Max Power at September 03, 2019


*
*

So are the prices. A pint of gelato = $5.99???? Though $3 at WM for a pack of 6 Klondikes isn't bad.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (ClOmq)

329 Anyone remember Rockford charged? I know he would be sure to clarify that it was plus expenses.

-
$200 a day plus expenses.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (+y/Ru)

330 Toot-n-Moo

C'mon. Is that a real thing? If it isn't it should be.



Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:51 PM (O8WFE)

331 Apparently, jalapeno margaritas are a thing.

Yes.

Yes they are.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:51 PM (9VeU0)

332 I'll do it for $9K Mr. Chipwich guy. I'll even clean your pool.
Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (k76MH)


I'll do it for $8K, and arrange a much-needed little tryst for Mr. Chippie with an escort of his choice.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:51 PM (ytC/k)

333 I watched a Tony Rome movie a while back. That's PI kitsch at its finest.

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:51 PM (BoJzR)

334 You might have better luck at your local convenience store. (Stop -n- Go, Toot-n-Moo, 7-11) in the frozen treats display case with the Klondike bars, Nutty Buddy cones and the like.
Posted by: Muldoon



This. Trust Muldoon. He's a doctor.

Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:51 PM (786Ro)

335 Apparently, she really wanted that Klondike Bar.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:51 PM (Zd2mR)

336 You're surprised a company that once had Hillary as a board member is anti-gun?

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 02:51 PM (FiUMj)

337 Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (786Ro


Harrumph!

Tsk tsk.

Posted by: David French at September 03, 2019 02:52 PM (lvwZ3)

338 Did they get a patent on Chipwhich, or just a copyright on the name? Hard to believe they ever got a patent. I mean, it's a dollop of ice cream between two chocolate chip cookies.

Posted by: JoeF. at September 03, 2019 02:52 PM (NFEMn)

339 Proper way to eat a regular ice cream sandwich involves letting the ice cream get just melty enough that when you squeeze the wafers the ice cream starts to ooze out the sides. This is indisputable.

It requires patience.

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:52 PM (mvenn)

340 Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold-digger,
But she is definitely a Gold-Smither

Posted by: Kanye at September 03, 2019 02:52 PM (FJYfm)

341 298
>>The Rocky Road to Rape Town





Dulce de Anal

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:45 PM (Zd2mR)

Would you care for s some Pisstachio, a Chaco Taco or a Dirty Snachez?

Posted by: Bob Eubanks at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (ymnmz)

342 338 Did they get a patent on Chipwhich, or just a copyright on the name? Hard to believe they ever got a patent. I mean, it's a dollop of ice cream between two chocolate chip cookies.
Posted by: JoeF. at September 03, 2019 02:52 PM (NFEMn)


Just?

I think not. They also roll it in mini chocolate chips around the sides.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (9VeU0)

343 Who would you do for a Klondike bar?

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (3oZNM)

344 327 Ace, have you seen this yet?

Google emerges as target of a new state attorneys general antitrust probe

More than half of the nation's state attorneys generals are preparing to announce an antitrust investigation into Google next week.

-- WaPo
Posted by: Hands at September 03, 2019 02:50 PM (786Ro)

And just like all the rest of the crap, they will pay a fine to the Government.

Who will use that as a slush fund.

And the victims will not get a thing, nor will anyone be punished.

Just like Facebooks latest 200 million for violating the privacy of CHILDREN.

Posted by: Don Q at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (NgKpN)

345 >> Did they get a patent on Chipwhich, or just a copyright on the name?


I think they are the only ones that were rolled in the mini chips. At least, I have never seen another Brand that does that.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (Zd2mR)

346 294 Wait a minute, Chipolte Ice Cream?
Posted by: Anna Puma


Apparently you haven't visited San Francisco in the last several years.

Chipotle ice cream already came and went, and is now passe.

Horrible hipster ice cream flavors are now de rigueur all over town, however.

In just the last year I've seen the following ice cream flavors in the Bay Area:

-- Sriracha Sauce ice cream
-- Cricket ice cream
-- Himilayan Pink Salt ice cream
-- Cucumber and Habanero Pepper ice cream
-- Pickle ice cream
-- Charcoal ice cream
-- Curry ice cream
-- Olive Oil and Kale ice cream
-- Goat Cheese Chai ice cream

... to name just a few.

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (Q3dyo)

347 338 Did they get a patent on Chipwhich, or just a copyright on the name? Hard to believe they ever got a patent. I mean, it's a dollop of ice cream between two chocolate chip cookies.
Posted by: JoeF. at September 03, 2019


*
*

Bake up some of the Pillsbury chocolate chip cookies, and while they're still warm, plop some ice cream between two of 'em.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (ClOmq)

348 If a presidential candidate, whether R or D proposed a serious wealth tax on people like the Waltons, while cutting my taxes in exchange, I'd vote for them. Fuck them all.

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (FiUMj)

349 I'll wait until NGU weighs in on the damage to teeth.

Uh, wait...I think he may have already endorsed sugary foods/treats.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (hnyqs)

350 Everyone involved in this story, except for the kids, should be fired into the center of the Sun.

Posted by: Sharkman at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (7cCNF)

351 It requires patience.
Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:52 PM (mvenn


But then you don't get the freeze brain!


I like the freeze brain.

Posted by: Joe Paste at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (lvwZ3)

352 Toot -n- Moo is a real thing. I think the last one I saw was in Fort Collins.

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (mvenn)

353 Walmart ammo prices are good. So I guess I gotta buy what is on the shelf now.

Then stop shopping there.

Posted by: blaster at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (9VeU0)

354 Cricket ice cream

Egads.

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (O8WFE)

355 >>-- Olive Oil and Kale ice cream


I think I'd rather be raped by a Private Investigator.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (Zd2mR)

356 Weird. She's wearing the same outfit in the April 2018 NYPost article (where he's the "monster"), as in this new article. Seems they would have a new photo or two. They are both insane; pity their poor kid.

Posted by: Ever at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (ZZDMQ)

357 339
Proper way to eat a regular ice cream sandwich involves letting the ice
cream get just melty enough that when you squeeze the wafers the ice
cream starts to ooze out the sides. This is indisputable.



It requires patience.

Posted by: Muldoon at September 03, 2019 02:52 PM (mvenn)

Now that's what I am talkin about.
You must come over and meat my wife.

Posted by: Bill Kristol at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (ymnmz)

358 If a presidential candidate, whether R or D proposed
a serious wealth tax on people like the Waltons, while cutting my taxes
in exchange, I'd vote for them. Fuck them all.
Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (FiUMj)


I used to be a big objector to the graduated income tax. Not anymore. I don't mind fucking the rich, since they seem to enjoy fucking me.

Posted by: The White Devil at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (ytC/k)

359 -- Olive Oil and Kale ice cream
-- Goat Cheese Chai ice cream

... to name just a few.
Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (Q3dyo)

That... may be the most horrifying thing you have ever posted- and that is a high bar to clear.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (ycWCI)

360 Kinky!

Posted by: m at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (aLBwb)

361 Trying to google Susan Gold-Smith to see if she's hot. I keep getting Susan Goldsmiths......

Posted by: JoeF. at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (NFEMn)

362 My nephew has bailed from Bluffton, SC. Headed for the mountains.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (hnyqs)

363 You can still call Moon PIes "Moon Pies" for now, till we figure out how the moon is rayciss. Which we will.
Posted by: The PC Police at September 03, 2019 02:42 PM (O8WFE

---

This one's easy. Only 12 people have walked on the moon. All 12 of them were (you guessed it) white males.

Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (N4xQB)

364 >>In just the last year I've seen the following ice cream flavors in the Bay Area:

-- Sriracha Sauce ice cream
-- Cricket ice cream
-- Himilayan Pink Salt ice cream
-- Cucumber and Habanero Pepper ice cream
-- Pickle ice cream
-- Charcoal ice cream
-- Curry ice cream
-- Olive Oil and Kale ice cream
-- Goat Cheese Chai ice cream

. . . to name just a few.
- - - -


They do know that ice cream is not supposed to taste like a$$, right?

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (bDqIh)

365 348 If a presidential candidate, whether R or D proposed a serious wealth tax on people like the Waltons, while cutting my taxes in exchange, I'd vote for them. Fuck them all.
..

What seems to be irking you, little fella?

Posted by: Soros Bezos Waltons at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (MAstk)

366 Olive Oil and Kale ice cream

- - -

Should've called it The Popeye.

Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (k76MH)

367 -- Sriracha Sauce ice cream
-- Cricket ice cream
-- Himilayan Pink Salt ice cream
-- Cucumber and Habanero Pepper ice cream
-- Pickle ice cream
-- Charcoal ice cream
-- Curry ice cream
-- Olive Oil and Kale ice cream
-- Goat Cheese Chai ice cream

... to name just a few.
Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019


*
*

Pickle? Charcoal?

And I'm afraid to ask what's in "cricket" ice cream. Something tells me it's not as delectable as Connie Stevens in Hawaiian Eye.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (ClOmq)

368 >>Only 12 people have walked on the moon. All 12 of them were (you guessed it) white males.


before you walk on it, you gotta park on it.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (Zd2mR)

369 Hmmm.

Sounds pronhuby like.

Posted by: Anon a mouse at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (6qErC)

370
I like the freeze brain.
Posted by: Joe Paste at September 03, 2019 02:54 PM (lvwZ3)

Me too, son!!

Posted by: Ted William's Head at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (NFEMn)

371 361 Trying to google Susan Gold-Smith to see if she's hot. I keep getting Susan Goldsmiths......
Posted by: JoeF. at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (NFEMn)

... well?


Are they hot?

Posted by: Warai-otoko at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (AURKQ)

372 I buy all my ammo at Academy and I don't think they will be giving up ammo, guns and gun supply products anytime in the future.

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (BoJzR)

373 Just like Facebooks latest 200 million for violating the privacy of CHILDREN.
Posted by: Don Q at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (NgKpN)

___

If wine mommies put pics of their precious Dakota and Ethan on FB, it's their fault, not FB's. I'm sick of being outrageously outraged that FB does exactly what they tell you they're doing. How do you think FB makes money? By selling your data. That's how they made money yesterday, how they make money today and how they will make money tomorrow. If you don't want your privacy exposed by facebook, easy solution....STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM FACEBOOK.

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (FiUMj)

374 Call me old fashioned, but if my spouse sent two PIs to follow me and indirectly caused a sexual assault, I don't think we'd be shacking up again.

Must be good ice cream.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (lvwZ3)

375 Google tells me Toot-n-Moo is a real thing.

And here I thought Loaf & Jug was a funny convenience store name.

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (O8WFE)

376 Hillary and Stacy Abrams co-own the Toot-n-Moo chain.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (3oZNM)

377 338 Did they get a patent on Chipwhich, or just a copyright on the name? Hard to believe they ever got a patent. I mean, it's a dollop of ice cream between two chocolate chip cookies.
Posted by: JoeF.


Wait -- seriously?

So a "chipwich" is just a copy of an "It's-It"?

How can they copyright an idea that they ripped off from someone else?

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (Q3dyo)

378 353 Walmart ammo prices are good. So I guess I gotta buy what is on the shelf now.
..

Where you going to shop?

Posted by: Walmart Amazon Dick's Sporting, Target at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (MAstk)

379 At 140K a week, sounds like he was the one getting raped.

Posted by: mc at September 03, 2019 02:19 PM (l1TIo)


Winner!

Posted by: GWB at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (uWt6J)

380 Olive Oil and Kale ice cream

=====

There are ice cream sandwiches for dogs now. Kids got them for our menagerie of oldsters. Disgusting.

Posted by: mustbequantum at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (MIKMs)

381 -- WaPo

-
WaPo Whopper of the Day:

Margaret Sullivan@Sulliview
Trump's escalating attacks won't hurt the reality-based press. But they will do another kind of damage. My column

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (+y/Ru)

382 This one's easy. Only 12 people have walked on the moon. All 12 of them were (you guessed it) white males.
Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (N4xQB)

___

I didn't realize it was that many. I figured the original 2 then maybe 3 or 4 after that.

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (FiUMj)

383 >>Google tells me Toot-n-Moo is a real thing.

And here I thought Loaf & Jug was a funny convenience store name.


*ahem*

Kum and Go

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (bDqIh)

384 Walmart ammo prices are good"

Couple of years back the local one went nuts on .22

Loaded up, I did.

Posted by: Anon a mouse at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (6qErC)

385 They do know that ice cream is not supposed to taste like a$$, right?

...but they like the taste of ass.

*shrugs*

Posted by: Diesel Jones at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (0CeRG)

386 Trying to google Susan Gold-Smith to see if she's hot. I keep getting Susan Goldsmiths......
Posted by: JoeF. at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (NFEMn)

... well?


Are they hot?
Posted by: Warai-otoko at September 03, 2019 02:56 PM (AURKQ)

There are a lot of them. Some are hot, some not.

But this Susan Gold-Smith must be on a whole new level of hot to cause all this turmoil.

Posted by: JoeF. at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (NFEMn)

387 These PI's aren't what they used to be.

Posted by: Your's Truly, Johnny Dollar at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (hnyqs)

388 >>There are ice cream sandwiches for dogs now.


My pups LOVED going to DQ for doggie cones.

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (Zd2mR)

389 What does this have to do with the steel plate in my head?

Posted by: Joey Biden at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (v0R5T)

390 Anyone remember Rockford charged? I know he would be sure to clarify that it was plus expenses.

Two hundred and expenses, as I recall.

Sriracha is already sweet, so I can see how that might work in ice cream but its last year's hot sauce, already passe

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (KZzsI)

391 348 If a presidential candidate, whether R or D proposed a serious wealth tax on people like the Waltons, while cutting my taxes in exchange, I'd vote for them. Fuck them all.
Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019


*
*

What have you got against John-Boy?

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (ClOmq)

392 My nephew has bailed from Bluffton, SC. Headed for the mountains.


Has it begun? Should I grab my SHTF bag?

Posted by:
Grump928(C)
Native Texan and Alabama Alumn
Twice as Smug as You
at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (QF1yA)

393 Google tells me Toot-n-Moo is a real thing.

And here I thought Loaf & Jug was a funny convenience store name.


*ahem*

Kum and Go
Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (bDqIh)

Or as we refer to it, Ejaculate and Evacuate

Posted by: Ted K. at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (FJYfm)

394 *ahem*



Kum and Go

Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (bDqIh)

"Quick an Easy"

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (ymnmz)

395 -- Sriracha Sauce ice cream
-- Cricket ice cream
-- Himilayan Pink Salt ice cream
-- Cucumber and Habanero Pepper ice cream
-- Pickle ice cream
-- Charcoal ice cream
-- Curry ice cream
-- Olive Oil and Kale ice cream
-- Goat Cheese Chai ice cream

--------

Accept no substitutes.

Posted by: Devil's Poo™ Confectionery at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (AzW6q)

396 >>Google tells me Toot-n-Moo is a real thing.

And here I thought Loaf & Jug was a funny convenience store name.


Piggly Wiggly

Posted by: garrett at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (Zd2mR)

397 This would have never happened had he hired Frank Cannon.

Posted by: Puddin Head at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (2LelM)

398 54
DDG'ed Susanne Gold Smith.



YIKES, gentlemen. If he got back with HER after THAT, he is crazy!

Posted by: trev006

I don't think he had a choice after his paid guys allegedly raped her repeatedly.

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (/Fmtj)

399 I've never heard of a Chipwich, but the Eskimo Pie part of his fortune I can understand.

Posted by: Ever at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (ZZDMQ)

400 Biden On His Gaffes: 'Details Are Irrelevant In Terms Of Decision Making'

-
Yeah, cancer or crabgrass, what's the difference?

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (+y/Ru)

401 I didn't realize it was that many. I figured the original 2 then maybe 3 or 4 after that.

You notice none of them ever went back? Must suck up there.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (KZzsI)

402 My nephew has bailed from Bluffton, SC. Headed for the mountains.


Has it begun? Should I grab my SHTF bag?
Posted by:
Grump928(C)
Native Texan and Alabama Alumn
Twice as Smug as You
at September 03, 2019 02:58 PM (QF1yA)


CW2?

Posted by: wut at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (MAstk)

403 359 -- Olive Oil and Kale ice cream
-- Goat Cheese Chai ice cream

... to name just a few.
Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 02:53 PM (Q3dyo)

That... may be the most horrifying thing you have ever posted- and that is a high bar to clear.
Posted by: Aetius451AD


I envy people is the rest of the USA where you can get normal ice cream. Around here it's nearly impossible. Every business has to out-hipster the competitors, and the end result is an arms race to Hipster Hell.

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 03:00 PM (Q3dyo)

404 It was hot in my office the day I met her, hot as an island in the south Pacific on a calm day. But there was nothing calm about her; she had a body like a goddess and a mind like a ficus. I lit her cigarette before she spoke and her voice came out like ice cream with a cherry on top.

"Are you a private dick?" she asked.

I threw the match in the ashtray. "Private, public, whatever kinda dick you want, sweetheart."

She smiled and I knew it was going to be a chipwich of a job.

Posted by: Nick joncelli, PI at September 03, 2019 03:00 PM (RD7QR)

405 Wut.

Posted by: Allie at September 03, 2019 03:00 PM (sm6Pk)

406 397 This would have never happened had he hired Frank Cannon.
Posted by: Puddin Head at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (2LelM)


In that case she would have been crushed into something approximating a Chipwich.

Posted by: moon_over_vermont at September 03, 2019 03:01 PM (kUmUV)

407 Kum and Go
Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (bDqIh)

--------

The "Shoot n' Skoot" is my mom's name for it.

My brother calls it "The Hurried Lover."

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at September 03, 2019 03:01 PM (AzW6q)

408 If a presidential candidate, whether R or D proposed a serious wealth tax on people like the Waltons, while cutting my taxes in exchange, I'd vote for them.

That's what a flat tax would do. Or a national sales tax replacing the income tax. They're naturally progressive, the first by eliminating deductions etc and the second by taxing based on what you spend, and rich people spend a lot of money.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 03:01 PM (KZzsI)

409 Wait -- seriously?

So a "chipwich" is just a copy of an "It's-It"?

How can they copyright an idea that they ripped off from someone else?

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (Q3dyo)

Can't copyright recipes I believe.

Posted by: Someguy at September 03, 2019 03:01 PM (4i8PS)

410 400 Biden On His Gaffes: 'Details Are Irrelevant In Terms Of Decision Making'

-
Yeah, cancer or crabgrass, what's the difference?
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (+y/Ru)


Nukes or Nikes. North Korea is smuggling one of them Joe. What do we do?

Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 03:01 PM (lvwZ3)

411 .....this Chipwich guy has an obvious thing for cellulite attached to nine million dollars of powerful cheek muscles.

Posted by: Voter theater. at September 03, 2019 03:01 PM (50+hg)

412 They do know that ice cream is not supposed to taste like a$$, right?
Posted by: Lizzy


Of course they know that. It's supposed to taste like vomit, not ass.

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 03:01 PM (Q3dyo)

413
Has it begun? Should I grab my SHTF bag?
Posted by:
Grump928
-------

Easy, easy...it's the storm, not the burning times, yet.

Posted by: Your's Truly, Johnny Dollar at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (hnyqs)

414 Cannon could be paid in product, tho.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (AzW6q)

415 Alright, and now I supposed y'all gonna tell me there's a chain of Rub-n-Spurts too.


Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (O8WFE)

416 Would have been14 but Apollo 13 had a little problem....

Posted by: steevy at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (l9mVC)

417 Oops /Insurance investigator sock

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (hnyqs)

418 And I'm afraid to ask what's in "cricket" ice cream. Something tells me it's not as delectable as Connie Stevens in Hawaiian Eye.
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius


Crickets. That's what's in cricket ice cream. Little hopping grasshopper-like insects. Crickets.

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (Q3dyo)

419 the end result is an arms race to Hipster Hell.
Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 03:00 PM (Q3dyo)

Almond-free iced almond milk.

Posted by: Warai-otoko at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (AURKQ)

420 412
They do know that ice cream is not supposed to taste like a$$, right?

Posted by: Lizzy


Wait wut? Don't knock it till you try it.

Posted by: Steve Kroft at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (ymnmz)

421 Walmart ammo prices are good. So I guess I gotta buy what is on the shelf now.
..

Where you going to shop?
Posted by: Walmart Amazon Dick's Sporting, Target


Dallas Market Hall Gun Show, Academy, Cabela's/Bass Pro Shops, SGAmmo, Palmetto State Armory.

Posted by: rickb223 at September 03, 2019 03:02 PM (Jcvz2)

422 Like everyone online, everyone here is married to a swimsuit model right?

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 03:03 PM (FiUMj)

423 Has it begun? Should I grab my SHTF bag?
Posted by:
Grump928
-------

I do believe it is now time to initiate invasive sexual relations

Posted by: Roy at September 03, 2019 03:03 PM (0yxK0)

424 Welp, I'm headed down to the Hump-n-Moan for some brewskis. brb...

Posted by: Guy Smiley at September 03, 2019 03:03 PM (O8WFE)

425 Are you sure it isn't a cricket like substitute? Such as high cricatose corn syrup?

Posted by: Someguy at September 03, 2019 03:03 PM (4i8PS)

426
Can't copyright recipes I believe.
Posted by: Someguy
--------

Design Patent?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 03:03 PM (hnyqs)

427 422 Like everyone online, everyone here is married to a swimsuit model right?
Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 03:03 PM (FiUMj


I divorced mine.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 03:03 PM (lvwZ3)

428 I don't think he had a choice after his paid guys allegedly raped her repeatedly.

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 03, 2019 02:59 PM (/Fmtj)

I shouldn't have to admit this is a good point.

Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 03:04 PM (69Ie7)

429 Dallas Market Hall Gun Show, Academy, Cabela's/Bass Pro Shops, SGAmmo, Palmetto State Armory.

"Give us time"
--Lefty activists

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 03:04 PM (KZzsI)

430 are they....


free range crickets?

Posted by: Warai-otoko at September 03, 2019 03:04 PM (AURKQ)

431 Kum and Go
Posted by: Lizzy at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (bDqIh)

--------

The "Shoot n' Skoot" is my mom's name for it.

My brother calls it "The Hurried Lover."
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice


The Koala Bear - Eats Shoots and Leaves

Posted by: rickb223 at September 03, 2019 03:05 PM (Jcvz2)

432 362 My nephew has bailed from Bluffton, SC. Headed for the mountains.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (hnyqs)

Did he leave a note saying why?

Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 03:05 PM (69Ie7)

433 I'm sure this was a porn script

Posted by: Jean at September 03, 2019 03:05 PM (B7KlG)

434 429 Dallas Market Hall Gun Show, Academy, Cabela's/Bass Pro Shops, SGAmmo, Palmetto State Armory.

"Give us time"
--Lefty activists
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 03:04 PM (KZzsI)

___

Already ahead of your guys....
- Financial institutions

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 03:05 PM (FiUMj)

435 Susan Golddigger Smith and Ricardio Custodio; there's something funny going on here.

Posted by: No Name Smith at September 03, 2019 03:04 PM (+gUIl)

Posted by: No Name Smith at September 03, 2019 03:06 PM (+gUIl)

436 are they....

free range crickets?


Free trade, organic, lactose-free, gluten-free, low fat crickets?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 03:06 PM (KZzsI)

437 My nephew has bailed from Bluffton, SC. Headed for the mountains.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (hnyqs)

Did he leave a note saying why?
Posted by: trev006 at September 03, 2019 03:05 PM (69Ie7)

Or his address??

Posted by: Burglars at September 03, 2019 03:06 PM (MAstk)

438 433 I'm sure this was a porn script
Posted by: Jean at September 03, 2019 03:05 PM (B7KlG)

Best explanation yet.

Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 03:06 PM (9hauA)

439 Hit it and quit it

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 03:06 PM (BoJzR)

440 Alright, and now I supposed y'all gonna tell me there's a chain of Rub-n-Spurts too. "

Starbucks. Didn't you see Idiocracy?

And yes, there are jalapeno margaritas. And they're very, very good.

Posted by: Anon a mouse at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (6qErC)

441 My nephew has bailed from Bluffton, SC. Headed for the mountains.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 02:55 PM (hnyqs)

Did he leave a note saying why?
Posted by: trev006
--------

Storm is an excuse for cadging room and board at sister and BIL's place for a couple of days.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (hnyqs)

442 Zombie.

First, eeewwww!!!

Second, no wonder SF has a poop on the sidewalk problem.

Posted by: Anna Puma at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (C6jEi)

443 Already ahead of your guys....
- Financial institutions

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 03:05 PM (FiUMj)


Big Bank can go copulate itself.
There are plenty of state banks and credit unions that would love the business.

Posted by: No Name Smith at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (+gUIl)

444 P.S.S.


Walmart is madz about the rising cost of all the Chicom shit they sell in their stores eating into their bottom line.


Walmart, like the Koch suckers, hate Trump because he's trying to save American jobs at the cost of their profits.


Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (lvwZ3)

445 But whatever happened to the ring? I got it from a Cracker Back Jocks.

Posted by: Broseidon - New Work Computer, Same Work Ethic at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (oZ6kz)

446 Alright, and now I supposed y'all gonna tell me there's a chain of Rub-n-Spurts too.

"You'll love our name in the Idiocracy future"
--Fuddruckers

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (KZzsI)

447 438 433 I'm sure this was a porn script
Posted by: Jean at September 03, 2019 03:05 PM (B7KlG)

Best explanation yet.
Posted by: chique d'afrique at September 03, 2019 03:06 PM (9hauA)

Sounded familiar. Decades old though, back in the vintage age when they tried to use a script.

Posted by: Roy at September 03, 2019 03:08 PM (0yxK0)

448
Already ahead of your guys....
- Financial institutions
Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview


Hurtling toward the cashless society.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at September 03, 2019 03:08 PM (aKsyK)

449 Nude Ammo

Posted by:
Grump928(C)
Native Texan and Alabama Alumn
Twice as Smug as You
at September 03, 2019 03:09 PM (QF1yA)

450 Virtually everything moves left.

Fox, Drudge, Corporations...

Talk radio is the last holdout.

Posted by: wut at September 03, 2019 03:09 PM (MAstk)

451 I think all of Sam Walton's heirs are or were progressive.

Posted by: Pig to man dreaming of lions at September 03, 2019 03:09 PM (BoJzR)

452 There were PIs that hire hot chicks to flirt with guys in bars to film them for their clients + their wives who were planning a golden parachute

Posted by: Jean at September 03, 2019 03:09 PM (B7KlG)

453 Hiya Chique !

How's Minnie Soda ?

Posted by: JT at September 03, 2019 03:10 PM (arJlL)

454 Walmart, like the Koch suckers, hate Trump because he's trying to save American jobs at the cost of their profits.


Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (lvwZ3)

____

bbbbut corporations are job creators and we must do whatever they say. And WM's CEO must pay no taxes. Anything else would be communism.

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at September 03, 2019 03:10 PM (FiUMj)

455 Virtually everything moves left.

O'Sullivan's law.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 03:10 PM (KZzsI)

456 175 Maybe Mr. Chipwich should have hired me.
Posted by: Honey West at September 03, 2019 02:30 PM (ClOmq)

The ocelot on a leash would be a dead giveaway.

Posted by: Fox2! at September 03, 2019 03:10 PM (MwFQu)

457 After researching the history, it's pretty much almost certain that Chipwich was indeed a direct copycat imitation of an It's-It.

It's-Its were invented in the early 1930s in SF, but were only sold at one shop (at an amusement park) until the brand was sold to new owners in 1974, who began mass-production and mass-marketing them. It's-Its became a very popular fad in the SF Bay Area starting around 1975.

Then, "coincidentally," three years later, a New Yorker, after a visit to San Francisco in 1978, "invented" the same idea, and renamed it "Chipwich."

Uh huh. Real original idea you got there, guy.

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 03:11 PM (Q3dyo)

458 426
Can't copyright recipes I believe.
Posted by: Someguy
--------

Design Patent?
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 03, 2019 03:03 PM (hnyqs)

Business process. With a computer.

Posted by: Fox2! at September 03, 2019 03:13 PM (MwFQu)

459 Chipwich and Eskimo Pies have been on ice cream trucks for decades.

I recall seeing Eskimo Pies in supermarkets for just as long, but only seeing the Chipwhich in the last decade or so.

The marketing choice seems odd to me IIRC Chipwich was also in corporate cafeteria areas again I am at a lose to explain why they where not selling both in supermarkets.

Posted by: Nearsighted Cyclops at September 03, 2019 03:14 PM (xV6Pj)

460 Never heard of Its-It either. But Ice Cream sammiches have been made since 1899, the earliest reference being a pushcart peddler in New York. The sandwiches were made of vanilla ice cream between two graham wafers. The first known one with chocolate cookies instead was a vendor in Forbes Field in 1945.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at September 03, 2019 03:15 PM (KZzsI)

461 430 are they....


free range crickets?
Posted by: Warai-otoko


You jest, but that actually became an issue for one maker. People accused him of raising crickets just to slaughter them, having lived their entire lies in "prisons" (i.e. terrariums.).

He vowed to increase the living space for the crickets, so that they would be able to experience a close simulation of being out in the wold, and thus as close to "free range" as possible.

You think I'm joking, but I'm not.

Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 03:15 PM (Q3dyo)

462 >>>Walmart, like the Koch suckers, hate Trump because he's trying to save American jobs at the cost of their profits.


Posted by: AlaBAMA at September 03, 2019 03:07 PM (lvwZ3)


Before the old man died, there were banners proclaiming "we sell made in America".

Posted by: No Name Smith at September 03, 2019 03:16 PM (+gUIl)

463 And I'm afraid to ask what's in "cricket" ice cream. Something tells me it's not as delectable as Connie Stevens in Hawaiian Eye.
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius

Is she asking that tire spinning car jock if she can borrow his comb?

Posted by: Fox2! at September 03, 2019 03:16 PM (MwFQu)

464 Ice Cream Sandwich
and
Eskimo Pie

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Posted by: No Name Smith at September 03, 2019 03:17 PM (+gUIl)

465 How can they copyright an idea that they ripped off from someone else?
Posted by: zombie at September 03, 2019 02:57 PM (Q3dyo)

Edison kept trying to patent everything somebody else tried to parent, including telephones and automobiles.

Court finally ordered him and the defendant in a car case to actually build a car using their patents, And only their patents.

Edison's car was ... less than functional.

Posted by: Fox2! at September 03, 2019 03:25 PM (MwFQu)

466 http://bit.ly/2LnrvkJ
*******
Lindsey Graham Urges AG Barr To Declassify 9 Categories Of Information From FISA Abuse Probe | The Daily Caller

Posted by: Deep State is in Deep Shit at September 03, 2019 03:29 PM (BqBId)

467 The Chipwich dynasty is having internal squabbles? Dang, the Jolt Cola dynasty is bound to be next.

Posted by: Weenus McPantsface at September 03, 2019 04:02 PM (fgFUV)

468 I have a feeling this is a false rape accusation.

Posted by: dude1394 at September 03, 2019 05:51 PM (3exmE)

469 BRAIN FREEZE a la mode all around.Can I chip in something frozen stiff?

Posted by: saf at September 03, 2019 05:55 PM (5IHGB)

470 Shame is part of the kink.

Posted by: Obviously at September 03, 2019 07:42 PM (ZuGkg)

471 She seems fun.

Posted by: Bob at September 03, 2019 10:36 PM (fVGlW)

472 I want nothing more in this world than to be known as the "Heir to the Chipwich fortune" (obviously not the creepy guy though)

Posted by: Rbastid at September 04, 2019 09:57 PM (c3jbK)

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