Scandalous: Head of the INS Declares that the INS Serves The American People, Not the Would-Be Immigrants Whose Applications They Process

Lawrence Eagleburger used to test new foreign service workers by asking them "Which country do you represent?" They'd typically answer by telling him the foreign country they were assigned to.

"No," he'd say. "You represent America."

The INS chief said something similar, something pretty obvious, and of course the media and the Democrats and the NeverTrump rump (but I repeat myself thrice) is going to freak out.

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) Director L. Francis Cissna on Wednesday defended striking "nation of immigrants" from his agency's mission statement, arguing that his agency ultimately serves the American people.
"Who does the agency serve?" Cissna asked at an event in Washington, D.C., according to a report by the Washington Examiner. "I think there been a misunderstanding of that over the years... People kind of naturally fall into the belief that the individuals that we serve are the people that we interact with every day when we take applications or petitions."

"I don't think that we serve them. We serve the people," Cissna continued. "We serve the American people who have conferred upon the agency a special mission through the Congress to administer these immigration laws."

Via Dave Reaboi, who is shocked that this is now considered shocking.

Posted by: Ace of Spades at 12:27 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 First.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at August 16, 2018 12:29 PM (/qEW2)

2 meanwhile, trump's near 50% so I'd say that the leftwing freakout machine is ... useless.

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:30 PM (GoLZO)

3 rd?

Posted by: Surfperch at August 16, 2018 12:30 PM (AcZtS)

4 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

5 Umm, yeah.

This is a part newscycle freakout at best.

Posted by: blaster at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (Z5y53)

6 Have the tolerant and loving leftists issues death threats to Mr. Cissna Yet?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (AllCR)

7 I could get used to this kind of candor.

Posted by: garrett at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (aCN2J)

8 There has not been an INS for years.

It's USCIS.

Posted by: Biscuits Mahoney at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (IYTel)

9 Phil Keagy is the greatest guitarist ever.

There I said it!!!

Posted by: Kreplach at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (mv+Oj)

10 I've never had an Eagleburger. I assume it tastes... gamey.

Posted by: Warai-otoko at August 16, 2018 12:32 PM (BRvh1)

11 TO THE KEYBOARDS!

-Cap'n Billy and His Band of Ne'erTrumpers

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:32 PM (4ErVI)

12 >>Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

If she needs an additional internist, The Paolo, he can 'Scrub In'.

Posted by: Paolo at August 16, 2018 12:32 PM (aCN2J)

13 American citizenship is not charity. Indeed, if it's charity you want, then you're more efficient with foreign aid to shit hole countries...not letting a few hundred thousand come here to subsist on welfare and crap jobs while we absorb the cost of caring for them and surviving their crimes.

I read the Steve Bannon interview, the point of nationalism is to maximize the value of citizenship. Cool, that makes more sense than giving it away so I can pay 60% tax to suport the lefts' hail mary pass at importing voters.

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:32 PM (GoLZO)

14 10. It's like a cross between manatee and California condor.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 12:32 PM (fA1SL)

15 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here?
PATIENT: An ambulance! What do you think?!

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:32 PM (bUjCl)

16 Laws? Are we actually supposed to obey them if we don't like them?

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (8ikIW)

17 I once had a lefty coworker who tried to explain to me how everyone had a right to be in America.

I asked him how much of his 401K they were entitled to, since the principle is the same.

Walked away and never spoke to me again.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (7ZVPa)

18 Croc filled moats.

Posted by: Under Fire at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (r9UYA)

19 What?

Posted by: Sponge at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (Zz0t1)

20 Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

What do you call a mushroom who offers to buy you a drink at the bar?

A fungi to be with.

(Sorry; I'm not good with jokes)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (AllCR)

21 >>There I said it!!!

But you spelled it wrong.

Posted by: garrett at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (aCN2J)

22 meanwhile, trump's near 50% so I'd say that the leftwing freakout machine is ... useless.

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast

Media's not talking to us. It's talking inside the bubble.

I have this sinking feeling the clock's ticking.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, still kicking at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (AM1GF)

23 It's USCIS."

Yep, it's useless.

Wait, what?

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:34 PM (6qErC)

24 Walked away and never spoke to me again.
Posted by: Vashta Nerada at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (7ZVPa)

I believe this is what known by professionals as a "Victory Condition".

Posted by: Warai-otoko at August 16, 2018 12:34 PM (BRvh1)

25 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

Posted by: Laughing in Texas

--

Tell her to ask the doctor if she will be able to play the piano after the surgery.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at August 16, 2018 12:34 PM (7ZVPa)

26 That must make the Dems really mad. They *hate* the American people!

Posted by: Chris M at August 16, 2018 12:34 PM (eAZVt)

27 Watch me suck this dildo nude on top of this cake.

Posted by: Mad Maxine of the StinkWig at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (O9JR8)

28 >>Croc filled moats.

Rubber shoes don't seem all that intimidating.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (/tuJf)

29 Sign of desperation: they have to pretend that this Evillll change is proof that all immigrants are hated all the time.

Posted by: record player sitting busted because he tried making it run backwards at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (Fa3cJ)

30 I have this sinking feeling the clock's ticking.

---

?

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (GoLZO)

31 Ma Gov Bill Weld asked the state EPA who they served to make a similar point

Posted by: Regular joe at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (cZlKA)

32 Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

Why don't Haitians take showers?

Because they wash up on shore!

Posted by: Bitter Clinger at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (w6Kq8)

33 Croc filled moats."

They'd die of embarrassment?

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (6qErC)

34 Should have changed the motto to "a nation without borders is not a nation" just to see the MSM meltdown.

Posted by: Ripley at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (MxEKc)

35 Watch me suck this dildo nude on top of this cake.

Posted by: Mad Maxine of the StinkWig at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (O9JR

=======

I just pulled it out of my ass!

Posted by: Chuck Schumer at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (vg8iE)

36 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

"My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I'd start lying to my wife."

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:35 PM (bUjCl)

37 ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here?

PATIENT: An ambulance! What do you think?!

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:32 PM (bUjCl)

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?

Patient: I thought you were a Doctor?

Posted by: BignJames at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (0+nbW)

38 MinRec: Cissna thoughtcrime unperson replace Occasional-Cortex.

Posted by: Zod at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (Bdeb0)

39 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

Show her a picture of Barock Owebama.

Posted by: Sponge at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (Zz0t1)

40 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

Here's a good one:

"American couple believing 'Evil is a make-believe concept' bike through ISIS territory. ISIS stabs them to death."
https://www.weaselzippers.us

Ho ho ho, ha ha ha, hee hee hee.

Posted by: Anonymous White Male at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (9BLnV)

41 >> Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

If she likes her Doctor, she can keep her Doctor.

Posted by: Barack Obama at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (aCN2J)

42 Trump! and Hillary run for President of the United States.

Trump! wins!!!

I'm still laughing

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (8ikIW)

43 What did the Buddhist tell the hot dog vendor?:

Make me one with everything.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (AllCR)

44 I like that nuance. Subtle but powerful.

We are a nation not of immigrants, but of citizens.

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (m45I2)

45 also:

1. america was never great

but

2. immigrants make america great

so...

you can see where the cultural marxists are lurching to now. I dare any one of you to ask your libs whether "immigrants" include european immigrants.

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (GoLZO)

46 The Trump Effect. It is like a dreamer suddenly being awakened and trying to configure his dream to reality. Trump is shoving that reality right to the forefront.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Deplatformed? Media Platforms of Genuine Balderdash Available at The Outrage Outlet at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (hLRSq)

47 "Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here?
PATIENT: An ambulance! What do you think?!"

Posted by: Amy Schumer at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (OD2ni)

48 She laughed at 20.

Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (pX4p0)

49
TO THE KEYBOARDS!

Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (IqV8l)

50
More:

"When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance."

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (bUjCl)

51 Christopher Lee as the wizard dude:

"Whom do you serve?"

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:37 PM (6qErC)

52 >>41
>> Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

A seal walked into a club.

Posted by: Zod at August 16, 2018 12:37 PM (Bdeb0)

53 Someone give this dude a cookie.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at August 16, 2018 12:37 PM (KUaJL)

54 44 I like that nuance. Subtle but powerful.

We are a nation not of immigrants, but of citizens.
----------------
even simpler than that....we're a nation of the people who were already here. not the last 20 years of open borders nuttery and citizenship giveaways.

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:37 PM (GoLZO)

55

Prediction: Mueller will subpoena omarosa

Posted by: Soothi at August 16, 2018 12:37 PM (FmjGl)

56 She laughed at 20."

How old is she now?

Oh, ... 20. Got it.

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:38 PM (6qErC)

57
...
more :

A woman says to the dentist "I don't know which is worse having a tooth pulled or having a Baby." The dentist says "Well make up your mind I gotta adjust the chair!"

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:38 PM (bUjCl)

58 54. '....to ourselves and OUR posterity....'

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 12:38 PM (fA1SL)

59

Director L. Francis Cissna on Wednesday defended striking "nation of immigrants" from his agency's mission statement, arguing that his agency ultimately serves the American people.

The Cissna 172 is like the Model T of private airplanes

Posted by: Flawless Male Logic at August 16, 2018 12:38 PM (10vO4)

60 Mueller will subpoena omarosa

I thought he preferred the Rusty Trombone

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 12:38 PM (8ikIW)

61 ...wants a joke.

********

Woman walks into surgeon's office, removes hat, revealing a frog on top of her head.

Surgeon say, "Hmmm, how can I help you?"

Frog says, "I've got this ugly wart on my butt..."

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:38 PM (m45I2)

62 Prediction: Mueller will subpoena omarosa

She said she contacted him.....

Posted by: It's me donna at August 16, 2018 12:38 PM (O2RFr)

63 But who does No. 2 serve?

Posted by: Furious George at August 16, 2018 12:38 PM (9vQJW)

64 Things were just heating up down below over who is the greatest guitarist and whether the Beatles are over rated. I always enjoy those discussions. Perhaps those subjects can be taken up at a later date?

Posted by: Tuna at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (jm1YL)

65 From the Muppet Show:

Nurse: "Dr. Bob! The patient is sinking!"

Dr. Bob: "I vunder vot he is sinking about!"

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llamabutcher at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (48M9E)

66 "Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)"

Hillary still turns me on.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (OD2ni)

67 "43
What did the Buddhist tell the hot dog vendor?: Make me one with everything."
OK, that was a good one.

Posted by: Chris M at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (eAZVt)

68 '....to ourselves and OUR posterity....'

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (GoLZO)

69 This INS guy will be the head of his class----The Ocasio-Cortez RE-EDUCATION Camp Class.

Posted by: Smashing the Golden Calf at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (WPxnj)

70 People are surprised that the same idiots screaming "No prisons, no borders, no USA!" don't want the U.S. government serving the interests of Americans, but instead want them serving the interests of foreigners?

Somebody isn't paying attention . . . .

Posted by: TrivialPursuer at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (fqUgw)

71 I always enjoy those discussions. "

Hmmm.

Perhaps we've identified the problem...

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (6qErC)

72 4 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

Daikatana.

Posted by: Hikaru at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (UnA8+)

73 "Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)"

I've got a ton, but she's probably already heard them.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (KUaJL)

74 subpoena omarosa

********

There just MAY be an ICD-10 code for that.

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:40 PM (m45I2)

75 Welcome to America. Get in line and shut the fuck up.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 16, 2018 12:40 PM (9+/5k)

76 You gotta server somebody

Posted by: JackStraw at August 16, 2018 12:40 PM (/tuJf)

77 Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (8ikIW)

78 I don't see the problem.

Posted by: Bosk at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (fjMEv)

79 Bureaucracies get captured by the clients that define them and give them a reason for being. Ask any bureaucrats who they serve and they'll say "our clients" by which they mean "the people who waltz in our offices and justify our existence". The idea that the bureaucracy exists to serve the people--and is subject to the will of the people through their representatives--just isn't on their radar.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (RD7QR)

80

Patient: Doctor, it hurts when I do this.

Doctor: Don't do that!

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (IqV8l)

81 @21

Pendent!

Posted by: Kreplach at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (mv+Oj)

82 subpoena omarosa

Let me see, we have

subpenile roseola

subphrenic rosacea

suprapubic marsupialization

Nope. There's no code for that.

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (m45I2)

83 "Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)"

I've got some dirty Helen Keller jokes.

Posted by: Benji Carver at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (OD2ni)

84 She laughed at 20.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (pX4p0)

If he's bad at jokes and she laughed, she must be as well.

Posted by: Sponge at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (Zz0t1)

85 >>76
You gotta server somebody Posted by: JackStraw at August 16, 2018 12:40 PM (/tuJf)

You gotta sever somebody.

Posted by: Zod at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (Bdeb0)

86 I've got a ton"

Ahem.

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:41 PM (6qErC)

87 >>>Lawrence Eagleburger

The poor man's Terrance Falconsausage

Posted by: wooga at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (S+sVl)

88 74 subpoena omarosa

********

There just MAY be an ICD-10 code for that.
Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:40 PM (m45I2)

Sounds like taxonomy for some terrible creature.

Posted by: Insomniac at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (NWiLs)

89 "Daikatana.

Posted by: Hikaru at August 16, 2018 12:39 PM (UnA8+) "

Not cool, man.

Posted by: John Romero at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (oZ6kz)

90 Ocasio, is that an Irish wristwatch? Bet it's a piece of shit.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (KP5rU)

91 It's little things like this that really drive home how *different* a Trump presidency is from Hillary's. Not just the big things like whomping ISIS and bringing home US soldiers' remains from NK, but returning various federal agencies to their original mission.

To all the DC swampers who said Hillary would be better, suck it!

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (W+vEI)

92 I'm keeping my jokes on topic!

Why does Mexico never medal in the Summer Olympics?

Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is an American now!

Posted by: Bitter Clinger at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (w6Kq8)

93 We aren't a nation of immigrants, we're a nation of citizens. Some of them are recent arrivals, some come from families who have been here for centuries.

Posted by: josephistan at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (7HtZB)

94 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (IqV8l)

Keith Emerson.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (4ErVI)

95 Does this mean they will quit letting in 100K migrants from the ME now?

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (mpXpK)

96 Patient: Doctor, it hurts when I do this. "

Why does it hurt when I pee?

/Zappa

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:43 PM (6qErC)

97 I see that the Turks are smashing their iPhones? LOL, well that'll sure teach us! What a bunch of losers.

Posted by: Chris M at August 16, 2018 12:43 PM (eAZVt)

98 More jokes :

"A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill.""

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:43 PM (bUjCl)

99 83 "Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)"

I've got some dirty Helen Keller jokes.
Posted by: Benji Carver
____________

Why was Helen Keller such a crappy driver?

It's because she was a woman.

Posted by: Furious George at August 16, 2018 12:43 PM (9vQJW)

100 Do you want fries with your Eagleburger?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:43 PM (IqV8l)

101 Maybe Mueller can charge Trump with collusion with Co Co-Cola. He had two close a relationship with Diet Cokes.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 12:43 PM (AllCR)

102 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM

Golfers should always wear two pairs of pants, in case they get a hole in one.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at August 16, 2018 12:43 PM (ctuyM)

103 This is a joke I heard an anesthesiologist telling some nurses while I was waiting for cataract surgery:

A skeleton walks into a bar. Asks for a beer and a mop.

I giggled but of course I had just gotten a shot of happy juice in my IV.

Posted by: Tuna at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (jm1YL)

104 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (IqV8l)

Keith Emerson.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (4ErVI)

Liberace.

Posted by: BignJames at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (0+nbW)

105 What type of wood doesn't float?

Natalie.....

Posted by: Sponge at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (Zz0t1)

106 Ocasio, is that an Irish wristwatch? Bet it's a piece of shit.
Posted by: chavez the hugo

It's always 5 o'clock

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (8ikIW)

107 73 "Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)"
________________

What happens when a politician takes Viagra?

He gets taller.

Posted by: TrivialPursuer at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (fqUgw)

108 Bitter Clinger, you just described the "French" team at the World Cup.

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (Cqc07)

109 Hillary Clinton's campaign manager Robbie Mook warned Democrats NOT to campaign with the Democrat Party Deputy Chairman Keith Ellison.

gatewaypundit.com

Posted by: Under Fire at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (r9UYA)

110 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway? "

Gene Amdahl on the IBM 360.

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (6qErC)

111 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas

Hillary will be arrested for her crimes.

(Seriously, prayers up for your wife)

Posted by: rickb223 at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (YE6fT)

112 Doctor says, "You're fat."

Patient says, "I want a second opinion!"

Doctor says, "OK--you're ugly."

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (HiLJ1)

113 Citizenship is our greatest honor this Republic can bestow. The Brits give away knighthoods, we make people honorary citizens.

Posted by: josephistan at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (7HtZB)

114 I'm sorry but "a nation of immigrants" isn't written on a statute anywhere so it is a phrase that has no legal standing. Put it on a statue, and then we'll talk.

Posted by: andycanuck at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (Evws/)

115 108. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEIR TEAM WAS REALLY NOTHING MORE THAN A BUNCHA FOREIGNERS WITH FRENCH PASSPORTS.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (fA1SL)

116 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (IqV8l)
+++++++++++
Geddy Lee.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (I2dne)

117 Hillary Clinton's campaign manager Robbie Mook warned Democrats NOT to campaign with the Democrat Party Deputy Chairman Keith Ellison.

That is someone every democrat should turn to for campaign advice.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (dNzKv)

118 subpoena omarosa

--

Wasn't that by the Beach Boys?

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (7ZVPa)

119 >>Put it on a statue, and then we'll talk

Not if it's more than 10 miles away we won't.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (/tuJf)

120 Media's not talking to us. It's talking inside the bubble.

I have this sinking feeling the clock's ticking."

Sinking feeling? That should be a glorious feeling!

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for them!

Case in point - just look at how useless and ineffective this coordinated set of screeds in 300 papers will turn out to be. Who reads editorial pages anymore? Political partisans over the age of 40, that's who. No one else even looks at them. They talk a big game, and we here are the kind of people who pay attention to media, so we think they're a big deal.

They're not. No one is listening except those who have already made up their minds, so it's just preaching to the choir. If you believe the MSM at this stage of the game, then you're a leftist. If you don't, then you're not listening to anything they say and nothing they say matters.

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (k1TUh)

121 17 I once had a lefty coworker who tried to explain to me how everyone had a right to be in America.

I asked him how much of his 401K they were entitled to, since the principle is the same.

Walked away and never spoke to me again.
Posted by: Vashta Nerada at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (7ZVPa)

In the last decade, even before The Donald, I have had more than a few people come and go in my life who I thought would be lifelong friends, only to watch them go batshit Left and start denouncing me as a (blank)ist and (blank)ophobe, etc., ad nauseam.

Never mind that in our formative years, I always defended them from any bully or any conflict with hostile authority figures, and in the cases of a few of them, accepted their "coming out", even when it completely surprised me.

Something has truly gone wrong with people. :-(

Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (ujg0T)

122 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM
++++++++
A waiter in a Jewish deli walks up to a table full of patrons partway through their meal. He asks, "is anything okay?"

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (I2dne)

123 1. We are a nation not of immigrants, but of citizens.
----------------

even simpler than that....

2. we're a nation of the people who were already here. not the last 20 years of open borders nuttery and citizenship giveaways.

*********

Compare and contrast. 10 words vs. 22

I'm curious about your definition of the word 'simpler'.

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (m45I2)

124 brain surgeon slips and vacuums up a small part of patient's brain. "oops," says doc "there go the music lessons".

Posted by: adobe juan kenobe at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (j27uq)

125 >>>Head of the INS Declares that the INS Serves The American People, Not the Would-Be Immigrants Whose Applications They Process

Um...Err... That's not who we are!

Posted by: Barack Oblahblah at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (/qEW2)

126 Nobody has a long spirited discussions about who played the best tambourine.

Sad.

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (fiGNd)

127 116 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Schroeder

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (dNzKv)

128 subpoena omarosa

--

Wasn't that by the Beach Boys?
Posted by: Vashta Nerada

Nah, that's the days special utilizing all of the parts of the losing bull in the ring

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (8ikIW)

129 I tell ya, my wife doesn't like me.

She put crazy glue in my Preparation H

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (T71PA)

130 74 subpoena omarosa

********

There just MAY be an ICD-10 code for that.
Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:40 PM (m45I2)

Is that the one that makes it hurt when you pee?

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (RD7QR)

131 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (IqV8l)

Beethoven.

Posted by: Sponge at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (Zz0t1)

132 subpoena omarosa

--

Wasn't that by the Beach Boys?"

King Crimson.

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (6qErC)

133 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM
--------
Henny Youngman joke:

Henny: "Doc, it hurts when I raise my arm like this."

Doc: "Don't raise your arm like that".

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (xSo9G)

134 120: Exactly.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (KP5rU)

135 104 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (IqV8l)

Keith Emerson.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:42 PM (4ErVI)

Liberace.
-------------
Brubeck.

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (2LelM)

136 Nobody has a long spirited discussions about who played the best tambourine. "

Was it green?

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (6qErC)

137 "Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?"

Rick Wakeman.

Posted by: Bosk at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (fjMEv)

138 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:31 PM (pX4p0)

-------

Give me a minute, and I'll steal one.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (AzW6q)

139 Monica Lewinsky goes into the dry cleaners with a soiled dress. The dry cleaner is old and can't hear well, so when she asks him when she can pick up her dress, he says: "Come again?" She responds: "No, this time it's mustard."

Posted by: TrivialPursuer at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (fqUgw)

140 A three-legged dog walks in to a saloon, stands in the doorway, and shouts: "I'm looking for the man who shot my Pa"

Posted by: Warai-otoko at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (BRvh1)

141 Compare and contrast. 10 words vs. 22

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:46 PM (m45I2)

Country's full. See Moose out front.

Six words.

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (fiGNd)

142 IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEIR TEAM WAS REALLY NOTHING MORE THAN A BUNCHA FOREIGNERS WITH FRENCH PASSPORTS.
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (fA1SL)

Our team's like that too.

Posted by: Morocco at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (AcZtS)

143 >>Wasn't that by the Beach Boys?"

>>King Crimson.

The Knack.

mmm mmm my omarosa!

Posted by: JackStraw at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (/tuJf)

144 "American couple believing 'Evil is a make-believe concept' bike through ISIS territory. ISIS stabs them to death."

https://www.weaselzippers.us

Ho ho ho, ha ha ha, hee hee hee.
Thomas Wictor's reply to that stupidity in an "unrolled" state.

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/
1030011122059898880.html

Posted by: andycanuck at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (Evws/)

145 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God doesn't think he's a surgeon.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (9qZ3S)

146 Henny Youngman joke:

Henny: "Doc, it hurts when I raise my arm like this."

Doc: "Don't raise your arm like that".
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at August 16, 2018 12:47 PM (xSo9G)
+++++++++
The great Henny Youngman. One of my favorites:
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (I2dne)

147

Keith Emerson.

This is true. Got to see ELP live twice, both times were great concerts. First time was the BSS tour, first time I ever saw or heard a discrete 4-channel sound system. Awesome is where the description begins and goes way up from there.

It was KE's goal to form the world's best 3-piece band. He succeeded beyond his wildest dreams, IMHO.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (HaL55)

148 ''Nobody has a long spirited discussions about who played the best tambourine. "

Was it green?''

'Listen while I play...my green tambourine.''

Good to know there are others here as old as I am.

Posted by: Tuna at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (jm1YL)

149 Herbie Hancock.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (dNzKv)

150
Patient: Everytime I drink coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye

Doctor: Try taking the spoon out of the cup first.

Posted by: Flawless Male Logic at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (10vO4)

151 Doctor: What seems to be the problem?

Patient: I thought you were a Doctor?

-
A doctor friend of mine began his career in a rural free clinic in the middle of the deserts of Utah, aka Nowhere. A family came in seeking help for their son. "This bit him," said the dad handing him a Mason jar filled with dirt, rocks and twigs. The doctor stared into the jar and finally saw it. "That's a black widow spider!" he exclaimed. " Well, hell doc," the dad said. "We know that."

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (+y/Ru)

152 God doesn't think he's a surgeon.
Posted by: bonhomme at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (9qZ3S)

Tell that to my missing rib!

Posted by: Adam at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (KUaJL)

153 Isn't Omarosa a drink made of champagne and OJ?

Posted by: DR.WTF? at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (T71PA)

154 Good to know there are others here as old as I am."

Get off my lawn, whippersnapper!

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (6qErC)

155 "No," he'd say. "You represent America."

HUMANS ARE NOT ILLEGAL !

Posted by: wth at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (HgMAr)

156 Beethoven.
Only when he was rolling over.

Posted by: andycanuck at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (Evws/)

157 >"Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

Q: Why aren't koalas actual bears?
A: The don't meet the koalafications.

Q: What's a foot long and slippery?
A: A slipper.

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (W+vEI)

158 Country's full. See Moose out front.

Six words.
Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (fiGNd)

SHITTER'S FULL.....

Posted by: Sponge at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (Zz0t1)

159 $35 Brunch Special, 10-2, bottomless champagne, omarosas.

Posted by: Zod at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (Bdeb0)

160 God doesn't think he's a surgeon.
Posted by: bonhomme at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (9qZ3S)

Tell that to my missing rib!
Posted by: Adam at August 16, 2018 12:49 PM (KUaJL)
+++++++++++++++
Well played.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (I2dne)

161 EAGLES SHOULD NEVER BE MADE INTO BURGERS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE MURDER BECAUSE ANIMALS ARE PEOPLE TOO!!!!!

Posted by: PETA at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (AcZtS)

162 Nobody has a long spirited discussions about who played the best tambourine.

Stevie Nicks

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (4ErVI)

163 Jonah goes off the deep end in response to criticism:
https://preview.tinyurl.com/y7op72jn

Posted by: Huck Follywood, Indians fan at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (ULoJS)

164 >>ust who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Nicky Hopkins

Posted by: JackStraw at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (/tuJf)

165 Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

Patient: Well, what's the bad news?

Doctor: You've only got one month to live.

Patient: Oh, that's horrible. So what's the good news?

Doctor: See that blonde nurse over there? I'm banging her.

Posted by: Furious George at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (9vQJW)

166 Omarosa never claimed to speak with Mueller. It is fake news. When asked whether she would share her tapes with him she said if his office calls again...

That doesn't mean she spoke to anyone.

Posted by: blaster at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (vJFfv)

167 For the last time, we are not a nation of immigrants.

This country was colonized, controlled immigration was used to increase our numbers in a beneficial manner.

This nation of immigrants shit gets on my nerves.

Posted by: Kreplach at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (mv+Oj)

168 I laughed at jokes posted on 150 and 151

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (AllCR)

169 2. we're a nation of the people who were already here. not the last 20 years of open borders nuttery and citizenship giveaways.

*********

Compare and contrast. 10 words vs. 22

I'm curious about your definition of the word 'simpler'.

----

ok, dick...see the first sentence also 10 words.

but the guy who wrote country's full wins

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (GoLZO)

170 Never mind that in our formative years, I always defended them from any bully or any conflict with hostile authority figures, and in the cases of a few of them, accepted their "coming out", even when it completely surprised me.

Something has truly gone wrong with people. :-(
Posted by: Curmudgeon

Two reasons.

1. The left is truly mentally ill. No hyperbole.

2. This country has had it too goo for too fucking long. We need some serious pain. Like it was in the old days.
High infant mortality rates.
High rates of killer diseases.
True, mirror image of 1929-30's depression.

That shit will get your heart right. You don't have time to dress up like my little pony and run around.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (YE6fT)

171 If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

-----Henny Youngman

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (AzW6q)

172 Stevie Nicks"

*el sigh*

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (6qErC)

173 How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was hit by the zamboni.
- - -
If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (W+vEI)

174 157 >"Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

Q: Why aren't koalas actual bears?
A: The don't meet the koalafications.

Q: What's a foot long and slippery?
A: A slipper.
Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (W+vEI)

What's long and hard and full of seamen?

Posted by: Shep! at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (7HtZB)

175 ...wants a joke.

******

My doctor told me to keep an eye on my weight, so I'm getting it out there where I can see it.

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (m45I2)

176 Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

Patient: Well, what's the bad news?

Doctor: You've only got one month to live.

Patient: Oh, that's horrible. So what's the good news?

Doctor: See that blonde nurse over there? I'm banging her.
Posted by: Furious George at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (9vQJW)

Funny, but people like this DO exist....

Posted by: JoeF. at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (y8Foj)

177 PDT retweeted this from Rasmussen Reports yesterday:

Today's @realDonaldTrump approval ratings among black voters: 36% This day last year: 19%

Ho Lee Shi iT.

Posted by: GnuBreed at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (0ogQG)

178 Isn't Omarosa a drink made of champagne and OJ?
Posted by: DR.WTF? at August 16, 2018 12:50 PM (T71PA)

I don't think I'd like a bottomless Omarosa.

Posted by: Surfperch at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (AcZtS)

179 I'm glad we're all cool with Mueller figuring out the 2016 haxxing of our democracuhs by focusing on how many diet cokes Trump has. Really about to nail it, huh?

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:52 PM (GoLZO)

180 Today's @realDonaldTrump approval ratings among black voters: 36% This day last year: 19%

---

translation game over motherfuckers

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:53 PM (GoLZO)

181 Guy is seeing his doctor for major surgery, and has gone through a battery of tests.

Patient: How long will the surgery take?

Doc: That depends - we need to see the results of your blood test.

Patient: What kind of medicine will I need to take after the surgery?

Doc: That depends - we need to see the results of your urine test.

Patient: How much is this all going to cost, anyway?

Doc: That depends - we need to see your credit score.

Posted by: broseidon, semi-official komodo dragon shifter at August 16, 2018 12:53 PM (oZ6kz)

182

"Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso."

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:53 PM (bUjCl)

183 Here's one my 5 year grandson told his 2 year old brother:

What do the French say when they have to use the bathroom?

Oui, oui

Posted by: Tuna at August 16, 2018 12:54 PM (jm1YL)

184 "translation game over motherfuckers

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:53 PM (GoLZO) "

Fuckin' dragon energy getting it done.

Posted by: broseidon, semi-official komodo dragon shifter at August 16, 2018 12:54 PM (oZ6kz)

185 167 For the last time, we are not a nation of immigrants.

This country was colonized, controlled immigration was used to increase our numbers in a beneficial manner.

This nation of immigrants shit gets on my nerves.

--

especially since they're ostensibly talking about non-euro immigration.

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:54 PM (GoLZO)

186 "Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso."

Hello Dali!

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:54 PM (6qErC)

187 NeverTrump is an anagram for "Rump Venter"

Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at August 16, 2018 12:54 PM (wOTEq)

188 Never mind that in our formative years, I always defended them from any bully or any conflict with hostile authority figures, and in the cases of a few of them, accepted their "coming out", even when it completely surprised me.

Something has truly gone wrong with people."

What's happened is that the masks have all come off.

You are a good, decent person and so you gave others the benefit of the doubt, making the decent assumption that their hearts were like yours.

They were lying to you. That's why they would never give YOU the benefit of the doubt in return - they only feigned friendship for what they thought they could get from you - attention, possibly business opportunities, maybe money - but the instant you refused to be obedient to their wishes for power (what drives all leftists) they were through with you. You were no longer useful to them, so they dumped you.

Remember, even the N.T. warns about Wolves in Sheep's clothing - they've always been around, and a lot of them are very good at fooling us. For a while, at least. But they never changed - their hearts were always wicked. They just revealed their true nature, finally.

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 12:54 PM (k1TUh)

189 Knock, knock

Who's there?

Granddad

Shiiiit, stop the funeral!!

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (W+vEI)

190 Fuckin' dragon energy getting it done.
Posted by: broseidon

I'm switching over to Diet Coke

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (8ikIW)

191 Isn't Omarosa some kind of MMA move?

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Possibly Confused at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (xPJvm)

192
translation game over motherfuckers
Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:53 PM (GoLZO)

Unless they can manufacture some fake thing with Trump using the N word. I expect someone is working on that now.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (AllCR)

193 Only keyboardist I can think of is Ian Stewart of the Stones ... so I'm taking him.

Wait ... Wait ... Richard Manuel of The Band. So it's one of them.

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (fiGNd)

194 I read about the evils of drinking, so I stopped reading.

-----Henny Youngman

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (AzW6q)

195 Country's full. See Moose out front. Six words.

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 12:48 PM (fiGNd)

I prefer: No. Alternatively: GTFO

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (i0ykY)

196 What's long and hard and full of seamen?
Posted by: Shep!

SS Obama

Posted by: rickb223 at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (YE6fT)

197 Q: What's a foot long and slippery?
A: A slipper.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (9qZ3S)

198 Davy Jones

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at August 16, 2018 12:56 PM (dNzKv)

199 "Isn't Omarosa a drink made of champagne and OJ?"
I was thinking of an Amarosa Stone Sour.

Posted by: Chris M at August 16, 2018 12:56 PM (eAZVt)

200 Today's @realDonaldTrump approval ratings among black voters: 36% This day last year: 19%
.............

Somehow that's gotta be racist.

Posted by: wth at August 16, 2018 12:56 PM (HgMAr)

201 Obama tweeted out a tribute to Aretha Franklin that is full of cliche and of course more about him. And they are swooning.
Trump tweeted out a respectful, but brief tweet and the hate is raining down on him....

Posted by: JoeF. at August 16, 2018 12:56 PM (y8Foj)

202 Howzat go again? . . . a government Of the immigrants, By the immigrants, and For the immigrants . . . ?

Posted by: Count de Monet at August 16, 2018 12:56 PM (QLvwG)

203 Jonah goes off the deep end in response to criticism:
https://preview.tinyurl.com/y7op72jn
Posted by: Huck Follywood, Indians fan at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (ULoJS)
++++++++
Good. He finally responded to the typical criticism people - including most Morons by my reckoning - offer. It was more biting than most, but no different. If he finally responded, it is getting under his skin. Time to keep pushing if you're on Twitter.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 12:56 PM (I2dne)

204 180 Today's @realDonaldTrump approval ratings among black voters: 36% This day last year: 19%

---

translation game over motherfuckers

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:53 PM (GoLZO)

Maybe. Probably the best we can hope for is that they stay home. People can like/support the president yet fail to go out in the mid-terms. Obama had this problem and it basically wrecked their party. Yet he got reelected.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (4ErVI)

205 The Toledo Mud Hens have invited me to throw out the first pitch. What's a mud hen? Is it rayciss?

Posted by: Obamarosa at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (Tyii7)

206 170 Never mind that in our formative years, I always defended them from any bully or any conflict with hostile authority figures, and in the cases of a few of them, accepted their "coming out", even when it completely surprised me.

Something has truly gone wrong with people. :-(
Posted by: Curmudgeon

Two reasons.

1. The left is truly mentally ill. No hyperbole.

2. This country has had it too goo for too fucking long. We need some serious pain. Like it was in the old days.
High infant mortality rates.
High rates of killer diseases.
True, mirror image of 1929-30's depression.

That shit will get your heart right. You don't have time to dress up like my little pony and run around.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 16, 2018 12:51 PM (YE6fT)

I would have to disagree on #2. My grandparents, rest their souls, told me of days with open Communist Party May Day rallies. And the New Deal was chock full of Communists. At least today the Leftists lie about it and get indignant when you call them on it.

Even in my own lifetime, I remember 1970s era wage and price controls, and people proudly supporting them. Even most Demunists today stop short of calling for those, or again, at least lie about not wanting them.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (ujg0T)

207 Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chicken?
A. Banned from the supermarket

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (W+vEI)

208 ...wants a joke.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (LOgQ4)

209 198 Davy Jones

We wondered why the Monkees hadn't been mentioned.

Posted by: Milli Vanilli at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (HiLJ1)

210 aaaand, Piece de Resistance :

"Doctor: "You need to stop masturbating."
Patient: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I would like to start the exam."

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the veal, tip your waitress...

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (bUjCl)

211 A joke? Trump, Hilary and Biden walk into a bar. Trump says "I'll have a DC - that's a Diet Coke." Hilary shrieks "Give me a G & T - that's a gin and tonic, idiot!" Biden thinks for a while and says "I'll have a 19 - that's a 7 & 7."

Posted by: josephistan at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (7HtZB)

212 doctor: i need to take a blood sample, a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample.

patient: aw hell, doc, can't i just leave my shorts?

Posted by: adobe juan kenobe at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (j27uq)

213 I once had a lefty coworker who tried to explain to me how everyone had a right to be in America.

-
Inside every gook there is an American trying to get out.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (+y/Ru)

214 ...wants a joke.

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (LOgQ4)

215 131 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (IqV8l)

Beethoven."

Rachmaninoff says "Look at my Freak Hands with 10 inch long fingers and despair, all of you other keyboardists who have ever lived!!!"

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (k1TUh)

216 Whenever you feel confused about who you work for ask yourself who pays you. THAT is who you work for.

Posted by: Lester at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (LfJIn)

217 201 Obama tweeted out a tribute to Aretha Franklin that is full of cliche and of course more about him. And they are swooning.

Trump tweeted out a respectful, but brief tweet and the hate is raining down on him....

Posted by: JoeF. at August 16, 2018 12:56 PM (y8Foj)

Obama will release a photo of a pensive Obama listening to an Aretha Franklin CD (with dorky headphones).

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (4ErVI)

218 Best keyboardist?
Slobodan Vrga.

The science is settled.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (fA1SL)

219 now on topic, when did this phrase: "nation of immigrants" come from ?

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (bUjCl)

220 I prefer: No. Alternatively: GTFO

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (i0ykY)

This could be a game-show. Close That Border - Hosted by ScoggDog.

Mr. Dog ... I can close that border in four words.

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (fiGNd)

221 where...

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 12:59 PM (bUjCl)

222 180 Today's @realDonaldTrump approval ratings among black voters: 36% This day last year: 19%

---

translation game over motherfuckers
Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 12:53 PM (GoLZO)

Hold our handbags.....

Posted by: White Women at August 16, 2018 12:59 PM (jLChk)

223 >>Jonah goes off the deep end in response to criticism:
https://preview.tinyurl.com/y7op72jn

Geez, ya think he read that post + comments last week about himself? Touchy!!

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 12:59 PM (W+vEI)

224 Doc: "We've got good news and bad news. The good news is we got your tst results back and you've only got a month to live

Patient: "That's the GOOD news? What on earth is the BAD news?"

Doc: "The envelope has been sitting in my in-box for three and a half weeks."

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 12:59 PM (m45I2)

225 Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 12:56 PM (I2dne)

------

What a fag.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 12:59 PM (AzW6q)

226 ...wants a joke.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at August 16, 2018 01:00 PM (LOgQ4)

227 Portland Police Chief Danielle Outlaw (shown above left) called out the
group Antifa for its violent actions recently - and she vowed to keep
her city safe from all who choose to threaten it, no matter their
personal views.

Portland Police Chief to Reporters: Why Isn't Antifa Ever Held Accountable for Their Actions?
Lifezette.com

Chief Outlaw is a black female.

Posted by: Under Fire at August 16, 2018 01:00 PM (r9UYA)

228 The Democrats are a Party of Stupid Slogans.

So... a "Nation of Immigrants", does that mean we can't have any *standards* or *quotas* for the immigrants we admit in? Is that phrase to be found anywhere in the Constitution as some kind of legal principle that obligates us to take in immigrants at all?

A lot of Central and South American nations are also largely nations of immigrants. Can they please do their fair share and accept shit loads of random immigrants from wherever?

Posted by: Barack Oblahblah at August 16, 2018 01:00 PM (/qEW2)

229 Isn't Omarosa some kind of MMA move?

Yep: https://youtu.be/kGLUPeN5D1Q?t=7

Posted by: bonhomme at August 16, 2018 01:00 PM (9qZ3S)

230 My wife wanted to make mad, passionate love in the back seat--and she wanted me to drive!

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at August 16, 2018 01:00 PM (HiLJ1)

231 How do you make your wife scream during sex?

Call her up and tell her what you're doing!

Posted by: Warai-otoko at August 16, 2018 01:00 PM (BRvh1)

232 Rodney Dangerfield

=

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 01:01 PM (bUjCl)

233 Why was the dog sniffing the fire hydrant?
He was catching up on his pee-mail.

Posted by: andycanuck at August 16, 2018 01:01 PM (Evws/)

234 @219

If I told you a Kennedy was involved in establishing this bullshit would you be shocked?

Posted by: Kreplach at August 16, 2018 01:01 PM (mv+Oj)

235 How do you make a hormone ?

Don't pay the bitch !!!

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:01 PM (fiGNd)

236 A plastic surgeon, a dermatologist and the chief of medicine huddle around a bulletin board and read a notice. It says: "During emergencies, some patients may need to be treated off site at the local charity hospital."

All three look confused.

The plastic surgeon says: "What the fuck is a charity?"

The dermatologist says: "What the fuck is an emergency?"

The chief of medicine says: "Wait, what the hell is a patient?"

Posted by: broseidon, semi-official komodo dragon shifter at August 16, 2018 01:01 PM (oZ6kz)

237 Update your dead pool

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 16, 2018 01:01 PM (FZYNt)

238 ''Rachmaninoff says "Look at my Freak Hands with 10 inch long fingers and despair, all of you other keyboardists who have ever lived!!!"'

Ahem!

Posted by: Chopin at August 16, 2018 01:01 PM (jm1YL)

239 ...wants a joke.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at August 16, 2018 01:02 PM (LOgQ4)

240 With cigarettes, my wife and I, we made a deal. We only smoke after sex. I've got the same pack now since 1975. What bothers me is my wife. She's up to three packs a day.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:02 PM (I2dne)

241 What do you call a lesbian with 10" fingers?

Well hung

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 16, 2018 01:02 PM (FZYNt)

242 *peeks in*

Amateur Night at the AoS Improv Club? Guess I should have listened to the moose out front about tipping the the veal and trying the waiter.

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:02 PM (Ywyw4)

243 The buddist paid for his hot dog. He asked, "What about my change?"

The hot dog vendor replied, "Change comes from within."

Posted by: David W at August 16, 2018 01:02 PM (WvoAE)

244 Why does the husband typically die first in a marriage ?

Because he can !!!

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:03 PM (fiGNd)

245 Someone mentioned on the ONT or the Morning Report that the Kroger Company has started to deny the use of Visa in some of their stores, mainly CA I believe. Low and behold I received an application for a Kroger Master Card in the mail just today. Pre-approved so I completed the application. It gets me a reduced price on gas. I'm good with it.
And the progressives are losing it. Thank God for PDT. It has outed a lot of loons.

Posted by: never enough caffeine at August 16, 2018 01:03 PM (N3JsI)

246 Sorry buddy, doc says yer gonna die!

Posted by: Just the Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:03 PM (QLvwG)

247
* sheds Rodney Dangerfield sock *

Anyone else notice he tells a lot of 'cuck' jokes?

Posted by: Forgot My Nic at August 16, 2018 01:03 PM (LOgQ4)

248 The Democrats are a Party of Stupid Slogans.

So... a "Nation of Immigrants", does that mean we can't have any *standards* or *quotas* for the immigrants we admit in? Is that phrase to be found anywhere in the Constitution as some kind of legal principle that obligates us to take in immigrants at all?

A lot of Central and South American nations are also largely nations of immigrants. Can they please do their fair share and accept shit loads of random immigrants from wherever?
Posted by: Barack Oblahblah at August 16, 2018 01:00 PM (/qEW2)

Well, most of our original immigrants were european christians seeing religious persecution and africans who didn't come here willingly. Since I'm not going to presume that the Democratic party is formally going to endorse a return to slavery, I guess that means we'll take as many christians fleeing europe for religious reasons as will come here.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at August 16, 2018 01:03 PM (KUaJL)

249 "Sorry buddy, doc says yer gonna die!

Posted by: Just the Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:03 PM (QLvwG) "

Nah, I'm just screwin' with you - she's dead!

Posted by: Also Just The Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:04 PM (oZ6kz)

250 My wife told me to give her ten inches and make it hurt.

So I put it in twice and punched her in the nose !!!

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:04 PM (fiGNd)

251 This country has had it too goo for too fucking long.--rickb223

Too goo? You go now! You been heah foah houah!

Posted by: Stringer Davis at August 16, 2018 01:04 PM (8ZmvG)

252 I thought the omarosa was a craze dance in the '20s

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 01:04 PM (m45I2)

253 She laughed at 20

Wow that's a long time since she laughed.

Posted by: wrg500 Manatee bounty hunter at August 16, 2018 01:04 PM (Bdeb0)

254 Wife is waiting for surgery. She wants a joke.

Why would she want CNN?

Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at August 16, 2018 01:04 PM (wOTEq)

255
"American couple believing 'Evil is a make-believe concept' bike through ISIS territory. ISIS stabs them to death."
https://www.weaselzippers.us

A Post Modern view of existence has consequences.

Posted by: Mad Maxine of the StinkWig at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (eHYux)

256 "Sorry buddy, doc says yer gonna die!

Posted by: Just the Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:03 PM (QLvwG) "

Nah, I'm just screwin' with you - she's dead!
Posted by: Also Just The Punchline

I could have saved Mom!

Posted by: More Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (8ikIW)

257 There'll never be another ewe.

Posted by: Just the Cowboy Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (HiLJ1)

258 I would have to disagree on #2. My grandparents, rest their souls, told me of days with open Communist Party May Day rallies. And the New Deal was chock full of Communists.

Yep. A large contingent of America pre-WWII was Commie-curious, if not outright Communist.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (9qZ3S)

259 Anyone else notice he tells a lot of 'cuck' jokes?
Posted by: Forgot My Nic at August 16, 2018 01:03 PM (LOgQ4)
+++++++++++++
It's finny because they're not real. The "My wife and daughter are whores" jokes are just pathetic when you suspect them to be true. Like this one:
My daughter, they call her Federal Express. Yeah, when she goes to a guy's apartment, she absolutely positively has to be there overnight.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (I2dne)

260 Do you like fish sticks?

Posted by: Benji Carver at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (OD2ni)

261 Meh,this is the first freakout of the day.It's still early.

Posted by: steevy at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (LiyEm)

262 ''Rachmaninoff says "Look at my Freak Hands with 10 inch long fingers and despair, all of you other keyboardists who have ever lived!!!"'

Ahem!
Posted by: Chopin at August 16, 2018 ''

Wait just one minute. Who made the ladies swoon?

Posted by: Franz Liszt at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (jm1YL)

263 247
* sheds Rodney Dangerfield sock *

Anyone else notice he tells a lot of 'cuck' jokes?"

I don't get no respect, I tell ya, no respect! My wife, my wife, she cut me down to twice a month, it's terrible! But I'm lucky, I tell ya, lucky! Two guys she cut off completely!!!!

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (k1TUh)

264 Maybe. Probably the best we can hope for is that they stay home. People can like/support the president yet fail to go out in the mid-terms. Obama had this problem and it basically wrecked their party. Yet he got reelected.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:57 PM (4ErVI)

I disagree. If they are angry enough to state that they have changed their support... they may very well be angry enough to go Vote.

I would not count on their support, but I certainly would not DISMISS it either.

Posted by: Don Q. at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (NgKpN)

265 Man who stand on toilet High on Pot.

Posted by: Confuscious at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (w6Kq8)

266 260 Do you like fish sticks?
Posted by: Benji Carver at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (OD2ni)

Love 'em.

Posted by: Kanye West at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (KUaJL)

267 Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A happy pit bull.

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (W+vEI)

268 And I'd like my change in nipples and dimes

Posted by: Just the Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (QLvwG)

269 She laughed at 20.
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at August 16, 2018 12:36 PM (pX4p0){/i]

Good for her. I didn't laugh until I was pushing 40.

Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (wOTEq)

270 Wait just one minute. Who made the ladies swoon?
Posted by: Franz Liszt

All the single ladies?

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (8ikIW)

271 wow, the LA Times not participating in today's sad masturbatory anti-trump screed fest.

Posted by: Krystal Slider Enthusiast at August 16, 2018 01:06 PM (GoLZO)

272 261 Meh,this is the first freakout of the day.It's still early.

I don't get it.

Posted by: Just the Cowboy Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (HiLJ1)

273 Omorosa?
Heeeeyyyy Omorosa!

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (Ywyw4)

274 What is the meaning of a "Free Press"?

Tater says, "Duh"

https://tinyurl.com/ycc9cz39

Posted by: Huck Follywood, Indians fan at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (ULoJS)

275 I just heard Ben Shapiro is pregnant.

Posted by: Under Fire at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (r9UYA)

276 Guy walks into a crowded bar filled with the most beautiful piano music. In the back of the bar, playing the piano ... is a wee little man, shorter than a midget. Leaning against the bar is a sad old man.

Guy - What's the story with you and the piano player ?

Old Man - Back in WWII, I was a pilot. Got shot down over the South Pacific. Made it to an island, found a genie in a bottle. He only gave me one wish.

Guy - What'd you wish for ?

Old Man - Well son, it sure as Hell wasn't for a twelve-inch pianist.

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (fiGNd)

277
I guess a 'cuck' joke falls under 'self-deprecating humor'.

My favorite variety. A comedian who can stand up and have people laugh both WITH him and AT him.

A two-fer.

Posted by: Forgot My Nic at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (LOgQ4)

278 Trump needs to be impeached for excessive Diet Coke consumption.
Herr Mueller

Posted by: steevy at August 16, 2018 01:08 PM (LiyEm)

279 Boy, I'll bet Ben Shapiro and David French will have something to say about this.

Posted by: Brewdog at August 16, 2018 01:08 PM (oNFAg)

280 Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly fingers.

Posted by: Ancient Chinese Secret at August 16, 2018 01:08 PM (OD2ni)

281 Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Posted by: Confuscious at August 16, 2018 01:08 PM (w6Kq8)

282 258 I would have to disagree on #2. My grandparents, rest their souls, told me of days with open Communist Party May Day rallies. And the New Deal was chock full of Communists.

Yep. A large contingent of America pre-WWII was Commie-curious, if not outright Communist.
Posted by: bonhomme at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (9qZ3S)

Communism was new then... as was Fascism... we did not have historical evidence of how full of Fail they were yet... and of how catastrophic their failures could be.

Posted by: Don Q. at August 16, 2018 01:08 PM (NgKpN)

283 Nadia Boulanger!

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!

Posted by: Stringer Davis at August 16, 2018 01:09 PM (8ZmvG)

284 "Franz List? Never heard of em." - Bugs Bunny

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:09 PM (Ywyw4)

285
Wait just one minute. Who made the ladies swoon?

Posted by: Franz Liszt

Makes. Makes the ladies (plural) swoon. How you say, that is me?

Posted by: Paolo at August 16, 2018 01:09 PM (QLvwG)

286 National socialism was all the rage.FDR's brand was so beloved that his portrait was in the home of most lower middle class and poor people.That his policies actually made the depression great was beyond their understanding.

Posted by: steevy at August 16, 2018 01:10 PM (LiyEm)

287 Man who walk through airport turnstyle sideways going to Bangkok.

Posted by: Confuscious at August 16, 2018 01:10 PM (w6Kq8)

288 Dangerfield's wife called him "Classy, Genlemanly, sensitive and intelligent" and he must have loved her; He married her twice.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:10 PM (AllCR)

289 I just heard Ben Shapiro is pregnant.

"The rabbit done died" - David French thinking he's Steve Tyler

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:10 PM (Ywyw4)

290 275 I just heard Ben Shapiro is pregnant.

Posted by: Under Fire at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (r9UYA)

What's the punchline?

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at August 16, 2018 01:11 PM (RD7QR)

291 ...wants a joke.

My wife's cooking is so bad the flies fix our screens.

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at August 16, 2018 01:11 PM (LOgQ4)

292 275 I just heard Ben Shapiro is pregnant.

Posted by: Under Fire at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (r9UYA)

What's the punchline?
Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at August 16, 2018 01:11 PM (RD7QR)

He's gonna have a litter of puppies.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Possibly Confused at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (xPJvm)

293 Little Johnnie is sitting in class ...

Teacher - Class, five birds are sitting on a fence. You shoot one with a BB gun. How many are left ?

Little Johnnie - None. When I shoot the first one, the rest fly away.

Teacher - The correct answer is four, but I like the way you're thinking.

Little Johnnie - OK, three women are eating ice cream cones in the park. Woman Number One is biting the cone like she's angry. Woman Number Two is lovingly swirling her tongue all around the cone. Woman Number Three can't even bring herself to eat the cone at all. Which woman is married ?

Teacher (very embarrassed) - Well, I guess Woman Number Two.

Little Johnnie - Meh, the correct answer is The One With The Wedding Ring. But I like the way you're thinking !!!

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (fiGNd)

294 "275 I just heard Ben Shapiro is pregnant.

Posted by: Under Fire at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (r9UYA)

What's the punchline?
Posted by: joncelli,"

No idea, but his sister has huge cans.

Posted by: Benji Carver at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (OD2ni)

295 I guess a 'cuck' joke falls under 'self-deprecating humor'.

My favorite variety. A comedian who can stand up and have people laugh both WITH him and AT him.

A two-fer.
Posted by: Forgot My Nic at August 16, 2018 01:07 PM (LOgQ4)
++++++++++++++
And perhaps none better than Dangerfield at it. A real comedy legend. Whenever I watch his appearances on Carson (many are on YouTube), I often have to watch them more than once because I miss half the jokes - drowned out by laughter. And Carson knew just how to handle Dangerfield for maximum effect and knew how to put a period at the end of it. The two worked really well together (from my standpoint, anyway - know idea if they liked each other or not).

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (I2dne)

296 How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's not funny, you misogynist pig!

Posted by: Insomniac at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (NWiLs)

297 "I don't think that we serve them. We serve the people," Cissna continued. "We serve the American people who have conferred upon the agency a special mission through the Congress to administer these immigration laws."

This kind of reckless, white supremacist talk is going to get you suspended from Twitter, your YouTube videos demonetized, you personal info doxed by CNN, and you'll be hounded out of restaurants all over Washington DC.

Posted by: OregonMuse, AoSHQ Thought Leader & Contributing Editor, Vanity Fair Magazine at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (Fwyn7)

298 We're not gonna go back to listening to Trump tell us the Rio was never Grande.

Posted by: Governor Cuomo at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (2NqXo)

299 One of my favorite clean jokes:

A 3 month pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 6 months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: Don't worry. You had twins, a boy and a girl and your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name them?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: That's not too bad. What about the boy?

Doctor: Denephew

Posted by: Bruce at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (8ikIW)

300 An internist, a pediatrician and a surgeon are duck hunting, but they only have one shotgun so they take turns.

The internist takes the gun. "Rustle Rustle" "Quack, Quack" "Flap Flap" He takes aim, "hmm, it has a shape resembling a duck, moves rather like a duck, but we must consider the possibility that it is a goose, a sparrow or maybe a flying zebra." Duck disappears down range.

The pediatrician grabs the gun. "Rustle Rustle" "Quack, Quack" "Flap Flap". Pediatrician takes aim and says,"Aww, look at the cute little ducky. How sweet." Duck disappears down range.

Surgeon grabs the gun."Rustle Rustle" "Quack, Qua..." BLAM!
"Let's go see what we got, boys!"

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 01:13 PM (m45I2)

301 How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just beat the room for being black.

Posted by: Insomniac at August 16, 2018 01:13 PM (NWiLs)

302 Dangerfield's wife called him "Classy, Genlemanly, sensitive and intelligent" and he must have loved her; He married her twice.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:10 PM

I knew a guy who married the same woman twice. It didn't 'take' either time.

Posted by: Forgot My Nic at August 16, 2018 01:13 PM (LOgQ4)

303 How many Micks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four, because they're all drunken idiots.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 01:13 PM (fA1SL)

304 293 Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM (fiGNd)
++++++++++
Awesome. I am filing that one away.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:13 PM (I2dne)

305 Let's put this business of best keyboard player to rest, shall we?

I was pretty much the best at every instrument I played so end of argument!

Posted by: W.A. Mozart at August 16, 2018 01:14 PM (jm1YL)

306 Finally, it is the Economist's turn:
First, assume a can opener.

Posted by: Just the Punchline at August 16, 2018 01:14 PM (QLvwG)

307 302 Dangerfield's wife called him "Classy, Genlemanly, sensitive and intelligent" and he must have loved her; He married her twice.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:10 PM

I knew a guy who married the same woman twice. It didn't 'take' either time.

Posted by: Forgot My Nic

Yea, but she took him. For 3/4's.

Posted by: wrg500 Manatee bounty hunter at August 16, 2018 01:15 PM (Bdeb0)

308 How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's not funny!

Posted by: broseidon, semi-official komodo dragon shifter at August 16, 2018 01:15 PM (oZ6kz)

309 Posted by: Forgot My Nic at August 16, 2018 01:13 PM (LOgQ4)

Well, it seems to have taken with Rodney Dangerfierld's wife or she wouldn't have said the things about him which she did.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:15 PM (AllCR)

310 Imagine this

Neil DeGrasse Tyson trying to tell a joke.

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:15 PM (Ywyw4)

311 Prediction: Mueller will subpoena omarosa

Posted by: Soothi at August 16, 2018 12:37 PM (FmjGl)

Hey, on one of the ONT's there was a link to a site that claims that Omarosa critter is a tranny. Is that true?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at August 16, 2018 01:16 PM (LI7AQ)

312 Two soldiers walk into a bar, the sailor ducked...

Floyd Cramer

That is all.

Posted by: Sumdumchief at August 16, 2018 01:16 PM (KtXzc)

313 255
"American couple believing 'Evil is a make-believe concept' bike through ISIS territory. ISIS stabs them to death."
https://www.weaselzippers.us

A Post Modern view of existence has consequences.
Posted by: Mad Maxine of the StinkWig at August 16, 2018 01:05 PM (eHYux)

Ayn Rand said, "You can evade reality, but you cannot evade the consequences of evading reality."

Posted by: rickl at August 16, 2018 01:16 PM (xjiRE)

314 Here's one more Joe ...

Little Johnnie is sitting on a park bench, eating Ice Cream Sandwiches one after the other out of the box. An Old Man decides to put a stop to it.

Old Man - Youngster. You ought not eat so many Ice Cream Sandwiches. It'll rot your teeth. Stunt your growth.

Little Johnnie - Old Man, I'll have you know, my GrandDad lived to 94 years of age.

Old Man - I bet he didn't live that long by eating so many Ice Cream Sandwiches.

Little Johnnie - Nope. He did it by minding his own damn business.

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:16 PM (fiGNd)

315 Media's not talking to us. It's talking inside the bubble.

I have this sinking feeling the clock's ticking.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, still kicking at August 16, 2018 12:33 PM (AM1GF)

The bubble doesn't get to vote come election day... and the people in it have learned nothing from their last rude awakening.

Posted by: redbanzai the Southerner at August 16, 2018 01:16 PM (FTXAT)

316 '....and in the last ranks, our most deadly weapons.' Guy says, 'It's a buncha guys with briefcases.' 'Yes, they're GOSPLAN economists.'

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 01:16 PM (fA1SL)

317 If the Portland Police Chief is black, she won't last long. They have a history of failing to support their black police chiefs. See also Charles Moose.

Posted by: notsothoreau at August 16, 2018 01:17 PM (JKNZq)

318 >>Neil DeGrasse Tyson trying to tell a joke.

Only works when it's Jordan Peele as NDT:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEI5C956glw

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 01:17 PM (W+vEI)

319 Heh. Allahpundit wants Congress to reinstate Brennan's security clearance.

https://twitter.com/allahpundit/status/1030108856012206081

1.) They can't do that.

2.) You're a freakin' retard and no one likes you.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 01:17 PM (AzW6q)

320 broseidon, you might want to check out the Lupin the Third, Part 5 episode "7.62 Mirage."

Lupin is in a battle of wits against a guy over a chessboard while Jigen is also involved in a sniper duel.

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:18 PM (Ywyw4)

321 You think you've got what it takes to be a seal, boy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrtjdaU-a10&feature=youtu.be

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (+y/Ru)

322 An arm and a leg sounds terribly costly, Lord. What can I get for half a rib?

Posted by: Adam with just the punchline at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (QLvwG)

323
How do you make Romanian chicken?

First you steal a chicken

Posted by: Flawless Male Logic at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (10vO4)

324 Rodney Dangerfield, on his actual way into actual brain surgery:
How long are you going to be in the hospital?

"If all goes well, about a week. If not, about an hour and a half."

Posted by: Stringer Davis at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (8ZmvG)

325 #303. Mick Jagger, Mick Fleetwood, Mick Jones and Mick Taylor?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (OLCnA)

326 Heh. Allahpundit wants Congress to reinstate Brennan's security clearance.

https://twitter.com/allahpundit/status/1030108856012206081

1.) They can't do that.

2.) You're a freakin' retard and no one likes you.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 01:17 PM (AzW6q)

Allahpundit is being more than a little retarded. That is not a constitutional power of congress (despite what Mr. Stolen Valor says).

Posted by: redbanzai the Southerner at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (FTXAT)

327 My Grandfather used to be a fan of that really particular type of joke where it's a gratuitously long set up (filled with repetitive details and tangents) with a really stupid punch line.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (KUaJL)

328 Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 01:17 PM (AzW6q)

Correction: we wants Congress to do it for Mueller, if he eventually gets it revoked like Brennan.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 01:20 PM (AzW6q)

329 I thought mewler has aready questioned omaroza .

Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:20 PM (ypXm3)

330 Heh. Allahpundit wants Congress to reinstate Brennan's security clearance.

https://twitter.com/allahpundit/status/1030108856012206081

1.) They can't do that.

2.) You're a freakin' retard and no one likes you.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 01:17 PM

C. WHY?!!!

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 16, 2018 01:20 PM (p+Wdc)

331 Better stand back, Eve. I don't know how big this thing will get!

Posted by: Adam with just the punchline at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (QLvwG)

332 "My Grandfather used to be a fan of that really particular type of joke where it's a gratuitously long set up (filled with repetitive details and tangents) with a really stupid punch line.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (KUaJL) "

I think those are called 'shaggy dog' jokes.

Posted by: broseidon, semi-official komodo dragon shifter at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (oZ6kz)

333 Not being suicidal is now shocking.

Not being suicidal is "not who we are; not our values."

Posted by: Emmie at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (4HMW8)

334 Little Johnnie - Nope. He did it by minding his own damn business.
Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:16 PM (fiGNd)
++++++++++++
#rimshot

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (I2dne)

335 310 Imagine this

Neil DeGrasse Tyson trying to tell a joke.
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:15 PM (Ywyw4)

Who has to imagine?

"Cosmos" is only a Netflix away.

Posted by: Hikaru at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (UnA8+)

336 Geddy Lee.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 12:45 PM (I2dne)

Burton Cummings >>Geddy Lee. Much finer singer, too.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (LI7AQ)

337 >Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 12:55 PM (W+vEI)

That one got iced tea on my monitor.

Posted by: Muad'dib at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (sjdRT)

338 Lizzy, exactly. The guy is about as funny as Gaylord. Which is as humorous as a sober Hillary.

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (Ywyw4)

339 110 Just who is the best keyboardist anyway? "

Gene Amdahl on the IBM 360.

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 16, 2018 12:44 PM (6qErC)

OK, I worked for Amdahl (the company, not Gene) in the late 80's - early 90's so I know the name and the system but I don't get the joke.

Posted by: Bob the Bilderberg at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (4jqDR)

340 I think those are called 'shaggy dog' jokes.
Posted by: broseidon, semi-official komodo dragon shifter at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (oZ6kz)
++++++++
Yup. They're a favorite of mine. I have one I can drag out for an hour. I did it once to a friend. After the incredibly unsatisfying punchline he just there for a moment and said, "Oh, I get it. The joke's on me."

Exactly.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (I2dne)

341 I don't care for allahpundit much at all, but to be fair the conversation there was what would happen if Trump revoked Mueller's clearance, in order to stop the investigation. It's the latest handkerchief clutching moment for the left.

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (k1TUh)

342 335. "Cosmos" is only a Netflix away.
Posted by: Hikaru
**
That is NOT how Gimme Shelter goes.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (fA1SL)

343 Burton Cummings >>Geddy Lee. Much finer singer, too.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (LI7AQ)
+++++++
Geddy Lee's worst instrument is his voice.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (I2dne)

344 I thought mewler has aready questioned omaroza .
Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:20 PM (ypXm3)

------------

He did, once. She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has jew info she will give if he does again.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (I16G8)

345 ''Heh. Allahpundit wants Congress to reinstate Brennan's security clearance. ''

He needs to join Chuckles on the Island of No Longer Relevant Bloggers.

Posted by: Tuna at August 16, 2018 01:23 PM (jm1YL)

346 No idea, but his sister has huge cans.
Posted by: Benji Carver at August 16, 2018 01:12 PM

Filled with Prince Albert?

Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at August 16, 2018 01:23 PM (2NqXo)

347 My Grandfather used to be a fan of that really particular type of joke where it's a gratuitously long set up (filled with repetitive details and tangents) with a really stupid punch line.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM

a feghoot affectionado?

Posted by: AltonJackson at August 16, 2018 01:23 PM (ZQfW9)

348 344. Funny. She doesn't look Jewish.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 01:23 PM (fA1SL)

349 Has Omorosa hired Stormy Daniel's perv lawyer?

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:23 PM (Ywyw4)

350 So...is the FNm talking about how Brennan spied on Congress? Droned an American?

No?

Remember when the entertainment industry used to make movies about dirty CIA agents conspiring to take down a reformist president...and presenting that as a bad thing?

Posted by: 18-1 at August 16, 2018 01:24 PM (eSx+E)

351 Well, it seems to have taken with Rodney Dangerfierld's wife or she wouldn't have said the things about him which she did.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:15 PM

I suppose it can work. It's just in my experience the batting average is .000. When I heard this guy, who was an employee, was going to marry the same woman again I knew that had about zero chance of success.

He couldn't keep his pecker in his pocket. Which ended up destroying marriage attempt number two.

Hypersexuals, I call 'em. People unable to see the need for sexual gratification as low on the 'hierarchy of needs'.

Posted by: Forgot My Nic at August 16, 2018 01:24 PM (LOgQ4)

352 She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has jew info she will give if he does again.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM

So is Trump supposed to have collaborated with Israel now?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 16, 2018 01:24 PM (p+Wdc)

353
He did, once. She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has jew info she will give if he does again.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (I16G

She's setting herself up for a lying to the FBI charge

Posted by: Flawless Male Logic at August 16, 2018 01:24 PM (10vO4)

354 She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has jew info she will give if he does again.

********

The saying is that in the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minues. It says nothing about whether they will actually leave the stage when the fifteen minutes are over.

Posted by: Muldoon at August 16, 2018 01:24 PM (m45I2)

355 She's setting herself up for a lying to the FBI charge
Posted by: Flawless Male Logic at August 16, 2018 01:24 PM (10vO4)
+++++++++
I thought people on the "team" just get a stern warning about "lack of candor."

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:25 PM (I2dne)

356 I think those are called 'shaggy dog' jokes.
Posted by: broseidon, semi-official komodo dragon shifter at August 16, 2018 01:21 PM (oZ6kz)
++++++++
Yup. They're a favorite of mine. I have one I can drag out for an hour. I did it once to a friend. After the incredibly unsatisfying punchline he just there for a moment and said, "Oh, I get it. The joke's on me."

Exactly.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (I2dne)

Yeah, that's what they're called!

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at August 16, 2018 01:25 PM (KUaJL)

357 How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's not ~~funny!~~ Broseidon's joke in the first damn place!

Posted by: at August 16, 2018 01:25 PM (8ZmvG)

358 Omarosa is angling for a tv show. Always has been.

Not gonna happen.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at August 16, 2018 01:25 PM (vbJig)

359 I'll collude with any country for $99.95.

Posted by: Earl Scheib at August 16, 2018 01:25 PM (fiGNd)

360 According to the MFM revoking Brennan's clearance was. The worst thing ever since whatever the day before's worst thing ever was

Posted by: TheQuietMan at August 16, 2018 01:25 PM (OLCnA)

361 He did, once. She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has jew info she will give if he does again.
Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (I16G

------------

"New" info.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM (I16G8)

362 The saying is that in the future everyone will be famous for fifteen
minues. It says nothing about whether they will actually leave the
stage when the fifteen minutes are over.

Which is why the trapdoor over the alligator pit will make a comeback.

Speaking of people who's fifteen are up. Does anyone any longer care about Camera Hogg?

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM (Ywyw4)

363 OT Well, the news has obviously gotten out about the Masterpiece Cake Guy. The GoFundMe site has made about $9,000 more dollars since yesterday. I'm glad.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM (AllCR)

364 Omarosa is angling for a tv show. Always has been.

Not gonna happen.
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at August 16, 2018 01:25 PM (vbJig)

Big Brother UK

Posted by: runner at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM (bUjCl)

365
She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has jew info she will give if he does again.

So it's about Jared Kushner?

Posted by: Flawless Male Logic at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM (10vO4)

366

AM NOT !!!

Posted by: Yonah Coldberg at August 16, 2018 01:27 PM (YiSMO)

367 She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has jew info she will give if he does again

That's how I made it thru WWII

Posted by: Soros at August 16, 2018 01:27 PM (8ikIW)

368 According to the MFM revoking Brennan's clearance was. The worst thing ever since whatever the day before's worst thing ever was

Posted by: TheQuietMan at August 16, 2018 01:25 PM (OLCnA)

As I remind the wife from time to time ...

... If everything I do is wrong, I'll do as I damn well please.

Posted by: ScoggDog at August 16, 2018 01:27 PM (fiGNd)

369 Babylon Bee:

"Chelsea Clinton Claims Holocaust Added $3.5 Trillion to German Economy"

Ouch!

Posted by: Confuscious at August 16, 2018 01:27 PM (w6Kq8)

370 "New" info.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM

Too late.

Posted by: Eyegore at August 16, 2018 01:27 PM (p+Wdc)

371 This omarossa / assaroma kerfluffle is really quite amusing, a small object lesson on how all of the attacks on Trump are going. She chose to go all in with every muckraking, scandal story she could dredge up - and it was so over the top that almost immediately, she's been totally discredited and no one, not even those people on the left who were dying to have something like this to use against Trump, will associate themselves with her. Because she is just way too blatantly ridiculous. It's just another iteration of Tom Arnold running around claiming he had info that would "TAKE DOWN TRUMP!!!" Sure Tom, go have another bucket of fried chicken.

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 01:27 PM (k1TUh)

372 Trump continues to make people act insane.

Posted by: steevy at August 16, 2018 01:27 PM (LiyEm)

373 Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM (I16G

We knew what you meant, but as the Queen of The Typos, I laughed. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:27 PM (AllCR)

374 OT Well, the news has obviously gotten out about the Masterpiece Cake Guy. The GoFundMe site has made about $9,000 more dollars since yesterday. I'm glad.
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM (AllCR)

------

If he would only betray our country, he could be up to $300,000 in a day.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 01:28 PM (AzW6q)

375 Trump should smirk to the cameras and say, "I aim to misbehave."

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at August 16, 2018 01:28 PM (Ywyw4)

376 ''Speaking of people who's fifteen are up. Does anyone any longer care about Camera Hogg?''

15 minutes of fame bit him in the a**

Posted by: Tuna at August 16, 2018 01:28 PM (jm1YL)

377 Guy who's travelling for work stops in to a hole-in-the-wall bar. Sees a pickle jar full of cash on the bar. Bartender says, "It's our little running bet here. You put $20 in the jar. You complete three simple tasks, and you can take the pot. First, you gotta knock out our doorman. Second, you gotta pull a bad tooth out of the mouth of our pitbull, who is ornery as you've never seen. Third, you gotta go upstairs and show my old Aunt a good time. She hasn't knocked boots with anyone in ages and could really use the companionship of a man, if you know what I mean."

Guy settles in to drinking, and says, "You know what? I'll give it a go. Here's your $20."

Walks up to the door man: "Hey, your mother says hello!" -- "WHAT?" -- nutshot, elbow to the ear, down he goes.

Next, he runs upstairs. There's clanging, banging, thumping, howling, moaning, for a good solid ten minutes, at least.

The guy comes back downstairs all bedraggled and torn up, and says, "Alright, now where's that Aunt of yours with the bad tooth?"

Posted by: Warai-otoko at August 16, 2018 01:28 PM (BRvh1)

378 Obama will release a photo of a pensive Obama listening to an Aretha Franklin CD (with dorky headphones).
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 16, 2018 12:58 PM (4ErVI)

Too late, Fox already has played Aretha playing piano and singing in a mink coat at some event(Kennedy Honors perhaps) with endless focus on Obama and Mooch sitting in the audience singing along and clapping.

CNN probably is talking about what Aretha would think of Trump using the N word he never used.

Posted by: Jen the original at August 16, 2018 01:28 PM (9jIMD)

379 Who's zooming who?

Posted by: Aretha Franklin at August 16, 2018 01:28 PM (vbJig)

380 Omarosa has info on the weather machine

Posted by: TheQuietMan at August 16, 2018 01:28 PM (OLCnA)

381 (Sorry; I'm not good with jokes)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke

____________________

I'd have never thought of that one.
Sometime we should dedicate a thread to Fen's jokes, and the up-shots of 'em.
Can't be any worse than some of the out and out murders committed here.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (8ZmvG)

382 I went to the post office to pick up some mailers for some cook books I'm sending. I took a cook book in to make sure I got the right size.
Post office is empty so the guy behind the counter is being extra helpful. I hold up the TDG and he says may I see that. He looks it over and says- I would like four. No joke.

Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (ypXm3)

383 She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has jew info she will give if he does again.

So it's about Jared Kushner?

Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a Reformed Movement Jew?

A. Donald Trump has Jewish grandchildren.

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (k1TUh)

384 I thought mewler has aready questioned omaroza .
Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:20 PM (ypXm3)

------------

He did, once. She is trying to stay relevant by saying she has new info she will give if he does again.
Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM

The only thing we haven't heard about the CHAOS IN THE WHITE HOUSE is Trump's bathroom habits. I suppose at some point we'll be regaled with that, too.

Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (2NqXo)

385 Obama might give a eulogy at Aretha's funeral and make it all about himself.

Posted by: steevy at August 16, 2018 01:30 PM (LiyEm)

386

Once somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said: “No, but I did get the license number”.

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at August 16, 2018 01:30 PM (LOgQ4)

387 381 Can't be any worse than some of the out and out murders committed here.
Posted by: Stringer Davis at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (8ZmvG)

Don't disparage murder. A Real Man has a Body Count.

Posted by: Hikaru at August 16, 2018 01:31 PM (UnA8+)

388 OT Well, the news has obviously gotten out about the Masterpiece Cake Guy. The GoFundMe site has made about $9,000 more dollars since yesterday. I'm glad.
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:26 PM (AllCR)

Fen, he and his lawyer were on Ingraham last night. He is suing the Colorado State Board of Civil Rights, LOL. His lawyer is incredulous that he is once again being targeted. He said the request to bake the tranny cake came from a lawyer over the internet.

Posted by: Jen the original at August 16, 2018 01:31 PM (9jIMD)

389 "My uncle knew the exact die he was going to die."

"Really? How did he know?"

"The judge told him."

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara, now with an added spark of divinity at August 16, 2018 01:31 PM (5tT0F)

390 If he would only betray our country, he could be up to $300,000 in a day.Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 16, 2018 01:28 PM (AzW6q)

Needs to have some "I hate Trump!" comments in his video. :^(

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:31 PM (AllCR)

391 Masterpiece Cake Guy.
Alistair Cooke?

Posted by: Roland THTG at August 16, 2018 01:31 PM (xBSm0)

392 Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a Reformed Movement Jew?

A. Donald Trump has Jewish grandchildren.
Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (k1TUh)

------------

Also, see Jewish daughter. Ivanka converted.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:32 PM (I16G8)

393 387. That's one of many reasons The Rolling Stones are better than the Beatles.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 01:32 PM (fA1SL)

394 384 Trump drinks Diet Coke while sitting on the toilet.Impeach!

Posted by: steevy at August 16, 2018 01:33 PM (LiyEm)

395 Posted by: Jen the original at August 16, 2018 01:31 PM (9jIMD)

Yep, and he's convinced that the lawyer is the one who (under assumed names) was sending him cake requests such as "I'd like a Cake of Satan sucking a dildo." What a awful weirdo that lawyer is.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:34 PM (AllCR)

396 Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (ypXm3)

That's great!!

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:35 PM (AllCR)

397 I'm glad 350 newspapers published the same editorial today, condemning Trump.

First, NR devotes an entire issue to NeverTrump essays from each of their columnists, and their magazine shrinks like a raisin drying in the sun. Now, the NYT et al does the same thing, and will earn the same reward.

What's wrong with that picture?

Posted by: Huck Follywood, Indians fan at August 16, 2018 01:35 PM (ULoJS)

398 395. Under the benevolent Palpatine Administration, that guy would spend the last minutes of his life digging a hole.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 01:35 PM (fA1SL)

399 Obama might give a eulogy at Aretha's funeral and make it all about himself.
Posted by: steevy at August 16, 2018 01:30 PM

I remember the first time I heard Urethra sing...

Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at August 16, 2018 01:36 PM (2NqXo)

400 A vegan, an atheist and a "cross-fit" enthusiast walk into a bar. I know because none of them will shut up about it.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 16, 2018 01:36 PM (I2dne)

401 I'm glad 350 newspapers published the same editorial today, condemning Trump.

It was a the same editorial?! Not 350 individual takes on "Trump is a big meanie"?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:37 PM (AllCR)

402 392 Also, see Jewish daughter. Ivanka converted.
Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:32 PM (I16G

How does Halakha apply there?

Posted by: Hikaru at August 16, 2018 01:37 PM (UnA8+)

403 Any update on Country Boy?

Posted by: Jewells45 at August 16, 2018 01:37 PM (kG5hP)

404 382 I went to the post office to pick up some mailers for some cook books I'm sending. I took a cook book in to make sure I got the right size.
Post office is empty so the guy behind the counter is being extra helpful. I hold up the TDG and he says may I see that. He looks it over and says- I would like four. No joke.
Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (ypXm3)

---

That is so cool!

Posted by: SMH - Get right or get left at August 16, 2018 01:38 PM (XH/zt)

405 Trump drinks Diet Coke while sitting on the toilet.Impeach!
Posted by: steevy at August 16, 2018 01:33 PM

He uses two-ply! He's killing the planet! He should use his left hand like any civilized Muslim does!

Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at August 16, 2018 01:38 PM (2NqXo)

406 A communist, a closeted homosexual, a Muslim and a traitor walk into a bar.

Will you be having the usual, Mr. Obama?

Posted by: broseidon, semi-official komodo dragon shifter at August 16, 2018 01:39 PM (oZ6kz)

407 For a person who lost their Freedom of Speech Brennan sure had some nasty things to say about the President today... Funny that

Posted by: It's me donna at August 16, 2018 01:39 PM (O2RFr)

408 Nood

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters at August 16, 2018 01:39 PM (fA1SL)

409 A man walks into a bar, and says:

"Ow!"

Posted by: Warai-otoko at August 16, 2018 01:39 PM (BRvh1)

410 It was a the same editorial?! Not 350 individual takes on "Trump is a big meanie"?
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 16, 2018 01:37 PM (AllCR)

---------------

Eh, it might as well be the same story. They were all gonna say the same things anyways. They're all too lazy to do the actual work.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at August 16, 2018 01:40 PM (I16G8)

411 Set sail for NOOD!

Posted by: Max Power at August 16, 2018 01:40 PM (q177U)

412 >>It was a the same editorial?! Not 350 individual takes on "Trump is a big meanie"?

351 separate takes. But's it's the unity of publishing on the same day.

Per CNN this is great because - get this! - it moves the conversation about Trump's war on the media outside of DC and NYC.

Posted by: Lizzy at August 16, 2018 01:40 PM (W+vEI)

413 U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) Director L. Francis Cissna on Wednesday defended striking "nation of immigrants" from his agency's mission statement, arguing that his agency ultimately serves the American people.

Yeah ... there's nothing about a "nation of immigrants" in the Constitution, but there is this:

secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at August 16, 2018 01:41 PM (OYwKq)

414 SMH, blew me away when he said 4. I was thinking 1.

Did you see the news about CB?

Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:41 PM (ypXm3)

415 My Grandfather used to be a fan of that really particular type of joke where it's a gratuitously long set up (filled with repetitive details and tangents) with a really stupid punch line.
Posted by: joe, living dangerously at August 16, 2018 01:19 PM (KUaJL)

Feghoot, aka "shaggy dog story".

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at August 16, 2018 01:41 PM (LI7AQ)

416 I was just about to ask...what happened?

Posted by: SMH - Get right or get left at August 16, 2018 01:42 PM (XH/zt)

417 A communist, a Muslim and a Former CIA director walk into a bar. The bartender says "What will you have Mr. Brennan"

Posted by: Timon at August 16, 2018 01:42 PM (h3t5U)

418 Beautiful brunette goes to the doctor.
Dr. : What's the problem"?
Brunette : "I'm in pain".
Dr.: "Show me where it hurts".
Brunette takes her finger pushes on her wrist and screams, likewise to her elbow. In fact everywhere she touches make her scream.
Dr.: "Your really not a brunette are you"?
Brunette: No I'm a blond, why do you ask"'
Dr. : " Your finger is broken"

Posted by: Javems at August 16, 2018 01:43 PM (cSfOv)

419 He's lying. Feghoot is an oil town in northern Alberta.They tell long jokes there just to avoid starting a new one.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at August 16, 2018 01:44 PM (8ZmvG)

420 SMH, he had a heart attack while sitting in his Doctor's office.

Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:45 PM (ypXm3)

421 Masterpiece Cake Guy.
Alistair ~~Cooke~~ Bake?

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 16, 2018 01:47 PM (+y/Ru)

422 420 SMH, he had a heart attack while sitting in his Doctor's office.
Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:45 PM (ypXm3)

---

Any word on his status?

Posted by: SMH - Get right or get left at August 16, 2018 01:48 PM (XH/zt)

423 Any update on Country Boy?
Posted by: Jewells45 at August 16, 2018 01:37 PM (kG5hP)

What happened to CB? Good dude.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at August 16, 2018 01:48 PM (LI7AQ)

424 The only thing we haven't heard about the CHAOS IN THE WHITE HOUSE is Trump's bathroom habits. I suppose at some point we'll be regaled with that, too.

I heard he wastes alot of water by flushing BEFORE he goes. He likes a fresh bowl.

He also uses at least 10 squares of TP

Posted by: McCool at August 16, 2018 01:52 PM (sZaoP)

425 I am not sure why we are surprised that lefties' heads explode at the thought that the INS, as a division of the US government, should serve the citizens of the United States. We actually had a sitting United States Senator, from Illinois, one of our more prosperous states, say he was working "24-7" for the rights of illegal aliens. Think about that for a minute "24-7" for the citizens of other countries.
In light of that - this is even less surprising.

Posted by: Publius Redux at August 16, 2018 01:53 PM (Fb9aZ)

426 CB is at home now. I'll check in on him every couple of days. He promised he will be at the MoMe.

Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:54 PM (ypXm3)

427 Praise God.

Thanks for the update, BH.

Posted by: SMH - Get right or get left at August 16, 2018 02:07 PM (XH/zt)

428 🛳

Posted by: AltonJackson at August 16, 2018 02:16 PM (ZQfW9)

429 382 I went to the post office to pick up some mailers for some cook books I'm sending. I took a cook book in to make sure I got the right size.
Post office is empty so the guy behind the counter is being extra helpful. I hold up the TDG and he says may I see that. He looks it over and says- I would like four. No joke.
Posted by: Ben Had at August 16, 2018 01:29 PM (ypXm3)
--------------------------

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at August 16, 2018 02:17 PM (0jtPF)

430 I used to regularly butted heads with the administrators where I worked. Had more than one discussion with fellow employees that I didn't work for the administrators, I worked- and they worked- and the administrators worked- for the people of the state. We didn't make a profit, we spent money, we were a state agency. It was our job to spend the money wisely to accomplish the agencies mission. Way too may thought our job was to keep the political appointees- that is- the administrators happy.

Posted by: Gospace at August 16, 2018 02:17 PM (grYCr)

431 &#U+1F6A2

Posted by: AltonJackson at August 16, 2018 02:21 PM (ZQfW9)

432 🚢

Posted by: AltonJackson at August 16, 2018 02:23 PM (ZQfW9)

433 "Nation of immigrants" my a$$.

We're a nation built by Native Americans, colonists, slaves, inhabitants of purchased and conquered lands, and Texans. None of whom were immigrants. The latter just moved into the house the former built.

Immigrants build nations like termites build houses.

Posted by: Donkey Joto at August 16, 2018 02:25 PM (0D9O2)

434 I don't care for allahpundit much at all, but to be
fair the conversation there was what would happen if Trump revoked
Mueller's clearance, in order to stop the investigation. It's the
latest handkerchief clutching moment for the left.

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 16, 2018 01:22 PM (k1TUh)

He is retarded about that to. Whether Brennan or Mueller, Congress does not have that power.

Posted by: redbanzai the Southerner at August 16, 2018 03:19 PM (FTXAT)

435 This is one of the problem with any Foreign Services, beit our State Department or the British Foreign Services. The staffer of any given division within it simply believe that their mission is to service China or Russia when it should just be United States or England.

Posted by: BigFire at August 16, 2018 06:24 PM (PzKK9)

436 Not to be entirely pedantic (and maybe someone covered this in the 400+ comments above) but INS was under DOJ and went bye-bye in 2003. USCIS is under DHS and while it may not roll off the tongue, it's not INS. It's the small part of what was INS that processes and adjudicates immigration benefit applications. INS also did what ICE, USCBP, Border Patrol do today, including criminal investigations. maybe helpful, maybe not.

Posted by: FedHed at August 16, 2018 07:11 PM (hXEaX)

Processing 0.07, elapsed 0.0648 seconds.
15 queries taking 0.0213 seconds, 445 records returned.
Page size 198 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.