In the End, It's Their Quirks That We Love [Warden]

My wife and I are approaching the outskirts of my hometown when she receives the text. My 79 year old father, who we're supposed to meet with his girlfriend at the county fair in a half an hour, has been admitted to the ER with chest pains.

Both of my boys, ages 11 and 6, are in the backseat, bored from the hour and a half drive, but eager to watch the demolition derby that is the final destination of this all-day fall road trip.

I curse under my breath, then promptly miss my exit and begin raging at the cars around me as I look for an alternative route to the hospital. Anger is almost always my reaction when I'm scared or upset.

My wife tries to soothe me. I calm down for the sake of my boys, but I can't get the worst case scenario out of my mind. My dad had undergone a quadruple bypass just a few years prior, and he just hasn't been the same man since.

By the time we arrive at the hospital, my dad's girlfriend has texted again. They've moved him to observation and she is with him. I relax upon hearing the news.

We check in at the front desk. A curmudgeonly old hospital worker shows us how to find his room.

"Just follow the brown acorns. All the different sections are some sort of nature theme I guess," he says with casual disdain.

"Damned hippies!" I snarl dramatically.

He either doesn't get it or finds it unworthy of even a polite chuckle. I wink at my older son. Mocking hippies is a running gag between us. One of his favorite stories is how I once punched one in the face.

We turn a corner and I catch a glimpse of my dad through a room curtain. As soon as I see him, I know everything is okay. He's talking animatedly with someone hidden from view. When he sees me, he smiles.

"How are you?" I ask.

He informs me that he's fine. The EKG was normal and he'd taken an enzyme test that had turned up negative, which means that he hasn't had a heart attack.

"Okay, first things first," I say. "Does Mom and, oh I don't know, YOUR OTHER SON WHO LIVES 5 MINUTES AWAY know you're here?"

Dad's girlfriend informs us that she called the two of them a few minutes ago. It's 6:15 pm. My dad checked in three hours ago and had only recently gotten around to telling anyone.

Honestly, I'm surprised that he'd done even that. The last time he'd been in the ER, he hadn't told anyone until the day after he'd been released.

I look down. "I see you thought to bring a book, though."

Dad usually has a paperback somewhere either on his person or in his car. Always bring a book so you'll never be bored, he once told me.

Dad nods proudly. "I grabbed it on the way out."

"You drove?"

"Yeah."

"Jesus. Really?"

The nurse starts going through Dad's medical history with him. "I see you have numbness in your left hand?" she asks.

Dad acknowledges that he'd had surgery, but it hadn't corrected the problem. Then he makes sure to point out that he can still do five chin-ups.

"Wow," says the nurse politely.

Dad tells her that he could do 12 up until a few years ago, which I can personally verify given that he once did them on a Disney bus during a family vacation in order to show up some punk kids near us who were having a chin-up contest using the grab bar.

I see my older son giggling. I poke him in the stomach and give him an eye roll. "Chin-ups!" he whispers.

Another inside joke. Every single time my dad visits our home, he has the same conversation with my son. It goes like this:

"You like playing football?"

"Uh uh."

"You gotta be strong for football. You work out? You do chins? You chin yourself?"

"I work out sometimes. I don't do chin-ups."

"Chin-ups are the BEST way to build strength. Tell your dad to get you a chin-up bar so you can chin yourself, okay?"

"Okay, Papa."

I'm tempted to tell my kid to lie and say he has a chin up bar just to get my old man off his ass, but worry that my dishonesty will be exposed when Dad wants to challenge him to a chin-up contest.

I look back at my dad as the nurse approaches the bed and tries to lift him to an upright seated position. He waves her off.

"Hold my feet," he commands gruffly.

She looks befuddled, but complies. What other choice does she have?

And then, I shit you not, my dad puts his hands behind his head, inhales dramatically, and does a sit-up like he's in gym class, beaming proudly as he reaches the top.

Oh my God! mouths my embarrassed wife from the other side of the bed, her panicked eyes simultaneously looking everywhere and nowhere.

My wife adores my father, but has also told me that my most important job is to not turn into him when I get older. Now she looks like she can't decide whether to hide or run.

"I do crunches every morning," Dad informs the nurse. Now it's my eyes that are on the move, sliding stealthily over to his bemused girlfriend.

Later, I would tell this story on Twitter and receive a great many comments about what a slick ladies man my dad is.

But he's not. He might be the most clueless man I've ever met when it comes to dealing with women. He doesn't even know how to flirt.

His actual intention is making sure everyone in the room knows that he's not some goddamned candy ass, as he would put it. This is important to him. I get it. I'm not much different. I just do my signalling in less obvious ways.

I shake my head slightly and smile in solidarity with his girlfriend. I feel like I'm in a Seinfeld episode. Every year my dad becomes a more distilled version of his essential self and this is entire sequence of events is him to a T: recklessly independent, obliviously earnest, tough, proud and stubborn.

His not a candy ass bona fides now established, Dad decides that this would be a good time for a lesson on Latin roots. He turns to my 6 year old. "Do you know what spect means. The root, spect?"

My younger one is whip smart. He can do two digit subtraction in his head and reads at a 2nd grade level, despite only having started kindergarten two months ago. He does not, however, know what the hell a Latin root is. Age appropriateness is not something my father has mastered. This would explain his decision to take me to see the movie, Animal House, when I was seven-years-old, along with many other odd events from my childhood.

My son shakes his head at the question. I can tell that he's happy to receive his grandpa's attention, but is already sensing that this is veering off into a decidedly not fun place.

"Spect means to see," the lecture continues. "Now, can you think of any words that have 'spect' in them?"

Another head shake. We'd promised him a demolition derby. This was not a demolition derby.

"IN-spect means to look within. SPECT-acle means a big sight. RE-spect means to look back. PRO-spect means to look forward."

"Okay," chirps my younger one, his feigned interest bolstered by the hopeful realization that the lesson might be over.

My dad is obsessed with Latin roots and thinks we should teach vocabulary to kids by making them learn them. He's such a true believer that he decided he was going to make my brother and I spend an hour a night learning them when we were in junior high.

We, of course, rebelled and the experiment ended after two weeks with my dad calling us assholes and storming out of the room.

There were hopes of a textbook and maybe even an educational board game that would teach eager, young home-schooled children the miracle of a Latin root based vocabulary, but he put it off until retirement, then just got too old to do it.

Now he's at it with my kids.

Did I mention that my dad is stubborn?

He drives me nuts some time. More so these days, as he'll get fixated on one or two things and just beat them to death.

But here in this observation room at the ER, I start looking ahead to his inevitable passing. Every time he has a health scare it becomes more real to me.

I think maybe I should have a eulogy written ahead of time. It's not the first time I've considered this. I've started on it a dozen times in my head, but I always end up crying and never get around to putting it to a word document.

I have dozens of hilarious stories about my dad. There's an entire routine I used to run through about how I was traumatized at childhood due to his embarrassing exploits. I've had entire rooms crying and wheezing through laughter for a half hour straight. A crowd favorite is the story about the "pee jug" he made us kids use for six months because he really liked the win-win scenario of acquiring free fertilizer for his garden while also saving on the water bill.

I usually transition from that story to the one where he cut a deal with a circus that was passing through town to take some of their elephant shit off their hands. I still remember my mom hiding in the kitchen as a dump truck full of it got shoveled into our garden. She was, of course, mortified.

I look down. I love this man. He's been a rock for our family for his entire life. In his relentless dedication to our physical and financial safety, he'd thought of and planned for everything. We used to razz him about the "bomb shelter" in our basement--an area stocked with dry goods, water, gold and silver coins and other doomsday needs--but what he was really doing with all that was showing his love the best way that he knew how.

But the things I'll remember the most fondly when he's gone are his small quirks and imperfections--even, and maybe mostly, the ones that frequently frustrate and embarrass me.

We don't love perfectly and we don't love perfect people. But when you love someone, you love all of them. And as you grow older, you start to see that the things that are imperfect about people are not only what makes them uniquely them, but also what makes them uniquely good.

Because every trait we have is a coin with two sides. My dad's sometimes exasperating bluntness, for example, also means that you always know where you stand with him. There is no guesswork to our relationship. I don't know a more honest man, and I've never in my life seen him behave any other way than exactly how he is. The trade-off is some inevitable social awkwardness, but at least we always have a good laugh about it.

Like most people, he's full of these Yin and Yang characteristic. His workaholic, Type A nature means no detail is ever overlooked, especially when having to do with important matters.

His excessive pragmatism is responsible for a red folder tucked into my file drawer that provides me with every single piece of information I might need upon his death--bank account numbers, who to contact and how, and where he's hidden cash and valuables from the tax man.

The old school chivalry that sometimes bleeds into a thoughtless chauvinism that irritates my wife was also at the heart of him treating my mom well and looking after her, even after they were divorced and even after she'd wronged him.

The flaws are all there, front and center. But the good by far outweighs the bad.

I pray regularly to have more patience both with my parents and my kids. It's one of my top prayers because I'm moody and often a grouch, and I feel guilty about it. I also know that this is just how I'm built and there's no cure, only a a gradual, conscientious amelioration of the worst effects of it.

My wife knows it, too, and when I'm being a crank, she'll sometimes kiss me on the nose, just like Lucy might do to Schroeder in a Peanuts comic strip. When she does this, she usually says something to the effect of, "It's a good thing that I find grumpiness to be cute."

It is, indeed.

Love your loved ones. All parts of them. This is what God made them to be.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 01:07 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 First.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 20, 2017 01:09 PM (/qEW2)

2 Sweet.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at October 20, 2017 01:12 PM (60v4h)

3 Nice perspect-ive.

Posted by: Barack Obama is a bad, bad man at October 20, 2017 01:14 PM (ylUqT)

4 You said it all.

Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at October 20, 2017 01:15 PM (8iiMU)

5 I can't believe you didn't discuss the volcano scene.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at October 20, 2017 01:15 PM (l9m7l)

6 Damn, Warden, you done went and made me a bit misty.

Posted by: Oedipus at October 20, 2017 01:16 PM (CXLVd)

7 Your dad is right about latin roots. Once you learn those words you can make sense of anything they are built around which is about a quarter of our language. Suddenly your vocabulary explodes.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:16 PM (39g3+)

8 No demolition derby huh?

Posted by: JAS at October 20, 2017 01:17 PM (Oj1RP)

9 Bandwidth alert! Bandwidth alert!

Posted by: The AoSHQ Hamsters at October 20, 2017 01:17 PM (vtcmf)

10 Very well said.

Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at October 20, 2017 01:17 PM (72PAC)

11 Oh boy, memories of my Dad's quirks. He wasn't an outgoing man -- quite the opposite -- but he had weird ways of showing his affection, like trying to tell jokes with a straight face. Except before he got to the punchline the lines around his eyes would crinkle up. We got to the point where we could tell and my sisters and I would say something like, "Dad, your eyes are crinkling! You're trying to tell a bad joke!"

Dad and I had our problems but I miss him something fierce.

Posted by: joncelli: a man, a plan, a crossbow at October 20, 2017 01:17 PM (RD7QR)

12 Yeah, a bit dusty in here too.

Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at October 20, 2017 01:17 PM (8iiMU)

13 I have an even better reason to love you loved ones.

The war starts Monday.

Make your time.

Posted by: Mean Joe Greene at October 20, 2017 01:17 PM (h7DeR)

14 Great story Warden. I enjoyed it.

Your writing is very good. Flow, tempo.

My father passed a couple years back and this really says it all. I am glad I told him how much I appreciated him before he fell over dead one day. He was 67 and a picture of health, then gone.

Posted by: The Jackhole Somewhere on Ventura Highway at October 20, 2017 01:17 PM (M+Lyo)

15 What a heartfelt tribtute to your pop. Your children are blessed by knowing their granddad. I so miss my folks.

Posted by: kallisto at October 20, 2017 01:18 PM (qV5PD)

16 Well said, Warden. Glad to hear that he is OK.

"And then, I shit you not, my dad puts his hands behind his head, inhales
dramatically, and does a sit up like he's in gym class, beaming proudly
as he reaches the top."

lol

Mandelbaum. Mandelbaum.

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at October 20, 2017 01:18 PM (tbOMB)

17 My God - It's filled with words!

Posted by: garrett at October 20, 2017 01:18 PM (IhBhD)

18 So damn dusty in here.

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2017 01:19 PM (7HtZB)

19 Warden,

I think you just wrote your eulogy ahead of time. That was lovely. Best to you and your family, and I hope you have your dad around for a long while yet.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:19 PM (iVOAv)

20 Nice. Very nice.

I have always gotten along with my parents, through thick and thin and I love them to death. I am, however, getting to the point in our relationship where they easily bug/annoy the living fuck out of me.

When I start feeling that way, I remind myself how lucky I am to still have them and lucky to have the ones I got. They put up with my bullshit all those years. Now I can put up with theirs.

Posted by: bicentennialguy at October 20, 2017 01:19 PM (vg8iE)

21 Mandelbaum. Mandelbaum.
Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at October 20, 2017 01:18 PM (tbOMB)

It's go time!

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2017 01:19 PM (7HtZB)

22 Your dad is right about latin roots. Once you learn those words you can make sense of anything they are built around which is about a quarter of our language. Suddenly your vocabulary explodes.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:16 PM (39g3+)

People called Romanes they go the house?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2017 01:19 PM (493sH)

23 Someone, Meremortal (or another 'M' commentor) was looking for a Fly Reel for a 7' 9"- 4 weight...

I forget who and which Thread?

Posted by: garrett at October 20, 2017 01:20 PM (IhBhD)

24
And here I thought this was going to be a review of Fredericka Wilson's wardrobe choices.

Well done.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at October 20, 2017 01:20 PM (pNxlR)

25 Your dad is right about latin roots. Once you learn those words you can make sense of anything they are built around which is about a quarter of our language. Suddenly your vocabulary explodes.

It's also a prerequisite for reading any book by Gene Wolfe, because you'll be in deep serious WTF-land otherwise.

I mean, not that you wouldn't be other than that, but the Latin roots help. Sort of.

Posted by: Sporkatus at October 20, 2017 01:21 PM (HtLSE)

26 My mom once told me something when I was dating a girl that stuck with me. She said the very thing that most attracts you to someone is the thing that annoys you most when you're married to them.

He's so quiet and thoughtful/why won't he talk to me more?
She's so fun and cheerful/Why won't she ever shut up?
He's so intelligent/stop treating me like I'm stupid!
She's so artistic/I hate this artsy fartsy crap!

All of us have good and bad in us, in fact the good often ends up being the bad. I think that the main effect of the curse was to give every good thing a bad side. Nuclear power gives us super bombs. TNT can be used to build highways and kill. Medicine heals and creates biological weapons.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:21 PM (39g3+)

27 LATIN ROOTS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFPKe9ksENk

Posted by: FUGAZI at October 20, 2017 01:22 PM (IhBhD)

28 A fine piece, warden. Almost caused a warm spark in the cold, hard place where my heart should be.

Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:22 PM (NWiLs)

29 Damn, it's all dusty in here. Stupid remodeling.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 20, 2017 01:22 PM (Ld7Bs)

30 What a great post.
Thanks, Warden.

Posted by: @votermom @vm pimping great books usually free or sale at October 20, 2017 01:22 PM (hMwEB)

31 Well said, Warden. A big part of my job is working up chest pain complaints in people like your dad. It is nice to hear stories from that side of the stretcher that don't start with "This fucking doctor...."

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at October 20, 2017 01:22 PM (BoMuO)

32 I saw Latin Roots open for Reel Big Fish at SkaFest in '98.

Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:22 PM (NWiLs)

33 25 Your dad is right about latin roots. Once you learn those words you can make sense of anything they are built around which is about a quarter of our language. Suddenly your vocabulary explodes.

It's also a prerequisite for reading any book by Gene Wolfe, because you'll be in deep serious WTF-land otherwise.

I mean, not that you wouldn't be other than that, but the Latin roots help. Sort of.
Posted by: Sporkatus at October 20, 2017 01:21 PM (HtLSE)

Also, the history of the Byzantine empire. Wolfe did his research. (When reading the Book of the New Sun, be sure to have a Wiki open nearby to look things up.)

Posted by: joncelli: a man, a plan, a crossbow at October 20, 2017 01:23 PM (RD7QR)

34 I think maybe I should have a eulogy written ahead of time. It's not the first time I've considered this. I've started on it a dozen times in my head, but I always end up crying and never get around to putting it to a word document.

If you can give the eulogy when it's time, bless you. You are a better man than I am. I couldn't.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 20, 2017 01:23 PM (FZxI4)

35 8 No demolition derby huh?

Posted by: JAS at October 20, 2017 01:17 PM (Oj1RP)
********

We made it there a little late. It was fun. The kids got to see some interesting lifestyle choices, like the two different couples in our row who'd decided to bring newborns.

And then there was the strung out, neck tattooed mom who wandered up and down the stairs for 15 minutes trying to figure out her section, row and seat number.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2017 01:23 PM (MZ8Zz)

36 I'll never forget that weekend with Ricky Martin and his Latin root. *sigh*

Posted by: Shep! at October 20, 2017 01:23 PM (vg8iE)

37 Leftist Latin Roots

Posted by: The Wise Latina at October 20, 2017 01:23 PM (vtcmf)

38 Sheesh...people are saying nice things about it so maybe I'll go back and finish reading it.

And I'll risk being the wet blanket here...if you're going somewhere with a story you should have telegraphed it a little in the first page so that a reader hitting page down a third time and still seeing a wall of text will have some faith that it's going somewhere.

(I was trying to make that sound less dickish, but I couldn't).

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 20, 2017 01:23 PM (gIRsn)

39 Now that was just wonderful, warden.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Show Your Team Colors with an Outrage Outlet Yell Leader Outfit! at October 20, 2017 01:24 PM (hLRSq)

40 Atheists have won an appeal in a case seeking to destroy a war memorial, because it is a large cross.

http://preview.tinyurl.com/yaanddmk

Posted by: Barack Obama is a bad, bad man at October 20, 2017 01:24 PM (ylUqT)

41 Very good Open Blogger. Very good, indeed. Thanks for sharing. Brings back memories.

Posted by: Pudding Head at October 20, 2017 01:24 PM (YV+SU)

42 I was trying to make that sound less dickish

epic fail

Posted by: The Wise Latina at October 20, 2017 01:25 PM (vtcmf)

43 This should be reposted on Father's Day.

Posted by: Soona at October 20, 2017 01:26 PM (ZAAkQ)

44 I can't believe I read the whole thing.

My father is 87 and will probably outlive me.

Posted by: Off the reservation at October 20, 2017 01:26 PM (vWMNq)

45 Simple. Beautiful. And both retrospective and prospective.

Thank you, warden!

Posted by: Duncanthrax at October 20, 2017 01:27 PM (ctuyM)

46 Warden my 88 year old Dad is in right now for an MRI on his shoulder. He was bending over to pick up apples off his lawn before mowing and fell. Mom died last year of cancer and Dad misses her terribly. Dad is frustratjng as all get out, as he has vascular dementia, but he is my Dad and i love him to death. Hang in there....

Posted by: F.N.G. at October 20, 2017 01:28 PM (Ms57i)

47
I can do 2 1/2 chinups !!

Posted by: Sphynx at October 20, 2017 01:29 PM (OZmbA)

48 Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:22 PM (NWiLs)

Consider taking the "Fenelon Challenge" and try going a whole week next week without saying one negative thing about yourself. :^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:29 PM (iVOAv)

49 Lovely, warden.

Posted by: iwuzhere at October 20, 2017 01:29 PM (QS3Sf)

50 Your dad is right about latin roots.
******

I know it. I took a vocabulary test as part of college entrance in order to test out of some prereqs. I blew it away.

Then my dad took it, totally smoked my score and said, "I told you to study those Latin roots.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2017 01:29 PM (MZ8Zz)

51 The Paolo, he will show you his Latin root.

Posted by: The Paolo at October 20, 2017 01:30 PM (7HtZB)

52 Consider taking the "Fenelon Challenge"
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:29 PM

Umm, is that the one that buzzion failed?

Posted by: Duncanthrax at October 20, 2017 01:30 PM (ctuyM)

53 I'm with your Dad on latin roots. Had a small introduction to it in middle school and I LOVED it. I still use what I learned. I was bummed when the month or so ended.

But everyone else was thrilled when it ended, so I guess I was an outlier.

Posted by: Professor Chaos aka gumdrop gorilla at October 20, 2017 01:31 PM (htrDF)

54 43 This should be reposted on Father's Day.

Posted by: Soona at October 20, 2017 01:26 PM (ZAAkQ)

Yes, I agree.

Very good and moving, Warden.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans amepesands at the present time) at October 20, 2017 01:31 PM (ZM2xo)

55 Is this a thread where we post hundreds of mock porn titles?

Posted by: wooga at October 20, 2017 01:32 PM (sNzC+)

56 Warden, I think you just produced a pretty well done rough draft of a eulogy right there.

Hope your dad continues to be a thorn in your side for as long as you'll have him, though. Hehe.

Posted by: Gaff at October 20, 2017 01:32 PM (jPS2y)

57 Consider taking the "Fenelon Challenge" and try going a whole week next week without saying one negative thing about yourself. :^)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:29 PM (iVOAv)

You might as well ask me to go a week without breathing. But it's a nice thought.

Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (NWiLs)

58 Posted by: Duncanthrax at October 20, 2017 01:30 PM (ctuyM)

Could people please get my typocide correct?t. ;^) It was a typo that caused an early demise of grammie winger (but she's recovered nicely). I had nothing to do with Buzzion's demise. I think that was a vengeful PIXY,

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (iVOAv)

59 A crowd favorite is the story about the "pee jug" he made us kids use for 6 months because he really liked the win-win scenario of acquiring free fertilizer for his garden while also saving on the water bill.

========

Sounds like Russian collusion to us.

Posted by: Fusion GPS at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (/qEW2)

60 I'm a bit late to the party, but I think you just wrote your eulogy. Best wishes for your father's speedy recovery and continued good health. Shalom.

Posted by: Faffnir at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (la8gx)

61 Looks to me like you have the eulogy already written!

Posted by: MiloX at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (c7f0n)

62 Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (NWiLs)

Yes you can! Just do some deep breathing before you post.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (iVOAv)

63 We made it there a little late. It was fun. The kids got to see some interesting lifestyle choices, like the two different couples in our row who'd decided to bring newborns.

---------------------

Here are my boys, Walker and Texas Ranger.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at October 20, 2017 01:34 PM (/0IRq)

64 .
Beautiful job. I simply do not understand why we expect our parents to be perfect in some way or another.

I was fortunate in that I thoroughly enjoyed and respected my parents -- irritating as they could be.

Oddly enough, I was talking to my youngest kidlet and saying how much I missed them . . .

Posted by: mustbequantum at October 20, 2017 01:34 PM (MIKMs)

65 Guys like your dad made, and make, this country great. They make their kids great. My dad is more of the introspective engineer type, with his own conversational ruts and quirks.

Like you, I am old enough that death is no longer over the horizon for either me nor him. It's down the road a ways. Can't tell how far away, but it's there. And thus every moment, every conversation, is precious.

I wish I hadn't been 30 before I figured that out.

Posted by: John Joseph Cass at October 20, 2017 01:34 PM (D52LJ)

66 Atheists have won an appeal in a case seeking to destroy a war memorial, because it is a large cross.

I have a hard time with this. I try to think of it if, say, the war memorial was a big hammer and sickle or a crescent moon. Would I agree with the judge that it was inappropriate then? Does posterity or history make things okay that are wrong now? Like statues commemorating Civil War Rebs? I don't know.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:34 PM (39g3+)

67 Is this a thread where we post hundreds of mock porn titles?

Only if they have Latin roots.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at October 20, 2017 01:34 PM (60v4h)

68 I had nothing to do with Buzzion's demise. I think that was a vengeful PIXY,

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (iVOAv)

Liar!

Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (cAnNx)

69 Posted by: wooga at October 20, 2017 01:32 PM (sNzC+)

No! That was last night and I'm sure you contributed splendiferously to it. :^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (iVOAv)

70 Nice shout-out to ACE from Sarah Hoyt at Insty:

http://preview.tinyurl.com/y9x7n6x2

Posted by: The Clinton Crime Family at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (ul9CR)

71 Aw. Made me cry. Lots. *sniff*

Just lovely.

*sniiiifff*

Posted by: G. Gnome, with the red pointy hat at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (al6UK)

72 I wish I hadn't been 30 before I figured that out.

Took me until I was 50 to realize how much time I'd wasted in my youth. Just doing... nothing. How much writing I could have gotten done. How much everything. As my health continues to decline, I am realizing more and more what I could have accomplished that now I cannot.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (39g3+)

73 Truth.

Posted by: steve walsh at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (4JUuD)

74 Something in my eye, dammit. Thank you.

Posted by: Patrick Flynn at October 20, 2017 01:36 PM (i4inS)

75 72. 'When I consider how my light is spent' & etc

Posted by: Apple Fritters While Rome Burns at October 20, 2017 01:36 PM (IYu0m)

76 Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (cAnNx)

Hey!. Did I ever call you "dear" It's only if I call you 'dear" that you have cause to worry. Anyone here I've called "dear" keep a wary eye out. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:37 PM (iVOAv)

77 67 Is this a thread where we post hundreds of mock porn titles?

Only if they have Latin roots.
Posted by: Grump928(C) at October 20, 2017 01:34 PM (60v4h)

En vino es vagine

Posted by: Northerlurker, Still Lurking After All These Years. at October 20, 2017 01:37 PM (nBr1j)

78 Newsweak - Is Melania Leaving President Trump? After Body Double Rumors, You Can Now Bet On it

The October 13 "Doublegate" incident included questions about the first lady's height, hair, nose and sunglasses, but was also fueled by an awkward comment by the president himself.

"My wife, Melania," he said, quickly adding, "who happens to be right here."

That's right the loony left now thinks that Melania has a body double. And if you play Strawberry Fields Forever sideways it says, Melania buried Paul

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2017 01:38 PM (493sH)

79 72 I wish I hadn't been 30 before I figured that out.

Took me until I was 50 to realize how much time I'd wasted in my youth. Just doing... nothing. How much writing I could have gotten done. How much everything. As my health continues to decline, I am realizing more and more what I could have accomplished that now I cannot.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (39g3+)

Yeah. My prime years were poured right down a black hole, and I can never get them back. Sometimes the purpose of one's life is to serve as a warning to others.

Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:38 PM (NWiLs)

80 Hey!. Did I ever call you "dear" It's only if I call you 'dear" that you have cause to worry. Anyone here I've called "dear" keep a wary eye out. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:37 PM (iVOAv)

OK, Reverend Fumblefingers. How long did it take you to type that and how many times did you re-read it before you trusted yourself to hit send?

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 20, 2017 01:38 PM (gIRsn)

81 What a wonderful person your father must be! I am so glad it was nothing bad this time.

That was a lovely post. I could feel the (warm and loving) family dynamic throughout.

Posted by: Ann at October 20, 2017 01:38 PM (jtHQy)

82 Warden, this is such an outstanding and touching thread. Thank you for sharing it with us. Priceless.

Posted by: fastfreefall at October 20, 2017 01:38 PM (3Uxaf)

83 28 A fine piece, warden. Almost caused a warm spark in the cold, hard place where my heart should be.
Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:22 PM (NWiLs)

Well, ya had a good run. A day of feeling good. Maybe shoot for one day a week. That's what I do.

Posted by: Eeyore and his tail at October 20, 2017 01:39 PM (htrDF)

84 Well said, Warden. Since my dad passed away, we find ourselves remembering all of the little quirky things that made him who he was. Some of them are funny, some of them are "smfh"-worthy, but in the end, it's all good.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 20, 2017 01:39 PM (p+Wdc)

85 My primary goal as a parent is for my kid to never look at me the way I look at my parents.

I'm doing good so far, I think.

Posted by: Sponge at October 20, 2017 01:40 PM (xttKs)

86 Love those who love you with every ounce of strength no matter how imperfect. But burn with the heat of a thousand suns those who deliberately threaten that love, and all which is material to you and your loved ones happiness.

Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:40 PM (brsgu)

87 I love your dad, and I love this post, Warden.

Posted by: Miley, illicitly posting from work at October 20, 2017 01:40 PM (hyZqB)

88 Glad you liked the movie.

"I think maybe I should have a eulogy written ahead of time. It's not the first time I've considered this. I've started on it a dozen times in my head, but I always end up crying and never get around to putting it to a word document."

Never did get to eulogise my dad the way he deserved, for most of the same reasons. Father/son relationships can be complicated. The best one I've heard was a friend of mine giving the most disjointed slapdash recitation of memories. It was the earnestness that showed the love and respect he had, not the eloquence.
You've done a fine job yourself. Now you'll just have to edit it so the movie won't be a trilogy.

Posted by: OneEyedJack at October 20, 2017 01:40 PM (z79tQ)

89
76 Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 01:35 PM (cAnNx)

Hey!. Did I ever call you "dear" It's only if I call you 'dear" that you have cause to worry. Anyone here I've called "dear" keep a wary eye out. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:37 PM (iVOAv)

It's still your fault. If I could find the thread I would prove it.

Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 01:41 PM (cAnNx)

90 Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 20, 2017 01:38 PM (gIRsn)

Watch it, dear.! ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:41 PM (iVOAv)

91 Its one of those things older folks tell younger ones all the time: things go by quickly, you have less time than you think, don't waste time.

But when you're young, it makes no sense, and you're too foolish to listen. They say youth is wasted on the young, and it is. Its one of the cruel sad truths of living in a sinful world. But age is wasted on the old, too. All that wisdom and no real way to take advantage of it or make it matter.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:41 PM (39g3+)

92 "Took me until I was 50 to realize how much time I'd wasted in my youth. Just doing... nothing. How much writing I could have gotten done. How much everything. As my health continues to decline, I am realizing more and more what I could have accomplished that now I cannot."

I basically spent my 20s doing nothing. I had some adventures, true, but I was working and wish I had saved some for when I got married. As it is, I did find the love of my life and married her when I was 27. So my 20s weren't a total waste. I think I am just living under the weight of being the "black sheep" of a family of over-achievers, and I live in fear of failing my wife and infant. Thank you for lending perspective.

Posted by: John Joseph Cass at October 20, 2017 01:42 PM (D52LJ)

93 As long as you are still breathing, you can make a contribution to this world. God isn't just keeping you around because he's too busy.

Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:43 PM (brsgu)

94 Warden

This is distilled wisdom and a loving tribute to the tower of strength that is your father, simultaneously.

Thank you so much.

Thinks about my father. Where did all that dust come from?

Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 01:43 PM (hyuyC)

95 Warden, thank you. This is wonderful.

It was you who wrote, "Love isn't a feeling. It's thought put into action. It's a choice. And it begins with gratitude."

Between that and this, you have given me a lot to think about.

Posted by: JPS at October 20, 2017 01:43 PM (/HGBn)

96 "It's never too late to be what you might have been".

Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:44 PM (brsgu)

97 My primary goal as a parent is for my kid to never look at me the way I look at my parents.

Now this I can get behind.

My boys are in their early 20s. I've heard a thing or two about my failings, valid, but they've had a whole different Dad experience than I did. (Mine was fine, no trauma).

I hope they in turn are better at daddying than I.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 20, 2017 01:44 PM (gIRsn)

98 "Just follow the brown acorns. All the different sections are some sort of nature theme I guess," he says with casual disdain.

"Damned hippies!" I snarl dramatically.

========

Like, don't eat the brown acorns, dude!

Posted by: Stoner Squirrel at October 20, 2017 01:44 PM (/qEW2)

99 Love this blog.

Posted by: Soona at October 20, 2017 01:44 PM (ZAAkQ)

100 My Dad can say the most obtuse offensive thing and yet tear up almost immediately when talking about his children, grand-children, or great-grand-children. But this article sounds very much like me and my father. He is the best man I know.

Posted by: drocity at October 20, 2017 01:45 PM (VoiUv)

101 This is a pleasure to read. Whenever I visit my parents my dad tells the same stories each time from his much younger years. I can finish them all now. In fact, he tells them I almost exactly the same way every time. He has no apparent signs of dementia. Knows all his kids, grandkids and great grandkids. The repetition used to bother me but I now accept that some day I will never hear these stories again so it's now all OK.

Posted by: DaveD at October 20, 2017 01:45 PM (P5fqQ)

102 This is a really great post and you are a lucky man. My dad turned 90 a couple of weeks ago. He walks 1/2 mile three or four times a week, does two crosswords or more every day and goes dancing with his lady friend every Friday, if the right band is playing. He and I play (old) country music at the nursing homes for an hour on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and he plays Bridge at least every other week. He's exasperating at times, but my brothers and I are lucky to still have him.

Posted by: huerfano at October 20, 2017 01:45 PM (Dp2K8)

103 This was lovely. I think about this stuff more and more while watching my parents age.... something which is much harder than I ever imagined it to be.

Posted by: tdpwells at October 20, 2017 01:45 PM (bLJXu)

104 96 "It's never too late to be what you might have been".
Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:44 PM (brsgu)

Sometimes it is. I can never be what I wanted to be.

Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:46 PM (NWiLs)

105 Bueatiful writing Warden. I always look forward to anything you post.

Posted by: Bosk at October 20, 2017 01:46 PM (fjMEv)

106 Dammit, now I miss my dads.

Posted by: deplorable Jewells45 at October 20, 2017 01:47 PM (zRZaJ)

107 Yeah. My prime years were poured right down a black hole,

Oh poppycock and balderdash. You have 4 lovely children, and many great experiences from those years before it went to crap. You still have 4 children and will have grandchildren I expect.

I meet men of your age who wish they had married and had children. That they hadn't wasted years on meaningless experiences & sex. They want the good memories you have of being a young father.

So yes, things went to crap for you, and it is horrible, I am not discounting that at all. But those were not wasted years that went into a black hole.

Now go make me a sammich!

Posted by: Professor Chaos aka gumdrop gorilla at October 20, 2017 01:47 PM (htrDF)

108 Lacking patience isn't a fault unless you don't recognize it.

We call that "human".

Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:47 PM (brsgu)

109 93 As long as you are still breathing, you can make a contribution to this world. God isn't just keeping you around because he's too busy.
Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:43 PM (brsgu)

----------

I don't know. I called him this morning and I'm still on hold.

Posted by: Soona at October 20, 2017 01:47 PM (ZAAkQ)

110 Consider taking the "Fenelon Challenge" and try
going a whole week next week without saying one negative thing about
yourself. :^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:29 PM (iVOAv)
No way, if I did that I'd hear nothing in my head. I've grown accustomed to the dialogue.I have, however, gone back to asking for guidance and forgiveness, strength and understanding as I face each days trials.Best I can do at the moment.

Posted by: browndog at October 20, 2017 01:47 PM (bGMOs)

111 Great post; and well timed for me. My Dad passed away last week, so this really struck a chord as I've had a lot of similar thoughts the last few months.

Posted by: Pete at October 20, 2017 01:48 PM (+GIS3)

112 What gets me is that when I think about my father's generation -- much the same as many of yours -- I think about what men they were. So strong and capable and masculine, without being brutes or thugs or cruel. My father worked himself literally to death for us. He wouldn't take a day off even when he was so sick he could barely get out of bed. He would give up everything for us, without even a hesitation.

I look at what I am now and what the men of younger generations are and feel a kind of horror. I wasn't raised to play computer games and chat on the computer all day. I wasn't raised to have my room a horrendous mess. Every example my father gave me should have been enough for me to know better.

Now, I'm so ill I don't really have energy to do much, but for so long I could have been more. That casual strength and maleness that men had in the past, its all but gone now. What happened to us?

Did things just get so easy and so comfortable we stopped trying? Is life so filled with comforts and distractions we just were seduced into being worthless?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:48 PM (39g3+)

113 I've lived a lifetime since my Dad died. It's been 40 years.

I doubt a day has gone by in the last 40 years that I have not thought of him at least once.

The love between a father and son, when it is real, is a very good thing, and a very strong thing.

Warden, never ever be ashamed of showing,in a manly way, of course, how much you love your Father. He sounds like a great guy, despite all his imperfections.

You are a profoundly fortunate man.

Posted by: Bozo Conservative....outlaw in America at October 20, 2017 01:48 PM (vcOmj)

114 Posted by: browndog at October 20, 2017 01:47 PM (bGMOs)

Those are all good things.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:49 PM (iVOAv)

115 FenelonSpoke

Poor FenelonSpoke. All your ministering to this rough crowd seems to be for naught.

And what do we remember? This time you killed grammie winger.

Have a blessed day! You and yours are in our inner circle of prayer.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 01:49 PM (hyuyC)

116 96 "It's never too late to be what you might have been".
Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:44 PM (brsgu)

----------

That's a Hallmark card. There is a time in life where one realizes that some dreams just ain't gonna happen.

Posted by: Soona at October 20, 2017 01:50 PM (ZAAkQ)

117 I believe the thought is never quit and I never will.

Some opportunities come and go. But there are always opportunities to make this world a better place or do something you've never done.

As long as you are still breathing by he grace of God you can accomplish something. It's not about your specific desires, it's about your abilities.

Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:51 PM (brsgu)

118 That's a Hallmark card. There is a time in life where one realizes that some dreams just ain't gonna happen.
Posted by: Soona at October 20, 2017 01:50 PM (ZAAkQ)

Ayup.

Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:51 PM (NWiLs)

119 Did things just get so easy and so comfortable we stopped trying? Is life so filled with comforts and distractions we just were seduced into being worthless?

Life got so easy we don't have to be hard men to keep the wolves at bay.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 20, 2017 01:51 PM (FZxI4)

120 "That's right the loony left now thinks that Melania has a body double."

It's going to be like deprogramming a cult.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Show Your Team Colors with an Outrage Outlet Yell Leader Outfit! at October 20, 2017 01:51 PM (hLRSq)

121 Great post, as always, Warden. My 23 year old son is the light of my life, and I am very fortunate to have a close relationship with him. So glad to hear you do not take your Dad and his presence for granted.

Posted by: RM at October 20, 2017 01:51 PM (U3LtS)

122 What a great article! My wonderful mother is one of those "bite the bullet" types too. I didn't even learn she had broken her hip until two weeks after the fact ("I didn't want to trouble you!"). She swore her neighbor friend to secrecy. Her friend stuck to her vow to not inform me, which she got around by telling Mom's gabby cousin, who promptly called me, as she knew she would.

Against all predictions, mom was soon enough biking and walking circles around me, because she's not some whiny weakling. Nobody's interested in your aches and pains! Except when she's coddling her precious loinfruit, of course.

I laughed at Warden's dad's love of Latin roots. My dad would expound on the classical foundation of words until even Homer nodded. That's what happens when Dominicans beat it into you at a young age.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at October 20, 2017 01:51 PM (qJtVm)

123 Pete: brother you have my deepest sympathy. I have been down that road and its a very tough one. Losing my father was like having the floor disappear under me. I never even knew how important and central he was in my life, even though I never took him for granted. There was no way to understand it until suddenly he was gone. Its been nearly 30 years and I still miss his quiet, strong wisdom. So many things I needed to talk to him about, and couldn't.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2017 01:52 PM (39g3+)

124 I call dibs on Melania's body double!!

Posted by: Bozo Conservative....outlaw in America at October 20, 2017 01:52 PM (vcOmj)

125 And what do we remember? This time you killed grammie winger.

I don't think she's ever shown remorse for that. What she's objecting to here is being blamed for Buzzion's demise.

Now, I was around when Buzzion bought it but I don't remember the circumstances very well. There was a smell of sulphur, I think.

But Buzzion is in fact the dead guy here. If he blames Fenelon, well, who has standing to contradict him?

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 20, 2017 01:52 PM (gIRsn)

126 Posted by: Pete at October 20, 2017 01:48 PM

Prayers for you and your family, Pete. May his memory be eternal.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 20, 2017 01:52 PM (p+Wdc)

127 Sometimes it is. I can never be what I wanted to be.

Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:46 PM (NWiLs)

Brother from another mother...peace be with you.

Posted by: browndog at October 20, 2017 01:52 PM (bGMOs)

128 Christopher, what is your illness?
I'm sad that it's keeping you from writing - you are so talented.

Posted by: @votermom @vm pimping great books usually free or sale at October 20, 2017 01:53 PM (hMwEB)

129 *turns on Cats in the Cradle*

Posted by: Roy at October 20, 2017 01:53 PM (7n4KQ)

130 Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 01:49 PM (hyuyC)

Yes; I expect the horde to chew on a joke so long by the end it's like some stringy sodden, tiny mess, but I think they mean it kindly. If someone announces I've gone to be with the Lord before they do, they'll all be saying, "Remember when Fenelon killed Grammie Winger?....and buzzion will be claiming (Erroneously, I might add) that i did him in too. ;^)

Thanks for the prayers. They are much appreciated and needed.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:53 PM (iVOAv)

131
Dear Open Blogger,

That was truly moving.
I hope your Dad and all of his cut quirkiness is with you and your family for a good while to come. Lost mine just a couple years ago.
And you're right, it is the beautiful eccentricities that stand out in memory.

Posted by: Cold Civil War at October 20, 2017 01:53 PM (Z2PYk)

132 That's a Hallmark card. There is a time in life where one realizes that some dreams just ain't gonna happen.
Posted by: Soona at October 20, 2017 01:50 PM (ZAAkQ)
----
*dejectedly disassembles stripper pole and converts it to Festivus pole*

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at October 20, 2017 01:53 PM (qJtVm)

133 "cute" quirkiness

Posted by: Cold Civil War at October 20, 2017 01:54 PM (Z2PYk)

134
One of the nicest thing about my youth was having a role model to pattern after--though I didn't realize it at the time.

It also occurred to me that the older I became, the smarter my parents got.

Funny, that.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 20, 2017 01:54 PM (S/hVx)

135 Rush said congresswymyn Empty Barrel went there...she called Gen. Kelly rayciss.

Posted by: kallisto at October 20, 2017 01:54 PM (qV5PD)

136 I live in fear of failing my wife and infant.
*******

Don't think for an instant that you're the only one. And I mean that kindly.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2017 01:54 PM (MZ8Zz)

137 We all have two lives, the one we learn with and the life we live after that. -Bernard Malamud

One of my favorite quotes.

Posted by: Professor Chaos aka gumdrop gorilla at October 20, 2017 01:54 PM (htrDF)

138 No thanks. My dad is a deadbeat asshole and no one will miss him when he's gone.

Posted by: Going to laugh a lot at October 20, 2017 01:55 PM (cOANc)

139 Or,

How can I repent if I can't repent?

Posted by: JAS at October 20, 2017 01:55 PM (Oj1RP)

140 Brother from another mother...peace be with you.
Posted by: browndog at October 20, 2017 01:52 PM (bGMOs)

And also with you.

Posted by: Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo! at October 20, 2017 01:55 PM (NWiLs)

141 Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at October 20, 2017 01:53 PM (qJtVm)

LOL.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:55 PM (iVOAv)

142 Those of you whose parents are still alive PLEASE cherish the times that you have with them. My mother was the absolute most wonderful person on earth. I lost her over 8 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her, want to call her to share something about my kids, etc. Every single day I look to the sky and say "I miss you mom"

Damn allergies...

Posted by: Timon at October 20, 2017 01:55 PM (NTM5E)

143 Great post, as always, Warden. My 23 year old son is the light of my life, and I am very fortunate to have a close relationship with him. So glad to hear you do not take your Dad and his presence for granted.
Posted by: RM

My sons are 23 and 20. Sometimes I think they will drive me crazy.
But I love them so much, sometimes it hurts. I can't imagine how empty and worthless my life would have been without them.

My youngest son, despite all his flaws, is much like my Father, looks like my Father, a man that died 20 years before he was born. I look at him sometimes and realize that in someway I have been given a second chance.

Life can be funny like that sometimes.

Posted by: Bozo Conservative....outlaw in America at October 20, 2017 01:56 PM (vcOmj)

144 *dejectedly disassembles stripper pole and converts it to Festivus pole*

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at October 20, 2017 01:53 PM

Covfefe. All over the monitor.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 20, 2017 01:56 PM (p+Wdc)

145 I love when people say something like "I could have been an astronaut".

Well yeah, maybe.

But that wasn't Gods plan for you. Gods plan is to enrich your soul as it travels on this journey. That's why every day is precious and you should find new experiences and contributions you can make.

It's about desire. For example, in most communities there are opportunities to make a difference. Join the ambulance corps or work in ways to better people's lives.

Events can change you whether of your own initiative or Gods will.

Trust me. I survived September 11th. If I had a choice, I would have preferred to be somewhere else.

But God didn't ask. -_-

But it grew my soul and changed my life.

Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:57 PM (brsgu)

146 That is one of the more moving things I have ever read. Many of us have felt the emotions, but simply are not capable of articulating them, at least not nearly that well.

My own dad died in an accident when I was 19. I still talk to him in my mind sometimes.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 20, 2017 01:57 PM (5OO3x)

147 Posted by: Going to laugh a lot at October 20, 2017 01:55 PM (cOANc)

Angie...is that you?

Posted by: WitchDoktor, AKA VA GOP Sucks at October 20, 2017 01:58 PM (eytER)

148 Lacking patience isn't a fault unless you don't recognize it.

We call that "human".

Posted by: Marcus T at October 20, 2017 01:47 PM (brsgu)

========

Impatiens is a virtue.

Posted by: 1-800-FLOWERS at October 20, 2017 01:58 PM (/qEW2)

149 Rush said congresswymyn Empty Barrel went there...she called Gen. Kelly rayciss.
Posted by: kallisto

Well, of course she did. What did you expect?

Now, let's all choose up sides and fling poo-poo at each other.

She's a vulgar assclown, but at this point....WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

Posted by: Bozo Conservative....outlaw in America at October 20, 2017 01:59 PM (vcOmj)

150 Could people please get my typocide correct?t. ;^) It was a typo that caused an early demise of grammie winger (but she's recovered nicely). I had nothing to do with Buzzion's demise. I think that was a vengeful PIXY,

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 01:33 PM (iVOAv)

Fenlon isn't the real danger in the room.

Autocucumber is the real cereal killer around here.

Just ask the Kaboom Clown!

Oh wait. You can't. He's DEAD!

Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at October 20, 2017 02:00 PM (QzJWU)

151 Yah know, I think I sorta like your dad, and I've never even met him.

And Sonobi. I like that stuff too.

But I miss my dad, even after 8 years. I'm a grown man myself (and even a grandfather!), and I still wonder if my dad would be proud of me.

Posted by: Action Jackson is my name. Bold adventure is my game. at October 20, 2017 02:00 PM (4VTnx)

152 Very touching. Thank you.

Posted by: Great Reagan's Deplorable Ghost at October 20, 2017 02:00 PM (56GKt)

153 *save tags for the win*

Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at October 20, 2017 02:00 PM (QzJWU)

154 Oh, Jim....who loves ya, baby?

Posted by: The Barrel at October 20, 2017 02:00 PM (p+Wdc)

155 I love when people say something like "I could have been an astronaut".

Well yeah, maybe.

But that wasn't Gods plan for you.

========

Well, it certainly wasn't the plan of those sexists at NASA for me. That was kind of my "Hitler art school" moment that set me on the road to politics.

Posted by: Hillary! the inescapable at October 20, 2017 02:01 PM (/qEW2)

156 West Point's alma mater contains these verses:

And when our work is done,
Our course on earth is run,
May it be said, 'Well Done;
Be Thou At Peace.'

An ONT included this verse from the Bible 2 Timothy 4:7 (I know, right? ONT, Bible?):

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith

That's the best we can hope for, I think.

Posted by: blaster at October 20, 2017 02:01 PM (GuzcK)

157 One thing I wanted to mention, peripherally political, is that we are commanded to honor our parents and that obligation is right after what we owe to God. For some reason, modern communication is all about how horrible our parents are; they are not real people, they are just servants to our wants. I blame 'psychology' (or Oprah) for allowing this to get totally out of control.

Posted by: mustbequantum at October 20, 2017 02:01 PM (MIKMs)

158 Posted by: Jim at October 20, 2017 02:00 PM (QzJWU)

I'm glad some folks recognize that. and now I can't get out of my mind some huge 32 foot tall malevolent looking cucumber.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 02:01 PM (iVOAv)

159 146. We lost our dad untimely as well. It wasn't until recently that I recognized how cheated we were by his early death. I try to tell people w/aging parents how blessed they are...not everyone gets it.

Posted by: kallisto at October 20, 2017 02:03 PM (qV5PD)

160 Posted by: garrett at October 20, 2017 01:20 PM (IhBhD)

Garret, that was me looking for the fly reel. Have to leave for a long drive fairly soon but I'll catch up with you, thanks for remembering!

Posted by: Meremortal at October 20, 2017 02:03 PM (3myMJ)

161 Posted by: blaster at October 20, 2017 02:01 PM (GuzcK)

Thanks; I've always liked that passage.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 02:03 PM (iVOAv)

162 I liked this very much.

Posted by: Farmer Bob at October 20, 2017 02:03 PM (sqpGi)

163 I think maybe I should have a eulogy written ahead of time. It's not the
first time I've considered this. I've started on it a dozen times in my
head, but I always end up crying and never get around to putting it to a
word document.

*Softly* I think you just did Warden. What a wonderful post.

Posted by: Weirddave at October 20, 2017 02:03 PM (Nyyc4)

164 I generally reserve this link for Father's Day, but now isn't a bad time either. If you have allergies, don't watch: http://tinyurl.com/yd84qycf

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 20, 2017 02:03 PM (5OO3x)

165 Dammit, Warden, it's a beautiful Kentucky fall day and I don't wanna cry.

My dad's 80 this year and I'm so lucky to have him still. He's a very Godly, loving, and extremely generous man who drives my mom crazy about half the time, AND he can cuss a blue streak. Really, he's made my husband blush on occasion.

I thank God for both of my parents every day. Now excuse me while I go make a phone call...

Posted by: shinypie at October 20, 2017 02:04 PM (5Upc3)

166 My wife and I went back to Oklahoma in June of 2015 so my three kids(then 9, 6 and 4) could say goodbye to their Papa Dean, my dad. Weak from the ravages of chemo and close to the end of his fight, he lifted each one up into his recliner so he could kiss and hug them one last time. I'll never forget that.

Posted by: Okie in OR at October 20, 2017 02:04 PM (J3mKa)

167 I'm glad some folks recognize that. and now I can't get out of my mind some huge 32 foot tall malevolent looking cucumber. Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 02:01 PM (iVOAv)
=====

You were watching the VeggieTales movies before going to sleep.

Posted by: mustbequantum at October 20, 2017 02:04 PM (MIKMs)

168 Compliments embarrass me, but I really do appreciate them so thank you to everyone for your kind words. It means a lot to me.

I think it's important to sometimes put a piece of yourself out into the world, especially when doing so makes you feel a little uncomfortable.

So, that's primarily why I write these posts--that and to organize my thoughts on different matters.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't care what people thought of it.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2017 02:04 PM (MZ8Zz)

169 Warden, that was great.
I love this place, warts and all.

Posted by: RI Red at October 20, 2017 02:04 PM (fJ5wU)

170 Posted by: mustbequantum at October 20, 2017 02:04 PM (MIKMs)

I shouldn't haven't eaten right before I went to sleep.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 02:05 PM (iVOAv)

171 Jim just clears Barrel Reef. A near thing, though.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 20, 2017 02:05 PM (5OO3x)

172 I have found the proof that Fenelon is at fault for my death.

Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 02:07 PM (cAnNx)

173 I have an audiobook about a little boy who went to heaven and came back. He reports that in Heaven no one is old and nobody wears glasses.

Posted by: kallisto at October 20, 2017 02:07 PM (qV5PD)

174 Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 02:07 PM (cAnNx)

You're dead. I don't have to believe you anymore. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 02:09 PM (iVOAv)

175 This was lovely. God bless you and your dad. And may you be subjected to many more years of stories about chin ups and pee jars.

Posted by: Nunya Bizness at October 20, 2017 02:09 PM (brtRO)

176 Posted by: blaster at October 20, 2017 02:01 PM

*starts humming the Alma Mater*

Thanks for the ear worm.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 20, 2017 02:09 PM (p+Wdc)

177 Damn, I'd love to have a go at Trish Regan.

But alas.....a dream unfulfilled.

Posted by: Soona at October 20, 2017 02:10 PM (ZAAkQ)

178 One thing I wanted to mention, peripherally political, is that we are commanded to honor our parents and that obligation is right after what we owe to God. For some reason, modern communication is all about how horrible our parents are; they are not real people, they are just servants to our wants. I blame 'psychology' (or Oprah) for allowing this to get totally out of control.

Posted by: mustbequantum at October 20, 2017 02:01 PM (MIKMs)

========

Destroy family bonds, and the children will look to the state. I think the USSR invented this (that story about the kid who snitched on his parents and was held up as some kind of national hero).

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 20, 2017 02:10 PM (/qEW2)

179 I have found the proof that Fenelon is at fault for my death.

Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 02:07 PM (cAnNx)
...and so it begins.

Posted by: browndog at October 20, 2017 02:11 PM (bGMOs)

180
I have found the proof that Fenelon is at fault for my death.

Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 02:07 PM (cAnNx)

It was that 666 thing yesterday, right?

Posted by: Roland THTG at October 20, 2017 02:13 PM (QM5S2)

181 Buzzion, can you tell me which pocket your wallet is in? It's so awkward to search the bodies .

In this corner we have FenelonSpoke. With her manager bluebell. And an assortment of bladed weapons.

In the other corner we have buzzion, looking like death warmed over.

In the end, there can only be one.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 02:13 PM (hyuyC)

182 My dad is 92. His body is frail, and his mind seems to come and go. I'll fly down next week to see him, which I try to do every 4-6 weeks. This trip I'm taking a lot of Italy pictures from the area where he grew up. He'll like that. Also taking pizzelles made by the MereWife, which are a favorite of his.

Posted by: Meremortal at October 20, 2017 02:14 PM (3myMJ)

183 My parents divorced when I was about 4 - I really didn't have much memory of my father. I met him about 30 years later. I discovered that, yes, its nature AND nurture. My mother would at times say "you are your father's son" - usually when I was being willful and hardheaded - but when I met him she wasn't just disowning behaviors. I am my father's son.

For a couple of years we maintained an email correspondence, and then, we didn't. I honestly don't know if he is still alive. I see he has a twitter account, last time he posted something was a year ago. I google his name +obituary and I don't find one, so I reckon he's still topside. Huh - just found him on Facebook and he posted something 5 days ago.

So, Warden, butterfly effect. I am going to ping the old coot. I haven't even put much thought into him in, oh, about 7 years.

Posted by: blaster at October 20, 2017 02:15 PM (GuzcK)

184 I have found the proof that Fenelon is at fault for my death.

Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 02:07 PM (cAnNx)

Damn, I thought it was Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2017 02:15 PM (493sH)

185 This thread: http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=358675

As I said, it was Fenelon's confusion about a comma placement which led to a "Thomas Sowell is dead" meme, and thus from there it happened.

Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 02:16 PM (cAnNx)

186 Posted by: Roland THTG at October 20, 2017 02:13 PM (QM5S2)

Man, if I'm the Antichrist more people should be following me,.I should have more political and religious power and acclaim. If I'm the AntiChrist I stink at the job! Not to say I'm not a sinner in need of God's grace, but the AntiChrist..nah

Besides, I think the AntiChrist- if there is one- as opposed to many little antichrists-is supposed to be a man. ;^)
.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 02:16 PM (iVOAv)

187 I have found the proof that Fenelon is at fault for my death.

Posted by: buzzion at October 20, 2017 02:07 PM (cAnNx)

========

That's a common trope murder mysteries, isn't it? Someone is killed, and their ghost reveals subtle clues to the investigator to guide him to who did it. But I don't recall the ghosts leaving blog comments. That would make for a short movie.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 20, 2017 02:17 PM (/qEW2)

188 That is so beautiful and touching Warden, thank you for sharing.

One of my family members is dying of cancer and I got to fly to see them recently. Maybe the last meeting in this life I'll ever get to have, since they live far away. Got to hear their personal history and their testimony about God and faith, which is stronger than ever despite their illness. It was a very special afternoon I'll treasure the rest of my life.

I definitely need to do better at loving the ones around me and appreciating them before there is no time left to do so. Thanks for a prescient reminder.

Posted by: LizLem at October 20, 2017 02:18 PM (hvf9s)

189 FenelonSpoke

The proof that we love you in a Christian, not taking the place of your husband, way is the teasing.

Thank you for being you in this company of miscreants. You have helped me, just by showing your faith and tolerance.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 02:19 PM (hyuyC)

190 Not only is it handy for vocab. to know Latin roots, if you learn to tell whether a word is from Old English or a related tongue, or derived from Latin, or an import from "X" language, you can make a pretty good stab at the spelling. Then you can correct autocarrot, or look it up in the dictionary, or whatever.

Posted by: The Inexplicable Dr. Julius Strangepork at October 20, 2017 02:19 PM (QBrQE)

191 *save tags for the win*
Posted by: Jim at October 20, 2017 02:00 PM

I'm pretty sure we don't have the same definition of win.

Posted by: The Barrel, who longs not to be Empty at October 20, 2017 02:22 PM (ctuyM)

192 Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 02:19 PM (hyuyC)

Thanks; I know people are teasing me. I don't really think of anyone as a miscreant here-some trolls are annoying- but aside from that...no..

You are a very nice man, and do a great job in brightening up the place here.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 02:23 PM (iVOAv)

193 Besides, I think the AntiChrist- if there is one- as opposed to many little antichrists-is supposed to be a man. ;^)

AntiChrist ain't woke???

Posted by: Roland THTG at October 20, 2017 02:24 PM (QM5S2)

194 This thread: http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=358675

----

That thread is hilarious.

Posted by: auscolpyr at October 20, 2017 02:25 PM (suO/a)

195 Got to hear their personal history and their testimony about God and faith, which is stronger than ever despite their illness. It was a very special afternoon I'll treasure the rest of my life.

That sounds like a blessed sharing, LizLem.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 20, 2017 02:25 PM (iVOAv)

196 NOOD

Posted by: Professor Chaos aka gumdrop gorilla at October 20, 2017 02:25 PM (htrDF)

197 The Barrel, who longs not to be Empty at October 20, 2017 02:22 PM (ctuyM)

RAAAAAYYYYCISSSSSSS!

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at October 20, 2017 02:25 PM (BoMuO)

198 Best thing I have read today. Thanks.

Posted by: Mike at October 20, 2017 02:26 PM (NHygO)

199 In this corner we have FenelonSpoke. With her manager bluebell. And an assortment of bladed weapons.
Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 02:13 PM

Yeah, well ya have to watch out for bluebell, as well.

When she says "Here, hold my latte ...", it's time to be get nervous, and be afraid. Very afraid.

Posted by: The Barrel, who longs not to be Empty at October 20, 2017 02:27 PM (ctuyM)

200 My father was a very difficult man. Well, my mother (now 85 and toting an AR-15) is also a difficult woman.

But as the six of us grew up, we came to appreciate most of the quirks and to tolerate the faults with a sense of humor and humility.

Well, I should say five of us did. One of my sisters is still hypercritical of her parents, as if she never outgrew the prideful rebellion of adolescence. And I think the bitterness comes from measuring them against a fantastic ideal.

She is the only moonbat in the family.
I don't think this is a coincidence.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at October 20, 2017 02:30 PM (0jtPF)

201 That's a common trope murder mysteries, isn't it? Someone is killed, and their ghost reveals subtle clues to the investigator to guide him to who did it. But I don't recall the ghosts leaving blog comments. That would make for a short movie.

In fairness, King Hamlet reveals all and you still get a long play out of it.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at October 20, 2017 02:31 PM (QQ+il)

202 @ Warden

Enjoy the embarrassments, frustrations and such like for as long as you can. It'll end too soon, no matter how long it lasts.

I miss all those things about my mom. For 6 years I had her in my home taking care of her. And for 6 years I was alternately frustrated, aggravated, mad, happy, sad, worried, and I miss it terribly. She passed 10-2-17.

As I said enjoy it.

Please

Posted by: Mr Mxyzptlk at October 20, 2017 02:32 PM (GWVcB)

203 To be honest, Warden, I envy you. We were never a close family. You are a really lucky man.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 20, 2017 02:33 PM (/qEW2)

204 Warden such a very lovely post. I am glad you Know what your father brings to your life before it is too late.
My father died when I was a baby and I had aa step very temporarily as a teen. I am jealous of those that had Fathers that remained in your lives and brought you all the things a father does.

to those that are struggling as fathers, your children will remember when you stay the course and help them through the struggles of life

If you are struggling how much more will they without You? Even if you do it imperfectly

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2017 02:33 PM (FKrah)

205 one last thing

I'd give anything to be able to sit on a couch next to my mother and talk.

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2017 02:35 PM (FKrah)

206 That's right the loony left now thinks that Melania has a body double."

So you're saying there is a chance?

Posted by: free tibet at October 20, 2017 02:37 PM (CL76w)

207 willow

My father died a year after I got married. I could have used his wisdom. I'd sure like to talk with him again. Alas.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 02:38 PM (hyuyC)

208 NACly, I cannot imagine the wisdom he might have shared or my mothers as I struggled as a 20 year old. and how many errors I would have saved my self from (if I would have acknowledge that wisdom) because we seem to return late to idea of the honor of our parents at times.

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2017 02:41 PM (FKrah)

209 Wow. Your Dad sounds like the alternative version of a Pat Conroy novel Dad, ever ingenious in his schemes to succeed but without the extremes of the nasty abusive side. My Dad went quickly and horribly years ago and I never really had the chance to anticipate his passing or mourn him before his death, other than passing musings. Thanks for your story.

Posted by: Sensitive new age guy at October 20, 2017 02:46 PM (mYDmK)

210 willow

All we can do is to face the future without them, but with the example they set, the standards they preached, the daily upbringing and their genes.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 20, 2017 02:46 PM (hyuyC)

211 true,NaCly

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2017 02:48 PM (FKrah)

212 This is a great piece that got me thinking about my own father, a very flawed man who in the end simply walked away from his family. It was years and not until after his death that I was really able to forgive him, but it sure makes life easier to have done that.

After a cancer scare a couple of years ago, my 30-year old only son approached me on his way out the door after a visit and whispered in my ear, "Stay healthy - I still need you in my life."

Any son who becomes a father is a blessed man, whether he knows it or not.

Posted by: Kaner at October 20, 2017 02:50 PM (rR7m4)

213 Very nice, Warden.

Posted by: BuckIV at October 20, 2017 02:54 PM (CLfqv)

214 Is Warden an actual warden?

Posted by: Sensitive new age guy at October 20, 2017 02:55 PM (mYDmK)

215 Thank you for sharing. God bless you and your family.

Posted by: Locke Common at October 20, 2017 02:58 PM (NKZba)

216 Very well written.

Posted by: Alana at October 20, 2017 02:59 PM (W3Sas)

217 214 Is Warden an actual warden?
******

No, it's some gayballz handle I came up with in 2004 for when I started a blog that never went anywhere.

I called the blog, "The Cliffs of Insanity" and imagined the comment section to be like an asylum, of which I would be the warden.

Utterly stupid.

But I used that handle here and never switched because it's how people identified me.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2017 03:02 PM (MZ8Zz)

218 My dad is 95. He has no dementia whatever. He's just tough and muley.

In Chaucer's time, all the latinates in English came through Old French. Right in Shakespeare's time, Francis Bacon and company were busy Latining-up English, to try to make it a suitable language for scientific discourse. There have been several English-purifying movements to try to rid us of this, attempting to use Anglo-Saxon words instead. There was a pecking order, too: German was better than French, Greek better than any of the Romances. It's...an exercise.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at October 20, 2017 03:06 PM (H5rtT)

219 Maybe instead of a eulogy, just chin up bars filling the stadium (sounds like a man who'd fill a stadium).

Posted by: eShamus at October 20, 2017 03:09 PM (x56TM)

220 Please tell me he was a Marine. Sounds a helluva lot like one.

Or a cranky Sergeant Major. Plumley-level.

Posted by: mr wolf at October 20, 2017 03:15 PM (YkEgi)

221 Thanks for this, Warden. It's touching and a good reminder to cherish the people we love, and remember there can be perfection in the imperfect.

I'm still pretty young, both my parents are gone, and I used to hate it when my mom would call me by some goofy pet name. I hated when she used princess because I am a Tom boy, and princesses are perceived as fussy and high maintenance and I am neither. It took me a long time to understand that's not what she meant (we didn't always have the best relationship which further muddled things), but I wish she was around to call me that now.

Pain and loss are inevitable in life, regrettably; value what's really important, ignore the minor irritations, embrace joy where you find it.

Posted by: atomicplaygirl - I survived GNAMM 2017 and all I got was this lousy nic at October 20, 2017 03:17 PM (R1k26)

222 Excellent post. Extra points for making me tear up at the office.

Posted by: LeftCoastContrarian at October 20, 2017 03:24 PM (XW9x3)

223 Veni Vidi Vici this most excellent movie review.
Two thumbs up to your dad.

Posted by: Tim from Nashua at October 20, 2017 03:49 PM (EATOD)

224 I'm late to this party but I wanted to make sure to say "Thank You" Warden. Beautiful essay. So much I would like to say but it is too dusty in here to type.

Posted by: cfo mom at October 20, 2017 04:15 PM (RfzVr)

225 A stunningly beautiful piece of writing.

And your old man was my old man.

Posted by: Bill Kilgore at October 20, 2017 04:31 PM (xD1DL)

226 My parents are still with us, thank God. Mom and Dad are 75; bio Father is 79. They're all crazy and exasperating at times. But many of the good things that I am, I inherited from them or had instilled in me by them. I'm proud that they're mine.

Posted by: baldilocks at October 20, 2017 04:55 PM (SIP8o)

227 Spent the day with mom at a local park/museum.
Stopped at Dad's grave on the way to put some more grass seed in before this weekends rains.

Posted by: DaveA at October 20, 2017 05:07 PM (FhXTo)

228 I loved reading this. My father recently died and I took on the task of sorting through boxes and albums of his photos, ending up with about a thousand photos that I'm scanning for my brothers.
My dad was pretty distant, but I can see the affection he had for all of us in the pictures he chose to put in the albums he treasured.

Posted by: Portlandmermaid at October 20, 2017 05:08 PM (uxyN0)

229 228. When I was going through pics for my mom's service I was struck by how her hand was always resting on my shoulder in posed shots. The things we don't notice while they're still with us.

Posted by: kallisto at October 20, 2017 05:46 PM (eO2Z0)

230 Thank you. Just beautiful.
And I really hate allergy season.

Posted by: gobagoo at October 20, 2017 06:18 PM (A/saJ)

231 Well said Warden. Thanks.

Posted by: Penultimatum at October 20, 2017 08:47 PM (EEUs4)

232 Beautiful piece of writing.

Posted by: flsprtsgod at October 21, 2017 06:49 PM (ILsJE)

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