Woman Attempts to Rescue First Date from Embarrassment of Non-Flushing Toilet... By Flinging Poo Out of the Window

There is a positive side to this story -- she explained what she'd done in her poo-panic to her date, who seems to be taking it in stride.

You've got to read this.

“We had a lovely evening, and enjoyed each other’s company very much.
“After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary.
“About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
“’I went for a poo in your toilet’, she told me ‘and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked’, she continued ‘I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window’.
“I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened.
“Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.

So the poo was caught between the first pane and the second.

At this point, it gets weird:

“As can be seen in the picture, the inside window opens at the top, into the gap that is separated from the garden by a non-opening double-glazed window pane. Seeing only one solution, I messaged our house group-chat, and went upstairs to find a hammer and chisel to smash open the window.
“My date had other ideas.
“Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested "inside out bag as glove" technique. Unfortunately she couldn't reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window.
“She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap."

The affair ended with the Bristol fire department being called to extricate the woman from her own poo-sonal hell.

Man's reach exceeds his grasp, sometimes.

Anyway, we saw some honesty, some team-work in the face of adversity, and some dramatic events. Not bad for a first date. Maybe this couple has a future that doesn't involve poop mishaps.

Posted by: Ace at 08:24 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 In Germany, you pay extra for that.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:24 PM (RMA4e)

2 This is a hilarious story! Great way to end the day!

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 08:25 PM (XFue2)

3 The letter, after having been rejected by the Penthouse Forum, was published in the Outhouse Forum.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at September 05, 2017 08:26 PM (FUu/Z)

4 This is gonna be an epic thread.

Posted by: Country Boy - official AmbASSador to the CenTexMoMee at September 05, 2017 08:26 PM (W/Si3)

5 I would have just changed my name and moved.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:26 PM (RMA4e)

6 Plungers, how do they work?

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 08:26 PM (eIQHF)

7 . . . and a scientology documentary.

On a first date. I'm getting a little suspicious.

Posted by: m at September 05, 2017 08:26 PM (p6cpl)

8 What has this girl been eating?

I mean. How can a turd withstand this kind of handling and abuse?

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:28 PM (RMA4e)

9 A former gymnast? second date a given...

Posted by: Realityman at September 05, 2017 08:28 PM (Ch0fq)

10 My late mother-in-law excused herself from the table in the middle of Thanksgiving years ago. She proceeded to flood the toilet. And the floor. And the hallway. During Thanksgiving dinner.

Posted by: grammie winger at September 05, 2017 08:29 PM (lwiT4)

11 @7- Hey baby,,, wanna come over to my place and check out a Scientology documentary?

What the hell,, maybe I should try that one.

Posted by: teej at September 05, 2017 08:30 PM (KQuMS)

12 During Thanksgiving dinner.

Just making room for seconds.

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 08:30 PM (eIQHF)

13 does this count as doing butt stuff?

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at September 05, 2017 08:30 PM (vChNs)

14 Anal on the first date.

Posted by: Max Power at September 05, 2017 08:30 PM (q177U)

15 What is it about excrement that drives people insane?

Posted by: Fritz at September 05, 2017 08:31 PM (eLttb)

16 amateurs

Posted by: Zoo Monkeys at September 05, 2017 08:31 PM (vChNs)

17 My first date with my former long time girlfriend involved me holding her hair back while she threw up in the toilet and on my shoes. If the above poo story is true, that would have had two dates with that girl. The first and the last.

Posted by: Jack Sock at September 05, 2017 08:31 PM (LuKE7)

18 I hope the couple makes it and tells the story to their grandkids.

But not their kids.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at September 05, 2017 08:31 PM (gIRsn)

19 She couldn't just eat it?

Posted by: Divine at September 05, 2017 08:31 PM (vChNs)

20 Anyway, we saw some honesty,

---

but it was plan B

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at September 05, 2017 08:32 PM (vChNs)

21 It's not a Stuck on Stupid quality tale, but not bad either. In the next episode, they convert a guy in a Che t-shirt to free market principles.

Posted by: GnuBreed at September 05, 2017 08:33 PM (0ogQG)

22 Who decides they are going to push up their sleeves and wrangle a fucking turd?

Just climb out the window, slide down the drain spout and walk away.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:33 PM (RMA4e)

23 "... a scientology documentary." Ummm... I don't think there was ANY embarrassment at all wrt anything that happened afterwards.

Posted by: MrX at September 05, 2017 08:33 PM (QpMYC)

24 >>but it was plan B

I think you mean Plan # 2.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:34 PM (RMA4e)

25 9 A former gymnast? second date a given...

---

wasn't this already date #2?

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at September 05, 2017 08:34 PM (vChNs)

26 As a guest I always poop in the toilet tank. Days later my host/hostess always has a story about a rogue turd. I hoot w/ derision.

Posted by: Tidy Bowl Man at September 05, 2017 08:34 PM (bc2Lc)

27 Since this thread seems to be diving right into the old terlit I think I'll get the guitar out for a bit.

Posted by: teej at September 05, 2017 08:34 PM (KQuMS)

28 So she's a poo flinger..........Sounds like safe space will be needed for some who will see something racist in this.

Posted by: Molly k. at September 05, 2017 08:35 PM (u+fwn)

29 Pro tip - don't date women who can crank out a truckers' shit.

Posted by: Corona at September 05, 2017 08:35 PM (zIb93)

30 I think i'd rather have

"Here, hold my beer"

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at September 05, 2017 08:35 PM (vChNs)

31 I love the picture of her stuck upside down in the window gap.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 08:36 PM (XFue2)

32 She should have used the litter box & blamed it on the cat

Posted by: josephistan at September 05, 2017 08:36 PM (ANIFC)

33 10: grammie my mom did that at our house on thanksgiving. no amount of plunging would open the toilet up. ever call roto rooter on thanksgiving?

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 08:36 PM (KP5rU)

34 Then again, maybe poop-involved events are just "their thing". Never agree to a double date with them.

Posted by: Ruby Ridge & Waco at September 05, 2017 08:36 PM (rznWS)

35 Never poop on a date (unless she asks you to).

Save pooping for marriage.

Posted by: Jaqen H'ghar at September 05, 2017 08:37 PM (5fSr7)

36 "At this point, it gets weird"

Because it wasn't weird at all up until then.

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 08:37 PM (UoSKV)

37 I bet this is more common than you think with those shitty low flow Euro toilets.

Posted by: mugiwara at September 05, 2017 08:38 PM (I7hGG)

38 Not surprising since England does have shitty plumbing.

Posted by: Jack Sock at September 05, 2017 08:38 PM (LuKE7)

39 So, she isn't an EPA employee

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at September 05, 2017 08:39 PM (vChNs)

40 He needs to install an airliner toilet. Whoosh!

Posted by: Corona at September 05, 2017 08:39 PM (zIb93)

41 Anyone else think this is...crap???

Posted by: tu3031 at September 05, 2017 08:39 PM (O5Q3r)

42
She grabbed. Retrieved. Her poo. From the toilet. With her hands?

And told her date about it.

"Help get the plunger!" was out of the question?

Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (2wRtc)

43 I'll just say again that I'm glad I'm happily married and not out there in the dating world.

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (UoSKV)

44 I notice we don't actually have any quotes from the girl about this suspicious story.

Posted by: Hercule Poirot at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (QpZB2)

45 ever call roto rooter on thanksgiving?

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 08:36 PM (KP5rU)
==================================

No-good brother-in-law doubled as the roto rooter man that day. I was so mad at her. Then three weeks later she was dead and I wasn't mad anymore.

Posted by: grammie winger at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (lwiT4)

46 I was on a 2 day boat race over the weekend with 11 guys on the boat. We found out, much to our horror, that the toilet was broken about a half hour into the race.

This made for some epic and quite inventive pooping acrobatics which I will not repeat due to the sensitive nature of some of the people here.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (/tuJf)

47 So, ahhh, while you're stuck up there, would you mind if I got some luv'n?

Posted by: shiity boyfriend at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (vChNs)

48 This is, in many ways, the story of the Obama presidency.

Posted by: Average Guy at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (LMcFk)

49 Must be a slow news day if all we had to talk about was butt cracks and shit.

Posted by: Gaylord Farkemall at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (+dsLj)

50 >>>Pro tip - don't date women who can crank out a truckers' shit.<<<

When my niece was 14yrs old and 70lbs. dripping wet, she could plug a bowl like Michael Moore on a chili bender. My duty as an uncle was to teach her to be proud of those moments.

Posted by: Fritz at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (eLttb)

51 So, grammie winger possesses a Killing Curse.

Noted.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at September 05, 2017 08:41 PM (gIRsn)

52 Something stinks about this story.

Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at September 05, 2017 08:41 PM (2wRtc)

53 Many moons ago I was at a friends house when his girlfriend and her friend came in and the friend exclaimed in a loud voice, "we have been on the road for a couple hours and I need to use the shitter!".

Her exact words. She disappeared for about an hour.

Both were strippers by the way.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at September 05, 2017 08:41 PM (5VlCp)

54 This made for some epic and quite inventive pooping acrobatics which I will not repeat due to the sensitive nature of some of the people here.
Posted by: JackStraw at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (/tuJf)
-------------

I'm not afraid to say thank you for that.

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 08:41 PM (UoSKV)

55 Posted by: JackStraw at September 05, 2017 08:40 PM (/tuJf)
===================================

I shall never go boating with you. Ever. Don't ask me. Ever.

Posted by: grammie winger at September 05, 2017 08:42 PM (lwiT4)

56 was this two wimmens..? I couldn't figure it out.

Posted by: mallfly suPreme at September 05, 2017 08:42 PM (ILitO)

57 To be fair, she sounds like a keeper.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 08:42 PM (XFue2)

58 >> I love the picture of her stuck upside down in the window gap.

I would have ran and got my flag.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:42 PM (RMA4e)

59 I would have done the same thing, except I probably would have then claimed some emergency and left. She was pretty bold to fess up.

Posted by: LASue at September 05, 2017 08:43 PM (hZ+us)

60 >>I shall never go boating with you. Ever. Don't ask me. Ever.

Hey, it wasn't my boat. My toilets work.

I am not an animal.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 05, 2017 08:43 PM (/tuJf)

61 She was pretty bold to fess up.

Posted by: LASue at September 05, 2017 08:43 PM (hZ+us)
=============================

My bet's on 'dim'.

Posted by: grammie winger at September 05, 2017 08:44 PM (lwiT4)

62 38 Not surprising since England does have shitty plumbing.
Posted by: Jack Sock at September 05, 2017 08:38 PM (LuKE7)

ISWYDT

Posted by: Average Guy at September 05, 2017 08:44 PM (LMcFk)

63 shitters full!

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 08:44 PM (KP5rU)

64 *So the poo was caught between the first pane and the second.

At this point, it gets weird:*

Right, that's when it got weird.

Posted by: tbodie at September 05, 2017 08:44 PM (exNvx)

65 has this story been confirmed on Verrit? Sounds like a Hillary story to me.

Posted by: mallfly suPreme at September 05, 2017 08:44 PM (ILitO)

66 Hey, it wasn't my boat. My toilets work.

I am not an animal.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 05, 2017 08:43 PM (/tuJf)
================================

Never. the. less.

Posted by: grammie winger at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (lwiT4)

67 I presume this was all just a diabolically clever ploy to have a nice dinner and then avoid any pressure from her date for sex.

Cuz if I were her date, there would be no pressure for sex after that. None.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (Mouru)

68 >>So the poo was caught between the first pane and the second.

On the plus side, you can look right at the Eclipse now.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (RMA4e)

69 sounds like a real pane in the ass

Posted by: shiity boyfriend at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (vChNs)

70 My bet's on 'dim'.
Posted by: grammie winger at September 05, 2017 08:44 PM (lwiT4)
---------

I glanced through the story. They met on Tinder.

And crowdsourced the funds to replace the window.

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (UoSKV)

71 Always test flush a toilet before using it.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (IWbvi)

72 23. I watched it a few weeks ago. It's good.

Posted by: LASue at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (hZ+us)

73 Oh, come on. There had to be a cat box in that house somewhere.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (Mouru)

74 Always test flush a toilet before using it.
Posted by: Burnt Toast at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (IWbvi)

Words to live by.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at September 05, 2017 08:46 PM (Mouru)

75 What's the worst question one can hear when you have guests over?

Do you own a plunger?

Posted by: Under Fire at September 05, 2017 08:46 PM (mcI77)

76 Being an amateur gymnast,

---

a Pro would have landed the dismount

Posted by: shiity boyfriend at September 05, 2017 08:46 PM (vChNs)

77 On the plus side, you can look right at the Eclipse now.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (RMA4e)
===========================

choking here

Posted by: grammie winger at September 05, 2017 08:47 PM (lwiT4)

78 Damn. The Mets are even getting stomped by the Phillies and they are barely a major league team.

Just end this season already.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 05, 2017 08:47 PM (/tuJf)

79 Always test flush a toilet before using it.

But then you may have just wasted the last good flush before breaking it!

Posted by: a humdrum conundrum at September 05, 2017 08:47 PM (QpZB2)

80 always test flush a toilet before using it

AGREED

Posted by: Michael Moore at September 05, 2017 08:47 PM (ILitO)

81 And no, we did not pay the claim

Posted by: Farmers Insurance at September 05, 2017 08:48 PM (vChNs)

82 "she could plug a bowl like Michael Moore on a chili bender. My duty as an uncle was to teach her to be proud of those moments."

=========

Pride...hmmm...tough sell. More power to ya if you can pull it off.

Posted by: Corona at September 05, 2017 08:48 PM (zIb93)

83 re 80

agreed

Posted by: Lena Dunham at September 05, 2017 08:48 PM (ILitO)

84 You just can't make this shit up.

Posted by: Under Fire at September 05, 2017 08:49 PM (mcI77)

85 In the next episode, while bungee jumping from a helicopter above Big Ben, the cord gets wrapped up on the minute hand, and it all leads to them recovering the Philosopher's Stone from a secret toilet chamber, where Isaac Newton had hidden it centuries before.

Posted by: GnuBreed at September 05, 2017 08:49 PM (0ogQG)

86 78 Damn. The Mets are even getting stomped by the Phillies and they are barely a major league team.

Just end this season already.
Posted by: JackStraw at September 05, 2017 08:47 PM (/tuJf)

---

our starting pitcher has a homer and 4 ribbies. sweet

Posted by: Farmers Insurance at September 05, 2017 08:50 PM (vChNs)

87 She could have just dropped it in the aquarium.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at September 05, 2017 08:50 PM (Mouru)

88 what the hell, she give birth to a buick in there?

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 08:50 PM (KP5rU)

89 That's what I'd call a shitty date.

Nothing is sacred anymore.

Posted by: Ummmm at September 05, 2017 08:50 PM (LIhNq)

90 The last photo is hysterical

Posted by: LASue at September 05, 2017 08:50 PM (hZ+us)

91 Poor guy would have gotten laid if his loo could handle her poo.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 08:50 PM (XFue2)

92 "After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary."

Forget the poop....what kinda horror date is this!?

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 08:51 PM (Enq6K)

93 >always test flush a toilet before using it

Years ago, I was visiting an ex at her apartment in Brooklyn. I had just arrived (5:30 am) and was taking a piss in her bathroom when she walked in and proceeded to take a shower.

She knows nothing of bathroom privacy. But, she was hot. So. Nobody cared to learn her I guess.

Anyway. I finish pissing and she's showering and talking to me.

I flush.

Everything that had ever been flushed down that toilet proceeded to come back out of the toilet and the shower drain.

She jumped straight out of the shower and onto my back, screaming bloody murder.

Luckily, I still had my boots on.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:52 PM (RMA4e)

94 38 Not surprising since England does have shitty plumbing.
Posted by: Jack Sock at September 05, 2017 08:38 PM (LuKE7)

Not to mention shitty architecture. A window opening onto a non-opening window? Ooh-kay.

Posted by: rickl at September 05, 2017 08:52 PM (sdi6R)

95 After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary."

Forget the poop....what kinda horror date is this!?
Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 08:51 PM (Enq6K)

OT Level VIII: No more bowel movements. Ask Tom Cruise.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at September 05, 2017 08:52 PM (Mouru)

96 what's the commercial with the old rock tune "you can go your own way"?

Posted by: Mallfly Maddow at September 05, 2017 08:52 PM (ILitO)

97 Hey Bluebell, glad to see you!

Work release?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at September 05, 2017 08:53 PM (gC2IV)

98 what the hell, she give birth to a buick in there?
Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 08:50 PM (KP5rU)

One of them low flow toilets probably. They hardly fluch anything

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 08:53 PM (SjImc)

99 The last photo is hysterical
Posted by: LASue at September 05, 2017 08:50 PM (hZ+us)
-----------

And I'm looking at that, and thinking, I guess the date took the picture?

They'll have to get married. No one else is going to go anywhere near either of them.

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 08:53 PM (UoSKV)

100 Who the Hell could even poo on a first date, let alone at the guy's house?!

I mean, theoretically because of course refined women do not poo.

I know I certainly do not, and I never did at Thor's place while he was there at the same time.

Even after we got married, I'd send him out to get me a Coke or something if I needed to do such a thing, which of course I did not.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 08:53 PM (yE+j4)

101 re 93: and did you get some after that..?

Posted by: Mallfly Maddow at September 05, 2017 08:53 PM (ILitO)

102 In two days my nephews go thru a package of toilet paper. I buy the cheap stuff when they stay

Posted by: Patrick From Ohio at September 05, 2017 08:53 PM (dKiJG)

103 If the poo don't fit, you must acquit.

Posted by: zombie Johnny Cochran at September 05, 2017 08:54 PM (0ogQG)

104 92 "After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary."

Forget the poop....what kinda horror date is this!?
Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 08:51 PM (Enq6K)

Leah Remini exposes all kinds of shit

Posted by: josephistan at September 05, 2017 08:54 PM (ANIFC)

105 Alright! bluebell made bail.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at September 05, 2017 08:54 PM (pvjTE)

106 Hmmmm. I'm eating dinner while lurking. Trying to decide whether to look at the photos.

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 08:54 PM (ZapPq)

107 Hi Duke. Actually, I gave them the slip when they were fitting me for the ankle bracelet.

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 08:55 PM (UoSKV)

108 When we stay in a hotel I have to use the lobby bathroom. The Four Seasons in Vegas had a great one..I am the "George" of hotel bathrooms

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 08:55 PM (SjImc)

109 Boulder Terlit Hobo can tell you about ankle bracelets.

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 08:56 PM (ZapPq)

110 One small step for woman . . . .

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 08:56 PM (tbOMB)

111 I'm sorry but that's a shitty story.

Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 08:56 PM (bIseZ)

112 >>and did you get some after that..?

It took a couple of days...one, for her to get her place cleaned up and another for her to forgive me for wishing her, 'Good Luck with that' - and heading over to visit some other friends.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:57 PM (RMA4e)

113 No girl I know would use her hand to do that.

But every girl I know has used either a hanger or chopstick to get a successful fluuuuush.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 05, 2017 08:57 PM (EZebt)

114 He should have had a Fergie.

Posted by: Al Bundy at September 05, 2017 08:57 PM (mcI77)

115 Emmie

Posted by: westminsterdogshow at September 05, 2017 08:58 PM (mMeIQ)

116 I am the Most Golden Rooster of the Resistance and will take a poop anywhere I want, including my mother's laundry sink.

Posted by: Keith Olbermann at September 05, 2017 08:58 PM (ILitO)

117 >>But every girl I know has used either a ...chopstick to get a successful fluuuuush.

That explains why women use those in their hair!

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:58 PM (RMA4e)

118 Hmmm.... this is a weird story. But given it took place in the UK at least she didn't try to push it back into where it came from so that is positive news from the king/queendom.

Dittos on test flushing first before dropping a load in an unfamiliar toliet.

Posted by: colfax mingo at September 05, 2017 08:58 PM (gkURX)

119 Even after we got married, I'd send him out to get
me a Coke or something if I needed to do such a thing, which of course I
did not.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 08:53 PM (yE+j4)

So, the refined woman's take on upper deckers for a bad date?

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 08:59 PM (tbOMB)

120 WestminsterDogShow!

{{{hugs}}}

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 08:59 PM (ZapPq)

121 8 What has this girl been eating?

I mean. How can a turd withstand this kind of handling and abuse?
Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:28 PM (RMA4e)

===

The girls I hang with produce monster stools.

So proud! *bites lip*

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 05, 2017 08:59 PM (EZebt)

122 When we stay in a hotel I have to use the lobby bathroom. The Four Seasons in Vegas had a great one..I am the "George" of hotel bathrooms
Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 08:55 PM (SjImc)

Yup....Vegas bathrooms in the casinos, especially the high end joints, I could live in.

Big, roomy, granite everywhere,clean and air conditioned.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at September 05, 2017 09:00 PM (5VlCp)

123 The Germans should take note of these stool inspection techniques.

Posted by: Under Fire at September 05, 2017 09:00 PM (mcI77)

124 That's...awkward.

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:00 PM (0mRoj)

125 re 112: regular or extra crispy..?

ha. I amuse me. For my next schluckumentary I will show how health care is better in North Korea than in the USA.

Posted by: mallfly suPreme at September 05, 2017 09:00 PM (ILitO)

126 I am the Most Golden Rooster of the Resistance and will take a poop anywhere I want, including my mother's laundry sink.
Posted by: Keith Olbermann

My cat did that last year when she was mad at me.

Keith Olbermann; stupider than a house cat. And not nearly as pleasant.

Posted by: Bozo Conservative....outlaw in America at September 05, 2017 09:00 PM (S6Pax)

127 No shit?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at September 05, 2017 09:01 PM (2le8w)

128 this place is really going to shit.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 09:01 PM (KP5rU)

129 WDS, how about a Morondezvous? Maybe October 14 or 21 at our usual place? Do you think it will still be warm enough to enjoy the patio?

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 09:02 PM (ZapPq)

130 In Germany, you pay extra for that.
Posted by: garrett

I still think this is about the funniest thing I have read all day.

Threadwinner? A roll of toilet paper.

Posted by: Bozo Conservative....outlaw in America at September 05, 2017 09:02 PM (S6Pax)

131 WDS, or do we want to get more creative?

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 09:02 PM (ZapPq)

132 Should have smeared it on the wall.

Posted by: EPA employee at September 05, 2017 09:02 PM (9tO1t)

133 The girls I hang with produce monster stools.

So proud! *bites lip*

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 05, 2017 08:59 PM (EZebt)

You know this how?

Wait...don't answer. I don't wanna know how you know.

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:02 PM (Enq6K)

134 Who decides they are going to push up their sleeves and wrangle a fucking turd?

Just climb out the window, slide down the drain spout and walk away.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 08:33 PM (RMA4e)

If you need a turd burgled, hire a turd-burglar.

Posted by: Lindsay Graham at September 05, 2017 09:03 PM (2le8w)

135 WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!!

"She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap."

Let me see if I have this right. She was trapped head out of the window and butt on his side of the room. Right?

And he tried to get her out!?

What the hell is wrong with the men of Great Brittan? Not Moron material for certain. 'spits'

Sorry Love, this just isn't your day.

Posted by: Tonypete at September 05, 2017 09:03 PM (tr2D7)

136 I literally cannot finger if she has dozens of red flags or is a unicorn the guy should marry.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 09:03 PM (XFue2)

137 final exam: explain your answer in less that 250 words.
I would rather:
a - let Lena Dunham use the toilet in my bathroom; or
b - stick a dull thumbtack into my lip.

Posted by: mallfly suPreme at September 05, 2017 09:03 PM (ILitO)

138 Merry Christmas! Shitter's full.

Posted by: Cousin Eddie at September 05, 2017 09:04 PM (tHSH2)

139 Her date is Liam Smyth, a postgraduate sociology student.

Isn't this the perfect subject for a dissertation on sociology? Why do some cultures (white western) stigmatize "poo" or "feces" while other cultures (bonobos, OWS, EPA) are open and affirming when it comes to fecal positive culture?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at September 05, 2017 09:04 PM (/qEW2)

140 Sure, sure. All very funny for you people, but our dog hasn't been able to go out on account of thunderstorms.

Ticking time bomb, she is.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 05, 2017 09:04 PM (9tO1t)

141
"The Germans should take note of these stool inspection techniques"

======

You should see their toilets. Made for that very purpose.

Posted by: Corona at September 05, 2017 09:04 PM (zIb93)

142 133: that's what i was thinking. who would know that? does everybody gather around and admire them like a sculpture? wtf?

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 09:05 PM (KP5rU)

143 They will get married and spend the rest of their lives together.

And she will cheat on him every chance she gets.

Posted by: Sharkman at September 05, 2017 09:05 PM (GQxzw)

144 re 133: San Francisco. You just know the city has a way of measuring these things. Saving the planet and all that

Posted by: mallfly suPreme at September 05, 2017 09:05 PM (ILitO)

145 You know how I know this story is fake? Because girls do not shit. It's an urban legend that they do. Their butthole is for decoration only. That's my position and I'm sticking to it.

Posted by: Jack Sock at September 05, 2017 09:05 PM (LuKE7)

146 I can't imagine having a problem like that

Posted by: Paul Muad'dib at September 05, 2017 09:05 PM (vChNs)

147 Ticking time bomb, she is.

Feed it a stick of butter.

Posted by: Under Fire at September 05, 2017 09:05 PM (mcI77)

148 Look at it this way. They're pre-qualified for infant survival.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, SERENITY NOW! at September 05, 2017 09:05 PM (66CWr)

149 This is why I never go to the guy's house on a first date, even if seems to be going well.

Posted by: Aunt Luna at September 05, 2017 09:06 PM (Zd2ZF)

150 OT:

Ohio cop double taps a journalist with suspicious gear.

http://preview.tinyurl.com/y7lquauj

Posted by: RioBravo at September 05, 2017 09:06 PM (giT7q)

151 Keith Olbermann is a twat.

Posted by: mallfly suPreme at September 05, 2017 09:07 PM (ILitO)

152 That guy should dump her and scat.

Posted by: eeek! at September 05, 2017 09:07 PM (BO/km)

153 A former gymnast could get away with smearing it on his walls. Actually the same could be said for any good-looking woman. Sad.

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 05, 2017 09:07 PM (0ecq3)

154 Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 08:59 PM (tbOMB)

I have no idea what that even means, and I do not even want to!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:07 PM (yE+j4)

155 Probably a better chance for their relationship had it not ended up in the news... but good luck to them anyway.

Hopefully they will have some fun stories later that don't involve news coverage.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at September 05, 2017 09:08 PM (wB8Tg)

156 Scientologists must have a different take on first-time dinner dates. Most normal women order a salad and pick at two leaves and a crouton before abandoning it. Apparently Scientology chicks get the meatloaf special with extra mashed potatoes and gravy and wash it down with a slice of cheesecake a la mode.

Posted by: Fritz at September 05, 2017 09:08 PM (eLttb)

157 150 OT:

Ohio cop double taps a journalist with suspicious gear.

http://preview.tinyurl.com/y7lquauj

Were any family pets harmed?

Posted by: Under Fire at September 05, 2017 09:08 PM (mcI77)

158 So, life sometimes imitates a commercial? Should have got an American Standard toilet. Or, I hear Toto Drakes are really awesome at getting the business shipped "downstream."

https://youtu.be/CWV026E7rLY

This is a 2 and a half minute plug for A S toilets.

Posted by: Rex B at September 05, 2017 09:08 PM (+FlgS)

159 What's this "flush" thing of which you speak"

I like to think that he disabled the flush mechanism so as to rescue the poo later and add it to his substantial collection.

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 05, 2017 09:09 PM (0ecq3)

160 FORMER gymnast mean 4' 11" and a buck fifty.

Posted by: Jack Sock at September 05, 2017 09:09 PM (LuKE7)

161 Thank God ace did not include the picture.

Posted by: buzzion at September 05, 2017 09:09 PM (z/Ubi)

162 Mind the gap for phuck's sake.

Posted by: RioBravo at September 05, 2017 09:10 PM (giT7q)

163 Seeing how he took it in stride, she should have shouted "Weirdo!" at him and left.

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 05, 2017 09:10 PM (0ecq3)

164 She picked it up by the peanut.

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 05, 2017 09:11 PM (0ecq3)

165 ace of spades. come for the witty commentary, hang around for the scatology. what's next? hillarys' colostomy bag contents?

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 09:11 PM (KP5rU)

166 Thank God ace did not include the picture.
Posted by: buzzion at September 05, 2017 09:09 PM (z/Ubi)
------------------------

Well there's a lot more stuff in the gap than the one woman's poo.

Posted by: RioBravo at September 05, 2017 09:11 PM (giT7q)

167 I'm LMFAO picturing the moment when she picks the poo out of the loo, and with all the confidence and pride in the world, tosses it out the window to only hit the second window.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 09:11 PM (XFue2)

168 >>She picked it up by the peanut.

aka The Clean Side.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 05, 2017 09:12 PM (/tuJf)

169 Anyone seen this?
http://preview.tinyurl.com/y9724xst

CATCH HIM DERRY!

Posted by: bananaDream at September 05, 2017 09:12 PM (yfaSg)

170 In the 70's I managed what we called the Reseda Crawl-in Theater. One night at closing, checking out the restrooms, my usher (also best friend) found a deposit in a toilet that could only be described as "heroic", or possibly "non-human". I gave him a plunger. An hour later I said screw it, let the janitor handle it. I never wanted to meet the man THAT came out of.

Posted by: Charles the Simple at September 05, 2017 09:12 PM (w7U7L)

171

The UK has ultra low flow turlits, way worse than ours, floaters and brown trout stock ponds are a common problem.

Posted by: In Vino Veritits at September 05, 2017 09:12 PM (qul7b)

172 Scientologists must have a different take on first-time dinner dates. Most normal women order a salad and pick at two leaves and a crouton before abandoning it. Apparently Scientology chicks get the meatloaf special with extra mashed potatoes and gravy and wash it down with a slice of cheesecake a la mode.
Posted by: Fritz at September 05, 2017 09:08 PM (eLttb)

Actually, that's probably what she ate the night before. That night she just had breadsticks and wine.

Posted by: Aunt Luna at September 05, 2017 09:13 PM (Zd2ZF)

173

A divided federal appeals court has stayed a lower judge's ruling barring Texas from implementing a revised version of its voter identification law.

A panel of the New Orleans-based 5th Circuit Court of Appeals voted, 2-1, to allow Texas to use the revised voter ID measure known as SB 5 for this November's elections.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at September 05, 2017 09:13 PM (IqV8l)

174 What we have done is so embarrassing/entertaining that someone else should pay for it. Sounds like a great foundation for an awesome future.

Posted by: Fuck Shame at September 05, 2017 09:14 PM (85f6P)

175 Wait...don't answer. I don't wanna know how you know.
Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:02 PM (Enq6K)

===

No, no you dont.

As partial explanation, Ive known these babes 40-50 years.

And for the record, I have no idea about Mrs. Franpsycho, but when shes done in the toilet it smells like roses in there.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 05, 2017 09:14 PM (EZebt)

176 One weird trick...

Posted by: Max Power at September 05, 2017 09:14 PM (Hucnr)

177 Bertram, good news!

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 09:15 PM (ZapPq)

178 And I have also never understood why the fuck anyone would want someone else holding their hair while they puke.

Why da hell you want anyone near you while you hurlin', gurrl?!

Tuck it down the back of your top or wrap it up in a towel.

There are certain times one needs ones privacy, ff.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:15 PM (yE+j4)

179 So I looked up the gofundme page for them, and they have raised six times what they need.

They are going to split the extra between the firefighter's charity, and a charity called Toilet Twinning, which builds flushing toilets in third world countries. Good for them!

https://tinyurl.com/yb9ltnxz

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 09:15 PM (UoSKV)

180 this thread is going to shit...

Posted by: redc1c4 at September 05, 2017 09:16 PM (QcCSi)

181 Woo Flung Dung.

Posted by: Diogenes at September 05, 2017 09:16 PM (0tfLf)

182
this thread is going to shit...

Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.
Shit to shit.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at September 05, 2017 09:17 PM (IqV8l)

183 I would have told Ms. Amateur Gymnast that various items had fallen or blown out the window before, that it wasn't a big deal, I wasn't alarmed, she shouldn't be embarrassed in the least, and that I would handle everything the next day. Then would have said what a nice evening it had been and how I'd like to see her again sometime soon (even if I were privately horrified by her fecal defenestration).

Chivalry is not dead.

However, since my sense of chivalry doesn't quite extend to picking up someone else's secondhand poo in an inside-out bag, nor wedging myself upside-down in a tiny window to do that, I would have been off to the nearest home improvement center (okay, it's the UK, "centre").

To buy a wet-dry shop vac. And about six extension wands (you can stack those to reach considerable distances).

Posted by: torquewrench at September 05, 2017 09:17 PM (ujwCG)

184 Mind the gap for phuck's sake.
Posted by: RioBravo at September 05, 2017 09:10 PM (giT7q)

OMG, I am in hysterics over here....

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:17 PM (yE+j4)

185
That is a weird window setup. So you can't open the window to the outside?

Posted by: otho at September 05, 2017 09:17 PM (qGuLD)

186 Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 09:15 PM (UoSKV)

That really is sweet!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (yE+j4)

187 Poop-Oop-a-Doop

Posted by: Betty Boop at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (9tO1t)

188 The toilet's in England only have water up to the top of the 4 inch diameter hole in the bottom.

Very tricky shot to make under the best circumstances, whatever they may be. Then you flush and then have to do a big bowl wipe down.

In other Euro shitter news, the seats are always higher, and I can never figure out how to turn on shower, or adjust the water temperature.

And if you hot the wrong button in France, you get a douching.

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (0ecq3)

189 And for the record, I have no idea about Mrs. Franpsycho, but when shes done in the toilet it smells like roses in there.

---

ya know what they fertilize roses with...

Posted by: Paul Muad'dib at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (vChNs)

190 They are going to split the extra between the firefighter's charity, and a charity called Toilet Twinning, which builds flushing toilets in third world countries. Good for them!

https://tinyurl.com/yb9ltnxz

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 09:15 PM (UoSKV)

Prediction: The "Toilet Twinning" turd-world terlets will work better than standard British ones when newly-installed, but will soon go U/S due to indifferent maintenance, and off-label use as stock tanks.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (2le8w)

191 --
--
Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

Shit to shit.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at September 05, 2017 09:17 PM

--------------------------------------

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

Shit to government.

Posted by: FIFY at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (85f6P)

192 And for the record, I have no idea about Mrs. Franpsycho, but when shes done in the toilet it smells like roses in there.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 05, 2017 09:14 PM (EZebt)

Nose surgery, stat.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (SRKgf)

193 just hold it til u get home. It's a first date fer criminy

Posted by: kallisto at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (eO2Z0)

194 Poo Privilege, another first-world problem that insults turd-worlders around the world ...

Posted by: ShainS at September 05, 2017 09:19 PM (BiLU+)

195 At the time of our first date, I was a certified nurses' aide in a nursing home. I still can wield a plunger when my husband can't. Let me tell ya, THAT SHIT AIN'T GETTIN FLUNG!

Posted by: pookysgirl is a wee dram into her drink at September 05, 2017 09:19 PM (XKZwp)

196 The toilet's in England only have water up to the top of the 4 inch diameter hole in the bottom.

---

they now fit European asses with rearview cameras. Orders from Brussels.

Posted by: Paul Muad'dib at September 05, 2017 09:19 PM (vChNs)

197

The story fails to mention it was post first date anal and she was full of lube and man butter.

Posted by: In Vino Veritits at September 05, 2017 09:20 PM (qul7b)

198 for the record, I have no idea about Mrs. Franpsycho, but when shes done in the toilet it smells like roses in there.

Well of course it does! Because she is a refined woman!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:20 PM (yE+j4)

199 So, is it wrong to disable your loo when a first date is coming over? Asking for a mate.

Posted by: Liam Smyth at September 05, 2017 09:20 PM (tbOMB)

200 They are going to split the extra between the firefighter's charity, and a charity called Toilet Twinning, which builds flushing toilets in third world countries. Good for them!

Way to confuse the shit (?) out of denizens of Third World countries.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 05, 2017 09:20 PM (SRKgf)

201 I've heard this one before...

turns out, she's blonde and it was a bidet.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:20 PM (RMA4e)

202 However, since my sense of chivalry doesn't quite extend to picking up someone else's secondhand poo in an inside-out bag, nor wedging myself upside-down in a tiny window to do that, I would have been off to the nearest home improvement center (okay, it's the UK, "centre").

To buy a wet-dry shop vac. And about six extension wands (you can stack those to reach considerable distances).

Posted by: torquewrench at September 05, 2017 09:17 PM (ujwCG)

Or just drop six shillings for cab fare, and directions to the nearest mosque.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at September 05, 2017 09:21 PM (2le8w)

203 178 And I have also never understood why the fuck anyone would want someone else holding their hair while they puke.

Why da hell you want anyone near you while you hurlin', gurrl?!

Tuck it down the back of your top or wrap it up in a towel.

There are certain times one needs ones privacy, ff.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor

Very risky getting someone to hold your hair while you puke. On whiff of vomit and they may very well do an empathy upchuck on the back of your head.

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 05, 2017 09:21 PM (0ecq3)

204 Realistically, who takes a dump at a first date's place?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM (SRKgf)

205 That is a weird window setup. So you can't open the window to the outside?

Posted by: otho at September 05, 2017 09:17 PM (qGuLD)

A halfway house? He mentioned it being a group home.

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM (JO9+V)

206 198 for the record, I have no idea about Mrs. Franpsycho, but when shes done in the toilet it smells like roses in there.

Well of course it does! Because she is a refined woman!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor

Rose's what?

Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM (0ecq3)

207 not entirely off-topic...

At work we have no flush urinals. seems that every few weeks some filter has to be replaced. And you know when it needs replacing by the yellow ponds in the urinals.

ick

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM (vChNs)

208 I have a similar story, at least poo related.

I was helping a coed in college with Chem 101. We were in her college apartment going over some homework and I'm about 100% sure I could have gotten me some. But nooooo, I had to get a rumble in my stomach and a few minutes later I'm on toilet in her apartment (which was essentially a one room studio) letting loose with a noisy "bowel movement " stinking up the whole place with two or three flushes to clear it all out.

After that I was a little embarrassed to make any move (I was already extremely shy and that episode put the nail in coffin on anything further happening).

Posted by: MAGA at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM (Tyk2V)

209 she should have just dropped anchor out in the garden.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM (KP5rU)

210 ya know what they fertilize roses with...

Posted by: Paul Muad'dib at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (vChNs)

Victims bodies?

Posted by: John Wayne Gacy at September 05, 2017 09:23 PM (ZKWca)

211 Realistically, who takes a dump at a first date's place?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM (SRKgf)

Some dumps insist upon themselves.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at September 05, 2017 09:23 PM (2le8w)

212 193 just hold it til u get home. It's a first date fer criminy
Posted by: kallisto at September 05, 2017 09:18 PM (eO2Z0)

---

In the ass or the hand?

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at September 05, 2017 09:23 PM (vChNs)

213 Fecal Defenestration

Potential name for a thrash metal band.

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 05, 2017 09:23 PM (JO9+V)

214 That window setup looks like it was designed and built by H. H. Holmes.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 09:23 PM (XFue2)

215 >> Realistically, who takes a dump at a first date's place?

**Raises Hand**

...wait. You did say 'face', right?

Posted by: Zombie GG Allin at September 05, 2017 09:23 PM (RMA4e)

216 On whiff of vomit and they may very well do an empathy upchuck on the back of your head.
Posted by: Dirks Strewn at September 05, 2017 09:21 PM (0ecq3)

And that, too!

Just wrong on every level.

Very noble of the person offering, of course, but no one should take anyone up on that offer.

Out of control, nuked from orbit, subscribe to my jib and so forth.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:24 PM (yE+j4)

217 Damn. Trump's cutbacks are making EPA hallways frickin narrow.

Posted by: irright at September 05, 2017 09:25 PM (85f6P)

218 I was helping a coed in college with Chem 101...I'm on toilet in her apartment (which was essentially a one room studio) letting loose with a noisy "bowel movement " stinking up the whole place with two or three flushes to clear it all out.
Posted by: MAGA at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM (Tyk2V)
------------------------------

Better bio-chemistry leads to better lives!

Posted by: RioBravo at September 05, 2017 09:26 PM (giT7q)

219 Who even goes to a first date's place, let alone AT a first date's place??

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:26 PM (yE+j4)

220 This is kind of endearing, actually. Bashful defecation.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at September 05, 2017 09:26 PM (/qEW2)

221 Always carry a couple of exam gloves on a date. This is only one reason why.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at September 05, 2017 09:27 PM (e1mEI)

222 And I have also never understood why the fuck anyone would want someone else holding their hair while they puke.

Why da hell you want anyone near you while you hurlin', gurrl?!

Tuck it down the back of your top or wrap it up in a towel.

There are certain times one needs ones privacy, ff.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor

Oh so this. I'd like all humans at least two towns over if I'm puking.

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:27 PM (Enq6K)

223 Poor guy, he should just dump her and get on with it. How you gonna top that for Valentine's day?

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 09:28 PM (tbOMB)

224 The gal never heard of the double flush? Hell, sometimes I have to flush 3 times.

Posted by: Traveling Man at September 05, 2017 09:28 PM (ivy+W)

225 How is a man expected to pass that shit test?

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 09:28 PM (XFue2)

226 A halfway house? He mentioned it being a group home.

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 05, 2017 09:22 PM

Dunno. But it just seems like an odd setup. It looks like the exterior window has been added to the outside covering the regular (opening) window inside. Wondering if this was to reduce cold in winter, or what? Whatever the case, eliminating an opening to the outside seems weird. There appears to be some sort of ventilation fan thingy in there, but why block the existing window?

Posted by: otho at September 05, 2017 09:28 PM (qGuLD)

227 I just watched a video of my brother walking through waist deep floodwaters. He's at a rehab facility that doesn't allow contact for six months. They didn't bother notifying family members how they fared. At least we know he is still alive. The video was dated August 28th.

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 09:28 PM (eIQHF)

228 Professor Higgins: Again!

Liza Doolittle: The Poo in the Loo gets defenestrated Too!

Professor Higging: By George, I think she's got it!

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 05, 2017 09:29 PM (JO9+V)

229 143 They will get married and spend the rest of their lives together.

And she will cheat on him every chance she gets.
Posted by: Sharkman at September 05, 2017 09:05 PM (GQxzw)

Hah!

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:29 PM (0mRoj)

230 Emmie.....I actually think that is the best location. I know south people don't like it.....but it is easily accessible and they like us! What weekend is Ohio and Texas?

It can be hit or miss in October

Posted by: westminsterdogshow at September 05, 2017 09:29 PM (mMeIQ)

231 well it was not a first date but about a month ago I was in DC as the Master of Ceremonies for a Retirement at Arlington and I brought my wife and we went out dinner with my CO and her husband a few others and I got sick and spent the whole night in the crapper at the Restaurant

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:30 PM (SjImc)

232 I figure that event is worth about 7 guilt blowjobs. +/- 3

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at September 05, 2017 09:30 PM (vChNs)

233 212 in the intestine or wherever that mess lives before it emerges to remind us- yea we are lowly mammals

Posted by: kallisto at September 05, 2017 09:30 PM (53MZt)

234 Cinderella was ashamed to be seen as a peasant. This makes us feel sympathy for her. Likewise this woman was ashamed to be seen as someone who does that thing (despite the fact that unfortunately we all do it). We feel a similar sympathy for her.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at September 05, 2017 09:30 PM (/qEW2)

235 227 Comments and no

Shit just got real?

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:30 PM (RMA4e)

236 It must have been one of those "I'm not gonna make it home" episodes. Pretty impressive she was able to maintain appearances while the situation was deteriorating. Dude makes no mention of things like "She was really squirming around" or "she was acting kind of panicky"

Posted by: 2009Refugee at September 05, 2017 09:30 PM (JyFLk)

237 No good deed, I'm glad your brother is okay.

But I can't believe they didn't notify family. That's just awful.

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 09:30 PM (UoSKV)

238 Poor guy, he should just dump her and get on with it. How you gonna top that for Valentine's day?
Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 09:28 PM (tbOMB)

-----------------------------

Give her a cake similar to this one:

http://cdn.acidcow.com/pics/20101231/turd_cakes_10.jpg

Posted by: RioBravo at September 05, 2017 09:31 PM (giT7q)

239 The gal never heard of the double flush? Hell, sometimes I have to flush 3 times.
Posted by: Traveling Man at September 05, 2017 09:28 PM (ivy+W)

You flush multiple times and bring a shit load of matches

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:31 PM (SjImc)

240 Oh so this. I'd like all humans at least two towns over if I'm puking.
Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:27 PM (Enq6K)

Yes! Get AWAY FROM ME, can't you tell I am PUKING?

JEEBUS!

I prefer to be left alone completely when I'm sick, even if it's jus a cold or something.

Alone.

Capital A LONE

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:31 PM (yE+j4)

241 >.You flush multiple times and bring a shit load of matches

and an immersion blender.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:31 PM (RMA4e)

242 I can't either, bluebell. My mom called the facility before the weather really deteriorated to see if they were going to evacuate, but they just said they were aware of the situation and keeping an eye on it. When it hit the fan, she couldn't get a hold of anyone. It sucked.

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 09:32 PM (eIQHF)

243 and an immersion blender.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:31 PM (RMA4e)

*mental notes for guest bathroom*

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 09:33 PM (tbOMB)

244 I had a similar mishap. However, defenestration was not an option.

Posted by: Harry Dunne - Dumb and Dumber at September 05, 2017 09:33 PM (JO9+V)

245 241 >.You flush multiple times and bring a shit load of matches

and an immersion blender.
Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:31 PM (RMA4e)

Utterly disgusting and totally hilarious.

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:33 PM (0mRoj)

246 Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 09:28 PM (eIQHF)

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:33 PM (yE+j4)

247 I'm with Tammy. It took four dates for me to be able to consume food in front of my husband.

This... this a hell beyond imagining.

Posted by: Gem at September 05, 2017 09:33 PM (uaHyk)

248 Man is distinguished from other species by his toolmaking prowess, devising instruments to do his reaching for him, etcetera. Woman? The jury is still out.

Posted by: Alec Rawls at September 05, 2017 09:33 PM (whGSy)

249 241 >.You flush multiple times and bring a shit load of matches

and an immersion blender.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:31 PM (RMA4e)

Ewwww and LMFAO!

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:34 PM (Enq6K)

250 You flush multiple times and bring a shit load of matches

and an immersion blender.
Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:31 PM (RMA4e)

Utterly disgusting and totally hilarious.
Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:33 PM (0mRoj)

I love all three of you.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:34 PM (yE+j4)

251 'and an immersion blender.'

Masticator. Get em at your local RV supply.

Posted by: eeek! at September 05, 2017 09:34 PM (BO/km)

252 221
Always carry a couple of exam gloves on a date. This is only one reason why.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at September 05, 2017 09:27 PM (e1mEI)

It was the joo, in the loo, with a poo.

Posted by: Clue at September 05, 2017 09:34 PM (tbOMB)

253 Never trust a strange toilet in a high-stakes environment like a first date.

Always release the Fudge Dragon in the bathtub and stomp it down the drain.

Posted by: Jaws at September 05, 2017 09:35 PM (V4FnY)

254 So are we on to plane loos yet? And tourist class

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:36 PM (SjImc)

255 Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:34 PM (yE+j4)

Awwww. Love ya too, Tammy!

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:36 PM (0mRoj)

256 "...amateur gymnast..." Nuff said.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at September 05, 2017 09:36 PM (hVdx9)

257 The porcelain bus immersion blender is a joint venture between Cuisanart and Lysol.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at September 05, 2017 09:36 PM (89T5c)

258 Everything is now made-to-consume bullshit. It's all soylent green information, manufactured from real or invented events involving real or invented people. Still tastes like chicken, or whatever I'm supposed to think chicken tastes like, or something. THAT GAL THREW POOP OUT A WINDOW????

Posted by: irright at September 05, 2017 09:36 PM (85f6P)

259 I'm with Tammy. It took four dates for me to be able to consume food in front of my husband.

This... this a hell beyond imagining.
Posted by: Gem at September 05, 2017 09:33 PM (uaHyk)

God love ya, I never had any trouble eating in front of Thor.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:36 PM (yE+j4)

260 233 I know I'm just stupid, but I was talking to a veterinarian friend of mine, marveling about how much knowledge he must have absorbed to work on dogs, cats, horses, etc. And he said, "We're all mammals. We share certain characteristics, organ groups. A dog is a cat is a human." I'm so dumb.

Posted by: Charles the Simple at September 05, 2017 09:36 PM (w7U7L)

261 2 things abut poo. First, it is tapered at both ends so your butthole won't slam shut. And secondly, it is round so it will roll off the windowsill. This is known.

Posted by: Eromero at September 05, 2017 09:36 PM (zLDYs)

262 Love you too, Ms. Tammy!

Still laughing at your earlier post as my ex wife and I were togther for 7-8 years and I don't think I could ever prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that she ever once pooped.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:37 PM (RMA4e)

263 I over flowed a toilet in a China Town restaurant toilet once..Paid the bill and told the Wife we gotta get the fuck out of here fast

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:37 PM (SjImc)

264 I thinking drugs were involved. Speed, Coke, meth, Amps, ect... Why?

- She pooped at his house
- She became obsessed with the poop
- Tinder

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at September 05, 2017 09:37 PM (XFue2)

265 Oh, come on. There had to be a cat box in that house somewhere.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at September 05, 2017 08:45 PM (Mouru)

Or a turtle.

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 05, 2017 09:37 PM (JO9+V)

266 I got here too late to comment in the jeans thread (but still in time for this bit of loveliness) but I want y'all (and I'm lookin' at you, All Hail Eris) to know that I'm still getting ad placements after clicking on that "pants" link the book thread. This will not be easily forgiven or forgotten.

Posted by: Bob the Bilderberg at September 05, 2017 09:37 PM (7oUUT)

267 Always release the Fudge Dragon in the bathtub and stomp it down the drain.
Posted by: Jaws at September 05, 2017 09:35 PM (V4FnY)

SO MUCH WINNING in this comment....

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:37 PM (yE+j4)

268 NGU, you sure do leave a trail of destruction in your wake, don't you?

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 09:38 PM (UoSKV)

269 BREAKING: Court Of Appeals Upholds Allows Texas To Use New Voter ID Law

Shit that's great!

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:39 PM (SjImc)

270 So Irma is starting to feel like Katrina's transgender dad. I am going to get water, gas, canned food and cereal and protein bars at sams tomorrow.

Posted by: Ummmm at September 05, 2017 09:39 PM (LIhNq)

271 Her manicure was ruined.

Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at September 05, 2017 09:39 PM (XkSQF)

272 NGU, you sure do leave a trail of destruction in your wake, don't you?

Posted by: bluebell at September 05, 2017 09:38 PM (UoSKV)

I like to be noticed

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:39 PM (SjImc)

273 The Fudge Dragons opened for the Foo Fighters in '98.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at September 05, 2017 09:40 PM (89T5c)

274 Always release the Fudge Dragon in the bathtub and stomp it down the drain.

Posted by: Jaws at September 05, 2017 09:35 PM (V4FnY)

Bonus points if you scream "Ayy! Number Onnee! You're the Duke! You're the Duke," while doing said stomping.

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 09:40 PM (tbOMB)

275 I don't think I could ever prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that she ever once pooped.
Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:37 PM (RMA4e)

Of course you couldn't, because we do not DO that.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:40 PM (yE+j4)

276 262 your ex is my hero

Posted by: kallisto at September 05, 2017 09:40 PM (53MZt)

277 Should have wrapped it up and put in the trash.

Posted by: Al Roker at September 05, 2017 09:40 PM (9tO1t)

278 1 We are powerless over feces. Our underpants have become unmanageable.

2 I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of my depends.

3 I've made a list of all the persons that I have harmed and became willing to assassinate them all.

*hic*

since adopting these principles I have not had to do what this person has done.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at September 05, 2017 09:40 PM (/qEW2)

279 .You flush multiple times and bring a shit load of matches

and an immersion blender.

I think Evinrude makes one for bass fishing.

Posted by: t-bird at September 05, 2017 09:41 PM (kuiuS)

280 Somebody left a chocolate hot dog in the urinal, mmmkay? That's not ok, mmmkay?

Posted by: Mr. Mackey at September 05, 2017 09:41 PM (0mRoj)

281 Have I ever told you all the story of taking a crap on Mount Sinai in the middle of the night?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:41 PM (SjImc)

282 Should have wrapped it up and put in the trash.
Posted by: Al Roker
-----------

Or in her purse.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 05, 2017 09:41 PM (9tO1t)

283 275 I don't think I could ever prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that she ever once pooped.
Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:37 PM (RMA4e)

Of course you couldn't, because we do not DO that.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:40 PM (yE+j4)

The hell you don't. I've cleaned ladies' restrooms before.

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:42 PM (0mRoj)

284 Have I ever told you all the story of taking a crap on Mount Sinai in the middle of the night?
Posted by: Nevergiveup
---------------

*moves beyond blast radius*

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 05, 2017 09:42 PM (9tO1t)

285 NGU. Wow, dude.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at September 05, 2017 09:43 PM (89T5c)

286 WDS, I'm not sure when the other MoMes are and also not sure if we should have ours the same weekend or not.

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 09:43 PM (ZapPq)

287 Throwing poop out of a window is not clever , heroic or brave.

Miss Stinkyfingers is awarded no points, can find her own ride home and will receive a cleaning bill.

Case dismissed.

Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at September 05, 2017 09:43 PM (XkSQF)

288 Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:41 PM (SjImc)

We are happy to take your word for it!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:43 PM (yE+j4)

289 Sure, sure. All very funny for you people, but our dog hasn't been able to go out on account of thunderstorms.

Ticking time bomb, she is.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 05, 2017 09:04 PM (9tO1t)

You'll need a monkey, a cork, and some goggles.

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 05, 2017 09:43 PM (JO9+V)

290 >> I've cleaned ladies' restrooms before.

You obviously cleaned 'Women's' Restrooms, not 'Ladies' Restrooms.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:43 PM (RMA4e)

291 I could not stop laughing. Wth was that girl thinking?! I've never been in that situation, but there is no way in a million years I'd reach into...and then throw it out a window. It would not even occur to me as an option. Then she gets stuck upside down?! Oh girl, you need schooling. That guy was awfully nice about it. Me...eyes watering from laughter.

Posted by: Gorilla Gumdrop at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (9KR27)

292 Have I ever told you all the story of taking a crap on Mount Sinai in the middle of the night?

Now, I'm singing the theme song from Team America World Police.

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (eIQHF)

293 The hell you don't. I've cleaned ladies' restrooms before.
Posted by: Insomniac
-------------

Mrs. H. worked at major retailer's. She would tell me horror stories about the rest rooms.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (9tO1t)

294 278 1 We are powerless over feces. Our underpants have become unmanageable.

2 I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of my depends.

3 I've made a list of all the persons that I have harmed and became willing to assassinate them all.

*hic*

since adopting these principles I have not had to do what this person has done.
Posted by: Hillary Clinton at September 05, 2017 09:40 PM (/qEW2)

Didn't your tour bus dump your wastewater on the curb in someone's neighborhood?

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (ZapPq)

295 BTW, do women ever pass gas?

Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (bIseZ)

296 I've cleaned ladies' restrooms before.

Why do you think they go in pairs? One to hold the window open, the other to fling the pooh out.

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 09:45 PM (tbOMB)

297 >>Have I ever told you all the story of taking a crap on Mount Sinai in the middle of the night?

TRADITION!

Posted by: Tevia at September 05, 2017 09:45 PM (RMA4e)

298 The hell you don't. I've cleaned ladies' restrooms before.
Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:42 PM (0mRoj)

No, no...those are trans-turds.

We would never .

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:45 PM (yE+j4)

299 BTW, do women ever pass gas?

Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (bIseZ)

No. The delicate flowers of virtue have "the vapors."

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 05, 2017 09:46 PM (JO9+V)

300 Not a very smooth move, but at least she didnt lose her job over it.

Posted by: Fired Arizona reporter who craps in your yard at September 05, 2017 09:46 PM (VTfbZ)

301 do women ever pass gas?
Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (bIseZ)

No no no no no. That's even worse.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:46 PM (yE+j4)

302 This thread has really gone into the crapper

Posted by: Bozo Conservative....outlaw in America at September 05, 2017 09:46 PM (S6Pax)

303 Woman Attempts to Rescue First Date from Embarrassment of Non-Flushing Toilet... By Flinging Poo Out of the Window

I saw this movie - Two Night Stand - although it wasn't a first date, it was just one of those whateveritscalled web site slut hook-ups.

Bad movie. Cute girl.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at September 05, 2017 09:47 PM (rZ+mb)

304 http://tinyurl.com/z5bralv

Hillary and poop.

Posted by: Emmie at September 05, 2017 09:48 PM (ZapPq)

305 --
--
The hell you don't. I've cleaned ladies' restrooms before.

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:42 PM

---------------------

"Ladies Restrooms" being loosely defined. (not in the modern 1001 genders definition, but the old "Ladies" one)

Posted by: irright at September 05, 2017 09:48 PM (85f6P)

306 You had me at amateur gymnast...

Posted by: DT Shangers at September 05, 2017 09:48 PM (P92FQ)

307 302 This thread has really gone into the crapper
Posted by: Bozo Conservative....outlaw in America at September 05, 2017 09:46 PM (S6Pax)

Yeah, I should probably just go read a book or something.

Posted by: rickl at September 05, 2017 09:48 PM (sdi6R)

308 Sriously, I try to never do that witthout home court advantage.

And, like George Costanza (and other morons) I have the entire State mapped in case of an impending emergency.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:48 PM (RMA4e)

309 Well it is pretty funny. So we were camping at the foot of MT Sinai before an early morning ascent to watch the sun rise from the summit. It was a group of college/grad students from Hebrew U in Jerusalem. Coed and all and you do have to go sometime. So this other guy and I decided to go up this small peak at the foothill of Sinai to do our thing away from the crowd. We climb pretty high up since we were gentlemen and all. He went higher so we each had some privacy. And as I was almost done I hear him scream he from behind a large boulder that it's moving and rolling towards me! I could see nothing. It was pitch black. Just me with my shorts down. LOL

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:49 PM (SjImc)

310 >>do women ever pass gas?

No. That's why they are so moody.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:49 PM (RMA4e)

311 I've heard this story before. I don't know who told me but I swear this happened to a friend of a friend. It wouldn't flush and she threw it out the window. Or I saw it in a movie.

I have deja vu from this story, is that weird?

Posted by: CaliGirl at September 05, 2017 09:49 PM (Ri/rl)

312 BTW, do women ever pass gas?

Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated

Men pass 15x as much. And these are greenhouse gasses.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at September 05, 2017 09:49 PM (/qEW2)

313 *trying to think of a good pun to use for this far-fetched, poo-centric tale.*

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at September 05, 2017 09:50 PM (cfHE9)

314 do women ever pass gas?
Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (bIseZ)

No no no no no. That's even worse.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor
-----------

I recall a female comedian making a joke about 'retaining gas' while on dates. This was in the era of pantyhose. She said that there were a couple of times when if there had been a sudden involuntary release, it probably would have blown the toes out of her hose.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 05, 2017 09:50 PM (9tO1t)

315 I have deja vu from this story, is that weird?

Posted by: CaliGirl at September 05, 2017 09:49 PM (Ri/rl)

Where were you on the night in question?

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 09:50 PM (tbOMB)

316 Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:49 PM (SjImc)

Serves you right, ffs!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:50 PM (yE+j4)

317 Sriously, I try to never do that witthout home court advantage.

Really. Who takes a shit on a first date at the date's house?

I think the two of them need to drop the Scientology documentary and actually go become Scientologists.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at September 05, 2017 09:51 PM (rZ+mb)

318 And I thought it was because they never close their mouths long enough to build up any pressure.

Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 09:51 PM (bIseZ)

319 295 BTW, do women ever pass gas?
Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 09:44 PM (bIseZ)

Clear a house they can.

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:52 PM (0mRoj)

320 Ace to this Girl :

'No, really. It's just like putting Cream in your coffee but not as bad for you...and have fun on your date.'

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:52 PM (RMA4e)

321 Also, there are Scientology documentaries? Is that like, Battlefield: Earth?

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at September 05, 2017 09:52 PM (cfHE9)

322 Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 05, 2017 09:50 PM (9tO1t)

Too funny!!

I have never in front of Thor. I mean, if I even did, which I don't.

And to his credit, he mostly doesn't in front of me.

There are certain red lines, don't you know.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:52 PM (yE+j4)

323 Where were you on the night in question?
Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at September 05, 2017 09:50 PM (tbOMB)

It wasn't me but I swear someone has told me the same story about a mutual friend.

Posted by: CaliGirl at September 05, 2017 09:54 PM (Ri/rl)

324 Also, there are Scientology documentaries? Is that like, Battlefield: Earth?

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at September 05, 2017 09:52 PM (cfHE9)

They were watching some anit-Scientology screed, feeling all superior ... and then she starts throwing turds out the window like a pissed-off monkey.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at September 05, 2017 09:54 PM (rZ+mb)

325 There are certain red lines, don't you know.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:52 PM (yE+j4)

You probably have in your sleep. Those are always funny as hell.

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at September 05, 2017 09:54 PM (cfHE9)

326 My girlfriend a couple of girlfriends ago got mad at me for farting at the table. "What? Am I supposed to leave the room to fart?"

"No. You shouldn't fart at all".

I do not understand girls.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at September 05, 2017 09:54 PM (gIRsn)

327 Dutch Oven anyone?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at September 05, 2017 09:55 PM (SjImc)

328 --
--
I've heard this story before. I don't know who told
me but I swear this happened to a friend of a friend. It wouldn't flush
and she threw it out the window. Or I saw it in a movie.

I have deja vu from this story, is that weird?

Posted by: CaliGirl at September 05, 2017 09:49 PM

------------------------

I've encountered a somewhat similar story twice. One was a "horrible-date-type" story on the internet. The other was a sitcom episode of the Brit show Green-Wing. (Funny damn show by the way.)

Posted by: irright at September 05, 2017 09:55 PM (85f6P)

329 If God let me off one person in the world, it would be Samantha Bee.

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:55 PM (Enq6K)

330 >And to his credit, he mostly doesn't in front of me.

>There are certain red lines, don't you know.

Oh, hell no. That there is a double standard I am willing to embrace.

On the first date I had with my ex, I innocently asked her for her lighter and then I lit a fart.

I think she might have peed herself laughing at that.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:56 PM (RMA4e)

331 329; me first, tami.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 09:56 PM (KP5rU)

332 I have the entire State mapped in case of an impending emergency.
Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:48 PM (RMA4e)

The entire length of I 40 for me.

I have to wait for a hotel room for certain things ( I mean, theoretically I would if I did certain things), but I know where all the bathrooms are, just the same.

I have Bashful Bladder, so I have to go sooner than later, or things shut down.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:56 PM (yE+j4)

333 Wow, the posts on this blog have really gotten shitty lately!!

Posted by: Bill R. at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (IuYIh)

334 Men are responsible for all feces. Women's feces are only the objective correlative of the sins of men.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (/qEW2)

335 329 If God let me off one person in the world, it would be Samantha Bee.
Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:55 PM (Enq6K)

Not Soros?

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (0mRoj)

336 My crazy dog liked to sleep with his head under my side of the bed and his backside hanging out. He let loose a fart that woke me from a dead sleep one night. It was awful!!!

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (eIQHF)

337 I've encountered a somewhat similar story twice. One was a "horrible-date-type" story on the internet. The other was a sitcom episode of the Brit show Green-Wing. (Funny damn show by the way.)

Posted by: irright at September 05, 2017 09:55 PM (85f6P)

My recollection is at a party with one bathroom and the girl threw it out of the window.

Posted by: CaliGirl at September 05, 2017 09:58 PM (Ri/rl)

338 331 329; me first, tami.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 09:56 PM (KP5rU)

We could take turns firing.

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:58 PM (Enq6K)

339 Garrett, a true member of the Blue Flame Club!

Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 09:58 PM (bIseZ)

340 My crazy dog liked to sleep with his head under my side of the bed and his backside hanging out. He let loose a fart that woke me from a dead sleep one night. It was awful!!!

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (eIQHF)

Funny, when he tells the story he says, "It was beautiful!".

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at September 05, 2017 09:59 PM (rZ+mb)

341 Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:56 PM (RMA4e)

He's single, ladies!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 09:59 PM (yE+j4)

342 338; tami, that would be fun.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 09:59 PM (KP5rU)

343
Not Soros?

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (0mRoj)

No, I'm pretty sure it'd be Samantha Bee.

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:59 PM (Enq6K)

344 >>>BTW, do women ever pass gas?<<<

I once heard a fine, honest woman claim that on occasion they poot. But this is only where there is neither a dog nor cat nor parakeet to lay blame. Under no circumstances do women fart.

Posted by: Fritz at September 05, 2017 10:00 PM (eLttb)

345
Strange toilet? Flush it BEFORE using, and ALWAYS check for TP.

Posted by: irongrampa at September 05, 2017 10:00 PM (S/hVx)

346 343
Not Soros?

Posted by: Insomniac at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (0mRoj)

No, I'm pretty sure it'd be Samantha Bee.
Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 09:59 PM (Enq6K)
-------
That bad, huh? Don't watch her. Isn't she a comedian?

Posted by: Gorilla Gumdrop at September 05, 2017 10:01 PM (9KR27)

347 I can think of worthier targets than the annoying Ms Bee.

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at September 05, 2017 10:01 PM (cfHE9)

348 Ha, garrett! My friend's cousin was cooking in his underwear (I don't know why) and ripped a fart while we were sitting at the table playing cards. Her brother casually leaned over right after he farted and lit it with his cigarette lighter. Dang near burned his ass off. LOL

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 10:01 PM (eIQHF)

349 TMI people! Why does anyone want to share this with the world?

Posted by: Grump928(c) at September 05, 2017 10:02 PM (LTHVh)

350 346; she paases herself off as one. about as funny as stage four cancer of the ass.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at September 05, 2017 10:02 PM (KP5rU)

351 Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (eIQHF)

Our late and much beloved Newfie once absconded with 18 eggs off the kitchen counter; I had no idea what had happened to them til Thor and I woke up in the middle of the night gagging and with eyes pouring water.

Her coat was like a freshly shined mirror for a few days, though.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 10:02 PM (yE+j4)

352 On the first date I had with my ex, I innocently asked her for her lighter and then I lit a fart.

I think she might have peed herself laughing at that.
Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 09:56 PM (RMA4e)

My office manager's husband farted on me. This was over 20 years ago. We were leaving a party and were really drunk, he put his butt up against me and farted. I stood there repeating I can't believe you farted on me.

My friends husband gets mad at my friend every year because she gets drunk at his office Christmas party. I tell her to fart on his boss's wife and see how that goes over.

We've known my office managers husband since he was in high school. We are all friends.

Posted by: CaliGirl at September 05, 2017 10:03 PM (Ri/rl)

353 This has the makings of a great movie!

Posted by: Hollywood Imagineers at September 05, 2017 10:03 PM (H8S+R)

354
This looks like a job for International Rescue. Thunderbirds are go!

Posted by: otho at September 05, 2017 10:03 PM (qGuLD)

355 Smart Military Blog:
Art
Gorillas
Boobehs
Guns
Farts

And that is why I come here.

Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 10:04 PM (bIseZ)

356 Like Native Americans, ladies poot silently, and it smells of lavender.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at September 05, 2017 10:04 PM (LTHVh)

357 --
--
My crazy dog liked to sleep with his head under my side of the bed
and his backside hanging out. He let loose a fart that woke me from a
dead sleep one night. It was awful!!!

Posted by: no good deed at September 05, 2017 09:57 PM (eIQHF)

Funny, when he tells the story he says, "It was beautiful!".
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at September 05, 2017 09:59 PM

-----------------

No,no. His story starts: "My crazy human." Guess who lets loose the awful fart in this story? Also, guess who we all believe?

Posted by: irright at September 05, 2017 10:04 PM (85f6P)

358 ha! Tammy.

Similar experience here.

Only - German Shorthair + 1/2 Gallon of Roadside 'Pick Your Own' Strawberries + 4 hr. long Road Trip.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 10:04 PM (RMA4e)

359 It's this damn low flow/weak flush toilets they have in Britain.
They can't handle a cat turd let alone a good poo.
I should know. Many a failed flush have I left behind in the UK.

Posted by: Lord Cochrane at September 05, 2017 10:05 PM (B6Dls)

360 ha! Tammy.

Similar experience here.

Only - German Shorthair + 1/2 Gallon of Roadside 'Pick Your Own' Strawberries + 4 hr. long Road Trip.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 10:04 PM (RMA4e)

Put him on the roof!

Posted by: Mittens Romney at September 05, 2017 10:05 PM (rZ+mb)

361 I'd go with Soros.

While annoying, Bee is pretty irrelevant

Posted by: westminsterdogshow at September 05, 2017 10:06 PM (mMeIQ)

362 113 minutes left to win the M14

https://wn.nr/3Tgkx2

I need at least one more Moron to sign up for a chance.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at September 05, 2017 10:06 PM (LTHVh)

363 I'm hoping one or both of these people are sterile.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at September 05, 2017 10:07 PM (oVJmc)

364 That bad, huh? Don't watch her. Isn't she a comedian?

Posted by: Gorilla Gumdrop at September 05, 2017 10:01 PM (9KR27)

I don't watch her either but her commercials make my eye twitch until I can mute her.

She may call herself a comedian, but yeah, no.

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 10:07 PM (Enq6K)

365 The other first date story I've heard which matched this one was a letter Johnny Carson read on the Tonight Show many years ago.

A guy took a girl out skiing in Colorado on their first date. She had a few too many mugs of hot cocoa in the lodge and on the way home, she said she couldn't hold it any more and could he please pull the car over. He did and she went to the back of the car, squatted and pulled down her pants - and then slipped on the ice and her bare butt stuck to the metal bumper. she couldn't free herself so after a while she had to call him. He couldn't think of any other way to free her - so he aimed and pissed her off the bumper.

By that point the two of them were laughing hysterically - and yeah, after that, he had to marry her. I think the letter ended by saying they had been married for 25 years.

Posted by: Donna&&&&&&V sez: grab that Wild Card, Crew1 at September 05, 2017 10:07 PM (P8951)

366
137 final exam: explain your answer in less that 250 words.
I would rather:
a - let Lena Dunham use the toilet in my bathroom; or
b - stick a dull thumbtack into my lip.

Posted by: mallfly suPreme at September 05, 2017 09:03 PM (ILitO)

The thumbtack hole will heal in time.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 05, 2017 10:08 PM (iFZVz)

367 Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 10:04 PM (RMA4e

Oh good lord you were TRAPPED!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 10:08 PM (yE+j4)

368 This is remarkably like a scene from Ben Armstrong's 'The Worst Week of my Life' in which the protagonist first has to hide some food he cannot bring himself to eat and when trying to dispose of it appears to be fishing turds out of the toilet it's clogged.

Posted by: Epobirs at September 05, 2017 10:08 PM (AJKgl)

369 I can just about imagine how the ONT is gonna be....

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 10:08 PM (yE+j4)

370 "My crazy dog liked to sleep with his head under my side of the bed and
his backside hanging out. He let loose a fart that woke me from a dead
sleep one night. It was awful!!!"

An old time shooting buddy had a big hound dog who would noisily cut the cheese, then growl and bark at his own rear end with great indignation. I've seldom laughed so hard.

Posted by: torquewrench at September 05, 2017 10:10 PM (ujwCG)

371 Grump, just signed up Mrs. Red. Boy, will she be surprised if she wins!

Posted by: RI Red - briefly relocated at September 05, 2017 10:10 PM (bIseZ)

372 >>you were TRAPPED!

Picture a Jeep Grand Cherokee (Old faux wood panel Job) with an entire family riding around with their noses in their shirt collars, crying and laughing simultaneously.

Punctuated by the occasional audible dog fart.

Posted by: garrett at September 05, 2017 10:11 PM (RMA4e)

373
Flinging poo?

I'd like to hear Gorilla Pundit's take on this.

Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at September 05, 2017 10:11 PM (t5m5e)

374
After a fart, I've been known to exclaim "that air you're breathing? It used to be up my asssssssss."

Usually said to my nephews.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 05, 2017 10:12 PM (iFZVz)

375 NOOD

Posted by: Tonypete at September 05, 2017 10:12 PM (tr2D7)

376 I need at least one more Moron to sign up for a chance.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at September 05, 2017 10:06 PM (LTHVh)

Does it matter which way I sign up for you to get credit?

Posted by: X-ray at September 05, 2017 10:12 PM (ZKWca)

377 Many years ago, when I PCS'd to another duty station a few of us had a little party. Some younger kid was there as a guest of one of the NCO's. Anyway, he must have got snockered. The next day, as I was walking to catch a bus or whatever, I saw him hurriedly running to the CO's HQ. All he said was "I'm $@cked!"

Turns out he .. wigged out, and trashed the HQ office and smeared his feces all over the walls and laid a steamer on his desk, etc. Don't know whatever happened, but it's not a career enhancer. Maybe at E.P.A., but not the Army. Not then anyway. Alcohol does strange things to people, that's for sure.

Posted by: Common Tater at September 05, 2017 10:12 PM (r3KsD)

378 Haven't read the comments but...

...sure as shit, they will end up married.

Posted by: Meremortal at September 05, 2017 10:13 PM (3myMJ)

379 --
--
I can just about imagine how the ONT is gonna be....

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at September 05, 2017 10:08 PM

------------

Do not gaze long into the ONT.

Posted by: Nietzsche'S abyss was a doddle at September 05, 2017 10:14 PM (85f6P)

380 An old time shooting buddy had a big hound dog who would noisily cut the cheese, then growl and bark at his own rear end with great indignation"

Our old springer would fart and then jump up, startled.

We used to say "Great watchdog. She's gonna protect us from burglers? She's scared of her own farts!"

Posted by: Donna&&&&&&V sez: grab that Wild Card, Crew1 at September 05, 2017 10:14 PM (P8951)

381 An old time shooting buddy had a big hound dog who would noisily cut the cheese, then growl and bark at his own rear end with great indignation. I've seldom laughed so hard.

Posted by: torquewrench at September 05, 2017 10:10 PM (ujwCG)

Ever seen the video of the dog growling/snarling at his own foot?

http://preview.tinyurl.com/yam7y3qa

Posted by: Tami at September 05, 2017 10:15 PM (Enq6K)

382 I cut the poop flinging scene out of The Goldrush. Laurel & Hardy used the gag later as did Hope & Crosby.

Posted by: Charlie Chaplin at September 05, 2017 10:16 PM (bc2Lc)

383 Does it matter which way I sign up for you to get credit?

As long as you use the link I'm golden.

https://wn.nr/3Tgkx2

Posted by: Grump928(c) at September 05, 2017 10:17 PM (LTHVh)

384 Lord Cochrane @ 359- low flow?
We installed 2 toilets in our bathrooms 10 years ago which were guaranteed to flush 12 golfballs. Heap big wampum. Though we never ate golfballs they did indeed flush everything else we put in there. Until the one in the master bathroom didn't. Well that particular flush valve was not available anymore, so they ordered the 'new and improved' one. Yep, had to flush three times to finish the 'job'. Went to Lowes and got the Henshaw model for about 100 yankee dollars. Engineering marvel, performs as advertised.

Posted by: Eromero at September 05, 2017 10:18 PM (zLDYs)

385 i like how this didn't end with a #gofundme

Posted by: happyfeet at September 05, 2017 10:33 PM (mLfQi)

386 Ace fixed this with a bottle of coke zero years ago

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at September 06, 2017 12:12 AM (uaDPk)

387 This is apparently more common than one would think.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712126522937745408

Posted by: Original Roy at September 06, 2017 06:55 AM (9Tlm9)

388 we saw some honesty, some team-work in the face of adversity, and some dramatic events. Not bad for a first date.

A little more clear-thinking and planning for the future and they've got it.

Posted by: socratease at September 06, 2017 11:37 AM (2GbWn)

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