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Oh No: Amy Schumer Accused of Stealing Jokes for "New" "Comedy" "Show"

I know putting quotes around everything is something only lunatics do but sometimes you gotta go loon.

Some of these jokes seem like observations and gags that anyone could come up with independently. But, the thing is, there are also clips of her praising Dave Atell (from whom she seems to have borrowed a "blacking out from drinking and then waking up is like Time Travel" joke) and a Portlandia skit (with which she shares the insult that someone's face looks like a "melted candle").

I dunno. It seems like maybe she's a comedy fan and has watched a lot of comic's acts and comedy tv shows and movies, and maybe unconsciously absorbed it. I say "unconsciously" because at this stage, with a rep as a joke thief, she'd be crazy to consciously swipe this stuff (especially because none of these gags are particularly great).

A few years ago I was ragging on liberal former actress Eva Longoria and I wrote what I thought was one of my best jokes ever to her. It's a two part joke -- the first is a lame set-up, the second is the actual punchline.

"Hey Eva, 1995 just called, it wants its cultural relevance back.

Hey Eva, a Hollywood producer called, he wants -- nah, I'm just fucking with ya. No Hollywood producers are calling you."

The joke came so easy to me. It just flowed, effortlessly. It sounded just like a great David Spade gag that I had just made up with my own brain.

I'm not 100% sure about this, but I later realized this joke came too easily, and I'm pretty sure the reason I came up with such a perfect David Spade-esque joke so easily was that it in fact was a David Spade joke from his old Hollywood Minute stuff on SNL, down to the one-two punch structure. I haven't confirmed that, but I'm almost convinced I didn't write this joke. I just remembered it, without realizing it was a memory rather than an invention.

Eh. A lift, but innocently made. It can happen.

But this sure seems to happen to Amy a lot.

Clips of the new "parallel thinking" jokes below -- Content Warning. She's a big ol' raunchy gal.


Oh, note that in the last batch of jokes she was accused of having stolen, she also echoed a John Mulaney gag about blacking out. That bit starts at 8:15 or so. And her joke is a lot like Mulaney's.

I guess she's especially fond of blacking out jokes in other comic's acts.

Posted by: Ace at 12:50 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 Having problems here with connection.

Posted by: HH at March 17, 2017 12:51 PM (DrCtv)

2 Eh, repost from last thread:

Kurt "Bad Ass" Eichenwald made this claim on teh Twitters today:

@kurteichenwald
After a 3 month investigation, the FBI this morning arrested the man who assaulted me using a strobe on twitter that triggered a seizure.

Given Kurt's history with "the truth", this could be complete nonsense.

Posted by: The Institute at March 17, 2017 12:52 PM (nGsFZ)

3 Writing new material is hard, so I can see why Amy doesn't do it.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 12:52 PM (zsHGH)

4 Blacking out is cultural appropriation.

Posted by: Talcum X at March 17, 2017 12:53 PM (TppKb)

5 BREAKING: The Federal Comedy Integrity Protection Administration has launched an investigation, headed up by a blue ribbon panel of clowns.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 17, 2017 12:53 PM (Zkjpe)

6 Ugh. WTOP (WashDC area news radio station) reported that Netflix is changing its rating system from four stars to thumbs up and thumbs down. Okay, fine. It then tagged on to the end that it may be because Amy Schumer's latest Netflix-exclusive comedy special is getting 1 star reviews by "alt-right trolls".

To be fair, WTOP lets ABC provide about 30 minutes of content every few hours. I think this was one of them.

Posted by: Semper Why at March 17, 2017 12:53 PM (mDDO1)

7 Furthermore, look at all the resources Kurt utilized to hunt down the supposed perpetrator of that horrific crime (Tweeting a flashing gif at him):

@kurteichenwald
I want to thank Dallas Police, Dallas DA, US Attorney in Dallas, the FBI & the Dept of Homeland Security who all played a role in this case.

Posted by: The Institute at March 17, 2017 12:54 PM (nGsFZ)

8 Sorry, reformatting to match the new loon style:
"Writing" "new" "material" is hard, so I can see why Amy doesn't do it.

But she will do anything else, if you get her drunk.

Hey-o!

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 12:54 PM (zsHGH)

9 Dave Attell is funny.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 12:54 PM (4/95V)

10 @kurteichenwald
After a 3 month investigation, the FBI this morning arrested the man who assaulted me using a strobe on twitter that triggered a seizure.


And it wasn't even announced on Drudge with the police R2D2.

Posted by: Talcum X at March 17, 2017 12:54 PM (TppKb)

11 I "know" what you "mean" about the "quotes" thing.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 12:54 PM (/tuJf)

12 I don't usually complain about other women's looks, Lord knows I have enough physical faults myself, But whatever the heck that is she's wearing makes her head look tiny and her shoulders massive. I wonder which frenemy told her that was what she should wear.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at March 17, 2017 12:54 PM (sEDyY)

13 Well, you can't argue with success. Judging by the picture, Amy hasn't missed too many meals.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 17, 2017 12:54 PM (WDdjT)

14 David Spade should be grateful for the exposure.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (Zkjpe)

15 Not in a liuminary comic kinda way.

But, just a generally funny guy who looks like he'd be fun no matter where you ended up hanging out with him.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (4/95V)

16 BREAKING: The Federal Comedy Integrity Protection Administration has launched an investigation, headed up by a blue ribbon panel of clowns.

As long as it's not a FLASHING blue light.

I'm working on getting old Hawaii Five-O reruns banned.

Posted by: Kurt Eichenwald at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (TppKb)

17 Maybe she should add a musical instrument to her act. Like a violin. That would be original.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (hLRSq)

18 Does anyone know when Hollywood will make a movie about Presdent Obama and all the grate things he did to help countries of color around the world???

Posted by: Mary Clogginstien from Brattleboro, VT at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (WmgTn)

19 Oh, note that in the last batch of jokes she was accused of having stolen, she also echoed a John Mulaney gag about blacking out.

I guess she's especially fond of blacking out jokes in other comic's acts.

Posted by: Ace at 12:50 PM

=================

They speak to her.

Crowder watched it and talked about it. He was saying that comedians like Jim Gaffigan tend to have a host of topics that they talk about that can appeal to most people (don't have a family? how about food jokes?).

Schumer seems to just talk about her being a dirty whore.

Funny bit was where she spent a few minutes talking about how nasty her vagina is, and then immediately started hating on some guy for not loving her vagina. And most of the special was pretty much that.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (ELUpj)

20 Is Netflix also eliminating its comments sections like IMDB just did?

Egads, how dare these unwashed nobodies dare opine without taking care not to offends people?

Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (NOIQH)

21 Kinda like a more butch College Ace.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (4/95V)

22 No no, you see, Dave Attell's joke goes "dun dun dun dun dun dun dun," but Amy's joke goes "dun dun dun du-du dun DUN." Totally different.

Posted by: Vanilla Ice at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (uuwor)

23 Schumer seems to just talk about her being a dirty whore.

Well, sometimes you do what you know.

Posted by: JEM at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (TppKb)

24 Comedy

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (gTQoY)

25 Funniest person on the planet according to Norm MacDonald.

Posted by: Lord Sir x at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (nFwvY)

26 Eh, pretty much all the humor comes from the delivery and presentation anyway.

As we all know, it's also very easy to convince yourself into a false memory. In her case, she might even really believe that she came up with the joke itself.

These jokes are like the lowest form of stand-up comedy any, IMO. The best stand-up routines aren't short punchlines, they're well constructed elaborate stories that connect to one another, punctuated by choice antics on stage.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (KUaJL)

27 Blacking out is cultural appropriation.

Posted by: Talcum X at March 17, 2017 12:53 PM (TppKb)


I can loan you a couple of Sharpies.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (hLRSq)

28 David Spade should be grateful for the exposure.
====

His "career" could use a little "exposure".

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (Q5kE6)

29 Does anyone know when Hollywood will make a movie about Presdent Obama and all the grate things he did to help countries of color around the world???

Like south Chicago?

Posted by: JEM at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (TppKb)

30 The kids at Reddit say that Amy Schumer is actually--Chucky Schumer's nephew.

Posted by: Holmes at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (fi5nC)

31 Oh goodie. A whole thread of Amy Schumer stealing joke posts.


Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (GX63o)

32 I don't understand what all those little marks are in the post.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (gTQoY)

33 Yeah, I thought the same thing, eh, most of these are obvious jokes and shouldn't she at least try to lift funnier stuff.

But it sure does seem to happen a lot doesn't it?

Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (mf5HN)

34 Just joking ace.

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (GX63o)

35 I never noticed before but Amy Schumer's arms bear a remarkable resemblance to giant sausages.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (Zkjpe)

36 20 Is Netflix also eliminating its comments sections like IMDB just did?

Egads, how dare these unwashed nobodies dare opine without taking care not to offends people?
Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (NOIQH)

=================

The 5 star system.

I'm desperately hoping it's limited to their streaming service ratings.

I need the 5 star system for the DVD service.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (ELUpj)

37 Amy is a joke appropriator.

Posted by: JuJuBee at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (dargh)

38 Did they load her into a cannon, mop the bore with Vaseline and shoot her into that Leather Dress?

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (4/95V)

39 >>>11 I "know" what you "mean" about the "quotes" thing.
Posted by: JackStraw

Well I guess you're a real "genius" and "scholar" then, "Champ."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (8rNrN)

40 Blacking out jokes are a good setup for rape jokes because vagina!

Posted by: Fritz at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (2Mnv1)

41 "But whatever the heck that is she's wearing makes her head look tiny and her shoulders massive."

I think it's her body flab.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (hLRSq)

42 Perhaps Amy should just try another line o work such as straight drama or comedy for the theatre.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (fDdVG)

43 >>Schumer seems to just talk about her being a dirty whore.



Yeah, that's her shtick. And then she gets pissed when people tease her abot being....a dirty whore on twitter. Then it's MISOGYNYSTIC SLUT-SHAMING THREATENING HER SAFETY!!!!!

Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (NOIQH)

44 Remind me again why I should give a shit about this and why aren't out drinking green beer somewhere?

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (Lat75)

45 >>I never noticed before but Amy Schumer's arms bear a remarkable resemblance to giant sausages.

What the hell are you eating?

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 12:58 PM (/tuJf)

46 Amy has joke privilege.

Posted by: JuJuBee at March 17, 2017 12:58 PM (dargh)

47 I can loan you a couple of Sharpies.

The acrylic concrete stain lasts much longer. Not the etching stuff, that hurts.

Posted by: Talcum X at March 17, 2017 12:58 PM (TppKb)

48 I know putting quotes around everything is something only lunatics do but sometimes you gotta go loon.

Never go full loon.

Well, OK, maybe this once.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 12:58 PM (HRSh5)

49 Nah, too easy

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 12:58 PM (7HtZB)

50 43 >>Schumer seems to just talk about her being a dirty whore.



Yeah, that's her shtick. And then she gets pissed when people tease her abot being....a dirty whore on twitter. Then it's MISOGYNYSTIC SLUT-SHAMING THREATENING HER SAFETY!!!!!

Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (NOIQH)

================

Maybe...she's just a terrible person who was raised by terrible people and she has no idea how to treat people in real life.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 17, 2017 12:58 PM (ELUpj)

51 Isn't this fat girl, Chuckie's cousin or something?

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 12:58 PM (Lat75)

52 Perhaps Amy should just try another line o work such as straight drama or comedy for the theatre.

Or maybe just dirty whoredom.

After all, those who can, do, and those who can't, teach.

Posted by: Talcum X at March 17, 2017 12:58 PM (TppKb)

53 Really.
How fat do you have to before they have to let the cow out prior to skinning it?

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (4/95V)

54 Ace,

When you use quotation marks that way, it is the literary equivalent of rolling your eyes as you speak.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (1fHj1)

55 >>>His "career" could use a little "exposure".

Actually "this" might be "true." When I "wrote" that I might have "swiped" his "joke," he "retweeted" "me." But he didn't "confirm" this was his "joke." When I "asked" him about it, he "didn't" "answer." So "I" still don't know "for" sure.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (8rNrN)

56 Take my wife please.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (OD2ni)

57 i want to see an Amy Schumer parody act - a chubby girl doing her bit while tripping balls: Amy Shroomer.

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (7HtZB)

58 Of course Norm is just fucking with her. He also says Set Myers is great.

Posted by: Lord Sir x at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (nFwvY)

59 As I often note, I once wrote "House of the Rising Sun".

It happens.

A lot.

To Amy.

Posted by: moviegique at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (7zeA4)

60 why aren't out drinking green beer somewhere?
Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (Lat75)

Because your name is Sam and not Sean? ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (fDdVG)

61 I tell ya, I get no respect.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (OD2ni)

62 So she's not only a joke thief, she's also notorious for smuggling potatoes under her skin.

Every time she goes thru airport security, they pat her down with butter.

Posted by: GnuBreed at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (xpfRn)

63 I don;t think anyone is claiming she's stolen her Old Navy ad jokes, though.

That one where she winks at an old boyfriend she's bumped into while he's shopping with his wife and teen kid is hilarious!

Oh wait, no it's not - it's creepy and she comes off as an amoral tramp.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (NOIQH)

64 Schumer could avoid inadvertently stealing other comic's jokes if she became a mime.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (Zkjpe)

65 Amy? The leather look? Not good.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (qJhUV)

66 I suppose if Amy stole really good, visionary jokes from seminal acts, it would be too obvious - and people would probably recognize the source material.

Whereas if she steals sort of mediocre observations it's easier to say "Yeah that wasn't really very clever but hey I did come up with it on my own, even though it's obvious enough that other people have also done it."

That is to say, it's easy to argue parallel construction with an obvious idea, much harder to argue it with something really idiosyncratic.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (uuwor)

67 Perhaps Amy should just try another line o work such as straight drama or comedy for the theatre.

===

Or prostitution. Lots of genitalia to focus on there.

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (Q5kE6)

68 Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (OD2ni)

69 Since I waz a wee little rug muncher, I waz taught to recycle.

Posted by: Amy "Chuck" Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (vtcmf)

70 >>>65 Amy? The leather look? Not good.

she "looks" like a "sausage" that I wouldn't "want" to put in my "mouth."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:01 PM (8rNrN)

71 I watched some old Bob Hope Christmas tour shows. He was awesome.
And listen to comics today and you still hear his material.

Posted by: Diogenes at March 17, 2017 01:01 PM (0tfLf)

72 Swiping jokes is her entire business model.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 17, 2017 01:01 PM (0mRoj)

73 Yeah, I'm thinking drunken trysts are Amy's metier. Her forte', even.

I dunno. It seems like maybe she's a comedy fan and has watched a lot of comic's acts and comedy tv shows and movies, and maybe unconsciously absorbed it. I say "unconsciously" because at this stage, with a rep as a joke thief, she'd be crazy to consciously swipe this stuff (especially because none of these gags are particularly great).

I'm frequently guilty of the "absorbed it and regurgitated it unconsciously" bit because (1) I'm kinda autistic and (B) I'm not terribly original. That's why I cut people accused of single, isolated instances of plagiarism a break, because most people are susceptible to this to one degree or another. You have to establish a pattern to really justify an accusation of plagiarism, I think, and Amy and putas like Carlos Mencia certainly qualify.

Posted by: joncelli, Gobsmacked Rage Monkey and Crossbowman at March 17, 2017 01:01 PM (RD7QR)

74 Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (8rNrN)

The Mandela sign language guy said his fingers are getting cramps.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down at March 17, 2017 01:01 PM (hLRSq)

75 65 Amy? The leather look? Not good.
Posted by: tu3031 at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (qJhUV)

She finally said "fuck it" & went face first into the cow.

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 01:01 PM (7HtZB)

76 Hey Amy, the saturated fats called. They want their flab back.

Posted by: George Costanza at March 17, 2017 01:01 PM (/ZEVC)

77 Look at those toned arms!!!![FNM]

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:01 PM (cOHS7)

78 Hey! What's the deal with grape nuts?

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (qJhUV)

79 Amy is a "barrel-chested" little thing isn't she.

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (Q5kE6)

80 The Time Travel bit (hilarious Atell stuff) is a bit too on the nose. Its possible she forgot where she heard it but after the other thefts, its hard to give her too much of a break.

By the way; possibly unrelated but Netflix is getting rid of its star system for rating. Its going to go with a "thumbs up/down" system instead.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (39g3+)

81 What's the deal with airplane peanuts?

I forget the rest. Something something "who are these geniuses?"

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (8rNrN)

82 Because your name is Sam and not Sean? ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (fDdVG)

What you never heard of the famous Irish Jews? The House of Sam a lang a ding dong.

That is soo bad.

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (Lat75)

83 I've never really watched her, because I envision wanting to punch her in the face, I think, because it seems like it would kind of be like punching Chuck Schumer in the face.

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (GX63o)

84 I think all comics borrow a bit.I just don't like this fat faced bitch.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (r/0kC)

85 Ace is killing it with the new loon speak.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (zsHGH)

86 Or rather "killing" it.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (zsHGH)

87
Uncle Miltie: The broad even stole my routine of stealing other people's jokes

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (493sH)

88 Why do they call it Ovaltine? The jar is round, the mug is round - they should call it "Roundtine!"

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (7HtZB)

89 Every time she goes thru airport security, they pat her down with butter.

Posted by: GnuBreed at March 17, 2017 01:00 PM (xpfRn)


And then sprinkled with bacon bits and chives.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (HRSh5)

90 Posted by: ace


Why am I laughing?

Who the hell knew apostrophes are funny?

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (Q5kE6)

91 Oh, and "Good Morning" Ace.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (4/95V)

92 That dress pushes her FUPA out into her upper arms.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (cOHS7)

93 Speaking of comics, Dave Chapelle has a new special that is coming out soon.

Why do I have a feeling that I'm not going to like this one as much as his older stuff.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (KUaJL)

94 Oh No: Amy Schumer Accused of Stealing "Jokes" for "New" "Comedy" "Show"

++++

FIFY.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 17, 2017 01:04 PM (R+30W)

95 Amy Schumer though has the resources to have her schtick checked out for plagiarism, she's probably the highest paid comedian right now (although its completely undeserved) No excuse for all these "accidents".

Her fame is almost exclusively the result of liberal women liking an "icon" that is fatter than them so they can feel good about themselves. Same with Lena Dunham.

Posted by: Maritime at March 17, 2017 01:04 PM (JnKpU)

96 @Christopher R Taylor

Yeah, I heard that too. I hope its coincidence and not white whale knighting.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:04 PM (zsHGH)

97 >>>I'm frequently guilty of the "absorbed it and regurgitated it unconsciously" bit because (1) I'm kinda autistic and (B) I'm not terribly original.

I have a friend who does this a lot. he's actually naturally funny, but then, he also throws in a lot of stuff from his memory library.

I got the "a cat can't scratch it" joke about a boner being hard from him. Then someone told me "That came from the movie Cocoon."

And I was like, "Oh, of course, he got it from somewhere else."

But I really couldn't complain, as I'd stolen it (deliberately) from him without attribution.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:04 PM (8rNrN)

98 Do you ever wonder why they call it ovaltine?

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:04 PM (GX63o)

99 95 Melissa McCarthy is fatter and funnier.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:04 PM (r/0kC)

100 Gold, Amy, gold!

Posted by: Banya at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (/ZEVC)

101 "I forget the rest. Something something "who are these geniuses?"

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (8rNrN) "

I think you're talking about the late 80's/early 90's SNL skit that was basically a gameshow where hack comics had to do off-the-cuff Jerry Seinfeld rip-off routines about whatever came up on screen, and one of the guys kept using "who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?" as his terrible punch line.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (uuwor)

102 Now watch as I smash this watermelon with a sledge hammer

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (OD2ni)

103
Why is that manatee wearing a wet suit?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (v1g1+)

104 Take my wife........please.



Amy Schumer

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (7ZVPa)

105 >>-- Content Warning. She's a big ol' raunchy gal.


That's MY bit!

Posted by: Lisa Lamponelli at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (4/95V)

106 88 Why do they call it Ovaltine? The jar is round, the mug is round - they should call it "Roundtine!"
Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:03 PM (7HtZB)

***************

Ha!

Posted by: Holmes at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (fi5nC)

107 Why do they call it Ovaltine?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (/ZEVC)

108 Yes, same thing is likely in play with all these cases of people accusing bands of stealing their hit songs. It's not always conscious theft. So for instance Bernstein probably didn't deliberately steal "Somewhere" from Beethoven's Emperor concerto, just as Paul Simon probably didn't deliberately use Bach's passion chorale for "American Tune."

Posted by: Caliban at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (DrC22)

109 >>>Who the hell knew apostrophes are funny?


I "did." "This" is one of the "oldest" bits I've "done" on this "blog."

I read "letters" from a "schizophrenic" at a "job" and noticed how "she" put "quotes" around "everything." An early "gag" I used to "do" was to put quotes around "everything," including words it makes no sense "to" put quotes "around."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (8rNrN)

110 Holy crap! I played a little of that clip and she looks like a talking Holstein. An unfunny Holstein.

Posted by: Fritz at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (2Mnv1)

111 Man, I NEVER get tired of talking about Amy Schumer!

Really!!

So... in honor of her, I'm gonna steal my OWN Amy Schumer joke...

Here goes:

I like Amy Schumer.

I lay her down on a bed of lettuce, pour some fruit cocktail on her, and eat her up...

Oh wait, you said Amy Schumer, I was thinking of cottage cheese.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (TOk1P)

112 At least Bania asked for Jerry's permission to use the word 'puke' in his act.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (uuwor)

113 There is a joke out there about Amy Schumer and mopeds but I forgot it.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (5VlCp)

114 Love the picture of Tillerson on Drudge standing by the window in the conference room in Panmonjom. The Norks take everyone's picture there.

Lets haul Amy up there...watch hilarity ensue among the Nork guards.

Posted by: Diogenes at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (0tfLf)

115 Hey! What's the deal with grape nuts?

Posted by: Amy Schumer stealing from the sock Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (qJhUV)

116 Why do they call it Ovaltine?
Posted by: Mike Hammer
--------

Crap. Too slow.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (/ZEVC)

117 I think the important thing to focus on isn't that Amy is a terrible comedian. It's that she's a terrible, terrible human being.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (zsHGH)

118 >>Her fame is almost exclusively the result of liberal women liking an
"icon" that is fatter than them so they can feel good about themselves.
Same with Lena Dunham.


A lot of her skits are just feminist talking points with a dash of sarcasm.
About as funny as a clever, snarky Samantha Bee rant.
Clapter, not laughter.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (NOIQH)

119 103
Why is that manatee wearing a wet suit?
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (v1g1+)

Preparing to airdrop aquallamas?

Posted by: joncelli, Gobsmacked Rage Monkey and Crossbowman at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (RD7QR)

120 Amy to her fashion designer: "In my new special, I want to look like Trinity from the Matrix."

"Look like a trinity of what?"

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (KUaJL)

121 "blacking out from drinking and then waking up is like Time Travel" joke)

It's in an AA 4th edition story, and is older than Baccus.

Posted by: DaveA at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (FhXTo)

122 @Amy Schumer stealing from the sock Amy Schumer

LOL

This thread is going to be my regular Saturday night thing.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (zsHGH)

123 Worst hour of Comedy I've ever seen. She killed her career that night, which in fairness made it enjoyable to watch.

She would still be doing 5 minute open mica in dive bars if her uncle was not Senator Chuck Schumer.

Posted by: Phone of Widespread Pepe at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (3cOA7)

124 >>>I think you're talking about the late 80's/early 90's SNL skit that was basically a gameshow where hack comics had to do off-the-cuff Jerry Seinfeld rip-off routines about whatever came up on screen, and one of the guys kept using "who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?" as his terrible punch line.

yes I know, I am ripping off a skit while I knock on Amy Schumer for ripping off a skit.

I knew I was doing that, but I did it anyway.

Like a BOSS.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (8rNrN)

125 Amy Schumer even stole my "big toe,captain of the toes" bit!
George Costanza

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (r/0kC)

126 Why do they call it Ovaltine?

Posted by: Mike Hammer


--

Named after a race track's shape. Better than Serpentine, or Turpentine, for that matter.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (7ZVPa)

127 Ace, why are so interested in Amy Schumer? I mean, this is about the fourth time you're reported on her stealing jokes-which of course is your prerogative, but is there some other reason you dislike her other than that she's a joke plagiarist and apparently not funny? Has she been rude to you personally or you just don't like that she is successful at what she does.? I have never watched her and wouldn't because it sounds like I wouldn't find her funny (Women being crude and )talking about their vaginas just doesn't seem rip snortingly funny to me) but people do all kinds of things they're not really good at and become fairly successful.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (fDdVG)

128 I can't seem to come up with any "funny" material right now.

Usually the good ideas just "come to me" while I'm reading here.

>>Take my wife please.

Oh, that inspires me!

I'm "thinking", I'm "thinking"

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (gTQoY)

129 Code re-use.;

Posted by: DaveA at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (FhXTo)

130 Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Stealing it word for word means you really like that person. And then you take their style, dress like them, drive the same type of car, and then like an evil amoeba absorb them into your fat and become them.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (hLRSq)

131 This means you watched ME!!

You, really, really--watched me!!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (fi5nC)

132 There is a joke out there about Amy Schumer and flour but I forgot it.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (cOHS7)

133 Venezuela arrests brownie and croissant bakers in 'bread war'

Michael Moore, Sean, Penn, and Danny Glover could not be reached for comment about this glorious development that can't even parody.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (B+qrE)

134

Hey Amy,

Mr. Potato Head called and he wants Mrs. Potato Head back. Why'd you run away anyhow?

Posted by: Sphynx at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (OZmbA)

135 It's in an AA 4th edition story, and is older than Baccus.
Posted by: DaveA
-----------

Yup.

Posted by: Bill W. at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (/ZEVC)

136
She's not ripping off other people's jokes. Just consider her a cover band comedian.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (493sH)

137 Crap. Too slow.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (/ZEVC)

It's never too late to steal your own stolen joke.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (GX63o)

138 127 She's an outspoken left wing scold.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (r/0kC)

139 I miss "Insomniac with Dave Atell".

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (EnKk6)

140 "Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (r/0kC) "

Of course. The coup d'etoe.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (uuwor)

141 The entertainment world is full of comics who aren't really funny and actors who can't act, but somebody pushed then ahead. She sounds like she's one of them.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (fDdVG)

142 Manure is not a bad word.

You've got a 'Ma' in front and a 'Newer'.

"Ma-Nure".

It's really not that bad.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (4/95V)

143 >>>It's in an AA 4th edition story, and is older than Baccus.


interesting. Sometimes these charges of joke theft aren't really fair because some of these jokes weren't written by the source she's supposed to have gotten them from -- some are just like "street jokes," jokes with no known author. The Patrice O'Neal jokes were part of a style of joke that people made on the internet. I think he swiped those from unknown authors, and then Amy Schumer got them from him, or maybe she just remembered the same internet "street jokes."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (8rNrN)

144 I haven't had the pleasure of ever watching or listening to Ms. Schumer. All I can say is a sturdy girl ought not to wear tight leather. IMO.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (lwiT4)

145 You know, I have to wonder where I went wrong in life when this talentless, pasty, schlubby lump gets paid to tell jokes that she's stolen from other, better comics and I, while equally talentless, pasty and schlubby, can't get TCM to give me a hosting job.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (X6fMO)

146 Ace, why are so interested in Amy Schumer?

Because Lena Dunham took the day off.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (qJhUV)

147 I read "letters" from a "schizophrenic" at a "job" and noticed how "she" put "quotes" around "everything." An early "gag" I used to "do" was to put quotes around "everything," including words it makes no sense "to" put quotes "around."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (8rNrN)


I think there's a tumblr or something around where people send in pictures of unnecessary quotes in the wild, e.g.

$4.99 "fresh" catfish
Employees: "wash your hands" before returning to work

Posted by: hogmartin at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (8nWyX)

148 IF YOU CONFINE YOURSELF TO EXPLAINING JOKES, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PLAGIARISM, BECAUSE YOU'RE ONLY EXPLAINING THEM, NOT CLAIMING TO HAVE WRITTEN THEM.

Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at March 17, 2017 01:10 PM (W8bn5)

149 I haven't confirmed that, but I'm almost convinced I didn't write this joke. I just remembered it, without realizing it was a memory rather than an invention

-
Tell me about it.

- Zombie George "My Sweet Lord" Harrison

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:10 PM (Nwg0u)

150 When you use quotation marks that way, it is the literary equivalent of rolling your eyes as you speak.
Posted by: Lemmiwinks at March 17, 2017 12:59 PM (1fHj1)


Heh. I'll just leave this here:

http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:10 PM (HRSh5)

151 She's an outspoken left wing scold.

Yes, we knew that she other three times she was written abo

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:10 PM (fDdVG)

152 Content Warning. She's a big ol' raunchy gal.

----------------------
That's MY bit!

Posted by: Lisa Lamponelli at March 17, 2017 01:05 PM (4/95V)


Actually, didn't Lamponelli lose like .75 Amy Schumers worth of weight?

Posted by: BurtTC at March 17, 2017 01:10 PM (TOk1P)

153 I look forward to a heavily-litigated comedy world.

Nothing says funny like quoting your sources.

"Just flew in from Vegas, boy are my arms tired (Marx, 1932)"
"Take my wife , please (Youngman , 1945)"

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:10 PM (Q5kE6)

154
Thumbs up/thumbs down v. 5 star rating system

Is like Centigrade v. Fahrenheit

More numbers, in the range we need, means better information.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (ZFUt7)

155 There is a joke about Amy Schumer, a jar of Vaseline and a Harley's kick starter, but I forgot it.

Posted by: Diogenes at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (0tfLf)

156 140 Good man,strong on the Seinfeld trivia.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (r/0kC)

157 Then someone told me "That came from the movie Cocoon."

First time I heard "So hard a cat cain't scratch it" was from my old man - back in the 70s.

I think you're right - we just recycle this stuff. Put a small new twist on it now and then.

Posted by: ScoggDog at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (92ruB)

158 FenelonSpoke, we're in a culture war and Amy is one of the big Lefty warriors.
She is considered one of the leading voices in young feminism.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (NOIQH)

159 127
Ace, why are so interested in Amy Schumer?


Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:07 PM (fDdVG)

If there's one thing that really pisses Ace off - besides shelves - it is poor humor/comic talent getting undeserved acclaim.

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (GX63o)

160 An early "gag" I used to "do" was to put quotes around "everything," including words it makes no sense "to" put quotes "around."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM

--

I read that in Shatner's elocution.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (7ZVPa)

161 Amy Schumer's act is the hottest one in town - every bit of it is stolen.

Posted by: VA GOP Sucks at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (tVWQB)

162 What's the deal with buildings? Why do they call it a building? It looks like they're finished. Why don't they call it a built?

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (0mRoj)

163 I miss Jose Canseco.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (/tuJf)

164 She also stole Steve Martin's comedy album title: Comedy is Not Pretty.

Posted by: Regular joe at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (ROIz5)

165 Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (X6fMO)

That was funny. Perhaps you should consider stand up comedy-and you write your own stuff too. :^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (fDdVG)

166 Amy just flew in from Pittsburgh and boy are her arms fat!

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:12 PM (cOHS7)

167

Today Pres. Trump is meeting with Merkel. Do you know WHO else met with a German Chancellor?!?!?!

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 17, 2017 01:12 PM (493sH)

168

Amy Schumer on Lena Dunham. Spud porn.

Posted by: Sphynx at March 17, 2017 01:12 PM (OZmbA)

169 There is a joke out there about Amy Schumer and flour but I forgot it.

You roll me in flour and aim at the wet spot. Is that the one?

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:12 PM (qJhUV)

170 118 >>Her fame is almost exclusively the result of liberal women liking an
"icon" that is fatter than them so they can feel good about themselves.
Same with Lena Dunham.


A lot of her skits are just feminist talking points with a dash of sarcasm.
About as funny as a clever, snarky Samantha Bee rant.
Clapter, not laughter.
Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (NOIQH

She always has to tell her audience that she loves men and men are great.

Whatever. She hates and holds contempt for men. She holds those Misandrist and Supremacist beliefs in every cell of her body.

Posted by: Phone of Widespread Pepe at March 17, 2017 01:12 PM (3cOA7)

171 There is a joke out there about Amy Schumer and flour but I forgot it.

Like anything that has flour in it, she ate it.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at March 17, 2017 01:12 PM (YEelc)

172 I think what Amy wants to tell us is...

She gets no respect. No respect at all.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (B+qrE)

173 Tell me about it.



- Zombie George "My Sweet Lord" Harrison

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:10 PM (Nwg0u)
=============================

This Song - There's Nothing Tricky About


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13BK0OT4Py0

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (lwiT4)

174 Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (NOIQH)

This is one of Ace's contributions to the culture war? O.K.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (fDdVG)

175 Not every thread has to be super serious.I enjoy these tear down threads against lefty "entertainers".

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (r/0kC)

176 She's recycling.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (oVJmc)

177 There is a joke about Amy Schumer's vagina and an echo but i forgot it.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (cOHS7)

178 There is a joke out there about Amy Schumer and flour but I forgot it.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (cOHS7)


Liar, you didn't forget. Last Saturday night wasn't THAT long ago.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (TOk1P)

179
After some ganja, Amy was so baked Lena Dunham ate her with sour cream and butter.

Posted by: Sphynx at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (OZmbA)

180
I think there's a tumblr or something around where people send in pictures of unnecessary quotes in the wild, e.g.

$4.99 "fresh" catfish
Employees: "wash your hands" before returning to work

Posted by: hogmartin at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (8nWyX)
---
In Futurama, at Madison Square Cube there was a sign that said ["No" Gambling].

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (EnKk6)

181 I put Spot Remover on my dog.

Now he's gone.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (4/95V)

182 >>>127 Ace, why are so interested in Amy Schumer? I mean, this is about the fourth time you're reported on her stealing jokes-which of course is your prerogative, but is there some other reason you dislike her other than that she's a joke plagiarist and apparently not funny? Has she been rude to you personally or you just don't like that she is successful at what she does.?

I don't like her. She's one of those annoying comics who is always pushing a strident Social Justice Warrior line and pledging to have her vagina vote for Hillary. And while she is successful, a big part of that seems to have been due to a sort of PC claim that you must find her funny or else you hate women.

She has been funny. A few times. But not too many. This clip (moderate content warning)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzlvDV3mpZw

is very funny, but I don't know how much of it she wrote.

but while there are some genuinely good jokes she's done, most of it is pure crap, and then there's a Ghostbusters Reboot sort of PR push behind her and a demand that you must find her funny, and then, on top of that, there is this recurring problem that her crap jokes aren't even original.

she was at the Women's March after the election, because Obviously.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (8rNrN)

183 "Quartah" is for "customah" "onry".

No "shoes" allowed in "dryah".

Posted by: Chinese laundromat signs at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (W8bn5)

184 So NYC St Pat's day parade.


Group came by with 343. Lots of cops. Had to google it,



What do you think it means?

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (Lat75)

185 She's a talentless hack. How many jokes can someone "forgot they heard" and then re-create in detail?

Posted by: Jason M at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (S1+dw)

186 The Unfunny Potato update isn't complete until you mention Dumpham's weight loss, Ace.

DO IT FOR THE GAINZZZZ, BRA

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 17, 2017 01:14 PM (4YGWz)

187 I miss Jose Canseco.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (/tuJf)
===================

He was the best. I wonder where he went.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:14 PM (lwiT4)

188 I'm a lifelong "conservative" "Republican" who disagrees with some of Ms. Schumer's opinions, but I have always admired her talent. She is a welcome change from the male-dominated comedic scene.

It is important for our cultural commentators to have the freedom to criticize the extremists.

Posted by: Susan Olivia Cuthbertson-Klein at March 17, 2017 01:14 PM (ismre)

189 I was listening to a Pandora comedy channel and heard the same Hooked on watching Loch Ness Monster Docs bit by two different comedians, both who I think are hilarious. I think it is very possible to come up with even an obscure observation joke independently. The morons do it all the damn time.

Posted by: CNN at March 17, 2017 01:14 PM (n3xLS)

190 There is a joke about Amy Schumer's vagina and an echo but i forgot it.

Heard it. Twice.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at March 17, 2017 01:14 PM (YEelc)

191 http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/
Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:10 PM (HRSh5)


Yeah, that's "the one".

Posted by: hogmartin at March 17, 2017 01:14 PM (8nWyX)

192 184 So NYC St Pat's day parade.


Group came by with 343. Lots of cops. Had to google it,



What do you think it means?
Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (Lat75)

Precinct number?

Posted by: joncelli, Gobsmacked Rage Monkey and Crossbowman at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (RD7QR)

193 Why do they call it Ovaltine? The jar is round, the mug is round. It should be called Roundtine, ese!

Posted by: Carlos Mencia at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (0mRoj)

194 Ace, why are so interested in Amy Schumer?

Judy Gold got a restraining order.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (X6fMO)

195 "Whatever. She hates and holds contempt for men. She holds those Misandrist and Supremacist beliefs in every cell of her body."

That's a lot of cells.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (hLRSq)

196 144
I haven't had the pleasure of ever watching or listening to Ms. Schumer.
All I can say is a sturdy girl ought not to wear tight leather. IMO.


Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:09 PM (lwiT4)

I WAS IN THE POOL!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (GX63o)

197 Off fake CNN sock.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (n3xLS)

198 >>> I was listening to a Pandora comedy channel and heard the same Hooked on watching Loch Ness Monster Docs bit by two different comedians, both who I think are hilarious. I think it is very possible to come up with even an obscure observation joke independently. The morons do it all the damn time.

weirdest coincidence, I was just listening to Joe Rogan talking with Adam Carolla and they were specifically discussing getting hooked on Loch Ness Monster docs.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (8rNrN)

199 Never really heard of this person or seen her apart from a few commercials and of course the HQ.


Sorry for OT but Rush gave a decent if typically socially-constrained dismissal of Noonan's sad commentary.


To think that "bipartisanship" has anything to do with getting anything useful done, at this point and with this Dem party/culture, is close to delusional.


However focusing like a shark with a laser beam on its head on the 10-12 Dem senators up in '18 in Trump states would make sense. In the process of doing actual politics, something the GOP has steadfastly avoided, to the world's misfortune, for years.

Posted by: rhomboid at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (QDnY+)

200 I heard that when Andrew Lloyd Webber (Phantom of the Opera etc) got into a cab, he would ask the driver to turn off the radio, because he didn't want other people's music to get into his brain, risking contamination. Interesting

Posted by: Lurker primus at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (DhPrq)

201
*ponders using quotes around "literally" , and "virtually" *

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (/ZEVC)

202 Stealing ideas are wrong

Posted by: Jimmy Page and Robert Plant at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (FZYNt)

203 Precinct number?

Posted by: joncelli, Gobsmacked Rage Monkey and Crossbowman at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (RD7QR)

No, number of first responders that died on 9/11

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (Lat75)

204 Holy crap! I played a little of that clip and she looks like a talking Holstein. An unfunny Holstein.

Posted by: Fritz at March 17, 2017 01:06 PM (2Mnv1)

Eat moar chikn!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (WDdjT)

205 Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (Lat75)

Supportive of polygamous marriages?

Number of item in Constitution that talks about impeachment?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (fDdVG)

206 Amy Schumer is certainly no Margaret Cho.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (hLRSq)

207 It is hard to figure out how people like her and Larry the Cable Guy have careers, honestly. Larry is at least fairly funny in a goofy cringing way but seriously?

You should see his early stuff in the 80s: he's kinda preppie. He has the same sort of stuff and delivery, but not the redneck schtick.

https://youtu.be/Nqm-vKWEkoU

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (39g3+)

208 Hollywood has so lost their shit over Trump there isnew hilarity every day since the election.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (r/0kC)

209 >>Ace, why are so interested in Amy Schumer?


Because Ace hates all female comics with the exemption of Gerri from the facts of life.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (4/95V)

210 frumpySockOFF

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (4/95V)

211 Just remembered I have to check out the "H" section of the vintage record store. I've been going methodically and alphabetically. I suppose it's alright to skip ahead.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (lwiT4)

212 206 Amy Schumer is certainly no Margaret Cho.
Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down

Here we go again

Posted by: Wanda Sykes at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (FZYNt)

213 200 I heard that when Andrew Lloyd Webber (Phantom of the Opera etc) got into a cab, he would ask the driver to turn off the radio, because he didn't want other people's music to get into his brain, risking contamination. Interesting
Posted by: Lurker primus at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (DhPrq)
---
Funny, that's how I feel when I hear any post-JCSS Lloyd Webber music.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (EnKk6)

214
I bought Hillary Clinton a pair of shoes and a vibrator as a consolation gift after losing the election. If she doesn't like the shoes she can f_ck herself.

Posted by: Amy Schumire at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (ZFUt7)

215 I guess she's especially fond of blacking out jokes in other comic's acts.

Blackin' out ain't no joke, foo'. It's a way of life.

Posted by: Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (W8bn5)

216 I miss Jose Canseco.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:11 PM (/tuJf)
===================

He was the best. I wonder where he went.


Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:14 PM (lwiT4)


The poster who created it was a nevertrumper who self-imploded last year.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (TOk1P)

217 Oh I won Amy Schumer.

Posted by: SOMEASSHOLESTOLEMYPEN at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (nQHw/)

218 >>>202 Stealing ideas are wrong
Posted by: Jimmy Page and Robert Plant at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (FZYNt)

you know, this constant FakeNews about Led Zep being plagiarists might be elevated to a bannable offense.

It's more complicated than you're letting on, Led Zeppelin Smear Merchant on the Internet!

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (8rNrN)

219 I heard that when Andrew Lloyd Webber (Phantom of the Opera etc) got into a cab, he would ask the driver to turn off the radio, because he didn't want other people's music to get into his brain, risking contamination. Interesting
Posted by: Lurker primus
---------

I felt the same way, briefly, about lyrics, then realized I didn't have any of my own.

Posted by: Michael Bolton at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (/ZEVC)

220 She's a classic lefty.

She is waiting on edge for someone, ANYONE to tell her that she stinks. Then she can pounce with the whole SJW "I am part of an untouchable group that is SO BENIGHTED that you must ALWAYS pretend that I am wonderful else racism" routine.

She will never face harsh criticism so it will come from behind her back. And she will pretend that it is just from "haters."

She sucks, and she won't get better because of what she is. She simply can't.

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (Q5kE6)

221 What is the deal with "Styrofoam?" Have you seen this "stuff?" What is this stuff?

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (7HtZB)

222 Jose Canseco was awesome, I wish people had been more welcoming. He could have been our mascot.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (39g3+)

223 The outfits are an intentional "Yay feminism" thing. "Our concept of female beauty is defined by the patriarchy or something and we are turning that on its head."


I was forced to sit through a trailer of her upcoming movie with Goldie Hawn and it showed a scene with Amy in a bikini proudly showing three big fat rolls in her big belly. Yuck.

Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (OD2ni)

224 >>The poster who created it was a nevertrumper who self-imploded last year.

Too bad, he was genuinely funny.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (/tuJf)

225 177
There is a joke about Amy Schumer's vagina and an echo but i forgot it. forgot it . . . forgot it . . . . forgot it . . . . .


Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (cOHS7)

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (GX63o)

226 So NYC St Pat's day parade.

Group came by with 343. Lots of cops. Had to google it,

What do you think it means?

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (Lat75)



It was a Halo reference/tribute

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (493sH)

227 She's simply plagiarizing the career path of Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (oVJmc)

228 THE AMY SCHUMER COMMENTS ARE FUNNY BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST REPEATING OTHER PEOPLE'S BITS

Posted by: AMY SCHUMER at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (8rNrN)

229 219 I heard that when Andrew Lloyd Webber (Phantom of the Opera etc) got into a cab, he would ask the driver to turn off the radio, because he didn't want other people's music to get into his brain, risking contamination. Interesting
Posted by: Lurker primus
---------

I felt the same way, briefly, about lyrics, then realized I didn't have any of my own.
Posted by: Michael Bolton at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (/ZEVC)

No talent assclown

Posted by: Michael Bolton at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (7HtZB)

230 You know who else stole jokes?

Posted by: President Donald J. Trump at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (qJhUV)

231 >>this constant FakeNews about Led Zep being plagiarists might be elevated to a bannable offense.


They really were awesome at lifting shit and making it their own. Which is what 99% of musicians do.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (4/95V)

232 The poster who created it was a nevertrumper who self-imploded last year.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (TOk1P)
========================

Really? Oh dear. I hope he gets better and comes back. He always made me laugh.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (lwiT4)

233 Those jokes are not stolen. More of an homage really.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (Nwg0u)

234 Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (39g3+)

I think Larry the Cable guy deserves all the success he's had. But I also think the mob has given Dane Cook a bad rap for dissing his success. I like his stand up a lot too.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (n3xLS)

235 Posted by: Michael Bolton

--


Which reminds me, whatever happened to that saxophone guy, Kenny G?

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (7ZVPa)

236 There is a joke about Amy Schumer's vagina that involves a flashlight...no I think it is car keys but I forgot it.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (cOHS7)

237 I heard that when Andrew Lloyd Webber (Phantom of the Opera etc) got into a cab, he would ask the driver to turn off the radio, because he didn't want other people's music to get into his brain, risking contamination. Interesting


Posted by: Lurker primus at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (DhPrq)


Which is funny, because through most of his career, Lloyd Webber was accused of ripping off Puccini for his "big tunes."

And, somewhat apropos, after Paul McCartney wrote "Yesterday," he went around and played it to everyone he could think of, because, as he said, it came to him so easily that he was certain it was somebody else's tune that had simply popped into his head.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (X6fMO)

238 Howard Johnson is "right"

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (zsHGH)

239 The kind of music you hear in a cab wont inspire anything except a headache.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (r/0kC)

240 218 >>>202 Stealing ideas are wrong
Posted by: Jimmy Page and Robert Plant at March 17, 2017 01:16 PM (FZYNt)

you know, this constant FakeNews about Led Zep being plagiarists might be elevated to a bannable offense.

It's more complicated than you're letting on, Led Zeppelin Smear Merchant on the Internet!
Posted by: ace

Led Zep is always 1-2 with The Who in my books.

But I never miss the change to throw a LZ reference in.

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (FZYNt)

241 Kurt wasn't lying about the arrest.

http://tinyurl.com/m79k3d5

Will the arrest stand up in court? That I dunno.

Posted by: The Institute at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (nGsFZ)

242 I heard that when Andrew Lloyd Webber (Phantom of the Opera etc) got into a cab, he would ask the driver to turn off the radio, because he didn't want other people's music to get into his brain, risking contamination.

When I'm writing in a genre, I deliberately avoid reading that genre so I won't absorb ideas and patterns from it. Its probably pointless but its part of how I work.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (39g3+)

243 IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE SHE IS A STUPID FAT CUNT

Posted by: REN BOTHLEISBERGER at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (v+/21)

244 >>They really were awesome at lifting shit and making it their own. Which is what 99% of musicians do.

Eh, I don't know. The "lines" between stealing and paying homage are really "blurry".

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (/tuJf)

245 Jole Stokes. Now that was a classy comedian. AMMA RITE!!!!
*six shooter*

Posted by: Joe Biden at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (4YGWz)

246 The poster who created it was a nevertrumper who self-imploded last year.
===

Gristle Encased Head

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (Q5kE6)

247 It's more complicated than you're letting on, Led Zeppelin Smear Merchant on the Internet!

I bet that left him dazed and confused.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (YEelc)

248 change = chance

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 17, 2017 01:20 PM (FZYNt)

249 Kind of a discusting bit by both chappelel and schumer ...

Posted by: E.T. at March 17, 2017 01:21 PM (9n0dl)

250 >>I was forced to sit through a trailer of her upcoming movie with Goldie
Hawn and it showed a scene with Amy in a bikini proudly showing three
big fat rolls in her big belly. Yuck.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jcsc62gdBk

Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 01:21 PM (NOIQH)

251 Steven Crowder and his producer Not Gay Jared did a pretty good rundown of her latest comedy special. Also Netflix coincidentally just changed their rating system from 1-5 stars to a thumbs up or thumbs down.

Posted by: Independent George at March 17, 2017 01:21 PM (BDZWU)

252 He's so fine. Wish he were mine.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:21 PM (lwiT4)

253 Aw,all rockn' roll was stolen from the black man anyway.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:21 PM (r/0kC)

254 Okay is this me, or Sam Kinnison:

There's no doubt Jesus was the Son of God and knew everything, could see the future.

That's why he never married. Think about it.

Jesus knew that if he married, one day he'd be hangin' up there on the cross, and down below his wife would be kneeling. Sobbing and wailing she'd say to him: "You won't believe the day I'm having!"

Or was that Groucho Marx . . .



Posted by: simplemind at March 17, 2017 01:21 PM (xVRrG)

255 >>>Led Zep is always 1-2 with The Who in my books.

But I never miss the change to throw a LZ reference in.

...

i feel ya brah. But the case isn't exactly as clear as internet lore has it. Yes, there were some swipes. But not as many as is claimed.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (8rNrN)

256 This would be a good day to rob someone in NYC, every cop is walking down 5th ave.


Bad day to have a fire, every fireman is walking down 5th ave

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (Lat75)

257 I unwittingly steal so many of Ace's jokes that now the first reaction of people I meet is usually "Hey, aren't you that blogger from Ace of Spades?"

Posted by: ShainS at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (mt8X9)

258 Funny, that's how I feel when I hear any post-JCSS Lloyd Webber music.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (EnKk6)


You don't like Evita, Eris? I think that's probably the best of all his scores. Not the Broadway version, though - the original concept album with Colm Wilkinson as Che.

And I like the first acts of Sunset Boulevard and Phantom.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (X6fMO)

259 WHat a hack.

Posted by: Carlos Mencia at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (0i9eW)

260 225
177

There is a joke about Amy Schumer's vagina and an echo but i forgot it. forgot it . . . forgot it . . . . forgot it . . . . .




Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (cOHS7)

Whatever you do, don't yell "Is anybody in here? Hello?"

You may not want to hear the reply.

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (jxbfJ)

261 They really were awesome at lifting shit and making it their own. Which is what 99% of musicians do.
Posted by: garrett
------------

Yeah, well, consider what Clapton did to me.

Posted by: George Harrison at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (/ZEVC)

262 Also I'm wondering why Joe Rogan hasn't shamed Amy yet. 10 years ago he confronted Carlos Mencia about stealing jokes in the middle of one of his sets. Pretty much ruined the guy's career. Maybe's he's just more mellow now because of all the pot he smokes.

Posted by: Independent George at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (BDZWU)

263 "You know who else stole jokes?

Posted by: President Donald J. Trump at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (qJhUV) "

And what's the deal with Jews? I mean, am I right or am I right?

Posted by: Adolf at the Beer Hall Open Mic, 1923 at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (uuwor)

264 That video is NSV. Not Safe for Viewing.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (Nwg0u)

265 Live at Leeds is the Best Zeppelin Album, ever.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (4/95V)

266 There is a joke about Amy Schumer's vagina and an echo but i forgot it.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (cOHS7)

Probably in the same place you left your car keys.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (WDdjT)

267 Sally Kohn

I miss compassionate conservatives.

-----

Does she intentionally set herself up to be mocked?

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (2x9LM)

268 228 THE AMY SCHUMER COMMENTS ARE FUNNY BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST REPEATING OTHER PEOPLE'S BITS
Posted by: AMY SCHUMER at March 17, 2017 01:18 PM (8rNrN)


THE AMY SCHUMER COMMENTS ARE FUNNY BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST REPEATING OTHER PEOPLE'S BITS, ESE!

Posted by: Carlos Mencia at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (7HtZB)

269 Greg Gutfeld once stole a joke from me (he reads here) so some day I get to steal one of his.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (ul9CR)

270 i feel ya brah. But the case isn't exactly as clear as internet lore has it. Yes, there were some swipes. But not as many as is claimed.

Posted by: ace

they beat the rap last year!

But if I had been the judge, I would have made them pay by forcing them to do a tour.

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (FZYNt)

271 235 Posted by: Michael Bolton

--


Which reminds me, whatever happened to that saxophone guy, Kenny G?
Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:19 PM (7ZVPa)

Died of boredom will producing his last album.

Posted by: joncelli, Gobsmacked Rage Monkey and Crossbowman at March 17, 2017 01:24 PM (RD7QR)

272 Yeah, well, consider what Clapton did to me.

Posted by: George Harrison at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (/ZEVC)
=====================

Steal your music. Steal your wife. Six/half dozen.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:24 PM (lwiT4)

273 >>Yeah, well, consider what Clapton did to me.


You didn't lose your girl, George.

Just your turn.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:24 PM (4/95V)

274 I think when the Barbie Movie craters harder than Mount Mazama, Amy Schumer is going to go the way of Margaret Cho. Which is a mercy to all the rest of the world to spare us.

Zep did a lot of blues covers but they aren't the thieves they are portrayed as, I agree. Still not as great as The Who, though. And the Stones were greater than the Beatles, just not as cute and poppy.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:24 PM (39g3+)

275 198 >>> I was listening to a Pandora comedy channel and heard the same Hooked on watching Loch Ness Monster Docs bit by two different comedians, both who I think are hilarious. I think it is very possible to come up with even an obscure observation joke independently. The morons do it all the damn time.

weirdest coincidence, I was just listening to Joe Rogan talking with Adam Carolla and they were specifically discussing getting hooked on Loch Ness Monster docs.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:15 PM (8rNrN)

Mine were , Kathy Madigan and a guy whose name escapes me right now. Wears a baseball cap. Crap.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 17, 2017 01:24 PM (n3xLS)

276 Greg Gutfeld once stole a joke from me (he reads here) so some day I get to steal one of his.





Posted by: WhatWhatWhat?

===

You too?

I seriously believe that half his show prep is AOSHQ.

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:24 PM (Q5kE6)

277 266
There is a joke about Amy Schumer's vagina and an echo but i forgot it.



Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (cOHS7)


If we can find the keys we can drive out of it?

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:24 PM (Lat75)

278 >>Sally Kohn

>I miss compassionate conservatives.


and cock. But, mostly cock.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (4/95V)

279 Just wait until Teh Ewok starts ranting about ellipsis overuse again

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (Sftm0)

280 Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:22 PM (X6fMO)
---
I'm just being crusty. I hated "Cats" (the musical, not the animal), liked "Evita", but honestly it seems like he has one gorgeous song in each of his opii and the rest is unmemorable fluff. Compare this to JCSS where each song is fantastic. Maybe he needs Time Rice?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (EnKk6)

281 "she was at the Women's March after the election, because Obviously."

That pig could not even do a friggin Bud Light commercial without getting political. Like Lena Dunham, she is the product of powerful New York family connections that are determined to force fat, ugly, untalented liberals down our throats as the "voice of their generation" Keep it up Ace.

Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (OD2ni)

282 I bet half of the comedians in the country are lurking here to steal jokes.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (7ZVPa)

283 Yeah, well, consider what Clapton did to me.

Cosmic payback, George.

You fucked Ringo's wife, remember?

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (X6fMO)

284 ever go to a Dunkin Donuts late, say around 3:30 pm, and they have no donuts left, except for a misshapen powdered creme donut?

And you sit there wondering, "Why is that the only donut left? Did people avoid it because they know something? Is there something wrong, besides being lumpy and ugly, about that last donut no one else wanted?"

And then you just get coffee and leave, but you wonder about that donut on the drive back home?

That's what Amy Schumer's face looks like. That lumpy, sad, lonely unwanted donut that may be filled with a hobo's semen.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (8rNrN)

285 I'm certainly no Margaret Cho.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (hLRSq)

286 >>Zep did a lot of blues covers but they aren't the thieves they are portrayed as, I agree. Still not as great as The Who, though. And the Stones were greater than the Beatles, just not as cute and poppy.


The Kinks beat them all to hell.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (4/95V)

287 Townshend stole "Baba O'Reilly"'s riff from Lou Reed's "Sweet Jane."

And Lou Reed stole it from a thousand hoary old Appalachian folk songs.

Everybody steals. Sometimes.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:26 PM (ul9CR)

288 and a guy whose name escapes me right now. Wears a baseball cap. Crap.
Posted by: Jack Sock


Could you be less specific?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 17, 2017 01:26 PM (4YGWz)

289 Funny about Andrew Lloyd Webber not wanting to 'hear other people's music" being that he totally stole Phantom of the Opera from Pink Floyd.

Posted by: JoeF. at March 17, 2017 01:26 PM (7uYFy)

290 "While". Must be Friday.

Posted by: joncelli, Gobsmacked Rage Monkey and Crossbowman at March 17, 2017 01:26 PM (RD7QR)

291
Lena Dunham is not the Ho you say she is.


Idaho.

Posted by: Amy Spuds McSchumer at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (OZmbA)

292 And the Stones were greater than the Beatles, just not as cute and poppy.

==================


You take that back.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (lwiT4)

293 >>Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (8rNrN)


Hahaha.

Just go ahead and take the reast of the Week off...

I don't want to see you around here until Monday Afternoon.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (4/95V)

294 That's what Amy Schumer's face looks like. That lumpy, sad, lonely unwanted donut that may be filled with a hobo's semen.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM

--

And covered in flour.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (7ZVPa)

295 Sally Kohn



I miss compassionate conservatives.



-----



Does she intentionally set herself up to be mocked?

I'm sure she'll get to meet many of them in The Camps.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (qJhUV)

296 Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (8rNrN)

Perhaps you should do stand up comedy-about Amy Schumer?. You and MPPP can do take team stand up comedy about Amy Schumer?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (fDdVG)

297 ever go to a Dunkin Donuts late, say around 3:30 pm, and they have no donuts left, except for a misshapen powdered creme donut
===

You'll be hearing from my lawyers.

Posted by: the last hot dog on the rack at 7-11 at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (Q5kE6)

298 Compare this to JCSS where each song is fantastic. Maybe he needs Time Rice?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (EnKk6)


He really does. Rice has his problems as a lyricist, but when he's on, he is on. The problem with ALW (not so much now, since every show post-Boulevard has been a massive flop) is that he's so arrogant, he can't abide someone else telling him his music is crap - which Rice could.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (X6fMO)

299 I seriously believe that half his show prep is AOSHQ.

I was actually pretty psyched. I did a little couch dance. "Gutfeld stole my joke! That means it was a really good joke if a professional stole it!"

It also proved beyond all doubt to me that he reads the comments here.

It was an idiosyncratic joke and he used it a few hours after I posted it. He had to have read it here.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (ul9CR)

300
Amy Schumer doesn't get yeast infections.

She gets vodka.

Posted by: Sphynx at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (OZmbA)

301 The problem for Amy is she's a C level comic that made it to the A level but doesn't have the chops to maintain it so she's having to "borrow" some material to keep it going.

She's done.

Posted by: Kreplach at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (ie7oh)

302 >>Townshend stole "Baba O'Reilly"'s riff from Lou Reed's "Sweet Jane."


About time someone put it in a song that didn't suck.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (4/95V)

303 That's what Amy Schumer's face looks like. That lumpy, sad, lonely unwanted donut that may be filled with a hobo's semen.
Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (8rNrN)

But how did the hobo...

Posted by: joncelli, Gobsmacked Rage Monkey and Crossbowman at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (RD7QR)

304 ...but while there are some genuinely good jokes she's done, most of it is pure crap, and then there's a Ghostbusters Reboot sort of PR push behind her and a demand that you must find her funny,
Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (8rNrN)


So Amy Schumer is kind of like the Lena Dunham of comedy, then.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (HRSh5)

305 The Kinks beat them all to hell.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (4/95V)
======================

I saw something about the Kinks, yesterday I think. Lemme look

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (lwiT4)

306 btw I was totally kidding about banning people for saying LedZep were riff thieves.

I hope no one thinks I was serious.

But I do have to stand up for the Zep.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (8rNrN)

307 LOL

hobo semen...

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (zsHGH)

308 Why would a hobo put his semen in a donut? Are you familiar with hobos doing that?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (fDdVG)

309 And the Stones were greater than the Beatles, just not as cute and poppy.

==================
You take that back.


You thought the Stones were cute and poppy?

Posted by: Blanco Basura at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (YEelc)

310 Even with the commenting here, I still think I'm the only person getting any work done around here.

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 01:29 PM (7HtZB)

311 Little known fact, any of Emily Dickinson's poems can be sung to the tune of 'The Yellow Rose of Texas':

BECAUSE I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

-------------

Coincidence? I think not...

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:29 PM (/ZEVC)

312 4 Blacking out is cultural appropriation.
Posted by: Talcum X at March 17, 2017 12:53 PM (TppKb)

27 I can loan you a couple of Sharpies.
Posted by: *Mikey NTH - The Outrage Outlet Swears Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down at March 17, 2017 12:56 PM (hLRSq)

215 Blackin' out ain't no joke, foo'. It's a way of life.
Posted by: Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King at March 17, 2017 01:17 PM (W8bn5)

------

All of these are way funnier than anything from Amy Schumer, original or infringing.

I award you all internets for making me laugh, or as I like to call it, not making me Schumer. Internets for everyone!

Posted by: The Internets Man at March 17, 2017 01:29 PM (wx6iv)

313 Yeah, well, consider what Clapton did to me.

Cosmic payback, George.

You fucked Ringo's wife, remember?

-
He told her, "I wanna Layla."

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:29 PM (Nwg0u)

314 306 btw I was totally kidding about banning people for saying LedZep were riff thieves.

I hope no one thinks I was serious.

But I do have to stand up for the Zep.
Posted by: ace

what a relief.

Now if there is KISS hate, it's on!!!

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 17, 2017 01:29 PM (FZYNt)

315 Musicians NEVER borrow from other artists.

Posted by: Manfred Mann at March 17, 2017 01:29 PM (7ZVPa)

316 Some soundbite that Rush played, yesterday had the phrse "Two Weeks" in it...

Rush lost it and had to hit the cover up/cough button.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (4/95V)

317
Even with the commenting here, I still think I'm the only person getting any work done around here.

Posted by: josephistan
=====


Says the guy who didn't even get a paycheck.

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (Q5kE6)

318 Even with the commenting here, I still think I'm the only person getting any work done around here.
Posted by: josephistan
-----------

Oh? You think conjuring up this stuff is easy, do you?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (/ZEVC)

319 I don't get yeast infections.

I get vodka.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (hLRSq)

320 294 That's what Amy Schumer's face looks like. That lumpy, sad, lonely unwanted donut that may be filled with a hobo's semen.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM

***************

That's called--Colonel Mustard's Custard.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (fi5nC)

321 Does every fucking fireman in NYC play a bag pipe?



Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (Lat75)

322 I think the only stock hack comic Seinfeldian trope we haven't hit yet is "Who are these people?"


Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (uuwor)

323 Herman's Hermits. Now they were cute and poppy.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (/tuJf)

324 Every old Appalachian folk or Delta Blues song is totally up for grabs.
Traditional Country music uses about three melodies, tops. All are based on Appalachian folk melodies that themselves probably go back at least as far as Elizabethan England.
Think of Dolly Parton's great "Jolene." No one could get sued for using that melody.

Posted by: JoeF. at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (7uYFy)

325 KISS is for fags.

They are like ESPN for "music fans".

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (4/95V)

326 I try to sort the Who, the Stone, Led Zepplin and the Doors in my head.

The order changes, so I just sort of put them in the 'Legendary for a Reason' group and let them fight it out.

I don't love absolutely everything they've collectively put out, but damn...real rock and roll.

I miss it.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (zsHGH)

327 I think when the Barbie Movie craters harder than Mount Mazama, Amy
Schumer is going to go the way of Margaret Cho.

Jeesuz, everybody forgets me.

Posted by: Janeane Garafalo at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (qJhUV)

328 It was an idiosyncratic joke and he used it a few hours after I posted it. He had to have read it here.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (ul9CR)

Well? Don't make me work for it.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (GX63o)

329 317
Even with the commenting here, I still think I'm the only person getting any work done around here.

Posted by: josephistan
=====


Says the guy who didn't even get a paycheck.
Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:30 PM (Q5kE6)

Finally did. The bank had "vendor" "issues"

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (7HtZB)

330 Dredd Zepp does The Immigrant Song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp2ivSr6yeM

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (EnKk6)

331 the new loon style:

I miss "seeing" "loons", not getting to "MN" anymore.
"Lovely Bird", 'Beautiful Plumage'

It's highly likely I've watched Monty Python in a black out. Skip right thru the PBS begs that way.

Posted by: DaveA at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (FhXTo)

332 325 KISS is for fags.

They are like ESPN for "music fans".
Posted by: garrett

your just mad cause Gene banged your mom

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (FZYNt)

333 Greg Gutfeld once stole a joke from me (he reads here) so some day I get to steal one of his.
Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:23 PM (ul9CR)


KT just e-mailed me and told me I had been "instalanched."

My only question is, does it count as an instalanch if the book thread that got 'lanched is a year old?

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (HRSh5)

334 The Kinks beat them all to hell.

-
I heard Weird Al's tribute to Lola yesterday, Yoda.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:32 PM (Nwg0u)

335 276 Greg Gutfeld once stole a joke from me (he reads here) so some day I get to steal one of his.





Posted by: WhatWhatWhat?

===

You too?

I seriously believe that half his show prep is AOSHQ.
Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:24 PM (Q5kE6)

Gutfield was on Howard Stern just recently because a wack Packer had stolen one of Gutfield's jokes without attribution. Gutfield was to dole out the punishment.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 17, 2017 01:32 PM (n3xLS)

336 The funny thing is that Lefties are just as tired of Lena and Amy's shticks, but they feel compelled to defend them because all criticism is by eeevil alt-right trolls. Cognitive dissonance for the win!

http://www.celebitchy.com/527992/ amy_schumer_the_alt-right_organized_trolls_to_attack_my_netflix_show/

Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 01:32 PM (NOIQH)

337 Jeesuz, everybody forgets me.
Posted by: Janeane Garafalo at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (qJhUV)


And despite all your desperate tryhard efforts and delusions of relevance, too.

Posted by: hogmartin at March 17, 2017 01:32 PM (8nWyX)

338 AoSHQ's amy Schumer much funnier than the fat one.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:33 PM (cOHS7)

339 Posted by: Ace at 12:50 PM


******

"Thread" "Winner"

Posted by: Muldoon at March 17, 2017 01:33 PM (wPiJc)

340 294 That's what Amy Schumer's face looks like. That lumpy, sad, lonely unwanted donut that may be filled with a hobo's semen.

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM

--

And covered in flour.
Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (7ZVPa)



That's not my face, that's ...
MY VAGINA!!!!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:33 PM (+YwO/)

341 My only question is, does it count as an instalanch if the book thread that got 'lanched is a year old?
Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (HRSh5)
---
What was the topic of the book thread?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (EnKk6)

342 I'll fight any one of you faggots in The Octagon!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (qJhUV)

343 329 317
Even with the commenting here, I still think I'm the only person getting any work done around here.
Posted by: josephistan


Tell me about it. Book thread still ain't done, the chess thread ain't even started, and I haven't even begun to prep the movie thread TJM sent me.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (HRSh5)

344
Amy Schumer suddenly said Janeane Garafolo.

Lena Dunham said, "Here honey let me hold your hair back."

Posted by: Sphynx at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (OZmbA)

345 your just mad cause Gene banged tongued your mom

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (FZYNt)



From the next town over.

Posted by: Country Singer at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (uiwCw)

346 >>>322 I think the only stock hack comic Seinfeldian trope we haven't hit yet is "Who are these people?"


Posted by: broseidon king of the brocea

...

i think I heard Seinfeld semi-complaining that people use that line to imitate him. He said, I think, "You know, I never said that as myself. That was from the SNL parody sketch of me."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (8rNrN)

347 83 I've never really watched her, because I envision wanting to punch her in the face, I think, because it seems like it would kind of be like punching Chuck Schumer in the face.
Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at March 17, 2017 01:02 PM (GX63o)

Higher T, bigly. Swing at your own peril.

Posted by: Hit the gym before the hippo at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (wx6iv)

348 Merkel asks Trump: 'Do you want to have a handshake?'
The U.S. president did not respond.
------------

Oh FFS. Gonna be heads exploding

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (2x9LM)

349 Herman's Hermits. Now they were cute and poppy.

-
Earworm: I'm Henery the Eighth I Am

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (Nwg0u)

350 The Kinks beat them all to hell.



Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (4/95V)
======================

I saw something about the Kinks, yesterday I think. Lemme look


Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (lwiT4)
=======================

Yes - Ray Davies, founding member of the Kinks, was knighted yesterday. He is now Sir Ray Davies.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (lwiT4)

351 It's highly likely I've watched Monty Python in a black out. Skip right thru the PBS begs that way.
Posted by: DaveA
-----------

Next time they cue up Yanni, I'm just gonna send the damn money. It's less painful.

"..and we're going to keep on playing Yanni until you pay up!"

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (/ZEVC)

352 Now if there is KISS hate, it's on!!!


Ace Frehley's solo album was the best KISS album.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (ul9CR)

353 These cops and fireman parading are pretty causal. I am surprised they aren't carrying drinks.

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (Lat75)

354 Fake comedy from the Cabbage Patch Kid!!!

Posted by: Tom Sawyer at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (u3i4t)

355 KISS is for fags.

They are like ESPN for "music fans".


You can go directly to hell.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 17, 2017 01:35 PM (B+qrE)

356 >>Earworm: I'm Henery the Eighth I Am

Mrs. Brown you've got a lovely daughter

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:35 PM (/tuJf)

357 You take that back./i]

Just because you had a crush on Paul doesn't make him better

The Kinks beat them all to hell.

Absolutely, they were years ahead of everyone else, musically and thematically. They were pushing boundaries and ideas long before anyone else. Geniuses.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:35 PM (39g3+)

358 >> Herman's Hermits. Now they were cute and poppy.


They were no Monkees.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:35 PM (4/95V)

359 346Than he know's how Sarah Palin feels.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:35 PM (r/0kC)

360 I'm certainly no Janeane Garofolo.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (hLRSq)

361 I saw Hobo's Semen open for The Dead Boys at the Cleveland Areana in '77 ...

Posted by: ShainS at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (mt8X9)

362 That's a new one, guy just walked by with "NYC Sergeants" coat on.


Cops I guess

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (Lat75)

363 >>Yes - Ray Davies, founding member of the Kinks, was knighted yesterday. He is now Sir Ray Davies.


Didn't they Knight Phiil Collins over a decade ago?

That's gotta take some of the fun out of it.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (4/95V)

364 Think of Dolly Parton's great "Jolene." No one could get sued for using that melody.
===================


One of the most awesome songs ever recorded.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (lwiT4)

365 340
294 That's what Amy Schumer's face looks like. That lumpy, sad, lonely unwanted donut that may be filled with a hobo's semen.



Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM



--



And covered in flour.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:27 PM (7ZVPa)







That's not my face, that's ...

MY VAGINA!!!!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:33 PM (+YwO/)

True. If it was her face, wouldn't it look more like a glazed donut?

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (jxbfJ)

366 Say what you want about Gene Simmons but he is the best salesman in the world.

It's just that he is selling STDs.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (4YGWz)

367 GW gave Angela a back rub and Trump wont even shake her hand?

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (r/0kC)

368 >>>[The Kinks] were pushing boundaries and ideas long before anyone else. Geniuses.

PREACH!

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner and Chelsea Manning at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (8rNrN)

369 If Amy starts doing limericks, I'm suing!

Posted by: Muldoon at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (wPiJc)

370 I saw something about the Kinks, yesterday I think. Lemme look


Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:28 PM (lwiT4)

Sir Ray Davies, yesterday.

Posted by: Caesar North of the Rubicon at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (jK8Z7)

371 >>>366 Say what you want about Gene Simmons but he is the best salesman in the world.

It's just that he is selling STDs.

...

that's funny. Is that yours?

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (8rNrN)

372 "i think I heard Seinfeld semi-complaining that people use that line to imitate him. He said, I think, "You know, I never said that as myself. That was from the SNL parody sketch of me."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (8rNrN) "

Yeah, it was definitely never used in the show. It's sort of the same thing with "What's the deal with"; whenever that was used in the show, it was always as a send-up of bad comedy. Jerry used it when he intentionally bombs to ruin Bania's set ("What the deal with cancer"?), and George thinks of Jerry saying "What's the deal with airline peanuts?" when he decides to play frisbee golf instead of helping Jerry get invitations for Amanda Peet.

But to be fair, Jerry was the host of the SNL skit with all of the hack "What's the deal with" premises.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (uuwor)

373 Herman's Hermits. Now they were cute and poppy.

They were practically the Stones compared to Gerry and the Pacemakers.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (X6fMO)

374 "305 The Kinks beat them all to hell.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:25 PM (4/95V)"


Might be the best live show I ever saw first time I saw them.

However, the last time I saw them (early 90's) was disappointing since Ray was only on stage for about half the songs. Someone in front of me said Ray and Dave had a fight before the show and Ray was only doing the bare minimum.

Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (OD2ni)

375 366 Say what you want about Gene Simmons but he is the best salesman in the world.

It's just that he is selling STDs.
Posted by: weft cut-loop

I think those are free of charge

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (FZYNt)

376 GW gave Angela a back rub and Trump wont even shake her hand?
===

German-phobe!

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (Q5kE6)

377 What was the topic of the book thread?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (EnKk6)


Post modern academic gobbledygook. Here's is the book thread what got 'lanched:

http://minx.cc:1080/?post=362080

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (HRSh5)

378 Ace Frehley called me on my 13th Birthday to wish me a "Happy Birthday".


Apparently, he and my Uncle were still awake from partying the night before.


Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (4/95V)

379 your just mad cause Gene banged your mom

Who hasn't?

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (X6fMO)

380 Tell me about it. Book thread still ain't done, the chess thread ain't even started, and I haven't even begun to prep the movie thread TJM sent me.
Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (HRSh5)
----
This week's thread topic: Gay pulp paperback covers.

https://pulpcovers.com/tag/gay/

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (EnKk6)

381 Fuck their knighthood's,no titles of nobility here.

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (r/0kC)

382 Also Netflix coincidentally just changed their rating system from 1-5 stars to a thumbs up or thumbs down.>>>

It's in conjunction with our new original show "Coliseum Lions"

Posted by: Netflix at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (Mxs5H)

383 Phil Collins was once really cool.

It's true, I swear.

Fronted Genesis when they were still great. Concurrently played in the excellent Brit fusion group Brand X. Did session works for the likes of Brian Eno.

If Eno had you on speed dial, you were automatically cool.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (ul9CR)

384 that's funny. Is that yours?

Posted by: ace

===

Why yes.


Yes it is.

Posted by: Amy Schumer ! at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (Q5kE6)

385 Jeesuz, everybody forgets me.
Posted by: Janeane Garafalo


...who?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:39 PM (39g3+)

386 GW gave Angela a back rub and Trump wont even shake her hand?

You know who else didn't like to shake hands?

Posted by: tu3031 at March 17, 2017 01:39 PM (qJhUV)

387 "..and we're going to keep on playing Yanni until you pay up!"

Posted by: Mike Hammer,


******

You misspelled Yawn-y

Posted by: Muldoon at March 17, 2017 01:39 PM (wPiJc)

388 My jokes are not very new
I steal them - yes, that's true
Now please don't bash
I must save my cash
Muldoon just said he'll sue.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:39 PM (hLRSq)

389 brb I'm smelling cigarette smoke coming from the dishes cabinet. nobody smokes here. Never a good sign

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:39 PM (lwiT4)

390 364 Think of Dolly Parton's great "Jolene." No one could get sued for using that melody.
===================
One of the most awesome songs ever recorded.
Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:36 PM (lwiT4)


Did I send you the link of Parton doing that song accompanied by Pentatonix?

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:39 PM (HRSh5)

391 Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner and Chelsea Manning at March 17, 2017 01:37 PM (8rNrN)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^|

I'm reading this thread backwards, how the hell did this handle--happen?

(Commence upwards scroll)

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (fi5nC)

392 Schumer, Dunham, et.al. are lazy. They live in their own bubbles of "stardom" with little to no talent. When criticized, they jump on the "woman" bandwagon to brand anyone who dares to critique them as a hater and misogynist.

Posted by: Cheri at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (oiNtH)

393 You know who else wouldn't shame Merkel's hand?

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (cOHS7)

394 i think I heard Seinfeld semi-complaining that people use that line to imitate him. He said, I think, "You know, I never said that as myself. That was from the SNL parody sketch of me."

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (8rNrN)

============

Just read a book called "Seinfeldia" that gives the history and background of the show. Pretty interesting and entertaining. Not many, but some usual Lefty tropes thrown in ...

Posted by: ShainS at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (mt8X9)

395 The one type of donut that the guy from a 3rd world crap hole would like -- like a guppy flavored donut.

Posted by: Strobe at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (gmo/4)

396 "You know who else didn't like to shake hands?

Posted by: tu3031 at March 17, 2017 01:39 PM (qJhUV) "

Michelle Fields?

Pete Gray?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (uuwor)

397 >>Fronted Genesis when they were still great.


Talk about crappy overrated bands.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (4/95V)

398 383 Phil Collins was once really cool.

It's true, I swear.

Fronted Genesis when they were still great. Concurrently played in the excellent Brit fusion group Brand X. Did session works for the likes of Brian Eno.

If Eno had you on speed dial, you were automatically cool.
Posted by: WhatWhatWhat?

speaking about Led Zep, their Live Aid show sucked due to many reasons, one being Phil's lack of knowledge of LZ material.

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (FZYNt)

399 Phil Collins has some the best bitter pop songs ever.
Seriously.
Some seriously dark lyrics over some pop sugar. And he performed two of my all time favorite songs: his 'You can't Hurry Love' and 'Take a Look at me Now'.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (zsHGH)

400 Phil Collins and Chester Thompson, Genesis 1976 Tour, dueling drum solos. Find it - awesome.

Posted by: Manfred Mann at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (7ZVPa)

401 Stephen Spielberg stole the whole Jurassic Park thing from Barney.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (Nwg0u)

402 I'm smelling cigarette smoke coming from the dishes cabinet. nobody smokes here. Never a good sign

Grammie has either a demon infestation or a mouse biker club.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (B+qrE)

403
brb I'm smelling cigarette smoke coming from the dishes cabinet. nobody smokes here. Never a good sign
===

*cough*

Posted by: face-sized spider on break at March 17, 2017 01:41 PM (Q5kE6)

404 "ep did a lot of blues covers but they aren't the thieves they are portrayed as,"

Dazed and Confused. Music, lyrics, even the arrangement. I rest my case.

Settled out of court for an undisclosed sum, like several others

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 17, 2017 01:41 PM (SIY7D)

405 There is a joke about Amy Schumer's vagina and an echo but i forgot it.



Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:13 PM (cOHS7)



Like throwing a Volkswagon down a volcano?

Posted by: Berserker- Dragonheads Division at March 17, 2017 01:41 PM (aMlLZ)

406 Sir Ray Davies is dead?

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:41 PM (HRSh5)

407 Talk about crappy overrated bands.

King Crimson.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:41 PM (X6fMO)

408 I prefer the comedy stylings of Paula Poundstone.



::new thread should be along any second now::

Posted by: eleven at March 17, 2017 01:41 PM (qUNWi)

409 that's funny. Is that yours?
Posted by: ace


No, I don't have STDs.
* check for chancres *

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 17, 2017 01:42 PM (4YGWz)

410 If you're too intimidated to appreciate great, original female comedians maybe you can learn something from my upcoming book and presidential candidacy! RACIST!

Posted by: Chelsea Clinton, Persisting. at March 17, 2017 01:42 PM (wx6iv)

411 "407 Talk about crappy overrated bands."


Steve Miller Band.

Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:42 PM (OD2ni)

412 Clips of the new "parallel thinking" jokes below...

HARD PASS.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 17, 2017 01:42 PM (wtvvX)

413 >>Posted by: Ignoramus at March 17, 2017 01:41 PM (SIY7D)


If I was Robert Plant, I would have said "Fuck You, that's a Yardbirds cover!" and left Jimmy holding the bag.

Posted by: garrett at March 17, 2017 01:42 PM (4/95V)

414 My jokes are not very new
I steal them - yes, that's true
Now please don't bash
I must save my cash
Muldoon just said he'll sue.

Posted by: Amy Schumer


******


Let me clarify. I meant if you start doing funny limericks.

Posted by: Muldoon at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (wPiJc)

415 There is a joke abut Amy Schumer and a shit house door on a tuna boat but I forgot it.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (cOHS7)

416 OM, I still remember the huffy "He knows *nothing* of Lacan!"

*laffs*

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (EnKk6)

417
*clank*

Posted by: Sir Phil Collins in a suit of armor at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (Q5kE6)

418 Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:31 PM (HRSh5)

Hope nobody tries to post on it.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (sEDyY)

419 Does every fucking fireman in NYC play a bag pipe?

Probably not when they're F'ing...or fighting fires. That would be a bit akward.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (fDdVG)

420 407 Talk about crappy overrated bands.

King Crimson.

You rang?

Posted by: Chicago at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (FZYNt)

421 "408 I prefer the comedy stylings of Paula Poundstone."



Is she in the Big House with Jared from Subway?

Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (OD2ni)

422 One of the most awesome songs ever recorded.
Posted by: grammie winger
-----------

That tune came on while the femme du jour and I were driving somewhere. She turned to me and said, "If you start talking about another woman in your sleep, you're going to wake up with a broken nose and missing teeth."

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (/ZEVC)

423 400 Phil Collins and Chester Thompson, Genesis 1976 Tour, dueling drum solos. Find it - awesome.

Yep. And go back one year to the '75 tour for the dual-drumming of Phil Collins and Bill Bruford.

Dayum.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (ul9CR)

424 >>>Live at Leeds is the Best Zeppelin Album, ever


who?!

Posted by: irish concrete girl at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (pe9k3)

425 I SHOULD START A DOCTORAL PROGRAM IN THE FIELD OF THEORETICAL HUMOR ANALYSIS.

Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (W8bn5)

426 Steve Miller Band.

I'd rather have the Steve Miller Band on 24 hours a day rather than one Bob Seger song.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (X6fMO)

427 >>That tune came on while the femme du jour and I were driving somewhere. She turned to me and said, "If you start talking about another woman in your sleep, you're going to wake up with a broken nose and missing teeth."

She sounds lovely.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (/tuJf)

428 Somewhere out there, McDonald's Grimace is kicking himself for not singing like Barney and making it big.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (7ZVPa)

429 Gutfield is a joke. Latter Day Howard Cosell except he doesn't have a Mo Ali to ride on. Best he can do is Joe Bidden and Nancy Pelosi.

Posted by: Ok at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (K2SnJ)

430 The Marlboro is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!

Posted by: Muldoon at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (wPiJc)

431 Merkel asks Trump: 'Do you want to have a handshake?'
The U.S. president did not respond.
------------


You know would've been awesome? If Trump had responded, "No thanks, I'll just wait until after the German elections and shake hands with your successor."

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:45 PM (HRSh5)

432 Crappy overrated bands???

Boston.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 17, 2017 01:45 PM (wtvvX)

433 Take my wife! PLEASE!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:45 PM (oVJmc)

434 Genesis had real depth on the bench for a rock band. Phil Collins was like Shemp - your lead guy leaves, plug him in.

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 01:45 PM (7HtZB)

435 I'm smelling cigarette smoke coming from the dishes cabinet. nobody smokes here. Never a good sign



Grammie has either a demon infestation or a mouse biker club.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM


On my trademark docket is something called Biker Mice From Mars. Seriously. They appear to have landed.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 17, 2017 01:45 PM (p+Wdc)

436 396
"You know who else didn't like to shake hands?

Posted by: tu3031 at March 17, 2017 01:39 PM (qJhUV) "

Michelle Fields?

Pete Gray?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:40 PM (uuwor)



Kurt Eichenwald?

Posted by: Satan at March 17, 2017 01:45 PM (GX63o)

437 Blacking out drinking is not like time travel; it is like having giant ragged holes torn into your consciousness, with lingering feelings of guilt, and discovering that at some point when you weren't there, you thought it would be funny to raid the first aid cabinet for steri-strips to make you eyes look "more Asian" and there are cell phone pics of you simulating fellatio with the Resusci-annie.

(See , THAT's an intro to a riff on various subjects revolving around really bad choices, not "ARIGHT! Who is drunk, WHooOOO!)

Posted by: Kindltot at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (WQX/u)

438 This week's thread topic: Gay pulp paperback covers.

https://pulpcovers.com/tag/gay/
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (EnKk6)


The library I used to work at has a huge special collections vault. All kinds of first edition SF, cookbooks, veterinary treatises from the 1600s, possibly the largest comics collection in any one place, stuff like that. A huge pallet of gay pulp romance novels came in as a donation to the LGBT collection, so it had to be catalogued. One of the cataloguers - think "librarian" and you're picturing her already, mid 50s, gray hair, glasses on a chain, cat hair covered cardigan - had to sit in her office for about 3 months and catalogue it all.

Apparently she did not find it an enjoyable experience.

Posted by: hogmartin at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (8nWyX)

439 411 "407 Talk about crappy overrated bands."


Steve Miller Band.
Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:42 PM (OD2ni)

***********

Seconded.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (fi5nC)

440 "If you start talking about another woman in your sleep, you're going to wake up with a broken nose and missing teeth."
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (/ZEVC)


Well, that sounds like the makings of another great country song right there.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (HRSh5)

441 Yes - Ray Davies, founding member of the Kinks, was knighted yesterday. He is now Sir Ray Davies.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 17, 2017 01:34 PM (lwiT4)




He performed at Taste of Chicago about 10 years ago. He asks the audience - I suppose you want to hear all of the old Kinks songs. *big cheer goes up* Well I just put out a new CD and will be doing songs off of that. Really, Ray? People showed up to hear songs they've never heard of before?
Not a Waterloo Sunset, David Watts, Victoria, Tired of Waiting, Come Dancing. Not a one of them.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (493sH)

442 I'd rather have the Steve Miller Band on 24 hours a day rather than one Bob Seger song.

Ace, you're going to have to do something about the rank communism that has taken hold here.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (B+qrE)

443 Somewhere out there, McDonald's Grimace is kicking himself for not singing like Barney and making it big.
Posted by: Vashta Nerada
-----------

OTOH, no one imitates Mr. Rogers. Oh, wait... Bill Nye.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (/ZEVC)

444 Every new funny joke was originally written by some old black blues guys who said them in between the songs they wrote that have been copied by every new musician.

Posted by: Roy at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (VndSC)

445 Posted by: Chicago at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM (FZYNt)

There was a satirical novel many years ago called Paperback Writer, which posited the Beatles getting back together, but their new album stank so badly, they ended up as Peter Frampton's opening act.

There was a passage where a record producer is comparing the death of the Beatles album to the success of Chicago's new one, and someone tells him, "Nobody buys Chicago records because they like them. They buy them to get the complete set, like encyclopedias."

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (X6fMO)

446 I'd rather have the Steve Miller Band on 24 hours a day rather than one Bob Seger song.
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (X6fMO)

TRUTH!

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (wtvvX)

447 Steve Miller Band.
Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:42 PM (OD2ni)
***********
Seconded.
Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (fi5nC)


Amy Schumer is NOT the pompatus of love.

Thankfully.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (HRSh5)

448 Crappy overrated bands?


Journey.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (fi5nC)

449 Steve Miller Band.



Doooo dootn doo doot.

Posted by: eleven at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (qUNWi)

450 On my trademark docket is something called Biker Mice From Mars. Seriously. They appear to have landed.

I think that was a 90s cartoon.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (YEelc)

451 I'd rather have the Steve Miller Band on 24 hours a day rather than one Bob Seger song.

--

I'm with you.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (7ZVPa)

452 Venezuela arrests brownie and croissant bakers in 'bread war'



Michael Moore, Sean, Penn, and Danny Glover could not be reached for
comment about this glorious development that can't even parody.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at March 17, 2017 01:08 PM (B+qrE)


Marie Antoinette could not be reached either.

Posted by: Kindltot at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (WQX/u)

453 Wow, three hours of bag pipes. Now I remember why I got drunk at the last St Pat's parade I went to.

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (Lat75)

454 446 I'd rather have the Steve Miller Band on 24 hours a day rather than one Bob Seger song.
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at March 17, 2017 01:44 PM (X6fMO)

TRUTH!
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (wtvvX)

THIRDED!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (fi5nC)

455 You know who didn't do jokes? HITLER!!!!

Posted by: Strobe at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (gmo/4)

456 I'd rather have Bob Seger on 24 hours a day than one Bruce Shitstain song.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (ul9CR)

457 the "face like a melted candle" insult is in British satirical Punch #296, 1989. Since Punch by then sucked a lady's handbag full of dick, the joke has been in play for much longer than that.

Posted by: Boulder terlit hobo at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (3NbUO)

458 She sounds lovely.
Posted by: JackStraw
-----------

You know what? She really was.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (/ZEVC)

459 Apparently she did not find it an enjoyable experience.
Posted by: hogmartin at March 17, 2017 01:46 PM (8nWyX)
----
I would have stolen ALL the Man From C.A.M.P.s.

Guest bathroom reading.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (EnKk6)

460 What's wrong with bagpipes? Scared the shit out of the snakes.

Posted by: Strobe at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (gmo/4)

461 Are there young children with soft, nubile bodies here in Tahiti?

Asking for a friend.

Posted by: Mr. Smith who once had a phone and a pen. at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (4AVeu)

462 453 Wow, three hours of bag pipes. Now I remember why I got drunk at the last St Pat's parade I went to.
Posted by: Sam


And also why the Irish and Scottish invented whiskey.

Posted by: Roy at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (VndSC)

463 "Happy" St.Patty's "Day" "Morons".

Posted by: eleven at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (qUNWi)

464 "He performed at Taste of Chicago about 10 years ago. He asks the audience - I suppose you want to hear all of the old Kinks songs. *big cheer goes up* Well I just put out a new CD and will be doing songs off of that. Really, Ray? People showed up to hear songs they've never heard of before?"


Peter Wolf played at my college years ago and pulled the same crap. No J. Geils Band songs. People were booing and chanting "Centerfold."

Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (OD2ni)

465 Venezuela arrests brownie and croissant bakers in 'bread war'

Will they be pa-ROLLed?

(ducks)

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (ul9CR)

466 Genesis did some great stuff with Collins after Peter Gabriel bailed though, 3 sides live, Duke, ABACAB. Although they'd become more pop mainstream Genesis and Invisible Touch had some good stuff, too.

Phil Collins is one of those guys who looks and acts nothing like a rock star, and I like him for that.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (39g3+)

467 "You know who didn't do jokes? HITLER!!!!

Posted by: Strobe at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (gmo/4) "

Sure he did. Had to warm up all those crowds before he'd give a big stemwinder.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (uuwor)

468 Of course.

https://pjmedia.com/instapundit/260034/

Posted by: steevy at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (r/0kC)

469 I'm not really partisan about bands anymore. I used to be, when I was young. Everything either 'sucked' or 'rocked'.

Now I've found Disco songs I really like, I love Bob Seeger (but not Pete. Fuck that guy), Styx, Boston, all kinds of early 80's stuff like .38 Special.

Good music is just good. But tastes vary.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (zsHGH)

470 Holy shit, dancing ginger girls in front of St Pat cathedral

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:50 PM (Lat75)

471 Doooo dootn doo doot.
Posted by: eleven at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM (qUNWi)


*******

hurl


Crap--thanks to Kurt Eichenwald I've had Parliament's Flashlight stuck in my head--and this--did not even bop it out.

oy.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:50 PM (fi5nC)

472 I think that was a 90s cartoon.


Posted by: Blanco Basura at March 17, 2017 01:47 PM


Judging from the file, yes. With a villain called...wait for it....Rinaldo Rump. Those guys must be having conniptions right about now.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 17, 2017 01:50 PM (p+Wdc)

473 I like donuts, Really, really like them. I'm the reason the Dunkin Donuts has a drive-thru. They said it was cheaper than replacing the front window every week.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:50 PM (hLRSq)

474 What no one seems to remember is that the "unconscious creative theft" meme was starting by a Partridge Family episode, way way back in the day. So whenever this happens, I call it "David Cassidy Syndrome."

In the classic episode, David Cassidy, as Keith Partridge, sits down and writes a beautiful new love song for the Partridge Family to sing at their next show. But when Marcia (if I remember correctly) first hears it, she points out that the songs already exists and was performed long ago by someone else.

David insists that this is impossible, as he had just written it the day before. But when Marcia plays the old record for him, he is astounded -- someone indeed HAD written the exact same song long ago.

He thinks at first that this must be some kind of cosmic synchronicity, and that he had come up with the song independently. but by the end of the episode he realizes that he must have heard the song coming out of some distant transistor radio when he was a kid, and it stuck in his brain ever since.

Hence, "David Cassidy Syndrome."

Amy Schumer has a terminal case of it.

Posted by: zombie at March 17, 2017 01:50 PM (DQ4Fv)

475 Biker Mice From Mars is no Samurai Pizza Cats, but it'll do.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:50 PM (uuwor)

476 Peter Wolf played at my college years ago and pulled the same crap. No J. Geils Band songs. People were booing and chanting "Centerfold."
Posted by: Benji Carver at March 17, 2017 01:49 PM (OD2ni)

He's the opening act for Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers this tour.

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 01:50 PM (7HtZB)

477 There is a joke abut Amy Schumer and a shit house door on a tuna boat but I forgot it.

-
There are no Amy Schumer and a brick shit house jokes.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:51 PM (Nwg0u)

478 Marcia was a Brady. Must've been Laurie Partridge.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:51 PM (ul9CR)

479 Its funny because no matter how good a band is, someone will find them overrated.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 17, 2017 01:51 PM (39g3+)

480 474 - "What's Happening!" did the same thing, with Roger writing a TV show that had already been done three time before.

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 01:51 PM (7HtZB)

481 Crappy overrated bands?


Journey.

MOAR TRUTH!!!

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (wtvvX)

482 Does every fucking fireman in NYC play a bag pipe?



Probably not when they're F'ing...or fighting fires. That would be a bit akward.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 01:43 PM


Or pretty epic...depending on how you look at it. :-P

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (p+Wdc)

483 Cousin of Chuck Schumer, Amy, came out of nowhere. Looked at her IMBD page. That is a huge red flag.

I have more respect for her if she admitted to sucking and being a hack, went back to the minors (with her mllions), and worked her way back towers the big leagues. Kinda like Seinfeld did for his awesome documentary Comedian, but Seinfeld is not a hack and did not get a SJW push.

Posted by: Phone of Widespread Pepe at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (3cOA7)

484 Maybe the cockroaches are smoking?

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (m3iiU)

485 Mozart.


What a hack.

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (Q5kE6)

486 before he'd give a big stemwinder.
Posted by: broseidon
----------

*?*
*what the hell is a 'stemwinder?*

Posted by: A Millineal at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (/ZEVC)

487 477 There is a joke abut Amy Schumer and a shit house door on a tuna boat but I forgot it.

-
There are no Amy Schumer and a brick shit house jokes.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:51 PM (Nwg0u)

She's built like a shit brick house.

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (7HtZB)

488 I'd rather have Bob Seger on 24 hours a day than one Bruce Shitstain song.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (ul9CR)



I rather listen to toilets flushing for 24 hours rather than Bruce Shitstain

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (493sH)

489 >>Peter Wolf played at my college years ago and pulled the same crap. No J. Geils Band songs. People were booing and chanting "Centerfold."

Some of that may have been contractual. The boys did not have a great breakup.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (/tuJf)

490 What's the deal with hobo semen filled donuts? Is this where we would be if Hitler were not gasses in World War I? He would have opened up a small bakery during the german depression advertising Berliners filled with "Bavarian Creme"

Posted by: Jerry Seinfeld at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (0i9eW)

491
470 Holy shit, dancing ginger girls in front of St Pat cathedral
__________________________

Saints be praised!

Posted by: Commissioner O'Hara, Gotham City Police Department at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (4AVeu)

492 >>>I just remembered it, without realizing it was a memory rather than an invention.

But you, Ace, are not a professional comedian. So you get a pass on this.

Posted by: m at March 17, 2017 01:53 PM (3jGss)

493 ♫♫

Gloom, despair and agony on me
Deep dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for old jokes
I'd have no jokes at all
Gloom, despair and agony on me.

Posted by: Muldoon at March 17, 2017 01:53 PM (wPiJc)

494 "Marcia was a Brady. Must've been Laurie Partridge.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at March 17, 2017 01:51 PM (ul9CR) "

It was a crossover. A "very special" episode about domestic violence where Danny Partridge assaults Marcia with a football.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:53 PM (uuwor)

495 I actually think there is some kind of Jungian collective unconscious.

I've heard jokes/stories from such radically unconnected people that I can't believe it got there via the grapevine.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 17, 2017 01:53 PM (zsHGH)

496 I rather listen to toilets flushing for 24 hours rather than Bruce Shitstain
Posted by: TheQuietMan


Put on Born to Run - same thing.

Posted by: Roy at March 17, 2017 01:53 PM (VndSC)

497 Hey OM GOTTA INSTALANCHE


CONGRATS!!!


( even if it was a *ahem* "classic" post)

Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:53 PM (Q5kE6)

498 "You know who didn't do jokes? HITLER!!!!

Posted by: Strobe at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (gmo/4) "

Sure he did. Had to warm up all those crowds before he'd give a big stemwinder.

-
Take the Jews. Please.

- A. Hitler

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks. Now worse than Hitler! at March 17, 2017 01:54 PM (Nwg0u)

499 Mozart.


What a hack.
Posted by: Mortimer - FINISH HER ! at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (Q5kE6)




Antonio Salieri: Don't get me started

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 17, 2017 01:54 PM (493sH)

500 Crappy overrated bands?


Journey.

MOAR TRUTH!!!

Posted by: Tex Lovera
****

Poison. Bon Jovi. Motley Crue. Guns N Roses.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at March 17, 2017 01:54 PM (+aCe4)

501 Nood!

Mad Cow!

Posted by: Denny Crane! at March 17, 2017 01:54 PM (FrNwI)

502 as far as musicians who are NOT dicks to their own fans, I bring up the Cure again, who play their older material as well when they're plugging their newer stuff. at least, they did in 1997, 1999, and 2003.

yeah, I was a fan. which is easy to be, when the band appreciates their fans

Posted by: Boulder terlit hobo at March 17, 2017 01:54 PM (3NbUO)

503 Wow, this blows my mind: I did not know that the Partridge Family's #1 hit "I Thing I Love You" was introduced during an episode with heavy-duty political content! In fact, I didn't know there was political content in ANY Partridge Family episode. But check this out:

"My Son, the Feminist
Keith's latest girlfriend is a member of a junior women's lib organization and to impress her Keith volunteers the group to play at an upcoming rally for P.O.W. (Power of Women) without their knowledge. Unfortunately, they soon run afoul of a right wing conservative group (The Morality Watchdogs) that is bent on preventing the rally from taking place. However, Keith soon finds out that taking up a liberal cause is not all that its cracked up to be when his girlfriend threatens to break up with him if the family doesn't sing from a set list she has prepared rather than their first number-one hit.

Song: "I Think I Love You"."

Posted by: zombie at March 17, 2017 01:55 PM (DQ4Fv)

504 So the live feed for the St Pat's parade is in front of St Pat's Church.


The Cardinal blesses everyone that comes by.



A little like, you know, Christian shit.

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:55 PM (Lat75)

505 I'm not sure how I forgot to link this today, but here it is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbeLu_3Wf_k

Erni Go Braghless!

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 17, 2017 01:55 PM (p+Wdc)

506 "You know who didn't do jokes? HITLER!!!!

Posted by: Strobe at March 17, 2017 01:48 PM (gmo/4)

HOWEVER, on Hill Street Blues, there was a story arc about Sid Hitler, The Narcoleptic Comic.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 17, 2017 01:55 PM (wtvvX)

507 482 Does every fucking fireman in NYC play a bag pipe?[I/]
____________________________

No, but putting long hard thing in your mouth while squeezing a bag underneath it is very fashionable in New York.

Posted by: Commissioner O'Hara, Gotham City Police Department at March 17, 2017 01:55 PM (4AVeu)

508 "She's built like a shit brick house.

Posted by: josephistan at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (7HtZB)"
--------------------
Commodores did a song about her.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 01:55 PM (cOHS7)

509
Talk about crappy overrated bands."


Steely Dan

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 17, 2017 01:55 PM (lKyWE)

510 I was told that I was terminal and I was all "Oh God! How much more time do I have?" And the doctor said "No, no, you misheard me I said you're the size of a terminal."

It's the leather dress, isn't it? Makes me look like a week old blood sausage, right?

Donuts don't judge me.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at March 17, 2017 01:55 PM (hLRSq)

511 >>>But you, Ace, are not a professional comedian. So you get a pass on this.

you really know how to deliver a back-handed pass

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:56 PM (8rNrN)

512 Parade.


http://tinyurl.com/mzs6p75

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:56 PM (Lat75)

513 This week's thread topic: Gay pulp paperback covers.
https://pulpcovers.com/tag/gay/

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 01:38 PM (EnKk6)


Uh...

How about "no"...?

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:57 PM (HRSh5)

514 Congrats, Oregon Muse -- people are now re-discovering your "deep cuts"!

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 01:57 PM (8rNrN)

515 Commodores did a song about her.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious


Back then it was considered a good thing. I think they even had 36 - 24 - 36 as part of the lyrics.

Those aren't Amy Schumer numbers.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 17, 2017 01:57 PM (ZFUt7)

516 I've started watching a few comedians on NetFlix. The key word is started. I don't recall laughing at any of them.
I supposed I'm a fuddy duddy but I don't understand the humour in multiple f-bombs. Sorry, I don't get it.

So these comedians need to get off my lawn.

Posted by: Northernlurker at March 17, 2017 01:57 PM (hJrjt)

517 Ace may not be a pro comedian but he does this site for a living and this site is funnier than most comedians, so I think it's good that he holds himself to a high standard re: joke plagiarism, even of the completely unintended variety.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 17, 2017 01:57 PM (uuwor)

518
36 20 Is Netflix also eliminating its comments sections like IMDB just did?

Egads, how dare these unwashed nobodies dare opine without taking care not to offends people?
Posted by: Lizzy at March 17, 2017 12:55 PM (NOIQH)

=================

The 5 star system.

I'm desperately hoping it's limited to their streaming service ratings.

I need the 5 star system for the DVD service.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 17, 2017 12:57 PM (ELUpj)



Its pretty stupid. If you read the reviews a lot say that they did watch it, or liked her other stuff but this is just bad.

You know what the smart method for rating and review would be? To note that they have actually watched the show.

That's what Steam does for games. They tell you how long the person giving the review has played the game. They can get away with thumbs up/thumbs down with this because you can see how long they've played the game and know that they purchased the game.

Go with the 5 star rating for movies and put the time watched on it.

Posted by: buzzion at March 17, 2017 01:58 PM (cAnNx)

519 516 I've started watching a few comedians on NetFlix. The key word is started. I don't recall laughing at any of them.
I supposed I'm a fuddy duddy but I don't understand the humour in multiple f-bombs. Sorry, I don't get it.

So these comedians need to get off my lawn.

Posted by: Northernlurker at March 17, 2017

01:57 PM (hJrjt


Have you tried Gabriel Iglesias? He doesn't really swear a lot that I can think of.

Posted by: buzzion at March 17, 2017 01:59 PM (cAnNx)

520 The Boss. What a crooner. Who decided he was good? New Jersey? I guess I can see him being big there.

Posted by: Lord Sir x at March 17, 2017 01:59 PM (nFwvY)

521 Bag pipes Bag pipes !!!

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 01:59 PM (Lat75)

522
♪ Ow, she's a brick house
Well put-together, everybody knows
This is how the story goes

She knows she got everything
That a woman needs to get a man, yeah, yeah
How can she lose with the stuff she use
Thirty-six, twenty-four, thirty-six oh what a winning hand ♪

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 17, 2017 01:59 PM (ZFUt7)

523 Those aren't Amy Schumer numbers.
_________________________________

. . . which are actually lat/longs.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at March 17, 2017 01:59 PM (4AVeu)

524 Here's a great Irish drinking song.

F**k You I'm Drunk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MnF6tonFY4

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 01:59 PM (HRSh5)

525 AA 4th edition story,

Crossing the river of denial p 328
"I used to joke about how great blackouts were because you saved so much time in transit."

Then 2 pages of arrests, abuse, court ordered meetings and 5 pages of recovery.

Her story is new to the 4th edition - 1st printing 2001.

Posted by: DaveA at March 17, 2017 02:00 PM (FhXTo)

526 I bang on the door but you won't let me in,
'cause you're sick and tired of me reeking of gin.
Locked all the doors from the front to the back,
And left me a note telling me I should pack.
I walk in the bar and the fella's all cheer,
They order me up a whiskey and beer.
You ask me why I'm writing this poem,
Some call it a tavern but I call it home.
F**k you, I'm drunk
F**k you, I'm drunk
Pour my beer down the sink I've got more in the trunk.
F**k you, I'm drunk
F**k you, I'm drunk
And I'm going to be drunk till the next time I'm drunk!
You've given me an option, you say I must choose,
'tween you and the liqour, then I'll take the booze!
Jumpin' on Western down to the south side,
Where I'll sit down and exercise my Irish pride.
F**k you, I'm drunk
F**k you, I'm drunk
Pour my beer down the sink I've got more in the trunk.
F**k you, I'm drunk
F**k you, I'm drunk
And I'm going to be drunk till the next time I'm drunk!

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 17, 2017 02:00 PM (HRSh5)

527 >>>Some of that may have been contractual. The boys did not have a great breakup.

maybe, but...

1, didn't he write J Giles' hits? I thought J Giles was a totally different band, non-poppy, before he joined.

2, isn't there some automatic licensing scheme through AASCAP and BMI where you get to play/cover any song you like as long as you pay the songwriter some stipulated amount?

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 02:00 PM (8rNrN)

528 Does every NYC police precient have a bag pipe crew?


Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 02:00 PM (Lat75)

529 AC/DC did a song about Amy only they called her Rosie

She steals the show

She ain't exactly pretty

Ain't exactly small

Fourt'two thirt'ninefiftysix

You could say she's got it all

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 02:01 PM (cOHS7)

530 That video reminded me of a black sack of marbles...

resemblance
just as funny
about as smart

Posted by: USNtakim at March 17, 2017 02:01 PM (hMqvx)

531 i wasn't really upset about the backhanded-pass. It's true.

Just doing some semi-silly grumblemumble

Posted by: ace at March 17, 2017 02:01 PM (8rNrN)

532 If those people mocking and ridiculing Amy continue on their course, they will make it impossible to avert a government shutdown.

And this, so early in the Trump Administration.

Posted by: Sen. Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) at March 17, 2017 02:01 PM (3OAG2)

533 >>maybe, but...

>>1, didn't he write J Giles' hits? I thought J Giles was a totally different band, non-poppy, before he joined.

>>2, isn't there some automatic licensing scheme through AASCAP and BMI where you get to play/cover any song you like as long as you pay the songwriter some stipulated amount?

The songs were a hodge podge of different contributions. Mostly Wolf but others contributed.

True story, the reason the band was called The J. Geils Band is because of a contract that J had in the early days that said any group he was in had to be named after him.

They had a very bad break up and last I heard they are still fighting over different rights and royalties.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 17, 2017 02:03 PM (/tuJf)

534 OK, did any of the moron's every march in a band in HS or college?



Seems like a lot of work. Did you get laid on the road trips?

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 02:03 PM (Lat75)

535 I can't imagine gay romances written by men being better than any standard romances-exept being gay romances, I'm guessing the sex would be more hard core.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 17, 2017 02:03 PM (fDdVG)

536 >>>Talk about crappy overrated bands.<<<

I saw the Jerry Seinfelds of Rock and Roll open for the Red Hot Chili Peppers at the Comedy and Magic Club in '92.

Posted by: Fritz at March 17, 2017 02:05 PM (2Mnv1)

537 "
OK, did any of the moron's every march in a band in HS or college?"

-----------------

Nope. Water polo and swimming.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at March 17, 2017 02:05 PM (cOHS7)

538 Fen, I haven't read any, I just love the covers. It's canned cheez under high pressure.

But who would have dared to purchase them, and then furtively read them? It's not something you would have pulled out on the subway, as it were.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 17, 2017 02:09 PM (EnKk6)

539 Wow, bad looking dude with several weapons hanging off him AND a big fucking dog just went by the live feed.



I think NYC has this shit down.

Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 02:09 PM (Lat75)

540 OK, did any of the moron's every march in a band in HS or college?
Seems like a lot of work. Did you get laid on the road trips?


Posted by: Sam at March 17, 2017 02:03 PM (Lat75)
1. Marching band junior high through college. 7 years total.
2. haHAA nope.

Posted by: Prudie, at March 17, 2017 02:10 PM (al6UK)

541 Trump and Angela Merkel in press conference.

Trump refuses to shake Merkel's hand? Twice?

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at March 17, 2017 02:13 PM (4AVeu)

542 before he'd give a big stemwinder.
Posted by: broseidon
----------

*?*
*what the hell is a 'stemwinder?*

Posted by: A Millineal at March 17, 2017 01:52 PM (/ZEVC)

A long, rambling speech. I guess it would be considered archaic since it's used so rarely now. It usually has negative connotations, depending on context, but not always.

Posted by: troyriser at March 17, 2017 02:22 PM (Fw5cQ)

543 72
Swiping jokes is her entire business model.

So are negative publicity campaigns. Her people probably planted several of those negative reviews.

Posted by: Wendy at March 17, 2017 03:00 PM (bpemY)

544 64 Schumer could avoid inadvertently stealing other comic's jokes if she became a mime.

A mime utters no sound, but is there a type of performer that does not reflect any light? Amy should work on combining those two art forms.

Posted by: Ray Van Dune at March 17, 2017 03:40 PM (LeUrG)

545 why did david Atell cross the chicken with Amy's 23 writers....


cos none R funny......

Posted by: saf at March 17, 2017 03:43 PM (+zN6H)

546 She's been stealing jokes for years...apparently food too...

Posted by: Mudshark at March 17, 2017 03:45 PM (OkKDg)

547 "Stemwinder" refers to the supposed need to rewind your watch, using the winding/setting knob AKA the "stem". This could imply that the speech was very long, or that it was extremely boring and thus the audience would do things like rewind their watches, or both.

See also "nutsackadjuster".

Posted by: Ray Van Dune at March 17, 2017 03:48 PM (LeUrG)

548 Disagree with Schumer on just about every cultural/political issue, but she makes me laugh and I enjoyed "Trainwreck" (even if LeBron steals multiple scenes).

Schumer's new Netflix special is a real dud, though. It's like being forced to watch her in the bedroom, and instead of smoking afterward you watch her rail against 'gun nuts.'

Pass.

Posted by: Christian Toto at March 17, 2017 04:13 PM (eTv0F)

549 I'm sure nobody's reading this thread any more but I watched about 15 minutes of the Schumer routine on Netflix and caught two jokes that were lifted directly from the series FRIENDS.

Posted by: SGT York at March 17, 2017 07:50 PM (ITvKk)

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