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Wackadoodle: "Smart Vibrator" Company Settles Lawsuit Over Collecting User Information Without Consent, Agreeing to Pay Out $3.75 Million

Brave and Dumb New World, But Mostly Dumb.

I'm linking this story only for one reason. No, not the relentless invasion of privacy we're unwittingly or wittingly permitting in a quest for convenience and novelty. That's obvious already.

I'm linking it because I don't know what the hell a "smart" vibrator is, or why someone would want or need to have a vibrator which is "smart."

I've seen the dumb versions in action, and they seemed to work just fine.

So I'm linking this to find out what Fresh Stupid Hell this is.

Forbes "throws shade," as aging hipster Chris Hayes might say, at the basis of the suit:

Two anonymous plaintiffs had filed a lawsuit because they claimed that they weren't quite anonymous when using the device with their email addresses and...um...utilization data being beamed to the company's servers in Canada. Yes, they were upset that the "We" in We-Vibe included a company, not just company.

I'll bet they won't be anonymous when it comes to the payout.

Not the lawyers writing out the checks, at least.

So this seems kind of stupid already but I still want to know what the hell this thing is and why someone needs something that just vibrates real fast to be "smart."

Here's how the remote control vibrator and the accompanying app are supposed to work. You first purchase the We-Vibe vibrator (because you need to purchase things to use them), download the "We-Connect" app to your smartphone, and then weeee...you can control the vibrator settings (speed, patterns and intensity) from anywhere in the world. The company's website lists the vibration modes as Low, Medium, High, Ultra, Pulse, Wave, Echo, Tide, Crest and Surf. So say you are in Washington, D.C., and someone else is in Hawaii, that person can help you go surfing just by changing settings on the app. Yes, for somewhere between $100 and $200, you can have a device that allows someone who is long-distance to literally turn you on. The app also allows you to text and video chat with others, so you can tell them to change, change, change the Echo mode.

All right, so this that deeply dumb thing I heard of a decade ago called "teledildonics," exchanging tactile stimulation long distance through electronic relay.

I thought this was dumb when I just heard the idea proposed. Now that it's been advanced to working model, I think it's even dumber. It's one thing to have a dumb idea. It's another thing to spend hours of work and thought to bring the stupid to prototype.

So it's for the international cyber-oriented lesbian set. And/or heterosexual couples in different cities who want to spice up their long-distance fling by unlocking Vibrator Super Move by tapping in up, up, down, back B to activate Whirlwind Berserker Rage Swirl with a 10% chance of a Critical Sexual Hit on each RPM.

I guess I don't have any problems with that... per se. But this still sounds very Dumb to me.

For one thing, the best person in the world at masturbating is the user himself. Whenever you try to bring someone else into it, there's a lot of frustration and "Do this, not that" and a general sense of "Why doesn't she get this?" and "I could have been done ten minutes ago."

Just the way it works. No one's fault. But you can't expect some rando n00b to just walk into a job you've been successfully doing yourself for 15-50 years, honing your skills and adapting proactively to end-user feedback, and do it as well as the lifetime permanent employee. The first ten days they're not even going to know where the pens, pads, and toner cartridges are.

I guess the idea is: "But it'll be like the other person is really touching me!"

Yeah, and a treadmill is supposed to be like you're really walking up a hill, but what it really is an awkwardly shaped hanging rack for towels and that one sock that just wouldn't dry in the drier.

I just think this is going to be like those ten million juice blenders people buy and use three times before realizing that spinach juice still tastes like spinach juice and which wind up living empty lives of lonely desperation in that one cabinet where you hide away all your hasty Ronco purchases, and your shame.

First Use: "I can't believe we're doing this!"

Second Use: "Well, I guess we can try again, now that we've got the kinks worked out and we don't have to do an hour of Pair Device foreplay."

Third Use: "Oooh! Madame Secretary is finally on Netflix! Jackpot!!!"

Oh, and speaking from the male perspective, the one thing I appreciate about the vibrator is that I don't have to worry about her orgasm. That's her problem. You do you, as the kids say. I'm gonna microwave some mini-eggrolls; you let me know when you're done.

Drafting me into this process and making me responsible for working the machinery -- and I guess having to perfect my fast-twitch reflexes when doing so, like I just tore open a Gore-Nest in Doom -- feels an awful lot like mixing the worries of performance anxiety with the exhausting tedium of Quicken.

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer sex the natural way: cruising an AOL chatroom for three hours and finding someone type dirty words at.

It also sounds very dumb that people who are voluntarily sending commands to someone else's vibrator through the intermediary of a third-party company they're paying for the service don't realize the company has access to whether or not they prefer "Surf" mode or "Puree."

So the problems this Forbes article mentions is that the vibrators could be hacked -- duh, anything involving an internet connection could be hacked. It further notes that someone hijacking your vibrator and entering in their own order -- changing your "Tide" mode to "Pulse" mode -- could be guilty of a sexual assault, because the victim didn't consent.

Uhhh... sure. In theory. In very dumb theory.

I expect they'll do a Law & Order: SVU about this, and Ice T will reveal that he was once a victim of Dildojacking.

And the other problem is that the company is tracking usage and etc., which is... it's what all these "smart" devices do.

I mean, duh. What are you, a dildo?

Eh. I don't get it. I didn't care about this story when I heard about it a few days ago and I only bothered to post it to find out what this dumb story is about, and now I find it's even dumber than I expected, and in fact it's so dumb I don't find it titillating.

Sometimes dumb can be a turn-on but not if it's like Tapioca Pudding on Saturdays dumb. Like not when it's institutionally-supervised dumb. Dopey can be hot. Drooling is not hot.

I shouldn't even bother you with this nonsense but I already wrote this crap out and so I'm just gonna post it.

Posted by: Ace at 06:36 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 Is it safe?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at March 15, 2017 06:31 PM (kTF2Z)

2 he said dildo hrehehehehe

Posted by: beavis at March 15, 2017 06:32 PM (XoldI)

3 I'll get the others.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at March 15, 2017 06:32 PM (kTF2Z)

4 There's a real buzz about the product.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at March 15, 2017 06:33 PM (89T5c)

5 Smart Vibrators?


Pikers.

Posted by: Hand Held Shower Massager at March 15, 2017 06:33 PM (Gbk/a)

6 funny rant
dumb dildo

Posted by: @votermom @vm at March 15, 2017 06:33 PM (Om16U)

7 What a stupid time to be alive

Posted by: Joe, living mobile at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (Ua3QZ)

8 I'm smart! Not stupid like people say, and I want respect!

Posted by: Fredildo at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (XoldI)

9 Does it come with a silencer?

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (89T5c)

10 Is there a 30 lives cheat?

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (0mRoj)

11 no offense to CBD, the original smart dildo

Posted by: @votermom @vm at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (Om16U)

12 So that's why Nazi Pelosi stutters sometimes.

Posted by: CSMBigBird at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (xInes)

13 Did the CIA create malware for it? Does the NSA put the data into its searchable database? Does GHCQ have access under the Five Eyes agreement? Is there a Russian Hacker connection through the server in the Trump Towers?

All of the questions deserve a Rachel Maddow special report on MSNBC.

Posted by: whig at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (AH98f)

14 HadouuuukenohMYGOD YES YES YES!!!

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (0mRoj)

15 The 'Crest' setting leaves your vag smelling Minty Fresh and your Dentata clean as a whistle!

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:34 PM (Gbk/a)

16 >>You do you, as the kids say.



Threadwinner!!

Posted by: Lizzy at March 15, 2017 06:35 PM (NOIQH)

17 Only Ace could write a thousand word article on this subject, that's why I love this place

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 15, 2017 06:35 PM (6Ll1u)

18 I take issue to the assertion that these vibrators are smart. If they're smart, can they correctly answer the question, "does this dress make my ass look fat?"

Posted by: Joe, living mobile at March 15, 2017 06:35 PM (Ua3QZ)

19 This sounds like something Gwnyeth Paltrow would sell for about 500 bucks on her website.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 06:35 PM (qJhUV)

20 Drafting me into this process and making me responsible for working the machinery -- and I guess having to perfect my fast-twitch reflexes when doing so, like I just tore open a Gore-Nest in Doom -- feels an awful lot like mixing the worries of performance anxiety with the exhausting tedium of Quicken.


I suspect the BDSM crowd were into this for the "control someone else's orgasm" plan.

Growing up in the San Fransicko area led me, a "Vanilla" person, (yes, that's an actual term) to making this mental connection, I reckon. It's like it is in the air here.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 06:35 PM (ujg0T)

21 "I've seen the dumb versions in action, and they seemed to work just fine."

Links, pls.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 15, 2017 06:35 PM (SeIbs)

22 It's always 'A Vibrator', never 'Your Vibrator'.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 06:35 PM (LTHVh)

23 This sounds like something Gwnyeth Paltrow would sell for about 500 bucks on her website.

It shoots steam?

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 06:36 PM (LTHVh)

24 So that's why Nazi Pelosi stutters sometimes.

I think hubby has the remote.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 06:36 PM (qJhUV)

25 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left Right, B, A, B, A

Posted by: 'OH GOD MODE' at March 15, 2017 06:36 PM (Gbk/a)

26 speaking of dumb here's some abortion activists in Argentina staging a fake abortion of baby Jesus

disgusting and dumb coz how is that gonna garner support?

https://t.co/20wx6qCIOl

Posted by: @votermom @vm at March 15, 2017 06:37 PM (Om16U)

27 Does it beep when you put in reverse?

Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 06:37 PM (qJhUV)

28 27 Does it beep when you put in reverse?
Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 06:37 PM (qJhUV)

Be sure to clean thoroughly afterward.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 15, 2017 06:38 PM (0mRoj)

29 Yeah, I didn't read the Thread.

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:38 PM (Gbk/a)

30 You really shouldn't judged other people until your ridden their d...uh walked in their shoes.

I mean I can't always be right THERE. If you know what I mean....

Posted by: Huma Abedin at March 15, 2017 06:38 PM (aZq03)

31 It's all fun and games until masturbation turns into an abortion thread

But props to @'OH GOD MODE' That made me laugh.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 15, 2017 06:38 PM (SeIbs)

32 26 speaking of dumb here's some abortion activists in Argentina staging a fake abortion of baby Jesus

disgusting and dumb coz how is that gonna garner support?

https://t.co/20wx6qCIOl



Energizing their base, plus enticing all the wanna-be rebellious youth to become Leftists, I reckon again.

The Left is getting predictable.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 06:38 PM (ujg0T)

33 Forbes "throws shade," as aging hipster Chris Hayes might say, at the basis of the suit:

++++

I like Drudge's hip new formation:

CBO THROWS STINK ON HEALTH BILL

http://www.drudgereportarchives.com/data/
2017/03/14/20170314_004504.htm

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 15, 2017 06:39 PM (R+30W)

34 So....would a "messing smart vibrator's settings" sexual assault be akin to a Lena Dunham type "gee, it seemed kinda fun when I was wasted last night, but on further reflection - and feeling some shame when I recounted what happened to my roomy and she thought I was an idiot - I hereby retro-actively rescind my consent and crown myself a 'rape survivor'" sexual assault?

Posted by: Lizzy at March 15, 2017 06:39 PM (NOIQH)

35 Makes Its Own Sauce!

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:39 PM (Gbk/a)

36 Yeah, I didn't read the Thread.

No need for that. I think you'll get the gist of it.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 06:39 PM (qJhUV)

37 We live in stupid times.

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at March 15, 2017 06:39 PM (+eR2D)

38 I may or may not have seen pron where a healthy young lady let's paying customers control the vibrating device in her hoohaa

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 15, 2017 06:39 PM (6Ll1u)

39 21 "I've seen the dumb versions in action, and they seemed to work just fine."

Links, pls.
________________

Seriously, not like it hasn't happened before.

Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (OwdyX)

40 So, you've got a dildo in your hoo hah and you control it with your iPhone rather than just reaching down and...never mind. I reckon there are some things I don't want to know.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (kTF2Z)

41

That's right Mr President...We have taken control of all the worlds remote control vibrators. And unless you give us....ONE MILLION DOLLARS...your wives will never orgasm again.

MUHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by: George Soros at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (aZq03)

42 34 So....would a "messing smart vibrator's settings" sexual assault be akin to a Lena Dunham type "gee, it seemed kinda fun when I was wasted last night, but on further reflection - and feeling some shame when I recounted what happened to my roomy and she thought I was an idiot - I hereby retro-actively rescind my consent and crown myself a 'rape survivor'" sexual assault?

Posted by: Lizzy at March 15, 2017 06:39 PM (NOIQH)



Vicarious Victim status achieved. It's a Leftist Merit Badge now.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (ujg0T)

43 Is there a Chinese model agency grinding out upgrades? Are they on webcam?

Posted by: Jean at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (JblSH)

44 ...you let me know when you're done.


*****


The Finnish hacked my vibrator!!

Posted by: Muldoon at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (wPiJc)

45 All right, so this that deeply dumb thing I heard of a decade ago called "teledildonics," exchanging tactile stimulation long distance through electronic relay.


I think you're wrong there ace. That would be a fleshlight and a dildo connected so you and your long distance partner can "feel" the sensations from the other person.

This sounds like more of a case of the wireless remote controlled sex toy, but with blue tooth.

Posted by: buzzion at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (z/Ubi)

46 >>For one thing, the best person in the world at masturbating is the user himself.


Why use 5 tools to hold one?

Posted by: Jeff Beck on Guitar Picks and Female Masturbation at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (Gbk/a)

47 @38 so, tax-deductible?

Posted by: @votermom @vm at March 15, 2017 06:41 PM (Om16U)

48
Alternate poat title:


Idiocracy meets Sleeper meets Planet of the Apes

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 15, 2017 06:41 PM (MCtb9)

49 >>>I think you're wrong there ace. That would be a fleshlight and a dildo connected so you and your long distance partner can "feel" the sensations from the other person.

pass

Posted by: ace at March 15, 2017 06:41 PM (8rNrN)

50 can it connect to your fitbit so you can track how many calories you're burning during the act?

Posted by: Joe, living mobile at March 15, 2017 06:42 PM (Ua3QZ)

51 What do we want?

WARBGL!

When do we want them?

OH GAWD NOT NOW....

Posted by: Some Hacker completing the women's march at March 15, 2017 06:42 PM (aZq03)

52 I understand Philips is going from the electric toothbrush to the personal vibrator market.
Which I understand since the Sonicare I bought tried to strip the gums off my jawbones.

Oh and here is a link to a new teapot instead of an article about the Philips personal vibrator

http://preview.tinyurl.com/zlvydrx

Posted by: Kindltot at March 15, 2017 06:42 PM (WQX/u)

53 Remote vibe control is nothing without remote directional control. Up-facing, downward-facing, all kinds of directional intensity control should be possible with multi-stage vibration, multiple eccentric motors. Just heterodyne them - direction sense the current effective "push", tune with PWM, and have minimum three running at speed multiples.

Just controlling the mode long range is horseshit. We can do better.

Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 06:42 PM (eXSOZ)

54 Evolution has provided me with two different fleshlights at the end of my arms. One model is "Experienced Pro," the other model is "Sloppy Drunken One-Night Stand Hook-Up."

Posted by: ace at March 15, 2017 06:42 PM (8rNrN)

55 think you're wrong there ace. That would be a fleshlight and a dildo connected so you and your long distance partner can "feel" the sensations from the other person.
_________________

I thought the point of a vibrator was to not be disappointed?

Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at March 15, 2017 06:42 PM (OwdyX)

56 If you enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start on the app then the battery and vibrator will have unlimited lives.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at March 15, 2017 06:43 PM (2qHjF)

57 you think this is dumb? this has labor day ont part deux written all over it in hot pink.

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:43 PM (cPsPa)

58 I shouldn't even bother you with this nonsense but I already wrote this crap out and so I'm just gonna post it.


---------------


You've got me wishing for a Yoko thread now.

Posted by: Soona at March 15, 2017 06:43 PM (p+N+Y)

59 This dildo will get out of control... It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

Posted by: Admiral Painter at March 15, 2017 06:43 PM (XoldI)

60 Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer sex the natural way: cruising an AOL chatroom for three hours and finding someone type dirty words at.


When did AOL last have chat rooms?

Posted by: buzzion at March 15, 2017 06:43 PM (z/Ubi)

61 Its mostly for gals who do exotic things on camera to encourage teh big tips.

NTTAWWT

Posted by: Manspreader at March 15, 2017 06:43 PM (U8L5T)

62 I just think this is going to be like those ten million juice blenders people buy and use three times before realizing that spinach juice still tastes like spinach juice and which wind up living empty lives of lonely desperation in that one cabinet where you hide away all your hasty Ronco purchases, and your shame.


****

Snort!


Is that the Kaboom Kabinet?

Posted by: Muldoon at March 15, 2017 06:43 PM (wPiJc)

63 >>I think you're wrong there ace. That would be a fleshlight and a dildo connected so you and your long distance partner can "feel" the sensations from the other person.



That seems kinda intimate.





Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:44 PM (Gbk/a)

64 A post on smart dildos. At AoSHQ.

This will not end well.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 15, 2017 06:44 PM (1CroS)

65 I read that whole thing.

To see if I still feel.

Posted by: Johnny "eleven" Cash at March 15, 2017 06:44 PM (qUNWi)

66 Looks like money can be made from them if you learn how to use them well. NSFW

http://tinyurl.com/jsvhz39


Posted by: dartist at March 15, 2017 06:44 PM (6auC4)

67 That's even leaving out the possibility of a base for *actual* pressure control, and an in-out servo. We-Vibe's teledildonics are amateur hour.

Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 06:44 PM (eXSOZ)

68 Is there an wlctroshock version?

Posted by: Jean at March 15, 2017 06:44 PM (JblSH)

69 I think I just found the perfect gift for all my lady friends.

Err...all the ones that are 18+ or whatever the age of consent is in their jurisdiction that is.

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at March 15, 2017 06:44 PM (aZq03)

70 Sure, you THINK it's your boyfriend at the controls but its actually some skinny Indian dude named "Sam" in Bangalore.

AND he's got six other women writhing in ecstasy at the same time.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 15, 2017 06:45 PM (JZdsf)

71 I am not clicking on ANY links in this particular comments thread. Just sayin'.

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at March 15, 2017 06:45 PM (+eR2D)

72 >>> Sure, you THINK it's your boyfriend at the controls but its actually some skinny Indian dude named "Sam" in Bangalore.

AND he's got six other women writhing in ecstasy at the same time.

..

hah.

didn't that used to be called "Multi-boxing" when people controlled five characters in Warcraft?

Posted by: ace at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (8rNrN)

73 @53, so a vibrating drone?


and should I ask what a fleshlight is?

Posted by: @votermom @vm at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (Om16U)

74 Sure, you THINK it's your boyfriend at the controls but its actually some skinny Indian dude named "Sam" in Bangalore.
___
Thank you, please come again.

Posted by: Sam at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (aZq03)

75 I'm thinking a stepper motor on a fluid-displacement pump for size and turgidity adjust.

Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (eXSOZ)

76


Do Texas Squirters have to pay the $100 fine, too?

Also, Business Idea : Dininfecting Handi-Wipes for Dildos.

In cute designer dispensers.

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (Gbk/a)

77 Everybody is just assuming this is for sexual gratification. I thought they were primarily used for neck massages. Am I just being naive?

Posted by: Muldoon at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (wPiJc)

78 I understand Philips is going from the electric toothbrush to the personal vibrator market.

Yeah, don't mix those up.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (qJhUV)

79 I love this place. guns n dildos.

Posted by: USNtakim at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (hMqvx)

80 Speaking of dildos, kraut hammer just stated that that latest visa EO wouldn't do anything anyway.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (P/kVC)

81 The company's website lists the vibration modes as Low, Medium, High, Ultra, Pulse, Wave, Echo, Tide, Crest and Surf.

They left off "Ludicrous".

Posted by: eleven at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (qUNWi)

82 Sure, you THINK it's your boyfriend at the controls but its actually some skinny Indian dude named "Sam" in Bangalore.

AND he's got six other women writhing in ecstasy at the same time.
Posted by: Cicero




you know that is kind of funny. you are going to have a whole new industry of teledildonicvibrator djs that come up with their special moves that end in a counterclockwise swirl.

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (cPsPa)

83 >>and should I ask what a fleshlight is?


or, if it's Dishwasher Safe?

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (Gbk/a)

Posted by: eleven at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (qUNWi)

85 "I've seen the dumb versions in action, and they seemed to work just fine."

Why would you admit this?

Posted by: Monty James at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (gKOMX)

86 I've seen the dumb versions in action, and they seemed to work just fine.

*******************

Oh gawd.

So--you don't watch TV--but....

The porn--you're all over it!

Unless....NO! I shant believe it.

Posted by: Holmes at March 15, 2017 06:47 PM (fi5nC)

87 MOJO & VD
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_IzWBMIq9ko

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 06:47 PM (+hw1i)

88 Actually, I'm kinda surprised the smart vibrator doesn't have a Selfie Feature(tm) that allows you to snap a shot of your O face and have it automatically uploaded to twitter, Instagram, and/or facebook to go along with your Kardashian duckface selfies, gym workout bod in yoga pants selfies, and the all-important look at this kale smoothie I'm having for lunch pic.


Posted by: Lizzy at March 15, 2017 06:47 PM (NOIQH)

89 I finally went to the article:

"the We-Vibe vibrato"

We Vibe.

"Well I woke up this morning, you were on my mind--and--you were onnnn, my miiiind....

I got troubles, whoa-oh, I got worries, whoa-oh...."

Who were from the San Francisco area, incidentally.

I'm getting old.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 06:47 PM (ujg0T)

90 Slap an Apple logo on it and you'll have hipsters lined up a week to buy it on opening day. No pun intended.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 06:47 PM (oVJmc)

91 I just think this is going to be like those ten million juice blenders people buy and use three times before realizing that spinach juice still tastes like spinach juice and which wind up living empty lives of lonely desperation in that one cabinet where you hide away all your hasty Ronco purchases, and your shame.


Of course you are going to get some very different looks when you decide to sell it at the community yard sale.

Posted by: buzzion at March 15, 2017 06:47 PM (z/Ubi)

92 That's vibrator dependency!

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 06:47 PM (+hw1i)

93 I expect they'll do a Law & Order: SVU about this, and Ice T will reveal that he was once a victim of Dildojacking.
Posted by: Ace at 06:36 PM


If only it were that innocent.
http://preview.tinyurl.com/zo8mqev

Posted by: hogmartin at March 15, 2017 06:47 PM (8nWyX)

94 40 So, you've got a dildo in your hoo hah and you control it with your iPhone rather than just reaching down and...never mind. I reckon there are some things I don't want to know.
Posted by: Duke Lowell at March 15, 2017 06:40 PM (kTF2Z)


Come here, sweetie. Smell my fingers.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (p+N+Y)

95 This one goes up to 11.

Posted by: Nigel at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (XoldI)

96 Federal judge in Hawaii places nationwide hold on Trump's new refugee order.

This country really needs to do something about the judicial branch of government.

Posted by: Maritime at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (1WzUn)

97 Hmmm, put mad skills designing waveforms for DoD to commercial use?

My pwm wave form is a guaranteed orgasm , $5.00

Posted by: Jean at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (JblSH)

98 Fed judge in HI issues injunction on travel ban. Trump better get on this. Courts are out of control.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (kTF2Z)

99 And/or heterosexual couples in different cities who want to spice up their long-distance fling by unlocking Vibrator Super Move by tapping in up, up, down, back B to activate Whirlwind Berserker Rage Swirl with a 10% chance of a Critical Sexual Hit on each RPM.

++++

Wait, you mean Whirlwind and Berserker at the same time? Both spells in one move? That sounds like some build.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (R+30W)

100
They left off "Ludicrous".


Too many women were going 'plaid.'

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (oVJmc)

101 Sell it on Can't.Let.Go

Posted by: Muldoon at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (wPiJc)

102 By the year 2030, sexbots will be the third leading cause of death.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (6Ll1u)

103 47 @38 so, tax-deductible?
Posted by: @votermom @vm at March 15, 2017 06:41 PM (Om16U)



Only at 50%, "Meals and Entertainment".

I do taxes for a living!

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (ujg0T)

104 CALL JENNY

SHE GIVES GOOD INPUT

Posted by: graffiti in a virtual bathroom in Second Life at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (8rNrN)

105 73 @53, so a vibrating drone?


and should I ask what a fleshlight is?
Posted by: @votermom @vm at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (Om16U)
I don't know what a fleshlight is either but I'm not searching for an answer.

Bob at NSA will think I've lost my mind.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (u8Ywb)

106 There is no anonymity anywhere, we know where you are

Posted by: NSA at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (GPaiX)

107 Of course, it can be auto-guided. The tracking tech in a Sidewinder was fairly primitive back in the day - rotating mirror + photocell bank. That and some piezo elements to detect pressure, and the Homing Dick can become reality.

Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (eXSOZ)

108
It's all fun and games until Skynet takes over your dildo. Then it's The Rise Of The Machines.

Posted by: otho at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (lmIoG)

109 Everybody is just assuming this is for sexual gratification. I thought they were primarily used for neck massages. Am I just being naive?
Posted by: Muldoon at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (wPiJc)



Yeah. Neck massages. The little thing that branches off and wriggles goes in your ear.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (JZdsf)

110 All hail the inanimate carbon rod.

In Rod We Trust!

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (LTHVh)

111 Thanks for the mansplanation, Ace.

I'll have you know the conscious raising capacity of the We-Vibe is beyond anything your itsy bitsy teenie weenie mind can understand.

Every day thousands of my sisters have a world wide circle jerk and we are EMPOWERED and that is beautiful.

Posted by: Fawn Clogginstein of Marlboro College, VT at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (u/p7K)

112 Again, just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

This rule applies to vibrators or any electronic toy used for pleasure/pain.

Posted by: MeMyselfandI at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (J9wxX)

113 73 @53, so a vibrating drone?


and should I ask what a fleshlight is?
Posted by: @votermom @vm at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (Om16U)



No you should not. The context of the comment should be sufficient in disturbing you enough to not want more information.

Posted by: buzzion at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (z/Ubi)

114 Years ago I saw where a toy for ladies was hooked up to a video game. The idea was that a guy would play the game and if he played it well, the toy would vibrate faster etc. in sync.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (m3iiU)

115 I'm Oiled, Rested and Ready.

Posted by: Emma Watson at March 15, 2017 06:49 PM (Gbk/a)

116 >>>Wait, you mean Whirlwind and Berserker at the same time? Both spells in one move? That sounds like some build.


it's not the size of the tank, it's the crit in the hit

Posted by: ace at March 15, 2017 06:50 PM (8rNrN)

117 A fleshlight is like a hollow vibrator for men.

Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at March 15, 2017 06:50 PM (OwdyX)

118 The company's website lists the vibration modes as Low, Medium, High, Ultra, Pulse, Wave, Echo, Tide, Crest and Surf.

So it also does laundry and brushes your teeth?

Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 06:50 PM (qJhUV)

119 heh, the hijacking stories are going to be many, myriad, unbelievably hilarious.


then there are the possibilities for deliberately crossing wires so the wrong people are dildoing each other in epic greek fashion..

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:50 PM (cPsPa)

120 CALL JENNY

SHE GIVES GOOD INPUT


INPUT!!! I NEED INPUT!!!

Posted by: Johnny 5 at March 15, 2017 06:50 PM (oVJmc)

121 We've secretly replaced the spinach juice on Ace's dildo shelving with Super Beets. Let's see what happens.

Posted by: Dana Loesch at March 15, 2017 06:50 PM (1CroS)

122 We'll never hear, "Don Pardo, what has our contestant won!"

Posted by: Beartooth at March 15, 2017 06:50 PM (U+bdp)

123
WE WILL
WE WILL
VIBE YOU!

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (LTHVh)

124 where a toy for ladies was hooked up to a video game. The idea was that a guy would play the game and if he played it well, the toy would vibrate faster etc. in sync.
Posted by: Tilikum KAW




was that the rockem sockem game?

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (cPsPa)

125 I don't know about this...

Posted by: Lady with exploding airline headset at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (XoldI)

126 'Operator
Can you help me.
Help me if you please.'

Posted by: Zombie Pigpen at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (Gbk/a)

127
You all understand there are "firmware updates" involved in this device, yes?

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (MCtb9)

128
When theRussians hack it and go to full Putin mode does it annex the Vulva?

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (lKyWE)

129 Cant stay, I'm sure comments on this thread are NFSW but coming in for a post and run because I was laughing all the way through Ace's write-up and wanted to post "Thank you Ace, for bringing the funny"

Posted by: PaleRider at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (eASYU)

130 "... and we'll be lucky to live through it."

Best use I've ever seen of that quote.

Posted by: teej at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (tnOuI)

131 Dildos are one of the oldest stone tools. Women and men have been shoving things into their oraphices since forever. I don't get how a lawsuit could have standing.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (2qHjF)

132 So, err, add 30 dollars worth of control electronics and 5 dollars worth of sensors to a 30 dollar vibrator and it becomes a hundred dollar vibrator with 35 dollars more profit. Wouldn't be hard for an electronic hobbiest to build one but it seems a bit outside the scope of your usual MAKE set. The development costs could be high but they shouldn't be. With the beaming of data back, it even added in free market research. Well. Not free after the lawsuit.

Posted by: DaveM at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (FNtbC)

133 We have the tool you need.

Posted by: Black and Dicker at March 15, 2017 06:52 PM (oVJmc)

134 127
You all understand there are "firmware updates" involved in this device, yes?

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (MCtb9)



Viagra uploads?

Posted by: buzzion at March 15, 2017 06:52 PM (z/Ubi)

135 Dildos are one of the oldest stone tools. Women and men have been shoving things into their oraphices since forever. I don't get how a lawsuit could have standing.
Posted by: Widespread Pepe




you misspelled oprah.

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:52 PM (cPsPa)

136 So you're saying it vibrate and it *won't* shatter in my butt.......?
Go on.


Posted by: Guy in the ER with a lightbulb up his butt at March 15, 2017 06:53 PM (NOIQH)

137 Wouldn't be hard for an electronic hobbiest to build one but it seems a bit outside the scope of your usual MAKE set.

Raspberry Fur Pi?

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 06:53 PM (oVJmc)

138
What happened to the good ol days when we'd have stories about a woman who orgasmed every time she sneezed?

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 15, 2017 06:53 PM (MCtb9)

139 Meh, let me know when they have one that will do a blood glucose level and a Pap smear and automatically send the results to your Internist.

Posted by: Muldoon at March 15, 2017 06:53 PM (wPiJc)

140 how would yo ulike to have a job in tech support with this co? ok so do you feel it now? what do you feel?

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:53 PM (cPsPa)

141 >>Dildos are one of the oldest stone tools. Women and men have been shoving things into their oraphices since forever.


Speak for yourself, Pete.

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:53 PM (Gbk/a)

142 Speaking of dildos, Bill Wynn just drove up.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 15, 2017 06:53 PM (JZdsf)

143 Bill Wynn forecasts early night.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 06:54 PM (oVJmc)

144 So you're saying it vibrate and it *won't* shatter in my butt.......?
Go on.


Posted by: Guy in the ER with a lightbulb up




no but it will freak the gerbils out.

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:54 PM (cPsPa)

145 141 how would yo ulike to have a job in tech support with this co? ok so do you feel it now? what do you feel?
Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:53 PM (cPsPa)



If the tech starts saying obscene things to you would the be harassment or good customer service skills?

Posted by: buzzion at March 15, 2017 06:54 PM (z/Ubi)

146 Are Wall Warts Contagious?

...asking for a friend.

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:54 PM (Gbk/a)

147 >>Dildos are one of the oldest stone tools. Women and men have been shoving things into their oraphices since forever.



Like, say, jade eggs and 24K gold dildos, both on sale at my website!!

Posted by: Goopy Gwynneth at March 15, 2017 06:54 PM (NOIQH)

148 Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer sex the natural way: cruising an AOL chatroom for three hours and finding someone type dirty words at.

*************

AOL chatrooms--this is hard to believe from a 29 year old.

Posted by: Holmes at March 15, 2017 06:55 PM (fi5nC)

149 It's a religious test!

Since every country has a religious majority (maybe a few don't), that means blocking blocking any country from getting visas is a religious test, or that test only works if six countries with the same religious majority are blocked



Posted by: Burnt Toast at March 15, 2017 06:55 PM (P/kVC)

150 You first purchase the We-Vibe vibrator (because you need to purchase things to use them), download the "We-Connect" app to your smartphone, and then weeee...you can control the vibrator settings (speed, patterns and intensity) from anywhere in the world.

Clearly Ace doesn't read much hentai...

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 15, 2017 06:55 PM (rUIbB)

151 Can we make one that's submersible, so it can track and locate an orifice while in a bubble bath? I'm thinking the brand name should be Turgpedo.

Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 06:55 PM (eXSOZ)

152 They left off "Ludicrous".
Posted by: eleven at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (qUNWi)


You forgot "Plaid"

Posted by: Kindltot at March 15, 2017 06:55 PM (WQX/u)

153 I've got a headache from laughing, Ace. So we can't televibrate tonight. Sorry.

Posted by: Ladylibertarian at March 15, 2017 06:55 PM (TdMsT)

154 Women and men have been shoving things into their oraphices since forever.


Exactly. Natural selection explains why hamsters have evolved a relatively streamlined body form with a point at the front end.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 15, 2017 06:55 PM (JZdsf)

155 I see you can also buy a Fitbit for your dangly parts if you are a male.

Posted by: navybrat at March 15, 2017 06:56 PM (w7KSn)

156 Oh. I thought you just held on to your phone.

Posted by: Ladylibertarian at March 15, 2017 06:56 PM (TdMsT)

157 Come for the smart military analysis,...

Stay for the vibrator critiques.


-- He should comment on the CBD linked piece in the sidebar about NY literacy testing. I looked at the sample test and it is the unreadable essay question type thing that is so common where the essay is its own form of indoctrination into the leftist culture. Why are there no essay excerpts from the Bible in these questions?

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at March 15, 2017 06:56 PM (LWu6U)

158 Jeezuz--I feel I bit like when I read Louise Mensch's twitter feed after reading this--


like I just snooped through Ace's underwear drawer.

Heinous.

Posted by: Holmes at March 15, 2017 06:57 PM (fi5nC)

159 139 A federal judge in Hawaii just slapped down Trump's latest Muslim travel ban. The only effect of his bans seems to be increasing the number of....


....Trump supporters.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 06:57 PM (ujg0T)

160 or the smart military analysis,...

Stay for the vibrator critiques.


-- He should comment on the CBD linked piece in the sidebar about NY literacy testing. I looked at the sample test and it is the unreadable essay question type thing that is so common where the essay is its own form of indoctrination into the leftist culture. Why are there no essay excerpts from the Bible in these questions?
Posted by: Gentlemen




what makes you think this is not military related? surely it integrates with blue force tracker.

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:57 PM (cPsPa)

161 >>I expect they'll do a Law & Order: SVU about this, and Ice T will reveal that he was once a victim of Dildojacking.



OK.

That right there is awesome.

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 06:57 PM (Gbk/a)

162 So a person that gives you bad vibes isn't just a passing observation anymore.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at March 15, 2017 06:57 PM (p+N+Y)

163 >>>They left off "Ludicrous".
Posted by: eleven at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (qUNWi)

What about "sawzall"?

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 06:58 PM (+hw1i)

164 increasing the number of sanctuary cities
That is a nonsense statement, Billy Boy. Sanctuary cities and travel bans are unrelated, as you'd know if you had a brain instead of bong water that leaked in your ear. Just get your dildo shopping tips and get out.

Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 06:58 PM (eXSOZ)

165
What if they made a smart diode controlled by Yoko's vocal chords?

Posted by: Toad-O at March 15, 2017 06:58 PM (cct0t)

166 Off skank sock

Posted by: Soona at March 15, 2017 06:58 PM (p+N+Y)

167 What if they made a smart diode controlled by Yoko's vocal chords?

Posted by: Toad-O




then they would hit mute and break the remote.

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 15, 2017 06:59 PM (cPsPa)

168 :::Brian Wilson somewhere going "somebody finally gets it!!":::

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 06:59 PM (+hw1i)

169 Can we all chip in and get Bill Wynn one of these? It will keep him occupied and maybe he won't bother us.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 06:59 PM (qJhUV)

170 That is a nonsense statement, Billy Boy. Sanctuary cities and travel bans are unrelated, as you'd know if you had a brain instead of bong water that leaked in your ear. Just get your dildo shopping tips and get out.
Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 06:58 PM (eXSOZ)



Is Bill Wynn real?

Hard to tell the trolls from the sockpuppets anymore!

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 06:59 PM (ujg0T)

171 Pro Tip: Fur Oil is good for more than just fur.

It's all-natural, too!

Posted by: Gwenyth P., lifestyle guru at March 15, 2017 07:00 PM (DMUuz)

172 Most damaging personal information of all: you bought their product.

Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at March 15, 2017 07:00 PM (5+kyj)

173 Damned autocucumber. Diode = dildo

Posted by: Toad-O at March 15, 2017 07:00 PM (cct0t)

174 164 >>>They left off "Ludicrous".
Posted by: eleven at March 15, 2017 06:46 PM (qUNWi)

What about "sawzall"?
Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 06:58 PM (+hw1i)

Don't be cheap and stick a dildo on your rusty old saw blade, get the special adapter, or try one of each for an on-line product review.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at March 15, 2017 07:00 PM (P/kVC)

175 I'm linking it because I don't know what the hell a "smart" vibrator is, or why someone would want or need to have a vibrator which is "smart."

It can automatically detect and avoid compasses.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 15, 2017 07:00 PM (zc3Db)

176 Dutch Election.

Looks like Wilders party has a chance to win Rotterdam outright.

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 15, 2017 07:01 PM (rUIbB)

177 Why, why did you fill out the warranty card? What were you thinking?

Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at March 15, 2017 07:01 PM (5+kyj)

178 I have, how you say, the passwords for all of your girlfriends.

Posted by: Paolo at March 15, 2017 07:01 PM (5dOnv)

179 People are stupid. That is a basic fact of life.

Posted by: freaked at March 15, 2017 07:01 PM (BO/km)

180 No 'Hammer Drill' setting?

Willow is gonna be pissed.

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 07:01 PM (Gbk/a)

181 Dear Abby, How many dates should I have with someone before I let him take control of my Smart Dildo?

Posted by: Nervous at March 15, 2017 07:01 PM (XoldI)

182 I'm linking it because I don't know what the hell a "smart" vibrator is, or why someone would want or need to have a vibrator which is "smart."

It's clearly smarter than the person who bought it. So, there's that.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 15, 2017 07:02 PM (zc3Db)

183 fill out the warranty card? What were you thinking?
Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at March 15, 2017 07:01 PM (5+kyj)

Only way to get the free hardware updates, you can download the software patches on-line.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at March 15, 2017 07:02 PM (P/kVC)

184 PETA will be upset because they are putting gerbils out of work sorely needed in the rodent population.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 15, 2017 07:02 PM (6Ll1u)

185 Diode = dildo

Posted by: Toad-O at March 15, 2017 07:00 PM (cct0t)

Are you sure?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDiode at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (rF0hx)

186 :::starts drafting patent application for Bluetooth connected dildo-butt plug combo:::

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (+hw1i)

187
"I could have been done the minutes ago."

Best of Show.

Posted by: Ladylibertarian at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (TdMsT)

188 People are also gullible. They will try anything to fulfill their pathetic lives.

Posted by: freaked at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (BO/km)

189 I hog-tied a vibrating smartphone to a pocket fisherman and so now when we decide to go ice fishing, we never leave the house without it. That and two thirty packs of cheap beer.

Posted by: Fritz at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (YAPkP)

190 Judge blocks Trump's revised travel ban

http://preview.tinyurl.com/hmrfuvy

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (rUIbB)

191
187
"I could have been done ten minutes ago."

Best of Show.
Posted by: Ladylibertarian at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (TdMsT)


Freaking autocorrect

Posted by: Ladylibertarian at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (TdMsT)

192 What if they made a smart diode controlled by Yoko's vocal chords?
Posted by: Toad-O at March 15, 2017 06:58 PM


A diode is either on or off.

It would therefore lack the spectrum of nuance we've come to expect in our Yoko appreciation here at AoSHQ.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at March 15, 2017 07:04 PM (DMUuz)

193 Have you made sure the device is properly plugged into your vagina?

Posted by: We-Vibe Tech Support Desk at March 15, 2017 07:04 PM (8rNrN)

194 Johnny Fontane couldn't act for crap.

Posted by: Jack Woltz at March 15, 2017 07:04 PM (75WaT)

195 :::somewhere a CIA analyst is hacking dildos:::

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 07:04 PM (+hw1i)

196 Trump rally in Nashville livestream:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGJr-0a2WwQ

Starts in about 30 minutes.

Posted by: Cloyd Freud, Unemployed at March 15, 2017 07:04 PM (97XyN)

197 Judge blocks Trump's revised travel ban

http://preview.tinyurl.com/hmrfuvy

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (rUIbB)


If we had a Congress with any sense they would impeach that judge, today.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 15, 2017 07:04 PM (zc3Db)

198 The next patch will include "Iranian centrifuge" mode.

Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (Tnhbr)

199 Is this what the internet of things has come to?

Posted by: freaked at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (BO/km)

200 Thems guys is all remote control dildos!

Posted by: Skwisgar Skwigelf at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (0mRoj)

201 Ace, you can see this and similar gear used on chaturbate. It's quite educational.

At least, that's what I hear. Never been to that site myself.

Posted by: Robert Crawford at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (4feMh)

202 195 :::somewhere a CIA analyst is hacking dildos:::

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 07:04 PM (+hw1i)

++++

In collusion with Putin.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (R+30W)

203 No dumber in my opinion than Hulk Hogan getting millions for banging his best friend's wife outside of his own residence.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (IDPbH)

204
For every error that autocucumber fixes, it creates 1000 errors by "fixing" things that didn't need to be fixed. It must have been invented by progs.

Posted by: Toad-O at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (cct0t)

205 I still say that perfecting the sexbot will spell the end of human progress. It probably explains why we haven't contacted a spacefaring alien civilization.

Posted by: rickl at March 15, 2017 07:06 PM (sdi6R)

206 I buy Bleach Bit by the gallon for mine!

Posted by: Hillary! at March 15, 2017 07:06 PM (0sA5C)

207 Supposedly there is some app that provides analytics to your, er action during sex related to the fitbit type thing. I can just see Tinder profiles giving baseball type stats.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 15, 2017 07:06 PM (39g3+)

208
Another one for that poplar catch-all, 1st world problems.

Enough to raise an eyebrow, a society so variegated such could exist and not engender but an indifferent response.

SMH.

Posted by: irongrampa at March 15, 2017 07:06 PM (X35Yt)

209 A troll hacked my vibrator to strobe on and off at 60Hz and caused me to have a vagina seizure.

Posted by: Kurt Eichenwald at March 15, 2017 07:07 PM (zc3Db)

210 159 139 A federal judge in Hawaii just slapped down Trump's latest Muslim travel ban. The only effect of his bans seems to be increasing the number of....


....Trump supporters.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 06:57 PM (ujg0T)



WORD

Posted by: Ladylibertarian at March 15, 2017 07:07 PM (TdMsT)

211 197 Judge blocks Trump's revised travel ban

http://preview.tinyurl.com/hmrfuvy

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 15, 2017 07:03 PM (rUIbB)

If we had a Congress with any sense they would impeach that judge, today.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 15, 2017 07:04 PM (zc3Db)

After the last round they should have dissolved the 9th and all subordinate courts (fire everyone) and then expand a couple of others and split them.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at March 15, 2017 07:07 PM (P/kVC)

212 >>>It probably explains why we haven't contacted a spacefaring alien civilization.

The tentacled aliens of Alpha Centauri tried to contact us, but the Japs got all stalkerish.

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at March 15, 2017 07:07 PM (+hw1i)

213 No discussion about old dildos is complete until I've weighed in on the subject.

Posted by: Rachel Madcow at March 15, 2017 07:07 PM (75WaT)

214 So...if Anonymous or one or more 4chan autists hack these things and send, er, unwanted vibes, is that rape? Cyber rape?

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 15, 2017 07:07 PM (0mRoj)

215 If you hit Circle Strafe a few times you can work in some butt stuff.

Posted by: Professional Teledildonics Player at March 15, 2017 07:08 PM (8rNrN)

216 Judge blocks Trump's revised travel ban
On even more diaphanous grounds than last time, I presume.

Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 07:08 PM (eXSOZ)

217 What's especially pernicious is the Hawaii district judge purporting to make his ruling have nationwide effect.

This is a problem

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:08 PM (SIY7D)

218 Oh. I thought you just held on to your phone.
Posted by: Ladylibertarian at March 15, 2017 06:56 PM


This is why you want to have us call you during erlection season.

Posted by: Push Pollsters Anonymous at March 15, 2017 07:08 PM (DMUuz)

219 'I still say that perfecting the sexbot will spell the end of human progress.'

Little wires,
pliers, tires
They turn me on

Posted by: yo futumn at March 15, 2017 07:08 PM (BO/km)

220 214 So...if Anonymous or one or more 4chan autists hack these things and send, er, unwanted vibes, is that rape? Cyber rape?
Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 15, 2017 07:07 PM (0mRoj)



But is it cyber rape-rape? We should ask Whoopi Goldberg.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 07:08 PM (ujg0T)

221 198 The next patch will include "Iranian centrifuge" mode.
Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (Tnhbr)

Chihuahua on crank.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 15, 2017 07:09 PM (0mRoj)

222
How long until girls online start letting you control their smart dildos for a price

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 15, 2017 07:09 PM (lKyWE)

223 I thought these vibrators were used to relieve muscle pain on your back or extremities. That's what the pictures show on the vibrators they sell at Brookstone.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 15, 2017 07:09 PM (IDPbH)

224 We placed a hidden camera in your wife's minivan and hacked the analog
accelerometer in her smart dildo. Let's see what happens when she
exceeds the legal speed limit.

Posted by: Fritz at March 15, 2017 07:09 PM (YAPkP)

225 223 I thought these vibrators were used to relieve muscle pain on your back or extremities. That's what the pictures show on the vibrators they sell at Brookstone.
Posted by: Jack Sock at March 15, 2017 07:09 PM (IDPbH)

It was a more innocent time...

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 15, 2017 07:09 PM (0mRoj)

226 The Russians hacked my dick!

Posted by: rachel maddow at March 15, 2017 07:10 PM (nlbfN)

227 "I've seen the dumb versions in action, and they seemed to work just fine."

----

Kind of sums up the last 10 years of tech as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by: RKae at March 15, 2017 07:10 PM (4DpAT)

228 222
How long until girls online start letting you control their smart dildos for a price
Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 15, 2017 07:09 PM (lKyWE)

Start?

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 15, 2017 07:10 PM (IDPbH)

229 Evolution has provided me with two different fleshlights at the end of my arms. One model is "Experienced Pro," the other model is "Sloppy Drunken One-Night Stand Hook-Up."

Posted by: ace at March 15, 2017 06:42 PM (8rNrN)

LOL

Good enough, night Morons. Time to brave the Snohomish County flood.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 15, 2017 07:11 PM (SeIbs)

230 Someting smells fishy about this entire enterprise.

Posted by: garrett at March 15, 2017 07:11 PM (Gbk/a)

231 The Russians hacked my dick!!

Posted by: amy schumer at March 15, 2017 07:12 PM (nlbfN)

232 I asked this earlier today and I'll ask it again:
Is the phrase "throwing shade" African-American vernacular, gay vernacular, or both?

Posted by: Pete in TX at March 15, 2017 07:12 PM (2RBkF)

233 Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! That tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss
you always.

Posted by: yo futumn at March 15, 2017 07:12 PM (BO/km)

234 We placed a hidden camera in your wife's minivan and hacked the analog

accelerometer in her smart dildo. Let's see what happens when she

exceeds the legal speed limit.
Posted by: Fritz at March 15, 2017 07:09 PM


The provided backup system is digital.

Posted by: Engineer Guy at March 15, 2017 07:12 PM (DMUuz)

235 198 The next patch will include "Iranian centrifuge" mode.
Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at March 15, 2017 07:05 PM (Tnhbr)


Which will be fine until someone develops the vibrator equivalent of Stuxnet.

Posted by: rickl at March 15, 2017 07:12 PM (sdi6R)

236 We must not wind up on the short end of the smart dildo gap.

Posted by: President Merkin at March 15, 2017 07:12 PM (XoldI)

237 We've secretly replaced John's toothbrush with his wife's smart vibrator. Let's see if he can tell the difference!

Posted by: That asshole from the Folger's ad at March 15, 2017 07:12 PM (0sA5C)

238
and this is why women only get paid 77% of what men earn

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM (MCtb9)

239 Posted by: Pete in TX at March 15, 2017 07:12 PM (2RBkF)

Black is my understanding.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM (IDPbH)

240 And so, one can estimate the acceleration of the function's values as it approaches the first singularity .. gurgle ... gurgle ... gurgle ... by taking the limit of the ratio of the function with ... gurgle ... gurgle ... gurgle ... and seeing if it is limited in its ... gurgle ... gurgle ... gurgle ...



Oh, fuck it.

Posted by: Smart Dildo at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM (zc3Db)

241 Class action suit. I'll bet that settlement letter will be a classic.
That's okay, lawyers. You can keep the 47 cents.

Posted by: tu3031 at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM (qJhUV)

242 Well somebody beat me to the OT about the latest lawless judiciary festival involving the executive's plenary power to regulate admissions to the US, so I'll pile on.


Herewith the AP's description of Hawaii's "arguments" to block Trump's exercise of this power.


"Hawaii argued that the ban discriminates on the basis of nationality and would prevent Hawaii residents from receiving visits from relatives in the six mostly Muslim countries covered by the ban.

The state also says the ban would harm its tourism industry and the ability to recruit foreign students and workers."


No comment is really possible here - this is self-parody so crude that it boggles what's left of anyone's mind.


Just to pick the lowest-hanging fruit. "Discriminates on the basis of nationality". Nationality being the actual, sole currency of diplomatic interactions of all kinds, and consular and visa actions of all kinds. Embassies and the State Dept. itself being organized, unavoidably, along such lines. So the instantaneous reductio ad absurdum here is that the US cannot use the only organizing characteristics of foreign relations and especially consular matters to ..... conduct its foreign relations and consular matters.


All of which is besides the point, as the court has no jurisdiction, the court has no statutory or constitutional basis whatever for its interference, and the plaintiffs clearly have no standing.


Judicial coup status:

[ ] Struggling
[X] On-going, flourishing


Tired of losing to lawlessness status:

[ ] Enduring
[X] Exhausted and fed up


Posted by: rhomboid at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM (QDnY+)

243 Tuna Helper is neither tuna or a helper.

Posted by: DJ Jazzy Mel at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM (75WaT)

244 Somewhere in the CIA archives are thousands of hours of what sounds like someone punching jello.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM (EUMr7)

245 How long until they have zucchini cyborg versions?

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 15, 2017 07:14 PM (6Ll1u)

246 Someting smells fishy about this entire enterprise.
_____________________

Don't bring me into this!

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 15, 2017 07:14 PM (OwdyX)

247 Herewith the AP's description of Hawaii's "arguments" to block Trump's exercise of this power.


Oregon and Washington are part of the suit. Its retarded and devoid of the slightest shred of validity, but some judge will hear it and agree.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 15, 2017 07:14 PM (39g3+)

248
They put a camera in a hoo-hoo to video record what penis penetration looks like from the inside.

It's on youtube.

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 15, 2017 07:14 PM (MCtb9)

249
and this is why women only get paid 77% of what men earn
Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM (MCtb9)


I'm guesiing gay males will end up being the largest user group

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 15, 2017 07:14 PM (lKyWE)

250 'Posted by: rhomboid at March 15, 2017 07:13 PM'

Who cares about that we got smart dildoes.

Posted by: yo futumn at March 15, 2017 07:14 PM (BO/km)

251 I wish the Russians would hack my dick.

Posted by: caitlyn j. at March 15, 2017 07:15 PM (nlbfN)

252 HR McMasterstuff has been confirmed today with 10 of the usual suspects voting against

Posted by: Skip at March 15, 2017 07:15 PM (GPaiX)

253 220 214 So...if Anonymous or one or more 4chan autists hack these things and send, er, unwanted vibes, is that rape? Cyber rape?
Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 15, 2017 07:07 PM (0mRoj)


But is it cyber rape-rape? We should ask Whoopi Goldberg.
Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 15, 2017 07:08 PM (ujg0T)

You know this is the next step, hacking or not hacking. This is why I don't get involved with women, and if I were to, they would have to sign a consent contract.

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at March 15, 2017 07:15 PM (2qHjF)

254 I've actually used one of these, and while they are a vibrator, they aren't phallic shaped. While this company specializes in controlling it via an app, there are several other companies that make similar devices.

Posted by: Woooooooah at March 15, 2017 07:15 PM (d//pU)

255 I'm guessing gay males will end up being the largest user group
And the most numerous.

Posted by: andycanuck at March 15, 2017 07:16 PM (nlbfN)

256 Yeah, we can hack these. Call it fringe benefits.

Posted by: Bob from NSA at March 15, 2017 07:16 PM (kTF2Z)

257 'They put a camera in a hoo-hoo to video record what penis penetration looks like from the inside. '

Baby...

Snakes!

Posted by: yo futumn at March 15, 2017 07:16 PM (BO/km)

258 >>>
I've actually used one of these

Please. Tell us more.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 15, 2017 07:16 PM (EUMr7)

259 Toby the Beagle tells no tales.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 07:16 PM (oVJmc)

260 Is it just me or did Ace perhaps overthink this one?

Posted by: Rusty Nail at March 15, 2017 07:17 PM (Aaxh4)

261 I don't feel like Binging it to see if it's tongue-shaped. Not right now at least. Maybe on the ONT.

Posted by: andycanuck at March 15, 2017 07:17 PM (nlbfN)

262 Skip, must be some confusulation here.


National security advisor is part of the exec. office of the president, is not Senate-confirmable.

Posted by: rhomboid at March 15, 2017 07:18 PM (QDnY+)

263 But it saves on peanut butter costs.

Posted by: andycanuck at March 15, 2017 07:18 PM (nlbfN)

264 actually used one of these

Please. Tell us more.

And post pics!

Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at March 15, 2017 07:18 PM (OwdyX)

265 Controlling things with an app doesn't make them "smart", just remote controlled. Better to classify this dildo as a drone dildo.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 15, 2017 07:18 PM (zc3Db)

266 Morons would be more nervous if they hooked up fleshlights to an app.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 15, 2017 07:18 PM (IDPbH)

267 It's a C shaped device that has two small vibrators in it, each with individual control. One rows the man in the boat, the other hits the G-spot. It's made to be worn alone or during intercourse.

Posted by: Woooooooah at March 15, 2017 07:18 PM (d//pU)

268 From the Hawaii decision:
"It is undisputed that the Executive Order does not facially discriminate for or against any particular religion, or for or against religion versus non-religion. There is no express reference, for instance, to any religion nor does the Executive Order -- unlike its predecessor -- contain any term or phrase that can be reasonably characterized as having a religious origin or connotation."

So the judge has to argue that Trump has a Bad Heart.

This is so bad, it has to get overturned. We may get a new three judge panel of the Ninth Circuit

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:19 PM (SIY7D)

269 I'm offended by the term wetback, no matter how accurate it may be when I'm at work.

Posted by: Smart dildo that identifies as an illegal immigrant at March 15, 2017 07:19 PM (0sA5C)

270 I wonder if you can get Alexa to moan based on data from the dildo?

Posted by: yo futumn at March 15, 2017 07:19 PM (BO/km)

271 Another story unsettling to my frail, old age. TAL.

Posted by: Anna Mac at March 15, 2017 07:20 PM (xujfC)

272 >>>It's a C shaped device that has two small vibrators in it,

The larger version is called the SmartStinger.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 15, 2017 07:20 PM (EUMr7)

273 267 It's a C shaped device that has two small vibrators in it, each with individual control. One rows the man in the boat, the other hits the G-spot. It's made to be worn alone or during intercourse.
Posted by: Woooooooah at March 15, 2017 07:18 PM (d//pU)

I've hacked your vibrator but I'm not getting the feed back I expected. Your post is too lucid.

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 15, 2017 07:21 PM (IDPbH)

274 It appears the admin. and the usual suspects *still* aren't impressed by the judicial usurpation of an exclusive executive prerogative directly related to national security.


Hoping some idiots somewhere are cooking up "cases" that will allow district courts to shut lots of important things down (lawlessly), to the point that even the brain-dead legal guild and the admin. are forced to deal with the crisis seriously.

Posted by: rhomboid at March 15, 2017 07:21 PM (QDnY+)

275 This is one of the many subcultures of the world that I didn't know existed, and I am quite content in my ignorance.

Posted by: LASue at March 15, 2017 07:21 PM (CLKfs)

276 LegalInsurrection has the story on McMasterstuff
https://tinyurl.com/jpbmfe5

Posted by: Skip at March 15, 2017 07:21 PM (GPaiX)

277
Me: Alexa, are you getting hot?

Alexa: Oh yea I'm getting so hot.

Posted by: yo futumn at March 15, 2017 07:21 PM (BO/km)

278 265 Controlling things with an app doesn't make them "smart", just remote controlled. Better to classify this dildo as a drone dildo.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 15, 2017 07:18 PM (zc3Db)
---
In the future, thousands of drone dildos will blacken the skies like dirigibles.

Will they be in "rear echelon" formation?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 15, 2017 07:21 PM (EnKk6)

279 And for the redneck orgy - Yinzall-Vibe.

Posted by: DaveA at March 15, 2017 07:22 PM (FhXTo)

280 A smart vibrator is one that hides when Lena Dunham or Trigglypuff walk into the sex toy shop.

Posted by: Donna tanned, but not completely rested and ampersands&&&&and so there at March 15, 2017 07:23 PM (P8951)

281 So the judge has to argue that Trump has a Bad Heart.

This is so bad, it has to get overturned. We may get a new three judge panel of the Ninth Circuit

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:19 PM (SIY7D)


Out: Literacy Test

In: Wokeness Test

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 15, 2017 07:23 PM (rUIbB)

282 So the judge has to argue that Trump has a Bad Heart.

If the same order would be legal under another president, I'd say they have a problem.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 07:23 PM (oVJmc)

283 >>In the future, thousands of drone dildos will blacken the skies like dirigibles.

Then we will fap in the shade!

Posted by: JackStraw at March 15, 2017 07:23 PM (/tuJf)

284 280 A smart vibrator is one that hides when Lena Dunham or Trigglypuff walk into the sex toy shop.
Posted by: Donna tanned, but not completely rested and ampersands&&&&and so there at March 15, 2017 07:23 PM (P8951)

Heh

Posted by: Jack Sock at March 15, 2017 07:23 PM (IDPbH)

285 Only way to get the free hardware updates, you can download the software patches on-line.

Stay away from the microcode and the compression settings.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 07:23 PM (LTHVh)

286 TMI

Posted by: Ben Had at March 15, 2017 07:24 PM (5MfUM)

287 Everyone knows that I am the ultimate smart dildo. When Tasha Yar really wanted to get nuts, she'd hold a giant magnet near my positronic brain when she was about to get off.

Posted by: Lt Cmdr Data at March 15, 2017 07:24 PM (0sA5C)

288 Weren't phones already exploding?
And what happens if the phone runs out of charge?

Posted by: DaveA at March 15, 2017 07:24 PM (FhXTo)

289 242: Great summary. Sounds like another ridiculous decision. It and the Washington decision will be discarded and laughed at in the end, I am confident.

Posted by: LASue at March 15, 2017 07:24 PM (CLKfs)

290 Basically, the Hawaii decision treats the new executive order the way that the Ninth Circuit treated the old executive order. So the judge ignores the changes that were made. Similarly, no discussion of the express authority given by Congress to the President to have plenary authority over whether foreigners without green cards or visas can come in.

Also ignores that the individual plaintiff's relative could apply for a waiver, but apparently didn't

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:24 PM (SIY7D)

291 >>I wonder if you can get Alexa to moan based on data from the dildo?


What am I, chopped liver?

Posted by: Siri at March 15, 2017 07:25 PM (NOIQH)

292 There's also a Bluetooth Butt Plug that's used in the BDSM community, with the idea that once it is inserted into the sub, the dom can then activate it to vibrate or expand or whatever no matter where the sub is.

Posted by: V the K at March 15, 2017 07:25 PM (jn7FC)

293 How would you like to be customer support for the We-Vibe? I wonder if it would be "Troy" in Bangalore.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 15, 2017 07:25 PM (EnKk6)

294 >>>Stay away from the microcode and the compression settings.

"iCum needs access to the data and settings of all of your applications"

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 15, 2017 07:26 PM (EUMr7)

295 Here's a video from the website:

http://we-vibe.com/we-vibe-ii-plus

One of you needs to watch it because I'm not.

Who will be the Vibronaut?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 15, 2017 07:26 PM (EnKk6)

296 And what happens if the phone runs out of charge?
Posted by: DaveA at March 15, 2017 07:24 PM (FhXTo)



The vibrator is pre-programmed to pull out. Then it goes to the fridge to make a sandwich.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 15, 2017 07:26 PM (JZdsf)

297
Me: Siri, are you getting hot?

Siri: Oh I am getting so hot.

Posted by: yo futumn at March 15, 2017 07:26 PM (BO/km)

298 *wanders in*

*eyes get big*

*spins on heels and departs quickly*

Posted by: Deplorable Flyover 98ZJUSMC at March 15, 2017 07:27 PM (qoAfa)

299 Because I sometime watch "Real Housewives of Atlanta," I know that "throwing shade" is primarily a term used by younger African-American woman. Just like Chris Hayes.

Posted by: LASue at March 15, 2017 07:27 PM (CLKfs)

300 I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that.


Not for free, anyway.

Posted by: Hal 9000 at March 15, 2017 07:28 PM (oVJmc)

301 geeze thanks everyone I think I know everything there is to know now about .. and some.

and we didn't have dinner yet.

Posted by: willow at March 15, 2017 07:28 PM (R7cwD)

302 So the judge has to argue that Trump has a Bad Heart.

This is so bad, it has to get overturned. We may get a new three judge panel of the Ninth Circuit

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:19 PM (SIY7D)


This is why Trumps spokes holes should have chosen their words more wisely.

The Left have been advocating the approach seen here for years.

Basically, they declare that a decision based on animus is invalid.

However, they declare such decision to always be bad, even if made under neutral and legitimate reasons, because it will advance the previously noted animus, even if the measure doesn't do that.

They get their preferred outcome by simply declaring all alternatives to be invalid.

Similarly, many on the Left will argue that because religious people don't like abortion, any restriction on abortion is a violation of "separation of church and state" even if it is advocated by an atheist on non-religious grounds.

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 15, 2017 07:28 PM (rUIbB)

303 295: Not it!

Posted by: LASue at March 15, 2017 07:28 PM (CLKfs)

304
This was never a ride in Tomorrowland

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 15, 2017 07:28 PM (lKyWE)

305 http://bit.ly/2noSvH4

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at March 15, 2017 07:29 PM (wB8Tg)

306 Ignoramus, every bit of every decision other than the one from MA, to date, is lawless nonsense. Courts don't get to decide to ignore the constitution and statutes. Yet, they do so all the time, and this accounts for most of the country's problems.


And no emergency appeal to SCOTUS, from the outset. Why? Because the collapse of integrity and the lawlessness of the courts has destroyed that court, too (translation: "we have to wait til we have Gorsuch" - because a ridiculous, histrionic, utterly indefensible usurpation of executive power - on national security, no less - may well *survive* review at SCOTUS).


How far into the "temporary" visa restrictions period are we, by this point? How many admissions into the US of people the intel community (and common sense) tell us cannot be properly screened have occurred?


The judiciary is a farce and a cancer on the country, and the administration has completely failed.

Posted by: rhomboid at March 15, 2017 07:30 PM (QDnY+)

307 I've got a present for you, Rosie.

Posted by: George Jetson at March 15, 2017 07:30 PM (EUMr7)

308 I haven't read the comments yet, but it's interesting how the left just spent the weekend yukking it up over Kelleyanne Cobways's jestful remark about spying on people through a microwave oven.

Posted by: Michael the TEXIT at March 15, 2017 07:30 PM (nvMvs)

309 One practical answer is to ratchet up the vetting so that few visas get issued. This has probably already started.

What's already been thrown overboard is giving priority to persecuted religious minorities. My response is practical. No refugees. Period. Full stop.

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:30 PM (SIY7D)

310 304
This was never a ride in Tomorrowland
Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 15, 2017 07:28 PM (lKyWE)
---
Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spinner.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at March 15, 2017 07:30 PM (EnKk6)

311
Basically, they declare that a decision based on animus is invalid.


As with anti-Trump, partisan judges?

Posted by: Hal 9000 at March 15, 2017 07:31 PM (oVJmc)

312 Get the Bullet Vibrator....works better and it's dumb.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at March 15, 2017 07:31 PM (5VlCp)

313 'I've got a present for you, Rosie'

A present for me?

It looks just like a Telefunken U-47!

Posted by: Rosie at March 15, 2017 07:32 PM (BO/km)

314 It really doesn't matter what the law says or why the judges made the decision, it's just raw power at this point. They could say it's because they hate Ivanka Trump's perfume line and that would be enough.

So until Gorsuch gets seated, Trump is probably going to be blocked at every turn.

At the rate the Senate is going, it may deep into Trumps 2nd term before he's on the SC.

Posted by: Maritime at March 15, 2017 07:32 PM (1WzUn)

315 so one would have to be religious to abhore deaths of babies?
I would think when they are overtly speaking of late term abortions most people would find that beyong parasitcal cells screwing up mums lifestyle?

Posted by: willow at March 15, 2017 07:33 PM (R7cwD)

316 Manspreader nailed it. The professional ladies in the chatz roomz have these hooked to their tip jars so that when someone tips them the thing goes off and the tipster can watch the reaction.

I know this because it was on in the background when Trump's hookers were peeing on my bed. I would never actually visit a site like that myself. That would just be disgusting!

Posted by: Thatch at March 15, 2017 07:34 PM (CWGHX)

317 Rhomboid.

These are bad decisions, but with Gorscuch on board I expect that they'll get cleaned up.

Big issues are standing and nationwide application.

Standing can get tricky, but with the new order it's now quite attenuated.

Also expect a smack down over district judges issuing nationwide orders.

SCOTUS will see that the alternative is chaos.

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:34 PM (SIY7D)

318 Skip - aha. Thanks, forgot that McMasters was still active duty. That's relatively rare, and a different situation. NSAs and other exec office personnel do not require Senate confirmation, per se. Active-duty general officers changing roles do require Senate concurrence.

Posted by: rhomboid at March 15, 2017 07:34 PM (QDnY+)

319 How will this affect my moral compass?

I hope it is not magnetic

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at March 15, 2017 07:35 PM (LWu6U)

320 Should have called it the Fux Capacitor, much more fun name than the We-Vibe.

Posted by: The Mouse that Roared at March 15, 2017 07:35 PM (7N6ox)

321 I would think it beyond despite that the President has the right temporarily halt the issuance of all visas. Trump should do this.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 07:36 PM (LTHVh)

322 I love this place. guns n dildos.

Step aside schadenboner.

Posted by: The Gundo at March 15, 2017 07:36 PM (pbkWd)

323 The professional ladies in the chatz roomz have these hooked to their tip jars
Posted by: Thatch at March 15, 2017 07:34 PM (CWGHX)


Just the tip jar?

Posted by: hogmartin at March 15, 2017 07:37 PM (8nWyX)

324 The EO ruling highlights another thing pushed by the Left: Invalidating dissent while claiming "democracy" and "people power".

You can choose what ever position you like just as long as it is a valid (or not an invalid) position.

Further, if a person is declared to have animus towards some group, that person no longer has a valid say because any position assigned to that person is tainted with that animus.

Remember, the Left define "racism" as "power plus prejudice" and define "power" as something that White people have.

Thus, White people are not allowed to dissent in this Leftist "democracy" when it comes to questions of race (and everything is about race).

Similarly, this can be applied to straight people, men, "cis-normatives", the able-bodied, &c.

"Democracy", then becomes nothing more than shutting up and supporting pre-determined "correct" positions.

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 15, 2017 07:37 PM (rUIbB)

325 I would think it beyond despite that the President has the right temporarily halt the issuance of all visas. Trump should do this.
--

Yeah, but a judge would over-rule him.

Becuase judges rule the US, not a Republican president.

/it's a new world baby! Judicial Resistance!!!

Posted by: shibumi at March 15, 2017 07:38 PM (FkAXz)

326 Lil bow wow threatens to pimp out Melania, make her "work for us".

That's nice.

Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at March 15, 2017 07:38 PM (OwdyX)

327 The Russians hacked our erections!

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 07:38 PM (oVJmc)

328
Yeah, but a judge would over-rule him.

How many divisions does this judge have?

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 15, 2017 07:39 PM (lKyWE)

329 305 http://bit.ly/2noSvH4

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at March 15, 2017 07:29 PM (wB8Tg)


I never, ever go to Google. A blind link to Google is not cool.

Posted by: Ed Anger at March 15, 2017 07:39 PM (TJx8f)

330 Trump needs to have Schumer's severed hands nailed to the Senate doors.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 07:39 PM (LTHVh)

331 Lil bow wow threatens to pimp out Melania, make her "work for us".


Femynyst outrage in 5...4...3...2....NEVER.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 07:40 PM (oVJmc)

332 Isn't Lil Bow Wow like 35 now?

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 07:41 PM (LTHVh)

333 It seems like he should just be Bow.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 07:41 PM (LTHVh)

334 Just checked the opinion. Standing is based on people not being able to come to the University and some guys relative not being able to come visit. None have a visa. None have tried to get a visa with the waiver provision in the new Executive Order.

But the decision doesn't say that any of these folks get a visa, just that the EO is unenforceable. So if they're extreme vetted few and maybe none get in.

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:41 PM (SIY7D)

335 He goes by Bow Wow now apparently but I've heard the ladies still call him lil.

Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at March 15, 2017 07:42 PM (OwdyX)

336 Basically, they declare that a decision based on animus is invalid.
...and because they will manufacture that animus regardless of any real grounds, I'd say "choosing one's words carefully" in the futile hope of staving off the inevitable is a fools errand.

Permitting the left to make their decisions this way as long as they left us a little leeway if we minded our Ps and Qs, solidifying their power, was a horrible idea and could not carry on forever.

I frankly don't mind that "we" set out to pick a fight on this one.

Posted by: Sporkatus at March 15, 2017 07:42 PM (eXSOZ)

337 "Climate change is impacting stability in areas of the world where our troops are operating today"

Posted by: I'm a Mad Dog at March 15, 2017 07:43 PM (XNNr5)

338 Drudge links Daily Beast story that McCain is now accusing Rand Paul of 'working for Putin.' Time for Maaavrick to go to a quiet room for his remaining years.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 07:43 PM (oVJmc)

339 Nude Judicial Usurpation thread.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at March 15, 2017 07:43 PM (LTHVh)

340 Posted by: CaliGirl at March 15, 2017 06:48 PM (u8Ywb)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't know what a fleshlight is.

No way I'm Googling the word. I'm 56 and I've already learned more things at AOSHQ then I did on the elementary school playground and in college put together.

Posted by: Michael the TEXIT at March 15, 2017 07:44 PM (nvMvs)

341 Drudge links Daily Beast story that McCain is now accusing Rand Paul of 'working for Putin.' Time for Maaavrick to go to a quiet room for his remaining years.
Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 15, 2017 07:43 PM (oVJmc)

Yup....Luap Dnar needs to go smack the old bastard around a bit and make him apologize.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at March 15, 2017 07:45 PM (5VlCp)

342 As an old glazier, I can tell you that the govt puts glass in federal buildings to stop microwave spying, it's no secret.Special metal coatings take care of that along with laminating.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 15, 2017 07:45 PM (6Ll1u)

343 1. It's Canadian.
2. It's a dildo.
3. Calling it "smart" does not make it so.
4. He/she who shells out $$ for this are, by definition, not smart.
5. If you can't figure out how to work a vibrator without instructions, you probably shouldn't be using one.
6. If your vibrator requires your email to work, it isn't just a vibrator and you are probably not gonna be happy about the results.
7. What ever happened to having sex? Like, with a spouse? Pretty sure sex should be kept between two people, and not some dork in Canada reading your printout.

Posted by: tcn in AK at March 15, 2017 07:45 PM (cm1Bl)

344 Ignoramus, I find not a scintilla of comfort in all of your forecast developments (which may be spot-on).


Nothing will be "cleaned up" unless SCOTUS issues a clear and comprehensive ruling (and not 5-4) that the constitution and statute must be followed, and no courts are allowed to usurp executive power in national security or other areas, and there is no such thing as "standing" for blocking or altering policy decisions that are lawful.


Regardless, the fact the courts weren't repudiated from the start on this has done tremendous damage to the rule of law.

Posted by: rhomboid at March 15, 2017 07:48 PM (QDnY+)

345 What's especially pernicious is the Hawaii district judge purporting to make his ruling have nationwide effect.

This is a problem.


Its a HUGE fucking problem that in a post-9/11 world we have idiot-judges acting on motions from idiot-lawyers who pretend to be more worried about "tourism" and "1st-amendment rights" of NON-CITIZENS (HINT: THERE ARE NONE, YOU STUPID FUCKS) than the protection of our country and its people.

When the revolution comes in earnest, I hope this stupid fuckers are the first ones placed against the wall.

Posted by: Crusader at March 15, 2017 07:48 PM (ewSN2)

346 I never, ever go to Google. A blind link to Google is not cool.

Posted by: Ed Anger at March 15, 2017 07:39 PM (TJx8f) fnord (TJx8f)


And yet you followed a blind link. Don't blame me.

Hey, I would prefer descriptive links, but most are too long.

It's a search for animated gifs of speechless people, which seemed inappropriate to explain in detail, because not speechless in that case.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at March 15, 2017 07:50 PM (wB8Tg)

347 Ninth Circuit said that Trump had a Bad Heart and upheld Seattle's knocking down the Old Order.
Hawaii judge says the same thing about the New Order, ignoring the changes that were made, because Trump still has a Bad Heart.
So the Hawaii judge addresses, well, what must Trump do to not have a Bad Heart, so that he can do what Congress has already authorized him to do.

Answer is in footnote 17. Basically a public and abject apology by Trump to Muslims is required. And he must bring them a shrubbery

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:50 PM (SIY7D)

348 Hawaii judge says the same thing about the New Order, ignoring the changes that were made, because Trump still has a Bad Heart.

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 15, 2017 07:50 PM (SIY7D) fnord (SIY7D)


He has shifty eyes, and frankly the judge doesn't like the look of his mouth.

That's how court decisions are made these days. "This is unconstitutional because I don't like you."

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at March 15, 2017 07:54 PM (wB8Tg)

349
Kinda passive-aggressive, aintcha, ace?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at March 15, 2017 07:58 PM (v1g1+)

350
Dildojack
?

Wasn't that an early 70s movie with the song, "One Tin Soldier"? Hippies, martial arts and all that sort of shit?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at March 15, 2017 08:00 PM (v1g1+)

351 "I mean, duh. What are you, a dildo?"


Phony pricks abound.


Posted by: Miley, the Duchess, daywalking on the Ides of March at March 15, 2017 08:07 PM (tHwdc)

352 We need fresh water and malaria control. What kinds of problems are you facing today?

Sincerely,

Posted by: The Third World at March 15, 2017 08:18 PM (Ndje9)

353 My moral compass got hacked!!!.

Posted by: Cate Blanchett at March 15, 2017 08:49 PM (0i9eW)

354 "I've seen the dumb versions in action, and they seemed to work just fine."

I take it there were busty lesbians involved?

Posted by: Prothonotary Warbler. Welcome to Trumpdome, bitch! at March 15, 2017 08:59 PM (0OG8D)

355 Just the tip jar?
Posted by: hogmartin at March 15, 2017 07:37 PM


Dude. "Just the tip, I promise" has worked for at least 650,000 years.

Posted by: Ogg at March 15, 2017 08:59 PM (DMUuz)

356 128
When theRussians hack it and go to full Putin mode does it annex the Vulva?
Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at March 15, 2017 06:51 PM (lKyWE)

It plays Song of the Vulva Boatmen

Posted by: Minuteman at March 15, 2017 09:14 PM (0i9eW)

357 Is this covered under Trump Care? Asking for a friend.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at March 15, 2017 09:36 PM (l0lja)

358 This is why I love you Ace.
Your manic spells slay me.
Damn. Ima tip ya for this one bro.
'Bout payup time anyways.

Posted by: Cluebat at March 15, 2017 11:17 PM (9WTDY)

359 I'm glad you did post it; you are a good writer and you gave me several good laughs.

Posted by: Cathy at March 16, 2017 11:30 AM (+0c6m)

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