Food Thread: The Time I Got Spagheti Sauce On The Ceiling, And Other Bedtime Stories

I screw up about once a week. Maybe more. But I have been cooking long enough that I can usually repair the damage without much trouble. My worst was probably early in my cooking days; I had just bought a copy of Marcella Hazan's wonderful The Classic Italian Cook Book: The Art of Italian Cooking and the Italian Art of Eating, and I desperately wanted to make Osso Buco Milanese. It's a bit of a pain, but I figured I could do it with some luck, and a lot of time. The only complication was that I had to go to work, so the plan was to cook it most of the way, then turn off the oven, go to work, return and reheat, and all would be right in the world.

So I skipped over to The Berkeley Bowl, where I bought the ingredients, including some very pricey (at least for me) veal shanks. The preparation went well, and as I put the pot into the oven I thought that I was quite the chef! And I was, until I got back into my car after work and realized that I had not turned off the oven before I had left. I think there was about one ounce of salvageable meat on the eight shanks I had cooked.

Oh....before I started using an immersion blender to make salad dressing, I used to shake it in a jar. Easy and quick, although I strongly suggest that if you use the shaking method to make sure that the top is on securely. And on an unrelated note, it takes several coats of primer to mask oil stains on the ceiling.

So what was your worst?

******

Caipirinhas are great! And the won't break the bank, because cachaça is cheap. Daniel Boulud's Caipirinha is a fine recipe. But let's face it, it's a simple drink. Try this....4:1 cachaça:lime juice, and simple syrup to taste. Then garnish with more lime and use lots of ice. You could muddle the lime in the bottom of the glass for some more of the lime essence from the skin. Or not.

It's one of the many conceits of the current crop of mixologists that they know better. Well...they don't. The best Caipirinha in the world is the one YOU like! If you want it sweeter or more tart or stronger or weaker? Sure. Make it. Life's too short to drink somebody else's drink.

******
For solid, simple recipes, it's hard to go wrong with Dad Cooks Dinner, the website of Mike Vrobel, an enthusiastic amateur cook who happens to write better recipes than most professional chefs. Pressure Cooker Buffalo Chicken Wings seems a bit odd, but the dude knows his stuff, so if anyone out there wants to try this recipe and report back to the horde.....

Vrobel didn't go to culinary school or apprentice in a three-star restaurant kitchen, so his technique is self-taught, and based on the needs of a home cook, not modified from professional technique by a professional chef for the mythical typical amateur. He also writes comfortably and has a sense of humor. Good stuff.

******
So...which of you pepper planters will identify this plant for a Moronette in need? Platinum Membership with ampersand utility (back ordered) and Troll-B-Gon for the first to name it correctly.

Why does New Mexico grow such marvelous chiles? I have read that there is a direct relationship between total temperature and spiciness, but is there something about New Mexico in addition to perfect weather? because there are other parts of the country that have similar weather, but not those marvelous chiles!

******
I love going to bars. I love drinking in bars. I even enjoy shooting the breeze with bartenders. But not this guy.Rethinking the Modern Bartender Dude...get over yourself. It's a bar. You make drinks and serve food. Can it be a career? Absolutely. And there are bartenders who are fantastic at what they do. Just like there are coders and nurses and carpenters and gas station attendants and cab drivers and bloggers and.....

Here's my message: as bartenders, we are lights. We've been given an incredible platform -- both behind the bar and beyond it. Now the question is: What kind of light will you shine? Will you speak up against the problems in our industry? Will you use your education to educate your peers and your customers? The answer to these questions will determine the future of our industry. Being a modern bartender isn't about being the light that burns the brightest -- it's about being the light that burns the longest. How long will you burn?

Right. I'll have a beer and a bourbon chaser. And hold the message.

******

Yup...you were right. I made Ina Garten's Cranberry-Orange scones, and they were great! Still too fine a crumb, but they were excellent, and pretty easy to make.

******
Workmen's cafe overwhelmed with customers after it is accidentally awarded a Michelin star

Véronique Jacquet, the café owner who works behind the bar, said: “Suddenly, we were rushed off our feet. Reporters were coming in and then my son phoned me from Paris, where he lives. He almost died laughing. I had regulars and friends phoning up and asking why I hadn’t told them we’d won a Michelin star.”
Mrs Jacquet’s cook, Penelope Salmon, said she had never dreamed of winning a Michelin star, but added: “I put my heart into my cooking.”
“This place is worth not just one but two stars,” a satisfied customer told French TV.
The listing was changed on the Michelin website, but not until two days later. Aymeric Dreux, the chef of the pricier restaurant, also took the mistake with good humour. “I phoned Madame Jacquet in Bourges,” he told the Daily Telegraph. “We had a good laugh about it and I invited her to come to the restaurant to sample what we do. If I’m in her neck of the woods, I’ll pop in for lunch and a beer at her place.”

******
Cheese cake is made with cream cheese. Oh, there are variations that are made with ricotta, but the best cheese cake is made with cream cheese...it says so in the Bible.

The origins of this recipe are lost in the mists of time...I think it was a Tyler Florence recipe that I modified.

If you don't have a jigglemeter, at 65 minutes shake the pan gently and observe the jiggle. it should move slightly, but not slosh around.

Lemon Cheese Cake
Crust:

2 1/2 cups finely ground (use a food processor) graham crackers (about 40 squares)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon (Add to graham crackers while processing)
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted (or more if you like the taste of butter)

Filling:

3 (8-ounce) blocks cream cheese, room temperature
1 1/2 cup sugar
4-5 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Zest of 2 lemons, finely grated
1 1/2 pints sour cream

To prepare crumb crust: In a mixing bowl or the food processor, combine the crust ingredients together until evenly moistened. Lightly coat the bottom and sides of a 11-inch springform pan with non-stick cooking spray. Firmly press the mixture over the bottom and 1-inch up the sides on the pan, use your fingers or the smooth bottom of a glass. Refrigerate the crust while preparing the filling.

To prepare filling: In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese on medium speed for 1 to 2 minutes until smooth. Gradually add the sugar and beat until creamy, 2 to 3 minutes. Periodically scrape down the sides of the bowl and the beaters. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, and continue to beat until combined. Stir in the vanilla and lemon zest. Blend in the sour cream. Scrape down the sides again. The batter should be well mixed, without any lumps. The traditional technique is to beat as little as possible so that the batter doesn't have too much air in it and then crack while baking. That has never happened to me, and I think that the texture is better if the batter is well beaten. Just don't use the fastest speed on your mixer. Pour filling into the crust-lined pan.

Place springform pan on a baking sheet and bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 65 minutes. The cheesecake should still jiggle, it will firm up after chilling. Be careful not to overcook! Do not do a toothpick test in the cake's center, just trust your clock and your jigglemeter. Let cool in the pan for 30 minutes. Chill in the refrigerator, loosely covered, for at least 4 hours to set up. Un-mold and transfer to a cake plate. Slice the cheesecake with a thin, non-serrated knife that has been dipped in hot water and wiped dry after each cut. Do not garnish with fruit, because the bible says that cream cheese with fruit is an abomination.

Posted by: CBD at 04:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Now I'm hungry

Posted by: Flyboy at February 19, 2017 03:55 PM (bUjWk)

2 You don't use beer in a Flambeau

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 03:57 PM (HDU3V)

3 There is something wonderful about those old-time ads.

Lemon cheesecake - yum.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 03:57 PM (Ivjge)

4 I burned the beer.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at February 19, 2017 03:58 PM (IqV8l)

5 it takes several coats of primer to mask oil stains on the ceiling.

So what was your worst?

I am surprised you could get paint to stick to it with out sanding it down past bare wood. My worst experiment was candied sweet potatoes.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 19, 2017 03:59 PM (mpXpK)

6 I assume Flambeau is a gay bar in northern Wisconsin?

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 03:59 PM (XdJYX)

7 I've burned plenty of things over the years. And yes, as a young cook, I did leave the gizzards and neck in the turkey one time.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:00 PM (Ivjge)

8 an "Italian" restaurant near the housing area down the road from McGraw Kaserne ( Munich )

trots all night

Posted by: Billy Occam at February 19, 2017 04:00 PM (ihtYN)

9 I make Caipirinhas using Roses Lime Juice instead. Tastes Great!!

*ducks...runs...serpentine, serpentine*

Posted by: Bruce at February 19, 2017 04:00 PM (8ikIW)

10 Mine was putting some very nice pork chops in the smoker and forgetting to put water in the pan over the coals. On the plus side i could use them to resole my boots.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at February 19, 2017 04:01 PM (le7jz)

11 BTW, my ceiling is that "celotex" stuff and it would be ruined.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 19, 2017 04:02 PM (mpXpK)

12 I once forgot about a Pop Tart in the toaster oven. The toast switch jammed and it caught fire.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:02 PM (0mRoj)

13 How to pronounce 'cachaca' ?

http://tinyurl.com/gtcz9hz

Posted by: Mortimer, Finish Her! at February 19, 2017 04:03 PM (KgpWR)

14 Just spitballing, but those look a lot like pequin peppers. Leaf, fruit, and bush shape are similar, and pequins grow pointing up.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:03 PM (8nWyX)

15 I read that cachaca is a alcohol made with sugar cane juice.
What is the flavor like?
It would be nice for another summer cocktail.
Thanks

Posted by: Bruce at February 19, 2017 04:03 PM (8ikIW)

16 The latest burn job was a few months ago I made this crumb cake with a recipe that was simply lovely. My stove had a button for "Bake" and automatically sets to 350, unless you change it. I just hit the button, 'cause that's what I needed. Didn't look as I did it and hit "Broil" instead. Walked out of the room to vacuum. Was startled when I started smelling smoke. The cake was blackened 3/4 of the way down.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:06 PM (Ivjge)

17 A large stainless steel skillet lid sealed itself to the skillet cooking ravioli, it was on high heat and as it looked like it was going to hit flash point tossed it in the sink. The lid imploded, pushed out the center handle and while happened over 25 years ago still use it today.

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 04:07 PM (HDU3V)

18 Bird's eye chilis!

You can't make a proper Thai dish without those and a rough stone mortar and pestle.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 04:07 PM (XdJYX)

19 Here's my message: as bartenders, we are lights. We've been given an incredible platform -- both behind the bar and beyond it. Now the question is: What kind of light will you shine? Will you speak up against the problems in our industry? Will you use your education to educate your peers and your customers? The answer to these questions will determine the future of our industry. Being a modern bartender isn't about being the light that burns the brightest -- it's about being the light that burns the longest. How long will you burn?

Right. I'll have a beer and a bourbon chaser. And hold the message.

--Did anyone else read the line about "an incredible platform" and immediately hear your SJW alarm start blaring?

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 04:07 PM (GsAUU)

20 I think everyone has had the salad dressing shaker accident at least once. My worst mess was from opening a warm bottle of gingerly that might have been a little shaken. Geez, I was still finding little specks of dried old months later. Did that stuff fly.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 04:08 PM (jm1YL)

21 Pork tenderloin cut into largish cubes, marinating in Grenadine, vinegar, red wine, and minced onions.

Cookout with angel and angel-clan. They love the pork shashlik, yes they do.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at February 19, 2017 04:08 PM (Y5s72)

22 Those look like bird pepper chiles. My office mate's Filipina wife used to make a faboo green papaya salad with them.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:08 PM (EnKk6)

23 My worst public recipe disaster was the time I made cookies and decided I needed nuts for crunch. I didn't have nuts so I added uncooked rice thinking that would work and didn't try them till I got to work.
(minute rice might have worked better . . .)

Other than that, sticking pizzas, breads that came out unleavened and lumpy cream gravies that looked like spaetzele in alfredo sauce.

Posted by: Kindltot at February 19, 2017 04:09 PM (XMCn6)

24 New Mexico grows great chiles because they do the research and development there.

https://cpi.nmsu.edu/

Posted by: huerfano at February 19, 2017 04:09 PM (jkkMG)

25 And yeah, fuck that little ight of yours you're gonna let shine --let's talk about sports or drinks. I visit a bar specifically *not* to discuss heavy topics, unless I'm with a close friend or family.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 04:09 PM (GsAUU)

26 Two worst meals I ever made:

Stockpot lid. Buttered two slices of bread, put some cheese between them, added a dash of garlic powder and white pepper, and put them in the frying pan and turned on the stove. There was a saucepan lid on the back burner to cover it once the bread was toasted, to make sure the cheese had melted. Stepped out to the patio for a quick cigarette, came back in, and discovered that the cheesy sammich was not particularly warm but the saucepan lid was glowing red because I had turned on the wrong burner :facepalm:

Radicchio and fingertip salad. Those guards that come with your mandoline slicer? You should probably use them when you're shredding radicchio into your salad. It was not tasty and my blood would not stay on the inside.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:09 PM (8nWyX)

27 My worst blunder was the night I put a (frozen) pumpkin pie in a 400 degree oven, forgot about it and went to bed.

When I woke up the next morning, my little apartment kitchen was all orange --- ceiling, floor, walls, cabinets, counters, fridge. Everything was coated in a pumpkin glaze.

The pie itself? A shriveled hockey puck --- except even blacker.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at February 19, 2017 04:10 PM (Nox3c)

28 Caipirinhas have always intrigued me.

i need to try one.

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 04:10 PM (WIU1V)

29 I'm making chili for dinner. And that's all I'll say about it. I don't want to go down that rabbit hole what ingredients are or aren't in "real" chili.

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 04:10 PM (ANIFC)

30 Isn't that pepper named some sort of upturned pepper? I remember reading that is always grows upwards toward the sun. Unlike other peppers.

Posted by: Infidel at February 19, 2017 04:11 PM (ByNzS)

31 Cashaca tastes like rum with a sugar burn - that burn you get with cotton candy.

It's OK, but I prefer Pisco. In shots.

Posted by: Kindltot at February 19, 2017 04:12 PM (XMCn6)

32 @26: "Those guards that come with your mandoline slicer?"

There's a reason why everyone cringes on competitive cooking shows when they see someone else rushing with a mandoline.

They're the Chekhov's gun of culinary horror stories.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 04:13 PM (XdJYX)

33 Ina Garten may be cruel to children with incurable diseases, but her recipe for coconut cake is to die for.

Oh, wait a second . . .

But seriously, wifey makes it for my birthday every year and it is one of my all time favorite things.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:13 PM (mbhDw)

34 No horror stories. But I did buy a Dutch oven this week. It made a wonderful beef stew from a cheap cut of beef. I froze half of it. Next up is ham and split pea soup, which I'll freeze most of. Then onto chicken stew, which I'll freeze most of.

Once spring hits, and warmer temps I won't feel like cooking so much, but defrosting and reheating will be easy.

A massive outlay of around twenty five bucks for the Dutch oven. Considering it should last forever, that's pennies per year.

Posted by: E Depluribus Juan at February 19, 2017 04:13 PM (ZFUt7)

35 @hogmartin

Damn man, put a warning on that shit...

I'm curled up in a ball right now.

Posted by: browndog at February 19, 2017 04:13 PM (bGMOs)

36 My pressure cooker popped the lead relief plug and blew pea juice all over my 10' ceiling. Had to repaint the entire ceiling.

My son put a Pop Tart in the VHS player but he was just a little kid.

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at February 19, 2017 04:14 PM (zJths)

37 Sure I've burned stuff. Everybody starts something on the stove, forgets, and goes to the library for a few hours, right?

Most recent disaster involved icing a cake before it had sufficiently cooled. Top layer slid right onto the kitchen floor. Oh well, says I, I'll say it's a single layer cake! I then somehow turned and knocked that layer onto the floor.

Ended up bringing a bottle of vodka to the party.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:14 PM (EnKk6)

38 My worst cooking mishap involved me trying to create homemade donuts by frying biscuits from a tube in a skillet *full* of hot oil. I pushed the oil over the ignition point when I dropped the first biscuit in, which resulted in a three foot high gout of flame. By the time I remembered how to put out a fire, the face of the microwave oven mounted over the stove was melted.

Posted by: mikethegrate at February 19, 2017 04:14 PM (tBldh)

39 29 I'm making chili for dinner. And that's all I'll say about it. I don't want to go down that rabbit hole what ingredients are or aren't in "real" chili.
Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 04:10 PM

Bwah!!!
You are a smart, smart chef.

Posted by: voiceover at February 19, 2017 04:15 PM (BFF7W)

40 New Mexico leads the country in chile production (yes, that's how we spell it) & we have the world's foremost chile researchers: http://cpi.nmsu.edu/

Chile harvest season is BIG here, every store will be selling it, along with roadside stands, roasters going all day long. The smell is wonderful.

You might be a New Mexican if you have a freezer just for green chile

Posted by: Fred Weldon at February 19, 2017 04:15 PM (GuPwg)

41 I get a couple of Anaheim pepper plants every year, sometimes they are mild hot, once in a while very hot, often one of each. Don't know why.

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 04:15 PM (HDU3V)

42 Caipirinhas have always intrigued me.

i need to try one.
Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 04:10 PM (WIU1V)

I understand they are the world's largest rodent. I think they have a different name in Spanish. Coypu?

Posted by: Kindltot at February 19, 2017 04:15 PM (XMCn6)

43 32 @26: "Those guards that come with your mandoline slicer?"

There's a reason why everyone cringes on competitive cooking shows when they see someone else rushing with a mandoline.

They're the Chekhov's gun of culinary horror stories.
Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 04:13 PM (XdJYX)

Wifey bought the genuine article from Sur La Table and I can't get the thing to work for the life of me. That said, I bout an el-cheapo one from some place called Farm and Fleet whilst in Wisconsin for the holidays and the thing lasted about 18 months. Hey, for something that was under $20 bucks and sliced "waffer theeen" I thought it was a good deal.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:16 PM (mbhDw)

44 Do not garnish with fruit, because the bible says that cream cheese with fruit is an abomination.

++++

Is lemon no longer a fruit? Something like Pluto and the planets. It got kicked out for no being fruity enough...

Anyway, Raspberry Cheesecake is da bomb. I guess that's why I'm agnostic.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at February 19, 2017 04:16 PM (R+30W)

45 28 Caipirinhas have always intrigued me.

i need to try one.
Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 04:10 PM (WIU1V)

--They're better in the summer.

I prefer to muddle the limes; I've bought booze for caipirinhas that actually came with a little wooden pestle just for that purpose.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 04:16 PM (GsAUU)

46 29 I'm making chili for dinner. And that's all I'll say about it. I don't want to go down that rabbit hole what ingredients are or aren't in "real" chili.
Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 04:10 PM (ANIFC)

You putting carrots in it, aren't you.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:16 PM (0mRoj)

47 Copybaras?

Rodent or cocktail? Or both?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:16 PM (EnKk6)

48 Hmm, my cheesecakes always crack.
Doesn't bother me a bit.
Gives places for the blueberry or cherry topping juices to run down into it.
Thou shalt not have cheesecake without cherries or blueberries on top. I gave thee the cherry and the blueberry for all manner of enjoyment.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 04:17 PM (mzTVj)

49 Cheesecake is awesome in pretty much whatever iteration. Turtle is my favorite.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:18 PM (0mRoj)

50 So are you just taunting us with that headline about spaghetti sauce on the ceiling, or what?

Also, your Bible is different from mine. Fruit definitely goes with cheesecake, if you have to have cheesecake, which I don't.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:18 PM (sBOL1)

51 47 Copybaras?

Rodent or cocktail? Or both?
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:16 PM (EnKk6)

Copious Bras. Make mine a double. D.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:18 PM (mbhDw)

52 I've got lamb stew burbling in the crock pot. Made it with Moroccan spices. We'll see in a few hours if it is up to snuff.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:18 PM (EnKk6)

53 My biggest kitchen mishap? Well, one time they let me take the cork off of my fork. Stabbed myself in the forehead.

Posted by: Joe Biden at February 19, 2017 04:19 PM (kTF2Z)

54
Mojitos and caipirinhas are delicious going down. But the sugar content makes for a rather nasty hangover the next day.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:19 PM (mbhDw)

55 Copious Bras. Make mine a double. D.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:18 PM (mbhDw)
---
They say the proper serving glass was modeled on Kit Natividad.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:19 PM (EnKk6)

56
Anybody know where you can get some AA guns? I wish I had one. There's a little airstrip nearby and a couple of joy flyers are hotdogging it overhead. They're going around in circles, chasing each other, flying low and loud.

They've made about 10 passes right over my head and it's getting annoying.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at February 19, 2017 04:19 PM (DW+jj)

57 I remember my great aunt telling me about the time she blew bean soup al over her ceiling and kitchen when her pressure cooker went kaboom.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 04:20 PM (jm1YL)

58 CBD, do you still live in the Bay Area?

Posted by: Taco Shack at February 19, 2017 04:20 PM (C+qQ0)

59 52 I've got lamb stew burbling in the crock pot. Made it with Moroccan spices. We'll see in a few hours if it is up to snuff.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:18 PM (EnKk6)

Curses! I love lamb, and of course food in a tagine makes it that much more betterer.

There is a fantastic recipe for lamb meatballs cooked in a tagine from BBC chef Rick Stein. Definitely good but is recipe for lamb stuffed aubergine (eggplant) is amazing. And dead easy too.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM (mbhDw)

60 My worst cooking experience is when I put all the ingredients for a simple beef stew in a crockpot, which was sitting on my stove top.

I turned the stove burner "on" instead of the crockpot button and walked away only to return in about 10 minutes as I smelled burning plastic to find my crockpot base had melted to my stove top.

Be careful out there.....

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM (5VlCp)

61 Blender without a lid.

If you haven't done that once yourself, then you've never really lived.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM (XdJYX)

62 58 CBD, do you still live in the Bay Area?
Posted by: Taco Shack at February 19, 2017 04:20 PM (C+qQ0)

Does Raritan Bay count?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM (mbhDw)

63 Wifey bought the genuine article from Sur La Table and I can't get the thing to work for the life of me. That said, I bout an el-cheapo one from some place called Farm and Fleet whilst in Wisconsin for the holidays and the thing lasted about 18 months. Hey, for something that was under $20 bucks and sliced "waffer theeen" I thought it was a good deal.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:16 PM (mbhDw)

You're in NYC, yeah? The best ones I've used were from the oriental marts that sell things like bowls and utensils and butane tabletop hotpot cookers and the like. The one I still have and use (and is the reason I have no sensation on the tip of my right ring finger) came with three different sized inserts to do a sort of julienne too. I don't think you could get the blade out to sharpen it, but it's cheap enough that you could just get a new one.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM (8nWyX)

64 Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:14 PM (EnKk6)

+++

I have learned my lesson quite well as far as completely cooling a cake before icing. Have done the same thing.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM (Ivjge)

65 that's a good one mikethegrate

my worst was when i was about 7.
unsupervised, carefully measured all ingredients for cookies.

took a bite after baking and realized i had put 1 CUP of SALT instead of sugar.

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 04:22 PM (WIU1V)

66 That "Modern Bartender" guy sounds like he's never bartended even though he claims to be one.

Most customer's don't want you talking at them.

They either want their drinks pronto. They may want to use you as a psychiatrist listening to them bitch while dispensing delicious adult beverages. They may want to flirt with you and for you to flirt back. They may want to tell you how they didn't want to be gay but their uncle/coach/etc molested them when they were young as they get blotto(yes, this happens quite a bit more than you would believe). They may want to eat dinner at the bar and chat a bit as they drink and eat.

But....nobody at all comes to hear you bloviate about politics and social issues.

At. All.

That's one tip-killing sumbitch right there.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 04:22 PM (9q7Dl)

67 Probably my worst kitchen disaster was forgetting to put the sugar in the Thanksgiving pumpkin pie. I didn't really care that much because I don't like pumpkin pie.

Then there was that time I left an entire tray of almond-filled bacon-wrapped dates in the oven without realizing it for who knows how long (it was for a party), turned the oven off, went to bed, and found carbon lumps in the morning.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:22 PM (sBOL1)

68 This reminds me of the time my father was cooking rhubarb in the pressure cooker. Something went screwy with the valve, making him think it had depressurized, so he opened it. Rhubarb everywhere, including the ceiling.

Posted by: Caliban at February 19, 2017 04:23 PM (3GFMN)

69 61 Blender without a lid.

If you haven't done that once yourself, then you've never really lived.
Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM (XdJYX)

+++

Ah, yes. Forgot about that little pureed extravaganza.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:23 PM (Ivjge)

70 "61 Blender without a lid.

If you haven't done that once yourself, then you've never really lived."

Oh yes. Been there done that. More than once.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 04:23 PM (jm1YL)

71 Then there was that time I left an entire tray of almond-filled bacon-wrapped dates in the oven without realizing it for who knows how long (it was for a party), turned the oven off, went to bed, and found carbon lumps in the morning.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:22 PM (sBOL1)
---
"...as I was pulling panties off the chandelier, I noticed the scorch marks on the oven door."

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:24 PM (EnKk6)

72 63 I don't think you could get the blade out to sharpen it, but it's cheap enough that you could just get a new one.
Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM (8nWyX)

Yup, mine was a plastic body with a ceramic blade that was VERY sharp. That said, the blade eventually got dull and the metal edge protector riveted over the blade opening came loose so it was tossed out. Still, gave a lot of use for over a year at very little cost.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:25 PM (mbhDw)

73 Best bartender I ever met was Dave. Dave worked the bar in the Atrium section of Union Station in DC for years. I'd go back there throughout the late 90's and into the '00's. He was always there and after about my third visit always remembered me.
Great guy. Low key, informed and fun. He left after the ownership changed. Was never the same.

Posted by: Diogenes at February 19, 2017 04:25 PM (0tfLf)

74 They say the proper serving glass was modeled on Kit Natividad.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:19 PM (EnKk6)

Kitten Natividad.

The perfect cup size for the "Russ Meyer" Cocktail.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 04:25 PM (9q7Dl)

75 Or flying flour coating everything in your kitchen after you've accidentally switched your mixer to high instead of low.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 04:26 PM (jm1YL)

76 Sorry, 'fakes.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:26 PM (EnKk6)

77 Thou shalt not have cheesecake without cherries or blueberries on top. I gave thee the cherry and the blueberry for all manner of enjoyment.
Posted by: teej
---------------

I don't know...
Olive Garden used to have cheesecake that was coated in Ghiradelli chocolate gnosh that was pretty amazing.
No cherries needed.

Posted by: Chi at February 19, 2017 04:26 PM (rUhXo)

78 My daughter was a bartender while going to college. I don't think she'd wish that job on her worst enemy. Absolutely hated it. Tips: Outstanding.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:26 PM (Ivjge)

79 But my longest streak of mistakes was 3 in 48 hours.

First, I melted 12 ounces of the wrong kind of chocolate for a dessert I was making. To fix it, I wound up with the equivalent of 18 ounces of chocolate and super-huge molten lava cakes, but no one complained.

36 hours later, I was making muffins for my son to take somewhere and after they were in the oven I noticed the butter I was supposed to put in them was still on the island (they also had oil in them, so they still tasted okay, just low-fat).

Then 12 hours after that, I was making a chocolate cake and giving it the final beating and about to pour it in the pan when I realized it didn't look very chocolaty, and saw the cocoa powder that had been pushed off to the side. Fortunately, that one I caught before it went into the oven.

And yes - that was all in this past week. They've taken the keys to the kitchen away from me.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:27 PM (sBOL1)

80 >>>I understand they are the world's largest rodent. I think they have a different name in Spanish. Coypu

actually it was a large rodent that got me interested...long ago, on bourdain's no reservations

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 04:27 PM (WIU1V)

81 The first time I made Thanksgiving dinner, using Mom's instructions. She made gravy by shaking broth with flour in a peanut butter jar, instead of the roux method.

She neglected to tell me to separate the fat from the broth, and of course it rises to the top. So my gravy looked like brains. Fortunately I started again and got some acceptable gravy for the second batch.

Oh, and my first and only turkey in Sweden. I paid 80 bucks for the damned thing. As it roasted in the oven, I waited for that delicious smell. Instead, all I smelled was soap.

They washed the damn thing in soap before they sold it to me. Swedes are damned heathens - the muzzies can have them.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 04:27 PM (tHwdc)

82 52 I've got lamb stew burbling in the crock pot. Made it with Moroccan spices. We'll see in a few hours if it is up to snuff.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:18 PM (EnKk6)

Little pinch between cheek and gum...

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:28 PM (0mRoj)

83 When I use my V-Slicer, I always wear an oven mitt, even if I'm using the safety dealio. Just extra stupidity insurance.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at February 19, 2017 04:29 PM (kTF2Z)

84 Olive Garden used to have cheesecake that was coated in Ghiradelli chocolate gnosh that was pretty amazing.
No cherries needed.
Posted by: Chi at February 19, 2017 04:26 PM (rUhXo)

Ganache?

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:29 PM (0mRoj)

85 My Mom once threw a pork chop at my Dad's head, she missed and it splatted against the wall. We had a pork chop stain on our wall for the remainder of the time they owned the house.

Posted by: BuckIV at February 19, 2017 04:29 PM (CLfqv)

86 Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:24 PM (EnKk6)
-------------

I couldn't see them because I still had the lampshade on my head.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:29 PM (sBOL1)

87 83 When I use my V-Slicer, I always wear an oven mitt, even if I'm using the safety dealio. Just extra stupidity insurance.
Posted by: Duke Lowell at February 19, 2017 04:29 PM (kTF2Z)

You could use one of those chain-mail oyster shucking gloves.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:30 PM (0mRoj)

88 78 My daughter was a bartender while going to college. I don't think she'd wish that job on her worst enemy. Absolutely hated it. Tips: Outstanding.
Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:26 PM (Ivjge)

Years ago, a buddy of mine worked at a Michelin-starred place here called Cafe des Artistes. Starched white linen and wait staff in formal wear. You had to memorize the menus and understand what wines were for each dish. Working there was a career. One night, he waited on a table and the bill was in excess of $8,000. Let's just say that even after being compelled to split his tip with the rest of the staff, which is customary, he came home with some big bucks. But it is a rotten job.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:30 PM (mbhDw)

89 85 My Mom once threw a pork chop at my Dad's head, she missed and it splatted against the wall. We had a pork chop stain on our wall for the remainder of the time they owned the house.
Posted by: BuckIV at February 19, 2017 04:29 PM (CLfqv)

Hopefully your mom got some anger management and impulse control counseling.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:30 PM (0mRoj)

90 Eh, my first wife and I stuck the classic cooking mistake: First turkey was brown on the outside and frozen on the inside.

Posted by: Blake at February 19, 2017 04:31 PM (WEBkv)

91 77 Thou shalt not have cheesecake without cherries or blueberries on top. I gave thee the cherry and the blueberry for all manner of enjoyment.
Posted by: teej
---------------

I don't know...
Olive Garden used to have cheesecake that was coated in Ghiradelli chocolate gnosh that was pretty amazing.
No cherries needed.
Posted by: Chi at February 19, 2017 04:26 PM (rUhXo)

Junior's in Brooklyn.

That is all.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:31 PM (mbhDw)

92 *stuck to (though "stuck" works also) Strange, that.

Posted by: Blake at February 19, 2017 04:31 PM (WEBkv)

93 85 My Mom once threw a pork chop at my Dad's head, she missed and it splatted against the wall. We had a pork chop stain on our wall for the remainder of the time they owned the house.
Posted by: BuckIV at February 19, 2017 04:29 PM (CLfqv)
-----
Wow.

Italian?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:31 PM (EnKk6)

94 I have a question I hope the cooking morons can aid me with. I have a recipe which calls for silken tofu. At the moment, I can only find firm tofu. I have a couple of other sources to check, but if I cannot find it in time, I was thinking I could blend firm tofu with soymilk to approximate the texture.

Do you think this would work, and if so, what would be the proportions?

Posted by: Zaklog the Great at February 19, 2017 04:32 PM (ICFCK)

95 I once made pseudo-spankopita with Pillsbury brand puff pastry, which is not the stupid part. The stupid part is that I brushed them with melted butter before baking them to get a good crust, since, being a gibbering idiot, I didn't realize that puff pastry dough is about 85% butter by weight.

They came out fine; it wasn't a disaster or anything, just dumb.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:33 PM (8nWyX)

96 ***We'll see in a few hours if it is up to snuff.

"Gooder than Garrett and not half as dusty."
-- East Texas saying

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at February 19, 2017 04:33 PM (zJths)

97 Posted by: J.J. Sefton at February 19, 2017 04:30 PM (mbhDw)

+++

Every time you bring up your wife's coconut cake that she bakes for you on your birthday, I keep thinking I'm going to make that cake! One of these days. One of these days.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:33 PM (Ivjge)

98 She's crying because she's being oppressed by the Patriarchy!

Posted by: SJW at February 19, 2017 04:33 PM (W8bn5)

99 Next time you f*uck up your ceiling use Kilz paint. A bit expensive but one coat usually works and two will coverup the goriest murder scene.

Posted by: Jim Kenny at February 19, 2017 04:34 PM (1YMTf)

100 Did anybody else forget to take the giblets packet out of the turkey's butt? Classic rookie mistake.

I notice that they now have the odds and ends in a parchment-like bag instead of plastic. I guess I wasn't the only one.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:34 PM (EnKk6)

101 Do you think this would work, and if so, what would be the proportions?
Posted by: Zaklog the Great at February 19, 2017 04:32 PM (ICFCK)

I'd be more inclined to mechanically mash up the firm tofu than try to mess with the liquid, honestly. What's the recipe?

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:35 PM (8nWyX)

102 94
I have a question I hope the cooking morons can aid me with. I have a
recipe which calls for silken tofu. At the moment, I can only find firm
tofu. I have a couple of other sources to check, but if I cannot find it
in time, I was thinking I could blend firm tofu with soymilk to
approximate the texture.

Do you think this would work, and if so, what would be the proportions?

Posted by: Zaklog the Great at February 19, 2017 04:32 PM (ICFCK)

I know this isn't what you're asking but....tofu and soy milk are really bad for you.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 04:35 PM (Enq6K)

103 Italian?

Irish

Posted by: BuckIV at February 19, 2017 04:35 PM (CLfqv)

104 So glad you liked the scones, CBD! I've been cleaning house from top to bottom today. We have company coming over. I'm making a simple cheat version of jambalaya to feed the crowd.

Posted by: no good deed at February 19, 2017 04:35 PM (hJamr)

105 There are three reasons for watching Giada. Two can be see on the food channel show. The other is her recipe for lemon schrimp pasta.
Damn!

Posted by: Diogenes at February 19, 2017 04:35 PM (0tfLf)

106 Hey Eris,

If I remember correctly, you're a Ken Russell fan.

"The Lair of the White Worm" is now available for purchase on blu-ray should you so desire.

I saw it in a store this week.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 04:36 PM (9q7Dl)

107 Spanakopita! *dances*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdtbqHAi4OY

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:36 PM (EnKk6)

108
You could use one of those chain-mail oyster shucking gloves.
Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:30 PM (

-------------------

Unitasker!

Posted by: Duke Lowell at February 19, 2017 04:36 PM (kTF2Z)

109 94 I have a question I hope the cooking morons can aid me with. I have a recipe which calls for silken tofu. At the moment, I can only find firm tofu. I have a couple of other sources to check, but if I cannot find it in time, I was thinking I could blend firm tofu with soymilk to approximate the texture.

Do you think this would work, and if so, what would be the proportions?

Posted by: Zaklog the Great at February 19, 2017 04:32 PM (ICFCK)

++++

I would say forget about the tofu all together. Substitute bacon.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at February 19, 2017 04:36 PM (R+30W)

110 Hopefully your mom got some anger management and impulse control counseling.

It was a proportionate response. Everything was goodish.

Posted by: BuckIV at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (CLfqv)

111 100 Did anybody else forget to take the giblets packet out of the turkey's butt? Classic rookie mistake.

I notice that they now have the odds and ends in a parchment-like bag instead of plastic. I guess I wasn't the only one.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:34 PM (EnKk6)
=========================================
I believe I've done that with both turkey and whole chicken. I think the size threw me off, which is why it happened.

Posted by: Blake at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (WEBkv)

112 Ganache?
Posted by: Insomniac
--------------
Sure, if you say so.
Autocucumber changed whatever I typed to gnosh & I just went with it.
I'm the guy that thinks eating dark chocolate chips straight from the bag is a gourmet dessert, remember?

Posted by: Chi at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (rUhXo)

113 >>>spankopita

filo?

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (WIU1V)

114 @108: "Unitasker!"

But those gloves can also be used to scrub a cast iron pan with rock salt and oil!

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (XdJYX)

115 That little pepper what grows upward?:

Hot. Effing hot!

(probably not 'too hot' for the snooty million-plus-scoville afficionados, but still...)

And you can sometimes find those plants in the Floral section of major grocery stores (bonus, if you really really need some in winter.) They will have a sticker that says: "Not edible"

Um, yeah. Not that they're *poisonous* mind you, just that they're... "not edible" for most people.

Posted by: JQ Flyover at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (044Fx)

116 Early in our relationship, Mrs. Simple hard-boiled some eggs until they exploded. I'm not sure we ever got all of it off the ceiling.

Posted by: Charles the Simple at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (7jX2E)

117 >>>So what was your worst?

I've forgotten stuff in the oven (or fallen asleep) more times than I care to remember. A few times I burned a whole package of drumsticks. I hate the waste, so I once tried to eat some, but it had the bitter taste of charcoal, and I thought, it's not worth it risking cancer.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (W8bn5)

118 Final snuff joke, I promise.

Grandpa: "There goes Emmanuel Trichel. He's a level headed man."
Me: "whatcha mean?"
Grandpa: "Got snuff running out of both corners of his mouth."

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at February 19, 2017 04:38 PM (zJths)

119 Zaklog, what are you making?

Posted by: Kindltot at February 19, 2017 04:38 PM (XMCn6)

120 Hey Eris,

If I remember correctly, you're a Ken Russell fan.

"The Lair of the White Worm" is now available for purchase on blu-ray should you so desire.

I saw it in a store this week.

Posted by: naturalfake

Hugh Grant's finest work.

"Lord D'Ampton went a-fishin' once, a fishin' in the Weir". That was a catchy tune.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 04:39 PM (W8bn5)

121 101 "What's the recipe?"

It's moo-less chocolate pie by Alton Brown. I've made it before and it's tasty. I'm not making it because I'm a vegetarian or anything like that. I'm making it because it's good.

Posted by: Zaklog the Great at February 19, 2017 04:40 PM (ICFCK)

122 Ina Garten's Baked Shrimp Scampi is also fantastic. My dad requested it regularly while I lived with them for a bit during a deployment. I loved going out to my mom's garden to get the rosemary. http://tinyurl.com/jrscvek

Posted by: no good deed at February 19, 2017 04:40 PM (hJamr)

123
The messiest, not to mention dangerous, thing I've done in the kitchen of late was some flash-boil incidents. I had a frying pan that was bad to do that somehow. I don't know what the cause really was, but it was really bad to do that on one of the eyes under a certain condition with the lid on

It was reheating some steaks with lots of fat floating on top of liquid water that would collect. The water would superheat and then flash boil when the pan was disturbed.

I nearly crapped my pants one time. I was reheating some pieces of steak one night, and grabbed the handle and BOOM! It blew the lid a few inches off the top and splattered grease and hot water all over me and everything. Luckily, it didn't burn me bad, but it could have. But it made a mess.

That put the fear of God in me about that.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at February 19, 2017 04:40 PM (DW+jj)

124 First time I used a Blender for the final step of potato leek soup, Ilearned a valuable lesson.

Posted by: garrett at February 19, 2017 04:41 PM (p+Qx5)

125 Did anybody else forget to take the giblets packet out of the turkey's butt? Classic rookie mistake.

I notice that they now have the odds and ends in a parchment-like bag instead of plastic. I guess I wasn't the only one.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:34 PM (EnKk6)

We've had a sort of tradition where mom preps and brines the turkey and I smoke it. Two years ago, my sister and now-BiL came up for Thanksgiving at my house, so I did the prep myself. It turns out that putting the frozen turkey into the refrigerator 2 days before smoking it means that the cavity is still a block of ice, and panicky warm water baths and other Hail-Mary stuff will ensue. The skin ended up crisp and it had a smoky flavor, plus numerous probe and infrared thermometer readings showed it was well into the safe region, but it was like eating gummy raw turkey with smoke flavor.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:41 PM (8nWyX)

126 Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 04:36 PM (9q7Dl)
---

Hmmm. Maaayyyyybe.

Ken's films are so trippy I think I must be misremembering them through youthful puce-colored glasses, then I see them again 20 years later and yep, still delightfully trashy.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:41 PM (EnKk6)

127 I know this isn't what you're asking but....tofu and soy milk are really bad for you.
Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 04:35 PM (Enq6K)

Turns you into a girl.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:42 PM (0mRoj)

128 116 Early in our relationship, Mrs. Simple hard-boiled some eggs until they exploded. I'm not sure we ever got all of it off the ceiling.
Posted by: Charles the Simple at February 19, 2017 04:37 PM (7jX2E)

+++

Bet it smelled really, really good for a long while, too.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:43 PM (Ivjge)

129 Oh hey, here's a delicious cocktail I had at Rao's last week-

The New Yorker

1� ounce Skyy Vodka Moscato Grape
� ounce St-Germain
1 ounce fresh lemon juice
3 basil leaves

Add ice, shake and strain into a cocktail glass.

You can garnish with a basil leaf if you wish. But, I don't think it's necessary.

If you want it a bit sweeter add some simple syrup.

Very nice, well-balanced cocktail. Good for The Ladies, I think.

Kinda reminds me of a subtler Metropolitan/

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 04:43 PM (9q7Dl)

130 Zaklog, since you don't have the right kind of tofu I'd say just skip that recipe and make a moo-ful chocolate pie instead. Everyone will be happier.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:43 PM (sBOL1)

131 Ugh.

That's

1 1/2 oz Skyy Vodka Moscato Grape
3/4 oz St Germain

Stupid diamonds.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 04:45 PM (9q7Dl)

132 108
You could use one of those chain-mail oyster shucking gloves.
Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:30 PM (

-------------------

Unitasker!
Posted by: Duke Lowell at February 19, 2017 04:36 PM (kTF2Z)

Nonsense. They are great when dueling for first blood and for feeding sharks by hand.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:45 PM (0mRoj)

133 I'm sure I've had culinary disasters I can't recall any aside aside from problems where things don't taste good. My mother and my sister had memorable mistakes, though. My mother was talking long distance on the phone with her mother decades ago. Mom was making apple sauce in a pressure cooker and didn't want to get off the phone and the pressure cooker exploded and the apple sauce hit the ceiling. My sister was cooking a turkey for Christmas one year she was visiting and she somehow turned on the over to the clean cycle and s it locked at some incredibly high temperature. We did not have turkey that Christmas.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 19, 2017 04:47 PM (fDdVG)

134 My worst cooking mistake was dropping an entire container of black pepper corns into a soup and thinking i could recover by adding more water to it.

Posted by: Big V at February 19, 2017 04:47 PM (ep6C/)

135 127 & 102

Yes, I have heard of estrogen-like compounds in soy products. I don't think a few slices of pie's worth will be enough to overcome my healthy male testosterone levels, though.

Posted by: Zaklog the Great at February 19, 2017 04:47 PM (ICFCK)

136 eating gummy raw turkey with smoke flavor.
Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:41 PM (8nWyX)

What a pungent description! Sounds awful.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 19, 2017 04:48 PM (fDdVG)

137 Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 19, 2017 04:47 PM (fDdVG)

LOL!

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:48 PM (Ivjge)

138 I remember the time I had the burners on and left the house to borrow a big cup of bourbon from a neighbor. Well I knocked and knocked and no response. Strange though, the rocking chair seat was warm and I could have sworn I saw the curtains move.

Posted by: Vic's Neighbors at February 19, 2017 04:48 PM (ZFUt7)

139 18
Bird's eye chilis!

You can't make a proper Thai dish without those and a rough stone mortar and pestle.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 04:07 PM (XdJYX)

My wife grows them in the summertime, they are key to Thai spicy dishes and papaya salad.

Posted by: The Mouse that Roared at February 19, 2017 04:49 PM (7N6ox)

140 Fenelon, did you get your oven fixed or replaced?

And is your sister here?

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:49 PM (sBOL1)

141 127
I know this isn't what you're asking but....tofu and soy milk are really bad for you.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 04:35 PM (Enq6K)

Turns you into a girl.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:42 PM (0mRoj)

I blame it for the sissification of a lot of young Americans.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 04:50 PM (Enq6K)

142 Yes, I have heard of estrogen-like compounds in soy products. I don't think a few slices of pie's worth will be enough to overcome my healthy male testosterone levels, though.
Posted by: Zaklog the Great at February 19, 2017 04:47 PM (ICFCK)

+++

We don't really know, do we?

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:50 PM (Ivjge)

143
124 First time I used a Blender for the final step of potato leek soup, Ilearned a valuable lesson.

Posted by: garrett at February 19, 2017 04:41 PM (p+Qx5)

Put the lid on before you turn it on?

Posted by: buzzion at February 19, 2017 04:51 PM (cAnNx)

144 Zaklog, since you don't have the right kind of tofu I'd say just skip that recipe and make a moo-ful chocolate pie instead. Everyone will be happier.
Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:43 PM (sBOL1)

Fair enough if you can't find the ingredients, but there's no shame in substituting hippie stuff when it works. There are some amazing vegan lasagna recipes that substitute crumbled tofu for the ricotta, and the only "cheesecake" I've ever actually liked used blended tofu instead of cheese. Mostly because it's the only cheesecake I've ever had that didn't feel like someone gave me a slab of cream cheese and a schmeer of jam on a graham cracker and I had to choke it down and smile weakly and say "yes, this is an enjoyable food, what a pleasant experience".

Plus, those Morningstar Farms brand fake chicken pucks are delicious and aren't a minefield of gristle and connective tissue like real chicken pucks. Hippie food has its benefits.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:51 PM (8nWyX)

145 It's a good thing Mrs. Simple was really cute. We later had the house torn down.

Posted by: Charles the Simple at February 19, 2017 04:51 PM (7jX2E)

146 Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:49 PM (sBOL1)

My sister is here. The oven will not be fixed until Tuesday. My husband did not want to take the microwave my friend offered us We have eaten out a lot aside from breakfast at home.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 19, 2017 04:52 PM (fDdVG)

147 100 Did anybody else forget to take the giblets packet out of the turkey's butt? Classic rookie mistake.

I notice that they now have the odds and ends in a parchment-like bag instead of plastic. I guess I wasn't the only one.

When brother was in college he was invited to Thanksgiving dinner with two couples - the women cooking. After the plastic bag was discovered they had pizza. And I noticed the paper instead of plastic, a good idea.

Some thick ham steaks used to come with a plastic thing in their centers, sorta like the thing for pizza boxes. I've cooked one or two (they were hidden in the bottom).

Posted by: Jim Kenny at February 19, 2017 04:52 PM (1YMTf)

148 When my girls were much younger, they decided to surprise Mom with ginger snaps. They decided to use ginger powder, except that it wasn't ginger. It was garlic powder. The cookies were.....interesting.

Of course, I have never made a mistake in the kitchen.

Posted by: pep at February 19, 2017 04:52 PM (LAe3v)

149
Oh, stop it, y'all.

I eat tofu and drink Soy Milk every single day.

And it's never done me a lick of harm.

Posted by: Sen Lindsey Graham at February 19, 2017 04:52 PM (9q7Dl)

150 "Did anyone else read the line about "an incredible platform" and immediately hear your SJW alarm start blaring?"

Same here. Another tell is the nonsense about how you can be a "bartender" without actually tending bar. Same as with the SJW "game experts" who don't actually play games, or the SJW "coders" who don't actually write code.

Posted by: The Editorial Board of National Geographic (Classic Edition) at February 19, 2017 04:52 PM (pzAo3)

151 Yes, I have heard of estrogen-like compounds in soy products. I don't think a few slices of pie's worth will be enough to overcome my healthy male testosterone levels, though.
Posted by: Zaklog the Great at February 19, 2017 04:47 PM (ICFCK)

Your skinny jeans beg to differ.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:52 PM (0mRoj)

152 >100 comments, so . . .

Scary stuff on Vox Day's blog:

http://voxday.blogspot.com/2017/02/prime-pedophile.html

The Comet Ping Pong Pizza conspiracy theory is not looking so weird anymore

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 04:53 PM (GsAUU)

153 Did anybody else forget to take the giblets packet out of the turkey's butt? Classic rookie mistake.

I notice that they now have the odds and ends in a parchment-like bag instead of plastic. I guess I wasn't the only one.

I wonder if you could smuggle drugs that way, by putting them in the giblet bag.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 04:53 PM (W8bn5)

154 Sounds like you're making the best of things, Fenelon. I'm keeping you in my prayers with regard to the visit. Hope things are going well.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:53 PM (sBOL1)

155 Was in the liquor store looking for Cherry Herring yesterday. I had a yen for it. Haven't had it in years. Naturally the store didn't stock it so I settled for some Ohio made cherry liquor. On my way to the cash register I noticed a big lovely bottle of Jefferson premade Manhattans. A bit pricey but the bottle was handsome and I love a Manhattan. Anyone here tried it?

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 04:53 PM (jm1YL)

156 Worse culinary disaster?

All I can think of is the time the wife was going out of town and I was doing roast beast on the grill. She said don't try to make gravy from it, it won't work. Well, me being me, I did it anyways.

It tasted like charcoal and even the dog wouldn't eat it.

Posted by: Farmer at February 19, 2017 04:53 PM (4bBUU)

157 My son and DIL just walked in with the super-gollywhopper Kitchen Aid stand mixer for me. In my favorite color (seafoam green) no less. I am flabbergasted. Always wanted one, but would never get off the $$$. I don't know where the hell to put it (weighs a ton) and what they expect me to make (for them) with it.

I think they just want to inherit it when I die.

Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 04:54 PM (RfzVr)

158 One time I was trying to use a flavor injector to put some juicy marinade in the middle of some kind of rib roast or something.

Stuck the needle into the thing and tried to push the plunger down.. nothin goin. pulled the needle out and as I did the pressure game way, shooting the marinade all the way up into my face and on the ceiling.

Yeah the wife made me scrub that shit off.

Posted by: Defenestratus at February 19, 2017 04:55 PM (a9n6M)

159 My son and DIL just walked in with the super-gollywhopper Kitchen Aid stand mixer for me. In my favorite color (seafoam green) no less.
Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 04:54 PM (RfzVr)

*swoon*

But, like, in a masculine way.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 04:55 PM (8nWyX)

160 "Did anyone else read the line about "an incredible platform" and immediately hear your SJW alarm start blaring?"

Translation: my view of myself and my achievements in life do not match. I'll remedy that by lecturing other, more successful people.

Posted by: pep at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (LAe3v)

161 Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 04:54 PM (RfzVr)

++++

What a great surprise!

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (Ivjge)

162 Heh, it's the gay nightclub episode of Bar Rescue.

One of the least self-aware gay business owners I've ever seen.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (GsAUU)

163 Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 04:54 PM (RfzVr)

------------

Wow, what a lovely surprise! I'm sure you'll find loads of things to do with it. Clear off a little space on your counter for it, and admire it every day. How nice of your son and DIL!

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (sBOL1)

164 As a child, it was my great pleasure to be allowed to shake the Redi-Whip until the baked goodies were on the plates and ready to be eaten. Once, only once, trust me, I accidentally held my little finger against the nozzle and sprayed whipped cream all across the ceiling of the kitchen. I can still remember, fondly, the horrified, frozen, looks upon the faces of my sister and my mother. If it had been a grenade, we'd all be dead. Yes, just so you know, there was enough left in the can to spray plenty upon each slice of perfect apple pie! There is justice!

Posted by: goon at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (EaQ6/)

165
I wonder if you could smuggle drugs that way, by putting them in the giblet bag.
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 04:53 PM (W8bn5)
---

And...up the turkey's butt, right?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (EnKk6)

166 Prepackaged uncooked garlic bread.

I once convinced a perfectly charming older lady that lots of people forget to take those loaves outta the plastic before putting them in the oven.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (XdJYX)

167 164
As a child, it was my great pleasure to be allowed to shake the
Redi-Whip until the baked goodies were on the plates and ready to be
eaten. Once, only once, trust me, I accidentally held my little finger
against the nozzle and sprayed whipped cream all across the ceiling of
the kitchen.

Posted by: goon

Poor trigger discipline.

Posted by: pep at February 19, 2017 04:58 PM (LAe3v)

168 I would LOVE a Kitchen-Aid mixer.

Apple Green, if anyone's interested.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:58 PM (EnKk6)

169 "My son and DIL just walked in with the super-gollywhopper Kitchen Aid "

They never wear out. I've had mine for 35+ years.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 04:58 PM (jm1YL)

170 162 Heh, it's the gay nightclub episode of Bar Rescue.

One of the least self-aware gay business owners I've ever seen.
Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (GsAUU)

If it's the one I'm thinking of, that guy was a raging asshole.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:58 PM (0mRoj)

171 My mom's Kitchen-Aid is older than I am. Still rockin' it.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:59 PM (EnKk6)

172 I made a chocolate cake. From a box. The recipe required oil. Unbeknownst to me, the oil in the cabinet had been reused - my (now ex) wife had used it to make Milanesas and saved it back into the bottle.

The cake was good - a box cake made with oil is very moist. But it had an aftertaste of meat.

The "meat cake" lived in infamy.

Posted by: blaster at February 19, 2017 04:59 PM (HV1LS)

173 I don't know where the hell to put it (weighs a ton) and what they expect me to make (for them) with it.

Rev-A-Shelf makes a holder for mixers that raises up from the cabinet to the countertop. http://tinyurl.com/h84jdag

Posted by: no good deed at February 19, 2017 04:59 PM (hJamr)

174 Anyone here tried it?

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 04:53 PM (jm1YL)

It's not bad. Better than some bar made Manhattans.

I think if you're going premade-

High West "The 36th Vote" is a better Manhattan.

And now for the scoldy part-

Hey Jasper!

Manhattans are the easiest drink in the world to make. Bourbon or rye, Sweet Vermouth, Bitters.

Boom.

Done..

But, if you're gonna be lazy then go High West.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 04:59 PM (9q7Dl)

175 157
My son and DIL just walked in with the super-gollywhopper Kitchen Aid
stand mixer for me. In my favorite color (seafoam green) no less. I am
flabbergasted. Always wanted one, but would never get off the $$$. I
don't know where the hell to put it (weighs a ton) and what they expect
me to make (for them) with it.

I think they just want to inherit it when I die.

Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 04:54 PM (RfzVr)

My inlaws gave me one for Christmas about 3 years ago. I yelled YEEEESSSSS! when I opened the package. I've only used it a few time but I love having it!

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 04:59 PM (Enq6K)

176 My worst kitchen catastrophe has to do with exploding items in the microwave but that doesn't matter 'cause VIC's Back! Yea!

Posted by: gNewt at February 19, 2017 05:00 PM (Z+ic4)

177 Blaster, LOL.

I have to think a chocolate cake made with bacon-tinged oil would be most excellent.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:00 PM (EnKk6)

178 My m-i-l sent me a KitchenAid mixer out of the blue a couple of years ago. It was a wonderful surprise.

Posted by: no good deed at February 19, 2017 05:01 PM (hJamr)

179 162 Heh, it's the gay nightclub episode of Bar Rescue.

One of the least self-aware gay business owners I've ever seen.
Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 04:56 PM (GsAU
+++

I don't care if you are gay, straight, or whatever. What I hate and drives me up the wall is that "gay-man lispy" talk. It is so affectedly put-on that it always sounds theatrical and false.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:02 PM (Ivjge)

180 The "meat cake" lived in infamy.

Oh man, that sounds disgusting. LOL

Posted by: no good deed at February 19, 2017 05:02 PM (hJamr)

181 Anybody know where you can get some AA guns?
Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at February 19, 2017 04:19 PM

Oerlikon makes a mighty fine 20 mike mike weapon, might find one for cheap on ebay.

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 05:02 PM (HDU3V)

182 I sense a pattern here. My in-laws gave me my KitchenAid mixer too, over 15 years ago. Still going strong.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:03 PM (sBOL1)

183 As a 10 year old I was confronted with the dilemma of cooked hotdogs and a new full bottle of ketchup. Luckily I had learned about centrifugal forces. I put the lid back on and wind milled my arm with all my might. Did the ketchup come unstuck? AND HOW? I made a great circle. Kitchen floor, living room floor, TV, front room curtains, front room ceiling, kitchen doorway, kitchen ceiling, kitchen cabinets, and back to the kitchen floor. After eating my hotdogs (priorities), I cleaned up the mess. After cleaning the mess, I noticed an obvious clean streak and had to clean 2 walls, and 2 ceilings using a ladder. Science!

Posted by: Teena Brandon at February 19, 2017 05:03 PM (NnnZy)

184 Yes, I have heard of estrogen-like compounds in soy products.

Interesting. I wonder if this is related to the perception of Asians as being effeminate.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 05:03 PM (W8bn5)

185 "Manhattans are the easiest drink in the world to make. Bourbon or rye, Sweet Vermouth, Bitters. "

Yes, yes I know. I've made more Manhattans than I care to remember. Two cherries please. I was just in the mood to buy something else and it just happened to be there and as I said impressive looking bottle.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:04 PM (jm1YL)

186 168 I would LOVE a Kitchen-Aid mixer.

Apple Green, if anyone's interested.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 04:58 PM (EnKk6

I think there are about 5 or 6 at my work.

Posted by: buzzion at February 19, 2017 05:04 PM (cAnNx)

187 184 Yes, I have heard of estrogen-like compounds in soy products.

Interesting. I wonder if this is related to the perception of Asians as being effeminate.
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 05:03 PM (W8bn5)

*roundhouse kicks to the face*

Posted by: Bruce Lee at February 19, 2017 05:04 PM (0mRoj)

188 Most likely tepin chilies. ThAi has a much more pointy tip. Pequin is smLler. I have all and more in my humble yard. And they are all bird chilis. Volunteers all over the neighborhood.

Posted by: Chris at February 19, 2017 05:04 PM (/yzbp)

189 Culinary disaster?

My brother's neighbor burned his garage to the ground with a turkey fryer.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at February 19, 2017 05:04 PM (89T5c)

190 That Kithen-Aid stand mixer could mix bagged concrete mix. Ours is over 20 years old I think.

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 05:05 PM (HDU3V)

191 My brother's neighbor burned his garage to the ground with a turkey fryer.
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at February 19, 2017 05:04 PM (89T5c)
---------------

Oof. There's our winner. Or loser, as the case may be.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:06 PM (sBOL1)

192 So what was your worst?

Made brownies. Wanted to sprinkle confectioners powder on top when they cooled. Pulled out wrong box. Corn starch.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 05:06 PM (J8/9G)

193 184
Yes, I have heard of estrogen-like compounds in soy products.

Interesting. I wonder if this is related to the perception of Asians as being effeminate.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 05:03 PM (W8bn5)

Asians eat fermented soy which has some health benefits. The crap sold here is unfermented soy...and it's in damn near everything.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 05:06 PM (Enq6K)

194 I just tasted the liquid from my lamb stew. Delicious! Savory and spicy and just a hint of cinnamon.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:06 PM (EnKk6)

195 172 The "meat cake" lived in infamy.

Posted by: blaster at February 19, 2017 04:59 PM (HV1LS)

I left a message for you on the EMT. I really do appreciate you arranging that tour for my wife.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 19, 2017 05:06 PM (mpXpK)

196 My worst? Not securing the blender lid before mixing up some gazpacho.

I left a high-gazpacho tidemark all around my kitchen walls.

Posted by: Noam Sayen at February 19, 2017 05:07 PM (611Lm)

197 I had some McD today. I'm not feeling ill yet, but I'm sure that will come. What I wouldn't give to have her alive and cooking some veal saltimbocca, or some orange roughy. It's the big things that we miss the most, and I don't care how many times some fool says, "it's the little things", nah, wrong, it's the big things that matter! That and not using the dryer as an auxiliary closet because of sloth.

Posted by: goon at February 19, 2017 05:07 PM (EaQ6/)

198 Wow. This Chelsea Clinton is going to be a political force to contend with.

Posted by: Said No One at February 19, 2017 05:08 PM (ZFUt7)

199 My sister once baked a cake in which she mistakenly used baking soda instead of baking powder. Best looking cake you ever saw, and just one bite would deplete your body of moisture all the way to your toes.

Posted by: Charles the Simple at February 19, 2017 05:08 PM (7jX2E)

200 Did forget to remove the carboard under a frozen pizza, once.

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 05:08 PM (HDU3V)

201 I have to think a chocolate cake made with bacon-tinged oil would be most excellent.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:00 PM (EnKk6)

Bacon grease is one of the universe's cruelest teases. Putting a wick in the grease can does not make a bacon scented candle at all

Oerlikon makes a mighty fine 20 mike mike weapon, might find one for cheap on ebay.
Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 05:02 PM (HDU3V)

Bofors 40mm. I think you can find them at IKEA between GRIPEN and DRAKEN and STRIDSVAGN.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 05:08 PM (8nWyX)

202 I got my wife a Kitchen Aid mixer for Christmas one year. She uses it a lot.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 19, 2017 05:08 PM (mpXpK)

203 {{{{goon}}}}. I wish she were here for you too. I would think it's all the things, big and little, that one would miss, just depending on the day.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:09 PM (sBOL1)

204 This Chelsea Clinton is going to be a political force to contend with.

"Here Comes Honey-Boo-Boo!"

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 05:09 PM (J8/9G)

205 Poor trigger discipline.
Posted by: pep at February 19, 2017 04:58 PM (LAe3v)

The fog of pie!

Posted by: goon at February 19, 2017 05:09 PM (EaQ6/)

206 I know I am going to be loving the mixer. I really like baking bread, but am getting a bit too old for all the kneading. This will make it more fun. And it is so beautiful, it has to have a spot on the counter - at least till I am over the *new appliance smell*.

Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 05:09 PM (RfzVr)

207 Bacon grease is one of the universe's cruelest teases. Putting a wick in the grease can does not make a bacon scented candle at all
----------------

I was at a Yankee candle store once and by golly, they had a bacon-scented candle. I texted a picture of it and sent it to my kids. One wrote back and said do not buy it; it's the stuff disappointment is made of, or something.

It didn't smell that great anyway. Nothing beats real bacon.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:11 PM (sBOL1)

208 I know I am going to be loving the mixer. I really like baking bread, but am getting a bit too old for all the kneading.
Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 05:09 PM (RfzVr)

Don't forget the vegetable slicer attachment, and the meat grinder/sausage stuffer attachment, and the ice cream bowl attachment, and...

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 05:11 PM (8nWyX)

209 Posted by: Hairyback Guy at February 19, 2017 04:21 PM

Oh my Lord! I can so see me doing that. Did it ruin your stovetop too?

Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 05:11 PM (RfzVr)

210 My worst kitchen catastrophe has to do with exploding items in the microwave but that doesn't matter 'cause VIC's Back! Yea!

Posted by: gNewt

You think Vic is going to clean out your microwave?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 05:11 PM (W8bn5)

211 Check this out:

https://i.redd.it/m511h74soufy.png

Oh my sides!

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at February 19, 2017 05:12 PM (4ErVI)

212 We have lots of the front attachments, pasta making, strainer, grinder

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 05:12 PM (HDU3V)

213 "This Chelsea Clinton is going to be a political force to contend with. "

Poor thing. I wonder if her heart is really in it. After all it's easier to live off your parents' ill gotten gains that to actually go out there and con the country yourself.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:13 PM (jm1YL)

214 If it's the one I'm thinking of, that guy was a raging asshole.
Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 04:58 PM (0mRoj)

--Yes, he is. Yelling at staff in front of customers. Throwing shit around. Oh, and of course all while hammered.

One would that that a gay dude has to *try* to fail in the hospitality industry.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 05:13 PM (GsAUU)

215 My wife's childhood best friend, Laura, was one of her bridesmaids. Before the wedding we had lunch with her at a local diner, so I could meet her for the first time. The fries get served, I pick up the ketchup bottle and give it a good shake, and you guessed it: ketchup everywhere. My shirt & face, the wall, the booth. Looked like the scene of a mob hit. Fortunately I was the only person that got nailed. Also fortunately, we drove separate cars so I was able to leaver early. My wife won't admit it, but I'm sure the first thing Laura said after I left was something like "Nice catch."

Of course the first time I met my wife, in college, I had a smear of mustard on my jeans (unknown to me), which endeared me to her...

Posted by: Average Guy, Kondiment Klutz at February 19, 2017 05:13 PM (LMcFk)

216 Why does New Mexico grow such marvelous chiles? I have read that there
is a direct relationship between total temperature and spiciness, but is
there something about New Mexico in addition to perfect weather?
because there are other parts of the country that have similar weather,
but not those marvelous chiles!

Can't prove it, but I think that soil chemistry and especially Ph play a large part in how hot the chiles get.

If it was strictly air temp (weather) Arizona should be kicking New Mexico's ass at growing hot chiles, but it's not.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at February 19, 2017 05:13 PM (IcT7t)

217 I need a pasta maker. I also need some squid ink.

I can never find black lasagna noodles!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:14 PM (EnKk6)

218 "Manhattans are the easiest drink in the world to make. Bourbon or rye, Sweet Vermouth, Bitters. "

Yes, yes I know. I've made more Manhattans than I care to remember. Two cherries please. I was just in the mood to buy something else and it just happened to be there and as I said impressive looking bottle.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:04 PM (jm1YL)

Eh.

Sorry to go all scoldy on you, but-

*kicks dirt*

*mumbles*

I succumbed to that temptation myself.

As I say...not bad.

Where it really comes in handy is here:

You've had a really tough long day and just want to zombify in front of the tube and relax for a while.

Pick up pre-made Manhattan bottle. Pour a generous dollop over an ice ball. Throw in a couple of cherries.
Go zombify.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 05:14 PM (9q7Dl)

219 The fried chicken is better in New Mexico too.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 05:14 PM (XdJYX)

220 BTW, my wife hates condiments of all types.

Posted by: Average Guy, Kondiment Klutz at February 19, 2017 05:14 PM (LMcFk)

221 I wonder if you could smuggle drugs that way, by putting them in the giblet bag.
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear
----------------

Well, since most chickens you buy nowadays are missing the livers & gizzards, they have plenty of room to spare.
How much money are they sing by cheating me out of the best pros for stuffing? They're already pumping the bird full of salt water to boost it's weight - now they have to keep the liver, too?

Posted by: Chi at February 19, 2017 05:15 PM (rUhXo)

222 The fried chicken is better in New Mexico too.

Hadn't thought about it, but you're right.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at February 19, 2017 05:16 PM (IcT7t)

223 BTW, my wife hates condiments of all types.

Posted by: Average Guy, Kondiment Klutz

Get a vasectomy.

Posted by: Chelsea Clinton at February 19, 2017 05:17 PM (ZFUt7)

224 Oh, I had the best gin and tonic last night (okay, three). My friend used Fever Tree Mediterranean Tonic Water.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:17 PM (EnKk6)

225 With the strainer attachment, you par boil the tomatoes push them down a shoot, juice and pulp in the bowl skins go out. ( I think, I don't do it)

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 05:17 PM (HDU3V)

226 OK, involving fire....
I once had on some oil to cook popcorn. It was in one of those brown glass pots from Corning. I went to the living room to grab something, and got distracted. A few minutes later I heard my mother-in-law screaming and looked up to see flames licking the cabinet over the stove.
I ran back into the kitchen (mother-in-law was *no* help). I did the 'right' thing and put the lid on the pot to smother the fire. Except those pots have a pour spout. AND the lid has these little bumps all 'round so it doesn't sit tight. Flames look really pretty coming out even higher from the spout.
I knocked the lid off and grabbed the fire extinguisher. Shot it into the pot. While it did put out the flames, it also blanketed the hot oil (I hadn't yet been able to turn off the heat - burner controls at the rear) - which then exploded out of the pot.
FYI, fire extinguisher foam really *HURTS* when it lands on you, in this instance - it was HOT. And I was shirtless at the time - I still have a few little round scars from the burns.

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 05:18 PM (KlGDT)

227 219 The fried chicken is better in New Mexico too.
Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 19, 2017 05:14 PM (XdJYX)

Have you tried Pollos Hermanos?

Posted by: Gus Fring at February 19, 2017 05:18 PM (GsAUU)

228 I don't care if you are gay, straight, or whatever. What I hate and drives me up the wall is that "gay-man lispy" talk. It is so affectedly put-on that it always sounds theatrical and false.

Posted by: washrivergal

Oh my goodneth, I need a thafe thpace! I am feeling microaggressthd!

Posted by: Richard Simmons at February 19, 2017 05:18 PM (W8bn5)

229 My microwave still works. The carousel goes round and round, and the light comes on in there, but it makes this growling sound. Kind of a really deep GGGRRRR. Oh, and nothing really heats. Yeah, it only took me a couple of tries to figure that out! I think maybe it's time for a trip to wally-world for a new kitchen counter space hog. Thank God for conventional oven backups! Anyhow, things that used to cook in 8 minutes taste much better after being incinerated at 375 for 45 minutes! Why did I ever nuke anything?! How quickly we forget!

Posted by: goon at February 19, 2017 05:18 PM (EaQ6/)

230 Not to go all Ken Russell on this food thread, but-

Flipping around the intertubes, I saw that his musical "The Boyfriend"-

is going to be released on blu-ray this week.

What the heck is going on?

Someone in Hollywood must've raised his shade in a seance or something.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 05:19 PM (9q7Dl)

231 @Vic - my pleasure and really all I did was put people in touch with each other. I wanted to make sure that your wife saw more of Charleston than the inside of a hospital room. Caregivers need care too.

My friend said your wife was very sweet, and I am sure she is right about that.

Now keep kicking that cancer in the butt.

Posted by: blaster at February 19, 2017 05:19 PM (HV1LS)

232 213
"This Chelsea Clinton is going to be a political force to contend with. "

Poor thing. I wonder if her heart is really in it. After all it's
easier to live off your parents' ill gotten gains that to actually go
out there and con the country yourself.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:13 PM (jm1YL)

Do not forget that she is being carried as an "officer" of that phony Clinton charity and when someone finally gets around to busting it she can be held accountable as well.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 19, 2017 05:19 PM (mpXpK)

233 "Sorry to go all scoldy on you, but- "

I know you were kidding. LOL

Again, I'm a sucker for liquor that comes in a good looking bottle

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:20 PM (jm1YL)

234 >>>>As a child, it was my great pleasure to be allowed to shake the
Redi-Whip until the baked goodies were on the plates and ready to be
eaten. Once, only once, trust me, I accidentally held my little finger
against the nozzle and sprayed whipped cream all across the ceiling of
the kitchen. I can still remember, fondly, the horrified, frozen, looks
upon the faces of my sister and my mother. If it had been a grenade,
we'd all be dead. Yes, just so you know, there was enough left in the
can to spray plenty upon each slice of perfect apple pie! There is
justice!
.
.
.
.My Sister and I once fought over a bottle of apple butter back in 1963. Somehow the lid popped off and most of it blew toward the ceiling. I am fairly certain there is still apple butter stains on the ceiling in that house we grew up in.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at February 19, 2017 05:20 PM (le7jz)

235 My biggest kitchen mishap was thinking one could substitute an oven bag for a brining bag. The two are not interchangeable, and when trying to transfer a bag full of turkey, brine, and peppercorns, that error resulted in a flood across the kitchen floor, with my Thanksgiving turkey sitting in the middle of it.

Oops.

Posted by: Go to bed, mom at February 19, 2017 05:20 PM (udphG)

236 food related: Shrillery's new van, now that she will never be President

http://i.IMGur.com/h0IJgkI.jpg

SFW, unless you w*rk with vegans and such

Posted by: redc1c4 at February 19, 2017 05:20 PM (HC/uy)

237 Ooooo! You all are right about the attachments. It came with a few things, but now I'm looking at all the other stuff on their website and *swoon*.

Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 05:23 PM (RfzVr)

238 231 My friend said your wife was very sweet, and I am sure she is right about that.

Now keep kicking that cancer in the butt.

Posted by: blaster at February 19, 2017 05:19 PM (HV1LS)

She really enjoyed it. As for the cancer, they said it never made it past Stage 1 and they got it all. Now if I can get by the surgery.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 19, 2017 05:23 PM (mpXpK)

239 >>>>>food related: Shrillery's new van, now that she will never be President

http://i.IMGur.com/h0IJgkI.jpg

SFW, unless you w*rk with vegans and such
.
.
.I read somewhere the other day that she actually attended and was the guest speaker at the dedication of a Post Office. I couldn't tell if the article was was snark or not.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at February 19, 2017 05:23 PM (le7jz)

240 "My microwave still works. The carousel goes round and round, and the light comes on in there, but it makes this growling sound. Kind of a really deep GGGRRRR. Oh, and nothing really heats."

It's dead. The thingy that makes those waves all microey is busted.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:24 PM (jm1YL)

241 I'll bet I've taken a dozen recipes from Dad Cooks Dinner

Also for you Keto keepers there's a series on YouTube called Headbangers kitchen. He's an Indian guy with great simple Keto recipes. And he's like likeable

Posted by: Blutarski-0.0 at February 19, 2017 05:24 PM (xJxz7)

242 Food disaster?
A recipe for taco meat loaf, in a crockpot. I'm sure you can do a _good_ meatloaf in a crockpot. But not this recipe. It was slimy, while still having parts that burned to the crock. And it tasted absolutely horrendous.

Food mix-up?
My wife misread "6 cloves of garlic" for the Thanksgiving turkey as "6 BULBS of garlic". We had to open the windows. The entire neighborhood got to enjoy the aroma of garlic (and a little turkey). I had low blood pressure for a year.
I *love* garlic, but WOW.

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 05:24 PM (KlGDT)

243 Check this out:

https://i.redd.it/m511h74soufy.png

Oh my sides!

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis

That's a man, baby!

Posted by: Austin Powers at February 19, 2017 05:24 PM (W8bn5)

244 I think the Food Thread needs to advertise on the other threads! This "screw-up" confession stuff is addictive and you know that people would flock here just to get those deeply hidden mess-ups off of there consciences, if only given a venue.

Posted by: goon at February 19, 2017 05:25 PM (EaQ6/)

245 Admission at Mount Vernon is free tomorrow. We are taking the kids.

Posted by: blaster at February 19, 2017 05:26 PM (HV1LS)

246 Posted by: Go to bed, mom at February 19, 2017 05:20 PM (udphG)

You applied the 5-second rule, didn't you?

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 05:26 PM (KlGDT)

247 A...Ken Russel musical? How did I not know of this?

I found a clip of the dream sequence. Tommy Tune is 85% legz.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:26 PM (EnKk6)

248 Anyhow, things that used to cook in 8 minutes taste much better after being incinerated at 375 for 45 minutes! Why did I ever nuke anything?! How quickly we forget!
Posted by: goon at February 19, 2017 05:18 PM (EaQ6/)

We forget in 37 minutes, it would seem.

Toaster ovens are an often-overlooked middle ground, btw. If you just want to broil some chicken or roast a tray of vegetables, you can knock it out in a toaster oven before the big oven has even preheated.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 05:26 PM (8nWyX)

249 243 Check this out:

https://i.redd.it/m511h74soufy.png

Oh my sides!

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis

That's a man, baby!
Posted by: Austin Powers at February 19, 2017 05:24 PM (W8bn5)

When are these people gonna learn?

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 05:27 PM (0mRoj)

250 "My Sister and I once fought over a bottle of apple butter back in 1963. Somehow the lid popped off and most of it blew toward the ceiling. I am fairly certain there is still apple butter stains on the ceiling in that house we grew up in. "

Aw, a "Battle of the Siblings" story. I love those.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:27 PM (jm1YL)

251 240 It's dead. The thingy that makes those waves all microey is busted.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:24 PM (jm1YL)

You can replace the magnetron but those things have got so cheap now it is a lot easier to just get a new one.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 19, 2017 05:28 PM (mpXpK)

252 Best wishes, Vic. Good to "hear" your voice. Rest, go easy. Praying is not in my list of habits, but good thoughts are. Here's some.

Posted by: goon at February 19, 2017 05:28 PM (EaQ6/)

253 85 My Mom once threw a pork chop at my Dad's head, she missed and it
splatted against the wall. We had a pork chop stain on our wall for the
remainder of the time they owned the house.

Posted by: BuckIV at February 19, 2017 04:29 PM (CLfqv)

My first hubby once bitched that there was nothing to eat in the house. I threw the oven-roasted chicken at him from across the room, followed by the tomato vinaigrette salad.

The cleanup was a nightmare. And yes, it was the last time I did that.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 05:28 PM (tHwdc)

254 I cooked a couple DelMonicos on the gas grill. They got charred because the dripping fat fat kept catching fire.

Posted by: fluffy at February 19, 2017 05:29 PM (jw2Xw)

255 249
At first glance I thought it was Willem Defoe wearing a veil.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:29 PM (jm1YL)

256 My first hubby once bitched that there was nothing
to eat in the house. I threw the oven-roasted chicken at him from across
the room, followed by the tomato vinaigrette salad.

The cleanup was a nightmare. And yes, it was the last time I did that.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 05:28 PM (tHwdc)

So, did hubby find anything to eat?

Posted by: Burnt Toast at February 19, 2017 05:30 PM (P/kVC)

257
243 Check this out: https://i.redd.it/m511h74soufy.png

Oh that's delicious. Perfect for the food thread.

Posted by: freaked at February 19, 2017 05:30 PM (BO/km)

258 249 243 Check this out:

https://i.redd.it/m511h74soufy.png

Oh my sides!

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis

That's a man, baby!
Posted by: Austin Powers at February 19, 2017 05:24 PM (W8bn5)

When are these people gonna learn?

--She is the Premier of Ontario. Not sure if the author of that post is Canadian, but saying Canadian premier is like calling Greg Abbott American governor.

Posted by: Gus Fring at February 19, 2017 05:30 PM (GsAUU)

259 So what was your worst?
====================

You talkin to me? Ahahaha Ahahaha

Posted by: grammie winger at February 19, 2017 05:30 PM (dFi94)

260 "There was a time I had to toss a wobbly malodorous side of meat into a van. It was so embarrassing to find out later it was a presidential candidate!"

- Secret Service agent

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 05:31 PM (J8/9G)

261 Once made chicken gravy, using powdered sugar instead of flour. (Not my own kitchen, canisters not labelled.)

Wondered why it wasn't thickening... and then... the taste-test. Ook.

Who keeps a *very full* canister of powdered sugar out in front of everything else? My grandmother, that's who.

Posted by: JQ Flyover at February 19, 2017 05:31 PM (044Fx)

262 winning food purchase of the week: stopped by the local Fart Smile to pick up some more Powerade and they had spiral sliced full hams from Farmer John, marked down to $0.99/lb, which is a deal, but it gets better.

some of them had 50% off tags, so i got 17+ lb ham for $9.06.

yea me!

Posted by: redc1c4 at February 19, 2017 05:31 PM (HC/uy)

263 So, did hubby find anything to eat?

Posted by: Burnt Toast at February 19, 2017 05:30 PM (P/kVC)

Well, I told him to eat shit and die.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 05:32 PM (tHwdc)

264 Miley, I laffed!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:33 PM (EnKk6)

265 Way up thread someone mentioned making "roast beast". It may have been a typo but I'm stealing it.

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at February 19, 2017 05:33 PM (zJths)

266 /Breaking Bad sock

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 05:34 PM (GsAUU)

267 Oh, hell no! You mean that I can go and buy a part and take that microwave apart and install my own thingamajig and nuke popcorn again instead of moving my fat around standing in front of the stove shaking a pan?! Well, hell! That's an easy choice! ... uhhh, well, maybe WalMarts low-low prices IS the better alternative! hahaha! ... but man, I would sure get up close to some popcorn right now if it was easier.

Posted by: goon at February 19, 2017 05:34 PM (EaQ6/)

268 265 Way up thread someone mentioned making "roast beast". It may have been a typo but I'm stealing it.
Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at February 19, 2017 05:33 PM (zJths)

Let me carve it.

Posted by: The Grinch at February 19, 2017 05:35 PM (GsAUU)

269 My mother was roasting the turkey inside a paper grocery sack(which was a thing in the 70s) and it caught fire. My brother and I were in the backyard. I have a clear memory of the door opening, followed by a flying, flaming turkey. Dad came out, got the turkey and rinsed it off. Mom never used the grocery sack again.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at February 19, 2017 05:35 PM (kTF2Z)

270 >>> Way up thread someone mentioned making "roast beast".

I carved that for The Who's.

Posted by: The Grinch at February 19, 2017 05:36 PM (jw2Xw)

271
Check this out:

https://i.redd.it/m511h74soufy.png

When are these people gonna learn?
Posted by: Insomniac

The 12th of never.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 19, 2017 05:36 PM (IqV8l)

272 Cheesecake?

Try one incorporating one of the coffee liqueurs; "Tia Maria", Baily's, Kahlua, Patron XO Coffee, etc.

Posted by: Bruce at February 19, 2017 05:37 PM (nIUnC)

273 270
"The Grinch" was one of those perfect animations. Boris Karloff was an inspired choice as narrator.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:37 PM (jm1YL)

274 269 My mother was roasting the turkey inside a paper grocery sack(which was a thing in the 70s) and it caught fire. My brother and I were in the backyard. I have a clear memory of the door opening, followed by a flying, flaming turkey. Dad came out, got the turkey and rinsed it off. Mom never used the grocery sack again.
Posted by: Duke Lowell at February 19, 2017 05:35 PM (kTF2Z)

I remember my mom cooking a turkey in a paper bag once. Paper in the oven for several hours - what could go wrong?

Did any good ideas come out of the 70s?

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 05:37 PM (ANIFC)

275 >>Way up thread someone mentioned making "roast beast". It may have been a typo but I'm stealing it.

That's what my sister and I always called roast beef when we were growing up. Not sure how that got started but it was always roast beast.

Posted by: JackStraw at February 19, 2017 05:37 PM (/tuJf)

276 My wife makes eggnog cheesecake at Christmas time and it is THE BEST CHEESECAKE EVER.

Posted by: blaster at February 19, 2017 05:38 PM (HV1LS)

277 270 >>> Way up thread someone mentioned making "roast beast".

I carved that for The Who's.
Posted by: The Grinch at February 19, 2017 05:36 PM (jw2Xw)

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!

Posted by: Roger Daltrey at February 19, 2017 05:39 PM (ANIFC)

278
Did any good ideas come out of the 70s?
Posted by: josephistan

The 80s

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 19, 2017 05:39 PM (IqV8l)

279 "There was a time I had to toss a wobbly malodorous side of meat into a van. It was so embarrassing to find out later it was a presidential candidate!"

- Secret Service agent

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner

As soon as my mom or dad tell me what 2 say your really in 4 it.

Posted by: Chelsea Clinton at February 19, 2017 05:40 PM (ZFUt7)

280 "My wife makes eggnog cheesecake at Christmas time and it is THE BEST CHEESECAKE EVER."

That does sound delish.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:40 PM (jm1YL)

281 Meat the new beast.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 19, 2017 05:40 PM (IqV8l)

282 Meat the new beast.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 19, 2017 05:40 PM (IqV8l)
------------

Same as the old beast?

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:41 PM (sBOL1)

283 OT but what the hell. The Hanover, PA eagle cam. So far 2 eggs. Last year only one hatched and the baby didn't make it.

https://hdontap.com/index.php/video/stream/bald-eagle-live-cam

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 05:41 PM (tHwdc)

284 Did any good ideas come out of the 70s?
Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 05:37 PM (ANIFC)

+++

I don't believe so. I tried the apple pie in the grocery bag one time. So many ways that is a bad idea. What was I thinking?

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:41 PM (Ivjge)

285 I remember my mom cooking a turkey in a paper bag once. Paper in the oven for several hours - what could go wrong?

Did any good ideas come out of the 70s?

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 05:37 PM (ANIFC)

Actually, I used one of those oven turkey bags last T-day (not paper) for the first time. I really, really, like the way the turkey came out...tasty and moist. I've made turkey for T-day for decades and I've done them a dozen different ways but I'm thinking that's going to be my go to from now on.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 05:41 PM (Enq6K)

286 280 "My wife makes eggnog cheesecake at Christmas time and it is THE BEST CHEESECAKE EVER."

That does sound delish.
Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 05:40 PM (jm1YL)

--I like egg nog ice cream, so I think I'd like egg nog cheesecake.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 05:41 PM (GsAUU)

287 When pretty young I made coffee for mom one morning.
Didn't use the tube and basket things. Just put the Folgers in the pot, added water and put it on the stove.
She said it was the best coffee she'd ever had.
Mommies are like that. Yes they are.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 05:42 PM (mzTVj)

288 249
At first glance I thought it was Willem Defoe wearing a veil.

Posted by: Tuna

According to wikipedia, she divorced from her husband in 1991 and "married" a woman in 2005.

Why would a lesbian desire to foist herself upon Muslims who would have nothing but contempt for her? Is she that desperate for affirmation?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 05:42 PM (W8bn5)

289 My mom talks about a dive joint that her and my dad would go to up on Lake Wallenpaupack where your options for beer were "Schlitz, Schmitz or Shaefer, hon."

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 05:42 PM (+eR2D)

290 My sister holds the record for our family with two separate "DOH!" cooking moments.

She accidentally used liquid smoke instead of vanilla in chocolate chip cookies and she once decided to make french fries by putting frozen fries into the pot of oil and then turning on the heat. Once she realized that the fries weren't "frying" she decided to turn them into hash browns by mashing the mushy potatoes into the oil. Ugh.

Posted by: MallardDuckLintBrush at February 19, 2017 05:42 PM (2pURR)

291 I am going to do a sort of game feed for my customers and need a couple of suggestions. 1st course, thinly sliced duck breast with the blackberry sage sauce as a drizzle. 2nd course Roasted Pheasant with a mushroom risotto. 3rd course a bison steak and this is where I run into trouble - Fry the steaks and do a pan sauce or grill them and do a ?

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 05:43 PM (G5ZEi)

292 Actually, I used one of those oven turkey bags last T-day (not paper) for the first time. I really, really, like the way the turkey came out...tasty and moist. I've made turkey for T-day for decades and I've done them a dozen different ways but I'm thinking that's going to be my go to from now on.
Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 05:41 PM (Enq6K)

+++

At least you can see the damned turkey in those bags.
Just think about using a grocery bag and having no idea what is going on.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:44 PM (Ivjge)

293 282 Meat the new beast.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 19, 2017 05:40 PM (IqV8l)
------------

Same as the old beast?
Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:41 PM (sBOL1)

I don't know about you, but I won't get fooled again.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 05:44 PM (0mRoj)

294 - Fry the steaks and do a pan sauce or grill them and do a ?

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 05:43 PM (G5ZEi)

Roasted veggies with balsamic reduction?

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 05:44 PM (Enq6K)

295 I am going wayyyy back. I was 17 and just married and wanted to make my husbands favorite, deep fried chicken. I made a nice batter, dipped the chicken in it and immersed it into the deep fryer. Fifteen minutes pass, the chicken is nice and golden. Inside... uh.. still fucking raw and pink. My only attempt. We divorced 5 years later, lol!

Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at February 19, 2017 05:44 PM (CNHr1)

296 CBD, do you still live in the Bay Area?

Posted by: Taco Shack at February 19, 2017 04:20 PM (C+qQ0)

Nope. Moved a long time ago. I went to school there and stuck around, but California was circling the bowl by the time I left.

[Sorry it took so long to answer....]

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 05:45 PM (rF0hx)

297 Actually, I used one of those oven turkey bags last T-day (not paper) for the first time. I really, really, like the way the turkey came out...tasty and moist. I've made turkey for T-day for decades and I've done them a dozen different ways but I'm thinking that's going to be my go to from now on.

Posted by: Tami

That's the only way to do it. Those things are awesome. Tasty and moist, as you say.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 05:45 PM (W8bn5)

298 Did any good ideas come out of the 70s?

Posted by: josephistan
----------------

Well, that Farrah Fawcett poster wasn't too bad...

Posted by: Chi at February 19, 2017 05:45 PM (rUhXo)

299 Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 05:43 PM (G5ZEi)

+++

I don't know, but how long does it take a person to drive to Texas from Washington state?

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:45 PM (Ivjge)

300 Well, OT, but . . .

Gun porn. A man, his private museum, and it goes on from there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkVn1lzcK70

Posted by: Kindltot at February 19, 2017 05:45 PM (XMCn6)

301 Yum, lamb stew is good, if I do say so myself.

I'm making lamb soup stock from the bones. What can I use it for (besides more stew)?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:46 PM (EnKk6)

302
options for beer were "Schlitz, Schmitz or Shaefer

Schlitz, Blatz, Zitz, Zats?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 19, 2017 05:46 PM (IqV8l)

303 At least you can see the damned turkey in those bags.

Just think about using a grocery bag and having no idea what is going on.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:44 PM (Ivjge)

Yeah, the crazy 70's!
I use to do some work for fire depts. exercise program. OMG...their t-day stories will make you cry from laughing so hard.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 05:47 PM (Enq6K)

304 Classmate in high school was intellectually brilliant but practically useless, the perfect example of "why do engineers die of starvation in the shower? the instructions on the shampoo bottle say 'lather, rinse, repeat'". She kept making mac and cheese soup because the directions on the box of whatever brand her parents bought didn't explicitly say to drain the macaroni after boiling it, presumably because why would you even need to mention that. She's probably running a research team at DARPA now.

Not a culinary disaster: coming off deployment years ago, maybe 20 guys from the boat and maybe half that number of their wives and girlfriends booked a campsite (Bellows AFS maybe? It's hazy), cleaned out all of the meat and beer from the commissary, and had a beach party. There was a grate about the size of a boardroom table set over a trench with a fire under it, and from about 11am to... late... people took turns cranking out burgers, steaks, fajitas, teriyaki chicken, and the like, while everyone got increasingly more and more incapacitated. Around 3pm, someone at the grill started getting into character as a doctor who would prescribe meat therapy: "your meat levels are dangerously low, I'm recommending two spicy Italian sausages and a steak fajita. if that doesn't help, you might need to come back for a ribeye".

People started catching on to the gimmick as they took their turns at the grill, and at one point someone wandered back to the grill with his paper plate, gritted his teeth, and said "give it to me straight doc, is it the howling meat shrieks?" and at that moment, I pictured some Edwardian-era sanitarium with a shackled patient writhing on his bed, a pretty but chaste nurse and a gray-haired doctor looking through the window, and the doctor shaking his head and writing "howling meat shrieks" on the chart.

I guess you had to be there.

But you'd have gotten acute meat poisoning if you had been.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 05:47 PM (8nWyX)

305 Did any good ideas come out of the 70s?

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 05:37 PM (ANIFC)
==========================

Those tall wedge sandals. I don't know what happened between then and now, but I could dance in those then. Now I'd snap a femur.

Posted by: grammie winger at February 19, 2017 05:47 PM (dFi94)

306 164

As a child, it was my great pleasure to be allowed to shake the

Redi-Whip until the baked goodies were on the plates and ready to be

eaten. Once, only once, trust me, I accidentally held my little finger

against the nozzle and sprayed whipped cream all across the ceiling of

the kitchen.

Posted by: goon

Poor trigger discipline.

Posted by: pep at February 19, 2017 04:58 PM (LAe3v)

1) every whipped cream dispenser is always loaded
2) do not point it at anything that isn't delicious
3) keep your finger off the nozzle until your sights are on the target
4) be sure of your target and what is beyond it

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (tHwdc)

307 I don't know, but how long does it take a person to drive to Texas from Washington state?
Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:45 PM (Ivjge)
--------------

Probably just a little longer than it takes for a person to drive to Texas from Virginia. Where shall we meet before we descend upon him?

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (sBOL1)

308 289 My mom talks about a dive joint that her and my dad would go to up on Lake Wallenpaupack where your options for beer were "Schlitz, Schmitz or Shaefer, hon."
Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 05:42 PM (+eR2D)

I have a 70s era Schaefer beer sign in my kitchen. It features a guy & gal with matching Afros & the slogan "When you're having more than one"

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (ANIFC)

309 'Did any good ideas come out of the 70s?'

Man I had all kinds of good ideas in the 70s. Can't remember any of them now but they were good.

Posted by: freaked at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (BO/km)

310 Yel. Stole "roast beast" from the Grinch decades ago myself.
I'm sure ASCAAP or some such group will catch up to me any day now.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (mzTVj)

311 Actually, I used one of those oven turkey bags last T-day (not paper) for the first time. I really, really, like the way the turkey came out...tasty and moist. I've made turkey for T-day for decades and I've done them a dozen different ways but I'm thinking that's going to be my go to from now on.

Posted by: Tami

Oh, the plastic roasting bags are great. I always use those.

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 05:49 PM (ANIFC)

312 I think they just want to inherit it when I die.

Posted by: cfo mom, formerly known as cfomahm at February 19, 2017 04:54 PM (RfzVr)

It's an awesome machine. I have had mine since about 1990, and the only thing that has ever gone wrong was the rubber feet wore out...and I consider that a maintenance item.

Anyone ever use the paddles with the silicone rims that scrape the sides of the bowl?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 05:50 PM (rF0hx)

313 Yel. Stole "roast beast" from the Grinch decades ago myself.
I'm sure ASCAAP or some such group will catch up to me any day now.
Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 05:48

I didn't know of the Grinch connection, just used it as my wife started it in our household. i'll ask her if that's where she got it.

Posted by: Farmer at February 19, 2017 05:50 PM (4bBUU)

314 My mother was roasting the turkey inside a paper grocery sack(which was a thing in the 70s) and it caught fire.

That shouldn't happen, as long as you don't preheat the oven past 450°.

Posted by: Ray Bradbury at February 19, 2017 05:51 PM (W8bn5)

315 Tami- the roasted veggies is great, thank you. Since the bison is so lean how about a saut�ed mushroom in sherry sauce, or is that too much mushroom after the risotto?

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 05:51 PM (G5ZEi)

316 options for beer were "Schlitz, Schmitz or Shaefer

They were probably all bad, but I remember coming off second shift at 1 a.m. and Schmitz tasted wonderful with a cheeseburger.

Posted by: E Depluribus Juan at February 19, 2017 05:51 PM (ZFUt7)

317 "Howling Meat Shrieks" sounds like a Zappa song.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:51 PM (EnKk6)

318 Cheese cake is gross guise

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (nDcc3)

319 >>>168 I would LOVE a Kitchen-Aid mixer.
Apple Green, if anyone's interested

white
please

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (WIU1V)

320 When pretty young I made coffee for mom one morning.
Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 05:42 PM (mzTVj)

I once got it in my head to be a good little boy and run the dishwasher. Filled any detergent cup I could find with ordinary dish soap, not actual dishwasher detergent, and kicked it off.

Good thing we had really hard water.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (8nWyX)

321 But you'd have gotten acute meat poisoning if you had been.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 05:47 PM (8nWyX)

It is my most fervent desire to reach the LD50 for meat.

I could eat steak three times a day forever....

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (rF0hx)

322 1970s had great music and movies

Posted by: Ron from Nantucket at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (SIY7D)

323 I like various iterations of pasta. Does that count?

Posted by: micky at February 19, 2017 05:53 PM (o5vMc)

324 As a very young cook I didn't know the difference between a bulb of garlic and a clove of garlic and put two bulbs in a recipe instead of two cloves.

Posted by: chris not rock at February 19, 2017 05:53 PM (WO0/g)

325 319 >>>168 I would LOVE a Kitchen-Aid mixer.
Apple Green, if anyone's interested

white
please
Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (WIU1V)

Did Stanley Kubrick design your kitchen?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:53 PM (EnKk6)

326 Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (sBOL1)

+++

Kansas or Oklahoma. Your call.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:54 PM (Ivjge)

327 Okay, time for a gimlet.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:54 PM (EnKk6)

328 Kansas or Oklahoma. Your call.
Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:54 PM (Ivjge)
------------

I was thinking more like the liquor store in his hometown, so we could get him something nice before we invited ourselves over.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:55 PM (sBOL1)

329 I have a 70s era Schaefer beer sign in my kitchen.
It features a guy gal with matching Afros the slogan "When
you're having more than one"

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (ANIFC)

Very cool. My dad had a slew of light-up beer signs back in the day and one of them was Schaefer. I think it was just the logo though.

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 05:55 PM (+eR2D)

330 Posted by: Ray Bradbury at February 19, 2017 05:51 PM (W8bn

LOL.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:55 PM (Ivjge)

331 My sister insists that offer this retraction. There was no turkey in the oven for our Christmas Day cooking It had not yet been put in the oven. The oven just got locked while it was cleaning and so we had dinner about 9:00. p.m. My sister says she tries to block out her culinary disasters.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (fDdVG)

332 "Howling Meat Shrieks" sounds like a Zappa song

Fits with the conceptual continuity as FZ was a fan of Howling Wolf.

Posted by: freaked at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (BO/km)

333 Oh goodness a gimlet sounds good! How do you make yours Eris?

Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (CNHr1)

334 Primus "Shake Hand With Beef"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHjpWo4edfw

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (tHwdc)

335 Way up thread someone mentioned making "roast beast".

I'm baked, not roasted.

Posted by: Hildebeast at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (W8bn5)

336 318 Cheese cake is gross guise
Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (nDcc3)

+++

I fear we have a heathen amongst us.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (Ivjge)

337 323 I like various iterations of pasta. Does that count?
Posted by: micky at February 19, 2017 05:53 PM (o5vMc)
--------------------------
I like paste!

Posted by: Joey Biden at February 19, 2017 05:57 PM (Nox3c)

338 315
Tami- the roasted veggies is great, thank you. Since the bison is so
lean how about a sauted mushroom in sherry sauce, or is that too much
mushroom after the risotto?

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 05:51 PM (G5ZEi)

Yeah, bison is lean....I'd look for something with fat in it to go with the bison.
I may be confused as to what you're asking for specifically. A dish to go with the bison, or a sauce to go on the bison?

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 05:57 PM (Enq6K)

339 >>>>>So, did hubby find anything to eat?

Posted by: Burnt Toast at February 19, 2017 05:30 PM (P/kVC)

Well, I told him to eat shit and die.
.
.
.Are you still married to him?

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at February 19, 2017 05:57 PM (le7jz)

340 I need a pasta maker. I also need some squid ink.

I can never find black lasagna noodles!
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:14 PM (EnKk6)

Windsor and Newton is supposed to be the best at the price, but Speedball has less of an aftertaste.

Posted by: Kindltot at February 19, 2017 05:57 PM (XMCn6)

341 Kansas or Oklahoma
I surely hope you two don't end up in my neck of the woods without letting me know.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 05:57 PM (mzTVj)

342 322 1970s had great music and movies
Posted by: Ron from Nantucket at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (SIY7D)

--Best films from the '70s were the ones depicting what a crapsack world society was back then. See: Death Wish, Dirty Harry.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 05:57 PM (GsAUU)

343 @335.. neither. toasted.

Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at February 19, 2017 05:58 PM (CNHr1)

344
I was thinking more like the liquor store in his hometown, so we could get him something nice before we invited ourselves over.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:55 PM (sBOL1)

+++

Of course.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:58 PM (Ivjge)

345 Ben, what about a compound butter to serve over the steak? Something like this?

Bearnaise butter:
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh tarragon leaves
2 teaspoons minced shallot
1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice, or to taste
1/8 teaspoon salt

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 05:58 PM (+eR2D)

346
It is my most fervent desire to reach the LD50 for meat.

Isn't that the planet where they found Alien?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 19, 2017 05:59 PM (IqV8l)

347 Bluebell - this is rural Texas - no such critter as a hometown liquor store. Also all the wine has already been purchased thanks to resident Moron Sixkiller introducing me to a new winery. So, just come.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 05:59 PM (G5ZEi)

348 Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (Ivjge)

Proudly in this case.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 05:59 PM (nDcc3)

349 I bought a rice cooker with a steamer this week. Any blogs with good recipes for rice cookers? I also picked up a yogurt maker. I can make it without one but thought it would be nice to have a dedicated tool.

Made quiche for breakfast. I want to tackle making granola next. The beef stew can wait until tomorrow.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at February 19, 2017 05:59 PM (Lqy/e)

350 "Probably just a little longer than it takes for a
person to drive to Texas from Virginia. Where shall we meet before we
descend upon him?

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (sBOL1)"You should try Colorado. But not Denver. Denver's for driving through, not staying.

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 05:59 PM (KlGDT)

351 Bluebell - this is rural Texas - no such critter as a hometown liquor store. Also all the wine has already been purchased thanks to resident Moron Sixkiller introducing me to a new winery. So, just come.
Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 05:59 PM (G5ZEi)
-------------

Woohoo! You hear that, washrivergal? We're in!

We'll bring dessert.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:00 PM (sBOL1)

352 Are you still married to him?

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at February 19, 2017 05:57 PM (le7jz)

I gave him everything and left him in Sweden 21 years ago.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:00 PM (tHwdc)

353 318
Cheese cake is gross guise

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (nDcc3)

I'm not a fan either but I have my mom's cheesecake recipe. I haven't made it in years but I do remember burning out a hand mixer making it for my husband for his b-day shortly after we married. I believe it has 6 pkgs of cream cheese in it.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:01 PM (Enq6K)

354 Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:01 PM (Enq6K)

Eh, I just don't like cream cheese or sour cream.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:02 PM (nDcc3)

355 Heh Jewells, ever get over Parkville way?
I imagine we'll play there at least 3 times this year.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 06:02 PM (mzTVj)

356 I could eat steak three times a day forever....
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 05:52 PM (rF0hx)

I was once at a multiday conference. An organizer asked if anyone had any special dietary requirements. I raised my hand and said, "I have to have steak at every meal."

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:02 PM (J8/9G)

357 These are very funny cooking disaster stories, even if it sounds like they were awful at the time.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 19, 2017 06:02 PM (fDdVG)

358 DangerGirl- that sounds great and it will go great with some roasted veggies-Thank You.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:03 PM (G5ZEi)

359 I'm baked, not roasted.

Posted by: Hildebeast at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (W8bn5
Only half-.

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 06:03 PM (KlGDT)

360 Eh, I just don't like cream cheese or sour cream.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:02 PM (nDcc3)

I love 'em....they, however, hate me.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:03 PM (Enq6K)

361 I can make it without one but thought it would be nice to have a dedicated tool.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at February 19, 2017 05:59 PM (Lqy/e)

I can make it without a dedicated tool, but it's much quicker with one.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:03 PM (tHwdc)

362 I bought my late husband a blue Kitchen Aide. He didn't really use it. He liked using a whisk. I sold it after he died. But then, I wound up with one when I married again. I guess I was meant to own one. He even bought the grain mill, which his late wife didn't use. I like making bread and I like that attachment.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at February 19, 2017 06:03 PM (Lqy/e)

363 These are very funny cooking disaster stories, even if it sounds like they were awful at the time.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 19, 2017 06:02 PM (fDdVG)

I am actually tremendously disappointed that only one fire required the fire department.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:03 PM (rF0hx)

364 Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:03 PM (Enq6K)

Lactose intolerant?

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:04 PM (nDcc3)

365 teej.. not normally but let me know where and when and I will try to get out there! Would love to see you play.

Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at February 19, 2017 06:04 PM (CNHr1)

366 Probably just a coincidence but the #VeryFakeNews dial seems to have been dialed back to simmer since the Trump press conference.

Posted by: E Depluribus Juan at February 19, 2017 06:05 PM (ZFUt7)

367 Mrs. E and I stopped in Muenster Friday at Fisher's market. These folks are famous for their meat, so we got bacon and a ham, and last night we had a pot of bacon-seasoned navy beans with rice and cornbread. That was a good supper, but tonight I cooked hummus and crackers for supper. Well, not exactly cooked, strictly speaking. But that is what I am eating for supper. That and maybe a wee drink. Or two.

Posted by: Eromero at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (zLDYs)

368 Ginormous. Really thick.

Words used by grandson just now describing the hot dogs ready for the grill.

Posted by: Les Kinetic at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (U6f54)

369 >>>325 319 >>>168 I would LOVE a Kitchen-Aid mixer.
Apple Green, if anyone's interested

white
please

Did Stanley Kubrick design your kitchen?

...changed my mind!..i want a concrete colored one

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (WIU1V)

370 WeaselWoman is making some sort of chicken burritos tonight. Originally, the recipe was chickenless but I asked if we could substitute actual chicken for the chickenless part.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (Sfs6o)

371 Not my kitchen disaster, but my dad's from waaaay back when...he considered himself The Grillmaster, and when my parents and my aunt and uncle went on a camping trip, he decided to roast a whole chicken wrapped in foil over the coals. Everyone went for a walk, and when they got back my aunt asked if the chicken shouldn't be done by now? Dad said no, just a bit longer...an hour later, when they opened the foil, all they found was a little black pile of ash where the chicken had been.
My aunt never let him live it down.

Posted by: antisocialist at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (W2wn0)

372 I can make it without a dedicated tool, but it's much quicker with one.

You're still talking about food, right?

Posted by: Blanco Basura at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (IcT7t)

373 I believe it has 6 pkgs of cream cheese in it.
Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:01 PM (Enq6K)

I just threw up a little in the back of my throat.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (8nWyX)

374

Posted by: Blanco Basura at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (IcT7t)

It's possible she's not. This is the horde yanno

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:07 PM (nDcc3)

375 Kansas would be perfect ladies.
Time it when we're playing a winery. Early shows, you can bring your own snacks if you like and free wine tasting.
Drive south to Texas the next day.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 06:07 PM (mzTVj)

376 Final question- I have an absolutely lovely chocolate port for dessert. Raspberries or blueberries?

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:07 PM (G5ZEi)

377 It's possible she's not. This is the horde yanno

Yeah, that's why I always ask.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at February 19, 2017 06:07 PM (IcT7t)

378
Woohoo! You hear that, washrivergal? We're in!

We'll bring dessert.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:00 PM (sBOL1)

+++

Got it! Sounds like it is going to be a real wing-ding!

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:08 PM (Ivjge)

379 DangerGirl- that sounds great and it will go great with some roasted veggies-Thank You.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:03 PM (G5ZEi)

You're welcome my dear. Just mix all that stuff together, form it into a log, roll it in wax paper and refrigerate for at least a few hours. Slice it and top the steaks when time to serve.
Your meal sounds delicious.

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 06:09 PM (+eR2D)

380 310 Yel. Stole "roast beast" from the Grinch decades ago myself.
I'm sure ASCAAP or some such group will catch up to me any day now.
Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 05:48 PM (mzTVj)

Careful. Those fuckers are relentless.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:09 PM (0mRoj)

381 Raspberries or blueberries?
Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:07 PM (G5ZEi)

And. With blackberries.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:09 PM (J8/9G)

382 Bluebell, it's just gin and Rose's Lime Juice.

Eff off, CBD. I don't have any limes and these are hard times.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:10 PM (EnKk6)

383 I was once at a multiday conference. An organizer asked if anyone had any special dietary requirements. I raised my hand and said, "I have to have steak at every meal."

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner

I'm at a company that orders out for sandwiches and wraps for when clients come for training sessions. After the session, the leftover sandwiches are taken to the kitchen so the rest of us get a free snack. The one constant in this: the vegetarian sandwiches are *always* left over and *always* discarded. Nobody wants them. They are trying to be inclusive, but it ends up being just wasteful. Those vegetables would be a useful garnish on top of some roast beef or ham and cheese.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 06:10 PM (W8bn5)

384 Final question- I have an absolutely lovely chocolate port for dessert. Raspberries or blueberries?
Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:07 PM (G5ZEi)

---------

Raspberries.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:10 PM (sBOL1)

385 Bluebell, washriver gal.. what are we plotting? A meet up?

Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at February 19, 2017 06:10 PM (CNHr1)

386 Lactose intolerant?

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:04 PM (nDcc3)

Yeah...but I really wasn't a fan of cheesecake before that affliction kicked in.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (Enq6K)

387 Eris, twasn't me who asked but thanks anyway. I do have some limes - shall I lob them your way?

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (sBOL1)

388 334 Primus "Shake Hand With Beef"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHjpWo4edfw
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 05:56 PM (tHwdc)

Primes sucks!

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (0mRoj)

389 Primus dammit! Stupid autocucumber.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (0mRoj)

390 One Thanksgiving the family convened at a rental house in Pass-a-Grill, FL instead of the other side of FL (where my aunt lived) so that we could all spend the holiday with my cousin (he was attending grad school in Tampa). The oven temp was higher than what was set, but by the time mom realized it the bird had been in there for hours. It didn't burn (whew!); however, after we took it out and set it on the cutting board it just collapsed like a souffle, sliding right of its bones. Tasted fine, but will never forget watching a yuge turkey implode like that

Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (NOIQH)

391 Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (Enq6K)

That's odd as all get out

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:12 PM (nDcc3)

392 Bluebell, washriver gal.. what are we plotting? A meet up?
Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at February 19, 2017 06:10 PM (CNHr1)

-------------

Of a sort, if by that you mean inviting ourselves to Ben Had's for his game tasting menu and plotting exactly how we are going to pull it off.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:12 PM (sBOL1)

393 Mr. DeV. likes cheesecake.
My daughter made one for him in celebration of the Cubs' WS win. A blue cheesecake.
Cubbie blue, VERY blue. Lots and lots of blue food coloring blue. I mean LOTS.

Do not do this.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at February 19, 2017 06:12 PM (Nox3c)

394 I think we're doing 9-12 on May 6 at Frank James saloon.
Don't have my calander here. Pretty sure you can watch for The Foggy Vision Boys on their site.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 06:12 PM (mzTVj)

395 The one constant in this: the vegetarian sandwiches are *always* left over and *always* discarded. Nobody wants them. They are trying to be inclusive, but it ends up being just wasteful.

No, no one wants that crap. And just think, they could be redeemed with just a single slice of, even, turkey.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:13 PM (J8/9G)

396 WeaselWoman is making some sort of chicken burritos
tonight. Originally, the recipe was chickenless but I asked if we could
substitute actual chicken for the chickenless part.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (Sfs6o)

Chicken is the perfect food. Along with the egg. What on God's green earth was supposed to take the place of the chicken?

I shudder to think.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:13 PM (tHwdc)

397 Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (Sfs6o)

Chicken is the perfect food. Along with the egg. What on God's green earth was supposed to take the place of the chicken?

I shudder to think.
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:13 PM (tHwdc)

Long pig.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:14 PM (0mRoj)

398 385 Bluebell, washriver gal.. what are we plotting? A meet up?
Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at February 19, 2017 06:10 PM (CNHr1)

+++

Ben Had is hosting a gourmet dinner (which sounds like heaven) for his "customers", sometime, he won't give us a date (I'm sure he just forgot) and we just invited ourselves due to his description of his menu.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:14 PM (Ivjge)

399 Eff off, CBD. I don't have any limes and these are hard times.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:10 PM (EnKk6)

Hey!

Did you read the content? I specifically said that you should drink what makes you happy.

[Just not a Gimlet made with Rose's Lime Juice.You are a fvcking savage]

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:14 PM (rF0hx)

400 Gimme them limes!

I need to make that habanero cheesecake with Key Lime sauce from Nadia's cookbook.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:15 PM (EnKk6)

401 he won't give us a date (I'm sure he just forgot)
----------

I was thinking the very same thing . . .

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:15 PM (sBOL1)

402 I truly love my Kitchen-aid, and I don't know what I did without it.

I make bread weekly and I also use it to run a grinder for making cornmeal.
I have a shredder that plugs into it for making sauerkraut and shredding pears for compote.
I also will use it to whip egg whites for things like waffles. Fabulous.

I sewed a cozy for it for when it was not in use.

Posted by: Kindltot at February 19, 2017 06:15 PM (XMCn6)

403 Anyone here ever make coffee but forget to put the carafe in the machine?
I've dine that more than once, and oh, what a mess it makes - scalding hot coffee pouring down the side of the cabinets, creeping across the floor.

Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:16 PM (NOIQH)

404 ahh.. okay. Count me in if it's close!

Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at February 19, 2017 06:16 PM (CNHr1)

405 You are a fvcking savage]

Alas, not tonight!

*sips gimlet as single tear traces down my dewy cheek*

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:16 PM (EnKk6)

406 Toasting marshmallows and drinking a Yoo-hoo for my dinner. An awesome day getting awesomer.

Posted by: NCKate at February 19, 2017 06:16 PM (KWjLw)

407 I just threw up a little in the back of my throat.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:06 PM (8nWyX)

It is quite dense and tall. Every time she served it (usually at holidays with a strawberry topping), it was always almost gone. I'd take a small sliver and give it to my husband, who loved it.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:17 PM (Enq6K)

408 Sure thing, Eris. Can you wait until Thursday? I'll be driving past your way and can just lob them your way from the interstate.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:17 PM (sBOL1)

409 #388 Primus sucks!

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (0mRoj)

Don't be a h8tr!

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:17 PM (tHwdc)

410 CBD, I have one of the paddles with the silicone edges for my Kitchen Aid mixer.

I give it a solid meh. It doesn't perfectly fit the bowl, so I have to manually manipulate the bowl to get it to scrape properly. I expected to be able to just let it do the job itself but it doesn't.

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 06:17 PM (+eR2D)

411 Anyone here ever make coffee but forget to put the carafe in the machine?
I've dine that more than once, and oh, what a mess it makes - scalding hot coffee pouring down the side of the cabinets, creeping across the floor.
Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:16 PM (NOIQH)

Yup....and weeks later you still will find spots you missed in the clean up.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at February 19, 2017 06:18 PM (5VlCp)

412 My mother once made beef bourguignon with bourbon instead of red wine. She claims all her dinner guests enjoyed it thoroughly. None of them could focus well enough to drive home.

Posted by: Wenda (sic) at February 19, 2017 06:18 PM (Kr0FZ)

413 *sips gimlet as single tear traces down my dewy cheek*

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:16 PM (EnKk6)

Okay...that made me laugh.

You are forgiven for not having limes.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:18 PM (rF0hx)

414 409 #388 Primus sucks!

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (0mRoj)

Don't be a h8tr!
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:17 PM (tHwdc)

You know that's a Primus fan cheer, right?

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:19 PM (0mRoj)

415 Sure, BB. I'll just pack a cooler with gin and glasses.

Route 40 and 29 at 1230 hours okay? I try not to drink before noon.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:19 PM (EnKk6)

416 washrivergirl _ I can think of no better way to Thank the people that keep food on my table than to honor them with good food , wine and good company. I'm thinking late April so you and bluebell work on your logistics.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:19 PM (G5ZEi)

417 The oven temp was higher than what was set, but by the time mom realized it the bird had been in there for hours.
Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:11 PM (NOIQH)

Oven thermostats are lying perfidious jerks, never trust them. A $4 bimetallic dial thermometer from a grocery store that you set on the rack is more reliable than the digital thermostat on a $500 oven.

No, no one wants that crap. And just think, they could be redeemed with just a single slice of, even, turkey.
Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:13 PM (J8/9G)

Counterpoint: Jimmy John's vegetarian subs with provolone and avocado paste topped with lettuce and tomato are actually pretty tasty.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:19 PM (8nWyX)

418 >>>>The one constant in this: the vegetarian sandwiches are *always* left
over and *always* discarded. Nobody wants them. They are trying to be
inclusive, but it ends up being just wasteful.

No, no one wants that crap. And just think, they could be redeemed with just a single slice of, even, turkey.
.
.
.Same thing always happened with those horrible veggie pizzas I had to buy for work because of inclusiveness. I would buy pizza's every couple of weeks for my people and I had to get one or two of them and every single time they would be left over with maybe one piece taken out.

Not a single slice of meat lovers or pepperoni left but at least two veggie ones left over.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at February 19, 2017 06:20 PM (le7jz)

419 the three things that have greatly helped my cooking are:

1. do ALL prep work BEFORE you turn on a single burner
2. when unsure, always err on the side of using LESS heat
3. use salt and pepper liverally multiple times throughout the cooking process

Doing these three things has turned my culinary efforts from being a 50/50 gamble into something I can consistently enjoy... even my 6 yr old son agrees

Posted by: I Smell Something Rotten at February 19, 2017 06:20 PM (ctO3Z)

420 Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 06:10 PM (W8bn5)

Keep your own ham and such around, and simply add to the veggie stuff!

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 06:20 PM (KlGDT)

421 Chicken is the perfect food. Along with the egg. What on God's green earth was supposed to take the place of the chicken?

I shudder to think.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess

I just thank my lucky stars every time my children do not resemble Ernie Anastos.

Posted by: the Chicken at February 19, 2017 06:20 PM (W8bn5)

422 Did you read the content? I specifically said that you should drink what makes you happy.

[Just not a Gimlet made with Rose's Lime Juice.You are a fvcking savage]

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:14 PM (rF0hx)

"Rose's Lime Juice - Makes Gin a Meal"

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:20 PM (tHwdc)

423 412 My mother once made beef bourguignon with bourbon instead of red wine. She claims all her dinner guests enjoyed it thoroughly. None of them could focus well enough to drive home.
Posted by: Wenda (sic) at February 19, 2017 06:18 PM (Kr0FZ)

So, beef Bourbon-gnon.

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 06:20 PM (ANIFC)

424 I try not to drink before noon.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:19 PM (EnKk6)
------------

In that case let's make it at 12:01.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:21 PM (sBOL1)

425 I forgot to turn the "miniport" on the two-piece Oster blender lid after loading it to the top with ice cubes, tequila, and margarita mix. I hit the button, blew the top off the blender, and shot delicious, sticky cocktail ingredients onto the ceiling and all over the room.

I was never able to locate and completely clean all of the stickiness, ever.

Posted by: Fritz at February 19, 2017 06:21 PM (yIZoc)

426 I expected to be able to just let it do the job itself but it doesn't.

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 06:17 PM (+eR2D)

Well....that sucks.

It seems like a brilliant idea, but the reviews on Amazon (don't judge me!) were about what you said.

Is it the construction...the design...?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:21 PM (rF0hx)

427 Okay. Kitchen disaster story. Was making a veggie stew. Took half the veggies out and put them in the blender, to make a richer stew. In the blender, lid on, power on. Stuff was so hot I pulled my hand away from the lid - puree on the walls.... a mess.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at February 19, 2017 06:22 PM (Y5s72)

428 Keep your own ham and such around, and simply add to the veggie stuff!

Posted by: GWB

We have 2 larges fridges - good idea. And we don't have a lot of problems with "food theft", like in the Dilbert cartoons.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (W8bn5)

429 Counterpoint: Jimmy John's vegetarian subs with provolone and avocado paste topped with lettuce and tomato are actually pretty tasty.
Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:19 PM (8nWyX)
---
Okay, we were having this discussion at work: Have you noticed that nobody's a mere vegetarian anymore? Oh no, they are VEGANS.

Vegetarian cuisine employing milk, cheese, and eggs is tasty and satisfying.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (EnKk6)

430 every single time they would be left over with maybe one piece taken out.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at February 19, 2017 06:20 PM (le7jz)

And that single slice was taken by some normal guy who showed up late, or somebody who thought..."How bad can it be?"

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (rF0hx)

431 403 Anyone here ever make coffee but forget to put the carafe in the machine?
I've dine that more than once, and oh, what a mess it makes - scalding hot coffee pouring down the side of the cabinets, creeping across the floor.
Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:16 PM (NOIQH)

+++

Why, yes I have. Just very recently, as a matter of fact.
The joy when you discover what you've done is just unimaginable.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (Ivjge)

432
I think I might've found my electrical draw.

If they made a simple car with ECM (computer), I would buy it. But they can't because Govt won't allow a car not to have the OBD bullshit. So all cars today have to have computers.

I'd love to have an old Chevy.

Posted by: Soothsayer 45 at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (gNJ4E)

433 Late April?
**kicks a rock**
Have a winery gig the 15th.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (mzTVj)

434 431 403 Anyone here ever make coffee but forget to put the carafe in the machine?
I've dine that more than once, and oh, what a mess it makes - scalding hot coffee pouring down the side of the cabinets, creeping across the floor.
Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:16 PM (NOIQH)

+++

Why, yes I have. Just very recently, as a matter of fact.
The joy when you discover what you've done is just unimaginable.
Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (Ivjge)

All that coffee...gone forever...

*wipes tears*

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:24 PM (0mRoj)

435 Vegetarian cuisine employing milk, cheese, and eggs is tasty and satisfying.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (EnKk6)
------------

Especially after you add the bacon.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:24 PM (sBOL1)

436 Especially after you add the bacon.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:24 PM (sBOL1)

You are very bad.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:25 PM (rF0hx)

437 I'd love a Bulleitt lemonade right now. Alas, I have nothing on hand. Gotta wait until payday.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 06:25 PM (GsAUU)

438
Especially after you add the bacon.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:24 PM (sBOL1)
---
It's made from vegetarians!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:26 PM (EnKk6)

439 You are very bad.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:25 PM (rF0hx)

----------

Pfffft. Like you wouldn't have said the same if I hadn't beat you to it.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:26 PM (sBOL1)

440 Once I was making chili (no beans/carrots) and was dicing a couple of jalape�os.... without thinking, rubbed my eye...

The pain was significant.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:26 PM (Sfs6o)

441 416 washrivergirl _ I can think of no better way to Thank the people that keep food on my table than to honor them with good food , wine and good company. I'm thinking late April so you and bluebell work on your logistics.
Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:19 PM (G5ZEi)

+++

I hope you know that we are just teasing and think that you are a wonderful man! A Moron.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:26 PM (Ivjge)

442 Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 06:25 PM (GsAUU)

I'm intrigued Bulleit is whisy right?

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:27 PM (nDcc3)

443 Counterpoint: Jimmy John's vegetarian subs with provolone and avocado paste topped with lettuce and tomato are actually pretty tasty.

Posted by: hogmartin

I wouldn't mind "vegetarian" sandwiches if they even had cheese - these were vegan, right down to those horrid soy sprout things that look like sperm.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 06:27 PM (W8bn5)

444 I hope you know that we are just teasing and think that you are a wonderful man! A Moron.
Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:26 PM (Ivjge)
------------

Amen. I'm still amazed that Ben hosted all those Texican Morons at his place.

Swell guy for sure.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (sBOL1)

445 Like you wouldn't have said the same if I hadn't beat you to it.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:26 PM (sBOL1)

Absolutely not! I have tremendous respect for vegetarian cooking.

Adding bacon is just rubbing it in vegetarians' faces and isn't polite.

Crumbled Italian sausage is much better. It goes with cheese so well!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (rF0hx)

446 My friend gave her daughter a ginormous bottle of Bulleit rye for her birthday yesterday and was deemed Bestest Mom Ever.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (EnKk6)

447 I can make it without a dedicated tool, but it's much quicker with one.
--

Nudge, nudge, say no more.

My mom once blew the lid off a pressure-cooker full of green beans - sprayed 'em all over the ceiling.

Posted by: Geronimo Stilton at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (4bKiB)

448 I just decanted my first batch of home-fermented hard cider. It's not as hard as I might like, but it's good. Next time I use better yeast, and more sugar to get a longer ferment.

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (KlGDT)

449 >>All that coffee...gone forever...

*wipes tears*

....and you have to clean up the dang mess without the benefit of having tyour first cup of coffee in your system.

Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (NOIQH)

450 I'm intrigued Bulleit is whisy right?

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:27 PM (nDcc3)

Yes it is...a fine bourbon, on the dry and spicy side. But great for mixing. And sipping. And glugging down with lemonade. And brushing your teeth....

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:29 PM (rF0hx)

451 washrivergirl- The invite still stands.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (G5ZEi)

452 Okay, we were having this discussion at work: Have you noticed that nobody's a mere vegetarian anymore? Oh no, they are VEGANS.

Vegetarian cuisine employing milk, cheese, and eggs is tasty and satisfying.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:23 PM (EnKk6)

Yeah, it seems like kind of a one-up thing. I've had some pretty good vegetarian meals that were good because they were made to taste good, and managed to do so without meat, not from political pretentiousness. But then there's always some asshole who's like "oh, that was sweetened with honey... well, I guess that's OK for you, I just have different standards" and you want to arrange for them to shit their own teeth a few hours later.
https://youtu.be/RtuMIaOGRy8?t=13s

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (8nWyX)

453 442 Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 06:25 PM (GsAUU)

I'm intrigued Bulleit is whisy right?
Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:27 PM (nDcc3)

--Yes. A good one, bourbon. It was just visual, not one of the recipes Bar Rescue puts on the screen, but is has lemonade and Bulleitt, of course, and some triple-sec garnished with an orange rind. Easy to make.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (GsAUU)

454 Crumbled Italian sausage is much better. It goes with cheese so well!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (rF0hx)
--------------

Fair point. Although I think we should just split the difference and embrace the power of "and" here. Everyone wins.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (sBOL1)

455 Oh yeah, Kitchenaid mixers....bought the wife one 14-15 years ago & a few years ago she's in the kitchen making cranberry relish for Christmas in a couple of days.

Suddenly I hear a strange noise & my wife, who hardly ever cusses, is rivaling me in the bad word count department.

So I walk into the kitchen & I'm greeted by the sight of a 15-foot trail of cranberry relish, across the floor, into the dining room & up the window blinds.

"What the hell...."

Turns out she didn't realize that you're only supposed to use one of the grinding disks, not both. The stuff EXPLODED out of the grinder. I had to use a pipe wrench to get the disks apart.

Posted by: Fred Weldon at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (GuPwg)

456 Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 05:46 PM (EnKk6)

Risotto? Especially if you used lamb fat to soak the rice first. Or would that be *too* flavorful?

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (sEDyY)

457
....and you have to clean up the dang mess without the benefit of having tyour first cup of coffee in your system.
Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (NOIQH)

+++

That's the kicker.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (Ivjge)

458 Speaking of coffee, I am still waiting on my Caffeinated As F*ck from Black Rifle Coffee. Happily, they are doing boffo business and everything is on backorder.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:31 PM (EnKk6)

459 And it's time to put the tone down for an hour or so.
Those songs, while just coming natural to me on the drums, aren't going to become a part of me with the Taylor sitting in it's case.

And if you're into accoustic guitars, Taylor guitars dot com and search DN8 should get you to mine. Like my best rifle, it plays better than I do.

Love each other fellow babies.

Posted by: teej at February 19, 2017 06:31 PM (mzTVj)

460 >>Okay, we were having this discussion at work: Have you noticed that nobody's a mere vegetarian anymore? Oh no, they are VEGANS.

Ugh, yes, and also the gluten-free business.

Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:31 PM (NOIQH)

461 I once had something cooking in the oven in a small class casserole dish...whole potatoes I think. I had put a small amount of water in the bottom of the dish. About 1/2 way through I look and think "that needs more water." Using a hot pad I took the casserole dish out of the oven, walked over to the sink to add some water.....damn thing exploded. Glass, water and potatoes all over the floor. My husband was standing there and we had matching OMG! looks on our faces.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:32 PM (Enq6K)

462 And then you get the vegans who are not only vegans but also "raw" nuts who won't eat anything that's been heated to over 117 degrees or some such. Honestly, why even bother eating.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:32 PM (sBOL1)

463 Risotto? Especially if you used lamb fat to soak the rice first. Or would that be *too* flavorful?
Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (sEDyY)
---
Oh man, excellent idea! And there is no such thing as too flavorful.

With or without shrooms?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:32 PM (EnKk6)

464 460 >>Okay, we were having this discussion at work: Have you noticed that nobody's a mere vegetarian anymore? Oh no, they are VEGANS.

Ugh, yes, and also the gluten-free business.

Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:31 PM (NOIQH)

We can only hope trends continue & those people will just refuse to eat anything before long.

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 06:32 PM (ANIFC)

465 Okay, we were having this discussion at work: Have you noticed that nobody's a mere vegetarian anymore? Oh no, they are VEGANS.

---

Yeah, I think a lot of people are into the virtue signaling in regards to what they will and will not eat.

Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at February 19, 2017 06:33 PM (J5mC3)

466 451 washrivergirl- The invite still stands.
Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (G5ZEi)

+++

Thank you. I am about to get in my car right now. The rain here just will not let up. Not for no one or anything.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:33 PM (Ivjge)

467
We can only hope trends continue those people will just refuse to eat anything before long.
--

I am interested in your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at February 19, 2017 06:33 PM (J5mC3)

468 I had a large tempered glass cutting board explode in a bazillion pieces which was pretty exciting.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:33 PM (Sfs6o)

469 Risotto? Especially if you used lamb fat to soak the rice first. Or would that be *too* flavorful?

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (sEDyY)

Oh shit! You are a genius. Duck fat risotto!

Guess what I have in my refrigerator!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:34 PM (rF0hx)

470 I had a large tempered glass cutting board explode in a bazillion pieces which was pretty exciting.
Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:33 PM (Sfs6o)

To be fair, that's the ideal condition for a glass cutting board. Those things wreck knives.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:34 PM (8nWyX)

471 446 My friend gave her daughter a ginormous bottle of Bulleit rye for her birthday yesterday and was deemed Bestest Mom Ever.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (EnKk6)

--Man, I'd love that for my birthday!

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 06:34 PM (GsAUU)

472 >>And then you get the vegans who are not only vegans but also "raw" nuts
who won't eat anything that's been heated to over 117 degrees or some
such. Honestly, why even bother eating.

And the "clean eating" fad. Walked into Panera with my mom and we see a sign on the door announcing that all their food is clean. Mom comments, "I should hope all their food is clean!"

Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:35 PM (NOIQH)

473 Well, speaking of Greatest Mom Ever and guitars, I am about to go watch my son play some charity gig and the drummer, who is the weak link anyway, is hungover so this should be extra-special good.

I think they serve booze at this place. I hope.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:35 PM (sBOL1)

474 Is it the construction...the design...?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:21 PM (rF0hx)

The design. The construction is fine, sturdy. But it should be slightly longer at the neck, so the paddle goes further down into the bowl. Where it sits on mine, it will barely scrape the sides, so I slightly lift the bowl and then it works well.
However, I'm afraid that if they made it so it actually scraped the sides, the silicone they use is so hard that it would send the mixer walking across the counter. I have to have a pretty good grip on the bowl to keep things from flying around.
It's a shame because it is a great idea in concept, just needs some work in reality.

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 06:35 PM (+eR2D)

475 Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:34 PM (8nWyX)
--------
Well that was the first and last one I ever used!

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (Sfs6o)

476

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 06:32 PM (ANIFC)

People announcing they are vegans or gluten free is pretty much the same as: "I RAN MY FIRST 10K!" "OH HI, I RUN MARATHONS" "NICE TO MEET YOU, YES I RUN MARATHONS. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (nDcc3)

477 Okay, we were having this discussion at work: Have you noticed that nobody's a mere vegetarian anymore? Oh no, they are VEGANS.

So. Not even cheese or mayonnaise on these damn things? Jesus. H. Christ.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (J8/9G)

478 Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:32 PM (Enq6K)

+++

What's amazing with all of these culinary disaster stories is that no one has been seriously hurt, 'cause some of them sound horrendous.

Posted by: washrivergal at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (Ivjge)

479 >>>>
Once I was making chili (no beans/carrots) and was dicing a couple of jalapeos.... without thinking, rubbed my eye...

The pain was significant.
.
.
.Back when my grandfather was alive he used to have a huge garden and he would grow some sort of peppers. Every fall he would pick them and run a needle with a string through them and leave them on the back porch to dry .

And every year he would tell us grand kids to not touch those peppers......guess what we did?.....touch those peppers and boy howdy they were hot especially after you rubbed your eyes after handling them.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (le7jz)

480 I always ask for extra gluten.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:37 PM (J8/9G)

481
Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:35 PM (sBOL1)
--------
Have fun bluebell!

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:37 PM (Sfs6o)

482 People announcing they are vegans or gluten free is pretty much the same as: "I RAN MY FIRST 10K!" "OH HI, I RUN MARATHONS" "NICE TO MEET YOU, YES I RUN MARATHONS. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"
Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (nDcc3)

------------

Oh don't get me started on those 26.2 or 13.1 signs people put on their cars. My favorite are the ones that say 0.0.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:38 PM (sBOL1)

483 I had a large tempered glass cutting board explode in a bazillion pieces which was pretty exciting.

I baked some biscuits in a pyrex dish one morning and put the hot pan in the sink. Didn't think, and ran a little water and the whole thing grenaded.

Didn't cut myself until I had to fish shards out of the disposal.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at February 19, 2017 06:38 PM (oVJmc)

484 Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 06:35 PM (+eR2D)

Do you remember which brand it is? There are two available.....

I actually have a design in my mind for the perfect one, but it's made from steel and is machined and would cost about $40.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:38 PM (rF0hx)

485 Guess what I have in my refrigerator!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:34 PM (rF0hx)
-----------

I thought you were saving that for your eventual embalming.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:38 PM (sBOL1)

486 Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:38 PM (sBOL1)

I'm all for being in shape and what not but christ unless I/someone asks or somehow it comes up in conversation; nobody gives a shit.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:39 PM (nDcc3)

487 My favorite are the ones that say 0.0.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:38 PM (sBOL1)

That is fvcking perfect.

I like snide stuff like that (I know...I hide it well).

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:39 PM (rF0hx)

488 Have fun bluebell!
Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:37 PM (Sfs6o)
-------------

Thank you. We've got to raid our gun stuff for earplugs.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:39 PM (sBOL1)

489 Lamb fat risotto- with or without the white wine. I'm doing a lamb on Tuesday.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:39 PM (G5ZEi)

490 >>> Oh don't get me started on those 26.2 or 13.1 signs people put on their cars. My favorite are the ones that say 0.0.

I once saw 5.56 on a pickup.

Posted by: fluffy at February 19, 2017 06:40 PM (jw2Xw)

491 Bluebell, make Ronnie James Dio metal horns and scream at the top of your lungs.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:40 PM (EnKk6)

492 476

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 06:32 PM (ANIFC)

People announcing they are vegans or gluten free is pretty much the same as: "I RAN MY FIRST 10K!" "OH HI, I RUN MARATHONS" "NICE TO MEET YOU, YES I RUN MARATHONS. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"
Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (nDcc3)

A vegan, an atheist and a CrossFitter walk into a bar...

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:41 PM (0mRoj)

493 482 People announcing they are vegans or gluten free is pretty much the same as: "I RAN MY FIRST 10K!" "OH HI, I RUN MARATHONS" "NICE TO MEET YOU, YES I RUN MARATHONS. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"
Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (nDcc3)

------------

Oh don't get me started on those 26.2 or 13.1 signs people put on their cars. My favorite are the ones that say 0.0.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:38 PM (sBOL1)

I have one from a local brewery that says 15.5, which is the number of gallons in a keg.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:42 PM (0mRoj)

494 Another cocktail has Bulleitt Rye, blackberry syrup, and a couple dashes of bitters. Hmmmm.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 06:42 PM (GsAUU)

495 Bluebell, make Ronnie James Dio metal horns and scream at the top of your lungs.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:40 PM (EnKk6)
------------

I was thinking more of a vuvuzela.

My son is actually a great guitarist, although he is very modest. But even he said let's face it, I'll be holding this together, lol.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:42 PM (sBOL1)

496 Can't remember too many food disasters. Although I know they have happened. Few weeks ago I got up and turned the coffee pot on. Jumped in the shower. Come out for a hot cup of joe. egads. I hadn't put the carafe completely under the cup. Coffee and grounds all over the counter, in the cupboard, on the floor, under the fridge. Geez, what a mess.

Posted by: Infidel at February 19, 2017 06:42 PM (ByNzS)

497 Ugh, yes, and also the gluten-free business.
Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:31 PM (NOIQH

I love the "gluten-free" pickles. And the "gluten-free" sauerkraut. And the "gluten-free" hard candy. And the "gluten-free" meat (yes, I saw that once). And the "gluten-free"......
Marketing *always* plays to the lowest-common denominator.

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 06:42 PM (KlGDT)

498 I always ask for extra gluten.
Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:37 PM (J8/9G)

On the signup sheet for an office party, every other entry was "gluten free x" "gluten free y" "gluten free z". Two of maybe 40 people actually did have a legitimate allergy, it was a fad diet for the rest. The people who had the real allergies were like recovering alcoholics or ex-smokers, basically do what you want, I choose not to but will not dictate to people who do. The fad diet people were the militants.

I wrote "basically a big bowl of gluten" on the list and brought mom's barley salad, because it's delicious.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:43 PM (8nWyX)

499 Once I was making chili (no beans/carrots) and was dicing a couple of jalapenos.... without thinking, rubbed my eye...

The pain was significant.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:26 PM (Sfs6o)

I have a pair of rubber gloves used exclusively for handling hot peppers.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:43 PM (tHwdc)

500 Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:41 PM (0mRoj)

At least I know I can drink with the atheist and Crossfitter, as long as they're not in training mode.

The vegan will need to make sure the spirits were made with non-GMO materials, sourced locally and hand crafted.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at February 19, 2017 06:43 PM (nDcc3)

501 A vegan, an atheist and a CrossFitter walk into a bar...

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:41 PM (0mRoj)

Add: a Harvard grad.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:43 PM (J8/9G)

502 13 years old. Boiling peanuts in a pressure cooker. Took the top off pot while still under pressure. Went everywhere. Was wearing nothing but cutoff jeans.

Posted by: Eromero at February 19, 2017 06:43 PM (zLDYs)

503 502 13 years old. Boiling peanuts in a pressure cooker. Took the top off pot while still under pressure. Went everywhere. Was wearing nothing but cutoff jeans.
Posted by: Eromero at February 19, 2017 06:43 PM (zLDYs)

Go on...

Posted by: Harry Reid at February 19, 2017 06:44 PM (0mRoj)

504
477 Okay, we were having this discussion at work: Have you noticed that nobody's a mere vegetarian anymore? Oh no, they are VEGANS.

So. Not even cheese or mayonnaise on these damn things? Jesus. H. Christ.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 06:36 PM (J8/9G)

Hand Salad

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 19, 2017 06:44 PM (cuZZW)

505 So what I'm getting is, never use a pressure cooker.

Ever.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:45 PM (EnKk6)

506 Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:43 PM (tHwdc)
----------
That's the sort of mistake I suspect few people make twice!

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:45 PM (Sfs6o)

507 My mom once blew the lid off a pressure-cooker full of green beans - sprayed 'em all over the ceiling.

Posted by: Geronimo Stilton at February 19, 2017 06:28 PM (4bKiB)

No disrespect to your mom, but why would she use a pressure cooker for green beans?

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:45 PM (tHwdc)

508 I was thinking more of a vuvuzela.

Kinky...

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:45 PM (0mRoj)

509 I was thinking more of a vuvuzela.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:42 PM (sBOL1)

I was thinking of something else entirely. I had to reread that. LOL

Posted by: GWB at February 19, 2017 06:45 PM (KlGDT)

510 >>
Put the lid on before you turn it on?

Put it on all the way and created a time bomb!

Gotta vent it and use a towel to keep it from getting all Vesuvius on you.

Posted by: garrett at February 19, 2017 06:46 PM (p+Qx5)

511 you want to arrange for them to shit their own teeth

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:30 PM (8nWyX)

<tickled by the imagery>

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 06:46 PM (tHwdc)

512 My 3 worst mishaps: dropping an entire roast on the floor; baking a cake that fell (have no idea why); dropping an whole pie on the floor (baked the pie right after the cake fiasco.

My opinion of Vic's biggest disaster was his effort at making yeast bread.

Posted by: Vic's wife at February 19, 2017 06:46 PM (mpXpK)

513 The pain was significant.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:26 PM (Sfs6o)

Oh...we're going down that road?

Hot peppers from New Mexico.
Great chile recipe.
Girlfriends apartment.
.
.
.
Pain.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:47 PM (rF0hx)

514 Mrs. Vic! Hooray! Glad you're here, and glad I saw you before I had to leave.

Which is now. Ciao, my foodie friends.

Posted by: bluebell at February 19, 2017 06:47 PM (sBOL1)

515 g'early evenin', 'rons

Posted by: AltonJackson at February 19, 2017 06:47 PM (KCxzN)

516 Rough patch in marriage (right before everything either falls apart or turns out fine - ours was the latter):

I've always been the cook of the family. Come home from work and she's standing at the stove with a skillet on fire. Screams at me the moment I walk in. **dammit do something!

I walk calmly into the kitchen, leaned over and light a cigarette off of the skillet, and walk to the bathroom to the shower.

Posted by: Names changed to protect the innocent at February 19, 2017 06:47 PM (/f1mm)

517 I have one from a local brewery that says 15.5, which is the number of gallons in a keg.
Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 06:42 PM (0mRoj)

I have one. 146.520. Which is the North American 2-meter calling frequency. I also have a vanity plate with my call sign and a dual-band radio in the car. Yes, I am That Guy.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 06:47 PM (8nWyX)

518 There was a kitchen scene in Johnny English 2 where Rowan Atkinson did a choreographed bit in which he prepared an elaborate stew, which involved a lot of precision slicing and dicing. But even though he is a very talented physical performer, he still cut himself during the shooting, although obviously that was edited out.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 06:47 PM (W8bn5)

519 Posted by: Vic's wife at February 19, 2017 06:46 PM (mpXpK)
----------
You dropped a whole pie on the floor?

I just don't know who you are anymore.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:48 PM (Sfs6o)

520 >>>What's amazing with all of these culinary disaster stories is that no
one has been seriously hurt, 'cause some of them sound horrendous.<<<

Well, I can't speak for anybody else, but I was emotionally crushed having needlessly wasted so many margaritas. Thank G_d it was only Jose Cuervo,

Posted by: Fritz at February 19, 2017 06:48 PM (yIZoc)

521
Rough patch in marriage (right before everything either falls apart or turns out fine - ours was the latter):

I've always been the cook of the family. Come home from work and she's standing at the stove with a skillet on fire. Screams at me the moment I walk in. **dammit do something!

I walk calmly into the kitchen, leaned over and light a cigarette off of the skillet, and walk to the bathroom to the shower.

Posted by: Names changed to protect the innocent at February 19, 2017 06:47 PM (/f1mm)

Heh. Moron.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 19, 2017 06:49 PM (cuZZW)

522 40+ years ago, Ms navybrat made a pasta dish.
We were but newlyweds.
For some reason she decided it needed nutmeg.
She opened the nutmeg bottle, and proceeded to empty nearly the entire thing on to the pasta. She thought the bottle had a sifter on top. No sifter, just a big hole.
Rather than throw it out, she mixed it all in, added some cheese and served it to me.
I ate few bites, trying to be polite. My eyes started watering, and my nose too.
I was soldiering thru the whole experience with a smile on my face.
Then she confessed what had happened, crying.
I said, don't worry honey, let's go out for dinner.
We still laugh about that one.

Posted by: navybrat at February 19, 2017 06:50 PM (w7KSn)

523 >>Oh don't get me started on those 26.2 or 13.1 signs people put on their cars. My favorite are the ones that say 0.0.

Oh, that's what those mean!

Son and I saw an SUV with the stick figure family, but it was labeled as "The Ass Family" with labels like "smart (ass)" "dumb (ass)" etc.

Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 06:50 PM (NOIQH)

524 Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:47 PM (rF0hx)
---------
I related my story to one of the chef's at work, and he had the same thing after dicing some sort of devil chili - except he was in the bathroom and didn't rub his eye.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:50 PM (Sfs6o)

525 You've heard of bathtub gin. My cousin made a bathtub full of beer.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 06:51 PM (G5ZEi)

526 "I walk calmly into the kitchen, leaned over and light a cigarette off of the skillet, and walk to the bathroom to the shower."

Gutsy.

Posted by: Tuna at February 19, 2017 06:51 PM (jm1YL)

527 Yay! Vic's wife is here!

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 06:51 PM (Enq6K)

528 except he was in the bathroom and didn't rub his eye.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 06:50 PM (Sfs6o)

Yeah....awful. Just awful.

And I was the lucky one.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:51 PM (rF0hx)

529 No disrespect to your mom, but why would she use a pressure cooker for green beans?
--

Yeah, that's a bit of a mystery in retrospect. It's possible that we had fresh beans, and she was looking for the color and consistency of canned. (Not much of a cook, my mother.)

Posted by: Geronimo Stilton at February 19, 2017 06:52 PM (i2uPg)

530 Not my cooking disaster, but a testament to bad juju...

My sister-in-law is not quite adept around sharp utensils. When the bride and I were first married, we hosted a fondue party. My S-I-L missed the pot during an attempt to dunk her fork, her hand hit the warm pot, recoiled, and was quickly skewered by her partner sitting next to her. Damn fork was as difficult to extract as a fish hook.

A few years later the young lady was preparing a meal at the counter. I should say she was cutting up some meat, for of all things, a FONDUE. She was in the process of reaching across the cutting board when she was espied a spider (hello ATC) sitting on the object of her attention.

Off course she recoiled in horror, knocked the knife of the board and, as with all cases of bad luck, stuck the damn knife right in her foot - between the big toe and second toe webbing. She calls our house, I catch the call. As SIL tells me what happened and wants a ride to the hospital for stitches, my wife is asking - who's on the phone dear.

I respond that it's SIL and that she was just calling to ask me a question. Wifey smells a rat and gets on the phone. At that point all hell breaks loose as this is her little sister and why didn't she call her for help.

Long story short FONDUE IS DANGEROUS.

Posted by: browndog at February 19, 2017 06:53 PM (bGMOs)

531 Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 19, 2017 06:32 PM (EnKk6)

Whatever floats your boat. I frequently make it without because my kids don't like them, and by the time I add finely chopped meat and asparagus or broccoli it is the main dish. I add some truffle salt to my own portion. And then go eat it in another room because the kids all say the truffle smell makes them nauseous.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 19, 2017 06:55 PM (sEDyY)

532 CBD, it's the KitchenAid KFE6L 5.5-6 Qt. Bowl-Lift Flex Edge Beater

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 06:55 PM (+eR2D)

533 sounds to me that pressure cookers are of the devil. i had no idea til today what those marathon stickers were. i figured them to be some sort of asshole i.d. guess i was right. i don't care about your running prowess.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at February 19, 2017 06:56 PM (KP5rU)

534 The problem with food choices is talking about them. I'm gluten-free (which for me means I'm also free of the blood pressure, statin, and stomach-acid meds I used to take), but few people know it. Why would it come up? I just eat what I eat, there's always something.

The hardest part for me was I love cooking with flour. Breads. Phyllo. Pie crust. I don't care about eating them, I love cooking them. Then about a year ago I had an aha! moment: I can cook them, I don't have to eat them! So I do. Pecan pie, focaccia, phyllo stuffed with mushrooms and sausage, or artichokes and ricotta. Oh, my. Such fun.

Posted by: Wenda (sic) at February 19, 2017 06:57 PM (Kr0FZ)

535 CBD,

As the great drinker, oh yeah, and hardboiled mystery writer Raymond Chandler hisself said:

"We sat in the corner bar at Victor's and drank gimlets.

"They don't know how to make them here," he said.

"What they call a gimlet is just some lime or lemon juice and gin with a dash of sugar and bitters.

A real gimlet is half gin and half Rose's Lime Juice and nothing else. It beats martinis hollow.

For your penance, In giving incorrect cocktail advice, you must drink a Laphroaig and Dr Pepper cocktail with a pickled jalape�o juice float.

If you're going to drink a classic cocktail, drink it in the original form.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 06:57 PM (9q7Dl)

536 When I was in High School, my mom lined up some work for me. I would use TSP and easily clean off the years of grease on the painted walls of kitchens.

These old folks were so grateful.

Posted by: JAS at February 19, 2017 06:57 PM (Rx8Bs)

537 I always ask for extra gluten.

I like to ask if there's gluten free wheat bread available. You can hear their gears grinding.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at February 19, 2017 06:58 PM (IcT7t)

538 >>except he was in the bathroom and didn't rub his eye.

Ex-Girlfriend and I had sex once immediately following a huge let's turn all the Tomatoes and Peppers in to Salsa Fest...

It was bad for me. So much worse for her.

The takeaway quote:

"I think milk is supposed to help with that, babe.".

Posted by: garrett at February 19, 2017 06:58 PM (p+Qx5)

539 532
CBD, it's the KitchenAid KFE6L 5.5-6 Qt. Bowl-Lift Flex Edge Beater

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 06:55 PM (+eR2D)

I have this one. Seems to work well....but I've only done limited mixing with it.

http://tinyurl.com/hzcrlf9

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 07:00 PM (Enq6K)

540 Oh, good. We're over 500 comments, so I can go off-topic.

I don't know much about cooking, unless you count heating up cans of Chef Boyardee. That I can do.

Posted by: rickl at February 19, 2017 07:00 PM (sdi6R)

541 Using a mandolin without a guard. Don't.

Posted by: Stubby at February 19, 2017 07:00 PM (uB+td)

542 Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 06:34 PM (rF0hx)

I make risotto a lot (well, I use whatever rice we have on hand so it's *basically* risotto). It's a great way to use small amounts of leftover really good meat. Also, Ace's Gainzz threads have me eating the ham rind and chicken skin but if the fat is too thick I render it first (OMG, roasted ham rind is delicious). Have to do something with that fat, right? Bacon fat is excellent as well.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 19, 2017 07:00 PM (sEDyY)

543 Best food thread ever.I probably just need to have a PBJ

Posted by: Ben Had at February 19, 2017 07:00 PM (G5ZEi)

544 >>>I walk calmly into the kitchen, leaned over and light a cigarette off of the skillet, and walk to the bathroom to the shower

i am impressed

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 07:00 PM (WIU1V)

545 I've had several gravity induced foot stabbings, too.

One was a 10" Chef knife that Lawn Darted right into the bone.

The dishwasher took one look and passed out.

Posted by: garrett at February 19, 2017 07:01 PM (p+Qx5)

546 When I was about 14 a friend and I were camping in the backyard and we were going to cook our dinner. I was a Boy Scout and knew all about that stuff. Well in Boy Scouts they don't tell you to keep an eye on the grill and the dog. So the dog got our dinner. Good thing we weren't lost in a forest. Woulda had to eat the dog.

Posted by: freaked at February 19, 2017 07:01 PM (BO/km)

547 The electric pressure cooker is a marvel. Not only is it
quick, and make meat tender, ...it locks in spices. My mothers spinach meatloaf recipe cooked in it floors guests, and I've even made her cheesecake in it. Awesome appliance.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at February 19, 2017 07:01 PM (BB1en)

548 A beautimous Tabasco plant in the pic. They do very well in containers.

Posted by: cicero Kaboom! kid at February 19, 2017 07:01 PM (uB+td)

549 Quite awhile ago and not a food thread someone was getting burned by peppers, my wife had a bad episode with that and I knew milk or better yet yogurt was the best cure, I kept writting that but everyone else was giving all sorts of other instructions so not surd if the person used milk or not.

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 07:01 PM (HDU3V)

550 I've got an apple pie cooling that I baked for Pooky coming home. It is not just any apple pie, but one from our home church's Christian Education Society (which helps fund the local Christian school). Every fall, my parents pitch in for the marathon two-day session of making over 2000 apple pies with apples from Michigan and REAL LARD! I try to always reserve some for us and my in-laws, but man do they go fast!

*smells apple pie in the kitchen and wipes drool from keyboard*

Posted by: pookysgirl at February 19, 2017 07:02 PM (ar2KI)

551 >>Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 07:01 PM (HDU3V)

Yeah, the intentional bad advice is always more fun to read than the real advice.

Posted by: garrett at February 19, 2017 07:03 PM (p+Qx5)

552 I don't know much about cooking, unless you count heating up cans of Chef Boyardee. That I can do.
Posted by: rickl at February 19, 2017 07:00 PM (sdi6R)

If you're heating it up and not eating beefaroni out of the can in your boxers over the sink at 3am, I just don't know what to say.

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 07:03 PM (8nWyX)

553 �My mother once made beef bourguignon with bourbon instead of red wine. She claims all her dinner guests enjoyed it thoroughly. None of them could focus well enough to drive home.Posted by: Wenda (sic) at February 19, 2017 06:18 PM (Kr0FZ)413�*sips gimlet

The type of alcohol we drink, ethanol, is a volatile liquid with a boiling point of about 170 degrees Fahrenheit. When used for cooking, it quickly is absorbed by (most usually) our protein where it begins to act as a solvent, softening even tough meats. However, most oven temperatures and cooking times cause the ethanol to boil off. That is, in safe to eat, properly cooked meats.

So, while some people might have the perception that food cooked with the ethanol contained in wine or other spirits somehow is retained in the flesh, that is virtually impossible in properly cooked meats. It's long gone.

You're not giving anyone any alcoholic meat. Just extremely tender, succulent meat.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at February 19, 2017 07:04 PM (ZFUt7)

554 I usually do ok in the kitchen. My biggest food disaster was in college.

I was meeting my boyfriend's parents for the first time. We went to Perkins or Dennys or someplace like that. I grabbed the ketchup bottle to put some on my fries. Shook it. The cap wasn't on tightly. Ketchup all over the right side of my face, my shoulder and the booth behind us.

That relationship didn't make it.

Posted by: @DangerGirl (gab.ai) and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityProd (tm) at February 19, 2017 07:05 PM (+eR2D)

555 i automatically squint my eyes when chopping chiles

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 07:06 PM (WIU1V)

556 I don't know much about cooking, unless you count heating up cans of Chef Boyardee. That I can do.

You heat it up? Sophisticated!

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at February 19, 2017 07:06 PM (J8/9G)

557 I have a taco recipe that my grandfather used. The original recipe calls for using ground meat, but I like to use stew beef or cut up roast. I've also used boneless chicken and another time I used pork loin. I think it's a lot better using meat that hasn't been ground.

Posted by: Vic's wife at February 19, 2017 07:06 PM (mpXpK)

558 Peanuts are easy to eat. They don't require any preparation.

Posted by: rickl at February 19, 2017 07:07 PM (sdi6R)

559 558 Peanuts are easy to eat. They don't require any preparation.
Posted by: rickl at February 19, 2017 07:07 PM (sdi6R)

I know everything they is to know 'bout the peanut business.

Posted by: George Washington Carver at February 19, 2017 07:08 PM (0mRoj)

560 Okay, here's a funny foot-knife story, in several parts.

1) We have our dog neutered. Daughter (age 5) tells the gymnastics carpool that he had his testicles removed.

2) Mother driving the carpool informs me after church, says she doesn't have those kinds of conversations with her kids.

3) Next day, oldest daughter in that family drops a knife on her foot, severs the tendon to her big toe. Surgery, reattachment, etc.

4) Carpool the following week: the 2nd daughter of that family announces that her sister cut her tenticle, just like our dog!

5) Mother actually apologizes after church, says, Maybe it's time I had those conversations with my kids.

Posted by: Wenda (sic) at February 19, 2017 07:09 PM (Kr0FZ)

561 Not food related, but funny as snot. At Manitou springs last week and getting a 5 gallon jug of spring water. Had a few empty water bottles in a walmart bag to fill, so Mrs. E was doing just that. One of the bottles was one which we had cut the bottom 2 inches off to make Pepperdog an expedient waterdish, which left a funnel. She just looked at me after trying to fill that funnel at the fountain. And said 'duh'. Precious, she is. Love her, I do.

Posted by: Eromero at February 19, 2017 07:09 PM (zLDYs)

562 After reading this thread, I've decided it's too dangerous to cook....heading out to eat.

Posted by: Tami at February 19, 2017 07:09 PM (Enq6K)

563
558 Peanuts are easy to eat. They don't require any preparation.
Posted by: rickl at February 19, 2017 07:07 PM (sdi6R)
--------
WeaselDog is a big fan of dry roasted peanuts which she catches in her mouth from across the kitchen.

Posted by: Weasel at February 19, 2017 07:09 PM (Sfs6o)

564 Chile with beef chunks or hamburger is 6 of one half dozen of the other to me, but I do prefer beef in my chile as opposed to what ever else I get.

Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 07:09 PM (HDU3V)

565 Funny a Schlitz ad is at the top. Schlitz doesn't come up everyday in conversation, but I was talking to my husband and his friend about some dive bar they went to once. I asked, "The place with the Schlitz sign in front?" We drove past, and there was the Schlitz sign.

Posted by: Lee at February 19, 2017 07:10 PM (uWOJ9)

566 2) Mother driving the carpool informs me after church, says she doesn't have those kinds of conversations with her kids.

That's the problem with churches today. No balls.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 07:10 PM (0mRoj)

567 I said, don't worry honey, let's go out for dinner.
We still laugh about that one.

Posted by: navybrat

Great anecdote. Sometimes, we do beat up on ourselves too much. You are a true mensch.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 07:13 PM (W8bn5)

568 559 558 Peanuts are easy to eat. They don't require any preparation.
Posted by: rickl at February 19, 2017 07:07 PM (sdi6R)

I know everything they is to know 'bout the peanut business.
Posted by: George Washington Carver at February 19, 2017 07:08 PM (0mRoj)

This has been another Ace of Spades Black History Month moment. #staywoke

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 07:14 PM (ANIFC)

569 I was a Boy Scout and knew all about that stuff. Well in Boy Scouts they don't tell you to keep an eye on the grill and the dog. So the dog got our dinner. Good thing we weren't lost in a forest. Woulda had to eat the dog.

Posted by: freaked

Why would you need to be lost in the forest in order to justify that?

Posted by: Barack Obama at February 19, 2017 07:17 PM (W8bn5)

570 I've had plenty of mini kitchen disasters but have blanked most of them from my mind. Some blenders have a 2-piece lid. Its important not to forget the little handle piece in the middle the next use after washing up. As an older kid I was experiments with making caramel with just sugar and water heated in the oven, until I burned myself. Ruined at least one pan and did the put the lid on and carry it outside to not keep smoking up the house .

Posted by: PaleRider at February 19, 2017 07:17 PM (Jen0I)

571 Chile with beef chunks or hamburger is 6 of one half dozen of the other to me, but I do prefer beef in my chile as opposed to what ever else I get.
Posted by: Skip at February 19, 2017 07:09 PM (HDU3V)

I don't have any authority to talk about chili, since I could GAF if there are beans in it or not, but some of the best tacos I've had were skirt steak or flank steak, marinaded, cut thin on the bias, and stewed beyond the event horizon. Irish corned beef, Jewish brisket, Cuban ropa vieja, southern barbecue, it seems like when poor people get the worst cuts, they make do with what they have, and boy, do they ever.

Also a warm welcome to Mrs. Vic!

Posted by: hogmartin at February 19, 2017 07:17 PM (8nWyX)

572 I was a Boy Scout and knew all about that stuff. Well in Boy Scouts they don't tell you to keep an eye on the grill and the dog. So the dog got our dinner. Good thing we weren't lost in a forest. Woulda had to eat the dog.

Posted by: freaked

I'm surprised the heat of the grill did not deter the dog. I guess it did not get burned?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 07:18 PM (W8bn5)

573 I don't know much about cooking, unless you count heating up cans of Chef Boyardee. That I can do.

Posted by: rickl

Only in the microwave? Or on the stove top?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 07:19 PM (W8bn5)

574 That's a Tabasco Plant. Dead giveaway peppers that grow upward instead of hanging downward.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at February 19, 2017 07:21 PM (6rfWc)

575 Ramen. Idiot-proof. Just don't forget the peanut butter.

Posted by: Eromero at February 19, 2017 07:22 PM (zLDYs)

576 'I'm surprised the heat of the grill did not deter the dog.'

Too dumb. I was really mad at that dog for days.

Posted by: freaked at February 19, 2017 07:22 PM (BO/km)

577 i bet your tacos are really good Vic's Wife!

Posted by: concrete girl at February 19, 2017 07:24 PM (WIU1V)

578 I was a Boy Scout and knew all about that stuff. Well in Boy Scouts they don't tell you to keep an eye on the grill and the dog. So the dog got our dinner. Good thing we weren't lost in a forest. Woulda had to eat the dog.

Posted by: freaked

--One time when I was at my friend/colleague's house he walked away from the table, leaving his bagel there. All of a sudden, from the opposite side of the table I see his beagle's head pop up and snatch the bagel then dropping to the floor, in less than a second. I swear, it was like the scene from Planet Earth where a super high-speed camera was used to catch a Great White nabbing a seal, then diving.

Supposedly beagles are voracious scavengers, and will just eat until they puke if they can. I miss that bagel beagle.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:24 PM (GsAUU)

579 Posted by: freaked at February 19, 2017 07:22 PM (BO/km)

My parents used to have a timeshare in the Colorado mountains and there are warnings around the grill area to never leave anything unattended. The ravens will pick sausages straight off the grill (ask me how I know). We were sort of shocked, but I guess they must not have much feeling in their feet.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at February 19, 2017 07:25 PM (sEDyY)

580 Atlantis was built by black Africans.

Posted by: AoS Celebrates Black History Month at February 19, 2017 07:26 PM (GsAUU)

581 Supposedly beagles are voracious scavengers, and will just eat until they puke if they can. I miss that bagel beagle.
Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:24 PM (GsAUU)

They're also omnivorous. They'll eat your socks.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 19, 2017 07:26 PM (0mRoj)

582 Atlantis was built by black Africans.
Posted by: AoS Celebrates Black History Month

They must have had too many Marines...

Posted by: Rep. Hanky Johnson, Esp. at February 19, 2017 07:28 PM (4YGWz)

583 Supposedly beagles are voracious scavengers, and will just eat until they puke if they can. I miss that bagel beagle.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:24 PM (GsAUU)

I had a beagle, one day he wouldn't eat. Poor thing, he must be sick, we put warm milk on his food and he ate about half of it.

From above, he looked distended.

Then I found it. The unopened bag of dog food that he had eaten through the side of, and then gotten his fill. And then some.

Posted by: blaster at February 19, 2017 07:28 PM (HV1LS)

584 541 Using a mandolin without a guard. Don't.
Posted by: Stubby at February 19, 2017 07:00 PM (uB+td)

I hate withing with those guards. Instead I use one of those white kevlar gloves you can get at kitchen supply shops. You can sing "Billie Jean" while you slice.

Love the Benriner mandoline. Not too expensive, comes in two sizes, and you can remove the blade for sharpening.

Posted by: Splunge at February 19, 2017 07:29 PM (iMxBJ)

585 >>Supposedly beagles are voracious scavengers, and will just eat until they puke if they can. I miss that bagel beagle.

My brother had a beagle in HS. One time my mom baked a blueberry pie and left it on the stovetop to cool, went out to run some errands. When she gets home the pie plate is empty except for a few blueberries. She eats the last few berries and then unloads on my brother for eating the pie...which he didn't. The beagle was pooping berries for days.

Posted by: Lizzy at February 19, 2017 07:29 PM (NOIQH)

586 Just like Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben.

Posted by: Eromero at February 19, 2017 07:30 PM (zLDYs)

587 I had a beagle, one day he wouldn't eat. Poor thing, he must be sick, we put warm milk on his food and he ate about half of it.

From above, he looked distended.

Then I found it. The unopened bag of dog food that he had eaten through the side of, and then gotten his fill. And then some.

Posted by: blaster at February 19, 2017 07:28 PM (HV1LS)

--

Sounds like what chi's dog Tucker did a couple of weeks ago.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:31 PM (GsAUU)

588 573 I don't know much about cooking, unless you count heating up cans of Chef Boyardee. That I can do.

Posted by: rickl

Only in the microwave? Or on the stove top?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 07:19 PM (W8bn5)

So far I've just opened the can and heated it in a saucepan on the stovetop.

Maybe an unopened can in the microwave would be easier. I'll have to try that.

Posted by: rickl at February 19, 2017 07:32 PM (sdi6R)

589 Why did Hillary lose the race?

Because she ran on her vagina! *rimshot*

Posted by: Widespread Pepe at February 19, 2017 07:33 PM (FKHWN)

590 I'm outta here for a while. It's time to pour my supper.

Posted by: Vic's wife at February 19, 2017 07:33 PM (mpXpK)

591 I had a Lab eat almost an entire 40 lb bag of dogfood in one night.

She is lucky she didn't die.

Posted by: garrett at February 19, 2017 07:33 PM (p+Qx5)

592 'We were sort of shocked, but I guess they must not have much feeling in their feet'

Nevermore!

Posted by: The Raven at February 19, 2017 07:35 PM (BO/km)

593 @ 568 josephistan

Well done...(golf clap)

Posted by: browndog at February 19, 2017 07:35 PM (bGMOs)

594 Expendables 3 is on Spike tomorrow.

Worth the time to watch? I just want a fun popcorn flick.

I heard Ronda Rousey is a terrible actress.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:35 PM (GsAUU)

595 I heard Ronda Rousey is a terrible actress.
--

Yeah. Would've liked to see her box, though.

#NotMyJoke

Posted by: Geronimo Stilton at February 19, 2017 07:38 PM (i2uPg)

596 594 Expendables 3 is on Spike tomorrow.

Worth the time to watch? I just want a fun popcorn flick.

I heard Ronda Rousey is a terrible actress.
Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:35 PM (GsAUU)

Yeah, it's a fun movie. Guns, explosions, one liners.

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 07:38 PM (ANIFC)

597 My dad's surprisingly dumb golden retriever one time at Christmas ate an entire box of Cordial Cherries (minus the one my stepsister got to eat). She was sick for days afterward, and that was after my dad wooped her up and down with a newspaper.

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:39 PM (GsAUU)

598 Had a German Short that ate 3 Dozen Donuts and an Ice Cream Cake, once.

He shat like a bird for days.

Posted by: garrett at February 19, 2017 07:41 PM (p+Qx5)

599 Sounds like what chi's dog Tucker did a couple of weeks ago.
Posted by: logprof
------------

Heh. You remember that, huh? Spoiled brat ruined a year and a half of GAINZ in about 10 minutes. Little pig.

Side note: 15 minutes until Columbo'clock.
Looks like a good one, too. Patrick Mcgoohan's second appearance (and second Emma for Columbo).

Posted by: Chi at February 19, 2017 07:41 PM (rUhXo)

600 597 My dad's surprisingly dumb golden retriever one time at Christmas ate an entire box of Cordial Cherries (minus the one my stepsister got to eat). She was sick for days afterward, and that was after my dad wooped her up and down with a newspaper.
Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:39 PM (GsAUU)

Geez, your dad did that to your step sister for eating that one cordial?

Posted by: josephistan at February 19, 2017 07:42 PM (ANIFC)

601 Worst cooking disaster: I reached for a Chinese cleaver to split a carrot down the middle. My hands assumed I had correctly chosen the thin vegetable cleaver, but what I had there was a thicker one. The carrot rolled, the cleaver came down hard on my finger, and it was off to the emergency room.

Getting stitches through your fingernail hurts like crazy, and apparently it takes a couple of tries to poke through the nail. They had some reason for not giving me a local anesthetic first, but I don't remember what it was.

Posted by: Splunge at February 19, 2017 07:44 PM (iMxBJ)

602 So we've gone from cooking disasters to gorging by dogs disasters. . . .

Posted by: logprof at February 19, 2017 07:44 PM (GsAUU)

603

Caw

Caw Caw

Posted by: The Raven at February 19, 2017 07:51 PM (BO/km)

604 Jeebus Splunge...

Just like the "mandolin episodes", give us a warning.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Posted by: browndog at February 19, 2017 07:51 PM (bGMOs)

605
Hey, new thread about tapirs!!!!

Posted by: naturalfake at February 19, 2017 07:52 PM (9q7Dl)

606 I swear, it was like the scene from Planet Earth where a super high-speed camera was used to catch a Great White nabbing a seal, then diving.

Great White sharks are the Muslims of the animal kingdom.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 19, 2017 07:52 PM (W8bn5)

607 Where was the "nood"?!?

Posted by: browndog at February 19, 2017 07:54 PM (bGMOs)

608 Getting stitches through your fingernail hurts like crazy, and
apparently it takes a couple of tries to poke through the nail. They had
some reason for not giving me a local anesthetic first, but I don't
remember what it was.[/]

Yikes! Did they at least put something, er, *absorbent* under you beforehand?

Posted by: JQ Flyover at February 19, 2017 07:54 PM (044Fx)

609

Posted by: JQ Flyover at February 19, 2017 07:54 PM (044Fx)

610 whew.

Posted by: JQ Flyover at February 19, 2017 07:55 PM (044Fx)

611 A few people have said those chilis are Birds Eye. They are NOT Birds Eye. Birds Eye/Thai Chilis grow downward. Those are Pequin Chilis. Very few chili's grow up. NuMex Chilis grow upward but they are fatter. The only thin chili that grows upward (that I know of) is the Pequin :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pequin_pepper

Posted by: gorkon at February 19, 2017 08:01 PM (naymY)

612 Two silly mishaps. I made chocolate cookies once, that required oil, not butter. I used Olive oil. Ew.

In the early years of my marriage, I bought the
'Sixty minute gourmet" recipe book by Craig Cliaborne and cooked my way through it. One recipe was for a fish dish called a 'chartreuse" I think. Layered fish and pureed vegetables in a big ramekin. I didn't think it was so bad but Michael talked about it for years. He teased me about next time making chicken stuffed with chocolate chips and other exotica. that was it, though - He liked my cooking and loved my lasagna, and cauliflower soup. I miss his bearnaise and hollaindaise sauce. I miss cooking for him so much.

Posted by: vivi at February 19, 2017 08:03 PM (11H2y)

613 I should have been a great white shark, instead of a miserable worm.

Posted by: Leto Atreides at February 19, 2017 08:08 PM (W8bn5)

614 Good thing we weren't lost in a forest. Woulda had to eat the dog.

Posted by: freaked at February 19, 2017 07:01 PM (BO/km)

The dog would have helped you find your way out of the forest. Better to eat your friend.

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at February 19, 2017 08:10 PM (tHwdc)

615 By the way, there is a cell tower at the Phoenix airport that has been banned for spamming. It wasn't me!

Posted by: t-bird at February 19, 2017 08:22 PM (kCDOM)

616 First time I ever made a cake .... I was young, and unclear on the difference between baking soda and baking powder .... cake pan with two inches of sludge on the bottom and an inch of melted butter floating on top.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at February 19, 2017 08:26 PM (Oeb2k)

617 CBD, do you still live in the Bay Area?

Posted by: Taco Shack at February 19, 2017 04:20 PM (C+qQ0)

Nope. Moved a long time ago. I went to school there and stuck around, but California was circling the bowl by the time I left.

[Sorry it took so long to answer....]
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 19, 2017 05:45 PM (rF0hx)
******

No problem. You remember Neutron Donuts on Center Street? It was close to a Top Dog shop on the same. Neutron closed and was replaced by a pizza shop.

Posted by: Taco Shack at February 19, 2017 08:26 PM (C+qQ0)

618 Mine is a weird one because it was a sex-specific disaster. I made menudo, which is a tripe soup popular in Mexico and Puerto Rico. I got some beef tripe at the supermarket and cooked away. Served it up for dinner. I liked it, my son liked it . . . but my wife and daughter couldn't eat it. To them it had a strong, rank flavor that even overpowered the cumin and peppers.

Best theory (from Dr. Mrs. T.) is that it was beef tripe from a bull rather than a steer or heifer, and they were tasting some androgen in the meat which the male half of the family couldn't detect.

Oh, and I rubbed my eye once while cutting jalapenos.

Posted by: Trimegistus at February 19, 2017 08:55 PM (eFnf8)

619 Oh, and I rubbed my eye once while cutting jalapenos.
Posted by: Trimegistus at February 19, 2017 08:55 PM (eFnf

Yeah, I once effectively pepper sprayed my house once while cooking with peppers. I was trying to see how they'd do saut�ed.

Posted by: Country Singer at February 19, 2017 09:03 PM (GUBah)

620 I was in high school, living in an apartment with my mom. I was trying tortillas after school and the oil caught on fire. I put it in the sink and ran some water in it, which caught the pi�ata over the sink on fire. I put a lid on the pot and put it outside and took the flaming pi�ata outside. Fortunately there was not any major damage.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at February 19, 2017 09:41 PM (Lqy/e)

621 Came home bombed one night and decided to make a couple of hard boiled eggs. Put the eggs in the water, turned up the flame and promptly passed out. Woke up an couldn't see my ceiling for the black smoke. Ran over to the stove and found what looked to be two eight-balls in the pot.

Posted by: BillH at February 20, 2017 01:16 AM (NMSMV)

622 "Death in the Gulf Stream": Bols Genever 2oz, fresh lime juice 1oz, crushed ice, 6 drops Angostura, 2 lime carcasses. Hemingway's 2nd favorite drink

Posted by: Donovan Nuera at February 20, 2017 02:20 AM (Twgay)

623 If you've got Marcella Hazan's cookbook, try the pork chops Modena style recipe with tomatoes and sage. Tender and delicious. Just remember that Marcella likes to cook with way too much salt. I always cut back on her salt recommendations and season at the end.

Posted by: jix at February 20, 2017 04:41 AM (Xx3z8)

624 >>>220 BTW, my wife hates condiments of all types.
Posted by: Average Guy, Kondiment Klutz at February 19, 2017 05:14 PM (LMcFk)

That's hilarious. Those are some good stories.

Posted by: m at February 20, 2017 07:01 AM (3jGss)

625
I had a friend teach me how to make my own chili powder which involves cutting up different types of dried chili pods (removing ribs and seeds) . FIRST rule is to always wear gloves. Well, one time I had everything that I needed but realized that I had run out of gloves. I tell myself "oh ,i'll just wash my hands really well after".

I made the powder, it was fine. Washed my hands like a surgeon About an hour later, had an itch near my eye and gently rubbed it with the BACK of my hand. Immediate eye burning and tearing. So what did I do? Rubbed the OTHER eye with the back of the OTHER hand. Took 30 minutes of burning, tearing and laughing at myself to learn my lesson.

The most disgusting thing that I ever did was years ago when my first child was a toddler...beings that are notorious for turning up their noses at veggies. So I'm reading this dumb **** article in a Parenting magazine about hiding veggies in food. One of the suggestions was taking a jar of pureed carrots and throwing it into spaghetti sauce. I'm thinking ,this crap is bland, who would know? This is brilliant. So I make a big batch of glorious spaghetti and throw a jar in. My God, that stuff was immediately inedible. I couldn't cure it. My husband says "it can't be that bad". He took one bite and we both said "we're going out to dinner".

Posted by: tired at February 20, 2017 02:07 PM (kOGRT)

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