Fake Mattis Quotes Thread

Mattis has some really balls-out quotes.

JeffB. published his own fake Mattis quote -- but this sounds like something Mattis could say.

"Every man that I ever killed, I also loved. And I want you to know something: I love you." -- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis. #MattisQuotes
— Jeff B/DDHQ (@EsotericCD) December 2, 2016

A reader had the same idea and proposed a Chuck Norris type thread about Mattis.

So how about? Post your own Mattis-like quotes, and maybe tell some Chuck Norris type lore about him.

Posted by: Ace at 04:38 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 "The only thing standing between a man and his goals is his fear of success. And also, fear that I'm banging his wife while he's out chasing his goals." -- general James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:40 PM (8rNrN)

2 What?

Posted by: Bozo boy at December 06, 2016 04:40 PM (YtWJn)

3 They named a street after Gen. Mattis, but no one crosses Gen. Mattis and lives.....

Posted by: Hank_Scorpio at December 06, 2016 04:40 PM (nQREt)

4 If you're not first, you're last.

Oh wait...

Posted by: Scotty doesn't, No at December 06, 2016 04:40 PM (XyCf+)

5 I'm a big beliver in shouting "first" when you kill your enemy before he kills you.

Posted by: Mad Dog at December 06, 2016 04:41 PM (ob5xJ)

6 A man once told me he made love to my mother. Honor forced me to take his life.

I still regret that my children grew up without knowing their grandfather.

Posted by: scooter (not libby) at December 06, 2016 04:41 PM (WKeEA)

7 Be polite, be courteous to everyone you meet? Hell no - they're already dead.

Posted by: Ohiogal at December 06, 2016 04:41 PM (SAUZ0)

8 "I'm here to kick ass, and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum. I'm also out of claymore mines, .300 Blackout sub-sonic rounds, and I left my SOG tomahawk, uh, somewhere, uh, with somebody. But I've got this rusty hacksaw blade and 10 feet of weed-wacker line, so we're good to go!"

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at December 06, 2016 04:41 PM (nd1zx)

9 When he sees General Mattis coming, Chuck Norris steps aside.

Posted by: CAPT Ron at December 06, 2016 04:41 PM (MzElI)

10 "We went to Iraq to find weapons of mass destructions. Well, I brought my own weapon of mass destruction, heh heh. My penis, I meant my penis. Anyone not get that? "

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: UGAdawg at December 06, 2016 04:42 PM (HL3BI)

11

To kill a man you have to walk in his shoes. And then wear his skin like a unitard

Posted by: ThunderB at December 06, 2016 04:42 PM (HeqT8)

12 "I don't eat any animal I can't kill with my bare hands. I'll have the steak."

Posted by: Moron Pundit at December 06, 2016 04:42 PM (xeeHA)

13 "You brain is the your most effective weapon. As your opponent's brain is his. So push your thumbs into his eye sockets and take his weapon out of his skull." -- Mattis

Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:42 PM (8rNrN)

14 "No matter what situation you ever get into, make sure you know when to quit. And make sure that you quit when America wins."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at December 06, 2016 04:42 PM (vur0q)

15
I'd just as soon kill you as look at you and I'm looking at you.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Gob-Smacked Rage Monkeys (Suck It, NR!) at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (fOgSR)

16 "Chuck Norris?

Never heard of her."

Posted by: James "Mad Dog" Mattis at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (38twN)

17 To Democratic Senators in confirmation hearings:

"I want you to know that I'd share a foxhole with each and every one of you. IYKWIMAIKTYD."

Posted by: The Regular Guy at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (qHCyt)

18 "You can't spell 'Kill" without 'I.""

Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (8rNrN)

19 "Some say war is a continuation of politics by other means. I say those people are fags" - Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (4e+hS)

20 Cheney borrows my warcock. - Gen Mattis

Posted by: Roy at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (VndSC)

21 "Never stab a man in the back. You can get to all the good organs from the front."

Posted by: Moron Pundit at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (xeeHA)

22 I am seriously re-thinking the whole fully funded gender reassignment surgeries approved by my predecessor.

Also, keeping uniforms fashionable and fabulous is way down on my priorities list.

That is all.

Posted by: Joe Mama at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (/p/WT)

23 Is this like "Shit Thomas Jefferson Said"? Because that was fun.

Posted by: tu3031 at December 06, 2016 04:43 PM (qJhUV)

24 "Keep and journal and never lie to it. Your children should know what it's like to kill a man who wants to kill you without ever having to do it themselves."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at December 06, 2016 04:44 PM (vur0q)

25 He's confirmed his candidacy for the next election. Slogan - Mad Dog 2020

Posted by: gromulin at December 06, 2016 04:44 PM (Gtume)

26 I don't eat chicken. Chickens are only good for fuckin'.

Posted by: Pipe Holder at December 06, 2016 04:44 PM (Z/diL)

27 If they bring a knife, you bring a gun. If they bring a gun, you bring a Spectre-130 Gunship. It's the only way to be sure.

Posted by: Chicago Vota at December 06, 2016 04:44 PM (mqVzm)

28 The one problem with Mattis is that Trump will have a difficult time topping this pick.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 06, 2016 04:44 PM (42Mgr)

29 "Diplomacy is the flip side of any war. That's why when I meet with potential enemies, I'm courteous and respectful. And then I fuck their mothers."

Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: UGAdawg at December 06, 2016 04:44 PM (HL3BI)

30 Schumer will need to mine his fellow leaders to accommodate vulnerable Democrats
Mine? Like with an M18A1 Claymore?

BTW, I'm never going to be president.

Posted by: hillary (. ) (' ) at December 06, 2016 04:45 PM (JF8tR)

31 Everything I grab is just a pussy. Unless I shake my own hand.

Posted by: Roy at December 06, 2016 04:45 PM (VndSC)

32 "Never tell your sweetheart the whole truth. There was a time when we could tell them, but didn't out of deference. Now we're encouraged to spill it all out. That's a crock of shit. If your sweetheart knew what you've been through like you do, she'd lose what we went over there to fight for."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at December 06, 2016 04:45 PM (vur0q)

33 "You can't spell slaughter without laughter. I'm hilarious."

Posted by: Moron Pundit at December 06, 2016 04:45 PM (xeeHA)

34 "Only a real man is courageous enough to get his dick and balls surgically removed and replaced with an ersatz vagina" - Gen. Jane Mattis

Posted by: Lana Wachowski at December 06, 2016 04:45 PM (QlyN5)

35 "Chuck Norris? Never heard of her."

(Stolen from an actual Mattis meme)

Another one:

"A cop pulled me over the other day. I let him off with a warning."

Posted by: Valiant at December 06, 2016 04:45 PM (3MiF8)

36 "Women - If it weren't for pussy, there'd be a bounty on them." - Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Dave G at December 06, 2016 04:45 PM (dUE05)

37 "I once ripped a man's heart out of his chest and sent it to my wife with a note that read, "My heart is yours. And so is his."

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:46 PM (MZ8Zz)

38 "Your daughters aren't fucking princesses. They're patriots in training. We fought kings to keep princesses out of this country."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at December 06, 2016 04:46 PM (vur0q)

39 You need five things to be successful in war: The ability to think logically, an acute understanding of your enemy, the ability to maintain supply under all circumstances, an iron will to do what needs to be done, and at least one brigade of Marines. If you're missing any of the first four, substituting another brigade of Marines in its place is almost as good.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, keeper of the Deplorable Unicode Character at December 06, 2016 04:46 PM (9krrF)

40 "An amateur warrior can fill his daily caloric requirement on bugs alone. A pro will train them to murder his enemies' children."

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:46 PM (MZ8Zz)

41 Fuck You! war!

Posted by: Drill Thrawl at December 06, 2016 04:46 PM (0Askb)

42 "They say you should cry for every man you kill. I say, what about the women and the children?"

-- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at December 06, 2016 04:46 PM (NAlbk)

43 If you didn't want to die, then why did you fuck with me?

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at December 06, 2016 04:47 PM (6Ll1u)

44 "There's two kinds of Muslims... dead ones and the ones I ain't gotten to yet. "

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:47 PM (MZ8Zz)

45 "I shot a man in Mosul, just to watch him die"

Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Memories at December 06, 2016 04:47 PM (mwcEF)

46 Hey Obama. Go get your f*cking shinebox.

Posted by: Roy at December 06, 2016 04:47 PM (VndSC)

47 "War doesn't make you a man. Killing terrorists doesn't make you a man. Being willing to put on that uniform and die for our country? That makes you a man."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at December 06, 2016 04:47 PM (vur0q)

48 "I am become Mattis."

-J. Robert Oppenheimer, Trinity Site

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at December 06, 2016 04:47 PM (NAlbk)

49 A man who has never used a cobra as an improvised whip is not a man.

Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:47 PM (8rNrN)

50 "Once I found out that a bee stinging you causes it to rip its own abdomen out, I started sticking my hands in nests just to hear their bee screams. "

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:48 PM (MZ8Zz)

51 "The difference between you and me is that you have never strode waist deep through the blood of your enemies."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 04:48 PM (39g3+)

52 Just copy and paste any Chesty Puller quotes you can finds. Easy-peasy.

Posted by: 4thgengamecock at December 06, 2016 04:48 PM (hg+T5)

53 "Anytime you give a man anything, you cheapen him. Especially a boner." - General James Mattis

Posted by: Nickporter at December 06, 2016 04:48 PM (ky1SH)

54 "Remember, always kill your enemies with kindness, or better yet, just kill them."

Posted by: John Nada - Formerly #NeverHillary at December 06, 2016 04:48 PM (KLyOA)

55 "Some killing just needs doing, and I ain't ever seen a man do it in a onesie."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at December 06, 2016 04:48 PM (vur0q)

56 "If sex don't feel a little like rape, I'm afraid you ain't doing it right. "

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:48 PM (MZ8Zz)

57 Ace, does Tapper actually respond to you on twitter or does he just pretend there's no pushback to his media narrative?

Posted by: buzzion at December 06, 2016 04:49 PM (z/Ubi)

58 "If you put me in charge of this university, there would be nothing but screams and blood and terror."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 04:49 PM (39g3+)

59

He had a pocket full of horses
fucked the shit out of bears
He threw a knife into heaven
And could kill with a stare

Posted by: Grump928(c) at December 06, 2016 04:49 PM (QQ+il)

60 Honestly, though, its hard to top the real quotes.

"I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes . . ."

That's magic. Reading it, my dick went to the gym, got pumped, and is now wanted on a roid-rage killing spree.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at December 06, 2016 04:49 PM (NAlbk)

61
He's coming
He's coming
He's coming

Posted by: Grump928(c) at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (QQ+il)

62 When I go into Burger King and tell them I want it my way, they all run.

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, This Is the Dawning of the Age of the Trumpius! at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (Nwg0u)

63 "Death comes to us all. He's coming to you right now"

Posted by: No One of Consequence at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (4QRhY)

64 "A good plan violently executed right now is far better than a perfect plan executed next week."

(originally George S Patton)

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (39g3+)

65 Abdul don't surf.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (/tuJf)

66 "One advantage to a nuclear Holocaust that you never hear the academics talk about is that given enough radiation mutation, you can pretty much guarantee some chicks will grow a third titty.

And that's good both for the menfolk and the babies."

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (MZ8Zz)

67 Will Democrats in the senate still oppose my appointment once I kill one of them with my bare hands, skin the carcass, eat the meat and mount the head on the hood of my limo? Ask around and get back to me.

Posted by: Mattis...Mad Dog Mattis at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (qJhUV)

68 >>>57 Ace, does Tapper actually respond to you on twitter or does he just pretend there's no pushback to his media narrative?

sometimes he does. he's usually a cranky-pants.

Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (8rNrN)

69 "I'm not here to fuck with you. I'm here to fuck you over."

Posted by: John Nada - Formerly #NeverHillary at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (KLyOA)

70 "The British burned D.C. more than 200 years ago. Part of me wishes that they would try again."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (vur0q)

71
If there's one thing that gives me a world of satisfaction it's whooping asses and l'm seeing a lot of asses right now.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Gob-Smacked Rage Monkeys (Suck It, NR!) at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (fOgSR)

72 Mad Dog is going to be the SC rally with Trump tonight...Trump tweeted a pic of them in his plane...Trump is all happy and Mad Dog looks like he wants to rip someone's head off.. love it.

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 04:51 PM (a0IVu)

73 "They say you always remember your first kill - that's certainly true for me. Ms. Jones was really a very nice preschool teacher, but one day she wore a Mao Tse Tung T-shirt, so the commie bitch had to die. I stabbed her through the throat with an oversized crayon while all the other kids were having naptime. Five minutes later I was sleeping like a baby. Well, a toddler anyway."

Posted by: Holdfast at December 06, 2016 04:51 PM (nNdYv)

74 >>>57 Ace, does Tapper actually respond to you on twitter or does he just pretend there's no pushback to his media narrative? sometimes he does. he's usually a cranky-pants.

*********************

Is it me or does it always look like Crapper is perpetually constipated?

Posted by: John Nada - Formerly #NeverHillary at December 06, 2016 04:51 PM (KLyOA)

75 "I remember with great fondness my tours in the Orient; the beautiful sights, the smells of the bouquets of flowers I bought. And by "bouquets", I mean "hookers", but you fairies get my point, right?

Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: UGAdawg at December 06, 2016 04:51 PM (HL3BI)

76 68 sometimes he does. he's usually a cranky-pants.
Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (8rNrN)

===================

cranky-pants - a technical term if I've ever heard one.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at December 06, 2016 04:51 PM (vur0q)

77 I have a plan to kill everyone I meet.

Nice to meet you.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 06, 2016 04:51 PM (/tuJf)

78 68, sometimes he does. he's usually a cranky-pants.

Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (8rNrN)
Don't be too harsh on him, Ace..menopause is really rough.

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 04:52 PM (a0IVu)

79 Mattis don't give a shit, he just does what he wants.

Posted by: Gen Mattis Video Narrator Guy at December 06, 2016 04:52 PM (XoldI)

80 sometimes he does. he's usually a cranky-pants.

Posted by: ace

He's not still sore over what happened last time he visited, is he? Nevermind, I already know the answer that question, silly me.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, keeper of the Deplorable Unicode Character at December 06, 2016 04:52 PM (9krrF)

81 I don't believe in torture. I believe in plucking out the eyes of prisoners and leaving them on their nightstands so they can see for themselves they're being treated well.
JM

Posted by: East Bay Jay at December 06, 2016 04:52 PM (PvCxa)

82 The man has a 6,000 book library. That's truth.

There's a reason he's know as the warrior monk.

Posted by: Marcus T at December 06, 2016 04:52 PM (5XDZ6)

83 "May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't."

"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived."

"In case of doubt, attack."

"Attack rapidly, ruthlessly, viciously, without rest, however tired and hungry you may be, the enemy will be more tired, more hungry. Keep punching."

(Patton again)

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 04:52 PM (39g3+)

84 I only kill a man for serious transgressions...like leaning on my fuckign car.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at December 06, 2016 04:52 PM (7CzP6)

85 "Pain builds character" *

* actually that was my big brother Karl but it seems to have worked out that way after all

Posted by: DanMan at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (RusNE)

86 The second most important six inches on a battlefield are the sucking chest wound you inflict on your enemy.

-Mattis (Probably)

Posted by: Quint at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (cbriZ)

87 "I won't kill a man unless I've first shaken his hand. Nothing says that hand has to be attached, though."

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (MZ8Zz)

88 "The governor of west Virginia is a Democrat" - Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (4e+hS)

89 "What torture could be worse than not being a Marine?"

Posted by: Moron Pundit at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (xeeHA)

90 82 The man has a 6,000 book library. That's truth.

--
We NEED a pic for the book thread!

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (Om16U)

91 you can't spell MURDERED without UR DED

Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (8rNrN)

92

A mans most potent weapon is his brain. The eyes are the windows of the soul. You havent beaten a man until youve skull fucked him

Posted by: ThunderB at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (HeqT8)

93 Chances are 'cause I wear a silly grin

The moment you come in my M39's view

Chances are you think that I'm going to shoot you

Oh. Mattis. Not Mathis.

Never mind.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 06, 2016 04:54 PM (JF8tR)

94 When the Mattis appt. is official, I suggest Ace uses the first ever flaming skull PYRAMID.

Seems appropriate.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at December 06, 2016 04:54 PM (NAlbk)

95 "There are two types of warriors - those who follow my lead and those who choose pain and suffering unknown to mankind."

Posted by: Smithers the Bum at December 06, 2016 04:54 PM (t1xLI)

96 We NEED a pic for the book thread!

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 04:53 PM (Om16U)
I was just thinking that!

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 04:54 PM (a0IVu)

97 "You stick a bayonet into their men and a dick into their women. Now write that down so you don't make the same mistake again."

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 06, 2016 04:54 PM (8ZskC)

98 "By God, if I had Ace's commenters I could conquer the goddamn world."

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at December 06, 2016 04:54 PM (KaVj+)

99 "Kill them all, let Allah sort them out." - Mad Dog Mattis.

Posted by: Dave G at December 06, 2016 04:55 PM (dUE05)

100 "I won't be satisfied with my own war-making abilities until I've found a way to give a man cancer over the phone."

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:55 PM (MZ8Zz)

101 Mattis to his Marines: "There may come a time when the enemy will kill you with your own weapon...But, he better beat you to death with it, cuz you better be out of ammo."

Posted by: Paladin at December 06, 2016 04:55 PM (LTquJ)

102
At his Senate confirmation hearing

"I hear talk of my nomination being subjected to a filibuster. I gotta ask, 'How would you like to be a fillet, buster?'"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Gob-Smacked Rage Monkeys (Suck It, NR!) at December 06, 2016 04:55 PM (fOgSR)

103 Jeff B would simultaneously shit,piss and puke if I were to glance in his direction.
Gen. Mattis

Posted by: steevy at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (r/0kC)

104 First.

- Gen Mattis

Posted by: Weasel at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (Sfs6o)

105 "Not unlike death, I smile at everyone. All a man can do is smile back."

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: JB at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (5ntXg)

106 I come in peace. I didn't bring giant war spiders with advanced cloaking devices. But I'm begging you, with tears in my eyes - if you fuck with me, I can't guarantee you won't be hung up from the ceiling of your own homes and sucked dry by an unspecified number of enormous mandibles.

Posted by: most deplorable Ghost of kari - certified sidebar at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (Iy6JT)

107 "We're surrounded. That simplifies the problem."

"All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us... they can't get away this time."

"Take me to the Brig. I want to see the real Marines."

(Chesty Puller)

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (39g3+)

108 It is good that war is so often, lest I have to share my pleasures with anyone else. --Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Brother Cavil, keeper of the Deplorable Unicode Character at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (9krrF)

109 Every man, woman and child will be wiped from the landscape, for such is how you prosecute a war, and how we will find my car keys.

Posted by: Me at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (RYASC)

110 You don't want to die,
and I don't want to kill you.

Wait, yes I do you, you panty waist little fuck

Posted by: The guy with the hair at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (zAEs4)

111 "You ain't lived until you've gargled a man's intestines."

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (MZ8Zz)

112 sometimes he does. he's usually a cranky-pants.
Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (8rNrN)

He used to be a journalist.

Posted by: most deplorable Ghost of kari - certified sidebar at December 06, 2016 04:57 PM (Iy6JT)

113 Child, please.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 04:57 PM (XoldI)

114 Heaven has done many things for mankind.
Mankind has done nothing for Heaven.
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill.

-General James "mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at December 06, 2016 04:57 PM (NAlbk)

115 "I've always thought of golf as a pastime for the effeminate, and men who play it often, fools. I would much rather read a good book while watching my enemies suffer and destroyed by the tools of war. That is more of an endeavor for real, meat-eating men. "

-The Fake General Mattis

Posted by: Marcus T at December 06, 2016 04:57 PM (5XDZ6)

116 Gen. Mattis visited the Barrel once. It pled for its life and let him go unmolested.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, keeper of the Deplorable Unicode Character at December 06, 2016 04:57 PM (9krrF)

117 After all the noise from the Trump/Gore dust up comes this ...

Al Gore: climate change threat leaves 'no time to despair' over Trump victory
Former vice-president expects backlash from environmentalists against Trump and hopes Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton will join fight

His advisers have also advocated cutting climate research at Nasa and completely exiting the international climate effort.

Gore said such threats mean there will "likely be a huge upsurge in climate activism. I'm encouraged that there are groups that are digging in to work even harder. Those groups working in the courts are even more important now; those organizing on campuses are even more important now."

Posted by: SMOD at December 06, 2016 04:57 PM (e8kgV)

118 "...Male Navy enlisted first class petty officer exited a bar intoxicated in an attempt to drive a POV equipped with a breathalyzer interlock system. Suspect was too intoxicated to successfully start the vehicle, so he went into the park where he captured a raccoon rummaging in a trash receptacle. Individual utilized the raccoon to blow into the interlock system successfully, but the raccoon became unconscious from being squeezed and was discarded on the floorboard of the vehicle until a short time later when the raccoon regained consciousness and began to attack the suspect while driving, causing the vehicle to crash into a residential fence..."

Posted by: MD at December 06, 2016 04:58 PM (nGgOW)

119 God helps those who help themselves. I believe I'll help myself to more of your blood.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 04:58 PM (XoldI)

120 If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.

Posted by: Ignoramus at December 06, 2016 04:58 PM (SIY7D)

121 "Come home with your shield... or on it."
-Spartan quote, traditional

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 04:59 PM (39g3+)

122 All of us who were taught by General Mantis soon realized that had an honest dislike of anything that smacked of decency in fighting.

Posted by: Paladin at December 06, 2016 04:59 PM (LTquJ)

123 I came. I saw. I annihilated. I laughed.

Posted by: Julius Mattis at December 06, 2016 04:59 PM (zc3Db)

124 People ask me - how do I win battles so quickly?
The truth is war interrupts my reading. I kill my enemies as efficiently as possible so I can get back to my book.

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 04:59 PM (Om16U)

125 "I met death once and kicked his ass. That's why I am going to live forever"

-The Fake General Mattis

Posted by: Marcus T at December 06, 2016 05:00 PM (5XDZ6)

126 I never work for a man I can't kill... otherwise I'd be forever unemployed.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 06, 2016 05:00 PM (2lndx)

127 Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

Posted by: Ignoramus at December 06, 2016 05:00 PM (SIY7D)

128 "Pain builds character, so make sure to inflict as much pain as possible on those who lack it."

Posted by: John Nada - Formerly #NeverHillary at December 06, 2016 05:00 PM (KLyOA)

129 "So your name is Alex, eh? Aren't you the most adorable little ginger midget." *pat pat* "Cute lizards, too."

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at December 06, 2016 05:00 PM (KaVj+)

130 "I'm saving China for last."

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 06, 2016 05:00 PM (8ZskC)

131 MD, I'll give the Navy PO an A+ for ingenuity, but a D- for not ditching the stupid raccoon.

Posted by: Deplorable Old Blue at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (9iR5/)

132 "The only reason I would go to hell is to rip off Satan's head and crap down his throat, then rule the place."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (39g3+)

133 You could *try* and stop me, but I wouldn't recommend it.

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: George Orwell's Ghost at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (UgF8H)

134 Chuck Norris and General Mattis once bumped fists, in July of 1946.

History records this event somewhat differently than it actually occurred on an isolated Pacific atoll.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (wB8Tg)

135 Lena Dunham wants to overthrow the Trump presidency and rewrite the Constitution? Then we shall fight in the shade. A whole lotta shade.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (JF8tR)

136 "Have you ever heard of Hannibal? Caesar? Alexander of Macedonia?"

"Of course."

"Morons."

Posted by: grognard at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (/29Nl)

137 "To approach a Marine is to approach the very armory of God."
-Gen. "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Bobby K. at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (NUeGK)

138 "He's confirmed his candidacy for the next election. Slogan - Mad Dog 2020"

My stomach hurts from laughing!

Posted by: starboardhelm at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (hOtJL)

139 Can't spell triumphant without Trump.

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: George Orwell's Ghost at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (UgF8H)

140 "My mother was dying one, and when death came for her, I beat him into a pile of rubble. She's still alive."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:02 PM (39g3+)

141 "Before I cut my enemy's throat, I like to first ask him if he has a dog. And if so, what is his dog's name? And then, as I slowly run the blade across his throat, I tell my enemy that I'm going to visit his home and smack his dog on the nose with a newspaper and tell him that he's a bad boy and daddy is never coming home."

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 05:02 PM (MZ8Zz)

142 I know President Obama is the Commander in Chief, but sometimes I get the impression that instead of being in the Oval Office, he's lounging around his bunk in his skid-marked tighty-whiteys. -- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Fritz at December 06, 2016 05:02 PM (hOptz)

143 The best thing about a having a throne of skulls, is reminding people that it could always use a footrest.

Posted by: irright at December 06, 2016 05:02 PM (pMGkg)

144 Mattis on ship board deployments:
When you are on a sinking ship, you know how to find higher ground? Follow the stream of chattering, panicking rats. Rats are stupid vermin; but they are survivors.

Posted by: Paladin at December 06, 2016 05:02 PM (LTquJ)

145 I like you Mohammed, I'm going to kill you last.

I lied.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 06, 2016 05:03 PM (/tuJf)

146 I like to suck on wienies with my pinky extended.

Oh, Mattis. I thought you said Obama

Posted by: Bruce at December 06, 2016 05:03 PM (8ikIW)

147 You pull a knife, I laugh in your face. You send one of mine to the hospital, I stack your dead like cordwood and salt your earth. That's the Mattis way.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at December 06, 2016 05:03 PM (NAlbk)

148

Its tough to out Mattis Mattis

Posted by: ThunderB at December 06, 2016 05:03 PM (HeqT8)

149 72
Mad Dog is going to be the SC rally with Trump tonight...Trump tweeted a
pic of them in his plane...Trump is all happy and Mad Dog looks like he
wants to rip someone's head off.. love it.

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 04:51 PM (a0IVu)

They are going to Fayettenam, home of Ft Bragg, so lots of military will be there. That's NC NOT SC, for you Yankees.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 06, 2016 05:03 PM (NbJXF)

150 I come in peace.

I did not bring artillery,

but if I hear one more time,

It's a satchel, not a purse
I will fvcking everyone of you
and the Mfer's who make that shit.

Posted by: The guy with the hair at December 06, 2016 05:03 PM (zAEs4)

151 "You can't take it with you when you die, but you can take someone's else's shit when THEY die."

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 05:04 PM (MZ8Zz)

152 You're never without a bowl as long as an enemy's skull is in the area.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 06, 2016 05:04 PM (oZEJt)

153 135
Lena Dunham wants to overthrow the Trump presidency and rewrite the
Constitution? Then we shall fight in the shade. A whole lotta shade.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (JF8tR)
Please tell me that this stupid bint actually said this. It would prove just how far gone the left really is.

Posted by: Deplorable Old Blue at December 06, 2016 05:04 PM (9iR5/)

154 "To my enemies... yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the day I will kill you."

Posted by: Dave Philpott at December 06, 2016 05:04 PM (iAdR7)

155 "It's not any harder to kill a man once you've walked a mile in his shoes. But, it is easier if you don't have any shoes of your own."

-General James 'Mad Dog' Mattis

Posted by: garrett at December 06, 2016 05:04 PM (MQZBa)

156 "I should've killed you 3 minutes and 14 seconds ago. But, lately I've been testing the limits of my patience.

Limit reached."

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: naturalfake at December 06, 2016 05:05 PM (vZ9Fw)

157 I believe that the main problem with ISIS is their hearing. Their ears require cleaning...with a howitzer.

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: George Orwell's Ghost at December 06, 2016 05:05 PM (UgF8H)

158 Mattis on the media:
"...desperate monkeys flinging crap as fast as they can squeeze it out and grab it, have fallen face down in their product:

Posted by: Paladin at December 06, 2016 05:05 PM (LTquJ)

159 "If I have not killed you yet, I haven't forgotten you. There's just such a long list ahead of you."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:05 PM (39g3+)

160 Gen Matt is once broke 6 concrete blocks without using his hands. He then saluted the crowd, zipped up his pants, and left.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 06, 2016 05:05 PM (21Sa0)

161 No, you did NOT shoot that green shit at me! - Gen Mattis

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 06, 2016 05:06 PM (JO9+V)

162 149, They are going to Fayettenam, home of Ft Bragg, so lots of military will be there. That's NC NOT SC, for you Yankees.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 06, 2016 05:03 PM (NbJXF)
Sorry! Sorry! Cali stupid has rubbed off on me.

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 05:06 PM (a0IVu)

163 Opinions are like dicks. Every guy has one, and everyone wants mine.

-Gen Mattis.

Posted by: Joe, living mobile at December 06, 2016 05:06 PM (+Rnhc)

164 Supply lines, hell. The only provisions we need are the blood of our enemies and the rubble of their villages.

-- Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Insomniac at December 06, 2016 05:06 PM (0mRoj)

165 It's not the heat of the desert, nor the humidity of the jungle that kills, it's the USMC.

Posted by: Harry Reid at December 06, 2016 05:06 PM (WHVu+)

166 "I want to dig up the bones of that old child-rapist Mohammed and use them to personally beat to death every single motherfucker in ISIS I can get my hands on."

Posted by: JoeF. at December 06, 2016 05:06 PM (ZuAsQ)

167 When I want your opinion, I will tell you what it it. That opinion is this: in war, you kill people and break things until the other side can no longer continue to fight.

Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes, who is now @SMcEvil on GAB at December 06, 2016 05:07 PM (kXoT0)

168 Yeah, Thanks, I'll have a nice day. But you won't.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:07 PM (XoldI)

169 Ace, you need to add some of these genius quotes to pictures of Mattis and see how quickly they become accepted lore. I want to see them on CNN.

My guess: 24 hours.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at December 06, 2016 05:07 PM (EnKk6)

170 #153 No, DOB, but I know she wishes for it!

Posted by: andycanuck at December 06, 2016 05:07 PM (JF8tR)

171 You will not hear me coming, but everyone will know when I've gone.

Posted by: -Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:07 PM (6gk0M)

172 "Bowling is a lot of fun.

It's the comedy version of throwing a live grenade into a room full of your enemies."

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: naturalfake at December 06, 2016 05:07 PM (vZ9Fw)

173 There's no greater religious experience than watching a goat-fucker's eyes go dead as you send his ass straight to Allah.

-- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Insomniac at December 06, 2016 05:07 PM (0mRoj)

174 "I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of bubblegum. But you can make bubblegum by boiling human flesh and adding some rubber from the soul of his shoes. Did you know that, Mr Fancy Two-Toned Shoes?"

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 05:08 PM (MZ8Zz)

175 Mattis on critical thinking:
When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The Smart left a long time ago.

Posted by: Paladin at December 06, 2016 05:08 PM (LTquJ)

176 Yeah, right...a "messenger bag". Is that what you call it, Mary?

Posted by: Gen. Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:08 PM (qJhUV)

177 Luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: George Orwell's Ghost at December 06, 2016 05:08 PM (UgF8H)

178 Teach a man to fish, and he eats for a day. Beat a man to death with a fish, and...Well, this isn't really going anywhere, but it's really great to beat a man to death with a fish.

Posted by: Mad Dog at December 06, 2016 05:08 PM (seSmy)

179 To leftist anti-war protestor:

Baby killer? Why, yes I am...BABY...

(lefty runs off in fear)

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 05:08 PM (hVdx9)

180 The word is that Trump offered Liz Warren the job of Under-Secretary of Indian Affairs, but then decided against it. Warren said he was an 'Indian Giver'.

Posted by: undocumented illegal forked tongue at December 06, 2016 05:09 PM (e8kgV)

181 "His angry glare disappeared once his eyeballs were in my pants pocket."

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 06, 2016 05:09 PM (8ZskC)

182 Matching suits & ties!
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/806246271405162500

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 05:09 PM (Om16U)

183 Lena Dunham wants to overthrow the Trump presidency and rewrite the Constitution? Then we shall fight in the shade. A whole lotta shade.
Posted by: andycanuck at December 06, 2016 05:01 PM (JF8tR)

Wave a dick with a donut on it in her face and she forgets her own name.

MDM

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes, who is now @SMcEvil on GAB at December 06, 2016 05:09 PM (kXoT0)

184 Some people have maps that they mark off every country they've been to. I have one where I mark off every country I kill someone in.
-Gen Mattis

Posted by: Joe, living mobile at December 06, 2016 05:09 PM (+Rnhc)

185 I don't always skin my victims, but when I do I use a Bowie knife.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 06, 2016 05:10 PM (NbJXF)

186 I come in peace. With artillery. You should see me when I'm mad.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 06, 2016 05:10 PM (oZEJt)

187 "Dying for YOUR religion doesn't make YOU a martyr, but killing a motherfucker for HIS makes HIM a martyr. And I like making martyrs!"

Posted by: JoeF. at December 06, 2016 05:10 PM (ZuAsQ)

188 I like when a man wears a tie.
It makes it so much easier to strangle them.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 05:10 PM (hVdx9)

189 I beat Dick Butkus over the head with the bloody stump of his arm.

Posted by: mustbequantum at December 06, 2016 05:10 PM (MIKMs)

190 I did this on another thread.

Mattis killed a man with his snore just for pointing a gun at him.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at December 06, 2016 05:10 PM (lPDqu)

191 War is won by two things. One, killing the shit out of the enemy until they lose the will to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone continue to fight. Second, see number one.

-- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Insomniac at December 06, 2016 05:10 PM (0mRoj)

192 I come in peace
(shoot to kill men)

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (hVdx9)

193 so is there some question as to whether Cheney and Mattis share some genetic material? do we have any info on Mattis's choice of prophylactics?

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (cPsPa)

194 178 Teach a man to fish, and he eats for a day. Beat a man to death with a fish, and..

************

And he'll quite bothering you for fish.

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (MZ8Zz)

195 A pessimist can only be pleasantly surprised.

Posted by: undocumented illegal Mad Dog at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (e8kgV)

196 Gen'l James Mattis:

"I learned everything I needed to know about generaling from Nathan Bedford Forrest... including what to do about runaway slaves."

Posted by: BurtTC at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (TOk1P)

197 Trump is going to be at the Army Navy game on Saturday; has Obama ever attended?

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (a0IVu)

198 General Mattis's code name as SecDef will be General Mattis.

Because we want our enemies, and our friends, to know he's there.

Waiting.

Watching.

Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (mf5HN)

199 The best part about killing someone with a gun is they usually don't see you when they die. The best part of killing someone with a knife is they usually do.

Posted by: Joe, living mobile at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (+Rnhc)

200 33
"You can't spell slaughter without laughter. I'm hilarious."

Posted by: Moron Pundit at December 06, 2016 04:45 PM (xeeHA)

OT. Sorry. This reminded me of how crazy English is sometimes. Try explaining the pronunciation of these two words. Of course, you English teachers can. I can't.

Posted by: gracepc at December 06, 2016 05:12 PM (OU4q6)

201 "There is nothing better than getting shot at and missed. It's really great."

Gen. Mattis may have said this but it's really Winston Churchill with slightly different phrasing ("Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result...").

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at December 06, 2016 05:12 PM (FftaI)

202 "Some guys want to fuck a women from every country on the planet. So do I. After I kill a guy from every country on the planet!"

Posted by: JoeF. at December 06, 2016 05:12 PM (ZuAsQ)

203 I don't know why they call me Mad Dog. I'm never mad.

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 05:12 PM (Om16U)

204
What is best in life?

To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

Posted by: Gridlock at December 06, 2016 05:12 PM (hmj8n)

205 I don't always kill my enemies but I make them wish I had.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (lPDqu)

206 I cannot tell a lie. I did not chop down that cherry tree. It was collateral damage resulting from single-handedly slaughtering the enemy army.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, keeper of the Deplorable Unicode Character at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (9krrF)

207
Every one of you keyboard warriors making up quotes attributed to me had better recognize that I've got my eyes on you.

It isn't my eyes you need to worry about.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Gob-Smacked Rage Monkeys (Suck It, NR!) at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (fOgSR)

208 "Sacred stone? Why, the damn thing looks like a urinal. No wonder I couldn't find the handle to flush."

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (8ZskC)

209 I was pumping mish when Christ was still a corporal. Don't talk to me about heartbreak, son. -- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Fritz at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (hOptz)

210 "I'm here for my confirmation hearings without any personal weapons, no battalion in the hallways, and with no artillery support. But gathering outside is an America that last month bought more guns than are owned by the entire Corps. Confirm me, or I invite them inside."

-- General Mattis, in his opening statement.

Posted by: MTF at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (LISuA)

211 So in Argentina, a pedophile who molested at least six kids while teaching orchestra at their school was given a 30-year sentence but served only 4 years.

So parents of one of the kids visited him and beat him to death with his own trumpet.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (39g3+)

212 Get yourself a howitzer, and lose that nickel-plated sissy pistol.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (2lndx)

213 Yo!

Posted by: Yo! at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (GwIKd)

214 I just happen to have the GPS coordinates for Mecca and I've always been curious what a bunker buster would do to a moon rock. Your move.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (/tuJf)

215 The best military weapon is the one that kills your enemies stone dead.

--General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Insomniac at December 06, 2016 05:14 PM (0mRoj)

216 Gen. James Matt...DAMON.

Posted by: Matt Damon at December 06, 2016 05:14 PM (QlyN5)

217 210 "I'm here for my confirmation hearings without any personal weapons, no battalion in the hallways, and with no artillery support. But gathering outside is an America that last month bought more guns than are owned by the entire Corps. Confirm me, or I invite them inside."

-- General Mattis, in his opening statement.

Posted by: MTF at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (LISuA)

Please happen.

Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at December 06, 2016 05:14 PM (WuRdh)

218 Every time you kill a goatfukcer, another order of Buffalo wings shows up on the table.

Posted by: Bruce at December 06, 2016 05:14 PM (8ikIW)

219 211, So parents of one of the kids visited him and beat him to death with his own trumpet.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (39g3+)I cannot condemn that action because I would do the same.

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 05:14 PM (a0IVu)

220 Flesh grows weak. Steel becomes brittle. But the Corps is indomnitable.

--Gen. Mattis, as he beheads Crom

Posted by: Brother Cavil, keeper of the Deplorable Unicode Character at December 06, 2016 05:14 PM (9krrF)

221 Aw... shit...

/looks for an exit...

Mattis has tears in his eyes...

Posted by: Chuck Norris at December 06, 2016 05:14 PM (qf6WZ)

222 Just watching King Zero give his little talk and that is one pissed off black man. What is he so riled about ??

Posted by: nsirchov at December 06, 2016 05:15 PM (ReHkX)

223 Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (39g3+)

A satisfactory ending to an evil.tale.

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 05:15 PM (Om16U)

224 "Where da white women at?"

/Actually, I already did my Mattis quotes for the week:

http://www.battleswarmblog.com/?p=29638

Posted by: Lawrence Person at December 06, 2016 05:15 PM (zPalU)

225 "Where can a man get a BLT in this mosque?"

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 06, 2016 05:15 PM (8ZskC)

226 -- General Mattis, in his opening statement.

Posted by: MTF at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (LISuA)
Me likey! I was thinking about something along those lines but you did good.

Posted by: Deplorable Old Blue at December 06, 2016 05:15 PM (9iR5/)

227 The senate once tried to filibuster my confirmation. I filibustered their hearts.

Posted by: What's a Seawolf? at December 06, 2016 05:15 PM (WuRdh)

228 That ain't the lamentations of their women you just heard.
*zips pants back up*

Posted by: Taqyia2Me - Deploribus Unum at December 06, 2016 05:16 PM (Ftuf+)

229 "Honor those you kill.

Fuck their widows with good American manners and consumate American skill."

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: naturalfake at December 06, 2016 05:16 PM (vZ9Fw)

230
This is my rifle and this is my gun,one is for killing and so is the other one.

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at December 06, 2016 05:16 PM (lKyWE)

231 I come in peace but you must believe that if necessary, you will leave in pieces.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at December 06, 2016 05:16 PM (lPDqu)

232 " I have 7,000 guns in my personal arsenal and 7,000 books in my personal library. And I've already read every book...."

Posted by: JoeF. at December 06, 2016 05:16 PM (ZuAsQ)

233 So parents of one of the kids visited him and beat him to death with his own trumpet.
Death blows.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (JF8tR)

234 For some comparison, here are the defense ministers for Abania, Norway, The Netherlands, Germany, and Italy.

http://tinyurl.com/hmuzmxq

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (39g3+)

235 68, sometimes he does. he's usually a cranky-pants.

Posted by: ace at December 06, 2016 04:50 PM (8rNrN)

I'm told vaginitis is a bitch to get rid of.

Posted by: Uma Thurmond's Feet at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (MDOoZ)

236 OT. Sorry. This reminded me of how crazy English is sometimes. Try explaining the pronunciation of these two words. Of course, you English teachers can. I can't.
Posted by: gracepc at December 06, 2016 05:12 PM (OU4q6)

Obligatory:

http://bit.ly/2bj6ELp

Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (mf5HN)

237 The seventh angel sounded his trumpet, and there were loud voices in heaven, which said: "I didn't know Gen. Mattis played the trumpet."

Posted by: JB at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (5ntXg)

238 "I own and regularly read a 6,000 volume library on every aspect of war. I follow the lessons of these books unfailingly and with alacrity. Each and every book starts off with some variance of the quote attributed to Shakespeare, 'First thing lets do, let's kill all the lawyers'.

Is everyone here today a lawyer?"

-- General Mattis, closing out his opening statement

Posted by: MTF at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (LISuA)

239 205 I don't always kill my enemies but I make them wish I had.
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at December 06, 2016 05:13 PM (lPDqu)

I don't always kill my enemy....

But when I do, I use Dos Artillery...

Posted by: Gen. Mattis, the most interesting man in the world, on open borders at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (qf6WZ)

240 "I actually prefer it when I run out of ammunition, because then I may beat my enemies to death with the weapon."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (39g3+)

241 197
Trump is going to be at the Army Navy game on Saturday; has Obama ever attended?

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 05:11 PM (a0IVu)

Yes with Biden.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (NbJXF)

242 234 For some comparison, here are the defense ministers for Abania, Norway, The Netherlands, Germany, and Italy.

http://tinyurl.com/hmuzmxq
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (39g3+)

Mad Dog will be hitting that.

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (Om16U)

243 "Once you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. But if you don't like being followed, light up their balls with a blowtorch."

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (8ZskC)

244 You remember back when Curtis LeMay created the Strategic Air Command with the motto of "Peace is our Profession".

Fuck that shit. LeMay was a pussy. I'm not here for any "Peace". I'm here for the "Victory".

Posted by: Action Jackson is my name. Bold adventure is my game. at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (0SPyv)

245 I have gutted men who whined less than you.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 05:19 PM (hVdx9)

246 "Ya know they call me 'Mad Dog' because every time I slit a throat, I ask the poor bastard, 'U Mad Dawg?"

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: JB at December 06, 2016 05:19 PM (5ntXg)

247 Also, I see the Horde has taken up knitting.

http://bit.ly/2g79gDz

Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at December 06, 2016 05:19 PM (mf5HN)

248 So parents of one of the kids visited him and beat him to death with his own trumpet.

They say you never hear the trumpet that kills you.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 06, 2016 05:19 PM (8ZskC)

249 https://goo.gl/ksvf0P

When Kurt Schlichter is on, he's really on.

Posted by: JEM at December 06, 2016 05:19 PM (TppKb)

250 "The good Lord says 'blessed be the peacemakers' and I'm all for that. There's nothing more peaceful than an enemy position after an arclight strike."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:19 PM (39g3+)

251 So, is Kristen Gillibrand still willing to die on this hill?

Posted by: Ignoramus at December 06, 2016 05:20 PM (SIY7D)

252 When Mattis crosses path with a bear , the bear plays dead.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at December 06, 2016 05:20 PM (lPDqu)

253 I'm a wonderful host but a terrible guest. If I'm in your house, you're either surrendering or dead.

Posted by: Joe, living mobile at December 06, 2016 05:21 PM (+Rnhc)

254 "Join the Marines, visit exotic places, meet interesting people, kill them."

Stole that from some comedian,

Posted by: Javems at December 06, 2016 05:21 PM (yOqwj)

255 'Cause justice is the one thing you should always find

You got to saddle up your boys, you got to draw a hard line

When the gun smoke settles we'll sing a victory tune

We'll all meet back at the local saloon

And we'll raise up our glasses against evil forces singing

Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 06, 2016 05:22 PM (JO9+V)

256 242 234 For some comparison, here are the defense ministers for Abania, Norway, The Netherlands, Germany, and Italy.

http://tinyurl.com/hmuzmxq
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (39g3+)

Mad Dog will be hitting that.
Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (Om16U)

And now we know why the EU is being invaded...

Posted by: Don Q. at December 06, 2016 05:22 PM (qf6WZ)

257 "I actually prefer it when I run out of ammunition, because then I may beat my enemies to death with the weapon."
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:18 PM (39g3+)

"...and the best part comes after I run through the ammunition in their weapons. Then I get to use my bare hands!"

Posted by: JoeF. at December 06, 2016 05:22 PM (ZuAsQ)

258 "There is no enemy. The foe on the battlefield is merely the manifestation of that which we must overcome. He is doubt, and fear, and despair. Every battle is fought within. Conquer the battlefield that lies inside you, and the enemy disappears like the illusion he is."

Stolen from Warhammer 40k.

Posted by: Eisenhorn at December 06, 2016 05:22 PM (J9FkY)

259 Trump out Obamaing Obama. Going to Army Navy game?

What a great way to change the tone AND wait till the students cheer him on national TV.

The MSM is going to shit in their pants.

MOAR POPCORN

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 06, 2016 05:22 PM (NbJXF)

260 Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (mf5HN)

I'll keep that. Thanks.

Posted by: gracepc at December 06, 2016 05:22 PM (OU4q6)

261 I come in peace.

I did not bring artillery,

but if I hear one more time,

It's a skirt, not a kilt if you can't trace back to your clan.
I will fvcking kill everyone of you and the Mfer's who say that shit.

I come in peace.

I did not bring artillery,

but if I hear one more time,

It's a , not a purse
I will fvcking everyone of you
and the Mfer's who make that shit.

Posted by: rickb223 at December 06, 2016 05:22 PM (VtwaX)

262
Stole that from some comedian,
Posted by: Javems at December 06, 2016 05:21 PM (yOqwj)

The comedian stole it from the Marine Corp

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at December 06, 2016 05:23 PM (lKyWE)

263

If you see me comin�, better step aside
A lotta men didn�t, a lotta men died
One fist of iron, the other of steel
If the right one don�t a-get you, then the left one will

Posted by: "Sixteen Tons" Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:23 PM (IqV8l)

264 Fucked that whole joke up. Some much for posting while driving.

Posted by: rickb223 at December 06, 2016 05:23 PM (VtwaX)

265 Secretary of War Matthias

Posted by: Jean at December 06, 2016 05:23 PM (2RVmA)

266 OK, take that fucking beret off, we not frogs.

My first uniform order.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 06, 2016 05:24 PM (NbJXF)

267 Onesie boy with the cocoa saw a picture of Mad Dog once. He still hasn't come out of his mother's basement.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:24 PM (39g3+)

268 I told PE Trump to rethink his position on waterboarding, and told him that "beer and cigarettes" were a better alternative in terror suspect interrogations.

You know how much pain you can inflict with a sharp piece of aluminum and a lit cigarette, properly applied.

Posted by: Ignoramus at December 06, 2016 05:24 PM (SIY7D)

269 "They say the only certain things in life are death and taxes, I'm not here to tax you, son."

Mad Dog

Posted by: Traye at December 06, 2016 05:24 PM (R3rbC)

270 "If they raise a weapon against your country, kill them. Kill them without mercy, and glory in ridding the world of a piece of fucking filth. Demoralise their family, denigrate and humiliate them; every enemy should be made an example of."

"A silent weapon is a sad weapon."
-"Mad Dog"

Posted by: atomicplaygirl (Gab: atomicplaygirl) at December 06, 2016 05:25 PM (Gim9y)

271 Blessed are the peacemakers.
I am very blessed as I made the enemy into many small pieces.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 05:25 PM (hVdx9)

272 The comedian stole it from the Marine Corp
Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at December 06, 2016 05:23 PM (lKyWE)

I saw it in an ad in the back of Rolling Stone Magazine in the late '70's.

Posted by: JoeF. at December 06, 2016 05:25 PM (ZuAsQ)

273 The smell of bacon will make a Mohammedan tell you anything.

That an the BBQ poker up their ass.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 06, 2016 05:25 PM (NbJXF)

274 I don't love war but if you want to start it , I will be its soul mate.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at December 06, 2016 05:26 PM (lPDqu)

275 "I wish you all had one neck and I had my hands on it"

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:27 PM (39g3+)

276 261 I come in peace.

I did not bring artillery,

but if I hear one more time,

It's a skirt, not a kilt if you can't trace back to your clan.
I will fvcking kill everyone of you and the Mfer's who say that shit.

I come in peace.

I did not bring artillery,

but if I hear one more time,

It's a , not a purse
I will fvcking everyone of you
and the Mfer's who make that shit.
Posted by: rickb223 at December 06, 2016 05:22 PM (VtwaX)

-----

Ha..great minds and all..

Or possibly std's from that thrilla in Manila chick

Posted by: The guy with the hair at December 06, 2016 05:27 PM (zAEs4)

277 Stolen - "Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

Posted by: Algore at December 06, 2016 05:27 PM (6Ql5W)

278 "Remember, Boys - Center Mass.

"We'll need some Fuckin' Skulls when this all over with."

-General James 'Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: garrett at December 06, 2016 05:27 PM (MQZBa)

279 Also, I see the Horde has taken up knitting.

http://bit.ly/2g79gDz

Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at December 06, 2016 05:19 PM (mf5HN)
============================

Me want.

Posted by: MTF at December 06, 2016 05:27 PM (LISuA)

280 Mattis took a trip to the Virgin Islands last year.

Now they're just known as "The Islands".

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 06, 2016 05:27 PM (KinVZ)

281 Stolen - "Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Posted by: Algore at December 06, 2016 05:27 PM (6Ql5W)

That's awesome.

Posted by: JoeF. at December 06, 2016 05:28 PM (ZuAsQ)

282 Yea I walk through the Valley of Death I shall fear no evil...because I have covering fires planned along my entire route of advance plus close air on standby. In fact I own this place now. Welcome to Mad Dog Valley!

Posted by: Diogenes at December 06, 2016 05:28 PM (0tfLf)

283 For some comparison, here are the defense ministers for Abania, Norway, The Netherlands, Germany, and Italy.

http://tinyurl.com/hmuzmxq

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:17 PM (39g3+)

YES Yes yes NO Yes

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 06, 2016 05:29 PM (JO9+V)

284 266 OK, take that fucking beret off, we not frogs.

My first uniform order.
Posted by: Nip Sip at December 06, 2016 05:24 PM (NbJXF)

Navy? Camo Uniforms on a SHIP?

Back to Dungarees and Coveralls... back to being Damn Sailors...

Oh... and Navy Traditions are back in Effect immediately... you WILL Kiss the damn Baby if you cross the Line...

Tacking on Crows in AUTHORIZED... just keep it in control.

And your primary mission is NOT Global Warmering or Inclusiveness... its to go into Harm's Way and Destroy the Enemy.

That is all...

Posted by: Don Quixote, Secretary of the Navy at December 06, 2016 05:29 PM (qf6WZ)

285 Mad Dog Mattis. His name is a killing word.

Posted by: Deplorable Old Blue at December 06, 2016 05:29 PM (9iR5/)

286 "Killing all you mfers would be like kicking a puppy, too bad for you I'm a cat man"

Mad Dog

Posted by: Traye at December 06, 2016 05:30 PM (R3rbC)

287 To be or not to be, that is your question.
Surrender and live, or fight and die horribly.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 05:30 PM (hVdx9)

288 YES Yes yes NO Yes

Germany used to be a dude, right?

Posted by: Grump928(c) at December 06, 2016 05:30 PM (QQ+il)

289 First thing we do is give our new artillery men some practice by shooting everyone of the whiney SOB's that said they were leaving the country, over the Mexico border.

Posted by: Bruce at December 06, 2016 05:30 PM (8ikIW)

290 Also, I see the Horde has taken up knitting.
http://bit.ly/2g79gDz
Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrr

I can just hear OJ's lawyers now...if the *** don't fit, you must acquit.

Posted by: Diogenes at December 06, 2016 05:31 PM (0tfLf)

291 Mad Dog Mattis walks into a bar.

The bartender says ' whadda ya have?'

Mad Dog replies ' I have a plan to kill everyone in here. Now drinks on me!'

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at December 06, 2016 05:32 PM (lPDqu)

292 Its not Mattis, but this quote is amazing. Its from Marshall Tito, to Joseph Stalin:

"Stop sending people to kill me! We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send a very fast working one to Moscow and I certainly won't have to send another."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:32 PM (39g3+)

293 For some comparison, here are the defense ministers for Abania, Norway, The Netherlands, Germany, and Italy.

http://tinyurl.com/hmuzmxq

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor
****

Yes, no, no, no, no.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 05:32 PM (hVdx9)

294 "the japanese prime minister doesn't have to apologize for the attack on pearl harbor when he visits"

gen. mattis

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 06, 2016 05:32 PM (WTSFk)

295 Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes you're just not hungry.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:32 PM (XoldI)

296 When Dick Cheney's warcock and Gen. Mattis pass by each other in the street, they nod respectfully and continue walking.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at December 06, 2016 05:33 PM (kDUMP)

297 "Killing someone with an actual shotgun is my way of calling 'shotgun'" - General Mad Dog Mattie

Posted by: Publius Redux at December 06, 2016 05:33 PM (8BTTh)

298 YES Yes yes NO Yes

Germany used to be a dude, right?

Posted by: Grump928(c) at December 06, 2016 05:30 PM (QQ+il)

Germany looks like the result of some Mengele experiment in master race recessive gene breeding gone horribly wrong.

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 06, 2016 05:34 PM (JO9+V)

299 Mattis wasn't born.

He told his mother he was coming out.

Gen Mattis.

Posted by: Steve_in_SoCal at December 06, 2016 05:34 PM (bB4HN)

300 107
"We're surrounded. That simplifies the problem."

"All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in
front of us, they're behind us... they can't get away this time."

"Take me to the Brig. I want to see the real Marines."

(Chesty Puller)

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 04:56 PM (39g3+)
My father in law Johnny was a Marine - he was on Iwo, and with Chesty in Korea. He knew Chesty a little, and Chesty knew him by sight to wave and say a few words. When Johnny showed up in Korea he was originally supposed to document the war effort for the Corps, (Johnny's PhD was in history, and this was a first for the Corps), but Chesty pointed to Johnny's gun and said, "Make history now, write about it later." Semper Fidelis.

Posted by: atomicplaygirl (Gab: atomicplaygirl) at December 06, 2016 05:34 PM (Gim9y)

301 "pollo milanese is a nice variant on chicken fingers"

gen. mattis

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 06, 2016 05:34 PM (WTSFk)

302 The problem with the Middle East is that it's difficult to ally with a culture what fucks farm animals. -- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Fritz at December 06, 2016 05:34 PM (hOptz)

303 Navy? Camo Uniforms on a SHIP?

Back to Dungarees and Coveralls... back to being Damn Sailors...

In white!
Your ass goes over the rail, I want to be able to find you.

Posted by: rickb223 at December 06, 2016 05:35 PM (VtwaX)

304 "the secret to marcella hazan's tomato sauce is the butter"

gen. mattis

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 06, 2016 05:35 PM (WTSFk)

305 "To every man comes that moment when he will face his Maker.

Just make sure you bring along plenty of asses for Him to kick down to hell when you do."

General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: naturalfake at December 06, 2016 05:36 PM (vZ9Fw)

306 http://tinyurl.com/hsxpd8c

Is this a thing?

Posted by: captslaq at December 06, 2016 05:36 PM (59WWm)

307 Gen. George S. Patton died in 1945.

Gen. Mattis was born in 1950.

We now know how long it takes for a reincarnated soul to return...

Posted by: Don Quixote at December 06, 2016 05:36 PM (qf6WZ)

308 Your ass goes over the rail, I want to be able to find you.

Yeah the naval camo thing... exactly.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:37 PM (39g3+)

309 God help the man who puts carrots in MY chili!

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 05:37 PM (hVdx9)

310 When you rip a guy's nuts off with your bare hand, it feels good. You've just saved another goat from being raped.

---- Gen. Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:37 PM (PY9jH)

311 Fucked that whole joke up. Some much for posting while driving.
Posted by: rickb223 at December 06, 2016 05:23 PM (VtwaX)

-----

Same here..

I left out the word *kill*.
FFS, it's a thread about Mad Dog, and I left out *kill*?

Posted by: The guy with the hair at December 06, 2016 05:38 PM (zAEs4)

312 I killed a man and I liked it.

My name is Mad Dog, how do you do. Now, you gone' die, boy.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at December 06, 2016 05:38 PM (DW+jj)

313 I've got chunks of guys like you in my stool

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 06, 2016 05:39 PM (JO9+V)

314 That Barack fellow seemed rather light in his loafers.

----- Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:39 PM (PY9jH)

315 Could we also do a leaked copy of Donald Trump's inauguration speech?

Here is what I have so far from my sources inside the Trump campaign camp:

Good Morning, Ladies and Gentleman:

I am honored to take office as the forty-fifth president of the United States. I will faithfully carry out all the duties of the President, but first you will all blow me.

...

Posted by: davedavedavearf at December 06, 2016 05:39 PM (0+srV)

316 If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it in the dictionary somewhere between shit and syphilis.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:40 PM (XoldI)

317 We will not use mines on the perimeter. We shall let the enemy advance unhindered so that he may meet death at the hands of Real Americans.
Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Diogenes at December 06, 2016 05:40 PM (0tfLf)

318 In white!
Your ass goes over the rail, I want to be able to find you.
Posted by: rickb223 at December 06, 2016 05:35 PM (VtwaX)

Ever work on a ship? Trust me... white is not a good working uniform color...

Even White Dress uniforms are a major pain in the ass on ships...

Posted by: Don Quixote at December 06, 2016 05:40 PM (qf6WZ)

319 316...I'm keeping that.

Posted by: Diogenes at December 06, 2016 05:41 PM (0tfLf)

320 Why in holy hell is the camo on Navy ships blue????

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:41 PM (PY9jH)

321 I hope Trump just goes off-prompter for his inaugural. Just gets up there and riffs like he does at the rallies.

He may redefine the State of the Union crapshow. Do it as a rally somewhere. Tell Congress to sign up for tickets, and they better do it early, 'cause they go fast.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at December 06, 2016 05:41 PM (DW+jj)

322 Mad Dog, Mad Dog
Whatcha gonna do
When he comes for you?

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 05:41 PM (Om16U)

323 I actually liked this real quote and I can't come up with any fake ones because I know so little about hm:

Fight with a happy heart and strong spirit

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 06, 2016 05:42 PM (tOcW/)

324 After Mattis is through with the defense ministers for Albania, Norway, The Netherlands, Germany and Italy, this will look like this:

http://gothamist.com/2016/12/05/trump_scared_of_counting.php

Posted by: Colin at December 06, 2016 05:42 PM (mIgf1)

325 CNBC bitchin about the Trump/ Japanese investor guy announcement.
"Quid pro quo"

Pussies

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 05:42 PM (Om16U)

326 "I'm frequently asked: Ginger or Maryanne?

I answer, 'Take the whole damn island, and let God sort it out later.'"

Posted by: MTF at December 06, 2016 05:42 PM (LISuA)

327 Why in holy hell is the camo on Navy ships blue????
Posted by: Jane D'oh

Actually, I know a Chief who was part of the uniform selection team. The pixilation in the shades of blue and grey on the uniform make people very hard to see when viewed by IR and other electronic viewing systems.

Posted by: Diogenes at December 06, 2016 05:43 PM (0tfLf)

328 Why in holy hell is the camo on Navy ships blue?

So when Obama's special snowflake xer tranny sailor falls overboard nobody can find them in the ocean.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:43 PM (39g3+)

329 "We are not 'surrounded'. We are about to be in a corpse-rich environment."

Posted by: mikeski at December 06, 2016 05:43 PM (lO+tS)

330 "i'll idee fixe you, you s.o.b."

ge. mattis

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 06, 2016 05:44 PM (WTSFk)

331 Who bitch you is?

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:45 PM (XoldI)

332 Don't frighten me, if you frighten me I will kill you so I don't feel frightened any more.

Posted by: Mark at December 06, 2016 05:46 PM (sM4h7)

333 Who bitch you is?

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:45 PM (XoldI)

heh

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:46 PM (PY9jH)

334 The Netherlands, Germany and Italy, this will look like this:

That is a motley crew if there ever was one. What is it about the left that attracts these human detritus? Where's that froot loops bathing woman?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:46 PM (39g3+)

335 "We are making enemies faster than we can kill them...using conventional weapons."

Posted by: musical mountaineer at December 06, 2016 05:47 PM (NoJSY)

336 308 Your ass goes over the rail, I want to be able to find you.

Yeah the naval camo thing... exactly.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:37 PM (39g3+)

------
A few years ago, my nephew, a freshly formed pile of Seaman, was home showing pics and such..

His dad, my brother, kept telling nephew, "Show that pic to Uncle (hair guy), son...go on show him.. Nephew refused ...saying " come on Dad, you know how much crap he's going to give me, please don't show that, etc, etc...

He didn't show it, so I kept accidentally bumping into him and knocking him on his skinny ass the entire time he was there.....saying sorry, couldn't see you boy...

It was a character building exercise..

Posted by: The guy with the hair at December 06, 2016 05:47 PM (zAEs4)

337 See counter-illumination camo. You use lights to eliminate being seen as a dark shape against a bright background.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at December 06, 2016 05:47 PM (DW+jj)

338 Even White Dress uniforms are a major pain in the ass on ships...
Posted by: Don Quixote

However, at wedding receptions ....

Posted by: Jean at December 06, 2016 05:47 PM (2RVmA)

339 "the "invincible socks" at orvis are the best socks i've ever worn. highly recommended!"

gen. mattis

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 06, 2016 05:47 PM (WTSFk)

340 "Loot the dead!!!"
-Mathis' battle cry

(actually the battle cry of a Fantasy Hero RPG group of characters in a game I ran. It was very dismaying to enemies that could understand them.)

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:47 PM (39g3+)

341 If Mattis had been in the Marine Corp in Germany in WWI, Hitler would have stuck with the painting.

Posted by: JB1000 at December 06, 2016 05:48 PM (XXFUC)

342 After 100 hours of brutal hand-to-hand combat I stood and surveyed the battlefield. Blood soaked, strewn with enemy body parts. The silence broken occasionally by the wails of a few slowly dying, dismembered savages - getting their just deserts.

And I wept. For there was no one else to kill.

Posted by: Julius Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:48 PM (zc3Db)

343 Have yourselves a Merry little Christmas, or I'll garrote your children in front of you.

Posted by: FaCubeItches at December 06, 2016 05:48 PM (rznWS)

344 "My only fear is running out of the enemy to kill."

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at December 06, 2016 05:48 PM (39g3+)

345 The JEF subjected the Air Force to another long, drawn-out blathering at MacDill AFB this afternoon.

He was bragging about how he's decimated al Qaeda.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:48 PM (PY9jH)

346 Nothing in this world can be said to be certain except death, taxes and Mattis.

-Benjamin Franklin

Posted by: Veteran of Foreign Wars at December 06, 2016 05:48 PM (JO+Jb)

347 This is my rifle. This is my gun. I can kill you with either. -- Mad Dog

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at December 06, 2016 05:49 PM (DW+jj)

348 "282 Yea I walk through the Valley of Death I shall fear no evil...because"

...because who the fcuk do you think put all these bitches here in the first place?

Posted by: mikeski at December 06, 2016 05:49 PM (lO+tS)

349 "... really! they are absolutely fantastic socks! try 'em!"

gen. mattis

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 06, 2016 05:49 PM (WTSFk)

350 The pixilation in the shades of blue and grey on the uniform make people very hard to see when viewed by IR and other electronic viewing systems.
Posted by: Diogenes

So, specifically the imagers used to find you in the water

Posted by: Jean at December 06, 2016 05:49 PM (2RVmA)

351 Actually, I know a Chief who was part of the uniform selection team. The pixilation in the shades of blue and grey on the uniform make people very hard to see when viewed by IR and other electronic viewing systems.
Posted by: Diogenes

Bet they're just as hard to spot when they've accidentally gone overboard.

Posted by: rickb223 at December 06, 2016 05:50 PM (VtwaX)

352 The pixilation in the shades of blue and grey on the uniform make people very hard to see when viewed by IR and other electronic viewing systems.
Posted by: Diogenes at December 06,

---------

Really? Pixilation defeated IR?

Who'd a thunk it?

Posted by: The guy with the hair at December 06, 2016 05:50 PM (zAEs4)

353 I'll be willing to bet we will never hear "folks" pass from the lips of Mad Dog Mattis.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:50 PM (PY9jH)

354 Who let the Mad Dog out?
Trump, Trump, Trump!

Posted by: Skip at December 06, 2016 05:50 PM (5sOEp)

355 350. 351...
Exactly what I said. Got a "hhrruummph" in return.

Posted by: Diogenes at December 06, 2016 05:51 PM (0tfLf)

356 When Mattis was born, he slapped the doctor.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at December 06, 2016 05:51 PM (DW+jj)

357 My favorite cocktail? The blood of my enemies. Nothing else.

---- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:52 PM (PY9jH)

358 I never judge a man by how he looks because all men look pretty much the same with their faces peeled off

Posted by: Warden at December 06, 2016 05:52 PM (4FwCe)

359 I'm not here to fuck with you. I'm here to fuck you over."
........................

And then to fuck your wives.
And you'll thank me for it.

Posted by: antisocialist at December 06, 2016 05:54 PM (W2wn0)

360 Huh. Obama and his family have spent $85 mil. of our tax dollars on their vacations.

Trying to find words.....

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:54 PM (PY9jH)

361 "I've killed women and children. I've killed everything that walks
or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little
Bill, for what you done to Monica."

Posted by: Mad Dog Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:55 PM (3MiF8)

362 At my signal, unleash hell. Gen Mattis

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 06, 2016 05:55 PM (JO9+V)

363 "when i'm walking through the valley of death i make sure i'm wearing the invincible sock from orvis"

gen mattis

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 06, 2016 05:56 PM (WTSFk)

364 "'I' before 'e' except after me...they're both dead after dealing with me."

- General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: JB at December 06, 2016 05:56 PM (5ntXg)

365 Hillary Clinton will never be president.

Posted by: General James Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:56 PM (WHVu+)

366 Friends, countrymen, enemies, lend me your ears! Or I'll cut them off and like pearls, make costume jewelry out of them.

-- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Fritz at December 06, 2016 05:57 PM (hOptz)

367 320 Why in holy hell is the camo on Navy ships blue????
Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 06, 2016 05:41 PM (PY9jH)

It helps hide paint stains.

Sounds stupid, I know, but when you're slapping primer on and you swipe your coveralls, WELP, those are now coveralls that you can't wear to the galley ever again without some Chief from a command you've never heard of crawling up your ass and making threats. With the digicamo, the colors make paint spatters far less visible.

Whether this was worth the time, money, and effort to switch, who knows. They're changing uniforms again anyway. I left before they went away from utilities and coveralls anyway :: toots party horn ::

Posted by: hogmartin at December 06, 2016 05:57 PM (8nWyX)

368 "God sent His son to save humanity; I'm sending The Corps." ---- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at December 06, 2016 05:57 PM (1CroS)

369 That's why yellow makes me sad sometimes.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at December 06, 2016 05:58 PM (dnWSK)

370 Please be gentle with me you Mad Dog, you.

Posted by: John Travolta at December 06, 2016 05:58 PM (HgMAr)

371 I am the punishment of God...If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you

Posted by: Jean at December 06, 2016 05:58 PM (2RVmA)

372 I am assisted suicide for the enemy.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 05:58 PM (XoldI)

373 "I'm so apathetic about destroying the planet that I use two pieces." - Gen. Mattis

Posted by: Sheryl Crow at December 06, 2016 05:58 PM (QlyN5)

374
The pixilation in the shades of blue and grey on the uniform make people very hard to see when viewed by IR and other electronic viewing systems. Posted by: Diogenes at December 06,

I still don't get it though.If your object is to kill the ship who cares if you can see the sailors on it.

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at December 06, 2016 05:59 PM (lKyWE)

375

Posted by: Sheryl Crow at December 06, 2016 05:59 PM (QlyN5)

376
Livestream Trump rally NC:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNNLOOP9dpk

DADDY

Posted by: kallisto at December 06, 2016 05:59 PM (jkmtt)

377 Obama claims no terrorist attacks in the US during the last 8 years? Wut? San Bernadino, Orlando..

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 05:59 PM (a0IVu)

378 Sometimes women have said to me, "I wouldn't sleep with you if you were last man on Earth."

I find this hypothetical interesting.

Posted by: davedavedavearf at December 06, 2016 06:00 PM (0+srV)

379 "Never stick your dick in crazy, son.

"At least not until you've stuck you bayonnet in there, first."

-Gen James 'Mad Dog' Mattis

Posted by: garrett at December 06, 2016 06:00 PM (MQZBa)

380 Take all that stealth shit off of my Chariot of Death.

I want the Fuckers to know who is coming to kill em.

Posted by: The guy with the hair at December 06, 2016 06:00 PM (zAEs4)

381 We won't discontinue transgender surgery operations in the military. It'll just be me, ripping your whiny nutsack off.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 06:01 PM (8TdcF)

382 Make elbows great again!
https://twitter.com/ShineVistaFilms/status/806272942724222976

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 06:01 PM (Om16U)

383 I greet every stranger the same way, I promise to kill them last.

---- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: buzzsaw90 at December 06, 2016 06:01 PM (EZDs2)

384 When you enter a room... be polite, be courteous, and have a plan to kill everyone in the room.

Unless Chuck Norris is there, then you only need to plan on killing HALF the room...

Posted by: Mattisism... at December 06, 2016 06:01 PM (qf6WZ)

385 There's supposed to be a "u" after the "q". Sorry, Iraq, I don't make the rules...I just enforce them.

-- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at December 06, 2016 06:01 PM (kDUMP)

386 At my signal, unleash. Gen Mattis, Hell.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at December 06, 2016 06:02 PM (hVdx9)

387 If not already mentioned, I love Duffleblog's headline: Mattis Vows to Make Killing Great Again

LOL

Posted by: Lizzy at December 06, 2016 06:02 PM (NOIQH)

388 9 When he sees General Mattis coming, Chuck Norris steps aside.

---

like he could see me coming

Posted by: buzzsaw90 at December 06, 2016 06:02 PM (EZDs2)

389 I AM Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Spartacus at December 06, 2016 06:03 PM (EZDs2)

390 >>Obama claims no terrorist attacks in the US during the last 8 years? Wut? San Bernadino, Orlando..

Boston Marathon?
Ft. Hood?

Posted by: Lizzy at December 06, 2016 06:03 PM (NOIQH)

391 Hell, when it comes to Muslim fucktards I just order my soldiers to whip out their cocks and the Hajiis kill themselves.

Posted by: Gen. Mattis at December 06, 2016 06:04 PM (YX9fV)

392 "Always be prepared to kill everyone in the room". Mad Dog Mattis meeting with his future in-laws.

Posted by: John Kenney at December 06, 2016 06:04 PM (7WpeG)

393 "Gee, that Barney Frank fellow sure is attractive."

Posted by: Barney Frank at December 06, 2016 06:05 PM (QlyN5)

394 There's supposed to be a "u" after the "q". Sorry, Iraq, I don't make the rules...I just enforce them.

-- Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis
Posted by: RedMindBlueState

After the first dance, I was in Q8. At KISR an egghead there suggested renaming Iraq to Iraqu just to show them we make the rules.

Posted by: Jean at December 06, 2016 06:05 PM (2RVmA)

395 I still don't get it though.If your object is to kill the ship who cares if you can see the sailors on it.
Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at December 06, 2016 05:59 PM (lKyWE)

Especially the ones who are INSIDE the ship...

Now... Riverines? OK... Spec Ops? Yup...

Small Boats and Boarding Teams? OK...

But ships company? uh....

Posted by: Don Q. at December 06, 2016 06:05 PM (qf6WZ)

396 Obama is obviously characterizing terrorist attacks as being equivalent to the loss of life after 9/11 because Obama knows nothing but how to lie, brag and cover his own backside.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 06, 2016 06:06 PM (tOcW/)

397
I hate fucking Kangaroos too.

Okay...that was more me than Mattis.

Posted by: eleven at December 06, 2016 06:06 PM (qUNWi)

398 I'm going to get you my pretty. And your little dog Bo too!

Posted by: Spartacus at December 06, 2016 06:06 PM (EZDs2)

399 If not already mentioned, I love Duffleblog's headline: Mattis Vows to Make Killing Great Again

LOL
Posted by: Lizzy at December

-----

They've got a couple of "stories" up about him, and are really riding him on the 'talk about it for 10,000 years' quotes. Because....Marines

Posted by: The guy with the hair at December 06, 2016 06:07 PM (zAEs4)

400 I never chewed bubblegum even once, yet always remain occupied.

Posted by: Farmer Bob at December 06, 2016 06:07 PM (sqpGi)

401 I think Jim Cramer has turned into a Trump fan.

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 06:07 PM (Om16U)

402 After the first dance, I was in Q8. At KISR an
egghead there suggested renaming Iraq to Iraqu just to show them we make
the rules.

Posted by: Jean at December 06, 2016 06:05 PM

Love it.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at December 06, 2016 06:07 PM (kDUMP)

403 I love watching that life stream of the rally - lots of diversity in that crowd! young, old, white, black, asian..all for MAGA.

Posted by: IC at December 06, 2016 06:08 PM (a0IVu)

404 "Waterboarding is useless--unless you need the name of the courier who'll lead you to bin Laden. But other than that, absolutely useless."

Posted by: The Gipper Lives at December 06, 2016 06:08 PM (Ndje9)

405 The ROE are simple: The enemy dies, we live.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 06:08 PM (XoldI)

406 One can only imagine the "polite applause" the JEF is getting for lying like a fucking snake to our armed forces like he is tonight.
I hope President Trump goes there 1/21/2017 to let them get crazy!!

Posted by: Taqyia2Me - Deploribus Unum at December 06, 2016 06:09 PM (Ftuf+)

407 Sometimes violence is required, other times, it's just fun.

Posted by: Farmer Bob at December 06, 2016 06:10 PM (sqpGi)

408 "I just read a text from the last cannibal in the Congo. It reads, 'I am short-dicked. Please don't let Pyle get Safeguarded tonight.' It was sent yesterday afternoon" -- Gen. Mattis.

Posted by: Carol Burnett at December 06, 2016 06:11 PM (QMWc0)

409 Dear Barky- you don't have the stones to perpetuate the big lie. History will not be your friend. You tube and various search engines will be out there forever. Keep on telling yourself you were important- ain't nobody listening.

Posted by: Ben Had at December 06, 2016 06:11 PM (ZUl9V)

410 399 If not already mentioned, I love Duffleblog's headline: Mattis Vows to Make Killing Great Again

LOL
Posted by: Lizzy at December

Just read that. I liked how they have Mattis relabelling parts of the map marked "Middle East" as "Free Parking"

Posted by: Votermom the Deplorable @vm on Gab.ai at December 06, 2016 06:12 PM (Om16U)

411 I shot the sherrif
But i did not shot the deputy

I dis-embowled him

Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Spartacus at December 06, 2016 06:13 PM (EZDs2)

412 I'm face down ass up for Mattis!

Posted by: John Travolta at December 06, 2016 06:13 PM (HgMAr)

413 Hillary Clinton will never be president

Posted by: Mattis at December 06, 2016 06:13 PM (mtGE/)

414 You hear a lot of sentences in your life. Too bad this one's gonna be your last.

Posted by: Mega at December 06, 2016 06:14 PM (EdXI9)

415 I will personally authorize and perform all transgender surgeries. My method will require a k-bar, a wire fence, and hot tar.

Posted by: Farmer Bob at December 06, 2016 06:14 PM (sqpGi)

416

"It isn't a Christmas in the Mattis household until I get downstairs and fire a weapon. Merry Christmas."

"You want to do a favor for a terrorist? Release him into a warzone. You want to do a favor for a Marine? Run that terrorist over with a tank."

" You want that frisson of expecting life, such as the birth of your first born son? Kill a man with your hands."

"Some people like the blues, some people like jazz, some get off on rock and roll. I get off on ordnance liquidating enemy assets."

"To get the maximum effect out of any military man, ask him to do the impossible, and to get the very maximum out of a military man, ask him to kill a few enemy assets."

"Enemy assets are there to be blown up with as much firepower as possible. I mean, we're talking dropping a megaton on their head."

"There is no such thing as too big a thermonuclear weapon in my view."

Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzzy at December 06, 2016 06:15 PM (JM4lv)

417 I was just looking at some "Trump babes" pics. One had a Trump bumper sticker to cover her boobs, was wearing an itty-bitty thong and was tribbing a pump shotgun.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at December 06, 2016 06:15 PM (DW+jj)

418 Yoohoo boys, I'm just lying here wide open.

Posted by: The new thread at December 06, 2016 06:15 PM (/Nite)

419 "Get a life," William Shatner.

Posted by: 80's music fan at December 06, 2016 06:15 PM (PHcLa)

420 They call me Mad Dog. But the truth is I'm not really a dog.

Posted by: Mega at December 06, 2016 06:15 PM (EdXI9)

421 Whadda mean

"IF looks could kill?" ---Mad Dog Mattis

Posted by: Spartacus at December 06, 2016 06:15 PM (EZDs2)

422 Oh I don't ride in the Boeing CH-47 Chinook helicopter. That's for just for my balls. - Gen Mattis

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 06, 2016 06:16 PM (JO9+V)

423 "A well trained US Marine is the most dangerous weapon in my arsenal save, perhaps the Spork."

-Genral James 'Mad Dog' Mattis

Posted by: garrett at December 06, 2016 06:16 PM (MQZBa)

424 Another from Duffleblog: "Military frantically Googling where Defense Secretary is in presidential order of succession"

Ifconfirmed, Mattis would need to simultaneously take out the
Treasury Secretary, Secretary of State, President pro tempore of the
Senate, the Speaker of the House, the Vice President, and the President,
in order to assume the highest office in the land.

According to sources,he already has a plan to do just that, which he wrote in 2003...Heh

Posted by: Lizzy at December 06, 2016 06:16 PM (NOIQH)

425 I have some good news and some bad news for you. The good news is death itself is painless. The bad news is how you're gonna get there.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 06:18 PM (XoldI)

426 slightly ot- bagged my first deer of the season today, made the scapula shot at 105 yds and she dropped like a bag of rocks. of course Mattis could have done it with an angry stare

Posted by: Farmer Bob at December 06, 2016 06:21 PM (sqpGi)

427 I would love it if some doofus Senator brings up one of these fake quotes at Mattis' confirmation hearing.

Posted by: rickl - THE MEDIA IS LYING TO YOU at December 06, 2016 06:22 PM (sdi6R)

428 I come in peace, and I shall depart in peace. What happens in between is up to you.

Gen. Matthis in a good mood.

Posted by: Vlad the Impaler, whittling away like mad at December 06, 2016 06:25 PM (dIc3Q)

429 If killing the enemy was wrong, it wouldn't feel so good.

Posted by: PRNDL at December 06, 2016 06:26 PM (2Ynt1)

430 And when i'm done here, i am coming to paradise to fuck all your virgins. And they will thank me.

Posted by: Spartacus at December 06, 2016 06:26 PM (EZDs2)

431 Remain calm. I brought enough bullets for all y'all.

Posted by: PRNDL at December 06, 2016 06:27 PM (2Ynt1)

432
General Mattis once threw a hand grenade that killed ten people.
Then the hand grenade exploded.

Posted by: YIKES! at December 06, 2016 06:27 PM (yfObW)

433 To be victorious in war you must inflict the maximum amount of pain in the shortest possible amount of time.

Posted by: Make America Great Again at December 06, 2016 06:29 PM (BS8yt)

434 The funny thing is, i can't think of a living soul who has ever seen me mad.

---- Gen. Matthis

Posted by: Spartacus at December 06, 2016 06:30 PM (EZDs2)

435 "I am threatened by powerful, intelligent attractive women like Hillary Clinton, so I am relieved that a racist sexist, white heterosexual male won the election."

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at December 06, 2016 06:30 PM (QlyN5)

436 The guy at the 7-11 told me to have a 'Good One'. So now i am going to have to take a life. C'est la vie ---- Gen. Matthis

Posted by: Spartacus at December 06, 2016 06:32 PM (EZDs2)

437 Hey, horde! I've introduced oldest son to the HQ. He's currently an E-5 in the Navy and this is his first foray into the comments. Stay out of the barrel, son.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 06, 2016 06:34 PM (kTF2Z)

438
He's confirmed his candidacy for the next election. Slogan - Mad Dog 2020

It's a winner!

Posted by: harleycowboy at December 06, 2016 06:36 PM (+9AX9)

439 427 I would love it if some doofus Senator brings up one of these fake quotes at Mattis' confirmation hearing.
Posted by: rickl - THE MEDIA IS LYING TO YOU at December 06, 2016 06:22 PM (sdi6R)

It is 95% certainty that this will happen.

Posted by: Pepe, Proud American Nationalist at December 06, 2016 06:36 PM (Gl29c)

440 248 So parents of one of the kids visited him and beat him to death with his own trumpet.

----

[sad trombone]

Posted by: buzzsaw90 at December 06, 2016 06:36 PM (EZDs2)

441 "I am bitter about not being Hillary Clinton, so I will abuse minorities and women."

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at December 06, 2016 06:38 PM (QlyN5)

442 Donald, you're the President, and I love you, but don't ever take sides against the Marine Corps again.

-Mattis (probably)

Posted by: Quint at December 06, 2016 06:38 PM (D/H3x)

443 what do you mean i can't kill everyone. Why else would i visit death valley?

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 06:40 PM (EZDs2)

444 "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Kill every man at the lake and you have fish for a lifetime."
- Gen. Mattis

Posted by: Hamilton at December 06, 2016 06:41 PM (sCjDS)

445 it's hard not to feel just a bit of pride at being the "edge" to the weapon Mattis weirded to such great effect (just as a Marine, I served contemporaneously, but not under him, although I did get an appointment to the Navcad prep school when he was CO- but went nrotc instead). Point is, we still have the greatest military in the world, even after 8 years of abuse. We love Mattis because he reflects who we are (d-bag climbers and SJWs excluded)

Posted by: Farmer Bob at December 06, 2016 06:41 PM (sqpGi)

446 Death is lighter than a feather. Being General Mattis is heavier than a mountain.

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at December 06, 2016 06:44 PM (Kucy5)

447 Mad Dog Mattis is the only thing I give a shit about.

Posted by: honey badger at December 06, 2016 06:46 PM (hscyr)

448 "What are the best things in life?"
"To eat crappy MRE's, use cast-off crap the other services don't want, be sent to vicious hellholes where our politicians don't care if we live or die and STILL make the Army look like weinies..."

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at December 06, 2016 06:46 PM (Kucy5)

449 "Being able to fight and win surrounded is easier than teaching second lieutenants map reading."

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at December 06, 2016 06:47 PM (Kucy5)

450 How many quasi quotes will be reported as the real thing by the jackwagons at the MSM?

Posted by: Anna Mac at December 06, 2016 06:47 PM (xujfC)

451 ya know, it wasn't called the valley of death till my 'bakers dozen' of bearclaws only had 12 claws in it.

Posted by: Gen Mattis at December 06, 2016 06:47 PM (EZDs2)

452 P.S. #dumptwitter. Gab.ai instead, dammit.

Posted by: Anna Mac at December 06, 2016 06:50 PM (xujfC)

453 I have seldom enjoyed a comments thread this much.

Posted by: Delilah at December 06, 2016 06:52 PM (ws6/u)

454 "I have never enjoyed killing a man, but I havn't killed you yet."

Posted by: West at December 06, 2016 06:52 PM (NDuMx)

455 Duke,

We'll stool 'I'm to the rogue.

And we'll be super sweet to him, honest.

Posted by: West at December 06, 2016 06:56 PM (NDuMx)

456 Chuck Norris wears Gen. Mattis pajamas.

Posted by: Mazzman at December 06, 2016 07:01 PM (u/HxG)

457 "Kill me once, shame on me." -James Mattis

Posted by: notJCred at December 06, 2016 07:12 PM (Tenjv)

458 So parents of one of the kids visited him and beat him to death with his own trumpet.

Probably needs a new mouthpiece.

Posted by: Bruce at December 06, 2016 07:22 PM (nIUnC)

459 "The decision to kill should never be taken lightly. Actually kill___ another human being is very serious and should only be done when absolutely necessary. However, once you realize that killing is necessary, there is no reason not to have fun while doing it."
#FakeMattisQuote

Posted by: tankdemon at December 06, 2016 07:25 PM (Xkvu/)

460 I hope for your sakes that Mad Dog doesn't read these.

Posted by: Anna Mac at December 06, 2016 07:42 PM (xujfC)

461 "Chuck Schumer? Normally I only see a steaming pile like that after a night of street vendor tacos, a few good tequila worms and several cheap hookers." - General James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: Steve at December 06, 2016 07:52 PM (QNiXA)

462 Hollywood weirdos use wheat grass and chia tea enemas for a cleansing, personally I always preferred artillery.

Posted by: Cocklebur at December 06, 2016 07:55 PM (b6jcm)

463 Jeopardy:

Answer - Apocalypse Now
Question - What happens when General James "Mad Dog" Mattis, Chuck Norris, Dick Cheney, and John Bolton's moustache walk into a bar.

Posted by: Steve at December 06, 2016 07:58 PM (QNiXA)

464 not quote but a Chuck Norris thing...

General Mattis keeps a bear skin rug in his living room... the bear isn't dead just too afraid to move.

Posted by: Shoey at December 06, 2016 08:01 PM (vA94g)

465 "I met the Grim Reaper once; I made him my valet." 'James "Mad Dog" Mattis

"In a hearts & minds campaign there is only one question, broiled or fried?" -James "Mad Dog" Mattis

"At some point killing the enemy gets boring. I haven't reached that point yet." -James "Mad Dog" Mattis

Posted by: roy_batty at December 06, 2016 08:08 PM (JFGJa)

466 Leaflets to drop on the Middle East:

"There is no God but General Mathis, the gun is his prophet. Matthis-Akbar!"

Posted by: Sam in Va at December 06, 2016 08:14 PM (9stgl)

467 "You had me at 'hello' ". *fffFFFT*

Posted by: Corona at December 06, 2016 08:18 PM (xVq5B)

468 "When you meet everyday people in the streets of these countries who oppose our way of life; our freedom, ask them one thing. Ask them, 'why are you dead right now?'

Then answer them, "it's because I just shot you in the face. ."

Posted by: runninrebel at December 06, 2016 08:32 PM (mQoUp)

469 "May I ask you for your mother's telephone number, young man? Etiquette demands that I offer her a sincere apology for what I'm about to do to you."

Posted by: The Deplorable Prothonotary Warbler at December 06, 2016 08:33 PM (0OG8D)

470 "I'd like to begin this seminar on the strength of the US Marine by fucking this bear for 15 minutes."

Posted by: jmt at December 06, 2016 08:33 PM (I8vjj)

471 A "microagression?"

Is that like when I only maim the enemy?

Posted by: jmt at December 06, 2016 08:36 PM (I8vjj)

472 When Mad Dog Mattis says good night to you, make the most of it, because you ain't seeing sunrise.

Posted by: Tushar at December 06, 2016 08:40 PM (NZZht)

473 Scientists were once curious about Mad Dog Mattis's uncanny ability to wake up every morning precisely at sunrise. They were hoping that it was something that could be learned by other servicemen and make our military more efficient.

Sadly, after a few interviews with Mattis, they determined that they had the cause-and-effect relationship backwards. The sun actually rises when Mattis does, because it doesn't want him to catch it sleeping again.

Posted by: The Deplorable Prothonotary Warbler at December 06, 2016 08:59 PM (0OG8D)

474 General Mattis once went to Tijuana. Although words could not express the results, they had to rename "The Night of the Sodomizing Cougar-Man" to "The night of the Piker".

Posted by: Lymond at December 06, 2016 09:11 PM (2mv+1)

475 "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night. Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

Posted by: The Deplorable Prothonotary Warbler at December 06, 2016 09:12 PM (0OG8D)

476 When Mad Dog Mattis talks, E.F. Hutton listens.

Posted by: The Deplorable Prothonotary Warbler at December 06, 2016 09:21 PM (0OG8D)

477 Oh! Even better... When Mad Dog Mattis talks, E.F Hutton listens... and pees his pants just a little bit.

Posted by: The Deplorable Prothonotary Warbler at December 06, 2016 09:26 PM (0OG8D)

478 I depended on my mother for 4 months as an infant. She paid it back taking care of a Marine injured in a useless war for 4 months. Momma got him back killing ragheads.

Posted by: Joe Mack at December 06, 2016 09:36 PM (mL2BD)

479 True satisfaction does not come from killing the enemy, it comes from making your enemy kill themselves.

Posted by: Mattis at December 06, 2016 09:47 PM (FtrY1)

480 Honor is making sure your enemy does not walk away from your encounter alive.
Legacy is making sure his descendants' stories about you are fear-laced cautionary tales.

Posted by: SGT York at December 06, 2016 10:00 PM (ITvKk)

481 At my signal, unleash me.

Posted by: General Mattismus at December 06, 2016 10:26 PM (ulnyA)

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