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Social Justice Warrior Frenzy of the Day: Make James Bond a Woman!

Yeah, whatever. "Jane Bond."

Here's a crazy idea. If you really wanted to do this, why make her James Bond?

Are these idiots aware that James Bond exists in a particular cinematic universe and works for a fictitious version of a real-world organization? What I'm getting at is why make 007 a woman -- why not just introduce a new female double-oh agent called 009?

A James Bond type adventure, with a double-oh lead, but the lead is a female.

Hell, let's make it more interesting: Her secondary mission goal is to locate and rescue (if he's still alive*) 007, who disappeared while investigating the villain.**

She can liberate 007 from the dungeon near the end, then the two of them can fight their way out.***

The "follow-the-missing-00-agent" is a classic (overused) James Bond opening plot gambit -- the missing agent has already done most of the investigative work, he just disappeared (was killed, usually) before transmitting his findings.

So why not make that missing agent 007? And let this new female agent track him down?

Why is the Social Justice Warrior imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things? Why can it only imagine old things, given a new racial or sexual make-over?

Why are they altogether incapable of any kind of creative or productive thought whatsoever?

Oh that's right: Because these are stupid, useless, trivially-minded people.

* Spoiler alert: Though circumstances would strongly imply he's dead, he was actually captured alive. Alive, and ready for another sequel.

** Bonus: If you keep things super-secret, you could reveal the new actor playing James Bond when 009 discovers him in the villain's dungeon. That is, this would be the public introduction to him.

*** He's recovering from serious injuries so he can't really fight at full Bond Level. He needs a bit of fireman-carrying. That way, the Internet Warrior Nerdprincesses don't have to have a Dreaded Man doing Manlike things at the end. His contributions would be fairly minor. She'd be the one doing most of the fighting. He'd be a sort of pointless sidekick present only for purposes of brand identification -- you know, like Mad Max in Mad Max: Fury Road.

Update: As a Bond fan, I like this idea. I like seeing Bond in new situations. Being the object -- the missing double-oh, the prisoner in need of aid -- would be a new twist. Interesting, maybe, to see Bond needing help.

The only interesting part of the horrific Die Another Day was Bond's pre-credit/mid-credit turn being tortured in a North Korean prison.

The occasional intersection with human-like vulnerability is actually pretty important for a hero. Otherwise, they become invulnerable and can laugh at any threat -- like Bugs Bunny.


Posted by: Ace at 03:13 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 howdy

Posted by: Aviator at May 24, 2016 03:14 PM (c7vUv)

2 Idiots.

Posted by: HH at May 24, 2016 03:14 PM (DrCtv)

3 Always loved Agent 99 from Get Smart

Posted by: McCool at May 24, 2016 03:15 PM (TQxRy)

4 if they make a famale James Bond, her name needs to be 00DD

Posted by: the dude at May 24, 2016 03:15 PM (SyKbw)

5 I mean, you knew it was coming. It's so fucking obvious.

Posted by: tu3031 at May 24, 2016 03:15 PM (YFFpo)

6 How about they call her agent 0069?

Posted by: Bosk at May 24, 2016 03:15 PM (n2K+4)

7 stupid, useless, trivally-minded people who vote Dem if they vote and pee sitting down if they're dudes and hate men if they ain't

Posted by: Ho Lee Fuk at May 24, 2016 03:15 PM (/542q)

8 They aren't interested in creating new things. Only destroying existing things. They are, like all Leftist myrmidons, entropy given human form.

Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 24, 2016 03:16 PM (9krrF)

9 They're doing the same thing with Captain America. For some reason they want him to have a boyfriend. Or giving the Frozen character a girlfriend. They want to be the arbiters of the stuff other people create. It's always about control.

Posted by: Flyguy at May 24, 2016 03:16 PM (3sOO0)

10 Here's an idea! The GIRL from UNCLE!!!
Call me back!

Posted by: tu3031 at May 24, 2016 03:16 PM (YFFpo)

11 What I'm getting at is why make 007 a woman -- why not just introduce an agent called 009?

How about Agent 69?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (voOPb)

12 Make ze Jame Gumb with a girl suit. Everybody wins.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (/tuJf)

13 The answer to your reasonable question is because their motivation is not to bring a woman into the James Bond universe. Their motivation is the destruction of the concept of James Bond.

Posted by: TB at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (UXEYz)

14 Because it uses no mental energy and costs no money to do these stupid little righteous indignation's for a big feelz payout.

Posted by: Chupacabra at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (F26eZ)

15 tranny bond or bust

Posted by: phoenixgirl at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (0O7c5)

16 I know. How about we just don't go see the movie and call it a day. They're free to make whatever they like. I'm free to ignore it. Win-win.

Posted by: grammie winger at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (dFi94)

17 Make James Bond a woman? BRILLIANT!

Posted by: New Ghostbusters Producer at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (z/Ubi)

18 Do you think whoever came up with that idea rides a bicycle?

Posted by: jwest at May 24, 2016 03:18 PM (Zs4uk)

19 13 The answer to your reasonable question is because their motivation is not to bring a woman into the James Bond universe. Their motivation is the destruction of the concept of James Bond.
Posted by: TB at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (UXEYz)


I give you Miss Hathaway
Posted by: Mr. Drysdale

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at May 24, 2016 03:18 PM (voOPb)

20 why not just introduce an agent called 009?

-
Or agent 069.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:18 PM (Nwg0u)

21 And they think they caught shit over the new Ghostbusters?
Bring it on, bitches!

Posted by: tu3031 at May 24, 2016 03:18 PM (YFFpo)

22 Ru Paul is "Janine Bond" that is a SJW Hat Trick...

take a hetero white male and make him a him/her black gay fella/gal

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:18 PM (g8Hfr)

23 TB,

that's probably right.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 03:18 PM (dciA+)

24 tranny bond or bust


Posted by: phoenixgirl at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (0O7c5)

an Eddie Lizard Bond would be kinda cool

Posted by: the dude at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (SyKbw)

25
I would be perfect in that role. Shaken, not stirred....

*hic*

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (HSmrB)

26 Make James Bond a trans.

Ugly transes are always big cinema draws.

Posted by: RapeyBill at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (Tz6ms)

27 and get Harry Reid to play Ernst Stavro Blofeld

Posted by: Ho Lee Fuk at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (/542q)

28 I nominate Angelina Jolie and think the character should be named something like Laurie Craft, or Emily Pepper, or Joan Smyth.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (SEXy3)

29 Hell, let's make it more interesting: Her secondary mission goal is to locate and rescue (if possible) 007, who disappeared while investigating the villain.

She can liberate 007 from the dungeon near the end, then the two of them can fight their way out.
-----------------------------------------------------

Oh come on Ace, get real. This little scenario would obviously end in sex between the two of them and in SJW world (IIRC) all PIV is rape. Are you advocating a rape movie?

Having only one character is cleaner, crisper, and less rapey.

Posted by: MTF at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (/m8T6)

30 Why not skip the woman step and go straight to trans-woman James Bond? That would get two victim groups out of the way at the same time. Maybe even a tranny of color and get three boxes checked.

Posted by: Ripley at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (1BQGO)

31 Avenge me!

Posted by: Marvel's Thor at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (H9MG5)

32 Please, God, just tell me it's not going to star Melissa McCarthy.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (Dj0WE)

33 Agent 004.9 since she's only getting 70% of the man's pay?

Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (aQQbl)

34 Why is the Social Justice Warrior imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things?

Because they only imagine a Western Civ in ashes.

All for the cause, nothing outside the cause, nothing against the cause.

... hodor.

Posted by: Hodor at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (p2X2f)

35 I'm actually more shocked that they didn't go after Q first, because of STEM grrl power.

If I thought they were all clever I'd be shocked, anyways.

Posted by: Chupacabra at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (F26eZ)

36 The next James Bond won't be a white guy, that's all I know. Who cares that's what the books made him and there's no point in even making something based on the books if you're going to make radical changes. Social Justice, baby!

Ugly transes are always big cinema draws.

There are no ugly trannies in movies. They are all dewey beauties that any man would lust after until the pants come off - proving their hypocrisy and stupidity.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (39g3+)

37 You are being generous in labeling them stupid and unimaginative Ace they are punitive assholes who do not want their own thing to make them happy they want to crush YOUR thing and have you both be unhappy.

They will not flock to Jane Bond, all they will accomplish is killing the franchise b/c we won't either.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (g8Hfr)

38 stupid, useless, trivally-minded people who vote Dem if they vote and pee sitting down if they're dudes and hate men if they ain't

-
And we let them determine our culture and morals.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (Nwg0u)

39 It is for the same reason there had to be "She-Thor" instead of doing a series about Lady Sif or why they had to kill off Peter Parker rather than just make Miles Morales his own super hero. The purpose is not to create new things for all to enjoy, it is to destroy the things that we enjoy.

Posted by: Sangre at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (B1bTY)

40 There already is Mrs. Peel.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Lighter Fluid, Charcoal, and Othe Car-Be-Cue Supplies at the Outrage Outlet at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (hLRSq)

41 Speaking of...

#GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend is a thing on the Twatter

.... hodor.

Posted by: Hodor at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (p2X2f)

42
They aren't interested in creating new things. Only destroying existing things. They are, like all Leftist myrmidons, entropy given human form.

Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 24, 2016 03:16 PM (9krrF)








*insert my "leftists aren't interested in the end result, only in destruction, chaos, slavery and death, as long as they get to shoot a few kneeling Kulaks in the back of the neck" rant here*

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (eDaPX)

43 Hey, let's remake Star Trek with the genders reversed, so Jane T. Kirk has an opposite sec yeoman named Jack Rand! Mind: blown.

Posted by: Boldly going back to the well at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (vP09u)

44 I think the next Bond should be SMOD. After opening night, there would never again be a cauldron of bullshit such as this one.

Posted by: physics geek at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (MT22W)

45 i kinda like my idea tho

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (dciA+)

46 Black tranny Shaft!
Box office gold, I tells ya!

Posted by: tu3031 at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (YFFpo)

47 Not resisting sleeping with Bond this time.

Posted by: P. Galore and her whole flying team at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (uPB8L)

48 >>I'm actually more shocked that they didn't go after Q first, because of STEM grrl power.

They went after M first.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (/tuJf)

49 13 Posted by: TB at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (UXEYz)


Correct, it is not their desire for anything good at play here.

It is their lust for destruction.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (g8Hfr)

50 I'm actually more shocked that they didn't go after Q first, because of STEM grrl power.
------------------

Well, they did make Q a hipster. Baby steps.

Posted by: bluebell at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (2WwbN)

51 They should make Heathcliff Huxtable a presidential candidate.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (hqZPQ)

52

why not make a feature film of Homeland?

there is a cinematie spy heroine

Carrie. Make a film of that

jeebus

Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (zOTsN)

53 why not a transgendered bond? oh, the possibilities! and, it rised a magic bicycle. with rockets and guns and oil slicks and shit. it's a can't miss. with a neck beard.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (ucDmr)

54 There already is Mrs. Peel.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Lighter Fluid, Charcoal, and Othe Car-Be-Cue
Supplies at the Outrage Outlet at May 24, 2016 03:20 PM (hLRSq)

Peel's character wearing that skin tight body suit is sexist

Posted by: the dude at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (SyKbw)

55 Georgette Washington
Alice Lincoln
Georgette Patton
Frances Roosevelt
J. Edger Hoover....oh wait they did this one already never mind

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (g31NN)

56 Because they want the female James Bond to have a dick too. It's only fair.


Paging Caitlynn Jenner.

Posted by: Sphynx at May 24, 2016 03:22 PM (OZmbA)

57 Its a horribly deceptive circle...they get their thinking from the media and Hollywood. Now they bring that learning back to the media and Hollywood.
Similar to a self-licking ice cream cone.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 24, 2016 03:22 PM (r65B3)

58 Black tranny Shaft!
Box office gold, I tells ya!

*****
Preach it, sister!

Posted by: Laverne Cox at May 24, 2016 03:22 PM (SEXy3)

59 I bet it'll be obama's kid

Posted by: Navycopjoe at May 24, 2016 03:22 PM (u65Ml)

60 Next thing you know we'll have a queer Spock.

Posted by: doomed at May 24, 2016 03:22 PM (uPB8L)

61 I'm actually more shocked that they didn't go after Q first, because of STEM grrl power.

They turned him into a Mark Zuckerberg douchebag already, but yeah, wouldn't surprise me. A black girl in her early 20s, who totally owns bond every time and teaches him all sorts of amazing sciencey things.

I could see them totally destroying the franchise in the name of diversity and balance.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:22 PM (39g3+)

62 BTW I just have to say I love the expression "goth Fonzie"

Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 03:22 PM (zOTsN)

63 I like aces' idea. Plus, kind of like Emma Peel in the old Brit show "The Avengers".

Posted by: HH at May 24, 2016 03:22 PM (DrCtv)

64 Eh. I subscribe to the Bond headcanon that James Bond is a code name. Connery Bond is not meant to be the same person as Pierce Brosnan Bond or Daniel Craig Bond, and the reason that they keep changing actors is that the previous Agent 007 was actually killed in the line of duty at some point.

Having a female agent in the role might be neat if the story was done well, same with a black guy. This doesn't bother me. If the movie looks good, I'd go to see it. If not, I won't.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 24, 2016 03:23 PM (KUaJL)

65 Hey, let's remake Star Trek with the genders
reversed, so Jane T. Kirk has an opposite sec yeoman named Jack Rand!
Mind: blown.

Posted by: Boldly going back to the well at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (vP09u)

no more Voyager. I tried rewatching it last year and I wanted to blow my brains out

Posted by: the dude at May 24, 2016 03:23 PM (SyKbw)

66 Yes Jackstraw, I meant after M.

But that was my fault for sloppy writing.

Posted by: Chupacabra at May 24, 2016 03:23 PM (F26eZ)

67 "Do you expect me to talk?"

*puts on a Nicholas Sparks movie*

"Talk? No, Ms. Bond. I expect you to cry."

Posted by: Hal at May 24, 2016 03:23 PM (O7cgj)

68 Why make a female 00X agent when they already have female agents from other countries? Why can't Bond team up with a hawt Russian female super spy like the good old days and end up in bed together?

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:23 PM (j8YpL)

69 "There already is Mrs. Peel."

And for the record, I'm a member of that famous fraternity, Uma Ain't Emma.

Posted by: Qoheleth at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (iIzG7)

70 wait a second, what happened to the ghey Bond idea ? are we skipping a step here ?

Posted by: runner at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (c6/9Q)

71
I think my manager still has the rights to "Honey West."

Glad to act as the go between between him and any deviant in question.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (p4UlV)

72 Have a talking dog play James Bond. Or a talking horse (a gelding would be preferable, with a higher voice than Mr. Ed, and maybe with a fetching lisp). And instead of a spy, have it work at McDonald's and lecture people about the amount of water it takes to produce one Big Mac.

Posted by: kathysaysso at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (43OZ6)

73 64 Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 24, 2016 03:23 PM (KUaJL)

Good for you.

They SJW Bond Sir Larry fucking Olivier could be the tutor for the Tranny Islamic boy/girl they hire for it from beyond the grave I'll sit on my wallet.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (g8Hfr)

74 So, per that article Tom Hiddleston does appear to be among the front runners to replace Craig.


Most excellent.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (LA7Cm)

75


They just have to destroy anything MEN do. Those MEN like DAD who is not here for them!!!!


Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz The Main Dude My Man Esq at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (sItQg)

76 So, what you're saying, ace, is that women aren't good enough to be 007? They have to to relegated to a different number? If James Bond were captured or presumed dead, why couldn't a woman get the reassigned 007 number? I suppose 009 should also make at least 30% less than 007, too, huh?

In your scenario, I suppose 009 is supposed to a Victoria's Secret model running around in a bikini while she saves Bond, right? When she gets to his cell, she immediately gets naked, jumps on his lap and calls him daddy, like a good Bond Girl, right?

/snarc

Posted by: Damiano at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (71OEY)

77 Jane. Jane Bondage. Her dungeon is really a sex lair.

Posted by: Fritz at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (UzPAd)

78 wait a second, what happened to the ghey Bond idea ? are we skipping a step here ?


Posted by: runner at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (c6/9Q)

gays are passe these days

Posted by: the dude at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (SyKbw)

79 >>Similar to a self-licking ice cream cone.
Posted by: Diogenes


Go on. . . .

Posted by: Bill Clinton at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (OZmbA)

80 Female James Bond Arch Enemy: "Prostate Galore"

Posted by: LeBron Horowitz at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (Scyqz)

81 why not make a feature film of Homeland?

there is a cinematie spy heroine

Carrie. Make a film of that

jeebus

****

They don't give a rat's ass about female heroines, they just want to fuck with Bond.

Angelina Jolie has repeatedly played tough, strong, badass characters. Not good enough for them.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (SEXy3)

82 Daniel Craig already really wanted to have a gay love scene with bond, presumably so he'd be more comfortable acting the part. So a queer Bond wouldn't surprise me.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (39g3+)

83 72 Have a talking dog play James Bond. Or a talking horse (a gelding would be preferable, with a higher voice than Mr. Ed, and maybe with a fetching lisp). And instead of a spy, have it work at McDonald's and lecture people about the amount of water it takes to produce one Big Mac.
Posted by: kathysaysso at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (43OZ6)


Wait! Stop the presses. Chimpanzees as secret agents!!!!


(Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp)

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (p4UlV)

84 Do they want to get a bomb at the box office?

Because that's how you *hic* get a bomb at the box office.

Posted by: Sterling Archer at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (326rv)

85 74 Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:24 PM (LA7Cm)

I'd prefer Hiddleston...which means Ru Paul will get it.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (g8Hfr)

86 perfect time for a Blacula reboot!

Posted by: Retard Strength Trumps Smart Power at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (27KAF)

87 Go after Q. Go after M. A Quinn Martin production.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (k4M/B)

88 The next James Bond won't be a white guy,

-
Alexander Hamilton is not a white guy either.

http://www.hamiltonbroadway.com/

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (Nwg0u)

89 Emma Peel was so cool, so fashionable, not at all butch

Uma was awful. That whole film, the worst. One of the worst films of all time IMO

Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (zOTsN)

90 The ultimate post-modern Bond must be an Lesbian African albino mute, blind, deaf, and confined to a sentient wheelchair with a penchant for robot sex - the wheelchair not the mute, you weirdos.

...hodor.

Posted by: Hodor at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (p2X2f)

91 And you could make 007 a black guy. That would stick it in the eye of those haters!

Posted by: Monty James at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (j3SAW)

92 And you could make 007 a black guy. That would stick it in the eye of those haters!

Posted by: Monty James at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (j3SAW)

93 Yes, Bond a woman AND make Captain America gay.

They really, really want Cap to be gay, you guys!!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (NOIQH)

94 Well, I don't think they're going to remake Leonard Part 6...at least I wouldn't expect a Bill Cosby cameo.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (hqZPQ)

95 We're very disappointed that History's upcoming Roots remake didn't have Kunta Kinte portrayed a white Asian Arabic mohammedan woman.

That would have been powerful!

Posted by: SJWs at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (H9MG5)

96 >>Yes Jackstraw, I meant after M.

>>But that was my fault for sloppy writing.

I didn't mind the M change and I really wouldn't even care if they changed Q because they are tertiary characters and their gender isn't a core piece of the character.

James Bond isn't just a guy, he is the ultimate male of his time. Even when they changed Bonds, they never changed who the character is. Changing him to a woman changes everything.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (/tuJf)

97 You have to appreciate the irony that in order to build their own persona, they have to corrupt and thieve one that is the nemesis of all they stand for.

Here's an idea. How about you create your own fucking character?

Posted by: Marcus T at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (O0lVq)

98 Apologies for double post.

Posted by: Monty James at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (j3SAW)

99 There's the occasional SJW-sympathizer, like Joss Whedon, who is genuinely imaginative (not saying all his stuff is good, but he has a genuine creative mind). Such people are constantly under siege from vicious SJW criticisms, maybe moreso than the broader world of creative content producers.

The current market does seem to be far more oriented around rejuvenating well-known intellectual property than created new ones, so SJW factor may be irrelevant to the question of why is the "imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things?" I assume a lot of this comes from mostly uncreative, left-leaning and/or fad-sensitive executives passing down instructions to their producers on how to handle the particular already-beaten-well-into-the-ground IP they're reviving.

Posted by: reform highlander at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (jCH/T)

100
Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 03:25 PM (zOTsN)

Fienes wasn't bad in it (though there isn't much he is bad in)

Posted by: the dude at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (SyKbw)

101 The lack of imagination amongst the intellectuals is rather stunning. I'm overwhelmed in banality, adrift on a sea of like-thought. A Mobius loop of chatter that takes one idea and then exploits every possible version of that idea until all that is left is ash and dust, the very creativity seared by the heat of a million mouths saying precisely the same thing.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Lighter Fluid, Charcoal, and Othe Car-Be-Cue Supplies at the Outrage Outlet at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (hLRSq)

102 I just do not see Hiddleston in the role at all. He's just not tough and masculine enough to me. He can be mean, but he always seems a little fay.

A lot of people are saying Idris Elba, which I'd be fine with, if they went with the "James Bond is a code name which several men have used over time" theory.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (39g3+)

103 Make sure Jane Bond is packing, if you know what I mean...

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (F1ndw)

104

"But first you will Blofeld me."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (p4UlV)

105 No, Mrs. Bond. I expect you to shut the hell up.

Posted by: Auric Goldfinger at May 24, 2016 03:27 PM (8ZskC)

106 77 Jane. Jane Bondage. Her dungeon is really a sex lair

Nah, AtC is waaaaay too short to play Bond

Posted by: Navycopjoe at May 24, 2016 03:27 PM (3f8gu)

107 I think Archer has supplanted James Bond anyway...better plot lines and better characters.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 24, 2016 03:27 PM (hqZPQ)

108 Hey, let's remake Star Trek with the genders
reversed, so Jane T. Kirk has an opposite sec yeoman named Jack Rand!
Mind: blown.

***

TOS season 3, I believe. Turnabout Intruder rings a bell. Hammiest Shatner ever.

Posted by: doomed at May 24, 2016 03:27 PM (uPB8L)

109 They don't want to just write 007 as a woman. They want to write 007 as a finger nannying boor. No one is going to see 009 the finger nannying boor. But some people will go see the 007 version, just because it's 007.

Alternately, it isn't enough that there's a female 00 agent. There can't be any male 00 agents to compete with. Because they don't think women can compete with men.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at May 24, 2016 03:27 PM (2lndx)

110 They turned Dr Who's famous arch-nemesis the Master into a woman recently, too. She calls herself "Missy" now, and everyone's pretending that Missy is better than the Master was, even though it's patently untrue.

Missy sucks.

And now they're agitating for a female Dr Who, too. There's always been a small, annoying contingent, but they're finally making headway.

Posted by: Kensington at May 24, 2016 03:27 PM (7Kbxu)

111
I think there is an SJW compromise in the works. Bond gets to stay male but SPECTRE becomes World Jewry.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:27 PM (p4UlV)

112 The purpose of all this gender swapping is mainly to piss people like us off. They are shoving our face in what they hope will offend us.

I'm trying not to give a shit, but let me tell you it gets hard some days.

Posted by: Max Power at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (q177U)

113 And yeah, its not actually about women in roles. Its about fewer men in roles and destroying any traditional white male strength, cultural impact, and meaning.

Remember: if you destroy someone's culture, they are easily manipulated and controlled. They have no past, no anchor, nothing to be part of.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (39g3+)

114 68 Why make a female 00X agent when they already have female agents from other countries? Why can't Bond team up with a hawt Russian female super spy like the good old days and end up in bed together?
Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:23 PM (j8YpL)

Because you're a male chauvinist pig!!

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (voOPb)

115 It's gendertrolling.

The idea is to Subvert the Patriarchy By Seizing Its Culture.

AKA, say things you hope will get a rise out of guys.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (RD7QR)

116
why not make a feature film of Homeland?

there is a cinematie spy heroine

Carrie. Make a film of that

jeebus

Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (zOTsN)







Gawd no. She's a fucking HORRIBLE spy. Unstable, bad judgement, a serious security risk, borderline traitorous, and has been directly responsible for about 4-5 of the most damaging intelligence failures in the show's universe.

If there was any justice, Sol Berenson would be in a cell in Guantanamo for constantly covering her ass.

But the worst part is, Carrie keeps threatening to show her boobies but never delivers. What a tease.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (eDaPX)

117 105 No, Mrs. Bond. I expect you to shut the hell up and make me a sammich.
Posted by: Auric Goldfinger at May 24, 2016 03:27 PM (8ZskC)

Posted by: Jay Guevara at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (oKE6c)

118

Hell, let's make it more interesting: Her secondary mission goal is to locate and rescue (if possible) 007, who disappeared while investigating the villain*

She can liberate 007 from the dungeon near the end, then the two of them can fight their way out.





Then set off the cobalt coated nuke and turn the Earth into a cinder. Like we did.


Glory be to the Bomb, and to the Holy Fallout. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. World without end. Amen.

Posted by: Astronauts John Brent and George Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (JO9+V)

119 110 They turned Dr Who's famous arch-nemesis the Master into a woman recently, too. She calls herself "Missy" now, and everyone's pretending that Missy is better than the Master was, even though it's patently untrue.

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck?!?!

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (j8YpL)

120 102 Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (39g3+)

Bond is supposed to be on the edge of cruel....(Literary Bond)

Craig was too buff for the role IMHO and Hiddleston has a good slasher smile.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (g8Hfr)

121 They've also decided that Samus Aran from the "Metroid" games is trans.

And these nitwits wonder why the girl "Ghostbusters" remake is getting pushback...

Posted by: Kensington at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (7Kbxu)

122
Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (39g3+)

still think Nicholas Hoult will end up with the role

Posted by: the dude at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (SyKbw)

123 AKA, say things you hope will get a rise out of guys.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (RD7QR)

It's the only way SJWs will get a rise out of guys.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (oKE6c)

124 I think Archer has supplanted James Bond anyway...better plot lines and better characters.
Posted by: Big Fat Meanie


James Delingpole, a true and authentic Brit, has already declared the Mission Impossible series as a defacto heir to the Bond Series.

...hodor

Posted by: Hodor at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (p2X2f)

125 ""But first you will Blofeld me."


Dammit, J.J., went and made me guffaw.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (LA7Cm)

126 Changing M to a woman just makes sense, from a Eurocentric standpoint. And of course Q could be a woman; shit-hot female wrench turners are exceedingly rare, but it's not out of the realm of possibility.

But a female 00 would be lost in the first hand-to-hand combat she got into with an equally well trained rival.

Posted by: Chupacabra at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (F26eZ)

127 Whoreywood just once again proving they can f*ck up a wet dream.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (vvmPQ)

128 And her name could be Maxine. Max for short. and she'd be upset. Mad, even.

Posted by: ZBBMcFate at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (k7D+q)

129 awd no. She's a fucking HORRIBLE spy. Unstable, bad judgement, a serious security risk, borderline traitorous, and has been directly responsible for about 4-5 of the most damaging intelligence failures in the show's universe.

If there was any justice, Sol Berenson would be in a cell in Guantanamo for constantly covering her ass.

But the worst part is, Carrie keeps threatening to show her boobies but never delivers. What a tease.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (eDaPX)

agreed. but it satisfies the SJW cravings of the left, mentally ill single mother who sleeps around and has a drinking problem? perfect

Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (zOTsN)

130 They're all socialists. They are entirely unable to produce Awesome - indeed, they cannot even conceive of doing so. They can only REDISTRIBUTE existing Awesome, with some inevitable loss due to incompetence and graft.

Posted by: bittergeek at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (B2k9f)

131 125 ""But first you will Blofeld me."


Dammit, J.J., went and made me guffaw.
Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:29 PM (LA7Cm)


What, I'm here to amuse you?!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (p4UlV)

132 hy not make a feature film of Homeland?


there is a cinematie spy heroine


Carrie.

Just don't dump a bucket of blood on her. Although Pyrokinesis would be a good spy skill.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (hqZPQ)

133 Why not just pretend that James Bond's gender identity is a woman, even though she retains all of the physical attributes that The Patriarchy associates with men?

Done and done.

Posted by: Masturbatin' Pete at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (xN1DB)

134 Jane Bond's sexy male villains:


Dick O'Plenty

Spike Emgood

Lickity Spitz

Posted by: Sphynx at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (OZmbA)

135 95
We're very disappointed that History's upcoming Roots remake didn't have Kunta Kinte portrayed a white Asian Arabic mohammedan woman.

That would have been powerful!


Posted by: SJWs at May 24, 2016 03:26 PM (H9MG5)

Well, they could have Kunta Kinte's capturer and enslaver be an Arabic Mohammedan woman. That show them how tough those bitches can be. She could take a selfie standing in front of his chained body and making the peace sign.

Posted by: kathysaysso at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (43OZ6)

136 Next thing you know we'll have a queer Spock.

-
The Pon Farr will happen in a leather bar.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (Nwg0u)

137 >>James Bond isn't just a guy, he is the ultimate male of his time. Even
when they changed Bonds, they never changed who the character is.
Changing him to a woman changes everything.


Aaaaaand that's *precisely* why they want Bond to be a woman.
They want to destroy one of the quintessential, unapologetically male characters.

This is smashing the patriarchy and denying men a totally male character to enjoy, because you can't really win until you destroy yor enemies gods and heroes.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (NOIQH)

138 I'm an old enough curmudgeon that I never liked woman M. Doesn't matter how good an actress she was, it just was wrong.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (39g3+)

139 That's why they were willing 2 pay Daniel Craig 99 MILLION dollars to make 2 more Bond films. They knew it would be socially unacceptable to cast another white actor, and they knew they would lose money in the process.

Posted by: Max Power at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (q177U)

140 And "Dr Who" even had a perfectly good female Time Lord villain in the Rani, but, no, they had to trans out the Master.

Such tedious people.

Posted by: Kensington at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (7Kbxu)

141 The purpose of all this gender swapping is mainly to piss people like us off. They are shoving our face in what they hope will offend us.

I'm trying not to give a shit, but let me tell you it gets hard some days.
Posted by: Max Power at May 24, 2016 03:28 PM (q177U)

This x100. The point of these rumors and chatter isn't actually to pave the way to a good, innovative spy movie. It's so they can capture the outrage on twitter and facebook and reinforce how bigoted people on the right are.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (KUaJL)

142 I still can't understand how someone's sense of self worth & identity is wrapped up in what happens to make-believe people. And I'm saying this as a sci-fi/comic geek.

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (7HtZB)

143 The SJW's can create their own character like "Q", but they can call them "Z". Their specialty can be to sleep all day like a layabout and occasionally wake up, spout pseudo-ideas that are simply a recognizable ripoff of a concept someone else created (for a comedic affect), and then they drift back off into narcolepsy.

Posted by: Marcus T at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (O0lVq)

144
Mercifully, there are a good 7 to 8 decades of films to watch before it all turned to excrement.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (p4UlV)

145 i kinda like my idea tho
Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 03:21 PM (dciA+)


Sure, but it's kinda like the "hey, let's have an Article 5 convention" folks. It's a nice idea, but you aren't going to be the one deciding here, so shut up, they explain.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (Dj0WE)

146 Carrie, Homeland.

Mrs. Peel, The Avengers.

Victoria, Red and Red 2.

Katya, Red 2.

Evelyn Salt, Salt.

You know, if there's a quota on badass female spies, I'm pretty sure we've fulfilled it. I mean, Helen Mirren probably fulfilled it singlehandedly.

Posted by: Qoheleth at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (iIzG7)

147 It's not because they are just stupid - they are "culturally appropriating it". Taking a popular brand (made popular by a "shudder" male, white character) and transposing it on a black, gay, female ,etc.) mold. precisely because they know the new gay character wouldn't sell as "gay Hornet-Man".

Remember, SJW always project. They point the finger at a white guy for having cornrows as stealing black culture, but at the same time will take, say, "Red Dragon" and turn Lecter and Graham into quasi/not quite platonic gay lovers and "praise it" (only to watch the show be quickly cancelled because no one wants to watch it).

Same thing with Marvel and DC comics - you can't just have peter Parker as Spider-man, since he's been Spider-man for over 50 years - now you have to have a black Spider-man because apparently minority kids can't identify with a white Spider-Man. What "progress" - pretty soon they'll get their own bathrooms and water fountains.

I can identify just fine with Blade the vampire hunter. I don't need a white one. Theirs nothing wrong with the character as-is, there is something wrong with them.

Posted by: SaltyDonnie at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (i6shs)

148 Glory Hole Johnson has switched teams and is now playing for the other side.

http://goo.gl/7pbpf7

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (iQIUe)

149 No. Just, No. And, Cap'n America a... ghey? Good thing Bucky died.

Posted by: OK, Thanks, Bye at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (ucB75)

150 How about: You can have a female Bond when we have a male Thelma and Louise.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (NOIQH)

151
They turned Dr Who's famous arch-nemesis the Master into a woman recently, too. She calls herself "Missy" now, and everyone's pretending that Missy is better than the Master was, even though it's patently untrue.

They already had The Rani

http://www.doctorwho.tv/50-years/monsters/the-rani/

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at May 24, 2016 03:32 PM (k4M/B)

152 hey Ace, your idea would make for a better Mission Impossible flick

Posted by: the dude at May 24, 2016 03:32 PM (SyKbw)

153 DD7
Double D Seven.

Posted by: wooga at May 24, 2016 03:32 PM (B9hIz)

154
Ru Paul to star in 'Jane Bond', super beautiful, super model, super smart, Ex Navy Seal, excellent marksperson. After a torrid affair, recruits Jane Wick to liberate Americans held hostage in North Korea. Joined by Stella Stallone, Maggie Schwarzenegger, The Rockette Debbie Johnson, and with a special cameo appearance by Bokkette Woodbine, this action packed adventure will leave you breathless.

Posted by: Glorious Ungent at May 24, 2016 03:32 PM (96XqP)

155 I think Archer has supplanted James Bond anyway...better plot lines and better characters.
Posted by: Big Fat Meanie

It's because I immerse *hic* myself in my work...And tigers.

Posted by: Sterling Archer at May 24, 2016 03:32 PM (326rv)

156
Oddly enough, the non-film maker MBA's and lawyers who run movie studios usually make films for mostly 11-22 year old males. So, unless you're showing Kate Upton fully nude and spread-eagle with a Walther PPK, no one is going to see a female 007.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:32 PM (p4UlV)

157 They want to reimagine things that already exist rather than create new things because their ideology isn't about giving minority-at-top-of-grievance-list something new, it's about punishing and taking from straight, white men. Their ideology isn't about growth, it's about destruction.

Posted by: shillelagh at May 24, 2016 03:32 PM (L3vVL)

158 Aaaaaand that's *precisely* why they want Bond to be a woman.
They want to destroy one of the quintessential, unapologetically male characters.


And not just male, WHITE EUROPEAN male. He's cool, he's admirable, he is great... that must not be allowed.

Craig was too buff for the role

That I agree with. He should be in shape, but not ripped.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (39g3+)

159 Plus bonus points for taking a symbol of cultural masculinity and Alpha maleness, James Bond, and cutting his dick off. Lots of moist Feminist panties over that thought.

Posted by: SaltyDonnie at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (i6shs)

160 153 DD7
Double D Seven.
Posted by: wooga at May 24, 2016 03:32 PM (B9hIz)


See me at 156!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (p4UlV)

161 This is smashing the patriarchy and denying men a totally male character to enjoy, because you can't really win until you destroy yor enemies gods and heroes.
Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (NOIQH)


They tell us what they're going to do, then they do it, then they explain it afterwards.


And we still have people on the right who aren't quite sure it's happening.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (Dj0WE)

162 Evelyn Salt, Salt.

This film sucked. I did not understand why she turned on her superiors so easily. She was trained for Day X from birth.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (j8YpL)

163
It's now to the point where porn industry goof films are now being used as models for Hollywood features.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (p4UlV)

164 They could ripoff Dr. Who and not even change the name.

The plot can be that "Dr. Who" was being controlled by the "Real Dr. Who", who happens to be female. You can even kill off the original male Dr. Who, horribly, to appease the SJW thirst for human sacrifice.

Posted by: Marcus T at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (O0lVq)

165 >>That I agree with. He should be in shape, but not ripped.

Shit. And I've been working on my English accent and everything.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (/tuJf)

166 Gillian Anderson is supposed to be 007

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (/CXhS)

167 I'm already pissed that Star Wars has become Social Justice Wars where men's are now bumbling cowards and strong, indepedent woman with absolutely no training or experience whatsoever have to take over an show them how to fix everything shortly before overpowering a trained white male oppressor using a power they thought was a myth 10 min earlier and that took every male who had it at least 2-3 movies to get reasonably competent in using.

Posted by: Damiano at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (71OEY)

168 Explain to me again how its not cultural appropriation when they do it?

And now they want Captain America to be gay? Can't they be happy that he's a lib (in the comics)?

Posted by: Iblis at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (9221z)

169 Why is the Social Justice Warrior imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things? Why can it only imagine old things, given a new racial or sexual make-over?

-------

I sincerely believe that the purpose is not to introduce a new character, but to erase the old one. Introducing an entirely new empowered female, or non-caucasian, or whatever character, is not sufficiently obliterating of the hated original potent mainstream character. This is why they are willing to do thngs like destroy a lucrative franchise with this stuff. It's like a pervert or addict destroying their career or marriage to feed their destructive hunger.

Say, regarding Agent 99 from Get Smart -- her number looks like a pair of...

Time for SJWs to demand the banning of old episodes.

Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (/f6Nd)

170
More villains


Hoss Wellhung

Jack Spurt

Thai Nee Wang

Posted by: Sphynx at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (OZmbA)

171 Robo-Bond
An Aperture to a Visual Field of Unlife

Robo-Bond finds the villain in the open sequence and then murders the audience.

Posted by: Robo-Bond at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (p2X2f)

172 Ace, your idea would make for a better Mission Impossible flick


For Mission Impossible, you need more face removals. Take off Daniel Craig's face and it's really Tina Fey. Remove her face to get Cuba Gooding Jr, and remove his face to get our true hero, Caitlyn Jenner.

Posted by: wooga at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (B9hIz)

173 161 Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:33 PM (Dj0WE)

Our "right wing punditry" class like America's security class spends a LOT of time not taking the enemy at their word.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (g8Hfr)

174 8 They aren't interested in creating new things. Only destroying existing things. They are, like all Leftist myrmidons, entropy given human form.
Posted by: Brother Cavil
-------------------
^This. Plus, whatever was must be destroyed, then replaced with approved avatars (flags, statues, language, etc).

I think ace could do an awesome takedown on the SJW idiots using this as a silly jumping-off point.

His "bonus" is genious, given the current Bond situation. And I'm right there with him in the "update."

Posted by: Chi at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (YaSSM)

175 Evelyn Salt, Salt.

That was surprisingly smart and good. I didn't expect much, and was surprised.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (39g3+)

176 >>I think Archer has supplanted James Bond anyway...better plot lines and better characters.


and, also. It vibrates.

Posted by: Other Barry at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (aoFFB)

177 Like Bugs Bunny?

Is that worse than Hitler?

Posted by: eleven at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (fYChk)

178 >>>And "Dr Who" even had a perfectly good female Time Lord villain in the Rani, but, no, they had to trans out the Master.
Such tedious people.
Posted by: Kensington at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (7Kbxu)<<<



The Victorian lezzy lizzard wasn't edgy enough anymore.

Posted by: Little Miss Steven Moffat at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (H9MG5)

179 A female Bond would get stuck in tight places and have to get naked so she could squeeze out.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (iQIUe)

180 So the next movie will be called "Bond Dies at The End"?

Posted by: Marcus T at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (O0lVq)

181 "Cocktail Ms Bond?"

"Ooooh, let's see....what do you recommend?"

"Lots of people like our Pina Coladas."

"Oh, I couldn't do that...could I? No...no. I'll be good. Straight to my hips, you know. Lessee...

I'll haaaave....a martini. One third vodka. One third Plymouth gin. And one third Bailey's Irish Cream.
With a cherry!

Oh, make that 3 cherries! Might as well go wild, right?

Don't shake it. Just sort of swoosh it around.

I like the umbrella.

Well bottoms up."

Posted by: Dr No Means No - a Jane Bond movie at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (0cMkb)

182 Psaki, Jen Psaki... Double O naught...

Posted by: Jen Psaki at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (12kBq)

183 I loved Angelina Jolie in SALT. Someone like that character, tough as nails, could pull it off. But please spare us the "oh, this is all so terrible" version of a heroine like Emily Blunt in Sicario.

Posted by: Doug at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (fE9d/)

184 Maybe if someone like ScarJo was 009 and pajama boy was the new 007.
Then they go and infiltrate a smoke belching coal fired power plant and arrest the fat cat industrialist, kicking everybody's ass in the process.

Posted by: Roland THTG at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (QM5S2)

185 167 Posted by: Damiano at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (71OEY)

Tee-hee...grrl pwr!

//Mickey Mouse in drag

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (g8Hfr)

186 I'm an old enough curmudgeon that I never liked woman M. Doesn't matter how good an actress she was, it just was wrong.


head of MI5 for a while was one Eliza Manningham-Buller, and she was quite good; being male defines Bond, that cannot change...other characters (except Monneypenny) can be whatever

Posted by: runner at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (c6/9Q)

187 Double Oh Sammich

Posted by: eleven at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (fYChk)

188 170 Thai Nee Wang

Posted by: Sphynx at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (OZmbA)


He should marry Connie Chung.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (p4UlV)

189 I happened to hear Marvel Guy Stan Lee talk about why he doesn't recreate the likes of Spider Man as black or gay or whatever. What he fundamentally said was that it was unfair to the fans, many of whom develop their own attachments to these characters as originally presented. Why not just create a new black or gay character? But that takes a bit of work and creativity. Easier to appropriate what's already there and successful.

Suggests a broader theme, no?

Posted by: Ignoramus at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (r1fLd)

190 I was fine with Emma Peel.

John Steed was a lucky man.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (ptqRm)

191 "I did not understand why she turned on her superiors so easily. She was trained for Day X from birth."

Well, remember, my metric was badassery, not Party loyalty. And, they murdered her husband, so, badass.

Posted by: Qoheleth at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (iIzG7)

192 Your ideas are good, Ace, and I'd be willing to see it. If it were an ensemble movie. 00's are usually sent in by themselves to go and kick major ass whether armed or unarmed. I just don't think a woman can believably do that.

It's just a matter of upper body strength.

Posted by: Chupacabra at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (F26eZ)

193 Why are they altogether incapable of any kind of creative or productive thought whatsoever?

Oh that's right: Because these are stupid, useless, trivially-minded people.



Because it's more important to stick it to the squares that omg that thing you like is now a girl! OMFG!

It's like the new Ghostbusters bullshit. I hated the trailer because the trailer is awful. It's nearly, not not quite, as awful as the TMNT trailer but hey if I hate that I'm not a misogynist.

As a Bitter Old Fandom Queen, I have many, many scars from the battles where I say I do not like female character X because of reasons 1, 2, 3 and being screeched at about how I didn't support women and on and on and on. The notion that, hey, I don't like this because I don't think it's good was subsumed by Grrrrlll Power! Yes. Because nothing says powerful woman like being immune to criticism just because girl parts.

It's as pathetic as it is infantalizing.

Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (mf5HN)

194 It's because I immerse *hic* myself in my work...And tigers.
Posted by: Sterling Archer


You cheating son of a bitch

..mee-roaw.

Posted by: The Ocelot at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (p2X2f)

195 "What, I'm here to amuse you?! "


Nah, you just tell a good story.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (LA7Cm)

196 Melissa McCarthy was just recently in Spy. She turns out to be the super spy that saves the male spy in the end.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (j8YpL)

197 Ace sez:

"Why is the Social Justice Warrior imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things? Why can it only imagine old things, given a new racial or sexual make-over?

Why are they altogether incapable of any kind of creative or productive thought whatsoever?

Oh that's right: Because these are stupid, useless, trivially-minded people."

Actually, it's much simpler than that:

They have no interest in creating something new: they only want to destroy the old.

Writing a 009 female agent would not produce the desired goal, which is to destroy 007 James Bond.

Bond is the personification of sexism, male superiority, patriarchy, heterosexuality, etc. Therefore we must destroy him.

This is how the socialist/leftist mindset works: They can't stand that someone has something they don't, and rather than build themselves up to be equal or better, their solution is to tear down their betters.

If you spent and hour building a sandcastle on the beach, and a leftist who had been sunbathing got up to see what you had done, she'd say, "Hey, that's not fair -- you have a big sandcastle and I don't!"

You'd reply, "The build a bigger and better sandcastle of your own -- be by guest!"

She'd reply, "I have a better and simpler plan," and then kick your sandcastle over. "There -- now we're equal again!"

James Bond is that sandcastle.

That's leftism in a nutshell.

Posted by: zombie at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (jBuUi)

198 For Mission Impossible, you need more face removals.

We did it better

Posted by: Captain America: Winter Soldier at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (39g3+)

199 I loved Angelina Jolie in SALT. Someone like that character, tough as nails, could pull it off. But please spare us the "oh, this is all so terrible" version of a heroine like Emily Blunt in Sicario.

Posted by: Doug at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (fE9d/)

I found Blunt so annoying in that film

Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (zOTsN)

200 Same thing with Marvel and DC comics - you can't just have peter Parker as Spider-man, since he's been Spider-man for over 50 years - now you have to have a black Spider-man because apparently minority kids can't identify with a white Spider-Man. What "progress" - pretty soon they'll get their own bathrooms and water fountains.

I can identify just fine with Blade the vampire hunter. I don't need a white one. Theirs nothing wrong with the character as-is, there is something wrong with them.
Posted by: SaltyDonnie at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (i6shs)

Marvel did that back in the 70s when they replaced Captain Marvel, alien soldier, with Monica Rambeau, a black woman. Her powers had nothing to do with the original Captain Marvel's, she was human not Kree, but she got the name. IMHO, she was a better character than the original Captain Marvel, but there was just no reason to give her that name. Make her a unique character with her own identity, she deserved it.

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (7HtZB)

201 One of the cool things about 007 is watching the guy get any woman he wants.

Watching a hot woman get anybody she wants...really ain't that odd.

Posted by: AD at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (gcKVd)

202 "Maybe if someone like ScarJo was 009..."

I'm withholding judgment on her performance as Major Motoko Kusanagi. Another female badass, and yes, I just outed myself as a nerd.

Posted by: Qoheleth at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (iIzG7)

203 Judy Dench makes my eyes hurt.

Posted by: eleven at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (fYChk)

204 In the fifties she was agent 008 but now it's more like 004, sometimes 006.

Posted by: MMW at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (kt/h1)

205 And, they murdered her husband, so, badass.

Her fake cover husband.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (j8YpL)

206 YOU can't have nice things!!!

Posted by: SJWs at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (H9MG5)

207 >>And not just male, WHITE EUROPEAN male. He's cool, he's admirable, he is great... that must not be allowed.


Craig was too buff for the role


Well, I'm not opposed to doing that to appeal to a female audience

And yes, European is definitely part of ot, too.

Bond does not want to cuddle or discuss equal pay and bemoan campus rape with you after a roll in the sack. He is not your feminist boyfriend. He doesn't even remember your name.
Which means he must be banished.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (NOIQH)

208 Mercifully, there are a good 7 to 8 decades of films to watch before it all turned to excrement.

Man, you got that right. I think the last good modern Hollywood movie I saw was L.A. Confidential. And that was made in 1997.

Posted by: tu3031 at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (YFFpo)

209 "The build a bigger and better sandcastle of your own -- be by guest!
=
"THEN build a bigger and better sandcastle of your own -- be MY guest!

Posted by: zombie at May 24, 2016 03:39 PM (jBuUi)

210 150 How about: You can have a female Bond when we have a male Thelma and Louise.
Posted by: Lizzy
-------------------
Never seen T&L so i dont know the plot, but haven't we had that for like, forever?
Butch & Sundance?

Posted by: Chi at May 24, 2016 03:39 PM (YaSSM)

211
169
Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at May 24, 2016 03:34 PM (/f6Nd)

------

Or come to think of it, like Target destroying their business by the gratuitous own-goal of enabling sexual predators to gain access to the women's bathroom. I notice they still haven't thrown in the towell on that one, as their profits and stock price tumble.

Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at May 24, 2016 03:39 PM (/f6Nd)

212 "Oh that's right: Because these are stupid, useless, trivially-minded people."

They also want to not just abscond with the icons, but to also utterly destroy them and render them worthless. It's wilful destruction they're after.

Posted by: Kanerogers at May 24, 2016 03:39 PM (3Duad)

213 2201....so they should cast Pam Poovey...hypersexual, brawling, gossiping, foul-mouthed...

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at May 24, 2016 03:39 PM (hqZPQ)

214 189 Posted by: Ignoramus at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (r1fLd)


They do not want new characters. They want to destroy what was beloved and admired. They want to torment people even in something as seemingly trivial as this. And it isn't trivial. Most people, especially the young, absorb a lot of things from pop culture. So using that medium, along with school, to brainwash and propagandize into hating America and Judeo-Christianity is perfect for them.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:39 PM (p4UlV)

215 Dr. No means No....

That's awesome..

Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (aQQbl)

216 In development:

Cindie-Anna Jones and the Temple of Hurtful Gossip

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (8ZskC)

217 She should be 005. Roughly 30% less than 007.

Posted by: brak at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (MJuTN)

218 >>>It's just a matter of upper body strength.

guns don't require so much upper body strength.

hand-to-hand combat does, but then, it's always kind of unrealistic how quickly people get guns chopped out of their hands just so we can have that scheduled HTH fight.

Plus, i have an idea: She fights dirty, mostly with knives.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (dciA+)

219 >>Butch & Sundance?


Tango and Cash

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (aoFFB)

220 What has Hannah been doing all these years?

Posted by: Captain America: Winter Soldier at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (39g3+)

221 Melissa McCarthy was just recently in Spy. She turns out to be the super spy that saves the male spy in the end.
Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (j8YpL)


So they DID already make this movie... and YOU didn't see it. Why not, comrade?


Because of the patriarchy, that's why. And the anti-fatnuglychickarchy.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (Dj0WE)

222 184
Maybe if someone like ScarJo was 009 and pajama boy was the new 007.
Then
they go and infiltrate a smoke belching coal fired power plant and
arrest the fat cat industrialist, kicking everybody's ass in the
process.


Posted by: Roland THTG at May 24, 2016 03:36 PM (QM5S2)
With PJ Boy, I doubt there's be much ass kicking. ScarJo would be telling him to go make a sammwich.

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed - PROUD LGBT - Loves Guns, Beer and Tatas at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (jxbfJ)

223 200 Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 03:37 PM (7HtZB)

They eventually did she was "Pulsar" or "Quasar" I think....

or was it Photon?

Anyway yeah the SJWs have been at this awhile now.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (g8Hfr)

224 I really don't want to see a male Doctor Goodhead

Posted by: Roger Moore at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (12kBq)

225 Anyone want to comment on the Bullshit new claim to give Captain America a boyfriend - probably Bucky Barnes?

LGBT warriors can't imagine two guys as good friends, and can't imagine destroying any story or history or plot just to give them good feels about a subject.

Not that there haven't been plenty of gay characters in the Marvel Universe (some done well, some grafted onto existing characters to give SJW good feelings for two seconds)

Posted by: Defector at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (rLDM0)

226 Next thing you know we'll have a queer Spock.



-

The Pon Farr will happen in a leather bar.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:30 PM (Nwg0u)


Named The Blue Oyster.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (JO9+V)

227 I think Ace is attempting reentry.

Posted by: Q at May 24, 2016 03:41 PM (PLnZs)

228 Wait, how about if Bond starts to identify and transitions to Bugs Bunny? Cross-over box office boffo baby.

Posted by: One of the SJW directors of GhostBusters 2 - Vaginatural at May 24, 2016 03:41 PM (REufr)

229 >>Plus, i have an idea: She fights dirty, mostly with knives.


oooh, I like that. Knives. Or, maybe Cotton NunChuks.

Posted by: Melissa Harris Perry at May 24, 2016 03:41 PM (aoFFB)

230 215 Dr. No means No....

That's awesome..
Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (aQQbl)


Mattress Girl uses her Casper to fly in, stealth like and shame the bad guy.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:41 PM (p4UlV)

231 So they DID already make this movie... and YOU didn't see it. Why not, comrade?

I did. I had to sit through it with the wife.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:41 PM (j8YpL)

232

They are so bound up with their shibboleths, rules, codes, and beliefs combined with a lack of native ability, talent, and wit that coming up with their own original idea is beyond them.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Lighter Fluid, Charcoal, and Othe Car-Be-Cue Supplies at the Outrage Outlet at May 24, 2016 03:41 PM (hLRSq)

233 Wasn't there a "Lacy Bond" character in the late 70's or early 80's?

Posted by: Blanco Basura at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (4f7zr)

234 Minitrue had the outer party and proles believing BB accomplished progressively greater feats, like personally inventing the helicopter. There was no way to deny it, or even think any differently, because information as well as all competing frames of understanding had been destroyed. Combine that with their ceaseless destruction and restructuring of language, and with it, thought itself.

This idiotic Bond thing is only one more tiny incremental step among thousands toward that same goal.

Posted by: Great Orwell's ghost at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (uPB8L)

235 "Butch & Sundance?


Tango and Cash"


Smith & Wesson

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (LA7Cm)

236 A realistic Bond movie of a hot woman trying to defeat the villain or uncover the secret information she needs is going to last 20 minutes, tops.

Posted by: AD at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (gcKVd)

237 On my local news last night, there was the mandatory feel good SJW piece about a local girl being one of the first female infantry recruits to enter the Army once she graduates high school.

The reports was mocking how some people referred to her as "Infantry Barbie"... yet, there she was, in her 5'0", 98 lbs. blonde and painted eyebrows glory talking about how strong, independent women could work hard enough to carry a 220 lbs man off the field if the patriarchy would just let them.

Of course, she really wants to be a medic but signed up for infantry because "grrrrl power" or some such BS is suppose.

Posted by: Damiano at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (71OEY)

238 Brian Dennehy in...

Queen Konga

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (p2X2f)

239 227 I think Ace is attempting reentry.
Posted by: Q at May 24, 2016 03:41 PM (PLnZs)

I attempt re-entry after about a half hour or so.

Location, location, location!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (p4UlV)

240 Why are they altogether incapable of any kind of creative or productive thought whatsoever?

Because it doesn't take creative or productive thought to get A's in Womyn's Studies classes.

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (SXU3d)

241 IMHO, she was a better character than the original Captain Marvel, but there was just no reason to give her that name. Make her a unique character with her own identity, she deserved it.

They eventually did. (And I've always been fond of that character, as it happens...) BTW, she was in charge of the Avengers at the same time Storm (another notable African-American heroine) was in charge of the X-Men.

So yeah, problems, I ain't got 'em there.

Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (9krrF)

242 >>Named The Blue Oyster.


That's in a Space Station orbiting Uranus.

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (aoFFB)

243 >>Butch & Sundance?


Tango and Cash

Crockett and Tubbs

Simon and Simon

Posted by: Glorious Ungent at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (96XqP)

244 Next they'll want Margret Cho to play 'Oddjob'

Posted by: Sean Connery at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (12kBq)

245 why not Lindy West or Trigglypuff?

Posted by: license to kill boners at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (nFwvY)

246 236 A realistic Bond movie of a hot woman trying to defeat the villain or uncover the secret information she needs is going to last 20 minutes, tops.
Posted by: AD at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (gcKVd)



Yeah, but who's going to watch 20 minutes of a hot chick trying to parallel park an Aston Martin?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (oKE6c)

247 235 Smith & Wesson
Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (LA7Cm)

The gay version is Crisco and Wesson.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (p4UlV)

248 Oh Jane, you really know how to service a fella for queen and country!

Posted by: Octodong at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (UzPAd)

249 Marvel did that back in the 70s when they replaced Captain Marvel, alien soldier, with Monica Rambeau, a black woman. Her powers had nothing to do with the original Captain Marvel's, she was human not Kree, but she got the name. IMHO, she was a better character than the original Captain Marvel, but there was just no reason to give her that name.

She was really cool, but I agree, it was just hanging on to the name so they could retain the copyright and shove it in DC's face.

They did make a half-Puerto Rican, half-black gay guy as Spidey in the Ultimate universe though. To hit all the proper check boxes. He didn't go over super well though.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (39g3+)

250 On my local news last night, there was the mandatory feel good SJW piece about a local girl being one of the first female infantry recruits to enter the Army once she graduates high school.

She's in for a surprise.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (j8YpL)

251 Man, you got that right. I think the last good modern Hollywood movie I saw was L.A. Confidential. And that was made in 1997.
Posted by: tu3031 at May 24, 2016 03:38 PM (YFFpo)


For me it's Cabin in the Woods, Zombieland, and the first Kick-Ass movie.


The three most recent films Hollywood films I saw that weren't clichéd dreck.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (Dj0WE)

252 Yeah, but who's going to watch 20 minutes of a hot chick trying to parallel park an Aston Martin?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (oKE6c)





*snort*

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (eDaPX)

253 I got it!
00Trigglypuff!
Solid gold.

Posted by: Roland THTG at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (QM5S2)

254 236 A realistic Bond movie of a hot woman trying to defeat the villain or uncover the secret information she needs is going to last 20 minutes, tops.
Posted by: AD at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (gcKVd)


I'd really love to see a movie show what would really happen to the "tough chick" when up against a real opponent. They could call it Delta Farce

Posted by: Iblis at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (9221z)

255 guns don't require so much upper body strength.

hand-to-hand combat does, but then, it's always kind of unrealistic how quickly people get guns chopped out of their hands just so we can have that scheduled HTH fight.

Plus, i have an idea: She fights dirty, mostly with knives.
Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (dciA+)

Playing devil's advocate here, we already stretch the limits of credulity in movie fistfights. How many times has an action movie protagonist been knocked out in a fight, only to awake perfectly fine several hours later? That's permanent brain damage there. Or been thrown off his feet in an explosion and gotten up with just some soot on his clothes?

Why exactly is it so important in action movies for women not to be able to handle guys in hand to hand combat?

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (KUaJL)

256 236
A realistic Bond movie of a hot woman trying to defeat the villain or
uncover the secret information she needs is going to last 20 minutes,
tops.

Posted by: AD at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (gcKVd)
Put Jennifer Garner in it, and I'll watch it. She can kick my a** any time

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed - PROUD LGBT - Loves Guns, Beer and Tatas at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (jxbfJ)

257 The lead's cover should be as the singer in an all girl, 8-piece Ska Band called - 'Octopussy'.

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (aoFFB)

258 244 Next they'll want Margret Cho to play 'Oddjob'
Posted by: Sean Connery at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (12kBq)



Thread winner.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (j8YpL)

259 236 Posted by: AD at May 24, 2016 03:42 PM (gcKVd)

Eh..."no" plenty of Partisans were chicks in WW2....

they just did their heavy work differently.

The knife thing totes works, so do pipe wrenches and spanners...

A woman agent by necessity would fight differently and ruthlessly and MAYBE that is a useful thing for women to ponder.

But not as James Bond.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (g8Hfr)

260 Update: As a Bond fan, I like this idea. I like seeing Bond in new situations. Being the object -- the missing double-oh, the prisoner in need of aid -- would be a new twist. Interesting, maybe, to see Bond needing help.


And he would just like a little validation of his feelings for a change.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (8ZskC)

261 If 007 is a woman, 007 people will go see the movie.

Posted by: Roy at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (VndSC)

262
Caitlyn as "The Oddfather."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (p4UlV)

263 damnit

Posted by: Roland THTG at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (QM5S2)

264 17 Make James Bond a woman? BRILLIANT!

Posted by: New Ghostbusters Producer at May 24, 2016 03:17 PM (z/Ubi)

Yeah, that's never been thought of before.

Like, when they came out with "The Bionic Man" I thought, "gee, wouldn't it be nice for us girls if they had a show about a female character with similar powers? They could call it, oh, I dunno, Bionic Woman, or something."

But they never did. Because sexism.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (u0lmX)

265 Yeah, but who's going to watch 20 minutes of a hot chick trying to parallel park an Aston Martin?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (oKE6c)

Ok, that's funny.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (KUaJL)

266 I got a kick telling my my kids how my first boyhood crush was Diana Rigg in The Avengers and in the Lazenby Bond flick who's now Olenna Tyrell in Game of Thrones.

Posted by: Ignoramus at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (r1fLd)

267 Why is it they always try to leech off existing IPs? Instead of ace's idea (introducing a new Bond this way sounds kind of awesome and I don't even care of about Bond movies), why can't they go out and create their own secret agent who does things in the name of social justice for whatever reason?

Aside from the obvious fact that it would be a spectacular failure, but then we've hit on the answer. Of course, they could then use the spectacular failure to do what they're truly good at: Shrieking about the patriarchy causing their failures.

Posted by: Cantankerous at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (326rv)

268 Seriously, guns have limitations up close. This is why strength matters when Bond has to fight, whether they be with knives or not.

This is why force-on-force training is such a big eye opener for people. If you're in knife range, you're going to have a bad day. Especially if that person is as strong or stronger than you.

Posted by: Chupacabra at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (F26eZ)

269 Does this Walther PPK make my ass look fat?

Posted by: Jane Bond at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (UzPAd)

270 So they DID already make this movie... and YOU didn't see it. Why not, comrade?
----------------------------
I did. I had to sit through it with the wife.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:41 PM (j8YpL)


I'm going to be nice to you the rest of the year. You've suffered enough.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (Dj0WE)

271 Still more Jane Bond villains:

Khani Lingus

Harry Bollocks

Heavee Shafter


Posted by: Sphynx at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (OZmbA)

272
So, instead of Pussy Galore it's Pud Galore?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (p4UlV)

273 Plus, i have an idea: She fights dirty, mostly with knives.
Posted by: ace


No knife is faster than the slowest bullet.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (p2X2f)

274 262
Caitlyn as "The Oddfather."



Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (p4UlV)

Bravo, or should I say brava?

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (u0lmX)

275 oooh, I like that. Knives. Or, maybe Cotton NunChuks.

Posted by: Melissa Harris Perry


OK that made me laugh really hard.

Well played. Very well played.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (39g3+)

276 A valorous and brave woman who rescues a brave and heroic man? You mean the way the lady palladin Bradamante rescued her beloved (also palladin) Ruggiero?

That would imply that Hollywood writers be familiar with classic literature.

You're asking an awful lot.

Posted by: RondinellaMamma at May 24, 2016 03:46 PM (oQQwD)

277 >>>Here's a crazy idea. If you really wanted to do this, why make her James Bond?

Because.

It not about helping the poor so they don't live impoverished lives. It's about taking from the rich so they can't have lives better than others.

It's not about making sure people aren't suffering from health problems from nicotine use. It's making sure a business can't profit in a way they don't like.

It's not about free speech. It's about only their voices being heard.

And it's not about having female Ghostbusters, it's about making sure we can't have male Ghostbusters.

It's not about having an incredibly capable Female 00 agent *as*good*as*if*not*better* than James Bond. It's about making sure.

WE
CAN'T
HAVE

James

Bond

Because he's a man.

It's not about creating. It's about taking. It's always about the taking.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at May 24, 2016 03:46 PM (0q2P7)

278 243 >>Butch & Sundance?

Tango and Cash

Crockett and Tubbs

Simon and Simon
-------
Lenny & Squiggy?

Posted by: Chi at May 24, 2016 03:46 PM (YaSSM)

279 This is what all SJWs mean to me now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIpkdusnIkE#action=share

Posted by: setnaffa at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (w1aKr)

280 Butch & Sundance

-
Or Bitch Cassidy and the Fandance Kid.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (Nwg0u)

281 274 Bravo, or should I say brava?
Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (u0lmX)


Full disclosure: That was the Mad Magazine spoof from '72.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (p4UlV)

282 >>But please spare us the "oh, this is all so terrible" version of a heroine like Emily Blunt in Sicario


Gawd, that was awful!


Thelma and Louise was specifically feminist in that it was bad men who (supposedly) ruined their lives.
On character has a domineering jackhole husband (men suck).
They go to a countty western bar and the gal flirts with a guy, dances and drinks with him. He assumes she's DTF and gets aggressive w/her in the parking lot (men are rapey).
Other friend comes to her rescue w/a gun, but as the gals are walking away, rapey guy makes a snide remark, so she shoots him (he deserved it for being an a$$hole, amirite?)
Some jackhole trucker makes an obscene gesture to them so they blow up his truck (he had it coming, right?)
They go on the run. Pick up a cute hitchhiker who then seduces the gal who previously was almost raped (don't you go saying she's got poor taste in men!). Hitchhiker robs the gals, so they're broke and on the run from the law. Because bad *Texas* (male) policemen are out to get them (allusions are made by other gal about potentially being raped in TX).
SO they drive off a cliff. The End.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (NOIQH)

283 They are casting Trigglypuff in another Godzilla remake.

Posted by: Roy at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (VndSC)

284 Why can't they reimagine new things?

Because replacing the white male character is a symbolic way of killing him.

They're telegraphing what they'd like to do to you with this stuff.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (4ErVI)

285 Please, God, just tell me it's not going to star Melissa McCarthy.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:19 PM (Dj0WE)


She was funny as hell in "Bridesmaids". Blah ever since. What happened?

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (SXU3d)

286 No knife is faster than the slowest bullet.


The slow blade penetrates the shield.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (j8YpL)

287 I'm going to be the next Bond.

Size 007.

No. Seriously. I'm so totally a size 007. Probably more a 006, but a 007 is fine.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (H9MG5)

288 "Yeah, but who's going to watch 20 minutes of a hot chick trying to parallel park an Aston Martin? "


Ya'll are in the zone today.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (LA7Cm)

289 "Next they'll want Margret Cho to play 'Oddjob'"

Sorry, there's a scheduling conflict there. Margaret Cho is currently filming the ALL-FEMALE reboot of "The Replacements." She's in the role previously occupied by Ace Yonamine.

Posted by: Qoheleth at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (iIzG7)

290 A female Bond would get stuck in tight places and have to get naked so she could squeeze out.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at May 24, 2016 03:35 PM (iQIUe)


Can't get through the doggy door!

Posted by: Naked and Super Busty Agent at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (JO9+V)

291 So who will take the place of Pussy Galore? Dick McStick?

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (u0lmX)

292 So they DID already make this movie... and YOU didn't see it. Why not, comrade?


Because of the patriarchy, that's why. And the anti-fatnuglychickarchy.
Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:40 PM (Dj0WE)



Spy was tons of fun.

Central Intelligence with Kevin Hart and Mr. The Rock Sir looks like it might be just the kind of stupid I like, what with the new tagline of sometimes all you need is a little Hart and a big Johnson.

Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (mf5HN)

293 Sigfried & Roy

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (aoFFB)

294 wasn't this movie done already? austin powers international man of mystery?

Posted by: chavez the hugo at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (ucDmr)

295 Wouldn't cotton nunchuks really be just two giant tampons?


Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (aQQbl)

296 You could have a post-op tranny James Bond who's real name is "Pussy Before."

Posted by: Ben Kenobi at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (6eVVe)

297 Eh..."no" plenty of Partisans were chicks in WW2....

they just did their heavy work differently.

The knife thing totes works, so do pipe wrenches and spanners...

A woman agent by necessity would fight differently and ruthlessly and MAYBE that is a useful thing for women to ponder.

But not as James Bond.
Posted by: sven10077


I'm kidding, but you and I have very different ideas of how she'd go about this.

Posted by: AD at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (gcKVd)

298 009 follows the trail to a swanky party at the Playboy Mansion. She gets pulled into the Sex Grotto and repeatedly raped by Bill Cosby. Except it's not really rape. Because she went to the Playboy Mansion.

The End

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (tbq1U)

299 277 It's not about creating. It's about taking. It's always about the taking.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose at May 24, 2016 03:46 PM (0q2P7)

Was going to attempt a witticism about the takings clause but your comment should be saved somewhere for future reference.

10 out of 10, old boy.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (p4UlV)

300
Why exactly is it so important in action movies for women not to be able to handle guys in hand to hand combat?


Because its not being done to show action in an unrealistic setting, its being done for grrl power.

Look, Jackie Chan would beat everyone up, but every once in a while he'd run into a guy that was too big and tough, and he'd have to come up with some clever way to defeat him. That's a standard in action movies, consider the fight between Indy and the huge German sergeant.

That's not just fun, but it makes sense. Having Sally ballerina beat up huge guys is just ridiculous. She should do okay against little guys and women, but struggle against a big man.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:49 PM (39g3+)

301 what about Major XX?

Posted by: avi at May 24, 2016 03:49 PM (fijdj)

302 Agent 009 would imply she's worse than 007.who outscored her at the academy by 2, denying her experiences and replacing them.with a patriarchal hegemony inperialist capitalist corporation cisgender cisnormative power structure

Why is the left always trying to culturally appropriate stuff all the time

Posted by: mst3k at May 24, 2016 03:49 PM (9BSIW)

303 >>Wouldn't cotton nunchuks really be just two giant tampons?


Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (aQQbl)


STOP DOING MY SCHTICK!

Posted by: Ben Roethlesburger at May 24, 2016 03:49 PM (aoFFB)

304 291 So who will take the place of Pussy Galore? Dick McStick?
Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (u0lmX)


See me at 272.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:49 PM (p4UlV)

305 >>Tango and Cash

Moose and Squirrel

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 03:49 PM (/tuJf)

306 Why doesn't Aston Martin make a minivan?

Posted by: Jane Bond at May 24, 2016 03:50 PM (8ZskC)

307 So Carole Bouquet's role as Melina in For Your Eyes Only, wasn't female empowering enough. If I remember correctly, Melina was an archeologist who could skin dive, operate a deep sea sub, get herself and Bond out of being murdered by being keeled under a boat, and shot a crossbow to kill the bad guys quite accurately?

Most of the female roles in the Bond movies involve women as agents for foreign governments or for the evil doers.

The SJW's are concerned that they are too feminine and pretty for the roles......

Posted by: Jen the original at May 24, 2016 03:50 PM (P2AQp)

308 They could call it, oh, I dunno, Bionic Woman, or something.

Bionic Woman is sexist. Bionic Man gets to ogle women long-distance. Bionic Woman is just a good listener.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at May 24, 2016 03:50 PM (2lndx)

309 During the escape scenario there should be a brief interlude so he can lay some pipe.
Whether she survives to the end is now irrelevant.

Posted by: Hedley Lamarr at May 24, 2016 03:50 PM (JzFJE)

310 Kate & Allie

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 03:50 PM (aoFFB)

311 "SO they drive off a cliff. The End."

SO they drive off a cliff. The End.

SO they drive off a cliff. The End.


SO they drive off a cliff. The End.


Sorry about that.

Saw the movie when it first came out.

Guess what my favorite part was.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 24, 2016 03:50 PM (ptqRm)

312 Jane Bond will have a tranny lover.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at May 24, 2016 03:51 PM (m3iiU)

313
So who will take the place of Pussy Galore?
---
Carlos Danger, of course.

Posted by: redc1c4 at May 24, 2016 03:51 PM (GnCxR)

314 Ren and Stimpy

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (/tuJf)

315 Plus, i have an idea: She fights dirty, mostly with knives.

Posted by: ace



No knife is faster than the slowest bullet.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (p2X2f)


Not seen Magnificent 7 yet, eh?

Posted by: Britt at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (JO9+V)

316 >> Jane Bond will have a tranny lover.


Played by Tony Danza.

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (aoFFB)

317 >>Wouldn't cotton nunchuks really be just two giant tampons?





Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (aQQbl)




Go on.

Posted by: Prince Charles at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (oKE6c)

318 272
So, instead of Pussy Galore it's Pud Galore?



Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (p4UlV)

I've got a even better name.

Haven Monahan.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (u0lmX)

319 I'm not making an exploding tampon.

And stop playing with that. That was my lunch.

Now get in the kitchen and make me another sammich.

Posted by: Q, talking to female Bond at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (H9MG5)

320 So, instead of Pussy Galore it's Pud Galore?

Don't be silly, it's Hugh G Rection.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (4f7zr)

321 Wouldn't cotton nunchuks really be just two giant tampons?


Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (aQQbl)


You may come and collect your award.

Posted by: The AoSHQ Kind Of Late To The Party Commenter Recognition Committee at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (8ZskC)

322 Q Branch has developed an exploding vibrator.

Posted by: Roy at May 24, 2016 03:52 PM (VndSC)

323 So Carole Bouquet's role as Melina in For Your Eyes Only, wasn't female empowering enough. If I remember correctly, Melina was an archeologist who could skin dive, operate a deep sea sub, get herself and Bond out of being murdered by being keeled under a boat, and shot a crossbow to kill the bad guys quite accurately?

All while being amazingly hot.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (39g3+)

324 Wasn't Salt originally written w/a male lead?
I thought it was originally cast w/Tom Cruise or someone like that.


Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (NOIQH)

325 Yeah, that's never been thought of before.

Like, when they came out with "The Bionic Man" I thought, "gee, wouldn't it be nice for us girls if they had a show about a female character with similar powers? They could call it, oh, I dunno, Bionic Woman, or something."

But they never did. Because sexism.
Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 03:45 PM (u0lmX)


Le Sigh... you know what I always wondered? If there's a Superman, how come there's no woman with similar powers? I wonder.....

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (Dj0WE)

326 293 Sigfried & Roy
Posted by: garrett
-------------
Now, there's a come from behind story if I've ever heard one!

Posted by: Chi at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (YaSSM)

327 She was really cool, but I agree, it was just hanging on to the name so they could retain the copyright and shove it in DC's face.


Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 03:43 PM (39g3+)

Right, I forgot about DC's "Captain Marvel."

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 03:54 PM (7HtZB)

328 283
They are casting Trigglypuff in another Godzilla remake.

Posted by: Roy at May 24, 2016 03:47 PM (VndSC)
That is too weird and nasty for the Japanese to even stoop down to. And having seen some of the stuff they've put out - that is saying something.

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed - PROUD LGBT - Loves Guns, Beer and Tatas at May 24, 2016 03:54 PM (jxbfJ)

329 There were the popular (at the time) No One Lives Forever games, which had a female protagonist in a 60sish, swank spy period.

They were good games. I wonder why they have not been remade, considering the climate.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 24, 2016 03:54 PM (3ZoRf)

330 If a female Bond truly happens, then you know the male co-star will be a pajama boy type beta eunuch. Can't have any strong males whatsoever!

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:54 PM (j8YpL)

331 325 Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (Dj0WE)

Superwoman has been a thing...variously Lois....some other Kryptonian chick and a grown Super Gal....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superwoman

She never caught on.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (g8Hfr)

332 What would the working title of a female James Bond movie be?


"For Your Thighs Only?"

"License to Shop?"

"Diet Another Day?"

Posted by: Jay Guevara at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (oKE6c)

333 324 Wasn't Salt originally written w/a male lead?
I thought it was originally cast w/Tom Cruise or someone like that.


Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (NOIQH)

Denzel Washington. He was going to be called "Pepper"

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (7HtZB)

334 Over 300 comments and counting, and Halle Berry's role in Die Another Day is Still. Pretty. Forgettable.


Posted by: Qoheleth at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (iIzG7)

335 "All while being amazingly hot."


Yes she was.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (LA7Cm)

336 Six Million Dollar Man.


Let's see.

6,000,000
x .79
--------------


Ooh Ooh I got it.

How bout the 4 million, seven hundred and forty thousand dollar woman?

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (ptqRm)

337 I have a special hate for Die Anther Day. The opening credits were interesting enough to raise my expectations, before they embarrassed me for watching. With an invisible car, a castle made of ice, and a tsunami wave that is similar to Roger Moore skiing in front of a projector.
https://youtu.be/6w6FV8P7HXg

Worst of all Halley Barry, with Michael Madsen as the American M, are chewing up the scenery.




Posted by: BourbonChicken at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (VdICR)

338 C'mon Ace, Bond being a chick is so 2008.

Bond has to suck dick now.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (1JnAL)

339 If there's a Superman, how come there's no woman with similar powers? I wonder.....

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (Dj0WE)

I always figured Lois Lane wouldn't cut it. Hell, wouldn't she be blasted to bits when Superman came? It would be like cannonballs cutting through Kleenex...

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (u0lmX)

340 Then 009 can make sweet, sapphic love to Rosa Kleb while James makes them a sammich. Yeah baby!

Posted by: Millenius Douchenozzle at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (k8tEg)

341 'PoonRaker'

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (aoFFB)

342 Target destroying their business by the gratuitous own-goal of enabling sexual predators to gain access to the women's bathroom. I notice they still haven't thrown in the towell on that one, as their profits and stock price tumble.

-
They'd rather be right than profitable.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (Nwg0u)

343 She never caught on.
---
because patriarchy.

Posted by: redc1c4 at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (GnCxR)

344 308 They could call it, oh, I dunno, Bionic Woman, or something.
-------
Bionic Woman is sexist. Bionic Man gets to ogle women long-distance. Bionic Woman is just a good listener.
Posted by: Stephen Price Blair
-----------------

It's worse than that. He was a six-million dollar man, she was just "bionic." They obviously didn't want anyone to know how much less she was worth.

Posted by: Chi at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (YaSSM)

345
Alec Trevelyan called to say "hello".

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (1hM1d)

346 >>If a female Bond truly happens, then you know the male co-star will be a
pajama boy type beta eunuch. Can't have any strong males whatsoever!


Like "Alias" w/her beta male friend, who was always available to join her for a glass of wine and chat about feelings (though he secretly pined for her!).

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (NOIQH)

347 Man of Steel my ass.

Posted by: Lois Lane at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (8ZskC)

348 Goldfingered

Posted by: Q, talking to female Bond at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (H9MG5)

349 >>She never caught on.

She did. In the form of Supergirl. Got her own teevee show and everything.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (/tuJf)

350 Jane Bond sassily returns in

Oh No You Did-Nt!

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (JO9+V)

351 Spy was tons of fun.

Central Intelligence with Kevin Hart and Mr. The Rock Sir looks like it might be just the kind of stupid I like, what with the new tagline of sometimes all you need is a little Hart and a big Johnson.
Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 03:48 PM (mf5HN)


Taste, of course, varies. But when it comes to movies with Melissa McCarthy, I would pay you not to make me see it.


Put Kevin Hart in it with her, and I will give you one of my children rather than be forced to watch.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (Dj0WE)

352 Man of Steel my ass.

Ask the invisible man about his ass.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (2lndx)

353 320 You have no idea how many magazine subscriptions came to me on Mr. Rection's tab.

Posted by: Hedley Lamarr at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (JzFJE)

354 I made the same argument about the new Star Trek movies. Why do you have to destroy one of the best science fiction continuities ever just so you get to recast Spock? Why not just have new characters instead of wrecking the old ones? Answer: people are stupid and would say "Where's Spock?"

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (TFxjY)

355 " Sigfried & Roy

-------------
Now, there's a come from behind story if I've ever heard one!"




Dude.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (LA7Cm)

356 I can identify just fine with Blade the vampire
hunter. I don't need a white one. Theirs nothing wrong with the
character as-is, there is something wrong with them.


Posted by: SaltyDonnie at May 24, 2016 03:31 PM (i6shs)

Ya think?

Posted by: An Observation at May 24, 2016 03:58 PM (vt55G)

357 348 Goldfingered
Posted by: Q, talking to female Bond at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (H9MG5)



Oh Jesus....my chest!!!!

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 03:58 PM (j8YpL)

358 338
C'mon Ace, Bond being a chick is so 2008.



Bond has to suck dick now.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (1JnAL)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thread winner

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed - PROUD LGBT - Loves Guns, Beer and Tatas at May 24, 2016 03:59 PM (jxbfJ)

359 343 Posted by: redc1c4 at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (GnCxR)

b/c 12 year old boys aren't wanting to read about super girls...

and 12 year old girls were into other shit too...

which is what this whole thread is really about....

They themselves will not watch Jane Bond they just want to take our James.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:59 PM (g8Hfr)

360 From Russia with Fur-Trimmed Gloves

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 03:59 PM (aoFFB)

361 'PoonRaker'



Thunderball-less.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:59 PM (LA7Cm)

362 It's worse than that. He was a six-million dollar man, she was just "bionic." They obviously didn't want anyone to know how much less she was worth.
Posted by: Chi at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (YaSSM)


About 4.2 million, obviously.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:59 PM (Dj0WE)

363 Die Another Day was half a good movie. Its pretty solid right up until the point they leave that health spa island, then it turns into utter crap. And while quite attractive, Halle Barry is a terrible actress.

She wanted to turn that character into a franchise of her own, super spy American girl. It would have been the Catwoman of spy movies.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:00 PM (39g3+)

364 207 Don Draper? that actor is a whiny pain in the ass but the character could pull it off

Posted by: the Butcher at May 24, 2016 04:00 PM (AGJqR)

365 Taste, of course, varies. But when it comes to movies with Melissa McCarthy, I would pay you not to make me see it.


Put Kevin Hart in it with her, and I will give you one of my children rather than be forced to watch.
Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (Dj0WE)



Then it's a good thing that I have not advanced the position that you should be forced to watch it.

Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 04:00 PM (mf5HN)

366 342
Target destroying their business by the gratuitous own-goal of enabling
sexual predators to gain access to the women's bathroom. I notice they
still haven't thrown in the towell on that one, as their profits and
stock price tumble.

-

They'd rather be right than profitable.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (Nwg0u)
I'm all for boycotting Target (and I am). BUT - you have to admire them. At least they chose a hill to die on (unlike our republican party).

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed - PROUD LGBT - Loves Guns, Beer and Tatas at May 24, 2016 04:00 PM (jxbfJ)

367 Yes Q ... OF COURSE you marked the Bad Guy Secret Lair on my map ... It IS your fault !!! You know I can't read those things. Hold on ... I'll ask this person for directions.

Yoo Hoo. Could you tell me the way to the Bad Guy Secret Lair ? Yes ... Yes ... and a left AFTER the volcano. You're a dear ... thank you so much.

Posted by: 009 at May 24, 2016 04:00 PM (tbq1U)

368 Jane Blonde.

Posted by: Michael at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (KClXw)

369 Emily Blunt.

Yum.

Posted by: Sixkiller at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (pcyHg)

370 349 Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (/tuJf)

Superwoman never caught on....there has never been the ~30 year old Kryptonian chick on TV or with a title that lasted more than 12 issues....

Supergirl is a different story, she is a young strong female learning to hang in the world of supers...

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (g8Hfr)

371 "You Only Come Once"

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (JO9+V)

372 You have no idea how many magazine subscriptions came to me on Mr. Rection's tab.

You are correct. Please do not enlighten me.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (4f7zr)

373 Target destroying their business by the gratuitous own-goal of enabling sexual predators to gain access to the women's bathroom. I notice they still haven't thrown in the towell on that one, as their profits and stock price tumble.

-
They'd rather be right than profitable.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 03:56 PM (Nwg0u)

Have you seen the new internet ad placed by a group trying to get Target to change their policy?

Quite powerful.

http://www.flushtarget.com/

Posted by: Jen the original at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (P2AQp)

374 You know who turned out to be a really good hero.

Well, two of them actually .

Eh, maybe three

Sigourney Weaver in Alien

Linda Hamilton in Terminator

And Jamie Lee Curtis, in True Lies.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (ptqRm)

375 Power Girl is also basically female Superman, and she's lasted a lot longer than Superwoman. Though I suppose she's sexist because she has a slender frame with humongous tetas.

I mean, that's clearly the work of the manocentric manocracy. Thank god the men in superhero comics don't have unrealistic body types.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (kumBu)

376 Live and Let's Go Shopping

Posted by: license to kill boners at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (nFwvY)

377 Agent 99 was a woman. And she was spectacular.

Posted by: Michael at May 24, 2016 04:02 PM (KClXw)

378 >>>Are these idiots aware that James Bond exists in a particular cinematic universe and works for a fictitious version of a real-world organization? What I'm getting at is why make 007 a woman -- why not just introduce a new female double-oh agent called 009?

Because this has nothing to do with 'equality' and everything to do with REVENGE.

They will take your heroes and your icons and drive them into the ground. Take that patriarchy!

See also; Ghostbusters, everything feminists try to 'fix'.

Posted by: El Kabong at May 24, 2016 04:02 PM (datdl)

379 Quickly, Ms Bond! This way!

Posted by: Dick Foot at May 24, 2016 04:02 PM (PLnZs)

380 I can identify just fine with Blade the vampire
hunter. I don't need a white one. Theirs nothing wrong with the character as-is, there is something wrong with them.


Yeah, funny how I can watch El Mariachi and have fun without needing to replace him with a honky. I can watch Salt and enjoy it without needing a guy to be in the part. I can cheer at Denzel Washington blowing up drug dealers in Man on Fire without having to have him be white.

Incidentally, I saw the trailer for the new Magnificent Seven and it looks... really good. Denzel looks badass.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:03 PM (39g3+)

381 >>>345
Alec Trevelyan called to say "hello".

eh you know they recycle those numbers.

also I had a differeent idea: she's not a 00 in the beginning. she's a wash-out and only put on the assignment because of some particular language/technical ability that's useful to it. she's kind of too afraid to be in the field after having been tortured or something.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 04:03 PM (dciA+)

382 SPY was funny. Prob the only Melissa McCarthy movie I would say that about.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 04:03 PM (JO9+V)

383 On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:03 PM (aoFFB)

384 375 Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at May 24, 2016 04:01 PM (kumBu)

Poor Power Girl...

the artist kept making her rack bigger and bigger out of spite when an editor told him to vamp her up...

Power Girl has had I think five origin stories...in reality if anything she is Earth 2's Super Girl....

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (g8Hfr)

385 No, Ms Blonde, I expect you to dye.

Posted by: auric golddinger at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (PLnZs)

386 "The SJW's can create their own character like "Q",
but they can call them "Z". Their specialty can be to sleep all day like
a layabout and occasionally wake up, spout pseudo-ideas that are simply
a recognizable ripoff of a concept someone else created (for a comedic
affect), and then they drift back off into narcolepsy.


Posted by: Marcus T at May 24, 201603:30 PM (O0lVq)"

So, like, you want Neil DeGrasse Tyson then?

Posted by: Ripley at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (1BQGO)

387 Dude.
Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 03:57 PM (LA7Cm)
----------------
Too soon?

Posted by: Chi at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (YaSSM)

388 A View to a Killer Mink Stole.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (LA7Cm)

389 >>Incidentally, I saw the trailer for the new Magnificent Seven and it looks... really good. Denzel looks badass.


Denzel makes every movie he's in better.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (NOIQH)

390 Diamonds Are My Best Friend Forever

Posted by: Bond chick flick at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (H9MG5)

391 Cameron gave Terminator a strong female lead, because he was warming up to have a strong female lead in Alien. And of course neither movie got any sequels because of the all-powerful patriarchy.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (VdICR)

392 >>she's kind of too afraid to be in the field after having been tortured or something.


...or relentlessly teased because she was a chubby late bloomer?

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (aoFFB)

393 Diamonds Are For Birthdays and Anniversaries And Arbor Days

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (dciA+)

394 Though I suppose she's sexist because she has a slender frame with humongous tetas.

With a boobie window to show off clevage despite no neckline. Its one of the most hilariously sexualized costumes ever. But she's nobody to mess with. Power Girl kicks bootie. And she can dress however the heck she wants to with that kind of power.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (39g3+)

395 I like the idea of a white quasi-transgendered Bond that self identifies as a left handed, black midget bacha bazi known as Xames Bond that poses as a Yale senior that joins then eventually leads the local Black Lives Matter group taking on the school administration for only having white toilet paper and not toilet paper of color.

The administration's refusal to their 150 pages of demands (e.g., straight A's for students of color, a $10,000 per year "reparation fee" imposed on white students that is passed through to students of color, free cars for all students of color, requiring the dean to have "I'm sorry I'm white" tattooed on his face etc.) lead to protests leading to looting in which Bond and xer fellow BLM activists arm themselves with household supplies and make a big bomb and blow up the admin building during a board of trustees meeting.

For the required sex scene, Obama could do a cameo and play Xames' bottom after being seduced by Xames on a rope line after giving a 45 minute speech (played in full) at the school on how bad whites and Christians have been for America, the good parts being due to Muslims' efforts.

I think that would be cool. I'd call it: "Xames Bond: Justice Served on Those Cracka Muthafuckas"

Posted by: oddnot says ~sigh~ at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (g1MTt)

396 "Moon Raper"

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (7HtZB)

397 324 Wasn't Salt originally written w/a male lead?
I thought it was originally cast w/Tom Cruise or someone like that.


Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (NOIQH)

Denzel Washington. He was going to be called "Pepper"




Hey!


-- Matt Millen and Bruce Clark

Posted by: OK, this is a very Penn State-specific joke at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (1xUj/)

398 It's true, Blade is a badass. We need a Blade 4 where he fights vampire IRS agents trying to audit him. Ars imitatur vitae, baby!

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (kumBu)

399 Bond could be confronted by a popular organization protesting MI6 in the streets. Their motto is "SPECTRE Lives Matter!"

Posted by: MTF at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (/m8T6)

400 Octopecker

Posted by: El Kabong at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (datdl)

401 The Spy Who Loved Me, and then Left Me

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (LA7Cm)

402
We can have a male Joan of Arc, right?

Posted by: ArthurK at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (h53OH)

403 Ace, someone stole your idea and posted it as a comment in the article.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (j8YpL)

404 Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 03:53 PM (Dj0WE)

Superwoman has been a thing...variously Lois....some other Kryptonian chick and a grown Super Gal....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superwoman

She never caught on.
Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 03:55 PM (g8Hfr)


I thought, what with me using the word "wonder" twice, it was fairly clear I wasn't talking about supergirl or superwoman or some broad from planet Krypton.


These are the jokes, folks. They ain't gonna get any better.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (Dj0WE)

405 The Spy Who Mansplained Me

Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 04:05 PM (aQQbl)

406 Diamonds Are For Blow Jobs

Posted by: Jane Bond at May 24, 2016 04:06 PM (UzPAd)

407 OMG. Ancient lesbian on CNN losing her mind over trumps attacks on Clinton. She sounds like a thousand year old cartoon turtle

Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 04:06 PM (fFmxA)

408 The Spy Who Two Pump Chumped Me

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 04:06 PM (JO9+V)

409 393
Diamonds Are For Birthdays and Anniversaries And Arbor Days

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (dciA+)

Diamonds - That'll shut her up.

Posted by: Ron White at May 24, 2016 04:06 PM (jxbfJ)

410 Denzel makes every movie he's in better.

He does. And he's really good in action roles, I want to see him do more. I was surprised at how satisfying The Equalizer was.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:06 PM (39g3+)

411 Q never listens to anything I say. He doesn't respect me. I get so tired of his male logic all the time. I mean really, ANYONE could have wrecked the Aston Martin. And honest to God ... How am I supposed to know how many bullets a Smith and Wesson holds ? Whatever.

Posted by: 009 at May 24, 2016 04:06 PM (tbq1U)

412 394 Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:04 PM (39g3+)

Gratuitous happy youtube...

https://youtu.be/QZgj8UyNN9c

Blinky 500....

Power Girl would be a better "adult Kryptonian" than SUperGirl b/c in Earth 2's timeline she had taken over Superman's mantle...

Superman was running the Daily Star and Batman was police commissioner in a cleaned up Gotham banging Catwoman...

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 04:07 PM (g8Hfr)

413 Denzel was great in the Lethal Wepon movies.

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:07 PM (aoFFB)

414 >> The Spy Who Two Pump Chumped Me


and we have a winner.

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:08 PM (aoFFB)

415 Ace, someone stole your idea and posted it as a comment in the article.
-------
Amy Schumer?

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2016 04:08 PM (PLnZs)

416 Power Girl was created as fapping fodder for teenage boys.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 04:08 PM (j8YpL)

417 From Russia with Lovely Diamond Earrings

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 04:08 PM (LA7Cm)

418 >>Denzel was great in the Lethal Wepon movies.

Dennehy was the real start though.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 04:08 PM (/tuJf)

419 Denzel was great in the Lethal Wepon movies.
Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:07 PM (aoFFB)


I liked him in that one where he and Vinny Barbarino were hit men.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 04:09 PM (Dj0WE)

420 Denzel has never been in a bad movie. I can't name a second actor like that.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at May 24, 2016 04:09 PM (VdICR)

421 416 Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 04:08 PM (j8YpL)

She has the oldest super power...


and man my head hurts.

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 04:09 PM (g8Hfr)

422 A View to a Kitchen

Posted by: Bond chick flick at May 24, 2016 04:09 PM (H9MG5)

423 Thunderjugs

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2016 04:09 PM (PLnZs)

424 Denzel is among my favorite modern day actors.
He was freaking awesome in Flight.
Check it out if you haven't yet.

Posted by: Chi at May 24, 2016 04:10 PM (YaSSM)

425 "Yeah, funny how I can watch El Mariachi and have fun without needing to replace him with a honky. I can watch Salt and enjoy it without needing a guy to be in the part. I can cheer at Denzel Washington blowing up drug dealers in Man on Fire without having to have him be white.

Incidentally, I saw the trailer for the new Magnificent Seven and it looks... really good. Denzel looks badass.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:03 PM (39g3+) "

In Desperado, the mariachi gets to boff Salma Hayek, so I could identify with him even if he was an aborigine dwarf.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at May 24, 2016 04:10 PM (kumBu)

426 I'd really love to see a movie show what would really happen to the "tough chick" when up against a real opponent. They could call it Delta Farce
Posted by: Iblis at May 24, 2016 03:44 PM (9221z)


While I was clicking through the channels, I happened on a panel discussion about women in combat. A retired marine officer asked something like, " If we put 6 male marines of my choosing, and 6 female marines of your choosing in a room and told them to fight to the death, who do you think would come out alive?"

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 24, 2016 04:10 PM (SXU3d)

427 Thunderballed

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at May 24, 2016 04:10 PM (m3iiU)

428 The point to SJWs demanding Bond be a woman is not to give it to a woman, but to take it away from a man.

Posted by: Weird Harold at May 24, 2016 04:10 PM (OkKDg)

429 What is this delusional necessity to identify with the characters in a story? Do I enjoy Spongebob any less because I do not personally identify with a functionally retarded talking sponge and his gluttonous feeble-brained starfish friend? How did I enjoy Thomas the Train without sprouting fucking wheels? You need to empathize with a main character and identify with traits of their personality, not their physical appearance! BRING THE DESTROYER!!

(Lord Humungus is the only character I identify with based on appearance and dress.)

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at May 24, 2016 04:10 PM (A6a7C)

430 Dr. I Have a Headache.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 24, 2016 04:10 PM (3ZoRf)

431 420 Posted by: BourbonChicken at May 24, 2016 04:09 PM (VdICR)

Oh....

Virtuosity

Ricochet

EVERY career has stinkers

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (g8Hfr)

432 Denzel has never been in a bad movie.

The Manchurian Candidate remake was pretty bad, but he was good in it.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (39g3+)

433
Golddigger!

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (ODxAs)

434 Ann Lewis. Man. She over identifies with Hillary.

Posted by: ThunderB at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (fFmxA)

435 Denzel is Unstoppable. Dennehy was powerful as the train.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (JO9+V)

436 "Why is the Social Justice Warrior imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things? Why can it only imagine old things, given a new racial or sexual make-over?"
_________




Because part of the goal is to take things away that society values.

James Bond is an iconic figure of the imagination that is a white male, so it must be taken away.

Creating something new is not what the Left does, they never talk about wealth creation, only wealth redistribution, ie stealing.

Posted by: Jamers at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (LZgax)

437 Dr. No-No Place

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (1xUj/)

438 Late to the party, of course, but the correct answer is "write your own spy movie and work for decades to make it a franchise."

That (with or without the franchise part) is the response to any "why don't you do *this* with your story" question.

My second response to the "black James Bond" question (the first was "Idris Elba") was "why don't you write a Felix Leiter movie?" The most recent iteration of that character was a good actor, Jeffrey Wright, and you could explore a long-running character in the same universe.

Or, better yet, make up your own character.

Hollywood is afraid of new things, but they *do* happen.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (wB8Tg)

439 What would the working title of a female James Bond movie be?

As she'd be the seventh-born of all-female octoplets, Octopussy.

Posted by: Duncanthrax (formerly the Bellicose) at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (OF/aZ)

440 >>Judy Dench makes my eyes hurt.
Posted by: eleven

I can make your nutsack hurt too.

Posted by: Judy Dench at May 24, 2016 04:12 PM (c7vUv)

441
Quantam of So Lacey

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 24, 2016 04:12 PM (ODxAs)

442 I can make your nutsack hurt too.
Posted by: Judy Dench at May 24, 2016 04:12 PM (c7vUv)
_______________________________

go on...

Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 04:12 PM (aQQbl)

443 Just saw The Man From UNCLE. Didn't work for me.

Posted by: Ignoramus at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (r1fLd)

444 For Your Eyes Onl....Hey! I'm Up Here

Posted by: x at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (nFwvY)

445 Oh....

Virtuosity

Ricochet

EVERY career has stinkers
Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (g8Hfr)


I watched about 20 minutes of Training Day. That was enough. Frankly, I think Denzel is suffering from the same disease that hits most successful actors eventually, where they start playing the caricature of themselves in every movie they make.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (Dj0WE)

446 Does this poison gas pen make my butt look big ?

Posted by: 009 at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (tbq1U)

447 Thundercunt

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (dciA+)

448
SkyMall

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (ODxAs)

449 A View to a Do These Jeans Make My Ass Look Fat

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (/CXhS)

450 Ann Lewis. Man. She over identifies with Hillary.

Sister of????????

Posted by: tu3031 at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (YFFpo)

451 "Denzel has never been in a bad movie. I can't name a second actor like that.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at May 24, 2016 04:09 PM (VdICR) "

John Cazale? Though that's only because he died so young.

Also, I wouldn't say Denzel is batting 1.000. He was in the remake of the Manchurian Candidate. (To date, that movie is the only trailer I was asked to be 'focus grouped' for - a guy at Borders asked me if I was a fan of movies and I said yes, so he sat me down at a laptop.) But he's got a great track record for sure, with very few stinkers.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (kumBu)

452 443 Just saw The Man From UNCLE. Didn't work for me.

Posted by: Ignoramus at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (r1fLd)


Yeah, that sucked big time.

Posted by: jwest at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (Zs4uk)

453 >>My second response to the "black James Bond" question (the first was
"Idris Elba") was "why don't you write a Felix Leiter movie?"


And they could also make more "Alex Cross" movies. The books are successful, right?

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (NOIQH)

454 The most recent iteration of that character was a good actor, Jeffrey Wright, and you could explore a long-running character in the same universe.


It actually would be fun seeing the James Bond movies from the side of Felix Leiter. He could spend the whole moving doing the rest of the work, cleaning up Bond's messes, stopping assassins, etc.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (39g3+)

455 Ummm, because evil is incapable of creativity ?

All evil knows is how to warp and destroy what exists.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez_and_the_dogs at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (gUoN4)

456 "Dr. No. I mean YES, I mean NO. Wait - please sign this consent form"

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed - PROUD LGBT - Loves Guns, Beer and Tatas at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (jxbfJ)

457 I watched about 20 minutes of Training Day. That
was enough. Frankly, I think Denzel is suffering from the same
disease that hits most successful actors eventually, where they
start playing the caricature of themselves in every movie they
make.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (Dj0WE)

No I don't!!

Posted by: Robert DeNiro at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (JO9+V)

458 James Bond needs to be retired for good. Skyfall was terrible and Spectre was a bloody mess.

Maybe Christopher Nolan can reimagine it, but unless the silly PC is cut out, there's little point to it.

Posted by: Ernie McCracken at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (XwQot)

459 443 Posted by: Ignoramus at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (r1fLd)

I enjoyed it but less than Ritchie's work on Sherlock Holmes...

Man from Uncle was really three shows in a way though wasn't it?

It started out as a Connery Bond pastiche, morphed into Prototype Austin Powers, and eventually became an LSD missive if I remember the evolution over its span.

Posted by: 1 at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (g8Hfr)

460 Man, people wrote like 90 comments while I was writing that one. Things going too fast to keep up with.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (wB8Tg)

461 Denzel was great in Two Guns. Really fun movie.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (/CXhS)

462 "Denzel has never been in a bad movie."

John Q is a major exception. It was a pure heart-tugging propaganda piece that turned into a pitch for universal healthcare. It even had shots of Hillary and Bill Maher at the end making a plea for it. Every time I see movie like that it ruins the actor for me.

Posted by: Ripley at May 24, 2016 04:15 PM (1BQGO)

463
Dr. No Means No.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 24, 2016 04:15 PM (ODxAs)

464 "Virtuosity

Ricochet

EVERY career has stinkers

Posted by: sven10077 at May 24, 2016 04:11 PM (g8Hfr) "

You take that back! Virtuosity was some of Russell Crowe's finest ham! I mean work.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at May 24, 2016 04:15 PM (kumBu)

465 Poonraker

Posted by: Weird Harold at May 24, 2016 04:15 PM (OkKDg)

466 James Blonde in S.A.M.M.I.C.H.

Posted by: Roy at May 24, 2016 04:15 PM (VndSC)

467 The Edge of I Can't Even

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (dciA+)

468 Why mess around a gender confused 007 switching sexual identity throughout the film and then going with the total androgyny meme.


Posted by: haavamaal at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (ROvZd)

469 454 Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (39g3+)

Jeffery Wright and I had a minor disagreement on the severity of Obama's overreach his followers tried to get me banned and he followed me....

was surreal he is a smart actor, I mean Foreign Affairs master degree smart.

Posted by: 1 at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (g8Hfr)

470 Thunderthighs

Posted by: Roy at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (VndSC)

471 >>>I watched about 20 minutes of Training Day. That

was enough. Frankly, I think Denzel is suffering from the same

disease that hits most successful actors eventually, where they

start playing the caricature of themselves in every movie they

make.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (Dj0WE)

No I don't!!
Posted by: Robert DeNiro at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (JO9+V)<<<




Hooooaaahhhh!!!

Posted by: Al Pacino at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (H9MG5)

472 Since they're going all SJW

The Spy Who Stare Raped Me

Posted by: Duke Lowell at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (kTF2Z)

473 You know ... Sometimes I wish Blofeld would just sit down and, you know, talk. Men are so damn scared of their feelings, know what I mean.

I think, given half a chance, I could fix him.

Posted by: 009 at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (tbq1U)

474 >>My second response to the "black James Bond" question (the first was
"Idris Elba") was "why don't you write a Felix Leiter movie?"



Felix Leitner has been both black and white. Jack Lork ("book him, Dan-O") was Leitner.


Elba could be Bond.

He doesn't have to be white. He does have to be British and male.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (1xUj/)

475 How about an original character rather than "the female James Bond," "the latino Superman" or "black homo Muslim Spiderman?"

Posted by: CrustyB at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (GvSpB)

476 It actually would be fun seeing the James Bond movies from the side of Felix Leiter. He could spend the whole moving doing the rest of the work, cleaning up Bond's messes, stopping assassins, etc.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (39g3+)


I think it would be a chance to see more *spycraft* like was intended for Bond, and Leiter often battles his own bureaucracy, which is fun (Bond does as well, though in his case "ignores" is a better word).

Leiter can also shoot people, but he's not an assassin like Bond, he works mostly through others.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (wB8Tg)

477 Stinkfinger

Posted by: Roy at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (VndSC)

478 >>I can make your nutsack hurt too.
Posted by: Judy Dench at May 24, 2016 04:12 PM (c7vUv)
_______________________________

go on...
Posted by: IP
--------------------

I got his nifty little gadget from Q. He called it a "nutcracker".

Posted by: Judy Dench at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (c7vUv)

479 Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 04:13 PM (Dj0WE)

No I don't!!
Posted by: Robert DeNiro at May 24, 2016 04:14 PM (JO9+V)


I know, right?

Posted by: J. Nicholson at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (Dj0WE)

480 Text Another Day

Posted by: x at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (nFwvY)

481 Just found out

#GiveCaptainAmericaaBoyfriend is trending on twitter.

Just so dumb.

Posted by: Max Power at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (q177U)

482 The people suggesting (demanding) that the new James Bond be black, gay, transexual, female, physically disabled are the least likely people to sit through a Bond flick. They aren't watching that shit. And it's shit ever since Timothy Dalton made it politically correct. They want it the new James Bond to be whatever, for the purpose of forcing it down the throats of those type of people who actually enjoy Bond movies.

Posted by: Bittergreen at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (pEDoY)

483 Are these idiots aware that James Bond exists in a particular cinematic universe and works for a fictitious version of a real-world organization? What I'm getting at is why make 007 a woman -- why not just introduce a new female double-oh agent called 009?

Because feminism is not about equality. Feminism is about progressives taking your shit and making it theirs (cf. Gamergate, Sad Puppies). That's why making an female 009 (or even an 006) is not good enough. No, 007 must be completely destroyed and "reinvented" along feminist lines. Because, patriarchy.

Posted by: OregonMuse at May 24, 2016 04:18 PM (N1Wpo)

484 John Q is a major exception. It was a pure heart-tugging propaganda piece that turned into a pitch for universal healthcare. It even had shots of Hillary and Bill Maher at the end making a plea for it. Every time I see movie like that it ruins the actor for me.
Posted by: Ripley at May 24, 2016 04:15 PM (1BQGO)

Seriously? I mean, I knew that's what the point of making the movie was, but they were that blatant?

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 04:18 PM (7HtZB)

485 474 Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (1xUj/)

Fuck the Queen guv'nuh I do this for Brittanistan!

//Ismail Bond SJW Agent of Wahabbi

Posted by: 1 at May 24, 2016 04:18 PM (g8Hfr)

486 You Only Dress Twice... or More

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2016 04:18 PM (PLnZs)

487 " Thundercunt"


I think I wanna see that one.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 04:18 PM (LA7Cm)

488 On Her Majesty's Face.

Posted by: Roy at May 24, 2016 04:18 PM (VndSC)

489 Can this equality thing be taken to far?

Posted by: Skip at May 24, 2016 04:19 PM (3wHFl)

490 Cry Another Day

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at May 24, 2016 04:19 PM (uhftQ)

491 I'd fcuk me.

Posted by: Jame Bond at May 24, 2016 04:19 PM (uxHUH)

492 Whatever the 00 designation, the zeros should have a little dot inside to signify a nipple.

That would really piss the SJW'd off.

Maybe not just a dot but a nicely drawn areola.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Posted by: Hepcat at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (5b+Sr)

493 Jack Lord.

Stupid fingers.

Jack Lork was an unsuccessful porn star.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (1xUj/)

494 *draws Mrs. Blofeld in a little heart over and over again on For Your Eyes Only file*

Posted by: 009 at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (tbq1U)

495 481 Just found out
#GiveCaptainAmericaaBoyfriendAIDS is trending on twitter.
Just so dumb.
Posted by: Max Power at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (q177U)

Posted by: Jay Guevara at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (oKE6c)

496 The Man With The Golden Vibrator

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (JO9+V)

497 489 Can this equality thing be taken to far?
Posted by: Skip at May 24, 2016 04:19 PM (3wHFl)

I think we passed that exit around 30 years ago. We have gone to plaid.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (3ZoRf)

498
I confess I like every James Bond movie. Every single one. Except the one with that Dalton fella. otherwise I am incapable of not liking them.


Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (ODxAs)

499 >>Just found out
#GiveCaptainAmericaaBoyfriend is trending on twitter.



Yes, there's also: #GiveElsaAGirlfriend

Because all those little girls who loved "Frozen" are just ripe for indoctrination!!!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (NOIQH)

500 481 Just found out

#GiveCaptainAmericaaBoyfriend is trending on twitter.

Just so dumb.
Posted by: Max Power at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (q177U)

I imagine these people haven't even seen "Civil War" where he's playing tongue hockey with a young lady?

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (7HtZB)

501 James Bond was dead with A View to a Kill - great theme, horrific mess of a movie. The franchise after that and Moonraker should have been buried in a vault somewhere and forgotten... but they relaunched it and on it goes.

So, if Bond can survive those and Die Another Day, it can survive the latest weak outings.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (39g3+)

502 481 Just found out

#GiveCaptainAmericaaBoyfriend is trending on twitter.

Just so dumb.

Posted by: Max Power at May 24, 2016 04:17 PM (q177U)


Yep. And it seems to be two camps - Camp Bucky and Camp Stark.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (/CXhS)

503 Octopenis

Posted by: Mortimer at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (uxHUH)

504 Netflix has a series that's part of the liberal full employment act....

Grace and Frankie.

Two guys divorce their wives and marry each other.

Posted by: jwest at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (Zs4uk)

505 >>Stinkfinger


The role Sandra Bullock was born to play.

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (aoFFB)

506 The Woman with the Golden Tampon

Posted by: El Kabong at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (datdl)

507 Denzel was great in Pulp Fiction.

Posted by: Roland THTG at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (QM5S2)

508 I'm totally for it. There has to be a character called "Cock Galore" though.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (SeD0w)

509 Felix Leitner has been both black and white. Jack Lork ("book him, Dan-O") was Leitner.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at May 24, 2016 04:16 PM (1xUj/)


He's been mostly Honky, but there haven't really been movies about *him*.

So it doesn't hurt anything to just go with the current actor.

Bond isn't just male because male, he represents The Dark Side Of British High Society, which is intricately linked to their royalty, who are, shocka, honkies.

Making him represent some other idea makes him not *Bond*.

It's totally cool to make a "not Bond" movie, not so cool to make a "not Bond Bond" movie.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (wB8Tg)

510 I imagine these people haven't even seen "Civil War" where he's playing tongue hockey with a young lady?

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (7HtZB)


That's Peggy's niece.

And not that it matters. She'll turn out to be his beard.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (/CXhS)

511 Whatever the 00 designation, the zeros should have a little dot inside to signify a nipple.

That would really piss the SJW'd off.
Maybe not just a dot but a nicely drawn areola.

Yeah, that's the ticket.
Posted by: Hepcat at May 24, 2016 04:20 PM (5b+Sr)
______________________________________________________



...and a little miniskirt around the middle of the 8?

Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (aQQbl)

512 "Seriously? I mean, I knew that's what the point of making the movie was, but they were that blatant?"

Yes. That took some old, recorded video of those two (maybe others well) and pasted them onto the end of he movie to make it look like the character John Q had stared a national movement for universal healthcare.

Posted by: Ripley at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (1BQGO)

513 Black James Bond would work as well as Black Jim West. I don't see Black James Bond blending in behind the Iron Curtain.

Posted by: Weird Harold at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (OkKDg)

514 508 I'm totally for it. There has to be a character called "Cock Galore" though.
Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (SeD0w)

When are auditions?

Posted by: Ron Jeremy at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (7HtZB)

515 How many Female 125 lb. 5'3" Chain Smoker Scarlett Johansson Fights Alongside Superheroes & Gods movies do feminists need to fuel their ridiculous fantasties?

Posted by: CrustyB at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (GvSpB)

516 You know ... Sometimes I wish Blofeld would just sit down and, you know, talk. Men are so damn scared of their feelings, know what I mean.

I think, given half a chance, I could fix him.

-
Blofeld: So what did I do wrong now?

009: If you don't know, I can't tell you.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (Nwg0u)

517 >>I confess I like every James Bond movie. Every single one. Except the one with that Dalton fella. otherwise I am incapable of not liking them.

Yea, accept for that unfortunate experiment with Dalton I like pretty much all Bond flicks.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (/tuJf)

518 513 Posted by: Weird Harold at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (OkKDg)

Shhhhh


//Denzel Washington as the Equalizer

Posted by: 1 at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (g8Hfr)

519 I imagine these people haven't even seen "Civil War" where he's playing tongue hockey with a young lady?

And it's shameful, I mean he's old enough to be her grandfather...

Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (9krrF)

520 OT, I'm just going to leave this here, along with an admission that I hate beach town cops. Years ago I managed to get myself arrested for having a cup on the beach (ie, in front of my rented house). The cop who took me in had the IQ of a brick. This woman really got the prize group though, and when the cops saw her riding in a golf cart driven by her 11 year old under her supervision they assaulted her. I hope she wins huge dollars from these clowns.

http://tinyurl.com/jt9k8c2

Posted by: MTF at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (/m8T6)

521 >>>481 Just found out
#GiveCaptainAmericaaBoyfriend is trending on twitter.

It's all about taking things from white hetero men.

Wait until they go after Batman. Then you'll truly know the end is nigh.

Posted by: El Kabong at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (datdl)

522 "No Ms. Bond, I expect you to cry."

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (aoFFB)

523 From theberry.com:
"should Captain America get a boyfriend? Twitter thinks so!!!!!"

Posted by: Ktgreat at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (Bl4dy)

524 Blofeld: So what did I do wrong now?



009: If you don't know, I can't tell you.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (Nwg0u)

Blofeld: "But if I don't know, how can I fix it?"
009: "Fine!"

Posted by: Jay Guevara at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (oKE6c)

525
>>> Aside from the obvious fact that it would be a spectacular failure, but then we've hit on the answer. Of course, they could then use the spectacular failure to do what they're truly good at: Shrieking about the patriarchy causing their failures.
....

They can and will do both. Ghostbusters (not a sequel, but a reboot with chicks) will be a spectacular failure and everyone knew it from the trailer. Alas, the only reason people hate it is not because it's a poorly done POS with an annoying cast, it's because everyone is a closet misogynist.

Posted by: Damiano at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (71OEY)

526 Her name is Tara Chace.

"Queen & Country" comics and novels.

Now to see whether anybody has mentioned this already.

Posted by: Weak Geek at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (n5sLw)

527
I think it would be a chance to see more *spycraft* like was intended for Bond, and Leiter often battles his own bureaucracy, which is fun (Bond does as well, though in his case "ignores" is a better word).


Exactly, while Bond is driving a tank through Moscow, he's working behind the scenes doing actual spy work to make Bond's work possible. That's why he always shows up with information for Bond, and why he's always there when Bond needs him.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (39g3+)

528 A movie with Jane Bond spending an hour trying to find her car keys.

Posted by: Bruce at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (8ikIW)

529 519 Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (9krrF)

You could say he has a type though....I mean literally "Carter"....

that's his type.

Posted by: 1 at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (g8Hfr)

530
For Your Eyes Only had the best movie poster.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (ODxAs)

531 Thinks to self "Don't press cap on poison spraying pen, got it. My God, Q is such an asshole ... but I'd swallow his entire shank right now for a fvcking Midol. Feels like one of his stupid bomb gadget thingies just went off in my guts"

Posted by: 009 at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (tbq1U)

532 530
For Your Eyes Only had the best movie poster.
Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (ODxAs)


Right up there with The Living Daylights.

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 04:25 PM (j8YpL)

533 And it's shameful, I mean he's old enough to be her grandfather...

If circumstances had been slightly different he would have been her Grandfather.

"you know, sweety, I almost dated your grandmother"

Creeeepy.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:25 PM (39g3+)

534 Wait until they go after Batman. Then you'll truly know the end is nigh.
Posted by: El Kabong at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (datdl)

I was just his ward! Nothing happened!
NTTATWWT

Posted by: Robin at May 24, 2016 04:25 PM (7HtZB)

535 #GiveCaptainAmericaaBoyfriend

How about a warm, steamy, frothy bowl of fish chowder?


#LukeIllBeYourDaddy

Posted by: Campbell's Gay F*cking Soup at May 24, 2016 04:25 PM (uxHUH)

536 Imagine the long drawn out scene with Q showing Jane Bond the Aston Martin's make-up mirror.

Posted by: Weird Harold at May 24, 2016 04:25 PM (OkKDg)

537 "Why can it only imagine old things, given a new racial or sexual make-over?"

That would defeat the SJW/Cultural Marxist raison d'etre of destroying existing traditional culture and cultural icons. That's the entire point of making Bond a woman. Having a female double-0 lead that is *not* Bond is pointless to them. Co-opting a traditionally male role is the entire point.

Posted by: holygoat at May 24, 2016 04:25 PM (DbBV5)

538 Have they made an Undercover Brother II, yet?

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (aoFFB)

539 Blofeld: So what did I do wrong now?



009: If you don't know, I can't tell you.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (Nwg0u)

Blofeld: What's wrong?009: Nothing. Everything is FINE!!

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (JO9+V)

540 Yep. And it seems to be two camps - Camp Bucky and Camp Stark.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (/CXhS)


Which, of course, indicates people who know *nothing* about a subject but want to be in control of it.

#IFuckingLoveComics, but I never read them and know nothing about the characters, so Listen To Me!

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (wB8Tg)

541 James Bond with uptalk? Yeah, no thanks.

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (7HtZB)

542 If Ian Fleming wanted James Bond to be a woman, he wouldn't have written that in his numerous books.

He didn't.

Again, proggies don't create, they destroy other people's creations.

Plan and simple.

Posted by: Crowley at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (nG+Z8)

543 Live and NEVER EVER Forget

Posted by: Sterling Archer at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (326rv)

544 his woman really got the prize group though, and when the cops saw her riding in a golf cart driven by her 11 year old under her supervision they assaulted her. I hope she wins huge dollars from these clowns.

http://tinyurl.com/jt9k8c2

Posted by: MTF at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (/m8T6)



Apparently, the island has like 1 cop for every 4 residents or something crazy like that.

Guess they don't see much action.

Posted by: jwest at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (Zs4uk)

545 They can and will do both. Ghostbusters (not a sequel, but a reboot with chicks) will be a spectacular failure and everyone knew it from the trailer. Alas, the only reason people hate it is not because it's a poorly done POS with an annoying cast, it's because everyone is a closet misogynist.
Posted by: Damiano




It will be interesting to see how that all goes down.

I guarantee you the same people hating on the new Ghostbusters LOVED the Alien franchise with female Ripley as the lead. So there goes that meme.

But it's all going to be blamed on misogynist nerds if it fails.

Posted by: Jamers at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (LZgax)

546 519 I imagine these people haven't even seen "Civil War" where he's playing tongue hockey with a young lady?

And it's shameful, I mean he's old enough to be her grandfather...

Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 24, 2016 04:23 PM (9krrF)


Well, yes, but...


http://tinyurl.com/jqryvde

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (/CXhS)

547 533 Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:25 PM (39g3+)


topics I don't talk about:

I was almost your uncle.

That woman in the senior center?

Yeah sweetie she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose back in '39....

//Captain America's Re-integration cheat sheet

Posted by: 1 at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (g8Hfr)

548 505
>>Stinkfinger



The role Sandra Bullock was born to play.

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:21 PM (aoFFB)
I was thinking Rosie O'Donnell

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Posted by: Our Country is Screwed - PROUD LGBT - Loves Guns, Beer and Tatas at May 24, 2016 04:27 PM (jxbfJ)

549 A View To The Killing Of A 26 Film Franchise

Posted by: x at May 24, 2016 04:27 PM (nFwvY)

550 538 Have they made an Undercover Brother II, yet?
Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (aoFFB)

They should. That's one of my guilty pleasure movies.

Posted by: josephistan at May 24, 2016 04:27 PM (7HtZB)

551 Have they made an Undercover Brother II, yet?

I loved the first one, but I wouldn't want to let anyone near that again. They would get it all wrong.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:27 PM (39g3+)

552 >>>>Stinkfinger


The role Sandra Bullock was born to play.
Posted by: garrett
--------------
You got that right.

Posted by: Jessie James at May 24, 2016 04:27 PM (c7vUv)

553 Posted by: Ron Jeremy at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (7HtZB)
Sorry, no hedgehogs.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at May 24, 2016 04:27 PM (SeD0w)

554 Which, of course, indicates people who know *nothing* about a subject but want to be in control of it.


Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (wB8Tg)

Shorter - the left.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at May 24, 2016 04:28 PM (/CXhS)

555 Barrel!

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2016 04:28 PM (j8YpL)

556 You know the drill.

Posted by: The Barrel at May 24, 2016 04:29 PM (1xUj/)

557 License To Needlepoint

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 24, 2016 04:29 PM (JO9+V)

558 "I guarantee you the same people hating on the new Ghostbusters LOVED the Alien franchise with female Ripley as the lead. So there goes that meme. "


If you've got a good character you've got a good character. No need to appease a certain small whining, shrieking segment of the population. Do it right, and the viewers will come.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 04:29 PM (LA7Cm)

559 Dye Another Day

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at May 24, 2016 04:29 PM (0x/TW)

560 Roll out The Barrel!

Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 04:30 PM (mf5HN)

561 Quilt Show Royale

Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 04:30 PM (aQQbl)

562 Heh.....

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 04:30 PM (LA7Cm)

563 How many Female 125 lb. 5'3" Chain Smoker Scarlett Johansson Fights Alongside Superheroes & Gods movies do feminists need to fuel their ridiculous fantasties?
Posted by: CrustyB at May 24, 2016 04:22 PM (GvSpB)


Seems to me Game of Nonsense, HBO's super duper tv show, is overly ramping up the grrrlpower plot lines these days.


Gone are the swordfighting badass dudes. Now it's all shorn and scorned Cercei, walking through fire to impress the horse people Dany, and the ugly sister on Pike. Even pathetic little Sansa Stark is growing balls.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 04:30 PM (Dj0WE)

564 Ace take a look at the trailer for PITCH a mini-series about a Woman Pitcher in MLB On the Brink of becoming reality according to the trailer. their is no way in hell a Woman could be a Pitcher, she can only throw a screwball according to the Trailer, it laughable. The fastest Pitch a Woman has thrown is 69 it's

Posted by: Patrick From Ohio at May 24, 2016 04:30 PM (c4yY7)

565 I guarantee you the same people hating on the new Ghostbusters LOVED the Alien franchise with female Ripley as the lead. So there goes that meme.

And that was in the '70s.

So much for the glass ceiling.

Posted by: Weird Harold at May 24, 2016 04:31 PM (OkKDg)

566 You would think someone who can run an international crime syndicate could at least remember our six month anniversary, wouldn't you ? I know, right.

Look, I'm not saying Ernst will never get in these panties again ... but he's gonna' WORK for it, and I do mean WORK. Know what I mean ? Of course you do.

Those boots are lovely !!! Are they new ?

Posted by: 009 at May 24, 2016 04:31 PM (tbq1U)

567 Oh god, yet another GIRL POWAH movie to give chicks the fantasy that they can kick grown men's asses.


As if women's self defense courses weren't enough to propagate this delusion.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at May 24, 2016 04:31 PM (Wckf4)

568 Woah! The barrel is now LGBT friendly!

Posted by: MTF at May 24, 2016 04:31 PM (/m8T6)

569 It's a load of crap, there has always been female leads.

Posted by: Skip at May 24, 2016 04:32 PM (3wHFl)

570 As if women's self defense courses weren't enough to propagate this delusion.

Posted by: Burn the Witch


Ahhh...Unagi

Posted by: Bruce at May 24, 2016 04:33 PM (8ikIW)

571 Goldbarrel

Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 24, 2016 04:33 PM (9krrF)

572 They could always bring back Modesty Blaise from the novels and comics, but three things wrong:

She doesn't binge on Ben&Jerry,
She likes men,
and she has an actual honest self___.

Posted by: Willie Garvin at May 24, 2016 04:33 PM (Kucy5)

573 It is not enough that women be able to do things that men do; it must also be that men stop doing them. You couldn't have a Ghostbusters where 4 women buy a franchise from Venkman. Rather they had to displace him. Same with Jane Bond. Same with Vagina-Thor and Captain Marvel-Vagina in the comics. Not only must women fight heroically and save the day and do all the cool stuff, but also men must cower in the corner with their knitting.

Posted by: Jack Squat Bupkis at May 24, 2016 04:33 PM (QlLpF)

574 Woah! The barrel is now LGBT friendly!


The Barrel has never discriminated.

On the other hand, I'm not sure "friendly" is the right word.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at May 24, 2016 04:33 PM (1xUj/)

575 Apparently, the island has like 1 cop for every 4 residents or something crazy like that.

Guess they don't see much action.

Posted by: jwest at May 24, 2016 04:26 PM (Zs4uk)
--------------------------------------

same island fired four cops two years ago for sexual harassment and official misconduct. Sounds like a large settlement is in the offing, as should be the case.

Posted by: MTF at May 24, 2016 04:33 PM (/m8T6)

576 when the cops saw her riding in a golf cart driven by her 11 year old under her supervision they assaulted her.

-
If it saves one child, it'll be worth it.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at May 24, 2016 04:33 PM (Nwg0u)

577 Sarah Silverman sidebar-not an ounce of funny to it.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (LA7Cm)

578 I could buy a female pitcher as a short reliever, but 162 games is really long and a woman just could not take the physical stress for that long each year. She could start out okay but wouldn't be able to make it a full season.

She'd have to be a junkball specialist, a smart pitcher rather than an overpowering type. Even so, I just do not see it.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (39g3+)

579 528
A movie with Jane Bond spending an hour trying to find her car keys.


Posted by: Bruce at May 24, 2016 04:24 PM (8ikIW)


Or parallel park the Aston Martin.

Posted by: Jane "Bond" D'oh at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (1ZOkK)

580
It actually surprises me they wanted 007 to be a chick instead of a homo. I guess it depends on who the sjw is.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (ODxAs)

581 Will Jane drink appletinis?

Or will she say, "Pina colada. Green umbrella, not blue. Never blue."

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (u0lmX)

582 As if women's self defense courses weren't enough to propagate this delusion.
Posted by: Burn the Witch at May 24, 2016 04:31 PM (Wckf4)


I've taken a few self defense courses and each of them were focused on giving me the skills to live long enough to run away. That was the whole point. Live long enough to either be able to draw or, if for some reason I wasn't carrying, live long enough to run away and get the cops.

At no point was I ever taught that a woman, particularly me, could beat down a grown man.

Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (mf5HN)

583 Um, how about just telling them to start their own movie company?

Posted by: Meremortal, Someone's French sucks at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (3myMJ)

584 Coldfinger

Posted by: IP at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (aQQbl)

585 Sounds like Baylor sent Ken Starr to teh Barrel.

Posted by: TexasDan at May 24, 2016 04:35 PM (M0ddJ)

586 On the other hand, I'm not sure "friendly" is the right word.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at May 24, 2016 04:33 PM (1xUj/)
--------------------------------------------

So you're saying the barrel is uhhh a little [dominant?

Posted by: MTF at May 24, 2016 04:35 PM (/m8T6)

587 screwed those up

Posted by: MTF at May 24, 2016 04:35 PM (/m8T6)

588 Nood,

Posted by: Skip at May 24, 2016 04:36 PM (3wHFl)

589 So you're saying the barrel is uhhh a little dominant?

I believe the phrase is "user-surly".

Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 24, 2016 04:36 PM (9krrF)

590 " how about just telling them to start their own movie company?"


That would be entertaining as you watched it churn a half dozens turds before crashing financially in a glorious manner.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 24, 2016 04:36 PM (LA7Cm)

591 You know how the left keeps trying to rehabilitate the Soviet Union and wallpaper over the mass graves it left?

Why not a female GRU agent trying to stop the KGB and CIA from turning a regional conflict into WW3? Bond and Leiter could even be background characters.

And they'd get to play the "Everyone's To Blame" game, too!

It's too bad Hollywood would choke over the idea of a movie about an Iranian nuke, given the crass party politics of the issue.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 24, 2016 04:36 PM (wB8Tg)

592 Why not get a decent screenwriter and director to resurrect the Lara Croft film? They could create a kick ass female movie series that is already about a kick ass woman character.

Easy enough to craft your OWN brand new woman-centric spy series. Why can't THAT be done?

And while we're at it, why don't these people support women writers who write TONS of great books that never seem to get made into movies? Why not mine that pile for a gem? You know who deserves the movie series treatment? J.D. Robb's "In Death" book series (Nora Roberts) is fantastic. With a strong female lead detective solving crimes in the future with plenty of romance and kick assery.


Posted by: K-E at May 24, 2016 04:36 PM (IHpLT)

593 582 Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (mf5HN)

You had good instructors then, and I am glad.

Every woman should know enough to gain herself time and get away or kill if need be.

"Kill" is a tall order in hand to hand for anyone, but the human throat can be hurt by a woman's hand as well as a man's.

Posted by: 1 at May 24, 2016 04:37 PM (g8Hfr)

594 How are comics really doing these days? I would assume that the various movies have given them something of a boost (or at least their circulation on pirate sites on the internet.)

The thing is, the movies have been pretty traditional portrayals of the characters (with the exception of Stark- he was not as much of an egotistical jackass in the comics.) So you are a 15 year old boy who just watched Avengers or Iron Man, and so you decide to check out the comics at the local shop and see drek like this.

It is more than a little self defeating.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 24, 2016 04:38 PM (3ZoRf)

595 I hear "Madam Secretary" approves.

So when are you signing up for your gender reassignment, male scum?

Posted by: Colossus of Ben Rhodes at May 24, 2016 04:38 PM (VFhMt)

596
I've taken a few self defense courses and each of them were focused on giving me the skills to live long enough to run away. That was the whole point. Live long enough to either be able to draw or, if for some reason I wasn't carrying, live long enough to run away and get the cops.

At no point was I ever taught that a woman, particularly me, could beat down a grown man.
Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (mf5HN)


Yep. I've taught that type of self-defense, where in the workplace you emphasize getting away safely rather than fighting back... except as a last resort.


I had a female colleague, who held a black belt in this that or the other, and I always suspected she had experienced some pretty bad stuff in the workplace. Honestly, I believe what she knew about "self-defense" in the karate sense of it, was for her personal comfort, so she could feel good about herself, not as a practical means of escaping danger at work.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 24, 2016 04:40 PM (Dj0WE)

597
"Kill" is a tall order in hand to hand for anyone, but the human throat can be hurt by a woman's hand as well as a man's.
Posted by: 1 at May 24, 2016 04:37 PM (g8Hfr)[



Instep

Side of knee

Balls

Throat

Eyes

Ears (optional)

Then run like hell.

Always go for the throat and eyes first if possible. If not? Stomp kick knee to get the person to drop far enough to try to shatter the windpipe and gouge out the eyes.

You don't want to win a fight, you want to get away. That's the key mental difference. You're not fighting. You're struggling to flee.

Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 04:40 PM (mf5HN)

598 Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (39g3+)

There was that YUGE fuss about that Little League girl pitcher a couple of years ago and to give her her due, she was impressive.

She was also on the brink of puberty. It's one thing to be playing against pre-adolescent boys and quite another to play against older boys and men.

The only way I see it happening is if a mlb pitcher discovers his inner female. I'm having a tough time visualizing Madison Bumgartner as a girl though, although God knows, San Fran would love him all the more.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at May 24, 2016 04:41 PM (u0lmX)

599 Jane Bond could sit around in yoga pants drinking wine with Demi Moore - GI Jane and Blindspot - GirlSEAL and bitch about inequality.

Now THATS entertainment!

Posted by: Mortimer at May 24, 2016 04:42 PM (uxHUH)

600 578 I could buy a female pitcher as a short reliever, but 162 games is really long and a woman just could not take the physical stress for that long each year. She could start out okay but wouldn't be able to make it a full season.

She'd have to be a junkball specialist, a smart pitcher rather than an overpowering type. Even so, I just do not see it.
Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (39g3+)

HighSchool boys can Throw over 69 girls can't, girls peak at the little league level. And if all she can thrown is a screwball she would be useless once hitters see her very slow pitch.

Posted by: Patrick From Ohio at May 24, 2016 04:43 PM (c4yY7)

601 Nood.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 24, 2016 04:43 PM (3ZoRf)

602 I have always thought that the way they keep having a James Bond 007, is that that is his cover name/rank. When one Bond dies or retires, the next guy who is ready to become a "00-licence to kill" gets the next open slot. That way who he was and who his relatives are are safe. Bond is an orphan.

Posted by: Paladin at May 24, 2016 04:45 PM (bxc5w)

603 I call bullshit.

Only kick to the knee AtC is pulling off is a dropkick.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 24, 2016 04:45 PM (tbq1U)

604 "What I'm getting at is why make 007 a woman -- why not just introduce a new female double-oh agent called 009?"

Xena: Warrior Princess ended up being a better and more significant show (SF/Fantasy TV-wise, that is) than Hercules, which it spun off of. Even if one ignores the lesbian tension thing.

Otherwise, it was the same show as Hercules, just...better.

Posted by: Random comment from nowhere at May 24, 2016 04:54 PM (J3UIw)

605 I saw a SJW in Twitter who wanted to give Captain America a boyfriend. "It wouldn't change the character, just because he had a boyfriend". I'm surprised that the SJW would rehash the old "the right man would cure your lesbian problem" argument.

Posted by: Lee comma Mann at May 24, 2016 05:02 PM (+6VtM)

606 A problem I see is that the bar for female secret agents has been raised so high by characters like Black Widow, because grrrrl power dictates that female warriors need to be invincible.

Which means that instead of James Bond getting into a rough fistfight and only winning due to his wits (spotting some makeshift weapon) or a gadget from Q, Jane Bond needs to bare-handedly kick the shit out of an army of armed and armored guys twice her size without breaking a sweat.

Posted by: Cave Johnson at May 24, 2016 05:07 PM (zUs0s)

607 "*** He's recovering from serious injuries so he can't really fight at
full Bond Level. He needs a bit of fireman-carrying. That way, the
Internet Warrior Nerdprincesses don't have to have a Dreaded Man doing
Manlike things at the end. His contributions would be fairly minor.
She'd be the one doing most of the fighting. He'd be a sort of pointless
sidekick present only for purposes of brand identification -- you know,
like Mad Max in Mad Max: Fury Road."

As they're escaping, they find the villains( a rogue M, played by Roger Moore) self destruct system. its same prop from Goldfinger. 009 stumbles through the exact same motions as Connery did trying to disarm it. 007 staggers up and says "Oh I know this one" and flips the off switch.

Posted by: they call me steve at May 24, 2016 05:08 PM (wl0w4)

608 How about James Bond his very Irene Adler-the woman he could never quite defeat.

Posted by: Northernlurker, muzungo at May 24, 2016 05:10 PM (aCNZ6)

609 Always go for the throat and eyes first if possible.
If not? Stomp kick knee to get the person to drop far enough to try
to shatter the windpipe and gouge out the eyes.


Posted by: alexthechick- Darth Sugartits at May 24, 2016 04:40 PM (mf5HN)

WOW ... that's a tough first date, but I guess if that's what your into.

Posted by: Paladin at May 24, 2016 05:11 PM (bxc5w)

610 For a while, people were talking about spinning off the "Jinx" character played by Halle Berry. (And you know Halle Berry was in favor of the idea.)

Also, the best thing in _Tomorrow Never Dies_ was Michelle Yeoh as the Chinese secret agent. That's another female spy character who was well-received.

According to this, the character of Jinx was introduced because they wanted a return of Michelle Yeoh but she wasn't available. And also according to this, a Jinx movie was actually under development and cancelled for unclear reasons.

http://bit.ly/1Xub6Kz

I agree, the right thing to do is to make this female superspy another "00" agent and I even vote for "009" for her number.

P.S. "The Girl from U.N.C.L.E." was a show about April Dancer, a female agent of U.N.C.L.E.; she existed in the same universe as Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin. By modern standards she was poorly treated, not given a real chance to be an equal to the men, but she at least was a female secret agent who got her own show.

Hmm, Wikipedia also mentions that the show attempted a "campy" flavor and that didn't work well. The success of the deliberately-campy Batman TV show led the TV executives to order the U.N.C.L.E. TV series to adopt a campy tone, and that was a huge mistake. Fans of the show liked it when it was light spy adventure with some banter and bits of comedy, and the turn toward camp really hurt the shows.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Girl_from_U.N.C.L.E.

Posted by: mr_jack at May 24, 2016 05:13 PM (M59SC)

611 "I could buy a female pitcher as a short reliever, but 162 games is really long and a woman just could not take the physical stress for that long each year. She could start out okay but wouldn't be able to make it a full season.

She'd have to be a junkball specialist, a smart pitcher rather than an overpowering type. Even so, I just do not see it.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 24, 2016 04:34 PM (39g3+) "

There was a tiny little Japanese knuckleballer, Eri Yoshida, who played in an American indy league and some of the lower Japanese leagues. She was pretty bad, but she could at least get guys out - she had a few starts where she went 4 or 5 scoreless innings. She also got a hit in her first at-bar, which was really funny.

I think an actual female athlete, 5'10'' or 5'11'' with some muscles, could be a knuckleballer or other kind of junkball specialist and be a swingman (well, swingperson) or short relief type. But girls grow up playing softball, so you're not going to see one unless a parent specifically trains them from childhood with the objective to be the first female MLB pitcher. And I think only a few girls that hit the genetic lottery will have that capability.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at May 24, 2016 05:15 PM (kumBu)

612 Why not make their own female character? Because the Left, which is always screeching about "cultural appropriation" is all about appropriating for themselves the culture that white English-speaking males have worked hard over decades to build, without having lifted a finger to help. Jamie Bond, Gay Marriage, gays in the St. Patrick's Day parade, feminist Ghost Busters, SJW video games, Hugo Awards, and on and on.

The Left never builds; it only loots.

Posted by: Socratease at May 24, 2016 05:16 PM (FqHs5)

613 Fenwick of Bond Street Is Not Enough

Posted by: Fritz at May 24, 2016 05:17 PM (f40FU)

614 ** Bonus: If you keep things super-secret, you could reveal the new actor playing James Bond when 009 discovers him in the villain's dungeon. That is, this would be the public introduction to him.

Great idea! It would certainly build up interest in a new Bond series with a new actor.

Posted by: Hamilton at May 24, 2016 05:18 PM (TlNDs)

615 Dr. No Means Yes.

Posted by: Hedley Lamarr at May 24, 2016 05:28 PM (E9ede)

616 Auric Goldfinger: [to Bond, who is about to be cut in half by a laser] There is nothing you can talk to me about that I don't already know.

James Bond: Well, you're forgetting one thing. If I fail to report, 008 replaces me.

Auric Goldfinger: I trust he will be more successful.

James Bond: Well, he knows what I know.

Auric Goldfinger: You know nothing, Mr. Bond.

James Bond: Operation Grand Slam, for instance.

Auric Goldfinger: Two words you may have overheard, which cannot have the slightest significance to you or anyone in your organization.

James Bond: Can you afford to take that chance?

Auric Goldfinger: [thinks for a moment, then orders the laser switched off] You are quite right, Mr. Bond. You are worth more to me alive.

[a technician approaches Bond, and fires a tranquilzer dart into his chest. Bond collapses into unconsciousness]

Posted by: stuiec at May 24, 2016 05:30 PM (eetvJ)

617 Silly Ace, its still 007 because it is still the same human being. He just decided to cut his dick off and "get in touch with his feminine side." To be played by Bruce Jenner. Then he can even do his own running, jumping, spear-chucking, etcetera, but it'll be BETTER because he's doing all of this in high heels.

Posted by: AlecRawls at May 24, 2016 05:34 PM (5z7RS)

618 Ace asks: "Why is the Social Justice Warrior imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things? Why can it only imagine old things, given a new racial or sexual make-over?"
My answer: Because imagining new things is not sufficiently provocative and doesn't advance their culture-war goals enough. Giving old things a new racial or sexual make-over is designed to provoke a negative reaction from people used to the old things as they know them -- which will then give the SJWs an opening to point at the reaction and cry "intolerance."I think superhero movies and James Bond movies are both dumb and don't care much about either. But the SJWs' provocations should be resisted, just on general principles.

Posted by: Alex at May 24, 2016 06:03 PM (7Yy8M)

619 Obviously, the purging of the female M was not taken well by our betters. (And was long overdue IMO)

Here comes the payback for said deed.

My trend of boycotting films with 'diversity' for diversity's sake shall continue apace.

Posted by: CPT. Charles at May 24, 2016 06:09 PM (ry4ab)

620


screw that for a lark.

If one is Man...erm, Guurl enough to *be* a Bond-like character, kindly be Gurrrl enough to write your own dam storyline.

Posted by: Running Hobo at May 24, 2016 06:47 PM (l1oyw)

621 As a Bond fan, I like this idea. I like seeing Bond in new situations. Being the object -- the missing double-oh, the prisoner in need of aid -- would be a new twist. Interesting, maybe, to see Bond needing help

Like when he's locked up under Alcatraz?

Posted by: Jean at May 24, 2016 06:49 PM (Doh4+)

622 I know this is way late, but the reason that these groups want to convert an EXISTING icon is because their new ones almost never catch on.

It's about rubbing people's faces in it, taking an already-existing character (Captain America, for one) and converting (or perverting, depending on your view) them to the new thing, be it gay, black, or whatever.

See this a LOT with the comics, and it never lasts for long. The few that WERE created new, like say Cassie Cain Batgirl, last a long time and do well, until being replaced.

(why yes, I AM bitter that they had to jam Babs back into the batsuit and leave Cassie by the wayside).

Posted by: acethepug at May 24, 2016 06:50 PM (Z6yF/)

623 Ace, you're slipping. Bad. This: "Why is the Social Justice Warrior imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things? Why can it only imagine old things, given a new racial or sexual make-over?"

The point of SJW'ing is not to make new SJW things, it is to twist what is. They don't care about female action heroes, they just want to pervert yours. You should know this by now. The only reason they want you to be tolerant of homosexuals is because they want to fuck you in the ass. Not because it actually turns them on, but because they want you fucked in the ass. It's how they are. The goal is to use things like tolerance and diversity to twist, pervert and fuck in the ass everything good that exists.

This is why Bruce Jenner is their idol and they don't care about Ru Paul.

Posted by: Ronsonic at May 24, 2016 07:31 PM (yIVBh)

624 The sJW's are one step ahead of you, Ace. The next bond is gonna be queer. Or maybe trans-queer.

Posted by: Sam in Va at May 24, 2016 07:58 PM (9stgl)

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