Support




Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
CBD:
cbd.aoshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
Powered by
Movable Type





If There's a Holiday Coming Up, It Must Be Time for Progressives to Reveal Their Deep Neuroses and Unresolved Familial Conflicts



What is Thanksgiving, except for an opportunity to DESTROY the beliefs of one's troglodytic family members? Sonny Bunch has some recommendations for the very weird hysterics who view Thanksgiving as a chance to rack up some easy progressive crybully points.

This trend -- of progressives who have deep psychological issues with their family members, and are a bundle of neuroses and hysterias because of those -- gets the Saturday Night Live treatment, and by that, I mean the unfunny treatment.

I think a lot of this is really just the seething anger and jumpy horror of being made to realize, once or twice per year, that you're the least accomplished person sitting down to eat at the table, and while your contemporaries are finding work and founding families, you're still talking up your big plans to launch a hip new magazine which will sort of be like Vox meets Rolling Stone meets Dwell meets Lucky, only edgier...? And like more socially relevant...?

If so, you're going to want a list of tips of how to swaddled your bruised ego in the warm fleece of undeserved self-appreciation. You're going to want to know how to score cheap points on your more-successful, less neurotic kin, in other words, and Megan McArdle has some tips on how to do just that.

thanks to @alexandriabrown (Alex the Chick) and @PolicyLord.

Posted by: Ace at 12:51 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Top 1?

Posted by: Weasel at November 23, 2015 12:53 PM (6xtq3)

2 kudos to Meyer for nailing it in a tweet

Posted by: Feh at November 23, 2015 12:53 PM (Msdm1)

3 I'll bring the Chestnut Stuffing of Misery.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 12:54 PM (8ZskC)

4 I have opinions Dad!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: brak at November 23, 2015 12:55 PM (xwPSp)

5 My family's pretty hardcore conservative, so we don't have these types of arguments.

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at November 23, 2015 12:55 PM (kpqmD)

6 McArdle's list is pretty good, but I'm hearing something new from the young'uns: when they disagree with you, they just say "wow" and shake their heads

is this a trend?

Posted by: Feh at November 23, 2015 12:55 PM (Msdm1)

7 My ex-husband and kids will get together for a Thanksgiving meal. Normally we would do this at his house as he has the larger kitchen but I can no longer take a full day of him and his liberal bleatings and trying to bait me.

This year I have suggested a local restaurant and the kids are all on board. We can have a nice, civil meal with too many witnesses for me to kill him. Oh, and no dishes or pots to clean. Easy breezy.

Posted by: Cheri at November 23, 2015 12:55 PM (oiNtH)

8 I prefer my Thanksgiving with turkey, football, and a politics-free session of recliner.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 23, 2015 12:56 PM (659DL)

9 All Hail our Benevolent and Fearsome Queen of Alextopia!

Now!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 23, 2015 12:56 PM (LUgeY)

10 By not commuting to work every day like all the drones out there I'm actually helping the environment.

Posted by: The Nephew Who Always Showed Such Promise at November 23, 2015 12:56 PM (8ZskC)

11 If you read Vox on how to survive Thanksgiving, you are the person your family is trying to survive.


Oh snap......

That is a thing of beauty.

Posted by: eleven at November 23, 2015 12:56 PM (mCmlM)

12 I think a lot of this is really just the seething anger and jumpy horror of being made to realize, once or twice per year, that you're the least accomplished person sitting down to eat at the table, and while your contemporaries are finding work and founding families, you're still talking up your big plans to launch a hip new magazine which will sort of be like Vox meets Rolling Stone meets Dwell meets Lucky, only edgier...? And like more socially relevant...?


Man what did I ever do to you?

Posted by: Brian Finch off NZT at November 23, 2015 12:56 PM (zt+N6)

13 PRO TIP: I've found that inspecting and cleaning an assortment of firearms at the dinner table tends to shut down opposing opinions.

Posted by: Weasel at November 23, 2015 12:57 PM (6xtq3)

14 Why Being the Turd In The Holiday Punchbowl Isn't Necessarily A Bad Thing...

Posted by: Vox at November 23, 2015 12:57 PM (8ZskC)

15 I've noticed a broad spectrum push to call all your family members racist. And the uncle or grandpa is a common signal that this racism is a function of their maleness and age.

Racism, of course, is xenophobia...which is the resistance to the liberal belief that the USA is a country of immigrants, to be named later.

So, yeah, in every media outlet, "racist family member" is a recurring theme. And of course, you must hate the family member with bad thoughts.

Posted by: joe-impeachin44 at November 23, 2015 12:58 PM (WrPMG)

16 oh shit...a hat tip! fun.

Posted by: joe-impeachin44 at November 23, 2015 12:58 PM (WrPMG)

17 Nobody discusses politics at the Thanksgiving Table, thankfully.

My reputation precedes me.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 23, 2015 12:58 PM (LUgeY)

18 I prefer my Thanksgiving with turkey, football, and a politics-free session of recliner.

You have wishes. We have plans.

Posted by: ESPN at November 23, 2015 12:58 PM (8ZskC)

19 Aaaaand right on cue Hollywood has a film out about a "wacky" Thanksgiving celebration in which the family fights, someone is hiding a divorce, and the uptight sibling and his/her spouse are total conservative, religious freakshow killjoys who can't laugh at the turkey falling on the kitchen floor, while the cool character smokes pot on the back porch with their GBF or lesbian lover. Or something like that - all these ha-ha stories about how much Thanksgiving and spending time with your family sucks kinda blend together....

Posted by: Lizzy at November 23, 2015 12:58 PM (NOIQH)

20 What is Thanksgiving, except for an opportunity to




talk to your family about the joys of ObamaCare!

Posted by: rickb223 at November 23, 2015 12:59 PM (hQt/L)

21 Or you could maybe realize that Thanksgiving is a holiday about giving thanks for the past year and have fun with your family?

A radical notion, I know!

Posted by: pookysgirl at November 23, 2015 12:59 PM (gZN4h)

22 Want to make a lefty dissolve into tears of rage and despair? Laugh at him. Then fart in his general direction.

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 23, 2015 12:59 PM (3MG12)

23 a film out about a "wacky" Thanksgiving celebration in which the family fights, someone is hiding a divorce, and the uptight sibling and his/her spouse are total conservative, religious freakshow killjoys who can't laugh at the turkey falling on the kitchen floor, while the cool character smokes pot on the back porch with their GBF or lesbian lover.

**********

or as I call it, "This years' family stone"

Posted by: joe-impeachin44 at November 23, 2015 12:59 PM (WrPMG)

24 They are embarrassed and ashamed of their own family, just as they are embarrassed and ashamed of America.

Posted by: chemjeff at November 23, 2015 01:00 PM (uZNvH)

25 Mr. H wants to bring all the Rednecks home for Christmas. He wants to show off the kitchen renovation. Nothing like a little envy to get the party started!

Posted by: ALH at November 23, 2015 01:00 PM (JrKKc)

26 No worries...all my lib relatives reside out of state, and can't be bothered to travel to see us.

I'm having dinner with my daughter, son-in-law and grandkids. While we may have our differences (and they're not many), we don't ever talk about politics when there's turkey to devour.

Posted by: Captain Whitebread posting from his secret broadcast post at November 23, 2015 01:00 PM (4X5NS)

27 My wife was watching SNL, and they had the obligatory "crazy conservative family members and their crazy, ill informed opinions" Thanksgiving dinner gag.

The "conservative" viewpoints were, of course, infantile imaginings of what leftists think those on the right believe. Just sad. "I heard every refugee is a terrorist." "I saw ISIS at the grocery store." "No, mom, you saw an Asian lady at the store." ZING!

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at November 23, 2015 01:00 PM (VAsIq)

28 Tips On How To Survive Your Family Members Over Thanksgiving:


(a) Shut up.
(b) Sit down.
(c) Be Thankful they are still around to be seen.
(d) Because none of you are getting any younger.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Bury the Hatchet and Other Weapons at the Outrage Outlet! at November 23, 2015 01:01 PM (hLRSq)

29 My family is pretty conservative (except my BIL is a bit of a weeny on guns) so we don't have any contentious political debates. Most of us agree that this country is so fucking boned.

Posted by: Soona at November 23, 2015 01:01 PM (Fmupd)

30 Step 1. - Shut your dickhole and help the wimmenfolk with the dishes.

Posted by: Garrett at November 23, 2015 01:01 PM (0B5sv)

31 Man what did I ever do to you?
Posted by: Brian Finch off NZT



Curiously, I know what that means.

Posted by: rickb223 at November 23, 2015 01:01 PM (hQt/L)

32 That's the most depressing things about lefties, personality wise. All they care about is the Cause. They are so drab. As grey as a communist leader's military uniform.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:02 PM (E5UB0)

33 The "conservative" viewpoints were, of course, infantile imaginings of what leftists think those on the right believe. Just sad. "I heard every refugee is a terrorist." "I saw ISIS at the grocery store." "No, mom, you saw an Asian lady at the store." ZING!

***

I know, right? zing.

some libs are best when they're debating against the boogey men that exist in their head.

liberal pathology is a damaging disease.

Posted by: joe-impeachin44 at November 23, 2015 01:03 PM (WrPMG)

34 I think a lot of this is really just the seething anger and jumpy horror of being made to realize, once or twice per year, that you're the least accomplished person sitting down to eat at the table, and while your contemporaries are finding work and founding families, you're still talking up your big plans to launch a hip new magazine which will sort of be like Vox meets Rolling Stone meets Dwell meets Lucky, only edgier...? And like more socially relevant...?


ace, you nailed the uptalking thing dead on.

We have? A client? Who uptalks? All the time? and whenever I talk to her I find myself doing the same thing and wanting to slam my head into the desk.

Posted by: alexthechick - Oh please intervene SMOD at November 23, 2015 01:03 PM (mf5HN)

35 Not completely O/T, but at my gig Saturday night, PETA was having some sort of thingy inside the club while we were playing outside. One of the harridans came outside to ax us to promote their thingy and our guitar player said, "I'm a member of PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals." right to her face.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 23, 2015 01:03 PM (LUgeY)

36 The "conservative" viewpoints were, of course, infantile imaginings of what leftists think those on the right believe. Just sad. "I heard every refugee is a terrorist." "I saw ISIS at the grocery store." "No, mom, you saw an Asian lady at the store." ZING!


If only conservatives were like the caricatures that inhabit tiny Leftard heads. Just imagine all the hate crimes that wouldn't have to be faked.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:03 PM (8ZskC)

37 Thanksgiving table talking point:

The Lions will lose today because of climate change!!11!!

Posted by: Buzzsaw at November 23, 2015 01:03 PM (XtAzU)

38 If There's a Holiday Coming Up, It Must Be Time for Progressives to Reveal Their Deep Neuroses and Unresolved Familial Conflicts

It generally boils down to a simple, burning hate of their fathers. Everything else is derived from that.

... And serious penis envy for the female leftists.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 23, 2015 01:04 PM (zc3Db)

39 Pass out in a puddle of your own sadness (Try not to choke on your vomit whilst doing so. That's how Hendrix died.)


Heh. Sonny Bunch kills me.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at November 23, 2015 01:04 PM (r9tFS)

40 Vox just should have called it: Tips on how to piss everyone off, prove you're a douchtastic ass and alienate yourself from your family forever.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityPod (tm) at November 23, 2015 01:04 PM (eDmrZ)

41 We're actually going to a racetrack for thanksgiving day. Fairly good buffet.

Posted by: Bigby's Fistful of Dice at November 23, 2015 01:04 PM (WIng1)

42 >>They are embarrassed and ashamed of their own family, just as they are embarrassed and ashamed of America.


Yep.

Unlike you, the cool one who has moved to a coastal/blue state city like San Francisco or NYC, and embraced the hipster carless, eat every meal out, IKEA loft lifestyle, these weirdos have homes, kids, and a dreary non-techie job (like accounting or selling insurance) in a boring flyover state.
And ---get this!--- they still think it's OK to put marshmallows on sweet potatoes AND eat pie!!!! Oh, it is so embarrassing!!!

Posted by: Lizzy at November 23, 2015 01:04 PM (NOIQH)

43 My family is conservative also, and we crush any leftards pitilessly, so they keep their stupidity and delusions to themselves.

Posted by: maddogg at November 23, 2015 01:05 PM (xWW96)

44 All of the drivel we have to put up with listening to leftwing talking points at Thanksgiving results from one thing:

Lefties aren't thankful for much of anything. They're ungrateful assholes.

Posted by: Furious George at November 23, 2015 01:06 PM (3GAnN)

45 I would like to share the following tale for all of you to share with your Progressive family members on Thanksgiving.




Choshook was an ancient Native American Indian medicine man that lived in the year 1450. His tribe, now long forgotten, was brutally attacked by neighboring tribes.



Choshook watched helplessly as the enemy's arrows took out his brothers and friends. As the enemy approached closer, beheading the males and grabbing the helpless females, Choshook, with his last breath cursed his enemies.



"You may kill us all. But the spirits will avenge us. I ask the spirits to send a plague upon this land to wipe out all of our enemies!" And years later, the Europeans arrived to fulfill Choshook's dying wish.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at November 23, 2015 01:06 PM (AC0lD)

46 Unlike you, the cool one who has moved to a coastal/blue state city like San Francisco or NYC, and embraced the hipster carless, eat every meal out, IKEA loft lifestyle

----

Holy Crap.... you nailed my libtard brother.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:06 PM (8XRCm)

47 The "conservative" viewpoints were, of course, infantile imaginings of what leftists think those on the right believe. Just sad. "I heard every refugee is a terrorist." "I saw ISIS at the grocery store." "No, mom, you saw an Asian lady at the store." ZING!
--------------------------------------------------
Why can't we be more joyous and celebratory about ISIS?

Posted by: Margaret Cho at November 23, 2015 01:07 PM (E5UB0)

48 I have a libtard SIL who I can not stand. It is a chore going over to MIL's house for holidays. But this year we are going to daughter's house so maybe SIL will not be there.

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:07 PM (t2KH5)

49 >>One of the harridans came outside to ax us to promote their thingy and our guitar player, Mel, said, "Sure thing. but first, you will blow me.', right to her face.

Posted by: Garrett at November 23, 2015 01:07 PM (0B5sv)

50 I only have to deal with three people for Thanksgiving. The teen son is a PITA right now-because.... he's a teen on the autism spectrum--not because he's not a conservative. I get along with the spouse. Of course, I might be an annoyance to myself, but not because I'm giving Democratic talking points. :^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 23, 2015 01:07 PM (No/ki)

51 OT, but boy-genius clock inventor Ahmad is cashing in. He wants $15 million from the Irving TX school district.

http://tinyurl.com/pcyuecr

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:08 PM (8ZskC)

52 I did not have sexual relations with that strawman.

Posted by: LibTalkingPoints at November 23, 2015 01:09 PM (r9tFS)

53 "You may kill us all. But the spirits will avenge us. I ask the spirits to send a plague upon this land to wipe out all of our enemies!" And years later, the Europeans arrived to fulfill Choshook's dying wish.
Posted by: Stateless Infidel
--------------------------------------
Now, it's a crocodile who had swallowed Ahmad Mohammed's clock.

Posted by: Captain Choshook at November 23, 2015 01:09 PM (E5UB0)

54 >>Holy Crap.... you nailed my libtard brother.

My cousin.
Who had the benefit of two trust funds (his and his dead sibling's), has spent most of his adult life pursing degrees, and likes to lecture us all on how the world works.
Oh, joy!

Posted by: Lizzy at November 23, 2015 01:09 PM (NOIQH)

55 48 I have a libtard SIL who I can not stand. It is a chore going over to MIL's house for holidays. But this year we are going to daughter's house so maybe SIL will not be there.
Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:07 PM (t2KH5)


As you sit down for the meal, set a 4 pound hammer up on the table and announce the Hammer of Sense is in house, and ready to be of service, then look directly at your SIL.

Posted by: maddogg at November 23, 2015 01:09 PM (xWW96)

56 51 OT, but boy-genius clock inventor Ahmad is cashing in. He wants $15 million from the Irving TX school district.


Cool scam, Ahmed.

Posted by: Obozo at November 23, 2015 01:09 PM (r9tFS)

57 thanks to @alexandriabrown (Alex the Chick)


Who?

Posted by: Bandersnatch at November 23, 2015 01:09 PM (1xUj/)

58 All Hail our Benevolent and Fearsome Queen of Alextopia!

Now!
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 23, 2015 12:56 PM (LUgeY)



I am most benevolentish, 'tis true.

A family friend has the best and most practical response to this. Whoever brings up politics at the dinner table gets something removed from his/her plate and is then banned from eating that the rest of the meal. What's that Timmy? You want to talk about a living wage? There goes your yams, pity that.

Hmm? Janie, you want to fight about Trump over Cruz? More green bean casserole for us!

Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:10 PM (mf5HN)

59 I sick and tired of dealing with all the little liberal buttercups and their stupidity and insecurities.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at November 23, 2015 01:10 PM (gf8BH)

60 Some people just can't function as normal human beings and know when and where its appropriate to debate politics.

Pro tip: holidays usually aren't the best time. My parents are conservative in life but regularly vote Democrat, and I've learned to keep my trap shut and they do so similarly. We all get along swimmingly and didn't need a stupid article from a moron on Vox to understand that...

Posted by: Gaff at November 23, 2015 01:10 PM (jPS2y)

61 We have? A client? Who uptalks? All the time? and
whenever I talk to her I find myself doing the same thing and wanting
to slam my head into the desk.





Posted by: alexthechick - Oh please intervene SMOD at November 23, 2015 01:03 PM


Empress, Empress, Empress....you slam her head into the desk. Claim she slipped on her latte/mocha/frappasomethingorother. Don't forget to dribble some on the soles of her shoes.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 23, 2015 01:10 PM (pLwjI)

62 Lots of loudmouthed Libs in my family.

But I'm working this year, so they'll have to attack me in absentia.

Fine with me.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at November 23, 2015 01:11 PM (r9tFS)

63 I admit I am dreading the "Republicans are racist" meme.

Posted by: MTF at November 23, 2015 01:11 PM (LISuA)

64 My nephew, who was a nice Catholic altar boy until he went to a "Catholic" college and came out a leftist often wants to bait me on political matters at Thanksgiving.

I just say no.

Posted by: Kensington at November 23, 2015 01:11 PM (7Kbxu)

65 OT, but boy-genius clock inventor Ahmad is cashing in. He wants $15 million from the Irving TX school district.

http://tinyurl.com/pcyuecr

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:08 PM (8ZskC)



Didn't he move out of the country?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 23, 2015 01:11 PM (493sH)

66 Holy Crap.... you nailed my libtard brother.

Posted by: fixerupper

Eeewwwwww.

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at November 23, 2015 01:11 PM (VAsIq)

67 My family's pretty hardcore conservative, so we don't have these types of arguments.

My family regards me as the lib... because I recycle.

Posted by: V the K at November 23, 2015 01:12 PM (O7MnT)

68 What chaps my ass even worse than uptalking are the people who literally work in the word "literally" after literally every three or four words. Literally. And none of them literally has a clue what "literally" means.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at November 23, 2015 01:12 PM (r9tFS)

69 ... And serious penis envy for the female leftists.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair
------------------------------------
Ugh. If they want it that bad they can have mine. The penis is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at November 23, 2015 01:13 PM (E5UB0)

70 I envy those who dine alone.

Posted by: Weasel at November 23, 2015 01:13 PM (6xtq3)

71 Green bean casserole brings out the homicide in a sane man's psyche.

Posted by: maddogg at November 23, 2015 01:13 PM (xWW96)

72 As this thread illustrates, there are advantages to being a recluse.

Posted by: THDeering at November 23, 2015 01:13 PM (gmmrY)

73 I've been working on my Senile Bernie Sanders imitation for Thanksgiving. Can't wait to try it out on my uber-liberaldaughter, herequally uber-liberal husband,and my step-children and their spouses. Actually, everybody but meand my son areuber-liberal in my immediate family.

The SenileBernie Sanders routine's pretty simple: it's basically metalking through my nose, pounding the tableand exclaiming 'Flapjacks!' every so often, after which I wax rhapsodic about that dream honeymoon in the sunny Soviet Union all those years ago.

Posted by: troyriser at November 23, 2015 01:13 PM (cCEFD)

74
51 OT, but boy-genius clock inventor Ahmad is cashing in. He wants $15 million from the Irving TX school district.

http://tinyurl.com/pcyuecr
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:08 PM (8ZskC


---------------


He'll lose. He should have done all of this before Paris and the Russian plane downing.

Posted by: Soona at November 23, 2015 01:13 PM (Fmupd)

75
Uptalkers should be shot on principle alone.

That annoying little up-tone at the end of every sentence gets on my very.last.nerve.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:14 PM (8XRCm)

76 68 What chaps my ass even worse than uptalking are the people who literally work in the word "literally" after literally every three or four words. Literally. And none of them literally has a clue what "literally" means.
Posted by: WhatWhatWhat?
________________

That is literally the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Even including everything I've said.

Posted by: Joe Biden at November 23, 2015 01:14 PM (3GAnN)

77 Why do they keep doing this to me?

**looks forlornly at the cooked turkey on the table**

I wish I could be like him...

**sighs*

Posted by: the Chicken at November 23, 2015 01:14 PM (REdlt)

78 Being a lefty is antithetical to being thankful for anything.

Posted by: @votermom at November 23, 2015 01:14 PM (cbfNE)

79 Fun! If I did twitter, I think I would follow alexthechick.

BTW, OreoChurros?

Posted by: Lea at November 23, 2015 01:14 PM (lIU4e)

80 What chaps my ass even worse than uptalking are the people who literally work in the word "literally" after literally every three or four words. Literally. And none of them literally has a clue what "literally" means.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat?

*eats some paste*
That is literally the best thing I've ever eaten.

Posted by: Joe Biden at November 23, 2015 01:14 PM (VAsIq)

81 He'll lose. He should have done all of this before Paris and the Russian plane downing.


Timing is everything when you're an asshole jihadi wannabe.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:15 PM (8ZskC)

82 Bet there will be less propaganda around the Thanksgiving table about how wonderful ObamaCare is this year...

Posted by: John Kerry, Asshole at November 23, 2015 01:15 PM (Mrl1e)

83 I love arguing with leftists over a meal, family or not. It's good, clean fun.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 23, 2015 01:15 PM (zc3Db)

84 As this thread illustrates, there are advantages to being a recluse.
Yeah, you can poison-bite your lib relatives to death.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 23, 2015 01:15 PM (xodPA)

85 My cousin.
Who had the benefit of two trust funds (his and his dead sibling's), has spent most of his adult life pursing degrees, and likes to lecture us all on how the world works.
Oh, joy!


Posted by: Lizzy at November 23, 2015 01:09 PM (NOIQH)




I worked with a guy like that. Well, not worked he was about 40 and an intern while working on a PhD. What was his PhD in? Ancient Roman gardening. I'm sure the jobs just create themselves for that. But he was smarter than the rest of us working for a living.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 23, 2015 01:16 PM (493sH)

86 51
OT, but boy-genius clock inventor Ahmad is cashing in. He wants $15 million from the Irving TX school district.



http://tinyurl.com/pcyuecr

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:08 PM (8ZskC)\


Ms Laney and Bolinger should be disbarred as well as the judge that allowed that civil suit to proceed.

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:16 PM (t2KH5)

87 What chaps my ass even worse than uptalking are the people who literally work in the word "literally" after literally every three or four words. Literally. And none of them literally has a clue what "literally" means.

As bad as the people who absolutely insist on absolutely using the word absolutely on absolutely every occasion to absolutely express how absolutely strongly they absolutely feel about absolutely everything?

Posted by: V the K at November 23, 2015 01:17 PM (O7MnT)

88 Yeah, you can poison-bite your lib relatives to death.

Posted by: andycanuck

That's the Mexican Recluse.

Posted by: Turd Ferguson, arachnid expert at November 23, 2015 01:17 PM (VAsIq)

89 I skipped last year's excursion to the combined in-laws due to exactly this, especially since my family doesn't even merit any inclusion.

This year, a new strategy:

1. Spend most of the time watching football.
2. Deliberately delay adding my wife to the increasingly useless and expensive employee health plan.
3. I already created a separate bank account. Diverting my paycheck to it is something that I haven't (yet) done.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 23, 2015 01:17 PM (326rv)

90 He'll lose.
And the interview video and any other similar evidence involving the sister at the police station will be made public in court.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 23, 2015 01:17 PM (xodPA)

91 My family's pretty hardcore conservative, so we don't have these types of arguments.
Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at November 23, 2015 12:55 PM (kpqmD)


Same.

I was pretty afraid I would have to discuss Syria refugees at a party this weekend, but thankfully no. There was a brief 'republicans think lesbians are like isis' moment, though. Ugh.

Posted by: Lea at November 23, 2015 01:17 PM (lIU4e)

92 Top Ten Ways To Bring Peace to Your Thanksgiving Meal By

Simply Allowing Your Libtard Relative to Win the Argument:


10) When your Libtard Relative asserts that all Straight White Christian Men are power-crazed rapists at heart-

signal your agreement by raping the hell out of the Thanksgiving Turkey.

Bonus points if you use the gravy for lube!

Posted by: naturalfake at November 23, 2015 01:18 PM (0cMkb)

93 You can't have an argument with someone who disagrees with you about axioms. Like trying to discuss how to solve a math problem with someone who thinks 1 = 0.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:18 PM (E5UB0)

94 ace, you nailed the uptalking thing dead on.

We have? A client? Who uptalks? All the time? and whenever I talk to her I find myself doing the same thing and wanting to slam my head into the desk.

Posted by: alexthechick - Oh please intervene SMOD at November 23, 2015 01:03 PM

--

Girls pick up the habit as teens.
Unfortunately half of them never outgrow it.

Posted by: @votermom at November 23, 2015 01:18 PM (cbfNE)

95 64 My nephew, who was a nice Catholic altar boy until he went to a "Catholic" college and came out a leftist often wants to bait me on political matters at Thanksgiving.

I just say no.
Posted by: Kensington at November 23, 2015 01:11 PM (7Kbxu)


----------------


If he persists, just ask him if he can't focus his mind enough to be thankful for just one day.

Posted by: Soona at November 23, 2015 01:18 PM (Fmupd)

96 Choshook was an ancient Native American Indian medicine man that lived
in the year 1450. His tribe, now long forgotten, was brutally attacked
by neighboring tribes.



Choshook watched helplessly as
the enemy's arrows took out his brothers and friends. As the enemy
approached closer, beheading the males and grabbing the helpless
females, Choshook, with his last breath cursed his enemies.




But ... but ... the "native peoples" were all peaceful and loving! They must have been - they didn't have capitalism!


Effing Rousseau. Useless wanker caused so much more trouble than he was worth.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:18 PM (oKE6c)

97 Axioms are tools of the oppressive white male patriarchy.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (8ZskC)

98 I'll bring the Chestnut Stuffing of Misery.
Posted by: Cicero
----------------

We always have The World is My Oyster stuffing.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (9mTYi)

99 What chaps my ass even worse....

Posted by: V the K

Always use lube!

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (VAsIq)

100 King Leonidas going to Pajama boys house for Thanksgiving dinner.

"Ready your breakfast and eat hearty, for tonight we dine in Hell!"

Posted by: Buzzsaw at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (XtAzU)

101 Wasn't on July 4th they put out a guide on how to properly puss-splain to your family about Obamacare? I gave proper notice on FB that any of my family members tried that shit they were going to experience the business end of a skewer. If you want to go all Hitler Youth and hector people about the glory of The State and All Its Good Works then stay the hell away from my gathering.

Posted by: Citizen Cake at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (ppaKI)

102 Libby the college student at Thanksgiving:

"Gee mom! This pie is really yummy. It reminds me of this totally new thing that my friend from college, Aidan, invented. I've told you about Aidan haven't I mom? He's like totally smart and stuff and he's like working on a start-up that'll do apps and stuff only it's going to be a non-profit and he's going to sponsor tennis shoes for kids from Uruguay 'cause he's so totally smart and ironic and stuff. And his name is spelled A-I-D-A-N but it's pronounced "Ay-dan" isn't that funny? Anyway, Aidan invented this really cool new flavor and he puts it in a drink that we drink at college called a latte. Have you every had a latte mom? I think it's foreign or something. It's spelled L-A-T-T-E but it's pronounced "lay-tay" isn't that so totally cool? But did you get the recipe for this pie from Aidan, cause he totally invented this awesome flavor that your pie tastes just like. What's it called?"


Mom: "Pumpkin"

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (NeFrd)

103 64 My nephew, who was a nice Catholic altar boy until he went to a
"Catholic" college and came out a leftist often wants to bait me on
political matters at Thanksgiving.



I just say no.


Posted by: Kensington at November 23, 2015 01:11 PM (7Kbxu)



Don't invite him.


Simple, really.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (oKE6c)

104 The Grinch should just have gate crashed the whos' Christmas party and offer talking points for Obamacare and Syrian refugees.

He's an amateur.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (E5UB0)

105 51 OT, but boy-genius clock inventor Ahmad is cashing in. He wants $15 million from the Irving TX school district.


Cool scam, Ahmed.

Posted by: Obozo at November 23, 2015 01:09 PM (r9tFS)

Lemme guess: the Justice Dept. will intervene on his behalf.

Posted by: Blano at November 23, 2015 01:20 PM (C3E0x)

106 And the only other people I might have over for TG are my BIL who's a conservative (I converted him) if he's not working a zillion hours and his son who couldn't care less about politics

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 23, 2015 01:20 PM (No/ki)

107 I admit I am dreading the "Republicans are racist" meme.

I have honed the Socratic Method of debate to a razor's edge with leftards. I can usually tie them up in verbal knots in short order. I'm very nice about it since I always wait for them to say something politically stoopid first.

The look on their faces when they suddenly realize that they have contradicted themselves and/or cannot defend their imbecilic statements gives me the warm fuzzies. Hence my reputation.

B'Gal even wants to turn me loose against some of her lib relatives now. That's my woman, there.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 23, 2015 01:20 PM (LUgeY)

108 In my family I'm the crazy uncle. Everybody else is like "Shhh! Don't get him started!"

Posted by: Myiq2xu at November 23, 2015 01:20 PM (5fSr7)

109 3. I already created a separate bank account. Diverting my paycheck to it is something that I haven't (yet) done.
Posted by: Blue Hen



Sounds like you have a go-bag and an exit strategy in place. Well done.


On the other hand if it doesn't work out I call dibs on your stuff.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at November 23, 2015 01:20 PM (1xUj/)

110 10) When your Libtard Relative asserts that all Straight White Christian Men are power-crazed rapists at heart-

signal your agreement by raping the hell out of the Thanksgiving Turkey.

Bonus points if you use the gravy for lube!

Posted by: naturalfake

Better him than me.

Posted by: The chicken at November 23, 2015 01:21 PM (326rv)

111
Ezra Klein
How to survive your family's Thanksgiving arguments on vaccines, Donald Trump, Black Lives Matter, and more: http://bit.ly/1QDPM4b




Executive Summary: "Mom, Dad, I know it's Thanksgiving and all, but I want -- I need -- you to know that my roommate Phil and I are -- *deep breath* -- more than friends....."

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:21 PM (kdS6q)

112 Is Jane D'Oh in this thread? Because if anyone understands this, it's her.

Empress, Empress, Empress....you slam her head into the desk. Claim she slipped on her latte/mocha/frappasomethingorother. Don't forget to dribble some on the soles of her shoes.
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 23, 2015 01:10 PM (pLwjI)


I keep being told that I'm not allowed to slap, smack, bop on the nose with newspaper or otherwise, hmmm how to put this, gently reprimand our clients. No matter how much they deserve it.

Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:21 PM (mf5HN)

113 There was a brief 'republicans think lesbians are like isis' moment, though. Ugh.



Posted by: Lea at November 23, 2015 01:17 PM (lIU4e)


Oh, we think more highly of ISIS than that.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:21 PM (oKE6c)

114 Eat dinner quietly. Then go watch football. Problem solved. Do not make Obama heads on your plate with taters and laugh.

Posted by: Puddin Head at November 23, 2015 01:22 PM (oDCMR)

115 3. I already created a separate bank account. Diverting my paycheck to it is something that I haven't (yet) done.
Posted by: Blue Hen


Sounds like you have a go-bag and an exit strategy in place. Well done.


On the other hand if it doesn't work out I call dibs on your stuff.
Posted by: Bandersnatch

I'm not going anywhere. Delaware is one of those 50/50 states. And my wife oughta know; she divorced her first husband.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 23, 2015 01:22 PM (326rv)

116 Executive Summary: "Mom, Dad, I know it's Thanksgiving and all, but I want -- I need -- you to know that my roommate Phil and I are -- *deep breath* -- more than friends....."
Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:21 PM (kdS6q)





Won't Dad be proud?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:22 PM (oKE6c)

117 >>>signal your agreement by raping the hell out of the Thanksgiving Turkey.



Bonus points if you use the gravy for lube!



Posted by: naturalfake at November 23, 2015 01:18 PM (0cMkb)<<<

Yeah, give it to that foul fowl, and leave me the hell alone for a change.

Posted by: the warm apple pie at November 23, 2015 01:23 PM (REdlt)

118 Bonus points if you use the gravy for lube!

Before or after drunkle has a "Who's your daddy"! with the yams.

Posted by: DaveA at November 23, 2015 01:23 PM (DL2i+)

119 My family is politically mixed. After a few screaming matches during the Bush era, we try not to talk politics at family get togethers. They didn't gloat around me when Obama was elected, so I didn't gloat when Walker won three times.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at this time) at November 23, 2015 01:23 PM (u0lmX)

120 There was a brief 'republicans think lesbians are like isis' moment, though. Ugh.


Ridiculous. It's easy to spot the lesbians because ISIS guys don't drive Subarus.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:23 PM (8ZskC)

121 I keep being told that I'm not allowed to slap, smack, bop on the nose with newspaper or otherwise, hmmm how to put this, gently reprimand our clients


"Keep being told" implies some sort of reason for the repeated admonishions.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at November 23, 2015 01:23 PM (1xUj/)

122 Laugh and the family laughs with you. Shrilly shill for Obama, and you spend Christmas alone.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:23 PM (E5UB0)

123 I keep being told that I'm not allowed to slap, smack, bop on the nose
with newspaper or otherwise, hmmm how to put this, gently reprimand our
clients. No matter how much they deserve it.


I don't see hammer, crowbar, or electrical shock in that list.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at November 23, 2015 01:23 PM (YEelc)

124 Our arguments usually center on Glock vs. Anything Else. While others are watching football, two or three of us take to the autumn woods to squirrel hunt and plink, but mostly plink.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (9mTYi)

125 Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving! like a gaggle of women fat-shaming each other while they stuff their faces with pie.

Posted by: Fritz at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (3tjn4)

126 Barack Obama is a SCOAMT.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (kff5f)

127 But ... but ... the "native peoples" were all peaceful and loving! They must have been - they didn't have capitalism!


-----

There's and older lady in my office that made the comment once that we could learn something from the Native Americans and we should strive to be more like them.

I responded "You mean like casting old people adrift on an iceberg or leaving them to die on the open winter prairie because they were no longer useful to the tribe??"

She kinda keeps her yap shut now.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (8XRCm)

128 We watched this youtube video at my last family gathering. It should be great for getting accused of racism, or alternately laughing hysterically.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCdmiZyyGjQ

Posted by: Lea at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (lIU4e)

129 108 In my family I'm the crazy uncle. Everybody else is like "Shhh! Don't get him started!"
Posted by: Myiq2xu at November 23, 2015 01:20 PM (5fSr7)

I think it's the clown mask that makes them think that.

Posted by: @votermom at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (cbfNE)

130 You can't have an argument with someone who disagrees with you about axioms.

Sure you can.

Like trying to discuss how to solve a math problem with someone who thinks 1 = 0.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:18 PM (E5UB0)


You just force them to follow their own axioms until they logically arrive at any of the infinite contradictions you choose to point out. That's the point when they stop talking and get quiet. Then you finish up the deduction for them and move onto another area to force them to logically come to another contradiction based on their inconsistent axiom set. You can do this all night long ... forcing them to come to the edge of acknowledging one ridiculous idea after another, taking apart their demented worlds piece by piece.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (zc3Db)

131 ... I'm pretty sure I have a family member who will be reading straight from this script. And we won't even be at my house, so I can't just kick him out.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (kff5f)

132 There was a brief 'republicans think lesbians are like isis' moment, though. Ugh.

Posted by: Lea

Well, they both are into sex stuff that I'm not, and are forever hectoring me about the way I live my life....

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (VAsIq)

133 I wax rhapsodic about that dream honeymoon in the sunny Soviet Union all those years ago.

Posted by: troyriser


*****

Don't forget to mention that you were down at the Safeway just yesterday and there are 273 brands and varieties of deodorant, count them, 273! What does this say about our country!?

And bang on the table again.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (NeFrd)

134 The only thing more awkward than a relative going balls-deep into politics at a holiday dinner is when a relative suddenly starts talking about Amway while simultaneously whipping out an order form.

Posted by: Citizen Cake at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (ppaKI)

135 I was pretty afraid I would have to discuss Syria refugees at a party this weekend, but thankfully no. There was a brief 'republicans think lesbians are like isis' moment, though. Ugh.
Posted by: Lea
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Republicans aren't the ones who jerk off to ISIS videos to such an extent that they sneak out of the country to join them.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (E5UB0)

136 There's and older lady in my office that made the comment once that we could learn something from the Native Americans and we should strive to be more like them.


Well, they did use the entire buffalo.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (8ZskC)

137 Oh, we think more highly of ISIS than that.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:21 PM (oKE6c)


*chin on hands*

Please, do go on.

Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (mf5HN)

138 I don't see hammer, crowbar, or electrical shock in that list.
Posted by: Blanco Basura


Now this guy? You want this guy on your side.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (1xUj/)

139 There was a brief 'republicans think lesbians are like isis' moment, though. Ugh

Nah. ISIS is better looking.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (oVJmc)

140 I think one of my most favorite Thanksgivings was the year I stayed home in my pajamas watching old movies on TCM. I ate a Marie Callendar turkey pot pie for dinner.

No stress.

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 23, 2015 01:26 PM (3MG12)

141 My whole family is church-going liberals, but they live in another state.

Posted by: bourbonchicken at November 23, 2015 01:26 PM (ORMc9)

142 101 Wasn't on July 4th they put out a guide on how to properly puss-splain to your family about Obamacare?

Posted by: Citizen Cake at November 23, 2015 01:19 PM (ppaKI)


I'll just leave this here...

http://tinyurl.com/lmfpn3p


"How To Talk To Your Tea Party Uncle About Obamacare This Thanksgiving"

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at November 23, 2015 01:26 PM (fWAjv)

143 'republicans think lesbians are like isis'

I probably wouldn't try to answer that; I'd just guffaw loudly.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 23, 2015 01:27 PM (No/ki)

144 I keep being told that I'm not allowed to slap, smack, bop on the nose with newspaper or otherwise, hmmm how to put this, gently reprimand our clients. No matter how much they deserve it.

Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:21 PM (mf5HN)


Not until the check clears.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Bury the Hatchet and Other Weapons at the Outrage Outlet! at November 23, 2015 01:27 PM (hLRSq)

145 You just force them to follow their own axioms until they logically arrive at any of the infinite contradictions you choose to point out. That's the point when they stop talking and get quiet. Then you finish up the deduction for them and move onto another area to force them to logically come to another contradiction based on their inconsistent axiom set. You can do this all night long ... forcing them to come to the edge of acknowledging one ridiculous idea after another, taking apart their demented worlds piece by piece.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (zc3Db)

-----

You left out the step where they yell at you "Oh... shut up you fucking racist Rethuglican!!!!"

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:27 PM (8XRCm)

146 gently reprimand our clients. No matter how much they deserve it.

You get to watch their folly unfold in near real-time though.

Posted by: DaveA at November 23, 2015 01:27 PM (DL2i+)

147 131 ... I'm pretty sure I have a family member who will be reading straight from this script. And we won't even be at my house, so I can't just kick him out.
Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (kff5f)

--

Bring duct tape and stuff him in the coat closet.

Posted by: @votermom at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (cbfNE)

148 Seriously are people's thanksgivings really like this?
I've got a Sanders Supporter Union Cousin, A 24 year old socialist wannabe sister, a conservative brother, a crazed "misunderstands libertarian" dad and a slightly racist grandpa.
And ours are never like this.

And you can't NOT discuss ferguson here, because one of my cousins lives in spitting distance from it (and I'm only 15 miles.)

Posted by: tsrlbke PhD(c), rogue bioethicist at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (tM4uk)

149 I'm sure everyone has seen the ads for Crumpas (sp?), the lovely holiday film coming up.

I know nothing about it, other than that essentially all the actors I recognized have done comedy. It doesn't look like a comedy.

Hopefully it sorta, maybe is.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (Dj0WE)

150 My family is sort of the opposite of this. My brother and I are patriotic Conservatives: he's an evangelical Christian while I'm more of an agnostic fiscal conservative. My wife is a liberal Canadian who loves Trudeau and would enthusiastically vote for Hillary if she wasn't too lazy to register. My Father is a retired UAW worker, who loves Bernie Sanders, Socialism, and is probably one of MSNBC's most avid viewers. This is gonna be FUN!

Posted by: Pyrocles at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (fVOPU)

151 One thing missing from the list of tips :

How to talk to your elder relatives when they turn their hearing aids off.

Posted by: THDeering at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (gmmrY)

152 Breaking:


Obama told CIA analysts to quit with the bad news about ISIS and forward more favorable reports even if they were lies. But impeachment is off the table.

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (t2KH5)

153 W61.42XA - Struck by turkey, initial encounter

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (fWAjv)

154 Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:21 PM (oKE6c)
Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (oVJmc)

You poor, poor fools.

Hi, AtC, how ya been?

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (kff5f)

155 The way I see it, if you can't keep your mouth shut about politics for one day, then you can stay the hell away from my house on Thanksgiving.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityPod (tm) at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (eDmrZ)

156 You left out the step where they yell at you "Oh... shut up you fucking racist Rethuglican!!!!"

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:27 PM (8XRCm)


You get extra points for that. That kind of stuff just makes me laugh.

Although, being called a "Republican", these days, is a pretty low blow in my book.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (zc3Db)

157 'republicans think lesbians are like isis'


ISIS is wearing Doc Martens and painter pants now?

Posted by: naturalfake at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (0cMkb)

158 That like literally...? absolutely...? drives me crazy when people do that...?

Totes annoying.

Posted by: Mama AJ at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (nXeSu)

159 Link for above


http://fxn.ws/1I6p8hD

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (t2KH5)

160 If the Indians wanted their cultures to endure, they should have fought harder.

Posted by: Weasel at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (6xtq3)

161 Do not make Obama heads on your plate with taters and laugh.

Well, crap...

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 23, 2015 01:30 PM (LUgeY)

162 Obama told CIA analysts to quit with the bad news about ISIS and forward more favorable reports even if they were lies. But impeachment is off the table.
Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (t2KH5)

----

I like the one where our Commander in Chief gives a 45 minute heads up to the drivers of the ISIS oil trucks we bomb.


How long does it take to set up a shoulder fired AA rocket again???

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:30 PM (8XRCm)

163 >>Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving! like a gaggle of women fat-shaming each other while they stuff their faces with pie



It's always Lesbians with you people!

Posted by: Garrett at November 23, 2015 01:30 PM (0B5sv)

164 There's and older lady in my office that made the
comment once that we could learn something from the Native Americans and
we should strive to be more like them.



I responded "You mean like casting old people adrift on an iceberg
or leaving them to die on the open winter prairie because they were no
longer useful to the tribe??"



She kinda keeps her yap shut now.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:24 PM (8XRCm)


No, no, she meant round up your enemies and rip their hearts out on an altar dedicated to Milton Friedman.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (oKE6c)

165 Seriously are people's thanksgivings really like this?
I've got a Sanders Supporter Union Cousin, A 24 year old socialist wannabe sister, a conservative brother, a crazed "misunderstands libertarian" dad and a slightly racist grandpa.
And ours are never like this.

And you can't NOT discuss ferguson here, because one of my cousins lives in spitting distance from it (and I'm only 15 miles.)
Posted by: tsrlbke PhD(c), rogue bioethicist at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (tM4uk)


Most of my family are Republicans, and they sorta gang up on the liberals in the house. I'm the curmudgeon, casting aspersions on both their godforsaken political Parties.


And the Pope. I throw in some pointed words for the Pope, which doesn't necessarily go over well.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (Dj0WE)

166 This is my sister. Trying to start a 3-D printing business and hitting up my rich parents for money. She is a failed lawyer and is always projecting and running her stupid mouth about how great socialism is.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (2x3L+)

167 W61.49XA - Other contact with turkey, initial encounter


o.O

*The Chicken sighs relief

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (fWAjv)

168 I moved away from my family and will be sitting in the parking lot of an empty church all evening "guarding" it, so it should be a fairly quiet, albeit boring day for me.

Posted by: Blano at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (C3E0x)

169 If anyone has a mostly liberal family I'll be happy to crash your Thanksgiving dinner and demand all of the turkey breast meat and then sit and sleep on your couch for the next week, eating the left overs. I'm just an undocumented thanksgiving lurker.

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (3r2w8)

170 Totes annoying.
---------
As if!

Posted by: andycanuck at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (xodPA)

171 Obama told CIA analysts to quit with the bad news about ISIS and forward
more favorable reports even if they were lies. But impeachment is off
the table.

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:28 PM (t2KH5)




Turn that frown upside down, put on a happy face!

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (oKE6c)

172 I miss having that nice Thanksgiving diner with ALL the family, good times until one time after I came back Nam, my crazy ass aunt was telling all at the table about Nam. My dad looked at me and shook his head NO.....I went after her like a pit bull on meth, my dad could be heard laughing his ass off in the kitchen. I miss my dad, my aunt....bot so much.

Posted by: Morning Wood at November 23, 2015 01:32 PM (2xbUR)

173 How to talk to your elder relatives when they turn their hearing aids off.

Posted by: THDeering


*****

What's American Sign Language for "GRANDPA, YOU"VE GOT CRANBERRY RELISH ON YOUR SWEATER!!!"?

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 23, 2015 01:32 PM (NeFrd)

174 Hi, AtC, how ya been?
Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (kff5f)


*waves*

I'm well, I've been having to do some of that work at work thing, though not nearly as badly as you.

Also, protip on dealing with the relative. Nod along and then just keeping eating his stuffing and yams and green bean casserole and rolls and pie.

Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:32 PM (mf5HN)

175
"my roommate Phil and I are -- *deep breath* -- more than friends..."

Won't Dad be proud?
Posted by: Jay Guevar




Like Dad didn't already figure it out by the sophomore year of the kid's Film Studies/Theater Production double major.


Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:32 PM (kdS6q)

176 Covering his mouth with duct tape and stuffing him in the coat closet might be more *quiet* than openly ridiculing him until he yells at me and storms off, but I'm not sure it would actually be more fun at this point.

He's done a whole lot in the last several months to tick me off.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:32 PM (kff5f)

177 Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 Gigawatt SanityPod (tm) at November 23, 2015 01:29 PM (eDmrZ)

Sounds very reasonable.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 23, 2015 01:33 PM (No/ki)

178 And I see where Fox is pushing RINO Rubio since Jebbie the Hutt dropped off the board.

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:33 PM (t2KH5)

179 'republicans think lesbians are like isis'



Wait - lesbians are throwing gay people off of buildings?

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Bury the Hatchet and Other Weapons at the Outrage Outlet! at November 23, 2015 01:33 PM (hLRSq)

180 It's always Lesbians with you people!


You know, that's an actual problem.

You'd be surprised at the amount of droll and delightful commentary that gets driven away by that shit.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at November 23, 2015 01:33 PM (1xUj/)

181 Lessee here...

Table has Roast Turkey, Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy...

Brussel Sprouts with Bacon and Pine Nuts, Carrots, Yams, Jello Salad,

Pumpkin Pie, Apple Pie, Cherry Pie,

a-a-a-a-and Nope.

Don't see it anywhere.

Impeachment is off the table.

Posted by: Paul Ryan at November 23, 2015 01:33 PM (0cMkb)

182 51 OT, but boy-genius clock inventor Ahmad is cashing in. He wants $15 million from the Irving TX school district.

http://tinyurl.com/pcyuecr
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:08 PM (8ZskC)

Forgive me, but I hope the school district tells him to pound sand. What a sniveling, nasty sack of putrescence. Raised to be that way by his sniveling sack of putrescence father.



As for family, this is the first year in a long, long time I am not hosting dozens of people. I am so excited!! I get to sleep in, put the turkey on when I darn well feel like it, watch the parade, dog show and football. And thumb my nose at the Washington Post, which in its special Thanksgiving Sunday section, told me that three sides are sufficient, buy pie, and canned cranberry sauce is akin to killing Christ. I am making my pie, have SEVEN sides, and plopping that jellied sauce onto a lovely Noritake serving dish. The can ridges make it much easier to portion out.

Posted by: Moki at November 23, 2015 01:34 PM (7q2ch)

183 Its getting to be a tradition, the leftist idiots among us being given lines to repeat by their commissars.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at November 23, 2015 01:34 PM (39g3+)

184 The rest of my family is conservative. However, my parents' close friends who always join us, and the wife emigrated from Poland, and because her family was quite well-off during Communist rule, thinks Commie Obama is da bomb. Lurves the guy.It's disconcerting some of the stuff she says...

Posted by: Lizzy at November 23, 2015 01:34 PM (NOIQH)

185 Doctor: "Well Mr. Larimer, I've got celebratory and joyous news on your biopsy results!"


Patient: "F**k, I've got cancer, don't I!?

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 23, 2015 01:34 PM (NeFrd)

186 Clock boy's lawyers want 10 million.

Fuck. You.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at November 23, 2015 01:35 PM (fWAjv)

187 Wait - lesbians are throwing gay people off of buildings?

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Bury the Hatchet and Other Weapons at the Outrage Outlet! at November 23, 2015 01:33 PM (hLRSq)


Members of LBT, yeah.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 23, 2015 01:35 PM (zc3Db)

188 Obama told CIA analysts to quit with the bad news about ISIS and forward more favorable reports even if they were lies.


"The ISIS attack on Paris' Bataclan Theater interrupted performance that was mediocre at best, survivors say."

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:35 PM (8ZskC)

189 Most supporters of socialism here never had to live under a mostly socialist government.

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at November 23, 2015 01:35 PM (3r2w8)

190 Wait -- lesbians are throwing gay people off of buildings?
They call it glitter bombing.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (xodPA)

191

Lawyers Representing Ahmed Clock Kid Mohamed Demand $10 Million From City Of Irvine



Make it rain, Irvine!

weasel Zippers

Hum? How about the next President doesn't revoke your US Passport Asshole? How'dya like them Apples?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (gf8BH)

192 Usually I burp at them. Although that often incorrectly signifies a kinship. Very weird,

Posted by: Marcus T at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (GGCsk)

193 It's always Lesbians with you people!
Posted by: Garrett
-----------------------------------------------------
Remember you can join us any time you want! It's never to late to get rid of it.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (E5UB0)

194
"This is a holiday. Please take time off from celebrating how little you have accomplished and leave the rest of us in peace."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars(TM) at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (BK3ZS)

195 My family regards me as the lib... because I recycle.
Posted by: V the K


Communist!!

Posted by: Bossy Conservative...now older and senile at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (+1T7c)

196 Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:32 PM (kff5f)

Damn you for showing up.

Listen I have to get at least 2-3 hours of work in today or my enforcement mechanism kicks in (which is a friend coming and taking a chunk of my supply of .22 ammo away.)

Please be catching up later.

Posted by: tsrlbke PhD(c), rogue bioethicist at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (tM4uk)

197 The amazing thing is to witness the goodness and kindness and self restraint at a family gathering. There are always at least 2 assholes that show up and start spewing venom and everyone else is so polite and makes the holiday almost tolerable. That's how it is with my extended family at least.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 23, 2015 01:37 PM (2x3L+)

198 As if!

Talk to the hand.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 23, 2015 01:37 PM (LUgeY)

199 How to tell if you're the one your family is trying to survive.

1) You're serving tofurey.

2) You've invited an imam to explain why Islam is the religion of peace.

3) Instead of a prayer before the meal, you require everyone to give an example of how they've abused white privilege.

4) You great everyone by asking what their pronouns are.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at November 23, 2015 01:37 PM (GzyBG)

200 Lawyers Representing Ahmed Clock Kid Mohamed Demand $10 Million From City Of Irvine

Irvine? When did California get involved with this?

And if I were Irving, I too would tell clock boy and his parents to go pound sand. Or a camel. Whichever.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:37 PM (kff5f)

201 I've noticed that the obnoxious, too opinionated lib family members are usually the ones sitting down as guests at someone else's table, and rarely the ones cleaning, cooking, shopping and serving. Sad but true.

Posted by: some dope at November 23, 2015 01:37 PM (yvwr7)

202 Wait -- lesbians are throwing gay people off of buildings?
They call it glitter bombing.
Posted by: andycanuck at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (xodPA)

------

**shakes laptop**

Ya know.... Ive been here long enough to know better than to drink coffee and peruse comments at the same time.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:37 PM (8XRCm)

203 This year, I'm having Thanksgiving with my boss, whom I wish to taste his own blood before he dies in a fire. And, I have the pleasure of preparing and bringing ALL the food. Afterwards, I'll get to visit with his ex wife, and explore the majesty of "chicken 'n peaches".


I should have never married his daughter.

Posted by: Shoot me now. at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (9eYoy)

204 67 My family's pretty hardcore conservative, so we don't have these types of arguments.

My family regards me as the lib... because I recycle.
Posted by: V the K at November 23, 2015 01:12 PM (O7MnT)

Hah! I'm the one who gives them shit because they recycle!

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (kpqmD)

205 Damn you for showing up.

O.o

Well that was unexpected.

You know... you *do* have my email address.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (kff5f)

206 Talk to the hand.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy

Gag me with a spoon.

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (VAsIq)

207 Do not make Obama heads on your plate with taters

****


I'm going to try making stiffer mashed potatoes this year, maybe that'll help the ears hold their shape.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (NeFrd)

208 189 Most supporters of socialism here never had to live under a mostly socialist government.
Posted by: Max Rockatansky at November 23, 2015 01:35 PM (3r2w




And have no grasp whatsoever of what socialism means, or what living under it is like.


Imagine the world's worst homeowners' association on steroids with a galloping case of PMS. A whole boatload of people who have the right and the power to tell you what to do, and to make you do it.


You think "paper or plastic" was intrusive?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (oKE6c)

209 It never ceases to make me wonder why anyone would read anything written by someone so outwardly stupid, much less give her an award for being stupid.

http://goo.gl/NvmSmB

Posted by: maddogg at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (xWW96)

210 And I see where Fox is pushing RINO Rubio since Jebbie the Hutt dropped off the board.
Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:33 PM (t2KH5)


---------


They would all suck a dick to see Rubio win. And it shows.

Posted by: Soona at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (Fmupd)

211 Talk to the hand.
------
Head down; too busy using iPhone.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (xodPA)

212 *chin on hands*

Please, do go on.
Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:25 PM (mf5HN)


Yes, I thought of you when I saw that.

I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving. I mean, I'm not ace I hug everyone, but come on.

Posted by: Lea at November 23, 2015 01:39 PM (lIU4e)

213 You know... you *do* have my email address.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (kff5f)


You know I've sent you an email a while back, never heard back. Got busy.

Posted by: tsrlbke PhD(c), rogue bioethicist at November 23, 2015 01:39 PM (tM4uk)

214
"And BOOM! The turd in the punchbowl self-identifies for us. Sucks to be you."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars(TM) at November 23, 2015 01:39 PM (BK3ZS)

215 I'm going to try making stiffer mashed potatoes this year, maybe that'll help the ears hold their shape.
Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (NeFrd)




I don't believe mashed potato rheology is capable of supporting that kind of mass.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:39 PM (oKE6c)

216
Wait -- lesbians are throwing gay people off of buildings?

Girls, save the cooters!

Posted by: Sally Kohn, Lesbian Activist at November 23, 2015 01:39 PM (OiFtZ)

217 My family regards me as the lib... because I recycle.
Posted by: V the K


Communist!!
Posted by: Bossy Conservative...now older and senile at November 23, 2015 01:36 PM (+1T7c)


Now now, don't be too hasty. Why do you recycle?


Me, I recycle because my idiot county makes me pay for it, and my trashcan gets too full if I leave stuff like cardboard and large plastic containers in the regular bin.


Now, other than aluminum, I know all the rest of the crep I "recycle" ends up in the same landfill with all the stuff I put in my regular bin, but at least I don't overstuff my trashcan with oversized boxes and bottles and such.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 23, 2015 01:39 PM (Dj0WE)

218 For those with pro-Sanders unionist relatives. Would be interesting to ask them, "If he allows unrestricted immigration and you are the victim of of a terrorist attack because of it, how are you going to collect your pension? Is there any way they could betray you, even in theory, such that you would think that it is a mistake to give them more power?"

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:40 PM (E5UB0)

219 I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving.

You know the rule... pics or it didn't happen.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:40 PM (kff5f)

220 You know I've sent you an email a while back, never heard back.

Err... you did?

When?

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:40 PM (kff5f)

221 Preperation of the Thanksgiving battlespace with libtard relatives is a labor of love and must be crafted over a number of interim occasions. If done properly, they will treat you like some sort of highly unstable explosive compound and avoid political discussions at all costs. Any drift toward forbidden topics by the uninitiated will be quickly silenced by those with greater experience.

Posted by: Weasel at November 23, 2015 01:40 PM (6xtq3)

222 I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving.

-----

...... go on.....

Posted by: fixerupper at November 23, 2015 01:40 PM (8XRCm)

223 Imagine the world's worst homeowners' association on steroids with a galloping case of PMS. A whole boatload of people who have the right and the power to tell you what to do, and to make you do it.



And to physically fvck up up when you don't.

Posted by: rickb223 at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (hQt/L)

224 Clock boy wants ten million from the city of Irving, TX.
Any city official who gives this idea serious consideration should be held underwater until they change their mind.

Posted by: navybrat at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (Xodlv)

225 As for family, this is the first year in a long, long time I am not hosting dozens of people. I am so excited!! I get to sleep in, put the turkey on when I darn well feel like it, watch the parade, dog show and football. And thumb my nose at the Washington Post, which in its special Thanksgiving Sunday section, told me that three sides are sufficient, buy pie, and canned cranberry sauce is akin to killing Christ. I am making my pie, have SEVEN sides, and plopping that jellied sauce onto a lovely Noritake serving dish. The can ridges make it much easier to portion out.
Posted by: Moki at November 23, 2015 01:34 PM (7q2ch)



We are going to my brother's. WHO TOTALLY EXISTS BC ahem. My brother is one of those annoying people who wanders into the kitchen, randomly opens some cupboards and the fridge, throws things in the oven and an hour later a seven course feast fit for picturing on the cover of Bon Appetit comes out.

One year, Mommy made cranberry dressing instead of getting it in the can in an attempt to have something new and because she thought my brother would like it, what with him being a gourmet cook. He was all but but but where are the lines from the can! That's how you know where to cut it!

Awhile back, someone was giving my sister in law crap because she does all the dish washing. She stared at that person and was all the hell is wrong with you, I haven't had to cook a meal in years, of course I do the washing up, cook doesn't clean were you raised by wolves.

Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (mf5HN)

226 166 This is my sister. Trying to start a 3-D printing business and hitting up my rich parents for money. She is a failed lawyer and is always projecting and running her stupid mouth about how great socialism is.
Posted by: L, Elle at November 23, 2015 01:31 PM (2x3L+)

L'Elle!!!!!! I don't know if you got my response to your lovely report on the dinner, but in case you didn't:

1. It was all you, sugar. I gave some hints, but you did all the work, the worry and you deserve Every. Bit. of Credit.

2. I am so very happy it went well, and you received so many compliments. Well deserved.

3. Now realize, that by doing a good job, you will be required to do this every year. Cursed by Competence.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving!!!!
Air smooches !!!

Posted by: Moki at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (7q2ch)

227 I'm going to try making stiffer mashed potatoes this year, maybe that'll help the ears hold their shape.
Serve sliced yams for use as the ears.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (xodPA)

228 Obama told CIA analysts to quit with the bad news about ISIS and forward more favorable reports even if they were lies.

-
Ah, Joyce Carol Oates intelligence reports.

But really, Joyce, the joyful thing about ISIS is that you'd have to cover your face and shut your mouth.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (GzyBG)

229 I like to recycle. I love to pull the bullet lead out of the trap and remelt it into new bullets. Guess that makes me a libtard?

Posted by: maddogg at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (xWW96)

230 222 I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving.

-----

...... go on.....



The fickle finger of fate.........

Posted by: rickb223 at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (hQt/L)

231 I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving.


Did she get a boner?

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (kpqmD)

232
I'm pretty sure I have a family member who will be reading straight from this script. And we won't even be at my house, so I can't just kick him out.
Posted by: AllenG




"Hey. how about a friendly family game of touch football?!"

Then wait until his head is turned and fire a bullet pass at the back of his noggin from 5 feet away.

"Oh dear! He's just lying there -- twitching. We should probably take him to urgent care. Are any of them open today -- and does he have insurance?"

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:42 PM (kdS6q)

233 Got busy.

Posted by: tsrlbke PhD(c)

Attaboy!

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at November 23, 2015 01:42 PM (VAsIq)

234 boy-genius clock inventor Ahmad is cashing in. He wants $15 million from the Irving TX school district.

Yeah proper response is to say "good luck with that" and ignore him. Even if the entire episode wasn't enormously suspicious and he hadn't previously been a troublemaker, even if it was bigotry and the school district was being outrageous... they owe him nothing.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at November 23, 2015 01:42 PM (39g3+)

235 Ace-Isn't this like a Thanksgiving tradition-a post about stupid stuff liberals may say at your holiday dinner.?ast year it was about Obamacare, but hasn't this been going on since the ascendance of "Hope and Change" to power?

Tradition! Tradition!

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 23, 2015 01:42 PM (No/ki)

236 I am making my pie, have SEVEN sides, and plopping
that jellied sauce onto a lovely Noritake serving dish. The can ridges
make it much easier to portion out.


Posted by: Moki

I'm cooking spareribs on the grill on Thanksgiving, because my oldest son really doesn't like turkey, and my wife thinks it's too much work to cook one.

BBQ spareribs, mashed potatoes, cornbread, green beans, salad, cranberry relish (on the cornbread, if you choose), one home made apple pie, one store-bought cherry crumb pie.

And beer; lotsa beer.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative...now older and senile at November 23, 2015 01:42 PM (+1T7c)

237 Posted by: Turd Ferguson at November 23, 2015 01:42 PM (VAsIq)

Well that was like 11 months ago .

Posted by: tsrlbke PhD(c), rogue bioethicist at November 23, 2015 01:43 PM (tM4uk)

238 But really, Joyce, the joyful thing about ISIS is that you'd have to cover your face and shut your mouth.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (GzyBG)


The most wonderful thing about ISIS is they're the only one?

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:43 PM (kff5f)

239 Mom...Dad...I have a confession to make. I enrolled in fashion design school...so I could get chicks to take their clothes off around me.

Actually, that was the plot of an episode of Workaholics, where the workaholics gang decided to "help" a gay teen come out to his homophobic cop father.

Except, it turned out the kid wasn't gay.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? at November 23, 2015 01:44 PM (r9tFS)

240
I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving. I mean, I'm not ace I hug everyone, but come on.
Posted by: Lea




Dear Penthouse Letters,

I never though that something like this could happened to me -- especially at Thanksgiving!

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:44 PM (kdS6q)

241 The one thing positive about ISIS is that they openly piss in the faces of the socialists and expose them for the delusional imbeciles they really are.

Posted by: maddogg at November 23, 2015 01:45 PM (xWW96)

242 They are embarrassed and ashamed of their own family, just as they are embarrassed and ashamed of America

This is common for adolescents. Adult lefties just stop growing up, at a very early age.

Posted by: some dope at November 23, 2015 01:45 PM (yvwr7)

243 We have a similar thankfulness celebration. Translated it is called "So far I am still alive."

We sit together in a bunker eating roasted goat entrails. After the meal, we watch YouTube videos of friends and relatives who have been martyred over the past year. Occasionally we play "dodge bomb" which occurs when an enemy drone has been spotted nearby.

Posted by: ISIS Traditionalist at November 23, 2015 01:45 PM (UhRGU)

244 If Obama can't raise taxes directly, he can do so indirectly by importing clock making Muslim immigrants to sue school districts for large amounts and settle out of court.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:45 PM (E5UB0)

245 I'm cooking spareribs on the grill on Thanksgiving, because my oldest son really doesn't like turkey, and my wife thinks it's too much work to cook one.

My family hit on a new Thanksgiving tradition last year: Cracker Barrel and then somebody's house for pie and games.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:45 PM (kff5f)

246 The one thing positive about ISIS is that they openly piss in the faces of the socialists and expose them for the delusional imbeciles they really are.

So then our main challenge is logistics.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (8ZskC)

247 "They didn't gloat around me when Obama was elected, so I didn't gloat when Walker won three times."
=======

On the night Obama was elected, I sent my nephew a congratulatory email. His response was that he wouldn't gloat about winning since Obama's successful presidency would do it for him.

He really was a sweet kid, and still is, but the boy went progtard ten years ago and never came back.

When he got married earlier this year, he included a note on his gift registry that he didn't want gift wrapping on any gift. For environmental reasons.

Posted by: Kensington at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (7Kbxu)

248 217 Me, I recycle because my idiot county makes me pay
for it, and my trashcan gets too full if I leave stuff like cardboard
and large plastic containers in the regular bin.





Now, other than aluminum, I know all the rest of the crep I
"recycle" ends up in the same landfill with all the stuff I put in my
regular bin, but at least I don't overstuff my trashcan with oversized
boxes and bottles and such.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 23, 2015 01:39 PM (Dj0WE)

Our county used to do that with "special" bags that you had to buy. People finally had a belly full and raised hell. So they implemented a new "trash tax" and quit selling the bags. So the property owners got stiffed and renters made out because the owners did not pass the new tax on.

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (t2KH5)

249 240
I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving. I mean, I'm not ace I hug everyone, but come on.
Posted by: Lea




Dear Penthouse Letters,

I never though that something like this could happened to me -- especially at Thanksgiving!
Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:44 PM (kdS6q)

Juicy breasts and homemade stuffing will never hold the same meaning again...

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (kpqmD)

250 So ace wouldn't hug a lesbian? Guess that would depend on the lesbian.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (E5UB0)

251 >>>> I've noticed that the obnoxious, too opinionated lib family members are usually the ones sitting down as guests at someone else's table, and rarely the ones cleaning, cooking, shopping and serving. Sad but true.
Posted by: some dope at November 23, 2015 01:37 PM
------
Am I related to you? This is so true! That's exactly what it is like the idiot sister and uncle and one cousin. They show up acting like they're doing a favor for everyone to be blessed with their company and then do nothing to help, never bring a dessert or side dish and then proceed to ruin the whole holiday.

Needless to say, I stopped attending the holidays I love the most because of this. I just do my own thing and invite people I like. I would recommend this to anyone who has family like mine. I love a handful of holidays because they are personally meaningful to me. I'm not going to let people I don't even like and who hate me take that away from me.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (2x3L+)

252 Posted by: ISIS Traditionalist at November 23, 2015 01:45 PM (UhRGU)

Achmed? Is that you?

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (kff5f)

253 Now, other than aluminum, I know all the rest of
the crep I "recycle" ends up in the same landfill with all the stuff I
put in my regular bin, but at least I don't overstuff my trashcan with
oversized boxes and bottles and such.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 23, 2015 01:39 PM (Dj0WE)

I had that discussion with a business acquaintance who disputed my presumption that most of the recycling bin ended up as trash. He told me that he knew a guy who made money off of recycling. On drilling down, I found out that he did this not through generating economic value, but through gaming government sweeteners, and I (nicely) pointed that out to my acquaintance. You can make money collecting used diapers if the government will pay you for it. That doesn't mean it's economically worthwhile.
For me, the tipoff was what the Mexican trashpickers go for: glass and aluminum. They paw through piles of other "recyclables" to get those. Gotta be a reason for that.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (oKE6c)

254 The one thing positive about ISIS is that they openly piss in the faces of the socialists and expose them for the delusional imbeciles they really are.


yeah but to fair to ISIS, only after they have decapitated them

Posted by: Nevergiveup at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (gf8BH)

255 My family hit on a new Thanksgiving tradition last year: Cracker Barrel

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther)

Why has no one forced Cracker Barrel to change their racist and outdated name?

Posted by: Turd Ferguson, Cracker at November 23, 2015 01:47 PM (VAsIq)

256 I will be serving my liberal relatives plastic turkey in honor of George Bush.

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at November 23, 2015 01:47 PM (3r2w8)

257 My niece is a sweet girl, too. She starts college next year.

I'm bracing myself to lose her forever to the leftists, too. It doesn't help that her father's one, too.

Posted by: Kensington at November 23, 2015 01:48 PM (7Kbxu)

258 That's exactly what it is like the idiot sister and uncle and one
cousin. They show up acting like they're doing a favor for everyone to
be blessed with their company and then do nothing to help, never bring a
dessert or side dish and then proceed to ruin the whole holiday.




It's an allegory for California's experience.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:48 PM (oKE6c)

259 The can ridges make it much easier to portion out.
Posted by: Moki at November 23, 2015 01:34 PM (7q2ch)


One year, Mommy made cranberry dressing instead of getting it in the can in an attempt to have something new and because she thought my brother would like it, what with him being a gourmet cook. He was all but but but where are the lines from the can! That's how you know where to cut it!


Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches



Heathens, the lot of you!

OK, until recently I thought that cranberry sauce was something that required some sort of industrial production machinery and could only be left to the OceanSpray Overlord.

Then I found out all you have to do is boil the shit out of some cranberries and add something sweet to it. (I use maple syrup and orange peel).

It turns into cranberry sauce all by itself!

Posted by: Bandersnatch at November 23, 2015 01:48 PM (1xUj/)

260 One year, Mommy made cranberry dressing instead of getting it in the can in an attempt to have something new and because she thought my brother would like it, what with him being a gourmet cook. He was all but but but where are the lines from the can! That's how you know where to cut it!

Awhile back, someone was giving my sister in law crap because she does all the dish washing. She stared at that person and was all the hell is wrong with you, I haven't had to cook a meal in years, of course I do the washing up, cook doesn't clean were you raised by wolves.
Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (mf5HN)


Why I love you ATC. You and your family rock.

Hubby and I got into a five hour argument on Saturday because he cooked breakfast, and then tried to clean up afterwards. That is not how this works, dammit.

Posted by: Moki at November 23, 2015 01:48 PM (7q2ch)

261 This year, I'm having Thanksgiving with my boss, whom I wish to taste his own blood before he dies in a fire. And, I have the pleasure of preparing and bringing ALL the food. Afterwards, I'll get to visit with his ex wife, and explore the majesty of "chicken 'n peaches".


I should have never married his daughter.

Posted by: Shoot me now. at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (9eYoy)

Once in a while I'm happy being single. Reading posts like these is one of those times.

Posted by: Blano at November 23, 2015 01:48 PM (C3E0x)

262 My family hit on a new Thanksgiving tradition last year: Cracker Barrel and then somebody's house for pie and games.
Posted by: AllenG

Not so loud. My wife loves Cracker Barrel.

She actually cooks for a living (she works for a catering service) and really is not always in the mood to cook at home. Which is too bad, because she is a pretty good cook most of the time.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative...now older and senile at November 23, 2015 01:48 PM (+1T7c)

263 Juicy breasts and homemade stuffing will never hold the same meaning again...

Posted by: Insomniac

I have to purchase my stuffing

Posted by: Anonymous Horde Member # 1376 at November 23, 2015 01:49 PM (VAsIq)

264 Why has no one forced Cracker Barrel to change their racist and outdated name?

Posted by: Turd Ferguson, Cracker at November 23, 2015 01:47 PM (VAsIq)


Nobody gets upset at the name of a silly restaurant.

Posted by: Sambo's at November 23, 2015 01:49 PM (8ZskC)

265 Will there be a clockboy parade float at the Thanksgiving Day parade?

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:49 PM (E5UB0)

266 >>>Why has no one forced Cracker Barrel to change their racist and outdated name?

Posted by: Turd Ferguson, Cracker at November 23, 2015 01:47 PM (VAsIq)<<

Yes. That is very offensive.

Posted by: The Barrel at November 23, 2015 01:49 PM (REdlt)

267 Why has no one forced Cracker Barrel to change their racist and outdated name?

Posted by: Turd Ferguson, Cracker at November 23, 2015 01:47 PM (VAsIq)


Because they all have at least 2 12 gauge shotguns on the wall?

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:49 PM (kff5f)

268
Ross Douthat
How to Explain to Clueless Relatives How Your Business Model Relies on A Certain Percentage of Hate-Clicks: A Thanksgiving Story

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:49 PM (kdS6q)

269 He was all but but but where are the lines from the can! That's how you know where to cut it!

This is how my family is. My grandmother used to make homemade. It was great. But if you bothered making it, someone would still insist on buying the canned and then it's like what's the point?

Posted by: Lea at November 23, 2015 01:49 PM (lIU4e)

270 Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:46 PM (oKE6c)

Apparently it's possible to squeak out a profit on corrugated cardboard, but only if you do it efficiently and in massive volume.
Problem is (from what I've been reading) that the single stream systems are causing too high of a contamination rate with other things (mostly plastic and paper, which actually creates a problem for cardboard reprocessing.)
Aluminum and steel (which is turning up more in cans) are easy to get out of the mix (magnets for one, and electrical eddies for the other.)

Posted by: tsrlbke PhD(c), rogue bioethicist at November 23, 2015 01:50 PM (tM4uk)

271 "So ace wouldn't hug a lesbian? Guess that would depend on the lesbian."

What happens at NoVaMoMee, stays at NoVaMoMee.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at November 23, 2015 01:50 PM (ptqRm)

272
David Burge
How to Argue With Your Crazy Right Wing 8-Year Old Cousin After Your Crazy Uncle Sends You To the Thanksgiving Kids Table

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:50 PM (kdS6q)

273 Awhile back, someone was giving my sister in law crap because she does all the dish washing. She stared at that person and was all the hell is wrong with you, I haven't had to cook a meal in years, of course I do the washing up, cook doesn't clean were you raised by wolves.

Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:41 PM (mf5HN)


Years ago my brother's mother-in-law from Colombia was visiting and we were at the parent's house, and after dinner me and my brother's bussed the tabled and started cleaning everything up because it is what we do. Surprised the heck out of her because in Colombia that is women's work.

Cleaning up is the easy part of the whole meal.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Bury the Hatchet and Other Weapons at the Outrage Outlet! at November 23, 2015 01:50 PM (hLRSq)

274 I've noticed that the obnoxious, too opinionated lib family members are
usually the ones sitting down as guests at someone else's table, and
rarely the ones cleaning, cooking, shopping and serving. Sad but true.

Posted by: some dope at November 23, 2015 01:37 PM





An eternal verity of the Universe: liberals MUST bring up their idiotic politics in every social occasion, usually in an impressively obnoxious fashion, totally unmindful of the likelihood that they're offending the crap out of some people in attendance.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:51 PM (oKE6c)

275 I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving. I mean, I'm not ace I hug everyone, but come on.
Posted by: Lea




Dear Penthouse Letters,

I never though that something like this could happened to me -- especially at Thanksgiving!
Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 23, 2015 01:44 PM (kdS6q)

Juicy breasts and homemade stuffing will never hold the same meaning again...
Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016

And now.....the story of creamed onions

Posted by: That's just not right at November 23, 2015 01:51 PM (326rv)

276 Darn it. Now it's time to work-at-work again...

Later, Horde.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) - Fire-hooks and Rock Salt for sale at November 23, 2015 01:51 PM (kff5f)

277 Moki!!! Yay! I tried posting that a few times on threads and kept missing you.

No, it was all you. I would have ordered buffalo wings and bacon cheeseburgers if left to my own devices. The country club sophicated woman who usually does the ordering was really impressed with the menu, maybe a little threatened even because the food was so well received and got so many compliments.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 23, 2015 01:51 PM (2x3L+)

278 Posted by: Sambo's at November 23, 2015 01:49 PM (8Z

Does it get you mad that people think you're African when you're Indian?

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at November 23, 2015 01:52 PM (3r2w8)

279 nood

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 23, 2015 01:53 PM (t2KH5)

280 "I should have never married his daughter. "

I guess, "Sorry Boss, clocked out and going home to schtupp your daughter" is right out there, eh?

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at November 23, 2015 01:53 PM (ptqRm)

281 Newthread.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 23, 2015 01:53 PM (E5UB0)

282 203 This year, I'm having Thanksgiving with my boss, whom I wish to taste his own blood before he dies in a fire. And, I have the pleasure of preparing and bringing ALL the food. Afterwards, I'll get to visit with his ex wife, and explore the majesty of "chicken 'n peaches".


I should have never married his daughter.
Posted by: Shoot me now. at November 23, 2015 01:38 PM (9eYoy)

------------------

Well at least you can say you are banging the boss' daughter.

Posted by: Make America Great Again at November 23, 2015 01:54 PM (LXJ1e)

283 I'm looking forward to the spate of gay-friendly ads about friendly gays in our midst, as already seen from Kohl's, Campbell's, Hallmark, etc.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at November 23, 2015 01:54 PM (zHKuc)

284 Apparently it's possible to squeak out a profit on corrugated cardboard, but only if you do it efficiently and in massive volume.
Problem is (from what I've been reading) that the single stream systems are causing too high of a contamination rate with other things (mostly plastic and paper, which actually creates a problem for cardboard reprocessing.)

Aluminum and steel (which is turning up more in cans) are easy to get out of the mix (magnets for one, and electrical eddies for the other.)
Posted by: tsrlbke PhD(c), rogue bioethicist at November 23, 2015 01:50 PM (tM4uk)




The funny part is that we ourselves have long recycled aluminum cans, for which the recycling center pays a considerable sum. A bag of cans ends up as something like $20, so not trivial. Throw them in the recycling bin? Don't think so.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at November 23, 2015 01:54 PM (oKE6c)

285 Juicy breasts and homemade stuffing will never hold the same meaning again...
Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016

And now.....the story of creamed onions
Posted by: That's just not right at November 23, 2015 01:51 PM (326rv)



----------------------


Or: Hey, baby. That ain't a turkey neck in my pants.

Posted by: Soona at November 23, 2015 01:55 PM (Fmupd)

286 What was his PhD in? Ancient Roman gardening.

Look, I don't want to call you uneducated or anything, but the first book written in Latin was by Cato the Elder, and it was about...gardening. This is the Cato who invented "delenda est." There is a lot to be learned from Roman gardeners. The Founders read them, in Greek and in Latin.

If a guy with a PhD in Roman Gardening goes all the way through a seven-course dinner without a good story, he's a damned poor student. Teacher. Student teacher.

Company near here, makes flex drain tube, had a Roman history student one summer as intern. Turns out, the Romans made some drainage tube in an arch shape. She wanted to figure out why. When she did (and there's a good dinner story in that), they changed the shape of one of their products. It worked.

Trouble with SJW-brand scholars is not that their knowledge is irrelevant. It's that they themselves believe it is. They're just lousy story-tellers.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at November 23, 2015 01:57 PM (xq1UY)

287 Moki, did your husband perhaps fall and hit his head whilst making breakfast? Because otherwise the hell.

Heathens, the lot of you!

OK, until recently I thought that cranberry sauce was something that required some sort of industrial production machinery and could only be left to the OceanSpray Overlord.

Then I found out all you have to do is boil the shit out of some cranberries and add something sweet to it. (I use maple syrup and orange peel).

It turns into cranberry sauce all by itself!
Posted by: Bandersnatch at November 23, 2015 01:48 PM (1xUj/)


But how do you get the can ridges in it?


Also nood.

Posted by: alexthechick - love and despair bitches at November 23, 2015 01:58 PM (mf5HN)

288 Ace forgot to take his Ritalin today. What happened to the 800 post comment threads and 3 hour delays btwn posts.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 23, 2015 01:58 PM (2x3L+)

289 277

Heh. That is awesome!! I am so very happy it worked out so well!!!

Posted by: Moki at November 23, 2015 01:59 PM (7q2ch)

290
For elderly American's, holidays are the perfect time to invite your unappreciative liberal relatives and give them the good news.

Firstly, this will be the last time you are invited to my house to bitch, moan, complain about the food, and attempt to create arguments to make themselves feel good about your liberal mania.

The second and most important item on the agenda is informing the malcontents they will not be recipients of your larges upon your passing, and every fucking dime you've accumulated over the previous 60 or so years, will be gifted to the NRA, Salvation Army, friends, and worthy charitable causes, etc.

Yes, fuck them!

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 23, 2015 02:00 PM (OiFtZ)

291 Good, you saw that Moki. I was purposely wilowing myself in the hope that you read that.

Big hug, Moki. You're the bestest

Posted by: L, Elle at November 23, 2015 02:01 PM (2x3L+)

292 When he got married earlier this year, he included a note on his gift registry that he didn't want gift wrapping on any gift. For environmental reasons.
Posted by: Kensington

I'd have to comply and one up him by giving him an unboxed gift of "raising awareness"

Posted by: x at November 23, 2015 02:01 PM (57fhp)

293 Loss of hearing is one of the too-few benefits of getting old.

Posted by: bourbonchicken at November 23, 2015 02:04 PM (ORMc9)

294 Now now, don't be too hasty. Why do you recycle?

Pavlovian response to having a "recyclable" item to throw away.

Posted by: Goat at November 23, 2015 02:12 PM (0NdlF)

295 Creepy eyed ruminant sock off.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster at November 23, 2015 02:12 PM (0NdlF)

296 The parents, sister, and myself are all Bible thumping conservatives so there will be no tip toe through the tulips of Progressive Theology. Its sad to hear that Thanksgiving's everywhere are being shat on by Pajama Boy's.

Posted by: Puddleglum at November 23, 2015 02:49 PM (ptuLX)

297 231
I will say one of the lesbians at the party hugged me a wee bit too long when she was leaving.




Did she get a boner?

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016

Winning!!!

Posted by: Charlie Sheen at November 23, 2015 08:33 PM (3b9U4)

(Jump to top of page)






Processing 0.03, elapsed 0.0419 seconds.
15 queries taking 0.0173 seconds, 306 records returned.
Page size 170 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.



MuNuvians
MeeNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!

Real Clear Politics
Gallup
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat