Open Blog Challenge: Can You Beat BuzzFeed's Clickbait Headline Writers?

So BuzzFeed annoyed everyone with this headline, which they spread far and wide over their clickbait circuits:

J.K. Rowling Just Served This Epic Clapback To A Hater On Twitter

Incidentally, if you click, you'll see this article merits a "YASSSSS" in BuzzFeed's rating scheme.

So, you're probably thinking: Holy shit, I can't wait to see what Epic shit the world's most famous Muggle said to some internet Hater.

I mean, it garnered the coveted YASSSSS rating which, heretofore, I assumed was just an urban legend kids told their younger brothers to fill their minds with fear and wonder.

Well, if you were excited to learn the answer, You Lose. But I think that's pretty much just BuzzFeed's corporate motto.

BuzzFeed

You Lose.

So here was the "epic" "clapback," whatever the shit that is:

.@sjosiah0 The Internet doesn’t just offer opportunities for misogynistic abuse, you know. Penis enlargers can also be bought discreetly.
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) May 8, 2015

BOOM, huh?

Anyway, lies annoy me, and carnival barking annoys me, and all these trivial little nothings competing for attention by turning themselves into Virtual Walking Sandwich Board Human Advertisements shrieking about this or that Miracle Tonic annoy me.

BuzzFeed is the worst. Oh, lots of other people do this shit, like Upworthy, but BuzzFeed combines Idiocracy-type insidious branding with ubiquity and reach.

I've seen hell: It's miles and miles of smoking corridors with a million internet losers carnival-barking their One Weird Trick and 19 Killer GIFs at you. Forever.

BuzzFeed is like that guy you don't like who's always trying to make himself the center of attention by saying stupid shit like OMG ISN'T THIS GREAT GUYS until you become mentally exhausted and abandon him in the woods with a cigarette and a gun with a single bullet.

The Warden pitched some BuzzFeed style headlines, and I jumped in.

Warden:

Your Mind Will Literally Fucking Explode Like In Scanners When You See Ace In These Yoga Pants

This Furry Thing Doing A Human-Like Thing Is So Incredible That You'll Shoot Your Wife In The Face

Me (bringing the hype down to a realistic level):

You Will Remember What This Little Boy Did For His Dad All the Way Until Your Next Trip to the Shitter

Me, ripping off an old LauraW. joke:

This Puppy's Cuteness Will Fuck You In The Heart With Love-Shaped Dildos

Warden:

This Soldier's Emotional Reunion Will Make You Cry Tears Straight Out Of Your Dick

Me:

19 "Who's the Boss" GIFs That Are So Hilarious You'll Run Right Down Here to Chow My Poop-Vagina

So, I thought of you guys.

Are you smarter than a BuzzFeed contract employee?

Posted by: Ace at 07:04 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Rowling's tweet seems incoherent to me. And that's saying something.

Posted by: Chris Mathews at May 08, 2015 07:06 PM (53CCM)

2 Crazy old bird fans on Clapton comments

Posted by: derit at May 08, 2015 07:09 PM (jT+gh)

3 THIS MONTAGE OF VLADIMIR PUTIN WRESTLING BEARS IS SO MANLY YOUR WIFE WILL GROW A COCK AND MAKE LIKE BRANDO WITH THE BUTTER ON YOUR ASS

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 07:11 PM (HGZNP)

4 23 Decorative Throw Pillows So Tastefully Appropriate You'll Shit Bricks of Pure Wonder

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 07:12 PM (DcUSU)

5 WOW Crazed Rich Law Student Gets Congressional Hearing because She Cant Afford Free Condoms

Posted by: madamex at May 08, 2015 07:13 PM (1zsKV)

6 WOW Crazed Rich Law Student Gets Congressional Hearing because She Cant Afford Free Condoms

Posted by: madamex at May 08, 2015 07:13 PM (1zsKV)

7 I apparently missed the James Franco thread but I pretty much decided I adore him when I read the part of the article about getting fired from random jobs in high school for reading.

The best thing is on buzzfeed are those little Americans eat Japanese snacks/Australians eat American snacks/Chinese people eat at Panda Express videos. I can watch those for ages.

For jk...um she is a children's author. Don't makes jokes about penis enlargement online where people might read it. Have a little class.

Posted by: Lea at May 08, 2015 07:13 PM (vmMMi)

8 Whatever this guy said to Ms. Rowling to piss her off, we may never know, as his account has been suspended by Twitter. What a surprise...

Posted by: The Oort Cloud - SMOD is inbound at May 08, 2015 07:14 PM (yTMXB)

9 THIS CHILD'S GIFT REQUEST TO THE MALL SANTA IS SO CUTE THAT IT'LL RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN HUMANITY AND PROBABLY END THE ISRAELI-PALESTINIAN CONFLICT TOO

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 07:15 PM (DcUSU)

10 check out this one weird trick that made a welfare queen a billionaire

Posted by: other stuff Jesus said at May 08, 2015 07:15 PM (n5fTN)

11 Um... I'm not sure I have any idea what this is about.

Posted by: rickl at May 08, 2015 07:15 PM (sdi6R)

12 I am Groot

Posted by: Buzzfeed writer at May 08, 2015 07:16 PM (jWtyG)

13 SEVEN TIMES JON STEWART OWNED THE RIGHT WING SO HARD HE LITERALLY TRAVELED BACK IN TIME AND PUNCHED CALVIN COOLIDGE IN THE DICK

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 07:16 PM (HGZNP)

14 This mom discovered a simple trick that will make you immortal.

Posted by: eleven at May 08, 2015 07:16 PM (MDgS8)

15 You Won't Believe the Soul-Crushing Technique This Web Site Uses to Lure Rubes Into Its Soulless Maw

Posted by: zombie at May 08, 2015 07:17 PM (jBuUi)

16 THESE 14 RECIPES FOR BRAISED ASPARAGUS ARE SO DELICIOUS THAT EVERYTHING ELSE TASTES LIKE THE BAD PART OF A DIRTY GOAT'S ASS IN COMPARISON

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 07:17 PM (DcUSU)

17 TRUTH SO AUTHENTIC YOU WILL EVEN STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!

Posted by: DM at May 08, 2015 07:17 PM (j/tOh)

18 Remember when this shit was something you got in your email? And writers complained about it on their websites? And billion dollar industries sprouted up in a vain effort to defeat it? And the government actually got involved (CANSPAM)? And many of us seriously reconsidered our political positions on habeus corpus, cruel and unusual punishment, extrajudicial punishment, the death penalty, and due process when it came to catching and eliminating spammers?

Now the apoplexy-triggering spam is the Internet.

Posted by: Funkotron at May 08, 2015 07:17 PM (c7rW1)

19 Your Ears Will Melt With White Hot Rage When You Hear What This Gigantic Assed Angry Klingon Said As A Major Diss to the USA

Posted by: tu3031 at May 08, 2015 07:17 PM (YFFpo)

20
Yes, I am smarter than a Buzzfeed employee because I don't work for them.

I live in the real world.

Posted by: irongrampa at May 08, 2015 07:18 PM (jeCnD)

21
Check Out This One Weird Trick That Could Earn You Up to $9.50 Per Hour

Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:18 PM (PA7DS)

22 Click Here to See Why the Same Reverse-Psychology Trick Works Over and Over on Stupid Tweeners

Posted by: zombie at May 08, 2015 07:18 PM (jBuUi)

23 How much does BuzzFeed pay these people?
Seriously, how much?

Posted by: Costanza Defense at May 08, 2015 07:19 PM (ZPrif)

24 These Tender Performances Of James Joyce's Love Letters To His Wife As Read By Mentally Challenged Fiancees To Each Other Will Make You Cry Or Perhaps Vomit

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 07:19 PM (HGZNP)

25 I can't stop laughing at Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 07:17

Well done.

Posted by: dogfish at May 08, 2015 07:19 PM (jWtyG)

26 CLICK HERE TO SHRIVEL TROLLS LIKE SALT ON A SLUG!

Posted by: DM at May 08, 2015 07:20 PM (j/tOh)

27 Poop box was better jezzuz ace.

Posted by: River Guide at May 08, 2015 07:20 PM (RJMhd)

28
More reason to hate 'em:

Every 750 employee of Buzzfeed is getting a free Apple Watch. Their founder and CEO, Jonah Peretti, promised the perk back in November 2014 as long as Buzzfeed hit 200 million unique visitors and 750 million video views in a single month.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at May 08, 2015 07:20 PM (kdS6q)

29 We Photoshopped This Tea Party Sign to Have a Misspelling So Funny That You Will Travel to Moscow and Suck Off Lenin's Mummified Corpse

Posted by: zombie at May 08, 2015 07:20 PM (jBuUi)

30 Off to the elementary school "Barn Dance." In the rain and hail. Love you Morons. Thanks for being you.

Posted by: Bob's House of Flannel Shirts and Wallet Chains at May 08, 2015 07:21 PM (yxw0r)

31 Buzzfeed is bad, but the absolute worst is the Blaze. Which really sucks because it does a pretty good job of being a right spectrum/libertarian news aggregate website, which we really need, but their headline writers do the worst clickbait headlines immaginable. It's gotten to the point where theBlaze is unreadable. It's always some bullshit like:

"This guy was just going for a nice stroll down the street, what happens next will change your life forever...."
or just this from today...
"Cops Catch Woman and High Schooler in Back Seat of a Car That Smelled of Pot. Just Guess How They Know Each Other."

Fuck the Blaze, and Glenn Beck.

Posted by: DepressedSF at May 08, 2015 07:21 PM (zn1B2)

32 Like, are Buzzfeed writer really making enough scratch off this crap to live in NYC?

Or is this Group Home in Outer Omaha money?

Posted by: Costanza Defense at May 08, 2015 07:21 PM (ZPrif)

33 Master your shift lock like Luke his lightsaber.

Posted by: DM at May 08, 2015 07:22 PM (j/tOh)

34 The Retard Says What? What? The Retard Says What? What? Ha Ha -- You're a Retard!

Posted by: zombie at May 08, 2015 07:22 PM (jBuUi)

35
Your Life Will Never Be The Same After You Watch This Video Of Us Executing Your Kidnapped Daughter

Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:22 PM (PA7DS)

36 Police Hunting Waffle House Masturbator After Obama Visit

Posted by: wth at May 08, 2015 07:23 PM (wAQA5)

37 This off topic, but my poor Jags. Our first round pick, who we drafted just eight days ago, tore his ACL in rookie Practice and is out for the season.

Posted by: Mike at May 08, 2015 07:23 PM (c056A)

38 10 everyday household items that will turn your children gay.

Posted by: eleven at May 08, 2015 07:23 PM (MDgS8)

39 This place sells Coffee so black fat white girls line up around the block

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet at May 08, 2015 07:23 PM (KbNXw)

40 J.K. Rowling not sorry for disparaging millions of men.

Posted by: The MSM at May 08, 2015 07:24 PM (53CCM)

41 You must learn this One Weird Trick to spotting people that want to steal your shit via government.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:24 PM (FAbks)

42 We Respect Our Readers So Much That We Bait Them With Moronic Carny Techniques Invented to Rip Off Hayseeds in the 1880s.

Posted by: zombie at May 08, 2015 07:24 PM (jBuUi)

43
This Family of Ducks Is So Adorable You Won't Believe What We're Planning To Do With Their Livers

Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:24 PM (PA7DS)

44 YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHO JUST GOT A TOTALLY-AWESOME MAUSER GEW 98!

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 08, 2015 07:24 PM (a42f0)

45 These Mother's Day Cards By Norwegian Amputee Children Will Break Your Heart So Hard You Will Dig Up Your Mother's Corpse And Apologize To It While Cutting Off Your Own Limbs

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 07:24 PM (HGZNP)

46 and abandon him in the woods with a cigarette and a gun with a single bullet.

You'll only wish the cretins you associate with were worth a cigarette.

That asshole would have to step up 3 levels to be trustworthy with a last bullet.

I might have missed the whole point?

Posted by: DaveA at May 08, 2015 07:25 PM (DL2i+)

47 You Won't Believe Your Eyes When You See The Mind Boggling Carnage This Defective Elastic Exercise Band Inflicts Upon This US Senator

Posted by: tu3031 at May 08, 2015 07:25 PM (YFFpo)

48 Obama displays a nearly imperceptible set of nods, grunts and clicks.

Posted by: DM at May 08, 2015 07:25 PM (j/tOh)

49
This off topic, but my poor Jags. Our first round pick, who we drafted just eight days ago, tore his ACL in rookie Practice and is out for the season.

Yep. Every fan in the NFL is clutching their Rosary beads right now.

Even the non-Catholics.

Posted by: eleven at May 08, 2015 07:25 PM (MDgS8)

50 tu3031 .... that made me laugh.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:26 PM (FAbks)

51 I can't top that shit.

Posted by: Feh at May 08, 2015 07:26 PM (Uk9e2)

52 Watch A Repeat Showing Of The Mayweather / Pacquiao Fight And Have A Fight Experience That Will Surpass A Threesome With Kate Upton and Kate Beckensal.

Posted by: Cruzinator at May 08, 2015 07:26 PM (mt2jL)

53 BOOM, huh?

Morons drop better bon mots on a daily basis.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 08, 2015 07:26 PM (rwI+c)

54 eleven,

Yep.

Posted by: SMFH at it all at May 08, 2015 07:26 PM (OsWis)

55 These photos of Michelle Obama's manly arms will make your dick fall off.

Posted by: Thomasone at May 08, 2015 07:26 PM (NQ+CL)

56 10 signs your daughter's young lesbian girlfriend really wants you instead.

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet at May 08, 2015 07:27 PM (KbNXw)

57 IF YOU THINK "PRESIDENT HILLARY" GIVES YOU ACID REFLUX, WAIT'LL YOU READ THIS.

Posted by: franksalterego at May 08, 2015 07:27 PM (Fh+WR)

58 Click Here to See the Snake-Woman of Borneo! She Crawls on Her Belly! Watch her Eat a Live Mouse! Only One Thin Dime! You'll Be So Shocked You will Click on One of the Ads!

Posted by: zombie at May 08, 2015 07:27 PM (jBuUi)

59 THIS AMAZING TECHNIQUE RESULTS IN KITTENS THAT ARE CUTE EVEN AFTER YOU DROWN THEM IN A BURLAP SACK AND PEPPER IT WITH BUCKSHOT

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:27 PM (NeFrd)

60 These Nine Elder Gods Of The Cthulhu Mythos Are Totally Ready For Swimsuit Season (Shub-Niggurath Will Burn Your Eyeballs Out Of Your Skull)

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 07:27 PM (HGZNP)

61 Kinda stealing the Onion's riff here:

WE PUT A GO-PRO ON THIS BABY CARRIAGE AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN WE RAN IT OVER WITH A HUMVEE

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 07:27 PM (DcUSU)

62 Webcam vid of exploding goat's ass as it takes out Jihadi and two of his wives.

Posted by: Roy at May 08, 2015 07:27 PM (fWLrt)

63 Hillary shot through that reporter's questions faster than a 9mm through Vince Foste's brain

Posted by: Navycopjoe at May 08, 2015 07:27 PM (r3m4C)

64 This Family of Ducks Is So Adorable You Won't Believe What We're Planning To Do With Their Livers

I'm choking to death on this THREAD WINNER!!

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 08, 2015 07:28 PM (rwI+c)

65 Downstyle Guarantees Eyeballs A Plenty.

Posted by: DM at May 08, 2015 07:28 PM (j/tOh)

66 10 THINGS YOU COULD PUT IN A LUNCHABLES BOX BESIDES LUNCH AND BS

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 08, 2015 07:29 PM (nCKKS)

67 35
Your Life Will Never Be The Same After You Watch This Video Of Us Executing Your Kidnapped Daughter
Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:22 PM (PA7DS)

Too dark, man. Too dark.

Posted by: Baby in a Blender jokes at May 08, 2015 07:29 PM (Ib1Cd)

68 TWO POLITICAL PARTIES THAT PRETEND TO COMPETE WHILE QUIETLY AGREEING TO WORK TOGETHER TO SCREW AMERICA AND SEND THE COUNTRY DOWN THE FUCKING TOILET ...

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:29 PM (FAbks)

69 Waffle House Masturbator

Just the chili cheese fries please.

Posted by: StillNotSureOfTheConcept at May 08, 2015 07:29 PM (DL2i+)

70 THESE YOGA PANTS GIRLS ARE SO HOT THAT THEY WILL TURN YOU INTO PLASMA AND BEGIN FUSING IRON IN A FEW MILLION YEARS.

Posted by: joncelli at May 08, 2015 07:29 PM (ENczY)

71 Cellphone video recording of an actual Tijuana donkey show. **NOT A FAKE**

Posted by: Roy at May 08, 2015 07:29 PM (fWLrt)

72 THEY WENT INTO THE WOODS TO FIND PINECONES BUT YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT FOUND THEM AND FUCKED THEM IN THE ASS

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 08, 2015 07:30 PM (8ZskC)

73 10
check out this one weird trick that made a welfare queen a billionaire

Posted by: other stuff Jesus said

Married Bill Clinton?

Posted by: pep at May 08, 2015 07:30 PM (LAe3v)

74 Kim Kardashian's stretch pants STUN

You'll want to grab your own ankles and rape your face!!!!

Posted by: The Daily Mail at May 08, 2015 07:30 PM (RJMhd)

75 cicero-- hah

Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:30 PM (PA7DS)

76 My penis is so huge that when i come Vladi gets Puti on his left man boob.

Posted by: kimoloka at May 08, 2015 07:31 PM (2hOA7)

77 Bill Clinton Gets To The Bottom Of His Foundation's Efforts To Hide Foreign Donations. And You'll Never Believe Who Is Responsible!

Posted by: Kate58 at May 08, 2015 07:31 PM (oLZsm)

78 It doesn't matter what I put here, because you're going to click it anyway!

Posted by: junior at May 08, 2015 07:31 PM (43pPh)

79 For The Love Of Jesus Help Me The BuzzFeed Editors Have A Gun To My Head (Also These Six Kittens Will Make Your Heart Shit Rainbows)

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 07:31 PM (HGZNP)

80 Fifteen fun things you can do with macaroni that are illegal in Kansas!

Posted by: Kate58 at May 08, 2015 07:32 PM (oLZsm)

81 Hillary's campaign hit the road faser than Rachel Corrie at a bulldozer convention

Posted by: Navycopjoe at May 08, 2015 07:32 PM (r3m4C)

82 Watch Joe Biden Destroy His Opponent With Rapier Like Wit. It Will Be The Last Time This Six Year Old Will Challenge A Vice President.

Posted by: Cruzinator at May 08, 2015 07:32 PM (mt2jL)

83 Obama learned about ANOTHER scandal, and you won't believe where he did it!

Posted by: pep at May 08, 2015 07:32 PM (LAe3v)

84 Racist Lemurs!!!

Posted by: Kate58 at May 08, 2015 07:32 PM (oLZsm)

85 RAIL GUN FIRES PROJECTILE SO FAST IT MELTS TARGET ON IMPACT AND LEAVES A TRAIL OF DESTRUCTION FROM ITS SONIC BOOM

Posted by: Roy at May 08, 2015 07:32 PM (fWLrt)

86 81,

*wipes screen*

Posted by: SMFH at it all at May 08, 2015 07:33 PM (OsWis)

87 OMG!! YOU WON'T BELIEVE ANY OF THIS SHIT WHEN YOU SEE IT!!! I PLOTZED!!!!

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at May 08, 2015 07:33 PM (oVJmc)

88 IS THIS DRESS BLACK OR BLUE? YOU'LL WANT TO SHOOT YOUR GRANDMA IN THE C U NEXT TUESDAY WHEN YOU DISAGREE ON THE ANSWER.

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 08, 2015 07:33 PM (nCKKS)

89 The Blaze is right up there with the click bait crap. Misleading or uninformative headlines that require you to click on an article to know the scoop. On the other hand, I get good information just by looking at Drudge's single page of headlines. I click what I am interested to learn more about.

Posted by: california red at May 08, 2015 07:33 PM (UyEG4)

90 The Blaze is right up there with the click bait crap. Misleading or uninformative headlines that require you to click on an article to know the scoop. On the other hand, I get good information just by looking at Drudge's single page of headlines. I click what I am interested to learn more about.

Posted by: california red at May 08, 2015 07:33 PM (UyEG4)

91 YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE HOW MANY PENISES THIS CUTE KOALA CUB HAS.

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:34 PM (NeFrd)

92 #49

There is no God

Posted by: Lions Fans at May 08, 2015 07:34 PM (7cZhk)

93 67 35
Your Life Will Never Be The Same After You Watch This Video Of Us Executing Your Kidnapped Daughter
Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:22 PM (PA7DS)

Too dark, man. Too dark.

Posted by: Maybe, but I don't have a daughter at May 08, 2015 07:34 PM (53CCM)

94 Puppetry of the Penis at a Barmitzvah....You won't BELIEVE what HAPPENED NEXT!!!!!!!

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 07:34 PM (Ib1Cd)

95 HAIRY REED'S CONTRACTOR WAS INSTALLING A NEW SUBFLOOR BUT YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HE FOUND BURIED UNDER THE BASEMENT

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 08, 2015 07:34 PM (8ZskC)

96 KATE UPTON'S GAZONGAS!!!!!!!

That's pretty much it. Nothing more is required.

Posted by: pep at May 08, 2015 07:35 PM (LAe3v)

97 What is a penis enlarger? Oh, oh, now I remember! That's one of those gingers, right? Or, no, no, is it one of those cheerleaders with the pointy elbows that make us stay alive until Autumn?

Posted by: goon at May 08, 2015 07:35 PM (gy5kE)

98 Chelsea Clinton - Tonight on "Who's The Daddy"

Posted by: Roy at May 08, 2015 07:35 PM (fWLrt)

99 10 Hollywood Infadels You'd Live To Rape.

Posted by: Islamic Buzzfeed at May 08, 2015 07:35 PM (5dHYY)

100 Lemmings Blame White People for Annual Suicide!

Posted by: Jack at May 08, 2015 07:35 PM (53CCM)

101 Dat ist zo funny! Oh shtop it fraulein! Sie sind killink me!

Posted by: Micha Stunz at May 08, 2015 07:35 PM (cIoI4)

102 TED CRUZ DID THIS IN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT IS

Posted by: HUCK / AKIN 2016 at May 08, 2015 07:35 PM (0LHZx)

103 WHICH ONE OF THE TELETUBBIES WENT ON A DRUNKEN NAKED SPENDING SPREE ON RODEO DRIVE? YOU'LL NEVER GUESS.

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:36 PM (NeFrd)

104 DUBYA'S WMDs FOUND - BUT YOU"LL NEVER GUESS WHERE

Posted by: Roy at May 08, 2015 07:36 PM (fWLrt)

105 96 KATE UPTON'S GAZONGAS!!!!!!!

That's pretty much it. Nothing more is required.

Well, the problem is that I will click on that.

Posted by: Jack at May 08, 2015 07:36 PM (53CCM)

106 By not reading this article on micro-brews, you may lose your liver ...forever

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:37 PM (OQ9R7)

107 One fool-proof way to keep a moron in suspense!

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 07:37 PM (K7krX)

108 Watch This Video Of Thingy That Goes Up On A Gun Massacre Twenty Elementary Children and Two Pandas .

Posted by: Cruzinator at May 08, 2015 07:38 PM (mt2jL)

109 THESE 10 TIPS FOR PLEASING YOUR LOVER ARE SO CREEPY AND WEIRD THAT SHE WON'T EVEN GIVE YOU POINTS FOR TRYING

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 07:38 PM (DcUSU)

110 One fool-proof way to keep a moron in suspense!

Posted by: weft cut-loop

Dammit man! Tell me what it is.

Posted by: Joe Biden at May 08, 2015 07:38 PM (5dHYY)

111 Hillary Wants Divorce NOW. Huma Divorcing Weiner. First Lesbian Couple Heading to WH!?

Posted by: wth at May 08, 2015 07:38 PM (wAQA5)

112 Ace nailed the thread winner quicker than the Miami Dolphins nailed Kim Kardashian!!

Posted by: Navycopjoe at May 08, 2015 07:38 PM (r3m4C)

113 Why selling your kidney in India is better than most American jobs.

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:38 PM (OQ9R7)

114 The secret to eating 50 eggs!!!

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 07:39 PM (K7krX)

115 LiLo in FB war with JLaw?

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the Indestructible at May 08, 2015 07:40 PM (5dHYY)

116 Scientists find proof of the G-spot using new CT technique for mapping.

Posted by: Roy at May 08, 2015 07:40 PM (fWLrt)

117 Which Senator has a recipe for blintzes that will surprise and anger you?

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:40 PM (OQ9R7)

118 THAT WEIRD TRICK TO PAY OFF YOUR MORTGAGE IS PAYING YOUR MORTGAGE.

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 07:40 PM (Ib1Cd)

119

You Won't BELIEVE What This Turtle Tries To Do With This Marshmallow, Unless You Guessed "Eat It"

Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:40 PM (PA7DS)

120 How To Get Washboard Abs By Just Eating Fast Food.

Posted by: Cruzinator at May 08, 2015 07:40 PM (mt2jL)

121 How to amuse yourself all day. Click .

**page reloads**

How to amuse yourself all day. Click .

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:41 PM (NeFrd)

122 CLICK TO SEE WHAT THESE TEENS DID AFTER TAKING VETERINARY DRUGS DESIGNED FOR INDUCING LABOR IN HORSES

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 07:41 PM (DcUSU)

123 ... chew slowly, you dumbass.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 07:41 PM (K7krX)

124 Who Let the Bedbugs Out? --This guy did. And he's not even ashamed!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:41 PM (OQ9R7)

125 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I DID!!!1!!

No, really (**sad trombone**).

Posted by: Brian Williams at May 08, 2015 07:41 PM (LAe3v)

126 *nood*

...works every time.

Posted by: Roy at May 08, 2015 07:42 PM (fWLrt)

127 THREE SHOCKING NONSEXUAL USES FOR MAYONNAISE

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:42 PM (NeFrd)

128 DON'T CLICK HERE.
NO SERIOUSLY.

Posted by: Inhuman Nature at May 08, 2015 07:42 PM (cIoI4)

129 Bruce Jenner Changes His Mind... TOO LATE!!!

Posted by: wth at May 08, 2015 07:42 PM (wAQA5)

130 162 million pictures of the craziest bitches in the United States that you must see.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:42 PM (FAbks)

131 WATCH WHAT THESE 72 SHEEP DO FOR THESE TWO BRAVE AND LONELY MUJAHIDEEN

Posted by: Feh at May 08, 2015 07:42 PM (Uk9e2)

132 My penis enlarger came in clear cellophane wrapping and the UPS guy left it with my neighbor - Oy Vey

Posted by: Whiskey Dick at May 08, 2015 07:43 PM (yrQqx)

133 I remember an era when the amazing Internet was going to free us from the yawping stupidity of mass media.

Good times.

Posted by: torquewrench at May 08, 2015 07:43 PM (noWW6)

134 These 10 Recently Unearthed Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton Will Have You Hate-Fucking A Cantaloupe For Days

Posted by: antisocial justice beatnik at May 08, 2015 07:43 PM (l3LvV)

135 You'll shit three shades of brown after reading this update on Bradley Cooper!!!!!!

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 07:43 PM (K7krX)

136 YOUR RESPONSE TO THIS CARTOON WILL TELL YOU WHETHER YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN A NAZI OR NOT

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 08, 2015 07:43 PM (nCKKS)

137 Which video game has the most dildos per minute? (DPM) Find Out!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:44 PM (OQ9R7)

138 WATCH JON STEWART DESTROY THIS GUEST TO THE BRAINLESS CATERWAULING OF HIS PANTS SHITTING AUDIENCE!!!

Posted by: UGAdawg at May 08, 2015 07:44 PM (c+vBe)

139 132
My penis enlarger came in clear cellophane wrapping and the UPS guy left it with my neighbor - Oy Vey

AND IT IN'T WORKIN', IS IT?

Posted by: The black guy from the Full Monty at May 08, 2015 07:44 PM (LAe3v)

140 Watch this guy DESTROY Jon Stewart worse than that fart destroyed your love life!!!!!!

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 07:44 PM (Ib1Cd)

141 Which Hollywood Starlet, That You've Been Fapping To For Years, Actually Has A Penis? The Answer May Surprise You.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the Indestructible at May 08, 2015 07:44 PM (5dHYY)

142 FIND OUT HOW YOUR PENIS COULD END UP ATTACHED TO A CHINESE BILLIONAIRE!!!

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 08, 2015 07:44 PM (8ZskC)

143 This Furry Thing Doing A Human-Like Thing Is So Incredible That You'll Shoot Your Wife In The Face

With a load.....

Posted by: rickb223 Straight, Conservative Clinger at May 08, 2015 07:45 PM (Fuy13)

144 Gents ... some of this shit is comedy gold.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:45 PM (FAbks)

145 See how your score stacks up. Take our on-line photo identification quiz: "Is it Chelsea or a manatee?"

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:45 PM (NeFrd)

146 SEE WHAT ROGER GODDELL *REALLY* DOES WITH TOM BRADY'S DEFLATED BALLS!

Posted by: SMFH at it all at May 08, 2015 07:45 PM (OsWis)

147 I feel...pleasantly defiled.

Posted by: Bee at May 08, 2015 07:45 PM (w2wkZ)

148 Why you're a wimp if you haven't hit the letter 'R' on your foot long penis ENLARGER! The second 'R' hater.

Gravity defying Suction. It might make Jesus cry, but it'll give you a mighty penis.

Posted by: se pa moron at May 08, 2015 07:46 PM (xQX/f)

149 THIS NO-TALENT SKANK WITH A HUGE ADS SCHTUPPED A RAP STAR AND SO WE OILED HER UP AND TOOK PICTURES

Posted by: joncelli at May 08, 2015 07:46 PM (ENczY)

150 Which testicle should you sell? ...and WHY?!?

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:46 PM (OQ9R7)

151 Michelle Obama Not Sorry For Causing Mass Starvation Among High School Students!!!

Posted by: Close to the truth at May 08, 2015 07:46 PM (53CCM)

152 THIS STORY IS SO SHOCKING YOU WILL CRAP ON YOUR NEIGHBORS CAT AND DRY HUMP YOUR MAILMAN

Posted by: The Daily Mail at May 08, 2015 07:47 PM (RJMhd)

153 THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK WILL TURN YOU INTO JOHN DICKMAN, GODDAMN SEXUAL TYRANASAURUS

Posted by: FOR REAL at May 08, 2015 07:47 PM (cIoI4)

154 ASS. I HATE YOU FOR RUINING MY JOKE, AUTOCORRECT

Posted by: joncelli at May 08, 2015 07:47 PM (ENczY)

155 Give this porn star 89 seconds and your dick will not get a micron bigger. Not even a smidge.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:47 PM (FAbks)

156 WEE PUT TEH BOOBIES AND U CLICKZ HERE!!!!

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 07:47 PM (Ib1Cd)

157 See 5 hilarious caricatures of Mohammed so irreverent that AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!

Posted by: Barack Obama at May 08, 2015 07:47 PM (cIoI4)

158 PUDDING RECIPES SO GOOD YOU WILL SLATHER IT ALL OVER YOUR DOG AND LICK IT OFF YOURSELF

and by DOG, I mean ...

a real DOG!

Posted by: Whiskey Dick at May 08, 2015 07:47 PM (yrQqx)

159 This ONE donut has angered 82% of the nation.

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:48 PM (OQ9R7)

160 Which testicle should you sell? ...and WHY?!?

Because I'm trading the left one for a chain drive mini-gun.

Posted by: rickb223 Straight, Conservative Clinger at May 08, 2015 07:48 PM (Fuy13)

161 And so the Sophomores gather.

Posted by: The Dean at May 08, 2015 07:48 PM (53CCM)

162 The one big flaw in your golf swing. Going to a fucking swing coach.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:48 PM (FAbks)

163 Which testicle should you sell? ...and WHY?!?Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T)..................................????

Posted by: Lance Armstrong at May 08, 2015 07:48 PM (wAQA5)

164 Epileptics will relapse after reading the hilarious results of a commenter telling a popular blogger his post topic is boring.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 07:48 PM (K7krX)

165 Four things Blondes do that no one knew before today!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:49 PM (OQ9R7)

166 JK's EPIC reply to Twitter troll will literally make you SHIT on your own BALLS!

Posted by: Elcid016187 at May 08, 2015 07:49 PM (mE2yI)

167 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I DO TWICE A DAY AND EVERY NIGHT!

(If you guessed "crap on the carpet", you win)

Posted by: Decrepit satyr, Hugh Hefner at May 08, 2015 07:49 PM (LAe3v)

168 In order to know WTF this was all about, I went to BuzzFeed. A Loyal Ace Reader Turned On Him, And All It Took Was This One Wrong Click.

Posted by: Sarge6 at May 08, 2015 07:49 PM (pLtOz)

169 163
Which testicle should you sell? ...and WHY?!?Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T)..................................???

You bastard ... I just snorted.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:49 PM (FAbks)

170 One Simple Trick To Reduce Your Car Insurance to $8.00 per month.

Posted by: Most of The Ads I See at May 08, 2015 07:50 PM (53CCM)

171 YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHO SMELT IT AND DEALT IT

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 07:50 PM (Ib1Cd)

172 What your butt-type says about your math skills.

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:50 PM (OQ9R7)

173 164
Epileptics will relapse after reading the hilarious results of a commenter telling a popular blogger his post topic is boring

Maybe it's the beer ... but that's some good shit. You people have game.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:51 PM (FAbks)

174 Watch this Barack Obama takedown of Fox News so powerful no one will ever again contemplate going back in time to kill Hitler.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at May 08, 2015 07:51 PM (e/W+h)

175 note: These are all 'Clickhole' type stuff.
-

That said:

These Men Will Put Their Penis In Just About Anything, Or Will They?
_

Can Fishmongers Catch Greased Cats?
Click Here!
_

What Other Things Make You Go 'Hmmmm?' - Find Out!
_

Your X-Ray: Are Lead Aprons Over-Rated?
_

We Photoshopped Random Male Names Into These Hookers' Black Books: Is Your Name One?
_

Retards Like The Zoo: Good Advice for Rocky Balboa, Good Advice for You.
_

Posted by: BumperStickerist at May 08, 2015 07:51 PM (0MJOU)

176 Bruce Jenner Surgery Pay-Per-View... LIVE, UNCENSORED, SEE ALL!!!

Posted by: wth at May 08, 2015 07:51 PM (wAQA5)

177 Piss Christ?...look what these Oberlin students did with a plastic virgin Mary, poop and a live German Shepard!!!

Posted by: infidel at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (Mj3Lx)

178 TOP EIGHT MAJOR AMERICAN CITIES THAT ARE NOT CURRENTLY ON FIRE

Posted by: Croaker at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (jS2zB)

179 I AM JOHN BOEHNER'S LIVER

Posted by: Readers Digest at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (ahBY0)

180 This woodchuck no longer chucks wood. Is it because you touch yourself at night? Studies say your attitude may be the difference.

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (OQ9R7)

181 This Weird Trick To Survive An Astroid Impact May Save Your Life. Click Here Or Die A Fiery Death.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the Indestructible at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (5dHYY)

182 This Headline Killed Four Writers And Two Editors Before We Were At Last Able To Kill It With Fire

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (UJId/)

183 THESE SHAKESPEAREAN SONNETS ARE SO EXQUISITELY BALANCED THAT AH FUCK IT HERE'S A SHITLOAD OF PHOTOS OF NICKI MINAJ GRINDING ON A SATYR

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (DcUSU)

184 All You Need To Fix Those Pesky Alimony Payments Are Chloroform, Duct Tape, A Shovel, And A Lonely Stretch Of Woods Off The Interstate

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (HGZNP)

185 WILL YOU MURDER YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU SEE WHAT BEYONCE DOES WITH DAT ASS? SHORT ANSWER, YES!

Posted by: Dr Spank at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (i55o+)

186 The precise second SNL ceased to be funny!!!

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 07:52 PM (K7krX)

187 Hittin' the Val-U-Rite early, Ace?

Posted by: The Political Hat at May 08, 2015 07:53 PM (7YlUk)

188
This One Weird Trick Will Shut Your Husband Up Every Time And All It Takes Is Your Dirty Mouth

Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:53 PM (PA7DS)

189 THIS LITTLE BOY'S PARENTS GAVE HIM A CHOICE BETWEEN SEX REASSIGNMENT SURGERY AND DISNEYWORLD, AND HE CHOSE BOTH. SEE THE PHOTOS!

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 08, 2015 07:53 PM (nCKKS)

190 SEE WHO'S GETTING YOUR BLOWJOB

(it all kinda reminds me of old Subgenious pamphlets)

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at May 08, 2015 07:54 PM (Cq0oW)

191 Guess what ingredient in *This Pie* makes most men punch babies!?!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:54 PM (OQ9R7)

192 179
I AM JOHN BOEHNER'S LIVER

Posted by: Readers Digest

I AM JOHN BOEHNER'S SPINE!!

Posted by: Improbably Tales and Fantasy Weekly at May 08, 2015 07:54 PM (LAe3v)

193 Are you Totally Fucking Screwed if Anarchy breaks out in your town. The One Weird Thing you need to have in your home may surprise you.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 07:54 PM (FAbks)

194 What These Revealing Close Ups of Kate Upton's Cleavage Reveal About You

Posted by: Burn the Witch at May 08, 2015 07:54 PM (xSCb6)

195 This true CRAZY fact will knock you out worse than a Bill Cosby pill.

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 07:54 PM (Ib1Cd)

196 THIS LITTLE BOY'S PARENTS GAVE HIM A CHOICE BETWEEN SEX REASSIGNMENT SURGERY AND DISNEYWORLD, AND HE CHOSE BOTH. SEE THE PHOTOS!

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 08, 2015 07:53 PM (nCKKS)

****

I snorted!

"It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all, it's a small, small world."

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:54 PM (NeFrd)

197 These kittens are so adorable you will never believe a reading of their entrails points to misfortune and doom.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at May 08, 2015 07:55 PM (e/W+h)

198 Check out this foreskin pleasure that Joos will never experience.... because....JOOS!!!

Posted by: Achmed Rastan Jonny at May 08, 2015 07:55 PM (Mj3Lx)

199 It's all fun and games until somebody suctions a testicle right under their foreskin.

1 weird trick to painlessly move it back!

Posted by: se pa moron at May 08, 2015 07:55 PM (xQX/f)

200 What your lawnmower says, ...when you're out of town!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:55 PM (OQ9R7)

201
THESE 14 DISNEY PRINCESSES IN PRON CLIPS WILL MAKE YOU RECONSIDER THE BENEFITS OF TRANNYHOOD (NUMBER ELEVEN WITH CAUSE YOU TO LOSE GOOD WOOD - FOREVER).

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars(TM) at May 08, 2015 07:55 PM (VLTL9)

202 This tale of a queer street activist will LITERALLY make you Anschluß the Sudetenland!

Posted by: HatFeed (now with LITERALLY a zillion more cat GIFs) at May 08, 2015 07:55 PM (7YlUk)

203 Ms. Rowling I would prefer to waste my money on this - http://tinyurl.com/q7owspw instead of your terribly derivative books

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 08, 2015 07:55 PM (k+itx)

204 Twelve Puppies Who Will Melt Your Heart With The Toxic Effluvia Of Their Infected Recta

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 07:56 PM (HGZNP)

205 This Man Saw Bruce Jenner's Rack and Lived (Caution: Graphic)

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2015 07:56 PM (UJId/)

206 0 Views
Do you fucking love Science??? Take our math quiz!!!

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 07:56 PM (K7krX)

207 TEN WAYS TO SPOT A SHAPE-SHIFTING JOO, YOU WON'T BELIEVE #3!

Posted by: FDR's TV at May 08, 2015 07:56 PM (ne2fm)

208 Neil DeGrasse Tyson DESTROYS People Who Drive on a Parkway and Park on a Driveway (Spoiler: it's PERFECT)

Posted by: Croaker at May 08, 2015 07:56 PM (jS2zB)

209 Meet Your Future Ex-Wife Now! Why Wait?

Posted by: wth at May 08, 2015 07:56 PM (wAQA5)

210 95 HAIRY REED'S CONTRACTOR WAS INSTALLING A NEW SUBFLOOR BUT YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HE FOUND BURIED UNDER THE BASEMENT

Judge Crater? Disappeared Teamsters Union presidents?

Posted by: Fox2! at May 08, 2015 07:56 PM (H4GNL)

211 CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW THIS WOMAN LOST 75 lbs OF PURE BELLY FAT AND BECAME A MILLIONAIRE BY INVESTING IN THESE FOUR CAN'T LOSE DIET PILL STOCKS ,WHILE WORKING FROM HOME USING THIS OLD, FORGOTTEN TRICK...AND HER DEAD DOG CAME BACK FROM THE GRAVE!!!

Posted by: BATTING THE CYCLE at May 08, 2015 07:57 PM (XrHO0)

212 Tanzanian Witchdoctor reveals 5 unconventional uses for Albino body parts.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the Indestructible at May 08, 2015 07:57 PM (5dHYY)

213 10 AMAZING THINGS THAT DOCTORS HAVE PULLED OUT OF THEIR PATIENTS' RECTUMS

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 08, 2015 07:57 PM (8ZskC)

214
IF YOU THOUGHT TAMPON EARRINGS WERE THE BOMB, JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT TASTEFUL CREATIONS YOU CAN MAKE WITH "PRE-OWNED" CONDOMS.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars(TM) at May 08, 2015 07:57 PM (VLTL9)

215 5 SHOCKINGLY NEW USES FOR LIVE GERBALS

Posted by: Brucie at May 08, 2015 07:58 PM (ahBY0)

216 None of the remaining eight female candidates going through the Army Ranger School made it out of the first phase of training at Fort Benning, Ga., defense officials told Fox News -- though they scored high enough to try again as early as next week.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at May 08, 2015 07:58 PM (/tNwW)

217 Can you guess these ten celebrities who were on the set while their daughter's asshole was licked on camera? Hint: none of them are Brian Williams!

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at May 08, 2015 07:58 PM (e/W+h)

218 Your sperm count just may depend... ON YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW?!? Ten signs your doctor isn't telling you the truth about it.

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 07:58 PM (OQ9R7)

219 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT MY HORN DOES TO HUMAN ERECTIONS!!!

Posted by: Rhino slated for extinction at May 08, 2015 07:58 PM (LAe3v)

220 New Obama Law Makes This Headline The Only One You Will Ever Need

Posted by: eman at May 08, 2015 07:59 PM (UJId/)

221 These five things will make you stop reading this shit.

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 07:59 PM (Ib1Cd)

222 WOMAN WITH MALE AND FEMALE SEX ORGANS SHARES HER OATMEAL COOKIE RECIPES!! PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN!!!

Posted by: Dr Spank at May 08, 2015 07:59 PM (i55o+)

223 THESE ELEVEN STRANGE SEX STORIES FROM CZARIST WILL IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE

Posted by: Mr. Ed at May 08, 2015 07:59 PM (7YlUk)

224 IF YOU LIKE YOUR DOCTOR YOU CAN KEEP YOUR DOCTOR. CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW.

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:59 PM (NeFrd)

225 It's official ... I'm drunk. Or at least buzzed.

This thread will probably be much, much less funny tomorrow. But right now - best shit I've read or listened to since Bicentennial "Black Dude"

Can't give much higher praise than that.

EDIT - Pixy rejects text that uses words that rhyme with Chigger, that also happen to be RICHARD PRYOR'S BEST FRIGGIN' ALBUM EVER !!!

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (FAbks)

226
IF A BUZZFEED HEADLINE WRITER WAS YOUR FRIEND, WHO MANY WEDGIES WOULD YOU GIVE HIM / HER / XIM / XER EVERY DAY?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars(TM) at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (VLTL9)

227 This Vice President Of An Important Country Literally Is Confused By The Difference Between 'Literally' And 'Figuratively'

Posted by: torquewrench at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (noWW6)

228 Five word that guarantee you'll be laid. Every Time.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (2TN4k)

229 A stopped clock is right twice-a-day. But This Clock makes Ice Cream!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (OQ9R7)

230
Bruce Jenner Penis Auction!!! Famous Olympic Penis To The Highest Bidder!
(Rarely used)

Posted by: wth at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (wAQA5)

231
15 You Won't Believe the Soul-Crushing Technique This Web Site Uses to Lure Rubes Into Its Soulless Maw

Winner...zombie again.

Posted by: TBolt69 at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (dNYmW)

232 THE ONLY BICYCLE SEAT TOO BIG TO VANISH UP CAHRLES JHONONSON'S JOVIAN-SIZED ASS

Posted by: Il Padrino at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (HGZNP)

233 WOMAN WITH MALE AND FEMALE SEX ORGANS...

*****

Oh good. It's nice to see that she's finally coming into her own.

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 08:01 PM (NeFrd)

234 The twitter acct was suspended, but thru google-foo, I found this:

Steve Josiah @sjosiah0 58m 58 minutes ago
Lefties in England were deservedly CRUSHED last night. After 13 years of Labour scum, it's going to take several decades to rectify Britain.

Steve Josiah @sjosiah0 May 7
Go fuck yourself you disgusting slimy Labour cunt. You Blairite scum ruined this country. #VoteUKIP

Posted by: Bruce J at May 08, 2015 08:01 PM (iQIUe)

235
Five word that guarantee you'll be laid. Every Time.
Posted by: Lizzy
.......................................
Here's my bank account number?

Posted by: wth at May 08, 2015 08:01 PM (wAQA5)

236 Pet peeves???

How about all the BEG commercials which show wounded Vets, or Kids with Cancer... for a couple of minutes at a time... while I'm trying to eat my Fucking Dinner?

Posted by: BB Wolf at May 08, 2015 08:01 PM (qh617)

237 228
Five word that guarantee you'll be laid. Every Time

Please take my American Express.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:02 PM (FAbks)

238 This One Weird Trick Will Shut Your Husband Up Every Time And All It Takes Is Your Dirty Mouth
Posted by: ace

Oh snap!

Posted by: rickb223 Straight, Conservative Clinger at May 08, 2015 08:02 PM (Fuy13)

239 THREE SHOCKING NONSEXUAL USES FOR MAYONNAISE
Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 07:42 PM (NeFrd)

I *only* want to have sex with mayonnaise. Click this link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qniMeWqzvXE

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 08, 2015 08:02 PM (nCKKS)

240 15 You Won't Believe the Soul-Crushing Technique This Web Site Uses to Lure Rubes Into Its Soulless Maw

Winner...zombie again.
------

I concur.

Posted by: shibumi who is awash in existential dread at May 08, 2015 08:02 PM (jQCow)

241 Six meals under 900 calories so delicious you won't be able to keep your cock from fucking your own ass.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at May 08, 2015 08:02 PM (e/W+h)

242 THIS FEED MAKER MAKES HORSEFEED THAT BUZZES.

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 08:03 PM (Ib1Cd)

243 SIX SEXY SECRETS THAT CUB SCOUTS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT - NUMBER FIVE WILL MAKE YOU WHITTLE YOUR WOOD

Posted by: Harry Reid at May 08, 2015 08:03 PM (7YlUk)

244 This man did his own hernia operation with only a penknife...Check out the amazing photos!

Posted by: Dr. Love at May 08, 2015 08:03 PM (Mj3Lx)

245 20 catastrophic climate events averted by Al Gore that saved your life, and you weren't even aware of it!

Posted by: Barack Obama at May 08, 2015 08:03 PM (XrHO0)

246 Super-secret anti-aging trick that takes only 2 minutes a day!!!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:03 PM (2TN4k)

247 One Weird Trick to nail bitches without ending up with a souvenir.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:04 PM (FAbks)

248 What's black and white and red all-over? If you said a Menstruating Zebra Vagina, you're closer than you think!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 08:04 PM (OQ9R7)

249 Never pay a bill again!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:04 PM (2TN4k)

250 EDIT - Pixy rejects text that uses words that rhyme with Chigger, that also happen to be RICHARD PRYOR'S BEST FRIGGIN' ALBUM EVER !!!

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:00 PM (FAbks)

F** that bouncing @$$hole!

Posted by: Piglet at May 08, 2015 08:04 PM (7YlUk)

251 THIS PICTURE WILL MAKE YOU BARF GUARANTEED

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 08, 2015 08:04 PM (nCKKS)

252
THESE ARTISTS' CONCEPTS OF KLINGON NAUGHTY BITS WILL LEAVE YOU SHAKING YOUR HEAD (HOW COME THEY ALL LOOK LIKE SNAPPING TURTLES?)

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars(TM) at May 08, 2015 08:05 PM (VLTL9)

253 I come here so Ace can entertain me, and he's asking us to entertain him.

Just one more thing in the universe that has inverted during my lifetime.

Posted by: Mindy at May 08, 2015 08:05 PM (Y/wGJ)

254 Anschlub the sutedenland land I don't even know why I am laughing at that.

Dying...

Posted by: The Daily Mail at May 08, 2015 08:05 PM (RJMhd)

255 10 CRAZY FACTS THAT WE TOTALLY MADE UP IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU'RE PROBABLY TOO STONED TO BOTHER CHECKING THEM

Posted by: joncelli at May 08, 2015 08:05 PM (ENczY)

256
Looks like the BILLIONAIRE communist JK Rowlings is also threatening to leave the UK b/c Labour lost.

Posted by: Bruce J at May 08, 2015 08:05 PM (iQIUe)

257 This Kickass Graduation Speech Will Get You So Fired Up You'll Build A Time Machine, Travel To The Jurassic Period And Rape A Velociraptor In The Mouth.

Posted by: Warden at May 08, 2015 08:06 PM (3ILeG)

258 Watch Jon Stewart destroy Fox News for hypocrisy on insert anything a Democrat is caught doing. Whrn Stewart and other libs do this; they equate something the democrats are or have been outraged about; with whatever the Democrat got caught doing. They do this and scream 'Hypocrisy!!" But then fail to get OUTRAGED over what the Democrat is doing. They cry HYPOCRISY because Fox or whomever didn't get upset or OUTRAGED over some event in the past; but for Stewart and libs to stay consistent; they should be just as pissed and outraged as they were over whatever the Dems did. Instead they scream Hypocrisy by Fox as a defense for the Dems. This has gotten very old; but give Stewart credit; he has made a career out of this.

Posted by: Thomasone at May 08, 2015 08:06 PM (NQ+CL)

259 This canned food is so delicious, you'll never stop your untamed cock from devouring it!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 08:06 PM (OQ9R7)

260
Five word that guarantee you'll be laid. Every Time.
Posted by: Lizzy
.................................
My dick tickles my knee?

Posted by: wth at May 08, 2015 08:06 PM (wAQA5)

261 You'll never guess what Seth Rogan, Woody Harrelson, and Willy Nelson were seen doing in a Denver lounge.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 08:06 PM (K7krX)

262 12 Sewer Rat recipes guaranteed to make your post apocalyptic dinner party a hit with survivors!

Posted by: Doom at May 08, 2015 08:06 PM (3F6F8)

263 10 reasons why looters and vandals actually improve inner city economies.

Posted by: Frederic Bastiat at May 08, 2015 08:06 PM (XrHO0)

264 Smell my finger? This amazing video will have you asking if you can smell her elbow!

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at May 08, 2015 08:06 PM (e/W+h)

265 Six videos of the President taking selfies while the world burns that'll make you wish there was an adult in the White House

Posted by: Kevin in ABQ at May 08, 2015 08:07 PM (BvTwT)

266 Joe Biden's hands have magical, healing powers...Check out these 12 photos!

Posted by: the vice president at May 08, 2015 08:07 PM (Mj3Lx)

267 9 VIDEOS OF MOVIE STARS PERFORMING MUNDANE TASKS THAT WILL FULFILL YOUR PITIFUL DESIRE TO WORSHIP CELEBRITIES WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY ALLOWING YOU TO HOLD THE CONTRADICTORY NOTION THAT THEY'RE JUST LIKE YOU

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 08:07 PM (DcUSU)

268 No one on twitter or the internet is interested in what the party said to invoke such a response from Rowlings. Remember, all it takes is a bunch of people complaining about a member to get them suspended. And I have no doubt that Rowlings gets special treatment.

Posted by: Bruce J at May 08, 2015 08:07 PM (iQIUe)

269 1 weird trick to turbo charge your your penis pump...add Inches In length and girth, and stop your toenails from ever growing again.

Posted by: se pa moron at May 08, 2015 08:07 PM (xQX/f)

270 Agent Carter was renewed along with our faith in humanity!!!!*

(Actually I am ridiculously happy about this)

Posted by: Lea at May 08, 2015 08:07 PM (vmMMi)

271 Or, as Maureen Dowd might put it, "J.K. Rowling Just Served ... Clap... To [someone]... On Twitter"

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at May 08, 2015 08:08 PM (AVEe1)

272 KITTEN GIFS SO ADORABLE THAT EVERYTHING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WILL SEEM UTTERLY REPULSIVE.

Posted by: shibumi who is awash in existential dread at May 08, 2015 08:08 PM (jQCow)

273 True one I saw about 30 years ago at the back of the National Enquirer or Start.

"Learn how to get rich getting people to send you $2 at a time.

For this secret, mail $2 to ......."

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at May 08, 2015 08:08 PM (AC0lD)

274 Crazy pictures of High Speed Lead ... and why you may want some.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:08 PM (FAbks)

275 THINK YOUR DICK IS TOO SHORT?? YOU WON'T BELIEVE THAT IT PROBABLY IS!!

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 08:08 PM (Ib1Cd)

276 Five word that guarantee you'll be laid. Every Time.
Posted by: Lizzy

"Here is my credit card."

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at May 08, 2015 08:08 PM (AC0lD)

277 PROOF! TED CRUZ campaign FUNDED by STOLEN NAZI GOLD!!!

Posted by: Darth Randall at May 08, 2015 08:08 PM (6n332)

278 CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS BOSTON TERRIER AND A HOSTESS CUPCAKE? IT'S HARDER THAN YOU THINK!

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 08, 2015 08:09 PM (nCKKS)

279 Shit. Just avoid the internet.

Except for the Horde Lounge, of course.

Posted by: dissent555 at May 08, 2015 08:09 PM (yR6A1)

280 This ONE trick will result in your webpage getting millions of hits despite there being nothing worthy being posted on it.

Posted by: BuzzedFeed at May 08, 2015 08:09 PM (7YlUk)

281 THIS PERUVIAN MAN IS SO WELL ENDOWED YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHERE HE TATTOED THE PHRASE "SKINNY DICK'S BARBECUE JOINT AND DISCOTHEQUE IN LOVELY DOWNTOWN CHATTANOOGA, TENNESSEE"

Photos at link.

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 08:10 PM (NeFrd)

282 VIDEO: MALE BUZZFEED STAFFERS TRY TO INSERT THEIR OWN IUDS, AND THE RESULTS ARE HYSTERICAL!

Posted by: shibumi who is awash in existential dread at May 08, 2015 08:10 PM (jQCow)

283 How to turn underpants gnomes into profit in three steps so easy your toddler could do it...

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:10 PM (2TN4k)

284 CLICK HERE TO BE PART OF THE GROUP AND COOL WITHOUT EVER ACTUALLY DOING ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TO THE GROUP OR COOL.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:11 PM (FAbks)

285 This guy drew a cartoon of Jesus. YOU WON'T BELIEVE what HAPPENED NEXT!!!!

....
....
....
....

(NOTHING.)

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 08:11 PM (Ib1Cd)

286 OMG!!! 12 common foods that are literally killing you!!!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:11 PM (2TN4k)

287 It is delicious, pink and comes in a can, but it isn't a ghey penis! ...find out inside.

Hint: It is salmon.

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 08:11 PM (OQ9R7)

288 THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK SAVED CURLYS EYESIGHT!

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at May 08, 2015 08:11 PM (Cq0oW)

289 How to perform home liposuction using only an apple corer and a mini vac.

Posted by: Ronco at May 08, 2015 08:11 PM (cIoI4)

290 THESE 13 KICKASS HOMILIES WILL TOTALLY MAKE YOU REEVALUATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST

Posted by: AndrewR at May 08, 2015 08:12 PM (DcUSU)

291 Famous blogger bails work for weekend of gayety with this simple trick

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 08, 2015 08:12 PM (K7krX)

292 Your eyes will say thank you at these photos of Bruce Jenner getting his girl on at the beach.

Posted by: Thomasone at May 08, 2015 08:12 PM (NQ+CL)

293 Mindy @ 253: "I come here so Ace can entertain me, and he's asking us to entertain him."

Therein lies the genius of Mr. Spades.

Posted by: FireHorse at May 08, 2015 08:12 PM (aQssP)

294 THERE'S A MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK!!!

Oh wait --- that's a real book. Maybe that's where Buzzfeed got the idea?

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:12 PM (2TN4k)

295 How this One Short Hairy Dude gathered hundreds of followers. YOU CAN TOO !!!

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:13 PM (FAbks)

296 Therein lies the genius of Mr. Spades.

---

I believe he likes to go by "Mr. O'Spades."

Posted by: shibumi who is awash in existential dread at May 08, 2015 08:13 PM (jQCow)

297 Check out these seven proven techniques that will convince total strangers to give you a free prostate exam.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at May 08, 2015 08:13 PM (e/W+h)

298 You can save these adorable rescue corgis by doing one simple thing....

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:13 PM (2TN4k)

299 Could you balls withstand this?

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at May 08, 2015 08:14 PM (AC0lD)

300 Blind From Birth Man Reads With HIS EARS!

Posted by: johnny yuma at May 08, 2015 08:15 PM (ahBY0)

301 IS YOUR DOG THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY? TAKE OUR TEST!

The answer is Yes.

Posted by: shibumi who is awash in existential dread at May 08, 2015 08:15 PM (jQCow)

302 Pulling teeth with a five-cent balloon? Nonsense. ...UNTIL WE TRIED IT!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 08:15 PM (OQ9R7)

303
Glad I'm not in Texas:

https://goo.gl/U6JxjN

Posted by: Bruce J at May 08, 2015 08:15 PM (iQIUe)

304 OK ... so ... I'm actually thinking about inviting the wife to read this thread. She wonders why I sit on the PC and spend time on this shit.

Thoughts ?

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:15 PM (FAbks)

305 YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO (OR WHAT) CRAVES SOMETHING THAT BRAWNDO HAS.

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 08:15 PM (NeFrd)

306 You WON'T BELIEVE the crazy shit that homeless man who looks like Oscar the Grouch and smells like Harry Reid taint said about you today.

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at May 08, 2015 08:15 PM (Ib1Cd)

307 How to satisfy the craving that's worse than crack!

F5

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at May 08, 2015 08:16 PM (3EnBR)

308 TOP TEN TIMES I TRADED IN MY HORSES FOR HELICOPTERS AND WENT TEAR-ASSING AROUND 'NAM LOOKING FOR THE SHIT.

Posted by: Brian Williams at May 08, 2015 08:16 PM (Zxe97)

309 @ 304. dO. iT.

Posted by: shibumi who is awash in existential dread at May 08, 2015 08:16 PM (jQCow)

310 IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP LITERALLY MORE TOXIC THAN EBOLA? 10 QUESTIONS YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF ***NOW***

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:16 PM (2TN4k)

311 This Family of Ducks Is So Adorable You Won't Believe What We're Planning To Do With Their Livers

Posted by: ace at May 08, 2015 07:24 PM

Is it wrong that I suddenly remembered the duck liver in my freezer and now have a craving for pate?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at May 08, 2015 08:16 PM (QiBX8)

312 Marine Archeologist Told That A Cleveland Steamer Found At Bottom Of Lake Erie. Find Out What He Really Found.

Posted by: Cruzinator at May 08, 2015 08:16 PM (mt2jL)

313 ..."Thoughts ?
-Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:15 PM (FAbks)

Five Reasons Why This is a Bad Idea!

...and three of them involve your Penis!

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 08:17 PM (OQ9R7)

314 Why 7,200 psi is the right setting for your penis pump -- and why these jealous physicians are begging you not to try.

Posted by: se pa moron at May 08, 2015 08:17 PM (xQX/f)

315 Which Of Your Ex-Girlfriends Is Now A Militant Lesbian? The Answer May Shock You.

(Hint: All Of Them)

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the Indestructible at May 08, 2015 08:17 PM (5dHYY)

316 5 witnessing techniques so powerful you will have Anjem Choudary singing "What If God Were One Of Us?" within 5 minutes!

Posted by: Jan Crouch at May 08, 2015 08:17 PM (cIoI4)

317 WHICH 'FACTS OF LIFE' GIRL ARE YOU? THE ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A MAN!

Posted by: shibumi who is awash in existential dread at May 08, 2015 08:18 PM (jQCow)

318 Five Reasons Why This is a Bad Idea!

...and three of them involve your Penis!

That is some prime shit. I'm doing it. I'm inviting her in.

Anybody got a couch ?

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:18 PM (FAbks)

319 *Fizzle*

Brain shut-off. I'm out.

Later, Gators!

*static*

Posted by: ColdBeer1 (Slap) (T) at May 08, 2015 08:19 PM (OQ9R7)

320 50 ways to leave your lover but only 6 if you want the body found..click here!!

Posted by: Navycopjoe at May 08, 2015 08:20 PM (r3m4C)

321 *pushes a couple of beers through the usb to ScoggDog*

Relax - it's a good thread....

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:20 PM (2TN4k)

322 I believe he likes to go by "Mr. O'Spades."
________

My mistake. I stand corrected.

This is another case in point. Ace doesn't demand perfection of us, but he will invite us to demand perfection from ourselves. The inversion is a tactic so that we may grow and fully enjoy the entertainmentness of this blog. Besides, he's asking us to mock BuzzFeed, not write a sonnet.

That said, someday your comments shall bloom with sonnets, Mr. O'Spades.

Posted by: FireHorse at May 08, 2015 08:20 PM (aQssP)

323 Hi Mrs. ScoggDog!!!

**waves**

**wags tail**

**pees on the carpet**

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 08:20 PM (NeFrd)

324 Eight things all top NFL QBs all have in common (number three involves not being Jay Cutler or an Oakland Raider)

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at May 08, 2015 08:21 PM (e/W+h)

325 Anybody got a couch ?
Posted by: ScoggDog

*shifty eyes*
Maybe.

Posted by: Couch humper at May 08, 2015 08:22 PM (5dHYY)

326 This one simple trick will cure herpies.....or make you spit your prostate out thru your mouth!

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at May 08, 2015 08:23 PM (F0Cog)

327 10 Common Things That May Be Softening Your Balls!!! Only One of Them Is Tom Brady!!!!11!!

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at May 08, 2015 08:23 PM (QiBX8)

328 Machines for sale

Posted by: clickbait for morons at May 08, 2015 08:23 PM (dULJN)

329 Jimmy Carter complains about constipation to a Chinese zoo keeper! You won't believe what happens next!

Posted by: Leaf Monkey at May 08, 2015 08:23 PM (XrHO0)

330 FIVE THINGS THAT YOU MIGHT FIND IN YOUR MAILBOX THAT ARE MORE ALARMING THAN A DESICCATED PENIS

Posted by: Muldoon, a solid man at May 08, 2015 08:24 PM (NeFrd)

331 This Obscure Illinois State Legislator Vaulted All The Way To The Presidency Of The United States In Only Four Years' Time -- And You Won't Believe What Happens Next!

Posted by: torquewrench at May 08, 2015 08:24 PM (noWW6)

332 SEE HOW MANY OF TOM BRADY'S DEFLATED BALLS CAN FIT UP BARON VON OTTOMATIC'S ASS!!

Posted by: Raider Nation at May 08, 2015 08:24 PM (OsWis)

333 He Saw Her Face, But Didn't Believe!!!

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at May 08, 2015 08:25 PM (QiBX8)

334 You Won't Believe Why This Talking Horse Says He Knew Not To Be Alone In A Hotel Room With Bill Cosby

Posted by: Warden at May 08, 2015 08:26 PM (3ILeG)

335 5 CHILD SCIENTISTS WHO WILL SAVE THE PLANET IN YOUR LIFETIME...

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:26 PM (2TN4k)

336 Wow, conservatives are nasty everywhere in the world.

Oh wait, of COURSE they are.

(Shamelessly ripped off from the comments at the BuzzFeed link.)

Posted by: FireHorse at May 08, 2015 08:27 PM (aQssP)

337 This 1 small adjustment to your penis pump and you too can experience sex and a deep throat at the same time.

Posted by: se pa moron at May 08, 2015 08:27 PM (xQX/f)

338 As fate would have it ... she doesn't think Meeting My Blog Friends is nearly as big a deal as I thought. Go figure.

Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:28 PM (FAbks)

339 FIVE THINGS THAT YOU MIGHT FIND IN YOUR MAILBOX THAT ARE MORE ALARMING THAN A DESICCATED PENIS

Posted by: Muldoon
****

Two desiccated penises?

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at May 08, 2015 08:28 PM (F0Cog)

340 Check Out These 5 Breakfast Sandwiches That Look Just Like Billy Squire Finger Banging A Toad

Posted by: Warden at May 08, 2015 08:28 PM (3ILeG)

341 >>Two desiccated penises?

Nope, 5. Said it right there in the headline

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:29 PM (2TN4k)

342 Check Out These 5 Breakfast Sandwiches That Look Just Like Billy Squire Finger Banging A Toad

Posted by: Warden
****

Is the toad hot?

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at May 08, 2015 08:29 PM (F0Cog)

343 PROOF THAT ALIENS EXIST....IN YOUR JUNK DRAWER!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:30 PM (2TN4k)

344 Machines for sale

Posted by: clickbait for morons at May 08, 2015 08:23 PM

That's just cruel...

g'early evenin', 'rons

Posted by: AltonJackson at May 08, 2015 08:30 PM (KCxzN)

345 340,

Billy Squire fingering Rosie O'Donnell?

Ew.

Posted by: SMFH at it all at May 08, 2015 08:30 PM (OsWis)

346 Nope, 5. Said it right there in the headline

Posted by: Lizzy
****

I would find two desiccated penises in my mailbox more alarming than finding one desiccated penis. That may just be me tho.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at May 08, 2015 08:31 PM (F0Cog)

347 7 Lessons From Different Strokes That Will Save You From Flesh Eating Bacteria

Posted by: Warden at May 08, 2015 08:31 PM (3ILeG)

348 THE ONE DISTRACTION THAT PREVENTED YOU FROM NOTICING THERE'S A NEW THREAD!!!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 08, 2015 08:31 PM (2TN4k)

349 Posted by: ScoggDog at May 08, 2015 08:28 PM

Well, the Horde does have that effect on people. Try again when she's been drinking.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at May 08, 2015 08:31 PM (QiBX8)

350 Check out these 10 Oakland Raider fans gayer than Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde having sex together at the Folsom Street Fair.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at May 08, 2015 08:32 PM (e/W+h)

351 SHOCKING PHOTOS REVEAL WHAT REALLY IS UNDER HILLARY'S PANTSUIT!

Posted by: johnny yuma at May 08, 2015 08:32 PM (ahBY0)

352 5 SIGNS YOU WILL DIE OF A RUPTURED SPHINCTER!

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at May 08, 2015 08:32 PM (F0Cog)

353 How Tom Brady ensured the Tory victory in the UK election.

Posted by: Leaf Monkey at May 08, 2015 08:35 PM (cIoI4)

354
TEN ADORABLE CHILD ACTORS WHO DIDN'T DIE TOO YOUNG (AND WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT)

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars(TM) at May 08, 2015 08:36 PM (VLTL9)

355 Shocker: the truth behind Barbra Streisand's case of "nasal herpes".

Posted by: Leaf Monkey at May 08, 2015 08:38 PM (3F6F8)

356
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHICH CHILD AUTHOR'S NEXT BOOK IS ENTITLED "_____ ______ AND THE PERSISTENT RECTAL ITCH"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars(TM) at May 08, 2015 08:39 PM (VLTL9)

357 Meet The Man Who Gave A Stradivarius To A Homeless Beggar Just So We'd Write A Cool Headline About It

Posted by: Warden at May 08, 2015 08:41 PM (3ILeG)

358 One weird old trick that the strap-on industry doesn't want you to know about.

Posted by: Walter Sobchak at May 08, 2015 08:45 PM (jlhet)

359 Learn The Secret Of Four Exotic Foods That Will Tighten Your Scrotum And Keep Your Balls Out Of The Toilet Water.

Posted by: Fritz at May 08, 2015 08:45 PM (ty633)

360 5 crazy uses for your women's studies degree

Posted by: Walter Sobchak at May 08, 2015 08:47 PM (jlhet)

361 He gave this homeless man $3000 worth of blow. You won't believe what happens next!

Posted by: Walter Sobchak at May 08, 2015 08:49 PM (jlhet)

362 16 actresses you have to see to believe
-

Posted by: Minuteman at May 08, 2015 08:51 PM (yQVAQ)

363 This One Weird Trick Caused Peace-Loving Members of a Peaceful Religion to Murder the Entire Staff of a Magazine and Shoot Up an Art Gallery.

Posted by: Cave Johnson at May 08, 2015 08:51 PM (2jQGY)

364 10 Weird tricks found in the Bible that can keep you out of Jail

Posted by: Minuteman at May 08, 2015 08:53 PM (yQVAQ)

365 We put a candidate identified by the media as a non-ideological moderate in the White House for eight years. What happened next will surprise you.

Posted by: Glen at May 08, 2015 08:54 PM (1x4u/)

366 These Liberals reactions to finding out freedom of speech extends even to people they don't like will make you triple face palm. (That is three hands, mortar forker.)

Posted by: Glen at May 08, 2015 08:58 PM (1x4u/)

367 You won't believe how John Stewart destroys 10 things that happen right before a heart attack to seven adorable kittens that doctors hate for their one weird trick - click now before there's still time!

Posted by: Generalissimo Francisco Franco at May 08, 2015 09:16 PM (Lrzm4)

368 DING FRIES ARE DONE

Posted by: Clete Orris at May 08, 2015 09:16 PM (THDS1)

369 5 life hacks for a wire hanger brought to you by the GOP

Posted by: phoenixgirl at May 08, 2015 09:19 PM (WHaRQ)

370 Lace Wigs that Won't Quit

Posted by: Minuteman at May 08, 2015 09:21 PM (yQVAQ)

371 Three weird things your mother still thinks about you after she looked under your mattress

Posted by: USA at May 08, 2015 09:22 PM (tfM+W)

372 Brian Dennehey changes thousands of peoples' lives with this one neat trick.....

Posted by: BlueFalcon in Boston at May 08, 2015 09:23 PM (A1Dcl)

373 Posted by: BATTING THE CYCLE at May 08, 2015 07:57 PM (XrHO0)

LOL.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 08, 2015 09:31 PM (1sJza)

374 The top 10 cities for hobo hunting will shock you

Posted by: BlueFalcon in Boston at May 08, 2015 09:32 PM (A1Dcl)

375 How Growing UP In The White House Was Rasis!!!

Proper spelling is racis!!!

Posted by: The Obama Daughters at May 08, 2015 09:49 PM (53CCM)

376 WHY IS MICHELLE OBAMA SCREAMING AT THIS WHITE HOUSE BUTLER? THE ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU!

Posted by: Ben Smith at May 08, 2015 09:53 PM (y8idZ)

377 One weird trick to stop that hook-in-your-internet-mouth feeling.

Ans. Reddit. Take up reading there and you will forever after whistle on by with a " nice try, buzzfeed, that's older than Smart military blog puppy videos"

Posted by: Sarahw at May 08, 2015 09:57 PM (lv2k0)

378 22 Cats Who Are Like Whatever.
#19 WILL MAKE YOU SHIT YOURSELF

Posted by: Dave M at May 08, 2015 09:59 PM (T1Fev)

379 42 Stories from r/twoxchromosomes of people offering to pay for strangers abortions that will save your faith in abortion.

Posted by: Dave M at May 08, 2015 10:03 PM (T1Fev)

380 369:

baby hacks.

Posted by: Glen at May 08, 2015 10:03 PM (1x4u/)

381 15 times some dude was like, what are the actual merits of this public policy proposal, and a strong indipendant gal who don't take no guff was like, small penis

Posted by: Dave M at May 08, 2015 10:06 PM (T1Fev)

382 You won't believe how this ninety year old yoga instructor eliminated his entire debt in one day. LOANSHARKS HATE HIM!

Posted by: gail at May 08, 2015 10:07 PM (CQT1j)

383 THESE BABY HEDGEHOGS ARE SO CUTE YOU WILL POOP IN YOUR OWN MOUTH!!!!!

Posted by: JackT at May 08, 2015 10:23 PM (BQOvK)

384 Having more sex DOESN'T make you happier: Scientists claim too much time in the bedroom can make you miserable.

Actual headline from the Daily Mail, from a study conducted by scientists who are miserable, shitty lovers.

Posted by: @PeeteySDee at May 08, 2015 10:49 PM (KF/jv)

385 UFO lands on White House lawn. Leaves because everyone is on vacation! Again.

Posted by: goon at May 08, 2015 10:57 PM (gy5kE)

386 Ace, no offense, but you do over-the-top hyperbolic headlines all the damn time.

Posted by: Justfactualthings at May 08, 2015 11:04 PM (oCxXI)

387 Sunny and Bo found to be allergic to Michelle. And Barack. No recent photos of family pets available.

Posted by: goon at May 08, 2015 11:05 PM (gy5kE)

388 Ya gotta hand it JK Rowlings. A snotty flame deserves a witty retort. Probably not a good idea to heckle a writer via the written word, however, since it is kind of playing ball in their court.

Posted by: Mistress Overdone at May 08, 2015 11:09 PM (2/oBD)

389 You won't believe which 2 Constitutional Amendments killed two people in Garland, Texas!

Posted by: ss at May 08, 2015 11:14 PM (qLqyi)

390 Ten BS Artist "News Sites" Based in San Francisco That Will Make You Wish the City Would Be Invaded by Actual Franciscans

... or is that a bit too harsh?

Posted by: They Can't Have My French Fries at May 08, 2015 11:51 PM (zzvs4)

391 You will pee your pants when you find out how lame this clickbait is!

Wow! J.K. Rowling Just said something stupid.

10 Feminists who ended up in insane asylums

Shocker - this crazy grandma with a predator hubbie thinks she should be President!

We reveal this One Weird Trick that can get millions of suckers wasting hours upon hours

Posted by: Keep Calm Cruz On at May 09, 2015 12:16 AM (FLBHk)

392 293
Mindy @ 253: "I come here so Ace can entertain me, and he's asking us to entertain him.""

Genius indeed! Some guys became billionaires on user generated content. why not one of us morons???

Posted by: Keep Calm Cruz On at May 09, 2015 12:17 AM (FLBHk)

393 "390
Ten BS Artist "News Sites" Based in San Francisco That Will Make You Wish the City Would Be Invaded by Actual Franciscans

... or is that a bit too harsh?"

Not at all. Tattoing "F___ muhammed" and forcing them into the ISIS HQ unarmed ... that might be too harsh.

On second thought, these are the dregs of dumbing down America and ruining our culture.

Posted by: Keep Calm Cruz On at May 09, 2015 12:21 AM (FLBHk)

394
Check this hilarious video with dwarves and strippers that will definitely get you Fired! (NSFW)

... This woman stripper will totally give you wood!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBYEaCT3jWU

Posted by: Keep Calm Cruz On at May 09, 2015 12:28 AM (FLBHk)

395 "121
How to amuse yourself all day. Click ."

Click here to find out the number #1 way losers waste time on the internet.

10 Ways Buzzfeed is as annoying as shaving with rusty razors.

Posted by: Keep Calm Cruz On at May 09, 2015 12:34 AM (FLBHk)

396 Actual real buzzfeed clickbait: Can we guess your taste in food based on your taste in men?

Mine: Can we guess your man's taste based on his taste in food?

Posted by: WaitingForMArtel at May 09, 2015 01:19 AM (qFwf5)

397 I liked the "man I don't like I'll call a misogynist" while insulting his imaginary penis size routine.

Isn't that like a guy telling a woman "you're a dumb bitch and I bet you need a boob job"? All the while pretending you're somehow enlightened?

Posted by: Kal at May 09, 2015 01:40 AM (13G+x)

398 THIS THING WILL MAKE YOU DO ANOTHER THING UNTIL YOU SHIT

Posted by: Amos at May 09, 2015 01:42 AM (m+ljp)

399 388
Ya gotta hand it JK Rowlings. A snotty flame deserves a witty retort.
Probably not a good idea to heckle a writer via the written word,
however, since it is kind of playing ball in their court.

Posted by: Mistress Overdone

... except JK Rowling looked like the dumb cunt

I mean going after imaginary penis size? That's like a Jr. High-level insult

Posted by: Kal at May 09, 2015 01:51 AM (13G+x)

400 These 10 photos of kids are so cute... #4 will make you reconsider pedophilia.

Posted by: Notmethatsfordamnsure at May 09, 2015 02:14 AM (DtNNC)

401 13 daguerreotypes of stalking horsed tomfoolerers so beguiling as to induce joviality to the precipice of xysmatic overload.

Posted by: radioactive at May 09, 2015 02:16 AM (a9JA2)

402 This ornithologist did something to a magpie. You won't believe what Sally Kohn does next.

Posted by: Chandler's Ghost at May 09, 2015 02:21 AM (2BL9N)

403 12 GIFs of molested children who just can't hang.

Posted by: Chandler's Ghost at May 09, 2015 02:24 AM (2BL9N)

404 Posted by: JackT at May 08, 2015 10:23 PM (BQOvK)

Buzzfeed actually did a thing with hedgehogs posing with food that looked like hedgehogs.

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at May 09, 2015 02:26 AM (nCKKS)

405 Clickbaiters: It's Never Just The Weird Old Tip.

Posted by: Rich Fader at May 09, 2015 04:24 AM (LeeQi)

406 Inspired by Ace and his daughter executed line:

If ISIS had a website and wrote "Buzzfeed" style headlines:
"At first I didn't think this western journalist would wander out of the safe zone in Baghdad. But then...MOST AMUSING!"
"8 Hilarious GIFs of Martyrs Failing to Set off Their Vests. LMAO!"

"You will Not Believe This Video of 3 Females Returning From The Market
in Mosul. Slight Breeze and...Allah Be Praised, Hot Ankle Action!"
"I Did Not Think This Infidel Would Drive Over the Roadside Device. But Then...Whoa!"
"Click Here For The Page 3 Pic of the 'Hot Goat of the Day'!"

"Abdul Was So Busy Trying To Get His Surface To Air Missile to Lock On
to a NATO F-18, He Had No Idea The A-10 Warthog Was Sneaking Up Behind
Him...MARTYRED!"
"This Most Adorable Puppy Will Have You Bowing Toward Mecca With its Cuteness."
"We Strapped a GoPro Camera to an Axe and Beheaded an Infidel...We Did Not Expect What Happened Next!"
"Ten Ways Israel is Clearly Begging For Us to Invade... #4 Was My Favorite."
"10 Reasons Driving a Stickshift is Simpler Than You Might Assume."
"8 Things Infidels Always Say When Begging For Their Lives...#6 Will Make You Weep."
"When This Noble Sheik Caught His Daughter Kissing a Boy, No One Expected What Happened Next...HONOR KILLING!"
"These Western Cartoonists Did Not Expect What Was Waiting for Them..."

Posted by: SGT York at May 09, 2015 04:35 AM (Z0gJk)

407 Another classic that should go into the archives. Not sure what it says about me but il padrino got me with number three.

Posted by: simplemind at May 09, 2015 11:02 AM (hTeQK)

408 You'll never believe what this Tory parliamentarian did with this five year old boy's asshole while Labour MPs watched from behind a one-way window while stroking their dicks.

Posted by: Johnny at May 09, 2015 11:00 PM (WvGsS)

409 What this pony tailed blogger did after removing his bicycle seat will amaze and arouse you.

Posted by: Johnny at May 09, 2015 11:02 PM (WvGsS)

410 Five things Joe Biden said that will make you stand up in your wheel chair and clap.

Posted by: Johnny at May 09, 2015 11:05 PM (WvGsS)

411 Here is this one president's neat trick for avoiding slipping on the bathhouse floor.

Posted by: Johnny at May 09, 2015 11:07 PM (WvGsS)

412 Illiterate desert dwellers discover thousand year old life hack that helps them avoid having to bake cakes for gay weddings.

Posted by: Johnny at May 09, 2015 11:13 PM (WvGsS)

413 This Kenyan father of two discovers one weird photoshop trick that makes his birth certificate look American.

Posted by: Johnny at May 09, 2015 11:17 PM (WvGsS)

414 How to take your vaginal yeast infection from flaming to fabulous in 6 easy steps

Posted by: radioactive at May 10, 2015 12:34 AM (a9JA2)

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