In This Week's Episode of #Science With @NeilTyson ...

The stupidest goddamned thing ever put on Twitter. And that's saying a LOT.

Aliens, seeing Humans kill over land, politics, religion, & skin color, would surely ask, “What the f*%k is wrong with you?"
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 6, 2014

So let me get this straight ... this harmonic, placid society from afar was so happy in their happiness that they decided to explore the galaxy to spread their joy?

Jee-bus! And these people claim to believe in natural selection.

OTOH ... they'll be the first to go.

Posted by: Andy at 09:06 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1
I'm sure that we will have just thousands of things, large and small in common with an alien race.

Posted by: irongrampa at December 13, 2014 09:08 PM (jeCnD)

2 Obligatory I for one welcome our new ant overlords.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 13, 2014 09:10 PM (KFdZd)

3 Aliens? Is he talking about illegal aliens?

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:10 PM (doBIb)

4 This guy is the stupidest smart person ever.

Posted by: Andy at December 13, 2014 09:11 PM (vGQV1)

5 So let me get this straight ... this harmonic, placid society from afar was so happy in their happiness that they decided to explore the galaxy to spread their joy?

Oh, it's not completely impossible, although, admittedly, the odds are against it. However, I wouldn't bet any of my own money on it.

Posted by: CQD at December 13, 2014 09:11 PM (lyiq0)

6 "Jee-bus! And these people claim to believe in natural selection."

The "advanced aliens" thing was a 60-70s creation. But it also was a thing as far back as when real scientists were imagining evidence of life on Mars, which must have transcended all the savagery of humans in order to construct planet spanning public works (canals).

But really... it's a very worn idea, that aliens must be godlike in their moral sense...

There might be something to that... that it's usually the godless that think aliens might be godlike. (And my apologies to atheist morons.)

Posted by: Synova at December 13, 2014 09:12 PM (Ek0Xs)

7
Actually if aliens arrived here, we would be destroyed. Squashed like nats. Silly professor. He'd be the first one I would turn over to be enslaved.I would of course be a willing servant to my new overlords.

Posted by: Puddleglum@work at December 13, 2014 09:14 PM (15w2J)

8 "Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us."

Posted by: CQD at December 13, 2014 09:14 PM (lyiq0)

9 If alien princesses look like Lynn Collins, your damn right I'm selling this planet out.

Posted by: Puddleglum@work at December 13, 2014 09:16 PM (15w2J)

10 Aliens would kill us and take our stuff in a heartbeat. WTF is NdGT going on about?

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:16 PM (doBIb)

11
Fuck you, I DO want a percentage.....

Posted by: Chestburster Alien at December 13, 2014 09:17 PM (8v9fw)

12 "Live from New York it's Saturday Night"

Posted by: redenzo at December 13, 2014 09:17 PM (WCnJW)

13 NdGT does not believe God exists. Something has to replace that hole in his heart. Hence, extra terrastials.

Posted by: Puddleglum@work at December 13, 2014 09:17 PM (15w2J)

14 I'm pretty sure that the aliens who come here are just hard workin' folks, lookin' for a better way of life, pickin' fruit, emptyin' bedpans and mowin' lawns.

Posted by: huerfano at December 13, 2014 09:18 PM (bAGA/)

15 Would they ask before or after they stuck the probes up our asses?

Posted by: tdpwells at December 13, 2014 09:18 PM (iWSm4)

16 Aliens are just another "Benevelent Dictator" fantasy for the sciency left. They want some little men from Mars to teach us how to achieve world peace through ending capitalism, monogamy, individuality, etc.

Become one with the collective, because science.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 13, 2014 09:18 PM (10ydV)

17 I am believing more and more in the concept of a uniquely vulnerable period in technological advancement. A time when traditional ways of surviving have fallen away, but the tech based solutions will be fragile, easy prey to natural phenomena such as solar flares or hostile EMP's.

Abe Lincoln would only notice a enhanced Aurora, but today we might witness the end of modern civilization from a gigantic solar storm.

Any morons have any thoughts on an 'action camera'? My youngest has expressed an interest, and since we are all likely to die I thought I might get him one.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at December 13, 2014 09:18 PM (8zvUY)

18 "Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours
are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and
unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and
surely drew their plans against us."

One of the greatest lines ever written. Especially when uttered by Orson Welles.

Posted by: thatcrazyjerseyguy at December 13, 2014 09:19 PM (TPimP)

19 12
Fuck you, I DO want a percentage.....
Posted by: Chestburster Alien at December 13, 2014 09:17 PM (8v9fw)

Haha, I happen to be watching that one right now.

"Mostly they come out at night. Mostly..."

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:19 PM (doBIb)

20 Followup question ...

Would Gort be viewed as racist ?

Posted by: Clutch, the mountain hawk at December 13, 2014 09:19 PM (e8kgV)

21 You already know my position on alien life.

Posted by: Kent Brockman at December 13, 2014 09:20 PM (10ydV)

22 We have a book called "To Serve Man."

Submit to us... what could go wrong?

Posted by: The Kanamits at December 13, 2014 09:20 PM (lN8KC)

23 Would they ask before or after they stuck the probes up our asses?

------------------------------

In my experience, no they don't ask.

Posted by: Redneck what was abducted by aliens an looking for payback at December 13, 2014 09:20 PM (KFdZd)

24 Aliens, seeing Humans kill over land, politics, religion, & skin color, would surely ask, "What the f*%k is wrong with you?"

Assuming that Darwin's theories hold for other solar systems, aliens will understand full well what's going on here. And will exploit it -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monsters_Are_Due_on_Maple_Street

Tyson doesn't believe in the transcendent Christian God. He does however want to believe in a god; his "alien" has transcended Darwin.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at December 13, 2014 09:21 PM (AVEe1)

25 Yeah, cause why would any other species be competitive? It's unreasonable.

Posted by: Pen15 Grande at December 13, 2014 09:22 PM (z1YOJ)

26 O puny red ants and black ants, why can't you learn to live in natural harmony as the laws of the universe dictate we all should?!

Posted by: Neil at a picnic at December 13, 2014 09:22 PM (UbWXm)

27 Klatu:
The test of any such higher authority is, of course, the police force that supports it. For our policemen, we created a race of robots. Their function is to patrol the planets in spaceships like this one and preserve the peace. In matters of aggression, we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first sign of violence, they act automatically against the aggressor. The penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk. The result is, we live in peace, without arms or armies, secure in the knowledge that we are free from aggression and war. Free to pursue more... profitable enterprises. Now, we do not pretend to have achieved perfection, but we do have a system, and it works.

... I doubt Gort would be sensitive enough for a group of gangsta f*cktards

Posted by: Professor Barnhardt at December 13, 2014 09:22 PM (e8kgV)

28 It's not just Tyson. Many science and sci-fi types think that advanced being must be peaceful because if they were not peaceful, they'd have destroyed themselves.

Looking at Earth's history, aliens would have to be pretty alien for the strongest not to have crushed their enemies.

Posted by: Mars needs more big boobied womens at December 13, 2014 09:23 PM (lN8KC)

29 Hobo, I read that book when it came out! I still use the phrase, 'the searing jab of a woman's high heel shoe' when I am caught in a crowded store.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at December 13, 2014 09:23 PM (8zvUY)

30 One of the greatest lines ever written. Especially when uttered by Orson Welles.

Posted by: thatcrazyjerseyguy at December 13, 2014 09:19 PM (TPimP)

I completely agree. It stuck in my mind from the moment I read it (about 50 years ago).

The funny thing is that Wells was a socialist. Apparently back in those days they made them in versions that didn't come with the annoying "we are all equals" feature. Too bad they dropped that feature option in later models.

Churchill still hated him, though.

Posted by: CQD at December 13, 2014 09:23 PM (lyiq0)

31 One of the greatest lines ever written. Especially when uttered by Orson Welles.

Posted by: thatcrazyjerseyguy at December 13, 2014 09:19 PM (TPimP)

Or Richard Burton. If you have never heard the Jeff Lynne musical version of War of the Worlds, narrated by Richard Burton, look it up and have a listen. The music is pretty good, too.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 13, 2014 09:24 PM (8Fl6F)

32 8
Actually if aliens arrived here, we would be destroyed. Squashed like nats. Silly professor. He'd be the first one I would turn over to be enslaved.I would of course be a willing servant to my new overlords.
Posted by: Puddleglum@work at December 13, 2014 09:14 PM (15w2J)

Yep. Stephen Hawking discussed this a few years ago. Advanced civilizations tend to crush the less-advanced ones. He doesn't want us 'reaching out' to find alien life. Makes sense.

Posted by: joefl65 at December 13, 2014 09:24 PM (UFV5W)

33 They would be surprised since those things don't really happen that much. Tribes fight over power and wealth more than anything (is, to obtain limited resources) and not just because other tribes are different in some minor attribute. Correlation is not causation. The symptom does not define the disease. etc. Aliens, if they have similar analogs to children, would probably be more astounded at how the lengths we are willing to go to stop our own genes from living on.

Posted by: dudenolongerinsantacruz at December 13, 2014 09:24 PM (PGXA8)

34
So if we WERE observed by aliens, what might they conclude the primary life form is, cars or humans?

Posted by: irongrampa at December 13, 2014 09:25 PM (jeCnD)

35 Now, we do not pretend to have achieved perfection, but we do have a system, and it works.

Yup. It's called "tyranny".

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:25 PM (doBIb)

36 Gort would also solve the problem of Michael Brown's body laying in the middle of the road for 4 and a half hours.

Simply, there would be nothing left of Brown' body to leave laying about.

Klaatu: I'm impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it.
Mr. Harley: I'm afraid my people haven't. I'm very sorry... I wish it were otherwise.

Posted by: Professor Barnhardt at December 13, 2014 09:25 PM (e8kgV)

37 Wow talk about stupid. Stephen Hawking should pimp slap him. I mean he's an idiot too on this stuff but at least he has a better grasp of the impossibility of aliens visiting us.

Posted by: buzzion at December 13, 2014 09:25 PM (zt+N6)

38 Aliens could very well go conquering across the Galaxy entirely because their religion demands it.

Or their species chauvinism and bigotry.

Or for greed.

Or a quest for power.

Or boredom

Or to meet girls.

NDT must dream up these deeps thoughts while he is leading kids on a tour of the planetarium.

Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 09:26 PM (MQEz6)

39 If Tyson is correct, and the aliens are peaceful, then humans will steal their tech, improve upon it, and then conquer aliens left and right.

Orion slave chicks for everyone!

Posted by: Emperess Sato of the Terran Empire at December 13, 2014 09:26 PM (lN8KC)

40 Tyson said some stupid thing about advancing human life-spans or ending aging so that we all lived (in practical terms) forever.

He wasn't for it.

The reasons he gave were 1) overpopulation, and 2) that we wouldn't strive to accomplish anything if we weren't expecting to die soon.

If humans expected to live forever, the first thing we'd likely put off for later is reproduction (this is already true in an empirical, measurable, way) and wouldn't any reasonable person plan *better* for the future if they expected it to be centuries? Yes, humans strive in part because we're trying to survive. But mostly we strive because we really like our comfort. There's no reason at all that anyone would do *less* because they expected to live for many centuries.

Posted by: Synova at December 13, 2014 09:27 PM (Ek0Xs)

41 It's not just Tyson. Many science and sci-fi types think that advanced being must be peaceful because if they were not peaceful, they'd have destroyed themselves.

Posted by: Mars needs more big boobied womens at December 13, 2014 09:23 PM (lN8KC)

This position was mercilessly mocked in the movie Mars Attacks.

It is more logical to assume that an invading alien race will simply be represented by the strongest, most bloodthirsty faction that survived.

Posted by: CQD at December 13, 2014 09:27 PM (lyiq0)

42 Tyson doesn't believe in the transcendent Christian God. He does however want to believe in a god; his "alien" has transcended Darwin.
Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at December 13, 2014 09:21 PM (AVEe1)

Remember, religion doesn't need a god, just sin and the Devil.

Posted by: Kent Brockman at December 13, 2014 09:27 PM (10ydV)

43 Aliens could very well go conquering across the Galaxy entirely because their religion demands it.

HALO - at least the first two - in a nutshell...

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 09:28 PM (Fka6O)

44 He's almost a personification of the professional scanner class. Thank you Ace of Spades for introducing me to this specimen.

Posted by: #queef of the year at December 13, 2014 09:28 PM (rtdg1)

45 Aliens are just another "Benevolent Dictator" fantasy for the left. They want some little men from Mars to teach us how to achieve
world peace through ending force us to abandon capitalism, monogamy, individuality, religion, etc.

Become one with the collective, because "New Messiah".

FTFY

Posted by: Blame Whom at December 13, 2014 09:28 PM (7wyDO)

46 Orion slave chicks for everyone!

Triple-breasted alien chicks for everyone!

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:28 PM (doBIb)

47 THEY LIVE!
I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...

Posted by: shredded chi at December 13, 2014 09:29 PM (oqXCB)

48 Just like a teen. "My group (who I once loved) isn't as ideal as I thought, so an outside group must be!"

Posted by: Shoot Me at December 13, 2014 09:29 PM (EQcfE)

49 My bad. Apparently Jeff Wayne was the producer. But narration indeed by Richard Burton.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcbpvcHvci0

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 13, 2014 09:29 PM (8Fl6F)

50 Secretary: The phone doesn't work.
Mr. Krull: Well then call the phone company.
Secretary: But... the phone doesn't work!

Posted by: Professor Barnhardt at December 13, 2014 09:30 PM (e8kgV)

51 The values of mankind regarding 'beauty' and 'fineness' mean absolutely nothing to the blind gods of the ultimate abyss, to whom all things are alike; and those gods, in their brainless, sightless grinding of the eternal mill may sometimes accidentally favour and sometimes accidentally frustrate what we locally, arbitrarily, and accidentally happen to esteem as beauty and fineness.

Posted by: Howard Phillips Lovecraft at December 13, 2014 09:30 PM (AVEe1)

52 Orion slave chicks for everyone!

Triple-breasted alien chicks for everyone!

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:28 PM (doBIb)

Why not one of each?

Posted by: Quatto at December 13, 2014 09:30 PM (lN8KC)

53 Emetes bees bese needs more followers till they have been made in China people and their children

Posted by: #queef of the year at December 13, 2014 09:30 PM (rtdg1)

54 Helen: Gort! Klaatu barada nik .. aw, fuck em

Posted by: Professor Barnhardt at December 13, 2014 09:31 PM (e8kgV)

55 Employees of course in a while the second largest city is home and get back into bed with you

Posted by: #queef of the year at December 13, 2014 09:31 PM (rtdg1)

56 If Tyson is correct, and the aliens are peaceful, then humans will steal their tech, improve upon it, and then conquer aliens left and right.

I have pondered a science-fiction story about what would happen if an alien her-herbivore-type-species ran up against a wolf-like species like ours? Herd herbivores aren't necessarily peaceful but their aggression wouldn't be the same as a predator...

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 09:32 PM (Fka6O)

57
Xmas shopping-done
Xmas cards-done
Xmas dinner purchase-done
Unbanned by Ace-not done

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarin at December 13, 2014 09:33 PM (1FBjV)

58
George Barley: Why doesn't the government do something, that's what I'd like to know.

Mr. Krull: What can they do, they're only people just like us.

George Barley: People my foot, they're democrats.

Posted by: Professor Barnhardt at December 13, 2014 09:34 PM (e8kgV)

59 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qro7oBzUBos

Posted by: Plan 9 at December 13, 2014 09:35 PM (lN8KC)

60 If they're so smart, why didn't they put my head on a horse's body, hmmm?

Posted by: Sarah Jessica Parker at December 13, 2014 09:36 PM (fBxC6)

61 I don't need a chick with an extra boob. What I need is an extra pair of hands. Christmas is a lot of work.

Posted by: ALH at December 13, 2014 09:36 PM (btTLZ)

62 NdGT does not believe God exists. Something has to replace that hole in his heart. Hence, extra terrastials.
Posted by: Puddleglum@work

I say this as agnostic, nailed it!

Close the fucking thread.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 13, 2014 09:36 PM (dxTxt)

63 So far the Galaxy looks pretty empty of technologically advanced life.

Our technology may be too feeble to detect their activity or we may have this joint all to ourselves.

At least for millions of years.

Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 09:36 PM (MQEz6)

64 41
Tyson said some stupid thing about advancing human life-spans or ending aging so that we all lived (in practical terms) forever.

He wasn't for it.

The reasons he gave were 1) overpopulation, and 2) that we wouldn't
strive to accomplish anything if we weren't expecting to die soon.

If humans expected to live forever, the first thing we'd likely put
off for later is reproduction (this is already true in an empirical,
measurable, way) and wouldn't any reasonable person plan *better* for
the future if they expected it to be centuries? Yes, humans strive in
part because we're trying to survive. But mostly we strive because we
really like our comfort. There's no reason at all that anyone would do
*less* because they expected to live for many centuries.

Posted by: Synova at December 13, 2014 09:27 PM (Ek0Xs)

===actually, mortality completely defines everything you see from the left. the reason why humans choose to have slaves is to steal their productive time. follow the logic from there and you can predict every single leftist form of bullshit you will ever see.
NDT is a willing descendent of the slavery party and is bigoted about it. Of course he doesn't see time-stealing, soul-devouring emptiness of his creed.

Posted by: jc at December 13, 2014 09:37 PM (iRJ+A)

65 42 It's not just Tyson. Many science and sci-fi types think that advanced being must be peaceful because if they were not peaceful, they'd have destroyed themselves.

Posted by: Mars needs more big boobied womens at December 13, 2014 09:23 PM (lN8KC)

Well I bet they have nationalized healthcare so clearly they're more advanced than us.

Posted by: tdpwells at December 13, 2014 09:37 PM (iWSm4)

66 What if the aliens are a race females only without any males on their planet? They've come looking for males to breed with, like the Asari from Mass Effect.

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:37 PM (doBIb)

67 I for one welcome our alien overlords who would ever never engage in any behavior that Neil DeAssHaty Grassy would disapprove of

Posted by: mallfly at December 13, 2014 09:39 PM (zjcTL)

68 Aliens are scouring the Galaxy looking for where socks go.

Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 09:39 PM (MQEz6)

69 I have pondered a science-fiction story about what would happen if an alien her-herbivore-type-species ran up against a wolf-like species like ours? Herd herbivores aren't necessarily peaceful but their aggression wouldn't be the same as a predator...

This was pretty much how "Star Control"'s backstory went down.

The Chenjesu are your standard peaceful silicon-based crystalgazers. Then they get attacked by a sect of the Ur-Quan.* So the Chenjesu uplift us because, hey, peace is good and all, but before we can get peace the galaxy depends on a race which has perfected massive fucking nukes and ICBMs. Apparently that's us. So its off to the hyperspeed starships and hellbore missiles...

(*Sidenote. In SC2 we learn that this sect, the Kzer-Za, are the moderates among the Ur-Quan. And even the extremists might not be the worst threat in this sector of the galaxy. Yeah. It's probably unwise to hope for enlightened super-species to bail us out just for their love of us.)

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at December 13, 2014 09:40 PM (AVEe1)

70 Would the aliens ask what the f*ck is wrong with us before or after the anal probing?

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at December 13, 2014 09:40 PM (AC0lD)

71 What if the aliens are a race females only without any males on their planet? They've come looking for males to breed with

As long as they don't go all praying mantis on me, I'm good.

Posted by: pep at December 13, 2014 09:40 PM (4nR9/)

72 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWpU8sX10_4

Posted by: Professor Barnhardt at December 13, 2014 09:40 PM (e8kgV)

73 and it's the fault of the Jews, it always is.

Posted by: mallfly at December 13, 2014 09:40 PM (zjcTL)

74 I have pondered a science-fiction story about what would happen if an alien her-herbivore-type-species ran up against a wolf-like species like ours? Herd herbivores aren't necessarily peaceful but their aggression wouldn't be the same as a predator...

Posted by: Grey Fox

Such a race wouldn't have developed the agriculture and economies of scale to become a space-faring civ.

Now a race of giant, sentient fungi on the other hand is completely believable...

Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 13, 2014 09:40 PM (dxTxt)

75
67 What if the aliens are a race females only without any males on their planet? They've come looking for males to breed with, like the Asari from Mass Effect.
Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:37 PM (doBIb)

I think I'd still go for Tali'Zorah vas Neema

Posted by: buzzion at December 13, 2014 09:41 PM (zt+N6)

76 What if the aliens are a race females only without any males on their planet?

We have males but they're pussified after millenia of matriarchy

Posted by: the Syreen at December 13, 2014 09:41 PM (AVEe1)

77
69 Aliens are scouring the Galaxy looking for where socks go.
Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 09:39 PM (MQEz6)

You only take them used huh.

Posted by: Al Bundy at December 13, 2014 09:42 PM (zt+N6)

78
Just watched the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still and, though it's a beaautiful film to watch, it's also a load of crap. "Green" aliens here to save the Earth from us. Really? BS, they will come for our natural resources. And our women. (Jennifer Connely, FGS)

Posted by: Pecan Scandi at December 13, 2014 09:42 PM (oVOJz)

79 So, is this the book thread? John Ringo has a series about aliens too advanced for violencr and how humans have to be their soldiers to save them & us from worse aliens.

Posted by: @votermom at December 13, 2014 09:43 PM (cbfNE)

80 What if Aliens like to live far away from stars in asteroids and comets and artificial habitats? What if they do things at a very slow pace and rely entirely on atoms and technology for all they need?

We would never notice them.

Our Solar System could be fully colonized out beyond Pluto.

Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 09:43 PM (MQEz6)

81 oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that those really superior aliens wanted my male jelly

yo here I am, foxy mamalien. be gentile with me, schicksah queen.

Posted by: mallfly at December 13, 2014 09:43 PM (zjcTL)

82 Neil can't breathe.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at December 13, 2014 09:43 PM (W5DcG)

83 Death by Snu-Snu!

Posted by: Amazonian Queen at December 13, 2014 09:44 PM (fBxC6)

84 Wait. So a "genius brilliant man of science" seriously believes that race/ethnicity is just about skin color?

Posted by: whoa at December 13, 2014 09:44 PM (oCxXI)

85 83
Neil can't breathe.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at December 13, 2014 09:43 PM (W5DcG)

====then perhaps you can explain how it is that he never shuts up.

Posted by: jc at December 13, 2014 09:44 PM (iRJ+A)

86 Ironic that Mr iLoveScience is, for all intents, referring to Angelic beings... I think there's a book that discuses his little theory in greater detail.

Posted by: God at December 13, 2014 09:45 PM (Aukzs)

87 NDT is proof that Affirmative Action is dumbing down this country.

Posted by: whoa at December 13, 2014 09:46 PM (oCxXI)

88 So Tyson falls for the 'god-like aliens' cliche.

Actually, that's not so surprising.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 09:46 PM (MMC8r)

89 The aliens in this particular fantasy are merely a stand-in for his ego. He just wanted a slightly more creative way to express how much better he is than everyone else.

In his more private alien pontifications, they probably lie and cheat to advance themselves.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at December 13, 2014 09:47 PM (QCo5R)

90
It's not just Tyson. Many science and sci-fi types think that advanced being must be peaceful because if they were not peaceful, they'd have destroyed themselves.

This theory pretty much is the backbone of Star Trek. Even DS9, which otherwise cheerfully pointed out the Federation was fascist, kinda went along with it.

Posted by: Ian S. at December 13, 2014 09:47 PM (OMULS)

91 I take it that Tyson missed his ticket to Hale-Bopp last time it came 'round

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at December 13, 2014 09:47 PM (AVEe1)

92 Hmmm, better get rid of that infectious film before mining this little ball of iron.

Posted by: Zarnak at December 13, 2014 09:48 PM (fBxC6)

93 Doesn't NdGT have a planetarium to attend to?

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at December 13, 2014 09:48 PM (PZ6/M)

94 Wanna bet NDT voted for Obama, twice?

Posted by: whoa at December 13, 2014 09:48 PM (oCxXI)

95 I think if aliens were to take a good long look at everyone but me, they would think "man, these people are pretty f*cked up".

Posted by: Neil Tyson at December 13, 2014 09:49 PM (QCo5R)

96 I have pondered a science-fiction story about what
would happen if an alien her-herbivore-type-species ran up against a
wolf-like species like ours? Herd herbivores aren't necessarily peaceful but their aggression wouldn't be the same as a predator...

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 09:32 PM (Fka6O)

Look up the novel Footfall by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Earth is attacked by a race of elephant-like bipeds who need lebensraum. They are herd animals, and I think herbivores, but it might not be explicitly stated.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 13, 2014 09:49 PM (8Fl6F)

97 Suppose you knew that it was possible to see the job of colonizing Mars through, from today to something self-supporting... wouldn't you be more likely to make that a goal?

People support space exploration even knowing they've not got a chance of ever getting to GO. Can you imagine if you had a reasonable expectation that you could actually go?

I think that our politics would get very very conservative in that anyone and everyone would want to safeguard the results of their own efforts and their own saving and their own *planning* from sanctioned theft... but I doubt that anything else would become particularly conservative.

Posted by: Synova at December 13, 2014 09:49 PM (Ek0Xs)

98 Tyson would be the scientist who approaches the aliens, welcoming them to Earth and reassuring them of our peaceful intentions.

Then...ZAP!

Posted by: rickl at December 13, 2014 09:49 PM (sdi6R)

99 there should be a new version of "To Serve Man" featuring Michael Moore. Will only need one really big spaceship.

just noticed on FOX -- Janine Pirro, who is really hot, all considered -- crapomnibus bill might get through the Senate.

further updates as ending sobriety allows...

Posted by: mallfly at December 13, 2014 09:49 PM (zjcTL)

100 Scalzi's "Old Man's War" had a bit about aliens and how humans put their biases on them.

One race of "nightmare" creatures that looked like something out of HP Lovecraft, and another that looked like Bambi. One race were pacifists, and the other used captured humans to breed them like cattle because human infant meat was a delicacy to them.

Guess which one was what.

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:50 PM (doBIb)

101 This was a pretty popular idea, back in the 1950's in scifi, rarely worked out well for the scientists who believed it, though. See the original "The Thing" for how well it tended to work out. And maybe Gassy Tyson should watch "Forbidden Planet," since it made it clear even those so-called advanced aliens had a primitive id ...

He is SUCH a tool.

Posted by: acethepug at December 13, 2014 09:51 PM (37xk6)

102 Ian S., how so?

I got the impression that the Dominion had better tech than the Federation. And they were not nice people.

I wonder if you're thinking of the Prophets / wormhole-aliens...

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at December 13, 2014 09:51 PM (AVEe1)

103 I have pondered a science-fiction story about what would happen if an alien her-herbivore-type-species ran up against a wolf-like species like ours? Herd herbivores aren't necessarily peaceful but their aggression wouldn't be the same as a predator...

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 09:32 PM (Fka6O)

Footfall, by Larry Nivan and Jerry Pournelle.

Regarding extended lifespans, I'd like to see a story about a world where lifespans are doubled, and the effects of old age are diminished, but fertility remains the same. In other words, you live to be 160-170, you're pretty much healthy and spry until a few years before then, but women still can only bear children from about 15-40.

Posted by: Kent Brockman at December 13, 2014 09:51 PM (10ydV)

104 I have pondered a science-fiction story about what would happen if an alien her-herbivore-type-species ran up against a wolf-like species like ours? Herd herbivores aren't necessarily peaceful but their aggression wouldn't be the same as a predator...

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 09:32 PM (Fka6O)

Footfall, by Larry Nivan and Jerry Pournelle.

Regarding extended lifespans, I'd like to see a story about a world where lifespans are doubled, and the effects of old age are diminished, but fertility remains the same. In other words, you live to be 160-170, you're pretty much healthy and spry until a few years before then, but women still can only bear children from about 15-40.

Posted by: Kent Brockman at December 13, 2014 09:51 PM (10ydV)

105 Didn't Tyson crib that from the old SciFi story where the peaceful little lemur arrives expecting to find a nuclear ravaged earth ... and trembles in fear as we have reached the accommodation of MAD and detente. And now, a new virile, violent race will sweep across the galaxy of peaceful beings, like a mongol horde.

Posted by: Jean at December 13, 2014 09:52 PM (TETYm)

106 Wife was watching Hallmark or the Life Channel or some such stuff during dinner.
Blacks acting more White than White's And of course living in Homes out of a Disney shoe circa Kurt Russel as a circus boy from Disney.. White Folks wanting to be Blacks, dancing like a parody of un=synchronized White folks imitating Blacks. and generally some BS about how we really need to be homogenous
.Cannot breath, the smell of Liberal Indoctrination.

Posted by: Chauncey Claymoore at December 13, 2014 09:52 PM (/WmRg)

107 NDT does no research. Publishes no papers.

He sells "science" to suckers.

He is as wise as a college Freshman baked on cheap weed and stuffed with chips and Mountain Dew.

Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 09:52 PM (MQEz6)

108 The most likely solution to the Drake equation is simple:
Predators listen.

The reason no one is yakking away is because a predator species - even with relativistic travel - can consume vast swaths of hunting grounds within 100,000 years or so.

They aren't talking and signaling because they been ate.

Posted by: Inspector Cussword at December 13, 2014 09:52 PM (scgac)

109 Release the doves of peace, and Slim Whitman.

Posted by: Pointless Man at December 13, 2014 09:53 PM (yBK5u)

110 I will really be concerned if the aliens say things like "invade we much".

Posted by: mallfly at December 13, 2014 09:53 PM (zjcTL)

111 there should be a new version of "To Serve Man" featuring Michael Moore. Will only need one really big spaceship.

Posted by: mallfly at December 13, 2014 09:49 PM (zjcTL)

The aliens would all die of food poisoning.

Posted by: Goes well with Romulan ale at December 13, 2014 09:53 PM (lN8KC)

112 "What the f*%k is wrong with you?"

What, have we missed a category?

Posted by: t-bird at December 13, 2014 09:53 PM (FcR7P)

113 After my rant against the JEF in the thread below, I guess Barry's storm troopers will be at my door soon.

*pours glass of wine*

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 13, 2014 09:54 PM (FsuaD)

114 Tyson has taken one too many punches

Posted by: Truck Monkey, as Voiced by Brian Dennehy at December 13, 2014 09:54 PM (jucos)

115 Aliens?!? Christ, just what we need...more Democrats.

Posted by: fairweatherbill bucking the wind at December 13, 2014 09:54 PM (WFDo3)

116 And unlike the holier than thou Mr. Tyson, it doesn't matter much to me what a person's politics, religion, or skin color are - they try to take what is mine, or they attempt to harm me and mine, I'm taking them out.

I'm equal opportunity like that....

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at December 13, 2014 09:55 PM (PZ6/M)

117 Regarding extended lifespans, I'd like to see a story about a world where lifespans are doubled, and the effects of old age are diminished, but fertility remains the same. In other words, you live to be 160-170, you're pretty much healthy and spry until a few years before then, but women still can only bear children from about 15-40.

The answer is obvious.

Rape.

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:55 PM (doBIb)

118 So, is this the book thread? John Ringo has a series about aliens too advanced for violencr and how humans have to be their soldiers to save them & us from worse aliens.
Posted by: @votermom at December 13, 2014 09:43 PM (cbfNE)

Yeah, but the books sucked.

Posted by: Kent Brockman at December 13, 2014 09:55 PM (10ydV)

119 Look up the novel Footfall by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Earth is attacked by a race of elephant-like bipeds who need lebensraum. They are herd animals, and I think herbivores, but it might not be explicitly stated.

Interesting.

My scenario was more like what I believe "the Last Starfighter" was about (haven't seen it, just read synopses...) - herd aliens acquire human in order to have him teach them some new tactics in a last ditch attempt to save themselves from attack, human discovers that they still think like competing bulls, i.e., they instinctively want to go head-to-head in individual competitions that are more show than killing, and all their tactics revolve around that, human has to teach them how to hunt, cooperatively, and how to kill. Note that the aliens may not be very happy to discover what they have to do to survive...

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 09:56 PM (Fka6O)

120 One race of "nightmare" creatures that looked like something out of HP Lovecraft, and another that looked like Bambi. One race were pacifists, and the other used captured humans to breed them like cattle because human infant meat was a delicacy to them. Guess which one was what.
Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:50 PM (doBIb)

Mmmmmm Long Veal.

Posted by: Bami like aliens at December 13, 2014 09:57 PM (zt+N6)

121 Progressives are looking for the culture where everything is naturally groovy and people live in harmony all tie time They used to think it was some aboriginal tribe ('why,the word for war isn't in their language'), but none of these have panned out, so, it must be some off-world species where all the grooviness resides. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Posted by: OregonMuse at December 13, 2014 09:57 PM (S6Q1o)

122 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QmYgpqLlsk#t=31

Posted by: Professor Barnhardt at December 13, 2014 09:57 PM (e8kgV)

123 He is as wise as a college Freshman baked on cheap weed and stuffed with chips and Mountain Dew.

I played "Starflight" in the eighth grade. That "Twilight Zone" episode I mentioned above? Seventh.

This isn't just me being arrogant (for a change, I know, I know). I reckon every moron/ette who has posted on this thread up to now could have laughed Tyson out of the room by age 12.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at December 13, 2014 09:57 PM (AVEe1)

124 If they just come for resources, just send in waves of asteroids, pulverise the planet, and collect the rubble.

War? Why?

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 09:57 PM (MMC8r)

125 66 What if the aliens are a race females only without any males on their planet? They've come looking for males to breed with, like the Asari from Mass Effect.
Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 09:37 PM (doBIb)

Been there, done that.

Posted by: Capt James T Kirk at December 13, 2014 09:57 PM (TETYm)

126 "Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us."
Posted by: CQD at December 13, 2014 09:14 PM (lyiq0)

You have GOT to hear that read by Richard Burton for the album "War of the Worlds". Oh man.

Oh. Man.

Posted by: jwpaine at December 13, 2014 09:58 PM (a3NCX)

127 My scenario was more like what I believe "the Last Starfighter" was about (haven't seen it, just read synopses...) - herd aliens acquire human in order to have him teach them some new tactics in a last ditch attempt to save themselves from attack, human discovers that they still think like competing bulls, i.e., they instinctively want to go head-to-head in individual competitions that are more show than killing, and all their tactics revolve around that, human has to teach them how to hunt, cooperatively, and how to kill. Note that the aliens may not be very happy to discover what they have to do to survive...
Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 09:56 PM (Fka6O)

Is that a book? Because that sounds nothing at all like the movie "The Last Starfighter"

Yolanda, baby!

Posted by: buzzion at December 13, 2014 09:58 PM (zt+N6)

128 Didn't Tyson crib that from the old SciFi story where the peaceful little lemur arrives expecting to find a nuclear ravaged earth ... and trembles in fear as we have reached the accommodation of MAD and detente. And now, a new virile, violent race will sweep across the galaxy of peaceful beings, like a mongol horde.
Posted by: Jean at December 13, 2014 09:52 PM (TETYm)

There was a short story where aliens attack Earth, only the twist was that interstellar travel and anti-gravity are medieval level technology. Literally, the aliens arrive in wooden spaceships and fight using muskets. Humans, for some quirk of fate, never discovered these technologies, so the would-be conquerors meet humans with jet-fighters, machine guns, and tanks. At the end two alien survivors realize with horror what they've unleashed on the galaxy.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 13, 2014 09:59 PM (10ydV)

129 Yeah, but the books sucked.

--

The set up was good but then it fell apart, imo.

Posted by: @votermom at December 13, 2014 09:59 PM (cbfNE)

130 If you're in search of resources, it's not like the stuff isn't just lying around out there.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:00 PM (MMC8r)

131 CO Alex, I remember that one.

Posted by: Jean at December 13, 2014 10:01 PM (TETYm)

132 You now have 14 minutes to reach Minimum Safe Distance...

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 10:02 PM (doBIb)

133 One of the fun things with Futurama was how (almost) everybody was an asshole. Aliens, humans, robots, mutants... None were shown as perfect.

Posted by: nnptcgrad at December 13, 2014 10:03 PM (Opyrm)

134 The set up was good but then it fell apart, imo.
Posted by: @votermom at December 13, 2014 09:59 PM (cbfNE)

The idea (humans hired to defend alien races that can't fight) is interesting, but the characters sucked, the tactics and weapons were silly, and from what I've seen browsing the later books in the series, he basically wanks over how awesome and superhuman one family is.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 13, 2014 10:03 PM (10ydV)

135 I'm convinced that after the JEF is back in Chicago (or Hawaii, or Indonesia, or Kenya or wherever the hell), we'll find out he was a retarded alien, sent to earth just to f*ck with us. And he succeeded beyond their wildest expectations. So he'll be awarded with the alien equivalent of the Nobel Prize. The alien "F*cked That Shit Up" prize.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 13, 2014 10:03 PM (FsuaD)

136 If you're in search of resources, it's not like the stuff isn't just lying around out there.

Cruising in and chewing up our asteroid belt? I could see that.

But they might want to blast Earth back to LavaLand (tm) so they can do that uninterrupted, first.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at December 13, 2014 10:03 PM (AVEe1)

137 >>> Any morons have any thoughts on an 'action camera'? My youngest has expressed an interest, and since we are all likely to die I thought I might get him one.

Film the zombie apocalypse with a GoPro? Cool!

Posted by: fluffy at December 13, 2014 10:04 PM (Ua6T/)

138 So if we WERE observed by aliens, what might they conclude the primary life form is, cars or humans?

Cats.

Posted by: toby928(C) is keeping a list at December 13, 2014 10:04 PM (qQdMB)

139 No self respecting aliens would put up with our bullshit. Punch our tickets and sell the place in ten acre tracts. By the way, what's a group of aliens called? A swarm? A gaggle? We might make good pets for them, cause we're kind of a weasel.

Posted by: kraken at December 13, 2014 10:04 PM (5+mPY)

140 Ok SciFi fans, been looking for this book: it was a wasteland type of novel with a female hero who had a bow and a tattoo. The tattoo was an embedded, telepathic intelligence.

Anyone recall the title.

Posted by: Jean at December 13, 2014 10:04 PM (TETYm)

141 I watched the movie Battleship last week. The scientist who's running the antennas that are trying to contact another planets says, it'll be like Columbus and the Indians, but this time we'll be the Indians.

In general you don't want to be ones who are being discovered.

Posted by: stace at December 13, 2014 10:04 PM (ImzkZ)

142 138
So if we WERE observed by aliens, what might they conclude the primary life form is, cars or humans?

Roaches. And rats.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at December 13, 2014 10:05 PM (FsuaD)

143 Is that a book? Because that sounds nothing at all like the movie "The Last Starfighter"

Yolanda, baby!

The resemblance goes no further than the alien race in need of an outsider to do something they can't do.

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 10:05 PM (Fka6O)

144 138 So if we WERE observed by aliens, what might they conclude the primary life form is, cars or humans?

Cats.

--

Smartphones

Posted by: @votermom at December 13, 2014 10:05 PM (cbfNE)

145 It doesn't matter when it's Arcturian, man.

Posted by: Frost at December 13, 2014 10:05 PM (oqMsu)

146 Don't you wingnuts know the only things worth killing your fellow humans for is guns, drugs, and respect? Yo!

And maybe an occasional ho, here and there.

Posted by: Fritz at December 13, 2014 10:05 PM (dVmLD)

147 If Tyson is upset that Humans kill over land and religion, he must really be upset that inner city yutes kill each other over a pair of shoes or a hand gesture.

Posted by: Pointless Man at December 13, 2014 10:05 PM (yBK5u)

148 The resemblance goes no further than the alien race in need of an outsider to do something they can't do.

The movie had more to do with finding ace pilots, of all species, who had the gift.

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 10:06 PM (doBIb)

149 138
So if we WERE observed by aliens, what might they conclude the primary life form is, cars or humans?

Cats.

Posted by: toby928(C) is keeping a list at December 13, 2014 10:04 PM (qQdMB)

Weasels, all types.

Posted by: Zarnak at December 13, 2014 10:07 PM (fBxC6)

150 You now have 14 minutes to reach Minimum Safe Distance...

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 10:02 PM (doBIb)

You know, the difference between a micro-fusion reactor and a back-pack nuke is just the reaction speed and the setting on the damper rods.
And the setting is done by this vernier....um, gotta 6mm allen key, like fast?

Posted by: Kindltot at December 13, 2014 10:07 PM (t//F+)

151 The movie had more to do with finding ace pilots, of all species, who had the gift.

OK. I haven't actually seen it. Yet.

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 10:08 PM (Fka6O)

152 121: like those space hippies in that Star Trek (original)episode who wound up hijacking The Enterprise, finding there "Eden", and finding out the planet is poison to them. Not a great episode but good payoff at the end.

Posted by: Puddleglum@work at December 13, 2014 10:08 PM (15w2J)

153 147 If Tyson is upset that Humans kill over land and religion, he must really be upset that inner city yutes kill each other over a pair of shoes or a hand gesture.
Posted by: Pointless Man at December 13, 2014 10:05 PM (yBK5u)

He would be in tears if he found out what I would do for his cushy gig that requires absolutely no productive work, doe eyed liberal chicks, and lots of cash.

Posted by: Jean at December 13, 2014 10:08 PM (TETYm)

154 151 The movie had more to do with finding ace pilots, of all species, who had the gift.

OK. I haven't actually seen it. Yet.
Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 10:08 PM (Fka6O)

It's actually pretty good. 80's camp, but good.

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 10:08 PM (doBIb)

155 151 The movie had more to do with finding ace pilots, of all species, who had the gift.

OK. I haven't actually seen it. Yet.
Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 10:08 PM (Fka6O)

I tried. I really did. But the fast forward got stuck somehow.

Posted by: kraken at December 13, 2014 10:09 PM (5+mPY)

156 Tentacles up, don't shoot!

Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 10:09 PM (MQEz6)

157 If Tyson is upset that Humans kill over land and religion, he must really be upset that inner city yutes kill each other over a pair of shoes or a hand gesture.

I'm sure those are the kind of 'deep thoughts' that Tyson frowns upon.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:09 PM (MMC8r)

158 Gorignak! Gorignak!

Posted by: buzzion at December 13, 2014 10:10 PM (zt+N6)

159 IT'S A COOKBOOK!!!!
A COOKBOOK, I TELL YOU!!!
A COOKBOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Rhubarb Ranch at December 13, 2014 10:10 PM (lADRM)

160 Emergency. All personnel must evacuate immediately.

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 10:11 PM (doBIb)

161 Remember, in the Keanu Reeves remake of Day the Earth Stood Still the aliens were so happy in their peaceful green society that they were willing to exterminate us to keep us from polluting outer space.

Posted by: richard mcenroe at December 13, 2014 10:11 PM (XO6WW)

162 157 If Tyson is upset that Humans kill over land and religion, he must really be upset that inner city yutes kill each other over a pair of shoes or a hand gesture.

I'm sure those are the kind of 'deep thoughts' that Tyson frowns upon.
Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:09 PM (MMC8r)

Remember the Black remake of "The Nutty Professor"? Art imitates life. Or the other way round, never get it right.

Posted by: kraken at December 13, 2014 10:11 PM (5+mPY)

163
It's actually pretty good. 80's camp, but good.

And quaint early CGI.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:11 PM (MMC8r)

164 I liked Alan Dean Foster's "Nor Crystal Tears" told from the alien's viewpoint. The aliens were insectile, sort of praying mantis sorts, who encounter humans.

They are terrified by humans because of the freakish lack of exoskeleton, and creepy bipedalism. Plus humans smell like a natural predator of their kind, and are able to survive in crazy cold weather (less than 60 F! Craziness!).

It's a fun setup.

Posted by: nnptcgrad at December 13, 2014 10:11 PM (Opyrm)

165 This portly black fellow will provide my nascent offspring with ample nourishment.

Posted by: Alien shoving ovipositor down Tyson's throat at December 13, 2014 10:11 PM (UbWXm)

166 Space aliens land, get plugged into the Internet, and discover Japanese tentacle pron: "Holy Shit, they're onto us! Vamoose!"

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 13, 2014 10:12 PM (8Fl6F)

167 Tyson's was one of the most intellectually fraudiest tweets ever to be tweeted.

He covered every possible cause of conflict. He's pretending that an "alien" visitor would have avoided every possible source of conflict with the power of their sheer, benevolent alieness.. Who produced the fuel for their ship? Who supplied the raw material for their their ship? How do they conduct business? Enforce contracts and borders?

Tyson is considered an eminent astronomer and he has a 3rd grader understanding of the natural order of living things. Third grade.

Posted by: CJ at December 13, 2014 10:12 PM (jbdp1)

168
161 Remember, in the Keanu Reeves remake of Day the Earth Stood Still the aliens were so happy in their peaceful green society that they were willing to exterminate us to keep us from polluting outer space.
Posted by: richard mcenroe at December 13, 2014 10:11 PM (XO6WW)

FAP FAP FAP FAP

Posted by: Neil DeGrasse Tyson at December 13, 2014 10:13 PM (zt+N6)

169 As 80s camp goes, Flash Gordon is king.

I nominate Neil Tyson as our official ambassador to Ming's court

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at December 13, 2014 10:14 PM (AVEe1)

170 Punch it, Bishop!

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 10:14 PM (doBIb)

171 169: by "camp" you mean coke fueled andgay. Lots of coke andreally gay. Great soundtrack though.

Posted by: Puddleglum@work at December 13, 2014 10:16 PM (15w2J)

172 As 80s camp goes, Flash Gordon is king.

Ornella Muti.

Melody Anderson.

Oh, my.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:16 PM (MMC8r)

173 Dude! What if Christ and Satan were like, like, leaders of rival Alien Civilizations, and, like, they were competing for the allegiance of the Earthlings, and, and, Whoa! What if Satan was really the good one, and, and, he tried to, like, bring us knowledge, but Christ and his dad stopped him! And then they harvest us!

Posted by: Other Dude at December 13, 2014 10:17 PM (fBxC6)

174 Tyson obviously doesn't understand The Prime Directive.

Advanced Aliens would never interfere in our social evolution. They are much too smart for that. It's those unintended consequences that get you every time.

Posted by: Pointless Man at December 13, 2014 10:17 PM (yBK5u)

175 Frankly, I think Stanislaw Lem probably had it right in 'Solaris.' Any alien intelligence will be pretty much incomprehensible to us.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:17 PM (MMC8r)

176 Ornella Muti.

Melody Anderson.

Fapped to.

Made the O face to.

Posted by: EC at December 13, 2014 10:18 PM (doBIb)

177 173 Dude! What if Christ and Satan were like, like, leaders of rival Alien Civilizations, and, like, they were competing for the allegiance of the Earthlings, and, and, Whoa! What if Satan was really the good one, and, and, he tried to, like, bring us knowledge, but Christ and his dad stopped him! And then they harvest us!
Posted by: Other Dude at December 13, 2014 10:17 PM (fBxC6)

You've been to Boulder recently, haven't you?

Posted by: kraken at December 13, 2014 10:18 PM (5+mPY)

178 I have the original Solaris on DVD (the Ruskie one). Its really an odd movie. Good, but odd. I liked it.

Posted by: Puddleglum@work at December 13, 2014 10:19 PM (15w2J)

179 The movie Independence Day:

President Thomas Whitmore: What do you want us to do?
Captured Alien: Die. Die.

FFS, even these Hollywood halfwits understand life better than NDG.

Posted by: stace at December 13, 2014 10:19 PM (ImzkZ)

180 Kent Brockman is a clost SJW. John Ringo's Aldenata books rock. Where else can you see rejuvenated Waffen SS fighting to the death with carnivorous centauroid aliens for the benefit of advanced, manipulated species who have been tailored out of any capacity for violence by long-gone precursor aliens?

Posted by: richard mcenroe at December 13, 2014 10:20 PM (XO6WW)

181 Everything's contemptible, which makes me exceptional for observing something so self serving.

Posted by: Sole Lip Cyst at December 13, 2014 10:20 PM (KG1MP)

182 Other Dude, isn't that Cathar theology?

Posted by: Kindltot at December 13, 2014 10:22 PM (t//F+)

183 Xenu thinks NdT is a puss.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:22 PM (MMC8r)

184 Aliens, hearing Neil Grassy Tyson, would surely ask, "What the f*%k is wrong with you?"

Posted by: Mike Hammer, celebrating 6 months in Camp Banhammer at December 13, 2014 10:23 PM (l1zOH)

185 Hu-mans! Come out to play-ay!

Posted by: Alien at December 13, 2014 10:25 PM (Ua6T/)

186 You stupid humans! Stupid stupid humans!

Posted by: Plan 9 from outer space at December 13, 2014 10:25 PM (JO9+V)

187 There's a special kind of dumb that sci fi and hardcore science worshipers (lovers, as they like to put it) fall into where they presume humans are worthless and stupid, but aliens would all be wonderful transcendent space gods who shake their heads at our awful activity.

It has to do with a very confused view of evolution, the kind that prompts people to say "why do we still have wars, aren't we evolving?" They figure anyone with higher tech than humanity must be "more evolved" and hence better. They think evolution produces higher morality and ethical purity, a peaceful, more thoughtful, enlightened state.

There's nothing whatsoever in the theories of evolution that remotely suggests any such thing, but Star Trek is packed with this stupidity.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at December 13, 2014 10:27 PM (39g3+)

188 Hmm. German Shepherd next door going nuts.

* suspects a bear in the area *
* ...or aliens! *

Posted by: Mike Hammer, celebrating 6 months in Camp Banhammer at December 13, 2014 10:27 PM (l1zOH)

189 This thread needs a link to the song "Brenda", by the Reverend Billy C. Wirtz. About a lesbian alien trucker from the planet Venus. Can't seem to find it on youtube.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 13, 2014 10:28 PM (8Fl6F)

190 Tyson uses the puppet of 'Aliens!' to shame his fellow humans according to his own biases.

Would Tyson refuse to contact an alien race if he found out that the ones with blue flippers didn't think much of the ones with blue flippers? Of course not, he probably wouldn't have any idea of that intra-racial BS, and certainly wouldn't pay any attention to such a thing in light of the larger picture.

He's really just using his empty credentials to steal a little moral authority to pontificate at everyone else.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:28 PM (MMC8r)

191 In other news, you all know that Fauxahontas will be our next prez, right?

'Cause it's a woman's turn, and the media will make it happen for her.

You can see it coming, right now. And her two terms will make Obama's seem like the wonder years.

Posted by: the littl shyning man at December 13, 2014 10:28 PM (vSxTY)

192 Heeeyyyy, awwwwrrrrright! Earth girls are easy!

Posted by: Alien Goldblum at December 13, 2014 10:29 PM (JO9+V)

193 Would Tyson refuse to contact an alien race if he found out that the ones with blue flippers didn't think much of the ones with ~~blue~~ red flippers?

Maybe NOW it makes sense.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:30 PM (MMC8r)

194 Doesn't matter who the Dems run, that's the winner in 2016. Its sort of a dog and pony show at this point though, which is why the anger and tooth gritting over the continuing resolution makes me puzzled. Did anyone really think that things would turn around somehow? That magically it would all be better now? Let them do whatever they want, its irrelevant. Its too late to fix this republic.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at December 13, 2014 10:30 PM (39g3+)

195 Actually only a small fraction of the human race is at war at any given time.

Most humans spend most of their lives living in peace.

War seems more frequent because it is more newsworthy.

Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 10:31 PM (MQEz6)

196 Maybe NOW it makes sense.

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:30 PM (MMC8r)

Flipperist! (you had to know that was coming)

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 13, 2014 10:31 PM (8Fl6F)

197 Dr. Tyson has never read "The Road Not Taken". Pity.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_Not_Taken_(short_story)

http://pastebin.com/aJQfubrK

Posted by: Lottaguns at December 13, 2014 10:32 PM (CdLi7)

198 Wasn't it either Carlin or Robin Williams who noted that there's always this idea that aliens will be these benign ET creatures, but its more likely they'd be space versions of the Crips and the Bloods.

Posted by: Donna &&&&&& V. (brandishing ampersands but not hot pink armpit hair) at December 13, 2014 10:33 PM (+XMAD)

199 Watching 'Miracle on 34th Street' tonight reminded me of how cynical I have become, and how complex progressives have made our lives. They have successfully politicized nearly EVERY aspect of our lives. I am reminded of the scene in Zhivago when Strelnikov informs Zivago, "The private live is dead in Russia."

Posted by: Mike Hammer, celebrating 6 months in Camp Banhammer at December 13, 2014 10:34 PM (l1zOH)

200 You know what I hate about warriors? Always fighting for lost causes.

Posted by: Zorg of Zorg Industries at December 13, 2014 10:34 PM (5+mPY)

201 "Aliens are just another "Benevelent Dictator" fantasy for the sciency left. They want some little men from Mars to teach us how to achieve world peace through ending capitalism, monogamy, individuality, etc.

Become one with the collective, because science.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 13, 2014 09:18 PM"

Bloody well right. Nothing honest or straightforward can exist in their shriveled vestigial hearts. All about their "politics" all the time.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez and the two rescue dogs at December 13, 2014 10:35 PM (OCcU9)

202 All about their "politics" all the time.
Posted by: sock
--------------

Every waking moment.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, celebrating 6 months in Camp Banhammer at December 13, 2014 10:36 PM (l1zOH)

203 Authorities were summoned backstage last night at the Krandark Arena when the supergroup Van Haxion trashed their dressing room after finding a single brown-skinned human in their contract mandated bowl of human snacks.

Posted by: Krandark Daily Gazette at December 13, 2014 10:37 PM (fBxC6)

204 The philosophical musings of a sheltered, precocious 12 year-old.

Posted by: bitsko at December 13, 2014 10:39 PM (pjKSk)

205 littl shyning man & C.T., you have put your finger on the secret fear of many, myself included.
Mike Hammer, thanks, I missed that one.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (the stars burn bitterly bright): at December 13, 2014 10:43 PM (OCcU9)

206 Neil Degrasse Tyson puts down the bong, gets a wide-eyed look of surprise on his face, and tweets:

Posted by: --- at December 13, 2014 10:44 PM (MMC8r)

207 Seems like DeGrasse will let me take his stuff without a fight. Cool.

Posted by: Bob Belcher at December 13, 2014 10:54 PM (bLhAC)

208 So if we WERE observed by aliens, what might they conclude the primary life form is, cars or humans?
Honkies!!!

Posted by: a black alien at December 13, 2014 10:59 PM (0b722)

209 That reminds me when WE stumbled on that other group of humanoids? Remember the Neanderthals. Sheesh. Whatever happened to those guys?

Posted by: Dogtor at December 13, 2014 11:00 PM (kQhWp)

210 When my Dobe starts barking like an idiot it generally IS Aliens. Just the kind from South of the Border though!

Posted by: Old Dog at December 13, 2014 11:01 PM (tQYJH)

211 Cars, totally.

Look at the way we dig out their pathways in the snow before our own. Masters and servants.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (the storm winds clamor their grief): at December 13, 2014 11:02 PM (OCcU9)

212 I remember a Bizarro cartoon once where aliens are looking at photos they took of Earth from above. One shows a car with its door open and a man getting in. The caption reads, "This one shows the planet's dominant life form devouring its prey."

Posted by: rickl at December 13, 2014 11:05 PM (sdi6R)

213 Eros to NDGT: It is because of men like you that all must be destroyed.

Posted by: Plan 9 From Outer Space at December 13, 2014 11:10 PM (JO9+V)

214 How come all the benevolent aliens in the movies have weapons way more powerful that ours?

Posted by: Gort-ish at December 13, 2014 11:10 PM (R2mC5)

215 I look out the window and see my neighbor taking his dog for a walk. He is behind the dog attached by a leash and carrying a little bag of his dog's shit.

Now..... an alien observer is going to assume which one is the dominate species?

Posted by: anchovy at December 13, 2014 11:11 PM (PtVFw)

216 Tyson has taken one too many punches
Not enough ears in his diet.

Posted by: a black alien at December 13, 2014 11:22 PM (0b722)

217 With all respect, that tweet isn't the stupidest thing on Twitter.

The fact that 15,000 people "favorited" that tweet--that's the stupidest thing on Twitter.

Posted by: Shoutingboy at December 13, 2014 11:25 PM (37FSL)

218 Ok SciFi fans, been looking for this book: it was a wasteland type of novel with a female hero who had a bow and a tattoo. The tattoo was an embedded, telepathic intelligence.
Anyone recall the title.
I think it was called Check Out the Tats on That!, Jean.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 13, 2014 11:36 PM (0b722)

219 So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Posted by: The dolphins at December 13, 2014 11:38 PM (dmepw)

220 I have pondered a science-fiction story about what would happen if an alien her-herbivore-type-species ran up against a wolf-like species like ours? Herd herbivores aren't necessarily peaceful but their aggression wouldn't be the same as a predator...

Posted by: Grey Fox at December 13, 2014 09:32 PM (Fka6O)

Grey Fox,

This is pretty close to what you are asking about:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Day_of_the_Triffids

Posted by: WinLinBSD Admin at December 14, 2014 12:18 AM (Epl5q)

221 I did see that, and yes, it is colossally stupid. Not just regular stupid. He should know, were he ever to take his head out of Carl Sagan's stars, the first visiting aliens will be robots.

(In the shape of Amazonian women with tetas muy grandes)

Posted by: bour3 at December 14, 2014 12:19 AM (5x3+2)

222 Hey Tyson who is to say they won't look at us and say, "Turn the ship around these guys mean business!"

I used to think there was intelligent life out there, but more and more I am coming around to believing we are the most intelligent life in the universe. (For better or for worse)

Posted by: RGallegis at December 14, 2014 12:24 AM (AVODN)

223 It's nice to see that evolution and competition over scarce resources only occurs on Earth.

Who's the Intelligent Designer now, idiot.

I hate this fucking guy.

Posted by: Uriah Heep at December 14, 2014 01:02 AM (sZFGu)

224 I was looking at his Twitter page, and he does seem pretty smug. Like this one:

On some issues, I'm a staunch Conservative -- like curtailing greenhouse gas emissions so that we can Conserve the environment.

For someone who claims to love all things Science, he seems to be a devout member of the Church of Global Warming.

Posted by: rickl at December 14, 2014 01:32 AM (sdi6R)

225 This means the Celebrity Scientist has given up on AGW theory and shifted the con to "we must embrace Marxism because... Aliens!"

Same goal, shiny new reason.

(Insert pic of hair guy)

Posted by: Fen at December 14, 2014 03:18 AM (NWMoC)

226 Tyson you fuck'n idiot! Ever heard of the Klingons or the Romulans!

Posted by: Spock at December 14, 2014 04:41 AM (O3k74)

227 195 Actually only a small fraction of the human race is at war at any given time.

Most humans spend most of their lives living in peace.

War seems more frequent because it is more newsworthy.

Posted by: eman at December 13, 2014 10:31 PM (MQEz6)

Yeah, muzzies.

Posted by: Spock at December 14, 2014 04:44 AM (O3k74)

228 >>stupidest thing ever put on Twitter

... and 14,989 people retweeted it.

Posted by: m at December 14, 2014 05:41 AM (G891H)

229 I remember Alan Dean Foster's "The Damned Trilogy." Quick summary: An alien civilization recruits humanity to fight because they are actually savage enough to counter the enemy.

Posted by: NR Pax at December 14, 2014 05:57 AM (oDCMR)

230 How can he not have seen Mars Attacks? http://youtu.be/_k8YpQKzl_k

Posted by: Ponydaemmerung at December 14, 2014 07:48 AM (aUgP1)

231 I see that basic idea come up a lot. If anything if any aliens make peaceful contact they'll read our history and say "Well golly jee whiz that is a lot like our history."

Anyone who thinks that any alien civilization will be immediately benign and peaceful from the beginning has suspect intelligence at best.

Posted by: Mr. Saturn at December 14, 2014 08:36 AM (9G75k)

232 Kirk would have had Spock simultaneously launch all nukes on the planet at their opposing targets without arming the warheads, which would have required Gort to kill the entire population for acts of aggression, which would require the deactivation of the robots.

The answer to any alien menace is Kirk + Spock.

And somebody should tell Doctor Tyson that there are no known extraterrestrial life forms, FTL drives do not exist, and even if they did, they wouldn't use contemporary English colloquialisms like WTF.

Posted by: Chris Balsz at December 14, 2014 10:02 AM (8rRE+)

233 Aliens are just another "Benevelent Dictator" fantasy for the sciency left. They want some little men from Mars to teach us how to achieve world peace through ending capitalism, monogamy, individuality, etc.

Become one with the collective, because science.

Posted by: Colorado Alex

EXACTLY! Best post on this page!

What makes anyone think that a higher level of technology equals a higher level of morals? (Answer: A worship of technology, that's what.)

Europeans coming to America had a higher level of tech than the Natives? How did that work out for the Natives?

In fact, just look at Americans today compared with Americans of 50 years ago. Back then, government surveillance was something sick and twisted that East Germans did. Now it's "Meh! Don't have anything in your computer you don't want the government reading." The ease and unstoppable nature of the tech has altered the way we think.

Posted by: RKae at December 14, 2014 01:21 PM (aXwn4)

234 Love his list. "Land, politics, religion, skin color."

No one'e EVER killed over technology, huh?

And hasn't science enabled, aided and abetted that killing all along the way?

Who put together the atomic bomb? Priests? Poets? Musicians? No. Pretty sure they were scientists.

Posted by: RKae at December 14, 2014 01:23 PM (aXwn4)

235 Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready.

But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture.

Posted by: Jack Handey at December 14, 2014 02:53 PM (YLLI8)

236 if they're like the rest of the aliens we've encountered, they'll demand amnesty....

Posted by: Manolo at December 14, 2014 02:59 PM (myV+q)

237 Escort girls http://REGMODELS.RU

Posted by: Tina at December 14, 2014 03:28 PM (ykRQL)

238 Tyson isn't exactly the brightest bulb. He was unable to finish his PHD.

Posted by: BM at December 14, 2014 05:21 PM (S7VS/)

239 The only thing likely to astonish an alien species is that the United States didn't conquer every other nation on the planet while we had the chance. They will quite likely regard us as fools, and bid us step aside while they show us how it's done.

Posted by: John Stephens at December 14, 2014 05:39 PM (yt261)

240 Aliens will be surprised that multiculturalism and diversity hold such sway.

Posted by: Jack at December 14, 2014 05:46 PM (53CCM)

241 Three rules for universe:

1. Any species will place its own survival before that of a different species.
2. Any species that has made it to the top on its planet of origin will be intelligent, alert, aggressive, and ruthless when necessary.
3. They will assume that the first two rules apply to us.

Posted by: mt noise at December 14, 2014 06:16 PM (rJxCc)

242 Mr. Tyson's conjecture only makes sense if you believe that aliens = angels. It makes no sense at all if you believe humanity evolved out of a 'survival of the fittest' competition in order to spread its selfish genes. As usual, Tyson shows that deprived of the idea of God by which to calibrate his senses, he abandons not only religion, but science as well and ends up substituting something outlandish for God - in this case imagined aliens.

Posted by: Celebrim at December 14, 2014 06:30 PM (39y2T)

243 Hey Tyson, you mean like Columbus thought when he saw the savages in "India"?

Tyson is a RACIST!

Posted by: RGallegos at December 14, 2014 06:58 PM (AVODN)

244 Tyson needs to bone up on his Darwinism.

In the meantime I will move my junk from storage into his living room. See how quickly he calls the cops to protect his property rights.

Posted by: Mastro at December 14, 2014 07:21 PM (IJo8M)

245 Back around 1970, the SF editor John W. Campbell wrote an editorial titled "On the Nature of Intelligent Aliens". He said that aliens, however they might look different from us, would be like us in 3 critical ways: that they be, for their environment, large and powerful animals, and be capable of hate and warfare.

The notion of humans being weak and helpless goes back to the Prometheus myth, but in actuality, purely as animals, humans are among the largest meat-eating animals on land. Virtually all land animals that average larger than humans are plant-eaters; the few meat-eaters that average larger are mostly lions, tigers and bears. The fact that we look into cages at zoos instead of out is indicative (and zoos are as old as civilization), and there is no other animal, of any size, that can enter every event in the Olympics.

Campbell drew a distinction between anger, which animals can feel, and hate, which requires thinking and acting beyond the moment of anger. A doe might feel anger at the wolf that kills her fawn, but she will soon forget. A human losing a child will hate the wolf, and organize a wolf hunt, which will kill wolves that never did any human any harm.

But the characteristic most germane to this was warfare. Once humans became able to control their environment to the point that it could no longer be the primary factor in evolution, humans themselves became the primary factor through warfare. And it would be the same for any intelligent species. And if they have the technology to get to us, if they want us, we would have no way whatever to stop them.

Posted by: John C. at December 14, 2014 09:17 PM (esQF7)

246 Not surprising. Practically every Lefty I've ever talked to falls for Rousseau's Nobel Savage fantasy on at least some level. This is just the sci-fi version.

Posted by: AzA at December 15, 2014 08:14 AM (oJnIc)

247 Technology inevitably increases the destructive power of the individual. Therefore, a civilization that makes enough technological progress must become less prone to violence or it will destroy itself. That's unavoidable. That may explain why there aren't more civilizations around with the capability of interstellar travel, and also suggests that if there are such civilizations they will be more peaceful than us.

Posted by: Tedd at December 15, 2014 11:59 AM (UjNxx)

248 If an alien civilization that wassignificantly more advanced ever encountered us, the best we could probably hope for would be to get treated the way the European colonists treated the american indians, the africans, or the british treated the india indians. If they were even more advanced than that, they would treat us like dogs and cats, or if we threatened them, like wolves.
The meme that any civilization that advanced would have to renounce violence is nonsense. They might renounce violence against each other, but why would they renounce violence against animal subspecies. Any civilization that advanced that actually did completely renounce violence, and be completely benign and helpful, would probably end up getting taken over by a new species they encountered, who did not renounce violence, but used their benign nature to first learn their technology, then use it to destroy/enslave them.

Posted by: richard40 at December 15, 2014 06:30 PM (cQhQZ)

249 If an alien civilization that wassignificantly more advanced ever encountered us, the best we could probably hope for would be to get treated the way the European colonists treated the american indians, the africans, or the british treated the india indians. If they were even more advanced than that, they would treat us like dogs and cats, or if we threatened them, like wolves.
The meme that any civilization that advanced would have to renounce violence is nonsense. They might renounce violence against each other, but why would they renounce violence against animal subspecies. Any civilization that advanced that actually did completely renounce violence, and be completely benign and helpful, would probably end up getting taken over by a new species they encountered, who did not renounce violence, but used their benign nature to first learn their technology, then use it to destroy/enslave them.

Posted by: richard40 at December 15, 2014 06:30 PM (cQhQZ)

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