aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com
A Truly Helpful Periodical: The Ace of Spades Women's Magazine, Written By Men
Hey, it's a premise, and I want to play World of Warcraft. But how sad is it that women are supposedly learning about men from other women and gay dudes?
How To Spice Up Your Love Life With Tango Lessons. Yeah. That's what your man wants to do. So here's three proposals from steve_in_hb:"Realizing That Every Time Your Feelings Are Bruised By Somebody It Isn't A Fucking Disaster" "Every Thought Doesn't Have to Be Expressed" "Letting Your Man Decompress From a Hectic Day Before Barraging Him WIth Every Detail of Your Day"Couple from me:
"Do You Really Want To Do This Gay Shit With Me, Or Are You Just Being Nice?:" Learning To Accept Victory Without Demanding Your Man Join In Celebrating His Own Emasculation" "It's Your Period, Not Our Period: Menstruation Is Not A Freakin' Joint Checking Account" "Amusing Anecodote? Or Just A Trivial Non-Event That Hardly Requires A Recounting?: A Beginner's Guide"Women can fire back too if they like.
Laughed Out Loud at this one from Planet Moron:
The Words That Come Out Of His Mouth: The Secret Source Of What A Man Is Really Trying To Tell You!
Comments
(Jump to bottom of comments)Posted by: 4th generation buck at January 29, 2007 07:52 PM (tSeKI)
Posted by: TomB at January 29, 2007 07:54 PM (yEG5j)
Details: Which are interesting, which are not, and the female hygienagolocial shit he definitely does not need to know about!
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 07:56 PM (9e+67)
Posted by: carl carlson at January 29, 2007 07:56 PM (96o5t)
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 29, 2007 07:56 PM (tVbxd)
"Satisfy Your Man: Get Naked And Avoid The Martyr-Like Sighs. It's Not Complicated!"
"Cooking: It Won't Kill You, Honest!"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 07:57 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 07:58 PM (9e+67)
subtitle
No, it doesn't make you look fat. You are fat.
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 07:58 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Planet Moron at January 29, 2007 07:59 PM (D3e37)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 07:59 PM (9e+67)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 08:00 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:00 PM (9e+67)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:02 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:03 PM (9e+67)
One man's reveals the secret of why him did stupid things before you married him.
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:03 PM (t+mja)
"Secrets To Dieting: See That Hole Under Your Nose? Keep Candy And Cake Away From It."
"Buying Shoes: You Only Need Four Fucking Pairs"
"Ten Minutes Means Ten Minutes, Not An Hour And A Half"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:04 PM (7Iqke)
"This dress doesn't make me look THAT fat does it?"
"I've gained some waight but my tricepts aren't THAT flabby are they?"
"My pooter isn't THAT lohanish is it?"
"My farts don't offend you THAT much do they?"
"I don't miss THAT many portions of my fat ass while whiping do I?"
(that last was especially disgusting, I'm sorry.)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:06 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: kevlarchick at January 29, 2007 08:06 PM (draLn)
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think -- in a deeper voice.
Posted by: Christopher Taylor at January 29, 2007 08:07 PM (FuM7z)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:08 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:08 PM (9e+67)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 08:09 PM (4qddO)
"More Bathroom Etiquette: Don't Hold Conversations With Me While I'm Taking A Dump"
"Even More Bathroom Etiquette: If You Use My Razor To Shave Your Legs, Please Fucking Tell Me Before I Cut My Face To Hell The Next Morning"
"Bedroom No-Nos: Discussing Your Sexual Experiences With Other Men Kind Of Kills The Mood During Foreplay"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:09 PM (7Iqke)
I was working at the affirmative in the negative, but I just came out looking like a woman hater. I have NO idea how that could possibly happen.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:09 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:10 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 08:11 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:12 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:12 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:12 PM (9e+67)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:13 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 08:14 PM (4qddO)
Really? Well I don't consider farting a very good reply.
Don't push my head when I..............nevermind.
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 08:14 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: zippy at January 29, 2007 08:15 PM (enHBX)
"Two O'Clock In The Morning: Not An Appropriate Time For A Chat About The Relationship"
"Questions You Should Never Ever Ever Ever Ask: Is It In Yet? and Are You Done Yet? Top The List!"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:15 PM (7Iqke)
"Would it kill you to just. be. nice?"
"Would it kill you to do chores without being asked?"
"Spending quality time with your children does not mean watching cartoons with them."
"Remember when you wined and dined your wife before she was your wife? Try that again."
"Nothing says "I'm sorry" like diamonds."
"Shocking report! Women respond romantically when treated with kindness and knowing you are putting them first! It doesn't cost you a cent!"
"Newsflash! I you both work, you should both share chores, cooking, and childcare!"
"Listening, even when you are not very interested, is a sign of love. Remember love? It just isn't for sex anymore."
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at January 29, 2007 08:16 PM (YdMYG)
example:
"OOh I lover your schwann schwann fuck me with your huge throbbing thingy, cuz my hot wet missy can't wait for your bajango in her bajingo, and my lady pillows are heaving whenever you touch my carrot tips"
It kinda fucks us up, makes us wonder if we are gonna order meat from a mail order company, or buy a kitten, or learn how to play country or 17th century stringed instruments, or if we are taking up embroidery, or gardening.
really, it's confusing.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:16 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Editor at January 29, 2007 08:16 PM (adpJH)
Posted by: ErikW at January 29, 2007 08:16 PM (Jf5b4)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 08:17 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:17 PM (9e+67)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 08:19 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:20 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:20 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: zippy at January 29, 2007 08:21 PM (enHBX)
"His Chair: Move Your Ass"
Posted by: kevlarchick at January 29, 2007 08:21 PM (draLn)
Wow, RWS, that is so weird. I had almost exactly the same thought! Only instead of "diamonds", i was thinking "a blowjob".
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:22 PM (7Iqke)
"Improve Your Flexibility By Working Out Little Used Muscles - Reaching for The Check"
"Nothing says "I'm sorry" like diamonds - Saying Shit Like This Reinforces Mens' Opinion That We Are All Money, Grubbing Mercenaries and Unfunny To Boot"
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 08:22 PM (OR/mY)
Posted by: joeindc44 at January 29, 2007 08:22 PM (R4ojJ)
Posted by: ace at January 29, 2007 08:22 PM (4qddO)
Does that include staring off into the distance daydreaming about your highschool girlfriend?
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:22 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:23 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 08:24 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:24 PM (9e+67)
Superbowl weekend 2 years ago I was at my brothers house, his wife, a beautiful and very householdy woman was wearing a pink T-shirt, that had written across her chest in sparkles "Princess." and our families laughed at it.
About an hour later when the game started, my brother came out to the garage (my brothers garage is a bar and a boys room (3 TV's, a decent stereo and a significant computer (linked to the TV's and Stereo))) wearing a T-Shirt that had in Big sparkly letters at the top "princess" and underneath in dark letters "get me a beer."
Your comment made me think of that.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:27 PM (QTv8u)
sex advice at the check out counter... progress or what?
Posted by: mcmorris at January 29, 2007 08:27 PM (/yU1h)
Posted by: ErikW at January 29, 2007 08:27 PM (Jf5b4)
Monty, I'm glad you can relate to the importance of it.
Actually, one may lead to the other and both can be happy.
Heh.
*Seriously, I couldn't care less about jewlery myself, but..oh boy...do my friends care. Someone hands me a couple of thousand bucks, I'm off furnture shopping.
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at January 29, 2007 08:27 PM (YdMYG)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:28 PM (QTv8u)
"Men Do Not Go Clothes Shopping. They Buy Clothes."
"Shopping: Not An All-Day Affair"
"ESP Not Yet Proven: We Don't Know What You're Thinking Unless You Say Something"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:29 PM (7Iqke)
Wants, needs, and Get off my Tits Already: The confusion about me getting another beer.
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:29 PM (9e+67)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:29 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at January 29, 2007 08:31 PM (YdMYG)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 08:32 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:32 PM (t+mja)
"Every Decision You and Your Man Make Does Not Have To Be Cleared By Your Mother and Sisters - They Are Not Experts In Every Field"
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 08:34 PM (OR/mY)
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 29, 2007 08:36 PM (tVbxd)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:36 PM (9e+67)
"Achieving A Pleasing Heft: Not Every Man Likes Those Skin-Sack Models"
"Although I Wasn't Mad At First, Asking Me Are You Mad? Fifty Times Will Make Me Mad"
"Priorities: A Lack Of Planning On Your Part Does Not Translate To An Emergency On My Part"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:36 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:36 PM (t+mja)
That is so funny. I have a SIL who is sooo like that.
I love her though.
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at January 29, 2007 08:38 PM (YdMYG)
Posted by: Some Guy at January 29, 2007 08:38 PM (xR1AK)
Where are the articles women really need if they want to make men happier?
They occasionally get reprinted from 1940s magazines and the purpose of the reprint is to hold them up before modern audiences for contempt and ridicule.
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 08:40 PM (CkYzD)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:41 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: sandy burger at January 29, 2007 08:41 PM (K2rlS)
"Empathy: I Care, Just Not About Whatever Silly-Assed Shit It Is You're Talking About"
"If It's Okay For You To Hate Your Mother, Why Isn't It Okay For Me To Hate Your Mother?"
"PMS Is No Longer A Valid Excuse. They Have Medicine For That Shit Now."
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:42 PM (7Iqke)
"Women's Desperation: Men Dig It Cause It Means If They're Just a Little Less of a Dick They'll Get Laid."
Posted by: kevlarchick at January 29, 2007 08:43 PM (draLn)
A LITTLE bit of attention can go a long, long, LONG way. We aren't asking for much....is it so hard to give us just a little? You would be surprised at how much you would get if you gave just a little.
Posted by: Serenity at January 29, 2007 08:43 PM (RkwYa)
Posted by: ErikW at January 29, 2007 08:43 PM (Jf5b4)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:45 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 08:45 PM (OR/mY)
Posted by: Editor at January 29, 2007 08:45 PM (adpJH)
Posted by steve_in_hb
On my brothers wedding video, during the arbitrary "we love you and hope you are happy" moment (Of course I stood up at my brothers wedding) for the wedding party, I heard what my sissy's family said, and I was visibly pissed.
Now that my brother "brought his wife back to her family" like the sisters and friends demanded? _I_ who deliberately avoid my bro, have spent more time with him and his wife than her family has.
I hate that Sister "we love you, and we need you near, but we will never visit you" bullshit. I just want my brother and his wife and maybe child happy.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:46 PM (QTv8u)
"Looking at other women: he's not made of fucking stone, you know"
"Why movies starring Lee Marvin should NEVER get turned off."
Posted by: UGAdawg at January 29, 2007 08:47 PM (alGm/)
Will you marry me KC?
What? Oh never mind.
Posted by: Retired Geezer at January 29, 2007 08:47 PM (/zHrd)
Decisions: No, I Still Don't Want To Have Kids
Timing: For The Love Of God, Tell Me The Car Needs Gas Before The Red Light Comes On, Or Maybe Refuel It Yourself Once In A While
Compliments: Saying You're Beautiful Doesn't Imply That I Think You're Dumb, Nor Is It Sexual Harassment-- I'm Trying To Be Nice The Only Way I Know How
Posted by: Some Guy at January 29, 2007 08:48 PM (xR1AK)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:48 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:49 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: UGAdawg at January 29, 2007 08:50 PM (alGm/)
Awesome.
Posted by: The Comish (sic) at January 29, 2007 08:51 PM (n8HhO)
Posted by: Some Guy at January 29, 2007 08:51 PM (xR1AK)
Posted by: zippy at January 29, 2007 08:51 PM (enHBX)
Miracle Breakthrough! Men Can Be Trained to Pick Up Socks, and Lower Toilet Seat in 3 Easy Steps
Use Sex to Manipulate Your Man: It's Easy and Fun!
Do What You Want, and Make Him Pay For It: YOU DESERVE IT!
How To Look Interested When He's Talking about Sports
Nagging: Why it's been Given a Bad Rap, and How to Break Him Down Even Quicker
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 08:52 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:53 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 08:53 PM (4qddO)
One thing (among many) that I cannot relate to with most women is that so many are bothered by men watching football or golfing or hunting or whatever they want to do with free time. I mean if you have small kids and you are doing those things every single weekend, then I could understand. But I don't care if my hubby goes golfing or whatever whenever he wants. I have my own interests. I have plenty of friends and plenty to do on my own. I just don't get the needy thing.
Posted by Rightwingsparkle
Well, if the child is a witness and innactive partner, those are skills of coping that that child might learn in later life.
It's good for a man to share his hobby's with their children, just like it's good for a woman to share their hobby's with their children.
Guys sometimes cope by going to a baseball game, or a football game or a hockey game, or sit down silently watching a baseball, or a football or hockey game on television with the kid, and that experience isn't having your child brought up by the idiot box, it is that child sharing a moment with their parent. Just like a child assisting in the kitchen, or while hanging curtains, or digging in the garden isn't training them to be a "GIRL" it is that child sharing an experience.
The child might be silent for a while, but eventually "why do you cheer when there isn't a goal?" (hockey) and the parent will answer or, "I don't know why you like this seed." and the parent will answer, "whats the difference between these? they both cover the window?" and the parent explains, "why the Bears instead of the falcons" and the parent will answer.
Gratuitous time, is still time.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:53 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 08:55 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: ErikW at January 29, 2007 08:55 PM (Jf5b4)
"Why movies starring Lee Marvin should NEVER get turned off."
Posted by UGAdawg
A-FUCKING-MEN
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:55 PM (QTv8u)
"Handy Auto Tips 2: That Clunking Noise Won't Go Away And Might Actually Lead To Damage -- Don't Ignore It!"
"Responsibility: Yes, It Really Was Your Fault For Rear-Ending Someone While Yakking On The Cell Phone"
"Not All Of Us Find The Details Of Your Mother's Hysterectomy As Interesting As You Do"
"Ten Reasons Why I Should Not Have To Pay For All The Mistakes Your Father Made"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 08:55 PM (7Iqke)
Car Care & Oil Changes: That's His Fucking Problem
The Art Of Morning Nookie: A 'Gun' Jammed In Her Back Ain't Sexy
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 08:56 PM (ZQnRG)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 08:56 PM (QTv8u)
1. Say his name.
2. Tell him exactly what you want.
3. No... just fuggin' tell him exactly what you want. Don't throw a hint so that you'll know he loves if he does exactly what you want and then get pissed if he doesn't do it. Just friggin' tell him exactly what you want. no NO NO! Don't tell him what you DON'T want and think he'll get up and do the opposite. Wait! Stop! Don't tell him about how women generally like when men do this, or about how doing what you want was featured on Oprah, or about how your ex used to do it. Just tell him exactly what you FUCKING WANT!
Posted by: Harkonnendog at January 29, 2007 08:56 PM (egL1a)
Posted by: UGAdawg at January 29, 2007 08:58 PM (alGm/)
I always rub it up against her ass crack a bit first for the 'ol foreplay.
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 08:58 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: joeindc44 at January 29, 2007 08:58 PM (R4ojJ)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 08:59 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:00 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by JackStraw
I heard it as,
"Why do women live longer than men?"
"cuz they don't live with women"
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:00 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 09:01 PM (ZQnRG)
And our dicks don't tell us what to do. You tell us what to do. Our dicks tell us what to say.
Posted by: eman at January 29, 2007 09:01 PM (FWrFx)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:02 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 09:02 PM (t+mja)
The original John Carpenter theatrical version fucking ROCKS!
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 29, 2007 09:02 PM (tVbxd)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 09:03 PM (t81XU)
He is looking at you. Your chest is part of you.
Male sensitivity in 2 easy steps:
Step 1: Maybe you shouldn't date assholes.
Step 2: Talk to him about his dog.
Sex and the Working Woman:
He's tired, too, but he's willing to tough it out for sex.
The Julia Roberts Rule:
If hes not crying, it doesn't mean he's insensitive. It means the movie sucks.
Prolonging the Magic:
It's a compliment, dammit.
Romance and Your Man:
Princess Leia's hairstyle was hotter than your lingerie.
Posted by: The Comish (sic) at January 29, 2007 09:03 PM (n8HhO)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:03 PM (QTv8u)
- Very good.
- Warden, you sound like not_steve_in_hb
Posted by: at January 29, 2007 09:03 PM (OR/mY)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:03 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: LiNi at January 29, 2007 09:06 PM (i66Th)
"Phone Etiquette 2: If You Just Spent The Whole Day With Your Sister, There's No Reason To Talk To Her For Four Hours That Same Night"
"Experience Freedom! You Got Along Without A Cell Phone For Most Of Your Life -- Try Leaving It At Home!"
"Let's Have Sex: Participation Rather Than Acquiescence."
"Taking The Hint: There's A Reason I Leave When Your Friends Arrive"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 09:06 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:06 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 09:06 PM (ZQnRG)
Posted by: zippy at January 29, 2007 09:06 PM (enHBX)
Posted by: LiNi at January 29, 2007 09:06 PM (i66Th)
"That special moment: Distract him from the AMEX bill with a little nightie and a coy smile".
"He really is that dumb: And still, he can find his wallet and his carkeys. Genetics"?
"Get an answer for once - ask him how he really feels: After you drop a brick on his foot."
"'No' means whatever the hell you want it to mean".
"Does a screaming baby pour cold water on your libido? Ten tips guaranteed to make you feel guilty as hell".
"Is he watching the game? Or really asleep? Here's how you can tell".
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2007 09:06 PM (hNyWr)
>>>The original John Carpenter theatrical version fucking ROCKS!
1, you're thinking of Blade Runner
2, neither rocks, the same as none of the versions of Dune rock
3, stop pretending to be a geek if you ain't got the skillz
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:06 PM (4qddO)
- Very good.
- Warden, you sound like not_steve_in_hb
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 09:07 PM (OR/mY)
"More Bathroom Etiquette: Don't Hold Conversations With Me While I'm Taking A Dump"
"Even More Bathroom Etiquette: If You Use My Razor To Shave Your Legs, Please Fucking Tell Me Before I Cut My Face To Hell The Next Morning"
"Bedroom No-Nos: Discussing Your Sexual Experiences With Other Men Kind Of Kills The Mood During Foreplay"
Honey, is that you?
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:08 PM (+Aq+d)
"No honey, I watch this show with you because it helps me understand how women think. It has nothing whatsoever to do with Samantha's ass or Carrie's tits."
Posted by: jmflynny at January 29, 2007 09:09 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:11 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2007 09:11 PM (hNyWr)
Pleasing Your Special Lady: Learning To Distinguish A Curtain From A Budweiser Beach Towel
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 09:11 PM (ZQnRG)
Posted by: jmflynny at January 29, 2007 09:11 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:12 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:12 PM (1KxUd)
bitch
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 09:12 PM (t+mja)
"When She Wants To Do Something, Remind Her That Watching TV Is Doing Something"
"A Little Early Morning Nookie Is A Small Price To Pay For Years Of Getting Kneed In The Kidneys And Frozen By Her Iceberg Feet"
"Thermostats: Sixty-Five Is Plenty Warm, We're Not Growing Fucking Palm Trees In Here"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 09:12 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:13 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 09:14 PM (DbybK)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:16 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:16 PM (4qddO)
Theyre fantasy sports, ok?
Getting him to say, I love you.
Remember when he bent you over the arm of the couch? Thats what he meant.
Posted by: The Comish (sic) at January 29, 2007 09:16 PM (n8HhO)
- Mother In Law: "Stefu, Stefu - what you call me, what you call me?"
- steve_in_hb: "Mom"
- Pack of Chinese Ladies: "Ha ha ha ha"
- Repeat 10 times in next two hours.
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 09:17 PM (OR/mY)
Damn, you were stuck behind an old person and then some ass cut you off?: Why 10-hour-old stories about your drive to work will never be interesting.
Threeways: They don't always need two women.
Posted by: mary at January 29, 2007 09:18 PM (JGUCy)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:18 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: johnd01 at January 29, 2007 09:18 PM (cK6vz)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 09:18 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:18 PM (+Aq+d)
a) ask me if you look ok
b) put nine clean shirts in the laundry
c) call your Mother and tell her what shirt you picked
Posted by: eman at January 29, 2007 09:19 PM (FWrFx)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:19 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: burnitup at January 29, 2007 09:19 PM (I8VzO)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:19 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:20 PM (4qddO)
Also he doesn't give a shit."
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2007 09:20 PM (hNyWr)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:20 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 09:21 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:21 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 09:21 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: cranky at January 29, 2007 09:21 PM (Xj2Ev)
Don't ask questions that start with "If you were trapped on a desert island..." because, yes, I would kill it, eat it, or fuck it. Now, what was the question again?
Posted by: jmflynny at January 29, 2007 09:22 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: Actual at January 29, 2007 09:22 PM (6c76L)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2007 09:22 PM (hNyWr)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2007 09:23 PM (hNyWr)
"Text And Subtext: If You Believe Her When She Says You Don't Have To Get Me Anything, You Deserve The Misery You're Inevitably Going To Experience"
"Little White Lies: Just Believe Her When She Says I've Never Done This Before -- It May Save Your Marriage"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 09:23 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: ErikW at January 29, 2007 09:24 PM (Jf5b4)
Why can't the toilet paper roll make it onto the holder?
How 'bout actually replacing the toilet paper?
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:24 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2007 09:25 PM (hNyWr)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:25 PM (4qddO)
Also I just remembered that I was reading Marion Zimmer Bradley at the time of my first IBB comment.
And Just re-read this weekend about Bard mac Fianna.
I was exaggerating myself with him, in terms of his redemption, though knowing his failures.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:25 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 09:26 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:26 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:26 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 09:27 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:27 PM (1KxUd)
Part II: Keeping Her From Catching On To Your Watch Timer Trick
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 09:27 PM (DbybK)
Posted by Dave in Texas
FUCKING PRICELESS!!!
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:28 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Andrew at January 29, 2007 09:28 PM (GqxeF)
"If I Only Saw Your Parents When I Was 'In the Mood,' They Wouldn't Have Even Been Invited To The Wedding: Understanding That a Successful Relationship Requires Unpleasant, Even Distasteful Compromises on *Both* Parties' Parts"
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:29 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: at January 29, 2007 09:29 PM (OR/mY)
Because Men Are 'Visual Creatures' Especially Doesn't Mean It's Okay For You To Turn Into Jabba The Hut: a counterpoint
Posted by: trey at January 29, 2007 09:29 PM (ye2wK)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 09:29 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:30 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:30 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: The Comish (sic) at January 29, 2007 09:30 PM (n8HhO)
Posted by: jmflynny at January 29, 2007 09:31 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: craig at January 29, 2007 09:32 PM (DUdSB)
"Grounds For Divorce: Yes, You Do Need To Check With Me Before You Get A Tattoo On Your Ass"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 09:33 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Andrew at January 29, 2007 09:33 PM (GqxeF)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 09:34 PM (t81XU)
Letting Go: If he did it more than 5 years ago, it is no longer valid when arguing with him now.
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 09:35 PM (56ssE)
Posted by: jmflynny at January 29, 2007 09:35 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:36 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 09:36 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: Andrew at January 29, 2007 09:36 PM (GqxeF)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:37 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:38 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 09:38 PM (DbybK)
"You Have More Important Things To Do Than Criticize The Speed With Which He Drinks His Coffee"
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 09:39 PM (OR/mY)
Posted by: ErikW at January 29, 2007 09:39 PM (Jf5b4)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:40 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:41 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:42 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2007 09:42 PM (hNyWr)
"If You Want Dessert Just Fucking Order It, He Doesn't Want To Share"
THANK YOU.
I am getting weary of having to guesstimate precisely how much extra food I have to order to satisfy the utterly-unexpected noshings of someone who allegedly "isn't hungry."
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 09:42 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 09:42 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 09:43 PM (t81XU)
Treat 'em like shit and they'll keep coming back for more...A Reformed Gentleman's Guide to Courtship.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 29, 2007 09:43 PM (iAdm7)
Get this. . .We were all Marines.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:43 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: The Comish (sic) at January 29, 2007 09:44 PM (n8HhO)
Posted by: Slublog at January 29, 2007 09:45 PM (avyTs)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 09:45 PM (t81XU)
LMAO!!! I got into a wicked fight with my wife over this while on our honeymoon. Apparently, since I didn't want to pay 9 bucks for some half-assed chocolate thing the size of a canadian quarter I was embarrassing her for making her eat dessert alone while I sipped a cup of overpriced coffee.
Posted by: at January 29, 2007 09:45 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:45 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: David Gillies at January 29, 2007 09:45 PM (2g7Cx)
Posted by: Slublog at January 29, 2007 09:46 PM (avyTs)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:46 PM (+Aq+d)
"The Fine Line: When Decoration Turns Into Clutter"
"Rhetoric 101: Why Bursting Into Tears During An Argument Tends To Stop Working After A While"
"Recognizing Your Intense Devotion To Your Pet Rat Doesn't Mean I'll Spend A Hundred Bucks At The Vet To Put It To Sleep When I Can Just Bash It With A Shovel For Nothing"
"Party Etiquette: Verbally Emasculating Me In Front Of Friends Or Relatives Has An Inversely-Proportional Effect On The Probability That I'll Screw Your Younger And Cuter Sister"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 09:47 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2007 09:47 PM (hNyWr)
Time and Motion: Why the Dishwasher Doubles as a Cupboard
Just the
Facts, Ma'am: Why Correcting You on an Easily Verifiable Point of Fact
Does Not Mean He Is Being a 'Know-it-all Jerk'
Aromatherapy: Why Scented
Candles Make Your Apartment Smell Like You've Been Deep-frying
Cinnamon-coated Ass
Posted by: David Gillies at January 29, 2007 09:47 PM (2g7Cx)
Posted by: Andrew at January 29, 2007 09:47 PM (GqxeF)
Posted by Slublog
My favorite so far.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:47 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 09:49 PM (t+mja)
Posted by pajama momma
we don't like pinching the toilet paper to finish the job, if you know what I mean know what I mean.
Ain't like most men have ever learned how to chew their food.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:51 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 09:52 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 09:52 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:54 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 09:54 PM (1KxUd)
"You Wanted To Get Laid - Stop Pretending That It Happened Just Because You Were Drunk"
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 09:55 PM (OR/mY)
playing the stuffed dummy at a colossal festival of sentimental
pretentiousness involving thousands of wasted dollars and dozens of so-called friends and relations hed normally cross the street to
avoid meeting, even when theyre not drunk or in hysterics as they are likely to be at a wedding, (not to mention your
spiteful and resentful sister), just so you can delude yourself
that youre like Lesley Ann Warren when she was nineteen in
Cinderella, instead of an alarmingly rapidly aging former deb whos trying to get hitched while child-bearing is still a
possibility rather than a last-chance shot at the buzzer.
Posted by: zippy at January 29, 2007 09:55 PM (enHBX)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 09:57 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 09:59 PM (56ssE)
"Honest Mistakes: Farting Contests Can Sometimes End In Unfortunate Ways. A Female's Guide To Forgiving And Forgetting."
"The Myth Of The Female Orgasm: Just Fake It So I Can Stop And Get To Sleep Already."
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 10:00 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 10:00 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 10:01 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:03 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: Andrew at January 29, 2007 10:03 PM (GqxeF)
Posted by Nice Deb
Then STOP bitching at us for inventing the fucking ELECTRIC OVEN, TEFLON, and THE FUCKING DISHWASHER!!!!
We did our job, now push your fucking button honey.
I LOVE YOU TOO! You are welcome for the house, the car/S and the goddamn college funds.
SORRY, I DIDN't PUSH THE FUCKING BUTTON ON THE GODDAMN DISHWASHER!!!!
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 10:04 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 10:04 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:06 PM (wTVTX)
"You Are Lucky To Have A Man Who Does All The Cooking And Is Good At It - Stop Inflicting Useless Kitchen Gadgets On Him That You Bought At Your Coworker's Pampered Chef 'Party' "
"Sex Toy Buying 'Parties' - Wow We Really Can't Do Anything Without Involving Our Yenta Friends"
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 10:06 PM (OR/mY)
"When I Said You Looked Pretty, I Wasn't Convening A Seminar On The State Of Our Relationship At The Present Time"
"Ordering A Pizza Still Counts As Going Out To Eat...Even If It's Delivered"
"A Nose Stud And/Or Tongue Stud Will Not Make You Look Ten Years Younger. It Will, However, Make You Look Like A Horse's Ass."
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 10:08 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: johnd01 at January 29, 2007 10:09 PM (cK6vz)
Honey? We love you, but if you MUST survive without us, we are not PROUD of ourselves if you buy a sex toy that is about 2/3's larger than we are.
really, a little restraint, at least until we are out of sight.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 29, 2007 10:09 PM (QTv8u)
Avoiding Domestic Disputes: "43 fucking pictures of us walking around the lake is plenty."
Taking Responsibility: "If you didn't want to hold it, you should have left your purse in the car."
Posted by: The Comish (sic) at January 29, 2007 10:10 PM (n8HhO)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 10:12 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: ErikW at January 29, 2007 10:14 PM (Jf5b4)
Very nice.
Scrapbooking: Are you fucking serious?
Priceless!
Posted by: Rearden Steel at January 29, 2007 10:14 PM (+Pviy)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 10:15 PM (t81XU)
"Clarifying Ambiguity: It Is Often Unclear To The Male When (Or If) It Is Permissible To Move From Cuddling To Sex."
"Sweater Pony Chronicles: Only An Asshole Wants His Woman To Turn Her Chest Into A Silicon Repository. Natural Is Always Better!"
"Male Foibles: No Matter How Angry You Get, Never Ever Take It Out On A Man's Vehicle."
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 10:16 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 10:17 PM (dA8LR)
Posted by: Warden at January 29, 2007 10:17 PM (1KxUd)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:20 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 10:20 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: Alear at January 29, 2007 10:21 PM (QWpf0)
Posted by: mary at January 29, 2007 10:21 PM (JGUCy)
Posted by: Alex at January 29, 2007 10:22 PM (fgyj8)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 10:22 PM (dA8LR)
Posted by: Bart at January 29, 2007 10:23 PM (wKNqD)
Posted by: carl carlson at January 29, 2007 10:24 PM (YaGFS)
Yeah, never mind. Not the first time I've fucked up a joke.
Posted by: Alex at January 29, 2007 10:24 PM (fgyj8)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 10:24 PM (dA8LR)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 10:24 PM (t81XU)
Your hubby keeps trying to get police officers to shoot him.
Hint #2
He bought a dog house that sleeps two.
Hint #3
He takes careful notes when watching CSI.
Posted by: eman at January 29, 2007 10:25 PM (FWrFx)
Posted by: Farmer Joe at January 29, 2007 10:25 PM (vKn4M)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 10:26 PM (dA8LR)
Posted by: Andrew at January 29, 2007 10:26 PM (GqxeF)
Posted by: zippy at January 29, 2007 10:26 PM (enHBX)
You have hit a nerve with this post. This is a better million dollar idea than even the donut flavored coffee. Forget crazy blog money and write a book.
Posted by: RobM at January 29, 2007 10:27 PM (C3sM4)
THE STRONG SILENT TYPE: why a deaf mute may be your last, best hope.
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:30 PM (wTVTX)
Your Worst Nightmare: Why Your Spouse Is Not Responsible For Bad Shit They Did In Your Dreams
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 10:30 PM (ZQnRG)
Better Oral Hygiene: Why presentation matters when you're looking for a blowjob.
I've had 4 Orgasm's Already: Knowing when to finish up and shut the party down.
Baby You're The Best Iv'e Ever Had: Learning to live with the lie, she already sexed you up what more do you want?
No, I Don't Want to Cuddle : I just finished a world class round of Olympic quality nookie just move your ass back to your corner of the bed and wait for the bell.
Posted by: Tres at January 29, 2007 10:31 PM (r39QB)
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 10:32 PM (OR/mY)
I Can't Kiss You For A Week: He Should Have Warned Me He Was Going To Shave His Moustache, Now He Looks Like A Stranger To Me
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 10:33 PM (ZQnRG)
Quiz: Find Out if Your Girlfriends, Sisters, and Mother are Evil Witches Who Would Like Nothing Better Than to Sabotage Your Relationship
Posted by: Bart at January 29, 2007 10:33 PM (wKNqD)
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 10:33 PM (OR/mY)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 10:35 PM (dA8LR)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 10:36 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 10:36 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 10:36 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 10:37 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 10:38 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:38 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 10:41 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 10:42 PM (+Aq+d)
As a salve, I offer one for the ladies that men will approve of.
Hard Yard Work On A Hot Day: Bitch, Would It Kill You To Bring Him A Glass Of Ice-Cold Lemonade?
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 10:42 PM (ZQnRG)
Posted by: slug at January 29, 2007 10:42 PM (5vpsl)
Posted by: Andrew at January 29, 2007 10:42 PM (GqxeF)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:43 PM (wTVTX)
Not all chicks enjoy the "cuddle" I find it annoying and smothering. Just go away till the next round .
Posted by: Tres at January 29, 2007 10:43 PM (CJ5+Y)
A joint checking account means magic money from Santa's Workshop.
Modern technology means less work.
He wants to change and it's your purpose in life make sure it happens.
The answer has to be in one of these magazines, someplace!
Posted by: eman at January 29, 2007 10:44 PM (FWrFx)
Learning to love Wet-wipes: A tutorial on getting oral sex after urinating.
Wet-wipes II: Doggie-Style, I like it, you like it, so wipe your ass before we do it and I won't need the gas mask.
I, Came. Now Go Away.
Why Yes, Telling The Interviewer I'm Free To Travel On Business Often Is A Reference To Your Mother.
Posted by: Vinnie at January 29, 2007 10:45 PM (fdAim)
"Wearing A Low-Cut Dress Means You Can't Complain If We Stare At Your Chest Since That Was Clearly The Object Of The Outfit"
"Men And Women: If It Were Easy, It'd Be No Fun"
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 10:45 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Heloise at January 29, 2007 10:46 PM (t81XU)
No way, lady! If I let go of this you wouldn't believe what happens if it gets loose! I'm doing this for the world!
Posted by: richard mcenroe at January 29, 2007 10:46 PM (clI2H)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:46 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: Driver at January 29, 2007 10:47 PM (EdHkT)
Posted by: Jerry K. at January 29, 2007 10:49 PM (2tsJK)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 29, 2007 10:50 PM (+Aq+d)
"You Are 4'11", 95 Pounds and Get Cold When The Temperature Is Below 80 Degrees; Your Man Has Been Shoveling Snow For 3 Hours. A Disingenuos Offer To Help Is Silly and Infuriating, Take The Dogs Back In The House, Drink Your Hot Chocolate, And Leave Him Alone"
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 10:51 PM (OR/mY)
Posted by: Andrew at January 29, 2007 10:52 PM (GqxeF)
We Don't Cook, We Grill: Yes, You Can Grill Macaroni and Cheese.
Two Tits, A Hole, And A Heartbeat: A Scientific Study Of Men's Private Conversations.
Posted by: Vinnie at January 29, 2007 10:53 PM (fdAim)
If I could go at it for half an hour without busting a nut I'd be so proud of myself I'd buy an ad in the New York Times trumpeting that fact to the world.
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 10:53 PM (7Iqke)
Hard Yard Work On A Hot Day?????!!!! Hahahahahaha! As if!
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 29, 2007 10:53 PM (t81XU)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:54 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: Bart at January 29, 2007 10:58 PM (ilJEj)
Posted by: Oedipus at January 29, 2007 10:59 PM (vm9Cy)
TORTILLA SOUP: is lesbianism really gay? experts disagree.
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 10:59 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 10:59 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 10:59 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 11:03 PM (wTVTX)
Penthouse: Why You May Eat All The Dessert You Wish
Real Women Use Paper Towels: Why Men Refuse To Buy Your Tampons
When You Learn How To Cook, He'll Learn What A Clitoris Is For
Posted by: Vinnie at January 29, 2007 11:03 PM (fdAim)
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 29, 2007 11:04 PM (OR/mY)
Top Things That You Should Never Talk About With Your Man
Posted by: Bart at January 29, 2007 11:05 PM (ilJEj)
"Girl-Watching: When I'm Looking, I'm Not Necessarily Imaginging An Alternate Future Without You. Sometimes It Really Is Just An Appreciation Of Art."
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 11:07 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Oedipus at January 29, 2007 11:09 PM (vm9Cy)
Model Is That Your Wife Really Loves You In Spite Of The Stenches You
Emit And Your Habit Of Absently Picking Your Nose In The Car"
It's a big moment when a man trades his scrotum for a vagina. I thought Monty should be recognized.
Goodbye Monty, Godspeed.
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 11:12 PM (t+mja)
ALL ASS, POOR YORICK: Put your self___ issues behind you.
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 11:12 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 11:13 PM (dA8LR)
I'll think of you fondly as I'm getting the ass while you're getting locked out of the house. Neener!
Chicks love all that touchie-feelie shit.
Posted by: Monty at January 29, 2007 11:14 PM (7Iqke)
It really doesn't matter what the fuck your star, sun, or moon sign is, what day you were born or what year in the Chinese calender. This is a horoscope for all of you, for every day, for the rest of your lives.
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 11:15 PM (4qddO)
FROM HOLE CLOTH: the power of crothchless panties.
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 11:18 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 11:20 PM (DbybK)
Bitching About Your Best Friend Behind Her Back Only Makes Us Want Them More
Kissing After Oral Sex: If He Wanted To Taste Semen, He'd Be Named Andrew Sullivan.
Transferring Without A Raise: Subtle Signs I'm Not Fond Of The In-Laws
Women's Book Titles: Always Have A Subtitle After A Colon
Posted by: Vinnie at January 29, 2007 11:20 PM (fdAim)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 11:23 PM (56ssE)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 11:23 PM (dA8LR)
Cause and Effect: Why Your Supervising a Home Improvement Project Increases the Likelihood That the Accident You're Concerned about Will Happen.
-
I'm Dean, You're not JoJo - Go Shop or Something.
-
Righty Tighty - Lefty Loosey: Sex Tips from the Work Shop
-
Dishwasher Loading Strategies: 'Just in Time' vs. 'Maximal Capacity', an analysis.
-
Posted by: BumperStickerist at January 29, 2007 11:24 PM (INjrJ)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 11:25 PM (56ssE)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 11:25 PM (dA8LR)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 11:25 PM (wTVTX)
Well, you can see the basic idea has a good comedy potential. I just blew the execution. Which is no biggie, because the premise is the thing.
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 11:27 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 11:28 PM (56ssE)
Posted by: OregonMuse at January 29, 2007 11:28 PM (dA8LR)
"Compromise: Sure, babe, cut your hair short. Then I'm growing a beard down to my goddam nipples."
Posted by: UGAdawg at January 29, 2007 11:30 PM (alGm/)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 11:35 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 11:37 PM (56ssE)
Posted by: Feisty at January 29, 2007 11:37 PM (NhAcM)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 11:42 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 11:42 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: franksalterego at January 29, 2007 11:42 PM (Q0eTu)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 11:44 PM (56ssE)
Now You Need A Man: You Can't Fix Much Plumbing With A Butterknife And A Shoe Part IV
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 11:45 PM (DbybK)
Posted by: Jacob Churosh at January 29, 2007 11:46 PM (11Ez0)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 11:47 PM (4qddO)
Oh My God: You Cannot Rewire The Kitchen With Just A Butterknife And A Shoe Part III
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 11:47 PM (DbybK)
If You Stop Listening, You Can't Claim I didn't Tell You: A Special Report on Visits from the Inlaws
Watching Your Own Children does not mean Babysitting: Letting me get out with my Sister
Pound Cake: An Occasional Subsitute For Sex
Football, No Problem! NASCAR?, C'Mon They're Driving in Circles
I Don't Talk Dirty and Give Blowjobs at the Same Time: Pick One
Posted by: Taleena at January 29, 2007 11:48 PM (7dMc3)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 11:48 PM (56ssE)
Posted by: Watcher at January 29, 2007 11:49 PM (kW8ck)
Posted by: Feisty at January 29, 2007 11:49 PM (NhAcM)
Posted by: Jacob Churosh at January 29, 2007 11:50 PM (11Ez0)
"We" are not pregnant. YOU ARE, unless you have an identical twin sister and I somehow managed to knock you both up........... now get me a beer.
Posted by: Snorkel at January 29, 2007 11:50 PM (E+7gr)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 29, 2007 11:50 PM (56ssE)
Dear Sweet Jesus, Woman: You Cannot Replace The Timing Belt On Your Car By Just Bashing It With A Shoe Part IX
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 11:50 PM (DbybK)
How not to get your clit licked: Discuss family visiting plans anytime in bed.
Posted by: cheshirecat at January 29, 2007 11:50 PM (y8pwr)
Posted by: Dave Munger at January 29, 2007 11:51 PM (Nz+Ef)
i tried that once. just once. the darn cake just fell apart in my hand.
Posted by: mark c at January 29, 2007 11:53 PM (wTVTX)
Posted by: Ace at January 29, 2007 11:53 PM (4qddO)
Installing A Dishwasher Even Though You Don't Really Know Or Care Where The Hot Water Comes From: Butterknife and Nail Polish, All The Way Part VII
Posted by: lauraw at January 29, 2007 11:54 PM (DbybK)
Posted by: Jacob Churosh at January 29, 2007 11:55 PM (11Ez0)
Posted by: Alear at January 29, 2007 11:56 PM (QWpf0)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 29, 2007 11:57 PM (t+mja)
How not to make stupid decisions when your man is not with you.
Posted by: Bart at January 29, 2007 11:57 PM (I/iIH)
Posted by: Feisty at January 29, 2007 11:57 PM (NhAcM)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 12:01 AM (56ssE)
Posted by: mark c at January 30, 2007 12:03 AM (wTVTX)
1. Know Your Chocolates. Palmer, and Zachary are not QualityChocolates. Don't incur her wrath with the cheap stuff.
2. Flowers are nice, Chocolate is better, Jewelry is best.
3. The quality of the chocolate is inversely related to size and fanciness of the box. If it has a huge, gaudy, pink and red flower on the top of the box....run away.
4.Chocolates can be an excellent choice if Valentine's Day doesn't fall during Lent. If it does, and she's given up sweets, expect to get your ass kicked if you buy her chocolate. And you'll deserve it.
5. Don't wait until Valentine's Day to buy a present. Good choices aren't always made whilst under pressure. If you haven't gotten anything by dinnertime, expect to be sleeping on the couch for awhile.
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 12:04 AM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: Watcher at January 30, 2007 12:07 AM (kW8ck)
Posted by: Feisty at January 30, 2007 12:07 AM (NhAcM)
Coping with His Emotion: Happy or pissed. A lesson in binary numbers. Either way, stop asking him about it.
Posted by Warden
Posted by: Alear at January 30, 2007 12:10 AM (QWpf0)
HEELS AND SQUEALS: Noise and toys make for very happy boys.
Posted by: mark c at January 30, 2007 12:10 AM (wTVTX)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 12:11 AM (56ssE)
"Small, Saggy Breasts - How Disturbing Is It When They Look Like A Fried Egg Hanging On A Nail"
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 30, 2007 12:13 AM (OR/mY)
"Small, Saggy Breasts - How Disturbing Is It When They Look Like A Fried Egg Hanging On A Nail"
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 30, 2007 12:13 AM (OR/mY)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 30, 2007 12:20 AM (t+mja)
Posted by: franksalterego at January 30, 2007 12:22 AM (Q0eTu)
Posted by: Feisty at January 30, 2007 12:23 AM (NhAcM)
See, we just saved you a fortune in the money you'll no longer have to spend on Cosmo or Mademoiselle or Vanity Fair.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 12:24 AM (7Iqke)
Posted by mary
Now That is FUCKING GOOD! I put that in the top 5 without a doubt, and damn near the top of the top 5.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 30, 2007 12:24 AM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2007 12:25 AM (hNyWr)
My sister in law is the only who shops for me other than me, and only because my brother is always present.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 30, 2007 12:26 AM (QTv8u)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 12:30 AM (56ssE)
Sauce for the Goose: Let me try my vibrator on YOUR ass first. No, I don't have lube...suck it up.
Posted by: cheshirecat at January 30, 2007 12:30 AM (y8pwr)
I MIGHT get extra-ordinarily fat, compared to current standards, but I ain't gonna get shorter.
See, bone structure is pretty much static, so while I might SLOUCH, my SLOUCH is in my upper body and I will still have a 33 insem.
I'm just saying.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 30, 2007 12:31 AM (QTv8u)
No man will risk that. what if he finds out he likes it?
Posted by: mark c at January 30, 2007 12:35 AM (wTVTX)
Are you kidding? I know where that thing has been.
Posted by: steve_in_hb at January 30, 2007 12:42 AM (OR/mY)
Threeways: They don't always need two women.
Posted by: mary at January
Oh, yes they do. Yes. They. Do.
Posted by: ArmedGeek at January 30, 2007 12:43 AM (vjHOi)
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 12:45 AM (wTVTX)
Hanger Wire And Hair Blowdrier: No, Really, A Man Should Really Be Doing The Pipe-Sweating For You Part II
Posted by: lauraw at January 30, 2007 12:58 AM (DbybK)
Posted by: Watcher at January 30, 2007 01:05 AM (bkbYL)
Posted by: Tres at January 30, 2007 01:05 AM (CZc15)
Valu-Rite Vodka: Or, How I Learned To Love Your Loose Pussy, Saggy Tits, And Overall Bitchiness
The Female Reproductive Cycle: Don't Look At Us, That's What You Get For Listening To The Snake
or...
The Pain Of Childbirth: Not Men's Fault Eve Picked The Apple
The following is for N.O.W. and Code Pink...
If Women Had Never Been Invented, Men Would Still Have Come Up With Artificial Reproduction
Posted by: Vinnie at January 30, 2007 01:05 AM (fdAim)
Alcohol: Increases The Desire, Decreases The Performance, Why Should You Care You Get To Be Jessica Alba For One Night And One Night Only
Death And The Internet: A Tale Of One Man Whose Wife Read This Thread And Saw His Comments
Posted by: Vinnie at January 30, 2007 01:14 AM (fdAim)
Posted by: Purple Avenger at January 30, 2007 01:17 AM (LITKT)
Women want an inground pool with a hot pool boy, shoes, purses, clothes, cigarettes, coffee and the occasional orgasm.
Posted by: dragonlady474 at January 30, 2007 01:18 AM (la7u2)
Posted by: km at January 30, 2007 01:20 AM (/sxOl)
My needs are much simpler:
Pretty, shiney things.
Chocolate.
To be told I'm pretty once in a while.
Chocolate.
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 01:26 AM (uwZ0F)
My brother got married.
At his reception, a woman wanted me, so I banged her, not as in "it took her home and banged her" but rather as in, I took her to an unlit hallway off of the dancehall and I was banging here, when our motions, just happened (I think she did it on purpose, but it doesn't mater because of our location) to turn on the lights of that hallway, and we were lit up, in the mirrors of the dance hall, and pretty much everyone at the reception saw us in the mirrors. Her straddling me like a donking and me uncarring until my cousin, MY FUCKING COUSIN! looked over and said (wicked)!!!!
I didn't stop what I was doing, I just crouched a bit, until the hallway lights died cuz her (her name was sandy) back clicked them off.
A waitress said we should leave (I think this is kinda funny) "the bar's closed BITCH!!!"
So we walked to the backbar, and finished the immediate task, and then after the reception, we repeated it. a time or two.
Just saying.
There is a LOT of opportunity to be inappropriate.
I NEVER recommend my sort, but, if the situation is fixed, finish it.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at January 30, 2007 01:33 AM (QTv8u)
if you're ever out too late stop at the grocery store and buy some chocolate and slide it under the door before you enter. Remember to wait until you hear the wrapper sound before going in. lol
Posted by: dragonlady474 at January 30, 2007 01:34 AM (la7u2)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 01:41 AM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: Watcher at January 30, 2007 01:44 AM (bkbYL)
Posted by: dragonlady474 at January 30, 2007 01:48 AM (la7u2)
"She's Ugly And Annoying: Why Your Best Friend Can't Find A Good Man."
"Please Go Into MORE Detail, I'm Not Bored To Death Yet."
"You Weren't A Virgin When We Met, Why Are You Starting Now?"
"Would It Kill You To Wear Something Besides Sweatpants To Bed?"
"Just Because You Have A Problem With My Drinking Does Not Mean I Have A Drinking Problem."
"I Would Think Those Shoes Were Darling If They Were Pressed Against My Ears."
Posted by: not_steve_in_hb at January 30, 2007 01:48 AM (VPGiH)
Posted by: ace at January 30, 2007 01:51 AM (4qddO)
My needs are much simpler:
Pretty, shiney things.
Chocolate.
To be told I'm pretty once in a while.
Chocolate.
I'll give up the shiny things if I have to (true love) but the orgasm and the chocolate is non-negotiable! (and a little red wine doesn't hurt!)
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 01:53 AM (p9GBI)
Hello?
Honey, it's your sister who has no husband or boyfriend or friends calling for the third time today to give you advice on your marriage and to tell how much of an insensitive jerk you married.
Posted by: Bart at January 30, 2007 02:00 AM (F8xgl)
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 02:03 AM (p9GBI)
Not only do single sisters do that but so do the ones with bad marriages. To sum it up in one word it's jealousy.
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 02:05 AM (p9GBI)
"Of Course You Hairdresser Gets You, He's Gay, I'm Not."
"How Is That I'm Always Wrong In This House?"
"I Used To Love Life, Thanks For Changing That."
"Two Sheets Of Toilet Paper Might Work For You But It Will Never Work For Me."
"My Friends Don't Really Think You're Cool, They're Just Being Polite."
Posted by: not_steve_in_hb at January 30, 2007 02:12 AM (VPGiH)
I cant wait for the Super Bowl.
My favorite time of the week is when I clean the hair from the shower drain.
The burp is my favorite sound of all time.
It used to take more than 15 minutes.
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 02:24 AM (p9GBI)
(Monty's riposte was great -- until he took it back. Whipped.)
Posted by: someone at January 30, 2007 02:24 AM (I/t4f)
Posted by: Purple Avenger at January 30, 2007 02:35 AM (LITKT)
File it under: OMFG, What have you done, now?
Fuscia? Fuscia!
The living Room is fucking Purple
p.45
Posted by: Bart at January 30, 2007 02:36 AM (F8xgl)
Posted by: Vinnie at January 30, 2007 02:42 AM (fdAim)
The living Room is fucking Purple
p.45
I'm looking for the reference and can't find it?
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 02:42 AM (p9GBI)
Posted by: dragonlady474 at January 30, 2007 02:44 AM (la7u2)
It's what happens when you come home to walls painted purple after your woman gets an idea in her head that she needs to paint something the color fuscia. Or mauve. Or taupe. Or another nifty color she saw in a magazine or heard about from her idiot friends.
Posted by: Bart at January 30, 2007 02:56 AM (F8xgl)
I once busted into an apartment a tenant had done a midnight moveout on. Crawled through a bedroom window and stood up looked around and the whole fucking place was a very dark royal blue, almost black. It was like a freaking cave in that room.
Took me about 4 coats of paint to cover it up and it still bleeds through a little to this day.
Posted by: Purple Avenger at January 30, 2007 03:01 AM (LITKT)
Posted by: dragonlady474 at January 30, 2007 03:02 AM (la7u2)
Posted by: Watcher at January 30, 2007 03:05 AM (bkbYL)
Posted by: Watcher at January 30, 2007 03:11 AM (bkbYL)
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 03:14 AM (p9GBI)
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Interpersonal Communications --- How to Look at Her Face When She is Speaking
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 03:16 AM (yqiXY)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 03:18 AM (yqiXY)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 03:20 AM (yqiXY)
Dating 101: I don't want to sleep with you right now.
Dating 102: I still don't.
Dating 301: Ok now I do, but you've already been telling your friends that you're doing me already so now I can't just based on principle.
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 03:23 AM (p9GBI)
"Just Because She's Nice To You, It Doesn't Mean She Wants To Fuck You."
"Her New Hairstyle and Diet Does Not Mean She Is Cheating On You, Stupid."
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 03:35 AM (yqiXY)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 03:39 AM (yqiXY)
Amen!
"Her New Hairstyle and Diet Does Not Mean She Is Cheating On You, Stupid."
Amen! But if you don't compliment her on her new hairstyle and how thin she looks then she might be ending it soon.
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 03:40 AM (p9GBI)
AOS LifestyleTM: Why the women of AOS are the coolest in the Tubes.
Orgasms from Oral Sex: Tell us exactly what you want or we'll do what our previous girlfriend told us she wanted. Be explicit. This is no time for feigning decorum.
Blow Jobs: Not just for teenagers anymore.
(for the men)
Quickie: Women enjoy it too, just not every time.
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 03:43 AM (GHrbr)
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 03:53 AM (p9GBI)
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 03:59 AM (GHrbr)
AOS LifestyleTM: Why the women of AOS are the coolest in the Tubes.
"Yes, We Are Suckers For Flattery. Usually." ;-)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 04:02 AM (yqiXY)
Posted by: MlR at January 30, 2007 04:05 AM (Y/00e)
Posted by: Sean M. at January 30, 2007 04:11 AM (2FbCC)
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 04:13 AM (p9GBI)
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 04:15 AM (GHrbr)
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 04:19 AM (p9GBI)
Posted by: MlR at January 30, 2007 04:27 AM (Y/00e)
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 04:28 AM (GHrbr)
Posted by: at January 30, 2007 04:33 AM (p9GBI)
Posted by: Cybrludite at January 30, 2007 04:40 AM (XFoEH)
/can't we all just get along?
//LOL at Cyberludite @440
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 04:47 AM (yqiXY)
You tried being nice but failed to choose a name from all the words in the English language and it's my problem?
So I'm supposed to read your mind when you leave an ambiguous comment when you provide no context by developing an online personality linked to your handle?
And it's my fault?
At least there's no doubt you really are a woman.
Beth,
So let her type p9GBI into the name space.
I don't like trollish behavior -- not having a name is just that.
I don't suspect Wickedpinto is a real name but it provides context.
Anony here refuses to choose something (anything) to identify her from one post to the next.
Besides, she may post from multiple ISPs so there's no telling p9GBI will stick like a handle will.
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 05:14 AM (GHrbr)
Posted by: someone at January 30, 2007 06:47 AM (I/t4f)
The Clit for Dummies, First edition : It's not a chew toy, nor is it a fence
Really! I'm writing that down. "Not. A. Chew. Toy. And. Not. A. Fence."
I have to admit, I'd buy this book -- that thing is a mystery to me. No two women seem to have the same notions about what it is or how it's supposed to work. Whenever I'm down there, I get this strange fear and I begin to wonder if the whole thing isn't doomed to failure.
"What do you like?" I say.
"Anything will be nice," she lies.
'But I need details," I protest. "I can't just go in there with no plan."
But to no avail. I flail away for a few minutes, then get the hook. I go back to the Main Event, glad that my own unit can be operated in a simple and straightforward manner.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 10:55 AM (7Iqke)
Suspicion: Just Because He has Attractive Co-Workers Doesn't Mean He's Having An Affair- He's At Least Mildly Concerned AboutA Lawsuit, You Know; I Mean, Uh, He Really Loves You-- Yeah, That's The Ticket
Organization: Can't You Put a Few Of These Five Thousand Shoes Away? Just Leave The Ones You Use Daily Out And Leave The Extra-Special Ones You Will Only Wear Maybe Twice Ever In the Closet Or Something-- That Is Unless You Want Me To Step On them And Trip Over Them, Because I Can Totally Do That, You Know
Honesty: If You Didn't Like The Film, Just Say So- Claiming That "It Has Its Moments" Is Code, And I Know That. IfYou TellMe What You Didn't Like, Maybe We Could Have An Actual Discussion Or Conversation About It-- I Mean, You Keep Saying You We Don't Talk To Each Other Enough, And Here's A Golden Oppurtunity
Etiquette:If You Belittle Me In Public, Expect Me To Criticize You Back InA Never-Ending Cycle Of Bitterness And Pain
Courtesy: Yes, I Want To Eat All That-- Maybe You Should've Told Me You Wanted To Try It Too So I Could've Ordered The Larger Size
Courtesy II: Please Ask Before You Steal Food From My Plate-- I Assume The Other Fork Is A Tool To Help Me Defend My Territory From Predators
Precision/Accuracy: Telling Me I Have Food "All Over" My Face Doesn't Help Me Locate It, Especially When It's Only a Little Dot
Stolen From Dave Barry: I Know You Can See Dirt At The Molecular Level, But I'm A Guy, And Can Only See It When It's Several Inches Thick, So Please Take That Into Consideration
Posted by: Some Guy at January 30, 2007 11:01 AM (lPxkl)
Obsession: I Think I Need Help-- This Is Way Too Addictive
Male Humor: Some Things Are Just As Funny The Second Time, And Even Funnier The Eighth And Ninth Times-- It's Funny, Which Is Why We Repeat It Constantly
(In honor of that, I'm reposting my earlier ones, now With Formatting!)
Planning Ahead: Time How Long It Actually Takes To Get Ready and Add Five Minutes So We Can Actually Leave On Time For Once
Decisions: No, I Still Don't Want To Have Kids
Timing: For The Love Of God, Tell Me The Car Needs Gas Before The Red Light Comes On, Or Maybe Refuel It Yourself Once In A While
Compliments: Saying You're Beautiful Doesn't Imply That I Think You're Dumb, Nor Is It Sexual Harassment-- I'm Trying To Be Nice The Only Way I Know How
Posted by: Some Guy at January 30, 2007 11:06 AM (lPxkl)
Posted by: dragonlady474 at January 30, 2007 11:15 AM (la7u2)
Peetie is not a rat! - why a man who owns a retriever or pointer is so hurtful towards your precious Mexican Hairless.
Fortress of Solitude - why men seem baffled and grumpy someone is determined to ruin their bathroom quiet time with the NYTimes crossword through endless conversation.
Embracing the Black Market - He really is happier spending his money on hookers, cigars, liquor, drugs, or guns than dust ruffles or anything referred to in carats.
You call that a wet spot - he's not sympathetic since it could have been a Cleveland steamer and he just got that new Philipina bride registry in the mail.
Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at January 30, 2007 11:19 AM (nrYPg)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2007 11:25 AM (pzen5)
You have a pet goat?
Posted by: pajama momma at January 30, 2007 11:26 AM (+Aq+d)
Husbands: Don't Ask Her to Trim Your Hair and Mustache If You Want It Done Perfectly
Common Gaffes Made By Husbands, Or Why Decorative House Pillows Should NOT Be Brought On Camping Trips
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 11:48 AM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: Taleena at January 30, 2007 11:53 AM (7dMc3)
Observation: No, I'm Probably Not Gonna Notice Your New Hairdo, So Please Don't Take Offense
Navigation: Would It Kill You To Learn How To Read A Map To Me While I'm Driving? Yes? Okay, Then You Drive And I'll Give Directions. What? You Don't Like That Idea Either? Then How About I Go Wherever The Hell I Want To, Despite Your Suggestions? Say, Off A Cliff? I Swear To God, Woman, When I Die, I'm Taking You With Me
Repurposing: How To Turn Negative Experiences Into Hopefully Humorous Posts On Blogs, Or At Least Have Some Kinda Cartharsis Shit
Posted by: Some Guy at January 30, 2007 12:04 PM (lPxkl)
You mean that happens to you too?
Posted by: Tom at January 30, 2007 12:05 PM (02oyd)
"A Guide To Laundry: A Shirt Is Not Dirty If You Only Wore It For An Hour -- Just Fold It Up And Put It Back In The Drawer."
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 12:07 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: AnnaH at January 30, 2007 12:11 PM (7mMUX)
MSG and Sodium Nitrate: A Busy Housewife Finds the Positives, Or Why Hotdogs Again For Dinner Aint Such a Bad Thing
Quid Pro Quo?: Why Taking Her Out to Dinner Doesn't Necessarily Have to Lead Where You Want it to Lead
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 12:20 PM (uwZ0F)
"A Husband's Dissent: Oh Yes It Fucking Does Have To Lead There, Or Else Why The Fuck Did I Just Spend A Hundred Bucks On Overpriced Veal? If No Nookie Is In The Offing Either Way, We Can Just Stay Home And Order Pizza."
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 12:22 PM (7Iqke)
Now, fix me some biscuits, woman ...
Posted by: Nordbuster at January 30, 2007 12:25 PM (5GrMq)
"Feel Free To Tell Me To Shower Before We Hit The Rack - Males Are Often Immune To Their Own Smell"
"If You Bring Up A Twosome With Your Sister As A Joke, Don't Get Pissed Off When We Take You Seriously. It Is Every Man's Secret Dream To Be The Meat In A Chick Sandwich."
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 12:26 PM (7Iqke)
Highlights:
Discover why a cup of coffee, a Marlboro and the Sunday Sports Section increase male bowel movement!
Learn why there is no answer to the question "What are you doing in there?" that will please you!
See what he has been doing with that Loofa thing and why it's probably best just to throw it out!
Discover how he can store all his toiletries in one small drawer while you require enough space to house a circus midget!
and much, Much MORE!!!
Posted by: JackStraw at January 30, 2007 12:27 PM (t+mja)
True story...
Posted by: MamaAJ at January 30, 2007 12:29 PM (uQ/sL)
Hear Hear. I would give it half a day, at least, unless you've sweated Profusely in it. Even then, there's is such thing as Febreze, you know. I don't want to see clothes in the laundry unless it's fairly reeking,thank you very much.
Posted by: House Laundry Woman at January 30, 2007 12:30 PM (uwZ0F)
And on that note, feeding the kids cereal for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks does not constitute a healthy diet while I'm gone.
Posted by: pajama momma at January 30, 2007 12:35 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 12:38 PM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: carl carlson at January 30, 2007 12:38 PM (G97AX)
Hah. But which way does that cut?
Posted by: ace at January 30, 2007 12:41 PM (4qddO)
Ewwwwwwwww!
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 12:42 PM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 30, 2007 12:42 PM (t+mja)
What the hell are "vegetables?"
(In that vein...)
You Want To Eat It, You Cook It: Why I Am Not Your Indentured Servant.
You Want A Meal, You Cook It: I Do Not Require Massive Quantities of Food
MREs: A Perfectly Acceptable Substitute For Your Mother's Home Cooking
(this is a big one, guys; think about it--yeah, you, who hasn't had sex with his wife in weeks/months/years/whatever
Expect Me To Be Your Mommy? Enjoy Sex About As Often From Me As You Get It From Her
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 12:43 PM (yqiXY)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 12:47 PM (1tlBF)
"Toilet Time And Reading Hour: The Male Approach To Literature"
"Advice To The Wife: You Don't Need To Spend A Fortune On The Flowerdy-Smelling Leg-Shaving Goo -- My Shaving Gel Is The Same Shit And Costs Two Bucks Less"
"More Advice To The Wife: The Hair Conditioner You Buy At Wal Mart Is Made Of The Same Shit You Just Spent Forty Bucks On At The Beauty Shop"
"If You're Going To Make Me Go To Church, You Must Wear That Hot Dress That Shows Off Your Legs Because After We Get Back I'm Going To Be As Horny As A Toad"
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 12:48 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 12:50 PM (1tlBF)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 12:52 PM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 12:53 PM (1tlBF)
"Ten Years Old Is A Perfectly Acceptable Age For A Boy To Get His First .22 Rifle"
"I Bought The Peanut Butter So I Am Perfectly Entitled To Eat It Right Out Of The Jar With My Index Finger"
"Pointing Out My Undie Skid-Marks To Me Only Makes Me Want To Remind You That You Yourself Have Left A Bacon-Strip Behind A Time Or Two"
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 12:54 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 30, 2007 12:56 PM (t+mja)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 12:57 PM (1tlBF)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 12:59 PM (1tlBF)
"The Aftermath II: You Don't Want to Go in There for a Few Hours."
Posted by: kevlarchick at January 30, 2007 12:59 PM (dm/gQ)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 30, 2007 01:03 PM (t+mja)
"Why Your Diet Does Not Automatically Become My Diet"
"The Unspoken Pact: Any Gift Of Jewelry Which Does Not Result In Hot Sex Proportionally Reduces Your Chances Of Getting Any More Jewelry"
"Hard Choices For Husbands: The 52 Inch Plasma HDTV Or The Survivalist Shelter In The Back Yard?"
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 01:03 PM (7Iqke)
"The Aftermath: Why He Must Proudly Discuss his Dump in Detail: the Smell, Length, Width, Consistency, Color and Time Spent in Production."
Sigh. You say you want to commuicate. We try to share an important part of our lives with you. What do we get? Complaints. Sheesh.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 01:06 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2007 01:07 PM (pzen5)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 01:09 PM (1tlBF)
This'll just take a couple hours: Mens' delusions (or why it took a month and 20 trips to the hardware store to complete that home improvement project.)
Posted by: Betty at January 30, 2007 01:10 PM (iUh+D)
Every man instintively feels a sense of accomplishment at the end of a particularly good dump. He stands, surveys the battlefield (so to speak), and thinks to himself: Done and done right!
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 01:10 PM (7Iqke)
Consumer Alert: Which Refrigerator Chills Beer Best?
Your Man is Never Lost, and He's Saving Lots of Time by Not Asking for Directions: You Should Get Him a Beer!
10 Tips on Telling North from East or West
Posted by: geoff at January 30, 2007 01:16 PM (RLGHA)
The Beverage Center: Probably Not the Best Place for Raisin Bread and Children's Tylenol
Toaster Fires: Why Three Years of Broken Pop-Tarts Warrants Shaking Out the Fucking Crumbs
Posted by: spongeworthy at January 30, 2007 01:26 PM (uSomN)
Posted by: Brad at January 30, 2007 01:27 PM (EINvf)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 01:27 PM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: spongeworthy at January 30, 2007 01:28 PM (uSomN)
Hell-o?!
Posted by: Bruce Springsteen at January 30, 2007 01:31 PM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 30, 2007 01:32 PM (t+mja)
plus Why "Spooning" is just asking for it.
Posted by: scherbius at January 30, 2007 01:32 PM (QDORq)
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 01:33 PM (GHrbr)
Posted by: Bruce Springsteen at January 30, 2007 01:36 PM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 01:36 PM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: scherbius at January 30, 2007 01:38 PM (QDORq)
Posted by: kevlarchick at January 30, 2007 01:40 PM (dm/gQ)
Posted by: Watcher at January 30, 2007 02:04 PM (BfE3k)
I consider "That works for me" to be a valid option to many conversations that begin with "Well I should just..."
Don't bother giving me a choice if one of them will piss you off.
Don't tell me about a problem unless you want me to fix it. If I think it's fixable, I'm gonig to give it a try, and possibly not discuss the solution with you first... if this isn't your goal, clarify that beforehand.
My not talking isn't an indicator that I'm mad, I just don't have anything I need to say.
Be happy I'm not paying more attention to you while I drive. The choice is listening to the details of your conversation with your Mother, or wrapping a vehicle around a telephone pole...
I'm not psychic. If you're mad, explain why. Otherwise this shit is just going to happen again.
I don't consistently show up 15-30 minutes late because I'm bad at keeping track of time, you're consistently 30-45 minutes late getting ready. I'm just spending most of that time doing something other than waiting on you...
When in doubt, presume I don't care. 90% of the time, that is accurate, and it avoids arguments. For example, the color of the Bathroom Towels is irrelevant to me. Once I realize this, I quit arguing.
Posted by: Gekkobear at January 30, 2007 02:23 PM (X0NX1)
HAAA!!! Truth!
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 02:28 PM (yqiXY)
Having Sex With Other Women: The best you can hope for is that he will only think about it all the time.
Posted by: Big E at January 30, 2007 02:30 PM (uw1/g)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 02:35 PM (yqiXY)
Either way, I am in favor of it.
I wonder if Lynne Cheney would read it. Ha! Ha ha!
She is a l"esbian", you know, that has used a "turkey-baster" insemination procedure to get "pregnant" with her "partner", who is also a woman - ha! Ha Ha!
This is funny, of course, because the President has stated that he favors an Ammendment to the Constitution "protecting" marriage and the family, as defined beween a man and a woman, etc.
This is so f%#*ing hilarious. The VP has a bull-dyke daughter, preggo by baster (who is the "Mommy" and who is the "Daddy"? - ha ha ha ha!), the President relies on the wack-job AmeriTaliban religious right to get/stay in office, and he wants me to support him? F$%* that .
60+ % dissapoval. Ergo, the Pres sucks.I guess I like where America is standing, nowdays.
Call a spade a spade, eh?
D.
Posted by: dannyinwisconsin at January 30, 2007 02:36 PM (TBTFo)
The Money Shot: Why it's not degrading, misogynistic, or whatever else your Womens' Studies professor said it was.
Posted by: scherbius at January 30, 2007 02:39 PM (QDORq)
Posted by: Big E at January 30, 2007 02:40 PM (uw1/g)
Posted by: Big E at January 30, 2007 02:45 PM (uw1/g)
Just me I guess.
"Projection: He's rubber, you're glue".
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2007 02:45 PM (pzen5)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 02:46 PM (1tlBF)
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 02:46 PM (i+Iuc)
Investing wisely: Why his guns, classic cars and new garage retain their value better than your shoes.
It won't fall over- physics explained: Why you should not lean to the outside of a turn when riding the bitch-pad of his motorcycle.
Because we're friends: Why I won't help you set my single buddy up with your fat, annoying sister.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at January 30, 2007 02:51 PM (plsiE)
"Male Humor: Yes, I Do Find The Dutch Oven To Be Hilarious!"
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 02:51 PM (i+Iuc)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 02:51 PM (uwZ0F)
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 02:54 PM (iAdm7)
My husband calls that "Turtle!"
I tell ya, you men are such pigs!
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 02:55 PM (uwZ0F)
Because My Daddy Never Said He Loved Me from The Troll's Book of Excuses
Beat Me! Whip Me! Call Me A Dirty Whore!: The Secret Desires of Trolls
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 02:58 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 02:59 PM (yqiXY)
"Don't Fall For It Again: Learning How Not To Respond When Your Husband Yells From The Bathroom Hey, Honey, Come Check This Out!"
"Letting Her Down Easy: Gently But Firmly Explaining Why You Will Not Bail Her Convict Brother Out Of Jail"
"A Daylong Tour Of Madame Pichot's Blown-Glass Unicorn Collection Was Not Exactly The Kind Of Romantic Getaway Your Husband Was Thinking Of"
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 03:02 PM (i+Iuc)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 03:15 PM (uwZ0F)
And that Monty posts it.
Posted by: someone at January 30, 2007 03:16 PM (I/t4f)
That is the winner, or at least top 3.
Posted by: hobgoblin at January 30, 2007 03:18 PM (p1s9n)
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 03:19 PM (iAdm7)
Men Solve Problems II: If you don't like the solutions we offer, stop fucking talking about it.
Posted by: hobgoblin at January 30, 2007 03:24 PM (p1s9n)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 03:26 PM (uwZ0F)
He was eating Brazilnuts out of my dirty asshole at the time.
He ought to be praised for his multitasking, rather than mocked.
Posted by: ace at January 30, 2007 03:42 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: MamaAJ at January 30, 2007 03:44 PM (uQ/sL)
Posted by: Bart at January 30, 2007 03:50 PM (iIUaO)
Posted by: Throckmorton P. McGee, III, Esq. at January 30, 2007 03:50 PM (ieLr1)
"Internecine Chemical Warfare II: Bringing In Your Son As A Behind-The-Lines Operative".
"Parsing Your Husband's Responses: If I Didn't Specifically Say 'Yes' You Can Assume The Answer Is 'No'"
"Reading The Fuel Gage: If The Needle Touches The 'E', That Means Go And Get Gas, not Drive Home And Forget To Say Anything So My Husband Can Run Out Of Gas Halfway To Work In The Morning."
"Oil Changes Are Not Eternal: Jesus Christ Will Not Stop Your Engine From Throwing A Rod If You Don't Change The Oil Regularly"
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 03:53 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Steve L. at January 30, 2007 03:55 PM (hpZf2)
Well Bart, as compared to that Snoop Dawg video from a previous post, the 'Dick in a Box' song is downright romantic.
Hell, it would probably be a top-40 hit on some charts.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 03:56 PM (iAdm7)
If he doesn't specifically say "No", why you should assume "Yes"; a lesson in negative reinforcement
Posted by: MamaAJ at January 30, 2007 04:01 PM (uQ/sL)
As a gay man, I don't understand this vile and quite-near-universal behavior in women. If a gay guy doesn't want sex with you, then it means A) he's doing something that's more interesting than sex with you is right now (or ever), B) he is violently ill or injured. I think those are reasons that any straight guy here could understand.
But as far as women go, is there a straight person here who can explain it to me? Allegedly women are "sexual beings" but it seems that they enjoy withholding sex much, much more than engaging in it. Is it because the latter lacks the sufficient level of malice necessary to activate the female mind? Women do seem to be at the top of their game when they're emotionally torturing someone.
Posted by: Foobear at January 30, 2007 04:04 PM (CyFUh)
Everyone loves their own brand - Why men are honored to share a dutch oven with that special someone.
Just ask directions - If it's such a great idea, why haven't you asked anybody how to make a decent chicken-fried steak and cream gravy yet?
Masturbation - Men love it, and if you'd shut your yap for ten minutes he'd probably try to rub out another one while you're still basking in that post-coital glow.
The Pill vs a Vasectomy - Why men opt to keep their ability let off a live round and shrug off your slightly increased risk of breast cancer.
Spit or Swallow - He doesn't care once it's left his body.
Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at January 30, 2007 04:05 PM (nrYPg)
Shop Lifter!: Why Having a Kid 3 Years Ago is No Excuse to Look Like You're Smuggling 50lb bags of Fertilizer Beneath Your Jeans
Burping Your ABC's: *THE* Essential Skill For Your Son's Success, Why It's Not Taught at School and Why It Must Be Taught At Home
Posted by: rinseandspit at January 30, 2007 04:13 PM (+nZtM)
They just aren't horny as often as men, and even when they are somewhat horny, they're not so horny as to overcome practical objections to sex, such as "I just showered an hour ago and don't want to get sweaty."
The "withholding-to-teach-a-lesson" thing isn't really common. Except in as much as a woman who's angry, disappointed, etc., isn't going to exactly be in the mood.
A lot of women *threaten* this, though, in jest.
Posted by: ace at January 30, 2007 04:18 PM (4qddO)
Using your life insurance payout to finance a sex tour of Thailand and Amsterdam. Posted by: Big E at January 30, 2007 04:21 PM (uw1/g)
Posted by: ace at January 30, 2007 04:23 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 04:29 PM (7Iqke)
Of course, men should understand that makeup sex is only appropriate in some circumstances,and, contrary to what the movies may show, making out does not make a woman forget that;
1. her mother/father is hospitalized
2. her teenage child has become pregnant
3. the 14 hour days on the job have resulted in being let go from her job due to a reorg
4. you've just been caught sleeping with the next door neighbor's 16 year old babysitter
5. that you forgot your anniversary and went bowling with the boys instead
Men may be able to work off stress and anxiety through sex, but most of the women I know need to let it pass before he can feel welcome to go for the sweet-spot.
And, then again, why is it that men simply do not understand the concept of teasing? Just as men think differently about the self-esteem of women who can't keep their skirts around their knees, women sense a lack of self-control in the men who simply can't tolerate waiting until SHE's also in the mood, perhaps even a little bit more so than he. Hell, for me, the fact that a guy isn't trying to crawl all over me is a turn-on in itself.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 04:29 PM (iAdm7)
And yet trying to crawl all over you is the whole object of the enterprise. This is why most men think women are insane -- Don't do the thing you really want to do! It's erotic! Well, no, it isn't. Actually having sex is erotic.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 04:41 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Ylrub at January 30, 2007 04:43 PM (IK99B)
Posted by: Big E at January 30, 2007 04:46 PM (uw1/g)
Men want sex and, maybe, in some cases, companionship.
Women want affection and sex. Usually in that order.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 04:48 PM (iAdm7)
They're called Handy-Wipes.
Or, in Monty's case...the window dressings section of your local department store.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 04:52 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 30, 2007 04:52 PM (uwZ0F)
Having sex with you is the way your man shows affection. See? Problem solved.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 04:54 PM (7Iqke)
Any time a woman knows you want to have sex and declines, she is withholding sex. It's as simple as that. No woman admits to withholding sex, they just aren't "in the mood".
Well, get in the mood! Or don't, just hold still. I care, but not that much.
Women withhold sex because they can, it reminds them they have the same power they had when they were single.
Frankly, I intend to withhold some sex myself, when that fat ass loses some starch and starts heading for the floor. See how you like it.
BTW, anybody think Ace has ever been married?
Posted by: spongeworthy at January 30, 2007 04:54 PM (uSomN)
Actually Ace I'll own up. No where near as horny as men, and if my girlfriends are any indication no where near as horny as most women either.
Posted by: Tres at January 30, 2007 05:06 PM (ZQnRG)
Posted by: Ylrub at January 30, 2007 05:09 PM (IK99B)
Posted by: ace at January 30, 2007 05:09 PM (4qddO)
Posted by: Big E at January 30, 2007 05:12 PM (uw1/g)
(excerpt)
...The name geyser comes from Geysir, the name of an erupting spring at Haukadalur, Iceland; that name, in turn, comes from the Icelandic verb gjsa, to gush...
Posted by: scherbius at January 30, 2007 05:14 PM (QDORq)
"I Really Don't Care What PIcture You Put Up Over The Couch As Long As It's Not A Reproduction Of One Of Those Stupid Thomas Kinkade Schlock Epics"
"I Honestly Don't Mind Eating Macaroni And Cheese Right Out Of The Same Pot I Cooked It In"
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 05:14 PM (7Iqke)
It's that time of the month: I don't mind wading the Red River, just don't expect me to drink from it.
Rejection: Pavlov already proved it works. What's your mission?
Overindulging 101: Just cause I drunkenly mistook your closet for a bathroom, doesn't mean you can't wipe these shoes off and keep them around.
Posted by: Sticky B at January 30, 2007 05:21 PM (ANSCt)
Well, not to get all Dr. Ruth or nuthin, but women have a hierarchy of needs that if unfulfilled seriously depress their desire, or in some cases wipe it out. It ain't rocket science, they are need to feel loved, safety and security are important, cared for...
Sure a woman can have sex if those needs aren't met.
But if you want some really great sex...
Also brushing your teeth and using soap are positive things.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2007 05:23 PM (pzen5)
"If I wanted to brush my teeth right now I wouldn't be crawling all over you".
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2007 05:25 PM (pzen5)
Posted by: Watcher at January 30, 2007 05:28 PM (/LTkh)
Oh yes! It's all about your need to bust a nut.
It's called a bottle of jergens and box of kleenex softies
Posted by: Tres at January 30, 2007 05:33 PM (ZQnRG)
I think you misunderstand. It's not about "bust(ing) a nut". It's about busting a nut with you.
When we're trying to get off with you, we need you to be there. The "jergens (sic) and box of kleenex (sic) softies" are for when we're trying to get off with Carmen Electra.
See?
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 05:41 PM (3os6d)
Posted by: Tres at January 30, 2007 05:50 PM (ZQnRG)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2007 05:51 PM (pzen5)
Why it's a bad idea to start a pissing match with the teenage daughter in front of me. In the living room. When "24" is on.
Posted by: gary at January 30, 2007 05:58 PM (z9gBW)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 06:00 PM (1tlBF)
It's not intentional withholding. Ylrub got it mostly right:
What I Have Learned: Men need sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex.
Mostly, because we don't necessarily need to be loved, but liked or respected (not in that "you won't respect me in the morning" way, fellow morons) at the very least. As in, you at least enjoy our company. (This only applies in a relationship, obviously.)
The other thing is when you (and by "you" I mean "my idiot loser ex-husband," who also didn't like his mommy) act like she's your mommy, you're asking for a mommy-type relationship. Have much sex with your moms? (Ask Freud.)
Sidenote: I'm pretty proud of myself for not projecting my hatred for my ex on to y'all ("all men") in this thread, which could sooooo easily go in that direction. Just going on my horrible experience. ;-)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 06:29 PM (yqiXY)
I hear ya. My own divorce was a nightmare-cruise through hell, and it would have been very easy to project my ex-wife's faults onto all women -- but in the end I figured it would be better to just put it behind me and go on with my life. I don't even hate her any more; I just feel sorry for her, and wonder why she let herself become the person she is now.
I'll bet that if she read this thread she'd be steaming right about now, though: she was the direct inspiration for much of what I've posted here.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 06:41 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at January 30, 2007 06:44 PM (aIaFS)
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But, seriously, Ace. You must have thought I was the weeniest guy ever.
Sadly, this is not the first blog wherein I was confused for a man.
It is not flattering.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 06:48 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: MamaAJ at January 30, 2007 06:52 PM (uQ/sL)
Posted by: pajama momma at January 30, 2007 06:56 PM (+Aq+d)
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 07:05 PM (7Iqke)
now, though: she was the direct inspiration for much of what I've
posted here.
Oh, I'm sure most of what's posted here has been the result of some nasty exes. ;-)
Sadly, this is not the first blog wherein I was confused for a man.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 06:48 PM (iAdm7)
It's not you, it's because your name looks like Jim Flynn. Or Flynny, whatever. But "Jim."
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 07:13 PM (yqiXY)
Posted by: someone2 at January 30, 2007 07:40 PM (sZX4w)
1. Just pick a fucking color already.
Posted by: Barry in CO at January 30, 2007 07:44 PM (KOkrW)
But the lady I am with now accepts 95% of my "Man Faults" as normal. (Compared to HER ex, I am pretty shiny!) She agrees the men and women are different. Not one better than the other, just different.
One thing that makes a big difference is that we are both well over 50, so the sex thing is more for "Love Making" than "Sex". As one gets older, they realize that it is more about companionship and enjoying each others body than primal lust and getting your "Nut Off".
Now it is tender, it is fun, and lasts all afternoon.
.
Posted by: Ylrub at January 30, 2007 07:55 PM (IK99B)
Okay, You've Turned Him From A Dog Person Into A Cat Person - Just Don't Expect Him To Stay This Way Forever
If You Don't Like The Smell Of Those Cigars, Just Tell Him And He'll Go Out On The Fucking Back Porch Already
Posted by: Jacob Churosh at January 30, 2007 07:58 PM (9pkhB)
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 07:59 PM (GHrbr)
I am intrigued by your super-human abilities and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 07:59 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Jacob Churosh at January 30, 2007 08:00 PM (9pkhB)
You said if you cook, I should clean up. I fell for it, until I realized that you enjoy cooking, and I don't enjoy cleaning.
Posted by: Tom M at January 30, 2007 08:17 PM (Cycyn)
It is all about the touches, kisses and caresses and getting her excited, then keeping her that way all afternoon. There is more to love making than just sex. I have to admit that sometimes sex gets in the way of love making.
There is more than one way to "Skin A Cat", as it were. The idea is to make her the one "in need" for a change.
.
Posted by: Ylrub at January 30, 2007 08:19 PM (IK99B)
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 08:24 PM (GHrbr)
You said if you cook, I should clean up. I fell for it, until I realized that you enjoy cooking, and I don't enjoy cleaning.
HA! Sucker! (Be happy you're not doing both!) ;-)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 08:47 PM (yqiXY)
Anyone else get the feeling that Beth is or will be a great mom?
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 08:53 PM (iAdm7)
*You* are pretty much always horny, and direct, so you walk right up to her and say, "Hon, how about some sex tonight"
*She* is not always experiencing some undercurrent of arousal. She can live without even thinking about sex for hours on end. Sexual camel.
So you coming at her like you're asking her to get you a beer is not inspiring the sexy for her. Even though it is going to be fun for her, you are making it sound like work.
Wrap your arms around her, kiss her neck, tell her you love her. Be obviously excited by her.
Cuddle with her when she doesn't have something simmering on the stove and allow yourself to get aroused.
When she sees you are crazy about her, she will help you. If she does not, go in the next room and jerk off so she can hear you.
That'll fix her.
Posted by: lauraw at January 30, 2007 08:57 PM (DbybK)
Posted by: ace at January 30, 2007 09:04 PM (4qddO)
I hate it when people don't read the thread above before commenting.
Have you not read what the men have said?
If no: For Shame!
If yes: Did you not get it? Was it too subtle for you?
(And yeah, that strategy does work. But don't tell the rest of these bums or it'll make it harder on me, okay?)
Posted by: Birkel at January 30, 2007 09:11 PM (GHrbr)
Posted by: wiserbud at January 30, 2007 09:17 PM (56ssE)
So...do what I was planning to do anyway?
But seriously, this works in reverse as well. It wouldn't kill some of you ladies to greet your man at the door after a hard day's work clad in nothing but high heels and a little apron, and give the gent to understand that no real formalities must be observed prior to getting on with things. Not every day, mind you, but once in a while -- just to mix things up, you know?
It ain't always about what you want, is what I mean to say.
With all respect, admiration, etc.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 09:26 PM (7Iqke)
This also comes in handy if you have company over for dinner and it's getting late but they're not taking the hint.
Posted by: sandy burger at January 30, 2007 09:38 PM (PQyeQ)
That would really scare the kids.
Posted by: pajama momma at January 30, 2007 09:55 PM (+Aq+d)
slap slap slap slap slap
"It was really nice to see you guys"
slap slap slap slap slap
"We reeeeally should get together and do this more often"
Posted by: lauraw at January 30, 2007 10:08 PM (DbybK)
Anyone else get the feeling that Beth is or will be a great mom?
Awww, that's the nicest thing I've ever read in an AoSHQ thread! Thanks!!! :-D
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 10:12 PM (yqiXY)
I get that "good mom" vibe off you too. The kind of mom all the kids like because she lets you tent out in the back yard, doesn't hassle you for reading comic books, doesn't freak out of you spill some jelly on the rug, and helps the kids make s'mores for the Cub Scouts meeting.
If you're actually one of those "No wire hangers, ever!!" kind of moms, please don't tell me. As with many other facets of my life, I prefer the dream to the reality.
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 10:25 PM (7Iqke)
I don't even have an apron and I am all about the domestication stuff.
;-)
I must be a better mom than I even imagined. I was the one who bought the comics for my kids cuz I loved them so much when i was little and I camp out with them in the tent in the back yard telling ghost stories and eating junk food!
Posted by: rightwingsparkle at January 30, 2007 10:35 PM (YdMYG)
If you're actually one of those "No wire hangers, ever!!" kind of moms, please don't tell me.
HAAAAAAAA!!! Seriously, I couldn't be farther from that if I tried! (Probably to a fault!)
Posted by: Beth at January 30, 2007 10:46 PM (yqiXY)
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 10:59 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 11:01 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 11:09 PM (iAdm7)
The perfect vanity post.
He could simply start a thread, and leave it at the top of his page.
The sole purpose of the post would be to see how many comments he could accumulate over time.
No topic. Just shear self-adulation in the form of open conversation amongst the masses.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 11:12 PM (iAdm7)
Posted by: Monty at January 30, 2007 11:14 PM (7Iqke)
Posted by: ace at January 30, 2007 11:19 PM (4qddO)
Is it just me or......
Posted by: Sticky B at January 30, 2007 11:25 PM (wkjFE)
I just noticed the Wheaties ad.
That's pretty big stuff.
Please tell me that you at least tried to negotiate to have your image put on the box.
Posted by: jmflynny at January 30, 2007 11:45 PM (iAdm7)
...
Ok that shit isn't going to work. Fine. I'll judge it.
I have solicited the assistance of the lovely Kevlarchick to help me with the girly counterattacks. Because frankly none of that shit sounded funny to me. She gets the girl thing. Me, not so much.
I will get it done by Friday. Contest closes in, oh, say a half hour ago.
go in the next room and jerk off so she can hear you.
So I can like, turn off the fan?
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2007 11:53 PM (hNyWr)
Whichever was the one that Michael volunteered me to judge, and then ended up judging himself by Ace's request, that was the biggest one. I think it might have been the Dick Cheney Cock one.
I don't think I ever thanked you for that, Ace.
Thank you. I think I laughed for like two days over that little turnaround you did on Michael, as the thread grew to monster proportions.
Posted by: lauraw at January 31, 2007 12:13 AM (DbybK)
"Keeping Junior Groomed: If He Doesn't Want To Take A Bath, I'm Not Going To Chase Him All Over The House. He'll Get Tired Of His Own Stink Eventually."
Posted by: Monty at January 31, 2007 12:17 AM (7Iqke)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 31, 2007 12:50 AM (hNyWr)
If you need to ask and he responds differently, he is trying to humor you. Appreciate it.
Posted by: John F Not Kerry at January 31, 2007 01:46 PM (Uo96o)
Posted by: John F Not Kerry at January 31, 2007 01:47 PM (Uo96o)
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 31, 2007 02:22 PM (aAHWx)
Mine wasn't. Mine was more of a result of taking the inherent differences between men and woman, and using some exaggeration for humor.
I've been happily married for almost 18 years and have 6 kids.
Obviously we wouldn't be able to stay married and have that many kids if I were a frigid shrew, "withholding sex", or he was an inconsiderate misogynist.
But really the key to a lasting marriage is understanding the differences between men and women. And we women have to understand the concepts of service (not that kind) and sacrifice. In other words, dedicating your life to making others happy, and not focusing so much on your own needs. If you've married a good and decent man, he'll love you and take care of you for that.
Posted by: Nice Deb at January 31, 2007 02:46 PM (aAHWx)
Posted by: John F Not Kerry at January 31, 2007 07:39 PM (CZc15)
Posted by: Buzzsaw at October 18, 2008 04:09 PM (MOdlB)
Posted by: Lee Reynolds at October 18, 2008 07:43 PM (LxqQW)
I love this thread, and hope it keeps growing!
Posted by: RoadRunner at October 19, 2008 03:20 PM (R5wK8)
This would fail. No woman associates studwith World of Warcraft. Guy she settled for after failing to get married until she was in her 30s, sure.
Posted by: Kyle at October 20, 2008 01:30 AM (mk6Ru)
"Marriage: The Sacrifice You Make For Sex."
For Women:
"Sex: The Sacrifice You Make For Marriage."
Posted by: gmsc at March 24, 2010 11:58 PM (AMrHH)
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Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)