Kennel Madness

Dear Reader:
Let's all coo together now . . . AWwwwwwww!

Yes - they look cute, but they are all needle teeth on one end and "fudge" on the other.

These are my new baby-girl beagle puppies, hereafter to be referred to as the Tri-Colored Peril. We got them from the pound almost a month ago. A pal of mine who knows of such things told me they would bring home kennel cough, but that they would most likely work through it without medicine.

What she didn't tell me is that people can get Kennel Cough. For the past week, Pep and I have been snorting, coughing, hacking, sneezing, and yes, barking full of canine mucous joy. Arf. Arf.

Steve-O told me that if he sees me parading around campus wearing a sweater set matched with the girls in tams and color coordinated leashes he will certainly have to shoot me. Steve is a good friend.

But beyond the disease the Tri-Colored Peril has visited on my household, when under Hell's Bell will these girls be able to control the bowels and bladder?

In all my life I have not seen dogs who poop more. They're three months old and my home is an Oompa-Loompa Fudge Factory . . . only it seems all the Oompa-Loompas the size of a small teddy bear and there must be 47 of them cranking out "treats."

Seriously, when does this newspaper period end?

Living in the magical fudge forest,
Chai-rista

UPDATE:

Pep asked that I add the following saga to "Kennel Madness" (below the fold) . . .

Revenge Of The Vendetta Of The Rawhide Theft

Yipyipyipyip!
Yip!
Gimme that rawhide, bitch!
Come get it!

Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.

Chai-rista's Flip Flop!
Gimme that flip flop, bitch!
Come get it!

Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.

Pepper's Shoe! And it's still on his foot!
Gimme Pepper's foot, bitch!
Come get it!

Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.

You suck.
You suck more.

Look, Pepper's hand! And he's still wearing it!
Gimme Pepper's hand, bitch!
Come get it!

I hate you.
I hate you more.
Let's get some water.
OK.

Look, Pepper's pants! And he's still wearing them.
Gimme Pepper's pants, bitch!
Come get 'em!

Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pounce Bite Claw Bite Yip!
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhine.

Posted by: Chai-Rista at 12:49 PM

Comments

1 Hahahahahaha! Wooo, now that's some funny stuff!
PS Don't eat the fudge.

Posted by: Lady J at December 07, 2007 01:14 PM (BUJoA)

2 Very cute. I've always held Beagles to be the noblest scions of the animal kingdom.

Posted by: Dan at December 07, 2007 01:28 PM (9/Szu)

3 Bet they have that puppy bad breath too! Are you crate training? If so, then they're either in the crate or whisked outside on a frequent but routine basis (immediately after eating/drinking, first thing in the AM, etc.)
Don't be afraid of crates...to the dog, it's like a bed with a roof.

Check out the very awesome www.mysmartpuppy.com, brought to you by the genius Brian Kilcommons.

Posted by: Monica at December 07, 2007 01:41 PM (A5CLO)

4 Hey Dan - You're right. Beagles are the most noble dog, and every portrait of them should be in Soviet Realism to adequately convey the gravity of their grandeur!

Thanks for the link Monica! They have a crate to sleep in but I don't lock the door because I don't think they can hold it all night. Also, I'm literally lame right now and can't walk them. So - more walkies once my knee gets better!

Posted by: Chai-rista at December 07, 2007 01:51 PM (ERCKE)

5 Awwwwww. Them's cute puppies. Send photos over to http://dailypuppy.com/

As for the pooping, that's one reason I got an older dog from a shelter. He was already house broken.

Posted by: rbj at December 07, 2007 01:52 PM (UgG6+)

6 But, DARLING! You simply MUST get matching outfits in the school colors (pink and green) for you and the girls! oooooooooooh, how ADORABLE that would be! Check out the student store, I'm sure they already have them in stock ...

or maybe Christmas outfits for this time o'year!

Now THERE'S an idea ... not a good idea, but an idea ...

mwah!

Posted by: keysunset at December 07, 2007 02:50 PM (et6My)

7 Hey Mrs. Keysunset - We don't want to push Steve-O. He's a llama on the edge and I'd hate for me and the pups to be the cause of any kind of Reservoir Dogs / Mr. Blonde meltdown.

Let's just back away . . .

Posted by: Chai-rista at December 07, 2007 03:07 PM (ERCKE)

8 Eh! Don't get your hopes up, but I think Beagles have a shorter break in period than Terriers.....our Scottie took 12 months to get it right and the Westie just over 18 months. Knock on wood (check first to make sure there is no fudge in the way) and hope your breed is a bit smarter. I have fond (not) memories or trying to pick up squatting quadrupedes and running for the yard in hopes of them associating dirt and grass to bodily functions..... enjoy!

Posted by: Terrapod at December 07, 2007 07:54 PM (3kj+O)

9 I think you should start doing loldogs for those guys. First could be "I haz a newzpaper"

http://laughoutlouddogs.com/

Posted by: rbj at December 07, 2007 09:02 PM (YLelv)

10 If your comments were not totally exaggerated for comical effect, then I would suggest you look at the type of food you're feeding the girls. Their output should not be so vast. Buy a high quality food such as Iams, Science, or Eukenuba. That will cut the output. Also, have you wormed them? Worm them again, just to be sure. There is a high margin of safety on wormers. A second course wont be toxic.

Posted by: old school lady at December 08, 2007 10:01 AM (sxZH7)

11 Excellent advice, old school lady, on both points. My husband, the veterinarian, says the only way Pyrantel can hurt them is if you throw the bottle at them. I also love the euphamism "low residue" on the boutique food you're referring to. It does work, though.
Said vet husband also deadpanned, "Two pups? She's going to have trouble. It's very difficult to housebreak two puppies at a time." And for that non-helpful, downright depressing advice, chai-rista, there's no charge.

Posted by: Monica at December 08, 2007 02:44 PM (a+KMo)

12 Thanks Old School and Monica. They're eating Eukanuba canned and Science Diet kibble.

They seem to have gotten the idea that leaves and dirt are for doodys and piddles. But getting them to understand that carpet is very much NOT for squatting is something we have yet to achieve.

I'm going to re-read my Monks of New Skete and other great dog books I have from 13 years ago . . . the last time we had puppies!

Posted by: Chai-rista at December 10, 2007 04:26 PM (ERCKE)

13 Cut out the canned. That makes squishy poos.

A good overall book is "Good Owners, Great Dogs" by Brian Kilcommons

Posted by: Monica at December 11, 2007 07:51 AM (tS9Lu)

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