First World Problems...

The best and highest expression of the snacker's art includes no utensils or vessels. No knives or spoons or plates or bowls...just the food containers and an appetite.

But for some unfathomable reason, the makers of peanut butter (Big Peanut) chose not to package their product in vessels that do not require a utensil, once the magic first 50% has been consumed.

We all know that the first portion of peanut butter, lovingly scraped up from the pristine surface with a mini pretzel, is a prized and rare experience.

But so is the last bit of peanut butter embedded in the corner of the jar, and Big Peanut has conspired to steal that from us, and require a spoon or a knife or some other backward tool to get at the mother lode.

We are not chimpanzees trolling for termites with long sticks! We have evolved past that, and I demand that Big Peanut keep up!

Posted by: CBD at 02:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Wait

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:00 PM (Ia/+0)

2 Hiya Skip

Posted by: javems at May 31, 2026 02:03 PM (zFsEm)

3 Back, to start I am up.on my room with leaf blower, besides roof with lots of debris, gutters were filled and had standing water in them. Now its also on me. And its stinky

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:03 PM (Ia/+0)

4 BigSpatula has an answer for that.

Posted by: illiniwek at May 31, 2026 02:04 PM (vbXSk)

5 Skip > Skippy

Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey, at May 31, 2026 02:04 PM (i2Ycu)

6 I HAVE JUST THIS DAY enjoyed peanut butter on Ritz crackers

It's a good thing
what you need is a small flexible spatula to get every last bit of PB out of the jar

BTW the all-natural PBs are the Way
anything with molasses in it is not true peanut better

Posted by: Don Black at May 31, 2026 02:04 PM (ZxPkt)

7 Hmm. I've never tried warming peanut butter in the microwave...but it might liquify? Soften, surely.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 31, 2026 02:05 PM (XeU6L)

8
Spatula City!

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at May 31, 2026 02:06 PM (n7rxJ)

9 Chyrons. Fucking chyrons. Telling you what you what you'd see if the chyron wasn't in the way. And layers of chyrons one over another!
Pedestrians who don't push "walk" buttons, or push the wrong one making light longer.
Jungle.

Posted by: Commissar of plenty and festive little hats at May 31, 2026 02:06 PM (Kt19C)

10 Hmm. Never thought about cleaning the house with a leaf blower. Hate the thought of flushing the dust bunnies out of their homes.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 31, 2026 02:07 PM (XeU6L)

11
Hmm. I've never tried warming peanut butter in the microwave...but it might liquify? Soften, surely.
Posted by: Mike Hammer

The container will probably try to melt.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 31, 2026 02:07 PM (Cqx++)

12 peanut butter in the microwave...

Splodey buttah

Posted by: Commissar of plenty and festive little hats at May 31, 2026 02:08 PM (Kt19C)

13 Had a delicious "peanut butter bomb" desert yesterday which also had chocolate and whipped cream. I shared it with the family. It was very good.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 31, 2026 02:09 PM (PFs9e)

14 The container will probably try to melt.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot
--------

Which reminds me. Am I the only one who has experienced a microwave fire?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 31, 2026 02:09 PM (XeU6L)

15 Spatula. Trust me. I go through the huge jar of peanut butter in less than 2 weeks.

Posted by: Eromero at May 31, 2026 02:10 PM (LHPAg)

16 Hmm. Never thought about cleaning the house with a leaf blower. Hate the thought of flushing the dust bunnies out of their homes.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 31, 2026 02:07 PM (XeU6L)

I do use a compressed air can to clean off my loading bench. Just makes all those grains of powder just disappear!

Posted by: RI Red at May 31, 2026 02:11 PM (JW6Az)

17 Peanut butter used to come in squeeze tubes like toothpaste.
MRE come in squeeze packets.
Ever tried peanut butter and bacon on toast?

Posted by: FormerHostage at May 31, 2026 02:11 PM (fNtwW)

18 My entire world was turned upside down when I learned of the existence of Biscoff cookies but more importantly when I learned the existence of Biscoff Cookie Butter.

Like Pete's Hot Sauce, I put that sh*t on everything.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at May 31, 2026 02:11 PM (XV/Pl)

19 Peanut butter on pretzels?

Odd.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:12 PM (zZu0s)

20 Big Peanut bit my sister once.

Posted by: goatexchange at May 31, 2026 02:12 PM (hyS0X)

21 Room? Roof .
I need a shower

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:13 PM (Ia/+0)

22 Women beach volleyball on TV.
Those bodies...

Posted by: Commissar of plenty and festive little hats at May 31, 2026 02:15 PM (Kt19C)

23
Peanut butter on pretzels?

Odd.
Posted by: Aetius451AD

===============

It's so common they're now making peanut butter IN pretzels.

Ritz crackers, pretzels, Cheez-its, and Saltines are one of my FWPs. They won't seem to go away. People, WWII is over. Julia Child saved us from Del Monte Party Platters. We can eat now, ffs.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at May 31, 2026 02:17 PM (n7rxJ)

24 Room? Roof .
I need a shower
Posted by: Skip
-------

My gaffes/misspellings here could fill a book.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 31, 2026 02:17 PM (XeU6L)

25 I am more of a jif man myself. But I have been trying to cut back on bread. So no peanut butter and grape jam sandwiches.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:18 PM (zZu0s)

26 8
Spatula City!
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at May 31, 2026 02:06 PM (n7rxJ)

I liked their spatulas so much I bought the company.

Posted by: Cy Greenblum at May 31, 2026 02:18 PM (TbWk/)

27 >>I've never tried warming peanut butter in the microwave...but it might liquify?

Yep. Wife does this on Wasa crackers with honey. Loves it.

Posted by: Nazdar at May 31, 2026 02:18 PM (NcvvS)

28 Ritz crackers, pretzels, Cheez-its, and Saltines are one of my FWPs. They won't seem to go away. People, WWII is over. Julia Child saved us from Del Monte Party Platters. We can eat now, ffs.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at May 31, 2026 02:17 PM (n7rxJ)

Objection!

Chicken in a Biscuit and buttery Club crackers are still wonderful.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:19 PM (zZu0s)

29 Extra crunchy>>>smooth pb.

Posted by: nurse ratched at May 31, 2026 02:20 PM (qrWl3)

30 25 I am more of a jif man myself. But I have been trying to cut back on bread. So no peanut butter and grape jam sandwiches.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:18 PM (zZu0s)
Jif in cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, grits, on ANY cracker, on ANY meat sandwich, and most raw vegetables.

Posted by: Eromero at May 31, 2026 02:21 PM (LHPAg)

31 My first wife hated for me to get butter in the peanut butter. Current wife hates for me to get peanut butter in the butter.

Posted by: javems at May 31, 2026 02:21 PM (zFsEm)

32 I was a crunchy guy in my yute. I think the flavor is better with a good jam with creamy, though. If you are just there for the peanut butter, then crunchy is still king.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:22 PM (zZu0s)

33 You type while on a roof.
I feel better now

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:22 PM (Ia/+0)

34 17 Peanut butter used to come in squeeze tubes like toothpaste.
MRE come in squeeze packets.
Ever tried peanut butter and bacon on toast?
Posted by: FormerHostage at May 31, 2026 02:11 PM (fNtwW)

"Knead before opening."
MRE peanutbutter was oil and some dirt like substance if you didn't knead it before opening.

Posted by: Reforger at May 31, 2026 02:23 PM (bupRa)

35 Jif in cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, grits, on ANY cracker, on ANY meat sandwich, and most raw vegetables.
Posted by: Eromero at May 31, 2026 02:21 PM (LHPAg)

*slow look of horror*

Cream of Wheat? Butter. Sugar. Done.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:23 PM (zZu0s)

36 If you are just there for the peanut butter, then crunchy is still king.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:22 PM (zZu0s)

The pretzels add the perfect crunchy counterpoint to the smoothness of the peanut butter.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:23 PM (iERP6)

37 Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:18 PM (zZu0s)
Jif in cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, grits, on ANY cracker, on ANY meat sandwich, and most raw vegetables.
Posted by: Eromero
------

I can't believe that it would make Cream of Rice delectable...but maybe.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 31, 2026 02:23 PM (XeU6L)

38 28 Ritz crackers, pretzels, Cheez-its, and Saltines are one of my FWPs. They won't seem to go away. People, WWII is over. Julia Child saved us from Del Monte Party Platters. We can eat now, ffs.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at May 31, 2026 02:17 PM (n7rxJ)

Objection!

Chicken in a Biscuit and buttery Club crackers are still wonderful.
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:19 PM (zZu0s)

They kept Chicken in a Biscuit but got rid of the bacon flavored crackers. Why? Because they were great and I loved them. Fucking bastards.

Posted by: Bacon-hating commie cocksuckers at May 31, 2026 02:24 PM (TbWk/)

39 Cream of Wheat? Butter. ~~Sugar~~ Salt. Done.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:23 PM (zZu0s)

FIFY.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:24 PM (iERP6)

40 Big Spatula is the answer.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 31, 2026 02:24 PM (w6EFb)

41 Crunchy peanut butter has never been my jam, see what I did there.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at May 31, 2026 02:24 PM (XV/Pl)

42 The pretzels add the perfect crunchy counterpoint to the smoothness of the peanut butter.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:23 PM (iERP6)

Hmm. Part of my point is if you have two savory items (pretzels and peanut butter) to make an ensemble, you need a sweet counterpoint. Do they make some sort of sugary pretzel?

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:25 PM (zZu0s)

43 Oh. My fix for the small openings is to buy the industrial size 124oz generic crap.
That way you can fit your hand inside to get the last bit out.

Posted by: Reforger at May 31, 2026 02:25 PM (bupRa)

44 FIFY.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:24 PM (iERP6)

You put saltpeter in your coffee, don't you?

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:26 PM (zZu0s)

45 4 BigSpatula has an answer for that.
Posted by: illiniwek at May 31, 2026 02:04 PM (vbXSk)

This one gets it.

I cannot believe it took me so long to realize that a simple spatula solves all of these problems. PB and mayo jars don't stand a chance anymore. I get the last bit of substance out of the container, and it does such a good job I don't even need to wash the jar before tossing it

Posted by: Darrell Harris at May 31, 2026 02:26 PM (RMMRf)

46 They kept Chicken in a Biscuit but got rid of the bacon flavored crackers. Why? Because they were great and I loved them. Fucking bastards.
Posted by: Bacon-hating commie cocksuckers at May 31, 2026 02:24 PM (TbWk/)
When did you last see pork flavor ramen, not that you actually use the flavor packet in any ramen?

Posted by: Eromero at May 31, 2026 02:26 PM (LHPAg)

47 My other taxing 1WP is my tailgate is wrecked, got some of worse out but isn't workable. I have it back on and it was difficult as well as not latchon the wrecked side.
I worked on it a lot yesterday and no harm in keep trying some other day.

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:26 PM (Ia/+0)

48 35 Jif in cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, grits, on ANY cracker, on ANY meat sandwich, and most raw vegetables.
Posted by: Eromero at May 31, 2026 02:21 PM (LHPAg)

*slow look of horror*

Cream of Wheat? Butter. Sugar. Done.
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at

The horror was cream of wheat? Grits are on this list!

Posted by: Piper at May 31, 2026 02:27 PM (1bnYT)

49 Have a FWP for the food thread involving incomplete recipes.

Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 02:28 PM (YYKrY)

50 Best coffee additive
%75 potassium
%15 charcoal
%10 Saltpetre

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:29 PM (Ia/+0)

51 48 35 Jif in cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, grits, on ANY cracker, on ANY meat sandwich, and most raw vegetables.
Posted by: Eromero at May 31, 2026 02:21 PM (LHPAg)

*slow look of horror*

Cream of Wheat? Butter. Sugar. Done.
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at

The horror was cream of wheat? Grits are on this list!
Posted by: Piper at May 31, 2026 02:27 PM (1bnYT)

Missing one thing. Cream. Heavy cream makes anything better. Add that, and I'm done. Works with grits as well. That's the only way I eat them.

Posted by: Darrell Harris at May 31, 2026 02:29 PM (RMMRf)

52 Justin’s peanut butter is available in a packet. Skipy natural is available in a squeeze tube.

Posted by: Piper at May 31, 2026 02:29 PM (1bnYT)

53 The horror was cream of wheat? Grits are on this list!
Posted by: Piper at May 31, 2026 02:27 PM (1bnYT)

What you thought the meat sandwich was OK.

Know what I want on my Philly cheese steak? A nice ribbon of jif!

Fucking hell.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:29 PM (zZu0s)

54 Which reminds me. Am I the only one who has experienced a microwave fire?
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 31, 2026 02:09 PM (XeU6L)

Take the potato out of the foil jacket before you reheat it in the microwave!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 31, 2026 02:29 PM (6VD39)

55 Quit putting peanut butter in jars. Square boxes.

Posted by: Ben Had at May 31, 2026 02:30 PM (5P5DO)

56 41 Crunchy peanut butter has never been my jam, see what I did there.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at May 31, 2026 02:24 PM (XV/Pl)

Crunchy peanut butter has an entirely different set of essential properties than jam and can therefore never be jam. Thus your statement, which I can only assume to be an attempt at what humans refer to as "humor," is self-defeating and illogical.

Posted by: Cmdr. Spock, food critic at May 31, 2026 02:31 PM (TbWk/)

57 Hey CBD, did you ever make it to the Scarsdale?

It was good in 2016. Best Nachos Ive ever had oddly. It was the cheese and sour cream I reckon. Tried again in 2018 and was OK.

Posted by: javems at May 31, 2026 02:31 PM (zFsEm)

58 Which reminds me. Am I the only one who has experienced a microwave fire?
Posted by: Mike Hammer

Had a lady at work cook popcorn.
Set timer for 30:00 instead of 3:00.
Walked off. Came back when fire department was exiting the kitchen. Microwave didn't burn. But the popcorn did.

Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 02:32 PM (YYKrY)

59 I have a coffee can sized can of "Dehydrated Peanutbutter".
Packaged in 1969. I'm afraid to open it and find out what 57 year old dehydrated peanutbutter looks like.
I keep it to say I have it.

Posted by: Reforger at May 31, 2026 02:33 PM (bupRa)

60 Best coffee additive
%75 potassium
%15 charcoal
%10 Saltpetre

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:29 PM (Ia/+0)

There may be some confusion here: gunpowder is a traditional South Indian spice blend made with roasted lentils, sesame seeds, dried red chilies, and curry leaves. Still not sure if I want it in my coffee.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 31, 2026 02:33 PM (6VD39)

61 Crunchy peanut butter has an entirely different set of essential properties than jam and can therefore never be jam. Thus your statement, which I can only assume to be an attempt at what humans refer to as "humor," is self-defeating and illogical.
Posted by: Cmdr. Spock, food critic

Spot on, Cpt. Obvious

Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 02:34 PM (YYKrY)

62 Peanut butter on a banana requires a knife...the same kind of tool that will be able to relocate deep peanut butter to a pretzel or small bowl for said accommodation.

The Committee on 1st World Problems rules this predicament has a simple solution. Next!

Posted by: DanMan at May 31, 2026 02:34 PM (8uzBS)

63 Hmm. I've never tried warming peanut butter in the microwave...but it might liquify? Soften, surely.
Posted by: Mike Hammer

That is my first-world solution to using peanut butter in baking. Warm it up so it pours and mixes like honey, rather than like..... peanut butter.

Posted by: mikeski at May 31, 2026 02:35 PM (VHUov)

64 I have a coffee can sized can of "Dehydrated Peanutbutter".
Packaged in 1969. I'm afraid to open it and find out what 57 year old dehydrated peanutbutter looks like.
I keep it to say I have it.
Posted by: Reforger

I have a can of dehydrated water in my bug out bag.

Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 02:36 PM (YYKrY)

65 Worse than peanut butter jars - the stupid shape of Pace salsa jars!

A pox on the entire families of the committee that came up with that monstrosity.

Posted by: Fritzy at May 31, 2026 02:36 PM (2GIh1)

66 The Committee on 1st World Problems rules this predicament has a simple solution. Next!
Posted by: DanMan at May 31, 2026 02:34 PM (8uzBS)

Plantiff: yes. Sock seams should not be able to want to ride under the big toe. Or any toe!

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:37 PM (zZu0s)

67 I can get that out of there for you.

Posted by: The dog at May 31, 2026 02:38 PM (bupRa)

68 Did it ever occur to you that the container holding peanut butter is perfect, and the pretzel is shaped improperly?

In fact, I'd inquire, did you think the concept of "pretzel sticks" was just some random decision by some guy bored on a Tuesday afternoon trying to justify his job and cure his personal boredom?

Nay....Nay I say. It was genius. It was identifying a problem, and taking positive steps to resolve the situation.

Heard in the halls of Tom Sturgis Pretzels: "Go ahead you Skippy-minded idiots, I dare you to make your jars bigger. I've got a six foot pretzel stick mold and I'm not afraid to use it. GAME ON!!!"

Posted by: Orson at May 31, 2026 02:39 PM (dIske)

69 Farmer's Market, Amish fresh-made nut butters in wide mouthed pint containers.

And s teaspoon.

Posted by: L - No nic, another fine day at May 31, 2026 02:39 PM (NFX2v)

70 Flying home. It’s a little bumpy.

Posted by: Piper at May 31, 2026 02:40 PM (PebD5)

71 Part of my point is if you have two savory items (pretzels and peanut butter) to make an ensemble, you need a sweet counterpoint.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:25 PM (zZu0s)

You have been brainwashed by Big Sugar and Big HFCS.

Salt is the core of flavor. Sugar is for effete, new age hipsters who have pronouns.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:40 PM (iERP6)

72 Flying home. It’s a little bumpy.
Posted by: Piper at May 31, 2026 02:40 PM (PebD5)

It'll be fine.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:40 PM (zZu0s)

73 Installed a new ring camera yesterday. Entire system updated. Their alerting system has gotten weirdly specific.

"Motion detected. There is a grey raccoon eating from a bowl on the porch."

"Motion detected. There is a cat laying on the porch".

Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 02:40 PM (YYKrY)

74 I was addicted to Jiff for about 60 decades. The I started reducing carbs. PF Fit powder, though advertised for being low fat, is easy to sprinkle out if you don’t want to use a measuring scoop. Using Coconut, avacodo or (gasp) peanut oil you get a whole 2 g carbs per 2 tbspn. I use it mainly to add to dark chocolate powder flavored whey smoothies (Reese eat your heart out) but also can be used for spicy peanut sauces for various stir fry recipes. As far as regular PB jars go, I have very long fingers….

Posted by: epador at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (TRnzq)

75 If you wanted bumps should have taken a train

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (Ia/+0)

76 In fact, I'd inquire, did you think the concept of "pretzel sticks" was just some random decision by some guy bored on a Tuesday afternoon trying to justify his job and cure his personal boredom?

Posted by: Orson at May 31, 2026 02:39 PM (dIske)

Obviously you are a beginner at this.

Pretzel sticks are fine idea...in theory. But they are structurally unsound, and will break before they scoop enough peanut butter from the lower 25% of the jar.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (iERP6)

77 I’ll bet that dehydrated peanut butter is just as good today as when it was packaged back in 1969!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (6VD39)

78 Salt is the core of flavor. Sugar is for effete, new age hipsters who have pronouns.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:40 PM (iERP6)

Objection! You Zionist reichwing commie!

Peanut Butter cups are the apex of free market triumph over the bland, geriatric oh-i-need-stuff-that-makes-my-
bowel-movements-easy socialism!*

*had to chop that as I was not sure if it would blow margins.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:43 PM (zZu0s)

79 Spatula. Trust me. I go through the huge jar of peanut butter in less than 2 weeks.
Posted by: Eromero at May 31, 2026 02:10 PM (LHPAg)

*Raises hand, meekly*

Posted by: thatcrazyjerseyguy at May 31, 2026 02:43 PM (5xuJ/)

80 As far as regular PB jars go, I have very long fingers….

Posted by: epador at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (TRnzq)

Evolution at work! Darwin is vindicated!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:44 PM (iERP6)

81 60 decades?! Who are you, Methuselah?

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 31, 2026 02:44 PM (6VD39)

82 I’ll bet that dehydrated peanut butter is just as good today as when it was packaged back in 1969!
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (6VD39)

Yeah, 0 water activity. As long as it is sealed where it could not leach moisture.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:44 PM (zZu0s)

83 Replying to Orson: I used to make my own pretzel sticks back in my car by days. Celery, however, is shaped much more appropriately for deep jars.

Posted by: epador at May 31, 2026 02:44 PM (TRnzq)

84 I have very long fingers….

Posted by: epador at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (TRnzq)

Go on.....

Posted by: Rosy O'Donut at May 31, 2026 02:45 PM (5xuJ/)

85 With a little practice, you can skip the spatula and just lick the last of the peanut butter out of the bottom of the jar.

Posted by: Women With Suspiciously Short Haircuts at May 31, 2026 02:45 PM (YYotJ)

86 Oh hell Nemo, you know I can’t proofread and my keyboard loves to double letters and nummbberrs.

Posted by: epador at May 31, 2026 02:46 PM (TRnzq)

87 Speaking of peanut butter...

MH Ready-Patch is great stuff. Much better than any other putty I have used. And it takes paint very well!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:46 PM (iERP6)

88 I was addicted to Jiff for about 60 decades.
Posted by: epador at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (TRnzq)

600 years?! Ah ha. We have sniffed you out, Vic. Like Duncan McLeod you decided it was time for a name change!

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:46 PM (zZu0s)

89 Oh! Your initial premise is spot on. I love opening a new jar of peanut butter that has the oil floating on the top. Spread that juice on a piece of carb and then bite into its succulents is one of the most satisfying gastronomical pleasures I can experience.

Posted by: John at May 31, 2026 02:46 PM (0DsdP)

90 When did you last see pork flavor ramen, not that you actually use the flavor packet in any ramen?
Posted by: Eromero at May 31, 2026 02:26 PM (LHPAg)
----------
We've got a ton of it at my store.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at May 31, 2026 02:47 PM (TZz9Q)

91 Do they still make Peter Pan Peanut Butter?

Posted by: nurse ratched at May 31, 2026 02:49 PM (hv2WN)

92 Sidebar: did they have peanut butter in 1426?

Further sidebar: peanuts were evidently a new world plant originating in Bolivia, Uruguay, etc. They probably put it in their cream of wheat. Or potatoes. No wonder the Spanish eradicated them.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:50 PM (zZu0s)

93 My dad will put peanut butter, bologna in his cereal and milk in a bowl.

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 02:51 PM (Ia/+0)

94
Sugar is for effete, new age hipsters who have pronouns.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo

==============

Clearly, you were not a Kaboom kid.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at May 31, 2026 02:51 PM (n7rxJ)

95 77 I’ll bet that dehydrated peanut butter is just as good today as when it was packaged back in 1969!
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (6VD39)

I'll be very, very hungry if I ever find out.

Posted by: Reforger at May 31, 2026 02:52 PM (bupRa)

96 Obviously you are a beginner at this.

Pretzel sticks are fine idea...in theory. But they are structurally unsound, and will break before they scoop enough peanut butter from the lower 25% of the jar.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:42 PM (iERP6)
____________________________

I see....I see...but, you are mistaken. We not only give you the means to pair pretzels to deep-jar peanut butter, but we temper your primal urges. Gluttony has no place in the pretzel/ peanut butter universe. A symbiotic balance is a necessity.

Do you chug a fine bottle of wine? Do you smoke four Padrón 60th Anniversary Perfectos at the same time? No, sir. You do not.

If your pretzel stick is snapping at the weight, I declare that your form and routine is flawed. Blame not the pretzel. Blame not the jar. Blame the man wielding the "gun". Blame the man driving the "SUV". Blame those knock-off bastards over at Rold Gold.
:0

Posted by: Orson at May 31, 2026 02:54 PM (dIske)

97 "On line lunch mob." Doesn't sound too bad to me.

David Crockett
@davidcrockett08
Oh, so to defend their candidate [Platner] lying to his wife and the public, his highly paid consultants decided to lie about the staffer in the hopes of setting up an online lunch mob against her.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy at May 31, 2026 02:54 PM (ndZc7)

98 Daaaaaaaaang! CBD have done hit on one of my personal grudges with the makers of the Butter of the Pea Nut: Y' never get easy access to things below the 75%-gone mark … Come ON, people! Do it right!

Posted by: Dr_No at May 31, 2026 02:57 PM (ayRl+)

99 Posted by: Orson at May 31, 2026 02:54 PM (dIske)

Folks...this is how it is done.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 31, 2026 02:58 PM (iERP6)

100 How about a wider, shorter jar?

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 02:58 PM (zZu0s)

101 This must be a FWP. At least I never heard of it before.

WOKE OVERLOAD: Democrat lawmakers Yassamin Ansari, Adelita Grijalva, and Rashida Tlaib recently held a press conference on how much their periods hurt -- and how it is "economic violence" when employers don't pay women to stay home from work when they are menstruating.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy at May 31, 2026 02:58 PM (ndZc7)

102 Paterson > Jersey City

https://tinyurl.com/us67s2fn

Philistines upon you, America!

Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey, at May 31, 2026 02:59 PM (i2Ycu)

103 Posted by: Orson at May 31, 2026 02:54 PM (dIske)

Heh. My only quibble is how to get the last 25% of peanut out of the jar and how either the jar or the pretzel should do better is indeed the province of the glutton.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:00 PM (zZu0s)

104 This must be a FWP. At least I never heard of it before.

WOKE OVERLOAD: Democrat lawmakers Yassamin Ansari, Adelita Grijalva, and Rashida Tlaib recently held a press conference on how much their periods hurt -- and how it is "economic violence" when employers don't pay women to stay home from work when they are menstruating.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks

Here's a third-world solution: go back to the barefoot-and-pregnant life that your home societies adore, and stop inflicting yourselves on the rest of us.

Posted by: mikeski at May 31, 2026 03:00 PM (VHUov)

105 when employers don't pay women to stay home from work when they are menstruating.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy at May 31, 2026 02:58 PM (ndZc7)

My work allows us to use vacation for sick days.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:01 PM (zZu0s)

106 Read all the comments through 83. Two things, from someone with a fairly distant relationship with peanut butter.
Peter Pan?
Celery?

Posted by: From about That Time at May 31, 2026 03:02 PM (sl73Y)

107 I really want to try a tahini and grape jam sandwich. I bet it would be good as the contrast between the bitter, but rich tahini and the sweet jam would be great.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:02 PM (zZu0s)

108 I've been following the media freakout about the lonestar tick and I notice one gap in all the scare mongering.

So the condition the ticks cause was identified in 2002, and likely the first cases were found in the 1980s by reviewing medical records.

Now unlike say Lyme disease, this isn't something that can be subtle. You could eat meat before...now you can't without a severe allergic reaction. So that means the disease emerged in the 1980s.

So...how? This is caused by tick saliva. Did the ticks evolve to have this? If so, what environmental pressure did this help them solve because based on the spread it must be something significant right? And there seems to be zero interest in how it came about.

Posted by: 18-1 at May 31, 2026 03:03 PM (sKqQm)

109 Here's a third-world solution: go back to the barefoot-and-pregnant life that your home societies adore, and stop inflicting yourselves on the rest of us.
Posted by: mikeski at May 31, 2026 03:00 PM (VHUov)

This IS a solution- you don't have periods while pregnant, ladies.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:03 PM (zZu0s)

110 Containers such as hand creme should have slightly sloped internal surfaces so the product can move towards the center pump.

I'm not throwing away 20% plus of a product.

Oh, Pluto tv and my tv volume which goes up to 100. For sleeping, volume level 4 is too soft but level 5 is too loud.

My yard is done and looks beautiful. The 170 pound concrete monkey statues may be put in place today!

Posted by: Stateless - He ain't heavy, he's my dog at May 31, 2026 03:04 PM (Sco7b)

111 And there seems to be zero interest in how it came about.
Posted by: 18-1 at May 31, 2026 03:03 PM (sKqQm)

Talking about Alpha Gall(sp?)

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:04 PM (zZu0s)

112 @ 77 I’ll bet that dehydrated peanut butter is just as good today as when it was packaged back in 1969!
_________________________________________

The C-rats we had (leftovers from '44) were all uniformly excellent. Except the 'scrambled eggs' one. The PB always came with a separate pack of jam / jelly / miscellaneous spread to make a peanut butter 'n cracker sammich … never a bad packet was to be had.

Posted by: Dr_No at May 31, 2026 03:04 PM (ayRl+)

113 For as much as I like peanut butter, I don't go putting on everything

Posted by: Skip at May 31, 2026 03:05 PM (Ia/+0)

114 Blame those knock-off bastards over at Rold Gold.
:0
Posted by: Orson

🖕🏻Rold Gold.
They used to make the BEST sourdough big pretzels on the market. Then they quit. No one else comes close.

Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 03:05 PM (YYKrY)

115 I discovered SuperPretzel in the freezer section and I may have a problem.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:06 PM (zZu0s)

116 My FWP is that the power went out for over an hour and a half. No storm. No high winds. Just off.

Oh, well. I guess that I will be able to cook dinner after all.

Posted by: no one of any consequence at May 31, 2026 03:06 PM (qFwJc)

117 Apple wedges, while good with peanut butter, are unsuited for use as a utensil. The peanut butter just slides off the wedge.

Much frustration has ensued with this.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at May 31, 2026 03:07 PM (jehhT)

118 Oh, peanut butter!!

There actually is an all peanut brand of peanut butter from Kraft you have to mix up AND STORE UPSIDE DOWN!

So everything is at the top when you open it.

If Canada has that, the US must.

Posted by: Stateless - He ain't heavy, he's my dog at May 31, 2026 03:08 PM (Sco7b)

119 when employers don't pay women to stay home from work when they are menstruating.

Feminists: Women can do anything men can do...but better!

Also Feminists: But we need a week off for our period. Oh and another week for PMS

Posted by: 18-1 at May 31, 2026 03:08 PM (sKqQm)

120 And there seems to be zero interest in how it came about.
Posted by: 18-1 at May 31, 2026 03:03 PM (sKqQm)

Talking about Alpha Gall(sp?)
Posted by: Aetius451AD

One l. Alpha Gal.
Alpha-gal syndrome is a type of food allergy. It can happen after a tick bite. The allergy is to red meat and other products that come from mammals. Alpha-gal syndrome can be life-threatening.

In the United States, the condition most often begins with the bite of the lone star tick. Other types of ticks cause the condition in different parts of the world, mainly in parts of Europe, Australia, Asia, South Africa, and South and Central America.

Alpha-gal syndrome causes mild to intense allergies to red meat, such as beef, pork or lamb. It also can cause reactions to other foods that come from mammals, such as dairy products or gelatin.

Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 03:09 PM (YYKrY)

121 That would be hell. A commies wet dream.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:10 PM (zZu0s)

122 Read all the comments through 83. Two things, from someone with a fairly distant relationship with peanut butter.
Peter Pan?
Celery?
Posted by: From about That Time at May 31, 2026 03:02 PM (sl73Y)

Two very good things.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 31, 2026 03:10 PM (2WIwB)

123 I would not be surprised to find out alpha-gal syndrome is being pushed by Bill Gates to gorce people to eat fake meat.

Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 03:10 PM (YYKrY)

124 Protect yourself from flooding.

https://tinyurl.com/m8jdu878

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy at May 31, 2026 03:13 PM (ndZc7)

125 I had ground squirrels. Destructive bastards. They were eating out underneath a several hundred year old oak (that if it collapsed would obliterate my house).

I used rat poison and the bottom 1/4 of Nutella and mixed it up and no more squirrels! It was the perfect size for rodents too.

Posted by: Doctor Mew at May 31, 2026 03:13 PM (XodLO)

126 Not a FWP but a FW Observation.
I was in an antique shop the other day and saw an old rusty newspaper box, the kind you put on the post next to the mailbox.
My grandkid had no idea what it was.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 31, 2026 03:13 PM (2WIwB)

127 First World Solution - Buy pretzel rods for the bottom of the container. Problem solved - no utensil needed.

Posted by: Nova Local at May 31, 2026 03:14 PM (tOcjL)

128 I would not be surprised to find out alpha-gal syndrome is being pushed by Bill Gates to gorce people to eat fake meat.
Posted by: rickb223 at May 31, 2026 03:10 PM (YYKrY)

Its an odd disease to develop from an evolutionary standpoint. For deer or cattle no big deal, but the disease would essentially cause problems in all predators. Or is it only presenting in humans?

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:14 PM (zZu0s)

129 I would not be surprised to find out alpha-gal syndrome is being pushed by Bill Gates to gorce people to eat fake meat.

There are endless articles by leftwing groups and posters arguing we should intentionally spread the ticks to make it so people can't eat meat.

In a sane world those people would be arrested for bioterrorism.

Posted by: 18-1 at May 31, 2026 03:14 PM (sKqQm)

130 In a sane world those people would be arrested for bioterrorism.
Posted by: 18-1 at May 31, 2026 03:14 PM (sKqQm)

Shot on sight. I feel more strongly about this than communism.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 31, 2026 03:15 PM (zZu0s)

131 After having too many Peanut Butter and jelly/jam sandwiches while growing up, I hadn't touch one for close to 50 years.

I recently became reacquainted with them. They are great. PB on toast is a great snack.

Posted by: no one of any consequence at May 31, 2026 03:16 PM (qFwJc)

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