Saturday Night Club ONT - May 16, 2026 [D & D]

Welcome to Club ONT - a collaboration of The Disco and The Dino. Come in in, grab a drink or 3.

Did you have any action on today's Preakness Stakes? If you won anything, please consider buying a round for your fellow Hordelings!

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Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

A man and his wife are playing their usual course when the man slices one far right. It lands with a maintenance shed between his ball and the hole. He tells his wife to open the double doors on each end of the building and he will skull one through, saving at least a stroke.
One door on the nearest end won't stay open so he gets the wife to hold it open. He closes the club to shoot a very low shot. Unfortunately, he hits his wife in the head, killing her instantly.

Years later, same course, the man is out with friends. One of the buddies slices to almost to the same spot as before. They walk over to look at it. The buddy says he thinks he can shoot low through the building if the door is held open.

The man who tried the first shot tells him to NOT try it.

"A few years ago, I tried that shot and had to take an eight!"

(H/T - LRob in OK)

-----

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

“I am so sorry, Bob. I’m riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife for many weeks now. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I hope you will accept my sincerest apology and my promise that it won’t happen again.”

The heartbroken man, enraged, went into his bedroom, grabbed his wife, and threw her out the back door. Then he locked the door. A few moments later, a second text came in:

“Damn autocorrect. I meant WiFi, not wife.”

*****

Drink of the Night

Tonight we feature Schlitz Beer

Why Schlitz? Because it is going away

Wisconsin Brewing Company will brew the final batch of Schlitz beer, ending the legacy of the 177-year-old beer that made Milwaukee famous.
Pabst Brewing Company discontinued Schlitz in 2026, but the company is allowing Wisconsin Brewing Company to brew a final, limited amount of the beer in Verona starting May 23.
***
Brewmaster Nelson will start “The Last Schlitz” brewing at 12:30 p.m. on May 23, and the public can pre-order packs of the beer.
“The Last Schlitz” beers will be available on tap and for sale at the Verona location only on Saturday, June 27 as part of a celebration at Wisconsin Brewing Company.

Did you even realize Schlitz was still around?

Let's look back at some old Schlitz commercials

First up - from 1977 featuring a moron favorite, Teri Garr

Here's a dramatic one from 1971

According to The Commodores - Beer makes it good, Schlitz makes it great!

Finishing up with a little Steely Dan!

So long, Schlitz!

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Club ONT Department of the Future

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Club ONT Department of Saying it Without Saying It

It was 1994 when Alan Jackson protested being forced to lip-sync at the ACM Awards by having his drummer play without drumsticks to expose the fake performance. pic.twitter.com/eh6JFIxDgf
— Rock'n Roll of All (@rocknrollofall) May 11, 2026

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Club ONT Restroom Envy

There are 2 gas stations in Florence, Kentucky that appear to have cameras above the toilet stalls

If you look closely they’re not actually cameras, they are lights. The lights point at reflective disco balls

Here’s how it works

- Inside the bathroom, there’s a prominent red… pic.twitter.com/yF72EuMGq9
— Wall Street Apes (@WallStreetApes) May 13, 2026

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Club ONT Department of Smarts

A worker uses lubrication & body weight to force three tires into one. This saves shipping space therefore reducing costs. pic.twitter.com/1aXPfWVDr5
— HOW THINGS WORK (@HowThingsWork_) May 14, 2026

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All Aboard for the Club ONT Jukebox

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Top 10ish Comments of the Week

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Club ONT is brought to you tonight by: Career downgrades

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Beneath this neon thread where morons play,
Management disclaims all woes come dawn—
The filters lost, the dances gone astray,
The friendships forged (or shattered) before yawn. Opinions here are chaos dressed as wit,
Half brilliance, half the bottle’s reckless fire.
What lingers in Club ONT stays hid…
Unless it’s gold—then we’ll retell it higher. So raise your glass, you glorious, rowdy crew,
Tip the ghost who poured your final round.
Sleep deep, dream weird, and wake renewed—
We’ll save your seat when Saturday rolls ’round.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Yay ONT

Posted by: PaleRider at May 16, 2026 10:00 PM (PV+Zw)

2 Fags

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 16, 2026 10:00 PM (LxeG3)

3 Hello, all........

Posted by: caf at May 16, 2026 10:02 PM (qS/Xm)

4 Horsey! Must be AI.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:03 PM (ZVgZ4)

5 Howdy!

Posted by: Moonbeam at May 16, 2026 10:03 PM (rbKZ6)

6 Evenin'

Posted by: Puddleglum at work at May 16, 2026 10:03 PM (m5P/4)

7 #3 shows TRex at the museum

https://youtube.com/shorts/Q5f0NbUCnN0

The Grateful can confirm #2!

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 16, 2026 10:03 PM (qx7Zg)

8 Alan Jackson is my hero. Him and Clint Black, but that goes back to the previous thread about music, and it all being subjective.

Posted by: Ex Rex Reeder at May 16, 2026 10:04 PM (QaH55)

9 Evening, Horde...How goes it?

I had to bust out of the dungeons of Isengard on my lonesome because you folks couldn't be bothered to send me an Eagle.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 16, 2026 10:04 PM (gnNyN)

10 Clippy is as useful as he ever was: note empty roll.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:05 PM (ZVgZ4)

11 Ghostriders in the sky, huh?

Posted by: OrangeEnt at May 16, 2026 10:05 PM (1Ff7Z)

12 The Bull, Schlitz Malt Liquor.

Posted by: davidt at May 16, 2026 10:06 PM (Q+gd/)

13 LA Cassidy down 20 points
In 3rd

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:07 PM (/+uur)

14 Cassidy just got demolished in his primary race. First Senator to lose a primary in 15 years.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 10:07 PM (viF8m)

15 Goodest evening!

Posted by: Piper at May 16, 2026 10:07 PM (OoFl2)

16 Ghostriders

My wish for the hidden tune was shattered . . . . .

Nice ONT, Ds!

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 10:08 PM (Jr+re)

17 14 Cassidy just got demolished in his primary race. First Senator to lose a primary in 15 years.
Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026

Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Posted by: Piper at May 16, 2026 10:08 PM (OoFl2)

18 Like the picture up top. AI, but cool.

Posted by: Case at May 16, 2026 10:08 PM (NWIIQ)

19
Beckoning Chasm,

You made the top 10 comments!

Yay!

Posted by: four seasons at May 16, 2026 10:09 PM (3ek7K)

20 12 The Bull, Schlitz Malt Liquor.
Posted by: davidt at May 16, 2026 10:06 PM (Q+gd/)

The most fucked up I have ever seen a group was when we have a Pike Baby Bull party.
You pull 1 out of the ice bath tub and 2 swigs and it is gone.
I got 13 stiches the next morning when I stepped on glass.

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:09 PM (/+uur)

21 Thx Double Ds.
Always thought Schlitz was a little too foamy. Still sad to see it go

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 16, 2026 10:09 PM (gu0hJ)

22 When you're out of Schlitz, you're out of beer.

Posted by: The 60s Called at May 16, 2026 10:09 PM (oftw2)

23 Eagles are like Uber: if you don’t call them, they don’t come.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (ZVgZ4)

24 Skippin' and jumpin' down the cobblestone road to find the ONT...
OH! Look, it's the Moose pointing me to my wobbly table in the corner!
Barkeep (JQ?)! A cold one please🍺!

Posted by: COMountainMarie at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (uTEOj)

25 Gladys and the Pips! One of my favorite groups. One of their better tunes, too!

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (Jr+re)

26 14 Cassidy just got demolished in his primary race. First Senator to lose a primary in 15 years.
Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 10:07 PM (viF8m)

McCornyn get the ass fucking come Monday.

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (/+uur)

27 Another version of the golf joke:
After striking his wife in the head with his shot, the EMT's arrive to take her body away, telling the man that the coroner will be calling the next day.
The next day the phone rings and the coroner confirms that the wife died from a blow from the golf ball to the temple. But in the course of the autopsy, the coroner found another golf ball lodged 6 inches up into the wife's rectum. He inquires if the golfer knows anything about this.
"oh yea", replies the golfer "that was my mulligan."

Posted by: proudvastrightwingguy at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (MNCvZ)

28
Looks like I'm going to have to buy a new riding mower. I got mine back from being repaired again after I had to have it repaired and now it won't start. Fuel filer, air filter and spark plug replaced.

Putting new gas in it tomorrow and if that doesn't do it, that's it. It's 15 years old, hard used and I don't see the point of having to tear down the carburetor and/or the solenoid.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (HdYcL)

29 (snif)

Guess not.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at May 16, 2026 10:11 PM (1Ff7Z)

30 If you’re out of Schlitz, then a Pabst Blue Ribbon!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:11 PM (ZVgZ4)

31 SO I fell off the dock
WHen you are out of slitts
You are out of pier

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:11 PM (/+uur)

32 The changed the formula of Schlitz sometime in the late 1970, never tasted as good. In fact it tasted awful. $1.50 a six-pack

Posted by: Joemarine at May 16, 2026 10:11 PM (y171U)

33 Those are some cheap ass tires. Probably last less than 500 miles.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at May 16, 2026 10:11 PM (qrzX6)

34 I always wanted to be a Pip.

(Woo! Woo!)

Posted by: Tonypete at May 16, 2026 10:12 PM (Kyh8Y)

35 Putting new gas in it tomorrow and if that doesn't do it, that's it. It's 15 years old, hard used and I don't see the point of having to tear down the carburetor and/or the solenoid.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (HdYcL)

Ficks it to fuck the man

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:12 PM (/+uur)

36 ...The American company was one of the first to receive a permit to operate autonomous drones with no continuous human piloting.

The drone takes off, gathers data, returns to the ground station, and takes off again in a continual process without human intervention.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 16, 2026 10:13 PM (LxeG3)

37 I don't even care if that top picture is fake. That's awesome.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 10:13 PM (viF8m)

38 Cassidy should have never been elected in the first place.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at May 16, 2026 10:14 PM (qrzX6)

39 An Israeli airstrike in Gaza killed Hamas military wing leader Izz al-Din al-Haddad, whom Israel described as one of the last surviving architects of the Oct. 7, 2023 terror attacks.

The Israeli military said al-Haddad was killed Friday in a strike in Gaza. Hamas later confirmed his death.

hope they killed the dog and the children

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:14 PM (/+uur)

40 Horsey cloud. Yayyyyy!

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:14 PM (I0N4X)

41 Cassidy just got demolished in his primary race. First Senator to lose a primary in 15 years.
Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026

Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

All he had to do was vote the way we told him, but noooooooo! He'd better polish up his CV.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 16, 2026 10:14 PM (Riz8t)

42 The opening credits of Laverne and Shirley seem rather obligatory in this thread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX5OYb_ByYE

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 16, 2026 10:15 PM (gnNyN)

43 Hadrian, a coil can be the cause of sudden mower death. Can be tested with a voltmeter. A new coil is less than $15. Happened to me last year. Lots of vids on Youtube.

Posted by: Ace Is the Place at May 16, 2026 10:15 PM (oftw2)

44 Stuffing four tires into one to saving on shipping can't be good for the tires, right?

Posted by: Joemarine at May 16, 2026 10:15 PM (y171U)

45 >>> Wisconsin Brewing Company will brew the final batch of Schlitz beer, ending the legacy of the 177-year-old beer that made Milwaukee famous.

You will always have Blatz

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 10:15 PM (/lPRQ)

46 Sorry I'm late. Nobody told me that palm trees don't float, so the raft I crafted is now lying peacefully, albeit rather soggilh, on the bottom of the cove.

I'm just glad I decided that it wouldn't really be necessary to spring for an outboard motor.

Posted by: tankdemon at May 16, 2026 10:15 PM (PMi3m)

47 Saturday night again. Okay, we'll just do it that way.

Wildflowers and Wild Horses? What, no Wildfire?

===

"Did you even realize Schlitz was still around?"

I wouldn't have thought so. Tragic loss.

Don't believe I ever had a Schlitz.

The beer that made some place or other famous.

Posted by: mindful webworker - when you're out of gusto at May 16, 2026 10:15 PM (cz4n2)

48 Thought that Budweiser was 'The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous'.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 16, 2026 10:15 PM (LxeG3)

49 Yeah, heard they are shutting Schlitz down. They have been around a long time. Guess the market has changed.

Posted by: Case at May 16, 2026 10:16 PM (NWIIQ)

50 muldoon, I lurk most mornings and read your limericks, but your appearance on the ONT is appreciated.

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 10:16 PM (Jr+re)

51 Baby stops crying when he hears Metallica

https://tinyurl.com/3hh249t4

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 16, 2026 10:16 PM (w6EFb)

52 My older brother and I went on a Hay Ride once. The sign said “free beer” in small print, among other things, and my brother took them up on it. The guy in charge looked confused, maybe nobody had ever asked, but after he disappeared for about 10 minutes produced a dusty case of warm Grain Belt. We sipped our warm beer sitting on the end of the wagon. I was probably about 9 or 10, my brother about 15

Posted by: Common Tater at May 16, 2026 10:16 PM (sSmN4)

53 AB Hernandez won long jump by over a foot, high jump by two inches and triple jump by nearly two feet at CIF meet

nice dick

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:16 PM (/+uur)

54 Wasn't Schlitz the beer that made Mel Famey walk us?

Posted by: Just the punchline at May 16, 2026 10:16 PM (Kyh8Y)

55 #3 shows TRex at the museum

https://youtube.com/shorts/Q5f0NbUCnN0

The Grateful can confirm #2!
Posted by: Hour of the Wolf
***********
Confirmed!

Posted by: The Grateful - Acta Non Verba at May 16, 2026 10:17 PM (IQ6Gq)

56 Schlitz. The beer that made Milt Famy walk us.

/just the punch line.

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:17 PM (I0N4X)

57 How bad can it be? Bad enough to break all time travel machines forever!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:17 PM (F7P5/)

58 Thanks for the girthy Club ONT, D & D!

Good on Alan Jackson for exposing the fraud!

Love the Clippy meme... looks like the little feller has fallen on hard times.

Posted by: Legally Sufficient at May 16, 2026 10:18 PM (D/6p1)

59 Palm trees are kinda dense and wet. Strange wood.

Posted by: Woody Tobias, Jr. at May 16, 2026 10:18 PM (oftw2)

60 Jeebus! Another Moron actually beat Muldoon to the punch?

Holy Lee Cow!!

Posted by: Tonypete at May 16, 2026 10:18 PM (Kyh8Y)

61 Anybody here from Louisiana? Is Letlow a RINO ?

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 16, 2026 10:19 PM (gu0hJ)

62 A few of those Legacy beer brands went away a long time ago. The Hipsters resurrected them in recent years. Schlitz might be one of those. Hamms might be another.

Posted by: Common Tater at May 16, 2026 10:19 PM (sSmN4)

63 Don't believe I ever had a Schlitz.

The beer that made some place or other famous.
Posted by: mindful webworker - when you're out of gusto at May 16, 2026 10:15 PM (cz4n2)
---
I don't think I ever did. I did drink Blatz, which (I was told) made you gassy. This was, in fact, true.

A lot of American beer back in the day was garbage and deserved to go the way of the dodo. Much better options today.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 16, 2026 10:19 PM (ZOv7s)

64 You want some of that last batch of Schlitz beet? Better start saving your pennies! Ooh, wait…

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:19 PM (F7P5/)

65 Lainey Wilson, can't say I know her. But she's got the 4th of July Hatch Shell show in Boston, 250th anniversary, big gig.

Posted by: From about That Time at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (sl73Y)

66 Thanks for the girthy Club ONT, D & D!

Good on Alan Jackson for exposing the fraud!

Love the Clippy meme... looks like the little feller has fallen on hard times.
Posted by: Legally Sufficient at May 16, 2026 10:18 PM (D/6p1)
---
This thread brought to you by Ace's upcoming romantasy: The Sword of Length and Girth.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (ZOv7s)

67 Ficks it to fuck the man
Posted by: r hennigantx
---

After market parts abound. It's better to fix the old carb - talk to AOP - but there are new carbs, starters and solenoids.

Knowing what the problem is is the hardest part of the job.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (LxeG3)

68 The Ballantine Mansion is worth seeing in Newark, NJ. Attached to the Newark Art Museum, which has a great Hudson River School collection.

Posted by: Three Rings at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (oftw2)

69 Did you even realize Schlitz was still around?

Schultz used to be the only beer on tap at the Billy Goat Tavern in Chicago. Schlitz and Schlitz Dark. I remember one night I was there and it was like an SNL skit. A tourist kept asking for different kinds of beer and Sam Sianis kept repeating “We have Schlitz and Schlitz Dark.” Beck’s? Same response. Stella? Same response. All the way until the tourist bus had to go.

For many years now they’ve had a self-branded beer on tap along with a few other brands that does not include Schlitz. I sort of assumed it was rebranded Schlitz, but apparently not.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (EXyHK)

70 Baby stops crying when he hears Metallica

https://tinyurl.com/3hh249t4
Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 16, 2026 10:16 PM (w6EFb)

Cuz he's saying WTH? I asked for SLAYER!!

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Trumpy can do magic at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (0aYVJ)

71 Putting new gas in it tomorrow and if that doesn't do it, that's it. It's 15 years old, hard used and I don't see the point of having to tear down the carburetor and/or the solenoid.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (HdYcL)

Here's a guy who fixes dead mowers and makes it look easy:

m.youtube.com/@jcondon1/videos

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (N9LdK)

72 >>> A worker uses lubrication & body weight to force three tires into one. This saves shipping space therefore reducing costs.

Then some poor bastard has to seperate them.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (/lPRQ)

73 Genesee Cream Ale produced the legendary Genny Screamers

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 16, 2026 10:21 PM (gu0hJ)

74
And The Big Dummy didn't make the final cut at the National Specialty today. The #1 Borzoi didn't even make the first cut. The judge is foreign. I asked Her Majesty, how the hell did get elected? It had to be a clique.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:22 PM (HdYcL)

75 missed it by that → ←much

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:22 PM (I0N4X)

76 Cuz Utica Club still takes the trouble
To age their beer the natural way

Posted by: Common Tater at May 16, 2026 10:22 PM (sSmN4)

77 >You will always have Blatz

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher
-----

Make mine a Duff!

Posted by: Don Black at May 16, 2026 10:22 PM (ZxPkt)

78 Thanks for the ONT.

Posted by: Barenaked Ladies at May 16, 2026 10:23 PM (zZu0s)

79 Alan Jackson is my hero.

I always thought all of his stuff sounded the same but that bit above makes me like him a little more. He could have pushed the gag over the top by removing the strings from his guitar.

Posted by: Oddbob at May 16, 2026 10:23 PM (vTZFs)

80 /off 90s music sock

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 16, 2026 10:24 PM (zZu0s)

81 Howdy, horde!

*sends brewski to COMM at the wobbly table*

Thanks for Club ONT, D & D!

Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 10:24 PM (rdVOm)

82
Some ahole went into the Elkton Maryland Walmart to rob the jewelry department. He set the toy section on fire with camping fuel and fireworks.

He did get $10,000 of jewelry.

Stealing Walmart jewelry, lol.

Posted by: four seasons at May 16, 2026 10:25 PM (3ek7K)

83 >>Lainey Wilson, can't say I know her. But she's got the 4th of July Hatch Shell show in Boston, 250th anniversary, big gig.

One of things I miss about Boston is the Hatch Shell. I lived right across the street and Spring through Fall there was something going on over there all the time and much of it was free.

The OG Jack Straw and I had many of fun nights over there.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 10:25 PM (viF8m)

84 I feel sorry for the guy or gal that has to *extract* those tires stuffed into the first tire!

Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 10:26 PM (rdVOm)

85 I actually put the ewok prostate exam on Facebook. No one remarked on it. I bet they were all horrified. *nods, satisfied*

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 16, 2026 10:26 PM (zZu0s)

86 I didn't know Cassidy's primary was today. Well... bye.
Cornyn next.
Chip Roy, I'm worried about. I hear he hates Paxton and might bring back some more bogus indictments as his successor in the AG office.

Posted by: gKWVE at May 16, 2026 10:26 PM (gKWVE)

87 I lurk most mornings and read your limericks, but your appearance on the ONT is appreciated.
Posted by: LRob in OK

*********

Years ago I was an ONT regular, but my biorhythms have shifted to more of a morning vibe.

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:26 PM (I0N4X)

88 That was something I noticed about bars and pubs “over there”. They had branded pubs. That is technically illegal in the U.S.A., a legacy of Prohibition or post Prohibition. In Germany for example they might only sell certain products from a certain brewery, and probably subsidized to a certain extent. Budweiser doesn’t sponsor bars, and exclude competition.

Posted by: Common Tater at May 16, 2026 10:27 PM (sSmN4)

89 Hamm’s, the beer refreshing!

Probably the first beer I ever drank, at a family reunion. And the reason I didn’t drink beer again until I discovered Samuel Smith’s in college. Nice bit of nostalgia though.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at May 16, 2026 10:27 PM (EXyHK)

90 >>Cuz Utica Club still takes the trouble
To age their beer the natural way

Sitting in the cooler because nobody buys it unless under duress.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 10:27 PM (viF8m)

91
>You will always have Blatz
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher

And Zitz.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 16, 2026 10:27 PM (Cqx++)

92 Fancy bit of poetry to close the post. That was nice.

Posted by: She Hobbit at May 16, 2026 10:27 PM (ftFVW)

93 Alan Jackson is my hero.

I always thought all of his stuff sounded the same but that bit above makes me like him a little more. He could have pushed the gag over the top by removing the strings from his guitar.
Posted by: Oddbob at May 16, 2026 10:23 PM (vTZFs)

... or left all of the instruments and microphones backstage, and sat with his band at a table playing cards while the song played.

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (qx7Zg)

94 "by having his drummer play without drumsticks to expose the fake performance."

I'm always amused at the lipsynching performances that sound, amazingly, just like the record release. Plus the amazing before-their-time cordless guitars, and invisible amps, backup singers, and orchestra.

Exploiting that amazing futuristic technology, Burdon and the Animals just started freely walking around in one video.
https://youtu.be/N4bFqW_eu2I

Posted by: mindful webworker - millivanillish at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (cz4n2)

95 Love the cloud photo up top, even though it may be slightly altered from the original.

I hear that Queer Keir has announced he will be standing down following today's populist demonstration. Great news for the U.K.!

Posted by: Legally Sufficient at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (D/6p1)

96 I actually put the ewok prostate exam on Facebook. No one remarked on it. I bet they were all horrified. *nods, satisfied*
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 16, 2026 10:26 PM (zZu0s)
---
Your job there is done. Someone has to spread awareness...(and Ewok ass cheeks.)

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (gnNyN)

97 my biorhythms have shifted

Large applications of tekillya can shift 'em whenever you wish!

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (Jr+re)

98 Putting new gas in it tomorrow and if that doesn't do it, that's it. It's 15 years old, hard used and I don't see the point of having to tear down the carburetor and/or the solenoid.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (HdYcL)

Ficks it to fuck the man
Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:12 PM (/+uur)

Huh. I usually fix things to be more attractive to women.

Posted by: Nerd Herd at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (NZPfR)

99 Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I got some money cause I just got paid
How I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way😞

Posted by: COMountainMarie at May 16, 2026 10:29 PM (uTEOj)

100 Walmart jewelry worth $10,000??

Posted by: davidt at May 16, 2026 10:29 PM (Q+gd/)

101 I think Fleming is the choice in the runoff.

Posted by: gKWVE at May 16, 2026 10:30 PM (gKWVE)

102 You got paid?

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at May 16, 2026 10:30 PM (EXyHK)

103 I hear that Queer Keir has announced he will be standing down following today's populist demonstration. Great news for the U.K.!
Posted by: Legally Sufficient at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (D/6p1)

He's taking the place of some Muslim's goat?

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 16, 2026 10:30 PM (qx7Zg)

104
Listen to the Horde and you find out there has been no good beer at any time in their life. Or is that true of beer drinkers in general?

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:30 PM (HdYcL)

105 Hadrian
I can walk you thru testing it over phone or email. used to fix for living.

Posted by: Lord Percy at May 16, 2026 10:30 PM (nftVU)

106 The proper way to deal with "flopping for fouls" on a soccer field

https://tinyurl.com/futbolflopp

Posted by: Kindltot at May 16, 2026 10:31 PM (rbvCR)

107 Mets spank Yankees.

The world is healing.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 10:31 PM (viF8m)

108 I hear that Queer Keir has announced he will be standing down following today's populist demonstration. Great news for the U.K.!
Posted by: Legally Sufficient at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (D/6p1

Nothing official yet.

Posted by: Piper at May 16, 2026 10:31 PM (OoFl2)

109

INDIANAPOLIS — Three United States Postal Service employees are facing felony charges of official misconduct and theft after allegedly stealing cell phones and a Super Bowl ring from the distribution center on Indy’s east side.

When investigators came to the distribution center on Brookville Road to look into the thefts, they found one suspect wearing the Super Bowl ring.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 16, 2026 10:31 PM (Cqx++)

110 Great golf joke.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 16, 2026 10:31 PM (2WIwB)

111
Now 6-3.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:31 PM (HdYcL)

112 You got paid?

I'm damned sure NOT going to say it, cause I like COMM a lot!

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 10:32 PM (Jr+re)

113 Aw, COMM... I'll sit wit'cha...

Wassup, girl?

Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 10:32 PM (rdVOm)

114
I hear that Queer Keir has announced he will be standing down following today's populist demonstration. Great news for the U.K.!
Posted by: Legally Sufficient

Glenn Beck went to England to speak at that rally.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 16, 2026 10:33 PM (Cqx++)

115 Someone was on something when y'all put together this ONT.

NTTAWWT

Posted by: GWB at May 16, 2026 10:33 PM (kU0PQ)

116 In my fraternity, 16 ozs of Schlitz in 1.5 seconds.

Probably the highlight of my freshman year.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 16, 2026 10:33 PM (2WIwB)

117 Huh. I usually fix things to be more attractive to women.
Posted by: Nerd Herd

*************

Yeah! Chicks dig banged up knuckles and grease stained wife beater T-shirts.

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:33 PM (I0N4X)

118 Walmart jewelry worth $10,000??
Posted by: davidt

If he cleaned out the whole department?

Posted by: She Hobbit at May 16, 2026 10:34 PM (ftFVW)

119 Evening Doof and TRex, and ONT Horde. Chillin' in Tucumcari, NM tonight, after an easy drive from Amarillo. Visited Cadillac Ranch.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 10:35 PM (jlAFt)

120 Well, finally made it through the content… with a few sidetracks.

Are there any comments? Besides mine, I mean. Hahaha.

Posted by: mindful webworker - nobody here but us Morons at May 16, 2026 10:35 PM (cz4n2)

121 Chip Roy, I'm worried about. I hear he hates Paxton and might bring back some more bogus indictments as his successor in the AG office.
Posted by: gKWVE at May 16, 2026 10:26 PM (gKWVE)
* * * *
Chip Roy is an acolyte of Ted Cruz from way back. I met him when he was first running for Congress. My impression was that he was a jerk with a Capital D. I voted for the other guy in the primary, but Roy had name recognition from owning a business so he won. He impresses me as all talk and no action.

Posted by: Legally Sufficient at May 16, 2026 10:35 PM (D/6p1)

122
Chicks dig banged up knuckles and grease stained wife beater T-shirts.

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:33 PM (I0N4X)

____________

"I hope you're not going to walk through the house like that." - Her Majesty

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:35 PM (HdYcL)

123 I feel sorry for the guy or gal that has to *extract* those tires stuffed into the first tire!
Posted by: JQ

Unless there’s a power driven machine to do it, you better discount the probability of it being a gal.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:35 PM (F7P5/)

124 Some of those bastards used to target Christmas cards to steal cash gifts to little kids from Grandma.

Anyone who does that should be hanged. I say “used to” because Grandma wised up by now, and no longer sends Christmas cash through the mail.

Posted by: Common Tater at May 16, 2026 10:35 PM (sSmN4)

125 112

Yeah. I got paid. But it was legit. Mostly...

Posted by: COMountainMarie at May 16, 2026 10:35 PM (uTEOj)

126 When investigators came to the distribution center on Brookville Road to look into the thefts, they found one suspect wearing the Super Bowl ring.

I saw Superman III as a kid and thought the most unrealistic part of it was that Richard Pryor’s character drove to work in an expensive car right after embezzling all that money.

I did not yet understand the criminal mind.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at May 16, 2026 10:35 PM (EXyHK)

127 Walmart jewelry worth $10,000??
Posted by: davidt

Not "worth" 10k, just the total W-M retail price.

Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 10:36 PM (rdVOm)

128 Highlight of your freshman year? Which one?

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:36 PM (F7P5/)

129 Posted by: Diogenes

*********

Hey man. Did you see I stole your coffee in an early (top 10) comment on Friday's Art Thread?

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:36 PM (I0N4X)

130 Yeah! Chicks dig banged up knuckles and grease stained wife beater T-shirts.
Posted by: muldoon

Especially if you fill out the top of the wife beater and not the bottom.

Posted by: She Hobbit at May 16, 2026 10:36 PM (ftFVW)

131 Especially if you fill out the top of the wife beater and not the bottom.

Dang it! I knew I was doing it wrong.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at May 16, 2026 10:37 PM (+9wcF)

132 >>Nothing official yet.

Supposedly he's told his few remaining allies in government. I don't know why people thought he would hang around, he's absolutely toxic.

There was a huge rally in London today led by Tommy Robinson and supporters. People are waking up all over the western world.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 10:37 PM (viF8m)

133 I'm convinced that every video on YouTube can be synched to "Free Bird."

Every.

Video.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at May 16, 2026 10:38 PM (jehhT)

134
I counted four tires in one.

Posted by: Blonde Mortixtl at May 16, 2026 10:38 PM (XJ22o)

135 Putting new gas in it tomorrow and if that doesn't do it, that's it. It's 15 years old, hard used and I don't see the point of having to tear down the carburetor and/or the solenoid.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (HdYcL)

Some basic troubleshooting is never amiss. You need fuel, air, spark, and squeeze. Any one of the four not present, no run.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 10:39 PM (jlAFt)

136 There was a huge rally in London today led by Tommy Robinson and supporters. People are waking up all over the western world.
Posted by: JackStraw

Too late, though?

Posted by: She Hobbit at May 16, 2026 10:40 PM (ftFVW)

137 Yeah! Chicks dig banged up knuckles and grease stained wife beater T-shirts.
Posted by: muldoon

Especially if you fill out the top of the wife beater and not the bottom.
Posted by: She Hobbit at May 16, 2026 10:36 PM (ftFVW)
---
I can fix him.

Posted by: Women without number at May 16, 2026 10:40 PM (ZOv7s)

138 Highlight of your freshman year? Which one?
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 16, 2026 10:36 PM (F7P5/)

Dude.
It was the 70's.
Like I remember.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 16, 2026 10:40 PM (2WIwB)

139 Our town just found out that we lost our Steak n Shake today. The employees found out via text that they no longer have a job. They've already stripped the menu's and signage off the building.

We're all bummed to see it gone. We loved the beef tallow and looked forward to trying their grass-fed beef.

Posted by: Joyenz at May 16, 2026 10:41 PM (2F0/Y)

140 I counted four tires in one.
Posted by: Blonde Mortixtl at May 16, 2026 10:38 PM (XJ22o)

So, Certs brand tires?

Posted by: OrangeEnt at May 16, 2026 10:41 PM (1Ff7Z)

141 I parked the Mustang in the garage in 2022 b/c the top leaked and I couldn't afford to replace it. Then it just kind of got procrastinated.

What needs to be done to get it running again, do you think?

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 16, 2026 10:42 PM (w6EFb)

142 Hey man. Did you see I stole your coffee in an early (top 10) comment on Friday's Art Thread?
Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:36 PM (I0N4X)

Wait!
What???
That was you???
Do you know how crappy the two year old Lipton tea was???

Posted by: Diogenes at May 16, 2026 10:42 PM (2WIwB)

143 About time....Court bans Kars4Kids ads in California for violating false advertising law.

Posted by: Joemarine at May 16, 2026 10:43 PM (y171U)

144 113 JQ

Can I start a tab? Come sit my dear...there's so much to talk about...or something 🤪

Posted by: COMountainMarie at May 16, 2026 10:43 PM (uTEOj)

145 Putting new gas in it tomorrow and if that doesn't do it, that's it. It's 15 years old, hard used and I don't see the point of having to tear down the carburetor and/or the solenoid.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:10 PM (HdYcL)

Some basic troubleshooting is never amiss. You need fuel, air, spark, and squeeze. Any one of the four not present, no run.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon

Exactly. Might even have left the battery disconnected for transit. Is plug gap correct? I've gotten "pre-gapped" plugs that got bounced or whatever, and were NOT at the specified gap.

Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 10:44 PM (rdVOm)

146 LA Cassidy down 20 points
In 3rd
Posted by: r hennigantx

Don't know anything about Shawn, but looking at a twenty point spread another way -
At best for him it was a 40 - 60 split, or his challenger got 50% more votes.
Worse if a three-way (or more race).

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 10:45 PM (/lPRQ)

147 >>Too late, though?

Doesn't look that way. Seems like more of an early celebration.

Dryer lint and dingleberries are polling higher than Starmer and his party just got crushed in local elections. There comes a point were you gotta go.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 10:45 PM (viF8m)

148 We have an ISS docking in the morning.

SpaceX/NASA - CRS SPX-34
Rendezvous & Docking International Space Station ISS
Date: May 16, 2026
Coverage Starts: 5:25 A.M. EDT

https://youtu.be/U5X4rYHn7aA

Posted by: Joyenz at May 16, 2026 10:45 PM (2F0/Y)

149 I drank many brands of beer during my drinking career (I retired some years ago). When Clint Eastwood drank Olympia in a movie, we had to try it. Falstaff, Stroh's, Rolling Rock... Ah, yute.

Posted by: Don Black at May 16, 2026 10:45 PM (ZxPkt)

150
Some basic troubleshooting is never amiss. You need fuel, air, spark, and squeeze. Any one of the four not present, no run.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 10:39 PM (jlAFt)

__________

1) It will crank but not start.
2) If I use carb fluid, it will run on choke but not full.
3) There's gas in the fuel filter.
4) When it did run there was a surging sound.

So it's a fuel problem I think. I've had it repaired three times this month and I'm fed up with it.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:45 PM (HdYcL)

151 Yeah! Chicks dig banged up knuckles and grease stained wife beater T-shirts.
Posted by: muldoon

Especially if you fill out the top of the wife beater and not the bottom.
Posted by: She Hobbit at May 16, 2026 10:36 PM (ftFVW)

I just lengthened the straps so I filled the top and bottom of the wifebeater.

I don't know why the neighbors complained.

Posted by: Nerd Herd at May 16, 2026 10:46 PM (NZPfR)

152 We've lost him.

Bill Kristol
@BillKristol
I’m pro-freedom, pro-law and order, pro-limited government, and pro-the Declaration and the Constitution.

And so today I’m a Democrat.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy at May 16, 2026 10:46 PM (ndZc7)

153 93 Alan Jackson is my hero.

I always thought all of his stuff sounded the same but that bit above makes me like him a little more. He could have pushed the gag over the top by removing the strings from his guitar.
Posted by: Oddbob at May 16, 2026 10:23 PM (vTZFs)

... or left all of the instruments and microphones backstage, and sat with his band at a table playing cards while the song played.
Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 16, 2026 10:28 PM (qx7Zg)

Crappy video, but here's Alan not doing what he was supposed to- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJVp6FM0aH0

Posted by: Ex Rex Reeder at May 16, 2026 10:47 PM (QaH55)

154 We've lost him.

Bill Kristol
@BillKristol
I’m pro-freedom, pro-law and order, pro-limited government, and pro-the Declaration and the Constitution.

And so today I’m a Democrat.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy at May 16, 2026 10:46 PM (ndZc7)

He forgot "pro-delusional".

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 16, 2026 10:48 PM (qx7Zg)

155 hope you're not going to walk through the house like that." - Her Majesty

Oh honey! You know you like it (flexes little muscle; chugs a Schlitz)🥸

Posted by: COMountainMarie at May 16, 2026 10:48 PM (uTEOj)

156 I drank many brands of beer during my drinking career (I retired some years ago). When Clint Eastwood drank Olympia in a movie, we had to try it. Falstaff, Stroh's, Rolling Rock... Ah, yute.
Posted by: Don Black

When I started watching Cobra Kai I found myself NEEDING to drink some Coors Banquet because Johnny drank so much of it.

Posted by: She Hobbit at May 16, 2026 10:48 PM (ftFVW)

157 An Israeli airstrike in Gaza killed Hamas military wing leader Izz al-Din al-Haddad, whom Israel described as one of the last surviving architects of the Oct. 7, 2023 terror attacks.
===

Should have taken him out with a nuke.

Anybody who dared be within miles of him had it coming... or did Israel not get that point across?

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 10:48 PM (/lPRQ)

158 A caramel macchiato? Tastes like toffee
Or perhaps a cappuccino? Rich and frothy
Wakes up. Scratches. Looks around.
Hey! Look at what I found
I'll just help myself to Diogenes' coffee
Posted by: muldoon at May 15, 2026 09:31 AM (I0N4X)

Ha!
For the record you will find no totally ghey cappuccinos or caramel macchiato anywhere near my super delux Brevelle coffee maker!

Posted by: Diogenes at May 16, 2026 10:49 PM (2WIwB)

159 "Hey honey! I fixed the lawnmower!"

"Great, hotshot. Next can you fix the cat?"

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:49 PM (I0N4X)

160 Hop a long Cassidy
Down 20 pints
A
M
F

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:50 PM (/+uur)

161 Look up "Top of the Pops" show that was on BBC. They had a "no live music" policy that really used to piss off the performers who hated to lipsynch. Here's an example:

The Who (1973): During a performance of "5:15", Keith Moon completely abandoned his drums, wandered around the studio, and drank a beer while his drum track kept playing.

Posted by: Orson at May 16, 2026 10:51 PM (dIske)

162 Very good closing poem.

Sorry about Schlitz!

Posted by: jocon307 at May 16, 2026 10:51 PM (EuROc)

163 I always thought Terri Garr was the cutest thing imaginable. It's so sad she never got the acclaim she deserved. I mean, unlike [insert names of 1000 underserving actresses who are neither cute or funny, and lack talent].

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at May 16, 2026 10:51 PM (CHHv1)

164 Thought that Budweiser was 'The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous'.

Posted by: Braenyard

That was Milwaukee's Best

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 10:51 PM (/lPRQ)

165 Just watched Guadalcanal Diary from 1943: B & W, William Bendix, a very young Richard Jaeckel, Anthony Quinn, Richard Conte, and more. The odd thing is that when it was filmed, we did not yet know the war's outcome (though the tide had begun to turn against the Japanese -- it looked kinda bad for the Allies in the Pacific for almost a year).

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at May 16, 2026 10:51 PM (wzUl9)

166 Some basic troubleshooting is never amiss. You need fuel, air, spark, and squeeze. Any one of the four not present, no run.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 10:39 PM (jlAFt)

__________

1) It will crank but not start.
2) If I use carb fluid, it will run on choke but not full.
3) There's gas in the fuel filter.
4) When it did run there was a surging sound.

So it's a fuel problem I think. I've had it repaired three times this month and I'm fed up with it.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:45 PM (HdYcL)

My ignorant opinion is that there's something in the carb. The gas in my area has plenty of ethanol, which was part of the problem when my mower did the same thing (but not the surging sound). I solved the issue by putting premium fuel in the mower and adding Sea Foam to the gas (after taking out the carb and cleaning it). That has kept the carb clean enough to give sufficient fuel to the mower.

AOP will likely give the correct answer soon enough.

If it helps, I'm running a 31-year-old John Deere.

Posted by: Nerd Herd at May 16, 2026 10:51 PM (NZPfR)

167 The first thing that came to mind when I saw the top picture was my high school mascot "Spirit" the stallion.
Lord, that was a long time ago. But last I checked he's still there. (Not a real horse, of course) But a cool mascot.

Posted by: Case at May 16, 2026 10:52 PM (NWIIQ)

168 I think I know what I'd like to have as my urn if I'm cremated: a Ghostbusters trap. It better have a motion sensor, and rattle sometimes when a person approaches.

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 16, 2026 10:53 PM (qx7Zg)

169 Kash Patel is involved in another scandal.

ABC News
@ABC
FBI Director Kash Patel is facing a new controversy over a snorkeling excursion he took to one of the most hallowed places in the United States.

-
There, Navy SEALs used two boats to transport and escort Mr. Patel and nine other people on what a Defense Department email called a “V.I.P. Snorkel” next to one of the military’s most sacred sites, the underwater tomb of the U.S.S. Arizona that holds the remains of more than 900 Navy sailors and Marines who died at Pearl Harbor.
Mr. Patel swam in the vicinity of the tomb for 30 minutes, according to the Navy.

-
Disrespectful snorkeling. Crucify him!

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy at May 16, 2026 10:53 PM (ndZc7)

170 COMM

You are cherished, lovely lady.

Be well.

Someone asked me how I was doing recently. I answered truthfully.

Didn’t hear back.

Don’t ask me how I am if you don’t gaf. Just say “hi! Good to hear from you!”

Posted by: nurse ratched at May 16, 2026 10:54 PM (A5RD0)

171 The Alan Jackson comments made me go find his version of The Old Rugged Cross and listen. The man has a fine voice.

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 10:55 PM (Jr+re)

172 152 We've lost him.

Bill Kristol
@BillKristol
I’m pro-freedom, pro-law and order, pro-limited government, and pro-the Declaration and the Constitution.

And so today I’m a Democrat.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy

I thought we gave him to the democrats in 2016.

Posted by: Piper at May 16, 2026 10:55 PM (OoFl2)

173 Had the cable break on my lawnmower a year or two ago. I couldn't figure out what why the blades wouldn't spin, the belt was fine; my neighbor had her mechanic DH look at it for me. He spotted the problem immediately. I bought a replacement off amazon. good reviews for "easy to install" and it was, but getting the broken old cable removed so the new one could be installed was a hard battle.

Posted by: PaleRider at May 16, 2026 10:56 PM (PV+Zw)

174 *starts tab for COMM*

Need another brewski? What's on your mind?

Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 10:56 PM (rdVOm)

175 We've lost him.

Bill Kristol
@BillKristol
I’m pro-freedom, pro-law and order, pro-limited government, and pro-the Declaration and the Constitution.

And so today I’m a Democrat.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy

I thought we gave him to the democrats in 2016.
Posted by: Piper

I was thinking it was more of a coming out than a loss/change/give.

Posted by: She Hobbit at May 16, 2026 10:56 PM (ftFVW)

176 My Nanny (grandather) and yes I know that is not the right name but I called him that at 2 and it stuck
pounded the hell out of jax

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 10:57 PM (/+uur)

177 Don’t ask me how I am if you don’t gaf. Just say “hi! Good to hear from you!”

Posted by: nurse ratched
-----------

I GAF.
How ya doin?!

Posted by: I Really Give AF at May 16, 2026 10:57 PM (0OHKH)

178 Dogs are alerting and barking at something outside. (it's just after dusk here)

Must be a bear or a cougar.

Or possibly miller moths bumping against the porch light...

My dogs aren't that particular.

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 10:58 PM (I0N4X)

179 I rather enjoyed that final poem, can’t place where it’s from.

Posted by: Tom Servo at May 16, 2026 10:58 PM (AnnNE)

180 nurse, when somebody asks me how I'm doing, I usually respond with "Do you really wan to know?". The answer is often NO. I gaf about your feelings but won't ask anyway!

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 10:58 PM (Jr+re)

181 Have been sitting outside by the fire pit, watching the sky. Seen about 4 satellites over an hour, one was in a polar orbit. I always enjoyed watching the sky.

Posted by: Tom Servo at May 16, 2026 11:00 PM (AnnNE)

182 Good riddance Schlitz. 50 years or so later, I still miss Falstaff.

Posted by: ss at May 16, 2026 11:00 PM (e8Nbd)

183 1) It will crank but not start.
2) If I use carb fluid, it will run on choke but not full.
3) There's gas in the fuel filter.
4) When it did run there was a surging sound.

So it's a fuel problem I think. I've had it repaired three times this month and I'm fed up with it.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:45 PM (HdYcL)
1) It will crank but not start.
2) If I use carb fluid, it will run on choke but not full.
3) There's gas in the fuel filter.
4) When it did run there was a surging sound.

So it's a fuel problem I think. I've had it repaired three times this month and I'm fed up with it.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 16, 2026 10:45 PM (HdYcL)
If it runs on starting fluid, it's got spark, and at least some compression. We can assume it's getting air, if you took the filter off to add starting fluid. Looks like fuel is not getting past the carb. You can probably get a carb kit, or even an entire new carb from Amazon, cheap. If it's an old, tired engine, your valve clearances may have eroded away to nothing. Engine will be hard to start, but might seem to run OK at speed. Not knowing the size and model of the engine, I can't tell you how to set valve clearances.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 11:00 PM (jlAFt)

184 Alan sings He Stopped Loving Her
Dwight sings In the Garden

I see a difference

Posted by: r hennigantx at May 16, 2026 11:00 PM (/+uur)

185 The way I heard the golf joke is the golfer comes back a few years later with his sexy young wife, and when someone suggests he hit the shot he says are you kidding the last time I tried that I double bogeyed this hole.

Posted by: Jack Squat Bupkis at May 16, 2026 11:01 PM (jYRYu)

186 It looked like Alan didn't have strings on his guitar either....

Posted by: lin-duh is offended at May 16, 2026 11:03 PM (VCgbV)

187 Wow. Forecast is for 90 degrees on Wednesday.

That's middle of the summer temp for here.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 11:05 PM (viF8m)

188 "I hope you're not going to walk through the house like that." - Her Majesty
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh

I'm lucky to get into the garage sometimes.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 11:05 PM (/lPRQ)

189 What needs to be done to get it running again, do you think?

Depends, carburetor or fuel injection? Carburetor you may be able to just crank it until it starts unless the gas has gone bad. I did that with a '65 Mustang that had been sitting for 5 years. Took a while to get it to run reliably, but it worked.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at May 16, 2026 11:06 PM (+9wcF)

190 I double checked, he had strings.

Posted by: lin-duh is offended at May 16, 2026 11:06 PM (VCgbV)

191 Seven Republican Senators voted to convict PDT. Cassidy will be the fifth to leave the Senate and Collins the sixth, if she loses to Platner. Please AK, vote out Murkowski for us.

Posted by: EveR at May 16, 2026 11:06 PM (wTevN)

192 Top 200

Posted by: JohnFNotKerry at May 16, 2026 11:06 PM (Xqite)

193 A worker uses lubrication & body weight to force three tires into one. This saves shipping space therefore reducing costs.

--

The platonic opposite of that walmart worker who packed each pool noodle into its own box, for an order of a hundred plus pool noodles.

Posted by: vmom deport deport deport at May 16, 2026 11:06 PM (dE3DB)

194 after an easy drive from Amarillo. Visited Cadillac Ranch.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon

Do any painting?

Posted by: Krylon Karl at May 16, 2026 11:06 PM (oftw2)

195 I double checked, he had strings.
Posted by: lin-duh is offended

Looked like he had only 3, to me.

Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 11:07 PM (rdVOm)

196 I can't believe we lost Bill Kristol.

WHERE DO WE FIND MEN SUCH AS THESE?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 16, 2026 11:08 PM (6C3mT)

197 Some of these videos are low-rez.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 16, 2026 11:08 PM (Cqx++)

198 Do any painting?
Posted by: Krylon Karl at May 16, 2026 11:06 PM (oftw2)

Nope. Not my bag.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 11:09 PM (jlAFt)

199 Re: bad mower engine.

Posted by: MkY at May 16, 2026 11:09 PM (q6tQZ)

200 182 Good riddance Schlitz. 50 years or so later, I still miss Falstaff.
Posted by: ss at May 16, 2026 11:00 PM (e8Nbd)

---------

FUN FACT: Brew 102 diverted an entire freeway.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 16, 2026 11:09 PM (6C3mT)

201 Missed the hobby thread: my list of churches visited
(attempting to do this somewhat chronologically):

St. Mary's, Krakow, when Bishop Wojtyla was still Bishop Wojtyla, St. Peter's, Notre Dame, Westminster, Canterbury, National Cathedral, DC

St. Mary's, San Francisco (great modern example), Trinity, NYC (my kids sang there), St. Patrick's, NYC, Neue Synagoge, Berlin, Kaiser Wilhelm, Berlin (tried to sing in German), Schlosskirche (Luther's church) and Stadtkirche, Wittenberg (the organist was practicing Bach fugues--perfect!)

Santa Maria, Madrid, Catedral de Córdoba; Domkirke, Oslo (tried to sing in Norwegian), Stave church, Oslo; Holmenkollen Chapel, Oslo; Shinto and Buddist shrines, Nikko; Meiji Jingu, Tokyo, Shitaya Mishima (the shrine with cats), More shrines and temples in Tokyo and Kyoto

Cologne Cathedral (no singing, listened to a girls' choir), Dohány Street Synagogue, Budapest, St. Vitus, Prague; Saint-Germain-l'Auxerrois (I sang there--during a radio broadcast no less--apologies to anyone listening)

probably more, and still lots to go

Posted by: Otto Zilch at May 16, 2026 11:09 PM (Ws2ua)

202
I can't believe we lost Bill Kristol.

WHERE DO WE FIND MEN SUCH AS THESE?
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43)

In the personal ads in Screw magazine.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 16, 2026 11:09 PM (Cqx++)

203 Crap. Fat fingers
You can re-engine a mower cheaper than you can have one repaired (I'm exaggerating slightly).
But not by much.

Posted by: MkY at May 16, 2026 11:10 PM (q6tQZ)

204 I can't believe we lost Bill Kristol.

WHERE DO WE FIND MEN SUCH AS THESE?
Posted by: Cicero

And how can we avoid them from now on?

Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 11:11 PM (rdVOm)

205 Wife: "You're eight hours late getting back from golf."

Diogenes: "Sorry honey. Charlie keeled over with a heart attack on the third fairway."

Wife: "Oh Honey, that must have been horrible!"

Diogenes:" "Yeah! Tell me about it! All day long it was tee off, drag Charlie, tee off, drag Charlie..."

Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 11:11 PM (I0N4X)

206 I parked the Mustang in the garage in 2022 b/c the top leaked and I couldn't afford to replace it. Then it just kind of got procrastinated.

What needs to be done to get it running again, do you think?

Pour half a shot glass of gas in the carb and it will start right up.

Posted by: ss at May 16, 2026 11:12 PM (e8Nbd)

207 My sister asked me to wash some sheets and a blanket for her in my washing machine. Machine stopped working with a full tub. I had to fish the blanket out, with the water so filthy even a Texan wouldn't drink it out of a hoof print. I then had to siphon the water out with a kinked hose, repeatedly going elbows deep in that nasty water.
Finally got it drained, and took it out to the driveway on a dolly to check out the pump, cussing the entire way since it got hung up on every door.
Got the washer apart, and pulled the pump, and it was fine, and the shaft it is on was spinning freely. It will pump water in, but it makes a humming noise when it is supposed to be agitating or spinning, so I suspect a bad clutch, or a jammed main shaft.
Either way this is a job for the pros.

It is tarped off in the driveway still, since I do not want to bring it back in the house until I am sure it will run.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 16, 2026 11:13 PM (rbvCR)

208 Back when I was in grad school, I interviewed the head yeast guy from Schmidt's of Philadelphia. He told me how Schlitz got into the trouble that eventually put them out of business.

It had to do with a continuous fermentation system. It worked satisfactorily in pilot tests, so they built a new brewery near Syracuse around the technology. It failed at scale, and Schlitz tried selling the beer instead of dumping it. You can guess the rest.

Posted by: Otto Zilch at May 16, 2026 11:13 PM (Ws2ua)

209 You can re-engine a mower cheaper than you can have one repaired (I'm exaggerating slightly).
But not by much.
Posted by: MkY at May 16, 2026 11:10 PM (q6tQZ)

True, if you hire the job done. But single-cylinder engines are not terribly hard to work on. A five-dollar set of feeler gauges will tell you if valve clearances are in spec.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 11:15 PM (jlAFt)

210 There, Navy SEALs used two boats to transport and escort Mr. Patel and nine other people on what a Defense Department email called a “V.I.P. Snorkel” next to one of the military’s most sacred sites, the underwater tomb of the U.S.S. Arizona that holds the remains of more than 900 Navy sailors and Marines who died at Pearl Harbor.
Mr. Patel swam in the vicinity of the tomb for 30 minutes, according to the Navy.

-
Disrespectful snorkeling. Crucify him!
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy
===

After that he wondered amongst graves in Punchbowl !!!

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 11:16 PM (/lPRQ)

211 I remember a great aunt that drank Schlitz.
I still recall the redolence of Schlitz beer breath on an old woman with just a hint of a mustache.

Posted by: MkY at May 16, 2026 11:16 PM (q6tQZ)

212 Wife: "You're eight hours late getting back from golf."

Diogenes: "Sorry honey. Charlie keeled over with a heart attack on the third fairway."

Wife: "Oh Honey, that must have been horrible!"

Diogenes:" "Yeah! Tell me about it! All day long it was tee off, drag Charlie, tee off, drag Charlie..."
Posted by: muldoon at May 16, 2026 11:11 PM (I0N4X)

Heh.
So far playing with the old geezers every Tuesday, I've had to call two ambulances. Fortunately they both happened on the back nine.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 16, 2026 11:16 PM (2WIwB)

213 211 I remember a great aunt that drank Schlitz.
I still recall the redolence of Schlitz beer breath on an old woman with just a hint of a mustache.

----------

That's hot.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 16, 2026 11:17 PM (6C3mT)

214 A worker uses lubrication & body weight to force three tires into one. This saves shipping space therefore reducing costs.

Okay. So what's the process for decoupling all these tires? Where's that video?

Posted by: My Search Engine Isn't Working at May 16, 2026 11:18 PM (r+QM9)

215 True, if you hire the job done. But single-cylinder engines are not terribly hard to work on. A five-dollar set of feeler gauges will tell you if valve clearances are in spec.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon

I have 10 vehicles and 20 engines. I'd rather replace an engine than spend the time down repairing one.
May not be the smart choice, but it's my choice.

Not true... I've rebuilt 3 Wisconsin engines over the years, one Ranger engine and one 6.0 GMC.
But only cause I couldn't buy them off the shelf at the time.

Posted by: MkY at May 16, 2026 11:20 PM (q6tQZ)

216 I can't believe we lost Bill Kristol.

WHERE DO WE FIND MEN SUCH AS THESE?
Posted by: Cicero

And how can we avoid them from now on?
Posted by: JQ at May 16, 2026 11:11 PM (rdVOm)

When you find one, break his crystals.

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 16, 2026 11:20 PM (qx7Zg)

217 >>That's hot.

You're a troubled person.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 16, 2026 11:20 PM (viF8m)

218 Man, it's sad seeing all the cool old service stations, motels, and restaurants all shut down and decaying along old Rte. 66. The ONE single thriving business in Glenrio, NM is a pot shop. Sad. And I think I counted three pot shops in 2 miles of road here in Tucumcari.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 11:21 PM (jlAFt)

219 You're a troubled person.

And?

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 11:21 PM (Jr+re)

220 I parked the Mustang in the garage in 2022 b/c the top leaked and I couldn't afford to replace it. Then it just kind of got procrastinated.

What needs to be done to get it running again, do you think?

Pour half a shot glass of gas in the carb and it will start right up.
Posted by: ss

I'd start with a battery.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 11:21 PM (/lPRQ)

221 Good night, horde. It's been fun, as usual.

Posted by: LRob in OK at May 16, 2026 11:24 PM (Jr+re)

222 I'd start with a battery.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 16, 2026 11:21 PM (/lPRQ)

Unless the Mustang is older than late 1980's it will have EFI, and not a carb.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 16, 2026 11:25 PM (jlAFt)

223 What needs to be done to get it running again, do you think?

Pour half a shot glass of gas in the carb and it will start right up.
Posted by: ss

I'd start with a battery.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher

I'd start by draining all the gas, changing the fuel filter and putting fresh fuel in.
Then drive it to the auto upholstery shop

Posted by: MkY at May 16, 2026 11:25 PM (q6tQZ)

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