Saturday Night Club ONT - May 2, 2026 [D Squared]

Welcome to Club ONT - a collaboration of The Disco and The Dino. Come in in, grab a drink or 3. Please keep the horsing around to a minimum. We don't want to throw you in the corral of misery. Think there's somewhere else better to hang out tonight?? We say NEIGH!

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Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

Dolly Parton and King Charles happened to arrive at the Pearly Gates on the very same day.

They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.

"I'm afraid I'll have to decide which one of you gets in," the angel said.

The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.

Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're two of God's most perfect creations and I'm sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.

Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.

The angel immediately turned and said, "Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven."

Dolly stared in disbelief and said, "Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?"

The angel shrugged and replied, "Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time."

---------

A couple is asleep when their doorbell rings at 3am.

The wife shakes the husband and says "Honey, there's someone at the door."

The husband, irritated gets up and opens the door to an obviously drunk man.

"Can I help you?"

"Could you give me a push?" asks the drunk man.

"Hell no, and besides you are drunk" and slams the door shut.

As he gets back into bed, his wife begins to lecture him. "Don't you remember when we were stranded on the side of the road and people stopped to help us? You should go outside and help the poor man."

Realizing this, the husband gets dressed and heads to the door. Opening it, he realizes the man has left and yells out, "Do you still need a push?"

From the darkness, he hears a reply, "Yes, please."

"Where are you?" the husband asks.

"Over here on the swing set."

*****

Drink of the Night

Derby Day Tradition - Mint Julep

Surprisingly easy to make!

Whether you're hosting a Kentucky Derby party or you're just craving a refreshing bourbon cocktail, this mint julep recipe is sure to hit the spot.

The key to making a great mint julep is making fresh mint flavored simple syrup.

Mint Simple Syrup:
2 cups water
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup roughly chopped fresh mint leaves

Cocktails:
8 cups crushed ice, or as needed
32 fluid ounces Kentucky bourbon
8 sprigs fresh mint for garnish

Once you have your mint flavored simple syrup -
Fill eight glasses with crushed ice
pour 4 ounces bourbon and 1/4 cup mint syrup into each cup
Top each drink with a mint sprig

Crushed ice works best. It allows for dense packing in the glass / cup.

-----

*****

Club ONT Kentucky Derby Department Number 2

Churchill Downs reveals what happens to pounds of horse poop from the track

The process starts in each barn where it's the duty of a couple of employees to grab a shovel and start scooping.
"Twice a day, minimum, they go in and clean those stalls, where the wet spots are and the manure, and they basically bring in a wheel barrel and haul it out," Hargrave said.
Poo pits are strategically placed backside, fittingly, on both sides of most barns.
"We saw a truck carrying it out," a tourist told WDRB.
The semi, that can't have enough air fresheners in the cab, stops at Keeneland first.
"They'll go to an area there, and they'll dump it there, bail it," Hargrave explained.
Then it's off to mushroom farms. WDRB followed the scent to one in Tennessee.
Monterey Mushrooms in Loudon, just outside Knoxville, is the lucky recipient of three to five trucks full of "deposits" a day.

*****

Club ONT Department of Innovation

Is this real?

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Club ONT Employment Office

Marco Rubio realizing he was that close to running Spirit Airlines. Now he can return the outfit.

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Club ONT Department of Anatomy

From the UC Davis Dermatology Online Journal (Volume 12, Issue 4):

A 22-year-old woman sought medical care for a lesion in the plantar region of her left foot, a well-formed nipple surrounded by areola and hair. Microscopic examination of the dermis showed hair follicles, eccrine glands, and sebaceous glands. Fat tissue was noted at the base of the lesion. Clinical and histopathologic findings were consistent with the diagnosis of supernumerary breast tissue, also known as pseudomamma. To our knowledge, this is the first report of supernumerary breast tissue on the foot.

"Misplaced extra nipple" are words that don't commonly go together.

*****

Club ONT Department of Ant Counting

Ever wonder how many ants there are on earth? Nope, not here either. But apparently six academics joined to answer the question.

Integrating data from all continents and major biomes, we conservatively estimate 20 × 10¹⁵ (20 quadrillion) ants on Earth, with a total biomass of 12 megatons of dry carbon. This exceeds the combined biomass of wild birds and mammals and equals 20% of human biomass.

The current world population is about 8.29 billion which means there are about 2.4 million ants per person on earth.

No idea what you do with that information, but you're welcome.

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Club ONT Department of Arachnophobia

The story behind Little Miss Muffet. No wonder she was frightened away!

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The Club ONT Jukebox

Hat tip: Hour of the Wolf

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Top 10ish Comments of the Week

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Club ONT is brought to you tonight by Ways to Quit Your Job Politely

Wheeler Walker, Jr. has his own take on the same subject. Language is not family friendly.

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Club ONT is not responsible for Derby hats left behind after closing. Please keep your hats within eyesight at all times. On a completely unrelated note, restrooms are free tonight - no tokens required.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 09:55 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Thanks for the ONT. I'll go let the others know this one's gone live.

Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at May 02, 2026 09:58 PM (O7YUW)

2 Good evening good people.

Posted by: Tonypete at May 02, 2026 09:59 PM (Kyh8Y)

3 Hey.

Posted by: RI Red at May 02, 2026 09:59 PM (LMRVO)

4 top 10?

Posted by: JohnFNotKerry at May 02, 2026 10:00 PM (mUuSF)

5 Yeah. I newbed out.

Posted by: RI Red at May 02, 2026 10:00 PM (LMRVO)

6 That Egg Salad machine is disturbing.

Salmonella Surprise!

Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at May 02, 2026 10:01 PM (O7YUW)

7 Get the phone!

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 02, 2026 10:01 PM (Lw/3D)

8 Why would you even want an egg salad machine?

Posted by: Tonypete at May 02, 2026 10:04 PM (Kyh8Y)

9 The process starts in each barn where it's the duty of a couple of employees to grab a shovel and start scooping.

Then it's off to mushroom farms.

Now, you know why I'll never eat mushrooms.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at May 02, 2026 10:05 PM (1Ff7Z)

10 Where is everyone?

Posted by: JohnFNotKerry at May 02, 2026 10:06 PM (mUuSF)

11 Mushrooms are soylent crap!

Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at May 02, 2026 10:06 PM (O7YUW)

12 Was egg salad in that high of demand back in the day?

Posted by: JohnFNotKerry at May 02, 2026 10:07 PM (mUuSF)

13 Yay, ONT!

Fixed a toilet today, so pretty happy about that.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at May 02, 2026 10:07 PM (+9wcF)

14 From the movie thread:

101 You know, even the shit ones were not that bad. Hitch (Will Smith and Kevin James), Serendipity (Cusack and... dammit, Underworld gal.) I am trying to think of others. There were a million of them.

How do theaters even survive?
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 02, 2026 08:38 PM (zZu0s)

TiMER was a classic rom-com -- not really sci-fi, more "magical realism" -- and it was 2009, so they still knew the formula that late. Not a great movie, but a solid "two stars out of four" date-night popcorn flick of the sort that kept the lights on at movie studios and theaters, paying the bills with base hits between swinging at the fences.

Posted by: SciVo at May 02, 2026 10:07 PM (Sy6m/)

15 Too bad the Egg Salad Machine is AI: I could go for an egg salad sandwich about now!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:07 PM (ZVgZ4)

16 Second concert I ever saw was U2. In Tempe AZ. 1987.
I was unaware of their douche-baggery.

Saving grace: first concert I ever saw was Iron Maiden in Phoenix. Somewhere in Time album.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Rock 'n' Roll Martian at May 02, 2026 10:07 PM (0aYVJ)

17 Are we sure that Dolly's jugs were all God's original work?

Posted by: JohnFNotKerry at May 02, 2026 10:08 PM (mUuSF)

18 Evening all,

Launch in about 4 hours.

SpaceX - Falcon 9 - CAS500-2 & Others
SLC-4E - Vandenberg SFB - Space Affairs Live
Launch Date: May 2, 2026 (PDT)
Launch Time: 11:59 p.m. PDT (May 3, 0659 UTC, 08:59 CEST)

https://youtu.be/ULdQKEF9MyU

Posted by: Joyenz at May 02, 2026 10:08 PM (2F0/Y)

19 Horses are OK.
Kind of like the john boat of the land.
Half my friends and family had one. Or two. Or more.

Maybe I'll get one for the hell of it and park it in the back yard.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 10:08 PM (/lPRQ)

20 The Kentucky Derby would be much more interesting if they'd barbecue the horse that comes in last.

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at May 02, 2026 10:09 PM (j7INY)

21 Impeach now!

Jake Tapper rats Trump out.

https://tinyurl.com/3dxrvak2

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fat, Dumb, and Happy at May 02, 2026 10:09 PM (ndZc7)

22 Evenin'

The Pittsburgh Pirates scored 5+ runs, 3 different times today. They haven't done that since 1912. They won the game, believe it or not. The Reds had a very bad day.

17-7, Buccos!

Posted by: Puddleglum at work at May 02, 2026 10:09 PM (ohOaC)

23 Anytime I think about growing mushrooms I'm reminded of the Ray Bradbury short story "Boys! Raise Giant Mushrooms in Your Cellar!"

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 02, 2026 10:09 PM (gnNyN)

24 @18/Joyenz: Thank you! That'll be a lot too late for me to stay up for though.

Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at May 02, 2026 10:09 PM (O7YUW)

25 Why would you even want an egg salad machine?

So you aren't late in putting up a post on your own blog?

Posted by: Archimedes at May 02, 2026 10:10 PM (Riz8t)

26 Joel Embiid's son just stole the celebration.

Pretty special.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 10:10 PM (viF8m)

27 Too bad the Egg Salad Machine is AI: I could go for an egg salad sandwich about now!
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:07 PM (ZVgZ4)
---
Just don't buy one from a truck stop men's room.

Trust me on this.

Posted by: Philip J. Fry at May 02, 2026 10:10 PM (gnNyN)

28 I looked at a couple of videos, and now ewe toob is feeding me a bunch, and, I gotta say, I'm impressed.

Top tier DCI, BOA, and WGI Winds are entertaining as hell. WGI Percussion and Guard, not so.much.

Posted by: buddhaha at May 02, 2026 10:11 PM (TNGIV)

29 Stop the presses!

Posted by: JohnFNotKerry at May 02, 2026 10:11 PM (mUuSF)

30 Good evening morons and Слава Двоим!

Posted by: San Franpsycho at May 02, 2026 10:11 PM (RIvkX)

31 Okay, start the presses back up.

Posted by: JohnFNotKerry at May 02, 2026 10:12 PM (mUuSF)

32 That Egg Salad machine is disturbing.

Salmonella Surprise!
Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant

That was the first marketing ploy.
As a Margarita machine they were highly successful.

Posted by: Jimmy Buffet at May 02, 2026 10:12 PM (/lPRQ)

33 Good evening all.

Posted by: COMountainMarie at May 02, 2026 10:12 PM (UDzNJ)

34 I think 1997 was the year the Barney Balloon destructed completely at the Macy's Parade.

Posted by: Thankful For That at May 02, 2026 10:13 PM (oftw2)

35 26 Joel Embiid's son just stole the celebration.

Pretty special.
Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 10:10 PM (viF8m)

Turned on 5 minutes in 4th quarter. Worst reffing (all pro-Boston to help them get back in it) I'd seen in a bball game. Turned it off. I guess the refs went back to fair reffing once they got it close b/c the NBA wanted to keep eyeballs on the screen for the 4th...but didn't want the very end to look rigged...

Posted by: Nova Local at May 02, 2026 10:13 PM (tOcjL)

36 Sorry I'm late, I was planning to do some brooding but couldn't find the required Victorian manor in which to do it. Not one that wasn't previously occupied, at least.

Posted by: tankdemon at May 02, 2026 10:13 PM (2RJDy)

37 8 Why would you even want an egg salad machine?
Posted by: Tonypete at May 02, 2026 10:04 PM (Kyh8Y)

---------

Hear me out. After you've been pounding your pud with the used panties you got from the vending machine next door for an hour, a little egg salad can really hit the spot.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2026 10:13 PM (JkO4W)

38 Good evening Horde and welcome to Club ONT!

Posted by: TRex - egg council dino at May 02, 2026 10:13 PM (IQ6Gq)

39 "Misplaced extra nipple" are words that don't commonly go together.
=====

Tell me about it.

Posted by: The Man With the Golden Gun at May 02, 2026 10:14 PM (RIvkX)

40 Evening, D^2, and ONT Hordelings! Had a pretty good day today. There is a large bunny just sitting out in my yard. I walked out to see it closer, and when I got within 20 paces or so, it hopped away another ten paces, and stopped. And stayed right there for the better part of an hour. Was still there when I closed up the shop and came in the house. Probably a snowshoe rabbit. Summer coat is gray-brown, winter coat is white.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 10:14 PM (utfVc)

41 The horseshit blurb, followed by the egg salad machine blurb is disturbing.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at May 02, 2026 10:14 PM (jehhT)

42 Are we sure that Dolly's jugs were all God's original work?
Posted by: JohnFNotKerry

Folks claim they have an early album. The cover shot was a General Store 6.

I think I seen the album cover and would give it a 6.5 already knowing she was famous in '82.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 10:15 PM (/lPRQ)

43 "Misplaced extra nipple" are words that don't commonly go together.
=====

Tell me about it.
Posted by: The Man With the Golden Gun at May 02, 2026 10:14 PM (RIvkX)
---
Preach it, brother!

Posted by: Herschel Krustofsky at May 02, 2026 10:15 PM (gnNyN)

44 Joyenz: Thank you! That'll be a lot too late for me to stay up for though.
Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at May 02, 2026 10:09 PM (O7YUW)

You can always watch the replay :-)

Posted by: Joyenz at May 02, 2026 10:16 PM (2F0/Y)

45 Yallow y'all.

pseudomamma - not your real mamma

I'd use it in a limerick, but the only rhyme I could think of was llama.

Wait... comma, drama, bowl-a-rama, trauma… Never mind. It's been a tiring day.

Speaking of mammas, the answer to this is still: Both.
https://bit.ly/jeanie-and-samantha

Posted by: mindful webworker - foot fondling fetish at May 02, 2026 10:16 PM (XU9++)

46 I haven't really watched Baseball since I moved to PA, and looking at the standings with The Mets being in dead last, not watching baseball is going to be extended for the foreseeable future.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at May 02, 2026 10:16 PM (XV/Pl)

47 I've never had egg salad, never wanted to eat egg salad, and am not going to start now.

Posted by: ChristyBlinkyTheGreat at May 02, 2026 10:17 PM (WONhk)

48 8 Why would you even want an egg salad machine?
Posted by: Tonypete at May 02, 2026 10:04 PM (Kyh8Y)

It was the 70's, man, weird things happened. Is an eggs said machine really more inexplicable than Captain and Tennille getting radio play?

Posted by: tankdemon at May 02, 2026 10:18 PM (2RJDy)

49 Too bad the Egg Salad Machine is AI: I could go for an egg salad sandwich about now!
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:07 PM (ZVgZ4)

Pretty sure it's not AI, I remember seeing that pic years ago.

And Dolly has admitted to having had "work done" to keep the Zeppelins aloft.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 10:18 PM (utfVc)

50 I've never had egg salad, never wanted to eat egg salad, and am not going to start now.
Posted by: ChristyBlinkyTheGreat at May 02, 2026 10:17 PM (WONhk)

A fresh-made egg salad sammich is a thing of beauty.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 10:19 PM (utfVc)

51 And Dolly has admitted to having had "work done" to keep the Zeppelins aloft.

---------

Oh, the humanity!

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2026 10:19 PM (JkO4W)

52 Looking into Hakeem Jeffries eyes is like looking at goat’s eyes.

Posted by: Tom Servo at May 02, 2026 10:20 PM (XcvNy)

53 A fresh-made egg salad sammich is a thing of beauty.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 10:19 PM (utfVc)

Agreed, one of my all-time favorite sandwiches or eat it right from the bowl. One thing as a diabetic I can enjoy without spiking my sugar.

Posted by: Joyenz at May 02, 2026 10:21 PM (2F0/Y)

54 The horseshit blurb, followed by the egg salad machine blurb is disturbing.
Posted by: Martini Farmer

So I wasn't the only one to think that!

Posted by: mindful webworker - shovel it out, shovel it in at May 02, 2026 10:21 PM (XU9++)

55 >>Turned on 5 minutes in 4th quarter. Worst reffing (all pro-Boston to help them get back in it) I'd seen in a bball game. Turned it off. I guess the refs went back to fair reffing once they got it close b/c the NBA wanted to keep eyeballs on the screen for the 4th...but didn't want the very end to look rigged...

As an avowed hater of all Boston sports teams I agree. And watching them still get beat on their own court makes me happy.

But watching Joel Embiid's little boy steal his heart talking about loosing one of his baby teeth reminds me these are just guys.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 10:22 PM (viF8m)

56 Looking into Hakeem Jeffries eyes is like looking at goat’s eyes.

It's like looking in to the abyss. Not because he's deep, but because there's an utter vacuum.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 02, 2026 10:22 PM (Riz8t)

57 Hello ONT friends!

Posted by: Piper at May 02, 2026 10:23 PM (Wmg4n)

58 Largest crowd in Banana Ball history tonight as the Bananas played the Texas Tailgaters at Kyle Stadium on Texas A&M campus. 102,000 fans watched the Tailgaters defeat the Bananas 4-3.

Posted by: Yellow Journalist at May 02, 2026 10:24 PM (oftw2)

59 Lily Allen, a singer-songwriter who turns 41 today, was the original Myspace music star. She built her market by connecting directly with fans and publishing new songs right there on the website, then getting proper record deals after she already had traction. It's a little weird to think that now the site is defunct, and she's on the wrong side of 40. Where did the time go?

Anyway, I've always really liked this poppy hit off her second studio album It's Not Me, It's You (2009). "Shots fired," as they say, and it's pretty plainly aimed at the Paris Hilton type:

Lily Allen | The Fear (Official Video - Explicit Version)
https://youtu.be/q-wGMlSuX_c

Posted by: SciVo at May 02, 2026 10:24 PM (Sy6m/)

60 "Misplaced extra nipple" are words that don't commonly go together.
-
I can work with it.

Posted by: Quentin Tarantino at May 02, 2026 10:24 PM (vSvIl)

61 I find it almost impossible to believe someone hasn't had egg salad.

I can't think of anything I haven't had at least once.

Maybe a 100 year old egg or calf brain.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at May 02, 2026 10:25 PM (XV/Pl)

62 David Allen Coe died the other day.
He wasn't a particularly nice guy.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 02, 2026 10:25 PM (Lw/3D)

63 The White House Correspondents Dinner shooter wrote Take This Job And Shove It?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2026 10:25 PM (Cqx++)

64 "supernumerary breast tissue, also known as pseudomamma"

This whole story was written just so someone could say pseudomamma, wasn't it?

Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2026 10:25 PM (2WIwB)

65 40 Evening, D^2, and ONT Hordelings! Had a pretty good day today. There is a large bunny just sitting out in my yard. I walked out to see it closer, and when I got within 20 paces or so, it hopped away another ten paces, and stopped. And stayed right there for the better part of an hour. Was still there when I closed up the shop and came in the house. Probably a snowshoe rabbit. Summer coat is gray-brown, winter coat is white.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026

Just a warning, since you agreed to pick me as part of your team for the burning times, in these situations I give the animal a name and feed them. Probably inside. 🤣

Posted by: Piper at May 02, 2026 10:26 PM (Wmg4n)

66 Looking into Hakeem Jeffries eyes is like looking at goat’s eyes.

It's like looking in to the abyss. Not because he's deep, but because there's an utter vacuum.

Well, he sucks, so that tracks.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at May 02, 2026 10:26 PM (+9wcF)

67
Well, hell, that means there is somewhere between 1000 - 10,000 time more ants on earth than stars in the Milky Way.

I would not have guessed that.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 02, 2026 10:26 PM (w6EFb)

68 This whole story was written just so someone could say pseudomamma, wasn't it?
Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2026 10:25 PM (2WIwB)

Wouldn't a tranny be a pseudomama?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 10:27 PM (utfVc)

69 Nice jokes up top.

Thanks.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at May 02, 2026 10:27 PM (u82oZ)

70 52 Looking into Hakeem Jeffries eyes is like looking at goat’s eyes.
Posted by: Tom Servo at May 02, 2026 10:20 PM (XcvNy)

Hey, don't insult the goats!

Posted by: Joemarine at May 02, 2026 10:28 PM (y171U)

71 Just a warning, since you agreed to pick me as part of your team for the burning times, in these situations I give the animal a name and feed them. Probably inside. 🤣
Posted by: Piper at May 02, 2026 10:26 PM (Wmg4n)

As long as the bunny beans get picked up.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 10:28 PM (utfVc)

72 That egg salad machine kinda grosses me out. Yuck.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 02, 2026 10:28 PM (ceJ0R)

73
"Misplaced extra nipple" are words that don't commonly go together.
=====
Tell me about it.
Posted by: The Man With the Golden Gun

Can you do the Fandango?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2026 10:28 PM (Cqx++)

74 I think there are ants in my pants. Something is on the move in there.

Posted by: Presnit Emeritus at May 02, 2026 10:28 PM (oftw2)

75 46 I haven't really watched Baseball since I moved to PA, and looking at the standings with The Mets being in dead last, not watching baseball is going to be extended for the foreseeable future.
Posted by: Thomas Bender

Don't forget the labor work stoppage that will begin next year and they're still paying Bobby Bonilla!

Posted by: Puddleglum at work at May 02, 2026 10:29 PM (ohOaC)

76 The Kentucky Derby would be much more interesting if they'd barbecue the horse that comes in last.
Posted by: Raoul Ortega

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Horses that lose
Are made into glue

Posted by: just the punchline poem at May 02, 2026 10:30 PM (VHUov)

77 That egg salad machine kinda grosses me out. Yuck.
Posted by: Notorious BFD

Better than tuna salad... error, seafood product salad.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 10:30 PM (/lPRQ)

78 publius, Rascally Mr. Miley

Arthur C. Clarkes short story The Next Tenants uses termites as the human successor species. Fun story. In Tales of the White Hart[/].

"Tomorrow, I will give them fire."

Posted by: NaCly Dog at May 02, 2026 10:31 PM (u82oZ)

79 You really can't let a bunny roam your house. Besides the pellets, they like to chew electrical cords.

Posted by: Art Lamplighter at May 02, 2026 10:31 PM (oftw2)

80 71 Just a warning, since you agreed to pick me as part of your team for the burning times, in these situations I give the animal a name and feed them. Probably inside. 🤣
Posted by: Piper at May 02, 2026 10:26 PM (Wmg4n)

As long as the bunny beans get picked up.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026

I will litter train it. Yay!

Posted by: Piper at May 02, 2026 10:31 PM (Wmg4n)

81 Yikes!

Posted by: NaCly Dog at May 02, 2026 10:32 PM (u82oZ)

82 Why would you even want an egg salad machine?
Posted by: Tonypete

If you have money to burn, you commission one so that you can say "I own the world's only egg-salad machine."

Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 10:33 PM (VHUov)

83
Oh boy, that prompted me to thinking, and yep, the number of bacteria on earth is ~10^31.

Turns out there are about Avogadro's Number of stars in the observable universe, give or take an order of magnitude depending on assumptions.

10 million times more bacteria on earth than stars in the observable universe. More to show you how that while the universe is really, really YUGE, it's mostly empty space.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 02, 2026 10:34 PM (w6EFb)

84 Have a great night, everyone.

And for Piper, here is some silver glitter via your USB port.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at May 02, 2026 10:35 PM (u82oZ)

85
I would eat egg salad every day but hubby cannot stand the smell. So, i never eat egg salad.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 10:35 PM (3ek7K)

86 84 Have a great night, everyone.

And for Piper, here is some silver glitter via your USB port.
Posted by: NaCly Dog at May 02,

You are the best!

Posted by: Piper at May 02, 2026 10:35 PM (Wmg4n)

87 The jockeys who won and took second in the Kentucky Derby are brothers. Pretty cool.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 10:36 PM (viF8m)

88 @75

>>Don't forget the labor work stoppage that will begin next year and they're still paying Bobby Bonilla!

Pretty much the most bizzare contract negation ever.

Bobby Bonilia: You owe me 2m dollars.

NY Mets: The best we can do is 25m.

Bobby Bonilla:......

Posted by: Thomas Bender at May 02, 2026 10:36 PM (XV/Pl)

89 You really can't let a bunny roam your house. Besides the pellets, they like to chew electrical cords.

They're not above munching through speaker wire.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at May 02, 2026 10:37 PM (+9wcF)

90 I can think of some things I have not had even once. Cow’s tongue and calf brains are at the top of the list.

Posted by: Tom Servo at May 02, 2026 10:37 PM (XcvNy)

91 I would eat egg salad every day but hubby cannot stand the smell. So, i never eat egg salad.

Posted by: four seasons

Maybe if you added boiled cabbage for lunch...

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 10:38 PM (/lPRQ)

92 The jockeys who won and took second in the Kentucky Derby are brothers. Pretty cool.
Posted by: JackStraw

There will be much razzing in their tiny house tonight.

Posted by: She Hobbit at May 02, 2026 10:38 PM (ftFVW)

93 IIRC, July 1 is Bobby Bonilla Day in Flushing.

Posted by: Jane Jarvis at May 02, 2026 10:39 PM (oftw2)

94 AOP -

Look at the lettering next to the controls.

ChristyBlinkyTheGreat -

All the more for me then!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:39 PM (ZVgZ4)

95
He loves cabbage but i cannot boil eggs.

Kinda the same smell.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 10:39 PM (3ek7K)

96 Just a warning, since you agreed to pick me as part of your team for the burning times, in these situations I give the animal a name and feed them. Probably inside. 🤣
Posted by: Piper at May 02, 2026 10:26 PM (Wmg4n)
====

AOP will be happy to have you fatten him for a few months.

Posted by: The Man With the Golden Gun at May 02, 2026 10:39 PM (RIvkX)

97 Egg salad with red onion on some good rye.

Throw in an Egg Cream and it brings me back to my yoot.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at May 02, 2026 10:39 PM (XV/Pl)

98
I can't think of anything I haven't had at least once.

Maybe a 100 year old egg or calf brain.
Posted by: Thomas Bender
--------

C-rations?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 02, 2026 10:39 PM (XeU6L)

99 I bet the egg salad machine is a real bitch to clean.

Posted by: She Hobbit at May 02, 2026 10:40 PM (ftFVW)

100 I like tuna sandwiches, but I get splurge on the solid, white tuna. I'm not sure of the species of fish they use, but the can says albacore. It's a lot better than cheap tuna.

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 02, 2026 10:41 PM (0Htd1)

101 /Bond villain sock off

Posted by: San Franpsycho at May 02, 2026 10:41 PM (RIvkX)

102 Hi all. Happy Saturday Night to you all. Submerging again.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at May 02, 2026 10:42 PM (CHHv1)

103 >The current world population is about 8.29 billion which means there are about 2.4 million ants per person on earth.

Posted by: Don Black at May 02, 2026 10:42 PM (ZxPkt)

104 99 I bet the egg salad machine is a real bitch to clean.
Posted by: She Hobbit

Cleaning the machine ruins the taste.

Posted by: Roller Dog Machine at 7-11 since 1984 at May 02, 2026 10:42 PM (oftw2)

105 @98

>>C-rations?

Are you talking about those World War 11 C-Rations?

I bet some of those would knock you on your ass when you open them.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at May 02, 2026 10:42 PM (XV/Pl)

106 >>There will be much razzing in their tiny house tonight.

Endless.

But also lots of love.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 10:42 PM (viF8m)

107 AOP will be happy to have you fatten him for a few months.
Posted by: The Man With the Golden Gun
-------

Rabbit is not very good eating. OTOH, any port in a storm. Check the liver for white spots, tularemia or coccidiosis.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 02, 2026 10:43 PM (XeU6L)

108 The Babylon Bee describes the perfect job for TRex

Trump Scraps Plans For Presidential Library In Favor Of Constructing A Presidential Truckasaurus

The Grateful might not mind, since it isn't in the yard.

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 02, 2026 10:44 PM (S/Y4j)

109 99 I bet the egg salad machine is a real bitch to clean.
Posted by: She Hobbit at May 02, 2026 10:40 PM (ftFVW)

Clean?

Posted by: Smilin' Bob's Egg Salad Emporium at May 02, 2026 10:44 PM (2RJDy)

110 87 The jockeys who won and took second in the Kentucky Derby are brothers. Pretty cool.
Posted by: JackStraw

I think they get a percentage of the purse, so that's really nice for them.

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 02, 2026 10:45 PM (0Htd1)

111 I can think of some things I have not had even once. Cow’s tongue and calf brains are at the top of the list.
Posted by: Tom Servo at May 02, 2026 10:37 PM (XcvNy)

Tongue is muscle meat; nothing wrong with it, prepared properly.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 10:45 PM (utfVc)

112
I WANT MY 2.4 MILLION ANTS.

My ant army will be unstoppable. We will march on road strewn with our enemy's bones.

LOOK UPON MY ANTS, AND DESPAIR!

Posted by: Don Black at May 02, 2026 10:45 PM (ZxPkt)

113 Are you talking about those World War 11 C-Rations?

I bet some of those would knock you on your ass when you open them.
Posted by: Thomas Bender
--------

Eleventy is probably still around. I suspect that mine were Korean war.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 02, 2026 10:45 PM (XeU6L)

114 What's the proper response when the employer tells you to shove it after you rebuilt two of their facilities on schedule and on budget after they burned both down, and they're back up to full production?

Nice working with y'all.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at May 02, 2026 10:45 PM (Fbc0I)

115 You guys are looking at the Egg Salad Machine as if it’s real. Your food poisoning worries are misplaced. It doesn’t exist!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:46 PM (ZVgZ4)

116 The Babylon Bee describes the perfect job for TRex

Trump Scraps Plans For Presidential Library In Favor Of Constructing A Presidential Truckasaurus

The Grateful might not mind, since it isn't in the yard.
Posted by: Hour of the Wolf
********
You got that right HotW, put it on the Mall in DC....

Posted by: The Grateful at May 02, 2026 10:46 PM (IQ6Gq)

117 Cow’s tongue and calf brains are at the top of the list.
--------

Hog brains? They were a staple when I was a kid.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 02, 2026 10:47 PM (XeU6L)

118 You really can't let a bunny roam your house. Besides the pellets, they like to chew electrical cords.

They're not above munching through speaker wire.
Posted by: Blanco Basura

woofer, tweeter, Thumper.

Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 10:47 PM (VHUov)

119 90 I can think of some things I have not had even once. Cow’s tongue and calf brains are at the top of the list.
Posted by: Tom Servo

My mom used to get a side of beef. Things like tongue, brain, and kidneys are included. Bu she tossed out that icky stuff. She did keep the liver.

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 02, 2026 10:48 PM (0Htd1)

120 I think I have had tongue. Not sure if I ever ate any brains. Except that time I turned into a zombie!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:48 PM (ZVgZ4)

121 Tongue is muscle meat; nothing wrong with it, prepared properly.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon

The tongue is the only muscle in the body that's only anchored at one end.

Posted by: mikeski and/or Cliff Clavin at May 02, 2026 10:48 PM (VHUov)

122 Not to quibble - but we probably don't even have 8 billion people anymore. It will be interesting to watch how quickly we hit 7 billion.

Posted by: Black JEM at May 02, 2026 10:51 PM (UVyKP)

123 >>I think they get a percentage of the purse, so that's really nice for them.

And the trainer of the winning horse is the first female traiiner to win the Kentucky Derby. An actual woman not the fake kind.

Good for her.

https://tinyurl.com/3mwz8u5p

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 10:51 PM (viF8m)

124 Great majority of oxtails are exported to Mexico.

Posted by: Cattleman's Beef Association at May 02, 2026 10:52 PM (oftw2)

125 What's the proper response when the employer tells you to shove it after you rebuilt two of their facilities on schedule and on budget after they burned both down, and they're back up to full production?

Nice working with y'all.
Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at May 02, 2026 10:45 PM (Fbc0I)

***

If anyone finds my lighter, they can keep it.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 02, 2026 10:52 PM (2WIwB)

126 122 Not to quibble - but we probably don't even have 8 billion people anymore. It will be interesting to watch how quickly we hit 7 billion.
Posted by: Black JEM at May 02, 2026 10:51 PM (UVyKP)

I didn't know ending Net Nuetrality was that devaststing.

Posted by: tankdemon at May 02, 2026 10:53 PM (2RJDy)

127
Throw in an Egg Cream and it brings me back to my yoot.
Posted by: Thomas Bender

I'd never heard of an Egg Cream until I saw the movie "Squirm" on MST3K.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2026 10:55 PM (Cqx++)

128 We bought a new mattress with an adjustable base. Should be here in about a week or 2. Good mattresses are very expensive. But I tell myself with all my back and neck issues and the fact that you spend a third of you life in bed it is worth getting the best you can afford.

Posted by: lin-duh is offended at May 02, 2026 10:55 PM (VCgbV)

129 This guy has a lot of fun showing how stupid and fake AI can be.

ChatGPT rates the song I made
https://youtu.be/JqvDLHshTtI

ChatGPT cup test yields unexpected results
https://youtu.be/3fYiLXVfPa4

Posted by: mindful webworker - Grok barada nicto at May 02, 2026 10:55 PM (XU9++)

130 Sarah Hoyt at her blog According to Hoyt posits that there might be a lot less people in the world than the popular estimates because there are incentives to exaggerate the number of people you have in your country (to dissuade other countries from invading, for example).

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:56 PM (ZVgZ4)

131 Brains and eggs
Javelina
Shark
Egg Salad
no tentacles, well, once

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 02, 2026 10:56 PM (Lw/3D)

132 My mother used to love making ox tail soup. It was one of Sunday specialties.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:58 PM (ZVgZ4)

133 I didn't know ending Net Nuetrality was that devaststing.
Posted by: tankdemon at May 02, 2026 10:53 PM (2RJDy)
====

And then the murders began....

Posted by: San Franpsycho at May 02, 2026 11:00 PM (RIvkX)

134 >>I'd never heard of an Egg Cream until I saw the movie "Squirm" on MST3K.

You've lived a sheltered life.

You haven't lived until you've had an egg cream in Queens and said "How you doin" to every pretty girl who walks by.

You think you said something witty. She thinks you're an idiot. And the world spins on.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 11:00 PM (viF8m)

135 Now this is a headline - entire pickleball team killed in plane crash.

Posted by: Anna Puma at May 02, 2026 11:02 PM (2GVsD)

136 I am off to bed. Ripping the wallpaper down in the laundry room. I hate it. I am starting over.

I must be very hard to live with, honestly.

Posted by: Piper at May 02, 2026 11:02 PM (Wmg4n)

137 >>>You really can't let a bunny roam your house. Besides the pellets, they like to chew electrical cords.

They're not above munching through speaker wire.
Posted by: Blanco Basura

woofer, tweeter, Thumper.

Posted by: mikeski

>My buddy had a cottontail and a cat, and the cat was constantly trying to fornicate with the bunny. This is what happens when you bring these animals into you home.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at May 02, 2026 11:03 PM (Fbc0I)

138 I know several people that went to the Banana ball game at Kyle Field today.

Posted by: lin-duh is offended at May 02, 2026 11:04 PM (VCgbV)

139 130 Sarah Hoyt at her blog According to Hoyt posits that there might be a lot less people in the world than the popular estimates because there are incentives to exaggerate the number of people you have in your country (to dissuade other countries from invading, for example).
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:56 PM (ZVgZ4)

A more granular examination of the distribution of the superannuated found that they are concentrated in very poor regions of countries with welfare systems, and specifically where they had low-trust cultures and poor vital records maintenance. In other words, the very old are probably dead, and their kids (or even grandkids at this point) are just keeping up the charade for the gov't check.

Posted by: SciVo at May 02, 2026 11:04 PM (Sy6m/)

140
Anna,

So happy Doof wasn't on that plane.

Pickleball is dangerous, lol.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:04 PM (3ek7K)

141 135 Now this is a headline - entire pickleball team killed in plane crash.
Posted by: Anna Puma at May 02, 2026 11:02 PM (2GVsD)

Why were they all in the same plane? Wait. Are there touring professional pickleball teams?!

Posted by: SciVo at May 02, 2026 11:08 PM (Sy6m/)

142 Show us the tits on yer feet!

Posted by: guy who always yells: "Show us the tits on yer feet!" at May 02, 2026 11:09 PM (b3Yos)

143 It’s not like we don’t have Civil War veterans on the Social Security rolls, or at least did until DOGE found them!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 11:09 PM (ZVgZ4)

144 I bet the egg salad machine is a real bitch to clean.
Posted by: She Hobbit at May 02, 2026 10:40 PM (ftFVW)

Clean?
Posted by: Smilin' Bob's Egg Salad Emporium

It is 'self-cleaning'.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 11:10 PM (/lPRQ)

145
A googol, the number and not the Evil Entity is 10^100. A googolplex is 10^googal.

The number of atoms in the observable universe is somewhere around 10^80, which is also about the total number of protons...about. If you count total number of elementary particles, you can push that to 10^87 or so.

Now, if you start trying to count photons as well as the other force carrier particles, and start counting quarks rather than baryons, you might get to 10^90.

So, a googolplex contains 10 billion times as many zeroes as there are are particles in the observable universe.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 02, 2026 11:11 PM (w6EFb)

146 Four Seasons, yes.

I just report headlines, you decide.

Posted by: Anna Puma at May 02, 2026 11:12 PM (2GVsD)

147 Are you counting virtual photons? And if so, for how long?

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 11:13 PM (ZVgZ4)

148 141 135 Now this is a headline - entire pickleball team killed in plane crash.
Posted by: Anna Puma at May 02, 2026 11:02 PM (2GVsD)

Crashed near Wimberley. I am not into pickleball. But Wimberley is a nice place. God Bless.

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:13 PM (U94Dl)

149 So, a googolplex contains 10 billion times as many zeroes as there are are particles in the observable universe.
Posted by: publius

So if you tried to write it down, you'd run out of stuff to write with before you ran out of time?

Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 11:15 PM (VHUov)

150 I've eaten cow tongue. At least, I assumed it was cow. Now I'm starting to worry.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at May 02, 2026 11:15 PM (mjROD)

151
I've read about so many small plane crashes in the last year.

Are people not trained correctly?

It's really sad.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:16 PM (3ek7K)

152 >>C-rations?

Are you talking about those World War 11 C-Rations?

I bet some of those would knock you on your ass when you open them.
Posted by: Thomas Bender
-----
I don't know the history of what I had in basic in '64, but they were edible, for some definition of "edible".
Ate K-rats, too.
Never had an MRE until my son brought some home in... that must have been in the early 90s.

Posted by: buddhaha at May 02, 2026 11:17 PM (TNGIV)

153 A googol, the number and not the Evil Entity is 10^100. A googolplex is 10^googal.

The number of atoms in the observable universe is somewhere around 10^80, which is also about the total number of protons...about. If you count total number of elementary particles, you can push that to 10^87 or so.

Now, if you start trying to count photons as well as the other force carrier particles, and start counting quarks rather than baryons, you might get to 10^90.

So, a googolplex contains 10 billion times as many zeroes as there are are particles in the observable universe.
Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 02, 2026 11:11 PM (w6EFb)

You could not print out a googol, as there are not enough atoms in the Universe to make the ink to make all the zeroes.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 11:17 PM (utfVc)

154 150 I've eaten cow tongue. At least, I assumed it was cow. Now I'm starting to worry.

What are you worried that it might have been?

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 11:17 PM (ZVgZ4)

155 150 I've eaten cow tongue. At least, I assumed it was cow. Now I'm starting to worry.
Posted by: Idaho Spudboy
---

it's chewy

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 02, 2026 11:17 PM (Lw/3D)

156 Posted by: mindful webworker - Grok barada nicto at May 02, 2026 10:55 PM (XU9++)

son just showed me an (utoob video) AI commentary of WWE, and the voice was either stroking out over the word "what" or it was a trigger for the demon to take over. A demon that had really bad gas during its fit. I think, perhaps, the tech is not used properly

Posted by: moki at May 02, 2026 11:17 PM (wLjpr)

157 Now this is a headline - entire pickleball team killed in plane crash.
Posted by: Anna Puma

Why were they all in the same plane? Wait. Are there touring professional pickleball teams?!
Posted by: SciVo

And how do they make enough money to afford airfare?

Or..... "killed in a plane crash" doesn't require them to be on the plane. Maybe the plane crashed on their pickleball court.

Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 11:17 PM (VHUov)

158 I've eaten cow tongue.
Posted by: Idaho Spudboy

I have, also. It tasted okay. I hope I did, too.

Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 11:19 PM (VHUov)

159 Now this is a headline - entire pickleball team killed in plane crash.
Posted by: Anna Puma
......

Obviously exceeded the planes weight limit.

Posted by: wth at May 02, 2026 11:19 PM (b3Yos)

160 And how do they make enough money to afford airfare?

Or..... "killed in a plane crash" doesn't require them to be on the plane. Maybe the plane crashed on their pickleball court.
Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 11:17 PM (VHUov)

Pilot and 4 players in a Cessna. (IIRC)

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at May 02, 2026 11:21 PM (S/Y4j)

161 Maybe the plane crashed on their pickleball court.
Posted by: mikeski

No, that would be killed "of" a plane crash.
Maybe "from"?
I think to be killed "in" a plane crash, you gotta be in the darned plane.
But whaddoI know?

Posted by: MkY at May 02, 2026 11:21 PM (q6tQZ)

162 I've read about so many small plane crashes in the last year.

Are people not trained correctly?

It's really sad.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:16 PM (3ek7K)

It's the Bus Plunge effect. A bus full of tourists jumps a guardrail in the Andes, and plunges 5 thousand feet into a rocky gorge. For some reason, this make the news in North America, and the media note public interest in this gruesome wreck, so for several weeks they scour local news in remote places in Africa and Asia, and come up with yet more bus plunges to splash on the front pages. Bus plunges that would have normally gone unreported.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 11:21 PM (utfVc)

163 >>I've eaten cow tongue.

Why? There whole parts of a cow that are way better tasting.

People are complaining about egg salad, which is delicious, and eating a cow's tongue?

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 11:22 PM (viF8m)

164 I recall my Mom making tongue once. She didn't skin it first, and the meat was pale.
Can't recall the taste at all, just that we only had it that once.

Posted by: MkY at May 02, 2026 11:22 PM (q6tQZ)

165
AOP,

That makes sense.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:23 PM (3ek7K)

166 Remind me to never ride a bus.

Posted by: wth at May 02, 2026 11:23 PM (b3Yos)

167 Hear me out. After you've been pounding your pud with the used panties you got from the vending machine next door for an hour, a little egg salad can really hit the spot.
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at May 02, 2026 10:13

Wow Cicero, I never pegged you as Japanese. Ya never know what dark secrets reside behind these Moron posters.

Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 02, 2026 11:23 PM (55Qr6)

168 150 I've eaten cow tongue. At least, I assumed it was cow. Now I'm starting to worry.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at May 02, 2026 11:15 PM (mjROD)

I've eaten Neeses' Liver Pudding, and Beverly canned sausage.
And canned tripe. I've made peace with being a rotten rascist carnivore . Who has enjoyed some questionable meat products.

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:24 PM (U94Dl)

169 >> Are you counting virtual photons?

That I don't know. The number supposedly included all "force carriers", which would include gluons and all that mess. The idea is trying to get the number as large as possible.

>> And if so, for how long?

And the whole exercise breaks down right there, and in more fundamental way. To count particles, you need a global (universe wide) notion of simultaneity. That is all of space at some instant of time, "now". With globally curved spacetime, that doesn't work.

Now, start doing QFT on that globally curved background, which you'll need to "count all particles". That gets even more problematic.

So, the very concept of total number of particles in the observable universe just doesn't make any sense. It is something that can't even be defined.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 02, 2026 11:25 PM (w6EFb)

170 bring in a wheel barrel

Looks like someone used AI transcription.

Posted by: GWB at May 02, 2026 11:26 PM (D4VUo)

171 So, the very concept of total number of particles in the observable universe just doesn't make any sense. It is something that can't even be defined.
Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 02, 2026 11:25 PM (w6EFb)

The exact and precise number is "a metric fuckton".

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 11:27 PM (utfVc)

172 A googol, the number and not the Evil Entity is 10^100. A googolplex is 10^googal.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 11:17 PM (utfVc)
---
Larry Page loved the idea of "a google." Whenever someone said "there was a bazillion of 'em" he's always say "but was there a google?"

I think googolplex was popularized by the Buck Rogers show. I remember it being quoted on the show for some ludicrous probability.

Larry ghosted his old friends from high school, or at least had a decade ago. He regularly sent checks to boost the marching band, even paying for new uniforms at one point. Of course, he was rich enough to cover the entire school district's budget, but super-rich liberals are notoriously cheap.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 02, 2026 11:27 PM (ZOv7s)

173 Tonight we're having boiled tongue and baked squash. You may not excuse yourself until your plate is clean.

Posted by: your Mom at May 02, 2026 11:28 PM (b3Yos)

174 I've eaten cow tongue. At least, I assumed it was cow. Now I'm starting to worry.
Posted by: Idaho Spudboy
---

it's chewy
Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others

==

Low and Slow are your friends for third tier cuts of beef,

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 11:29 PM (/lPRQ)

175
My last surviving aunt celebrated her 100th birthday today.

Amazing.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:30 PM (3ek7K)

176 Remind me to never ride a bus.
Posted by: wth at May 02, 2026 11:23 PM (b3Yos)
---
Ancient political joke from the 1980s. A bus of supply-siders veered into the Grand Canyon. No survivors. The tragedy was that there were empty seat.

Bob Dole was particularly fond of it.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 02, 2026 11:31 PM (ZOv7s)

177 The current world population is about 8.29 billion which means there are about 2.4 million ants per person on earth.
Posted by: Don Black at May 02, 2026 10:42

I remember when it was 3 or 3.5 billion. Funny it doesn't seem that much more crowded here now.

Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 02, 2026 11:32 PM (55Qr6)

178 If you've wondered how some seemingly normal people turn to canabism, note who is eating crazy shit like cow's tongue. They live among us.

Head on a swivel.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 11:32 PM (viF8m)

179 Best D&D since Dave & Daniel!

Posted by: gKWVE at May 02, 2026 11:32 PM (gKWVE)

180 Tonight we're having boiled tongue and baked squash. You may not excuse yourself until your plate is clean.
Posted by: your Mom at May 02, 2026 11:28 PM (b3Yos)
---
Luxury!

Posted by: Liver and onions at May 02, 2026 11:32 PM (ZOv7s)

181 My last surviving aunt celebrated her 100th birthday today.

Amazing.
Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:30 PM (3ek7K)

Congratulations are due!

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 11:33 PM (utfVc)

182 Tonight we're having boiled tongue and baked squash. You may not excuse yourself until your plate is clean.

Posted by: your Mom at May 02, 2026 11:28 PM

We had corned beef and cabbage. I found s marked down little corned beef brisket. It was a good slow cooker meal when Mr Scary was grouchy.
It wasn't bad at all .

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:34 PM (U94Dl)

183 If you've wondered how some seemingly normal people turn to canabism
Posted by: JackStraw

Is Canabism the fundamentalist branch of Rastafarianism?

Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 11:35 PM (VHUov)

184 My last surviving aunt celebrated her 100th birthday today.

Amazing.
Posted by: four seasons
.......

WOW! Partay!
My Mom is 95, I hope she makes to 100. She is in good shape but kind of blind.

Posted by: wth at May 02, 2026 11:35 PM (b3Yos)

185 I remember when it was 3 or 3.5 billion. Funny it doesn't seem that much more crowded here now.
Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 02, 2026 11:32 PM (55Qr6)
---
China is fudging the numbers bigly. Demographers arguing that the official count of 1.4 billion is obviously wrong.

Estimates range from 1.2 billion to 500 million.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 02, 2026 11:35 PM (ZOv7s)

186
I can't imagine living to 100.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:35 PM (3ek7K)

187 The current world population is about 8.29 billion which means there are about 2.4 million ants per person on earth.
Posted by: Don Black at May 02, 2026 10:42

I remember when it was 3 or 3.5 billion. Funny it doesn't seem that much more crowded here now.
Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take

Don't see that.
It's like every fricken third world douche bag and noreasterner is tooling around town here.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 11:36 PM (/lPRQ)

188 Is Canabism the fundamentalist branch of Rastafarianism?
Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 11:35 PM (VHUov)
---
It's the militant wing.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 02, 2026 11:36 PM (ZOv7s)

189 181 My last surviving aunt celebrated her 100th birthday today.

Amazing.
Posted by: four seasons

Happy 100th!

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:36 PM (U94Dl)

190 >>Is Canabism the fundamentalist branch of Rastafarianism?

Fuck no.

Rastas are high. They aren't crazy.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 11:37 PM (viF8m)

191 “C Rations” weren’t developed until after World War II.

They had K Rations, which weren’t widely liked. There were some canned items all packed up called “5 in 1s” which was enough to feed 5 guys for a day, they were much more prized.

Spam and more Spam. And powdered eggs. And more Spam was the rule for a lot of places.

C Rations debuted in the 1950s, and later (technically) MCIs for “Meal, Combat, Individual” though still called C rations.

Rations for Aircraft and survival kits and lifeboats such, there was actually quite a variety. I actually enjoyed eating that stuff. As a bachelor, it seemed perfect. Stew or Chili, crackers & peanut butter, cheddar, a can of Pears in heavy syrup, chocolate, coffee, and cigarettes too. What the fuck else do you want?

Posted by: Common Tater at May 02, 2026 11:38 PM (Lqx3s)

192
My mother will be 96 on May 7th.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 02, 2026 11:38 PM (w6EFb)

193 I can't imagine living to 100.
Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:35 PM (3ek7K)
---
I'd love to live long enough to see my great-great grandkids. My wife has a decent chance of pulling it off. My father seems to really enjoy being a great-grandpa. He was never big on being around kids, but now he seems to enjoy it.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 02, 2026 11:39 PM (ZOv7s)

194 I can't imagine living to 100.
Posted by: four seasons
.......

Me neither. 30 more years?
I really screwed up my retirement plan.

Posted by: wth at May 02, 2026 11:40 PM (b3Yos)

195 I demand recompense for all of the mouse scrolling to get here. It's May Day Eve's Evening, for Stalin's sake!

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 02, 2026 11:43 PM (diia5)

196 People are complaining about egg salad, which is delicious, and eating a cow's tongue?
Posted by: JackStraw
---

You know, you go out and are asked, 'want some tongue', and you think, that's different and say, why not.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 02, 2026 11:43 PM (Lw/3D)

197 I can't imagine living to 100.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:35 PM (3ek7K)

I'd like to die around 75. That is 20 years from now. Long enough to get some SS and have some travels. I do not wish to.be a burden on society.

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:43 PM (U94Dl)

198 There's a pun involving canabosm but i'm too lazy to work it out.

Posted by: Dark L at May 02, 2026 11:44 PM (W5mpo)

199 Whew! I'm so happy there's nothing for a bus to plunge off around here, except a bridge or two 50 feet high. Flatter than Rachel Corrie 'round these parts.

Posted by: Flatlander, Myself at May 02, 2026 11:46 PM (oftw2)

200 Keb Mo. My spirit animal.

https://tinyurl.com/mry7u28j

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 11:46 PM (viF8m)

201 I can't imagine living to 100.
Posted by: four seasons
.......

Me neither. 30 more years?
I really screwed up my retirement plan.
Posted by: wth

===

Good until 105 at present value on 'investments'.
Just did calcs on nominal inflation rates... good indefinitely.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 11:46 PM (/lPRQ)

202 Cannibbleism: when you open a can, and nibble on the contents.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 11:47 PM (utfVc)

203 I'm hanging on until I see great grandkids.

Posted by: wth at May 02, 2026 11:47 PM (b3Yos)

204 The relationship between my mom and my grandkids is awesome to watch. They have a hobby room in her house that they use. She demands they keep it clean because "I could trip" so they always make sure everything is picked up.
They insist on visiting quite a bit. She gets hugs that bring tears to her eyes. Told she is "So pretty".
She loves them so much.

Posted by: Reforger at May 02, 2026 11:47 PM (vKmKk)

205 Eddie Rickenbacker, famous World War One Ace, was quite a guy and heavily involved in aviation through the 2nd World War.

He was a passenger on a military flight, where the navigator’s Octant had been damaged due to a crash earlier that day. The wind up is, they got lost at sea and had to ditch, and everyone piled into a few rafts for a month and had an ordeal from hell.

They did have some fishhooks and line, though without bait for a while, and discussed maybe cutting off fingertips for this purpose. Others suggested earlobes as perhaps better suited as less likely to become infected. Luckily they didn’t have to resort to anything like that. Not quite cannibalism but they did eat raw fish and birds.

Posted by: Common Tater at May 02, 2026 11:47 PM (Lqx3s)

206 Thanks for the ONT.

So I see we are talking about cheery topics: retirement and outliving it. Death.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 02, 2026 11:48 PM (bss/y)

207 My buddy had a cottontail and a cat, and the cat was constantly trying to fornicate with the bunny. This is what happens when you bring these animals into you home.
Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at May 02, 2026 11:03

Well at least they were real animals and not humans who thought they were animals. In this day and age the other is possible.

Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 02, 2026 11:48 PM (55Qr6)

208 She loves them so much.
Posted by: Reforger at May 02, 2026 11:47 PM (vKmKk)

That's beautiful.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 02, 2026 11:49 PM (bss/y)

209 She gets hugs that bring tears to her eyes. Told she is "So pretty".
She loves them so much.
Posted by: Reforger at May 02, 2026 11:47 PM (vKmKk)

This, right here, is what life is about.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 02, 2026 11:49 PM (DwqWV)

210 Good until 105 at present value on 'investments'.
Just did calcs on nominal inflation rates... good indefinitely.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher

Of course, that is what you get when you eat PB&J for thirty years while your peers eat out every day for lunch... no they do not get my POC when I 'retire'.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 11:49 PM (/lPRQ)

211
I'd like to die around 75.
Posted by: BarelyScaryMary

I have seven months to go.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2026 11:49 PM (Cqx++)

212 So I see we are talking about cheery topics: retirement and outliving it. Death.
Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 02, 2026 11:48 PM (bss/y)

I'm so damned busy I think I should go back to work to rest up. I will NOT outlive my retirement, but I will live all of it, no matter what.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 02, 2026 11:50 PM (DwqWV)

213 197 I can't imagine living to 100.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:35 PM (3ek7K)

I'd like to die around 75. That is 20 years from now. Long enough to get some SS and have some travels. I do not wish to.be a burden on society.
Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:43 PM (U94Dl)

Quitters!

I'll go on as long as The Lord or dystopian scientific advances permit. Brain in a jar? And how!

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at May 02, 2026 11:50 PM (KKQKG)

214 I think canabosm is when you eat boobs.

Posted by: wth at May 02, 2026 11:51 PM (b3Yos)

215 Just finished the clean up from the Derby Party. 84 yr old uncle stole the show - he showed up in a jockey uniform.

Posted by: scampydog at May 02, 2026 11:51 PM (41CYW)

216 Keb Mo. My spirit animal.

https://tinyurl.com/mry7u28j
Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 11:46 PM (viF8m)

A fine musician, and a cool dude. Met him about 30-odd years ago when he played the King Eddy in Calgary. Lately, he has been doing collaborations with Taj Mahal.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 11:52 PM (utfVc)

217 211
I'd like to die around 75.
Posted by: BarelyScaryMary

I have seven months to go.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 02, 2026 11:49 PM (Cqx++)

Fuck alla that. Live like it was your last day no matter what, and love every damned minute of it. Both of you have just as many days as He determined, and so don't waste them bemoaning the end. I know where I'm headed, should things come to a screeching halt, and I don't mind one bit.

God gives us each what we need and if we can't figure out how to get to heaven, well, that's on us. Sometimes He lets us see a bit of it before we go.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 02, 2026 11:52 PM (DwqWV)

218 The relationship between my mom and my grandkids is awesome to watch. They have a hobby room in her house that they use. She demands they keep it clean because "I could trip" so they always make sure everything is picked up.
They insist on visiting quite a bit. She gets hugs that bring tears to her eyes. Told she is "So pretty".
She loves them so much.
Posted by: Reforger at May 02, 2026 11:47 PM (vKmKk)
---
Beautiful.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 02, 2026 11:52 PM (ZOv7s)

219 215 Just finished the clean up from the Derby Party. 84 yr old uncle stole the show - he showed up in a jockey uniform.
Posted by: scampydog at May 02, 2026 11:51 PM (41CYW)

Blackface?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 02, 2026 11:53 PM (bss/y)

220 No one wants to live to be 100 except the man who’s 99.

Posted by: Tom Servo at May 02, 2026 11:54 PM (XcvNy)

221 A lot of mute points in this thread. Increasing evidence points to 2033 being the end of all things visible.

Posted by: It's All Used Up. at May 02, 2026 11:54 PM (oftw2)

222
Our grandkids have a bedroom here they use as a playroom.

We don't care how messy it gets. The rest of the house they have to clean up before they go home.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:54 PM (3ek7K)

223 Cow tongue is ok, for use poor folk. I liked it in my youth when we were poor. If you peel it right.

And liver. The heart is like tenderloin if it's fresh. Your taste buds may vary.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at May 02, 2026 11:55 PM (Fbc0I)

224 I think canabosm is when you eat boobs.
Posted by: wth

Can-o-Bosom sounds like a do-it-yourself plastic-surgery product from some dystopian sci-fi show.

.....and Lycia Naff read the instructions wrong.

Posted by: mikeski at May 02, 2026 11:55 PM (VHUov)

225 So, the very concept of total number of particles in the observable universe just doesn't make any sense. It is something that can't even be defined.
Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 02, 2026 11:25

Whoa there mr publius that is way too deep for the AOS site, the recluse of ignorant Americahn rednecks. Tone it down, please.

Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 02, 2026 11:55 PM (55Qr6)

226 Fuck alla that. Live like it was your last day no matter what, and love every damned minute of it.”

If I was gonna do that I’d never do any laundry.

Posted by: Tom Servo at May 02, 2026 11:55 PM (XcvNy)

227 Happy Caturday Night, horde!

I've had cow's tongue.. It was tender, baked low & slow, but not extremely flavorful. It *needed* the (excellent) gravy it was served with.

Why eat tongue? Because it was CHEAP protein!

Posted by: JQ at May 02, 2026 11:56 PM (rdVOm)

228 Blackface?
Posted by: Aetius451AD
---------
Wasn't JP Morgan cannons. Damnit.

Posted by: scampydog at May 02, 2026 11:56 PM (41CYW)

229 I'm so damned busy I think I should go back to work to rest up. I will NOT outlive my retirement, but I will live all of it, no matter what.
Posted by: tcn in AK

IIRC - you worked POA.
SAM here.
Those wonderful people if HR 'misplaced' half my files and I cannot retire until they reconstruct the first three years....
Yup, cannot retire... Indentured servant I am.

I am one of those who would make a tad bit more 'retired'. Not even factoring not having to deal with drudgery eight hours a day. Already told boss I am taking 16 hrs a week leave one way or another until HR gets their shit straight.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 11:56 PM (/lPRQ)

230 I just got stung on the hand by a scorpion in my bed as I grooved to Keb MO. Damnit. Pine bark scorpions. They are not the worst. I flushed the lil fucker down the toilet.

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:57 PM (U94Dl)

231 A lot of mute points in this thread. Increasing evidence points to 2033 being the end of all things visible.
Posted by: It's All Used Up. at May 02, 2026 11:54 PM (oftw2)

That's when the bottommost turtle gets arthritis, and the entire stack topples over?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 02, 2026 11:57 PM (utfVc)

232 https://youtu.be/ouP9Yz8TEBM

Posted by: JQ at May 02, 2026 11:58 PM (rdVOm)

233
Good grief Mary.

I hope you will be okay.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:59 PM (3ek7K)

234 >>A fine musician, and a cool dude. Met him about 30-odd years ago when he played the King Eddy in Calgary. Lately, he has been doing collaborations with Taj Mahal

Lucky you. Two greats.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 02, 2026 11:59 PM (viF8m)

235 I just got stung on the hand by a scorpion in my bed as I grooved to Keb MO. Damnit. Pine bark scorpions. They are not the worst. I flushed the lil fucker down the toilet.
Posted by: BarelyScaryMary

YOWCH!

Sorry, Mary..

Posted by: JQ at May 03, 2026 12:00 AM (rdVOm)

236 IIRC - you worked POA.
SAM here.
Those wonderful people if HR 'misplaced' half my files and I cannot retire until they reconstruct the first three years....
Yup, cannot retire... Indentured servant I am.

I am one of those who would make a tad bit more 'retired'. Not even factoring not having to deal with drudgery eight hours a day. Already told boss I am taking 16 hrs a week leave one way or another until HR gets their shit straight.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 02, 2026 11:56 PM (/lPRQ)

I was USACE, so DoD. Now DoW. They have all my records, but it took a year to find the old ones when I went back to DoD after years in private practice. Held up my promotion, which means less $$ and pissed me off something royal, but once they found it all (on paper, I assume) they did give me the back pay.

No idea why it is so difficult in Federal Service. Except that I've met the HR people and.... well.... I hope they never have to retire, either.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 03, 2026 12:00 AM (DwqWV)

237 She gets hugs that bring tears to her eyes. Told she is "So pretty".
She loves them so much.
Posted by: Reforger
.......

My Mom lives for this. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow and pay her bills, our Sundays. I kind of live for this too.

Posted by: wth at May 03, 2026 12:01 AM (b3Yos)

238 230 I just got stung on the hand by a scorpion in my bed as I grooved to Keb MO. Damnit. Pine bark scorpions. They are not the worst. I flushed the lil fucker down the toilet.
Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:57 PM (U94Dl)

I hope you burned his ass beyond all recognition first, just so the other ones get the message.

I live where there are no such things, thank heaven.

But we do have bears, so, well, bears are easier to evade, I think....

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 03, 2026 12:02 AM (DwqWV)

239 The year my granddaughter was born, I set a Box Elder sapling in the back yard. I did the same in the year my grandson was born.

Today I took them out back to look at their trees and they were in awe, and looking forward to climbing them.

That's what it's all about.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 03, 2026 12:02 AM (ZOv7s)

240
I miss a lot of things from living in the South.

I don't miss walking into the kitchen and finding a snake.

Posted by: four seasons at May 03, 2026 12:02 AM (3ek7K)

241 237 She gets hugs that bring tears to her eyes. Told she is "So pretty".
She loves them so much.
Posted by: Reforger
.......

My Mom lives for this. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow and pay her bills, our Sundays. I kind of live for this too.
Posted by: wth at May 03, 2026 12:01 AM (b3Yos)

DH's mom comes up next week, to see grandboy. I told her she was a great Grandma to our spawn, and now she's a Great Grandma. She's gonna be over the moon. That little runt is gonna look her straight in the eye and it will be all over.

At least, that's what happened to me. Lol.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 03, 2026 12:04 AM (DwqWV)

242 When the oldest grand got to about 2 he could open baby gates. We have a whole half of the house sectioned off with one. One day he's being all quiet and we go to see what he's up to and he has discovered that section. Declares it's his and has considered it his since. Then comes baby brother. Not so his anymore. He was using toys to make a line across the floor before brother could even crawl.

Posted by: Reforger at May 03, 2026 12:04 AM (vKmKk)

243 Good grief Mary.

I hope you will be okay.

Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026

It wasn't a bad sting. I flushed the offending scorpion down the toilet. He won't be bothering me again. We have had a lot of rain. I'll spray the baseboards with stuff. My folks are visiting soon. Being sting by a scorpion is not on their bingo card.

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 03, 2026 12:05 AM (U94Dl)

244 I miss a lot of things from living in the South.

I don't miss walking into the kitchen and finding a snake.

Posted by: four seasons at May 03, 2026 12:02 AM (3ek7K)
---
My wife reconciled with living in Michigan vs Kentucky in large part because venomous things have a hard time surviving this far north. She felt that was a decent tradeoff.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 03, 2026 12:05 AM (ZOv7s)

245 Bwahaha!

https://x.com/DataRepublican/status/
2050580355670061525

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 03, 2026 12:06 AM (utfVc)

246 No idea why it is so difficult in Federal Service. Except that I've met the HR people and.... well.... I hope they never have to retire, either.
Posted by: tcn in AK

Been since the end of December since I said I am done... But Wait... we cannot confirm the first three years...... so going on month five with Boss knowing he cannot do shit regardless of when I come in and leave. Could fire me... but knows it will get real ugly firing a guy that said he's retiring officially NOW but HR has paperwork issues making it official....

Thinking about sueing for backpay once they get their shit straight.
But I'll be happy to put it in the past.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 03, 2026 12:06 AM (/lPRQ)

247 230 I just got stung on the hand by a scorpion

I tried to warn them.

Posted by: the frog at May 03, 2026 12:06 AM (gKWVE)

248 230 I just got stung on the hand by a scorpion in my bed as I grooved to Keb MO. Damnit. Pine bark scorpions. They are not the worst. I flushed the lil fucker down the toilet.
Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 02, 2026 11:57 PM (U94Dl)

Kentucky is nice.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:06 AM (bss/y)

249 I can't imagine living to 100.
Posted by: four seasons at May 02, 2026 11:35

My grandma lived to a month short of 104.

At 100 I took her to get her state ID renewed. The gal behind the counter was...wow you're 100!

Grandma smiled a little and kinda shrugged...I don't know where the time went.

Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 03, 2026 12:07 AM (55Qr6)

250 But we do have bears, so, well, bears are easier to evade, I think....
Posted by: tcn in AK

At least bears don't do not come up at you out of the toilet.

Assuming you have indoor plumbing and not using an outhouse of course.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 03, 2026 12:09 AM (/lPRQ)

251
AHLloyd,

Same here. From SC to Wyoming. The only critters in our house now are grandkids, lol.

Posted by: four seasons at May 03, 2026 12:09 AM (3ek7K)

252 Assuming you have indoor plumbing and not using an outhouse of course.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 03, 2026 12:09 AM (/lPRQ)

That's Hazard County. And some places back in the hollers.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:10 AM (bss/y)

253
Farmer,

That is awesome.

Posted by: four seasons at May 03, 2026 12:10 AM (3ek7K)

254
But we do have bears, so, well, bears are easier to evade, I think....
Posted by: tcn in AK

You can't flush a bear down the toilet.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 03, 2026 12:10 AM (Cqx++)

255 Our son was a bit spoiled. We adopted him when he was six months old, and he is my one and only kid, so I took about two months off work to "bond." At the end of that, I went back to work three days a week, and the boy went to Grandma's house. The two of them remain joined at the hip, even though they live thousands of miles away, he in AK and she in WI. She loved it, and so did he, and I never had to put him in daycare with strangers. She was forever taking him to the zoo, the playgrounds, out to lunch, to the airport to watch the planes fly, to the lake to swim, and all the really fun stuff you get to do with a kid that you don't do as an adult.

I intend to do the same with grandboy. He just turned 3 months old, so not a lot of action yet, but we take him to Church and he gets to meet all the other kids and be fawned over by all the ladies. Can't wait until he's hitting the ball off the tee, climbing everything in sight, etc.

Boys, amirite?

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 03, 2026 12:11 AM (DwqWV)

256 My G. Grandma made 104. Seems like the females of the family all live into at least their early 90's. The males have a habit of passing early.

Posted by: Reforger at May 03, 2026 12:11 AM (vKmKk)

257
We have mule deer and moose. At least we can see them.

Posted by: four seasons at May 03, 2026 12:12 AM (3ek7K)

258 Kentucky is nice.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:06 AM (bss/y)

I'm sure it is. God Bless. I'm used to scorpions in the bed. There was a snake in the bathtub a few years ago. Any libtard moving to Austin should be aware. Sneks and scorpions don't care about your suicidal empathy. They bite and sting. It is their nature

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 03, 2026 12:12 AM (U94Dl)

259 Same here. From SC to Wyoming. The only critters in our house now are grandkids, lol.
Posted by: four seasons at May 03, 2026 12:09 AM (3ek7K)
---
We get mice and ants, but none of them are that big of a deal.

Having the grandkids live with us is a blessing in disguise. They damn near wore us out for the first few years, but now they are moving into grade school and we are really enjoying having them here.

Earlier today my wife remarked that they seemed so much more confident and assured than our kids, and I said "Why not? Their grandparents and aunts are RIGHT HERE. How much more loved could kids be?"

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 03, 2026 12:14 AM (ZOv7s)

260 Take your dog or cat to a rest home.

Watch what happens.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 03, 2026 12:14 AM (viF8m)

261 Thanks for the ONT.

So I see we are talking about cheery topics: retirement and outliving it. Death.
Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 02, 2026 11:48 PM (bss/y)

Not everyone. Between Berserker's comments and last night's ONT, I'm still thinking about Winona Ryder.

Posted by: Nerd Herd at May 03, 2026 12:14 AM (NZPfR)

262 I think the oldest I had was Uncle Steve (great uncle.) Grandpas younger brother. When he was 60 he looked 40, 70 50, etc. All the way to 96.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:14 AM (bss/y)

263 Thinking about sueing for backpay once they get their shit straight.
But I'll be happy to put it in the past.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 03, 2026 12:06 AM (/lPRQ)

They will pay what they owe once the sort it out. At least they get that part right. Even if it takes for fucking ever to get it right.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 03, 2026 12:15 AM (DwqWV)

264 Not everyone. Between Berserker's comments and last night's ONT, I'm still thinking about Winona Ryder.
Posted by: Nerd Herd at May 03, 2026 12:14 AM (NZPfR)

Worth thinking about.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:15 AM (bss/y)

265 Eh. Her boobs are too big.

Posted by: Reforger at May 03, 2026 12:17 AM (vKmKk)

266 Top story of Insty is modern communists in a nutshell.

Fucking naifish retards.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:17 AM (bss/y)

267 260 Take your dog or cat to a rest home.

Watch what happens.
Posted by: JackStraw at May 03, 2026 12:14 AM (viF8m)

When I lived in Waunakee, I used to walk the boy over to the old folks' home, him on his tricycle. A couple of the old boys there would do races with him in their wheelchairs, and then he would climb up in the old ladies' laps and beam at them. We "wasted" many an afternoon there, with both the boy and the old folks' in much happiness.

It doesn't take much.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 03, 2026 12:18 AM (DwqWV)

268 265 Eh. Her boobs are too big.
Posted by: Reforger at May 03, 2026 12:17 AM (vKmKk)

As was established last night: gay.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:19 AM (bss/y)

269 Wow, getting late. Got to get to bed so I don't miss the Book Thread! Good night, everyone.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at May 03, 2026 12:19 AM (ZOv7s)

270 Live like it was your last day no matter what, and love every damned minute of it.”

If I was gonna do that I’d never do any laundry.
Posted by: Tom Servo at May 02, 2026 11:5
-----
That has to be one of the top 10 this week.

Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 03, 2026 12:20 AM (55Qr6)

271 It's just a stingin' lizard, that's all.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 03, 2026 12:20 AM (Lw/3D)

272 271 It's just a stingin' lizard, that's all.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at May 03, 2026 12:20 AM (Lw/3D)

*whispers* insect, sir.

Posted by: Patsy at May 03, 2026 12:21 AM (bss/y)

273 Not everyone. Between Berserker's comments and last night's ONT, I'm still thinking about Winona Ryder.

Posted by: Nerd Herd at May 03, 2026 12:14 AM (NZPfR) Not everyone. Between Berserker's comments and last night's ONT, I'm still thinking about Winona Ryder.

I missed that one. Winona Ryder may be a bit older than I . She's boned Johnny Depp. I hope she has planned for retirement. Life is a bitch/unpredicable.

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 03, 2026 12:23 AM (U94Dl)

274
Husband drives 7 year old grandson to school twice a week.

The school has a walking club every morning before school begins. They have a great time. When grandson's friends get off the bus they run to grandson and hubby. Hubby says the kids say they want to walk with grandson and his grandpa.

Husband feels honored.

Posted by: four seasons at May 03, 2026 12:23 AM (3ek7K)

275 I'm doing everything I can to keep Mom in her house. She's mostly blind but knows her way around. I'm only a couple miles away and have a nice gal cleaning and shopping for her. Nothing is forever, at least what we know.
Have faith.

Posted by: wth at May 03, 2026 12:23 AM (b3Yos)

276 Eh. Her boobs are too big.
Posted by: Reforger at May 03, 2026 12:17 AM (vKmKk)

I'll go with "Problems I'll Take" for $200, Alex.

I bet it's the Daily Double.

Posted by: Nerd Herd at May 03, 2026 12:24 AM (NZPfR)

277 I missed that one. Winona Ryder may be a bit older than I . She's boned Johnny Depp. I hope she has planned for retirement. Life is a bitch/unpredicable.
Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 03, 2026 12:23 AM (U94Dl)

She had a renaissance with Stranger Things.

Posted by: Patsy at May 03, 2026 12:24 AM (bss/y)

278 >>>If I was gonna do that I’d never do any laundry.
Posted by: Tom Servo at May 02, 2026 11:5

>When you find someone, give me their number I have some other tasks worth consideration.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at May 03, 2026 12:26 AM (Fbc0I)

279 My big sister's childhood best friend, Jane, had an affair with a black man named Willy who had 6 nipples. Symmetrical, dog-fashion.

True story.

Posted by: Beverly at May 03, 2026 12:26 AM (reMys)

280 Eh. Her boobs are too big.
Posted by: Reforger

I'll go with "Problems I'll Take" for $200, Alex.
I bet it's the Daily Double.
Posted by: Nerd Herd

* golf clap *

Posted by: mikeski at May 03, 2026 12:27 AM (VHUov)

281 They will pay what they owe once the sort it out. At least they get that part right. Even if it takes for fucking ever to get it right.
Posted by: tcn in AK

Not that simple - I qualify for full retirement and told them I do not think it is worth jack (another day of my life) to go in every day even if the paid me because they have to pay me (a fraction) to sit on my but and not go in.
That fraction is worth more to me than going in and doing literally nothing because that robs me of time to do anything else I would rather do.

We are all on a clock that ends sooner or later.
Maybe if they paid me ten times what I am getting now it might be worth it. Might be.

Anyway... time to punch out.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at May 03, 2026 12:27 AM (/lPRQ)

282 We have crows here, not a bad thing you may think, but they all come from a murder.

Posted by: 13times at May 03, 2026 12:27 AM (3fEC+)

283 280 My big sister's childhood best friend, Jane, had an affair with a black man named Willy who had 6 nipples. Symmetrical, dog-fashion.

True story.
Posted by: Beverly at May 03, 2026 12:26 AM (reMys)

That's well sourced, but we need a counter opinion.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:27 AM (bss/y)

284 She's 55.

Posted by: Dark L at May 03, 2026 12:28 AM (W5mpo)

285 I found a giant mushroom in my front yard today. Looked like a pale Yorkshire pudding. Sprang up overnight.

Tomorrow night, I'll keep an eye peeled for triffids.

Posted by: Beverly at May 03, 2026 12:28 AM (reMys)

286 Watch me to see Winona.
First scene.
You’ll be happy you did.

Posted by: Before The Devil Knows Youre Dead at May 03, 2026 12:29 AM (ewIRf)

287 Heathers era Wynona was quite hot.

Posted by: Reforger at May 03, 2026 12:30 AM (vKmKk)

288 >>It doesn't take much.

I take Elvis to visit my mom every week. He's become a rock star. People who have given up come out of the woodwork to see him and get a slobbery dog kiss and tell me the same stories about their pets they told me the week before.

He has more fun than they do and they love it.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 03, 2026 12:33 AM (viF8m)

289 She had a renaissance with Stranger Things.

Posted by: Patsy at May 03, 2026 12:24 AM

I hope she is okay. She was in some enjoyable Gen X movies. Then she went crazy. She has to be 55 or 56 years old. Tough age in Hollywood for a chick.

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 03, 2026 12:34 AM (U94Dl)

290 She's 55.
Posted by: Dark L at May 03, 2026 12:28 AM (W5mpo)

For those of us who have achieved the advanced age of 29, that's not too old.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 03, 2026 12:34 AM (utfVc)

291 If'n you haven't seen it, you must

@MAGAVoice
Marco Rubio finding out he has to run Spirit Airlines.
x.com/MAGAVoice/status/2050693618768502862

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 03, 2026 12:34 AM (diia5)

292 I take Elvis to visit my mom every week. He's become a rock star.
Posted by: JackStraw

ISWYDT.

Posted by: mikeski at May 03, 2026 12:35 AM (VHUov)

293 Sorry I'm late, I was planning to do some brooding but couldn't find the required Victorian manor in which to do it. Not one that wasn't previously occupied, at least.
Posted by: tankdemon at May 02, 2026 10:13 PM (2RJDy)

Ah, the Pirates of Penzance problem

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Why do I sit here? To escape from the pirates' clutches, I described myself as an orphan; and, heaven help me, I am no orphan! I come here to humble myself before the tombs of my ancestors, and to implore their pardon for having brought dishonor on the family escutcheon

[FREDERIC]
But you forget, sir, you only bought the property a year ago, and the stucco on your baronial castle is scarcely dry

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Frederic, in this chapel are ancestors: you cannot deny that. With the estate, I bought the chapel and its contents. I don't know whose ancestors they were, but I know whose ancestors they are, and I shudder to think that their descendant by purchase (if I may so describe myself) should have brought disgrace upon what, I have no doubt, was an unstained escutcheon

Posted by: Kindltot at May 03, 2026 12:35 AM (rbvCR)

294 I knew Elvis was still alive.

Posted by: wth at May 03, 2026 12:37 AM (b3Yos)

295 Anyway, I've always really liked this poppy hit off her second studio album It's Not Me, It's You (2009). "Shots fired," as they say, and it's pretty plainly aimed at the Paris Hilton type:

Lily Allen | The Fear (Official Video - Explicit Version)
https://youtu.be/q-wGMlSuX_c
Posted by: SciVo at May 02, 2026 10:24 PM (Sy6m/)

I had that album and I liked it until I started listening to the lyrics. no idea why I decided to do something as dumb as that. It is like reading the response section, it just ruins the joy.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 03, 2026 12:39 AM (rbvCR)

296 Ozempic is getting out of hand. Olivia Wilde is looking rough.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:39 AM (bss/y)

297 I take Elvis to visit my mom every week. He's become a rock star. People who have given up come out of the woodwork to see him and get a slobbery dog kiss and tell me the same stories about their pets they told me the week before.

He has more fun than they do and they love it.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 03, 2026 12:33 AM (viF8m)

You are a sweetheart for doing that, Mr Straw. Bless you and Elvis ❤️ 😃

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at May 03, 2026 12:40 AM (U94Dl)

298 https://youtu.be/BJii3ACoqDc

Posted by: JQ at May 03, 2026 12:40 AM (rdVOm)

299 What the fuck? I had an aneurism. Marisa Tomei not Winona.

Posted by: Before The Devil Knows Youre Dead at May 03, 2026 12:40 AM (ewIRf)

300 299 What the fuck? I had an aneurism. Marisa Tomei not Winona.
Posted by: Before The Devil Knows Youre Dead at May 03, 2026 12:40 AM (ewIRf)

I was about to say. I just did research and while Ms Ryder has done some nudity (including a cell shaded version in In a Scanner Darkly) that was not one of the movies.

Good day, sir.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:41 AM (bss/y)

301 I had two great-uncles make it to 100. My Dad only made it to 85, but then he had been nuked by the Army. Twice. Just to see what would happen.

And here I am.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at May 03, 2026 12:42 AM (mjROD)

302 Rabbit is not very good eating. OTOH, any port in a storm. Check the liver for white spots, tularemia or coccidiosis.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 02, 2026 10:43 PM (XeU6L)

Oddly, "Haruspicy" is not a brand of hot-sauce, but it should be

Posted by: Kindltot at May 03, 2026 12:44 AM (rbvCR)

303 I love tongue burritos. I get odd looks when I order them at the mexican food stand though, me being a red head.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 03, 2026 12:45 AM (rbvCR)

304 I had two great-uncles make it to 100. My Dad only made it to 85, but then he had been nuked by the Army. Twice. Just to see what would happen.

And here I am.
Posted by: Idaho Spudboy

Wait, were they holding up mile markers in Los Alamos or something?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 03, 2026 12:46 AM (diia5)

305 Is there anybody home?

Posted by: wth at May 03, 2026 12:46 AM (b3Yos)

306 I don't understand why women come to this blog, with its outrageous vulgarity. Maybe because it's cruel and hilarious.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at May 03, 2026 12:47 AM (Fbc0I)

307 No idea why it is so difficult in Federal Service. Except that I've met the HR people and.... well.... I hope they never have to retire, either.
Posted by: tcn in AK at May 03, 2026 12:00 AM (DwqWV)

Are they still keeping the records on paper in an old salt mine or something, where they literally have to go down a mine shaft to check old records? I remember hearing something about that.

Posted by: SciVo at May 03, 2026 12:47 AM (Sy6m/)

308 Spud Dad was testing fridges.

Posted by: gKWVE at May 03, 2026 12:47 AM (gKWVE)

309 Sarah Hoyt at her blog According to Hoyt posits that there might be a lot less people in the world than the popular estimates because there are incentives to exaggerate the number of people you have in your country (to dissuade other countries from invading, for example).
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 02, 2026 10:56 PM (ZVgZ4)

She has been on that for years, and I suspect she is right. There are calls right now saying that the Chinese population is cratering due to one-child and Covid, though others are claiming it is just because the "mobile" population that basically does gig work in the factories and fabs is still roaming looking for work after the Lunar new year vacations.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 03, 2026 12:49 AM (rbvCR)

310
Are they still keeping the records on paper in an old salt mine or something, where they literally have to go down a mine shaft to check old records? I remember hearing something about that.
Posted by: SciVo

I think DOGE was looking into it but since they shutdown DOGE it looks like we still get the shaft.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 03, 2026 12:51 AM (Cqx++)

311 306 I don't understand why women come to this blog, with its outrageous vulgarity. Maybe because it's cruel and hilarious.
Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at May 03, 2026 12:47 AM (Fbc0I)

Are we really that outrageous? I'd wager any 'ette who comes here *rimshot* and especially any who comment are not shocked that dudes like looking at nekkid women.

*looks both ways*

I'd say a fair few of them have even had sex.

*nods*

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:51 AM (bss/y)

312 I found a giant mushroom in my front yard today. Looked like a pale Yorkshire pudding. Sprang up overnight.
Tomorrow night, I'll keep an eye peeled for triffids.
Posted by: Beverly at May 03, 2026 12:28

We had morels pop up in the front yard the other day, first time. What are triffids?

Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 03, 2026 12:52 AM (55Qr6)

313 I've eaten cow tongue. At least, I assumed it was cow. Now I'm starting to worry.
Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at May 02, 2026 11:15 PM (mjROD)

That is why you get it from the place that doesn't skin the taste-buds off.
Or get the "tripas" instead. (Don't worry, that doesn't translate as "tripe". It is much worse)

Posted by: Kindltot at May 03, 2026 12:52 AM (rbvCR)

314 Net:

Triffids are fictional, mobile, carnivorous plants from John Wyndham’s novel, often used metaphorically to describe large, invasive, or menacing plants.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:53 AM (bss/y)

315 >>You are a sweetheart for doing that, Mr Straw. Bless you and Elvis ❤️ 😃

I'm the furthest thing from a sweetheart.

But I was blessed with the best parents any slightly off bubble kid could have asked for. And seeing the reaction this goofy dog gets from those of us who done the crime of getting old makes my tiny heart happy.

Everyone wins.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 03, 2026 12:54 AM (viF8m)

316 Spud Dad was testing fridges.
Posted by: gKWVE at May 03, 2026 12:47 AM (gKWVE)

Seriously, Dad was one of the many enlisted support troops in the vicinity of the open air tests in the Pacific. He witnessed two tests, and fortunately didn't have to do anything awful like barehanded clean up.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at May 03, 2026 12:59 AM (mjROD)

317 Well, 2300 here, and another early day tomorrow. Going to call it a night. Later, Horde.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 03, 2026 01:01 AM (utfVc)

318 301 I had two great-uncles make it to 100. My Dad only made it to 85, but then he had been nuked by the Army. Twice. Just to see what would happen.

And here I am.
Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at May 03, 2026 12:42 AM (mjROD)

I literally slept in a radar room, with a 1 Million Watt Air search radar.... for months.

I'm surprised I'm still around

Posted by: Romeo13 at May 03, 2026 01:04 AM (mP0Kj)

319 Dad made it to 84, Mom made it only to 64. The rest... somewhere between late 70s and mid 90s.

When your number's up, it's up. *shrug*

Posted by: JQ at May 03, 2026 01:08 AM (rdVOm)

320 Triffids are fictional, mobile, carnivorous plants from John Wyndham’s novel, often used metaphorically to describe large, invasive, or menacing plants.
Posted by: Aetius451AD at May 03, 2026 12:53

TY. Sadly I'm not up to date on fictional, mobile, carnivorous plants.

Posted by: Farmer, with his own historic take at May 03, 2026 01:14 AM (55Qr6)

321 Delilah is one of those names that should come back in style

https://tinyurl.com/47eyk9r4

Posted by: JackStraw at May 03, 2026 01:15 AM (viF8m)

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