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Disaster! Warner Bros. Hires New Writer for Lord of the Rings Mid-quel: Steven Colbert

Good heavens, what an absolute disaster.

We have the Hunt for Gollum coming up, directed by Andy Serkis, who just remade Animal Farm as a pro-socialism, anti-capitalism message movie.

And now Warner Bros. has hired this absolute assclown to write a draft of what is being called "The Shadow of the Past." The concept of the movie is not terrible: A good part of Fellowship of the Ring was cut out of the Lord of the Rings movies because of time restrictions and also because it contains the character Tom Bombadil, who is just a big ball of plot questions. Like, given that he has godlike power that makes even Gandalf and Elrond envious, why doesn't he just take the ring? (Tolkien's lame answer: Because he's flighty and would eventually just forget about the ring and let it go back to Sauron.)

The reason this section of the book is worth possibly making a movie about is the creepy, scary encounter with the Barrow Wrights. If you know, you know.

So Colbert, I guess, pitched the idea of doing these four chapters of LOTR as a stand-alone mid-quel movie.

Couldn't they just have said "Yes that's an okay idea, here's $20,000 as a finder's fee, now fuck off"?

Instead, they've given this poisonous troll the job of writing the movie.


It's what I call "strip-mining the IP." New Line Cinema purchased the rights to The Lord of the Rings almost 30 years ago, and did them such glorious justice with the original movie trilogy. Inevitably, Jackson and New Line set about extracting every last bit of wealth until the original property looked like the Shire after the Scouring.

What's it called when the greedy mining company takes the tailings from its strip mine and runs them through the smelter one more time with all the reckless abandon of Gollum diving after the One Ring into Mount Doom?

Ah, yes -- it's called The Lord of the Rings: Shadows of the Past, and lame-duck late-night host Stephen Colbert will co-write it with his son, screenwriter Peter McGee, for Jackson and Warner Bros, which now owns New Line. Variety reported late Tuesday that Colbert, "a vocal Tolkien fanatic," and McGee will write a screenplay "from chapters of The Fellowship of the Ring that didn't make it into Jackson's 2001 adaptation."

Here's this absolute piece of shit gloating that he conned his way into the gig.

I for one will not be seeing it, even when additional writers are hired to rewrite Colbert's shoddy script -- and again, I think the basic idea of doing these four overlooked chapters is a decent one.

Actually, it's half a decent idea: You can't do a whole movie about a single encounter with the forces of darkness, and one that is resolved without violence just because Tom Bomdadil sings. Yes, he's so powerful that his songs drive off the undead creatures stirred to unlife by the Witch King.*

That's not a movie. That's a long Tales from the Crypt episode.

They could instead do a two-part movie called, get this, "Lost Tales" (another Tolkien title), and do both the Barrow Downs encounter and the much-demanded "Scouring of the Shire" battle omitted from LOTR. Neither of these segments is long enough for its own movie, but packaged as a double feature, sure, why not.

But I don't care either way, because I will not support Steven Colbert nor anyone who wishes to inflict this hateful prog Gollum on me.

If anyone is doing the Hobbit/LOTR challenge with me -- starting the books today, "Tolkien Reading Day," so-called because the ring was destroyed on March 25th -- I will get in at least a couple of easy-breezy chapters of The Hobbit. I would read more, but I have to finish a Miss Marple novel, The Caribbean Mystery, and I have about 70 pages left of that. So I'll only be able to get a little bit into The Hobbit. (Don't worry, Agatha Christie is fast reading. It's no Hound of the Baskervilles.)

I think I'm going to do a post about The Hobbit for Friday -- did you know the book was partially rewritten and Tolkien did a major in-universe retcon of it to make it fit with LOTR?

Here's some better news in genre entertainment: The egregious woke Gay Klingon In a Skirt nightmare (and I'm not kidding about that detail) Starfleet: Chocolate Starfish Academy has been cancelled.

The show will end after season 2, and if you're wondering "Why give them a season 2?" -- it's their new way of doing things. Rather than commit to a 20 episode season, they now say we're committing two "two seasons of 10 episodes each," which is really just one season split into two release windows. So "season 2" -- really season 1b-- was already contracted for and paid for and I think they're even already shooting it.

But after that -- donezo.


Fuck you, colonizer.

See, the media knows this crap show was bought for a run of 20 episodes to be divided into two seasons, but when the studio wants to plant a story about how successful the show is, the media claims a second season has been greenlit based on the strength of the first -- but that's a lie, the original order was 20 episodes. No further episodes were ever greenlit, the show was not "renewed."

But they lie anyway:


* One thing you notice when reading LOTR is that Tolkien doesn't like violence and doesn't enjoy writing battles or valorizing war. He does when he absolutely has to, but if he can get away with it, he completely phones in any narrative about how a battle went. For example, after Aragorn raises the Army of the Dead -- the army of ghosts -- we never actually see them in combat. Ever. We only hear of them second-hand when Gimli or Legolas (Gimli, I think) quickly sums up the ghost army's defeat of the Umbar Corsairs in conversation with other characters. After the battle of Minas Tirith is over.

Aragorn just shows up with a bunch of men for the fight with no ghosts. (The ghosts left his service after freeing captured men and sailors from the Umbar Corsairs, and it's these freed men who actually appear on the Pelennor Fields to fight the orc army.)

So after the Army of the Dead is raised and you're sitting there thinking "Oh man, this is gonna be good...!" What you actually get is "Fuck you, the ghosts are already gone. You missed them, fatty. Now go fuck yourself in the face, jerkoff."


He does this a lot. The fantastic end battle of Fellowship, where the Uruk Hai kill Boromir and kidnap Merry and Pippin? Also only told in retrospect by a dying Boromir. It's like three paragraphs told in retrospect by a dying man who doesn't exactly have a lot of breath in him to tell an exciting tale. A lot of the time, we don't see battles. We just hear about it later. Not gonna lie, it's pretty deflating.

I realize I'm not making a good case for reading these books.

They're good, seriously. Just... a lot lighter on actual action than you might be expecting.

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 06:10 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Bombadil is the hippies avatar and therefore gay.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 25, 2026 06:11 PM (diia5)

2 Hey Steven, I like my midgets with a Lucha mask.

Posted by: wth at March 25, 2026 06:13 PM (UjdFS)

3 Hey Steven. Tell Frodo to shave his feet.

Posted by: wth at March 25, 2026 06:14 PM (UjdFS)

4 This is easy to deal with. Any sequel written or fimed now is shit. Pure shit. Should make them easy to avoid, yes?

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:14 PM (/HeZH)

5 Burn Hollywood, burn.

Adam MacKay wasn't gay enough for you?

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo at March 25, 2026 06:15 PM (xcxpd)

6 No creative effort made after 2005 is worth the bother, is another way to discern.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:16 PM (/HeZH)

7 Jimmy Kimmel was unavailable.

Posted by: connected and litigious at March 25, 2026 06:16 PM (cS1cw)

8 Warner Brothers is just trolling the normies now.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:17 PM (/HeZH)

9 Any actors cast for this are going to stand in the shadow of the Jackson actors.

So I am betting trans-black-gay everything.

Goldberry is so going to be a tranny. You know it.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at March 25, 2026 06:17 PM (zZu0s)

10 One thing you notice when reading LOTR is that Tolkien doesn't like violence and doesn't enjoy writing battles or valorizing war.

Tolkien served on the Western Front in the First World War, and fought in the Battle of the Somme.

Can't imagine where he acquired that attitude...

Posted by: The ARC of History! at March 25, 2026 06:17 PM (n1OCj)

11 I hope Tolkein's estate sues his ass.

Posted by: wth at March 25, 2026 06:17 PM (UjdFS)

12 I think I'll start wearing a mask so no one can read my lips or see the faces I'm making in public.

Posted by: Hokey Pokey at March 25, 2026 06:17 PM (YlWIZ)

13 Wow. Colbert.

They went there

Posted by: Zeera , Damn Right I voted for all of this! at March 25, 2026 06:17 PM (EP7Sw)

14 Warner Brothers is just trolling the normies now.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:17 PM (/HeZH)

This could be woke executives still in place trying to set fire to money for the Ellisons.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at March 25, 2026 06:18 PM (zZu0s)

15 .
.
AWESOME . . . SheHulk at StarFleetEnema Academy ! ! !
.
Yay ! ! !
.
Ewe go gurl.

Posted by: Marooned at March 25, 2026 06:18 PM (kt8QE)

16 >>>Tolkien served on the Western Front in the First World War, and fought in the Battle of the Somme.

I know, just pointing out, sometimes the action is missing in action.

Posted by: Acewayne Assante at March 25, 2026 06:18 PM (1wjle)

17 The casting director is the fag that turned Jake from State Farm, and Professor Snape black.

Posted by: connected and litigious at March 25, 2026 06:18 PM (cS1cw)

18 I hope Tolkein's estate sues his ass.
Posted by: wth

His estate signed off on it. Mostly because his heirs are not a shadow of Tolkien's image and desire money.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 25, 2026 06:18 PM (diia5)

19 During any other timeline I would think was a fucking joke.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at March 25, 2026 06:18 PM (AkEZC)

20 Didn’t the lesser Tolkien’s sell off the creative rights to the Greater Tolkien’s work?

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:19 PM (/HeZH)

21 I re read them in late 2025-early 2026.

Posted by: steevy at March 25, 2026 06:19 PM (YwEeS)

22 Gay midgets on a quest for diversity and equity.

Posted by: wth at March 25, 2026 06:19 PM (UjdFS)

23 Are you liking "Caribbean Mystery," Ace?

I'd never heard of it and hadn't heard it was well-regarded and it impressed the heck out of me.

Posted by: moviegique (buy my books) at March 25, 2026 06:19 PM (/d4WW)

24 How about you people go back to visiting your ailing friends in the hospital.

Posted by: Hokey Pokey at March 25, 2026 06:19 PM (YlWIZ)

25 You can't do a whole movie about a single encounter with the forces of darkness, and one that is resolved without violence just because Tom Bomdadil sings.
-
If you've ever played a Minstrel in Lord of the Rings Online, this is completely plausible.

Posted by: Methos at March 25, 2026 06:20 PM (vSvIl)

26 there is still time to inhire him after he fails

Posted by: runner at March 25, 2026 06:20 PM (GD0B3)

27 >>>His estate signed off on it. Mostly because his heirs are not a shadow of Tolkien's image and desire money.

I don't think they signed off on this particular project. I think Warner Bros has the license to do movies based on the Hobbit and LOTR, and they can continue making whatever movies they want so long as the contractual terms are met.

Like how Sony has the right to just keep doing Spider-Man movies so long as they abide by the terms of the license (which I think requires a Spider-Man movie ever seven years or something.)

Posted by: Acewayne Assante at March 25, 2026 06:20 PM (1wjle)

28 *unhire

Posted by: runner at March 25, 2026 06:20 PM (GD0B3)

29 24 How about you people go back to visiting your ailing friends in the hospital.
Posted by: Hokey Pokey at March 25, 2026 06:19 PM (YlWIZ)


???

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:20 PM (/HeZH)

30 The Shire has open borders and no police hobbits.

Posted by: wth at March 25, 2026 06:20 PM (UjdFS)

31 Didn’t the lesser Tolkien’s sell off the creative rights to the Greater Tolkien’s work?
Posted by: tubal

Not sold off but licensed, IIRC. The whole Rangs of Powah only happened after Christopher, his grandson, died.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 25, 2026 06:21 PM (diia5)

32 If the bath houses open again will this foolishness come to an end?

Posted by: Hokey Pokey at March 25, 2026 06:21 PM (YlWIZ)

33 I hear the new girl hobbit daughter will end up doing only fans and will be sugar daddied by Sauron.

Posted by: The Dog at March 25, 2026 06:21 PM (XodLO)

34 My wife is the LOTR expert, not me, since I'm the non-fiction reader. A non-fiction book that might explain Tolkien's aversion to great battle scenes might be Tolkien and the Great War, by John Garth. Dude saw some real life shit in WWI. Perhaps he had little interest in recreating it in his books.

Posted by: Ex Rex Reeder at March 25, 2026 06:21 PM (QaH55)

35 LotR II -- Havana Nights

Posted by: 29Victor at March 25, 2026 06:22 PM (0MjtC)

36 I just started reading LOTR for my "companion" on my daily walks. Gandalf has just warned Frodo that he's in danger and has to leave the Shire

Posted by: JM in Illinois at March 25, 2026 06:22 PM (vnmN0)

37 >>>Are you liking "Caribbean Mystery," Ace?
I'd never heard of it and hadn't heard it was well-regarded and it impressed the heck out of me.

I'm not sure yet. I do like how Miss Marple is a big liar in this one. I don't really know where the plot is going. She had three suspects, and then just decided that she might have the facts completely wrong and now everyone's a suspect. I don't know if she has a really great master plan for the book or she's just winging it.

I guess you're telling me she does have a good master-plan? Good to know!

I know sometimes she just makes it up as she goes. She did that in The Blue Train, the worst Christie novel I've read. (And one she acknowledges is a bad book.)

Posted by: Acewayne Assante at March 25, 2026 06:22 PM (1wjle)

38 Its not impossible that Colbert could do all right with the story but how you make an entire movie out of "meet the goofy hippie and his water nymph wife, eat a meal, leave and get saved from Barrow Wights" is a bit of a puzzler to me.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 06:23 PM (PYyV9)

39 >>> Gandalf has just warned Frodo that he's in danger and has to leave the Shire

And he'll get right on that, five months later!

Posted by: Acewayne Assante at March 25, 2026 06:23 PM (1wjle)

40 Not sold off but licensed, IIRC. The whole Rangs of Powah only happened after Christopher, his grandson, died.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 25, 2026 06:21 PM (diia5)
---
Christopher was his son, and a WW II veteran.

Tolkien sold the movie rights while he was still alive for a pittance, because he felt it was impossible to film. He wasn't wrong.

The Estate later did a separate deal for TV, which is what Amazon owns. There are also divisions on what counts as LotR and what doesn't.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:24 PM (ZOv7s)

41 Gandalf likes little boy hobbits and the dwarves put on a drag show.

Posted by: wth at March 25, 2026 06:24 PM (UjdFS)

42 The second trilogy could feature a couple of balrogs propping up the corpse of Sauron and pretending that he's still alive to keep the elves from invading the ruins of Mordor.

Posted by: 29Victor at March 25, 2026 06:25 PM (0MjtC)

43 Tom Bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb-adil
Tom Bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb-adil

Bombadil is literally a Deus ex machina.

I can't blame modern screenwriters for writing him out.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:25 PM (Fi81e)

44 And yes, they don't renew shows any more they pitch a long season and divide it into two seasons claiming they got renewed. Its a lame dodge, its how shows like that godawful Scooby Do remake got "two seasons"

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 06:25 PM (PYyV9)

45 34 My wife is the LOTR expert, not me, since I'm the non-fiction reader. A non-fiction book that might explain Tolkien's aversion to great battle scenes might be Tolkien and the Great War, by John Garth. Dude saw some real life shit in WWI. Perhaps he had little interest in recreating it in his books.
Posted by: Ex Rex Reeder at March 25, 2026 06:21 PM (QaH55)

Well, he was there in the battle where the English soldiers were marched in lines, essentially, towards entrenched German soldiers to be murdered in tens of thousands by machine gun and heavy artillery fire. Retarded generalship producing rivers of needless blood spilled might give one a jaundiced view of the whole thing.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:25 PM (/HeZH)

46 oh I think "Blue Train" is "Mystery of the Blue Train."

Do not read it. Worthless.

Posted by: Acewayne Assante at March 25, 2026 06:25 PM (1wjle)

47 no, you're right, Tolkien is like the anti-Larry Correia when it comes to graphic depiction of violence, and that's okay too, I like 'em both.

Reminds me of Faramir's line in the cave behind the waterfall; "I do not love the sword for its sharpness or the steed for its swiftness, I only love what they protect, the realm of Gondor."

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at March 25, 2026 06:25 PM (MIIRH)

48 DOA

Posted by: kingsman at March 25, 2026 06:26 PM (ehY6c)

49 Wait. I thought it was right wing creepiness to be a fan of LOTR.

Posted by: Ben Sears at March 25, 2026 06:27 PM (fK4Xi)

50 Its not impossible that Colbert could do all right with the story but how you make an entire movie out of "meet the goofy hippie and his water nymph wife, eat a meal, leave and get saved from Barrow Wights" is a bit of a puzzler to me.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 06:23 PM (PYyV9)

It shall be a Glorious Analogy about serving the Greater Good by aiding the Most Popular President Ever, Joe Biden, defeat the Forces of Evil, Orangemanbad, and delivering salvation through pharmaceuticals. -- Steven Colbert

Posted by: I used to have a different nic at March 25, 2026 06:27 PM (ExV1e)

51 I much prefer Miss Marple to Poirot. The Belgian doesn't really have much of a personality; just a bunch of tics. Of course it makes it easy for the actors to put what they want into him.

Posted by: Eeyore at March 25, 2026 06:27 PM (AlhUl)

52 >>>49 Wait. I thought it was right wing creepiness to be a fan of LOTR.

I can fix Tolkien for the Modern Audience!!!!

Posted by: Steven Colbert at March 25, 2026 06:27 PM (1wjle)

53 Y'know, I read the Hobbit and the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy in high school (as part of the "extra credit for checking books out of the library and then reading them" grade-point boosting attempt), and, to be frank, I barely remember ANY of the details Ace is mentioning here. The whole things was just too confusing, with too many characters, too many years going by. I "lked" it, sure, but God help me I couldn't name many characters nor plot points when I was done reading.

Posted by: zombie at March 25, 2026 06:27 PM (Av6i5)

54 LotR II -- It turns out that the power of the ring actually came from microscopic, intelligent life forms that live in the cells of all living things. Spontaneously generated Frodo Jr is filled with these life forms and learns to harness them under the tutelage of Ham Gamgee, but he turns to evil and has to be destroyed.

Posted by: 29Victor at March 25, 2026 06:28 PM (0MjtC)

55 >>> much prefer Miss Marple to Poirot. The Belgian doesn't really have much of a personality; just a bunch of tics.

I'm a poirot man myself. I like him a lot.

Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:28 PM (1wjle)

56 I realize I'm not making a good case for reading these books.

They're good, seriously. Just... a lot lighter on actual action than you might be expecting.

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 06:10 PM


Reading the books opens up your mind to where you can imagine the battles taking place, and to me, with these books, that's always been good enough.

Posted by: SSBN 656 (G) at March 25, 2026 06:28 PM (dmDsy)

57 Bombadil is the hippies avatar and therefore gay.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 25, 2026 06:11 PM (diia5)
---
Bombadil is a woodland spirit, part of traditional European folklore. He's the hidden guardian of the Shire, the guy who does all the work, but hides it. He is of the same kind as Gandalf, Saruman, Radagast, the Balrog and Sauron, all being of the Maiar, or lower angelic order. The Valar are the highest order.

He does not turn invisible because he is not subject to Sauron's power, especially in his own lands. Goldberry, his spouse, is also a of the Maiar. Sort of a fairy goddess.

His purpose is to show that there are powers for good, hidden around the world, just as they are in our world. That is to say that there are fallen angels, but also ones who serve God in various ways who are just as real.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:28 PM (ZOv7s)

58 Tolkien engaged in a lot of literary blue balls.

Colbert fancies himself a Tolkeinophile, the fact that a studio is going to wast a couple hundred million on this loser speaks to the utter bankruptcy of the institutions.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at March 25, 2026 06:29 PM (XV/Pl)

59 Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky discuss Lord of the Rings.

https://tinyurl.com/mr26sbru

Posted by: Puddleglum, cheer up for the worst is yet to come at March 25, 2026 06:29 PM (sAmhv)

60 I also read "War & Peace" by Tolstoy, and that had so many characters it made Lord of the Rings look like Waiting for Godot. I remember 0% of War & Peace.

Posted by: zombie at March 25, 2026 06:29 PM (Av6i5)

61 55 >>> much prefer Miss Marple to Poirot. The Belgian doesn't really have much of a personality; just a bunch of tics.

I'm a poirot man myself. I like him a lot.
Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:28 PM (1wjle)


Fuck, yea! Poirot was the fuckin' man, man!

Posted by: SSBN 656 (G) at March 25, 2026 06:29 PM (dmDsy)

62 Stephen Colbert will co-write it with his son, screenwriter Peter McGee

I guess I'd apply for a different name if "Stephan Colbert, Jr." was my birth option, too.

Posted by: Auspex at March 25, 2026 06:29 PM (Y8DZL)

63 Part of it was also, if I recall, that nearly every childhood and school friend of his who went to the Somme was killed.

Britain did that same thing we did back during the Civil War where the units were from the same town and regions. Meant entire generations for some towns were wiped out. It was retarded in light of modern war (back in the day, it meant better cohesion and fighting spirit.)

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at March 25, 2026 06:29 PM (zZu0s)

64 LorR II -- In a shock to Gandalf, Morgoth is elected to a second, non-consecutive term as Dark Lord...

Posted by: 29Victor at March 25, 2026 06:30 PM (0MjtC)

65 i've kind of run out of poirot novels, except for the late-in-life ones that most people seem to think are bad. There are about three ones left I've heard are decent, like Sad Cypress, and the short stories. Oh, and Miss McGinty's dead, and Hickory Dickory Dock. I think those are the last three I have any hopes for.

Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:30 PM (1wjle)

66 60 I also read "War & Peace" by Tolstoy, and that had so many characters it made Lord of the Rings look like Waiting for Godot. I remember 0% of War & Peace.
Posted by: zombie at March 25, 2026 06:29 PM (Av6i5)

So, you really liked Robinson Crusoe.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:30 PM (/HeZH)

67 Doesn't sound good to me

Posted by: Skip at March 25, 2026 06:30 PM (Ia/+0)

68 Cool, another movie I won't be seeing.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at March 25, 2026 06:30 PM (RIvkX)

69 They're good, seriously. Just... a lot lighter on actual action than you might be expecting.

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 06:10 PM
---
Also, Tolkien's offering of monster milking was no where to be seen.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:30 PM (Fi81e)

70 Gandalf will come.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 06:31 PM (u1ket)

71 Tom Bombadil is one with nature and the creator in Tolkien's universe is Eru Illuvatar who was the primer mover for the song of creation in the first place. So given that Tom dates at least to that creation song in this world, he and nature were created at the same time--thus being one with the world itself. That is why he is simply uninterested in world affairs--to him, everything is fleeting until the world is remade.

Basically the entire world was created by a song and even those Ainur singing Illuvatar's melody (gods lower case) that would later become evil like Morgoth and Sauron sang to create the world. And Morgoth purposefully added discordant notes to the song so as to become his own person apart from Illuvatar and the other Ainur.

Thus a world created by song can be dominated by someone who can tap that primordial power like Tom Bombadil because he, nature, and the song of creation are essentially the same thing--expressed through different lens.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 06:31 PM (E4rtv)

72 >>>Also, Tolkien's offering of monster milking was no where to be seen.

it's heavily implied tbf

the balrog, frex

Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:31 PM (1wjle)

73 March 25? What era?

So Middle Earth uses a modified Julian/Gregorian calendar? You'd think the guy who put all that effort into inventing languages coulda at least come up with a cutsy calendar, too.

The more I hear about The Lord of the Rings, the more I want stay away from it.

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at March 25, 2026 06:31 PM (j7INY)

74
But srsly, I looked up Stephen Colbert's writing credits and the ONLY fiction-type job he's done was for something called Strangers with Candy, which was a comedy starring himself and Amy Sedaris as a 46-year-old high school student who's gotten out of jail and wants to pick up where she left off.

That reddit thread where he gloats says he's a Tolkien expert.

Who knows, maybe he'll do a decent job.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at March 25, 2026 06:31 PM (XJ22o)

75 57 Bombadil is the hippies avatar and therefore gay.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 25, 2026 06:11 PM (diia5)
---
Bombadil is a woodland spirit, part of traditional European folklore. He's the hidden guardian of the Shire, the guy who does all the work, but hides it. He is of the same kind as Gandalf, Saruman, Radagast, the Balrog and Sauron, all being of the Maiar, or lower angelic order. The Valar are the highest order.

He does not turn invisible because he is not subject to Sauron's power, especially in his own lands. Goldberry, his spouse, is also a of the Maiar. Sort of a fairy goddess.

His purpose is to show that there are powers for good, hidden around the world, just as they are in our world. That is to say that there are fallen angels, but also ones who serve God in various ways who are just as real.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd


Also, The Hobbit and LoTR predates hippies. Tolkien was a pretty devout Catholic so not gay either.

Posted by: Puddleglum, cheer up for the worst is yet to come at March 25, 2026 06:31 PM (sAmhv)

76 I think the gay thing is literally done to death. And it has harmed EVERYONE else. (Gary Oldman on the "everyone." Thanks, Gary.)

Posted by: Hokey Pokey at March 25, 2026 06:32 PM (YlWIZ)

77 One thing you notice when reading LOTR is that Tolkien doesn't like violence and doesn't enjoy writing battles or valorizing war.
-----------
His very earliest account of the Fall of Gondolin reads like an action novel. That was, I think, written while he was still recuperating in hospital in 1917.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at March 25, 2026 06:32 PM (5EXov)

78 70 Gandalf will come.
Posted by: Boss Moss
=====
There is no sex in Tolkien's Middle Earth. So Gandalf is NOT Nancy Mace.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 06:32 PM (E4rtv)

79 I see you have actually read Tolkien, whig, and not just scanned him.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:32 PM (/HeZH)

80 the chronologically-last Poirot novel, Curtain --which was actually written in the 40s when Christie was near-peak but then put into a bank safe for 30 years -- is really good but I think people don't read it because they think they should read all 37 Poirot books before getting to it.

No! Just read six of the big ones then read Curtain. Do not wait forever to read it.

Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:33 PM (1wjle)

81 Fantasy genre is my least favorite thus I've never been interested in the Lord of the Ring books.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 06:33 PM (V4IXI)

82 So Middle Earth uses a modified Julian/Gregorian calendar? You'd think the guy who put all that effort into inventing languages coulda at least come up with a cutsy calendar, too.

--------
Actually, he did. The dates are just transliterated into familiar terms.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at March 25, 2026 06:33 PM (5EXov)

83 i've kind of run out of poirot novels, except for the late-in-life ones that most people seem to think are bad. There are about three ones left I've heard are decent, like Sad Cypress, and the short stories. Oh, and Miss McGinty's dead, and Hickory Dickory Dock. I think those are the last three I have any hopes for.
Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:30 PM (1wjle)

Jules Maigret, plenty of those

Posted by: runner at March 25, 2026 06:33 PM (GD0B3)

84 much prefer Miss Marple to Poirot. The Belgian doesn't really have much of a personality; just a bunch of tics.

I don't much care for Agatha Christie except the Poirot short stories, but only then because I liked the David Suchet portrayal. She's too wordy and I don't like how her stories really meander and mislead.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 06:33 PM (PYyV9)

85 The LoTRs was a slog. The movie was better.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 06:33 PM (u1ket)

86 Is the maiar and valar similar to the division between the Aesir and Vanr in Norse mythology

Posted by: Kindltot at March 25, 2026 06:34 PM (rbvCR)

87 >>>So Middle Earth uses a modified Julian/Gregorian calendar? You'd think the guy who put all that effort into inventing languages coulda at least come up with a cutsy calendar, too.

yes, Tolkien just uses the normal modern calendar for the books. I guess you're supposed to imagine the months have different names in Middle Earth, but he "translates" them all for you.

Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:34 PM (1wjle)

88 it's heavily implied tbf

the balrog, frex
Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:31 PM (1wjle)
---
Well, in a description I read over and over (to little effect), he did describe the balrog as "smoking".

And he was into whips.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (Fi81e)

89 His purpose is to show that there are powers for good, hidden around the world, just as they are in our world. That is to say that there are fallen angels, but also ones who serve God in various ways who are just as real.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd
======
I think there is more to Bombadil than being an Ainur. He is a living representative and relic if you will of the song of creation of that world itself.

You see something similar with Merlin in Boorman's retelling of King Arthur, probably on purpose as Boorman originally wanted to do the LOTR as a movie.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (E4rtv)

90 I loved the Tom Bombadil chapters!

To me, they showed the hobbits there there was indeed an innate goodness to the world, and that everything in Middle Earth was alive...

Unless I read that part in my "schrooms" phase, then I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about...

lol

Posted by: SSBN 656 (G) at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (dmDsy)

91 Well, he was there in the battle where the English soldiers were marched in lines, essentially, towards entrenched German soldiers to be murdered in tens of thousands by machine gun and heavy artillery fire. Retarded generalship producing rivers of needless blood spilled might give one a jaundiced view of the whole thing.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:25 PM (/HeZH)
---
The Dead Marshes are the fields of Flanders, churned up by years of war. You struggle through the craters, obliterated trenches with no drainage and troops often drowned in liquid mud. At the bottom of the craters one could find the dead, corpses and pieces of them everywhere. Once you know what he is describing, the charnel smell, the lights of flares going up, flashes all around, you will realize it is creepy as hell.

Same with Mordor. Barren. Blasted and so defiled that only the sea could make it clean. Again, hiding in holes, merciless heat, and poison gas lurking in the hollow, choking with painful thirst. High summer, having to hold a forward position and out of water. The relief party is late, maybe dead. Nibbling on some hard tack you brought with you, canteen almost dry.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (ZOv7s)

92 When I see that Star Fleet Academy pic with the black girl with mousekateer ears, I can only think/sing "M I C ... K E Y, M O U S E ... Mickey Mouse"

But Tatiana Maslani perks up my interest a bit.

Posted by: illiniwek at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (vbXSk)

93 86 Is the maiar and valar similar to the division between the Aesir and Vanr in Norse mythology
Posted by: Kindltot at March 25, 2026 06:34 PM (rbvCR)

That WAS Tolkien’s academic area, so

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (/HeZH)

94 actually tolkien does mention the elf names for the month but only as a background thing.

Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (1wjle)

95 Speaking of mysteries, at my radiation therapy session today, I mentioned Nero Wolfe. They'd never heard of him.

IMO, he's the greatest American detective. (Yes, I know he's originally a Montenegrin.)

Posted by: Eeyore at March 25, 2026 06:36 PM (AlhUl)

96 Tolkien does have sex in his stories, the deed just happens more or less offstage. Turin probably gets it on with Finduilas and definitely with, uh, someone more closely related. It is just that Tolkien didn't want to write porn.

Posted by: gKWVE at March 25, 2026 06:37 PM (XmGU0)

97 >>>95 Speaking of mysteries, at my radiation therapy session today, I mentioned Nero Wolfe. They'd never heard of him.

I hear good things about Nero Wolfe. One of these days...

Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:37 PM (1wjle)

98 I think we all agree that what is most important is that a strong black woman who defies conventional beauty norms and thwarts the male gaze should be cast to play Goldberry. Hey DEI, merry DEI, ring dong DEIoo!

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at March 25, 2026 06:37 PM (mFz+I)

99 Tom Bombadil was a proto-Donald Trump.

Posted by: Eromero at March 25, 2026 06:37 PM (LHPAg)

100 >>>99 Tom Bombadil was a proto-Donald Trump.

probably had the golden hair so this checks out

Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:38 PM (1wjle)

101 About the calendar, Tolkien really didn't have much of place to go, as Middle Earth was just a previous age of Earth. So roughly 13 moons/solar year.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:38 PM (Fi81e)

102 Lloyd, I trust you saw "1917" what with the imagery of the two trees

Posted by: gKWVE at March 25, 2026 06:38 PM (XmGU0)

103 Was does the Colbert situation remind me of Phoebe Waller-Bridge? Who was paid millions by Amazon to do basically fuck all.

Posted by: The Whine Guy at March 25, 2026 06:39 PM (vOtXJ)

104 probably had the golden hair so this checks out
Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:38 PM (1wjle)
----------
Sorry. Brown hair and beard. Bright blue eyes, though.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at March 25, 2026 06:39 PM (5EXov)

105 92 Maslany is hideously woke and looked terrible with a short haircut in Star Fleet: Academy. Her character literally blames the Federation for the murder she herself committed. Watch Nerdrotic's reviews.

Posted by: the lower depths at March 25, 2026 06:39 PM (GSy5R)

106 96 Tolkien does have sex in his stories, the deed just happens more or less offstage. Turin probably gets it on with Finduilas and definitely with, uh, someone more closely related. It is just that Tolkien didn't want to write porn.
Posted by: gKWVE
=======
I was speaking regarding what he put in print. Death and the dead hand of the past is far more prevalent than life to some degree in Tolkien.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 06:39 PM (E4rtv)

107 97 >>>95 Speaking of mysteries, at my radiation therapy session today, I mentioned Nero Wolfe. They'd never heard of him.

I hear good things about Nero Wolfe. One of these days...
Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:37 PM (1wjle)

Eyeore, that's sad they didn't recognize the name!

Ace, they are great books, definitely worth your time.

Posted by: SSBN 656 (G) at March 25, 2026 06:40 PM (dmDsy)

108 Talk of WW1 reminded me of the movie Paths of Glory. That is a haunting and aggravating movie.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 06:41 PM (V4IXI)

109 Lloyd, I trust you saw "1917" what with the imagery of the two trees
Posted by: gKWVE at March 25, 2026 06:38 PM (XmGU0)
---
Yes, but I couldn't get into it because the premise made no sense. A battalion out of contact would quickly be brought back in. The communications trenches were obsessively kept clear, and if for some reason the Fuller phones were down, they actually used carrier pigeons and signal rockets. There is no way you would send runners through enemy lines to call off an attack, and anyway, no commander would do that.

They did raids, but would never throw the whole unit in at once without a plan. "Gallipoli" was a much better film.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:41 PM (ZOv7s)

110 Tom Bombadil was a proto-Donald Trump.
Posted by: Eromero at March 25, 2026 06:37 PM (LHPAg)
---
Or maybe an avatar of Trump.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:41 PM (Fi81e)

111 What would a P Diddy style Freak Off in The Shire look like?

Posted by: Thomas Bender at March 25, 2026 06:42 PM (XV/Pl)

112 45 ...

Well, he was there in the battle where the English soldiers were marched in lines, essentially, towards entrenched German soldiers to be murdered in tens of thousands by machine gun and heavy artillery fire. Retarded generalship producing rivers of needless blood spilled might give one a jaundiced view of the whole thing.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:25 PM (/HeZH)
________
That's not really how it went. The Brits actually came out ahead in casualties in most of those battles, even the Somme. The key was the artillery barrages and the casualties inflicted when the Germans tried to retake the trenches.

But that image is set in people's minds. Like the slog in the mud in Branagh's version of Agincourt.

Posted by: Eeyore at March 25, 2026 06:42 PM (AlhUl)

113 Tolkien does have sex in his stories, the deed just happens more or less offstage.

I just wrote in the missing rape scenes by hand in my personal copies.

Posted by: George Rape Rape Martin at March 25, 2026 06:42 PM (mFz+I)

114 As far as affirmation of life goes, Beren and Luthien would be good, assuming they didn't make Luthien a trans twink for the Modern Audience

Posted by: gKWVE at March 25, 2026 06:43 PM (XmGU0)

115 The more powerfull folks in LotR were immortals. Stars disappeared when they came down.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 06:43 PM (u1ket)

116 I read Fellowship in a couple of days. It took me weeks to read Towers, I found it so dull. Characters meet new characters who say, "Let me tell you the entire history of my land from the dawn of time until just last week."

Return was a bit easier to get through.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 25, 2026 06:43 PM (CHHv1)

117 As soon as I finish binge-watching women's professional soccer, I'll get around to caring about LOTR and Colbert.

Posted by: Bea Arthur's Dick at March 25, 2026 06:43 PM (pE12i)

118
Since it's a movie thread, I'll mention that I saw the 1993 "Splitting Heirs" last night with young Catherine Zeta Jones flouncing about in a bikini.

As peak as the Grand Tetons.

Also saw a recent picture of 90-something Sophia Loren; a wrinkly, aged woman.

But those eyes...

Posted by: Auspex at March 25, 2026 06:44 PM (Y8DZL)

119 About the calendar, Tolkien really didn't have much of place to go, as Middle Earth was just a previous age of Earth. So roughly 13 moons/solar year.
Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:38 PM (Fi81e)
---
Tolkien paid careful attention to time and distance, and has his field manual next to him as he wrote, and that's why people can overlay the movement of the Fellowship and armies on a map of Middle Earth in pretty exact ways.

The dates are tied to the Catholic liturgical calendar. March 25 is the Solemnity of the Annunciation, when Christ became incarnate, and the overthrow of Sauron was tied to that great victory over evil.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:44 PM (ZOv7s)

120 I'd rather see a movie adaptation of Bored with the Rings.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:44 PM (Fi81e)

121 The British and French armies subjected their troops to needless slaughter because of the leaders incompetence.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:44 PM (/HeZH)

122 79 I see you have actually read Tolkien, whig, and not just scanned him.
Posted by: tubal

Read LOTR in seventh grade and all the subsequent releases of bits and bobs until mebbe the 90's. I like Tolkien and admire his writing but at this stage in my life, epic fantasy is just not that attractive to me.

And many of his imitators were far worse than his writings.

Same with reading a bunch of noir and detective books about ten years ago. Now, I mainly read non-fiction with a few non fiction books scattered here and there.

Reading Colby's autobiography right now.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 06:45 PM (E4rtv)

123 111 What would a P Diddy style Freak Off in The Shire look like?
Posted by: Thomas Bender at March 25, 2026 06:42 PM (XV/Pl)


LOLOL!!!!!

Posted by: Denny Crane - I Don't Know, But My VCR Is Ready to Record... at March 25, 2026 06:45 PM (dmDsy)

124 I watched two seasons of One Piece over the weekend.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 06:45 PM (u1ket)

125 90 I loved the Tom Bombadil chapters! To me, they showed the hobbits there there was indeed an innate goodness to the world, and that everything in Middle Earth was alive...Posted by: SSBN 656 (G) at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (dmDsy)

Yeah, me too. What they showed is that overwhelming evil can be met with overwhelming good, and that great power doesn't have to lord over the land.

The entire point of LOTR is the hobbits, the least creatures, the simplest, the merriest, the happiest, creatures of the land can conquer the ultimate evil, simply by their own simplicity and joy. The scouring of the Shire is the bookend to Tom Bombadil. The Hobbits, who went on the adventure, LAUGH at evil, and go about driving it from the shire with little effort.

Posted by: The Whine Guy at March 25, 2026 06:47 PM (vOtXJ)

126 116 I read Fellowship in a couple of days. It took me weeks to read Towers, I found it so dull. Characters meet new characters who say, "Let me tell you the entire history of my land from the dawn of time until just last week."

Return was a bit easier to get through.
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 25, 2026 06:43 PM (CHHv1)
______
I suspect that's the Wagner influence. In the Ring there is at least on case of someone telling the whole story of what you've already seen.

Posted by: Eeyore at March 25, 2026 06:47 PM (AlhUl)

127 If you want Tolkien with an edge, check out the Thomas Covenant Series.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at March 25, 2026 06:47 PM (XV/Pl)

128 Nero Wolfe is probably related to Sherlock Holmes, maybe Mycroft's son. Its subtly hinted in the books. They are pretty fun, and they satisfy both a gumshoe and the armchair detective genius side of mystery stories.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 06:48 PM (PYyV9)

129 The British and French armies subjected their troops to needless slaughter because of the leaders incompetence.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:44 PM (/HeZH)
---
No, that's a myth. The armies on all sides struggled with the unprecedented situation, one for which their doctrine was completely inadequate. The war saw continuous tactical evolution, and a 1914 trench was not the same as one in 1915, or 1916, and by 1918, they no longer used continuous lines but rather a network of strong points linked by communications trenches making a very deep battlefield.

Flamethrowers, aircraft, tanks, poison gas, even mining were all attempted to break the deadlock. The notion that fat, drunk old men just ordered troops to charge is totally false.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:48 PM (ZOv7s)

130 They need to hire a smooth brained, immature, shrimp dicked idiot to write the LOTR Midquel because he can relate to the audience of 10 and 12 year olds who watch this crap.

Expect lots of homoerotic, pro feminism/stronk female helicopter mom stuff and wicked sword play between males while bad mouthing men, honor, sacrifice and heterosexual relationships.

Posted by: Stop Giving Them Your Time at March 25, 2026 06:48 PM (HUHft)

131 I watched two seasons of One Piece over the weekend.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 06:45 PM (u1ket)
---
Whoa. Paradox.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:49 PM (Fi81e)

132 I'm still broken up that we're not getting that black Superman movie.

Imagine a kick-ass script, 300 million in special effects and a 3.5 hour opus lecturing us on our racism sins. It could have been epic.

Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 06:49 PM (Sco7b)

133 I just wrote in the missing rape scenes by hand in my personal copies.
Posted by: George Rape Rape Martin

Involving children and blood relatives, no doubt.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 06:49 PM (PYyV9)

134 Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:48 PM (ZOv7s)

So the over the top orders just made up.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 06:49 PM (V4IXI)

135 121 The British and French armies subjected their troops to needless slaughter because of the leaders incompetence.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:44 PM (/HeZH)
________
So did the Germans. And the American generals in the Civil War. They were facing a new problem, of much longer range rifles. It was a problem not solved until the 30s.

Posted by: Eeyore at March 25, 2026 06:50 PM (AlhUl)

136 124 I watched two seasons of One Piece over the weekend.
Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 06:4

PlutoTV has a One Piece channel. Anime. Don't know if it's On Demand.

Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 06:50 PM (Sco7b)

137 129

No, that's a myth. The armies on all sides struggled with the unprecedented situation, one for which their doctrine was completely inadequate. The war saw continuous tactical evolution, and a 1914 trench was not the same as one in 1915, or 1916, and by 1918, they no longer used continuous lines but rather a network of strong points linked by communications trenches making a very deep battlefield.

Flamethrowers, aircraft, tanks, poison gas, even mining were all attempted to break the deadlock. The notion that fat, drunk old men just ordered troops to charge is totally false.
Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:48 PM (ZOv7s)

I disagree, and I will leave it at that. I think the whole affair was mismanaged and needless, and without the whole fiasco WWII would never have happened.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:50 PM (/HeZH)

138 121 The British and French armies subjected their troops to needless slaughter because of the leaders incompetence.
Posted by: tubal
======
A lot of the French casualties occurred during the absolute stupidity of the Battle of the Frontiers. Cran was not a substitute for attacking the entrenched Germans. Verdun was another meatgrinder.

The Brits had some casualties until the Somme where they somehow came to the conclusion that human wave attacks would relieve Verdun by drawing off the Germans.

There was an Avalon Hill game, not particularly popular, called 1914. It had the grim attrition figures on units and due to its realism was a pita to play and not particularly enjoyable to watch your units degraded and massive casualties.


Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 06:51 PM (E4rtv)

139 Yes, he's so powerful that his songs drive off the undead creatures stirred to unlife by the Witch King.*
----
I'll stick with the Lord of the Rings Online version of this plotline.

You travel with Bombadil to the Great Barrow and confront a "Gaunt Lord" in his lair after he's met with one of the Nazgul.

Tom swoops in at the last minute and opens the Great Barrow to the sky, thus letting in the sunlight, which destroys the evil undead creature.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 06:51 PM (ESVrU)

140 ...there was indeed an innate goodness to the world, and that everything in Middle Earth was alive...Posted by: SSBN 656 (G) at March 25, 2026 06:35 PM (dmDsy)

Yeah, me too. What they showed is that overwhelming evil can be met with overwhelming good, and that great power doesn't have to lord over the land.

The entire point of LOTR is the hobbits, the least creatures, the simplest, the merriest, the happiest, creatures of the land can conquer the ultimate evil, simply by their own simplicity and joy. The scouring of the Shire is the bookend to Tom Bombadil. The Hobbits, who went on the adventure, LAUGH at evil, and go about driving it from the shire with little effort.
Posted by: The Whine Guy at March 25, 2026 06:47 PM (vOtXJ)


Very well said, Guy!..

*thumbs up emoji*

Posted by: SSBN 656 (G) at March 25, 2026 06:51 PM (dmDsy)

141 Yeah, me too. What they showed is that overwhelming evil can be met with overwhelming good, and that great power doesn't have to lord over the land.

Posted by: The Whine Guy at March 25, 2026 06:47 PM (vOtXJ)
---
Exactly! Bombadil is a *guardian angel* and he is there to show that God did not abandon the world to the fallen angels. He is still working. Bombadil won't leave where he is, because then he would fail the people he is protecting. That's his one job.

He would find the Ring boring and lose it because it has no power over him or his land. "Oh look, one of the bad ones made a ring. Whatever. Spring is almost here! Must get ready!"

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:51 PM (ZOv7s)

142 They're good, seriously. Just... a lot lighter on actual action than you might be expecting.

That Tolkien guy - decent writer but he was no Don Pendleton let me tell you.

Posted by: Kratwurst at March 25, 2026 06:51 PM (fcDpY)

143
Flamethrowers, aircraft, tanks, poison gas, even mining were all attempted to break the deadlock. The notion that fat, drunk old men just ordered troops to charge is totally false.
Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd
====
I think Tubal is discussing strategy, you are discussing tactics.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 06:52 PM (E4rtv)

144 CoE just swore in their first female Archbishop of Canterbury.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 06:52 PM (Fi81e)

145 Expect lots of homoerotic, pro feminism/stronk female helicopter mom stuff and wicked sword play between males while bad mouthing men, honor, sacrifice and heterosexual relationships.
Posted by: Stop Giving Them Your Time at March 25, 2026 06:48 PM (HUHft)
---
We got more than enough of that in Amazon's Wheel of Time.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 06:52 PM (ESVrU)

146 127 If you want Tolkien with an edge, check out the Thomas Covenant Series.

Posted by: Thomas Bender


I read the first couple of sets of those. They were different. Darker for sure. Heard there was a Third Chronicles of Thomas Covenant set written but I haven't read them. Stephen Donaldson is still alive. He's 78. He's from Cleveland. No wonder his books are so despairing.

Posted by: Puddleglum, cheer up for the worst is yet to come at March 25, 2026 06:52 PM (sAmhv)

147 I’ve been reading books that Tolkien read and his club read, like Haggard’s She and then lots of Charles Williams’ works, Many Dimensions, War In Heaven, etc.. William Morris Well At the World’s End. Those sort. And they read each other Chesterton, Lewis, etc..

All those are great reads too and give you inside into Tolkiens ideas and what he found interesting.

Posted by: banana Dream at March 25, 2026 06:52 PM (8EOjo)

148 128 Nero Wolfe is probably related to Sherlock Holmes, maybe Mycroft's son. Its subtly hinted in the books. They are pretty fun, and they satisfy both a gumshoe and the armchair detective genius side of mystery stories.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 06:48 PM (PYyV9)
_______
That is the most striking thing about them. Archie is an American-style detective; Nero is a Brit style - and obviously derived from Mycroft.

Well, the other thing you remember is the food. Not many writers go into details on meals as Stout does. O'Brian's Aubreys do sometimes, and Saki did a couple of times. Of course there is M. Pamplemousse, where the food is the real point. (Not great mysteries, though.)

Posted by: Eeyore at March 25, 2026 06:54 PM (AlhUl)

149 I disagree, and I will leave it at that. I think the whole affair was mismanaged and needless, and without the whole fiasco WWII would never have happened.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 06:50 PM (/HeZH)

The Treaty of Versailles and the French demand for their pound of flesh caused WW2 IMHO.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 06:54 PM (V4IXI)

150 CoE just swore in their first female Archbishop of Canterbury.

"I took their candle away years ago"
--Jesus

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 06:54 PM (PYyV9)

151 This thread smells like nerd.

Boobs.

Posted by: Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 25, 2026 06:54 PM (nk8KF)

152 Hey Ace, which version of "The Hobbit" are you reading? Faux green leather Houghton Mifflin hardback? Annotated Hobbit? Classic 70's Ballantine paperback?

Aesthetics are important.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 06:55 PM (kpS4V)

153 He does this a lot. The fantastic end battle of Fellowship, where the Uruk Hai kill Boromir and kidnap Merry and Pippin? Also only told in retrospect by a dying Boromir. It's like three paragraphs told in retrospect by a dying man who doesn't exactly have a lot of breath in him to tell an exciting tale. A lot of the time, we don't see battles. We just hear about it later. Not gonna lie, it's pretty deflating.

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 06:10 PM
--
I just finished The Hobbit earlier today. The "Battle of Five Armies" that Peter Jackson turned into an entire movie?

Tolkien spends a total of FIVE PAGES on it. In the end the Eagles show up to save the day, but Bilbo gets knocked unconscious and we don't even see how the climax of the battle played out.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 06:55 PM (ESVrU)

154 A lot of the older fantasy authors are interesting and many venture into science fiction, horror, and other genres easily. I also read Hodgson’s Into the Nightland boy that was something. Hard to read because of some imposed quirks but interesting.

Posted by: banana Dream at March 25, 2026 06:56 PM (8EOjo)

155 The Hobbit was his best book.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 06:56 PM (u1ket)

156 We got more than enough of that in Amazon's Wheel of Time.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 06:52 PM (ESVrU)

THAT was a fucking travesty!!!

Posted by: SSBN 656 (G) at March 25, 2026 06:56 PM (dmDsy)

157 I think Tubal is discussing strategy, you are discussing tactics.
Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 06:52 PM (E4rtv)
---
The tactics are what enabled the deadlock to be broken.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:57 PM (ZOv7s)

158 Tolkien spends a total of FIVE PAGES on it….
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel

I think there’s a spliced version of the hobbit trilogy that edits out the crap and the three movies end up about 45 minutes total

Posted by: Kratwurst at March 25, 2026 06:58 PM (fcDpY)

159 The notion that fat, drunk old men just ordered troops to charge is totally false.
Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 06:48 PM (ZOv7s)

Correct. The narrative of shit filled trenches filled with dying men and whole villages of related men of a generation being wiped out was Bolshevik propaganda which took hold of western europe, especially Britain, after the war and became "fact", as it was "cool" to be a socialist after the war. The Brits were the main innovators in trying new things and new tactics and new weapons, all though not all went well at times.

Posted by: Beware, Take Care at March 25, 2026 06:58 PM (HUHft)

160 Imagine someone making a modern movie out of She, it would no doubt be crap. I don’t think anyone in hwood could even understand it. There were past attempts. Long ago.

Posted by: banana Dream at March 25, 2026 06:58 PM (8EOjo)

161 Good kicking Evil's ass is always a good formula in any book or movie.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 06:58 PM (V4IXI)

162 I remember being annoyed when Colbert showed up in the "X-tras" of the LOTR Trilogy Blu-Ray Set. He was a self-proclaimed "expert."

My disappointment was that they never showed him in the same shot with Christopher Lee (who was a real LOTR expert), and not fond of people like Colbert.

Posted by: Orson at March 25, 2026 07:01 PM (dIske)

163 He does this a lot. The fantastic end battle of Fellowship, where the Uruk Hai kill Boromir and kidnap Merry and Pippin? Also only told in retrospect by a dying Boromir. It's like three paragraphs told in retrospect by a dying man who doesn't exactly have a lot of breath in him to tell an exciting tale. A lot of the time, we don't see battles. We just hear about it later. Not gonna lie, it's pretty deflating.

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 06:10 PM
---
Something that a lot of people don't realize: LotR is written as an actual history book. The one Frodo was working on at the end? That's it.

And everything in the book had an eye witness. There is no Narrator who sees all.

So when you hear a story told in flashback, that is how it got to Frodo. We don't know much of what happened in Boromir's fight because he died. It is amazing if you think about it, and if you read it enough times, you learn who is the one who wrote each section.

Talk about character immersion!

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 07:01 PM (ZOv7s)

164 I’ve been reading books that Tolkien read and his club read, like Haggard’s She

King Solomon's Mines was much better, in my opinion.

Imagine someone making a modern movie out of She

Yeah they tried in the past, it wasn't great. Nobody has done a good King Solomon either and there's ZERO chance it gets done now.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:01 PM (PYyV9)

165 I think there’s a spliced version of the hobbit trilogy that edits out the crap and the three movies end up about 45 minutes total
Posted by: Kratwurst at March 25, 2026 06:58 PM (fcDpY)
---
The Hobbit is a pretty good story, but it's written almost as a travelogue of Bilbo's adventures.

Very little dialog between characters.

Mostly expository prose as the narrator chats with the reader about the significance of various locations of Middle Earth and Bilbo's encounters in those locales.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:01 PM (ESVrU)

166 Here's some better news in genre entertainment: The egregious woke Gay Klingon In a Skirt nightmare (and I'm not kidding about that detail) Starfleet: Chocolate Starfish Academy has been cancelled.

And don't forget the gay cadet who's so gay he pukes glitter. I am also not kidding about that detail. It's as though the entire purpose of show was to see just how gay and retarded they could possibly make it. In that sense, it was a smashing success.

Posted by: Gayest and retardedest scifi ever at March 25, 2026 07:01 PM (TbWk/)

167 Damn I didn't know there was a WW1 equivalent of a Holocaust denial.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:02 PM (V4IXI)

168 Oh, one of my favorite child actresses, Kyrianna Kratter, has been cast in 'The Last of Us. She was the only highlight of season 5 of Bunk'd and was one of the main characters in 'Star Wars: Skeleton Crew."

She'll be playing a transgender boy. I'll pass.

Work is work I guess....

Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 07:02 PM (Sco7b)

169 ...and suddenly, out of nowhere, they all just got dog-tired...

Posted by: Gary L. - First Letter Only!!! at March 25, 2026 07:02 PM (dmDsy)

170 I never pegged Ace for a Christie fan.
I lover her writing - it is very careful and structured and she does a great job dropping information without giving away the mystery. It is fun to read once for the story, and then a second time to see how she did it after you know what she did.

I never read Caribbean though. The ones I have read a much better than ACD. He had good mysteries, but Christie was on another level.

Posted by: bob (moron incognitus) at March 25, 2026 07:02 PM (FrseG)

171 I'm confused -- wasn't this Animal Farm film made by the same studio that did "Sound of Freedom"?

Why would they put out a pro-communist film, let alone shit all over Orwell in the process?

Posted by: Pastafarian at March 25, 2026 07:02 PM (sifs3)

172 Second biggest joke ever is king chuck as Defender of the faith.

Posted by: Ben Had at March 25, 2026 07:02 PM (+nEug)

173 By the way, Colbert did the computer voice in Starfleet Academy.

Sorry if that was mentioned.

Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 07:03 PM (Sco7b)

174 39 >>> Gandalf has just warned Frodo that he's in danger and has to leave the Shire

And he'll get right on that, five months later!
Posted by: Acewayne Assante at March 25, 2026 06:23 PM (1wjle

----

LOL! You're so right!

Posted by: JM in Illinois at March 25, 2026 07:03 PM (NOSDa)

175 @KR3Wmatic 11h
Aisha’s mother did exactly this before sending her to Muhammad. Aisha was so small that her mother had to fatten her up before sending her to Muhammad, so that this prepubescent little girl could support the weight of her prophet on top of her without her body breaking.

Posted by: gKWVE at March 25, 2026 07:03 PM (gKWVE)

176 Oh, and we need to revive the word "gleaning"

That is what it is called - when you run it through a second time.
We now use that word to just mean "what I learned, or what I got out of it." but it really means what I got from what was left over.

Peasants wold glean the field for dropped grains. Stuff too small for the farmer to deal with.

I have seen this done in farms. It is a real practice, even today.

Posted by: bob (moron incognitus) at March 25, 2026 07:04 PM (FrseG)

177 This thread smells like nerd.

Boobs.
Posted by: Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon
.......

Nerd boobs.

Posted by: wth at March 25, 2026 07:04 PM (UjdFS)

178 I hear good things about Nero Wolfe. One of these days...
Posted by: ace

The 30's movie with Edward Arnold was a miss, the 60's pilot with Kurt Krassner and WILLIAM SHATNER as Archie was good, the 90's series with Maury Chaiken and Timothy Hutton were uneven, but watchable.

The original "Fer-de-Lance" novel by Rex Stout was very good

Posted by: Auspex at March 25, 2026 07:05 PM (Y8DZL)

179 If you're a leftard you get rewarded, and if you're a conservative you get shot and then maligned by plants. This can't go on forever.

Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:05 PM (I+a8W)

180 ***The (obsolete) A-10 Warthog is shooting and sinking Iranian fast attack boats.
---

Rulz: You know them, where are the pics?

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at March 25, 2026 07:05 PM (jmsL3)

181 whig, if still around...

I tried that DNS change and it worked. Thanks.

Posted by: bob (moron incognitus) at March 25, 2026 07:05 PM (FrseG)

182 The Warthogs are here.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:05 PM (u1ket)

183 And he'll get right on that, five months later!
Posted by: Acewayne Assante at March 25, 2026 06:23 PM (1wjle

----

LOL! You're so right!
Posted by: JM in Illinois at March 25, 2026 07:03 PM (NOSDa)
----
Heh. I just read that part of the story earlier this afternoon. I had forgotten how long it took for Frodo to finally get his ass in gear and leave the Shire. Even his friends noticed.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:06 PM (ESVrU)

184 Second biggest joke ever is king chuck as Defender of the faith.

Posted by: Ben Had at March 25, 2026 07:02 PM (+nEug)

What's the first

Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:06 PM (I+a8W)

185 Classic 70's Ballantine paperback?

Aesthetics are important.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 06:55 PM (kpS4V)

My dad had those. Between him, me and my brother, we wore the covers out. I made some new covers and Dad loved it. The Hobbit had Smaug over Lake Town.

A few years ago I found that set in very good condition and bought them.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Trumpy can do magic at March 25, 2026 07:06 PM (0aYVJ)

186 I hear good things about Nero Wolfe. One of these days...
Posted by: ace


The TV series is very very good.

Posted by: bob (moron incognitus) at March 25, 2026 07:06 PM (FrseG)

187 173 By the way, Colbert did the computer voice in Starfleet Academy.

Sorry if that was mentioned.
Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 07:03 PM (Sco7b)

An extra drizzle of retardation on the steaming feculent gay and retarded cake.

Posted by: Putting the gay in stargazing at March 25, 2026 07:06 PM (TbWk/)

188 Apaches even.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:07 PM (u1ket)

189 Starfleet Academy sucks, literally.
Did you see what was going on in the cloak room?

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at March 25, 2026 07:07 PM (jmsL3)

190 182 The Warthogs are here.
Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:05 PM (u1ket)

WARTHOG! WAAART HOOOGGGG!!!

Posted by: Ramones at March 25, 2026 07:07 PM (TbWk/)

191 By the way, Colbert did the computer voice in Starfleet Academy.
---
He also did the voice Phil St. Kebbin on Harvey Birdman.

Which did not ruin it.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:07 PM (Fi81e)

192 ..., aaaala and his prop- et

Posted by: Ben Had at March 25, 2026 07:07 PM (+nEug)

193 Agg it's Phil Ken Sebbin.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (Fi81e)

194 181 whig, if still around...

I tried that DNS change and it worked. Thanks.
Posted by: bob
=====
Off and on. Fixing dinner.

A lot of network problems and internet problems come from DNS problems. Glad it worked for you.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (E4rtv)

195 I saw Steaming Feculent Gay and Retarded open up for Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Oh no wait, that WAS Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (I+a8W)

196 An extra drizzle of retardation on the steaming feculent gay and retarded cake.
Posted by: Putting the gay in stargazing at March 25, 2026 07:06 PM (TbWk/)

It was like they were intentionally trying to piss off half the audience right from the start.

Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (Sco7b)

197 Ruth gleaned in the fields of Boaz and he took her as wife; had a son Obed, Obed had a son Jesse and Jesse had sons the youngest being David who reigned 40 years as king of Israel. Gleaning leads to the good.

Posted by: kingsman at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (ehY6c)

198 It's as though the entire purpose of show was to see just how gay and retarded they could possibly make it. In that sense, it was a smashing success.

Its apparently really disjointed, because each episode is written by someone else (a few did more than one, but never in sequence) and directed by other people. So each character is really different from show to show, and there's an odd continuity that is wildly inconsistent; One show, they see some people die. Next show they are having fun on spring break. Thirst show, they are all super depressed and need therapy because of the dead people two shows ago they showed no regret or concern about.

The characters are forgettable except for how obnoxious and dumb they are. Nearly all the women are fat and unattractive except for the one who looks kinda like that girl from Daily Wire that left for her own show. ALL the guys are tall and ripped and handsome. Its like it was written by fat blue haired readers of romantasy novels

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (PYyV9)

199 All the regulars should know ace is a sucker for detective stories.

I think enough time has passed that I start watching Monk and Psych again.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (V4IXI)

200 I read somewhere that somehow Elanor, Sam's daughter, is involved in Colbert's story. She's not even born until the end of LotR. This thing is going to suck so much wind.

Posted by: Blast Hardcheese at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (V362x)

201 They had the Eagles in LotR, we have the Warthogs!

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (/HeZH)

202 I just looked at that SA picture again... did they hire any ugly men? Or did they decide that only the women needed to be... um... alternately attractive?

Posted by: FeatherBlade at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (a+4eV)

203 the 90's series with Maury Chaiken and Timothy Hutton were uneven, but watchable.

The original "Fer-de-Lance" novel by Rex Stout was very good
Posted by: Auspex


-----------
Oh, I liked it a lot. It had one or two weak episodes, but most were very good.

Posted by: bob (moron incognitus) at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (FrseG)

204 Tatania looks like she should be back at the base doing EDP.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at March 25, 2026 07:09 PM (jmsL3)

205 Stretching The Hobbit into 3 movies was asinine. The book itself is a quick read, and trying to pad that out into 6 hours of movie is dumb.

Posted by: ballistic at March 25, 2026 07:09 PM (5aZAZ)

206 Colbert should make a movie about Mohamhead and the men of Al Zutt.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:09 PM (u1ket)

207 Posted by: Ben Had at March 25, 2026 07:07 PM (+nEug)

Should have known.

I never shy from a good setup.

Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:09 PM (I+a8W)

208 Colbert was president's voice in Monsters and Aliens.

Posted by: kingsman at March 25, 2026 07:09 PM (ehY6c)

209 Nerd boobs.

Keep going...

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:09 PM (PYyV9)

210 I think enough time has passed that I start watching Monk and Psych again.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (V4IXI)
---
I have never not been watching Psych, here and there.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:10 PM (Fi81e)

211 It was like they were intentionally trying to piss off half the audience right from the start.

Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (Sco7b)

Otherwise known as all entertainment post 2015.

Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:10 PM (I+a8W)

212 I Glean.

You Glean.

We all Glean!

For Ice Cream!!!!!

Posted by: Denny Crane - I Like Rhymes. at March 25, 2026 07:10 PM (dmDsy)

213 ..., hugs to you and your lovely wife.

Posted by: Ben Had at March 25, 2026 07:11 PM (+nEug)

214 The Eagles could have flown Frodo to Mount Doom. It would have been over in a weekend.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:11 PM (u1ket)

215 210 I think enough time has passed that I start watching Monk and Psych again.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (V4IXI)
---
I have never not been watching Psych, here and there.
Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:10 PM (Fi81e)

Try Chuck sometime. You might like it.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:11 PM (/HeZH)

216 Its like it was written by fat blue haired readers of romantasy novels
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (PYyV9)
----
SPOILER: That's exactly who wrote it and who their desired audience is.

As for continuity, I had heard about those problems. It's like they had NO PLAN for any of this going forward. No actual mythic story arc, no character development, no show bible, nothing. They just winged it the entire time.

Idiots.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:11 PM (ESVrU)

217
The Wolfe character was supposedly a Sherlock Holmes type introvert who played with orchids, never went out and "Deduced" while Archie was a much smarter and street wise character than Dr. Watson; their interplay was better.

Archie liked chicks.

Posted by: Auspex at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (Y8DZL)

218 I read somewhere that somehow Elanor, Sam's daughter, is involved in Colbert's story. She's not even born until the end of LotR.

It looks like it will be some time after the trilogy, with Elanor finding the story of Tom Bombadil, and then flashbacks. But that's just the guess.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (PYyV9)

219 Try Chuck sometime. You might like it.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:11 PM (/HeZH)
---
I did like a good portion of it. Kind of intended watching the parts I missed on streaming, but never have yet.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (Fi81e)

220 As with We Haz Rangz, this will be about destroying Tolkien, not building audience or making fans happy.

It's more punishment from a man bitter that he went from a hip cool TV host to nothing.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (ZOv7s)

221 Crew pic tells you all you need to know.
Faggot Klingon. Really? I want to see this.
I really want my kid to see this.
Butt fuckers.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (jmsL3)

222 How will Colbert be able to write a story he can’t throw the hated orange man into? Will he invent an orange orc? He is such a bitchy little priss, anything he writes would be Priscilla Queen of Middle Earth.

Posted by: RebeccaH at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (VFung)

223 I feel like "Lumbar Corsairs" could be a niche Tolkien offshoot.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (kpS4V)

224 Posted by: ace at March 25, 2026 06:37 PM (1wjle)

At the what now

Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (I+a8W)

225 Try Chuck sometime. You might like it.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:11 PM (/HeZH)

Not quite detective. But secret agent good substitute.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (V4IXI)

226 Does Elanor suffer from divershitty?

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (u1ket)

227 I'm sure they're gleaning at the *leaning* center.

Posted by: JM in Illinois at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (vnmN0)

228 219 Try Chuck sometime. You might like it.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:11 PM (/HeZH)
---
I did like a good portion of it. Kind of intended watching the parts I missed on streaming, but never have yet.
Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (Fi81e)

The supporting cast were brilliant, IMO.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (/HeZH)

229 The Eagles could have flown Frodo to Mount Doom. It would have been over in a weekend.
Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:11 PM (u1ket)
----
People like to say that, but remember that the One Ring corrupted those around Frodo, like Boromir.

Even Gandalf and Galadriel recognized the danger.

NO ONE was immune to its lure.

What if Gwaihir the Wind Lord had decided HE should have the One Ring?

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (ESVrU)

230 Better Call Saul was pretty good. Had it's moments and was consistent. Odenkirk is great as was.... Rhea Seehorn

Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:14 PM (I+a8W)

231 The tactics are what enabled the deadlock to be broken.
Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd
======
The Americans are what enabled the deadlock to be broken. All other parties had bled themselves to death including financially.

Both France and UK figured from the get go after the Marne that Americans entering the war on their side was essential to secure a win.

In an attrition strategy, the only way to win is like Grant in the ACW, he had about a 3:1 advantage in many of his campaigns so he could trade casualties even with the Rebs and still win.

That is if you can sustain the moral outrage in society from seemingly pointless slaughter. Arguing domestically that we are sending troops to the slaughter so that they in turn can slaughter the enemies but more so is something not readily defensible in any Western society for long.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 07:14 PM (E4rtv)

232 223 I feel like "Lumbar Corsairs" could be a niche Tolkien offshoot.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:12 PM (kpS4V)

Seagoing chiropractors of fortune.

Posted by: Crack sailors at March 25, 2026 07:14 PM (TbWk/)

233 They had the Eagles in LotR, we have the Warthogs!
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:08 PM (/HeZH)
---
The winged Nazgul are the enemy fighters, ranging over the trenches, bombing, strafing, forcing the troops down. Remember that the Germans had the edge for a long time until Allied aircraft caught up and superior numbers took their toll.

And then things were reversed, now it's the orcs feeling the hurt.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 07:14 PM (ZOv7s)

234 Wow, DOJ finally settles with Gen. Flynn over wrongful prosecution.

What is that... NINE YEARS?

Posted by: Romeo13 at March 25, 2026 07:14 PM (mP0Kj)

235 229

People like to say that, but remember that the One Ring corrupted those around Frodo, like Boromir.

Even Gandalf and Galadriel recognized the danger.

NO ONE was immune to its lure.

What if Gwaihir the Wind Lord had decided HE should have the One Ring?
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (ESVrU)

Nah, no fingers - wait

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:14 PM (/HeZH)

236 Hey Stevie, how was Epstein Island???

Posted by: logprof at March 25, 2026 07:15 PM (jo6FO)

237 Perfessor, one topic for a book thread might be authors who go on food tangents. Lewis and Tolkien for example.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:15 PM (kpS4V)

238 Otherwise known as all entertainment post 2015.
Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:10 PM (I+a8W)
---
Tell me about it. It seems the main enjoyment the woke have in these things is relishing how the "updates" must be pissing off traditionals.

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:15 PM (Fi81e)

239
What if Gwaihir the Wind Lord had decided HE should have the One Ring?

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (ESVrU)
---
Swalwell?

Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (Fi81e)

240 The supporting cast were brilliant, IMO.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (/HeZH)

He should have slipped in I'll be in my bunk somewhere in the series.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (V4IXI)

241 Perfessor, one topic for a book thread might be authors who go on food tangents. Lewis and Tolkien for example.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:15 PM (kpS4V)
----
Neal Stepheson waxes eloquently about the joy of eating Captain Crunch...

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (ESVrU)

242 I think enough time has passed that I start watching Monk and Psych again.

I tried watching Monk but I got really tired of them emphasizing how weird Monk is. Did you know that he's weird? Look at how weird he is. He's weird. Did you get that he's weird? Weird weird weird weird weird. Half the show? Him being weird. Again. Look at how weird he is!. Oh yeah a mystery, whatever. WWEEIRRRD!!!!

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (PYyV9)

243 240 The supporting cast were brilliant, IMO.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:13 PM (/HeZH)

He should have slipped in I'll be in my bunk somewhere in the series.
Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (V4IXI)

Yvonne Strahovsky. Wow.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:17 PM (/HeZH)

244 FIRST!!!!!

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (Zz0t1)

245 If you go to the X search box and type in 'iran' you will receive pages and pages of chaf. Those little islamists are down in their bunkers typing away.
But, dudes, watch out for your signal.
Uncle Don's got a buster for you.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (jmsL3)

246 How will Colbert be able to write a story he can’t throw the hated orange man into? Will he invent an orange orc?

All the Barrow Wights will be Trump and his cabinet.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (PYyV9)

247 The Americans are what enabled the deadlock to be broken. All other parties had bled themselves to death including financially.

Posted by: whig at March 25, 2026 07:14 PM (E4rtv)
---
Yes. The British were a mess, with Lloyd George refusing to send troops forward to Haig, who he figured would just get them killed.

When the US showed up, the French and British wanted to use us as replacements. No bueno. We want our own sector, so they gave us the worst one on the front, and we hammered our way through, albeit at a loss rate that seems unreal. Something like 160,000 men in A MONTH.

Getting back to Tolkien, some folks want more action, but he is writing history, so yes, he has the commanders argue over strategy and go over the numbers of men they have left. Any reinforcements? What about that crossroads?

That's why it feels so real.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (ZOv7s)

248 Yvonne Strahovsky. Wow.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:17 PM (/HeZH)
---
Fan name: Yvonne StraHOTsky...

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (ESVrU)

249 Ace, you really are a nerd, aren't you.........

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (Zz0t1)

250 238 Otherwise known as all entertainment post 2015.
Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:10 PM (I+a8W)
---
Tell me about it. It seems the main enjoyment the woke have in these things is relishing how the "updates" must be pissing off traditionals.
Posted by: Axeman at March 25, 2026 07:15 PM (Fi81e)

Completely overestimating the damns we give about anything they do.

I'm happy with asian stuff and older Disney and Nick shows. Victoria Justice is nearing 30. Ariana Grande too....sadly in pounds...

Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (Sco7b)

251 I had Mexican for lunch. I'm the Wind Lord.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (/THgZ)

252 That black grinning goblin shark with the space buns is like a magic ward preventing me from even thinking of watching Star Fleet Academy. I can't even gaze upon it!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (kpS4V)

253
Agree on the "Better Call Saul" but Odenkirk has now slid into the unassuming milquetoast who kicks the shit out of legions of gangsters from his past in EVERY MOVIE HE MAKES.

Makes Jason Statham seem like an actor with range.

Posted by: Auspex at March 25, 2026 07:19 PM (Y8DZL)

254 Yvonne Strahovsky. Wow.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:17 PM (/HeZH)

I liked the first two seasons of that show, but seeing Yvonne take on Michael Clarke Duncan was laughingly ridiculous.

Grrl power, you guys.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Trumpy can do magic at March 25, 2026 07:19 PM (0aYVJ)

255 I tried watching Monk but I got really tired of them emphasizing how weird Monk is. Did you know that he's weird? Look at how weird he is. He's weird. Did you get that he's weird? Weird weird weird weird weird. Half the show? Him being weird. Again. Look at how weird he is!. Oh yeah a mystery, whatever. WWEEIRRRD!!!!

Bum Gravy!

Posted by: Bum Gravy! at March 25, 2026 07:19 PM (HUHft)

256 Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (PYyV9)

I can understand that but it didn't bother me because that is where his super power came from.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:19 PM (V4IXI)

257 Perfessor, one topic for a book thread might be authors who go on food tangents. Lewis and Tolkien for example.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:15 PM (kpS4V)
---
Food matters. It adds to the richness, and also the tension as Frodo and Sam run low on food and then water becomes critical.

And again, it's a history, and told by veterans. Veterans talk a lot about chow.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 07:20 PM (ZOv7s)

258 I've heard good things about the Mongo the Magnificent detective series about a dwarf private eye.

Posted by: banana Dream at March 25, 2026 07:20 PM (3uBP9)

259 Braenyard, Tim Pool had two guys on that claimed Tousi was some obscure site that knew nothing about Iran

Posted by: Ben Had at March 25, 2026 07:20 PM (+nEug)

260 Bum Gravy!
Posted by: Bum Gravy! at March 25, 2026 07:19 PM (HUHft)

That had to be his worst nightmare because it's close to mine. 😀

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at March 25, 2026 07:20 PM (V4IXI)

261 254 Yvonne Strahovsky. Wow.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:17 PM (/HeZH)

I liked the first two seasons of that show, but seeing Yvonne take on Michael Clarke Duncan was laughingly ridiculous.

Grrl power, you guys.
Posted by: Pug Mahon, Trumpy can do magic at March 25, 2026 07:19 PM (0aYVJ)

Jeff and Lester were too good not to watch.

Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:20 PM (/HeZH)

262 @151 "This thread smells like nerd".

Could be worse. At least it's not about "Star Track".
(Trek)

Posted by: Case at March 25, 2026 07:20 PM (pvf3X)

263 Jeffster!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:21 PM (kpS4V)

264 A Clinton judge has ruled this thread nearly over.

Fortunately
Nood

Cafe.

Posted by: Stateless - Day 6 - extreme dog care at March 25, 2026 07:21 PM (Sco7b)

265 That black grinning goblin shark with the space buns is like a magic ward preventing me from even thinking of watching Star Fleet Academy. I can't even gaze upon it!
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:18 PM (kpS4V)
---
I watched Disparu's channel on Youtube, which was pretty funny but even he was losing his mind after a few episodes.

Posted by: Ace-Endorsed Author A.H. Lloyd at March 25, 2026 07:21 PM (ZOv7s)

266 Jeff and Lester were too good not to watch.
Posted by: tubal at March 25, 2026 07:20 PM (/HeZH)
---
Chuck was a show where the B-plot (about life at the Best Buy clone) was often more entertaining than the A-plot (spy adventures).

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:22 PM (ESVrU)

267 I think Chuck was pretty tongue in cheek

Posted by: ... at March 25, 2026 07:22 PM (I+a8W)

268 Jeffster!
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:21 PM (kpS4V)

Yes. The B plots were often my favorite part of "Chuck."

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Trumpy can do magic at March 25, 2026 07:22 PM (0aYVJ)

269 If I see a LOTR thread I'm there. But, I am commenting on WWI. I call it the stupidest war. By 1915 it was clear that winning wasn't possible, but losing certainly was and every side lost. The 3 cousins should have gotten together, kissed and made up, then told the French that the war is over and everyone should just go home.

Posted by: EyeofSauron at March 25, 2026 07:22 PM (G6FGs)

270 230 Better Call Saul was pretty good. Had it's moments and was consistent. Odenkirk is great as was.... Rhea Seehorn


the slick lawyer guy - his brother's partner? - was also excellent.

as was Michael McKean of course

Posted by: BlackOrchid(j+aD2) at March 25, 2026 07:23 PM (j+aD2)

271 I tried watching Monk but I got really tired of them emphasizing how weird Monk is. Did you know that he's weird? Look at how weird he is. He's weird. Did you get that he's weird? Weird weird weird weird weird. Half the show? Him being weird. Again. Look at how weird he is!. Oh yeah a mystery, whatever. WWEEIRRRD!!!!
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (PYyV9

-----

Weird? I immediately thought of this idiot.

https://tinyurl.com/49akmws6

Posted by: JM in Illinois at March 25, 2026 07:24 PM (uJWG4)

272 Aw mannnn, I missed the Tolkien thread to feed my family? Fine, I *won't* be sharing leftovers.

NO PORK CHOPS FOR YOU!

Posted by: pookysgirl, not sharing at March 25, 2026 07:24 PM (Wt5PA)

273 It's a shame that Poole is allowed to be associated with the Right. He's an agitprop.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at March 25, 2026 07:25 PM (jmsL3)

274 Honestly, did not expect JRR to get such a bad review. I think the story has legs. Hoping for a prequel and postscript trilogy of books that fleshes out how awesome the women and orcs really are.

Posted by: Elect me because i'm dyslexic and racist at March 25, 2026 07:26 PM (bexpN)

275 WW1 might never have ended without the US.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:27 PM (u1ket)

276 BTW, I already knew Colbert is a huge LOTR fanboy, thanks to a hilarious exchange he had with James Franco years ago.

Posted by: pookysgirl, Tolkien fangirl at March 25, 2026 07:27 PM (Wt5PA)

277 I can understand that but it didn't bother me because that is where his super power came from.

But they didn't have to emphasize it so heavily in every single show to such an extent. WE GET IT. It was distracting and felt like filler.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:27 PM (PYyV9)

278 I really like background play.

Posted by: Boss Moss at March 25, 2026 07:31 PM (u1ket)

279 I'm curious how Red Letter Media will respond to this mortifying news.

Posted by: eleven at March 25, 2026 07:32 PM (aTgV0)

280 74
But srsly, I looked up Stephen Colbert's writing credits and the ONLY fiction-type job he's done was for something called Strangers with Candy, which was a comedy starring himself and Amy Sedaris as a 46-year-old high school student who's gotten out of jail and wants to pick up where she left off.

That reddit thread where he gloats says he's a Tolkien expert.

Who knows, maybe he'll do a decent job.


Come on. He can't even write his own f**king jokes without soundling like a one note r*tard. He's going to f**k it into a ditch and they're going to lose a sh*t ton of money.
The fact that they are paying this utter f**kwit a dime says Hollywood isn't close to done with going full r*tard. These studios deserve to f**king burn.

Posted by: Nelly at March 25, 2026 07:36 PM (7gpcF)

281 241 Perfessor, one topic for a book thread might be authors who go on food tangents. Lewis and Tolkien for example.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes. at March 25, 2026 07:15 PM (kpS4V)
----
Neal Stepheson waxes eloquently about the joy of eating Captain Crunch...
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (ESVrU)
That he was. I really enjoyed Chryptonomicon, but not so much Fall or Dodge in Hell.

Posted by: Eromero at March 25, 2026 07:45 PM (LHPAg)

282 173 By the way, Colbert did the computer voice in Starfleet Academy.

Sorry if that was mentioned.

That show was nothing but one giant troll on the fans. A Klingon that only wanted to declare war on other men's r*ctums.
A fat r*tard that literally swallowed her com badge.
A captain that flopped around in the captains chair like some kind of emo teenager and mumbled her lines like she was gargling oat meal.
A betazed that could kill people with her empathy powers. (no, these f**kwit writers didn't understand the old shows at all)
The big cliffhanger was a minefield being created that surrounded federation space. (yes, they have no f**king idea how space works)
If sh*t writing was a crime, everyone associated with this f**king abomination would be on d**th row.

Posted by: Nelly at March 25, 2026 07:54 PM (7gpcF)

283 271 I tried watching Monk but I got really tired of them emphasizing how weird Monk is. Did you know that he's weird? Look at how weird he is. He's weird. Did you get that he's weird? Weird weird weird weird weird. Half the show? Him being weird. Again. Look at how weird he is!. Oh yeah a mystery, whatever. WWEEIRRRD!!!!
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 25, 2026 07:16 PM (PYyV9

I think Monk was one of the first shows that USA had that was original; i think Psych and Burn Notice followed soon after.
I like Tony Shaloub and Ted Levine together but I think i stopped watching after season 3 or so because of the same reason you mention. It just felt like they were going nowhere with the character and just putting him in different situations to react to.
Psych and Burn Notice on the other hand, i never missed an episode and bought the DVD collections. Then they came up with some slick lawyer show and I pretty much stopped watching the channel.

Posted by: Nelly at March 25, 2026 08:07 PM (7gpcF)

284 Colbert will purposely go out of his way to make this the biggest FU to LOTR fans imaginable.

Posted by: Halfhand at March 25, 2026 08:37 PM (BSRx7)

285 Colbert is involved in the project. Well, that's reason enough for me to skip the movie. It was easy enough for me to skip over Rings or Power and War of the Rohirrim. I can skip one more (almost certainly crappy) project without any real effort...

Posted by: Castle Guy at March 25, 2026 09:36 PM (Lhaco)

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