First World Problems...

For some unfathomable, deeply anti-freedom reason, lip balm tubes always advance the lip balm into the top while resting in my pocket, rather than it being a random thing...sometimes advancing and sometimes retracting. And of course the balm nestles into the top and then breaks off from the rest, and there we have it...the crisis of the lip. Should I use my little finger to try to dig it out? Advance the remaining balm in hopes that it will adhere to the separated balm and then...impossibly...retract whole back into the body of the dispenser?

It is obviously a vast conspiracy between Big Lip and Big Balm, and the engineers who designed this one-way screw mechanism should be arrested, tried, and executed.

Posted by: CBD at 02:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 hello

Posted by: Pete Bog at February 01, 2026 02:00 PM (Rmwng)

2 1

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:01 PM (Ia/+0)

3 Or 2nd

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:01 PM (Ia/+0)

4 Pro tip: don't carry in pocket @ 105 F.

Or anywhere in S Texas, Feb - Dec...

Posted by: man at February 01, 2026 02:02 PM (XuXeR)

5 Pro Tip: Carmex

Posted by: San Franpsycho at February 01, 2026 02:02 PM (RIvkX)

6 Willowed from the end of the last thread:

The concern about assimilation in the US is a bit misplaced. Democrats were writing about replacement theory back in the 50s and it ramped up after LBJ solidified the black vote with the great society. The hispanics wiped that out. Hispanics in fact are assimilating rapidly, and they hate the illegal immigration as much as we do. Their kids and grand kids increasingly do not even speak Spanish.

The dot Indians will be forced to give up their clannish ways because the CRA of 64 makes their business practices illegal. That is starting to happen now.

The real issue is Islam. We are going to struggle with that issue. Islam is incompatible with the West, and the US in particular. They will not assimilate. They are going to have to be aggressively managed. And all immigration from Muslim majority countries needs to be ended.

Posted by: Black JEM at February 01, 2026 02:02 PM (UVyKP)

7 May need to consider an alternative theme to first world problems. The recent examples have become so heartbreaking it is difficult to read through the text without breaking into tears.

Your afflictions only mount. Never diminish.

Posted by: Pete Bog at February 01, 2026 02:02 PM (Rmwng)

8 Yeah, ain't much you can do except have a few rolls handy.

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:03 PM (Ia/+0)

9 "Advance the remaining balm in hopes that it will adhere to the separated balm and then...impossibly...retract whole back into the body of the dispenser?"

That doesn't work. Ask me how I know.

Posted by: Tuna at February 01, 2026 02:03 PM (lJ0H4)

10 At least the cap stayed on, CBD.

Posted by: JQ at February 01, 2026 02:03 PM (rdVOm)

11 *pouts*

Posted by: The Cleansing Fire at February 01, 2026 02:04 PM (jc0TO)

12 I don't want to hear about it unless you've run it through the washer and dryer. Then we can talk.

Posted by: bluebell at February 01, 2026 02:06 PM (79pEw)

13 Dude. You’re a retard.

Posted by: nurse ratched at February 01, 2026 02:07 PM (T+5zb)

14 The recent examples have become so heartbreaking it is difficult to read through the text without breaking into tears.

Posted by: Pete Bog at February 01, 2026 02:02 PM (Rmwng)

The struggle is real!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 01, 2026 02:07 PM (n9ltV)

15 Blistex in a tube.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at February 01, 2026 02:07 PM (w6EFb)

16 12 I don't want to hear about it unless you've run it through the washer and dryer. Then we can talk.
Posted by: bluebell

You mean the red cherry flavored one that melts and stains everyrhing in the dryer?

Nope. Never done that. /s

Posted by: nurse ratched at February 01, 2026 02:08 PM (T+5zb)

17 Big Lip?

Posted by: Nazdar at February 01, 2026 02:08 PM (NcvvS)

18 "Chap-Stick" was less likely to break off; it was a harder substance than other brands.

Of course, unless it was warmed (not in your coat pocket after you've been outdoors in freezing weather for an hour) it was like rubbing a candle on your lips. Useless.

Posted by: JQ at February 01, 2026 02:09 PM (rdVOm)

19 Lip balm. I've never used it. Observationally, it seems addictive.

Posted by: From about That Time at February 01, 2026 02:10 PM (sl73Y)

20 Maybe use the kind that is more liquid and not wax. Then it doesn’t go anywhere.

Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:10 PM (pZEOD)

21 should be arrested, tried, and executed

why complicate it with trials? straight to execution following arrest is the better method Mr. Brown

Posted by: DanMan at February 01, 2026 02:10 PM (8uzBS)

22 You're carrying your lip balm too close to your old-man, saggy scrotum where it gets over heated to a point that is beyond the parameters of a lip balm delivery tube.

Try placing the lip balm in your shirt pocket over your moob.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at February 01, 2026 02:11 PM (oT7pT)

23 Lip moisturizers little application brushes and tint.

Posted by: L - No nic, another fine day at February 01, 2026 02:12 PM (NFX2v)

24 Burt's Bees, Coconut and Pear, FTW ...

Posted by: Adriane the Not Cynical Enough Critic . . . at February 01, 2026 02:13 PM (3ZUWJ)

25 Lip balm tube needs a parking brake. Build it and they will come.

Posted by: Eromero at February 01, 2026 02:13 PM (LHPAg)

26 Dude. You’re a retard.
Posted by: nurse ratched at February 01, 2026 02:07 PM (T+5zb)

Was this directed to anyone in particular, or just a sweeping characterization of the entire readership? Not saying it is not accurate.

Posted by: Pete Bog at February 01, 2026 02:14 PM (Rmwng)

27 This is part of the reason I switched to Carmex and Blistex squeeze tubes.

Of course, you can use chapstick as a firestarter too, so it still has uses.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at February 01, 2026 02:14 PM (xcxpd)

28 Dude. You’re a retard.

Posted by: nurse ratched at February 01, 2026 02:07 PM (T+5zb)

You mean the red cherry flavored one that melts and stains everyrhing in the dryer?

Nope. Never done that. /s

Posted by: nurse ratched at February 01, 2026 02:08 PM (T+5zb)

Hello "Pot."

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 01, 2026 02:15 PM (n9ltV)

29 Fidgeting with your balls all the time with lip balm in your pocket does that. Pump the brakes on the pocket pool.

Posted by: JROD at February 01, 2026 02:15 PM (LEz2V)

30 I had chapped lips for the first time in my life yesterday, and that's a long time.

Posted by: javems at February 01, 2026 02:15 PM (vHpfQ)

31 and they hate the illegal immigration as much as we do"

More. Now enquire about relations with the "black" community...

Posted by: man at February 01, 2026 02:15 PM (XuXeR)

32 I get lip balm in a little squeeze tube with a snap on cap. Great until the cap comes off in your pocket.

Posted by: Bob at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM (8fcNE)

33 Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at February 01, 2026 02:11 PM (oT7pT)

Ouch!

[and funny!]

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM (n9ltV)

34 all immigration from Muslim majority countries needs to be ended.

There is iron in your words.

Posted by: Commissar of plenty and festive little hats at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM (Kt19C)

35 My first world problem is I have been given the green light for a new couch. Prior to this I saw so many that I liked and now suddenly…nothing is appealing to me. I really thought I wanted green velvet. But I have this white Shiba Inu. 😄

Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM (p4NUW)

36 19 Lip balm. I've never used it. Observationally, it seems addictive.
Posted by: From about That Time at February 01, 2026 02:10 PM (sl73Y

Yep. I haven't had any cracks or chapping since I stopped using it.

Posted by: Emmie -- be strong and courageous! at February 01, 2026 02:17 PM (FMtrg)

37 35 My first world problem is I have been given the green light for a new couch. Prior to this I saw so many that I liked and now suddenly…nothing is appealing to me. I really thought I wanted green velvet. But I have this white Shiba Inu. 😄
Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM (p4NUW)

If you have shedders, go leather or get ready to clean even more

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at February 01, 2026 02:17 PM (xcxpd)

38 Blistex in a tube."

Eli's cat oil...

Posted by: man at February 01, 2026 02:18 PM (XuXeR)

39 The thin round tins work better.

Posted by: banana Dream at February 01, 2026 02:18 PM (3uBP9)

40 My grandpa taught me to use motor oil on my lips.
Chapsticks is for pussies.

Posted by: fd at February 01, 2026 02:18 PM (vFG9F)

41 My grandpa taught me to use motor oil on my lips."

Delvac

Posted by: man at February 01, 2026 02:19 PM (XuXeR)

42
If you have shedders, go leather or get ready to clean even more
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at February 01, 2026 02:17 PM (xcxpd

I also have 2 Savannah Cats. They will destroy leather in a nanosecond. Concrete may be an option to consider.

Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:19 PM (p4NUW)

43 My first world problem is I have been given the green light for a new couch. Prior to this I saw so many that I liked and now suddenly…nothing is appealing to me. I really thought I wanted green velvet. But I have this white Shiba Inu. 😄
Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM

There's a one with a free sign on it on the side of South Section Street.

Posted by: toby928(c) at February 01, 2026 02:21 PM (jc0TO)

44 >>>Ouch!

[and funny!]

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo

>I come here for the laughs and current affairs and media updates. You COBs do great work.

Cheers.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at February 01, 2026 02:21 PM (oT7pT)

45 43 My first world problem is I have been given the green light for a new couch. Prior to this I saw so many that I liked and now suddenly…nothing is appealing to me. I really thought I wanted green velvet. But I have this white Shiba Inu. 😄
Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM

There's a one with a free sign on it on the side of South Section Street.
Posted by: toby928(c) at February 01, 2026 02:21

Perfect. lol.

Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:21 PM (p4NUW)

46 15 Blistex in a tube.
Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at February 01, 2026 02:07 PM (w6EFb)
This is the way. I carry it because I get dehydrated.

Posted by: Eromero at February 01, 2026 02:21 PM (LHPAg)

47 Was this directed to anyone in particular, or just a sweeping characterization of the entire readership? Not saying it is not accurate.

Posted by: Pete Bog at February 01, 2026 02:14 PM (Rmwng)

Well a moron can be considered a retard, I guess. Never hear about cretins.

Posted by: javems at February 01, 2026 02:22 PM (vHpfQ)

48 My problem is its 23 degrees and not getting warmer until Tuesday

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:22 PM (Ia/+0)

49 Concrete may be an option to consider.

Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:19 PM (p4NUW)

There are some amazing concrete finishes available. I had my garage floor done, and it looks spectacular, and wears wonderfully.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 01, 2026 02:22 PM (n9ltV)

50 Try O'Keeff's. Beyter balm, doesn't do that.

Posted by: iamfelix at February 01, 2026 02:22 PM (9krkJ)

51 Dude. You’re a retard.
Posted by: nurse ratched at February 01, 2026 02:07 PM

CBD, you have disappointed nurse.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at February 01, 2026 02:22 PM (Wnv9h)

52 Burt’s Bees or Bag Balm.Lanolin is great stuff.
My FWP is the only orthopedic Dr’s who take our insurance are in Manhattan.

Posted by: Accomack at February 01, 2026 02:22 PM (S8ZfB)

53 Looks like we have another 'Judge' Duggan, this time in NY

https://tinyurl.com/puywvmwj

Posted by: AZ Hi Desert (Gringo fuertemente armado-Tempus belli) at February 01, 2026 02:22 PM (zQwXC)

54 flies in the vaseline we are.

Posted by: DaveA at February 01, 2026 02:23 PM (FhXTo)

55 Try O'Keeffe's. Better balm, doesn't do that.

Ignore previous misspelling.

Posted by: iamfelix at February 01, 2026 02:23 PM (9krkJ)

56 Um... Ladies who keep chapstick in their purses don't have this problem.

*ducks and runs*

Posted by: pookysgirl, keeping Lil Pooky from raiding her wallet at February 01, 2026 02:25 PM (Wt5PA)

57 Speaking of, I just found a very old tin of burt's bees. No date but some of it had started turning brown. Like any normal man, I've tried it anyway to see what happens. 25% chance I die. 71% chance nothing happens except my lips are nicely moisturized. 4% chance I obtain super mutant bee powers.

Posted by: banana Dream at February 01, 2026 02:25 PM (3uBP9)

58 I considered whether to pick up the free couch for the barn but I decided against it.

I did pick up a bathtub on that block where someone was doing renevations. That is going to be my tomato pot this year.

Posted by: toby928(c) at February 01, 2026 02:27 PM (jc0TO)

59 Remembering to put it and sunscreen on in the winter is my pale person problem.

Meanwhile 2 coyotes just wandered thru the neighborhood. Literally walking distance to the Lincoln Highway Ideal Section.

Posted by: DaveA at February 01, 2026 02:27 PM (FhXTo)

60 We probably all need to just kill ourselves and salt the earth to stop these kinds of tragedies from ever existing in the universe again.

Posted by: Tinfoil Dispenser at February 01, 2026 02:28 PM (ERYKL)

61 Super Bee Powers would be awesome
Not sure want to travel around in yellow and black, but flying would be fun

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:29 PM (Ia/+0)

62 Look, there's an easy solution to the lip balm thing. Start kissing sweaty women. They might not fit in your pocket, but they're pretty common. If, for some bizarre reason, you can't find one, just steal some woman's purse....they'll chase you, get a little sweaty, problem solved.

(still working out the kinks on this one. If you get sent to prison, you might really have a problem. That's a personal choice, but chapped lips will be the least of your worries, so it kind of works itself out).

Posted by: Orson at February 01, 2026 02:31 PM (dIske)

63 49 Concrete may be an option to consider.

Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:19 PM (p4NUW)

There are some amazing concrete finishes available. I had my garage floor done, and it looks spectacular, and wears wonderfully.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 01

This probably also counts as first world, but we are going to redo the concrete around the pool in a better finish. We are going to be using a finish that is cooling so you don’t burn the soles of your feet off. Stay tuned over the summer for the effectiveness of it.

Posted by: Piper at February 01, 2026 02:31 PM (Wmg4n)

64 Third World Problems are boring.
Hunger
Thirst
Shelter
Disease

There's nothing there about like self-actualization.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at February 01, 2026 02:33 PM (RIvkX)

65 54 flies in the vaseline we are.
Posted by: DaveA at February 01, 2026 02:23 PM (FhXTo)

Sometimes it blows my mind...

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at February 01, 2026 02:33 PM (xcxpd)

66 Um... Ladies who keep chapstick in their purses don't have this problem.

*ducks and runs*
Posted by: pookysgirl, keeping Lil Pooky from raiding her wallet at February 01, 2026 02:25 PM

So Ace and garrett are ok, then?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at February 01, 2026 02:33 PM (Wnv9h)

67 Chap Stick in a metal tube with an element at the bottom that had to be physically pushed to expose the balm. - > Don't push too hard.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 02:34 PM (c35xG)

68 Splurge.. Get a new tube... Problem solved

Posted by: It's me donna at February 01, 2026 02:37 PM (VE6XX)

69 38 Blistex in a tube."

Eli's cat oil...
Posted by: man at February 01, 2026 02:18 PM (XuXeR)

it works but nobody wants to buy it

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at February 01, 2026 02:37 PM (xcxpd)

70 Try O'Keeffe's. Better balm, doesn't do that.
Posted by: iamfelix

Does it make your lips look like.....

Posted by: mikeski at February 01, 2026 02:38 PM (VHUov)

71 Eli's cat oil...
Posted by: man

Hasn't been the same since they stopped using real cat.

Posted by: mikeski at February 01, 2026 02:38 PM (VHUov)

72 Try my bees.

Posted by: Burt's at February 01, 2026 02:39 PM (2Ez/1)

73 34 all immigration from Muslim majority countries needs to be ended.

There is iron in your words.
Posted by: Commissar of plenty and festive little hats at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM (Kt19C)
---

We allow the one's committed to killing us, that are here, stay here?

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 02:39 PM (c35xG)

74 Bag Balm

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 02:42 PM (c35xG)

75 I did pick up a bathtub on that block where someone was doing renevations.

vacationing in Southern Cali years ago...we had a place at the a Jolla Beach and Tennis Club for a week or so. Cruising around DanMa'am spots a complete aqua toilet sitting at the curb and wants in order to compliment one she has full of flowers in a flowerbed by the pool at home in Houston. Drive around for several days with it in the Blazer so nobody knows we have an aqua toilet in tow.

Comes time to leave and having to pack...kids...stuff...tie aqua toilet to top of Blazer and drive to Houston. Yeah, that was us.

Posted by: DanMan at February 01, 2026 02:42 PM (8uzBS)

76 Don't crotch tuck your lip balm.
Problem solved.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at February 01, 2026 02:43 PM (/lPRQ)

77 Ya know, Real Men just let their lips chap and blister and live through the pain without whining.

Posted by: Diogenes at February 01, 2026 02:43 PM (2WIwB)

78 Maybe use the kind that is more liquid and not wax. Then it doesn’t go anywhere.

My favorite part about the FWP thread is that people actually try to solve it.

Posted by: Oddbob at February 01, 2026 02:43 PM (91IfI)

79 Two FWP's for the price of one:

Snow, ice and a gravel driveway. Our state road crews saw fit to deposit about 2 1/2 feet of all that snow and ice at the foot of my driveway. Clearing it this afternoon was a royal pain in the ass.

Oh... and they took out my mailbox too.

But the road's clear... 🙄

Posted by: Martini Farmer at February 01, 2026 02:43 PM (jtM2q)

80 Watching a Japanese movie in Japanese, no subtitles

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:45 PM (Ia/+0)

81 Why'd you use the balm? I told you not to use the balm!

Posted by: Jackie Chiles Esq. at February 01, 2026 02:46 PM (JkO4W)

82 I always clear my driveway and road portion past mailbox by some feet.

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:47 PM (Ia/+0)

83 Pro Tip: Carmex
Posted by: San Franpsycho at February 01, 2026 02:02 PM (RIvkX)

This.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 02:47 PM (zZu0s)

84 65 54 flies in the vaseline we are.
Posted by: DaveA at February 01, 2026 02:23 PM (FhXTo)

Sometimes it blows my mind...
----
Keep getting stuck here all the time...

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at February 01, 2026 02:48 PM (Wnqw0)

85 I don't know about you but my spouse demands unchapped smackers.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at February 01, 2026 02:48 PM (RIvkX)

86 Well, they're all movie threads.

Hemmingway's short story The Killers was mentioned on the book thread. The Burt Lancaster movie (his first) may be the best "opened up" short story movie ever.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Damn It Feels Good to Be a Trumpster! at February 01, 2026 02:49 PM (J+Psw)

87 82 I always clear my driveway and road portion past mailbox by some feet.
Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:47 PM (Ia/+0)

---------

I just finished a cleaning and complete de-algification of my birdbath.

So there.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at February 01, 2026 02:50 PM (JkO4W)

88 The problem is always had with the blistex tubes (and similar) is that i do not use enough to go through a tube quickly so it sits in the pocket a long time. Over a very long time, a puncture will appear in the side of the tube and make a mess.

Carmex is the way. I have one that is at least 5 years old.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 02:51 PM (zZu0s)

89 Waste no time! Contact a proper make-up artiste and have a consult about corrective action(-s). I hear Sally Beauty's pretty good …

Posted by: Dr_No at February 01, 2026 02:51 PM (ayRl+)

90 80 Watching a Japanese movie in Japanese, no subtitles

---------

Were they surprised when America brought 17 fleet carriers to the Battle of the Philippine Sea?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at February 01, 2026 02:52 PM (JkO4W)

91 Watching a Japanese movie in Japanese, no subtitles
Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:45 PM (Ia/+0)

That's a problem if it's a psychological thriller set in modern Tokyo that uses metaphor to explore the complexities of social interactions between the classes.

If it's a Godzilla or classic Samurai movie, no problem.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at February 01, 2026 02:52 PM (4mmkh)

92 microwave it for 10 sec. then put it in the fridge before you take the cap off again.

Posted by: susan harms at February 01, 2026 02:54 PM (Kkd7F)

93 "microwave it for 10 sec. then put it in the fridge before you take the cap off again"

great idea! But keep it verticle.

Posted by: no one of any consequence at February 01, 2026 02:57 PM (qFwJc)

94 My favorite part about the FWP thread is that people actually try to solve it.

Posted by: Oddbob at February 01, 2026 02:43 PM (91IfI)

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 01, 2026 02:57 PM (n9ltV)

95 Quit kissing bad girls and you won't need lip medicine.

Posted by: Diogenes at February 01, 2026 02:57 PM (2WIwB)

96 Burn the house down, buy new chapstick, then build a new house.

Prudent.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at February 01, 2026 02:58 PM (2pORR)

97 Melt it and remold into the shape of a fingertip.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at February 01, 2026 02:58 PM (RIvkX)

98 77 Ya know, Real Men just let their lips chap and blister and live through the pain without whining.
Posted by: Diogenes

Eeew. No smooches for you!

Posted by: nurse ratched at February 01, 2026 02:59 PM (IhIKR)

99 A WWII movie, started out watching a battleship get bombed then sunk by Navy, lots of ship models in front of high officers and talking now for awhile.

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 02:59 PM (Ia/+0)

100 Quit kissing bad girls and you won't need lip medicine.
Posted by: Diogenes at February 01, 2026 02:57 PM (2WIwB)

From what I remember of girls of a certain age, lip gloss must have had cocaine in it- or heroin.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 02:59 PM (zZu0s)

101 Bag Balm
Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others

Can't sem to find anything snarky about Bag Balm.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at February 01, 2026 03:00 PM (/lPRQ)

102 I currently have a split lip. This only happens this time of the year when the Winter air is so dry. Yes. It sucks. Carmex is crap. Chapstick is okay, but I must use it generously.

Posted by: no one of any consequence at February 01, 2026 03:01 PM (qFwJc)

103 My FWP is that I have so much cooked food in the freezer that I haven't needed to go to grocery store for anything but milk, eggs, butter, bread and fresh vegetables for months. Gotta clear out the freezers and the canned goods in the pantry.

It's a counter pandemic.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at February 01, 2026 03:02 PM (oT7pT)

104 Can't sem to find anything snarky about Bag Balm.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher

It's a head scratcher.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at February 01, 2026 03:02 PM (2pORR)

105 Btw, vaseline at bedtime is great.

Okay you horndogs, KY jelly is better for other things.

Posted by: no one of any consequence at February 01, 2026 03:02 PM (qFwJc)

106 Ted Lieu's political philosophy.

Ted Lieu
@tedlieu
Two criteria I will use in deciding which Democratic presidential candidate to support are the following:

1. Must restore White House to 2024 structure.

2. Must commit to public ceremonies, with fireworks, removing Trump’s name from every federal building.

I’m not kidding.

-
Well, give me end affirmative action/DEI, end welfare, de-export the illegal aliens the hell out of here, impeach and remove a shit load of judges, and indict, convict, and imprison a shit load of politicians and I can live with fireworks and renaming stuff.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Damn It Feels Good to Be a Trumpster! at February 01, 2026 03:03 PM (J+Psw)

107
I don't keep lip balm or any other semi-solid or liquid item in my pocket. Sooner or later they'll always leak.

Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at February 01, 2026 03:04 PM (VWtfl)

108 Kentucky Jelly?

I always just get smuckers grape jam.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 03:04 PM (zZu0s)

109 My FWP:
I just bought a new iPhone for Xmas. I figure it's the last phone I'll ever own. Less than 2 months and already 2 software upgrades. You gotta be kidding me??? Bug fixes??? How long have they been making these things and there are still bugs in the software?
Unsat!

Posted by: Diogenes at February 01, 2026 03:05 PM (2WIwB)

110 Can't seem to find anything snarky about Bag Balm.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at February 01, 2026 03:00 PM (/lPRQ)

Something... something... didn't know he could buy it at the farm supply store... something... he got caught in a compromising position with a dairy cow...

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at February 01, 2026 03:05 PM (4mmkh)

111 at bedtime.

Posted by: no one of any consequence at February 01, 2026 03:06 PM (qFwJc)

112 Yeah. I could have had windows 7 forever and been happy.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 03:06 PM (zZu0s)

113 Kentucky Jelly?

Never heard of that.

LOL Love the jokes.

Posted by: no one of any consequence at February 01, 2026 03:07 PM (qFwJc)

114 Something... something... didn't know he could buy it at the farm supply store... something... he got caught in a compromising position with a dairy cow...
Posted by: Idaho Spudboy

Milking the bull.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at February 01, 2026 03:07 PM (2pORR)

115 I still have Windows 7 and I am very, very happy.

Posted by: no one of any consequence at February 01, 2026 03:08 PM (qFwJc)

116 GREAT quote for frankly everyone- not just Christians.

“But here’s the truth: It isn’t Christlike to be gullible. It isn’t Christlike to believe and share debunked propaganda. It isn’t Christlike to be led by your emotions. It isn’t Christlike to outsource your critical thinking skills to the left-wing activists in the media.”

Via Insty.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 03:08 PM (zZu0s)

117 Eeew. No smooches for you!
Posted by: nurse ratched at February 01, 2026 02:59 PM (IhIKR)

I'll just turn the other cheek.
;-)

Posted by: Diogenes at February 01, 2026 03:09 PM (2WIwB)

118 “But here’s the truth: It isn’t Christlike to be gullible. It isn’t Christlike to believe and share debunked propaganda. It isn’t Christlike to be led by your emotions. It isn’t Christlike to outsource your critical thinking skills to the left-wing activists in the media.”

-
Should have been included in the Sermon on the Mount. May need to reword it a bit.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Damn It Feels Good to Be a Trumpster! at February 01, 2026 03:12 PM (J+Psw)

119 Have your lips removed. A lipectomy.

Posted by: Weasel at February 01, 2026 03:14 PM (1S3fY)

120 This year, Intuit's TurboTax software for Windows requires you to use Windows 11. I have a laptop with Win11 on it, but I haven't used it much. I've been using TurboTax forever, but the 25% of terrible reviews for it on Amazon made me reconsider.

I tried the H&R Block software this year. It worked with Windows 10 on my old desktop, imported my old TurboTax files with no problem, and was pretty easy to download. It was cheaper, too.

My tax situation is on the simple side. I ran my stuff through it with no problem. I haven't hit the "Send" button yet, but so far it looks good. Stuff it, TurboTax!

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at February 01, 2026 03:18 PM (4mmkh)

121 Big Demo in Italy - Meloni goes after anti-fa and fellow travelers. 100 cops hospitalized.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 03:20 PM (c35xG)

122 109 My FWP:
I just bought a new iPhone for Xmas. I figure it's the last phone I'll ever own. Less than 2 months and already 2 software upgrades. You gotta be kidding me??? Bug fixes??? How long have they been making these things and there are still bugs in the software?
Unsat!
Posted by: Diogenes at February 01, 2026 03:05 PM (2WIwB)

Those are rooking numbers.

Posted by: Adobe Flash at February 01, 2026 03:21 PM (VKpk6)

123 Your afflictions only mount. Never diminish.

Cumulative. Irreversible. If that’s your point of view. It’s an old Jedi proverb. :-/

Posted by: Hokey Pokey at February 01, 2026 03:21 PM (XA/ku)

124 For safety and security, update "rooking" to "rookie."

Posted by: Adobe Flash at February 01, 2026 03:22 PM (VKpk6)

125 Have your lips removed. A lipectomy.
Posted by: Weasel at February 01, 2026 03:14 PM (1S3fY)

Howm I supposed to whistle at a pretty girl, Weasel?

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 03:22 PM (zZu0s)

126 Solution to lip balm problem: ride a horse and kiss it right under the tail when your lips start feeling chapped.

It'll keep you from licking your lips!

/Just the punchline

Posted by: Shepherd Lover at February 01, 2026 03:23 PM (UOUDY)

127 You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on. Why'd you put the balm on? You haven't even been to see the doctor. If you're gonna put a balm on, let a doctor put a balm on.

Posted by: Jackie Chiles at February 01, 2026 03:24 PM (2Ez/1)

128 Seeing at Legalinsurrection.com Long Beach candidate wants gang members to keep out ICE

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 03:24 PM (Ia/+0)

129 For safety and security, update "rooking" to "rookie."
Posted by: Adobe Flash at February 01, 2026 03:22 PM (VKpk6)

Ha!
A bug fix!!!

Posted by: Diogenes at February 01, 2026 03:25 PM (2WIwB)

130 103 My FWP is that I have so much cooked food in the freezer that I haven't needed to go to grocery store for anything but milk, eggs, butter, bread and fresh vegetables for months. Gotta clear out the freezers and the canned goods in the pantry.

It's a counter pandemic.
Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at February 01, 2026 03:02 PM (oT7pT)

Host a potluck, but invite the folks who never bring food and only bring wine...

Posted by: Nova Local at February 01, 2026 03:26 PM (tOcjL)

131 I still remember the first time I bought Burt's Bees lip balm. It looked sorta pink, but I figured it would go on clear like Chapstick. It wasn't until some hours later I noticed in a mirror it looked like > was wearing pink lip gloss. I was working in San Francisco at the time, so I guess nobody thought to comment on it.

Posted by: Chairman LMAO at February 01, 2026 03:26 PM (36PRH)

132 It's atomic balm.

Posted by: Crabby Appleton at February 01, 2026 03:29 PM (Cqx++)

133 > lip balm tubes always advance the lip balm into the top while resting in my pocket
----

you should probably just get new pants

Posted by: Don Black at February 01, 2026 03:30 PM (ZxPkt)

134 Real Men put wheel bearing grease on their lips.

Posted by: Auto Autist at February 01, 2026 03:31 PM (oftw2)

135 I had no idea Bag Balm referenced cows.

Posted by: Uncle Pervy at February 01, 2026 03:34 PM (oftw2)

136 "A balm?!!!

Well get it out of here before it explodes!"

Posted by: Brian's Mother at February 01, 2026 03:35 PM (Wnv9h)

137 I was working in San Francisco at the time, so I guess nobody thought to comment on it.
Posted by: Chairman LMAO

LOL

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 01, 2026 03:35 PM (D+BhG)

138 >>>Real Men put wheel bearing grease on their lips.

Posted by: Auto Autist

>When you're kissing ass at the job site, a nice high-pressure lithium grease is readily available.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at February 01, 2026 03:38 PM (oT7pT)

139 Protip:

Duck Fat > Lip Balm

Posted by: Thomas Bender at February 01, 2026 03:39 PM (XV/Pl)

140 73 34 all immigration from Muslim majority countries needs to be ended.

There is iron in your words.
Posted by: Commissar of plenty and festive little hats at February 01, 2026 02:16 PM (Kt19C)
---

We allow the one's committed to killing us, that are here, stay here?

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 02:39 PM (c35xG)
==
Yeah that's the hard part I mentioned. All sorts of stuff about "religion" in the Constitution and while I don't believe Islam is a religion as we see it, I doubt the law would comply. It would require heavy rules about penalties for adopting any part of sharia law in conflict with US laws and making illegal any attempt to codify it in US law. Essentially, assimilate or we are going to make it difficult for you. Not ideal.

Posted by: Black JEM at February 01, 2026 03:41 PM (UVyKP)

141 Yeah great, Tom Cole (R-OK) reinstated funding for the shadowy Community Relations Service of the DOJ.

Republicans, what is the point of you?

Posted by: toby928(c) at January 31, 2026 04:47 PM

My FWP.

Posted by: toby928(c) repeats himself at February 01, 2026 03:42 PM (jc0TO)

142 When reloading ammunition, I've tried using Bag Balm as a case lubricant for resizing. It works great, which isn't surprising as the main ingredients in it are petroleum jelly and lanolin. It is also considerably cheaper than some other purpose-made lubes.

So now, not only is my brass easily sized, it is no longer rough and chapped.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at February 01, 2026 03:42 PM (4mmkh)

143 Totally OT, but we're past 100 and maybe everybody's balmed out

Bruce Springsteen keeps threatening to release songs until deportations stop. Babylon Bee:

https://tinyurl.com/yww676t2

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 01, 2026 03:42 PM (D+BhG)

144 I just bought a new iPhone for Xmas. I figure it's the last phone I'll ever own. Less than 2 months and already 2 software upgrades. You gotta be kidding me??? Bug fixes??? How long have they been making these things and there are still bugs in the software?
Unsat!
Posted by: Diogenes
---

Ha, ha, you thought because it was ios it was solid.
hahaha. However, the many updates will not foul up your phone as does microsnot/alphabet, they will merely be IRRITATING.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 03:43 PM (c35xG)

145 I drove by an anti ice protest. Is this a thing today? I thought they had the big protests on Friday.

About 100 people with signs. The whitest group of people you’ll ever see in the city. The pro diversity crowd isn’t t very diverse. 🤣

Posted by: Really?? at February 01, 2026 03:43 PM (qpQFJ)

146 Howm I supposed to whistle at a pretty girl

Fart.

Posted by: Commissar of plenty and festive little hats at February 01, 2026 03:43 PM (Kt19C)

147 considerably cheaper than some other purpose-made lubes.

But secks?

Posted by: Commissar of plenty and festive little hats at February 01, 2026 03:45 PM (Kt19C)

148
Bruce Springsteen keeps threatening to release songs until deportations stop. Babylon Bee:

John Candy did a skit on SCTV in which he and Dick Gregory were going to eat continuously until there was peace in the Middle East.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 01, 2026 03:46 PM (Cqx++)

149 Quit kissing bad girls and you won't need lip medicine.
Posted by: Diogenes at February 01, 2026 02:57 PM (2WIwB)

Stay away from Melinda Gates, she got pox that Russians are afraid of.

Posted by: Kindltot at February 01, 2026 03:47 PM (rbvCR)

150 Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at February 01, 2026 03:46 PM (Cqx++)

Funny. Thanks.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 01, 2026 03:47 PM (D+BhG)

151 Steve Bannon played the Bruce Stringbean Minneapolis song as into and outro music for two days to gaslight his viewers. I think he finally promised to stop.

Posted by: Bruce Hater at February 01, 2026 03:47 PM (oftw2)

152 The only fix is to place it in your shirt pocket.

Posted by: OldSarg at February 01, 2026 03:50 PM (H/oSt)

153 About 100 people with signs. The whitest group of people you’ll ever see in the city. The pro diversity crowd isn’t t very diverse. 🤣

Posted by: Really??
---

MN brown and down stay away from ICE.

- > some dem Somalis be singin' "gwan n home, gwan n home".

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 03:51 PM (c35xG)

154 That's really absurd the Somalis have no affiliation with Southern Blacks.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 03:52 PM (c35xG)

155 https://youtu.be/Q11yGIYfqnY?si=saIEGhB5cv8k4nx-

Posted by: TheCatAttackedMyFoot at February 01, 2026 03:52 PM (jrgJz)

156
Pro Tip: Carmex
Posted by: San Franpsycho at February 01, 2026 02:02 PM (RIvkX)

This.
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 02:47 PM (zZu0s)

Werd. That stuff was a lifesaver when I was an infantryman in Alaska. One of my fonder memories of miliary male bonding is pulling out a jar of Carmex and passing it around the squad while on a field problem, standing on the tundra at about 20 below.

The only problem with it now is that they changed over from the porcelain jar to a plastic jar.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 01, 2026 03:53 PM (y9nCu)

157
Very accurate representation of the state of Minnesota:

https://tinyurl.com/4kx9bwh6

Posted by: naturalfake at February 01, 2026 03:53 PM (iJfKG)

158 FWP: The problem is you're using Chap Stick. Use Blistek instead. Problem solved.

Posted by: IrishEi at February 01, 2026 03:53 PM (3ImbR)

159 My lips are too delicate for harsh things like Carmex and Blistex.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 03:56 PM (c35xG)

160 I remember Suzy Chapstick? Do you?

Posted by: Bruce Hater at February 01, 2026 03:57 PM (oftw2)

161 Can't sem to find anything snarky about Bag Balm.

Not snark, but an observation: those who recommend something like Bag Balm are probably women, or at least carry things in a bag or purse. The smallest Bag Balm I’ve seen is a smallish cube: it’s not that big, but won’t fit comfortably in a pocket the way a man would carry it. Same thing for lip balm that comes in a small spherical container: it’s fine for women that carry things in a bag but doesn’t work for a man who carries things in his pockets.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at February 01, 2026 03:58 PM (NG46o)

162 it’s fine for women that carry things in a bag but doesn’t work for a man who carries things in his pockets.
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at February 01, 2026 03:58 PM (NG46o)

I carry mine in my heavy coat pocket- when I am wearing the coat is the only time I need the lip stuff.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at February 01, 2026 03:59 PM (zZu0s)

163 FOODIE NOODIE TIME

Posted by: Skip at February 01, 2026 04:00 PM (Ia/+0)

164 Good news. We have officially got above freezing today! Yes sir, 33 degrees. It will only last a couple of hours, then I can start bitching again.

Posted by: Case at February 01, 2026 04:04 PM (E7+ue)

165 Today was the first time I wore an overcoat in years (I live in south Georgia, and we have snow). So I don’t usually wear a coat with largish pockets. I do like the small flat cylinder that Carmex comes in, that can go in a smaller pocket. Also, you can get all of the balm out without wasting any. Even when it works right, the long narrow Chapstick-type cylinder leaves some balm in the cylinder which is hard to dig out.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at February 01, 2026 04:08 PM (NG46o)

166 @13 Nurse...exactly what I was thinking. Plus, what's this about not retracting? I have a bunch of these things, and they all retract just fine. I know CBS's posts are meant tongue in cheek, but come on dude.

Posted by: Angzarr the Cromulent at February 01, 2026 04:08 PM (XMwZJ)

167 Proper use is to screw it back into the tube after applying.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at February 01, 2026 04:12 PM (c35xG)

168 ....wait til they get a load of me.

Posted by: stick deodorant at February 01, 2026 04:40 PM (5LiC7)

169 A little late for recommendations but here it is -
Tiger Balm.
Get the real deal at asian markets.
You'll need regular lip balm again.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at February 01, 2026 04:55 PM (/lPRQ)

170 132 It's atomic balm.
Posted by: Crabby Appleton at February 01, 2026 03:29 PM (Cqx++)

Back in the day, there was (and still may be) a liniment that was the go to for Track and Field athletes called Atomic Balm.

It was good and hot, smelly as all get out, and the go to for pranksters ...

I'll leave it to youse guys to figure out why.

Posted by: browndog head cocked to the side at February 01, 2026 05:52 PM (3sXRv)

171 Fraser's Atomic Balm. And the prank involved jockstraps. DAMHIK.
I've used both. Fraser's is a little hotter, but Tiger Balm lasts a looong time.
+++++++
Seeing at Legalinsurrection.com Long Beach candidate wants gang members to keep out ICE
Posted by: Skip
------
Zoot Suit Riots II.

Posted by: buddhaha at February 01, 2026 07:16 PM (36QIT)

172 Damn autocorrect. It's Cramer's not Fraser's. What the hell possessed the software weenies to think that? It's capitalized. It's a proper noun. Why would anyone think that one particular proper noun is superior to a different proper noun?
Too many ESL H1Bs, I guess.

Posted by: buddhaha at February 01, 2026 07:22 PM (36QIT)

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