Hillary and Chelsea Clinton Got Pooped

There's a "Phantom Pooper" who somehow takes advantage of the darkness in the Schubert Theater in New York to surreptitiously drop deuces during performances.

I thought this guy was a disgusting animal.

Until now.

Second look at the Phantom Pooper...?

Some like it ... steaming hot.
Page Six hears that a serial pooper has been stalking the halls of the legendary Shubert Theater -- and the last time they struck, a turd appeared in the aisle near Hillary and Chelsea Clinton at "Some Like It Hot."
A source close to the show insists that it was a regrettable one-off incident.
But another source tells us that the theater's staff said that the s--t's (almost) hit the fans at other performances as well.
"Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience," said a source, "the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo."
The insider added, "The house crew dealt with it very appropriately and quickly, and Hillary and Chelsea remained in the theater for the second act."
...
The mother-daughter power players did not respond to a request for comment, but they were photographed holding up the show's Playbill and giving a thumbs up.

A source tells Page Six it was just an elderly person who, I guess, had a Biden Moment during the show and couldn't get to the bathroom in time. But another source says this is a the fourth time that Mystery Stools have suddenly appeared in the aisles of the Schubert.

Posted by: Ace at 03:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 first.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at March 22, 2023 03:00 PM (ncXxy)

2 And they really went there.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at March 22, 2023 03:00 PM (ncXxy)

3 This story stinks to high heaven.

Posted by: WisRich at March 22, 2023 03:01 PM (G0vdT)

4 Deuce?

Posted by: LinusVanPelt at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM (LjeMb)

5 New thread?

No shit.

Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM (Vwz3I)

6 Two Clintons, one cup.

Posted by: Fritzy at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM (YoZGp)

7 We had a mad $hitter on the Midway during on deployment to the Gulf. Drove the CO crazy and the XO spent weeks trying to find out who was the phantom pooper. He never got caught and his name remains a mystery to this day.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM (ncXxy)

8 Power Players?

Since when has either of those two leaches accomplished anything on their own?

Posted by: Tonypete at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM (qoGsy)

9 A source tells Page Six it was just an elderly person who, I guess, had a Biden Moment during the show and couldn't get to the bathroom in time. But another source says this is a the fourth time that Mystery Stools have suddenly appeared in the aisles of the Schubert.

=======

How do you not notice someone dropping trou and letting out a shit right next to you?

I mean...sure, Broadway is all lights, noise, and spectacle, but are you that taken in with the crossdressing that no one notices?

So weird.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM (LvTSG)

10 Nutty story.

Posted by: garrett at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM (o1eXi)

11 Sounds like an episode of Bob's Burgers I watched the other day. Zeke was the Mad Pooper.

Posted by: Jordan61 at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (DRSnL)

12 Phantom Pooper will probably get his own Marvel movie. Hero to some, villain to others, odiferous to all.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls - an election is simply a festival for the majority at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (ppBhU)

13 FIRST!!!!!

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (Zz0t1)

14 How did cleanup staff tell the difference between the turd and the hag?

Posted by: LinusVanPelt at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (LjeMb)

15 Mystery Stools have suddenly appeared in the aisles of the Schubert.

Posted by: Ace

Oh, I get it! Hillary and Chelsea appeared suddenly in the aisle.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (P5tqd)

16 It's NYC. If there's not a cop car to shit on, you take what you can get.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (Zz0t1)

17 Someone said "Nood Hillary" in the last thread, so don't be surprised if no one shows up.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (YIVH2)

18 TL;DR

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (Zz0t1)

19 We had a mad $hitter on the Midway during on deployment to the Gulf. Drove the CO crazy and the XO spent weeks trying to find out who was the phantom pooper. He never got caught and his name remains a mystery to this day.
Posted by: Mister Scott

Check the list of the ship's company for a guy named - "Leaveshitz".

- NCIS

Posted by: Tonypete at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (qoGsy)

20 Well this story quickly went to shit

Posted by: The Unvaxxed and Unmasked Ranger - Longing to Lie in Zooey Deschanel's Bosom for Comfort at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (VTu1l)

21 Now that is what I call a ~~Cleveland~~ Clinton steamer!

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (N39Ws)

22 corgis called 💩

Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (Vwz3I)

23 How do you not notice someone dropping trou and letting out a shit right next to you?

The polite thing for the silent pooper to do would have been to wave, make eye contact, smile. So that it's not weird.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls - an election is simply a festival for the majority at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (ppBhU)

24 Check for corn!

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (yQpMk)

25 Anyone seen Frank Reynolds lately? He's known to be a "serial pooper" in Philadelphia.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (YIVH2)

26 "Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience," said a source, "the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds

Yup. Hillary and Chelsea.

Posted by: They could've stopped right there at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (B0ahs)

27 Somebody was sending a message.

Posted by: redridinghood at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (NpAcC)

28 A source tells Page Six it was just an elderly person who, I guess, had a Biden Moment during the show and couldn't get to the bathroom in time. But another source says this is a the fourth time that Mystery Stools have suddenly appeared in the aisles of the Schubert.

Posted by: Ace at 03:00 PM

Or, it was a live performance of "Biden Leaves a Poo."

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (Zz0t1)

29 23 How do you not notice someone dropping trou and letting out a shit right next to you?

The polite thing for the silent pooper to do would have been to wave, make eye contact, smile. So that it's not weird.
Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls - an election is simply a festival for the majority at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (ppBhU)

=======

"Are you enjoying the show?"

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (LvTSG)

30 At this point what difference does it make.

Posted by: ... at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (WJpCY)

31 What a crappy story

Posted by: 18-1 at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (lc5cP)

32 We need to elevate the Phantom Pooper to District Attorney for NYC. This man poops!

Posted by: Pudinhead at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (HTCOy)

33 further proof that the Clintons will lterally do anything to be noticed

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (us2H3)

34 I think Hillary is to blame and she didn't realize her diaper was leaking.

She also may have done it on purpose and gleefully laughed inside while the crew had to clean it up.

Clean It Up!

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (OgB1i)

35 We come from poop and to poop we return.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (kGtj5)

36 What, no flaming paper bag?

Posted by: WisRich at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (G0vdT)

37 Sorry, but this is just uncalled for......

NOOD HIllary and Chelsea Poop
Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (ynpvh)

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (Zz0t1)

38 the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo

Thank goodness the usher didn't confuse the two. Probably a tough call.

Posted by: Thomas Paine at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (lTGtQ)

39 In what reality is Chelsea Clinton a "power player"?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (FAGAJ)

40 There's no way I drop a deuce and anyone nearby doesn't know excactly what I'm doing.

This guy has mad skillz. And, yes, it's a guy, trust me.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (UuD2k)

41 The insider added, "The house crew dealt with it very appropriately and quickly, and Hillary and Chelsea remained in the theater for ~~the second act~~ Act Number Two."
------
Fixed. 💩

Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (Vwz3I)

42 I did my job and I did it well.

Posted by: The Phantom Pooper at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (Xrfse)

43 At least it ain't flowin' in the streets like in SF...

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (ynpvh)

44 "Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience," said a source, "the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo."
++++
She has it coming. She's all for big government and unchecked agency power. As a result, it is right and proper that she should suffer the consequences of working tirelessly to expand the influence of the EPA and its personnel.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (t0OGg)

45 Wasn't me.

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (PyOKD)

46 It is disgusting, but funny if it happened to Hildabeast

Posted by: Skip at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (xhxe8)

47 We need common sense poop control!!

Posted by: Tonypete at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (qoGsy)

48 Hey Jill, I think we finally caught the guy that kept shitting in my depends - they are mostly clean this time!

Posted by: Joe Biden leaving the Shubert at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (lc5cP)

49 Are they sure Hillary didn't drop a load or empty her colostomy bag to make room for more soda and popcorn?

Posted by: Pudinhead at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (HTCOy)

50 "We had a mad $hitter on the Midway during on deployment to the Gulf. "

Every deployment, we would have a Phantom Shitter as well.

Might be a Navy thing.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (uLr+K)

51 "Are you enjoying the show?"
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (LvTSG)

Other than that Mrs Clinton, how did you enjoy the play?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (kGtj5)

52 It was me. I just like doing obnoxious things.

Posted by: The Vandy Whistler at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (6mvRv)

53 Nutty story.

Posted by: garrett

I'll take your word for it. I'm not getting that close.

Posted by: Steve_in_SoCal at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (NW9xb)

54 NO SHIT?!!

Posted by: Commissar of Plenty and Lysenko solutions at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (nlLim)

55 What, no flaming paper bag?
Posted by: WisRich at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (G0vdT)

You asked for it.......

https://is.gd/zw7W47

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (Zz0t1)

56 Other than that, Mrs. Clinton, how was the show?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (FAGAJ)

57 At this point I can only hope that the next time those 2 go to the Shubert the phantom pooper has a much more liquefied stool.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (P5tqd)

58 37 Sorry, but this is just uncalled for......

NOOD HIllary and Chelsea Poop
Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:05 PM (ynpvh)

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (Zz0t1)

And how would YOU have worded it...?

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (ynpvh)

59 54 NO SHIT?!!
Posted by: Commissar of Plenty and Lysenko solutions at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (nlLim)

========

No, shit.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (LvTSG)

60 Mad Crapper strikes again.

Posted by: mr tmz at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (rJ48h)

61 If anybody knows how to spend even an hour in NYC without encountering poop not ones' own, clue us in.

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (MvF+J)

62
Geez, have we hit 'peak degradation of society' yet?

Posted by: Divide by Zero at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (enJYY)

63 "An elderly man was quoted as saying "CORN!?!?! I don't remember eating CORN!!!""

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (Zz0t1)

64 this is a the fourth time that Mystery Stools have suddenly appeared in the aisles of the Schubert.

-
Are they counting the woke plays?

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (AZSch)

65 I'm sure the media will just sweep this under the rug.

Posted by: redsweater at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (kbna3)

66 Just another night in the City That Never Sleeps.

Posted by: mrp at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (rj6Yv)

67 But another source says this is a the fourth time that Mystery Stools have suddenly appeared in the aisles of the Schubert.

-----------

And it's only coincidence that Hillary was in attendance all four times.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (BdMk6)

68 Schubert? More like sherbet.

Warm, brown sherbet.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (t0OGg)

69 39 In what reality is Chelsea Clinton a "power player"?
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (FAGAJ)

Why, she is the Dauphin of the Clinton Dynasty!

(and you know when I typed that I pronounced it DIN-es-ty.)

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (kGtj5)

70 This guy has mad skillz. And, yes, it's a guy, trust me.
Posted by: sniffybigtoe

Sure it is.

Posted by: Amber Heard at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (qoGsy)

71 Gotcha!!

Posted by: Juanita Broaddrick at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (WJpCY)

72 LOL. Well seeing as Hilldog and Web Jr. were there, their was already two steaming piles of shit.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (GDJBM)

73 Nutty story.
Posted by: garrett at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM (o1eXi)
.......

Corny.

Posted by: wth at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (v0R5T)

74 And so it begins.

Posted by: That guy who always thinks it's beginning at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (2hlEI)

75 They probably should cutback on the fiber.

Posted by: redridinghood at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (NpAcC)

76 Too bad it Pee Wee Herman didn't sit behind them.

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (N39Ws)

77 This guy has mad skillz. And, yes, it's a guy, trust me.
Posted by: sniffybigtoe

Sure it is.
Posted by: Amber Heard at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (qoGsy)
++++
*snort*

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (t0OGg)

78 Wasn't there a phantom pooper in a National Lampoon or mad Magazinr Yearbook edition?

Posted by: garrett at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (o1eXi)

79 Every deployment, we would have a Phantom Shitter as well.

Might be a Navy thing.
Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (uLr+K)

Didn't have that on Subs, must be the occasional accidental venting of the sanitary tanks inboard that makes it not as funny.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (UuD2k)

80 Crap on.

Crap off.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (Zz0t1)

81 Obviously the pooper was working for Russia.

Posted by: Infidel de Manahatta at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (IhS0E)

82 DNA analysis show traces of diet Coke, McDonalds sammie and hairspay

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (us2H3)

83 There is no way in hell you can drop a deuce in the aisleway at the Schubert, and not have someone see it.

Sorry...can't be done.

Unless the guy has the Harry Potter Cloak of Invisibility.

Who knows...maybe he does.

Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (CCSxw)

84 The dude left a cigar! Heh.

Posted by: Bubba Clintoon at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (Xrfse)

85 59 54 NO SHIT?!!
Posted by: Commissar of Plenty and Lysenko solutions at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (nlLim)

========

No, shit.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (LvTSG)

No horse shit, Jack?

No horse shit, Wang.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (kGtj5)

86 It was Hillary, c'mon we know she's incompetent and incontinent. Kind of like Joepedo.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (GDJBM)

87 Cankles is probaby happier than 99% of Americans
==
That is a low bar. And yet I still disagree. Probably the most leftist, psychopathic of female lawyers to walk the earth. It is literally impossible for her to be happier than anyone. If she realizes there may be someone unhappier than her, she will sink lower. She is competitively unhappy. In fact, her main competitor for title of unhappiest woman, is Michele Obama. It is the one reason why Michele Obama might deign to run for Prezy one day. So she can lose, and complain that she lost because of misogyny AND racism, and thus eclipse Hillary in the unhappiness Olympics.

-- I was willowed---

Posted by: Its detestable because its true at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (JFPCN)

88 58 And how would YOU have worded it...?
Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (ynpvh)

========

"Dearest Horde,

There is a new thread that has appeared above this one on the main page of the blog, hosted by our wonderful benefactor, Ace of Spades. It is of a dubious subject that may turn one's stomach upon closer reflection, be warned. If you so wish, we may continue our conversation under a new topic there.

With deepest regards,
jim"

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (LvTSG)

89 If this keeps up, the local theaters will ban attendance by anyone in the EPA.

Posted by: Thomas Paine at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (lTGtQ)

90 Have they questioned the EPA?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (0hOvj)

91 I don't see the problem here.

Posted by: Captain Splatter at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (v0R5T)

92 @9

>>I mean...sure, Broadway is all lights, noise, and spectacle, but are you that taken in with the crossdressing that no one notices?

This exact thing happened to me when I saw Chicago, turns out it was a very drunk Nathan Lane.

Chita Rivera as Velma Kelly was sublime though.

So, that's special.

Posted by: Thomas Bender - Trump Fanatic Since 2016, Now With More Fanaticisms at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (up/3i)

93 Tee hee!!!!

Posted by: Mr Hankey at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (uLr+K)

94 Let he who has not dropped a dauntless deuce cast the first . . . stone.

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (PyOKD)

95 Viva la Stool!

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (FAGAJ)

96 "mother-daughter power players" LOL yeah, okay

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (0hOvj)

97 why did ace pick up this story

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (us2H3)

98 TRUMP!!!!!!

You magnificent bastard.......

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (Zz0t1)

99 Was Amber Heard in the audience?

Posted by: Pudinhead at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (HTCOy)

100 "There is no way in hell you can drop a deuce in the aisleway at the Schubert, and not have someone see it."

The poop was obviously defecated off site, then secretly transported to its intended target. This is Pooping 101, people.

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (MvF+J)

101 We had "The Mad Pooper" at my previous employer. He'd poop on the seat and/or in a urinal in a "proud display," as one of my co-workers told us. It was annoying to the guys and disgusting to the cleaning ladies. People suspected one of our executives because of the timing of breaks from the grossness. He was pals with everyone in management.

Under new ownership, he was escorted from the building and there was never another incident.

Posted by: NaughtyPine at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (fxCK2)

102 Ripping off Community's "Ass-Crack Bandit"!

Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (Vwz3I)

103 Crap on.

Crap off.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (Zz0t1)

Why the clapper never caught on in Asia.

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (PyOKD)

104 You got real problems if there is a phantom shitter on a sub.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (cA2wI)

105 Alternative Headline:

A turd was discovered near two pieces of shit

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (KbCG3)

106 82 DNA analysis show traces of diet Coke, McDonalds sammie and hairspay
Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (us2H3)

This individual has done several fasting regimes. The conformation of the turd indicates that he sits often on... some sort of saddle seat. Not a motorcycle... more like a scooter. Vespa maybe? And also, he favors one side as if he is carrying something, a bag maybe.
-Gil Grissom

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (kGtj5)

107 Just a cover for Chelsea's butt stuff taint.

Posted by: Maj. Healey at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (DMyTF)

108 Viva la Stool!
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (FAGAJ)

"I'm going to run up there like a frat drunkard and yell 'VIVA la STOOL.'"

- - - Stewie

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (Zz0t1)

109 *snort*
Posted by: Joe Mannix

Probably should avoid snorting in this type of situation.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (P5tqd)

110 99 Was Amber Heard in the audience?
Posted by: Pudinhead at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (HTCOy)

No, all the hundreds of people nattering during intermission drown her out.

Posted by: Strong independent waaaaaman at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (B0ahs)

111 How did they know that the turds were of human origin? And while we're at it were they warm?

Posted by: torabora at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (xOVyR)

112 Every deployment, we would have a Phantom Shitter as well.

Might be a Navy thing.
Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (uLr+K)

Didn't have that on Subs, must be the occasional accidental venting of the sanitary tanks inboard that makes it not as funny.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (UuD2k)

Oh no, we did.

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (PyOKD)

113 why did ace pick up this story
Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (us2H3)

Sometimes the only stories are shitty.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (Zz0t1)

114 James Clapper

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (GDJBM)

115 Doody!

Posted by: mrp at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (rj6Yv)

116 Kayleigh Scott, a beloved United Airlines flight attendant and human being, has tragically died via suicide. The loss is a painful reminder of how fragile life is and that we must do more to stay in touch with friends and loved ones who might be undergoing depression.

Scott became a poster child for United’s DEI model and was a prominent figure on the company’s social media pages. When Scott underwent gender transition, United not only supported the process, but made her a leading figure online.
------------
Expect more, many more.

Posted by: Maj. Healey at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (DMyTF)

117 I saw Mystery Stools open for Question Mark and the Mysterians at an undisclosed location in '69.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (tkR6S)

118
A pic of the John Lithgow snl character "Master Thespian" would be good here.

Acting!

Posted by: Soothsayer, the HQ's Most Respected Commenter at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (8st8O)

119 Its Bill.

Posted by: Oldcat at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (eoQWY)

120 97 why did ace pick up this story
Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (us2H3)

The real question is:

Did he pick it up by the clean end?

Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (CCSxw)

121 Phantom Pooper will probably get his own Marvel movie. Hero to some, villain to others, odiferous to all.
Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls - an election is simply a festival for the majority at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM

You should be in marketing.

Posted by: NaughtyPine at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (fxCK2)

122

My anal addiction has left me incontinent... Oopsie... sorry, my bad...

Posted by: Chelsea Cliton at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (x6SYe)

123 105 Alternative Headline:

A turd was discovered near two pieces of shit
Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM (KbCG3)

*golfclap*

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (kGtj5)

124 That's hot!

Posted by: Andrew Guillam at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (xOVyR)

125 Under new ownership, he was escorted from the building and there was never another incident.

Posted by: NaughtyPine

He is now an executive director at the EPA.

Posted by: Thomas Paine at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (lTGtQ)

126 People who live in glass outhouses shouldn't throw turds.

Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (Vwz3I)

127 Sure glad we didn't step in it.

Posted by: Just the Punchline at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (yQpMk)

128 Some Like their poop Hot

Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (RHGPo)

129 88 58 And how would YOU have worded it...?
Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (ynpvh)

========

"Dearest Horde,

There is a new thread that has appeared above this one on the main page of the blog, hosted by our wonderful benefactor, Ace of Spades. It is of a dubious subject that may turn one's stomach upon closer reflection, be warned. If you so wish, we may continue our conversation under a new topic there.

With deepest regards,
jim"

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (LvTSG)

I expected a limerick...

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (ynpvh)

130 Gerard Finneran approves.

Posted by: mr tmz at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (rJ48h)

131 This guy has mad skillz. And, yes, it's a guy, trust me. Posted by: sniffybigtoe

Sure it is. Posted by: Amber Heard at March 22, 2023 03:08 PM (qoGsy)

lol

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (PyOKD)

132 The evidence is a steaming pile of poo? I'll indict!

Posted by: Alvin Bragg at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (G0vdT)

133 This is Pooping 101, people.

Well...uh...never mind.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (Xrfse)

134 116 Scott became a poster child for United’s DEI model and was a prominent figure on the company’s social media pages. When Scott underwent gender transition, United not only supported the process, but made her a leading figure online.
------------
Expect more, many more.
Posted by: Maj. Healey at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (DMyTF)

========

It's because we didn't clap loudly and long enough. It's our fault.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (LvTSG)

135 You got real problems if there is a phantom shitter on a sub.
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at March 22, 2023 03:10 PM

The space station is holding on line 2.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (GDJBM)

136 Wasn't me.
Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:06 PM (PyOKD)

Mmmm hmmm. Nobody believes you, man.

Posted by: Jordan61 at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (DRSnL)

137 115 Doody!
Posted by: mrp at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (rj6Yv)

It's just a Baby Ruth!

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (kGtj5)

138 All part of the Vast Shite Wing Conspiracy.

Posted by: ... at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (WJpCY)

139 In breaking news, at least six construction workers struck and killed in an accident on the Baltimore Beltway. All lanes both ways closed down.

Helo video shot has at least two sheet covered bodies laying in the middle of the opposite lanes.

Say a prayer if so inclined.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (uLr+K)

140 "A pic of the John Lithgow snl character "Master Thespian" would be good here."

Ummm, Jon Lovitz?

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (MvF+J)

141
It's because we didn't clap loudly and long enough. It's our fault.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM

Exactly HATER!

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (GDJBM)

142 The United States Catholic Bishops have issued guidelines banning surgical and chemical intervention aimed at exchanging “the sex characteristics of a patient’s body for those of the opposite sex.”

In a March 20 “Doctrinal Note,” the bishops rule out certain forms of medical interventions in Catholic healthcare institutions such as puberty blockers and sex reassignment surgery, insisting that the do not promote the authentic good of the human person but are, in fact, injurious.

“Catholic health care services must not perform interventions, whether surgical or chemical, that aim to transform the sexual characteristics of a human body into those of the opposite sex or take part in the development of such procedures,” they declare.

While modern technology offers important interventions that have led to the cure of many maladies and promises for more, the bishops write, it also “produces interventions that are injurious to the true flourishing of the human person.”

.. this will remove some of the fog of progressivism.

Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (RHGPo)

143 "Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience," said a source, "the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds

double negative

Posted by: DanMan at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (DB6tu)

144 It really is craptacular!

Posted by: Bart Simpson at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (PiwSw)

145 Didn't South Park already do this skit?

Posted by: torabora at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (xOVyR)

146 >> why did ace pick up this story

Just be glad he didn't roll in it.

Posted by: garrett at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (o1eXi)

147 Maybe there was a second shitter?

Anyone ever think of that!!!!

Posted by: Thomas Bender - Trump Fanatic Since 2016, Now With More Fanaticisms at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (up/3i)

148 Hillary had a flashback to her losing to Trump, lost control of her bowels and left a deposit in the aisle. Janitor should ask for hazardous duty pay for having to clean up that horror

Posted by: Smell the Glove at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (udCMm)

149
Alternate post title:

#MePoo

Posted by: Soothsayer, the HQ's Most Respected Commenter at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (8st8O)

150 when I was a kid, I was sitting in my van, waiting for a NYC flea market to open

when a guy came on the sidewalk and laid down quite the loaf

I was pretty stunned

mid 70's

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (us2H3)

151 "A source tells Page Six it was just an elderly person who, I guess, had a Biden Moment "

I think it was supposed to be "a Biden Movement".

Posted by: Ciampino got some sleep at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (qfLjt)

152 Some really do like it hot.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (63Dwl)

153 146 >> why did ace pick up this story

Just be glad he didn't roll in it.
Posted by: garrett at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (o1eXi)

pics or it did happen

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (us2H3)

154 Check for corn!
Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (yQpMk)

Lock down the theater. Make everyone poop in a bucket. Get the FBI to run ballistics at their justifiably famous and infallible crime lab.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (tkR6S)

155 Not the Secret Service? Not every alphabet agency loves 'em.

Posted by: Lola - free Jacob Chansley at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (GshMh)

156 Rumors have it, there was a second turd from the assy knoll.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (Zz0t1)

157 "the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo."
.......

Then they went to the concession stand and bought a Baby Ruth.

Posted by: wth at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (v0R5T)

158 What a terrible, terrible waste.

Posted by: Le Petomane at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (sWM8x)

159 142 While modern technology offers important interventions that have led to the cure of many maladies and promises for more, the bishops write, it also “produces interventions that are injurious to the true flourishing of the human person.”

.. this will remove some of the fog of progressivism.
Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (RHGPo)

========

I would expect some more priest sex scandals to erupt. The problem is that they can't do the pedo ones anymore. Gonna have to find that priest that's banging of-age strippers, which is gonna be a problem since American seminaries are gay clubs now.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (LvTSG)

160 Excuse me. Is this stool taken?

Posted by: The Fly at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (3Or4S)

161 140 "A pic of the John Lithgow snl character "Master Thespian" would be good here."

Ummm, Jon Lovitz?
Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (MvF+J)

They were both in the "original" skit of Master Thespians

Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (CCSxw)

162 The poop obviously came from a market three blocks away.

Posted by: ... at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (WJpCY)

163

https://archive.is/8WEbk

copy, Vice Media interview,
Afroman Police Raid.
also, YouTube links,
his 2 Songs w/Footage.
Worth a Look + Listen,
his Good-Hearted reply to
SWAT Raid.

Posted by: zigzag at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (M4xgF)

164 134 116 Scott became a poster child for United’s DEI model and was a prominent figure on the company’s social media pages. When Scott underwent gender transition, United not only supported the process, but made her a leading figure online.
------------
Expect more, many more.
Posted by: Maj. Healey at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (DMyTF)

========

It's because we didn't clap loudly and long enough. It's our fault.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (LvTSG)

This is what happens when biological women are allowed to win women of the year awards. Shame on the US women's soccer team for robbing him of this award and pushing him to the brink.

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (KbCG3)

165 Somebody was sending a message.

Posted by: redridinghood at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (NpAcC)

Potential Clinton witness sleeps with the brown Trout.

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (PyOKD)

166 Sounds more like a one-out incident.

Posted by: Weak Geek at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (Apbdw)

167 146 >> why did ace pick up this story

Just be glad he didn't roll in it.
Posted by: garrett at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (o1eXi)

*whacks ewok in the nose with newspaper*

NO! OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE! BAD EWOK!

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (kGtj5)

168
What was the play?

~~Cats~~?

Scats?

Posted by: Soothsayer, the HQ's Most Respected Commenter at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (8st8O)

169 I liked the Lon Chaney version of The Phantom Pooper of the Opera the best.

Posted by: Bulgaroctonus at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (ohFNB)

170 my uncle used to call them corn eyed brown snakes

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (us2H3)

171 Onlookers were quoted as saying "The strangest part was when Hillary started polishing it."

Posted by: WisRich at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (G0vdT)

172 Rumors have it, there was a second turd from the assy knoll.

The mob repeatedly has stated they did it but everyone blames the CIA for the poo

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (0hOvj)

173 I'm not buying that they needed the lights to know there was a turd near them.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (UuD2k)

174 Wait, if this happened at night, the FIB will never catch the unishitter.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (GDJBM)

175 Has Amber Heard been accounted for?

Posted by: Lady in Black at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (sVtYq)

176 The mystery crapper will be caught eventually. There is always a stool pigeon in any crowd.

Posted by: Thomas Paine at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (lTGtQ)

177 Kayleigh Scott, a beloved United Airlines flight attendant and human being, has tragically died via suicide. The loss is a painful reminder of how fragile life is and that we must do more to stay in touch with friends and loved ones who might be undergoing depression.

Scott became a poster child for United’s DEI model and was a prominent figure on the company’s social media pages. When Scott underwent gender transition, United not only supported the process, but made her a leading figure online.
------------
Expect more, many more.
Posted by: Maj. Healey at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (DMyTF)

The suicide rate for trans' is something like 50 percent. I doubt that cheering them on is going to help that very much.

Posted by: Oldcat at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (eoQWY)

178 120 97 why did ace pick up this story
Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (us2H3)

The real question is:

Did he pick it up by the clean end?

Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (CCSxw)

There's a clean end!?

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (ynpvh)

179 There's no way I drop a deuce and anyone nearby doesn't know excactly what I'm doing.

This guy has mad skillz. And, yes, it's a guy, trust me.
*********************
Harry Poodini.

Posted by: Bamanarama at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (uH1aC)

180 Prayer's for the road construction workers. It's a tough job. I keep a close eye on them driving slowly by in case they make a mistake.

Posted by: torabora at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (xOVyR)

181 Into whatsoever houses I enter, I will enter to help the sick, and I will abstain from all intentional wrong-doing and harm, especially from abusing the bodies of man or woman, bond or free. And whatsoever I shall see or hear in the course of my profession, as well as outside my profession in my intercourse with men, if it be what should not be published abroad, I will never divulge, holding such things to be holy secrets.

Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (RHGPo)

182 What was the play?

Cats?

Scats?
Posted by: Soothsayer, the HQ's Most Respected Commenter at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (8st8O)

*golfclap*

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (kGtj5)

183 Lock down the theater. Make everyone poop in a bucket. Get the FBI to run ballistics at their justifiably famous and infallible crime lab.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (tkR6S)

Is it Silver Queen or Bread and Butter?

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (cA2wI)

184 11 Sounds like an episode of Bob's Burgers I watched the other day. Zeke was the Mad Pooper.
Posted by: Jordan61 at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (DRSnL)

-------------------------------

I thought it was Tina. I mean, there was a reenactment and everything!

Posted by: No One Of Consequence at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (uPgE/)

185 Reporter: "Besides that, Secretary Clinton, how was the play?"

Posted by: mrp at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (rj6Yv)

186

I need a butt plug...

Posted by: Hitlery Cliton at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (x6SYe)

187 8 Power Players?

Since when has either of those two leaches accomplished anything on their own?
Posted by: Tonypete at March 22, 2023 03:02 PM

Never? That's why they're power players! So dreamy, to have everything handed to you. Someday it'll be like that for everyone, once we usher in the socialist utopia...

Posted by: Young Liberal Sycophants at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (JCZqz)

188 This is why they always order the rookie cop to "collect the evidence."

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (MvF+J)

189
Frau Gruppencankles needs to whack out her discount plastic surgeon. It appears that he shoved a couple of baseballs into her cheeks.

She looks like a shaved chipmunk.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (n+4am)

190
DIE, not DEI

Posted by: Soothsayer, the HQ's Most Respected Commenter at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (8st8O)

191 The suicide rate for trans' is something like 50 percent. I doubt that cheering them on is going to help that very much.
Posted by: Oldcat at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (eoQWY)

It can't hurt. Jump! Jump! Jump!

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (yQpMk)

192 I'm not buying that they needed the lights to know there was a turd near them.
Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM

Chelsea is probably used to that smell mixed in with BenGay and denture cream on mommy daughter outings.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (GDJBM)

193 Maybe there was a second shitter?

Anyone ever think of that!!!!

He was on the porcelain knoll.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (Xrfse)

194 I'm not buying that they needed the lights to know there was a turd near them.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe

Hillary couldn't tell if it was her depends, and her daughter was too embarrassed to ask about the smell.

Posted by: Thomas Paine at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (lTGtQ)

195 137 115 Doody!
Posted by: mrp at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (rj6Yv)

It's just a Baby Ruth!

Posted by: Aetius451AD at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (kGtj5)

Sure it isn't an avocado?--Beta O'Cuck

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (ynpvh)

196 "A source tells Page Six it was just an elderly person who, I guess, had a Biden Moment "

--

As in it managed to to escape the underwear and just fell right out of their pants? Yeah, nah.

Posted by: Lady in Black at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (sVtYq)

197 We had a mad shitter at the college. Frosty morning steamers.

Turned out to be a runner training in track gear.

Posted by: torabora at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (xOVyR)

198 179 There's no way I drop a deuce and anyone nearby doesn't know excactly what I'm doing.

This guy has mad skillz. And, yes, it's a guy, trust me.
*********************
Harry Poodini.
Posted by: Bamanarama at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (uH1aC)

Abraham Stinkin'. Would make sense that he would haunt a theater in this way.

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (KbCG3)

199 The suicide rate for trans' is something like 50 percent. I doubt that cheering them on is going to help that very much.
Posted by: Oldcat at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (eoQWY)

It can't hurt. Jump! Jump! Jump!
Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM

Diet Coke, monitor, some assembly required.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (GDJBM)

200 You misheard -- it's "poo-er couple".

Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (Vwz3I)

201 I would expect some more priest sex scandals to erupt. The problem is that they can't do the pedo ones anymore. Gonna have to find that priest that's banging of-age strippers, which is gonna be a problem since American seminaries are gay clubs now.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (LvTSG)
++++
Nah. Just wait for the Vatican to repudiate it.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (t0OGg)

202 She looks like a shaved chipmunk.

That's hot.

Posted by: Alvin at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (Xrfse)

203 Status update. Shit just got real.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (GDJBM)

204 154 Check for corn!
Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:04 PM (yQpMk)

Lock down the theater. Make everyone poop in a bucket. Get the FBI to run ballistics at their justifiably famous and infallible crime lab.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (tkR6S)

"But it happened in the dark"--FIB

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (ynpvh)

205 There is no way in hell you can drop a deuce in the aisleway at the Schubert, and not have someone see it.
==
Imagine if you will, an 80 year old man, with boxer shorts as old and loose as his anal sphincter. The urge comes on, he stands to amble up the aisle to the bathroom. On route, his poor beleaguered sphincter gives up its battle against the smelly disaster that insists upon itself, the disaster slides down the leg of boxer and trouser, settling "neatly" mid aisle, as pops, strides ambivalently to the bathroom for self cleaning.

Posted by: President sniffy sniff just suggesting a hypothetical explanation at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (gr6SP)

206 Frau Gruppencankles needs to whack out her discount plastic surgeon. It appears that he shoved a couple of baseballs into her cheeks.

She looks like a shaved chipmunk.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (n+4am)

She's probably getting body mods or drugs to keep that apple cheek 12 year old look. The tolerance for being lectured declines rapidly when it passes from "the wisdom of a child" to "the rantings of a bitter ex-wife"

Posted by: Oldcat at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (eoQWY)

207 181 Into whatsoever houses I enter, I will enter to help the sick, and I will abstain from all intentional wrong-doing and harm, especially from abusing the bodies of man or woman, bond or free. And whatsoever I shall see or hear in the course of my profession, as well as outside my profession in my intercourse with men, if it be what should not be published abroad, I will never divulge, holding such things to be holy secrets.
Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:16 PM (RHGPo)

What is this, the Escort Oath?

Posted by: Hookercratic Oath? at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (B0ahs)

208 If I keep reading this thread, people in my office are going to be asking why Wolfus is laughing fit to bust.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (J2vNu)

209 it was her Secret Service agent.

Posted by: wth at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (v0R5T)

210 This brunette has never dropped a deuce in a theater aisle:
https://is.gd/UzhSU0

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (t0OGg)

211 He was working on his doctoral feces.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (lf83v)

212 Abraham Stinkin'. Would make sense that he would haunt a theater in this way.
Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (KbCG3)

Other that that Mrs. Clinton, how was the play?

Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (CCSxw)

213 Rumors have it, there was a second turd from the assy knoll.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (Zz0t1)

Witnesses report hearing some angry noises from the upper deck.

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (PyOKD)

214 210 This brunette has never dropped a deuce in a theater aisle:
https://is.gd/UzhSU0
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (t0OGg)

========

Though she got paid to do it on camera that one time.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (LvTSG)

215
Are they SURE that it's human poop?

Because it would have been hilarious if the house lights went up to reveal a grunting wildebeest doing it's business in the aisle.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (n+4am)

216 wouldn't shock me if Cankles switched seats

just to make it about her

not a joke, man

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (us2H3)

217 201 I would expect some more priest sex scandals to erupt. The problem is that they can't do the pedo ones anymore. Gonna have to find that priest that's banging of-age strippers, which is gonna be a problem since American seminaries are gay clubs now.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (LvTSG)
++++
Nah. Just wait for the Vatican to repudiate it.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (t0OGg)

Funnily enough the US Catholic bishops are doing way better than the German Catholic bishops. Which is unusual because the US Catholic Church tends to be the most misbehaving branch.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (eYoxG)

218 Did the cops ask the victims to assist an artist to do a sketch of it? I'll bet they didn't even draw a chalk line around it.

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (MvF+J)

219 How are we tell the difference between the steaming pile of sh*t in the aisle compared to the steaming pile of sh*t on the stage?

Posted by: San Franpsycho at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (Wl6Ns)

220 This brunette has never dropped a deuce in a theater aisle:
https://is.gd/UzhSU0

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (t0OGg)

Classy.

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (PyOKD)

221 It's Howdy Doody time!

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (GDJBM)

222 What's more likely?
1. someone stood up, dropped trou, squattedd in the aisle and defecated during the show
-or-
B. someone brought a zip-lok bag with a turd in it and surreptitiously emptied it in the aisle.

Occam's flaming paper bag says it's "B"

Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (ykeLU)

223 Wait, we're there any German tourists in the audience?

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (UuD2k)

224 210 This brunette has never dropped a deuce in a theater aisle:
https://is.gd/UzhSU0

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (t0OGg)

For the first time ever, a Mannix girl feels out of place and inappropriate for the thread.

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (KbCG3)

225 14 How did cleanup staff tell the difference between the turd and the hag?

Posted by: LinusVanPelt at March 22, 2023 03:03 PM (LjeMb)
----
The odoriferous job didn't have hair? ..... wait ....

Posted by: Ciampino - unbushed was smelly at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (qfLjt)

226 @210

>>This brunette has never dropped a deuce in a theater aisle:

Great hair.

Posted by: Thomas Bender - Trump Fanatic Since 2016, Now With More Fanaticisms at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (up/3i)

227 The Broadway area theaters do fecal testing?

Necessity, or a new "green" job created under the Biden economy?

Posted by: Lola - free Jacob Chansley at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (GshMh)

228 ========

Though she got paid to do it on camera that one time.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM (LvTSG)

That girl. And another girl. And there was this cup.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (Zz0t1)

229 Spaulding! Don't touch it!

Posted by: Mrs. Smails at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (iY8R7)

230 Are they SURE that it's human poop?

well, they did let Chelsea in

so, dogs allowed

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (us2H3)

231 222 What's more likely?
1. someone stood up, dropped trou, squattedd in the aisle and defecated during the show
-or-
B. someone brought a zip-lok bag with a turd in it and surreptitiously emptied it in the aisle.

Occam's flaming paper bag says it's "B"
Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (ykeLU)

========

I go with "C", they fell out of Hillary's underwear, and she just kicked them out into the aisle.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (LvTSG)

232 Hillary couldn't tell if it was her depends, and her daughter was too embarrassed to ask about the smell.

"You learn to just not bring up the topic"
--Chelsea

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (0hOvj)

233 "Imagine if you will, ..."

I shall not.

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (MvF+J)

234 "A source tells Page Six it was just an elderly person who, I guess, had a Biden Moment "

--

As in it managed to to escape the underwear and just fell right out of their pants? Yeah, nah.
Posted by: Lady in Black at March 22, 2023 03:17 PM (sVtYq)

Could be an elderly woman in a dress going commando. You're welcome for that image, Horde.

Posted by: Jordan61 at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (DRSnL)

235 Remember all the jokes about the toilet in her campaign bus?
I do.

Posted by: wth at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (v0R5T)

236 This reminds me of a B. Kliban cartoon, "Satire," from one of his books.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (p+1gI)

237 Rumors have it, there was a second turd from the assy knoll.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (Zz0t1)

Caught it all on the Zapooper film.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (cA2wI)

238 Found it!

It's no big deal.

Posted by: Carl Spackler, Schubert Theatre Assistant Greenskeeper at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (aGT/k)

239 This brunette has never dropped a deuce in a theater aisle

That is literally my minimum qualification for a date.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (yQpMk)

240 once in Vegas, i dropped 4 dueces

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (us2H3)

241 She looks like a shaved chipmunk.

That's hot.
Posted by: Alvin at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (Xrfse)
--------------
ALVIN!!!

Posted by: David Seville at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (2hlEI)

242 Rumors have it, there was a second turd from the assy knoll.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (Zz0t1)

Ended up in shallow grave outside Terlingua, still got the shovel.

Posted by: Quilter's Irish Death at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (OgrpQ)

243 Are they sure this was human waste? I mean, I can't be absolutely sure where my cats were during this time, and they aren't talking . . .

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (J2vNu)

244 >While modern technology offers important interventions that have led to the cure of many maladies and promises for more, the bishops write, it also “produces interventions that are injurious to the true flourishing of the human person.”

.. this will remove some of the fog of progressivism.

Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:13 PM (RHGPo)

'Guitar Mass' parishes hardest hit.

Posted by: Heavy Meta at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (NgqoH)

245 This is how you show you hate the Clintons with every fiber of your being.

Posted by: SloPitch Whiffer at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (wzAuc)

246 Where was Whoopie when this shit was going down?

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (lf83v)

247 why did ace pick up this story
Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:09 PM (us2H3)

The real question is:

Did he pick it up by the clean end?

Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:11 PM (CCSxw)

There's a clean end!?

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:15 PM (ynpvh)

OMG, I'm dying here.

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (PyOKD)

248 Shit on San Francisco street? No problem.
Shit on Nancy Pelosi's driveway? Major manhunt and prosecution.

Shit on New York street? No problem.
Shit on theater floor near Clintons...I fear for the phantom shitter's safety.

Posted by: Reality is no Winner at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (JCZqz)

249 Sigh. Once again, a day late and a knoll turd short.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (Xrfse)

250 Did Hillary pay Perkins Coie to pay a British spy to write a dossier based upon the lies of a Russian spy who took a dump in the aisle of the Schubert Theatre? Seems plausible.

Posted by: MikeG at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (VsUo2)

251 Are they SURE that it's human poop?

Because it would have been hilarious if the house lights went up to reveal a grunting wildebeest doing it's business in the aisle.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 22, 2023 03:19 PM

*shifty eyes*

Posted by: Triumph at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (FAGAJ)

252 That is literally my minimum qualification for a date.
Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (yQpMk)
++++
:: sigh ::
:: scratched G'rump off her list of potential paramours ::

Posted by: Amber Heard at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (t0OGg)

253 245 This is how you show you hate the Clintons with every fiber of your being.
Posted by: SloPitch Whiffer at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (wzAuc)

I don't think fibre was the issue here...

Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (CCSxw)

254 B. someone brought a zip-lok bag with a turd in it and surreptitiously emptied it in the aisle.

Occam's flaming paper bag says it's "B"
Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (ykeLU)

I wont tell you how I know but ejecting a turd from a plastic bag aint that easy

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (us2H3)

255 We're pretty sure it wasn't a cannibal doing this, right? I mean, no teeth were found in the artifacts.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (J2vNu)

256 I don't believe most of what I read in the media, especially as related to the Clittons.

Far more likely here is Hillory shat herself, and now this elaborate hoax about a serial pooper is being perpetrated to deflect blame where it belongs. In her pants.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (qYaMG)

257 253 245 This is how you show you hate the Clintons with every fiber of your being.
Posted by: SloPitch Whiffer at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (wzAuc)

I don't think fibre was the issue here...
Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (CCSxw)

Nicely f'ing done.

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (KbCG3)

258 I wont tell you how I know but ejecting a turd from a plastic bag aint that easy
Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (us2H3)

What if you froze it?

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (UuD2k)

259 Well, I think it's clear here that the unsub did NOT eat at Taco Bell prior to the pooping.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (Zz0t1)

260 I go with "C", they fell out of Hillary's underwear, and she just kicked them out into the aisle.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM

Sorry but as much as hillary drinks she hasn't had solid stools to kick anywhere in decades.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (ncXxy)

261 Hillary thought her Doctor said "drop two and call me in the morning"

Posted by: WisRich at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (G0vdT)

262 Where was Whoopie when this shit was going down?
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at March 22, 2023 03:22 PM (lf83v)

It wasn't a TURD turd

Posted by: Doof at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (iY8R7)

263 Gerard Finneran approves.
Posted by: mr tmz at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (rJ48h)

Ah! A blast from the past.

He was the fella who got drunk and climbed onto a serving cart on a Delta? flight and took a huge dump on it back in the 90's. The flight attendant they interviewed said the smell alone was enough to gag the whole plane.

Gerard is a hero of mine.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (OgB1i)

264 241 She looks like a shaved chipmunk.

That's hot.
Posted by: Alvin at March 22, 2023 03:18 PM (Xrfse)
--------------
ALVIN!!!
Posted by: David Seville at March 22, 2023 03:21 PM (2hlEI)

:::faints:::

Posted by: Richard Gere at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (aGT/k)

265 Poop in theater aisle: one of John Wilkes Booth's planned distractions, rejected at last minute, as a co-conspirator couldn't hold it on the coach ride over. Coach seriously damaged.

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (MvF+J)

266 Hey, you up in the balcony!

Don't shit!

Heh, heh. Don't shit. No. Really.

Posted by: joey biden at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (Vwz3I)

267 C'mon Hillary.. We know it was you

Posted by: China at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (bs+z0)

268 the disaster slides down the leg of boxer and trouser, settling "neatly" mid aisle, as pops, strides ambivalently to the bathroom for self cleaning.

*******

Like the POW's getting rid of the dirt from the tunnels in The Great Escape.

Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (ykeLU)

269 OT:

The documentary Pina has convinced me that modern dance is absolute garbage and a cult of personality populated by mental defectives.

I'm not sure I'm getting the message the director intended, though.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (LvTSG)

270
What if you froze it?
Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (UuD2k)

Do NOT look up 'space docking' on Urban Dictionary.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (Zz0t1)

271 I'm thinking along the lines of other commenters that it's highly unlikely that you'd not be noticed actually pooping.
But there they are, so what are we to make of it?

This mildly sick fuck is pooping in the restroom and bringing said stool into the theater, to be quietly dropped as he moves through. Probably an usher with Fight Club fantasies but no stomach for violence.

Posted by: OneEyedJack at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (FCbAQ)

272 OT: This made me laugh.
https://is.gd/XjZZl6

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (ynpvh)

273 It's because we didn't clap loudly and long enough. It's our fault.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:12 PM (LvTSG)

I assume Scott was born a male, and transitioned into a mutant?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (tkR6S)

274 What if you froze it?
Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (UuD2k)

I tried that and you be surprised how little effect temp has on plastic bags

Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (us2H3)

275
What was the name of the play again? The Aristocrats?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (n+4am)

276 I can't believe Alvin Bragg hasn't tried to pin this on Trump yet.

Posted by: Thomas Paine at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (lTGtQ)

277 265 Poop in theater aisle: one of John Wilkes Booth's planned distractions, rejected at last minute, as a co-conspirator couldn't hold it on the coach ride over. Coach seriously damaged.
Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (MvF+J)

True story: John Wilkes Booth slipped on a turd and broke his leg.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (UuD2k)

278 Poop in theater aisle: one of John Wilkes Booth's planned distractions, rejected at last minute, as a co-conspirator couldn't hold it on the coach ride over. Coach seriously damaged.
Posted by: Lithiated gp For Pep at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (MvF+J)

That's why he shouted "Sick semper tyr-anus" from the stage.

Posted by: Oldcat at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (eoQWY)

279 “Doctrinal Note,” the bishops rule out certain forms of medical interventions in Catholic healthcare institutions such as puberty blockers and sex reassignment surgery, insisting that the do not promote the authentic good of the human person but are, in fact, injurious.
==
Earlier this morning, with a link, was noted that in 1962 Church called attempts to change one's own sex, that was already sufficiently determined, unspeakably evil. That was thought to be such a settled topic it was not officially included into Vat II. Compare SO EVIL IT CAN NOT BE UTTERED ALOUD - with what they said -- "in fact injurious" Wow guys. Really stepped up to the fucking plate.

Posted by: Mealy Mouthed, Lawyered Up, PR releases DO NOT HELP at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (bTsLi)

280 276 I can't believe Alvin Bragg hasn't tried to pin this on Trump yet.
Posted by: Thomas Paine at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (lTGtQ)

Give him time

Posted by: It's me donna at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (bs+z0)

281 Ah, but the kernals of corn, that's, that's where I had them, they laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, with geometric logic, that the shitter ate corn.

Posted by: Captain Queeg at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (lf83v)

282 I wont tell you how I know but ejecting a turd from a plastic bag aint that easy

Simple. Sous vide that shit.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (Xrfse)

283 In the Schubert Theater: ..

Out: "Break a bone!"

In: "Drop a brick!"

Posted by: mrp at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (rj6Yv)

284 Would've been a good time for hILLRY to do another face plant.

Posted by: wth at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (v0R5T)

285 Page Six and Ace with the poop scoop!

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (GDJBM)

286 Like the POW's getting rid of the dirt from the tunnels in The Great Escape.

Exactly the image I had in my mind, to be honest. Except no string-controlled release

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (0hOvj)

287 How are we tell the difference between the steaming pile of sh*t in the aisle compared to the steaming pile of sh*t on the stage?
Posted by: San Franpsycho at March 22, 2023

***
The steaming pile on stage will proudly show you its Actors' Equity card.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (J2vNu)

288 271 I'm thinking along the lines of other commenters that it's highly unlikely that you'd not be noticed actually pooping.
But there they are, so what are we to make of it?

This mildly sick fuck is pooping in the restroom and bringing said stool into the theater, to be quietly dropped as he moves through. Probably an usher with Fight Club fantasies but no stomach for violence.
Posted by: OneEyedJack at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (FCbAQ)

I gotta say, I like his style.

Posted by: Zombie GG Allin at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (KbCG3)

289 283 In the Schubert Theater:

fuck, I tought that was in SF

Posted by: Eve at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (us2H3)

290 Cologuard

https://ytube.io/3cCC

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (yQpMk)

291 So many hilarious zingers! Too many to thank individually. You guys are so very clever and witty, I will never be worthy.

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Vigor at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (MvF+J)

292 And y'all thought the stuff WE did in theaters was bad

Posted by: Alanis Morrisette and Pee Wee Herman at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (iY8R7)

293 This mildly sick fuck is pooping in the restroom and bringing said stool into the theater, to be quietly dropped as he moves through. Probably an usher with Fight Club fantasies but no stomach for violence.
Posted by: OneEyedJack at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (FCbAQ)
++++
In my version, it was premeditated just to gross out and annoy Hillary.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (t0OGg)

294 256 I don't believe most of what I read in the media, especially as related to the Clittons.
Posted by: BurtTC at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM

They cleaned the spot with bleach while yelling "This is MAGA country"!!!

Posted by: Jussie Smollet at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (JCZqz)

295 to wave, make eye contact, smile. So that it's not weird.
Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls

Stare like a dog.
Then kick a trash can over it.

Posted by: DaveA at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (FhXTo)

296

I was feeling a little depressed, but not any longer!!!

Posted by: Dr.Rev. Senator Your Highness E Buzz Miller, Esq PhD MA MS at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (UCNv1)

297 It's my fault.

You know my doctor, Dr Vinnie Boombatz. What a doctor, are you kidding?

What a doctor. I called him up, I told him I had diarrhea.

He put me on hold.

Posted by: zombie rodney dangerfield at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (Vwz3I)

298 229 Spaulding! Don't touch it!
Posted by: Mrs. Smails at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (iY8R7)

----------------------------

Mom! Dad! Don't touch it! It's EEEVIILLLLL!!

Posted by: No One Of Consequence at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (uPgE/)

299 In my version, it was premeditated just to gross out and annoy Hillary.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (t0OGg)

I like your version

Posted by: It's me donna at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (bs+z0)

300 Why is everyone looking at me?

Posted by: Jerry Nadler at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (lf83v)

301 Do NOT look up 'space docking' on Urban Dictionary.
Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (Zz0t1)

I won't. It's bad enough I know what regular docking is.

Posted by: Jordan61 at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (DRSnL)

302 I wont tell you how I know but ejecting a turd from a plastic bag aint that easy

Simple. Sous vide that shit.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (Xrfse)

lol

Posted by: Comrade flounder, Disinformation Demon at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (PyOKD)

303 This thread is so tiring.

I'm totally pooped.

Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (w9Wax)

304 Finance YouTubers who promoted the failed cryptocurrency exchange FTX are now facing a $1 billion lawsuit from victims who lost money following the collapse of disgraced CEO and Democrat megadonor Sam Bankman-Fried.

Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (RHGPo)

305 What was the name of the play again? The Aristocrats?
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 22, 2023

***
Some Like [the Toilet to be] Hot

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:28 PM (J2vNu)

306 279 “Doctrinal Note,” the bishops rule out certain forms of medical interventions in Catholic healthcare institutions such as puberty blockers and sex reassignment surgery, insisting that the do not promote the authentic good of the human person but are, in fact, injurious.
==
Earlier this morning, with a link, was noted that in 1962 Church called attempts to change one's own sex, that was already sufficiently determined, unspeakably evil. That was thought to be such a settled topic it was not officially included into Vat II. Compare SO EVIL IT CAN NOT BE UTTERED ALOUD - with what they said -- "in fact injurious" Wow guys. Really stepped up to the fucking plate.
Posted by: Mealy Mouthed, Lawyered Up, PR releases DO NOT HELP at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (bTsLi)

Well the German Catholic bishops are trying to institute gay marriage, so could be worse.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at March 22, 2023 03:28 PM (eYoxG)

307 The shitter was just turning his life around.

Posted by: ... at March 22, 2023 03:28 PM (WJpCY)

308 If I wanted to plant a surreptitious deuce near Hillary, I would have to prepare the deposit in advance. Then transfer it.

Speaking of which, I dreamed of "Pooph!" last night. What a crazy world. I need to get some of that for my FiL.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at March 22, 2023 03:28 PM (Mzdiz)

309 Was an orange man seen fleeing the scene?

Posted by: N. Lurker at March 22, 2023 03:28 PM (eGTCV)

310 Do NOT look up 'space docking' on Urban Dictionary.

Wasn't that a Deep Purple hit?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 22, 2023 03:28 PM (0hOvj)

311 Gwyneth Paltrow is on trial in Utah after being sued for an alleged "hit and run" ski crash in 2016.

Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:28 PM (RHGPo)

312 He who walks amongst the rows
Then he shat.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at March 22, 2023 03:28 PM (J8LnB)

313 Winnie The Poo.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (GDJBM)

314 What was the name of the play again? The Aristocrats?
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 22, 2023

Apparently, it was the off Broadway production of The Aristocraps.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (Zz0t1)

315 Pardon me, would you happen to have any grey poopon?

Posted by: Maj. Healey at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (DMyTF)

316 the disaster slides down the leg of boxer and trouser, settling "neatly" mid aisle, as pops, strides ambivalently to the bathroom for self cleaning.

*******

Like the POW's getting rid of the dirt from the tunnels in The Great Escape.
Posted by: Muldoon
==
The fashion in undergarments today is in the snug brief situation. However, the average 80 year old man, has boxers which are at least 50 years old. Those don't hold anything snugly. And your average 80 year old fella isn't wearing skinny jeans either. I don't work in a nursing home, but I bet you its not that uncommon to find a turd on the floor. Once a week I'd bet. And yes, I'm saying that the average age of the Schubert theater is approaching that of a nursing home.

Posted by: So, there's that at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (CHmhO)

317 Cologuard

https://ytube.io/3cCC
Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023

***
That damn box! He's everywhere!

Posted by: Hillary at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (J2vNu)

318 I can't believe Alvin Bragg hasn't tried to pin this on Trump yet.
Posted by: Thomas Paine at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (lTGtQ)

Give him time
Posted by: It's me donna at March 22, 2023 03:25 PM (bs+z0)
---------------
ALVIN!!!

Posted by: David Seville at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (2hlEI)

319 True story, I shit you not.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (GDJBM)

320 Twist: maybe the Clintons are the phantom poopers.

Posted by: PG at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (84jHt)

321 What kind of hiss does the Slow News Gorn make when squeezing one out.

Posted by: DaveA at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (FhXTo)

322 Could've been Nadler dropping one out his pants leg, nah, his are probably too runny.

Posted by: wth at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (v0R5T)

323 254 B. someone brought a zip-lok bag with a turd in it and surreptitiously emptied it in the aisle.

Occam's flaming paper bag says it's "B"
Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:20 PM (ykeLU)

I wont tell you how I know but ejecting a turd from a plastic bag aint that easy
Posted by: REDACTED at March 22, 2023 03:23 PM (us2H3)

-------------------------

It is if you use a pastry bag and frosting tip.

Posted by: No One Of Consequence at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (uPgE/)

324 True story, I shit you ~~not~~.
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (GDJBM)

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (t0OGg)

325 Finance YouTubers who promoted the failed cryptocurrency exchange FTX are now facing a $1 billion lawsuit from victims who lost money following the collapse of disgraced CEO and Democrat megadonor Sam Bankman-Fried.
Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (RHGPo)

LMMFAO!

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (Zz0t1)

326 People reportedly found a white Ottoman with a telltale brown skid mark.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (lf83v)

327 242 Rumors have it, there was a second turd from the assy knoll.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at March 22, 2023 03:14 PM (Zz0t1)

--

Agree. No way to squeeze off two rounds that quick.

Posted by: SloPitch Whiffer at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (wzAuc)

328 290 Cologuard

https://ytube.io/3cCC

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (yQpMk)

OMG!!! LOL

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (ynpvh)

329 Number two should be easy to do.

Posted by: wth at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (v0R5T)

330
Hillary and Chelsea Clinton Got Pooped

The deuce you say!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (pNxlR)

331 >313 Winnie The Poo.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (GDJBM)

'The Brown Stain on the Carpet' a novel by Hu Flung Pu

Posted by: Heavy Meta at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (NgqoH)

332 Triumph was actually somewhat funny.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (GDJBM)

333 Given her current status, no surprise that they'd roll out the brown carpet for Hillary.

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (KbCG3)

334 What? This is the Schubert Theater? I thought it was the Schubert Walk-In ColoGard Clinic. I had Box Seats...

Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:30 PM (ykeLU)

335 Finance YouTubers who promoted the failed cryptocurrency exchange FTX are now facing a $1 billion lawsuit from victims who lost money following the collapse of disgraced CEO and Democrat megadonor Sam Bankman-Fried.
Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (RHGPo)
++++
I hope they were smart enough to socked away a decent chunk of money in physical cash and metals. Not for investment purposes, but for "oh shit, the rest is gone for whatever reason" purposes.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (t0OGg)

336 Cologuard

https://ytube.io/3cCC
Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023

***
That damn box! He's everywhere!
____________

Warning to Porch Pirates: Do not steal THAT box!

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (lf83v)

337 289 283 In the Schubert Theater:

fuck, I tought that was in SF
Posted by: Eve at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (us2H3)

A little esoteric, but I got it...

Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (CCSxw)

338 That was one of the hilarious letters to the editor in National Lampoon:

"no wonder they call him Winnie the Pooh, holy crap that guy stinks"
--Christopher Robin

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (0hOvj)

339
Speaking of which, I dreamed of "Pooph!" last night. What a crazy world. I need to get some of that for my FiL.
Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at March 22, 2023

***
I ordered some from AMZ. $30 with shipping, and it didn't work 6x better than Febreze from Walmart, or 15x better than the similar stuff from Dollar Tree.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (J2vNu)

340 >>>But another source says this is a the fourth time that Mystery Stools have suddenly appeared in the aisles of the Schubert.

That's a nice theater.

Posted by: Triumph the Comic Insult Dog at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (PyOKD)

341 Had a mystery shitter in the barraks in Germany. Nobody admitted it so we all got punished. Group punishment for shit.

I'm pretty sure I know who it was but when I went to the CO I got told off as I had a previous beef with the dickhead and he was the highest ranking asshole still in the barraks. Plus I was drunk stumbling home from the bar when I think I saw him in the area where and when it happened and wasn't supposed to be out that night so I was kind of telling on myself trying to hang the asshole.
Then someone went to JAG and we all got freed. Turns out you can't just lock 100 people into the barraks with no rights even if you have been in the Army for 20 years. Asshole First Sergeant. I'd love to run into him again.

Posted by: Reforger at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (z28TX)

342 famous political duo

Don't give Marvel any ideas.

Posted by: spindrift at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (h5TKJ)

343 I wonder if I could sustain a Youtube channel that demanded people buy random penny stocks while screaming at the camera.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (LvTSG)

344 It could have been a Baby Ruth.

Posted by: redridinghood at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (NpAcC)

345 Mr. Biden, where were you on the evening of May 20th?

Posted by: Diesel Jones, Biologist to the Stars at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (Vu7A1)

346 Could they try DNA Analysis of the stool?

Posted by: rd at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (Z32m1)

347 Poop in the passageway? Sounds line a depressed liberal to me.

Posted by: Huck Follywood at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (YdKSU)

348 345 Mr. Biden, where were you on the evening of May 20th?
Posted by: Diesel Jones, Biologist to the Stars at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (Vu7A1)

========

"Well, let me check Ashley's diary..."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, being witty and sophisticated with Ernst Lubitsch at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (LvTSG)

349 ... and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo."

-----------

[Late, so joke undoubtedly stale:]

The Obamas?

Posted by: ShainS -- The Abolition of The West is from Men Without Chests at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (9cZbj)

350 Two turds only Vasili.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (P5tqd)

351 There had to have been a second shitter!!!

Posted by: jim garrison at March 22, 2023 03:32 PM (Vwz3I)

352 304 Finance YouTubers who promoted the failed cryptocurrency exchange FTX are now facing a $1 billion lawsuit from victims who lost money following the collapse of disgraced CEO and Democrat megadonor Sam Bankman-Fried.
Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:27 PM (RHGPo)

I think entertainers are generally not liable. Giving actual financial advice has pretty tight regulations so if they wandered into that they would be in trouble.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at March 22, 2023 03:33 PM (eYoxG)

353
So this fuckface internet Goblin spends her day making stupid videos bitching about her husband. It's all a Performance for clicks & views.

But, the Goblin is a good enough actress to build a Following of "feminist" Losers.

Well, her loser Followers got so mad at this goblin's husband, they tracked him down and found his identity and place of work! Doxxed! Lulz, right? Hilarity ensued.

Fuck around and Find Out, the wise man said.
The Mob is trying to get the goblin's husband fired.

Posted by: Soothsayer, the HQ's Most Respected Commenter at March 22, 2023 03:33 PM (8st8O)

354 65 I'm sure the media will just sweep this under the rug.

Posted by: redsweater at March 22, 2023 03:07 PM (kbna3)
----
Hillary wears a wig now?

Posted by: Ciampino -- unbushed was smelly at March 22, 2023 03:33 PM (qfLjt)

355 I was feeling a little depressed, but not any longer!!!

Nothing quite like a good poop thread to lift the spirits.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at March 22, 2023 03:33 PM (Xrfse)

356 What was the name of the play again?

******

Scats

Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:33 PM (ykeLU)

357
Abraham Stinkin'. Would make sense that he would haunt a theater in this way.
Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer

Other that that Mrs. Clinton, how was the play?
Posted by: browndog channeling The Sundance Kid

Our Anti-American Cousin

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at March 22, 2023 03:33 PM (63Dwl)

358 Sens. Rick Scott (R-FL) and Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) are introducing legislation on Wednesday which would replace the Federal Reserve's internal watchdog with one appointed by the president, following the failures of Silicon Valley Bank and Signature Bank.

"Our legislation fixes that by establishing a presidentially-appointed, Senate-confirmed inspector general at the Fed, like every other major government agency," reads a joint press release from Scott and Warren, who blame the collapse of the two bangs on regulatory failures at the US central bank, which currently employs an inspector general who reports to the Fed board

Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:34 PM (RHGPo)

359 Twist: maybe the Clintons are the phantom poopers.
Posted by: PG at March 22, 2023 03:29 PM (84jHt)

Or 2 guys in red Trump hats screaming "Dis ca-ca country!"

Posted by: Doof at March 22, 2023 03:34 PM (iY8R7)

360 *Hillary, straining* Who...does...number...2...work...for.!

Posted by: WisRich at March 22, 2023 03:34 PM (G0vdT)

361 How does someone shit themselves and get a perfect turd to drop neatly, intact on the floor after rolling down a pants leg?

I mean that kind of talent should be harnessed.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at March 22, 2023 03:35 PM (Q4IgG)

362 Nood killer fungus.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at March 22, 2023 03:35 PM (eYoxG)

363 Then they went to the concession stand and bought a Baby Ruth.
Posted by: wth at March 22, 2023

***
Worse -- a Tootsie Roll!

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:35 PM (J2vNu)

364 Interest Payments On Treasury Debt Up 29% YoY

.. and revenues are down, especially individual income taxes, which may reflect the slowing economy

Posted by: SMOD at March 22, 2023 03:35 PM (RHGPo)

365 I bent over to kiss Hillary and..... it just slipped out!

Posted by: Jerry Nadler at March 22, 2023 03:35 PM (nx56J)

366 The one who heard it, turd it.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 22, 2023 03:35 PM (wtvvX)

367 Let's say this dookie represents all of the Psychokinetic Energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample, it'll be a dookie... 35 feet long and weighing approximately 600 lbs.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 22, 2023 03:36 PM (0hOvj)

368 Was the species that produced the excrement ever specified?

Doggie poo is eminently transportable, if the pooch eats dry dog food.

Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at March 22, 2023 03:36 PM (w9Wax)

369 "290 Cologuard

https://ytube.io/3cCC

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 22, 2023 03:26 PM (yQpMk)

OMG!!! LOL"

Gotta hand it to Woody.

It's been months since the last time I laughed that hard.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 22, 2023 03:36 PM (uLr+K)

370 Yahoo - The Wrap
‘Some Like It Hot’ Broadway Review: Billy Wilder’s Movie Classic Gets a Lukewarm Musical Makeover, by Robert Hofler
December 11, 2022

It begins..."If ever a gay anthem needed to be retired..."

It's a hoot.

Posted by: Lola - free Jacob Chansley at March 22, 2023 03:36 PM (GshMh)

371 Call the Federal Bureau of (fecal) Matters!

Posted by: Minuteman at March 22, 2023 03:36 PM (LaNzR)

372 The CIA dropped them.

Posted by: N. Lurker at March 22, 2023 03:36 PM (eGTCV)

373 Crazy thing is no one smelled it first. Those people must all smell like crap.

Posted by: Miss Issippi at March 22, 2023 03:36 PM (sI15f)

374 @352

>>I think entertainers are generally not liable. Giving actual financial advice has pretty tight regulations so if they wandered into that they would be in trouble.

There is likely no merit to the suit and hopefully it gets bounced.

Hell, why not sue Jim Cramer for that matter?

Posted by: Thomas Bender - Trump Fanatic Since 2016, Now With More Fanaticisms at March 22, 2023 03:36 PM (up/3i)

375 >>>But another source says this is a the fourth time that Mystery Stools have suddenly appeared in the aisles of the Schubert.

Another reason the suspect an employee.
Also just occurs to me that those long handled dustpans that open when you set them down would be a great delivery system.
The nice thing about being an employee at a high-falutin type of place is that the swells don't notice you.
You don't exist.

Posted by: OneEyedJack at March 22, 2023 03:38 PM (FCbAQ)

376
Acacadripse Now.

Ace Purpura: Deuce Detective.

Two Pews for Daughter Chelsea.

Posted by: ShainS -- The Abolition of The West is from Men Without Chests at March 22, 2023 03:38 PM (9cZbj)

377 The shitter was just turning his life around.

*******

He was an aspiring crapper.

Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:38 PM (ykeLU)

378 Like the POW's getting rid of the dirt from the tunnels in The Great Escape.
Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:24 PM (ykeLU)

The Gross Evacuation.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 22, 2023 03:38 PM (tkR6S)

379 There was only one turd--a magic turd.

Posted by: N. Lurker at March 22, 2023 03:39 PM (eGTCV)

380 How does someone shit themselves and get a perfect turd to drop neatly, intact on the floor after rolling down a pants leg?
===
Patulous asshole, patulous boxers or commando, baggy pants.

Take it from me, they kinda slide down your leg slowly, picking up speed until it gets below the knee, then it drops freely to the ankle where it works its way out as your leg swings in walking.

Posted by: President sniffy sniff just suggesting a hypothetical explanation at March 22, 2023 03:39 PM (j+8b7)

381 Holy cow, has the wind kicked up.

Posted by: Infidel at March 22, 2023 03:40 PM (tITEI)

382 It happened just as the orchestra started the second movement.

Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:40 PM (ykeLU)

383 I fear for the phantom shitter's safety.
Posted by: Reality is no Winner

Epstein didn't shit himself!

Posted by: DaveA at March 22, 2023 03:40 PM (FhXTo)

384 If sitting near the aisle, you don't notice someone stopping, stripping, stooping, sharting and smelling up the joint?

Nah.

This is revenge/vandalism, someone who deliberately brings the shart in a sack, perhaps harboring a grudge against someone there in the production, or up on the stage.

Posted by: Ju at March 22, 2023 03:41 PM (aTmM/)

385 In the theater? It was JOHN WILKES POOP!!!

Posted by: Abraham Lincoln Log at March 22, 2023 03:41 PM (LaNzR)

386 Snowing pretty good here. but it's not very cold, so the roads are just wet. Got a bit on the grassy areas though.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lookin' for me wooden leg at March 22, 2023 03:41 PM (xPJvm)

387 Speaking of shitty tactics: https://bit.ly/42ycDqn

Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at March 22, 2023 03:42 PM (Bd6X8)

388
Stool Runnings.

F Poop.

The Turd Man.

Posted by: ShainS -- The Abolition of The West is from Men Without Chests at March 22, 2023 03:43 PM (9cZbj)

389 What kind of hiss does the Slow News Gorn make when squeezing one out.
Posted by: DaveA at March 22, 2023

***
I SHALL BE MERCIFUL AND QUICK

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:43 PM (J2vNu)

390 I fear we have not heard the last from the Mystery Pooper.

Posted by: Schubert's Unfinished Business. at March 22, 2023 03:44 PM (wzAuc)

391 It has to be the guy in the kilt

Posted by: azjaeger at March 22, 2023 03:44 PM (l6T8l)

392 Jack the Pooper

Posted by: N. Lurker at March 22, 2023 03:44 PM (eGTCV)

393 It happened just as the orchestra started the second movement.

Posted by: Muldoon at March 22, 2023 03:40 PM (ykeLU)

---------

LOL. I'll never be able to get that cymbalism out of my head ...

Posted by: ShainS -- The Abolition of The West is from Men Without Chests at March 22, 2023 03:46 PM (9cZbj)

394 So this fuckface internet Goblin spends her day making stupid videos bitching about her husband. It's all a Performance for clicks & views.

But, the Goblin is a good enough actress to build a Following of "feminist" Losers.

Well, her loser Followers got so mad at this goblin's husband, they tracked him down and found his identity and place of work! Doxxed! Lulz, right? Hilarity ensued.

Fuck around and Find Out, the wise man said.
The Mob is trying to get the goblin's husband fired.
Posted by: Soothsayer, the HQ's Most Respected Commenter at March 22, 2023

***
Chelsea would bother with something like that?

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:47 PM (J2vNu)

395 I worked in the physical therapy department of a hospital when I was in college. My job was to do exercises with people while they were in their beds.

A man in his late 70's had his left leg amputated above the knee, and it was my job to help him exercise that hip. Do it I had to pull back the sheets. He never warned me. Said not a word.

He had pooped himself a peg leg, about 2 feet long.

Posted by: Miss Issippi at March 22, 2023 03:53 PM (sI15f)

396 Different from crypto but, as reported on MTV quite a while ago, Hunter's oldest, Naomi Biden, and her now husband, Peter Neal, created a Coronavirus Stimulus Bill Online Quiz.

In part, “So the couple decided to use their research to create an easily accessible tool that would tell anyone just how much federal help they might receive as a result of the CARES Act.

The tool, which is accessible at My CARES Act Benefits, is designed more intuitively than the Internal Revenue Service’s broad FAQ site."

What if they were wrong in their APP development and intrepretations? Could they be sued? What would be the government's role?

Posted by: Lola - free Jacob Chansley at March 22, 2023 03:53 PM (GshMh)

397 I thought it was illegal to yell "shit!" in a crowded theater.

Posted by: MikeG at March 22, 2023 03:56 PM (VsUo2)

398
The Cleveland Steamer strikes again.

Posted by: Joe Mama at March 22, 2023 04:02 PM (WmGrA)

399 Pretty sure that's satire.

Posted by: cpurick at March 22, 2023 04:03 PM (bwWDS)

400 FOIST of all, it's SHUBERT, motherfockers. God Damn.
Stubhub says cheapest weekday ticket to see "Some Like It" is $62, and that's some expensive shit.

Out here in the provinces, we can crap in the aisle for under 20 bucks. Usually the same cast, too.
Will it shit in New Haven? Will they shit for this in Peoria? New standards of drama criticism!

Posted by: Way, Way Downriver at March 22, 2023 04:38 PM (jYCXf)

401 Wait a second ... this was just an elderly person who couldn't get to the restroom in time? How come that never happened before in MY ENTIRE LIFE? ANYWHERE ON EARTH?

Posted by: MaxMBJ at March 22, 2023 05:22 PM (Q3oNv)

402 The libertarians conservatives have given us this society. With the aiding and abetting (or vice verse) of progressives.

I'm finding myself becoming a social conservative turd by turd.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at March 22, 2023 05:24 PM (Q3oNv)

403 are they sure Hillary didn't have a blown gusset? dna test that growler.

Posted by: x at March 22, 2023 05:31 PM (ZBPE2)

404 I ordered some from AMZ. $30 with shipping, and it didn't work 6x better than Febreze from Walmart, or 15x better than the similar stuff from Dollar Tree.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at March 22, 2023 03:31 PM (J2vNu)

I'm crushed. We have pet candles that kill the odor very well, but the bathroom space is a challenge. And a few other spots could stand freshening. They just don't like artificial scents. Febreze is scenty, isn't it?

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at March 22, 2023 05:34 PM (Mzdiz)

405 One you accept it's okay to shit in the street, why not shit in the Shubert?

Posted by: Comrade Roboto at March 22, 2023 06:27 PM (+DS2f)

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