Clintons Trying Novel Approach to Stay Relevant

Annoying author James Patterson is teaming up with Bill Clinton to write a thriller called The President is Missing. Due out in summer of 2018.

The novel will be "informed by insider details that only a President can know," the publishers said in a statement provided to Publishers Weekly and AP. Clinton said: "Working on a book about a sitting President--drawing on what I know about the job, life in the White House, and the way Washington works--has been a lot of fun."
"Working with President Clinton has been the highlight of my career, and having access to his first-hand experience has uniquely informed the writing of this novel," Patterson said in the statement.
The President is Missing will be Clinton's first work of fiction, apart from his marital vows, court depositions, and grand jury testimony, as well as most of his presidency.

I might have added that last part.

Meanwhile, while Hillary Clinton is not involved in producing a novel, she is, for some reason, the subject of one: A bestselling novelist I never heard of (but don't hold that against him) is writing a novel about the nonintriguing question that none of us except Hillary and Huma Abedin have asked, What If Hillary had never married Bill Clinton?

Random House announced Monday that Curtis Sittenfeld will tell the story from the point of view of Hillary Rodham. In real life, the former first lady did turn down Bill Clinton's marriage proposals at first before agreeing to marry. In the novel, not yet titled, she turns down Clinton once and for all, then goes on with her life.
No release date was announced.

That's fine -- no release date was wanted.

By the way, that's not the only What If Hillary Clinton alt-history being written:

Sci-fi writer William Gibson is writing a novel about Hillary Clinton in which he imagines that she won the presidential election.

William Gibson is as culturally relevant now as Kajagoogoo, and for much the same reason -- he invented a silly word.

Posted by: Ace at 02:22 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 FIRST!!!

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 09, 2017 02:14 PM (vRcUp)

2 Piffle.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 09, 2017 02:15 PM (J+eG2)

3 This is getting eerie.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at May 09, 2017 02:16 PM (QQ+il)

4 This is getting confusing...

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at May 09, 2017 02:16 PM (/prE6)

5 What if I write a novel in which Hillary Clinton imagines that she won the presidential election?

Posted by: Furious George at May 09, 2017 02:17 PM (j+dfT)

6 This is about as relevant to me as Marvel's f'ed up timeline.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 09, 2017 02:17 PM (KUaJL)

7 How about a novel where Hillary is arrested in a small arkansas town for grifting, and stealing horses.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 09, 2017 02:17 PM (J+eG2)

8 I heard that her Secret Service name in the novel is "Necrosis."

Posted by: General Zod at May 09, 2017 02:17 PM (Bdeb0)

9 Doesn't James Patterson do the same thing as the author as Tom Clancy - basically license his name out to other authors?

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at May 09, 2017 02:17 PM (jxbfJ)

10 In the novel, not yet titled, she turns down Clinton once and for all, then goes on with her life.

I am a barfly, Your Honor.

Posted by: Hillary Rodham at May 09, 2017 02:18 PM (QQ+il)

11 7
How about a novel where Hillary is arrested in a small arkansas town for grifting, and stealing horses.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 09, 2017 02:17 PM (J+eG2)

Or selling cattle futures?

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at May 09, 2017 02:18 PM (jxbfJ)

12 I'll be looking forward to the tidbits that only a former president Clinton would know, like how to make noisy underlings die with no prosecutions.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at May 09, 2017 02:18 PM (7ZVPa)

13 >>>The President is Missing

A thriller coauthored by Bill Clinton? Let me guess... The mystery is figuring out which pussy he fell in.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 09, 2017 02:18 PM (R+30W)

14 I have an idea for a novel where Hillary Clinton's rich parents are murdered when she is a child and as a result she stalks colorfully-themed criminals while dressed as a bat.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 09, 2017 02:19 PM (Mouru)

15 Hubbellmania is runnin' mild, Mother.

Posted by: Hikaru at May 09, 2017 02:19 PM (9TK8E)

16 The President Is Mishing

Posted by: General Zod at May 09, 2017 02:19 PM (Bdeb0)

17 9 Doesn't James Patterson do the same thing as the author as Tom Clancy - basically license his name out to other authors?
Posted by: Our Country is Screwed
_____

Yup

Posted by: Furious George at May 09, 2017 02:19 PM (j+dfT)

18 The President is Missing will be Clinton's first work of
fiction, apart from his marital vows, court depositions, and grand jury
testimony, as well as most of his presidency.

I might have added that last part.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 09, 2017 02:19 PM (NOIQH)

19 I think what you really want to say is "One of James Patterson's many ghostwriters is going to be writing a book that includes random notes from BJ Clinton."

Also... any Clinton/ Democrat fan fiction dressed up as Serious Literature? Guaranteed best seller.

Posted by: shibumi at May 09, 2017 02:19 PM (8zWAk)

20 The President is Missing will be Clinton's first work of fiction, apart from his marital vows, court depositions, and grand jury testimony, as well as most of his presidency.

Nice work.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at May 09, 2017 02:19 PM (HTdUD)

21 President Baba Yaga battles Robo-Putin : The New York Times Bestseller.

Posted by: Hikaru at May 09, 2017 02:20 PM (9TK8E)

22 Waiting to hear what Anna Puma has to say about this. She lost out in a competition to write a book with Patterson, IIRC.

Posted by: josephistan at May 09, 2017 02:20 PM (7HtZB)

23 I thought they already wrote this. It was titled 13 hours and they made it into a movie.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 09, 2017 02:20 PM (KUaJL)

24 It's not confusing. The top post will be the top post forever, and all new posts will appear beneath it. Hillary dominates.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 09, 2017 02:21 PM (vRcUp)

25 The President is Missing

Have they checked Pedo Island?

Posted by: tu3031 at May 09, 2017 02:21 PM (qJhUV)

26 The President is Missing?

Thasshh stoopid. I'm rrright here.

* falls face forward into vomit *

Posted by: DistHillary at May 09, 2017 02:21 PM (j+dfT)

27 How about a novel about an ex-President who dorks pre-teen girls while lecturing the rest of us on morality?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 09, 2017 02:21 PM (Mouru)

28 And what if Chelsea Clinton weren't sassy, and had never won an award? What then, huh?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 09, 2017 02:22 PM (SRKgf)

29 The President is Missing? Doesn't a knowledgeable writer know that when doing an illegal arms deal, one sends an ambassador to take the risk, or when soliciting bribes, to use a tax exempt foundation?

Patterson definitely needs some expert advice on this script, and probably a new title.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at May 09, 2017 02:23 PM (7ZVPa)

30 The President is Missing ... the Urinal.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 09, 2017 02:23 PM (SRKgf)

31 27 How about a novel about an ex-President who dorks pre-teen girls while lecturing the rest of us on morality?
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero)
________

Or, even better, how about a novel about an ex-Senate Majority leader who dorks pre-teen boys!

Posted by: Harry Reid at May 09, 2017 02:23 PM (j+dfT)

32 Where did Hillary go after she was fired from the Watergate investigation?

Think it was Rush who made this excellent point about Hillary:

Hillary started her career at a great time for feminism; feminists were blazing their own paths and shunning "the patriarchy." And what did Hillary do at this historic moment for American women? She got married, moved to a back-water state, had a baby and made a career out of peddling her hubby's influence. Maybe she wasn't baking cookies, but she certainly was no Gloria Steinem breaking the glass ceiling and kicking butt on her own terms!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 09, 2017 02:23 PM (NOIQH)

33 The 22nd: A Rift in Time

An evil Hungarian Billionaire funds tachyon research that leads to a rift in time space that causes the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution to have never been ratified.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at May 09, 2017 02:23 PM (QQ+il)

34 What if Hillary hadn't married Bill? She'd be a lawyer for a mid-tier firm in Chicago or a staffer for an obscure leftist congressman from Illinois. She was, and is, NOTHING without Bill.

(Eh, Gibson. Two interesting novels, then you find out he's a fucking commie.)

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at May 09, 2017 02:23 PM (RD7QR)

35 Look soon for my book with James Patterson, "The President is Horny and Wants an Intern to Blow Him".

Posted by: Monica Lewinsky at May 09, 2017 02:24 PM (qJhUV)

36 13
>>>The President is Missing

A thriller coauthored by Bill Clinton? Let me guess... The mystery is figuring out which pussy he fell in.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 09, 2017 02:18 PM (R+30W)

Not me officer.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at May 09, 2017 02:24 PM (jxbfJ)

37 Now witness the power of this FULLY OPERATIONAL DEATH BLOG.

Posted by: Minx 0.7 alpha at May 09, 2017 02:24 PM (C52a9)

38 I read a James Patterson novel a few years ago. He's skilled at getting you to turn the page, but he's just another liberal shitweasel.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 09, 2017 02:24 PM (vRcUp)

39 The Sheriff is Near. The President's sudden death from virulent HIV elevates the more unlikely of politicians to the top spot.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at May 09, 2017 02:25 PM (QQ+il)

40 21. With werebears - for great justice!

(And happy Victory Day, Horde!)

https://youtu.be/6MGj7CdLDds

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 09, 2017 02:25 PM (TwwWO)

41 13
>>>The President is Missing

A thriller coauthored by Bill Clinton? Let me guess... The mystery is figuring out which pussy he fell in.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 09, 2017 02:18 PM (R+30W)

Not me officer. Well, wait a sec. Let me check the spot where I usually keep my jelley donut. (lifts, shifts). Nope Not me officer.

Posted by: Triggly Puff at May 09, 2017 02:25 PM (jxbfJ)

42 Or, even better, how about a novel about an ex-Senate Majority leader who dorks pre-teen boys!
Posted by: Harry Reid
____________

And then a sequel about a leader of a progressive city in the Pacific Northwest!

Posted by: Mayor of Seattle at May 09, 2017 02:25 PM (j+dfT)

43 William Gibson is as culturally relevant now as Kajagoogoo, and for much the same reason -- he invented a silly word.

Cybershart.

Posted by: Hillbot at May 09, 2017 02:26 PM (vRcUp)

44 Sci-fi writer William Gibson is writing a novel about Hillary Clinton in which he imagines that she won the presidential election.
===

The first 4 chapters follow Hillary climbing the steps to the Capitol.

Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 09, 2017 02:26 PM (C52a9)

45 In the novel, not yet titled, she turns down Clinton once and for all, then goes on with her life.

So she gets some job in the bureaucracy and is never elected to political office? Sounds like a bit of a yawner.

Posted by: rickl at May 09, 2017 02:26 PM (xjiRE)

46 The President is Missing - His BBQ Brisket and his Viagra, but mostly his Viagra.

Ok, that is a bit long for a title.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at May 09, 2017 02:27 PM (7ZVPa)

47 45 In the novel, not yet titled, she turns down Clinton once and for all, then goes on with her life.

So she gets some job in the bureaucracy and is never elected to political office? Sounds like a bit of a yawner.
Posted by: rickl
_______

But the last 17 chapters about her time spent in rehab aren't quite as bad.

Posted by: Furious George at May 09, 2017 02:28 PM (j+dfT)

48 In the novel, not yet titled, she turns down Clinton once and for all, then goes on with her life.

It'll be called "The Carpet Munchers".

Posted by: tu3031 at May 09, 2017 02:28 PM (qJhUV)

49 Hillary's Hiccups 2: The Enshartening

Posted by: James Patterson at May 09, 2017 02:29 PM (HfqF0)

50 And thanks for the ear-worm, Ace....

Too shy, shy
Hush hush
Eye to eye

https://youtu.be/nozewQJ4hyw

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 09, 2017 02:29 PM (TwwWO)

51 Is the President missing? Depends.

Posted by: Barb the Evil Genius at May 09, 2017 02:29 PM (FQKBL)

52 Title of the novel about Hillary not marrying Bill: The Shawshank Conniption.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at May 09, 2017 02:29 PM (RD7QR)

53 The Sphincter Is Missing

Posted by: By James Patterson at May 09, 2017 02:30 PM (HfqF0)

54 The answer is "Rosalynn Carter".

* buzz *

Who was the last Democrat First Lady who didn't flunk a bar exam?

Posted by: Jeopardy at May 09, 2017 02:30 PM (j+dfT)

55 The Secretary of State's Shoe is Missing

Posted by: josephistan at May 09, 2017 02:31 PM (7HtZB)

56 At This Point, What Difference Does A Live American Ambassador Make?

Posted by: By James Patterson at May 09, 2017 02:31 PM (HfqF0)

57 All The President's Men: The Man's Country Executive

Posted by: Grump928(c) at May 09, 2017 02:31 PM (QQ+il)

58 The President is Missing.

"What difference, at this point, does it make?"

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 09, 2017 02:31 PM (KUaJL)

59 Film adaptation soundtrack features 'Forget About the Bollards.'

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 09, 2017 02:31 PM (TwwWO)

60 When Hillary Rodham fell into a tank of toxic waste while drinking, her body turned into a living mass of gin!

Lady Tanqueray : coming to a Barnes and Noble near you.

Posted by: Hikaru at May 09, 2017 02:32 PM (9TK8E)

61 The President is Missing, During the Benghazi Attack.

Oh, sorry, supposed to be fiction, not fact.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at May 09, 2017 02:32 PM (7ZVPa)

62 60 When Hillary Rodham fell into a tank of toxic waste while drinking, her body turned into a living mass of gin!

Lady Tanqueray : coming to a Barnes and Noble near you.
Posted by: Hikaru at May 09, 2017 02:32 PM (9TK8E)

Sounds like a bad Spiderman villain.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 09, 2017 02:32 PM (KUaJL)

63 Someone call TARDIS repair please, it looks like the HQ time machine threw a rod.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Abbot of St. Costello-on-the-Hurlingbone at May 09, 2017 02:32 PM (9krrF)

64 Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!: A Clinton Love Story

Posted by: By James Patterson at May 09, 2017 02:32 PM (HfqF0)

65 Depends: The Life and Excretions of Hillary Clinton

Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 09, 2017 02:32 PM (C52a9)

66 Since we're on novels, I'm going OT:

I read the first half of my book on the Battle of Lake Erie earlier today, and I'm happy to report that my first chapter is a complete mess.

I am actually happy to report this because it means that I'm removed enough from the writing of the thing to still read it critically. I am less happy at the thought of a complete rewrite of that same chapter, though...

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at May 09, 2017 02:33 PM (/prE6)

67 It Takes Some Spillage.

Posted by: DistHillary at May 09, 2017 02:34 PM (j+dfT)

68 Click! Whirrr! Reboot!: The Hillbot 2000 Is Missing

Posted by: By James Patterson at May 09, 2017 02:34 PM (HfqF0)

69 The Embassy Security Is Missing

Posted by: By James Patterson at May 09, 2017 02:35 PM (HfqF0)

70 67. Damn, but that's good.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 09, 2017 02:35 PM (TwwWO)

71 Here's a book idea: Stuffed Socks - how Sandy Berger managed to destroy all evidence of presidential malfeasance.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at May 09, 2017 02:36 PM (7ZVPa)

72 Do Les-bots dream of electric muff?

Posted by: Philip K. Dickless at May 09, 2017 02:36 PM (9TK8E)

73 Osama's Sniper Shot Is Missing: A Bill Clinton Story

Posted by: By James Patterson at May 09, 2017 02:36 PM (HfqF0)

74 50 Shades of Blue Dress

Posted by: A random ghost writer at May 09, 2017 02:36 PM (rUIbB)

75 The French Erection

Posted by: Bill Clinton, Eyeing Carla Bruni at May 09, 2017 02:36 PM (j+dfT)

76 61 To be fair,it wasn't so much missing as not giving a fuck.

Posted by: steevy at May 09, 2017 02:37 PM (r/0kC)

77 The Foster Dilemma:

"A dead man in a park. A scorned politico's wife with a strapon and a bad attitude. Her sultry, pouting Muslim plaything. Cigars. Semen. Big Macs. Vodka. This is the saga of the Clintons, a modern-day Tudor dynasty from the backwater cousin-fucking Ozarks...and they're going to take Washington by storm!!!"

Posted by: General Zod at May 09, 2017 02:37 PM (Bdeb0)

78 The President Missed - it's all over her dress.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at May 09, 2017 02:37 PM (7ZVPa)

79 Let me guess: The repellent GOP House majority leader from Georgia did it? Or maybe it was the puritanical independent counsel who was investigating the president's sex life? Or maybe the conservative talk-show host who inspired crimes like the bombing of a federal building?

Posted by: Lizzy at May 09, 2017 02:37 PM (NOIQH)

80 Given Gibson's trend toward dystopia and warnings, he's probably a good choice for Hillary winning sci fi.

Actually, having a president advise and inform you on a book about the presidency is a pretty good idea, and great for publicity. I mean, Bill's writing it about as much as he provided DNA for Chelsea, but the collaboration is smart.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at May 09, 2017 02:38 PM (39g3+)

81 77. Nicely done, sir! Crom is with thee.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 09, 2017 02:38 PM (TwwWO)

82 Mommmm! Why isn't anyone writing a book about ME!!

Posted by: Chelsea Clinton at May 09, 2017 02:38 PM (qJhUV)

83 The Old Man and The Sea-Hag

Posted by: josephistan at May 09, 2017 02:39 PM (7HtZB)

84 Is this test to see if I'm a Replicant, or a lesbian? Because I could be both.

Posted by: Huma Mahmood Abedin at May 09, 2017 02:39 PM (QQ+il)

85 I think what a cartoon character of evil she is.

-
Snidely Whipsnatch.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks and You're Not at May 09, 2017 02:40 PM (Nwg0u)

86 84. Just answer the question.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 09, 2017 02:40 PM (TwwWO)

87 "Why isn't anyone writing a book about ME!!"

Too boring.

Instead, they wrote the yellow pages.

Comparatively riveting

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 09, 2017 02:40 PM (J+eG2)

88 And the Nobel Prize for literature, for being mentioned in "The President is Missing", is awarded to Chelsea Clinton!

Posted by: Furious George at May 09, 2017 02:40 PM (j+dfT)

89 for my next CAS fan fiction project, I should write about what would happen if the real Hillary died in the van and a couple of necromancers reanimated the unholy cadaver to complete the race.

oh wait. that's what actually happened.

Posted by: Boulder terlit hobo at May 09, 2017 02:41 PM (wSZhv)

90 87 "Why isn't anyone writing a book about ME!!"

Too boring.

Instead, they wrote the yellow pages.

Comparatively riveting
Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at May 09, 2017 02:40 PM (J+eG2)

==============

I don't know...the White Pages are about actual people.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at May 09, 2017 02:41 PM (/prE6)

91
The merkin is missing: How I went from merkin to a full head cover....

OW!!!

HEY!!!!!

Posted by: Maxine Waters' Hair at May 09, 2017 02:41 PM (HSmrB)

92 I'm telling you, there is an ongoing movement to keep the Clinton's high-profile. Every where you look they are seeping into our consciousness because all of this seem orchestrated. I'm thinking Soros at least.

Posted by: washrivergal at May 09, 2017 02:41 PM (hiHQz)

93 88 And the Nobel Prize for literature, for being mentioned in "The President is Missing", is awarded to Chelsea Clinton!
Posted by: Furious George at May 09, 2017 02:40 PM (j+dfT)

================

"It MUST be great! She hasn't even written it yet!"
-MSM

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at May 09, 2017 02:41 PM (/prE6)

94 What would have happened if Hillary had never married Bill?

Nobody would have ever heard of her beyond "is she that girl that got fired from the Watergate impeachment?"

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at May 09, 2017 02:42 PM (39g3+)

95 Be sure to look for my novel with James Patterson, "Holes of Glory".

Posted by: Ex President Cock Curious at May 09, 2017 02:42 PM (qJhUV)

96 92. Doesn't need coordination. They're cultists - where there's unanimity of opinion and purpose, there's no need for it.

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 09, 2017 02:43 PM (TwwWO)

97 >>92
I'm telling you, there is an ongoing movement to keep the Clinton's
high-profile.. Posted by: washrivergal at May 09, 2017 02:41 PM (hiHQz)

I support that movement. As long as Hillary is in the public eye, she remains like a pinned bug, and I get to study her predicament with the dispassionate, interested eye of an entomologist.

Posted by: General Zod at May 09, 2017 02:44 PM (Bdeb0)

98 I'm telling you, there is an ongoing movement to keep the Clinton's high-profile.

Posted by: washrivergal

--

They can't keep it up for 4 years. This is like watching the Andrea Doria sink. Slow motion, but ultimately the water closes in over it.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at May 09, 2017 02:44 PM (7ZVPa)

99 Fried and Prejudiced.

Posted by: DistHillary at May 09, 2017 02:44 PM (j+dfT)

100 Hillary is interesting psychology, no?

She's a misanthrope -- hates people, but wants to be worshiped.

She hates her father especially. Hence the Projection about being the victim of misogyny.

She's incredibly self-centered, and hence amoral.

She not intuitive or decisive (Bill is good on this score). Everything must be studied to death by her minions, in part so that she can blame them when things go wrong.

She's not as smart as she thinks she is. Often a problem with lawyers.

There's only one place for this kind of Leader -- a government bureaucracy. Which is where she'd be, but for Bill.

Posted by: Ignoramus at May 09, 2017 02:45 PM (SIY7D)

101 Is this the nood?

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at May 09, 2017 02:45 PM (tbOMB)

102 97 >>92
I'm telling you, there is an ongoing movement to keep the Clinton's
high-profile.. Posted by: washrivergal at May 09, 2017 02:41 PM (hiHQz)

I support that movement. As long as Hillary is in the public eye, she remains like a pinned bug, and I get to study her predicament with the dispassionate, interested eye of an entomologist.
Posted by: General Zod at May 09, 2017 02:44 PM (Bdeb0)

==============

Plus she's taking money from younger, more promising Democrats. Maybe she'll end up creating a complete distaste within the donor class of the Democratic Party that some just stop all together.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at May 09, 2017 02:46 PM (/prE6)

103 "I did not have sexual relations with that woman", a story about how extraterrestrials left an ugly little child on an Arkansas Governor's doorstep...

Posted by: Hikaru at May 09, 2017 02:46 PM (9TK8E)

104 With werebears - for great justice!

(And happy Victory Day, Horde!)

https://youtu.be/6MGj7CdLDds

-
Repost from this morning.

Putin on the Ritz!

http://tinyurl.com/lao42v3

Bonus: The fine eye for detail will note that the reporter has a photo of a WWII T-34/85 tank captioned "Several new examples of Russian weaponry were showcased during the event."

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks and You're Not at May 09, 2017 02:47 PM (Nwg0u)

105 If Bill hadn't married Hillary he might not have amounted to much more than congressman feathering his own nest and chasing pussy.I think she pushed him to be more ambitious with her lust for power.

Posted by: steevy at May 09, 2017 02:47 PM (r/0kC)

106 I don't know...the White Pages are about actual people.

And WHY are they called the WHITE pages? Because the phone company is a bunch of RACIST ASSHOLES!! No wonder they spray swatstickers on the street when they do work!!

Posted by: The Incredibly Stupid Sarah Silverman at May 09, 2017 02:47 PM (qJhUV)

107 Whores and Beast.

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at May 09, 2017 02:47 PM (tbOMB)

108 Mommmm! Why isn't anyone writing a book about ME!!
----------------

They did. It's called "Go the Fuck to Sleep."

Posted by: bicentennialguy at May 09, 2017 02:47 PM (jz3my)

109 The Secretary of State's Shoe is Missing

Posted by: josephistan

Damned if someone didn't miss out on the eBay wet dream of an auction for that shoe. I'd probably have bid it up a bit. Just for the lolz.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at May 09, 2017 02:48 PM (HTdUD)

110 108 Mommmm! Why isn't anyone writing a book about ME!!
----------------

They did. It's called "Go the Fuck to Sleep."
Posted by: bicentennialguy at May 09, 2017 02:47 PM (jz3my)

==========

Thread winner.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at May 09, 2017 02:48 PM (/prE6)

111

Chumbawamba

Posted by: Silly word at May 09, 2017 02:49 PM (IqV8l)

112 Moldy Dick?

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at May 09, 2017 02:49 PM (tbOMB)

113 In the novel, not yet titled, she turns down Clinton once and for all, then goes on with her life.

Into complete and utter irrelevance

Posted by: TheQuietMan at May 09, 2017 02:50 PM (493sH)

114 All the President's Women?

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at May 09, 2017 02:50 PM (tbOMB)

115 Is this the nood?

We're not sure.

Posted by: tu3031 at May 09, 2017 02:50 PM (qJhUV)

116 104. Sorry. The women distracted me....

Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 09, 2017 02:50 PM (TwwWO)

117 Right, so in an hour or so the n00ds and anti-n00d will collide...

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Abbot of St. Costello-on-the-Hurlingbone at May 09, 2017 02:51 PM (9krrF)

118 Lest we forget, Bill Clinton was nearly undone because the twentysomething he liked enough to penetrate with a cigar saved a dress that he shot semen on.

Those were heady days.

Posted by: General Zod at May 09, 2017 02:51 PM (Bdeb0)

119 105 If Bill hadn't married Hillary he might not have amounted to much more than congressman feathering his own nest and chasing pussy.I think she pushed him to be more ambitious with her lust for power.

Posted by: steevy at May 09, 2017 02:47 PM (r/0kC)

Out, Damned Spot.

Posted by: Hikaru at May 09, 2017 02:52 PM (WDCYi)

120 Right, so in an hour or so the n00ds and anti-n00d will collide...

Gentlemen, make your time.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at May 09, 2017 02:52 PM (QQ+il)

121 Its kinda coordinated only in the sense that the Clinton team basically spends every waking moment trying to find ways to keep the in power, money, and the public eye.

If Bill hadn't married Hillary he might not have amounted to much more than congressman feathering his own nest and chasing pussy.I think she pushed him to be more ambitious with her lust for power.

I agree, I don't think he's filled with ambition, just hedonism and a drive for personal satisfaction. You can see the lifestyle written all over his body now. He looks dead.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at May 09, 2017 02:52 PM (39g3+)

122 Awesome concept....scratch n' sniff or pop up?

Posted by: A dirty picture is worth a thousand turds at May 09, 2017 02:53 PM (326rv)

123 >>I'm telling you, there is an ongoing movement to keep the Clinton's
high-profile. Every where you look they are seeping into our
consciousness because all of this seem orchestrated. I'm thinking Soros
at least.

Agreed.

They have to do these new things to get attention, get invites to speak and MSM interview requests now that the CGI has been closed down. They're always selling their relevancy one way or another.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 09, 2017 02:54 PM (NOIQH)

124 Bill probably would have still been Governor of AK, but needed Hillary to drive him to a successful run for President.

Posted by: Ignoramus at May 09, 2017 02:55 PM (SIY7D)

125 I think at least some people on the left worship their high profile politicians and pundits as well. They are inclined to expect someone else to handle all their problems and fix everything for them (in the form of government) to begin with. Having a figure they can attach their hopes and aspirations to is valuable to that kind of mindset. They need the Clintons and Obama and Bill Nye and Tyson and the rest around.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at May 09, 2017 02:57 PM (39g3+)

126 The sky above the port was the color of Depends, after a meal of dead earthworms and ground glass.

"It's not like I'm drinking." said President Hillary! Clinton as she fell flat on her face and lost a shoe. "It's that...uh...I...have...the-e-e-e...flu. Yeah, the flu!"

A violent shudder shook her body.

"Madame President, are you alright? Are you having a seizure?" said a Secret Service agent with eyes the color of an Albanian hooker's bruises.

"I'm break dancing." said Hillary! as she spasmed and beat her head against the pavement producing a sound like a rotten calabash gourd being humped by a monkey with a five day Viagra boner.

...

Posted by: Neurosharter by William Gibson at May 09, 2017 02:59 PM (NyJwR)

127 Neal Stephenson > William Gibson

Posted by: Boulder terlit hobo at May 09, 2017 02:59 PM (wSZhv)

128 lol @ "Neurosharter"

Posted by: Boulder terlit hobo at May 09, 2017 03:00 PM (wSZhv)

129 The Hillary thread remains the top thread until a new thread is posted after the 3:51 pm Hillary time stamp? Where is the AOSHQ time machine when we need it?

Weird- Posting in Opera browser either does not work, or the post vanishes a couple minutes later. DSL causes hash to change every couple days.
This post is done using IE. Does that make sense to anyone?

Posted by: I Don't Know at May 09, 2017 03:03 PM (CgyMC)

130 The Hillary thread remains the top thread until a new thread is posted after the 3:51 pm Hillary time stamp? Where is the AOSHQ time machine when we need it?

This premise is soooooo unplausible.

Posted by: William Gibson at May 09, 2017 03:05 PM (326rv)

131 What silly word did William Gibson invent? If you mean cyberpunk, that was actually coined by Bruce Bethke.

Posted by: jic at May 09, 2017 03:06 PM (YTMsA)

132 It was a dark and horny night...

Posted by: Lord Sir x at May 09, 2017 03:06 PM (nFwvY)

133 If Hillary hadn't married Bill, she would be a professor at some mid-level university, wearing Birkenstocks and living with her third lesbian lover.

Posted by: Abby Normal at May 09, 2017 03:07 PM (cQO95)

134 The really confusing thing is people posting book-related comments in the Hillary France Election post.

Someone crossed the streams.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at May 09, 2017 03:07 PM (39g3+)

135 Fifty Shots of Grey Goose

Posted by: Pug Mahon at May 09, 2017 03:10 PM (RwwCT)

136 is this the new thread?

Posted by: IC at May 09, 2017 03:10 PM (a0IVu)

137 I definitely agree that Hillary pushed Bill to greater "heights" because she was very ambitious. He would probably be a bit easier to take on a personal level if he wasn't married to her, like a cool guy you know who's married to a cold -hearted bitch...

Posted by: JoeF. at May 09, 2017 03:10 PM (7uYFy)

138 >>>The President is Missing

Her shoe.

Posted by: wth at May 09, 2017 03:11 PM (HgMAr)

139 is this the new thread?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM!!!

Posted by: tu3031 at May 09, 2017 03:11 PM (qJhUV)

140 If Hillary hadn't married Bill, she would be a professor at some mid-level university, wearing Birkenstocks and living with her third lesbian lover.
Posted by: Abby Normal at May 09, 2017 03:07 PM (cQO95)

And the world would never have been graced with the talent, wisdom, good looks and awe-inspiring charisma of Chelsea....

Posted by: JoeF. at May 09, 2017 03:12 PM (7uYFy)

141 >>>The President is Missing

Is he talking about Obama? Because you might check the golf course.

Posted by: wth at May 09, 2017 03:12 PM (HgMAr)

142 is this the new thread?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM!!!

Posted by: tu3031

Don't look at me man, I'm busy setting traps for my other self once the timelines reconverge.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Abbot of St. Costello-on-the-Hurlingbone at May 09, 2017 03:12 PM (9krrF)

143 Man. "Undernood." I don't think I'd ever seen that word before, but I knew exactly what it meant.

Have I mentioned lately that I love this place?

Posted by: Lance McCormick at May 09, 2017 03:12 PM (u0s1P)

144 136
is this the new thread?

Posted by: IC at May 09, 2017 03:10 PM (a0IVu)

You didn't make that nood thread. Someone else made that happen for you.

Posted by: Fauxahontas Obumbles at May 09, 2017 03:13 PM (tbOMB)

145 Sci-fi writer William Gibson is writing a novel about Hillary Clinton in which he imagines that she won the presidential election.
===================

Hmmm, I thought he was dead.
Must not have took.

Posted by: simplemind at May 09, 2017 03:13 PM (xVRrG)

146 If Hillary hadn't married Bill, she would be a professor at some mid-level university, wearing Birkenstocks and living with her third lesbian lover.

Posted by: Abby Normal at May 09, 2017 03:07 PM (cQO95)

Who's Afraid of Virginia Dyke?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at May 09, 2017 03:13 PM (493sH)

147 143
Man. "Undernood." I don't think I'd ever seen that word before, but I knew exactly what it meant.

Have I mentioned lately that I love this place?

Posted by: Lance McCormick at May 09, 2017 03:12 PM (u0s1P)

Undernood? Is that like a FUPA?

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at May 09, 2017 03:14 PM (tbOMB)

148 145 Sci-fi writer William Gibson is writing a novel about Hillary Clinton in which he imagines that she won the presidential election.

The Rise and Fall of The FAB Shrike

Posted by: Lord Sir x at May 09, 2017 03:15 PM (nFwvY)

149 >>>The President is Missing

Check the gutter behind The Chicken Bone Saloon.

Posted by: wth at May 09, 2017 03:15 PM (HgMAr)

150 In the novel, not yet titled . . . .

The Catcher in the Eye?

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at May 09, 2017 03:16 PM (tbOMB)

151 Sci-fi writer William Gibson is writing a novel about Hillary Clinton in which he imagines that she won the presidential election.

Don't they already have a website for that?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at May 09, 2017 03:16 PM (493sH)

152 Sci-fi writer William Gibson is writing a novel about Hillary Clinton in which he imagines that she won the presidential election.

"Something Wicked This Way Comes"

The estate of Ray Bradbury is suing.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....unfrozen caveman moron at May 09, 2017 03:17 PM (RFeQD)

153 "The President Is Missing", huh? I hate to break it to them, but it's been done...sort of. Back in the early '70s there was a bestseller came out called "The President's Plane Is Missing". Pretty good book, actually, written by a guy named Robert Serling (Rod Serling's brother). Similar plot, but with some interesting twists.

Posted by: The Oort Cloud - No-Longer-Deplorable Source of all SMODs at May 09, 2017 03:17 PM (T1H5V)

154 The Catcher in the Eye?

Posted by: flounder

--

No, that the autobiography of Monica Lewinsky

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at May 09, 2017 03:17 PM (7ZVPa)

155 The Great Fatsby

Posted by: JoeF. at May 09, 2017 03:17 PM (7uYFy)

156 yet another undernood

Posted by: Shep Smith at May 09, 2017 03:17 PM (ZQfW9)

157 Sci-fi writer William Gibson is writing a novel about Hillary Clinton in which he imagines that she won the presidential election.

"Darkness at Noon"

The estate of Arthur Koestler is suing.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....unfrozen caveman moron at May 09, 2017 03:18 PM (RFeQD)

158 Obama now lecturing America on food waste and eating meat, gets fact-checked by his former chef

http://preview.tinyurl.com/kfcktla

Posted by: The Carnivorous Hat at May 09, 2017 03:19 PM (rUIbB)

159 The President Is Missing", huh? I hate to break it to them, but it's been done...sort of. Back in the early '70s there was a bestseller came out called "The President's Plane Is Missing". Pretty good book, actually, written by a guy named Robert Serling (Rod Serling's brother). Similar plot, but with some interesting twists.
Posted by: The Oort Cloud - No-Longer-Deplorable Source of all SMODs at May 09, 2017 03:17

I thought "The President is Missing" was a knowing allusion to that '70's book...

Posted by: JoeF. at May 09, 2017 03:19 PM (7uYFy)

160 Be sure to look for my novel with James Patterson, "Holes of Glory".
Posted by: Ex President Cock Curious

Why didn't he team with Obama? That would sell a lot more.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 09, 2017 03:20 PM (vRcUp)

161 Madam Ovary

Posted by: JoeF. at May 09, 2017 03:20 PM (7uYFy)

162 The Catcher in the Eye?

That's the Bob Costas Story.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at May 09, 2017 03:20 PM (QQ+il)

163 Doesn't James Patterson do the same thing as the author as Tom Clancy - basically license his name out to other authors?
============
Raymond Arroyo interviewed him once.

Basically he called himself a show runner.

Posted by: simplemind at May 09, 2017 03:20 PM (xVRrG)

164 I thought "The President is Missing" was a knowing allusion to that '70's book...

Posted by: JoeF. at May 09, 2017 03:19 PM (7uYFy)

Nope. It's the story of obama.

Posted by: flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner at May 09, 2017 03:20 PM (tbOMB)

165 New Under-Nood.

Posted by: Lord Chancellor johnd01 at May 09, 2017 03:20 PM (ukNFU)

166 133 If Hillary hadn't married Bill, she would be a professor at some mid-level university, wearing Birkenstocks and living with her third lesbian lover.
Posted by: Abby Normal at May 09, 2017 03:07 PM (cQO95)

At best. She's been riding his coattails since day one.

Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 09, 2017 03:21 PM (0mRoj)

167 Spoiler Alert!
He's on Pedo Island.

Posted by: Roland THTG at May 09, 2017 03:22 PM (QM5S2)

168 If Hillary agrees to co-write a novel, the title will be

"Catch Her in The Rye and The Scotch and The Bourbon and The Gin ."

Posted by: JoeF. at May 09, 2017 03:22 PM (7uYFy)

169 Bill probably would have still been Governor of AK, but needed Hillary to drive him to a successful run for President.

Posted by: Ignoramus at May 09, 2017 02:55 PM (SIY7D)

It's definitely an alt-history day. Wonder if he would have lobbied for opening ANWAR for drilling if he hadn't "married" the hilldawg.

Posted by: Country Singer at May 09, 2017 03:23 PM (uiwCw)

170 I thought "The President is Missing" was a knowing allusion to that '70's book...

The best "Is Missing" is the Star Trek: The Animated Series episode "One of Our Planets is Missing." I really don't remember much of it but A) that's seriously a great title, and 2) ST:TAS was generally at least moderately batshit insane.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at May 09, 2017 03:24 PM (u0s1P)

171
In the novel, not yet titled, she turns down Clinton once and for all, then goes on with her life.

I'm guessing that there are a LOT of cats living at chez Rodham. Not to mention the thrilling legal drama of her brave fight to keep the neighbors from parking their car on the street in front of her house.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 09, 2017 03:28 PM (XWkhW)

172 I'm imagining this to be basically the screenplay to Two Broke Girls without Kat Denning's humongous knockers.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at May 09, 2017 03:29 PM (KUaJL)

173 The President is Missing

Anyone look in the closet? He could be in there with an intern.

Posted by: Jack Sock at May 09, 2017 03:30 PM (mEjqT)

174 So Bill Clinton is hiring an author who no longer writes the books that carry his name, to write a book that will carry Clinton's name. Seems about right.

I wrote James Patterson off decades ago. What irks me is that he is capable of writing a good book (see "The Thomas Berryman Number"), but quit doing good work to churn out trash, with the occasional confessional title such as "The Quickie" and "You've Been Warned".

So Bill has hooked up with another whore. What a shock.

Posted by: ameryx at May 09, 2017 03:30 PM (mnNfG)

175 clinton cowriting? is this a first hand account about what happens to your brain with advanced syphillus? that's the only way he would ever be missing. face down in the gutter in front of the womens frat house.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at May 09, 2017 03:34 PM (KP5rU)

176
The President is Missing... Dollops of Baby Batter

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at May 09, 2017 03:37 PM (pNxlR)

177 173 The President is Missing

Anyone look in the closet? He could be in there with an intern.
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 09, 2017 03:30 PM (mEjqT)

If the intern is missing, look underneath the Resolute desk in the Oval Office.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 09, 2017 03:41 PM (SRKgf)

178 Random House - a publisher or where Bill Clinton seeks sexual gratification?

Posted by: NickPorter at May 09, 2017 03:41 PM (ijwhC)

179 Patterson: Tom Clancy light. I don't read his shit, after the first and only one, even when Amazon offers it to me for $0.99 on my Kindle.

Posted by: steve walsh at May 09, 2017 03:55 PM (NpU7V)

180 Oh for f*cks sake! Why won't these people, and their disgusting pimp like enablers, just go the fuck away!

Go. The. Fuck. Away.

Posted by: Publius Redux at May 09, 2017 04:04 PM (Fb9aZ)

181 Any book written by Bill will be sold in a brown paper wrapper.

Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at May 09, 2017 04:07 PM (S2V6F)

182 If only these former Presidents were truly missing.

"Working with President Clinton has been the highlight of my career, and having access to his first-hand experience has uniquely informed the writing of this novel," Patterson said in the statement."

Patterson should check with the author of "Dereliction of Duty', Lt. Col. Buzz Patterson, USAF Ret. Patterson carried the nuclear football for Clinton and was privy to a lot of shenanigans during his tenure. Disgusting.

Posted by: Cheri at May 09, 2017 04:17 PM (oiNtH)

183 I'm a science fiction-aholic. I love almost everything by Neal Stephenson except Seveneves which is just stupid (it's an apocalypse thriller that literally has a Neil DeGrasse Tyson character in the book. Ugh).

William Gibson's style is basically scifi for people that like James Patterson books. I've read his two most oft-recommended books "Neuromancer" and "Spook Country" and they are just bad, bad. I threw Spook Country away because I didn't want anyone else to be able to read it and I didn't want to come across it again in my apartment.

Posted by: Tim Marchman at May 09, 2017 04:32 PM (Yx9SN)

184 It may interest some of you to know that Curtis Sittenfeld is a woman, kind of like Stanley Dunham.

Posted by: Fresh Air at May 09, 2017 04:33 PM (eJdkv)

185 "Annoying author James Patterson is teaming up with Bill Clinton to write a thriller called The President is Missing. Due out in summer of 2018."

I'd look inside the nearest intern.

Posted by: Masturbatin' Pete at May 09, 2017 04:40 PM (xN1DB)

186 I'm pretty sure that the book proposal was made back when Bill thought Hillary was going to win and he was fantasizing about her being a missing person.

Posted by: Bandmeeting at May 09, 2017 04:46 PM (MZ0d3)

187 The President is missing?

Oh, it's president Clinton. Check the local brothel and/or Arby's.

Posted by: GenX at May 09, 2017 04:49 PM (UgF8H)

188 The President is Missing

A novel in three parts

Part 1: the president goes missing just before he is supposed to sign a totes important healthcare bill that's totally not socialist. Nobody can find him. Two Secret Service agents get the job. Jane Coffee, who is tall, thin, prim, proper, and by the book; and Jack Donuts, a military vet who is large, lumpy, and gets the job done in a practical manner--sometimes, Jack Donuts throws out the rule book. Both hold politically-correct views and their divergent personalities are played against each other in the typical buddy-cop-movie manner. In fact, everyone holds politically-correct views except for Darth Vader, an older white man in the Secret Service who is a conservative curmudgeon.

Part 2: Coffee and Donuts' efforts are thwarted by a white nationalist conspiracy of evil right-wing maniac farmer militia linking up with evil right-wing maniac internet shitposters from around the world who are super evil and hate everything right and good. They have no legitimate concerns about the state of the world and they are just really evil and probably they are being manipulated by foreign actors

Part 3: In the dramatic conclusion, Coffee and Donuts find the President, who went deep undercover to bust open the evil right-wing conspiracy. Darth Vader, it is shockingly revealed, is actually a white Nazi monster who was trying to assassinate the president to put in place a fascist right-wing dictatorship. The president busts out some sick martial arts moves to save the day. It is revealed that the Koch Brothers and Vladimir Putin are pulling the strings, but the president can't prove it so he denounces them on Twitter with a few fiery tweets that get retweeted like fifty-million times and he gives an interview on MSNBC and then he goes back to being the super-awesome president and he signs a new healthcare bill.

Posted by: Daryl Herbert at May 09, 2017 04:58 PM (BHpB+)

189 I read that Gibson started the novel before the election with the assumption she would win and when she lost he decided it would take too much work to change it and just kept going.

Posted by: turk187 at May 09, 2017 06:29 PM (T525y)

190 What if Hillary had never married?

In "Roots" our hero Kunta Kinte is offered a choice by the slave hunters who caught him: either his foot, or his nuts. KK chose to let them cut off his foot, and so we have the rest of the novel. Had he chosen differently, the last 200 pages of "Roots" would have been blank pages.

I imagine something similar in a biography about Hillary Rodham, had she not married Bill.

Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at May 09, 2017 09:23 PM (o7l6R)

191 The President is Missing....his Pants! A Bill Clinton Adventure with Interns

Posted by: Rgallegos at May 09, 2017 09:40 PM (59GQk)

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