Marriage: Life Advice For Morons By Morons [Warden]

Last week's post on dating advice yielded somewhere near 1,000 comments. I'd call that a success, so let's keep this series going.

Tonight's topic is marriage. Again, I'm not a guy who has all the answers--this is a jumping off point for the commenters. But I do have more than a decade of what I consider to be a very strong and healthy marriage under my belt, so I feel qualified to throw some advice out there for younger, unmarried Ace of Spades morons.

I'll start with choosing a spouse and work forward.

Pre-Marriage Advice

* My dad once told me that nothing will affect your long term happiness and well-being more than who you choose to marry. He's right. This is the person who you'll spend more time with than anyone on Earth. They can help make your life wonderful or turn it into a living hell. Chose wisely.

* Don't get too hung up on looks. Beauty fades at an astonishing pace. All you need, really, is someone you'd be happy to have sex with long term on a somewhat consistent basis.

* That rush of adrenaline and excitement that you feel when dating is going to fade over time. It's okay. It gets replaces with something less thrilling, but far deeper and more meaningful. A good spouse will become your rock--the person you trust and rely upon more than anyone else in the world.

*They say opposites attract. I say be careful on this matter. Some opposite personality traits complement each other. Others will cause never-ending strife.

*Compatible values matter. My advice to morons is to find a conservative and a traditionalist. Remember, you'll probably raise kids together and you definitely want to be on the same page as one another in their upbringing.

*Never marry anyone who can't control his or her spending. It will ruin you. And, unlike addicts who sometimes sober up, these kinds of people never seem to change.

*Before you get married, talk about EVERYTHING--money, religion, sex, where you want to live, how many kids you want, and the kind of life you imagine. There should be no surprises about where each person stands on these things and the time to hash out disagreements is before the vows are spoken.

As an example, I was not a Christian before I got married. My wife and I agreed that we'd raise our kids in the church, but she wouldn't nag me about my beliefs. It was a good compromise. I eventually converted. If she'd pushed me, I would not have and she recognized this about me.

*When planning your wedding, only invite people who you expect to be a part of your lives for the long haul. Expect at least one thing to go wrong--it will. And keep perspective about what this day is really about because you're not going to really remember much about the catering or floral arrangements and neither will anyone else.

After You're Married

*My father only gave me one piece of advice, but it was a good one: "Nothing is more important than your wife." My father-in-law said it in a different way: "Take good care of each other." This is what a healthy marriage ultimately boils down to.

* My wife has a saying of her own: "Be the person your spouse looks forward to coming home to." A happy marriage starts with you, not the other person. If you're ever struggling or having a rough spot in your marriage, review your own behavior. Are YOU the kind of person someone can't wait to see at the end of a hard day?

* Here's my own rule on arguments within relationships--the person who cares the most gets the win when the other person only cares a little. I stick to this even when I know the other person is wrong. If it isn't going to affect me much, then who cares? I'm not in the business of "winning" every conflict. It's bad practice.

*Speaking of which, never keep score in your relationships. It's poison. You're on the same team, not playing against each other.

*Home is where you build each other up. There's a whole world of people out there trying to tear you down. Make home a safe, positive environment for everyone in your family.

*Never speak disrespectfully of your spouse in public. It is a betrayal whether or not they're around to hear it. And besides, what does your laundry list of gripes about your spouse say about YOU? You married this person.

*Marriage can survive many things--addiction, money problems, poor health, even infidelity. What it cannot survive is contempt. Watch your thoughts and watch your tongue. Remember that you're full of your own flaws and faults before dwelling on those of your spouse.

*Women need to feel safe and loved. Men need to feel respected. Don't forget these things when dealing with your spouse.

*Some disagreements and personality clashes will never be reconciled. Learn to live with them and not think less of your spouse because of it.

*If you really want to understand what makes your spouse tick, have him/her take a Meyers Briggs personality test online. Take one yourself. When I did this, I was able to see that some things that drove me nuts about my wife were hard-wired into how she expresses her love.

*Politeness in everyday life is undervalued. Make your spouse feel appreciated for the everyday things they do for you and your family like the laundry or mowing the lawn.

*Apologize promptly when you mistreat your spouse. Speak plainly and calmly when they are mistreating you and be quick to forgive when they apologize.

*Many small, loving gestures add up to much more than grandiose gifts once or twice a year. Don't wait until Valentine's Day or anniversaries to show your love. Do it daily by bringing your spouse hot coffee, rubbing his or her feet, mentioning when he/she looks nice, etc...

Just last weekend, I was driving the family home from a weekend getaway when my wife looked at my dry hands, got our some lotion and started moisturizing them one at a time as I steered. She takes care of me in this way all of the time. I wouldn't have noticed or cared that my hands were dry, but I can tell you that it made me feel loved.

*Finally, I'll throw one out that I think I read in Laura Schlessinger's, The Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage. One day a married couple were bickering with each other in a therapy session with her when she got fed up and said, "Stop! Just one question for each of you. When was the last time you made your wife feel like a woman? And you, when was the last time you made your husband feel like a man? Do that before you come in here pointing fingers at each other."

Personally, I think that's great advice.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 07:57 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Xirst!

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:00 PM (7qAYi)

2 OK, baseball it is, then.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:00 PM (sdi6R)

3 Sage advice re values and money.

The latter is mundane, but is crucial. A saver married to a spendthrift is going to experience a lot of strife.

But values generally are utterly critical. If you share them, you're looking good. If not, not.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:01 PM (SRKgf)

4 I xummoned the otherx.

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:01 PM (7qAYi)

5 I suppose I could always clean my bathroom or something.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:01 PM (sdi6R)

6 Agree completely on the contempt thing, having lived with it for several years.

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 08:02 PM (KcI5m)

7 LOL.... I'm 57 and was only married for 3 years of that...

I got nothin....

Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:03 PM (qf6WZ)

8 I really like Star Wars, so if I find out a girl is into Star Trek, that's a deal breaker.

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:03 PM (7qAYi)

9 Dodgers win or dodgers lose?

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at October 20, 2016 08:04 PM (6Ll1u)

10 It would be nice to not be physically afraid of your wife.

Posted by: Call Me Barry Soetero at October 20, 2016 08:04 PM (qJhUV)

11 My dad told me to take a hard look at your girlfriend's mom, because more than likely that's how she'll be when she's older. I would add, pay attention to their relationship. Is it healthy, or full of guilt and manipulation?

Posted by: PabloD at October 20, 2016 08:04 PM (K1LmL)

12 I didn't have to read that cause I'm married and I'm perfect.

Posted by: freaked at October 20, 2016 08:04 PM (BO/km)

13 Nice post. This will be a doozy.

Posted by: Fritz at October 20, 2016 08:05 PM (cyoBN)

14 No, that dress does NOT make her look fat.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 08:05 PM (qJhUV)

15 Really good advice, what a thoughtful post.

Posted by: spypeach at October 20, 2016 08:05 PM (nyYhO)

16 Another one once you're married: compete to see who can take care of chores first (rather than keeping score of who did them the last time).

My wife and I run out hot foot to put out/bring in the trash cans, for example. A moment's inattention and boom! the other has taken care of it.

A prosaic example, but indicative.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:05 PM (SRKgf)

17 Never.Guilt.Trip.

Posted by: Max Power at October 20, 2016 08:06 PM (q177U)

18 My advice is stay single and stick to using a pro about every 3 or 4 weeks or whenever you feel the "urge".

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at October 20, 2016 08:06 PM (ej1L0)

19 No, that dress does NOT make her look fat.
Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 08:05 PM (qJhUV)

*****
Or:

No, the DRESS does not make her look fat.

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 08:06 PM (KcI5m)

20 @17, I hope I turn into my mom, because she is awesome. When I look at my brother's mother-in-law ... I start to pray.

Posted by: sunny-dee at October 20, 2016 08:06 PM (QAOZh)

21 'My dad told me to take a hard look at your girlfriend's mom, because more than likely that's how she'll be when she's older.'

I don't think Mrs F is ever going to be as skinny as her Mom. Just sayin.

Posted by: Thats at October 20, 2016 08:06 PM (BO/km)

22 15 Dodgers win or dodgers lose?
Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at October 20, 2016 08:04 PM (6Ll1u)

I would NEVER marry a Dodgers fan. Or a Red Sox fan, for that matter.

But my wife couldn't care less about sports, so no problem.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:07 PM (SRKgf)

23
*They say opposites attract. I say be careful on this matter. Some opposite personality traits complement each other. Others will cause never-ending strife.

It ain't fiction
Just a natural fact

We come together
Cuz opposites attract

Posted by: Paula Abdul and a Giant Animated Cat

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 20, 2016 08:07 PM (kdS6q)

24 @22, that is a really good point. Like Warden said ... you are on the same team, not enemies. We should be trying to make each other's lives better, even in small ways.

Posted by: sunny-dee at October 20, 2016 08:08 PM (QAOZh)

25 Every once in a while take a playful jab at your wife's weight.

They love that shit.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:08 PM (qUNWi)

26 My five marriage truisms
1. Never lie
2. Never even joke about divorce
3. Respect yourself so you can respect your other
4. Never go to bed mad
5. Keep your naughty bits tucked in, you don't own them anymore

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:08 PM (+vAGU)

27 Is what you're fighting over more important than your marriage? Let it go.

Posted by: Matt in Maine at October 20, 2016 08:09 PM (xajII)

28 I have been Married for 16 years now. I have seen others that I swore were the perfect couple that broke up later. I am still mystified that we are together happily. I have no advice to pass on other than let your grudges go.

Posted by: Picric at October 20, 2016 08:09 PM (Fyhp4)

29 I've been married 35 years and the last thing I'll do is give any advice on that score. I will note that Mrs928 wishes that my mother was her mother, so that has helped some.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at October 20, 2016 08:09 PM (0F67M)

30 If she says does this make my ass look fat say "Oh yeah, baby"!

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:09 PM (qUNWi)

31 23 Never.Guilt.Trip.
Posted by: Max Power at October 20, 2016 08:06 PM (q177U)

And closely related: never gunny sack. My mom used to do that to my dad when they argued. She was happy to go back a few decades to throw into his face something that was totally unrelated to the original issue, but was chosen to wound.

Not nice. So if/when you do argue, stick to the issue. Don't bring in anything else. It's not fair, and just expands the dispute, which, if expanded enough, ends up as inventory for a divorce lawyer.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:10 PM (SRKgf)

32 My marriage advice is to marry your best friend. Cliche, but true.

Mary someone you also enjoy spending not naked time with.

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:10 PM (hbefS)

33 And closely related: never gunny sack.

Thanks. I never knew there was a term for that.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at October 20, 2016 08:11 PM (0F67M)

34 No vacumn cleaners at Christmas. Never. Ever.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 08:11 PM (qJhUV)

35 Haha, me get married? Yeah, maybe when the Cubs win the World Series....

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:11 PM (kumBu)

36 25 Every once in a while take a playful jab at your wife's weight.
They love that shit.
Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:08 PM (qUNWi)

Is that you, Gloria Allred?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:11 PM (SRKgf)

37 31 Every once in a while take a playful jab at your wife's weight.

They love that shit.
Posted by: eleven
*********

If your wife asks you if she looks fat in a dress, arch an eyebrow and say, "I dunno. Do YOU think you look fat in it?"

Then mention that the elliptical in the basement sure looks like it's been gathering a lot of dust.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 08:11 PM (MZ8Zz)

38 Yes, stay away from a frivolous spender. Also, the non-stop talker. Usually it is a woman, although I've been around men too, who never shut-up. But it is normally women who yap, and yap, and yap.

Posted by: washrivergal at October 20, 2016 08:11 PM (CFc5L)

39 Freaking iPhone.

Marry*

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:11 PM (hbefS)

40 Cubs break out early 1-0

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 08:12 PM (qJhUV)

41 1-nothing bitches
It begins!!!

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:12 PM (+vAGU)

42 Somewhere between 17 to 20 years seems to be a milestone for many marriages. Not what I would consider ideal, but I guess it works.

Posted by: Fritz at October 20, 2016 08:13 PM (cyoBN)

43 Ron White made a statement similar to this for his line "You can't fix stupid". Seriously, marry someone you find mentally stimulating. Unfortunately, I can't say the mental will always be there (my family is cursed with dementia late in life), but it will be there when all other stuff fades.

Oh, and if you want to keep the youthful look; have children.

Posted by: Leland at October 20, 2016 08:13 PM (Sj3xp)

44
Clean up the bathroom by pouring all 50 pink and green bottles of Aloe-Apple-Cactus-Coconut-Mint-Chocolate-Chip hair shampoo, conditioner, foam, solvent, degreaser and hot oil goop into a single pump container just for her.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:13 PM (zu88C)

45 Learn about the 5 love languages and find out what your's are and your spouse's are. For instance: My Wife's are acts of service and quality time. Mine is physical touch and quality time. When my Wife gets mad at me I start doing chores, and it's amazing how quickly the situation improves.

Posted by: Barricuda at October 20, 2016 08:13 PM (n2xDv)

46 "34 No vacumn cleaners at Christmas. Never. Ever."

You know this one has never bothered me. I'm expecting a roomba (because my husbands been mentioning it at every gift giving occasion for the past year) this year.

Past practical gifts include:

Stand mixer

Food processor

Other vaccum cleaner

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (hbefS)

47 Somewhere between 17 to 20 years seems to be a milestone for many marriages. Not what I would consider ideal, but I guess it works.
Posted by: Fritz at October 20, 2016 08:13 PM (cyoBN)

*****

That can go both ways. It was at 17 years that mine fell apart.

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (KcI5m)

48 Always interrupt when they are talking.

It shows you care.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (qUNWi)

49 Don't shkimp on giving her a shlap when nesheshary.

Posted by: Sean Connery at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (0mRoj)

50 Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners . . . http://www.livescience.com/2289-perfect-dates-lousy-partners.html

Posted by: Locke Common at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (OlGsT)

51 Seriously, marry someone you find mentally stimulating.
******

Yeah, if you want smart kids, marry smart. IQ is mostly genetic.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (MZ8Zz)

52 free streaming of tonight's nfl game...

https://twitter.com/i/live/768633364911788032

Posted by: muttering vikings fan at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (XoldI)

53 Imperfections are part of human existence. But remember the only person you can fix is yourself.

E.g., if your girlfriend ever refers to herself as a "psycho," know that you cannot make that better when she's your wife.

I may or may not be speaking from experience here.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (6M2vB)

54 To be honest I'm still shocked that T even looked in my direction let alone married me almost 16 years ago
Now the kid.....

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:15 PM (+vAGU)

55 What this about the Al Smith dinner, where Clinton and Donald will "roast" each other in some kind of traditional humorous speech done for a Catholic charity? Saw on ZeroHedge

Posted by: Max Power at October 20, 2016 08:15 PM (q177U)

56

Awesome advice above

Also, give your spouse a break when they come home from work. Let them decompress for an hour, not a recitation of the days struggles

Posted by: ThunderB at October 20, 2016 08:15 PM (+GOlG)

57 Try dating a woman close to 35 or under. Even if they are nominally conservatives their brain is so full of leftists programing and third wave feminism from our education system that its hardly worth the effort.

Posted by: Drew in MO at October 20, 2016 08:15 PM (cGlgB)

58 General life tip, but it helps with marriage... fix your finances. Debt you can't afford causes stress. If you and your spouse can't agree on financial priorities, and this leads to excessive debt; the relationship will fall apart. Living within your means solves all sorts of problems, and its a major step towards keeping a relationship going for a long time. Works in business too!

Posted by: Leland at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (Sj3xp)

59
*Always refer to xour spouse by xer preferred pronouns.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (kdS6q)

60 You know this one has never bothered me. I'm expecting a roomba (because
my husbands been mentioning it at every gift giving occasion for the
past year) this year.

I got her a snowblower one year. She LOVED that thing.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (qJhUV)

61

Dont talk down your spouse to other people

Posted by: ThunderB at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (+GOlG)

62 Yes, stay away from a frivolous spender.

Yep. Pre-marriage, I told my boys, look at two things in particular:

1) how she treats and talks about people subordinates/she doesn't have to be nice to (e.g., waiters, secretaries, etc.),

2) how she handles her own money. Does it burn a hole in her pocket? (Both of my boys are the souls of prudence with money.) Beware. As I told them, if you're working your ass off to bring in money, and she's drilling a hole in the boat to let the water out, you're going to have problems.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (SRKgf)

63 "Learn about the 5 love languages

Posted by: Barricuda at October 20, 2016 08:13 PM (n2xDv) "

Spanish, French, Portuguese, Italian and Romanian. What do I win?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (kumBu)

64 Don't be an asshole.

Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (Sfs6o)

65 if she says no to some specific sex until after marriage, make sure you follow through and collect, on the wedding night. you have to set a precedent.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:17 PM (cPsPa)

66 51. Yeah, if you want smart kids, marry smart. IQ is mostly genetic

Lucky for nck she has her moms looks and brains
And she got my cat

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:17 PM (+vAGU)

67 "64 Don't be an asshole."

Pretty much covers it all.

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (hbefS)

68 Make each other laugh. The need for a healthy sense of humor in a marriage is grossly underrated.

Posted by: Squeakywheel at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (+zz7G)

69 I guess the only serious comment I can make about a relationsship/

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (KcI5m)

70 62 Yes, stay away from a frivolous spender.

Yep. Pre-marriage, I told my boys, look at two things in particular:

1) how she treats and talks about people subordinates/she doesn't have to be nice to (e.g., waiters, secretaries, etc.),

2) how she handles her own money. Does it burn a hole in her pocket? (Both of my boys are the souls of prudence with money.) Beware. As I told them, if you're working your ass off to bring in money, and she's drilling a hole in the boat to let the water out, you're going to have problems.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (SRKgf)

Number 2 is one that became a huge problem in my imprisonment, I mean, marriage.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (0mRoj)

71 Roombas are awesome. Love mine.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (qUNWi)

72 "Learn about the 5 love languages

Posted by: Barricuda at October 20, 2016 08:13 PM (n2xDv) "

money, jewelry, perfume, flowers, vacations.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (cPsPa)

73 take up massage , hands feet, backs, almost everyone loves it. Helps after a stress filled day.

don't forget your spouse is the person that will last you years of love, friendship and be your advocate, so treat them right.

try to sleep naked and cuddle for you childless couples, I know if you're not a cuddler it can be hard, at least hold hands when falling asleep.
and of course it's harder with little ones, because who wants to run into the hallway naked.

try to spend time on what they like (even sports Bleck) at least nod your head and smile when they are happy with teams win. LOL

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (R7cwD)

74 "Yeah, if you want smart kids, marry smart. IQ is mostly genetic.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 08:14 PM (MZ8Zz) "

I want dumb kids. They'll be happier and easier to raise, too. I'm smart and I was a precocious little shit.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (kumBu)

75 All that advice, and not a word about her sammich making skills, or the lack thereof?

I mean, do you even Moron, dude?

/snrk

Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at October 20, 2016 08:19 PM (v5iqM)

76 Clean up the bathroom by pouring all 50 pink and green bottles of Aloe-Apple-Cactus-Coconut-Mint-Chocolate-Chip hair shampoo, conditioner, foam, solvent, degreaser and hot oil goop into a single pump container just for her.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:13 PM (zu88C)

You left out Nair. See if she can take a joke.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:19 PM (SRKgf)

77 Remind me not to watch Foosball tonight

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at October 20, 2016 08:19 PM (6Ll1u)

78 Marry the right guy and you can go far.

Posted by: hillary at October 20, 2016 08:19 PM (XoldI)

79 OWN YOUR FEELINGS!!! No one can make you mad, sad, hurt, loved, happy, or any other feeling. You choose to feel that way. My spouse used to get mad at silly stuff and say, "You're making me mad.". My response was always that I must be a powerful sorcerer to be able to make Her feel how I wanted. Then I'd say, "I bet that comment just made you mad like I wanted.". After a while She got the point. I'm sure She has a number of points She'd like me to "get", but we're all a work in progress.

Posted by: Barricuda at October 20, 2016 08:19 PM (n2xDv)

80 Your most important business partner is your spouse. The wrong spouse is financially devastating.

My favourite marriage book is Love and Respect--can't think of the name of the writer off the top of my head.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:19 PM (hJrjt)

81 "try to sleep naked and cuddle for you childless couples, "

But following this advice will mean you are not childless for long. Haha

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:20 PM (hbefS)

82 When planning your wedding, only invite people who you expect to be a part of your lives for the long haul. Expect at least one thing to go wrong--it will. And keep perspective about what this day is really about because you're not going to really remember much about the catering or floral arrangements and neither will anyone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nope, not true at all in my opinion. I have very vivid memories of the things that did not go well - The church was undergoing renovations. The pictures of the cermony have bare drywall and taped joints in teh background. It rained (the only day that fall) and it was cold. Plans for most outdoor photos were scrapped, but the few we did take were miserable for many in the wedding party. We had awesome appetizers and barely got any as they were all passed while we were doing pictures. My wife worked in TV production and a couple of her friends gave us a wedding video for our gift. Well, that was the idea, anyhow. We got one VHS tape with almost nothing on it. To this day I want to strangle our DJ - or should I say the friend of a friend who arranged the music and then pawned off one of his jackhole DJs on us. Asked us for a list of music we wanted then played NONE of it and played every obnoxious, cliche wedding song in history. That was 19 years ago.

Some stuff went well. The hall for the reception was gorgeous and we decorated the crap out of it. The food, outside of the appetizer annoyance was great. The cake was spectacular. We had a couple hundred people and it was really great to see everyone there enjoying themselves. The honeymoon on Grand Cayman was the best vacation I ever took.

So, despite the offered advice, you will remember what doesn't go well, so don't stress on it, but do tend to the details. You will, in fact, remember the day forever if you pick the right person and stay together.

Posted by: deadrody at October 20, 2016 08:20 PM (fRgyI)

83 money, jewelry, perfume, flowers, vacations.
Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (cPsPa)

lol

steak sometimes, He doesn't even have to also buy the potato.

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:20 PM (R7cwD)

84 Marry your trophy wife first.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at October 20, 2016 08:20 PM (6M2vB)

85 My overall advice is that the only way to win is not to play. Even if you closely vet all the things listed for the pre-marriage checklist, she can still rob you blind, lie to your face, fuck around on you behind your back, set you up, divorce you, take your house, car, retirement, cash and years of future income without the slightest glimmer of conscience or remorse.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:21 PM (0mRoj)

86 Let me try this again, grrr....

I guess the only serious comment I can make about a relationship/marriage is that it is not a 50/50 proposition. This can lead to close monitoring of whether each person is doing "their share".

It ought to be 100/100, every day.

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 08:21 PM (KcI5m)

87 Lauren don't I know this, Hah, but still I think it helps with endorphins and bonding in general.

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:21 PM (R7cwD)

88 75. My wife can't cook
It so bad she'd screw up making ice cubes
But she wears thongs and stilettos so all is forgiven

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:21 PM (+vAGU)

89 And for mercy's sake wives--please don't attempt to hold conversations with your husbands when you're in opposite ends of the house.

And when he ends up yelling so you can understand what he's saying you don't like it when he screams.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:22 PM (hJrjt)

90 don't forget your spouse is the person that will last you years of love, friendship and be your advocate, so treat them right.

Ha! Ha ha ha!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:22 PM (0mRoj)

91 Nice post and all the points are well taken.

This one especially.

*Speaking of which, never keep score in your relationships. It's poison.
You're on the same team, not playing against each other.

I would add. You both need to forget. You can not forgive if you can not forget.

Women have a HARD time with this. They tend to remember shit forever.

Forget shit. Don't hold grudges.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (NbJXF)

92 she is never too big for a good spanking. the sooner you start doling out spankings for stupid stuff the better off everyone will be, and the less stupid stupid stuff there will be.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (cPsPa)

93 aw damn it insomniac, one day you WILL find a mate that isn't That.
I did! after the same the first go round. so srsly keep living until it happens.

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (R7cwD)

94 I'm curious to know what you guys think about having common interests?

I think at least one or two are necessary but it's good to have your own things, too.

My wife and I vacation together amazingly well. We like to do the same things, visit the same cities and we never fight while traveling. We both love to read and have a few TV shows we watch together, but beyond that our interests aren't all that similar.

I have adopted some of her taste in music and she likes to watch MMA with me, though.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (MZ8Zz)

95 85 My overall advice is that the only way to win is not to play. Even if you closely vet all the things listed for the pre-marriage checklist, she can still rob you blind, lie to your face, fuck around on you behind your back, set you up, divorce you, take your house, car, retirement, cash and years of future income without the slightest glimmer of conscience or remorse.
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:21 PM (0mRoj)

Yow. My condolences. I hope something unfolds that changes your mind.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (SRKgf)

96 It took me longer than a marriage to read that post.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (4ErVI)

97 OK... got one... from my own experience...

If they were unfaithful to a previous spouse, or boyfriend...

Its a BIG danger sign...

Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (qf6WZ)

98 What this about the Al Smith dinner, where Clinton and Donald will "roast" each other in some kind of traditional humorous speech done for a Catholic charity? Saw on ZeroHedge

Posted by: Max Power at October 20, 2016 08:15 PM (q177U)

We know how much the Beast and her minions like Catholics so I'm sure the bitch will be her usually hypocritical self

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 08:24 PM (auHtY)

99 don't forget your spouse is the person that will last you years of love, friendship and be your advocate, so treat them right.

when did oprah start commenting here?

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:24 PM (cPsPa)

100 "try to spend time on what they like (even sports Bleck) at least nod your head and smile when they are happy with teams win. LOL

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (R7cwD) "

I'm probably the least qualified person on the planet to give relationship advice, but I don't agree. Let your spouse have their own hobbies. My grandpa likes raising orchids, playing chess and watching tennis. My grandma doesn't care about any of those things. They've been happily married for 63 years. Now of course they have plenty of things they do together - but they also each have their own separate hobbies.

For me, I've hated when girlfriends who don't like sports don't let me have my own space during the game. Of course, I've also never had a very successful relationship, so nobody should really listen to me. But I know what I've observed from the couples around me that seem to work well.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:24 PM (kumBu)

101 Yow. My condolences. I hope something unfolds that changes your mind.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (SRKgf)

I wouldn't put money on it, but thanks for the sentiment.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:25 PM (0mRoj)

102 Also if you marry a chick who is crazy and violent you won't be surprised when she shows you the crazy and violent side

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:25 PM (+vAGU)

103 93 aw damn it insomniac, one day you WILL find a mate that isn't That.
I did! after the same the first go round. so srsly keep living until it happens.
Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (R7cwD)

Keep living? What kind of monster are you?

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:26 PM (0mRoj)

104 Have one tv in the house. Makes everyone agree to watch the same thing or maybe go read a book. Make sure that tv isn't in the bedroom. That causes problems - or so I've heard form someone who was divorced and told me it had a negative impact on the marriage.

Posted by: Dang at October 20, 2016 08:26 PM (8b+oT)

105 "try to spend time on what they like (even sports Bleck) at least nod your head and smile when they are happy with teams win. LOL

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (R7cwD) "

meh, thee needs to be compromise everywhere. sure I will go to the opera but I expect to get a blowjob while we are there. or I could stay home.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:26 PM (cPsPa)

106 99 don't forget your spouse is the person that will last you years of love, friendship and be your advocate, so treat them right.

when did oprah start commenting here?
Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:24 PM (cPsPa)

Well at least she didn't start handing out cars.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:27 PM (0mRoj)

107 Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (cPsPa)

It all comes back to spankings with you, doesn't it?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:27 PM (7ZXKG)

108 insomniac if I had given up, which I did for a while, thinking marriage is just for suckers, and was all there is along with all the mess I wouldn't have peace now.
Not all women or men are shmucks. just be wiser, pick someone that is gentle with you, and doesn't have wandering eyes and a big appetite for spending.

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:27 PM (R7cwD)

109 Been married 32 years.

Find an angel who will put up with whatever you do.

Simple.

Simple doesn't mean easy, of course.

Posted by: Meremortal, Bigly Matters... at October 20, 2016 08:27 PM (3myMJ)

110 "Don't be an asshole.

Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (Sfs6o) "

My only modes are asshole, smartass and sleep. So I guess my best bet for a happy marriage is a coma.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:27 PM (kumBu)

111 similar to the rule for dating, if she cheats on you hook up with her mom, if your wife cheats on you hook up with every fuckable female on her side of the family. make vids.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (cPsPa)

112 yankee she might give you a ___ when you get home just for thinking of her and going to do something she likes.

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (R7cwD)

113 >>>Marriage: Life Advice

Don't tell them you intend to transition until you've been married several years. Even then, they might get spooked and bail. Cis-women can be quite irrational and emotional at times.

Posted by: Cait Jenner at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (mL2BD)

114 97 OK... got one... from my own experience...

If they were unfaithful to a previous spouse, or boyfriend...

Its a BIG danger sign...
Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (qf6WZ)

Also if every previous spouse and boyfriend are described as being unholy monsters, but she feels that you're different. YUUUGE red flag.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (0mRoj)

115 Took me two tries to get there. First marriage lasted 7 years.

Posted by: Meremortal, Bigly Matters... at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (3myMJ)

116 110 "Don't be an asshole.

Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (Sfs6o) "
**********8

Disagree.

My wife likes it when I'm an asshole to the right people.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (MZ8Zz)

117 Pre-Marriage Advice

Get your BJ's and sammiches NOW.

Posted by: wth at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (HgMAr)

118 "Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:27 PM (R7cwD) "

Insomniac has played thousands of games of tic-tac-toe against Joshua - you're going to be hard pressed to convince him that this is a game that can be won.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:29 PM (kumBu)

119 Establish boundaries early. Let her know that you will leave the room when she talks unless she ends every sentence with "M'lord".

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:29 PM (zu88C)

120 Not all women or men are shmucks. just be wiser, pick someone that is gentle with you, and doesn't have wandering eyes and a big appetite for spending.
Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:27 PM (R7cwD)

So I should find a nice Labrador Retriever to marry?

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:29 PM (0mRoj)

121 "Marry a woman from Texas; no matter how bad you get, she's seen worse."

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at October 20, 2016 08:29 PM (U0lQa)

122 If they were unfaithful to a previous spouse, or boyfriend...

Its a BIG danger sign...
Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (qf6WZ)

******

Agreed. My now Ex and I got together when she was still somewhat married. Giant mistake.

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 08:29 PM (KcI5m)

123 NPR Flowers

No Particular Reason

Posted by: Tmitsss at October 20, 2016 08:30 PM (xlzu7)

124 So we're over 100 comments. Can we go off topic now? Please? Or start a separate open thread?

Because the only thread topic that could possibly be less relevant to my life than gardening is marriage.

Cubs are up 1-0 in the bottom of the first.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:30 PM (sdi6R)

125 34 No vacumn cleaners at Christmas. Never. Ever.
Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 08:11 PM (qJhUV)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I second this - even if she ASKS for one. And contrary to some people, above, that claim an exception to this, if you know your wife, there are categories of "gifts" that are very close corollaries to "vaccum". Just don't do it.

Again, even if she ASKS for it. Although, I suppose, if she specifically asks for it FOR that birthday, Xmas, etc., but if she asks generally (like, if you see one on sale, pick it up), and then you give it as a gift - BAD.

Posted by: deadrody at October 20, 2016 08:30 PM (fRgyI)

126 I was married once.
Got a great daughter and two wonderful grandkids out of the deal. Worth every penny.

Posted by: wth at October 20, 2016 08:30 PM (HgMAr)

127 Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (qf6WZ)

Also if every previous spouse and boyfriend are described as being unholy monsters, but she feels that you're different. YUUUGE red flag.
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (0mRoj)

Well said.... its always interesting on a first date at my age...

I DO talk about past relationships... because I find most Women seem to have the same problem over and over again.... never realizing that the common denominator... is them...

Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:30 PM (qf6WZ)

128 Perhaps should read:

Don't be an asshole to each other.

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:31 PM (hbefS)

129 broseiden that's why I said if you can't Stand the hobby, just smile and nod.

and for the most part we try to find hobbies we can do together as we don't have much free time to be together.

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:31 PM (R7cwD)

130 I make my wife coffee every morning. I cut flowers from the garden and bring them in for her on a regular basis. Shocking how far those small acts go to keeping me happy.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at October 20, 2016 08:31 PM (C2//T)

131 It all comes back to spankings with you, doesn't it?
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:27 PM (7ZXKG)

well, trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:32 PM (cPsPa)

132 Take good care of your dick.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 20, 2016 08:32 PM (n3MnG)

133 Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (MZ8Zz)

Thor and I have very little in common, but the two things we do have in common happen to be our very favorite things... music and road trips.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:32 PM (7ZXKG)

134 Been married to the Grumpy Grandma 30 years. Speaking for myself, nothing is insurmountable if you love each other, and can be patient.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at October 20, 2016 08:33 PM (+DiO8)

135 Here's my pro-tip:
If you are or are discussing getting pregnant, strongly encourage your wife to breast feed. It can be a pain, and some women just can't do it, but breast feeding is great for the baby. It's ALSO super calorie intensive: The baby weight just flew off my wife for both our kids. She has a better body now than pre-children. Oh and, her friends who bottle fed still haven't lost the lbs.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at October 20, 2016 08:33 PM (SeD0w)

136 I know it is trite, but check out her parent's relationship. She/he learns how to threat her spouse from her parents.

If they are divorced, this is a BIG red flag. She will see quitting a relationship as a valid answer.

There is a reason children of divorcees also have divorces.

They are quitter, like their parents.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 08:33 PM (NbJXF)

137 104 Have one tv in the house. Makes everyone agree to watch the same thing or maybe go read a book. Make sure that tv isn't in the bedroom. That causes problems - or so I've heard form someone who was divorced and told me it had a negative impact on the marriage.
Posted by: Dang at October 20, 2016 08:26 PM (8b+oT)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe we're the exception, but like I said earlier, my wife's background is TV production, so we've always enjoyed watching TV together, including in teh bedroom. Binge watching stuff is fun, going back to the DVD days. Especially on, say, a Saturday afternoon, and taking a break in the middle of a couple episodes to get a snack. Or something

Posted by: deadrody at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (fRgyI)

138 My wife and I have dramatically different personalities. She is the ultimate sociable, super friendly extrovert. I'm solidly on the introvert side--a friendly introvert but an introvert nonetheless.
Our pre-marital counsellors almost recommended we call it off. But we've been good for 23 years. It works. I'm strong where she's weak and vice versa.
I often say we've been happily married for 22 years, married for 23.
The other night I got home and my wife talked, pretty much non-stop, for half an hour. I'm a good listener I guess.
I get tired of people, she never does.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (hJrjt)

139 130 I make my wife coffee every morning. I cut flowers from the garden and bring them in for her on a regular basis. Shocking how far those small acts go to keeping me happy.
Posted by: AndrewsDad at October 20, 2016 08:31 PM (C2//T)

Women score things differently than Men...

If you do a BIG thing for a Man, its BIG points...

But everything you do for Women, is one point... no matter how big or small...

So I've found its the constant small things that make a difference.... the flower for no reason... the back rub... the getting them a cup of coffee...

Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (qf6WZ)

140
Even after you get married don't stop dating. But don't tell your wife because she'll get pissed.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (auHtY)

141 My biggest problem with the concept of marriage is women who want to be married but don't want to have children. I've had women propose to me and then say no to children. That shit kills me. Not happening. I guess I'm an old fashioned bastard.

Posted by: Fritz at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (cyoBN)

142 84 Marry your trophy wife first.
Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at October 20, 2016 08:20 PM (6M2vB)
--------------

I routinely congratulate my husband on doing just that.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (uHcnA)

143 My wife's been to my office just once, and on that occasion she took a post-it and jotted down a line from one of our favorite movies, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, "Like your job. Love your wife." I realize that's not actually advice but if you find that both of those conditions are true, that when it's time to punch out you look forward to getting home, then you can be sure that life is good.

Posted by: KGB at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (yowje)

144 So we're over 100 comments. Can we go off topic now?
...............

Or we could stay semi on topic and ask everyone to link boobeh pics of their wives.

Posted by: wth at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (HgMAr)

145 120
So I should find a nice Labrador Retriever to marry?
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:29 PM (0mRoj)

I've had my sweet cat Kira for 16 years now. it's been the best and longest relationship of my life by far.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (sdi6R)

146 94 I'm curious to know what you guys think about having common interests?

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 08:23 PM (MZ8Zz)

I think they're not important; what's important is common values.

I'm American, my wife European. We're pretty far apart in age. I love playing sports; she couldn't care less about them. I'm a scientist; she is, as she herself says, hopeless at math, and knows nothing about science (apart from having hung around me).

But ... we share the same values, up and down the line, about what is important: family, friends, and doing what's right.

Similarly, a friend of mine is black, an Ivy League grad (legitimate; not an affirmative action type) and 40 years younger than me. Originally we met through playing baseball together. He used to come over to our place to work out several times a week, during which workouts we would talk about ... everything. (Sports were a minor component.) He used to ask for advice on all sorts of things and I gradually became kind of a father figure to him. (My wife calls him "our third son.")

I pointed out to him what an odd pair we made, for the reasons above. But why did the relationship work? Because we have the same values: we both prize integrity, honesty, achievement, both intellectual and athletic.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (SRKgf)

147 I could do much better in my marriage. I don't treat her like a lady enough. I'll start with foot rubs.

But not talking out of school is fundamental. My wife is wonderful, and I'm serious about that, even if I'm not wonderful myself.

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (tapYd)

148 I DO talk about past relationships... because I find most Women seem to have the same problem over and over again.... never realizing that the common denominator... is them...
Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:30 PM (qf6WZ)

*****
Good point. I hear the Ex is about to bail on #3. However, none of it is her fault.....

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (KcI5m)

149 Willow, I love your enthusiasm but I do think marriage just isn't the best idea for some people. Of course, I wouldn't be around if my dad didn't have a second marriage - but I also was there when he was about to have his third (to a woman I thought was awful - I don't think that marriage was going to work). He wasn't a bad guy, but his disposition just didn't work for marriage. Totally the opposite of my maternal grandfather, who I think is basically the perfect type of guy to be a good husband.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (kumBu)

150 yankee she might give you a ___ when you get home just for thinking of her and going to do something she likes.
Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:28 PM (R7cwD)

meh , married long enough to get in the car on the way. don't want to be a dick and start demanding payment when we get home. ruins the whole evening if she knows I am going to start saying "ok pay up" as soon as we walk in the front door.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:35 PM (cPsPa)

151 Sometimes I load the dishwasher wrong just so Mrs F has to reload it again. It keeps her happy because it shows that I couldn't possibly survive without her.

Posted by: freaked at October 20, 2016 08:35 PM (BO/km)

152 Alternate Title ...

... How I Wish Things Were.

Posted by: ScoggDog at October 20, 2016 08:35 PM (fiGNd)

153 IMHO farm girls are great if you can find one.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:35 PM (hJrjt)

154 Is it possible to get a prenup in which you get to keep their feet? Asking for a friend.

Posted by: Quentin Tarantino at October 20, 2016 08:35 PM (mL2BD)

155 My sainted Mother's advice on wife selection was "What is her Mother like? She'll be a lot like that in a few short years!"

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 20, 2016 08:36 PM (wCEn4)

156 From experience:

Be compassionate. Be loving. Be decisive.

Be a man.

She'll love you for it.

Posted by: Dansgirls at October 20, 2016 08:36 PM (xBbs+)

157
I eventually converted.

From??

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:37 PM (bOJUT)

158 Definition of marriage. Eg: something you need lawyers to get out of.

Posted by: uncle joe at October 20, 2016 08:37 PM (T3J3Y)

159 151 Sometimes I load the dishwasher wrong just so Mrs F has to reload it again. It keeps her happy because it shows that I couldn't possibly survive without her.
Posted by: freaked at October 20, 2016 08:35 PM (BO/km)

For the same reasons, it's also fun to throw in a red shirt with the whites every now & again.

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:37 PM (7qAYi)

160 142. I routinely congratulate my husband on doing just that.

That's what my wife would say
And she'd be right

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:37 PM (+vAGU)

161 none of the stuff the popular culture tells you about marriage is true. be the opposite of everything you are told.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:37 PM (cPsPa)

162 "Take good care of your dick.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 20, 2016 08:32 PM (n3MnG) "

Of course. It's the only friend I know will never leave my side.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:38 PM (kumBu)

163 25 years now with Mrs Ryoiki! (Silver!)

She refers to me as her "first husband", and I refer to her as my "trophy wife"...

Posted by: Zettai Ryoiki, Aware and Noncompliant at October 20, 2016 08:38 PM (kP16F)

164 120
So I should find a nice Labrador Retriever to marry?
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:29 PM (0mRoj)

It is a rare dog that will cheat on you and/or break your heart!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 20, 2016 08:38 PM (wCEn4)

165 142 84 Marry your trophy wife first.
Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at October 20, 2016 08:20 PM (6M2vB)
--------------

I routinely congratulate my husband on doing just that.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (uHcnA)

Hah!

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:38 PM (0mRoj)

166
Separate bathrooms.

'nuff said.

Posted by: mpfs, Deplorable Fish Stick at October 20, 2016 08:38 PM (79p/O)

167 You know, I read this, and I've decided I'm going to stop scratching my balls in front of my wife. Though they do itch.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 20, 2016 08:38 PM (n3MnG)

168 OT Rocky Horror remake is so bad it's like watching a high school play

Posted by: Jen the original at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (IaoXa)

169 I wrote a book on marriage after finding my wife in the Philippines 18 years ago.

Posted by: Rajah Cicerokidatha at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (PRf2R)

170 The Dodgers threatened in the bottom of the first but failed to score.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (sdi6R)

171 Granfather said to wait until your 30 to get married, I was 27 when I got married.

Talk about having kids, I know too many people that wanted kids but the other didn't and surprise they divorced.

The hardest part of my marriage was when we struggled to have kids and I mean struggle, it took over ten years and thousands of dollars. My wife kept blaming herself, she is older than me. She kept saying I should have married a younger woman, What made it worse is the Fertility Dr kept saying you can get pregnant.

Finally a new Clinic opened I said we need to try this one and one of the requirements was that they would have all new clients meet with the head lab technician and he would give a talk and one of the first things did was talk about his labs statistics vs nationally. I found out by listening to this guy that I had a low sperm count ( I was not told that) and what is the best age for a woman's eggs and what happens if you used Donor eggs from a younger woman. The guy more or less said that it's the age of the eggs not the age of the woman. We were considering adopting but we gave this new Dr and Clinic one last shot, the last of our savings. So Bam my wife got pregnant on the first try with this new Dr.

We wasted thousands and thousands of dollars with that other Dr, this shit is not cheap, if he was straight with us we could have had maybe more kids and saved us a lot of stress, it's soul crushing to see the woman you love come back with negative results and their is nothing I could do or say.

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (dKiJG)

172 162 "Take good care of your dick.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 20, 2016 08:32 PM (n3MnG) "

Of course. It's the only friend I know will never leave my side.
Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:38 PM (kumBu)

Uh, that's not where it's supposed to be connected.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (0mRoj)

173 Marry your trophy wife first.
Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at October 20, 2016 08:20 PM (6M2vB)
--------------

I routinely congratulate my husband on doing just that.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (uHcnA)

you going to just leave that softball hanging out there like that?

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (cPsPa)

174 "be the opposite of everything you are told.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:37 PM (cPsPa) "

The cliche is that women want a nice guy. So I need to be a....mean woman?

Fuck, guess I need to Jenner myself. Where are the hedge clippers?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (kumBu)

175 Marry in your class. It's not the most important advice, but it makes things a lot easier.

If you are upper middle class or rich, marry someone equal or better. I know it sounds cruel and elitist, but marrying someone not accustomed to your values, customs, etc can be very hard on both of you.

It can be overcome, but it is not easy. Also, you never have to worry that she married you for your money.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (NbJXF)

176 'For the same reasons, it's also fun to throw in a red shirt with the whites every now & again.'

I'm not allowed to operate the washing machine any more.

Posted by: freaked at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (BO/km)

177 If you are older, consider a widow / er. Wife 2.0 is a widow and its working well.

If the alternative is an older person who has never married, probably for a reason or someone who is divorced, maybe someone who was in a solid relationship and the partner died is something to consider. May want to find out the cause of death though... just saying.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (C2//T)

178 164 120
So I should find a nice Labrador Retriever to marry?
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:29 PM (0mRoj)

It is a rare dog that will cheat on you and/or break your heart!
Posted by: Hrothgar at October 20, 2016 08:38 PM (wCEn4)

My point exactly!

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (0mRoj)

179 If you're both type A personalities, never, EVER try to teach her a skill that you are good at, and at which she is a novice. She won't listen, and you'll both get frustrated.

Besides, loaded guns and egos don't mix.

Posted by: That Deplorable SOB Van Owen at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (AY9O7)

180 Marry a girl that can cook. That is all.

Posted by: Chris at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (P/L8t)

181 I just married this past weekend. So far, so good. We have been together longer than most couples before marrying and we really know each other. But marrying didn't feel like a mere formality. It felt substantial and I feel a relief and a sense of responsibility I did not feel before. Timely thread for me

Posted by: Crispian at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (1UiRN)

182 168 OT Rocky Horror remake is so bad it's like watching a high school play
Posted by: Jen the original at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (IaoXa)

I wonder if the boys at Rifftrax are aware?

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (7qAYi)

183 I think a lot of it is a crap shoot... and I think a lot depends on how much you actually like being married. Most people who stay married are at least somewhat domestically inclined anyway.

I think liking someone is far more important in the long run. Lauren or willow said it best... marry someone you like spending non-nekkid time with, too.

And for God's sake, pick your battles. Ask yourself if some minor thing is really worth arguing over, even if it IS the most annoying thing on Earth.

Because I promise you, you have a whole slew of annoying things that drive your spouse insane, but he/she just lets it go.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (7ZXKG)

184 Honestly, separate bathrooms. But maybe that's just me. And split up chores based on what you are good at and not this 50-50 nonsense you go couples talk about.

Posted by: IC at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (xV3K9)

185 Marriage?

Don't. Do. It.

Posted by: garrett at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (i3c+H)

186 Thor and I have very little in common, but the two things we do have in common happen to be our very favorite things... music and road trips.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:32 PM (7ZXKG)

well there is that and then that he knows he hit the lottery and married way above his station; not that he was not up there to begin with.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (cPsPa)

187 "The cliche is that women want a nice guy. So I need to be a....mean woman?"

Well maybe not the woman part, but there's a reason nice guys finish last. Usually because it feels disingenuous.

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (hbefS)

188 Or we could stay semi on topic and ask everyone to link boobeh pics of their wives.
Posted by: wth at October 20, 2016 08:34 PM (HgMAr)

That has happened here before.

Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 08:42 PM (xVuS6)

189 @175

The only point I would make about marrying someone in your class?

Rich women and men are usually spoiled and use to getting their own way.

THAT can be a problem.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 08:42 PM (NbJXF)

190 168 OT Rocky Horror remake is so bad it's like watching a high school play
Posted by: Jen the original at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (IaoXa)

They remade Rocky Horror? That's news to me.

Not like I care or anything. I saw the original once, back in college.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (sdi6R)

191 Be happy (mostly) with your self. Like yourself and know that you can be self sufficient. That way you don't depend on another person to "make you happy".

Posted by: Sat rose at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (nycWw)

192 Posted by: Crispian at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (1UiRN)

Congratulations! (Unless you're the bride, in which case saying Congratulations is bad form and I will instead wish you many blessings!)

Thor said the same thing after we got married...that he felt a sense of responsibility. And that he like an actual adult.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (7ZXKG)

193 "Uh, that's not where it's supposed to be connected.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (0mRoj) "

The knee bone's connected to the - thigh bone.

The thigh bone's connected to the - hip bone.

The hip bone's connected to the....

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (kumBu)

194 Marry a girl that can cook. That is all.

Posted by: Chris at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (P/L8t)

Ancient Clan Hrothgar Guidance:

Looks don't last, cookin' do!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (wCEn4)

195
you going to just leave that softball hanging out there like that?
Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (cPsPa)
--------------

Well of course I mean me, ya moron!

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (uHcnA)

196 >>Separate bathrooms.

The ideal Master Suite would be two seperate Suites connected by a Fuck Room.

Posted by: garrett at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (i3c+H)

197 Play the fart game often
It tells your wife you really love her

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (+vAGU)

198 Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (cPsPa)

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (7ZXKG)

199 By way of explanation, what I say may seem cynical, world-weary, and born of a great deal of pain from all the knives in my back, and it is. But it comes from an honest place and, despite how it may come across, I hope that my experience will actually be helpful to others who aren't aware of how badly things can turn out and to try to protect themselves accordingly.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:44 PM (0mRoj)

200 @ crispian:

You won't really tell much of a difference so long as you didn't let her eat any of the wedding cake.

Posted by: 16 paranoia filled days later at October 20, 2016 08:44 PM (x4zgf)

201 Practice kindness.

Posted by: AstroBevo at October 20, 2016 08:44 PM (DZF+K)

202 179 If you're both type A personalities, never, EVER try to teach her a skill that you are good at, and at which she is a novice. She won't listen, and you'll both get frustrated.

Besides, loaded guns and egos don't mix.
Posted by: That Deplorable SOB Van Owen at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (AY9O7)

Jeezzzz so true...

I've been snow skiing since 12 years old... I'm a double Black diamond kind of skier...

Me and a friend took our new wives skiing for the first time.... got them set up.... tried to teach them... but they were getting frustrated...

Finally put them into a private lesson with Lars (yes, the actual name)....

3 hours later, they came back, smiles on their faces... doing well...

Actual quote... 'He told us to do the same thing you were telling us to do, but from him it made sense'....

/facepalm

Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:44 PM (qf6WZ)

203 Mrs Franpsycho and I will make 23 years next week.

When I am asked how long I have been married, I usually answer "we'll see what happens when I get home tonight."

The best advice I ever got was, "Yes, dear."

Posted by: San Franpsycho at October 20, 2016 08:44 PM (EZebt)

204 NEW THREAD:

MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM BILL AND HILLARY

Posted by: Hepcat at October 20, 2016 08:44 PM (5b+Sr)

205 Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (cPsPa)

HAH! I actually married up a tad.... went from hillbilly to working class!

But you are sweet to say so.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:45 PM (7ZXKG)

206 Posted by: Crispian at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (1UiRN)

Good luck, and always cherish her!

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at October 20, 2016 08:45 PM (tapYd)

207 don't be selfish....don't live above your means....have the same religion....listen to each other and hear what your spouse has to say....laugh....and be each others priority.....

Posted by: phoenixgirl, gird up your loins, this is not the time to go wobbly at October 20, 2016 08:45 PM (0O7c5)

208 176 'For the same reasons, it's also fun to throw in a red shirt with the whites every now & again.'

I'm not allowed to operate the washing machine any more.
Posted by: freaked at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (BO/km)
---------------------

Well done, freaked.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 08:45 PM (uHcnA)

209 I'm considering entering a marriage of convenience with my present girlfriend. She needs what little financial security I can offer, and I need to not be alone. Anyone have advice on making such an arrangement work without all the money or power lust fit for a Clinton?

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 08:45 PM (n+/OT)

210 From a logical point of view, marry a woman uglier than you.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:45 PM (0mRoj)

211 Marry a girl that can cook. That is all.

Posted by: Chris at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (P/L8t)

That's step two. The first step is "find a time machine."

Posted by: AD at October 20, 2016 08:46 PM (924j6)

212 194 Marry a girl that can cook. That is all.

Posted by: Chris at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (P/L8t)

Ancient Clan Hrothgar Guidance:

Looks don't last, cookin' do!
Posted by: Hrothgar at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (wCEn4)

But if you CAN cook.... marry a woman who will do dishes....

Posted by: Don Quixote at October 20, 2016 08:46 PM (qf6WZ)

213 "Well maybe not the woman part, but there's a reason nice guys finish last. Usually because it feels disingenuous.

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (hbefS) "

Nice guys finish first - you just need to find the right race to run.

Then again, Leo Durocher wasn't a very nice guy, and his teams finished first multiple times. So I guess he was right!

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:46 PM (kumBu)

214 If you happen to have the misfortune of marrying my first wife, DO NOT take 13 years to realize it's not going to work.

Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 08:46 PM (Sfs6o)

215 Ask her permission before you try on her clothes.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 20, 2016 08:46 PM (mL2BD)

216 I can cook just fine. Don't like doing the dishes, though.

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (7qAYi)

217 18 years this just past 7th of October. Don't let it get routine.

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (tapYd)

218 My marriage advice. Don't. Get a goldfish or an Irish Setter.

Posted by: OCBill at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (odyLH)

219 Nice guys do finish last. Good guys let her finish three or five times first. Know the difference.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (JO9+V)

220
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (7ZXKG)
Thank you! I am the groom. 'Maybe' the delay was the avoidance of adulthood. Marriage seems the biggest decision and I'm glad I took the leap. Invaluable experience for me to pass on to any sons.

Posted by: Crispian at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (1UiRN)

221 Oh and if you have moved around a lot, you will have a hard time marrying a woman that has lived all her life in one town.

You all will just have different values about a lot of stuff. I know this from experience.

A lot of home town women think their hometown is where the sun rises and sets and no where else is worth a shit. Provincial. That doesn't mean just small towns, NYers are the most provincial people in the country.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (NbJXF)

222 205. T explained to me the difference between hillbilly and redneck is beer
She's from Tennessee so I'll take it as true

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (+vAGU)

223 Thor and I have very little in common, but the two things we do have in common happen to be our very favorite things... music and road trips.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:32 PM (7ZXKG)

I think a related component of a good relationship is whether or not you can talk to each other about a number of topics and enjoy the conversation! A road trip is a great venue to find this out!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (wCEn4)

224 Don't ever get married

Posted by: Peggy at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (HBU7W)

225 209 I'm considering entering a marriage of convenience with my present girlfriend. She needs what little financial security I can offer, and I need to not be alone. Anyone have advice on making such an arrangement work without all the money or power lust fit for a Clinton?
Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 08:45 PM (n+/OT)

That sounds like a really terrible idea.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (0mRoj)

226 I married a man just like my father.

No one thought we would make it... 31+ years.

Posted by: mpfs, Deplorable Fish Stick at October 20, 2016 08:47 PM (79p/O)

227 Genderless marriages always succeed.

Posted by: University Faculty Wackos at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (Tyii7)

228 "try to spend time on what they like (even sports Bleck) at least nod your head and smile when they are happy with teams win. LOL

Posted by: willow at October 20, 2016 08:18 PM (R7cwD) "

My long-suffering wife does that when I diagnose what I've been doing wrong at the plate ("Then I realized: I'm dropping my back shoulder!" or "I'm pulling off the ball!").

She's heard all this 97 million times, as I forget and relearn and forget and relearn, but every time she listens attentively, although I suspect she has no idea what I'm talking about.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (SRKgf)

229 . So Bam my wife got pregnant on the first try with this new Dr."

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (dKiJG)

Might want to re-phrase this?

Posted by: Rajah Cicerokidatha at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (PRf2R)

230
I can't imagine Rocky Horror standing the test of time.

Rocky Horror was enjoyable, to some, during a time before technology. It ain't gonna work today.

It's like trying to enjoy a game of Jacks today.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (bOJUT)

231 Because I promise you, you have a whole slew of annoying things that drive your spouse insane, but he/she just lets it go.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:41 PM (7ZXKG)

****
Agreed, but this is kinda hard to do when battles don't end by letting it go. Earlier was a mention of then"duffle bag" thing, which is bringing up a laundry list of past "transgressions".

Men in general don't do that, but I found this to be the case in almost every instance of disagreement.

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (KcI5m)

232
Hmmmm ... lots of advice on many things.

Ok, what about giving a "Silver Surfer" Valentine's Day card? Yes, no, maybe?

Posted by: Arbalest the Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (FlRtG)

233 A. There's a good chance she's right. Listen to her.

B. You're spouses. You're in this together, and it's a foxhole.

C. Never forget that you love her.

17 years and she's my girl.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (Kge8X)

234 Then again, Leo Durocher wasn't a very nice guy, and his teams finished first multiple times. So I guess he was right!
Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:46 PM (kumBu)

I didn't actually say that!

Posted by: Leo Durocher at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (924j6)

235 The wife stays in the other suite and girlfriend stays in the Fuck Room.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (NS9MU)

236 If you have a decently functional family and your intended spouse has trouble getting along with them, watch out.

My poor sister tried that twice.

Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (xVuS6)

237 Jewel is hot can cook and is talented.

Always marry Jewel.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (qUNWi)

238 That sounds like a really terrible idea.

Why's that? In the end, even most long lasting marriages are struggles

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (n+/OT)

239 Never take advice from a moron.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (qUNWi)

240 124 So we're over 100 comments. Can we go off topic now? Please? Or start a separate open thread?

Because the only thread topic that could possibly be less relevant to my life than gardening is marriage.

Cubs are up 1-0 in the bottom of the first.

-rickl

Why not try typing out a little play by play? We will be amused and informed. You might get a side job.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at October 20, 2016 08:50 PM (FtrY1)

241 177 If you are older, consider a widow / er. Wife 2.0 is a widow and its working well.

If the alternative is an older person who has never married, probably for a reason or someone who is divorced, maybe someone who was in a solid relationship and the partner died is something to consider. May want to find out the cause of death though... just saying.
Posted by: AndrewsDad at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (C2//T)

Widows come with step children. My stepsons still have 100 percent come over to me. One is 95 percent there. The other maybe 40 percent. Deceased fathers have a way of becoming frozen in the memory as perfect.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:50 PM (hJrjt)

242 I feel qualified to throw some advice out there for younger, unmarried Ace of Spades morons.

How about us unmarried old farts who mostly barely get the time of day from the opposite gender, much less anything else?

Sounds like as many of those here as the youngsters sometimes.

Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at October 20, 2016 08:50 PM (Q6/bf)

243 232
Hmmmm ... lots of advice on many things.

Ok, what about giving a "Silver Surfer" Valentine's Day card? Yes, no, maybe?

Posted by: Arbalest the Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (FlRtG)

It's important to know if your prospective wife is into Marvel or DC.

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:50 PM (7qAYi)

244 Met mine June, married that October. Child on the way had a bit to do with that, but it's been better than I have any right to expect.

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at October 20, 2016 08:50 PM (tapYd)

245 One that I haven't seen so far is-

Never marry anyone who doesn't cook. This applies to either sex.

and especially if they claim that they can't cook.

Any one can follow a cookbook recipe. That literally is all there is to being a good cook.

If they can't or won't follow a recipe to prepare a good meal for themselves or you or your children that will come that tells you something very deep about who they are.

And it is not something good.

Posted by: naturalfake at October 20, 2016 08:50 PM (9q7Dl)

246 If one of you is really picky about the way certain chores are done, those need to be your chore. Don't nag your spouse into doing it your way. My wife does dishes incorrectly. She thinks I fold clothes incorrectly. So - I wash dishes. She folds laundry.

Posted by: AstroBevo at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (DZF+K)

247 I can't imagine Rocky Horror standing the test of time.

Was it liked that much at the time? I know it has a cult following, but I didn't think anyone ever pretended it was a good movie.

Posted by: AD at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (924j6)

248 239 Never take advice from a moron.
Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (qUNWi)

Isn't that advice from a moron?

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (7qAYi)

249 With the nice guy cliche - if being a 'nice guy' means being obsequious, being a doormat and a pushover, I'm not going to do that. But I'm also not going to go out of my way to be a dick because, as hard as it might be to believe given my online persona, I'm actually not that much of an asshole. I joke about being a sociopath, but I actually have a lot of empathy.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (kumBu)

250 206
Posted by: Crispian at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (1UiRN)

Thank you, I intend to!

Posted by: Crispian at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (1UiRN)

251 Marry in your religion. Whatever that is or is not.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (NbJXF)

252 The ideal Master Suite would be two seperate Suites connected by a Fuck Room.

Posted by: garrett at October 20, 2016 08:43 PM (i3c+H)

I was going to insert the phrase a mirrored in your recommendation, but thought better of it!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 20, 2016 08:52 PM (wCEn4)

253 no one has mentioned that even though it is old fashioned you should definitely ask her father for permission to marry his daughter. You really should do it before you ask her for her hand in marriage too, you know be a man.

only caveat is if it is your sister or your dad's ex wife. might not want to say anything in those situations, just elope.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:52 PM (cPsPa)

254 Country Boy - I think that thread was last week's.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 08:52 PM (6FqZa)

255 Be able to laugh with her, even if its at your expense. Never laugh at her.

And always get her a card on Valentines day, even if she say not to. When we had kids at home and were really broke, the Grumpy Grandma said not to get her anything because I was unemployed and we were on food stamps and WIC.

I listened to her. BIG mistake.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at October 20, 2016 08:52 PM (+DiO8)

256 248
239 Never take advice from a moron.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (qUNWi)

Isn't that advice from a moron?

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (7qAYi)

THREAD WINNER!!

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 08:52 PM (NbJXF)

257 238 That sounds like a really terrible idea.

Why's that? In the end, even most long lasting marriages are struggles
Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (n+/OT)

Because as you describe it, it sounds like a foundation built on sand. Trust me, you can still be very lonely with a wife, and the financial security can dry up overnight without warning. There needs to be a deeper, stronger basis for getting married if you want it to last. Just my $0.2.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:52 PM (0mRoj)

258 241 177 If you are older, consider a widow / er. Wife 2.0 is a widow and its working well.

If the alternative is an older person who has never married, probably for a reason or someone who is divorced, maybe someone who was in a solid relationship and the partner died is something to consider. May want to find out the cause of death though... just saying.
Posted by: AndrewsDad at October 20, 2016 08:40 PM (C2//T)

Widows come with step children. My stepsons still have 100 percent come over to me. One is 95 percent there. The other maybe 40 percent. Deceased fathers have a way of becoming frozen in the memory as perfect.
Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:50 PM (hJrjt)

I do need to add that I adore my granddaughters so it has been worth it. Family is a precious privilege.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:52 PM (hJrjt)

259 Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 08:45 PM (n+/OT)

Eh, what the hell. People have gotten married for far worse reasons. At least you will not have to worry about falling out of love with each other.

Are you sure she isn't wildly in love with you and hiding it?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:52 PM (7ZXKG)

260 Maybe they will exorcise her.

Posted by: gNewt....panhandlers never seem to not have their hands out ~ at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (FCAbp)

261 So Bam my wife got pregnant on the first try with this new Dr."

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (dKiJG

some guy from the jackass movie knocked your wife up?

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (cPsPa)

262 Don't marry the crazy, stay away from the crazy.

Posted by: Ben Theredonethat at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (jo6mH)

263

Was it liked that much at the time?

By goofy people who like play dress-up and act goofy in public.

I never cared to see a live production, but I did see the movie with Rick Moranis. It was dumb.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (bOJUT)

264 247 I can't imagine Rocky Horror standing the test of time.

Was it liked that much at the time? I know it has a cult following, but I didn't think anyone ever pretended it was a good movie.
Posted by: AD at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (924j6)

It was never a good movie.

But the experience of going to see it.......

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (tapYd)

265 Take her for long walks on the beach. Because that's where all the hot women wearing bikinis are.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (zu88C)

266 Isn't that advice from a moron?

Uh oh....did we just do something to spacetime there?

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (qUNWi)

267 the first try with this new Dr."

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at October 20, 2016 08:39 PM (dKiJG)

Might want to re-phrase this?
Posted by: Rajah Cicerokidatha at October 20, 2016 08:48 PM (PRf2R)

Well She is a great Dr.

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (dKiJG)

268 If she's Miracle Whip and you're Mayo, call it off.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (JO9+V)

269 when you are having sex if she does something funny stop and laugh.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (cPsPa)

270 Two thoughts to add on the basis of my two-decades long marriage:

1. Don't, don't, don't believe that your spouse will change after you get married. They may, but only if they hit rock-bottom and you're still around to pick up the pieces.

If you get along well before you hear wedding bells, chances are you'll stay together for the long haul. But if you have any doubts or see that you two will fight to the death over certain issues, then by Jesus' uncircumsized dick get the hell out of there. It will not get better and guaranteed will get worse.

2. The sex could get more infrequent and not as good when kids come along. Sex during pregnancy is possible and can be fun and a great release (for her especially). But there were times when she was so tired sex was the absolute last thing she wanted to do. Now that they're grown (last one's a senior in high school), we're rutting link minxes when we can.

The sex gets better because she can relax because no pregnancy, the bond is tight so she can do whatever nasty thing she wants to think of, and chances are (if you're a good match), she'll want to make you happy as well (read: blow-job, titfuck, come on her -- but not in the face). Maybe even anal if she wants it. We've fucked everywhere in the house but the kids' beds and outside.

Posted by: Uma Thurmond's Feet at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (QkBNk)

271 Be careful about marrying someone who cheated on a previous spouse with you. The precedent has been set.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (hJrjt)

272 From??

Posted by: Soothsayer
***********

Deism, I guess.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (MZ8Zz)

273 Marry a woman who is bisexual. The relationship stands a much better chance of surviving after you transition.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (mL2BD)

274 Marry the 12 year old your dad brings over for you.

Posted by: The Goat fucker, Mohamad at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (NbJXF)

275 who ever said they were going to marry their gf for convenience.....don't....unless you love her don't.....relationships are different for females....it won't be enough for her and will just make both of you unhappy

Posted by: phoenixgirl, gird up your loins, this is not the time to go wobbly at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (0O7c5)

276 "Always marry Jewel.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:49 PM (qUNWi) "

This seems like the best advice so far. Where can we move where polyandry is legal? Also, we're going to need a much bigger house.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (kumBu)

277
I mean, would a Vaudeville show be enjoyable today? No, not really.

Same thing with Rocky Horror.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:55 PM (bOJUT)

278 Posted by: AstroBevo at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (DZF+K)

So what is the proper way to do the dishes?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:55 PM (7ZXKG)

279
Gladiators, on the other hand...

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:55 PM (bOJUT)

280 Useless advice

Watch the sitcom Rules of Engagement for what I think would be an ideal marriage, problems and all.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at October 20, 2016 08:55 PM (AetST)

281 'no one has mentioned that even though it is old fashioned you should definitely ask her father for permission to marry his daughter. You really should do it before you ask her for her hand in marriage too, you know be a man.'

Since my wife hates her dad I was able to bypass that charming tradition. I'd kind of like to punch him in the mouth myself.

Posted by: freaked at October 20, 2016 08:55 PM (BO/km)

282 A woman for kids, goat for sex.

Posted by: The Goat fucker, Mohamad at October 20, 2016 08:55 PM (NbJXF)

283 I never cared to see a live production, but I did see the movie with Rick Moranis. It was dumb.
Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (bOJUT)

I had nothing to do with that shit.

Posted by: Rick Moranis at October 20, 2016 08:55 PM (7qAYi)

284 Remember cards, but don't waste any time on them. Grab the first thing that catches your eye, make sure it's the right occasion / recipient, and don't even bother reading the thing. It will be perfect. None of them really say anything specific, so they are all fine for the person to interpret any way they want. Which means any and every card is perfect, and why Walmart can sell the same cards to physicians and truck drivers to give to their spouses.

But definitely give a card because they're special and meaningful and can show you care.

Posted by: 16 paranoia filled days later at October 20, 2016 08:56 PM (x4zgf)

285 who ever said they were going to marry their gf for convenience.....don't....unless you love her don't.....relationships are different for females....it won't be enough for her and will just make both of you unhappy
Posted by: phoenixgirl, gird up your loins, this is not the time to go wobbly at October 20, 2016 08:54 PM (0O7c5)

well even worse, your wife might not appreciate it.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:56 PM (cPsPa)

286
Been married to my soul stealing ginger for 50 years. We're very disparate,with just enough commonality to mesh well.

Met her at a wedding reception I drove in. I was standing at the edge of the dance floor and felt a tap on my shoulder. Turned and looked right over her head--she's5' 0 ". Looked down into those brilliant green eyes and have never stopped.

I definitely got the better of that deal.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 20, 2016 08:56 PM (X35Yt)

287 Well I know I said two contradictory things. Don't be an asshole but also don't be a nice guy.

I guess the balance is to be honest without being cruel.

So let's take a dress that doesn't look great on your wife.

Nice Guy: Oh, sweetie! I love your dress!

Asshole: That dress looks like crap on you.

Honest Dude: *says nothing until asked* and then "Yeah, it's not really my favorite. Sorry"

As for advice for women, most men would rather be respected than flattered.

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:57 PM (KHyOM)

288 make sure you read up on forensics before you get married, then toss the computer.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:57 PM (cPsPa)

289 A good wife is like your right hand--well, at a lot better right than your right hand, or your left.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 08:57 PM (hJrjt)

290
Deism, I guess.

What are you, a Founding Father??

Just kidding.

(Why is it so important for the Left to make sure everyone knows that the Founding Fathers weren't really Christians?)

(Same reason the Left wants people to believe Lincoln was a homo?)

(Or the same reason the Left wants everyone to believe Democrats used to be Republicans and Republicans used to be Democrats?)

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:57 PM (bOJUT)

291 Still 1-0 Cubs after two.

I don't remember Rick Moranis being in Rocky Horror. "Course, it was a long time ago that I saw it.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 08:58 PM (sdi6R)

292 "Uh oh....did we just do something to spacetime there?

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 08:53 PM (qUNWi) "

Stop dividing by zero!

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 08:58 PM (kumBu)

293 A man has *got* to know his limitations.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 20, 2016 08:58 PM (JO9+V)

294 if your food starts to taste funny or your drinks are getting gritty, move out.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 08:58 PM (cPsPa)

295 Maybe even anal if she wants it.

Newsletter?

Posted by: Hope's Rolo at October 20, 2016 08:58 PM (Tyii7)

296 yankee...

lol

Posted by: phoenixgirl, gird up your loins, this is not the time to go wobbly at October 20, 2016 08:58 PM (0O7c5)

297
I had nothing to do with that shit.

Posted by: Rick Moranis

Rick Moranis wasn't in Rocky Horror?

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (bOJUT)

298 Ask her to make hots cakes for you first, Trust me on this.

Posted by: Oliver Douglas at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (JO9+V)

299 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

300 258. Family is a precious privilege

You've never met my kid I see

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (+vAGU)

301 Posted by: irongrampa at October 20, 2016 08:56 PM (X35Yt)

I love that story!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (7ZXKG)

302 "I mean, would a Vaudeville show be enjoyable today? No, not really.
"

Ok, you don't know how hilarious this is because my husband's younger brother just did this 3 hour vaudeville show that my husband described as "torture by vaudeville". There was no plot. It was just a bunch of random vaudeville songs and asides.

But, I mean it's your little brother so what do you say?

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (KHyOM)

303
Then who was in that movie with the talking plant that ate people?

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (bOJUT)

304 287 Well I know I said two contradictory things. Don't be an asshole but also don't be a nice guy.

I guess the balance is to be honest without being cruel.

So let's take a dress that doesn't look great on your wife.

Nice Guy: Oh, sweetie! I love your dress!

Asshole: That dress looks like crap on you.

Honest Dude: *says nothing until asked* and then "Yeah, it's not really my favorite. Sorry"

As for advice for women, most men would rather be respected than flattered.
Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 08:57 PM (KHyOM)

My wife may be that rarity but she actually means it when she asks me for an honest opinion. She is never satisfied if I tell her she looks okay in a particular outfit.
She also asks my help when it comes to pick earrings. I ask if I look like a gay fashion designer.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM (hJrjt)

305 Insomniac, neither of us are going to be rich.

Eh, what the hell. People have gotten married for far worse reasons. At least you will not have to worry about falling out of love with each other.

Are you sure she isn't wildly in love with you and hiding it?

She's very explicit about loving me, yet strangely incurious about me--she's said she's scared to lose me, so maybe she's afraid to pry too deeply. The skeptic in me reads her security needs as a primary motive--it's not fair to shoot from the hip like this in judgment but I understand its prevalence.

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM (n+/OT)

306 right after you get married make sure you go spend some time with your parents, so she can spend some time with you and your mom and you can show her who is number one.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM (cPsPa)

307 303
Then who was in that movie with the talking plant that ate people?

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (bOJUT)

It was Little Shop of Horrors that Rick Moranis was in.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM (0mRoj)

308 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

From Here To Eternity.

Posted by: Burt Lancaster, grinning at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM (JO9+V)

309 I'm still cracking up over the earlier comment that Bill Kristol looks like a Terry Gilliam cartoon.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM (sdi6R)

310 I think people are confusing Rocky Horror with Little Shop of Horrors. Rick Moranis was in the latter, not the former.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (kumBu)

311 Two non-judgmental comments

I was talking to my sister (a shrink of many years) and said there are things I'd rather do myself because that was the only way they'd get done right. She wisely said maybe you need to relax your standards for trivia, and a lot of stuff is trivia!

My best friend told me all three of his sons screened dates as potential brides by finding out if they were children of divorced couples. They had seen so many really screwed up kids from divorced families they were very cautious about getting involved with them!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (wCEn4)

312 Marry a happy person.

You can't 'make' someone happy.

Posted by: Meremortal, Bigly Matters... at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (3myMJ)

313 286
Been married to my soul stealing ginger for 50 years. We're very disparate,with just enough commonality to mesh well.

Met her at a wedding reception I drove in. I was standing at the edge of the dance floor and felt a tap on my shoulder. Turned and looked right over her head--she's5' 0 ". Looked down into those brilliant green eyes and have never stopped.

I definitely got the better of that deal.
Posted by: irongrampa at October 20, 2016 08:56 PM (X35Yt)

Yep, married a Red Head, now I have a soul stealing son too who also steals my spot on the couch and on watching cartoons instead of football. I know he has eyes for my cars too.

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (dKiJG)

314 Turned and looked right over her head--she's5' 0 ". Looked down into those brilliant green eyes and have never stopped

OT, but I did that once at a winery that was having a tasting. I bellied up to the counter, got a glass, turned around, saw nobody there, and started walking. Some 5' nothing gal was literally an inch or two behind me, and I looked right over her head (I'm over six feet, so she was basically sternum high) and knocked her flying, to my astonishment. I had had no idea there was anyone there.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (SRKgf)

315
It was Little Shop of Horrors that Rick Moranis was in.

And that's different from Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (bOJUT)

316 The horrors of the marriage thread.

Posted by: 16 paranoia filled days later at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (x4zgf)

317
Hahaha, I think I see my problem now...

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:02 PM (bOJUT)

318 I generally pick movies. The last one I picked was The Princess Bride.
No that's not true--I always pick movies.

She liked the movie.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 09:02 PM (hJrjt)

319 i am a widow
my ex husband is dead to me

Posted by: concrete girl at October 20, 2016 09:02 PM (+THr2)

320 Use marriage as a learning experience. Observe her bodily motions and vocal inflections so that you can mimic them in time. Try not to be too obvious, or exaggerated, or she may catch on before you are ready to come out, or worse, she will think you are mocking her.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 20, 2016 09:02 PM (mL2BD)

321 If you want to be happy for the rest of your life , never make a pretty woman your wife. It's my personal point of view - get an ugly girl to marry you

Posted by: batterup at October 20, 2016 09:02 PM (mtGE/)

322 315
It was Little Shop of Horrors that Rick Moranis was in.

And that's different from Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (bOJUT)

Uh, yeah. Very different.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:03 PM (0mRoj)

323
I think people are confusing Rocky Horror with Little Shop of Horrors. Rick Moranis was in the latter, not the former.

Oh dear.

And this is how the Brian Dennehy thing started.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:03 PM (bOJUT)

324 It's a trap!

Posted by: JohnJ at October 20, 2016 09:03 PM (QqY+m)

325 Fart early

Posted by: ajmojo at October 20, 2016 09:03 PM (VYOC+)

326 Rocky Horror = Alien transvestite

Little Shop of Horror= Plant that eats you

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (KHyOM)

327 299 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.
Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Platoon?

Posted by: Josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (7qAYi)

328 Fart early

...and often.

Posted by: Hope's Rolo at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (Tyii7)

329 The clues are always there.

Posted by: washrivergal at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (CFc5L)

330 Some of my life lessons with 20 years experience with this thing called marriage.

*Choose your battles wisely - does it really matter what color the bedroom is?

*It's a partnership - try to think win/win not win/lose

*As Rob Base sez - I takes two to make a thing go right

*take your time - it isn't a race to see if you can accumulate everything; don't go broke keeping up with the Jones or anyone else for that matter

Posted by: Saxinis at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (70g5L)

331
That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.
Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Platoon?

Apocalypse Now?

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (bOJUT)

332 My personal favorite is the Double Dutch Oven.

Posted by: Hope's Rolo at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (Tyii7)

333 Guys, don't complain about your job to your wife or girlfriend. If your job stresses you out, work it out at the gym, the locker room or the bar with your male friends.

Ladies, don't spend your inheritance over your husband's objection. Be cheerfully content with what your husband is able to provide or else don't marry him.

Posted by: Jack Squat Bupkis at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (sjMdG)

334
That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.
Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Platoon?

Apocalypse Now?

Schindler's List?

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (bOJUT)

335 From Here To Eternity.

Posted by: Burt Lancaster, grinning at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM

It wasn't that great, Burt.

Posted by: Deborah Kerr, reaching for her pink rabbit at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (JO9+V)

336 I have never understood why women ask their husbands how they look. He mostly doesn't know how you look. And if he does happen to really like how you look for some reason, he will tell you. But he will still not really know exactly why he likes how you look, unless it has something to do with the sexy factor. (Low cut, super short skirt, very form fitting, etc)

I will ask Thor very specific things like "is my slip showing", but for the love of Pete, I do not put him on the spot by asking him how I look, because I know darn well he can't really tell what he is supposed to be noticing.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (7ZXKG)

337 Marry your soul mate. Unless your a soulless bastard then it won't work

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (auHtY)

338 As for advice for women, most men would rather be respected than flattered.

This is the crux of my concerns. Self deprecating humor on my part is met with reassurances that I'm perfect.

Maybe our insecurities will keep us together in marriage counselling for decades to come.

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (n+/OT)

339 " Marry in your religion. Whatever that is or is not.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 08:51 PM (NbJXF) "

You're asking me to find a Jewish girl that will both put up with my shit and give beejers?

Okay, and then I'll find Bigfoot and the Holy Grail.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (kumBu)

340 If you want to be happy for the rest of your life , never make a pretty woman your wife. It's my personal point of view - get an ugly girl to marry you
Posted by: batterup at October 20, 2016 09:02 PM (mtGE/)

*****

I disagree with that only by degree. I married a very attractive former cheerleader. I think you should marry someone you find attractive, but not someone who lets that define them.

Unfortunately, the Ex thought this defined her and kinda lost it when that faded, as it always will.

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 09:07 PM (KcI5m)

341 310 I think people are confusing Rocky Horror with Little Shop of Horrors. Rick Moranis was in the latter, not the former.
Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (kumBu)

OK, now that makes sense. I thought my memory was going.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:07 PM (sdi6R)

342 331
That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.
Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Platoon?

Apocalypse Now?
Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (bOJUT)

I think we're talking about On the Beach. That last scene with Waltzing Matilda playing was very romantic.

Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 09:07 PM (hJrjt)

343 I've been married 20 years, it's been rough. Don't ever marry a lazy person.

Posted by: Make America Great Again at October 20, 2016 09:08 PM (BS8yt)

344 Fart early
Posted by: ajmojo at October 20, 2016 09:03 PM (VYOC+)

My wife can fart louder than me to my shame.

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at October 20, 2016 09:08 PM (dKiJG)

345 Okay, and then I'll find Bigfoot and the Holy Grail.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (kumBu)

The first has been seen prowling around the White House for the last 8 years usually wearing 70s style couch covers. The other I can't help you with

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:08 PM (auHtY)

346 299 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.
Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

London After Midnight

Posted by: AD at October 20, 2016 09:08 PM (924j6)

347 "Self deprecating humor on my part is met with reassurances that I'm perfect. "

Well it might be she has rose colored glasses but...I've seen this dynamic before and typically once the flip switches, and it does, she'll go in the opposite direction and become cold as ice towards you instead.

Because eventually she'll realize you aren't perfect, and then...well it's like a preference cascade. Not perfect becomes Awful In Every Way.

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 09:08 PM (KHyOM)

348 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.
Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Platoon?

Apocalypse Now?
Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (bOJUT)

I think we're talking about On the Beach. That last scene with Waltzing Matilda playing was very romantic.
Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 09:07 PM (hJrjt)

From Here to Eternity?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 20, 2016 09:08 PM (PBJgT)

349
Cruelty.

Bail at first sign of cruelty, defined as enjoying other people's pain. That's not the same as schadenfreude, where you enjoy payback.

If it makes her (or him) feel good to make someone else feel bad, there is no hope or cure.

Run, run like the wind.

Posted by: Frankly at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (YUi2+)

350 "And this is how the Brian Dennehy thing started.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:03 PM (bOJUT) "

Rick Moranis left Hollywood, which is why they had to find somebody else to be the ship in Interstellar.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (kumBu)

351 There are so many good videos on their website, but this is one that really helped us set the right priorities:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4YxfzzyBS8

I highly recommend going to their website and watching some of the other videos, too: http://www.wogcounseling.org/online-videos/

Posted by: CCC at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (ZTF1d)

352 I think people are confusing Rocky Horror with Little Shop of Horrors. Rick Moranis was in the latter, not the former.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:01 PM (kumBu)

OK, now that makes sense. I thought my memory was going.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:07 PM (sdi6R)

This is known as the Berenstein Bear effect.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (JO9+V)

353 Don't know if it's been said yet, but the one piece of advice I would give is When arguing never, ever, ever use the word, "Divorce." Once it's said you can't take it back.

Posted by: California Girl at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (Pt5D1)

354 335 From Here To Eternity.

Posted by: Burt Lancaster, grinning at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM

No, you're thinking of Airplane.

Posted by: AD at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (924j6)

355 Warden, you said some great things. My wonderful, and I do mean wonderful, husband and I have been married nearly 27 years and I feel like the luckiest lady in the world. All of this has been said, but I would emphasize:

1. Talk, talk, talk about everything before you get married. My husband and I are the same religion, which was important to us, we hold the same views about raising children, spending money (we are both frugal but spend out when we need/want to), those sorts of things.

2. Put each other first. If you try to make the other happy before your own happiness, you will both end up happy.

3. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 25 years, but I sure do remember what it was like in the workplace. I always greet my husband with a smile and a hug and a kiss and ask about his day. If I can tell he's had a bad day, I will drop what I am doing and sit right down so he can tell me about it. Of course I don't understand a lot of what he says (buzzwords and such) and he knows that, but he knows I care.

4. We honestly don't argue. There is nothing more important to us than our marriage, so as someone above mentioned, if something is really important to one of us, it gets done.

5. Appreciate each other. Always. Never talk badly about the other to anyone.

6. Respect each other. Be grateful for your spouse. Let your spouse know how much you love them every single day.

7. With regard to gifts, figure out what works for you. I honestly don't care at all about gifts. My husband always asks, and often I will just say I'll get what I need and not to worry. He's the same way. We will both surprise each other sometimes too. I remember one Christmas when he got me a large covered frying pan that could go in the oven (which I asked for) and I got him a Shop Vac (which he asked for) and we were both thrilled.

This is getting to be an ace-level movie review - sorry!

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (uHcnA)

356 OT - Boobs - Check out the red dress

linky in nic

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (P/kVC)

357 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Planet of the Apes

Posted by: naturalfake at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (9q7Dl)

358 And this is how the Brian Dennehy thing started.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:03 PM (bOJUT)

It wasn't Brian Dennehy it was Steve Martin.

Posted by: gNewt....panhandlers never seem to not have their hands out ~ at October 20, 2016 09:09 PM (FCAbp)

359 Sex on the gawt damned beach is over rated. All that sand in places it was never meant to be.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:10 PM (7ZXKG)

360
Planet of the Apes

You know how I feel about apes.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:10 PM (bOJUT)

361 rom Here To Eternity.

Posted by: Burt Lancaster, grinning at October 20, 2016 09:00 PM

It wasn't that great, Burt.

Posted by: Deborah Kerr, reaching for her pink rabbit at October 20, 2016 09:05 PM (JO9+V)

And he was a commie bastard who had the acting ability of a block of wood

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:10 PM (auHtY)

362 342. On the Beach, with A.Perkins making the worst attempt in recorded history of someone trying to speak with an Aussie accent

Posted by: Roscoe at October 20, 2016 09:10 PM (zq65o)

363 From Here to Eternity?

Some Came Running?

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:10 PM (qUNWi)

364 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

True Grit

Posted by: gNewt....panhandlers never seem to not have their hands out ~ at October 20, 2016 09:10 PM (FCAbp)

365 Marriage these days is nothing more than a short-term contract that says within ten years she will stomp your heart and soul into the dirt and then take half your shit. Fortunately (for me) mine was too stupid and egregious to do things the right way, so she got nothing.

So, my life advice?

Don't.

-C

Posted by: Cnation at October 20, 2016 09:11 PM (SQ6Nb)

366 336. T never asks me how she looks either
She was a professional model so she knows how to dress and make-up better than I could guess
When we first started dating my sis told me to not constantly go on about her looks cause she knew
The way I knew she was the ONE was we could eat together in comfortable silence

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:11 PM (+vAGU)

367 "For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope"

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:11 PM (6FqZa)

368 356. I just wish she'd ask that guy in front to lean to his right a little.

Posted by: Roscoe at October 20, 2016 09:11 PM (zq65o)

369 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Beach Blanket Bingo?

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 20, 2016 09:12 PM (JO9+V)

370
Because eventually she'll realize you aren't perfect, and then...well it's like a preference cascade. Not perfect becomes Awful In Every Way.

I'm waiting to get past the lovey dovey stage before deciding. It's occurred to me to take the initiative in standing down on the politeness arms race.

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:12 PM (n+/OT)

371 Whenever it's that time of the monthe be sure to be supportive: let her know how lucky she is and how much you envy her.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 20, 2016 09:12 PM (mL2BD)

372 Why not try typing out a little play by play? We will be amused and informed. You might get a side job.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at October 20, 2016 08:50 PM (FtrY1)

Why not vote for Hillary!? You might get a blow job!

Posted by: Madonna at October 20, 2016 09:12 PM (PRf2R)

373 Oh my.

Maria Bartiromo sitting behind Trump.

You're welcome, Morons.

Posted by: 'cause I'm kind like that at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (BnuDT)

374 Don't know anything abt being married, but Trump was killing the Al Smith dinner and now he's going too far...

Posted by: firehorse at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (//TVq)

375 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.
Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Platoon?

Apocalypse Now?
Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:04 PM (bOJUT)

I think we're talking about On the Beach. That last scene with Waltzing Matilda playing was very romantic.
Posted by: Northernlurker at October 20, 2016 09:07 PM (hJrjt)

From Here to Eternity?
Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 20, 2016 09:08 PM (PBJgT)

Beach Red?

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (dKiJG)

376 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

Co-ed Nymphs 7? or was it 8?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (auHtY)

377 If you suspect your spouse of subversive thoughts or activities, open a secret file on them.

Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (Sfs6o)

378 110 "Don't be an asshole.

Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 08:16 PM (Sfs6o) "

My only modes are asshole, smartass and sleep. So I guess my best bet for a happy marriage is a coma.

Me too, but fortunately my wife finds it funny and endearing. These women and men do exist.

Posted by: Barricuda at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (n2xDv)

379 "now he's going too far..."

Would he be Trump if he weren't?

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (KHyOM)

380 Spend money on her. She'll forget why she was mad.

Posted by: Trish Regan Fan Club at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (vP09u)

381 Rookie that started for the Indians last night Ryan Merritt - getting married soon. Indians fans found his wedding registry on pottery barn and target and bought it out in 30 minutes. Twitter is hilarious. Hey Ryan thanks and enjoy the oven mitts!

Posted by: Simplemind at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (ZuGkg)

382 I just switched to the Al Smith dinner. Holy shit.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (n3MnG)

383 Maria Bartiromo sitting behind Trump.

You're welcome, Morons.

Posted by: 'cause I'm kind like that at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (BnuDT)

A dress cut so low the cleavage goes all the way down and around...

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (P/kVC)

384 Gotta do more to it than just grab it.

Posted by: The irredeemable DJT at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (9dH/8)

385 Trump being rude. Not a good plan

Posted by: The Goat fucker, Mohamad at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (NbJXF)

386 Well, bluebell, at least it was a favourable review :^)

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (6FqZa)

387 "Co-ed Nymphs 7? or was it 8?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (auHtY) "

Psh, both 7 and 8 were shallow and derivative. It's 9 that was the cinematic masterpiece.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (kumBu)

388 I've been married just shy of 24 years. As a competitive person, I always want to win an argument when I think I'm right--and when do we ever think we're NOT right, right? But let me boil it down to this: When you your spouse have an argument, you will never "win." Because the game never ends. It just continues to the next day, or next dispute. And maybe she'll be totally in the wrong (and a little embarrassed) today, but you know what? Tomorrow, YOU'LL be in the wrong, and feeling embarrassed. So when you're right, don't insist she admit it, just agree to disagree. Maybe even go along with her (wrong) idea...Down the road it'll pay dividends.

Naturally this does not apply to huge issues like regular spending, raising kids, or agreeing to vote Democrat...For those issues you need to have a joint agreement, or else the marriage can't survive, imho.

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (+O9YB)

389 Step 1: be marriagable

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (39g3+)

390 I can not believe his speech. Not letting Hillary off the hook

Posted by: The Goat fucker, Mohamad at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (NbJXF)

391 Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:11 PM (+vAGU)

Oh that's a great point about eating in silence together. Being able to be comfortable in silence overall is a plus.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (7ZXKG)

392 Ah, 356 and 368 are already on it.

Posted by: 'cause I'm kind like that at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (BnuDT)

393 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Pearl Harbor?

Seriously, the best thing about that movie was Kate Beckinsale in a 1941 swimsuit. Rrr.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (sdi6R)

394 5. Appreciate each other. Always. Never talk badly about the other to anyone.

***********

My wife stopped going to girls-night-out with some friends because all they did was sit around and trash their husbands. Then they'd look at her and she'd be like, "Uh... I like my husband. Sometimes he loads the dishwasher in a way I don't like. Not really worth complaining about."

I just think it's a terrible and disrespectful habit. Women seem to do it more than men, but some guys do it, too. I've talked to close friends about disagreements I've had with my wife, but never sat and bashed her.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (MZ8Zz)

395 And a sense of humor is absolutely essential. Everyone here seems to have one. Make sure your prospective spouse does too. It goes a long way towards making things good.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (uHcnA)

396 This may already have been said, I couldn't keep up with comments, but set strict limits on technology in your bedroom. Period. When all you do is sit next to each other and stare at screens you will fade out of each other's life. Put. The. Phone. Down.

Posted by: Holly at October 20, 2016 09:16 PM (JUFeh)

397 I just switched to the Al Smith dinner. Holy shit.
Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (n3MnG)

Like "Holy Shit" how? Do I want to know?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 20, 2016 09:16 PM (PBJgT)

398 I'm not watching the speech, but facebook tells me he's getting booed?

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 09:16 PM (KHyOM)

399 Maria Bartiromo sitting behind Trump.

-----

My eyes never made it up that high.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 20, 2016 09:16 PM (JmjOe)

400 The money honey is showing cleavage?

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at October 20, 2016 09:16 PM (NS9MU)

401 Like "Holy Shit" how? Do I want to know?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 20, 2016 09:16 PM (PBJgT)

Yes,

linky in nic

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:16 PM (P/kVC)

402 Get fingernail clippings, lock of hair, and something of value from them. You'll need it for the voodoo doll.

Posted by: Make America Great Again at October 20, 2016 09:17 PM (BS8yt)

403 "Hey Ryan thanks and enjoy the oven mitts!

Posted by: Simplemind at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (ZuGkg) "

Did the registry include iron underwear? Because that kid has balls of fucking steel.

Or as I joked to a friend last night - Ice water has Ryan Merritt in its veins.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:17 PM (kumBu)

404 Well, bluebell, at least it was a favourable review :^)
Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:14 PM (6FqZa)
--------------

Ha. Yes, it was, because I could never ever say anything unfavorable about being married to my husband. If you like me, you'd love him. If you don't like me, you'd still love him.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:17 PM (uHcnA)

405 Does jq public get a break from her shit, why give her one..... Turn the screws, this is peoples lives.

Posted by: The irredeemable DJT at October 20, 2016 09:17 PM (9dH/8)

406 Some Came Running?

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:10 PM (qUNWi)

No, but they were breathing hard.

Posted by: Josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:17 PM (7qAYi)

407 When you see news stories about men doing horrid things, be sure to tell her, "Men are horrible pigs! I hate them! I am ashamed to be one. I wish I could be more like you".

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 20, 2016 09:18 PM (mL2BD)

408 This may already have been said, I couldn't keep up with comments, but set strict limits on technology in your bedroom. Period. When all you do is sit next to each other and stare at screens you will fade out of each other's life. Put. The. Phone. Down.

Exception: if she can only fake orgasms, set phone to vibrate?

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:18 PM (n+/OT)

409 All I saw was a guy with Marlon Brando Voice introducing Hillary. So I guess Trump's finished?

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:18 PM (6FqZa)

410 Whenever we start to argue, I stop - remember that I'm a Super Genius, and offer a wry chuckle.

Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (Sfs6o)

411 I'm guessing this dinner isn't honoring the outfielder from the 1954 Indians?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (kumBu)

412 Tenco's advice is similar to what P. J. Plauger had to say about it, in a column called "Programming on Purpose" he wrote for "Computer Language" Magazine thirty years ago. He says that if you and your spouse only promise to give 50%, there will be plenty of times that you or your spouse will only be able to meet 20% of the way across and that makes for a lot of gaps. It works much better if you're both willing to cover 100%. That way, your connection will rarely fall short.

If you have children, are going to have a child, or anticipate having a child, take a parenting class, especially if you live far away from your parents. Yes, there's a lot of claptrap in it, but the class includes strategies for dealing with a lot of different situations. You don't want to have to come up with this stuff on the fly. Really, you don't. It's also good advice if you ever want to manage people. Seriously.

I have to say that it is possible to control a spendthrift spouse. It's done by working out a system where they can spend until some limit and then they can't. We did it by setting up two accounts, one of which daily puts a budgeted amount into the other. It works so well, in fact, that I probably need to do that sort of thing for myself.

Posted by: Jonathan G at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (jT9wB)

413 Why does Hillary keep looking over her right shoulder?

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (P/kVC)

414 Just remember they ( the womens) are talkative critters occasionally lacking linear stories, stay focused if you can, you will be tested.

Posted by: mbruce at October 20, 2016 09:20 PM (YtWJn)

415 This may already have been said, I couldn't keep up with comments, but set strict limits on technology in your bedroom. Period.

Posted by: Holly at October 20, 2016 09:16 PM (JUFeh)

no more than three toys at once.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (cPsPa)

416 Wow, Trump really has jumped the shark.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (NbJXF)

417 My test:

I drop a penny in front of her. If we end up on the ground fighting over it, she's a keeper.

No takers so far.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (FtrY1)

418 We must be in love. We're watchin Rocky Horror Picture Show and both of us were dancin t

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (+DiO8)

419 I just think it's a terrible and disrespectful habit. Women seem to do it more than men, but some guys do it, too. I've talked to close friends about disagreements I've had with my wife, but never sat and bashed her.
Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (MZ8Zz)
--------------

Warden, your wife was smart to get out of those nights out with those women. I've been very fortunate in that the friends I am close to feel the same way as I do, but I have overheard women say terrible things too and I think how in the world can you do that.

I think the friends you choose can also help or hurt your marriage. My husband and I are best friends, and I will tell him every single thing. No one else knows the things he knows.

That sounds kind of sinister, but it's not meant to, lol.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (uHcnA)

420 413 Why does Hillary keep looking over her right shoulder?
Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (P/kVC)

Girl with cleavage behind her?

Posted by: Josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (7qAYi)

421 never let your wife and girlfriend meet

Posted by: Rick in SK at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (K2T58)

422 Why does Hillary keep looking over her right shoulder?
Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (P/kVC)

sometimes that is because of the stick up her ass

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (PBJgT)

423 --The money honey is showing cleavage?--

The way the camera is angled for the majority of the addresses, you can catch the plunging neckline of Maria's scarlet dress, if the face of the douche' sitting in front of her face isn't blocking it...One part of MY body aint plunging...

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (+O9YB)

424 " Wow, Trump really has jumped the shark."

What's he saying?

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (KHyOM)

425 413
Why does Hillary keep looking over her right shoulder?

Posted by:at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (P/kVC)

She is looking at the Cardinal.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (NbJXF)

426 Oh man, relationship advice is depressing. Every damn time.

The thing about "From Here to Eternity" is, I've been down to that beach. And about half a mile away is this other beach, a real stony promontory that is one of the planet's best places for surf-casting. There's a Japanese shrine to the fishing gods there. Now ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you: what kind of career sergeant would drive half-way around the island to do an officer's wife on the beach, when there's fishing like that to be had? What the hell, she can't cast?

Posted by: Stringer Davis at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (H5rtT)

427 "All I saw was a guy with Marlon Brando Voice introducing Hillary. So I guess Trump's finished?

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:18 PM (6FqZa) "

Heh, he does sound like Marlon Brando. Maybe he should slap Hillary around a bit?

"You can act like a man! What's the matter with you?"

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (kumBu)

428 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

The Magnificent 7"

Posted by: Burt Lancaster, grinning at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (JO9+V)

429 don't make idle threats, follow through.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (cPsPa)

430
So does Hillary start off with Hey, I love you backwards, misogynistic papists? Oh wait I'm reading from one of my emails.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:22 PM (auHtY)

431 418>> Alcohol may be involved....

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at October 20, 2016 09:22 PM (+DiO8)

432 424
" Wow, Trump really has jumped the shark."

What's he saying?

Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (KHyOM)

Watching Hillary now. Called her anti Catholic and said he was pro life, basically was too political at a supposed roast

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:22 PM (NbJXF)

433 Wow, Trump really has jumped the shark."

What's he saying?
Posted by: Lauren at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM (KHyOM)

he did not jump the shark, he wrestled it into the cage and fucked the shark. it was ugly.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:23 PM (cPsPa)

434 Be neater than she is. Make her feel more masculine than you. Perhaps try occassionally drinking your tea with pinky extended, as a "joke".

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 20, 2016 09:23 PM (mL2BD)

435 424
" Wow, Trump really has jumped the shark."

What's he saying?

Posted by: Lauren

====

meh, it's Nip Sip.

Probably "hello".

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:23 PM (zu88C)

436 Whenever we start to argue, I stop - remember that I'm a Super Genius, and offer a wry chuckle.
Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (Sfs6o)

----------------

Heh. You talk a good game, but I know that lovely Mrs. Weasel has you wrapped around her little finger, and deservedly so.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:23 PM (uHcnA)

437 Rude. She is not being too kind either.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:23 PM (NbJXF)

438 With all due respect to the blogger who put this post up, but am I the only one here concerned about taking marriage hints from someone named Warden?

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at October 20, 2016 09:24 PM (waSFb)

439 SHARK FUCKING!

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at October 20, 2016 09:24 PM (NS9MU)

440 seriously, how fucking cheap is donald? couldn't he pry his wallet open and hire someone funny to write him a fucking speech?

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:24 PM (cPsPa)

441 Wow, Trump really has jumped the shark.

Yes. He was so mean.

Posted by: Trigglypuff at October 20, 2016 09:24 PM (Tyii7)

442 Maybe my girlfriend is a bunny boiler who found an unmarried man who doesn't care how the stew is made but that she continues to make it years from now?

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:25 PM (n+/OT)

443 Did he say "mish" in front of the Cardinal?

Posted by: Josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:25 PM (7qAYi)

444 Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner
*******

Sock puppets are and always have been my favorite part of this blog.

Posted by: Warden at October 20, 2016 09:25 PM (MZ8Zz)

445 "Posted by: JewishOdysseus at October 20, 2016 09:15 PM (+O9YB) "

That's one of my problems. My biggest hobby is trivia, where the name of the game is remembering everything and always being right. Not exactly attributes that lead to a harmonious marriage.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:25 PM (kumBu)

446 bluebell...your movie review was good

Posted by: concrete girl at October 20, 2016 09:25 PM (+THr2)

447 Probably "hello".

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:23 PM (zu88C)

Nah, it was more like F U Hillary, but first you will blow me.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:25 PM (NbJXF)

448 That movie: they're making love on the beach with the surf rolling in at their feet.

Posted by: Sand at October 20, 2016 08:59 PM (FCAbp)

The Magnificent 7"

Posted by: Burt Lancaster, grinning at October 20, 2016 09:21 PM

Oh brother. *rolls eyes*

Posted by: Deborah Kerr, extending pinky finger at October 20, 2016 09:25 PM (JO9+V)

449 Every once in a while....be a little rough on the Beaver.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (qUNWi)

450 Nah, it was more like F U Hillary, but first you will blow me.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:25 PM (NbJXF)

Now I know he would never say the second part to her. Not even Chelsea

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (auHtY)

451 Who's the fucking guy with the big head blocking Maria Bartiromo's luscious knockers?

Where's a vorpal sword when you need it?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (kumBu)

452 I have to say that it is possible to control a spendthrift spouse. It's done by working out a system where they can spend until some limit and then they can't.

Very good advice.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (7ZXKG)

453 412. We didn't take parenting classes
Looking at the spawn next to me...
She's wearing a cubs jersey and men's minion boxers
She printed out a program for the game to keep score
She's making Italian sausage for the 7th inning stretch
She took a cab home from school to catch the game faster

I raised her well

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (+vAGU)

454 I've been married 25 years.

Here's what I've learned.

Accommodate your wife in the vast overwhelming of circumstances.

Only plant the flag on the major things and you too can be happily married for two decades plus.

Posted by: Kreplach at October 20, 2016 09:27 PM (+lv+r)

455 She is looking at the Cardinal.

Is she melting?

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:27 PM (qJhUV)

456 Every once in a while....be a little rough on the Beaver.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (qUNWi)

Whoa, don't overdo it.Just once a day and twice on sundays and bank holidays should do it.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:27 PM (P/kVC)

457 Nah, it was more like F U Hillary, but first you will blow me.

====

I'm okay with this.

The fake-ass comedy routine , laughing with "my colleague from across the aisle" should have ended when it was clear that the Dems had become hardcore Anti-American leftists.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:27 PM (zu88C)

458 >>>SHARK FUCKING!

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at October 20, 2016 09:24 PM (NS9MU)<<<
Sharks are pussies. Of course Trump could grab them and have his way with them.

Posted by: a rapey dolphin at October 20, 2016 09:28 PM (BnuDT)

459 I'm waiting to get past the lovey dovey stage before deciding. It's occurred to me to take the initiative in standing down on the politeness arms race.
Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:12 PM (n+/OT)
-----------------

derit, do you love her? Can you trust her when she says she loves you?

I don't know how it was for other people, but I dated a fair amount before I married my husband. He is the only person ever that the more I found out about him, the more I loved him. That's how I knew he was the one.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:28 PM (uHcnA)

460 Cubs are winning and threatening to score again. So yeah, Cubs-Indians...this is happening. Keep an eye out for meteors and other things that might destroy the Earth to maintain G-d's decree that neither of these teams can ever catch a break.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:28 PM (kumBu)

461 I met my husband in a bar. They said it wouldn't last. This year we celebrated our 36th anniversary. So there all you "marriages don't last when you meet in bar" people!!

Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at October 20, 2016 09:28 PM (CNHr1)

462 Wow, Trump really has jumped the shark.

Yes. He was so mean.

I'm not watching it, but it doesn't bother me any. I'm sick of those White House Press Dinner-type events where the political class and the media class all yuk it up together.

This is a war for the future of the country. I don't want to make nice with the enemy.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:28 PM (sdi6R)

463 I'm okay with this.

The fake-ass comedy routine , laughing with "my colleague from across the aisle" should have ended when it was clear that the Dems had become hardcore Anti-American leftists.
Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:27 PM (zu88C)

yeah well it was not even delivered well, it was like he was trying to read it off of his hand and half of it had gotten washed off.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:28 PM (cPsPa)

464 449 Every once in a while....be a little rough on the Beaver.

Now Ward....

Posted by: Rick in SK at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (K2T58)

465 I'm not watching it, but it doesn't bother me any. I'm sick of those
White House Press Dinner-type events where the political class and the
media class all yuk it up together.

This is a war for the future of the country. I don't want to make nice with the enemy.

=====

Yup.

They are laughing AT us. Not with us.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (zu88C)

466 462 Wow, Trump really has jumped the shark.

Yes. He was so mean.

Well It will give the media another"scandal" to talk about like last nights "mean" Trump...

Posted by: deplorable donna at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (O2RFr)

467 Look at the size of those earrings.

Posted by: ` at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (FCAbp)

468 ...then she said to the Pope "Those aren't bouys!"

Posted by: Donald Trump at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (7qAYi)

469 "Is she melting?

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:27 PM (qJhUV) "

Which Cardinal? Lou Brock or Bob Gibson?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (kumBu)

470 He is the only person ever that the more I found out about him, the more I loved him. That's how I knew he was the one.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:28 PM (uHcnA)

That there is an excellent sign.

Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (xVuS6)

471 Thank you, concrete girl.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (uHcnA)

472 :wait for laughter:

Posted by: Donald Trump at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (7qAYi)

473 Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (+vAGU)

AND she can play a guitar just like ringin' a bell!

You raised her well, my friend. Very well indeed.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (7ZXKG)

474
Do people name their kids "Ward" anymore?

Or "Beaver?"

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:30 PM (bOJUT)

475 I've been married for 37 years. Keep telling your wife how sexy she is. No, that dress doesn't make your butt look big.

Posted by: right on at October 20, 2016 09:30 PM (qgJK7)

476 Who's the fucking guy with the big head blocking Maria Bartiromo's luscious knockers?

Where's a vorpal sword when you need it?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (kumBu)

I have always admired the latina sunday-go-to-church finery.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:30 PM (P/kVC)

477 "Every once in a while....be a little rough on the Beaver.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:26 PM (qUNWi) "

Fuck you, man. I haven't had steady work in decades. I've had it rough enough!

Posted by: Jerry Mathers at October 20, 2016 09:30 PM (kumBu)

478 Did Trump turn and piss on The FAB's head? Because unless he did that, I got NO problem with anything he might or mightnot have said since she is a lying POS worst

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 20, 2016 09:31 PM (PBJgT)

479 Has Donald already talked at the Al Smith dinner?

Posted by: ALH at October 20, 2016 09:31 PM (Z56vq)

480 Hahaaa, Broseidon, I like trivia, too, but I do it more to impress my woman rather than contradict her. Also keep things in perspective: I can recall Rod Carew's career batting average, but she remembers to pick up the kid's prescription and renew the tag on the car...Which is really more valuable? lol

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at October 20, 2016 09:31 PM (+O9YB)

481 394, 419. We don't talk about it much, but that shit cuts both ways.

Bunch of guys telling the same old wife bitches, over and over. We even do it here, on a slow night. Keeps me out of a bunch of guy stuff, but, wife is a tech professional who learned it the hard way, a hell of a shot, and pretty much a nympho. Even when she pisses me off, I really like her a lot. Not really interested in sneaking out for burp, fart, hocker, hey they're all like that ain't they, with the boys.

The quality of male bonding has gone way down, if that's all they've got.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at October 20, 2016 09:31 PM (H5rtT)

482 She's being a little bitchy, so maybe Donald will get a pass?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:31 PM (NbJXF)

483 That there is an excellent sign.
Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (xVuS6)
-----------------

I thought so too, Emmie. And I've told this to my kids, and I hope they find the same thing.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (uHcnA)

484 Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:28 PM (kumBu)

Shut your mouth already. There is no game. This is not the game you are looking for.

I don't even know what game you're talking about, so quit talking about it already.

Inx-jay, dude.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (7ZXKG)

485 479
Has Donald already talked at the Al Smith dinner?

Posted by: ALH at October 20, 2016 09:31 PM (Z56vq)

Yes

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (NbJXF)

486 I've been married for 37 years. Keep telling your wife how sexy she is. No, that dress doesn't make your butt look big.
Posted by: right on at October 20, 2016 09:30 PM (qgJK7)

so your wife is white.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (cPsPa)

487 Married 10 years.....

My advice is don't worry about it too much. I always hate it when I hear people talk about working on your marriage. I have never "worked" on my marriage. Sure there have been ups and downs, but show me any relationship between two people that doesn't have good and bad times. But you never hear about working on your friendship or working on your business relationships. It's a given that these relationships won't be perfect. But for some reason there's this expectation out there that marriage has to be. It won't be. If you constantly aim for perfection you'll never be happy.

Also both parties have to have an independent life outside of the marriage. You need you time. And it's perfectly fine to do things without your wife/husband. It's perfectly fine to have your own friends, ie not the couple's friends. Marriage is an extension of the individual person, it's not a death sentence of the individual.

Posted by: #neverskankles at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (wD9H7)

488 She's being a little bitchy, so maybe Donald will get a pass?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:31 PM (NbJXF)

Ha. He could have gotten up there and said the Our Father and sat down and the MFM would have said he gave a sexist speech

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (auHtY)

489 473. Yep she's a shredder!!
Turns 15 next week, she wants a dirt bike

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (+vAGU)

490 "then she said to the Pope "Those aren't bouys!"

Posted by: Donald Trump at October 20, 2016 09:29 PM (7qAYi) "

As long as he doesn't make any jokes about dentists, he should be okay.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (kumBu)

491 So based on what I'm reading here & on fb, the people who like Trump are loving it & the people who don't like Trump have their panties in an uproar. Nothing's changed.

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (7qAYi)

492 Now she is getting REALLY bitchy.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (NbJXF)

493 Grab her by the pussy!!!!

Posted by: Karmic Justice at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (DcTjp)

494 Like for instance, my wife wanted to see Girl on the Train, I didn't want to see Girl on the Train.

But I evaluated the upsides and downsides of not going to see that movie and I calculated the the downsides outweighed the upsides so I went.

I didn't like the film but wife was happy.

This all plays into the If Mama aint Happy aint nobody's happy paradigm.

Posted by: Kreplach at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (+lv+r)

495
Heh. You talk a good game, but I know that lovely Mrs. Weasel has you wrapped around her little finger, and deservedly so.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:23 PM (uHcnA)
--------
Well, yes. There is that.

Posted by: Weasel at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (Sfs6o)

496 Does she have . . . huge *spreads arms, hands cupped* . . . tracts of land?

Posted by: King of Swamp Castle at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (JO9+V)

497 493
Grab her by the pussy!!!!

Posted by: Karmic Justice at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (DcTjp)

My eyes my eyes

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (NbJXF)

498 derit, do you love her? Can you trust her when she says she loves you?

Her ex-fiance broke up with her a few months ago. Could this be a desperate rebound infatuation of hers, increasingly cognizant of a narrowing opportunities? That's a concern, but broaching it is tricky even for a charming guy, let alone me

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (n+/OT)

499 Ha. He could have gotten up there and said the Our Father and sat down and the MFM would have said he gave a sexist speech
Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (auHtY)

he gave a bad speech.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (cPsPa)

500 Hills speaking at the Al Smith dinner is bombing. She's so awful. All her jokes are mean spirited and petty.
I managed to miss Trump speaking somehow. Dammit!!!

Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (UOsvH)

501 Good for you two, Jewells!!!

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (uHcnA)

502 "Inx-jay, dude.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (7ZXKG) "

Now why would I try to jinx a 103 win team when my team is already in the World Series? That would be downright unsporting of me.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (kumBu)

503 Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (+vAGU)

I love it! Has she decided which kind yet?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (7ZXKG)

504 Hills speaking at the Al Smith dinner is bombing. She's so awful. All her jokes are mean spirited and petty.
I managed to miss Trump speaking somehow. Dammit!!!
Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (UOsvH)

you were lucky. bad speech, mean and not even funny.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (cPsPa)

505 Excellent advice! Been married to same man for 35 years, and I think this is the best one:
Women need to feel safe and loved. Men need to feel respected. Don't forget these things when dealing with your spouse.

Posted by: OutspokenRed at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (3pn0J)

506 Anybody hear Trump?
Was it as bad as Clinton?

Posted by: gNewt....panhandlers never seem to not have their hands out ~ at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (FCAbp)

507 Maybe Trump's aim was to troll Hillary into delivering an even worse load of the passive-aggression, snark, and feigned concern she delivered last night.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (6FqZa)

508 Has Donald already talked at the Al Smith dinner?

This is all political inside baseball bullshit anyways. Half the people there probably don't know who Al Smith was.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (qJhUV)

509 mean people suck

Posted by: Trigglypuff at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (Tyii7)

510 Her ex-fiance broke up with her a few months ago.
Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (n+/OT)

She needs time to process that before jumping into another relationship.

Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (xVuS6)

511 hoard to know who would give worse marriage advice donald or hillary.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (cPsPa)

512 "Which is really more valuable? lol

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at October 20, 2016 09:31 PM (+O9YB) "

Having met Ken Jennings, remembering all of that stupid shit can be pretty valuable in the right venue.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:36 PM (kumBu)

513 mean people suck
Posted by: Trigglypuff at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (Tyii7)

well, then they cannot be all bad.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (cPsPa)

514 Now she is boring everyone and lecturing everyone.

Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (UOsvH)

515 If I've had a bad week with Pookette, my husband will wake up before me at least once on the weekend to get her out of bed. I can sleep a lot easier once I've heard the joyful "DADDY! Good morning, Daddy!"

Next week we're traveling thousands of miles to be with him. I prefer to think of it as "keeping the family together" rather than "wife and daughter can't live without husband for more than a week."

Posted by: pookysgirl at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (ar2KI)

516 Yeah, both of these speeches suck. Donald had better jokes, and now she is going way over the line.

I take it back, Donald was too easy on her.

She is lecturing priests! What a C*nt

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (NbJXF)

517 Donald was born and raised in New York City. He's been bred to be an asshole.
The rest of the people in this country have learned to make allowances for New Yorkers.
I do not get why people are surprised at his behavior.
I missed his speech. Must have been a hum dinger. I'll have to watch the video tomorrow on YouTube.

Posted by: ALH at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (Z56vq)

518 Isn't Ken Jennings a flaming libtard?

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (4ErVI)

519 Good sex is 10 percent of a marriage. Bad sex is 90 percent of a marriage. Never say no. If your spouse routinely says no, welcome to the average, unhappy marriage. Decide if you want to live this way because it will not get better.

Posted by: 90% Privileged Husband at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (mcHvA)

520 I have to say that it is possible to control a spendthrift spouse. It's done by working out a system where they can spend until some limit and then they can't. We did it by setting up two accounts, one of which daily puts a budgeted amount into the other. It works so well, in fact, that I probably need to do that sort of thing for myself.
Posted by: Jonathan G at October 20, 2016 09:19 PM (jT9wB)

Under the Duluth model, that's abusive behavior. No, I'm not kidding.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (0mRoj)

521 Who cares. Get Donald, the money honey and her tits out of there, board the door and windows and torch the place.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (NS9MU)

522 That's disappointing to hear. Donald's speech was worse than hers?

Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (UOsvH)

523 I've never once expected any political candidate to be funny.

But then I hate politics with the passion.

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:38 PM (qUNWi)

524 Kelly hit it. They both sucked

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:38 PM (NbJXF)

525 Donald killed it, then went too far - the only thing saving him is that Hillary was barely funny and then turned into a just as nasty politician and actually got a few little boos as well (not as bad as Donald's though). The last 10 minutes was as boring as a debate. I'm sure the talking heads will explode.

Posted by: firehorse at October 20, 2016 09:38 PM (//TVq)

526 anybody know any gang signs? i need to go to the can but i don't want to be jumped by any l.a. gangbangers, especially ms 13.

i probably shouldn't have worn this cubs jersey, but it is what it is...

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at October 20, 2016 09:38 PM (WTSFk)

527 Gary Johnson was going to be there, but he passed by a White Castle and took a wrong turn

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:38 PM (6FqZa)

528 Having met Ken Jennings, remembering all of that stupid shit can be pretty valuable in the right venue.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:36 PM (kumBu)
See, ya got yer complementing strengths right there, you win the prize money and she keeps the kids outta the hospital.

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at October 20, 2016 09:38 PM (+O9YB)

529 494 Like for instance, my wife wanted to see Girl on the Train, I didn't want to see Girl on the Train.

But I evaluated the upsides and downsides of not going to see that movie and I calculated the the downsides outweighed the upsides so I went.

I didn't like the film but wife was happy.

This all plays into the If Mama aint Happy aint nobody's happy paradigm.
Posted by: Kreplach at October 20, 2016 09:33 PM (+lv+r)

_____

My wife wanted to see it as well. I said, thanks but not I have no interest in seeing it. She said, fine, I'll see it with a friend instead. See my post #487.....married people don't have to be joined at the hip. It's OK if you don't like the same movies. I dunno, it irks me when I hear shit like, oh I didn't want to see this movie, but happy wife, happy life!! Your wife shouldn't need you to suffer in order to be happy.

Posted by: #neverskankles at October 20, 2016 09:38 PM (wD9H7)

530 Posted by: #neverskankles at October 20, 2016 09:32 PM (wD9H7)

Yea, I never understood the marriage is hard, you have to work at it thing.

Be nice to each other. Do the little things right, and the big things will fall into place.

It ain't rocket science.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:39 PM (7ZXKG)

531 Who is this fag that Fox always has on defending Hillary. He is a total asshole

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:39 PM (NbJXF)

532 "I have always admired the latina sunday-go-to-church finery.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 20, 2016 09:30 PM (P/kVC) "

Is she Latina or Italian?

Eh, I guess it really doesn't matter. Dem titties are 1st Team All-American.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:39 PM (kumBu)

533 She needs time to process that before jumping into another relationship.

She tells me her former marriages and what seem to be all other past romances end in her being cheated on.

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:39 PM (n+/OT)

534 503. I wrote WANT not getting
That's next year
She's getting the golf clubs of her choice since she plays with T every Saturday, her second choice

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:39 PM (+vAGU)

535 Her ex-fiance broke up with her a few months ago.
Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (n+/OT)

She needs time to process that before jumping into another relationship.
Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (xVuS6)
--------------------

I think Emmie's right, derit. Don't rush into anything. It should feel right.

One of my girls has had two two-year relationships. When it was obvious that things weren't going well, and she would talk to me about it, I would tell her that after two years with this guy if you can't say yes, the answer is no.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:39 PM (uHcnA)

536 I'm only reading excerpts of what Trump was saying at the Smith dinner and they are fucking hilarious and brutally true.

The haters can fuck off.

Posted by: #NeverHillary at October 20, 2016 09:40 PM (6RZuW)

537 After 42 years with the same wife, I have learned this: separate TVs. If I had to watch HGTV, my wife would have been widowed 41 years ago.

Posted by: Emil Turner at October 20, 2016 09:40 PM (XSL66)

538 This one: *Never speak disrespectfully of your spouse in public. It is a betrayal whether or not they're around to hear it. And besides, what does your laundry list of gripes about your spouse say about YOU? You married this person.

I found myself doing that and getting unsolicited advice that was usually detrimental when coming from a divorced friend. I love my husband. I shan't do this again. Our problems are ours and we will work them out TOGETHER.

Posted by: AngieS at October 20, 2016 09:40 PM (Qmnxa)

539 510
Her ex-fiance broke up with her a few months ago.

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:34 PM (n+/OT)

She needs time to process that before jumping into another relationship.

Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (xVuS6)
derit....emmie is right....one of you is going to like the other more and the one who does....will be hurt.......

Posted by: phoenixgirl, gird up your loins, this is not the time to go wobbly at October 20, 2016 09:40 PM (0O7c5)

540 the al smith dinner is full of people born and raised in ny. everyone knows the routine. being an asshole is not the routine. Trump did not give a good speech because it was not funny, not well given.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:40 PM (cPsPa)

541 43 years. I should be Chief of Negotiations for Everything in Government

Posted by: Billy Occam at October 20, 2016 09:40 PM (/542q)

542 BTW Malik Obama tweeted this today:

"My brother promised me $$$ to help our people but it was a scam. Is he Nigerian?"

Posted by: #NeverHillary at October 20, 2016 09:41 PM (6RZuW)

543 Trump trolled her again.

Funniest joke of the night.

He owns her ass everytime he is around her. He pushes all of her buttons . She can't help being her nasty self.

She is so unused to being spoken to this way.

I love it.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:41 PM (zu88C)

544 @529

I will dwell on your words, much to contemplate, cheers.

Posted by: Kreplach at October 20, 2016 09:41 PM (+lv+r)

545 WTF? Kelly has a guy on to comment on the speeches and he only saw Hillary's speech?

So why is he commenting?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:41 PM (NbJXF)

546 Still Cubs 1-0 middle of 4

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:41 PM (qJhUV)

547 "See, ya got yer complementing strengths right there, you win the prize money and she keeps the kids outta the hospital.

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at October 20, 2016 09:38 PM (+O9YB) "

Ken has a lovely wife and very nice kids, so trivia geeks certainly can be good husbands.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:41 PM (kumBu)

548 not even Lou Dobbs can put a positive spin on Trump's speech.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:41 PM (cPsPa)

549 Controversial advice for guys:

Don't marry a pro-choice woman, even if you are yourself pro-choice.

1) If she can envision aborting her own child, how compassionate do you think she will be towards you?
2) Pro-choice means pro HER choice. You don't get a say either way. Even if the child is not yours.
3) You will never be pro-choice enough for her.
4) Pro-choice generally comes with a bevy of other political stances as well, most of which are emasculating and PITA.

Posted by: Sweet Lou at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (Fzaq0)

550 532. Is she Latina or Italian

I married a Latina/Italian
I WIN!!!

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (+vAGU)

551 Probably already mentioned, but just in case: NAGGING

Heard this on Dennis Prager and it works: If you find yourself reminding your spouse to do something multiple times and getting angry about it: it means that it is more important to you than it is to him/her. And...if it's more important to you, then why not do it yourself?

Obviously, this may not always be possible, but when it is, just do it!!!!
I started doing this because I hate nagging - it is not something I naturally do, and not something I want to do. Don;t get pissed about the trash, the dishes in the sink, that thing at the store your spouse forgot - just do it and think of it no more. In my case, hubby noticed my change in attitude and immediately started doing the same thing for me. It's such a gift!

Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (NOIQH)

552 538 This one: *Never speak disrespectfully of your spouse in public. It is a betrayal whether or not they're around to hear it. And besides, what does your laundry list of gripes about your spouse say about YOU? You married this person.

------------

Some of the girls at work do that. I feel uncomfortable just listening to it.

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (7qAYi)

553 540
the al smith dinner is full of people born and raised in ny. everyone
knows the routine. being an asshole is not the routine. Trump did not
give a good speech because it was not funny, not well given.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 20, 2016 09:40 PM (cPsPa)

His jokes were better, his delivery sucked. Her speech was just boring AND got to be more political than his.
A wash

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (NbJXF)

554 543 Trump trolled her again.

Funniest joke of the night.

He owns her ass everytime he is around her. He pushes all of her buttons . She can't help being her nasty self.

She is so unused to being spoken to this way.

I love it.
Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:41 PM (zu88C)

That sounds great.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:43 PM (sdi6R)

555 @475 You got me beat by 31 years in the marriage department, but I want to riff off your thought: "Keep telling your wife how sexy she is. No, that dress doesn't make your butt look big." I agree with that, but would add the following:
(1) keep telling YOURSELF how sexy she is, too (old joke comes to bear here - original: "show me a supermodel and I'll show you a man tired of *'ing her"; actionable corollary: "show me a man tired of *'ing his wife and I'll show you 10,000 men hoping to do it"); (2) Agreed, never say the dress makes her butt big. But if it actually does, try to figure out a way to help her dress better (for her sake, not yours) including, primarily, by loosening purse strings. This is hard to do w/o underlying thinking becoming clear. If you're not wily enough to get your wife a few new dresses w/o her realizing her current wardrobe makes her butt look big, become an a** man and go back to point (1). (3) Love her as unconditionally as you love your kids. Doesn't mean you don't see flaws, doesn't mean you don't argue, but it does mean that loving her is as much a given in your life as breathing, for better or worse (hmm, why does that phrase ring a bell?).

Posted by: RiggedFrigate at October 20, 2016 09:43 PM (+z3cw)

556 She tells me her former marriages and what seem to be all other past romances end in her being cheated on.
Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:39 PM (n+/OT)
------------------

derit, tread carefully. Take your time.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:43 PM (uHcnA)

557 the al smith dinner is full of people born and raised in ny. everyone knows the routine. being an asshole is not the routine. Trump did not give a good speech because it was not funny, not well given.
****************************

Concern status:

[ ] Not Noted
[X] Noted

Posted by: #NeverHillary at October 20, 2016 09:43 PM (6RZuW)

558 Sweet Lou, that advice is brilliant and indisputable, not controversial!

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at October 20, 2016 09:43 PM (+O9YB)

559 549
Controversial advice for guys:

Don't marry a pro-choice woman, even if you are yourself pro-choice.

1) If she can envision aborting her own child, how compassionate do you think she will be towards you?

2) Pro-choice means pro HER choice. You don't get a say either way. Even if the child is not yours.

3) You will never be pro-choice enough for her.

4) Pro-choice generally comes with a bevy of other political stances as well, most of which are emasculating and PITA.

Posted by: Sweet Lou at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (Fzaq0)

THIS. Advice I learned too late.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:43 PM (NbJXF)

560 Where are you reading Trump's speech?

Posted by: ALH at October 20, 2016 09:44 PM (Z56vq)

561 Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:39 PM (n+/OT)

Having read this, I'd say pass on the marriage. Every single marriage and relationship ending poorly is not a good sign, even if it wasn't all her fault.

Besides which, if you don't love her, you may well end up falling in love with someone else after y'all get married, and then you'll just be another one who breaks her heart.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:44 PM (7ZXKG)

562 Do the little things right, and the big things will fall into place.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor

=====

Pro tip, ladies:

For men , little things mean 'blow jobs'.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:44 PM (zu88C)

563 Obviously, this may not always be possible, but when it is, just do it!!!!
I started doing this because I hate nagging - it is not something I naturally do, and not something I want to do. Don;t get pissed about the trash, the dishes in the sink, that thing at the store your spouse forgot - just do it and think of it no more. In my case, hubby noticed my change in attitude and immediately started doing the same thing for me. It's such a gift!
Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (NOIQH)

****

"I said I would take care of it, Honey. No need to remind me every month about it."

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 09:44 PM (KcI5m)

564 Half the people there probably don't know who Al Smith was.

RF for the '84 Padres, for about 5 weeks. Came up from the farm when what's his name had complications from hemorrhoid surgery

Posted by: AltonJackson at October 20, 2016 09:45 PM (kCay7)

565 Looks like this thread is unhappily married to a thread about the Al Smith dinner

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:45 PM (6FqZa)

566 For men , little things mean 'blow jobs'.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:44 PM (zu88C)

Yes.

Posted by: Mel at October 20, 2016 09:45 PM (NbJXF)

567 Some of the girls at work do that. I feel uncomfortable just listening to it.
Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (7qAYi)
----------------

Ugh. I'm sure you do. Those women should be ashamed of themselves.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:45 PM (uHcnA)

568 For men , little things mean 'blow jobs'.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:44 PM (zu88C)

Phrasing!

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:45 PM (7qAYi)

569 Probably also mentioned: Forgive and move on - Do Not drag up past mistakes or offenses again and again. Why bring up all of those bad feelings and throw them in your spouse's face? What does this accomplish except opening old wounds?

If you've forgiven them, then leave it in the past.

Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:45 PM (NOIQH)

570 "Isn't Ken Jennings a flaming libtard?

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (4ErVI) "

He's liberal, but not as bad as someone like Arthur Chu or Julia Collins. I don't think he's much of an activist for anything.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:46 PM (kumBu)

571 Dodgers have the tying run in scoring position.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:46 PM (sdi6R)

572 derit, tread carefully. Take your time.

Thanks. And everyone else too for the advice. I'm often beyond callous in this venue and don't deserve more than mockery and derision but appreciate the goodwill

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:46 PM (n+/OT)

573 Where are you reading Trump's speech?
Posted by: ALH at October 20, 2016 09:44 PM (Z56vq)
******************

Liveblogging feed at Breitbart.

Posted by: #NeverHillary at October 20, 2016 09:46 PM (6RZuW)

574 If it's a second marriage, you need to expect that there may be some projection coming your way. The ex had sensitized Mr. Deplorable to "codes" - words that had "meaning" to her did not have the same implications when I said them. You'll know if you step on an IED. Be prepared to forgive, redefine, and move on.

Once he got paranoid about money. I tossed him my check register, where my financial life was recorded (I used ATM for everything). Open book, I am, not one of those women who has 5 department store credit cards hidden from him.

Don't care about shoes and purses - if I own it, you'll see it. Often.

Oh yeah, that reminds me - if a woman is really well-put together all the time? That's shit costs a lot of money and effort. Is that really what you want?

Posted by: Miley, Duchess of the Deplorable Standard Rednecks at October 20, 2016 09:46 PM (BcNLK)

575 I was married. Now I'm not.

The problem is that a lot of folks out there want to be married, for whatever reason, so they will essentially become someone they think the future spouse will like...for now. In my case, once the honeymoon was over, things changed dramatically and became unlivable, no matter how hard I tried.

It's important to know if she (or he) genuinely likes the same things you do, or if she (or he) is just putting up with them until it's too late to back out.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at October 20, 2016 09:47 PM (AroJD)

576 Don't be jealous of your spouse. He/she had a life before you and that includes having had sex with people other than you. Don't dwell on that shit and don't freak out if an ex is ever brought up in conversation or GHASP! - if she/he runs into an ex and says hello.

Posted by: #neverskankles at October 20, 2016 09:47 PM (wD9H7)

577 In my case, hubby noticed my change in attitude and immediately started doing the same thing for me. It's such a gift!
Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:42 PM (NOIQH)
----------------

This is great advice, Lizzy.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:47 PM (uHcnA)

578 @570

Ken Jennings is a flaming libtard asshole.

He mocked Breitbarts's death among other things.

Total fucking asshole.

Posted by: Kreplach at October 20, 2016 09:47 PM (+lv+r)

579 @510 Agreed. Time span here is new information. Derit, you're in great shape for where you are. No rush. Let things settle in, at least for a few months, for her to get her bearings. By then many of the puzzling aspects should work themselves out. Really, it sounds promising. Just don't push it, or let it be pushed.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at October 20, 2016 09:48 PM (H5rtT)

580 569 Probably also mentioned: Forgive and move on - Do Not drag up past mistakes or offenses again and again. Why bring up all of those bad feelings and throw them in your spouse's face? What does this accomplish except opening old wounds?

If you've forgiven them, then leave it in the past.
Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:45 PM (NOIQH)

Why is this such a standard MO for women when there's an argument about something? Seriously, what does some obscure perceived slight from four years, six months, two weeks, three days, ten hours and fourteen minutes ago have to do with anything?

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:48 PM (0mRoj)

581 565 Looks like this thread is unhappily married to a thread about the Al Smith dinner
Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:45 PM (6FqZa)

LOL, BTH!

Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 09:48 PM (xVuS6)

582 Runner on second was caught stealing third.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:48 PM (sdi6R)

583 In other news, Obama foreign policy, winning!

Philippines pledge loyalty to China and tell USA to go to hell.

How the fuck does that happen? No one trusts Obama, it's everyone for themselves.

Learn Mandarin

Posted by: Mel at October 20, 2016 09:48 PM (NbJXF)

584 Maria Bartiromo sitting behind Trump.

You're welcome, Morons.

Posted by: 'cause I'm kind like that at October 20, 2016 09:13 PM (BnuDT)

Holy crap, that IS Bartiromo. Didn't recognize her with my eyes in her cleavage.

Posted by: Deporable Ian Galt at October 20, 2016 09:48 PM (8iiMU)

585 What if you want your wife's butt to look big?

Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (qUNWi)

586 The Donald speech is on YouTube also for anyone else who missed it

Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (6IPEM)

587 Who the hell is Ken Jennings?

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (sdi6R)

588 off mel sock

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (NbJXF)

589 Trump was amazing. Huge brass clanging balls. The bitch and that uppity crowd deserves all of it and more.

Let the media replay his SHOCKING jokes.

Go watch it in full. It was awe inspiring.

Posted by: Mega at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (EdXI9)

590 lots of marriage success among the horde.

and Tammy al-Thor you've always been the best.

Posted by: concrete girl at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (+THr2)

591 Holy crap, that IS Bartiromo. Didn't recognize her with my eyes in her cleavage.
***************

I'd smash that like a whack a mole at the local carnival.

Posted by: #NeverHillary at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (6RZuW)

592 >>"I said I would take care of it, Honey. No need to remind me every month about it."

Ugh. Really, respect your spouse to do it. And if you end up doing it, don't make a big deal about it - just do it and move on. Life is too short to be keeping mental lists on who did which chore the most.

Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (NOIQH)

593 587
Who the hell is Ken Jennings?

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (sdi6R)

Who the fck knows? Peter's love child?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (NbJXF)

594 Tied up

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (qJhUV)

595 What if you want your wife's butt to look big?
Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (qUNWi)

*****

Baby Got Back? Sir Mixalot was a frigging genius....

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (KcI5m)

596 What if you want your wife's butt to look big?
Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (qUNWi)
---------------

Sorry, but I think the Kardashians are all spoken for.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (uHcnA)

597 Here's a link to Donald's speech at the dinner

http://youtu.be/oniAhOcxGxk

Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (6IPEM)

598 Who the hell is Ken Jennings?

===

I think he hosted a 80's game show on MTV .

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (zu88C)

599 Ken Jennings....the Jeopardy guy?

Posted by: #neverskankles at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (wD9H7)

600 Besides which, if you don't love her, you may well end up falling in love with someone else after y'all get married, and then you'll just be another one who breaks her heart.

That literally cannot happen. The only friends I've had are my girlfriends at their respective times. I view infidelity as...a third worlder claims too. I have no other interest in anyone but my prospective mate--it's no surprise I'm a little odd

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:51 PM (n+/OT)

601 Posted by: BeckoningChasm at October 20, 2016 09:47 PM (AroJD)

that's a tough one, because I think women ARE inclined to do that and half the time it's unintentional.

In that first flush of love, it is very easy to get wrapped up in every single thing your boyfriend likes, especially when you are a very young lady.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:51 PM (7ZXKG)

602 "This is all political inside baseball bullshit anyways. Half the people there probably don't know who Al Smith was.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:35 PM (qJhUV) "

All-Star OF for the Indians in the mid-50's. Not sure why they have a political dinner for him in NY, though.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:51 PM (kumBu)

603 Trump speech link

http://tinyurl.com/hcgu7pg

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 20, 2016 09:51 PM (NbJXF)

604 Sometimes when I'm feeling irritable toward my husband, I think, "What would Tammy do?"

Posted by: Emmie at October 20, 2016 09:52 PM (xVuS6)

605
Who the hell is Ken Jennings?

The fat guy who wears huge red sweaters.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:52 PM (bOJUT)

606 Posted by: concrete girl at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (+THr2)

HEY YOU!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:52 PM (7ZXKG)

607 595 What if you want your wife's butt to look big?
Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (qUNWi)

*****

Baby Got Back? Sir Mixalot was a frigging genius....
Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 09:50 PM (KcI5m)

LA face with an Oakland booty

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:52 PM (7qAYi)

608 >>Why is this such a standard MO for women when there's an argument about something?

I have no idea. It is toxic.

Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:52 PM (NOIQH)

609 Why is this such a standard MO for women when there's an argument about something? Seriously, what does some obscure perceived slight from four years, six months, two weeks, three days, ten hours and fourteen minutes ago have to do with anything?
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:48 PM (0mRoj)
-----------------

I would say people who do this are insecure. It makes them feel powerful to bring up things sure to make the other person uncomfortable. It's a horrible thing to do to someone. No one's perfect, but no one needs to be reminded of that either.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:53 PM (uHcnA)

610 The girls are wearing bikinis.
You have a fur coat on.
What the fuck type of weather do you have in Seattle?
Chris Jock joke about Sir MixALot's video

Posted by: #neverskankles at October 20, 2016 09:53 PM (wD9H7)

611 I keep a list of things Mrs F wants done. That way when she nags me about something I can say "It's on the list!"

I do work on that list though. Sometimes not in the right order but hey I'll get to it.

Posted by: freaked at October 20, 2016 09:53 PM (BO/km)

612 604 Sometimes when I'm feeling irritable toward my husband, I think, "What would Tammy do?"

I think T thinks "am I too tired to hide the body?"

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 20, 2016 09:53 PM (+vAGU)

613 Don't be jealous of your spouse. He/she had a life
before you and that includes having had sex with people other than you.
Don't dwell on that shit and don't freak out if an ex is ever brought up
in conversation or GHASP! - if she/he runs into an ex and says hello.
Posted by: #neverskankles at October 20, 2016 09:47 PM (wD9H7)

But do freak right the eff out if she starts looking for 'Mr. Wonderful' on social media. Because he was the one that got away.

Posted by: King of Swamp Castle at October 20, 2016 09:54 PM (JO9+V)

614 605
Who the hell is Ken Jennings?

The fat guy who wears huge red sweaters.
Posted by: Soothsayer at October 20, 2016 09:52 PM (bOJUT)

That was Brian Dennehy

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:54 PM (7qAYi)

615 Married for 37 years. Those are 5 of the best years of my life...

Posted by: RoadRunner at October 20, 2016 09:54 PM (NlykD)

616 "What would Tammy do?" I suggest waiting for an ONT, she might share some pointers!

You'll want to turn the fan on first though . . .

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at October 20, 2016 09:54 PM (6FqZa)

617 Ken Jennings....the Jeopardy guy?

Winner! What do we have for him, Johnny!

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:54 PM (qJhUV)

618 608 >>Why is this such a standard MO for women when there's an argument about something?

I have no idea. It is toxic.
Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:52 PM (NOIQH)

Toxic for sure.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:54 PM (0mRoj)

619 >Why is this such a standard MO for women when there's an argument about something?

I have no idea. It is toxic.
Posted by: Lizzy at October 20, 2016 09:52 PM (NOIQH)

****

I don't either. It would be different if they would apply the same standards to their actions, but they never do.

"We have already addressed this."

Posted by: Tenco at October 20, 2016 09:55 PM (KcI5m)

620 I would say people who do this are insecure. It makes them feel powerful to bring up things sure to make the other person uncomfortable. It's a horrible thing to do to someone. No one's perfect, but no one needs to be reminded of that either.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:53 PM (uHcnA)

That's probably part of it. I suspect it's also a diversionary tactic to avoid addressing what's actually in front of them.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 09:56 PM (0mRoj)

621 Nood ONT

Posted by: josephistan at October 20, 2016 09:56 PM (7qAYi)

622 Ken Jennings is one of those czars. He is gay and pushed all the gay curricula for kindergarteners. He has also tried to mainstream pedophilia and make it acceptable for kids to have sex with adults. Total disgusting perv

Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:56 PM (6IPEM)

623 Good sex is 10 percent of a marriage. Bad sex is 90
percent of a marriage. Never say no. If your spouse routinely says
no, welcome to the average, unhappy marriage. Decide if you want to
live this way because it will not get better.

Posted by: 90% Privileged Husband at October 20, 2016 09:37 PM (mcHvA)
And make that decision before she gets pregnant. Mr. Deplorable said he should have given up after 4 years. Then came kid #1. He was stuck for the next 20 years (2 more followed).
I think being married to that witch took 10 years off his life, I really do.

Posted by: Miley, Duchess of the Deplorable Standard Rednecks at October 20, 2016 09:57 PM (BcNLK)

624 Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:51 PM (n+/OT)

Well, I say have a good long talk. I"m guessing you are a a man who takes commitment seriously.

You're going in to this with no illusions/delusions, and I think that's a great basis in many ways.

You just need to make sure you one hundred percent understand what he wants out of it, and that you're able to provide that.

And keep in mind that she's female and probably doesn't even know herself, or that it will change constantly. And that once has whatever it st, she'll want something else that she doesn't even know about now.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 20, 2016 09:57 PM (7ZXKG)

625 All-Star OF for the Indians in the mid-50's. Not sure why they have a political dinner for him in NY, though.

Governor of NY in the 20's. First Catholic to run for President. Lost to Hoover in 1928.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:58 PM (qJhUV)

626 Yes, the guy who won 74 Jeopardy games in a row. Not the best player in J! history, but who's going to argue with 74 wins and almost 3.2 million bucks?

From his wiki, it seems he's been attacked by the left for some of his joke tweets, one about there being 'nothing sadder than a hot person in a wheelchair' and one about a Star Wars fan who was dying of cancer and was given an early screening of the movie - Jennings joked that it 'can't be a good sign that everyone who has seen the movie died shortly afterwards.'

So he's not a humorless scold. And to my knowledge isn't an SJW activist.

As someone in the 'trivia circuit,' it's mostly lefties. Ken didn't come off as being remotely political. Though I know one of my trivia friends is an AoS lurker - I tried to coax him into posting, but no dice so far.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 09:59 PM (kumBu)

627 That literally cannot happen. The only friends I've had are my girlfriends at their respective times. I view infidelity as...a third worlder claims too. I have no other interest in anyone but my prospective mate--it's no surprise I'm a little odd
Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 09:51 PM (n+/OT)
----------------

I don't think it's odd - I have no interest in anyone else except my husband, in terms of romance. That doesn't mean I don't see that there other attractive men out there, or that he doesn't realize there are attractive women out there.

What concerns me a little is that you say you have never had friends except your girlfriends. You do need to cultivate other friendships, derit. Whether it's people from work or church or a sport that you do or the neighborhood. I say my husband is my best friend, and he is, but I have other friends, as does he.

Posted by: bluebell at October 20, 2016 09:59 PM (uHcnA)

628 Half the people there probably don't know who Al Smith was.

I had a management trainee named that. Taking him around, showing ropes, introducing him to the guys. One of the senior guys was married to a woman older than himself. So I go, Frank, have you met Al Smith? And he puts out his hand and says, Hey, I think my wife voted for you...

Posted by: Stringer Davis at October 20, 2016 10:00 PM (H5rtT)

629 What if you want your wife's butt to look big?
Posted by: eleven at October 20, 2016 09:49 PM (qUNWi)

Kiss it often and make it grow.

Posted by: Rocky at October 20, 2016 10:01 PM (FCAbp)

630 625 All-Star OF for the Indians in the mid-50's. Not sure why they have a political dinner for him in NY, though.

Governor of NY in the 20's. First Catholic to run for President. Lost to Hoover in 1928.
Posted by: tu3031 at October 20, 2016 09:58 PM (qJhUV)

He must have been pretty old by the time he became an All-Star outfielder. That's mighty impressive.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 20, 2016 10:02 PM (sdi6R)

631 Been married 6 years, together for 12. My two biggest pieces of advice are 1) don't pick on each other or tear each other down, even if your spouse doesn't hear what you say. Eventually it will become part of how you think of that person. 2) Serve each other. God made us to be helpmates and serving your spouse in love will change the way you see the whole world.

Posted by: shinypie at October 20, 2016 10:03 PM (3nZXa)

632 "Total fucking asshole.

Posted by: Kreplach at October 20, 2016 09:47 PM (+lv+r) "

Because you've met him, right? But let's judge everyone on one or two tweets - that always works well.

As I posted above, he also 'mocked' the death of a kid from cancer - I'm sure he wants kids to die of cancer and it wasn't just gallows humor.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 10:03 PM (kumBu)

633 "Ken Jennings is one of those czars. He is gay and pushed all the gay curricula for kindergarteners. He has also tried to mainstream pedophilia and make it acceptable for kids to have sex with adults. Total disgusting perv

Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:56 PM (6IPEM) "

You're thinking of a completely different person. Ken Jennings is a guy that won a lot of money on game shows, is married, and has no influence on school curriculum as far as I know.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 10:05 PM (kumBu)

634 Sock puppets are and always have been my favorite part of this blog.
Posted by: Warden

Sorry if I spammed the thread. He's such a silly person that I couldn't resist riffing on him giving marriage advice.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 20, 2016 10:06 PM (mL2BD)

635 You're going in to this with no illusions/delusions, and I think that's a great basis in many ways.

You just need to make sure you one hundred percent understand what she wants out of it, and that you're able to provide that.

I've over analyzed it, for sure. Thanks for the kind ear

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 10:06 PM (n+/OT)

636 My wife, who I am still crazy about after 36 years: "Do these pants (dress, skirt) make me look too fat." Me: "No, they make you look just fat enough." She laughs every time.

Posted by: James Legault at October 20, 2016 10:08 PM (9vYU5)

637 Live stream of Alfred E. Smith dinner that you can rewind, watching it right now, if anybody's interested:

https://goo.gl/Irp28f

Posted by: Oedipus...Fuck you...war! at October 20, 2016 10:08 PM (CXLVd)

638 "Ken Jennings is one of those czars. He is gay and pushed all the gay curricula for kindergarteners. He has also tried to mainstream pedophilia and make it acceptable for kids to have sex with adults. Total disgusting perv

Posted by: L, Elle at October 20, 2016 09:56 PM (6IPEM) "

You're thinking of a completely different person. Ken Jennings is a guy that won a lot of money on game shows, is married, and has no influence on school curriculum as far as I know.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean

That is *KEVIN* Jennings.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 20, 2016 10:11 PM (dtWKK)

639 "Posted by: Oedipus...Fuck you...war! at October 20, 2016 10:08 PM (CXLVd) "

Can somebody be a mensch and just do some GIFs of Maria's tetas? There's still a game on, I don't have time to watch this whole thing.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 10:11 PM (kumBu)

640 What concerns me a little is that you say you have never had friends except your girlfriends. You do need to cultivate other friendships, derit.

I've gone feral to an extent, what little desire for socializing withered long ago. Holding the world at arms length but for one woman keeps me civil--in person.

Posted by: derit at October 20, 2016 10:12 PM (n+/OT)

641 "That is *KEVIN* Jennings.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 20, 2016 10:11 PM (dtWKK) "

Yeah, I couldn't remember his name, but I knew it was similar. I haven't met him, for the record.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at October 20, 2016 10:13 PM (kumBu)

642 Don't forget that your wife will probably choose your nursing home.

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at October 20, 2016 10:13 PM (O7Yhb)

643 If you can spend the whole weekend just putzing around the house with one another, going grocery shopping together, and having a couple of glasses of wine before you make dinner together--you're probably going to make it. And join hands and say grace even when it's just the two of you. Thank each other for prepping and cleaning up. It largely comes down to appreciating and feeling appreciated.

And, oh, good sex regularly is a big plus--as long as you both have reasonably close definitions of "regularly."

Posted by: Lawrence Larson at October 20, 2016 10:16 PM (gNKbf)

644 Trump nailed her again. If she wins, Donald will be the first one sent to the camps.

Posted by: ALH at October 20, 2016 10:18 PM (Z56vq)

645 I don't mean to be homophobic, but people like Kevin Jennings and Jim McGreevey (who while he had custody of his daughter put giant pictures of naked men on the ceiling of his house) make me feel as if homosexuality is purely analogous to heterosexuality, without any other associated attributes. It seems as if attraction to the same sex (in men at least) is associated with a sort of blindness towards any notion of what is appropriate for children or families in general.

For instance homosexuals protest loudly against restrictions against, for instance, "cottaging" in public restrooms in parks, where children might be present, as if they cannot see that it is inappropriate, and can only think of it as a limitation on their freedom. It bothers me that people who may possess moral blind spots like this should be given unquestioned say over public policy.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 20, 2016 10:23 PM (dtWKK)

646 arg. make me feel as if homosexuality is not purely analogous to heterosexuality

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 20, 2016 10:25 PM (dtWKK)

647 1st marriage lasted 2 years and she devorced me while in the service. I wasn't around long enough to learn how to be a husband.

2nd marriage is at 44 years and counting. From the moment I met her, I never wanted to spend a night away from her...

I can only recommend (1) that you stay calm, (2) be sure you be the man always, and (3) count your family first in every situation.

Posted by: Trainer at October 20, 2016 10:26 PM (7EbAY)

648 I have done it wrong and done it right. this is what i have leaned after two marriages, one divorce and two stolen (adopted after puberty) children.

was talking about this with a friend. "You can be right, or you can be happy." Very good marriage advice. Just let it go. You love this person.

Gramma told me: "The fizzy feeling wears off by year two or so. Be sure you're friends, and that you wont mind having sex if one or both of you gets fat." Gramma you nailed it.

Children force you to partake in joyful activities that will bring you wonderful happiness. Done cheat yourself of this. never ever.

And something i learned from my ex husband after our divorce. He told me his one regret was coming home after a bad day and taking it all out on me, because i was a desperately easy butt and would not fight back. It was not that he felt so much that it contributed to our divorce, but it contributed to a self loathing it was hard to live with after the divorce. Lotta regrets there for him while he knew i was sleeping like a baby, because i was more disciplined. So again i say, let it go. Even if you dont love that person, but because you love yourself, and you should not have to live with a pile of regrets.

Also, Love is not enough. be careful not to just be in love, but be picky who you date before you fall in love with them. Alcoholism will make your life 10 times harder, dont choose someone who already had that problem to date. That way you dont fall in love and find your self wondering what you did to yourself. Dont pick an unmedicated, brilliant, bipolar artist, just because hes handsome and romantic and give you uptwinkles "down there." (as i explained to the girls i raised) that way lies anguish and frustration, and possibly abuse. One listened. She has a nice boy now. One did not and picked an abuser that took years to get over. She now has a nice boy who, however imperfect, is a lovely man ...just not the earner i would want. I told her to pick a partner she would going into battle with, because life is often like war. Someone who you could trust to pull you out of trouble, have your back, follow the same rule book you do, remember you are on the same side at all times, and who would share his rations and water if yours got spoiled. Looks fade for both men and women, but a gut can be forgiven if you know that person has your back and would give you their last bottle of water, defend you to the last, and have your back, and care for the kids, against all comers no matter what.

These are the things i have learned that make married life work. When i went for Grim i picked one of two men i loved who was the least complicated. He is honest and true and he doesnt make me cry, would defend me to the death, and does his best for the whole family even the cats. I am so glad he ignored the part about the mother in law... though my mom is very pretty she is difficult.

Posted by: Gushka Can Has Kittehs what plays fetch! at October 20, 2016 10:35 PM (YhV5r)

649 Yeah... one last thought. From the marriage that didnt work... nobody thanked anyone, and the ex hated it when i told him i loved him all the time. He never apologized. after a while, i didnt either. Then we just stopped being friends. That ends nowhere good. If you cant find something to like about the other person at all--run.

The marriage that does work... we say thanks when one does the other a solid no matter how small. we say "Good job!" if the other does a good job, or just does a new thing or a hard thing--and we mean it. when things go wrong (as they do) we cool off and then talk calmly about how we could avoid the problem later, not have the misunderstanding, or do better next time. Or simply apologize, no excuses. After different deployments hes come back different. each day is a new day. Love the person in front of you, not who you wish you had, or who you used to have, or should have. it takes practice but usually you can fine even a small thing to like about ANYONE. practice at it. its a long yucky life if you dont.

Posted by: Gushka Can Has Kittehs what plays fetch! at October 20, 2016 10:44 PM (YhV5r)

650 My wife has a saying of her own: "Be the person your spouse looks forward to coming home to."

Well if you can find someone like that you're halfway home.

Posted by: Ace's deplorable liver, powering through at October 20, 2016 10:44 PM (Xuv2G)

651 I'm gonna come back to this and read it later...really nice stuff to read and reflect on. I read the text prior to the comments and a few of the comments but this here could be compiled into a booklet. Ace, this would buy some Val-U-Rite for shore.

Seriously, this is really nice stuff, ya'll, I'm so heartened I'm not even thinking about the prospect of the democrats ruining the country before the Russians nukelar bomb us.

Posted by: An American Commoner, Irredeemably Deplorable at October 20, 2016 11:00 PM (pxwEr)

652 I'm a bit late to this thread but I figured I would throw in my 2 cents. Generally, marriage has been really good to me. My wife is a pretty tough lady. She was raped when she was in her teens and had the mental fortitude to testify against the guy and put the sob in prison. She has a metric butt ton of health issues but still managed to hack it through two deployments where I was overseas and unable to take care of her. We didn't think she would be able to have kids due to her health problems, but somehow, she made it through two really difficult pregnancies. Ever since I got back from my second deployment, she has had one medical problem after another and it has been really hard on our marriage. Some days, it feels like her health issues just seem to squeeze all the oxygen out of the relationship. Most days, I just pray that I can find a way to pay for the care that seems to improve her quality of life. The advice I would pass along is this... get a real appreciation for the implications of the "in sickness and in health" part of your wedding vows. Marriage can turn into a test of endurance. Despite the challenges, I still think that marriage has been a blessing for me. I love my wife. I love being a father. My kids are happy and healthy and we have a happy home. Here is to others finding the same happiness.

Fortitudine Vincimus

Posted by: poznanmid at October 20, 2016 11:02 PM (Ol2V0)

653 Guys, this ain't rocket science.

My mate is a more-or-less left of center "normal" woman.

I don't, mostly, discuss politics with her - I have the Internet for that.

She is not the most beautiful woman I've ever known (but she's right up there), but she looks good, and she CARES about looking good.

There is a great lyric from Kris Kristofferson, in his song "Lovin' Her was easier" - "she ain't ashamed to be a woman, or afraid to be a friend".

Find THAT, me mateys, and you has the gold.

Posted by: Steven Peden at October 20, 2016 11:04 PM (1Ikxu)

654 If you come to notice he has some incredibly annoying mannerism, nip that feeling in the bud! Do not rag on him to change his ways -- he's probably been doing it since before you married. Instead, adjust elsewhere.

Example: after 20 years, his banging his fork on the dinner plate was driving me nuts. I started us watching Teaching Company tapes when he started with the banging. Works for us. 26 years.

Posted by: sinmi at October 20, 2016 11:05 PM (toK1O)

655 Pre-marriage advice: Don't do it.
Seriously, don't. The sole exception is if you plan on having kids. I do believe kids need a Mom and a Dad. So if you want to continue your germ line, then read on.

So you ARE getting married despite my advice:
1. Make sure the things you REALLY care about are supported. No snide comments, no mockery, supported. If you really love football, guns or hell, movies. Make sure your spouse has appreciation if not the same passion.
2. Be willing to compromise on everything else. Know what fights are worth having and which ones are just shit tests.
3. Don't fail shit tests. Women like to test men and it will never, ever stop. See my first advice. But if you're married to a woman, stay strong. Don't change your mind without calm, reasoned objections you agree with.
4. Make sure she likes to have sex, if you do. A slight difference in libido can be worked out in time. But if she doesn't like sex, or being touched or any of the good stuff, like oral, BREAK IT OFF.
5. Don't lie. She needs to be able to trust you.
6. Don't tell her the absolute truth if it would hurt. Sometimes silence is more valuable than reliving your own guilt or satisfying your own urge to be frank. Truth and lies keep a marriage going.
7. Be nice to her. Be the guy who's on her side. Support her.
8. Demand the same.
9. Prenup, if at all possible. Because people change and an angel can turn as vindictive as hell.
10. Pray. Going to church together does cement things. Also life is going to suck and your wife won't always be able to help. Have someone even bigger you can turn to in times of need.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at October 20, 2016 11:13 PM (hR1Jj)

656 Great topic, and good advice.

My wife and I were married in June 1978. We've been blessed with five children, and are now looking forward to retirement together. For me, our marriage and its fruits are the best thing in my life, period.

I have one piece of advice: Always says please and thank you. Do it even for simple things, like passing the salt. It cultivates an atmosphere of courtesy in the home and respect toward each other. That will help you cope with the inevitable rough times.

Posted by: Brown Line at October 20, 2016 11:23 PM (a5bF3)

657 Never forget that you are still two individuals each with your own interests, dreams desires etc. Never take away from your spouse their enjoyment in doing things on their own. Never berate, criticize or demean an activity that your spouse finds enjoyable (as long as it's not a destructive one). Yes you're a couple, but you are also your own person and need to be able to express your individuality, even in a deeply committed marriage.

Posted by: Jerzy Sobon at October 20, 2016 11:29 PM (fCE8M)

658 Married 21 yrs
A) brutal honesty. Yes your butt looks fat in those jeans.
B) accept each other completely, warts and all. Don't nitpick the little annoying traits u both have
C) spouse is #1, above the children
D) say I love you, all the time
E) divide the labor, don't procrastinate
F) be cautious on big ticket Stormfront, and don't nickel and dime each other on the small stuff
G) marry someone you share most major core values with, and are totally sexually attracted to
F) Don't throw your spouse under the bus in front of friends or family
G) if you do get mad, before you say something you'll regret, leave the house and drive attend for an hour or two to strike your thoughts and words

Posted by: Joe rogan at October 20, 2016 11:34 PM (eFTQC)

659 Don't get too hung up on looks. Beauty fades at an astonishing pace. All
you need, really, is someone you'd be happy to have sex with long term
on a somewhat consistent basis.
---
objection: states facts not in evidence.

women routinely withhold/deny sex in order to force their "partners" to do things they are otherwise unwilling to do.

there may be women out there that this doesn't apply to, but i've seen, and experienced it myself, too many times to NOT throw the BS flag.

if you're getting married so you can count on having regular sex, stay single, and use the money you saved to buy a better monitor to watch pr0n on.

Posted by: redc1c4 at October 20, 2016 11:36 PM (LGcdt)

660 On the west coast, we're watching the Dodgers and Rocky Horror at the same time, damnit Janet.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at October 20, 2016 11:40 PM (6Ll1u)

661 married men don't live longer than single men: it just seems that way.

why do husbands die before their wives?
they can.

why do women close their eyes during sex?
they can't stand to see their man enjoying themselves.

Posted by: redc1c4 at October 20, 2016 11:43 PM (LGcdt)

662 why is the bride always smiling at the wedding?

she knows she's given her last blow j*b.

Posted by: redc1c4 at October 20, 2016 11:46 PM (LGcdt)

663 Watch how the parents treat each other.

Discuss how to raise kids before you start making them.

Posted by: PaterNovem at October 20, 2016 11:46 PM (ipwid)

664 a man is not complete until he's married.

then, he's finished.

Posted by: redc1c4 at October 20, 2016 11:48 PM (LGcdt)

665 If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the leftover can of Spam.

Johnny Carson

Posted by: redc1c4 at October 20, 2016 11:53 PM (LGcdt)

666 Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
engagement ring
wedding ring
suffering

Posted by: redc1c4 at October 20, 2016 11:55 PM (LGcdt)

667 Still thinking goldfish or Irish Setter.

Posted by: OCBill at October 20, 2016 11:57 PM (oDxFZ)

668 The most useful marriage advice is don't.

Posted by: doug at October 21, 2016 12:00 AM (DkYos)

669 A few tips:

1. Don't be a shitshow. Ladies, this goes double for you. Men can deal with you guys being emotional and fragile at times. It's sweet and kind of cute in small doses. But you have to practice emotional regulation. Every feeling you have is not valid. Every feeling you have does not need to be shared. Suck it up -- men have a lifetime of doing this. It can be exhausting having to process every time your inner voice tells you to say or do something. If you're unfortunate enough to get a man who is emotional and says what he feels all the time, you'll quickly know what I'm talking about.

2. Learn how to say what you mean minus the bullshit. Joking around, trash talk, passive-aggressive question-statements, sarcasm -- all good in moderation. But be square more often than not with your spouse. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and stand on it. Don't expect him to read your mind; don't expect her to know you were just kidding.

3. Sex trumps chores. Ladies, you should rarely if ever say you don't have time or energy for sex because of household chores, and yes I'm including kids. Keeping your partner happy will keep you guys going as a unit. When you prioritize the world above him, he's not going to feel very loyal to you. And this isn't to dictate how often you should have sex or to say you should give him sex every time he wants it. But if he wants to do it, more often than not the chores can and should wait.

4. Don't presume on your relationship. Ladies, I know this might sound simplistic, but it's real: don't aggravate and get on your husband's nerves all the time. Just...don't. No excuses. People take vows every day and they proceed to break them every day. If you want to keep your relationship together, you have to run a tight ship and that starts with keeping things peaceful between you. If you work his nerves all the time, you find that he didn't love you as much as he said he did or even thought he did. And guys, don't keep disappointing and letting her down. Period. For whatever reason, she thinks you're wonderful. Keep her thinking that as long as you can.

Posted by: Jason at October 21, 2016 12:18 AM (KZbRH)

670 Hold over from the last thread, but did you know that Riff Raff did write most of the songs in Rocky Horror?

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at October 21, 2016 12:22 AM (6Ll1u)

671 I don't know if it's been said, I'm sure it has, but if your husband can make you laugh, he's Golden. Mine does and I'm so Blessed and Thankful for it!

Posted by: lousagirl at October 21, 2016 01:12 AM (9plvG)

672 We've been married 7. A good ride so far. One awesome son.

Infertility and multiple miscarriages has been hard on us. It is hard for me to want to do other stuff in the bedroom (which he really really really wants) when all I want is sperm to meet egg and the other stuff wastes it. I would say that is our biggest most consistent fight. "Having" to have sex because you are at "peak" fertility, whatever that means trying for 5 years, even if you are fighting or one of you isn't in the mood also sucks. Planning on having sex every other day for 5 days starting next Tuesday is awful. You guys might think "woohoo, lots of sex!" But try it for 60 months in a row, no matter if you want to do it then or not, and I assure you, it is awful.

And money. We farm, and I work full time with an hour commute. When the farm makes negative dollars and so my paycheck is floating everything, that is stressful. Trying to make sure the calf crop covers the line of credit so you can make the land payment with a clear line of credit sucks. And pointing out that there isn't money in the bank to pay all the bills so help me pick one to be late on makes him feel I am attacking him for not making money on the farm.

Posted by: mullingthingsover at October 21, 2016 01:18 AM (6jt6G)

673 My advice, you have a son, be Thankful and move on. I was not able to have children, I really wanted a child of my own, not in the cards.
But I guess you can say that my life is what it is, I feel guilty, my hubby deserved more kids, but he has never made me feel less because I couldn't have kids.

Posted by: lousagirl at October 21, 2016 01:32 AM (9plvG)

674 20 years this year. 17 year old son, 13 year old daughter. We met and got married when we were 30. Two things:
You might meet that special someone when you're 19. But not jumping the gun and waiting as long as you need to until you find that person (till 30 in our case) plays a big part. Also you have time to find what you DON'T want, and time to get stuff out of your system.
Second, and this is actually first:
When you find someone you love more than yourself, someone you can put before yourself without resenting them, and if they feel the same way about you, marry them. If not, please don't.

Posted by: Patrick at October 21, 2016 03:46 AM (KQg+q)

675 if you're getting married so you can count on having regular sex, stay single, and use the money you saved to buy a better monitor to watch pr0n on.

That's not what people are getting at when they say the libidos need to match. When you get married you're promising not to sleep with anybody other than your spouse, so if you're a twice a week person don't marry a twice a month person.

Yeah, every relationship hits rough patches and the resulting dry spells. But lack of sex should be the symptom of a problem, not the cause.

Posted by: Ace's liver at October 21, 2016 04:16 AM (+azJs)

676 This weekend is 29 years. Someone asked me how long have you been married, I said "all day long"
1st 10 all fun 2nd 10 hell most of the time last 9 pretty rewarding. Kids are raised and successful,we are on the cusp of empty nesting. They don't call it a commitment for nothing

Posted by: Vin 913 at October 21, 2016 04:35 AM (7bVla)

677 27 years in and some of them pretty rough ones, but my husband can still make me laugh harder than anyone, so that's a thing.

Posted by: Gem at October 21, 2016 06:56 AM (uaHyk)

678 Twenty-seven years here; extremely happy marriage. Your advice is spot on, my friend. Cherish and support each other; have fun and look for ways to make each other laugh. As much as possible, let the other person live the life they would have had outside of marriage. By that I mean, you are not there to control every aspect of each other's lives. If you love going to the opera and it makes your spouse want to shoot themselves in the head, then you should be free to devote time to opera without spouse complaining, and spouse should be able to avoid having to engage in that activity without you resenting it. I also try every day to avoid nagging/complaining, and to let WonderHubby know that I appreciate him.

Posted by: rigeldog at October 21, 2016 07:27 AM (RVICK)

679 Excellent advice. The best books I've found to help our marriage were:

For Men Only:
http://astore.amazon.com/aoshq-20/detail/1601424450

and
For Women Only:
http://astore.amazon.com/aoshq-20/detail/1601424442

They echo that women want to be loved, and men want to be respected. I read the "For Men Only" book, and it talks about my wife being a mirror - and that how I see her is how she ends up seeing herself. On top of that, I also hold a hammer, and I have a very powerful ability to completely smash the mirror if I wanted to - so know what will break that mirror and don't do it (most notably, compare her physically to other women.)

Posted by: tunakermit at October 21, 2016 07:58 AM (Plfqh)

680 One piece of advice I give to friends who are about to marry: if there is a itsy-bitsy, tiny, almost-invisible red flag flapping it's way around your brain, don't ignore it. Even if you can only catch it in your peripheral vision, it will eventually fester and ooze it's way out into the open. I wish I had taken my own advice, and was AWOL on my wedding day.

Posted by: liz953 at October 21, 2016 08:56 AM (6y/cP)

681 Advice #1: If she (or he) does something annoying, nip it in the bud immediately. Don't let it go, don't overlook it. Before you know it, the 1000th time she (or he) does it, it'll take all the will power you possess not to strangle her (or him).

Posted by: big sarge at October 21, 2016 09:13 AM (NUvoP)

682 Advice #2: For all of you rookies out there (say, married 5 years or less), take it from this 32-year veteran of the marriage "wars": We're all married to the same woman. They just have different names and faces. So, if you're walking around with the long, sad face, wondering if your wife is the only woman who ever committed these weird, contradictory actions that have you completely flummoxed, the answer is a big fat hairy NO. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We're with you, man.

Posted by: big sarge at October 21, 2016 09:23 AM (NUvoP)

683 Married for over 40 yrs to a fantastic woman who is my best friend. Marry someone who helps you to be the best person you can be and brings out your good side.

Posted by: Zogger at October 21, 2016 09:24 AM (SKahJ)

684 Men, love your wives. Women, respect your husbands. And by the way men, your wife is the only judge of how well you've loving her. If she thinks you're not, then you're not. And women, only your husband gets to judge whether you're respecting him. If he says you're not, you're not. Fix it.

And if you're not sure whether you're succeeding in your assigned task, ask.

Posted by: Average Jen at October 21, 2016 09:28 AM (Wnh7m)

685 Values matter more than opinions. My wife was liberal when we met (not anymore - I won that one.) Here's what I mean: she was talking of being at an anti-nuke protest. OK, that's a minus. But she then got scathing about people who brought their kids, and "used them as billboards." The underlying attitude counts for much more than the policy error. The latter can change, the former can not.

Being able to have conversations is a big one, at least for me. Before my wife, the liberal girls I went out with all had that in common. All were conservative in culture (i.e, music and books) if not politics.

A big one: how does she feel about her father? I know of only one unhappy marriage where this rule broke down.

Somewhat less, but still a strong indicator is having an older sister. She won't think she's the summit of existence, and will really appreciate it when you treat her as such. Brothers help too; she may understand us better. (That doesn't work in reverse, I think.)

And for God's sake don't try to make everything "equal" and "fair". Give.

(I'm 63, and have married exactly once.)

Posted by: George LeS at October 21, 2016 09:55 AM (+TcCF)

686 I love this post. Perfect and one we all should think about and then apply. Here is what I wrote on my blog about marriage http://doublenickelfarm.blogspot.com/2012/02/marriage.html

I've only been married 28 years and so it is still new and fresh, sweet, romantic, and goofy. I always hope others have such a marriage as my marriage has made me a better person.

Posted by: Jennifer at October 21, 2016 10:04 AM (lFmqU)

687 Great advice! Another thought: remember that none of us is perfect. Make allowances for your spouses imperfections, and focus on what works for the two of you.

Posted by: Sally at October 21, 2016 10:29 AM (l2TLa)

688 I've been married almost 36 years. Outstanding advice!

Posted by: Sixkiller...TEXIT at October 21, 2016 11:03 AM (mFA3Z)

689 People change. I had a wife I looked forward to going home to see. There was adversity and she changed into something I could barely stand to be around. It's easy to warble about how good someone is when things are going good. You learn the truth when things go bad.

Posted by: ejo at October 21, 2016 11:13 AM (il4FI)

690 opposites attract but they don't stay together. compatibility is a more reliable indicator of long term happiness.

Posted by: Teacherweaver at October 21, 2016 11:46 AM (9QFf0)

691 My Best Man during my wedding weekend: "Whatever she wants, you need."

Solid advice. Today is our 16th anniversary, he just had his 19th.

Posted by: tbradshaw at October 21, 2016 12:02 PM (4uDUj)

692 Marriage can't survive infidelity. For men, before getting married, look into the Red Pill philosophy

Posted by: Mike at October 21, 2016 07:55 PM (2/lbt)

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