Dating: Life Advice For Morons By Morons [Warden]

A blog post that I wrote a couple of weeks ago about balancing work, money and family sparked some interesting discussion in the comments. As I scanned through everyone's take on things, one of the younger Ace of Spades morons mentioned that he wished he could ask some of the older members about the wisdom they'd drawn from their life experiences.

I love this idea and thought I'd jump start a discussion by listing some of the words of advice I plan on passing along to my two boys. My first thought was to make one blog post on this, but once I stared writing, I realize that there's a lot of ground to cover, so I decided to make this into a series if this post is well received. We'll start with dating advice for today.

Please keep in mind that this is a male-centric list written by a father specifically for his sons as they explore the dating/relationship terrain through high school into early adulthood. Daughters are another story and I would have left that advice to my wife if we'd had girls.

This list is by no means exhaustive, nor do I think I have all the answers. It's meant to serve as a jumping off point for the Moron Horde to chew on and add their own take on things.

Some of you will take issue with what I've written and feel compelled to argue and... well, let's just be honest-- generally be humongous dicks about everything under the sun. When you respond in this way, I will keep in mind that it's mostly just your sexual frustration and tiny pee pees talking and won't take it personally.

Dating Advice For Young Men

Whether you realize it or not, your ultimate goal in dating is almost certainly to find a spouse. So begin with the end in mind. Pursue the kind of women you'd likely want to marry. Hint; you probably won't find your future wife in a bar, but you might find her in church, school, a sporting event, a party, etc...

Play the odds. Avoid the woman getting all the male attention in the room. Don't even look at her. Hit up the most attractive woman in the room that no one is talking to.

Middle school and high school girls are crazy. Period. Don't try to figure them out. Most of what they do makes no sense. Don't take it personally.

Women aren't generally interested in slobs. You don't have to be a big homo about your hair and your clothes, but a little grooming goes a long way.

Stay in shape. Dating can be tough. It's a lot tougher when you're overweight.

It turns out that “just be yourself” is pretty good advice, but make sure it's your best side you're showing at first. This doesn't mean you have to be a fake. It does mean you should probably avoid showing all your flaws in the first 10 minutes of interaction.

When you spot someone you're interested in, be clear about your intentions from the start. If it's a date you want, call it a date when you ask. Muddying the water to avoid a “no” creates ambiguity that will only harm you.

Avoid giving a prospective girlfriend any excuse to pretend that you are “just friends.” This only sets you up for being used. Being direct is strength and keeps things clear and simple. Being indirect is weakness and muddies the water..

Don't waste a lot of time in pursing a woman. They tend to decide quickly whether you're in the “just friends” pile or the dating/sex pile. Force her hand early into a declarative yes or no. Ambiguity usually gets you strung along.

Never ask twice. If she says no to a date, move on and don't look back. Do not allow yourself to become someone's backup plan. If a woman ever changes her mind about how she feels about you, then she'll chase YOU down.

Playing the “nice guy” is dishonest and cowardly. Every guy wants the same things, ultimately. Running down men who are more successful with women is a loser's game.

Don't try to gal pal your way into a woman's heart, particularly when she's currently in a “bad relationship.” You will not be rewarded for it. Let her girlfriend be a shoulder to cry on.

Compliments are tricky and should be given sparingly. The correct way to compliment a woman is by making it about something specific and unique about her personality, appearance, clothing, etc.. (that blue dress really brings out your eyes). General compliments (you are so good looking) are counterproductive and make you look weak/oily/desperate.

If you're suddenly the funniest guy on the planet, then she probably likes you. If she touches her hair a lot or your chest, bicep or forearm... then she probably likes you. If her eyes wander about your face while you're talking then she DEFINITELY likes you. That or you have an unsightly mole.

Don't take dating advice from young women, ever. They either don't know what they want or aren't honest about it. Feel free, however, to take fashion advice from them. They probably have better taste than you.

It's hard to talk to a girl you like. Rejection is terrifying. But it's ultimately a numbers game. Unless you're wildly attractive/rich/successful, your best bet is to approach a lot of different women and try not to care too much about the answer (easier said than done).

Be a gentleman. Treat women with respect, but don't be weak. A woman will ultimately test you. If you make a habit of letting her run you over in order to avoid conflict, she'll eventually lose interest and break up with you or, worse, cheat on you with someone more challenging and exciting.

Delay sex for as long as you can when you're young. If you're not married, use a condom during sex even if a woman says she's on the pill. All birth control fails and some women lie about using it.

Never have sex with a woman without thinking long and hard (heh) about what it might be like to be attached to her for the rest of your life—because this is what will happen if you get her pregnant, regardless of whether or not you marry.

Expensive gifts are wasted on girls and young women. And what the hell, you're not made of money anyway if you're a young man. So smarten up. If you want to mark a special occasion do something that requires thought and planning instead.

And finally, dating/relationships in real life are nothing like Hollywood movies. If you hold up a boom box below a young woman's window at midnight while standing, pathetically, in the rain then she'll likely call the cops and slap a restraining order on you.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 08:06 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 I will try this tonight.

Posted by: Cicero -- Profoundly Deplorable But Pretty Dependable at October 13, 2016 08:09 PM (8ZskC)

2 Great advice, but what if it's too late?

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 08:10 PM (fVubI)

3 Was the etiquette of pussy-grabbing saved for another post?

Posted by: Cicero -- Profoundly Deplorable But Pretty Dependable at October 13, 2016 08:10 PM (8ZskC)

4 #1 piece of advice:

Ask yourself, "Do I just want this woman because everyone else wants her?"

If you're honest with yourself, you can save yourself a lot of pain and suffering.

Posted by: RKae at October 13, 2016 08:11 PM (KFnnG)

5 Get a used van. Sit outside her house at all hours. Never approach the house.

Posted by: Cicero -- Profoundly Deplorable But Pretty Dependable at October 13, 2016 08:11 PM (8ZskC)

6 Leave the armrests DOWN.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 08:12 PM (qJhUV)

7 Don't stick your dick in crazy is popular advice around here.

Posted by: Methos at October 13, 2016 08:13 PM (3Liv/)

8 Grab 'em by the pussy.

(Too soon?)

Posted by: jakeman at October 13, 2016 08:14 PM (yKkl0)

9 Ask her if she wants to act out Fifty Shades of Grey

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 13, 2016 08:14 PM (P/kVC)

10 Don't stick your dick in crazy is popular advice around here.

But you gotta do it at least once. Just to get it out of your system.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 08:14 PM (qJhUV)

11 Test, ignore me! Ipad & iPhone have been too slow & i deleted all unknown & then all website data.

Posted by: Carol at October 13, 2016 08:14 PM (sj3Ax)

12 Pay attention to how she treats and/or acts towards her dad.

Posted by: jakeman at October 13, 2016 08:15 PM (yKkl0)

13 Where can I find women who won't pepper spray me for wearing a "Make America Great Again" red cap?

I tried Trump headquarters but they're all married, I asked about their sisters but they said their sisters were either lesbians or liberals.

Posted by: #NeverHillary at October 13, 2016 08:16 PM (DQrjB)

14 Feel free, however, to take fashion advice from them. They probably have better taste than you.

Take her along with you clothes shopping. She will dress you for women.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at October 13, 2016 08:17 PM (OF/aZ)

15 Wait to use the Frank Costanza "stop short" move until the second date.

Posted by: jakeman at October 13, 2016 08:17 PM (yKkl0)

16 If you're only dating and find yourself thinking about trading up, end the relationship. Marriage is different and you have to deal with whatever's causing that in that case. But if it's just dating, you've got no business leading her on.

Also don't expect that trade up to be there.

And don't trade up first, asshole.

Posted by: Methos at October 13, 2016 08:18 PM (3Liv/)

17 Hookers are a great way to hone your dating technique in a controlled environment.

Posted by: Cicero -- Profoundly Deplorable But Pretty Dependable at October 13, 2016 08:18 PM (8ZskC)

18 For ettes: This is, by far, the best advice I got about dating.
Pay attention to how the guy talks about his mom and sisters. Generally, that is a good measure of how he will treat you.

This should be a fun thread.

Posted by: L, Elle at October 13, 2016 08:19 PM (6IPEM)

19 I got nothing. I'm a complete bust on this subject. I'll just sit back and read.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, That Deplorable Guy at October 13, 2016 08:20 PM (vyqqu)

20 Watch how your date treats people they don't *have* to be nice too, like door people, waiters, people taking tickets, strangers.

That's exactly how you'll be treated in five years.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 08:20 PM (PFE2j)

21 Only problem with this advice is that it assumes that there are eligible young women in significant numbers around. I know maybe 2, and I'm pretty sure one is already taken. The other is an exchange student from a culture that doesn't marry outsiders...

Posted by: Grey Fox at October 13, 2016 08:20 PM (bZ7mE)

22 Ask her if she's ever considered being a humidor

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 08:21 PM (auHtY)

23 Aw this was really sweet. Nice job, Dad!

Posted by: ALH at October 13, 2016 08:21 PM (Z56vq)

24 I thought of another one.

Practice flirting with random girls you aren't all that attracted to. It's like training wheels.

Posted by: Warden at October 13, 2016 08:21 PM (MZ8Zz)

25 #4:#1 piece of advice:

Ask yourself, "Do I just want this woman because everyone else wants her?"

If you're honest with yourself, you can save yourself a lot of pain and suffering."

#1a - Listen to Sam from "Ronin": "Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt."

As with #1, if you're honest, this will keep you out of, or, depending upon the circumstances, get you out of pretty much every bad situation.

Also, if she is really interested - she'll find a way for you to spend time together. If that ain't happening, it ain't happening. Refer to Guideline 1a.

Posted by: FaCubeItches at October 13, 2016 08:22 PM (rznWS)

26 Tangentially related: As a kid, I remember asking my dad why parents-in-law always hate the son-in-law. He said, "Because they know you're jumping their daughter's bones every chance you get."

Man, I miss my dad.

Posted by: jakeman at October 13, 2016 08:22 PM (yKkl0)

27 My advice is: Never bang a chick you go to college with (especially if you don't plan on marrying her) because under Obama's Title IX, the only thing keeping her from destroying your life is her good will.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:22 PM (4ueYo)

28 And when all else fails, give her a fake name.

Posted by: buzzion at October 13, 2016 08:22 PM (z/Ubi)

29 The Door Test

http://bit.ly/1u7PC6Z

Posted by: random ~~lurker~~ commenter at October 13, 2016 08:23 PM (+tRIN)

30 28 And when all else fails, give her a fake name.
Posted by: buzzion
*****

Ron Mexico. Nice to meet you.

Posted by: Warden at October 13, 2016 08:23 PM (MZ8Zz)

31 Shallow graves are for rookies.

Posted by: Ted Bundy at October 13, 2016 08:23 PM (8ZskC)

32 I think the better question to ask given the state of the single women demographic being the second most reliable voting bloc for democrats behind african americans:

What's the best and most reputable mail order bride agency?

Posted by: #NeverHillary at October 13, 2016 08:23 PM (DQrjB)

33 ***likely call the cops and slap a restraining order on you.

Guys, 500 yards is a long way too.

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at October 13, 2016 08:23 PM (EU9cG)

34 29 The Door Test

http://bit.ly/1u7PC6Z
Posted by: random lurker commenter at October 13, 2016 08:23 PM (+tRIN)

"Can you make sauce?!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:23 PM (9P3OG)

35 If she dumps you, go out and bang a chick that looks just like her.
_

Posted by: The Guys at the Gas-N-Sip at October 13, 2016 08:24 PM (uhftQ)

36 My son and his friends were very involved on the church youth group. He eventually married the younger cousin of one of the other guys, after they were are grown and through college.

Your advice about not meeting a nice girl in a bar was spot on.

Posted by: ALH at October 13, 2016 08:24 PM (Z56vq)

37 If she carries around a mattress...PASS.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 08:24 PM (qJhUV)

38
Never break up with a chick until you've (CENSORED).

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:24 PM (9P3OG)

39
You may have to remind the younger (and maybe not-so-young) ones (paraphrasing "Planet Moron" at January 29, 2007 07:59 PM):

The Secret Source Of What You are Really Trying To Tell Her
are
The Words That Come Out Of Your Mouth.

Posted by: Arbalest the Deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:24 PM (FlRtG)

40 girls have girlfriends and boyfriends

if you're not her boyfriend...

Posted by: casual at October 13, 2016 08:24 PM (j766/)

41 If you're a half white half black gay guy in Hawaii invent women that you've dated but don't marry the wookie

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 08:25 PM (auHtY)

42 Watch how your date treats people they don't *have* to be nice too, like door people, waiters, people taking tickets, strangers.
That's exactly how you'll be treated in five years.
Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 08:20 PM
******
Yes. This is good advice.
I agree.

Posted by: L, Elle at October 13, 2016 08:25 PM (6IPEM)

43
"Throw a brick at her head."

- - Ignatz Mouse

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:25 PM (9P3OG)

44
Treat your dates like youd want a suitor to treat your sister.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 13, 2016 08:25 PM (JmjOe)

45 35
If she dumps you, go out and bang a chick that looks just like her.

_

Posted by: The Guys at the Gas-N-Sip at October 13, 2016 08:24 PM (uhftQ)

Make sure she's younger than her too..

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 08:26 PM (PFE2j)

46 You're going to find pretty quickly you have a type. There's nothing wrong with that even if it's spectacularly superficial (I knew a guy in college who only dated Jennifers-7 in a row that I knew of). Well, there might be, but don't let anyone guilt trip you over it, particularly if it's a lonely gal who isn't that type.

Which is to say stay away from anyone who starts from the position of wanting to fundamentally transform you.

If however, you find yourself falling for some that's not your type, rather than dismissing it, spend some time trying to figure out why. It could be important.

Posted by: Methos at October 13, 2016 08:26 PM (3Liv/)

47 *looks down*

Well, I have the wrong equipment for this thread.

Besides, I chased down a sophomore in high school and got him to eventually marry me, so my advice would be useless.

Posted by: pookysgirl at October 13, 2016 08:26 PM (ar2KI)

48 We'll start with dating advice for today.
========

Don't get none on ya.

Or in ya.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:26 PM (zu88C)

49 That's a pretty darn good list.

I'd also add that I've found more success in dating when I "try" less.

I don't mean that I dress like a slob or act like a jerk. But if I really go all out for a woman I just started dating, or even more so want to date, it seems to backfire.

Also, you can't date a politically liberal woman.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 13, 2016 08:26 PM (oyTLT)

50 Remember what Clarence said:
"Well, that's where you messed up, son, you can't go to no bar to find a nice woman. You gotta go to a nice place, a quiet place like a library, there's good women there and 'erm, church, they're good girls."

Love Eddie Murphy....

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at October 13, 2016 08:26 PM (ej1L0)

51 Men are like dogs, simple and straightforward. Feed us, scratch our belly, and let us hump your leg once or twice a day.

Women are like cats, ambiguous and elusive. Try to pet a cat and it runs away. Ignore a cat and it will be rubbing up against you very soon.

The more you ignore a woman, the more she wants you. Fact. Once ignored, their curiousity and insecurities are redlined. Be cool and wait it out.

Posted by: Afroman at October 13, 2016 08:26 PM (f5sT8)

52 >>that blue dress really brings out your eyes

I've used that one.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at October 13, 2016 08:27 PM (5huyv)

53
"Hit on head with club. Drag by hair back to cave."

- - Ogg the Caveman

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:27 PM (9P3OG)

54 Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 08:20 PM : That is good advice for both gals and guys.

Posted by: Palerider at October 13, 2016 08:27 PM (dkExz)

55 45 35
If she dumps you, go out and bang a chick that looks just like her.

_

Posted by: The Guys at the Gas-N-Sip at October 13, 2016 08:24 PM (uhftQ)

Make sure she's younger than her too..
Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 08:26 PM (PFE2j)

Kid Rock song "Half Your Age and Twice as Hot."

Posted by: buzzion at October 13, 2016 08:27 PM (z/Ubi)

56 Delay sex for as long as you can when you're young.
======

Mrs. M was very very good at this.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (zu88C)

57 Best advice for boys: go to church. Best way to meet good girls and have a good ratio. Plus you're much less likely to get a harpy that hates men and Christians.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (4ueYo)

58 While women tend to be jealous of other women (platonic) who are in your life now, men are jealous of guys in her past. And she has a past of some sort. Before you have sex the first time have the necessary disclosure of each other's past. Anything not discussed here never happened and shouldn't come up later. You are not allowed to be jealous of what she has disclosed, and she should not reminisce any further about intimate occasions or feelings about her exes. Do not ever start talking about your sexual past then get jealous if she does the same.

Posted by: AstroBevo at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (DZF+K)

59 Dating advice my Dad gave me when I was about 15:

"Son, there's something I told your brother, but he still hasn't figured it out yet: there's a lot more to women than just gettin' your finger wet."

Posted by: Country Singer (gab @BertG) at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (GUBah)

60 Always drink Dos Equis, even if it tastes like burro piss.

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (EU9cG)

61 Whu?
A dating advice thread? Here? Ha!
This could get ugly real fast...

Here's mine:
Bitches Be Crazy.

Posted by: Chi at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (Ju1px)

62
Buy a stack of Beaver Hunt or Puritan. They don't talk back.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (9P3OG)

63 Beautiful women who are looking you up and down are only trying to figure out if you've got body armor on.

Posted by: 006 at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (FyuAv)

64 58 While women tend to be jealous of other women (platonic) who are in your life now, men are jealous of guys in her past. And she has a past of some sort. Before you have sex the first time have the necessary disclosure of each other's past. Anything not discussed here never happened and shouldn't come up later. You are not allowed to be jealous of what she has disclosed, and she should not reminisce any further about intimate occasions or feelings about her exes. Do not ever start talking about your sexual past then get jealous if she does the same.
Posted by: AstroBevo at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (DZF+K)

What if she's sucked 37 dicks?

Posted by: Dante at October 13, 2016 08:29 PM (z/Ubi)

65 Try and find someone who is just your speed.

Mr. H and I have very similar temperaments. We are both boring and predictable, which is much better than wild and exciting any day.

Posted by: ALH at October 13, 2016 08:29 PM (Z56vq)

66 After 30 years of providing medical care to mostly women, many of whom were outstanding looking women, I've noticed that most women, no matter how good looking they are, feel secure in their appearance. In fact, the more "high maintenance" they appear, the less secure they are. So, they don't want to hear about their appearance, at least early on. They want to know that you are genuinely interested in who they are, not in how they look. It's natural for the male eye to be attracted to what each of us finds attractive, but if you start with appearance comments, they will dismiss you as only caring about that.
To be sure, there are some very goodlooking women out there who are well aware of it. In my experience, and there's no easy way to say this, they are crazy, narcissistic, are likely to cheat, and leave a chain of broken relationships in their wake. They are not worth your time, and unless you like personal pain.
How to be genuinely interested. Ask questions, and listen, actually listen to the answers. This is hard for guys especially at first meeting when we feel we have to fill the conversational void. Pause after an answer. That communicates listening.
Take care of yourself. Fat guys can do great by following the above, but it's easier to do well if you take care of yourself..

Posted by: macleod at October 13, 2016 08:29 PM (5NEuS)

67 When you respond in this way, I will keep in mind that it's mostly
just your sexual frustration and tiny pee pees talking and won't take it
personally.

=========

I was in the pool!

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:29 PM (zu88C)

68 Have a place out in the country - "Scream all you want, ain't no one gonna hear you!"

Keep pigs at the place in the country, you know, just in case.

Posted by: Ed Gein at October 13, 2016 08:30 PM (rznWS)

69 Oh, as one hint for women, if you like a guy, actually make it obvious to him.

I know its easier to be "subtle" as a woman. However, most guys who can pick up those hints can do so because they spend a lot of their time picking up women. Presuming that isn't the type of guy you want you are generally going to have to be less subtle.

And for guys the converse, presume she is into you. That doesn't mean you drop your drawers and ask for a Lewinsky, but go politely talk with her if you are both in a social setting. Most women actually will NOT be into you so expect to fail at this a lot but don't let it get to you.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 13, 2016 08:30 PM (oyTLT)

70 You have to kiss a lot of princesses to find one who likes frogs

Posted by: Tmitsss at October 13, 2016 08:30 PM (xC8sT)

71
Always hang out with a guy who is incredibly good looking. That way, the ones he rejects have got to be better looking than any you can bag for yourself.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:30 PM (9P3OG)

72 Pay attention to how she treats and/or acts towards her dad.
==========

Pay more attention to how her mother treats her dad. If there is a dad in the house.

Posted by: mrp at October 13, 2016 08:30 PM (JBggj)

73 What if she's sucked 37 dicks?

---------

Marry that.

Love will follow.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (JmjOe)

74 >>>32 I think the better question to ask given the state of the single women demographic being the second most reliable voting bloc for democrats behind african americans:

What's the best and most reputable mail order bride agency?
Posted by: #NeverHillary at October 13, 2016 08:23 PM (DQrjB)>>>

Or, you can marry them and convert them. My wife used to support Waxmam, Boxer, and Planned Parenthood. Now, I wonder if she might be a little too right-wing . . .

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (4ueYo)

75 If you can't set a good example,
serve as a horrible warning.

Posted by: Impossible-is-Nothing Guy at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (uhftQ)

76 Your advice about not meeting a nice girl in a bar was spot on.

I met my wife in a bar and we had 17 good years until she died. So maybe I'm the exception.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (qJhUV)

77 Go big or go home!

Posted by: BBW at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (OF/aZ)

78 Learn to eat pussy really well, young man. It's a life skill that you will always find useful.

Posted by: WiseOldGuy at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (Ok8oN)

79 54
Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 08:20 PM : That is good advice for both gals and guys.

Posted by: Palerider at October 13, 2016 08:27 PM (dkExz)

Thanks. I'm still single and that's all I've got. But it's a bull's eye...

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 08:32 PM (PFE2j)

80
I met Mrs. Sefton on line. Literally "on line" at the DMV (I know, the correct grammar is "in line" but this is NYC).

Opening line, "may I borrow your pen?" Am I smooth or what?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:32 PM (9P3OG)

81 I disagree. Never confuse a stellar blowjob with true love. First wife cost me $500K

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at October 13, 2016 08:33 PM (EU9cG)

82 >>I knew a guy in college who only dated Jennifers-7 in a row that I knew of

Wow.

Isn't that a thing with twins who were separated at birth? They end up marrying people with the same name?

That's always freaked me out.

Posted by: Mama AJ, Augmented Deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:33 PM (gTQoY)

83 Hey! I got First! in the disappeared thread, dammit!

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:33 PM (sdi6R)

84 78, Amen.

Posted by: ALH at October 13, 2016 08:33 PM (Z56vq)

85 I've found this to be true:

If you want female attention just sit at the bar and lick your eyebrows.
_

Posted by: BumperStickerist at October 13, 2016 08:33 PM (uhftQ)

86 78 Learn to eat pussy really well, young man. It's a life skill that you will always find useful.
Posted by: WiseOldGuy at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (Ok8oN)

Before that, "hey babe, let's shower together!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:34 PM (9P3OG)

87 this isn't entirely to the point but relates tangentially. i have a neighbor who i have never met, has been no bother and i prefer to leave it that way. but i got to thinking. what if he was one of you? wouldn't that be amazing if one of your neighbors, perhaps one you haven't had much contact with and don't know their politics, turned out to be one of the sharp tacks on this board. cool! right? but then i got to thinking, what if a week after the election that clinton looks to win i get a knock on the door and they drag me off to the camps and i look at my neighbor and he shrugs and says "sorry, i have kids to think of". so i end up standing in the rain behind an electrified fence because i had to open my big mouth. i think i'll let things alone.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at October 13, 2016 08:34 PM (WTSFk)

88 When it does get serious - talk about the serious things - how you deal with money, spend it, save it, invest it - where to live, jobs, kids, all of it. Don't be surprised later.

Posted by: Beth M at October 13, 2016 08:34 PM (kiy9d)

89 Learn to eat pussy really well, young man. It's a life skill that you will always find useful.
Posted by: WiseOldGuy at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (Ok8oN)

+1000....throw some rimming in there too and your home free.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at October 13, 2016 08:34 PM (ej1L0)

90 20 Watch how your date treats people they don't *have* to be nice too, like door people, waiters, people taking tickets, strangers.

That's exactly how you'll be treated in five years.
Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 08:20 PM (PFE2j)

Good advice re hiring people, too. I used to ask my secretary's thoughts on potential hires for just this reason. She was very squared away, and had unerring insight.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:35 PM (SRKgf)

91 19 I got nothing. I'm a complete bust on this subject. I'll just sit back and read.
Posted by: Brother Cavil, That Deplorable Guy at October 13, 2016 08:20 PM (vyqqu)

This thread is pretty much useless to me as well.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:35 PM (sdi6R)

92 89
+1000....throw some rimming in there too and your home free.
Posted by: Hairyback Guy at October 13, 2016 08:34 PM (ej1L0)

LOL.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:35 PM (9P3OG)

93 The best exercise for picking up girls is pull-ups.

Pull up in a Porsche. Pull up in a Corvette.

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at October 13, 2016 08:35 PM (EU9cG)

94 If you were any good at dating you'd be happily married.

Posted by: Meremortal at October 13, 2016 08:36 PM (YJgXm)

95
zombie Ted Kennedy: Just remember, if you're a Democrat you can get away with murder when it comes to women

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 08:36 PM (auHtY)

96 94 If you were any good at dating you'd be happily married.
Posted by: Meremortal at October 13, 2016 08:36 PM (YJgXm)

Said no Muslim man ever.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:36 PM (9P3OG)

97 If the only thing keeping you apart is that she doesn't want kids, just knock her up and she'll want more.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:36 PM (4ueYo)

98 @64: "What if she's sucked 37 dicks?"

In a row?

Posted by: Customer at October 13, 2016 08:37 PM (rznWS)

99 >>I knew a guy in college who only dated Jennifers-7 in a row that I knew of

There's a fantastic Mike Doughty (formerly of Soul Coughing) song called "27 Jennifers."

Posted by: jakeman at October 13, 2016 08:37 PM (yKkl0)

100 Oh, as one hint for women, if you like a guy, actually make it obvious to him.

I know its easier to be "subtle" as a woman. However, most guys who can pick up those hints can do so because they spend a lot of their time picking up women. Presuming that isn't the type of guy you want you are generally going to have to be less subtle.

Excellent advice.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:37 PM (SRKgf)

101 "87 this isn't entirely to the point but relates tangentially. i have a neighbor who i have never met, has ... they drag me off to the camps and i look at my neighbor and he shrugs and says "sorry, i have kids to think of". so i end up standing in the rain behind an electrified fence because i had to open my big mouth. i think i'll let things alone."

I'd avenge you.

Eventually.
_

Posted by: BumperStickerist at October 13, 2016 08:37 PM (uhftQ)

102 44
Treat your dates like youd want a suitor to treat your sister.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 13, 2016 08:25 PM (JmjOe)

I don't like my sister though.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 13, 2016 08:37 PM (4ErVI)

103 Don't stick your dick in crazy is popular advice around here.

++++

the rest is commentary

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 08:38 PM (U0lQa)

104 I used to ask my secretary's thoughts on potential hires for just this reason. She was very squared away, and had unerring insight.
*********

My wife runs a financial office. After the third time her financial adviser's college aged boy, who wanted to be in sales, came into the office and never said hello, she pulled her boss aside and said, "You may want to teach your son where his bread is buttered. Because I'm the gatekeeper here and in the real world, he's not selling a thing to anyone unless he learns how to treat 'unimportant people'."

Posted by: Warden at October 13, 2016 08:38 PM (MZ8Zz)

105 Oh Athol Kay wrote a pretty good book on game theory for relationships that isn't about being a PUA asshole:

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Posted by: 18-1 at October 13, 2016 08:38 PM (oyTLT)

106 Ask yourself, "Do I just want this woman because everyone else wants her?"

Posted by: RKae at October 13, 2016 08:11 PM (KFnnG)

There's nothing wrong with that motivation. Competition is healthy. Winning competitions is even healthier.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at October 13, 2016 08:38 PM (zc3Db)

107 f you hold up a boom box below a young woman's window at midnight while standing, pathetically, in the rain then she'll likely call the cops and slap a restraining order on you.

Or a state with Castle Doctrine, you could be ventilated

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 13, 2016 08:38 PM (voOPb)

108 Make sure that her conversation is interesting and engaging. Even challenging. Try to make her laugh. A lot.

Once you're married, never quit dating her.

(Married 15 years, 3 kids)

Posted by: Eric E. at October 13, 2016 08:39 PM (GtLz7)

109 son......it is a mystery (the woman thing) and the mystery is NEVER solved, if you choose the right one. think about that before you go choosing...

Posted by: !Deplorable Lives Matter! at October 13, 2016 08:39 PM (oBuXO)

110
I knew a guy in college who only dated Jennifers-7 in a row that I knew of

I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henery.

Posted by: Henery the eighth, I am at October 13, 2016 08:39 PM (IqV8l)

111 What if she's sucked 37 dicks?
Posted by: Dante at October 13, 2016 08:29 PM (z/Ubi)

At one time?

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:39 PM (SRKgf)

112 Complement the SECOND best thing about her. I had a "good friend" her eyes were the sexiest thing I've ever seen, and every man went "gah gah gah, those eyes." The first time I met her I knew she had heard "your eyes" all her life. I complemented her hair and when that made her smile, complemented her smile. THEN AND ONLY THEN, did I grab her by the pussy.

Posted by: Traye at October 13, 2016 08:39 PM (gudYR)

113 Marry that.

~~Love~~ Paolo will follow.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (JmjOe)

Fixt

Posted by: Country Singer (gab @BertG) at October 13, 2016 08:39 PM (GUBah)

114 Will owed in a previous thread -

OT - whatever the T happens to be right now...
Does anyone know how the AoS Postal Match is supposed to be fired/scored? I understand how to score a target, I'm just not sure if we're supposed to fire all 50 rounds in a single string, then score. It seems that once the center gets chewed up a little it's going to be difficult to distinguish X's from 10's.
Thanks!

Posted by: Weasel at October 13, 2016 08:39 PM (Sfs6o)

115 >>>Learn to eat pussy really well, young man. It's a life skill that you will always find useful.

Only a woman knows how to properly pleasure another woman. Men are for babies. Women are for pleasure.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at October 13, 2016 08:40 PM (OkKDg)

116 If you hold up a boom box below a young woman's window at midnight while standing, pathetically, in the rain then she'll likely call the cops and slap a restraining order on you.

But that was a great movie. The part where he's at the Gas and Sip getting advice from the guys is classic.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at October 13, 2016 08:40 PM (zc3Db)

117 Don't date.

Posted by: Max Power at October 13, 2016 08:40 PM (q177U)

118 advice to my son: Don't get so tripped up with women. make money, they'll show up.

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 08:41 PM (U0lQa)

119 g'early evenin', 'rons

Posted by: AltonJackson at October 13, 2016 08:41 PM (z9GNb)

120 And, for the record, I met Mrs. Jakeman in a bar 23 years ago, and my wingman married her friend that was sitting on the barstool next to her. Their third-wheel friend, who was trying to kill both deals, has probably been divorced twice by now. Gorgeous, but a total pain in the ass.

Anyway, YMMV.

Posted by: jakeman at October 13, 2016 08:41 PM (yKkl0)

121 94 If you were any good at dating you'd be happily married.
Posted by: Meremortal
*********

I am happily married.

Posted by: Warden at October 13, 2016 08:41 PM (MZ8Zz)

122 "Better loving through chemistry"

Posted by: Bill Cosby & Roman Polanski at October 13, 2016 08:41 PM (rznWS)

123 Opening line, "may I borrow your pen?" Am I smooth or what?
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:32 PM (9P3O

Depends where her pen was, I think

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 13, 2016 08:42 PM (voOPb)

124 Should have been "insecure in their appearance....

Posted by: macleod at October 13, 2016 08:42 PM (5NEuS)

125 123 Opening line, "may I borrow your pen?" Am I smooth or what?
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:32 PM (9P3O

Depends where her pen was, I think
Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 13, 2016 08:42 PM (voOPb)

It was jammed into the DMV flunky's eye. Why?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:42 PM (9P3OG)

126 41
If you're a half white half black gay guy in Hawaii invent women that you've dated but don't marry the wookie

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 08:25 PM (auHtY)

That nit-wit has got to be a homo with his "composite" girlfriend. Sure.

Posted by: washrivergal madly and deeply deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:43 PM (CFc5L)

127 101 bumperstickerist

thank you so much! anonymously, of course.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (WTSFk)

128 The best advice I ever got was from my dad. He said "The affairs of the heart have absolutely nothing to do with the affairs of the mind." He didn't want me to even casually date someone I would never consider marrying. So it's also important to know what you want in a spouse.
To a girl I would say, "Never let him see you cry." That's if you break up. Keep your tears for your pillow and show him that you don't need him. Men hate clingy women, and he'll have greater respect for you if you keep it together.
To guys and gals: stay chaste. Wait until you're married. Hard to do, but I found it to be totally worth it.

Posted by: California Girl at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (Pt5D1)

129 I consider every time I open my mouth to speak an opportunity for WeaselWoman to realize that I'm an idiot. So I try and choose my words carefully.

Posted by: Weasel at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (Sfs6o)

130 Rub one out before the date, you don't want to go out with a loaded weapon.

Bonus, if you do bang her, you gotta build up some spooge, so you will have a lot more stamina and she will think you are a sexual Tyrannosaur.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (1JnAL)

131 I just want to find a guy that I really like talking to. I'm 30. Seems like all the good ones are married to better girls than me.

Maybe I shouldn't open all the conversations by asking if they want to see my vestigial tail.

Posted by: Juggs McBusty at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (U6m5N)

132 Study abroad in Eastern Europe while in College. Find a future wife there.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (IR2bT)

133 Be rich, be famous, be powerful, be handsome, be charismatic, or be happy with what you can get.

Posted by: Nature at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (rznWS)

134 Never make or have a Facebook account.

-- That's just good life advice, but good for dating too.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (4ueYo)

135 Opening line, "may I borrow your pen?" Am I smooth or what?

++++

i just poke em in the belly

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 08:45 PM (U0lQa)

136 My dating advice is don't give a crap about women. Pursue your goals, and by that I don't mean becoming head of a guild in WoW, real goals. Women find high achievers attractive. You know how we know this? It's because they're confused that men don't find that as attractive as well. This is where that men are afraid of a strong woman comes from. That's just them trying to compensate for being so wrong. They find achievement attractive so of course men do right? Do no make a woman the center of your world. Women don't want to be a man's world. They want him to create his world, so they can complain about how it needs a woman's touch, and then they start to bitch about redecorating.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 08:45 PM (NAuU7)

137 The best advice I ever got was from my dad. He said "The affairs of the heart have absolutely nothing to do with the affairs of the mind." He didn't want me to even casually date someone I would never consider marrying. So it's also important to know what you want in a spouse.

Posted by: California Girl at October 13, 2016 08:44 PM (Pt5D1)

My late piano teacher said something very similar: "Be careful who you date, because you can't control who you'll fall in love with."

Posted by: Country Singer (gab @BertG) at October 13, 2016 08:45 PM (GUBah)

138
It was jammed into the DMV flunky's eye. Why?
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:42 PM (9P3OG

My kind of gal

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 13, 2016 08:46 PM (voOPb)

139 Here's one mistake that I made that I haven't seen yet in the thread.

Do not move in with a significant other before getting engaged if you can possibly avoid it. If you live with someone, there are inertial pressures to keep the relationship going even when it is the best thing for the relationship to end it. It is so much easier to continue to be in a bad relationship when getting out means having to make a drastic life change (moving).

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (ef6pV)

140 Ha. You are obviously unaware of the 40 and under group of American Girls.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (IR2bT)

141 He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven---with a gun."

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (zu88C)

142 If that van is a rockin' don't go a knockin.'

Posted by: Independent George at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (dRZBD)

143 >>>Pursue your goals, and by that I don't mean becoming head of a guild in WoW, real goals.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 08:45 PM (NAuU7)>>>

I think that's the only kind of goals my boys have . . .

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (4ueYo)

144
Opening line, "may I borrow your pen?" Am I smooth or what?
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:32 PM

Epi pen?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (IqV8l)

145 testing

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (9P3OG)

146
To a girl I would say, "Never let him see you cry." That's if you break up.

+++

i tell em to get their hair done. don't sit around in front of the TV eating bon bons and crying.

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (U0lQa)

147 >>. but i got to thinking. what if he was one of you?

That reminds me, I had a nice talk with someone yesterday because he was wearing a Monster Hunter International patch. I was the first person who'd recognized it (or at least said it). Was cool.

Posted by: Mama AJ, Augmented Deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:48 PM (gTQoY)

148 Good advice.

I would add don't take yourself too seriously and show some humor.

Oh, and trust in God to help you out. After all he's in charge

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 08:48 PM (NbJXF)

149 My late piano teacher said something very similar: "Be careful who you date, because you can't control who you'll fall in love with."
Posted by: Country Singer (gab @BertG) at October 13, 2016 08:45 PM (GUBah)
------------
This x a bazillion. It took me TWO YEARS to ask WeaselWoman for a date because I KNEW I'd want to marry her.

Posted by: Weasel at October 13, 2016 08:48 PM (Sfs6o)

150 144
Opening line, "may I borrow your pen?" Am I smooth or what?
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:32 PM

Epi pen?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (IqV8l)

Sean.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:48 PM (9P3OG)

151 Dating advice- Be able to tell the difference between a roll in the hay and a lifetime.

Posted by: Ben Had at October 13, 2016 08:49 PM (iiA9G)

152 Find the best woman you can while pretty young and then stick with her through thick and thin. The amount I've saved on divorce bills compared to my brother is astounding. AND child support. And not only do I still love my wife (who for some reason picked me) I like her too after thirty six years.

Posted by: Lester at October 13, 2016 08:49 PM (8USec)

153 In college and beyond it is pretty safe to allow your parents to set you up with a daughter of one of their friends or social group.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:49 PM (IR2bT)

154 Quick random point:

'You're The Worst' is a terrifically written and acted show. Definitely MA, but not it's in furtherance of the characters.

Not just slapstick, hah-hah, stuff.

They did an episode on PTSD about two weeks ago (one of the characters is a combat vet) that should be shown at the VA clinics (note: I'm a vet, non-combat)

Also, it's the kind of show that makes me glad I'm married and don't have to put up with all that crap.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at October 13, 2016 08:49 PM (uhftQ)

155 There is no advice just a roll of the dice, and deciding which poison you wish to ingest.
Women are much better liars than men.
The pretty, warm, kind, unmaterialistic, sexual tigress who thinks you hung the moon & the stars....? Does not exist.
Don't cheat. It will be a pattern for your whole life.
Don't put up with her shit. Either you're in charge or she is, and the latter doesn't make for a mutually pleasant relationship.
She wants to admire you. Be a person worthy of admiration.
If you get the chance, watch her mom interact with her dad.

If all else fails, get a girl with daddy issues. They're fun...

Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 08:50 PM (9stgl)

156 Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 08:31 PM (qJhUV)
I already kind of knew my husband, but he asked for my number in a bar. I wouldn't say we met in a bar, but close enough.
Many many years later we are happily married.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 08:50 PM (Q5Ymk)

157 Also, listen to your family and friends. They can often see things about the person that you're dating that you will willfully ignore.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at October 13, 2016 08:50 PM (ef6pV)

158 Wait until you are in your 30's and well established and marry somebody on their early 20's who wants children and a family at the top of her list.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:51 PM (IR2bT)

159 Offer to massage her feet after a long walk. Try to resist the urge to fap right then and there.

Posted by: Quentin Tarantino at October 13, 2016 08:51 PM (dtWKK)

160 My observation from watching my previously mentioned brother (and now that I think about it, Dad gave me his "wet finger" advice right around the time my brother starting dating his wife): If you see obvious red flags like, 'divorced and doesn't have primary custody', run away as fast as you can. Don't try to rationalize it, don't try to make excuses for it. Just get the hell away and don't look back.

Posted by: Country Singer (gab @BertG) at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (GUBah)

161 >>>That reminds me, I had a nice talk with someone yesterday because he was wearing a Monster Hunter International patch. I was the first person who'd recognized it (or at least said it). Was cool.

Posted by: Mama AJ, Augmented Deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:48 PM (gTQoY)>>>

I like the books and all, but he must have been a dork. Amiright?

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (4ueYo)

162 Obligatory disclosure: I am an 'ette who is so oblivious to male hints that I have gone on two (2) dates, with different men, without realizing they were dates. Horrific Awkwardness ensued. PLEASE, please, say the word "date" or hand out a "consent to go on date" form if you suspect this may be the case with your intended.

Also, if you have the confidence to let your bald head show in your dating profile, it is thoughtful to NOT wear a toupee that looks not just like roadkill, but *bleached* roadkill on the first date. You look, how shall I say, different. Hard to identify in a crowd. Also, baldness is not a problem. Being oblivious to reality *is*.

Oh, and if you really want to stand out? Do something only you can do. For example, don't just give her flowers. Give her an orchid you grew yourself. (I was impressed!)

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (SuJIo)

163 My experiences with women have been uniformly terrible. You don't want any advice from me, unless you want mind-breakingly cynical.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (AroJD)

164 Also, look at how she handles money. It's unromantic, but marriages typically founder on either sex or money. If she burns through money like an incinerator, beware.

I once was buying groceries with a gal I'd just met (daughter of family friends, after a big get-together) so we could prepare dinner together. I splashed out on what was to be a very nice dinner indeed and plunked down a $100 bill and bagged the stuff while the cashier put the change on the conveyor belt. My new friend picked up the change - ca. $30-40 - and pocketed it.

I couldn't believe it. I didn't say anything, but ... adios, muchacha. I get the picture. Particularly when she spent the rest of the evening bleating about how poor she was.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (SRKgf)

165 "Hey, nice cans."

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (vP09u)

166 Offer to massage her feet after a long walk. Try to resist the urge to fap right then and there.

Posted by: Quentin Tarantino at October 13, 2016 08:51 PM

you really are a sick puppy

Posted by: Uma Thurmond at October 13, 2016 08:53 PM (z9GNb)

167 Posted by: Lester at October 13, 2016 08:49 PM (8USec)
Good for you! Divorce sucks.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 08:53 PM (Q5Ymk)

168 I was raised and still am Catholic. I was taught you never live with someone of the opposite sex unless you're married to each other. Seeing what others have gone through, I'd say it's very safe advice.

Posted by: Independent George at October 13, 2016 08:53 PM (dRZBD)

169 >>>153 In college and beyond it is pretty safe to allow your parents to set you up with a daughter of one of their friends or social group.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:49 PM (IR2bT)>>>

My mom did that once. The chick was fat, and it never happened again.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:53 PM (4ueYo)

170 Have an implication.

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at October 13, 2016 08:54 PM (kg/Y4)

171 Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (SRKgf)
What a horrible person to keep the change.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 08:54 PM (Q5Ymk)

172 "And don't trade up first, asshole."

And if you find out *she* "traded-up" to get you, run. She'll do it again.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 08:54 PM (fVubI)

173 Sage not safe. Stupid auto correct.

Posted by: Independent George at October 13, 2016 08:54 PM (dRZBD)

174 Make sure that you jerk off before the date, because you can't think with all that stuff on your brain.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 08:54 PM (zu88C)

175 If you dint want children, then don't get married.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:54 PM (IR2bT)

176
Date foreign women with the promise that you can get them a green card. But only if they're really nice to you.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 08:54 PM (auHtY)

177 "Can I borrow your towel? My car hit a water buffalo on the way over here..."

Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 08:55 PM (9stgl)

178 Let her know you're thinking about her by texting her romantic, intimate photos.

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at October 13, 2016 08:55 PM (dtWKK)

179 If when of a date, bring up the topic of Pre-Nups. If she reacts in a negative way, then don't calll her back.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (IR2bT)

180 "Can I borrow your towel? My car hit a water buffalo on the way over here..."

Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 08:55 PM (9stgl)

That girl - Dana something - was one of the hottest actresses ever.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (zc3Db)

181 1. You will not appreciate college until it is too late. Appreciate college.

I cannot emphasize this enough.

2. You will not appreciate college until it is too late. Appreciate college.

I am repeating this, because I cannot emphasize this enough.

3. To women: Despite female stereotypes of men, a woman's personality can definitely be a deal killer (yes, this is still true for hot women). If you want a long-term relationship, pay attention to it.

Posted by: AD at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (924j6)

182 Don't discuss your imaginary internet friends.

Posted by: Weasel at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (Sfs6o)

183 Make sure that you jerk off before the date, because you can't think with all that stuff on your brain.

Posted by: Mortimer

And tell her it's hair gel.

Posted by: Ben Stiller at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (dtWKK)

184 Posted by: Country Singer (gab @BertG) at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (GUBah)
Excellent advice.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (Q5Ymk)

185 Do not move in with a significant other before getting engaged if you can possibly avoid it. If you live with someone, there are inertial pressures to keep the relationship going even when it is the best thing for the relationship to end it. It is so much easier to continue to be in a bad relationship when getting out means having to make a drastic life change (moving).
Posted by: joe, living dangerously at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (ef6pV)

Also good advice. Living together is, I think, ideally the last step before getting married. Kind of a shake-out cruise, as it were.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:57 PM (SRKgf)

186 145 testing

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 13, 2016 08:47 PM (9P3OG

Did you pull an Ace?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 13, 2016 08:57 PM (voOPb)

187 169 >>>153 In college and beyond it is pretty safe to allow your parents to set you up with a daughter of one of their friends or social group.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:49 PM (IR2bT)>>>

My mom did that once. The chick was fat, and it never happened again.
Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:53 PM (4ueYo)

Ha! Fortunately my parents and mom would never do that to me.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:57 PM (IR2bT)

188 She has to play a mean rusty trombone.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at October 13, 2016 08:57 PM (BnuDT)

189 175 If you dint want children, then don't get married.
Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:54 PM (IR2bT)

You'd think that would be obvious, but ...

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:58 PM (SRKgf)

190 Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (IR2bT)
Don't bring up pre-nups on a first date.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 08:58 PM (Q5Ymk)

191
I think that you can almost yourself going out with the perfect woman.

Posted by: Manti Teo at October 13, 2016 08:59 PM (JmjOe)

192 I have a question. How much gay sex makes you gay? I mean, a little bit is fine, right?

Thanks.

Posted by: Beltway Barry (not my real name) at October 13, 2016 08:59 PM (UfPJn)

193 I also would mention don't mix your class. It is very tough, sorry, for men not raised with some upper middle class skills to date or marry an upper class or upper middle class girl.

Sadly all the crap about love is blind is just that, Girls brought up in a certain class expect to stay in or above that class.

Girls in lower classes can rise to the occasion, but it is not easy.

It is a sad lesion to learn. Also, age differences are tough. You marry a girl much younger than you, she will have no history of the things you grew up with.

All of it can work with faith, but without faith all of it is hard.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 08:59 PM (NbJXF)

194 Melania Trump issued retraction letter to People re that crazy lying bitch reporter.

That nut, she's profiled in gotnews.com, lied about her every interaction she claimed to have with Melania.

Her law firm? Same one that bankrupted Gawker.

Peter Theil big Trump backer.

Superfriends unite!!!

Posted by: Fiftytwo at October 13, 2016 09:00 PM (yviw+)

195 Make sure your packer is firmly secured before you take off your underwear.

Posted by: Chaz Bono at October 13, 2016 09:00 PM (dtWKK)

196 193 I also would mention don't mix your class. It is very tough, sorry, for men not raised with some upper middle class skills to date or marry an upper class or upper middle class girl.

But, but..."Uptown Girl"!

Posted by: Billy Joel at October 13, 2016 09:00 PM (cC/ZB)

197 >>>181 1. You will not appreciate college until it is too late. Appreciate college.

I cannot emphasize this enough.

Posted by: AD at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (924j6)>>>

Yeah, except that a jilted college girl can make any outlandish accusation against you, and without proof, investigation, or due process, you're life can be destroyed. Better advice is to stay way from college chicks (at least the ones at your college).

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:00 PM (4ueYo)

198 Tired Dad and I just sent Tired Son off to college. Both Tired Dad and I are scared shitless, due to Title IX crap (see @27 - totally on the mark). Less to worry about with our girls, which is counter-intuitive.

Anyway, Tired Dad's advice: Don't let a girl do anything to you that you can't do to yourself. (Ok morons, I'll give you a sec to think about what that means....) Anyway, it's not as strict as "Keep the snake in the cage," which was the rule while in high school, but still, it provides boundaries.

My advice was simpler: any good woman likes a strong man, so be clear, decisive, stick to your word and don't back down. Compliment but don't flatter. Avoid feminazis at all costs.

Posted by: Tired Mom at October 13, 2016 09:00 PM (kkfH9)

199 looks like server has gone wanky

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:00 PM (GPR74)

200 Should I run this advice by my wife before I try it out?

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at October 13, 2016 09:00 PM (Kucy5)

201 >>I like the books and all, but he must have been a dork. Amiright?

Meh. Older gentleman, into guns, so seemed normal to me!!

Of course I may have been corrupted by y'all and all the hunters around here...

Posted by: Mama AJ, Augmented Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:01 PM (gTQoY)

202 Look for a girl of somewhat equal intelligence. If you have a 140 IQ, you won't be content with a girl with a room temp IQ no matter how hot she is.

Posted by: LA ette at October 13, 2016 09:01 PM (OWZe6)

203 My husband was a coworker friend of mine. He and a whole group of people (mostly guys, some married some not) took care of me during my nasty divorce. (Made sure the sob didn't break into the house and beat me up, that sort of stuff.)

Anyway, he took me to lunch one day, and looked me in the eye and said "I really want to date you." We talked about how long we would give it a shot, and set time limits. (If we still felt good after 3 months, etc.)

Best lunch of my life. My prince Charming. Been married for over 22 years now, through thick and thin.

Posted by: Sat rose at October 13, 2016 09:01 PM (nycWw)

204 understand this: men want a companion. Women want security. In HS that means social standing, so they date up. Later on its money or the perception of stability & financial success, etc.

It's a bad day when you realize, years into a marriage, that you're a paycheck and nothing more. Keep that in mind.

Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 09:01 PM (9stgl)

205 Advice from a female of a certain age:

Finding someone who is totally opposite from you is a lot of fun when you're young. And for the short term.

However... as you get older, it seems that the best and longest lasting relationships are with people who have similar backgrounds and beliefs.

It doesn't mean that you can't have these relationships, it just means that there are additional challenges in them that can, at times, be like swimming against the current.

Are you fiscally responsible? You might be happiest with someone who shares that trait. Do you go to church? An atheist might not be right for you. Want kids some day? Might not be worthwhile spending your time with a partner who does not, under any circumstances want children.

And now.. to the dating female members of the horde: you have an expiration date. Usually around the early 30's. After that point, many of the high-quality men in the market have already found their life partner. The men who are left in your age bracket are now looking at younger women or they are men who have serious issues. Be aware that time is not on your side.

That doesn't mean that there aren't great older guys out there right now-- many are probably on this site-- it just means that they are much, much harder to find after a certain age. So be aware of that fact.

/my two cents.

Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (tvyXw)

206 Find out what classes she took in collge and and her degree.

Social sciences. Then abort immediately.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (IR2bT)

207 There is a possibility that God will choose your mate for you. If that happens, don't be stubborn.

Posted by: Caliban at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (3GFMN)

208 Oh, and what do women really want?

If I recall the events that led to two of my close friends breaking up or getting divorced, the answer to that is:

Money...and free trips across large bodies of water.

Posted by: Billy Joel at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (cC/ZB)

209 Is it bad if your in your mid forties and just really don't give a fuck any more if you ever go on another date? I've got zero desire to play that game anymore. I feel like I should, but I just don't. Been married once, divorced once, dated too many. Just tired of it.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (pUDQf)

210 Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (SRKgf)

Wow. Just wow.

Posted by: washrivergal madly and deeply deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (CFc5L)

211 It took me TWO YEARS to ask WeaselWoman for a date because I KNEW I'd want to marry her.

Posted by: Weasel at October 13, 2016 08:48 PM (Sfs6o)

I wondered for a long time why my future husband wouldn't ask me out. I could tell he wanted to. After we were married I asked him, and he said the same thing. He knew I was the one for him, and he was not sure he was ready.By the way, we can always tell when a guy wants to ask us out. I was never surprised.

Posted by: California Girl at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (Pt5D1)

212 If you have a 140 IQ, you won't be content with a girl with a room temp IQ no matter how hot she is.
====

What if you're IQ is room temperature?

Asking for a friend.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (zu88C)

213 My advice as someone in her 40's, married twice is to enjoy your 20's, but don't be in a rush to settle down and have kids. Chances are you would rush into a relationship and it would be a wrong one. Travel some, experience life and grow into yourself and you will meet the right one. Just my two cents.

Posted by: IC at October 13, 2016 09:03 PM (gcme+)

214 Watch for red flags at all times. See how she treats other people. Watch how she treats your time, feelings and possessions. Watch how she reacts to life. Watch how she reacts to annoyances and setbacks. Watch how she reacts to not getting her way (this is a big one). Make sure she's not big on drama. Any sign of crazy, hit eject and don't look back.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:03 PM (0mRoj)

215 "Don't take dating advice from young women, ever. They either don't know what they want or aren't honest about it."

it took me so, so long to figure this one out

Posted by: Shoey at October 13, 2016 09:03 PM (vA94g)

216 When out on a date always brag about other women you've dated.

You've heard of Kate Upton? Yeah, I dated her but dumped her. Sure she's pretty, got a great rack, famous and rich but after a while it gets a little boring so I gave her the boot.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:04 PM (auHtY)

217 >>>181 1. You will not appreciate college until it is too late. Appreciate college.

I cannot emphasize this enough.

Posted by: AD at October 13, 2016 08:56 PM (924j6)>>>

Yeah, except that a jilted college girl can make any outlandish accusation against you, and without proof, investigation, or due process, you're life can be destroyed. Better advice is to stay way from college chicks (at least the ones at your college).
Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:00 PM (4ueYo)

Alright, fine, try to find some college that isn't taken over with SJWs (I know, easier said than done) and/or cover your ass with numerous e-mails and texts messages before doing anything.

Posted by: AD at October 13, 2016 09:04 PM (924j6)

218 202 Look for a girl of somewhat equal intelligence. If you have a 140 IQ, you won't be content with a girl with a room temp IQ no matter how hot she is.
Posted by: LA ette at October 13, 2016 09:01 PM (OWZe6)

Well sure, your plan works for wife #1, who we want to give us non-stupid children. Wife #2 is supposed to be hot and stupid.

Posted by: wooga at October 13, 2016 09:04 PM (fnjur)

219 Fart early and often.

She will grow to enjoy the smell.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:04 PM (zu88C)

220 204 understand this: men want a companion. Women want security. In HS that means social standing, so they date up. Later on its money or the perception of stability & financial success, etc.

It's a bad day when you realize, years into a marriage, that you're a paycheck and nothing more. Keep that in mind.
Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 09:01 PM (9stgl)

Yep.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:04 PM (0mRoj)

221 >>>It is a sad lesion to learn

Most lesions are sad

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 13, 2016 09:04 PM (voOPb)

222 I'd their personality changes and behaviors change (in a bizarre way) after alcohol, then do not proceed.

If she treats you differently around friends of hers then abort immediately.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:05 PM (IR2bT)

223 215 "Don't take dating advice from young women, ever. They either don't know what they want or aren't honest about it."

This this this.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:05 PM (0mRoj)

224 Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:03 PM (0mRoj)
This is great advice.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 09:05 PM (Q5Ymk)

225 If she tries to put a finger in your butt, run away and never look back. You don't want to know where that finger has been before.

Posted by: wooga at October 13, 2016 09:06 PM (fnjur)

226 If you have a 140 IQ, you won't be content with a girl with a room temp IQ no matter how hot she is.

Room temperature, no, but that's true for everyone. But average, like 110 to 120, is great.

Posted by: t-bird at October 13, 2016 09:06 PM (P6iJV)

227
If on a dinner date and after your date orders say to her, Holy shit, are you going to eat all of that? You keep eating like that and you're really going to pack on the pounds and I don't date porkers.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:06 PM (auHtY)

228 If she refuses to have sex after marriage and goes to sleep, whack off on her butt.

When she wakes up with her panties stuck to one cheek she will think twice about denying you again.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:07 PM (zu88C)

229 220 204 understand this: men want a companion. Women want security. In HS that means social standing, so they date up. Later on its money or the perception of stability & financial success, etc.

It's a bad day when you realize, years into a marriage, that you're a paycheck and nothing more. Keep that in mind.
Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 09:01 PM (9stgl)

Yep.
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:04 PM (0mRoj)

Sadly, this is the line of thinking and it's acceptable in our gynocentric American Culture.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:07 PM (IR2bT)

230 advice for the modern era

bring a recording device on every date to capture consent. keep those for at least 10 years.

bring condoms. she will not. use them.

no bjs. until throat swabs are done.

marriage is a losing proposition currently. if you're tempted anyway, 3 tests must be passed.
- get into a fight. be nasty. see how she fights and makes up, if at all. if either you can't do it or she holds a grudge, its a FAIL

- road trip. a long one. may be combined with the first and probably will

- the Ritchie Valens Wedding. claim you want everything to be La Bamba themed. if she says yes, she passed

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 09:07 PM (U0lQa)

231 LOL, Moron dating advice is the best.

Warden, great post! Reminds me of Ben Franklin's advice for a young man but not as vulgar, lol.

Posted by: LizLem at October 13, 2016 09:07 PM (LiMbk)

232 Posted by: California Girl at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (Pt5D1)
-------------
After all these years I'm still not sure why she said yes to anything!

Posted by: Weasel at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (Sfs6o)

233 My personal rule was to take at least 6 months off between boyfriends. Time to reconnect with my friends and get my head on straight. Best times EVER! Well, I did end up marrying Cannibal Bob so take my advice for what it's worth!

Posted by: Guido's Girl at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (B+MYz)

234 Look for a girl of somewhat equal intelligence
***
So, not to be overly egotistical, but what do you do if you are really smart and live in a blue state where most of the "smart set" are really just liberals good at repeating the mandated talking points?

I've dated one woman as smart as me and it was really refreshing. I could talk about most of the more arcane stuff I think about on a general basis with spending a ton of time giving background or getting a bored vibe from the GF.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (oyTLT)

235 @202

Excellent advice. Dumb gets old. I know this. After a while explaining shit gets old for both of you.

Also, Genetics is not a mystery. 140+140 is more likely to get you a kid with 140 than 140+110.

You want stupid kids? Marrying a smart girl doesn't guarantee it, but marrying a stupid one increases your chances.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (NbJXF)

236 Handle your business and don't be a f--k up. I say this because she wants to nag you. She NEEDS to nag you. Do NOT - under any circumstances - give her valid reason to do so. So the first time she does it, tell her to hit the road immediately.

Also... Does she have an irritable disposition? Complain a lot? Have even a hint of feminist sympathies? "...bye Felicia,"

Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (9stgl)

237 224 Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:03 PM (0mRoj)
This is great advice.
Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 09:05 PM (Q5Ymk)

Thank you. Wisdom acquired through pain.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (0mRoj)

238 Pay attention to whether a girl is actually a good person or not (how she talks about her friends behind their backs, how she treats people who can't do anything for her, etc.)--feel free to ignore me on that, but, if you do, and you pursue a long-term relationship with her, it will come back to bite you.

Posted by: AD at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (924j6)

239 More advice for my boys: For the love of God, learn to use a fork. Nobody is going to want to marry someone who eats with his hands.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (4ueYo)

240 My two cents as an unmarried (but in a long term relationship) millennial guy?

Find a girl who is a homebody.

You do not want to be dating / married to a party girl. They're a lot of fun for a while, but it gets old. And it leads to all kinds of trust issues. I've seen too many friends go through this -- their wives / girlfriends want to go out "with the girls" a few nights a week and it leads to a lot of arguments and unhappiness.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have looked for the cute but nerdy girls.

OH, and find a girl who can cook. It's the little things in life that matters.

*(all of this applies to girls looking for guys too.)

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (cJrMO)

241 "Don't get so tripped up with women. make money, they'll show up."

No, they won't.

You have to be out there, too. Meet them, make friends. From what I hear, some will be interested in more.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:09 PM (fVubI)

242
Is it bad if your in your mid forties and just really don't give a fuck any more if you ever go on another date? I've got zero desire to play that game anymore. I feel like I should, but I just don't. Been married once, divorced once, dated too many. Just tired of it.
---
LOL.

Never been married.

Pretty sure my life companion is my cat.

Wish I could say it's devastated me, but I have things going on. Work. A house. Projects. I like my alone time and when I hear all the bullsh*t drama my friends are going through with their husbands, I feel lucky.

Going on a date? Really? Haven't been on one in 11 years. Don't miss it.

Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at October 13, 2016 09:09 PM (tvyXw)

243 162
Obligatory disclosure: I am an 'ette who is so oblivious to male hints
that I have gone on two (2) dates, with different men, without realizing
they were dates. Horrific Awkwardness ensued. PLEASE, please, say the
word "date" or hand out a "consent to go on date" form if you suspect
this may be the case with your intended.

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (SuJIo)

That should be impossible. Men and women, in my experience, can't be friends. One inevitably ends up an orbiter. If you have an orbiter the you should put your orbiters out of their misery. It's the kind thing to do.
I had one from high school and I believed the stupid crap they told you on TV and so I thought we could be friends. I wasn't attracted to her, but that just drove her crazy for me. Since I thought we could be friends we kept in touch, and whenever I wanted I could always get a nice ego boost. When I got into the whole Alt right/PUA/MRA thing I realized the hell I was putting her through and cut her loose. She's married now, and hopefully happy.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:09 PM (GPR74)

244 Date the smartest girl you can find. The dumb ones will act like they are smarter than you anyway, so there is an advantage if she actually IS smarter than you.

Posted by: George Orwell's Ghost at October 13, 2016 09:09 PM (VPvxh)

245 Also, don't forget the poet Dr. Dre's advice -- bitches aint shit but ho's and tricks.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:09 PM (cJrMO)

246 202 Look for a girl of somewhat equal intelligence. If you have a 140 IQ, you won't be content with a girl with a room temp IQ no matter how hot she is.
Posted by: LA ette at October 13, 2016 09:01 PM (OWZe6)

This is true.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:10 PM (IR2bT)

247 Whenever you're about to eat paste, always offer her some first. And keep your mouth closed while you eat it.

Posted by: Chaz Bono at October 13, 2016 09:10 PM (dtWKK)

248 i can add one piece of advice: during dinner on your first date, while actually having a pretty good time, don't ask her if she's good at cleaning.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at October 13, 2016 09:10 PM (WTSFk)

249 226 If you have a 140 IQ, you won't be content with a girl with a room temp IQ no matter how hot she is.

Room temperature, no, but that's true for everyone. But average, like 110 to 120, is great.
Posted by: t-bird at October 13, 2016 09:06 PM (P6iJV)

Actually, 100 is average by definition. 120 is definitely above average.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:10 PM (sdi6R)

250 >>>I've dated one woman as smart as me and it was really refreshing. I could talk about most of the more arcane stuff I think about on a general basis with spending a ton of time giving background or getting a bored vibe from the GF.
Posted by: 18-1 at October 13, 2016 09:08 PM (oyTLT)>>>

Even if the girl is a lefty, look for someone with a similar background/upbringing as you. Or from the South. Once you get married, she's likely to come around. Like I mentioned above, that's what happened with my wife.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:10 PM (4ueYo)

251 Bear in mind that even today there are girls who believe sex FOLLOWS love rather than preceding it.

If what you are interested is just sex, fine.
But IF you are interested in (or okay with) getting to know someone, developing a romantic relationship FIRST, find a way to say or show that right away.

From what I hear from my daughters and their friends, they sometimes reject guys they are attracted to because they think he expects a hook-up too soon.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (Nox3c)

252 Don't stick your dick in crazy.

People often confess all their inner demons pretty fast. Make sure you
have not gone into "I might get laid" mode and miss the most important
confessions. When you hear those confessions, judge them wisely.

You cannot fix her problems.

Follow the 4-date rule. Sex or not, break up after 4 dates if it isn't going anywhere. Generally healthy people can deal with rejection up to 4 dates. After that, it's a cruelty you shouldn't inflict on others.

If you stay for more than 4 dates, only date women whose opinion you respect. You are now involved, and you
will need her help sooner or later. If you don't respect her opinion
you will not even allow her to help you when you need it the most, including
when she's right.

Carefully observe how her mother treats her dad. Put yourself in his shoes, that could be you some day.

Don't take more space than you need, and don't give up space you will want later -- it's damn hard to get it back.

Don't inflict wounds. Watch your mouth. Whatever it is, wait until you can say it the right way. Don't accept a lot of wounds from her either. If she can't control how she speaks to you, move on.

Posted by: jc at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (iRJ+A)

253 210 Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 08:52 PM (SRKgf)

Wow. Just wow.
Posted by: washrivergal madly and deeply deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (CFc5L)

Yeah, I was pretty blown away. It might have been inadvertent, and she just forgot to give me my change, but ... I dunno.

But I figured I got off cheaply. As a friend of mine says, "bad news early is good news."

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (SRKgf)

254 If you feel you can't be yourself around a girl and have to be careful what you say around her, run far away from her and never look back.

Posted by: Independent George (or the commenter formerly known as Serenity Now!) at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (dRZBD)

255 It is a sad lesion to learn. Also, age differences are tough. You
marry a girl much younger than you, she will have no history of the
things you grew up with.

My wife was 8 years younger than me. Wasn't a big deal when I met her, but we figured out that when I was a freshman in college, she was in fifth grade which was...creepy.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (qJhUV)

256 I tell my boys to remember that a girl can kill your kids without your permission or knowledge. She's much less likely to do that if you're married to her.

Posted by: California Girl at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (Pt5D1)

257 Also, Genetics is not a mystery. 140+140 is more likely to get you a kid with 140 than 140+110.
***
There is an argument going around that the rise of mental illness in the modern era is caused by too many 140+140 (or higher types) having kids together.

In the old days there was more mixing of intelligence profiles and society as a whole was better off.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 13, 2016 09:12 PM (oyTLT)

258 There are many ways to blow your nose, but the gentleman always blocks one nostril and cuffs his hand around the other.

Posted by: AD at October 13, 2016 09:12 PM (924j6)

259 Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (tvyXw)
Excellent advice for women. Time is not on your side. Especially if you would like to have children.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 09:13 PM (Q5Ymk)

260
Don't take dating advice from young women, ever.

FIFY. You're welcome.

One tidbit to use to your advantage (and this also works for the 'ettes): observe how your date treats "the help" -- specifically food service workers or bartenders.

If she's overly demanding, dismissive of, or demeaning to "the help", pay close attention. Someday that's the way she's going to treat you.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 13, 2016 09:13 PM (wPVDQ)

261 Stay away from Public School Teachers when it comes to marriage. You will be marrying a agent if the government with CPS DFCS like powers and behaviors because that is how they are trained. Also it is one big Feminist Lobby/interest group.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:13 PM (IR2bT)

262
Beware the woman that wants to improve you.

Posted by: Manti Teo at October 13, 2016 09:13 PM (JmjOe)

263 Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:09 PM (fVubI)

i only say that because it's what i did. lots and lots of heartache with women. should've just made money, looking back on it.

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 09:13 PM (U0lQa)

264 Damn socks

Posted by: fixerupper at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (JmjOe)

265 Actually, 100 is average by definition. 120 is definitely above average.

Worldwide, yes. But in your milieu (hah! never used that word before) it won't be.

Posted by: t-bird at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (nWz6F)

266 >>>That should be impossible. Men and women, in my experience, can't be friends. One inevitably ends up an orbiter. If you have an orbiter the you should put your orbiters out of their misery. It's the kind thing to do.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:09 PM (GPR74)>>>

I had one of those. She went totally psycho when I wouldn't come around. Best to avoid.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (4ueYo)

267 Posted by: jc at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (iRJ+A)

Sound advice on all counts.

If you stay for more than 4 dates, only date women whose opinion you respect. You are now involved, and you will need her help sooner or later. If you don't respect her opinion you will not even allow her to help you when you need it the most, including when she's right.

This, plus if you're in a responsible position (or aspiring to one), and she has lousy judgment, she will be a liability. For those of a certain age, think Martha Mitchell.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (SRKgf)

268
Well, hell...I meant to say "don't take advice from women" when it comes to dating. Even when they have your best interests at heart, the advice will be not be in your actual best interests.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (wPVDQ)

269 Speaking of money -- I remember reading something about while. Remember the old saying, when you get married, you're marrying the whole family?

Well, you're marrying *debt*, too. If your intended is neck deep in student loan or a pile of credit card debt and crap, well, move on. That debt burden will become your own.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (DW+jj)

270 How is her relationship with her Dad? If he was abusive and it still causes anger and crying, marrying her may mean you spend your life frustrated and bitter because somebody must pay for FIL's sins. It's a debt you will never be able to pay. Run away.

Not that I'd know anything about that.

Posted by: Delurk Ergo Sum at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (mcHvA)

271 Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (qJhUV)
That's the same age difference between my husband and myself. It works for us. Except when someone thinks he's my dad.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (Q5Ymk)

272 There is an argument going around that the rise of mental illness in the modern era is caused by too many 140+140 (or higher types) having kids together.
---

Don't buy it.

There are not hordes of high iq people around and people in general are having fewer kids.

I'd go for the "wacky food additives" and "cocaine/psychotropic drug residue in the water" for mental illness.

/well, that and not spanking kids. suspect "spanking" might cure a lot of mental illness, but then again, my life partner is my cat so what do I know?

Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (tvyXw)

273 From a genetics standpoint, find someone from a different ethnicity. Pick someone from a geodesic. If you are an American, find a Nepalese or Tibetan girl. Your offspring will be healthier.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (ODkrH)

274 I don't think I need to give my son dating advice. He can see what it leads to and he has a good head on his shoulders. I pray often he doesn't have the sentimentality that I do.

Posted by: Eli Cash at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (Dc/ui)

275
Dating Advice For Young Men

"There is no candy tree in that man's van."

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (kdS6q)

276 Well, you're marrying *debt*, too. If your intended is neck deep in student loan or a pile of credit card debt and crap, well, move on. That debt burden will become your own.
Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (DW+jj)

well.... I don't know about that... but yes, it's definitely something to keep in mind.

But if you're a millennial, you're cutting back on your dating prospects bigly if you won't marry people with debt.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (cJrMO)

277 >>>Actually, 100 is average by definition. 120 is definitely above average.
Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:10 PM (sdi6R)>>>

Not in the US. I saw a map somewhere the other day that listed the average IQ by country. It was . . . very illuminating. And, very surprising to see it published given the disparities.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (4ueYo)

278 Admit your privilege. Never body shame her, no matter what happens to her over the years.

Posted by: Lena Dunham at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (dtWKK)

279 If after the 2nd date she does not offer to pay for anything, then back off.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:16 PM (IR2bT)

280 Best advice for boys: go to church. Best way to meet good girls and have a good ratio. Plus you're much less likely to get a harpy that hates men and Christians.
Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (4ueYo)

It could be me (probably), but as a Christian I have found this to be lousy advice.

Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at October 13, 2016 09:16 PM (mm1o5)

281 Women are all fucking nuts. That should be your starting premise.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 13, 2016 09:16 PM (ODkrH)

282 >>>273 From a genetics standpoint, find someone from a different ethnicity. Pick someone from a geodesic. If you are an American, find a Nepalese or Tibetan girl. Your offspring will be healthier.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (ODkrH)>>>

And less likely to get skin cancer.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:16 PM (4ueYo)

283 Alls I can add is don't marry closeted lesbians.

Posted by: William Jefferson Clinton at October 13, 2016 09:16 PM (qJhUV)

284
Modern day feminists? avoid them like they have pneumonic plague.

Or as if they're brain eating zombies, because that's pretty much what they are.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 13, 2016 09:17 PM (wPVDQ)

285 /well, that and not spanking kids. suspect "spanking" might cure a lot of mental illness, but then again, my life partner is my cat so what do I know?
***
People are born barbarians. Barbarians don't respond particularly well to polite requests. So you have to find other ways to get through to young minds that don't yet realize their wants are not the most important things in the world.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 13, 2016 09:17 PM (oyTLT)

286 This sounds weird but, if she is a bitch to anyone in your family, adios.

That includes family YOU don't like. Don't let that cloud you judgment - you've had a lifetime to learn to dislike them. If she just starts in no liking them you got a problem.

Posted by: George Orwell's Ghost at October 13, 2016 09:17 PM (VPvxh)

287 Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:13 PM (IR2bT)
The teachers can be brought around to the conservative side. My friend that's a teacher was a liberal, her husband is conservative. She's no longer a liberal.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 09:17 PM (Q5Ymk)

288 Use this advice very carefully: every man, once in his life, needs to date a head case. Granted, you're venturing into "bunny in a pot on the stove" territory, but you haven't lived until you've spent time with a girl with "issues." Attachment disorders, bi-polar/manic depressives, girls who cut themselves, daddy issues.

Are there some headaches? Yeah. Are there some payoffs? Definitely. Just make sure she doesn't have your forwarding address. Enjoy the ride. You're welcome.

PS- if you make this a habit, it will eventually kill or cripple you.

Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (9stgl)

289 >>>But if you're a millennial, you're cutting back on your dating prospects bigly if you won't marry people with debt.
Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (cJrMO)>>>

Yes, except, the more debt the millennial has, the more of an indoctrinated lefty they are likely to be. Perhaps debt is a good proxy for sensibility?

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (4ueYo)

290 It could be me (probably), but as a Christian I have found this to be lousy advice

+++

church is the ultimate friend zone

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (U0lQa)

291 How is her relationship with her Dad? If he was
abusive and it still causes anger and crying, marrying her may mean you
spend your life frustrated and bitter because somebody must pay for
FIL's sins. It's a debt you will never be able to pay. Run away.

Not that I'd know anything about that.

Posted by: Delurk Ergo Sum at October 13, 2016 09:14 PM (mcHvA)

Don't date crazy is sound advice, but the problem is they're generally smart enough to try and hide the crazy. No people from broken homes or rough childhoods. Crazy from a bad childhood never goes away.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (GPR74)

292 Never take her to a Swedish porno on your first date. Impress her: rescue a teenage sex slave and shoot the pimp.

Posted by: Travis Bickle at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (dtWKK)

293 Pay no attention to her words, focus on behaviors and actions.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (IR2bT)

294 286 GOG

2nd look at orphans?

Posted by: NaCly Dog at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (u82oZ)

295 Compliments are tricky and should be given sparingly. The correct way to compliment a woman is by making it about something specific and unique about her personality, appearance, clothing, etc.. (that blue dress really brings out your eyes). General compliments (you are so good looking) are counterproductive and make you look weak/oily/desperate.
--------------------

Also look for things that she's changed. If she's got her hair done differently, compliment that. If she's wearing a dress that you're sure is new, compliment that. It shows that you're actually paying attention to her because you noticed what was different about her.

Posted by: junior at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (UM3fk)

296 Learn to compromise. After all, compromising is what made you settle for this person in the first place.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:19 PM (zu88C)

297 274 I don't think I need to give my son dating advice. He can see what it leads to and he has a good head on his shoulders. I pray often he doesn't have the sentimentality that I do.
Posted by: Eli Cash at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (Dc/ui)

Unsolicited advice usually comes off badly, but if he comes to you with something, it means he actually values your perspective.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at October 13, 2016 09:19 PM (ef6pV)

298 yeah the advice about checking out the mom is right on, unless the mom is dead. My case.

Remember if the mom is a rude selfish fat pig, you can expect her daughter to believe that is OK and she will turn into that.

What do they say about hot Italian women? Give em 20 years of pasta and they turn into their moms,

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 09:19 PM (NbJXF)

299 Also, age differences are tough. You

marry a girl much younger than you, she will have no history of the

things you grew up with.

My wife was 8 years younger than me.
Wasn't a big deal when I met her, but we figured out that when I was a
freshman in college, she was in fifth grade which was...creepy.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (qJhUV)
Cannibal Bob and I are 13 years apart according to the calendar. According to our attitudes, he's younger than me. We laugh that when he was in college he could have read to me in 2nd grade.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob's Girl at October 13, 2016 09:19 PM (B+MYz)

300
Marry a power hunger bitch and as long as you provide her a path to power she'll let you cheat like hell on her. Besides she'll hook up with some chick and you'll just have to see her occasionally at a fund raiser

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:20 PM (auHtY)

301 Yes, except, the more debt the millennial has, the more of an indoctrinated lefty they are likely to be. Perhaps debt is a good proxy for sensibility?
Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (4ueYo)

Most of my friends and their girlfriends / wives are drowning in debt.

It's a little unfair to blame people for signing on the dotted line when they're 18 when every one told them to do it and they didn't know any better.

I guess a better proxy is "how does he/she feel about that debt? is he/she working hard to pay it off ASAP? Does he/she realize what a buzzkill that debt is? Or does he/she think it's normal?"

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:20 PM (cJrMO)

302 How is her relationship with her Dad?

This is a big one. And how does her mom treat her dad? Because she'll become her mom.

Posted by: t-bird at October 13, 2016 09:20 PM (UfPJn)

303 >>>How is her relationship with her Dad? If he was
abusive and it still causes anger and crying, marrying her may mean you
spend your life frustrated and bitter because somebody must pay for
FIL's sins. It's a debt you will never be able to pay. Run away.

So, no Muslim chicks then.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at October 13, 2016 09:20 PM (dtWKK)

304 ME WANT MISH!

Posted by: Brad at October 13, 2016 09:20 PM (MpnLF)

305
Carefully observe how her mother treats her dad. Put yourself in his shoes, that could be you some day.

Posted by: jc at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (iRJ+A)

Thank God my husband didn't heed this advice. My mom has many great qualities, but she sure could be nicer to my dad. I learned from her example what not to do. Anyway, California Man would never have put up with it.

Posted by: California Girl at October 13, 2016 09:21 PM (Pt5D1)

306 Since I'm the proverbial "nice guy" who always finishes last, I'm in no position to add any advice about women.

Posted by: Captain Whitebread at October 13, 2016 09:21 PM (rJUlF)

307 The advice about how she treats others is dead on.

Is she kind? Does she hold a grudge? She catty? Gossipy?

Selfish?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 09:21 PM (NbJXF)

308
"If she's overly demanding, dismissive of, or demeaning to "the help", pay close attention. Someday that's the way she's going to treat you."

Because you will be "the help".

Posted by: George Orwell's Ghost at October 13, 2016 09:21 PM (VPvxh)

309
If her speech patterns causes you to ask (at least in your head), "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?", move on.

There is nothing more repellant than a woman whose guttersnipe vocabulary would cause a longshoreman to blush.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Deplorable Cycling Stars (TM) at October 13, 2016 09:21 PM (BK3ZS)

310 My wife was 8 years younger than me. Wasn't a big deal when I met her, but we figured out that when I was a freshman in college, she was in fifth grade which was...creepy.
Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (qJhUV)

Only if you started dating her less than 5 years from being out of college, approximately.

Posted by: Dante at October 13, 2016 09:21 PM (z/Ubi)

311 Learn to compromise. After all, compromising is what made you settle for this person in the first place

+++

marriage is based on the theory that, having tasted a great beer, one should drop everything and work at the brewery.

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 09:21 PM (U0lQa)

312 >>>290 It could be me (probably), but as a Christian I have found this to be lousy advice

+++

church is the ultimate friend zone
Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (U0lQa)>>>

You could both be right. I stopped going to church as soon as I stepped out my front door and didn't go back until after I had a couple of kids. Seemed like it would have been an easier route than the one I took, but maybe not. I do know many married couples that met at church tho . . .

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (4ueYo)

313 /Clerks sock

Posted by: buzzion at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (z/Ubi)

314 married men don't live longer than single men: it just seems that way.

why do husbands die before their wives?
because they can.

why do women close their eyes during sex?
they can't stand to see their man enjoying themselves.

if a woman tells you she would never use withholding sex/intimacy in a relationship as a weapon, she's lying. (there may be exceptions to this rule, but i've never been or dealt with one who didn't)

never let her nag you into doing something you don't want to do, especially lifestyle changes. you'll hate yourself, but not as much as she'll despise you for being weak and easily manipulated.

also, a +1 to all the other warnings up thread.

the key to happiness in life is to set your expectations as low as possible, and expect to not achieve them.

i'm not cynical, i'm experienced.

Posted by: redc1c4 at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (e6JCS)

315 209 Is it bad if your in your mid forties and just really don't give a fuck any more if you ever go on another date? I've got zero desire to play that game anymore. I feel like I should, but I just don't. Been married once, divorced once, dated too many. Just tired of it.
Posted by: AlaBAMA at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (pUDQf)
......................

Nothing wrong with that at all. I'm into other things now. Travel, shopping and well things I like, like shopping. Just don't have the energy to date.. Of course the fact I share a roof with my ex doesn't help much either.........

Posted by: Molly k. at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (B15oO)

316 293 Pay no attention to her words, focus on behaviors and actions.
Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:18 PM (IR2bT)

Good advice generally speaking, not just in dating.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (SRKgf)

317 It could be me (probably), but as a Christian I have found this to be lousy advice.

Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at October 13, 2016 09:16 PM (mm1o5)

Christians are okay, but churchians aren't. There are more churchians today than ever before. go to Dalrock.com to get an indepth analysis.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (GPR74)

318 The teachers can be brought around to the conservative side. My friend that's a teacher was a liberal, her husband is conservative. She's no longer a liberal.
Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 09:17 PM (Q5Ymk)

"Can be" is not the same as "will be." And when entering a relationship, it's generally a poor idea to expect that your partner is going to get better as things go on.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (ef6pV)

319 Don't tell her right off the bat that you want a vagina and breasts, just like her. You'd think they'd be flattered, but no they need time to adjust to the idea.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (dtWKK)

320
280
Best advice for boys: go to church. Best way to meet good girls and have
a good ratio. Plus you're much less likely to get a harpy that hates
men and Christians.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (4ueYo)

It could be me (probably), but as a Christian I have found this to be lousy advice.

----

Interesting. That seems odd, because when I run across a *insert generic online dating site* profile for a woman who's looking for a "good Christian man" my first thought is "go to church, that's where good Christians are likely to be found".

While Catholics aren't encouraged to church hop, that doesn't apply to all the Protestants, so I would recommend attending a given church for a bit, see if their preaching doesn't annoy you, and then go fishing for the singles.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (wPVDQ)

321 Oh.........this was an advice thread. Find someone that makes you laugh.

Posted by: Molly k. at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (B15oO)

322 Great advice I wish I'd had 45 years ago...

Posted by: setnaffa at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (iDxq/)

323 I just checked out Denninger's latest at the Market Ticker (he's made it read only now, no posting, it's just him, now).

He's showing proof that Twitter is censoring his stuff. They haven't blocked or banned him or locked him out or whatever. They're just censoring his posts they don't like.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (DW+jj)

324 If she farts in front of you in any way, shape or form, remember, it will only get worse.

Posted by: Brad at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (MpnLF)

325 272
/well, that and not spanking kids. suspect "spanking" might cure a lot of mental illness, but then again, my life partner is my cat so what do I know?
Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (tvyXw)

I never spank my cats. This morning I was awoken by Kira hacking up a hairball on the bed.

"Kira! Get on the floor!"

*harf*

"Oh, well."

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (sdi6R)

326 >>>I guess a better proxy is "how does he/she feel about that debt? is he/she working hard to pay it off ASAP? Does he/she realize what a buzzkill that debt is? Or does he/she think it's normal?"
Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:20 PM (cJrMO)>>>

Yeah, except my wife would fail that because she homeschools my six chil'ens while I service her debts . . .

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (4ueYo)

327 Oh, one other piece of advice -- any woman who tells you you spend too much time on the computer / playing video games / doing a hobby & drinking beer is ... well, she's probably right, but you don't really want to listen to that bitching for the rest of your life, right?

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:24 PM (cJrMO)

328 Yeah, except my wife would fail that because she homeschools my six chil'ens while I service her debts . . .
Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:23 PM (4ueYo)

six children? Holy fuck. ::shudders::

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:24 PM (cJrMO)

329 281...yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Posted by: Sam in VA at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (9stgl)

330 When I finally met 'the one' it happened fast. Stunningly fast. We were in different states and went from zero to married in about 6 months. I was 41.

That advice about 'be yourself'...I don't know. I asked my two sisters how I could get her to marry me and they said 'don't be yourself, whatever you do.'

Annually I ask them if I can be myself and they say 'too soon'. Its been 24 years.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob 'loves finger food' at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (B+MYz)

331 "Is it bad if your in your mid forties and just really don't give a fuck any more if you ever go on another date? I've got zero desire to play that game anymore. I feel like I should, but I just don't. Been married once, divorced once, dated too many. Just tired of it."

I wouldn't say it's bad -- does it make you feel bad?

I'm in my forties, single, and have no idea how I could change it -- AND WANT TO. But I'm such a geek I have no clue -- and I'm gun shy. Last time I met a girl who showed any interest in me, well, we got engaged then she decided she wanted someone else.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (fVubI)

332 Before reading any other comments, I would like to say this is thoughtful and good advice. I will add the Robert Stacy McCain credo, however: If she says she's a feminist, walk away. Walk. Away.

I'd like to say, don't have sex with anyone you wouldn't want to raise a child with, but that's kind of pissing into the wind. But at least think about that before you get involved. How well do you know this woman (man, since this advice applies to everyone)? Sex is a powerful bonding agent. It is NOT like brushing your teeth, although some people want to reduce it to that and strip away the emotional component.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (L2UGl)

333 then go fishing for the singles.

++++

singles don't go to church. the ones that do are nuts. as a general rule

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (U0lQa)

334 Here's one for once you get together: compete with your wife ... to see who takes care of the chores first. My wife and I have NEVER squawked about chores; we each try to take out the trash/bring in the trash cans/ whatever before the other has a chance to do it.

Typical dialogue: "Here let me do it."

"You did it last time."

"Yeah, but I don't mind."

"Well, I don't mind either."

etc.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (SRKgf)

335 277 >>>Actually, 100 is average by definition. 120 is definitely above average.
Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:10 PM (sdi6R)>>>

Not in the US. I saw a map somewhere the other day that listed the average IQ by country. It was . . . very illuminating. And, very surprising to see it published given the disparities.
Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:15 PM (4ueYo)

So what was the average in the US?

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (0mRoj)

336 Never marry a girl that wants to improve you and never think you can improve her.

What you see is what you get.

Also a woman that can not forget, can not forgive.

Stay the hell away from them.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 09:26 PM (NbJXF)

337 Of course the fact I share a roof with my ex doesn't help much either.........

--------------

Wait.....wut?

How does that work.? Not being judgmental.... but Im geuinely curious.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 13, 2016 09:26 PM (JmjOe)

338 287 Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:13 PM (IR2bT)
The teachers can be brought around to the conservative side. My friend that's a teacher was a liberal, her husband is conservative. She's no longer a liberal.
Posted by: CaliGirl at October 13, 2016 09:17 PM (Q5Ymk)

It's not the conservative/libreral thing. I'm talking about marriage. And these "educators" are trained to be agents of the state. They are on the same level legally as a CPS or DFCS employee. They trend towards being control freaks about children. Also they have been indoctrinated with Feminism in College and Grad School. They are SJW.

Sure there are some in the minority (most likely Catholic) but as a man you are taking a huge risk having children with one. I'm talking about women 40-45 and younger.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:26 PM (IR2bT)

339 Date within your own species.

Posted by: The Chicken at October 13, 2016 09:26 PM (XoldI)

340 >>>327 Oh, one other piece of advice -- any woman who tells you you spend too much time on the computer / playing video games / doing a hobby & drinking beer is ... well, she's probably right, but you don't really want to listen to that bitching for the rest of your life, right?

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:24 PM (cJrMO)>>>

My 5 y/o girl likes to play Halo 5. She's going to make some boy very happy some day.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:27 PM (4ueYo)

341 I'm in my forties, single, and have no idea how I could change it -- AND WANT TO. But I'm such a geek I have no clue -- and I'm gun shy. Last time I met a girl who showed any interest in me, well, we got engaged then she decided she wanted someone else.
Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (fVubI)

Keep batting, my friend. And as for the girl, look at it this way: you caught a break. Bad news early IS good news.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 13, 2016 09:27 PM (SRKgf)

342 Don't ever get trapped alone in a room with someone who looks like Natasha Stoynoff.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at October 13, 2016 09:27 PM (P/kVC)

343 Treat your mom well, be funny, be kind , defend the weak and be confident and women will beat the door down to get to you. You'll have your choice.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at October 13, 2016 09:27 PM (MNgU2)

344 >>>The men who are left in your age bracket are now looking at younger women or they are men who have serious issues.

:::reflects:::
:::ponders:::
:::thinks about Winona:::
:::shrugs:::

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at October 13, 2016 09:28 PM (+b2T3)

345 @333

Not in the South. Families go to church and singles are included

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 09:28 PM (NbJXF)

346
Tell your date that she reminds you of your favorite pron star then ask her if she's ever seen any of her movies. Co-ed Nymphs 7. It's a classic!!!

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:28 PM (auHtY)

347 >>>So what was the average in the US?
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (0mRoj)>>>

I should have bookmarked the page. IIRC it was just shy of 110.

Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:28 PM (4ueYo)

348 Pay no attention to her words, focus on behaviors and actions.

Posted by: Pepe

Good advice generally speaking, not just in dating.

Posted by: Jay Guevara

This is about me, isn't it?

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at October 13, 2016 09:28 PM (dtWKK)

349 So what was the average in the US?
Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (0mRoj)

It's actually right around 100. Might be in the mid/high 90s, the maps I've seen are... out of date.

100 is the average IQ of western Europeans (for whom the scale was developed, and where the arbitrary "this is average, so we will call it 100" came from).
Slightly lower for eastern Europeans.
Slightly higher for Asians.
You can figure out the rest.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:28 PM (cJrMO)

350 Hey, if you want advice, I can tell you what NOT to do.

Posted by: Chris M at October 13, 2016 09:28 PM (6RZos)

351 Let's do one of these for the ettes, with advice from both the older morons and ettes. I'm just bursting with valid information.

Posted by: Tired Mom at October 13, 2016 09:28 PM (kkfH9)

352 Mid-40s. Stopped giving a frak years ago. Mind you I'm also one of those guys who has serious deficits, and who (thanks to some abysmal decision making regarding college) got the full wringer of libtardian desocialization and never entirely recovered.

It's probably for the best I'm solo.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, That Deplorable Guy at October 13, 2016 09:29 PM (vyqqu)

353 Only if you started dating her less than 5 years from being out of college, approximately.

Nope. I was 37. Had pretty much given up. And along she came...

Posted by: tu3031 at October 13, 2016 09:29 PM (qJhUV)

354 315 209 Is it bad if your in your mid forties and just really don't give a fuck any more if you ever go on another date? I've got zero desire to play that game anymore. I feel like I should, but I just don't. Been married once, divorced once, dated too many. Just tired of it.
Posted by: AlaBAMA at October 13, 2016 09:02 PM (pUDQf)
......................

Nothing wrong with that at all. I'm into other things now. Travel, shopping and well things I like, like shopping. Just don't have the energy to date.. Of course the fact I share a roof with my ex doesn't help much either.........
Posted by: Molly k. at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (B15oO)

How does that work?? Lol.

My biggest issue these days is having to fake date all the people my co-workers and friends try to set me up with. I do it, only because I don't want to come off as some loner loser or gay. (NTTIAWWT). People can't fathom that you can be happy alone. It's weird.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at October 13, 2016 09:29 PM (pUDQf)

355 My 5 y/o girl likes to play Halo 5. She's going to make some boy very happy some day.
Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 09:27 PM (4ueYo)

Ha! Depends how good she is. If she's better than him, then maybe not

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:29 PM (cJrMO)

356 Church is a good way to meet actual people.

If you're not wanting a full-bore God-Botherer type to date stick to your mainstream liturgical Protestant denominations - Lutheran is a good choice.

Go out for brunch after the 11:00 service.

Chicks dig brunch.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at October 13, 2016 09:29 PM (uhftQ)

357 Don't date girls with Adam's apples.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:29 PM (auHtY)

358
"never let her nag you into doing something you don't want to do,
especially lifestyle changes. you'll hate yourself, but not as much as
she'll despise you for being weak and easily manipulated. "

That's so. But there's more to it than that. This is what I told a young woman who griped about trying to change the guy she was dating (who I knew), and I told her:

Don't make him change. If he does it to please you, the thing you want changed had better start paying dividends almost immediately. If it doesn't, he'll come to resent you for making him change. And that resentment is not good for your relationship.

It would better to exert that energy into learning to accept him as he is. That's harder, but ultimately more successful. And if you can't accept him as he is, it is better to say good bye.

They borked up two weeks later...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 13, 2016 09:29 PM (wPVDQ)

359 My biggest issue these days is having to fake date all the people my co-workers and friends try to set me up with. I do it, only because I don't want to come off as some loner loser or gay. (NTTIAWWT). People can't fathom that you can be happy alone. It's weird.
Posted by: AlaBAMA at October 13, 2016 09:29 PM (pUDQf)

tell them you're asexual. It's a thing, plus you get to be part of a protected class & victim group. So win / win.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (cJrMO)

360 Been dating the guy I'm with for five months now. Loving it. He's intelligent, has similar interests, I can be myself around him and we have great conversations. Whether we go out to do something fun or just stay in and cook together it is a good time. Have met all of his family now and they are great people.

He has a part-time job and does freelance blue collar work. If he did the freelance work full time he could make good money, he is contemplating that, or going back to school. But I don't get the sense he is overly ambitious, which worries me. He doesn't have that "fire" lit up under him to be a go getter. But he was depressed for a few years, his previous marriage messed him up, and he lost interest in everything. I find driven men attractive, I worry about that long term. I live my life at a faster, busier pace than he does, I worry that us not running at the same pace will be problematic. Though slowing down with him is nice. Should I be concerned?

But we are so good for each other. I love him. I want him to be the Mr Right, I really do. But if he's not, he's the perfect Mr Right Now.

Posted by: LizLem at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (LiMbk)

361 and I'm gun shy. Last time I met a girl who showed any interest in me, well, we got engaged then she decided she wanted someone else.

++++

been there, that is tough. let me tell you: that shit about "the one" is bs. there are many.

Posted by: Bigby's Ouija Board at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (U0lQa)

362
If she (or he) spends reams of time on social media or engrossed in electronic devices, move on. Their interpersonal skills are lacking, in all likelihood, and they are not likely to work to improve them when they are consumed by their "friends in the machine."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Deplorable Cycling Stars (TM) at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (BK3ZS)

363 A fantastic topic. And well written. My boy is twelve. I think about this often. I did not choose optimally.

The oldest advice I can remember - which I ignored to my peril - was simple ...

Look at her mother

Posted by: ScoggDog at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (fiGNd)

364 Don't try to rob a bank to pay for a sex change operation.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (ODkrH)

365 I'm in my forties, single, and have no idea how I could change it -- AND WANT TO. But I'm such a geek I have no clue -- and I'm gun shy.
Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (fVubI)

Here, sign up. Club membership is free.

I just turned 50. I can count the number of dates I've had since my divorce ten years ago on one hand. It seems I'm either too nerdy, too smart, too fat, too dull...I've been told all of those things. I'm at the point where I just don't give a damn anymore.

Posted by: Captain Whitebread at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (rJUlF)

366 Shave your junk. For no reason at all.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (zu88C)

367 Wait.....wut?

How does that work.? Not being judgmental.... but Im geuinely curious.
Posted by: fixerupper at October 13, 2016 09:26 PM (JmjOe)

.........

Works well for the most part. When the girls were still in high school I moved back in to keep an eye on them. ( he had the big fancy house so they chose to stay with him and I came out every day just like when we were married) We are good friends but no romantic stuff what so ever. Youngest graduated about 4 yrs ago and I guess I have gotten so comfortable that I haven't moved on. We have our moments of course but it works for us.

Posted by: Molly k. at October 13, 2016 09:31 PM (B15oO)

368 Beware the Miss Right who turns out to be Mrs. Always Right.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:31 PM (DW+jj)

369 339
Date within your own species.

Posted by: The Chicken

^^^This^^^

Posted by: The Sheep at October 13, 2016 09:31 PM (XoldI)

370 Tell her right off the bat, "Look, babe, this needs to be an open relationship. It would be inhumane for me to deny the rest of the female world access to my schlong, just because we're dating."

Posted by: Bill Clinton at October 13, 2016 09:32 PM (dtWKK)

371 Back to the main topic, though: This post is much like the advice I gave CW, Jr. Good post, Warden.

Posted by: Captain Whitebread at October 13, 2016 09:32 PM (rJUlF)

372 Use the D.E.N.N.I.S. System:

D- Demonstrate Value
E- Engage Physically
N- Nuture Dependence
N- Neglect Emotionally
I- Inspire Hope
S- Separate Entirely

More here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95Fx2aYQbQs

Posted by: Dennis Reynolds, The Golden God at October 13, 2016 09:32 PM (dRZBD)

373
Posted by: LizLem at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (LiMbk)

Er... doesn't sound promising TBH. But there's a reason no one asks me for my advice on human interactions.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:33 PM (cJrMO)

374
My biggest issue these days is having to fake date all the people my co-workers and friends try to set me up with.

---

Don't let your friends "set you up". I have friends who have told me "let us set you up with my friend, you'll like here". I've made a counter offer to these people: just introduce me to your friend. If I can't take it to the next level, that's on me.

(of course, it could be on her if I find her lacking, but nothing wrong with omitting certain details)

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 13, 2016 09:33 PM (wPVDQ)

375 I'm in my forties, single, and have no idea how I could change it -- AND WANT TO. But I'm such a geek I have no clue -- and I'm gun shy. Last time I met a girl who showed any interest in me, well, we got engaged then she decided she wanted someone else.
Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (fVubI)

Like any aspect of life, you won't get better at it if you don't work at it. There's not some magic wisdom that we can impart to you that will suddenly make you stop being shy, or bring you into contact with an appropriate woman that would be good for you. What you're doing right now isn't working, you need to move out of your comfort zone. Find a new social hobby. Your daily routine right now probably doesn't put you in positions to meet many new people, and that's a problem when your goal is to meet a specific kind of new person.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at October 13, 2016 09:33 PM (ef6pV)

376 I'm seeing some "no-go" advice on things like foul mouth, crazy, wants to stick a finger up your butt...

Don't be too quick to dismiss this woman.

Posted by: Carl, Hot at October 13, 2016 09:33 PM (9stgl)

377 All you single morons and moronettes need to start a yahoo group. Maybe your next date is a fellow traveler.

(I've been married since birth so my advice is useless.)

Posted by: Tami...Powering through being a depolorable at October 13, 2016 09:33 PM (Enq6K)

378 Use the D.E.N.N.I.S. System:

D- Demonstrate Value
E- Engage Physically
N- Nuture Dependence
N- Neglect Emotionally
I- Inspire Hope
S- Separate Entirely

More here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95Fx2aYQbQs
Posted by: Dennis Reynolds, The Golden God at October 13, 2016 09:32 PM (dRZBD)

I use the MAC system

Move in
After
Completion

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:33 PM (cJrMO)

379 DO NOT GET MARRIED UNLESS YOU WANT CHILDREN.

AND SHE WANTS THEM AS WELL. WITH YOU.

THERE IS ZERO REASON TO GET MARRIED UNLESS YOU WANT CHILDREN.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (IR2bT)

380 Thank God my husband didn't heed this advice. My mom has many great qualities, but she sure could be nicer to my dad. I learned from her example what not to do. Anyway, California Man would never have put up with it.
Posted by: California Girl a

***********

This was true for my wife, too. I adore my mother-in-law, but she married young and has some bad relationship habits with her husband.

My wife told me she vowed not to treat me that way and she doesn't. Also, I wouldn't put up with it anyway.

Posted by: Warden at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (MZ8Zz)

381 My 5 y/o girl likes to play Halo 5. She's going to make some boy very happy some day.
---
I went to a cousin's wedding (2nd for him, I wasn't sure about her, both in their 20s). At the reception, I recognized the music the DJ was playing from Skyrim, followed shortly by Final Fantasy and Legend of Zelda tunes. When I asked him how he was getting away with video game tunes as background music, he tells me it was her idea.

That kid hit the jackpot.

Posted by: Methos at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (3Liv/)

382 The only dating advice I remember ever giving the boy spawn was a few months ago when I said, "Don't put your dick in crazy. Seriously, just. don't."

Posted by: madamemayhem at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (yTnCT)

383 Poop with the door open.

Make her poop with the door open.

No secrets!

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (zu88C)

384 O/T Attn DaveA: If you're still looking for the ignore script, please post an address for me to send it to at first convenience...

Posted by: Brother Cavil, That Deplorable Guy at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (vyqqu)

385 Men and Women score things differently...

For Men, the bigger the thing, the more points it scores... buy me a car? buy me a boat? HUGE points... buy me a cup of coffee? not huge...

For Women, everything is one point (in general)... a flower is scored the same as a piece of Jewelry... a card the same as a car....

So Men need to understand its more important to do things constantly, rather than a few big things...

Posted by: Don Q. at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (qf6WZ)

386 "Never ask twice." Amen. I'm a long way from dating (26 years married ) but back when, if I got a no on a request for a first date that still indicated interest, I'd often ask her out again a couple weeks later. If she came back with "oh that sounds like so much fun. I'm busy then but it would be fun to get together, " I'd leave it that she could call me. A few did.

And yes middle school girls are crazy. So are middle aged women. Lovable, sweet, wonderful but still crazy.

Posted by: Jim in Virginia at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (gAz2E)

387 just have your parents arrange a marriage to your juvenile cousin, then buy a slave, whichever gender you prefer.

Posted by: Muslims at October 13, 2016 09:34 PM (U0lQa)

388 317 It could be me (probably), but as a Christian I have found this to be lousy advice.

Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at October 13, 2016 09:16 PM (mm1o5)

Christians are okay, but churchians aren't. There are more churchians today than ever before. go to Dalrock.com to get an indepth analysis.
Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:22 PM (GPR74)

Dalrock is a great site. He's got the feminist churchians' number.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (0mRoj)

389 375: in other words, rob should get off his computer.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (WTSFk)

390 I swear. I flipped to back to FOX. MeAgain's voice is now having the same effect on me as Barky's or Shrillary's. It makes my butthole draw up enough to bite off a 16d nail.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (DW+jj)

391 Never date two (or three) women with the same name at the same time. And for goodness sakes remember which on them likes to have their puthy grabbed and which don't.

Posted by: Eromero at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (zLDYs)

392 "i only say that because it's what i did. lots and lots of heartache with women. should've just made money, looking back on it."

I understand the lots and lots of heartache. But I made the mistake of assuming the opportunities would show up, rather than making them.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (fVubI)

393 I hate to say this, but I really bought into the 'soul mate' and true love thing. I always figured some perfect chick would walk into my life but things don't work like that for many folks. Does for some, but not the majority of us. It's a pretty big let down to come to the realization that all those John Hughes movies were bullshit.

Lol

Posted by: AlaBAMA at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (pUDQf)

394 My girls, who are quite nice-looking, sometimes had the experience of guys coming up to them and being dicks for no reason at all.

Rather as if they'd had a 15 second conversation in their brain:
"She's really pretty, but I bet she's out of my league and will probably reject me, so I will reject her first. Bitch."

So at least have a conversation first.

Posted by: Sal at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (hA4a+)

395 Date within your own species.

Posted by: The Chicken

But Leo has such cute Pekingese eyes.

Posted by: the Bear at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (dtWKK)

396 also, rape.

Posted by: Muslims at October 13, 2016 09:36 PM (U0lQa)

397 Do not seek affirmation, confirmation, and validation from a woman. ANY WOMAN.

IF a woman believes that you should through actions and behaviors then run away.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:36 PM (IR2bT)

398 Posted by: LizLem at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (LiMbk)

Anything that slightly bothers you now will drive you crazy when you're married. You have to decide if you can live with his pace. He might go faster if you nag him, but life will be so miserable for both of you. Figure out if you can live with it. If not, the sooner you move on the better for both of you.

Posted by: California Girl at October 13, 2016 09:37 PM (Pt5D1)

399 Posted by: LizLem at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (LiMbk)

It will become an issue. It's already an issue stewing inside of you.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at October 13, 2016 09:37 PM (MNgU2)

400 I just turned 50. I can count the number of dates I've had since my divorce ten years ago on one hand. It seems I'm either too nerdy, too smart, too fat, too dull...I've been told all of those things. I'm at the point where I just don't give a damn anymore.
Posted by: Captain Whitebread at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (rJUlF)

Start being an asshole. I hear it works great.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:37 PM (0mRoj)

401 Never ask twice. If she says no to a date, move on and don't look back.

This is short sighted. On the one hand, it ignores the importance of persistance and imposing your will--not stalking, but showing her you're not living and dying by her verdict. Have women been know to change their minds?

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 09:37 PM (n+/OT)

402 Lotta great advice. Let me add some from my experience (1 broken engagement, 1 broken love affair, 1 divorce, 1 marriage of 23 years, couple kids).

1. If you want to know what she'll age into, look at her mother. If they're different body types, check out her aunt (if she has one).

2. Genetics play a huge role in attitudes, behavior, and mental tics. I was brought up believing people's behavior can change. Now that I've had a couple kids, it's more like 80-20 (yeah, you can damage them if you put some elbow grease in, but the best you can do is model positive behavior and hope they'll pick up on it. They will ... long about 25.)

3. Stress the relationship. Go on a road trip and have to change a tire. Put up wallpaper together. See how you treat each other. Don't expect it to get better.

4. A lot of women need reassurance that you love them and you'll stay around. That means daily or every other day (that's why they'll call you at work every day). If you can handle it with that woman, you found the one. (It's when they call 3+ times a day, then you should think hard about it.)

5. When you're socializing with women in your teens and 20s, your hormones might lead you into trouble. That's when you're more likely to date crazy or even marry them. Just be aware of that. Believe me, you'll know if you're that kind of guy.

6. There's a big difference between being a "nice guy" and being a good man. A nice guy can't make a fucking decision. A good man will make the decision, but be willing to change if your partner objects.

Here's how this works: You ask a girl out. "Where do you want to eat?" she says. "I don't care, wherever you like."

That's a nice guy. A man will say, "I'm thinking Five Guys." She'll either say "God I've been craving a hunk of meat," or say "How about that vegan restaurant?" You're move.

7. Women want to feel cared for, respected, and protected. They'll never never tell you this. Operate on that basis, and you're gold.

8. The big, big, big secret to dating success: The bar is fucking low compared to most men they've met. Keep yourself clean and neat, don't shoot their dog, say thank you, pick up your condoms after yourself, and unless she's crazy or a golddigger, she'll be yours for life.

Posted by: Uma Thurmond's Feet at October 13, 2016 09:38 PM (rGfJ5)

403 Don't think you have to marry the most beautiful woman you ever met. Find one who's acceptable and you can't keep your hands off of and is sweet.

When a woman says, "No" when you're trying to get her into bed, smile, say "Okay," and leave. If she likes you, she'll never do that again.

Posted by: spongeworthy at October 13, 2016 09:38 PM (mrfTe)

404 Get one who doesn't give a flying fuck about you because then you can continue to "ply your trade" all the way into your 70's!

Posted by: Bill Clinton at October 13, 2016 09:38 PM (P6iJV)

405 391 Never date two (or three) women with the same name at the same time.
Posted by: Eromero at October 13, 2016 09:35 PM (zLDYs)

Actually, that's probably a good idea, since you wouldn't yell out the wrong name at the wrong time.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:38 PM (sdi6R)

406 I met my girl at a bar. We were both in the Army. We were deployed to different parts of Germany. I knocked her up. She got a medical discharge, went back to Ohio. I flew to Ohio, we got married, and I spent months getting us set up in an apartment off post. She arrived mere weeks before delivering. We lived in Germany for three years, separated from family by thousands of miles.

We did absolutely everything the wrong way. But, 28 years later, she's still my best friend.

So, as for advice? Go with your gut. That's God talking to you.

Posted by: Pug Mahon aka the Deplorable P.U.G. at October 13, 2016 09:39 PM (hhV+y)

407 Start being an asshole. I hear it works great.

It does. In it's own way.

Women feel when you're working to impress them. Don't.

Fucked up. But true.

Posted by: ScoggDog at October 13, 2016 09:39 PM (fiGNd)

408
Ask your date if she likes a place to be neat and tidy. If she says yes then invite her to your place because it's a fucking mess and could use a good cleaning.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:39 PM (auHtY)

409 I'm in my forties, single, and have no idea how I
could change it -- AND WANT TO. But I'm such a geek I have no clue --
and I'm gun shy. Last time I met a girl who showed any interest in me,
well, we got engaged then she decided she wanted someone else.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:25 PM (fVubI)

http://marriedmansexlife.com/blog/ Go there and go about 4 pages back and that's where the blog ends. Read everything all the way back to the start. You may want to bookmark it since it's hard to find. He would prefer you buy his books instead, and you may just as a general courtesy.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:39 PM (GPR74)

410 Do not put up with any shit tests.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:39 PM (IR2bT)

411 374
My biggest issue these days is having to fake date all the people my co-workers and friends try to set me up with.

---

Don't let your friends "set you up". I have friends who have told me "let us set you up with my friend, you'll like here". I've made a counter offer to these people: just introduce me to your friend. If I can't take it to the next level, that's on me.

(of course, it could be on her if I find her lacking, but nothing wrong with omitting certain details)
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 13, 2016 09:33 PM (wPVDQ)

That's good advice. I'm a nice guy. I don't like hurting people's feelings so I'm always hesitant when this comes up. Mostly, I say 'yeah, sure!' And then push back later.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at October 13, 2016 09:39 PM (pUDQf)

412 Buy a boat and get a bunch of women to come with you on said boat. Go deep out to sea. Get the ladies all nice and tipsy topside so you can take them to a nice comfortable place below deck, and, you know, they can't refuse. Because of the implication.

Posted by: Dennis Reynolds, The Golden God at October 13, 2016 09:39 PM (dRZBD)

413 Wait until she swims away, then fap all over the eggs.

Posted by: Salmon at October 13, 2016 09:40 PM (dtWKK)

414 In order to love anyone, you must first love yourself. So love yourself with as much bandwidth as your Internet connection can provide.

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:40 PM (zu88C)

415 Separate bathrooms. A necessary, but not sufficient criteria for a blissful marriage.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:40 PM (DW+jj)

416 While women tend to be jealous of other women (platonic) who are in your
life now, men are jealous of guys in her past. And she has a past of
some sort. Before you have sex the first time have the necessary
disclosure of each other's past. Anything not discussed here never
happened and shouldn't come up later. You are not allowed to be jealous
of what she has disclosed, and she should not reminisce any further
about intimate occasions or feelings about her exes. Do not ever start
talking about your sexual past then get jealous if she does the same.

========
NO. Unless there's some pressing reason (like touching on a trauma experienced), don't go there. My second (and probably last) husband was very jealous and would not have wanted anything like full disclosure. Shut the door and be done with it.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 09:40 PM (L2UGl)

417 Christians are okay, but churchians aren't. There are more churchians
today than ever before. go to Dalrock.com to get an indepth analysis.
---
that's redirecting me to a construction company

Posted by: Methos at October 13, 2016 09:41 PM (3Liv/)

418 Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:30 PM (zu88C)

When can expect payment for the new keyboard?

Posted by: Tim in Illinois at October 13, 2016 09:41 PM (d76uN)

419 Has there been one comment about sammich making skills?

One?

Posted by: Weasel at October 13, 2016 09:41 PM (Sfs6o)

420 280 Best advice for boys: go to church. Best way to meet good girls and have a good ratio. Plus you're much less likely to get a harpy that hates men and Christians.
Posted by: gm at October 13, 2016 08:28 PM (4ueYo)

It could be me (probably), but as a Christian I have found this to be lousy advice.
Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at October 13, 2016 09:16 PM (mm1o5)

I did meet some crazy girls in church during my twenties, but I also met some very nice ones, too.

My wife and I met at a Bible Study at work, of all places. We helped a mutual friend re-start his father's church in a very poor, minority area of Dallas.

Married life is much easier because we have the most important thing in our life in common.

Posted by: Michael the Deplorable TEXIT at October 13, 2016 09:42 PM (nvMvs)

421 Posted by: Pug Mahon aka the Deplorable P.U.G. at October 13, 2016 09:39 PM (hhV+y)

You said the key words that are required for any marriage to work. Best Friends.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at October 13, 2016 09:42 PM (MNgU2)

422
Wedding receptions are good places to meet girls. Met my ginger at one and darned if she didn't steal my soul.

Kept it for the last 50 years.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 13, 2016 09:42 PM (X35Yt)

423 how about this one
. if you're attracted to bitches you have a problem you should look at. crazy is a different problem.

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at October 13, 2016 09:42 PM (U0lQa)

424 You have to want a relationship more than need it.
desperation is a big turn off.

Posted by: Jim in Virginia at October 13, 2016 09:42 PM (gAz2E)

425 Hit on head with club, drag by hair to cave. One at time easier.

Posted by: Caveman at October 13, 2016 09:42 PM (XoldI)

426 I would dispute your initial statement:

"Whether you realize it or not, your ultimate goal in dating is almost certainly to find a spouse. So begin with the end in mind. Pursue the kind of women you'd likely want to marry. "

This is terrible advice to a young man - especially if he wants to sow his oats and simply have fun for a decade or so beyond school. And a young man has no freakin' idea what the kind of woman is who he would want to marry.

Blanket advice like this is why young men should run.. run very fast.. away from people trying to give them advice.

My advice? meet as many women as you can.. make no commitments.. Buy condoms by the gross.. When the right one comes along, you will know.. It will hit you like a ton of bricks - if it doesn't, she ain't the one.. and by referencing and comparing her to all the other ones you have come to know, you will know she is the one and only one for you.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 13, 2016 09:43 PM (UpGcq)

427 When a woman says, "No" when you're trying to get her into bed, smile, say "Okay," and leave. If she likes you, she'll never do that again.

***********

This is kind of head-gamey, so I can't really fully endorse it, but I've done it: Make HER wait for sex.

That's a fun one.

Posted by: Warden at October 13, 2016 09:43 PM (MZ8Zz)

428 >>o love yourself with as much bandwidth as your Internet
>> connection can provide.

External harddrives and downloads, not streaming. And a good digital media player.

$13k HDMI cords not included. And not necessary. But screw streaming.

Oh, wait...not that I'd know anything about that.........a friend told me and all that you know.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:43 PM (DW+jj)

429 I was away for most of the day and came to see what the latest media 'Trump Rape Epidemic Total' was up to, but this was all very interesting.

Thanks all...

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 09:43 PM (PFE2j)

430 417 Christians are okay, but churchians aren't. There are more churchians
today than ever before. go to Dalrock.com to get an indepth analysis.
---
that's redirecting me to a construction company
Posted by: Methos at October 13, 2016 09:41 PM (3Liv/)

It's dalrock.wordpress.com

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:44 PM (0mRoj)

431 I met my wife at day camp when I was around 6,7? And went to school with her since 4th grade.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 13, 2016 09:44 PM (K63aO)

432 >>>desperation is a big turn off.
Posted by: Jim in Virginia at October 13, 2016 09:42 PM (gAz2E)

Jim Gilmore is that you?

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at October 13, 2016 09:44 PM (+b2T3)

433 Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought this would happen to me, but I was reading Ace's sight for dating advice....

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:44 PM (auHtY)

434 Mortimer's advice is just killing me!

Posted by: t-bird at October 13, 2016 09:45 PM (Z58Xa)

435 Ok, not dating advice per se but advice anyway:

Except for a very lucky few, happiness, like health, doesn't just happen. Happiness is a goal you work at and work for.

Posted by: Votermom the deplorable @vm on gab at October 13, 2016 09:45 PM (Om16U)

436 Separate bathrooms. A necessary, but not sufficient criteria for a blissful marriage.

Posted by: publius

You're triggering me.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 13, 2016 09:45 PM (dtWKK)

437
that's redirecting me to a construction company

Posted by: Methos at October 13, 2016 09:41 PM (3Liv/)

https://dalrock.wordpress.com/ Sorry, but I thought I had that memorized.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:45 PM (GPR74)

438 stay single
stay alive

Posted by: praying mantis at October 13, 2016 09:45 PM (U0lQa)

439 Advice for getting over a 12 year relationship that went bad? My son, and some of you know this, is gay and was with his partner for 12 years. Things have gone south and my son finally moved out the end of June. He couldn't take the drinking and general obnoxious behavior. Well.. ex partner has a new squeeze and my son STILL thinks if said partner changes they can get back together. *sigh*.. I don't know what to do. He's miserable. He still thinks there is hope and there isn't. I suggested maybe seeing a therapist but he hasn't done it.

Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at October 13, 2016 09:46 PM (CNHr1)

440 Mortimer, you could write a book.

Deplorable dating advice

Posted by: Votermom the deplorable @vm on gab at October 13, 2016 09:46 PM (Om16U)

441 If she doesn't give unprompted head with enthusiasm, when you're dating you've had your last Lewinski once you get married.

This may sound superficial, but after a decade of being married, and cheerfully doing all kinds of things I hate, this one gets to me.

Posted by: Anonymous at October 13, 2016 09:46 PM (9stgl)

442 This should all me made into a moron dating guy for the single morons.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 09:46 PM (NbJXF)

443 also, hot tip:

despite what it may sound like, a transwoman is not a chick. It's a dude, dudes.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:46 PM (cJrMO)

444 #78 Learn to eat pussy really well, young man. It's a life skill that you will always find useful.

OH FUCK YEAH! I forgot that. Mr. Deplorables never did that when we were in college. On the second time around, I made it clear to him that my first ORAL SEX was the key that unlocked the door. He made the transition remarkably well. And I do mean remarkably.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 09:46 PM (L2UGl)

445 425 Hit on head with club, drag by hair to cave. One at time easier.
Posted by: Caveman at October 13, 2016 09:42 PM (XoldI)

Pull by hair, not by ankles.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 13, 2016 09:47 PM (voOPb)

446 >> That's a fun one.

Double entendres, and act innocent. Try to build desire until it explodes. Move in like you're going for it, as it were, but make out like you're weren't really. It was just an accident. Build up, then pull back.

And all the while, have a devious look that tells her you know exactly what you're doing.

That can be so much fun.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:47 PM (DW+jj)

447 441 If she doesn't give unprompted head with enthusiasm, when you're dating you've had your last Lewinski once you get married.

This may sound superficial, but after a decade of being married, and cheerfully doing all kinds of things I hate, this one gets to me.
Posted by: Anonymous at October 13, 2016 09:46 PM (9stgl)

Why are brides always smiling at their weddings?
Because they know they've given their last blowjob.

Posted by: Insomniac - Irredeemably Deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:47 PM (0mRoj)

448 Separate bathrooms. A necessary, but not sufficient criteria for a blissful marriage.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:40 PM (DW+jj)

I wish. We've been married 24 years, had 2 kids, and still have only one bathroom. It's amazing what we learn to live with.

Posted by: California Girl at October 13, 2016 09:47 PM (Pt5D1)

449 My dating advice to a young man: don't. Just don't, and save yourself a lot of trouble, money, time and heartache. You will ultimately be happier being alone.

Posted by: Geekasaurus at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (IZ7db)

450 413 Wait until she swims away, then fap all over the eggs.
Posted by: Salmon at October 13, 2016 09:40 PM (dtWKK)

Spawn till you die, baby!

http://tinyurl.com/z6b6p6j

Posted by: Deplorable, Catholic and irredemable Redneck tcn in AK at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (cm1Bl)

451
Mortimer.

You remind me of a Facebook group called "Shit My Dad Says"

Sarcastic, brutally, honest, politically incorrect and funny as hell.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (JmjOe)

452 A good mail-order bride site would be worth checking out. You know, to see the new models for the year and such.

Posted by: The Deplorable Redneck Bitter Clinger at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (MCEs2)

453
Christians are okay, but churchians aren't. There are more churchians
today than ever before. go to Dalrock.com to get an indepth analysis.
---
that's redirecting me to a construction company
Posted by: Methos

That's where I met Rosie the riveter.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (IqV8l)

454 If her eyes wander about your face while you're talking then she DEFINITELY likes you. That or you have an unsightly mole.

And maybe a moving mole. You should have that looked at.

Posted by: Bruce at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (8ikIW)

455 Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.

Posted by: The Little Kid from Kindergarten Cop at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (hhV+y)

456 Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at October 13, 2016 09:46 PM (CNHr1)

Time is the only cure. Takes guys, no matter what sexual preference, a lot longer to get over a relationship than women.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (MNgU2)

457 Hit the gym and lift heavy while you are still young.

Participate in anything sport competitively while you still have your health.

Behave like it would be a honor for the girl to date you. (Thatis behaving like she is dating up and not the other way around).

Do not allow the girl/woman to treat you like a object/utility.

Date multiple girls at once. You better believe they are.

There is no such thing as soulmates or true love. Sorry you only truly love your parents and your biological kids. Marriage is a relationship so you and her can raise your children. (Honor or wife. Don't fall for the bullshit in fiction).

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (IR2bT)

458 I use the MAC system

Move in
After
Completion
Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:33 PM (cJrMO)
===

I've got a system too. It's called SCRAPS.

Posted by: Frank Reynolds at October 13, 2016 09:50 PM (dRZBD)

459 Humor. Tease each other about the little shit, so it doesn't get under your skin and make you crazy. if I let the fact that Ms. Cannibal doesn't turn off a fucking light EVER!!! she would have been in the wood chipper long ago.

Like 'lets buy shares in an electric company.
'Maybe we should invest in a wind turbine?'

See I'm over it...see doesn't bother me because I teased her about it an amusing fun away!

Doesn't bother me....NOT. ONE. FUCKING. BIT.

Oh and I installed out switches. Go on when she enters. go off one minute after she leaves.

See humor. Solves everything.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob 'loves finger food' at October 13, 2016 09:50 PM (B+MYz)

460 Here's a strange thought: How 'bout waiting until you are married?

Avoid all the late period anxieties, the STD's, and the recriminations.

And here's another odd thought: Stay married to the one you married. Work it the hell out. Make the committment and keep it.

These two things pretty much guarantee happiness, if not now, then in the future.

Oh, and don't marry a psychopath. That helps.

Posted by: Deplorable, Catholic and irredemable Redneck tcn in AK at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (cm1Bl)

461 getting here late.

don't go to the strip club while she is working a shift. it is awkward for you and she is going to get pissed if everyone finds out she has a boyfriend because she will not get tips.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (cPsPa)

462 Avoid the "Churchians'. Different from Christians. Look it up.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (IR2bT)

463 "Keep batting, my friend. And as for the girl, look at it this way: you caught a break. Bad news early IS good news."

That's true -- she married the guy she left me for, and has since divorced him and remarried.

(Oh, of course, she couldn't just do that. She emailed me, out of the blue, "Hey! Thinking of you! I'm divorced now..." Turned out she was "thinking of me" only because she was considering marriage again. Never mentioned that fact to me, and I was an idiot. So I'll add this advice:

Don't think old flames can be rekindled. Unless you *have* to stay in touch with an ex-, stay the hell away.)

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (fVubI)

464 I don't have many dating stories because I've never had many dates, but this one is kind of funny:

I joined E-Harmony several years ago, and eventually I found what seemed like a good match. We communicated back and forth for awhile.

Then I said something about moving back into my parents' house.

She abruptly cut off contact, and that was the end of that.

Seems I neglected to mention that my parents had died and left me the house free and clear.

Oh well.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (sdi6R)

465 449
My dating advice to a young man: don't. Just don't, and save yourself a
lot of trouble, money, time and heartache. You will ultimately be
happier being alone.

Posted by: Geekasaurus at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (IZ7db)

Getting old alone sucks. Especially for men. Brave talk of the young when you are young. Depression strikes the lonely pretty often.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (NbJXF)

466 Geez, Pepe. Just say "No hymen, no diamond."

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (n+/OT)

467 See humor. Solves everything.
Posted by: Cannibal Bob 'loves finger food' at October 13, 2016 09:50 PM (B+MYz)

Yup solves alot. and learning to say "yes it's all my fault" whether you mean it or not. Some things are just not worth fighting about.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (K63aO)

468 if you are going to kiss a girl just fuckin kiss her. never ask.

naturally if she says stop stop.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:52 PM (cPsPa)

469 461: Now, I laughed out loud at that.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:52 PM (DW+jj)

470 Do not get married unless you want children!

This cannot be stressed enough.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:53 PM (IR2bT)

471 One thing that was great for my marriage was joining the Navy and being away a lot. And no, I am NOT kidding.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 13, 2016 09:53 PM (K63aO)

472 Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:48 PM (IR2bT)

I'd keep my daughter away from you.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at October 13, 2016 09:53 PM (MNgU2)

473 Mortimer, you could write a book.

Deplorable dating advice

====

heh.

Funny thing is? Most of it is from experience!

27 years and she still won't leave. What am I doing wrong?

Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:53 PM (zu88C)

474 I said it up post. If they can not forget, they can not forgive. A woman that won't forgive will drive you nuts.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 13, 2016 09:53 PM (NbJXF)

475 do not get into a zero defect situation. you should plan on losing a few.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:53 PM (cPsPa)

476 Even when dating, don't get so head over heals that you forget your guy friends. You still need the male bonding and the guy talk.

Posted by: Bruce at October 13, 2016 09:54 PM (8ikIW)

477 Move with caution with the "cool chick'.

More than likely it is an act.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:54 PM (IR2bT)

478 27 years and she still won't leave. What am I doing wrong?
Posted by: Mortimer, deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:53 PM (zu88C)

33 years here...she must be my wife's sister?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 13, 2016 09:54 PM (K63aO)

479 Go ugly early.

Posted by: Diogenes at October 13, 2016 09:54 PM (0tfLf)

480
Dating Advice For Young Men

I've spent my life exploring
The subtle whoring
That costs too much to be free

Hey -- I've been to paradise

But I've never been to meeeeeee

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 13, 2016 09:54 PM (kdS6q)

481 if you are dating a girl and she cheats on you, hook up with her mom; whether or not she is married.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (cPsPa)

482 There is no such thing as soulmates or true love. Sorry you only truly love your parents and your biological kids.

Eh. Not entirely true. Yes, your mate is part of a relationship you and she choose. But I believe my wife is my soulmate. I saw the same kind of thing with my folks, and both sets of grandparents.

Simply approaching a relationship from different paths does not negate the soulmate phenomenon. It's real.

Posted by: Pug Mahon aka the Deplorable P.U.G. at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (hhV+y)

483
if you are going to kiss a girl just fuckin kiss her. never ask.

naturally if she says stop stop.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:52 PM (cPsPa)

Then she says you virtually ass-raped her twenty years later because she was so afraid to say 'stop'.

Posted by: DJ Trump at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (P/kVC)

484
Go ugly early.
Posted by: Diogenes

I was born that way.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (IqV8l)

485 476 Even when dating, don't get so head over heals that you forget your guy friends. You still need the male bonding and the guy talk.
Posted by: Bruce at October 13, 2016 09:54 PM (8ikIW)

Yes. Never become isolated.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (IR2bT)

486 Date my wife, please.

Posted by: Cucky Youngman at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (XoldI)

487 The three legs of the stool that hold up the perfect woman are: hotness, intelligence, and emotional stability. If a girl has one, worth a date. 2, worth a relationship. 3, lock that shit down.
And the best way to test how well all three hold up under duress is to take her to an open bar wedding.

Posted by: ajmojo at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (Af4Qp)

488 I've always been wary of a man with a woman uglier than he is. There's something very wrong. Like Ted Bundy wrong.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (DW+jj)

489 You still need the male bonding and the guy talk.

If you're a fag

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (n+/OT)

490 Seems I neglected to mention that my parents had died and left me the house free and clear.

Oh well.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 09:51 PM (sdi6R)

You have to adjust your methods for dating sites. It's spray and pray. Develop a nice opener and reuse it for every single profile you contact, and contact a lot of them. Don't waste a lot of time doing the pen pal crap. Push to meet after a few exchanges and then make your once you get the lay of the land.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (GPR74)

491 Listen to Motorhead's "the Chase is Better than the Catch" before dates.

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at October 13, 2016 09:56 PM (+b2T3)

492 oh yeah: if you are a shooter, hunter, fish, etc, don't get hitched to anyone who *isn't* interested in those things, or who actively denigrates them.

same thing if you're in the service, even the reserves.

i cam home from drill and announced that i had re-uped for another 6 years (i was already past half way) and was told that i should always talk that over with my partner before i did something like that. she was fine with me signing up for bowling league (which i didn't) for a mandatory event *every* freaking week, but once a month was a no-go.

yeah, we lasted a bit longer, and broke up for other reasons, but it was a tell.

the current ball chain owns more guns than i do, likes fishing more than i do, and wants to hunt everything in NA...

it almost makes up for the lack of intimacy.

almost.

Posted by: redc1c4 at October 13, 2016 09:56 PM (e6JCS)

493 "Play the odds. Avoid the woman getting all the male attention in the room. Don't even look at her. Hit up the most attractive woman in the room that no one is talking to."

If a really attractive woman has no men talking to her, then either (a) she bats for the other team (NTTAWWT), or (b) she's on the wrong side of the Vicky Mendoza Axis--and that means she's SERIOUSLY crazy.

Posted by: Darth Cobalt Shiva, Sith Lord at October 13, 2016 09:56 PM (iLR0P)

494 You still need the male bonding and the guy talk.

If you're a fag
Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (n+/OT)

uh, what do you think this place is for?

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:56 PM (cPsPa)

495 Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (cPsPa)

Sage sage advice yankee.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob 'loves finger food' at October 13, 2016 09:57 PM (B+MYz)

496 I assume we've all seen the hot / crazy matrix? It's definitely got a pretty good dosage of truth.

http://tinyurl.com/p629d9a

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:57 PM (cJrMO)

497 I'd add, keep your eyes open for what's happening around you. My wife and I ran in common circles but weren't huge friends. We caught a movie together over the summer when most people had left town and after went "uh..that may have been a date." Keep going for 5 or so more years until I popped the question.

Posted by: Tsrblke at October 13, 2016 09:57 PM (dzmBR)

498 Give respect as long as you're receiving it. And don't feel the need to be in agreement with everything

Posted by: thathalfricanplayafromthehimalayas - be water my friend at October 13, 2016 09:57 PM (R5HRU)

499
Compliment your date but be honest with her. Tell she's pretty but with a good boob job she'd be smoking hot

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:58 PM (auHtY)

500 The three legs of the stool that hold up the perfect woman are: hotness, intelligence, and emotional stability. If a girl has one, worth a date. 2, worth a relationship. 3, lock that shit down.
And the best way to test how well all three hold up under duress is to take her to an open bar wedding.
Posted by: ajmojo at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (Af4Qp)

well, the three things that make a woman attractive are looks, personality, and crazy.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:58 PM (cPsPa)

501 Give respect as long as you're receiving it. And don't feel the need to be in agreement with everything
Posted by: thathalfricanplayafromthehimalayas - be water my friend at October 13, 2016 09:57 PM (R5HRU)

yup

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 13, 2016 09:58 PM (K63aO)

502 482 There is no such thing as soulmates or true love. Sorry you only truly love your parents and your biological kids.

Eh. Not entirely true. Yes, your mate is part of a relationship you and she choose. But I believe my wife is my soulmate. I saw the same kind of thing with my folks, and both sets of grandparents.

Simply approaching a relationship from different paths does not negate the soulmate phenomenon. It's real.
Posted by: Pug Mahon aka the Deplorable P.U.G. at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (hhV+y

I disagree and there is zero evidence in science to back up aoulmates. You are blessed with your wife for sure. This soul mate thing is a fairy tale and is not healthy to say this is the norm when it is a outlier.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:58 PM (IR2bT)

503 Yeah, getting drunk and trying to sing to her in Russian doesn't work too well either. Just take my word on this one.

Posted by: joncelli, whose moobs are not calm at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (1FhAQ)

504 uh, what do you think this place is for?

Who's bonded with me? One time a centerfold did, but that was Burt Reynolds' fault---not mine

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (n+/OT)

505 "been there, that is tough. let me tell you: that shit about "the one" is bs. there are many."

Everyone says that, but, seriously, I've never met anyone like her. But I should have stopped looking for *that* decades ago.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (fVubI)

506 Thanks for the responses. I know, sigh.

He's a gentleman, wonderful with the women in his life and the average person we meet on the street, considerate, kind, geeky in the good ways I like, beautiful singing voice, receptive, patient, loves kids and animals. Also wants to be a writer, I love talking about that with him. I've learned so much from him. Most importantly he calms me down, I get really anxious and he stills that in me, which even my family can't always do. He helps me want to be my best self, but never nags or pushes me into being that, I want to do it on my own.

I overthink things, is all. I want to go in with my eyes wide open, not blind to his faults or mine. But he's changed me for the better, no matter what happens.

Posted by: LizLem at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (LiMbk)

507 Date my wife, please.

Posted by: Cucky Youngman at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (XoldI)

That's a good one

Posted by: TheQuietMan at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (auHtY)

508 Ain't there something in the Old Testament about banging a mother and daughter? I think it was a stonin'. Was it just both at the same time, or was it at different times as well?

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (DW+jj)

509 Don't let her pour you a scotchka.

Posted by: Tommy Wiseau at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (ODkrH)

510 Avoid: strippers, hairdressers, girls named Tiffany

Posted by: Sam in Va at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (9stgl)

511 ONT ONT ONT

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (cJrMO)

512 If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

http://tinyurl.com/kcypqbn

Posted by: Jimmy Soul at October 13, 2016 10:00 PM (P/kVC)

513 The Universal Hot vs Crazy Matrix...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwbKYcBdVyk

Posted by: davidt at October 13, 2016 10:00 PM (XoldI)

514 Ain't there something in the Old Testament about banging a mother and daughter? I think it was a stonin'. Was it just both at the same time, or was it at different times as well?
Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (DW+jj)

it is ok as long as you are not stoned. drunk is ok.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 10:01 PM (cPsPa)

515 "I just turned 50. I can count the number of dates I've had since my divorce ten years ago on one hand. It seems I'm either too nerdy, too smart, too fat, too dull...I've been told all of those things. I'm at the point where I just don't give a damn anymore."

Yeah, been through some of that. I tried eHarmony, but the one time it made it to an in-person meeting, she spent most of dinner talking about her gay friend.

Then they matched me with my brother's step-daughter...

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 10:01 PM (fVubI)

516 soulmates just means you get along really well. if you blow it up to the spiritual they'll break your heart as they leave.

Posted by: praying mantis at October 13, 2016 10:01 PM (U0lQa)

517 #139 Do not move in with a significant other before getting engaged if you can possibly avoid it.

AMEN! I have a young friend who was wise enough to understand that, but circumstances (losing her roommate) created a vacuum in her budget. Her boyfriend moved in 3 years ago. Now they've moved to another place and added one of HIS friends "to save money." Going backwards.

This young lady is now 31 and wasting her last fertile years with a guy who hasn't even asked her to marry him, and is unlikely to do so. She's depressed and rightly so.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 10:01 PM (L2UGl)

518 Posted by: LizLem

Sounds like a keeper to me.

Posted by: Warden at October 13, 2016 10:01 PM (MZ8Zz)

519 Run away if the love bombing begins. This is a huge red flag.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 10:02 PM (IR2bT)

520 Take two random people, man and woman. Have them sit together and stare in each others' eyes. Then give them a shot of oxytocin up the nose (the love hormone). They'll start feeling in love.

And, booby sucking causing an oxytocin release.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 10:02 PM (DW+jj)

521 if you are on your third divorce, the problem is probably you.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 10:02 PM (cPsPa)

522 "Date within your own species.

Posted by: The Chicken"

No rishathra?

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 10:02 PM (fVubI)

523 I disagree and there is zero evidence in science to back up aoulmates. You are blessed with your wife for sure. This soul mate thing is a fairy tale and is not healthy to say this is the norm when it is a outlier.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:58 PM (IR2bT)

Soul mate might be the wrong word, but if you stay together, bring up kids, have ups and downs, and still have not killed each other...well you come to an pretty good understanding of each other and share many things. I'm closer to my wife now than ever.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 13, 2016 10:03 PM (K63aO)

524 There's an ONT up.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 13, 2016 10:03 PM (PFE2j)

525 #363 The oldest advice I can remember - which I ignored to my peril - was simple ...

Look at her mother

If Mr. Deplorable thought this way, we never would have married. He actually brought me closer to my dysfunctional family. One of the many things I loved about him.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 10:03 PM (L2UGl)

526 "Never ask twice. If she says no to a date, move on and don't look back."

Good advice. A guy who is always available is a turnoff.

Girls: don't drink a lot on a date. If you're nervous and keyed up and then throw down a couple of drinks, you will fall in all the wrong kinds of love. Have a soft drink in between every hard drink!

Posted by: PJ at October 13, 2016 10:03 PM (cHuNI)

527 This soul mate thing is a fairy tale and is not healthy to say this is the norm when it is a outlier.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:58 PM (IR2bT)

Why is being soulmates an outlier? Was my family just unbelievably lucky? Perhaps.

Faith. A belief in God. Different than a fairy tale.

Faith.

Posted by: Pug Mahon aka the Deplorable P.U.G. at October 13, 2016 10:04 PM (hhV+y)

528 Men think the women they marry will never change. Women think that when we get married he will change. This can create problems.

Oh and all women think men are just defective women, generally.

Oh and eventually ''who is this retard wandering around my house?'

Posted by: Cannibal Bob 'loves finger food' at October 13, 2016 10:04 PM (B+MYz)

529 "Your daily routine right now probably doesn't put you in positions to meet many new people, and that's a problem when your goal is to meet a specific kind of new person."

True. I work in IT (count the single women on one finger!), and they've even moved our project to a "lab" that's actually an abandoned Hallmark store in a strip mall on the opposite side of the city from our main offices. So even at work is impossible.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 10:06 PM (fVubI)

530 Girls: don't drink a lot on a date. If you're nervous and keyed up and then throw down a couple of drinks, you will fall in all the wrong kinds of love. Have a soft drink in between every hard drink!
Posted by: PJ at October 13, 2016 10:03 PM (cHuNI)

shut up

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 10:07 PM (cPsPa)

531 520 Take two random people, man and woman. Have them sit together and stare in each others' eyes. Then give them a shot of oxytocin up the nose (the love hormone). They'll start feeling in love.

And, booby sucking causing an oxytocin release.
Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 13, 2016 10:02 PM (DW+jj)

I read that as oxycontin. That might work too.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 10:08 PM (sdi6R)

532 why would someone enstompen this thread so early?

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 10:09 PM (cPsPa)

533 Good advice. A guy who is always available is a turnoff.

There's always available and there's ever vigilant

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:09 PM (n+/OT)

534 My soulmate turned out to be a cat. I mean it. True story.

Life is funny sometimes.

Posted by: rickl the deplorable at October 13, 2016 10:09 PM (sdi6R)

535 you do realize that things have changed so much from when you were a teenager that most of this advice is equally useful to grey aliens and babylonians.

Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 10:10 PM (cPsPa)

536 I have no idea of my wife's previous sexual history. Could be one dude or twenty. I am in no position to throw stones, tell you what. Anyway, that's just how I like it. Tell me nothing.

Posted by: spongeworthy at October 13, 2016 10:10 PM (mrfTe)

537 Never be a doormat.

Posted by: jmarie at October 13, 2016 10:10 PM (eCLt6)

538 If she badmouths her all of her exes and blames most of them for the breakup then avoid.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 10:11 PM (IR2bT)

539 In addition to knowing what to look for in your intended, you must also know what to look out for. It's easy to see what's there; it is damnably difficult to see what's not there.

What's missing? Many a contract and many a personal relationship have gone horribly wrong over overlooking the short side of that coin.

In the same vein, whatever is there - no matter how tiny - it will grow over the years. Her little chuckle is really kind of cute and endearing, BUT DOES SHE HAVE TO EMIT IT EVERY G**D*** TIME HER MOM TALKS?

Um, yes - she does. Be prepared to get used to it.

Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at October 13, 2016 10:12 PM (o7l6R)

540 I have no idea of my wife's previous sexual history.
Could be one dude or twenty. I am in no position to throw stones, tell
you what. Anyway, that's just how I like it. Tell me nothing.

Posted by: spongeworthy at October 13, 2016 10:10 PM (mrfTe)

Men and women are different. There are exceptions, but a high N count for men generally doesn't make it difficult for them to bond for life. Women with a high N count end up with cats, and a lot of them, and it's their fault. They're the one who has ended all their relationships, in search of something better.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 10:14 PM (GPR74)

541 It's telling how there's no online dating advice. Y5 is right

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:14 PM (n+/OT)

542 It all works better if you don't speak a mutual language.

Posted by: Jean at October 13, 2016 10:16 PM (ngn8T)

543 To be dead-assed realistic about it, though, her mother looked a hell of a lot better 37 years ago when I first met her.

Pug, I thought that was the sweetest love story I've heard all week.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at October 13, 2016 10:16 PM (H5rtT)

544 I wish my father (who never said a word on the subject) had given me this list.

Posted by: Ace's liver at October 13, 2016 10:17 PM (+azJs)

545 527 This soul mate thing is a fairy tale and is not healthy to say this is the norm when it is a outlier.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:58 PM (IR2bT)

Why is being soulmates an outlier? Was my family just unbelievably lucky? Perhaps.

Faith. A belief in God. Different than a fairy tale.

Faith.
Posted by: Pug Mahon aka the Deplorable P.U.G. at October 13, 2016 10:04 PM (hhV

Nowhere in the Bible does it talk about soulmates or anything like it.

Your family has set examples of honor and respect and loyality and Christian values obviously. Uni

But the Bible does not speak of Soulmates and if a church is teaching that then they are selliing Romantic fantasies.

We disagree here. I refuse to validate soulmates from a science and a Christian standpoint.

But God Bless you and your wife and your family for setting examples of a strong nuclear family. That is awesome and I'm happy for you and your wife and family.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 10:18 PM (IR2bT)

546 Posted by: jc at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (iRJ+A)

Hey, so great to "see" you.....how are you?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 13, 2016 10:18 PM (vOhwB)

547 541 It's telling how there's no online dating advice. Y5 is right
Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:14 PM (n+/OT)

Online dating is a waste of time for men. The advice there is "don't bother".

Posted by: Ace's liver at October 13, 2016 10:18 PM (+azJs)

548 487 The three legs of the stool that hold up the perfect woman are: hotness, intelligence, and emotional stability. If a girl has one, worth a date. 2, worth a relationship. 3, lock that shit down.
And the best way to test how well all three hold up under duress is to take her to an open bar wedding.
Posted by: ajmojo at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (Af4Qp)

Yeah, I heard this one before, 'cept it went:
(1) hot
(2) smart
(3) sane

Pick any two.
'Cause you'll never find a woman on the planet with more than two.

Posted by: Lewis at October 13, 2016 10:20 PM (Kvk9o)

549 Online dating is a waste of time for men. The advice there is "don't bother".

Up to age 40, it's fine.

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:20 PM (n+/OT)

550 "OH FUCK YEAH! I forgot that. Mr. Deplorables never did that when we were in college. On the second time around, I made it clear to him that my first ORAL SEX was the key that unlocked the door. He made the transition remarkably well. And I do mean remarkably."

I don't get the reluctance with this. I'm not super-experienced, but the best part is giving someone you love pleasure.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 10:22 PM (fVubI)

551 546
Posted by: jc at October 13, 2016 09:11 PM (iRJ+A)

Hey, so great to "see" you.....how are you?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 13, 2016 10:18 PM (vOhwB)

===I'm doing well. Howz U?

Posted by: jc at October 13, 2016 10:22 PM (iRJ+A)

552 Online dating is a waste of time for men. The advice there is "don't bother".

Posted by: Ace's liver at October 13, 2016 10:18 PM (+azJs)

It can be done, but it's all about the numbers. Spend some quality time and write a good opener. It should be light and funny, if you can pull that off, then reuse it for every single contact, and make a lot of contacts. It's all about the numbers, did I say that already? Don't exchange 10,000 messages with them. Push to meet them in person, and from there it's no longer online dating.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 10:23 PM (GPR74)

553 After 40, most women have been serious about dating for almost a decade or more. They've often lost the curiousity and patience that allowed serendipity

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:23 PM (n+/OT)

554 (1) Never tell a woman you love them if you don't.
(2) If you think you love a woman, don't tell them until you've felt that way a good while (and are clothed and sober).
(3) Notice the way you feel in the days AFTER you have slept with a woman you "had to have." After a very short period of time - maybe minutes - the best case scenario will be that you feel exactly the same as you did before (freezing all other variables). The worst case scenario is that you will feel very much worse for all kinds of reasons (e.g., STDs, pregnancy, shame, social risk, etc. ad infinitum). The urge to have sex is a very, very, very strong drive, but sex alone does not solve any problems in your life - ever - but often creates others. Sex ALONG WITH OTHER THINGS can solve problems (e.g., love for your spouse PLUS good sex can save a relationship).
(4) Related to (3).... The need for sex makes men stupid. If you're going into an event with known risk, inoculate yourself against your crotch driven stupidity at least a little bit by - ahem - taking things into your own hands ahead of time. E.g., if you're going to a Halloween party during a long dry spell and you know that your (blessedly) ex-gf, who you know you don't want to be with, is going to be there (likely dressed as a needy French maid), rub one out ahead of time to take the edge off.
(5) Learn how to casually invite your partner to shower with you. Showering with a sexual partner is an intrinsic good. Extrinsically, the loss of inhibition that comes with both parties knowing (consciously or subconsciously) that every bit of them is as clean and smell free as it ever will be can be powerful.

Most importantly, the following two points....

(6) Understand that "love" is a verb, not a noun. You don't find yourself enveloped in a warm bath that is "love", a state of being, ever. If you're "in love" that means you've found a woman that makes you want to bust your own ass (and mind) for her best interest, rather than your own. Hat tip to M. Scott Peck on this. In the interest of balance, though, I'll mention another philosopher, Lloyd Christmas: "I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her."

(7) Somebody famous said, more or less, that the graveyards are filled with "irreplaceable" men. That's true. We are all cogs, from the top to the bottom when it comes to our public lives. As a worker bee or an organizational leader, we're all replaceable. The one place that this is absolutely NOT true is our personal lives. A husband, a father, a son, a mother, a daughter is irreplaceable. I get paid a lot of money to do what I do for work. But, if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, the organization would not miss a step and would not care. On the other hand my wife, daughter, son and other family would be shattered if I died and would suffer greatly for the entirety of their lives.

Posted by: RiggedFrigate at October 13, 2016 10:27 PM (+z3cw)

555 Don't give a rat's ass about hooking up with the chick you are trying to pick up.

Posted by: MacGruber at October 13, 2016 10:28 PM (9rx6L)

556 if you are dating a girl and she cheats on you, hook up with her mom; whether or not she is married.
Posted by: yankeefifth at October 13, 2016 09:55 PM (cPsPa)

God I love this place......

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 13, 2016 10:31 PM (vOhwB)

557 Don't ask about their past sexual history.

Don't move in together until you're engaged.

If a woman breaks up with you and asks you not to contact her, respect that. Above all, do not try for a personal appeal and show up at her door. It is scary, not romantic.

Don't overpromise.

Posted by: vivi at October 13, 2016 10:33 PM (11H2y)

558 Hey Tammy, are you still fighting neuralgia?

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:33 PM (n+/OT)

559 Hey Tammy, are you still fighting neuralgia?
Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:33 PM (n+/OT)

No, thank God! I trust you aren't, either?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at October 13, 2016 10:34 PM (vOhwB)

560 Only so long as I'm healthy (fingers crossed on the flu shot), thanks.

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:37 PM (n+/OT)

561 #314 if a woman tells you she would never use withholding sex/intimacy in a
relationship as a weapon, she's lying. (there may be exceptions to this
rule, but i've never been or dealt with one who didn't)

never let
her nag you into doing something you don't want to do, especially
lifestyle changes. you'll hate yourself, but not as much as she'll
despise you for being weak and easily manipulated.

=========

I don't withhold sex - why should I punish myself?

Mr. Deplorables didn't tolerate nagging. He was a cat on the leash. He made his limits clear and I respected him for it. I was "the bitch" in my first marriage and hated it. Granted, my first husband turned out to be a lying drunk and couldn't be trusted to manage things and drove me crazy.

I discovered somewhat to my surprise that I want my husband to take the lead (while still valuing my opinion). I was ecstatic with Mr. Deplorables. He was a real man, while being sentimental and emotionally accessible. We were both careful to apply lessons learned from our first marriages (he stuck his dick in crazy).

Reflecting on the above posts, apparently both of us are rare as hen's teeth in these times, and that's why I doubt that I'll ever remove our wedding rings. There's no class act to follow Mr. Deplorables. God rest his soul.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 10:43 PM (L2UGl)

562 Don't ask about their past sexual history.

osted by: vivi at October 13, 2016 10:33 PM (11H2y)

I disagree with that, but it does little good to ask, they'll lie. If a woman has many past lovers it usually indicates that she can't settle down, or can't for long. She'll end up ending most of her relationships for the better one just over the horizon, until finally she's too old to attract men, and then she's alone. Men with a high lover count don't seem to have that problem, and can form permanent pair bonds, but that's the only real value in knowing a woman's number.

Posted by: DFCtomm at October 13, 2016 10:43 PM (GPR74)

563 Nice to see that some people did find a significant other. Warms my romantic heart, while my cynical brain throws ice water.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at October 13, 2016 10:51 PM (AroJD)

564 Online dating can level the playing field for an observant guy, at least in terms of getting that first date with girls who'd otherwise ignore you in real life. After that, it's all about overcoming her bullshit chemistry excuse for shallowness

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 10:52 PM (n+/OT)

565 #502 This soul mate thing is a fairy tale and is not healthy to say this is the norm when it is a outlier.

Posted by: Pepe, The Irredeemable at October 13, 2016 09:58 PM (IR2bT)
Definitely the outlier. I had the fairy tale, but there is no happily ever after, since one dies and leaves the other gasping for breath.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 11:20 PM (L2UGl)

566 212 Judging by your grammar, no, you're not. *g*

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at October 13, 2016 11:22 PM (Kucy5)

567 #506 Posted by: LizLem at October 13, 2016 09:59 PM (LiMbk)

He sounds perfect. Have you considered that you're the one who could do with changing? Maybe your "drive" is an attempt to compensate for some inner shortcomings or insecurities.

Not judging since I don't know either of you, and I'm an outlier who isn't into the rat race.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 11:24 PM (L2UGl)

568 #550 I don't get the reluctance with this. I'm not super-experienced, but the best part is giving someone you love pleasure.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at October 13, 2016 10:22 PM (fVubI)

What can I say? Maybe he was shy. He was[i/] a little uptight in college, and "straight" as we used to say. At 50, it was a lot easier for me to communicate what I liked, and he was very motivated to please. Every day. Every day. Who would ever expect that in your 50s?!

The best. God love him, I'll never find another man like him.

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 11:33 PM (L2UGl)

569 oops, bad formatting

Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 11:33 PM (L2UGl)

570 Girls are people.

Men and girls are gloriously different but many young men like to analyze "how to talk to a girl" until they've beat the issue to death and created an impressive cage of guidelines.

These can be helpful guidelines - like chivalry and tact and the masterful suppression of gas with muscle discipline and the importance of court position - "want to go on an adventure? [Takes hand, heads west, expels gas] Pete looks lonesome - let's go say hey" [say hey to Pete, walk south] "i'd rather ask you this i already know what Pete thinks - x y z etc. [Gas cloud now on north side of room].... but these guidelines can also be the sheet music stifling your jazz.

For a young man, the only advice worth heeding initially is know your Bible.

Secondary points are to be strong in integrity and character and strong in mind and strong in body.

If you hone your soul against high personal standards, you will come to respect this discipline in others.

Strength in mind comes from being well-read.

Dumas distills Edmond Dantes' confidence to one thing: education.

But remember that his education was classical - soul, mind and body.

Nebulous prattle but true.

Apply it so:

1) do the right thing, stand for the right thing and defend anyone small or weak from oppression. In school settings, this allows one of the only societally-sanctioned avenues for physical altercations: punching the bully in the nose. Women rightfully live in a world of fear, so a strong protector attracts, but a man who protects righteousness is even better.

2) master your interests: school is drudgery to losers. Use your imagination or your discipline to dominate your schoolwork. This is the surest way to serve your own interests during the school hours, and if you are involved in anything, remember - someone must be the best. Why not you?
Master your sport, your instrument, your computer, your pen, your whatever - whatever you spend your time doing, be the best.
Competence is key.
It is an easy shortcut to confidence that will pile up cumulatively-compounding dividends of joy for you later in life.

3) being an athlete is easy. If your arms and legs work, there are frightfully few excuses available to you for settling for the popcorn emptiness of spectator.
The only reasonable reasons to count yourself out of the glory of physical contests is if you have to spend all of your time working, caring for your dead sister's baby and your dying mother.
Is your plight less than that? Congratulations. You have no excuse to not be an athlete. Unless you happen to be a golfer.
Youth glories in athletics in a marvelous way and older people use athletics to maintain their health so they can remain alive to love their families. So... why not pick something when you are young and dominate it?
No hand-eye coordination? Scrawny? Well you can either turn in your chit in resignation and do that for the rest of your life when the odds are against you or you can gird your loins and go out for cross country and soccer. No hand-eye coordination or size required for success.
Just a regular dude? Sign up for anything you want to be good at - know that being good at something starts with being bad at it. Hit the weights and do sprints with the rest of them, work harder than everyone else, and watch what happens to you in one year let alone three or four.

Athletics is belabored for the benefit of us all - young and old, we can all be in better shape.
But a young man's fortunes rise when he hunts victory for his school and kills the elusive wapiti of the undefeated season.
Should have started with this for the "yutes" - play football. You might lose a knee but you probably won't. Statistically you'll strengthen your body and your mind.
And the practice field is a more forgiving place to get fired, and a more fun place to earn an assignment.
Pick the battlefield of your choice and excel.
Unless you live in good hunting or fishing country.
Then balance the outdoors with your athletics.

Know your Bible.

If you are a Christian, it is your duty.

If you are a dating non-Christian, it is a simple advantage that most people lack.

OP makes several points related to keeping marriage in mind when you hunt girls - if you are blessed with the virtue of forethought, you will open and max out all IRA accounts available to you, and you will seek God-fearing women.

They make the best wives. They make the best mothers.

And if you are not a Christian, they are the best quarry.

A God-fearing woman isn't easy, and easy girls are boring.

A Christ-centered woman all steeped in virtue and ridiculously high standards is leaves sign worth tracking.

And if Proverbs says the fear of the Lord is the headwaters of knowledge and James says that we get wisdom by asking God -

Are you better off listening to morons aqui, a reddit thread there, and regret-soaked mediocres all around you or reading the Bible?

It is good exercise for unbelievers and makes them sharp and deep in their objections to the concept of faith - and as stated above it is the duty of man to read and heed the Word.

The byproduct of knowledge about the difference of men and women and the Image-stamp that determines the sparkling contrasts is a strong benefit.

God is consumed with the glorification of Himself. The only kind of deity worth considering.

Man is the second-to-last thing created - God created man to rule creation and woman to be a helper and companion for man.

A man baiting his hook must remember that a woman is consumed with her self. Her beauty. The superiority of her beauty above those around her. The majesty of her wonder. These delicious little feminine traits are why an otherwise level-headed woman will buy a pack of lies and a transparent sales pitch if it provides her with a sturdy hatrack for her to rest in the fact that she is desirable.

40 year old virgin absolutely nails this.

Seth rogen teaching virgin Andy how to talk to a delectable Elizabeth Banks -

Walk up to her, ask her a question.
Listen to the answer, ask another question.
Listen to the answer, ask her to explain it further.
Infinity.

The girl likes to be desired, and not always in a one dimensional sexual way - knowledge of how she feels about x y z is knowledge about her, and it is important for you to get her explaining herself to you so that you may understand how she works and desire her further.

This process of eliciting information is simple and devastatingly effective.

It also provides a fascinating insight into the image of the Creator as stamped upon mankind.

The most important thing after knowing your Bible is confidence.

Confidence ultimately comes from knowing what is right and doing it well.

When the substance is bedrock the style can be a delightful structure of your own taste.

Last thing - if you hang out with a group of friends and there are girls there don't be a clayspine.

If you like a girl, ignore her for a while and watch and wait. After you've done that for fifteen minutes, forget everything you've read here and go flirt with her like a man before someone beats you to the punch.

Don't stress.

You'll marry someone else anyway.

Love,

Wolf Larsen

Posted by: Wolflarsen at October 13, 2016 11:35 PM (fP4Az)

571 If you want to have a successful relationship you need to be able to attract a woman who acts like an adult, not a grown-up-child. In order to attract these kinds of women you need to first be an adult yourself.

Posted by: Adam at October 13, 2016 11:39 PM (7L85l)

572 As a guy that had a successful date average way below the Mendoza line, I now look back and reflect on how it would have ended up. Then realize that I may be the luckiest man on the face of the earth. And they may be luckier.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at October 13, 2016 11:49 PM (FtrY1)

573 Warden, haven't seen you here before. I'm rather new myself, started posting about a month before the great migration from HA. Good to see you here with quality content. Looking forward to your next post.

Posted by: gNewt....in the basket... wants a new party at October 13, 2016 11:52 PM (/8r1I)

574 Mostly good advice, OB. I'll add (mostly positive advice, honest):

Treat any woman of bangable age like a bratty younger sister. Be amused by them, but not impressed.

Act confident at all times, fake it if you aren't naturally confident.

50 pushups, 50 sits, 50 air squats per day will take you 7 minutes and pay dividends even if you don't do anything else that day.

Touch. Touch early, touch often, touch until you no longer feel self conscious about touching. Women like to be touched.

Smile at every woman you find attractive. Do it whenever you make eye contact. If you feel awkward or fake, smile anyway. Eventually it will feel natural.

Always have a plan for what you're going to do. Announce the date plans, listen to her feedback, but be prepared to lead. Forever.

Kissing, then fondling, then undressing, more kissing, more fondling, MORE kissing...only then move on to the sex.

Don't get married, unless you plan to have kids. Yes, even if she's a Victoria's Secret model. Don't do it.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at October 13, 2016 11:56 PM (hR1Jj)

575 That reads like spam.

Posted by: derit at October 13, 2016 11:57 PM (n+/OT)

576 The best advice I ever heard on dating was to just be yourself; a woman can tell when a man is trying to be something he isn't.

Of course there is a corollary to that; if being yourself doesn't work you are completely and utterly screwed.

The very last man in the world that women want is somebody who is a cross between Steven Seagal and Steve Wozniak, and with none of either's money. Don't ask me how I know that.

Posted by: An Observation at October 14, 2016 12:16 AM (/ejlp)

577 Remember the day will come when you are flat out on a hospital bed and the woman in your life will be out in the corridor talking with someone about your options and treatment.

Choose wisely.

Posted by: Jinx's Dating Advice at October 14, 2016 12:20 AM (NVmJr)

578 The most powerful word in a man's dating arsenal: "Next!"

Do not forget this simple fact - there are 3 billion women on this spinning ball of dirt and after the age of 25 or so they become depreciating assets.

You have options. Act not in haste, especially when making life-long decisions.

Stay turgid, Morons.

Posted by: SnakePlizzken at October 14, 2016 01:04 AM (zWfeq)

579 jeez, is all I can say about this "advice". First off, in your late teens, early 20s, dating is all about looking for a girl to marry? I don't know where and when you grew up, but where and when I did it was all about getting laid.

Second off, your "go up to the most attractive girl no one is talking to/ignore the best looking girl in the room" advice is contradictory and besides that, bunk. I used to go up to the most attractive girl in the room (if she wasn't with someone) because most guys were too intimidated and many of them told me frankly that they rarely dated because guys never asked them. So I asked, and I was blessed during my active years with enjoying the company of young ladies probably way too good looking than I ever had a right to expect to be dating me.

Also, ever girl I ever lived (4 besides my wife) with I met, laid, and within that weekend asked to move in, and one lasted 5 years and another 8 and none less than a few years, met all of them at a bar or club and only 1 was batshit insane but my god she was beautiful. The bitchiness of a girl must be less than or equal to her hotness or its not worth it. This one just drank and partied too much, but it was part of the package, so to speak.

Of course, I was a good musician in a good band that was well-known in town and that gives you a special arrogance and ability to shrug off rejections, which makes you a lot braver and being brave enough to just go for it is 99.9%, in my humble experience.

Posted by: docweasel at October 14, 2016 01:43 AM (ATdy+)

580 >>>He sounds perfect. Have you considered that you're the one who could do with changing? Maybe your "drive" is an attempt to compensate for some inner shortcomings or insecurities.Not judging since I don't know either of you, and I'm an outlier who isn't into the rat race.
Posted by: Miley's Deplorables, Standard Redneck at October 13, 2016 11:24 PM (L2UGl)

Sorry didn't answer, he came to pick me up and we went to a corn maze tonight. Can I tell you how much fun it is dating in the fall? Love this time of year.

To answer your question, yes, there are lots of things I'm working on changing. I thought I had to have all my crap sorted out and in the past before I dated someone seriously. It's relieving and a little humbling to know that I can date him and reveal to him the imperfect clay that I am, warts and all, and he still loves me. We stepped into each others' lives before we were "ready" to date, but the longer together we are the more I think the timing was perfect. We are each other's best sounding board and cheerleader. I've always dated as if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've dropped a couple and still he stays, he's dropped a couple and still I stay. He's a good man at heart, albeit a little imperfect. I'm lucky to have him in my life.

Posted by: LizLem at October 14, 2016 02:45 AM (/KAED)

581 Remember the day will come when you are flat out on a hospital bed and the woman in your life will be out in the corridor talking with someone about your options and treatment.

Maybe. I have a relative by marriage who had a serious heart attack. His wife of ten years "couldn't deal" with the situation and refused to go to the hospital. Refused to get involved at all.

Posted by: Ace's liver at October 14, 2016 04:29 AM (+azJs)

582 I've found these tips to be overwhelmingly true. I had to learn them all through experience though. Man, I could have used these in highschool and college.

Good stuff Warden, you have lucky sons!

Posted by: Heralder at October 14, 2016 10:16 AM (oCER9)

583 Boys: She may deny it, but the girl who agreed to move in with you is auditioning for the role of wife. She'd rather collect your dirty socks, scrub your pots of week-old mac n' cheese, and Clorox your mildewed shower curtain than risk ending up alone. Don't kid yourself. You know, deep down, that you're taking advantage of her insecurity.

Girls: You are worthy. If a guy can't recognize how *awesome* you are, how much you have to offer as a life partner without moving in "to see how things work out"....he doesn't deserve you. He. Doesn't. Deserve. You.

Posted by: Dr. Laur-ette at October 14, 2016 10:23 AM (iIitl)

584 Haven't read thru all the comments (too many, and I've got to go), so if I repeat someone else's advice, forgive me:

1. The first time you take a girl out, always order food that requires an eating utensil. Never, ever eat something that goes from the plate to your mouth via the hands (e.g., burgers, fries, pizza, etc.). Why? A fork/spoon will help you limit the size of the bite, so you don't look like a pig when you eat. Keep it manageable.

2. Eat pussy like a pro - for beginners, come from below (you appear less selfish that way, and you get to look at her tits at the same time), and use your tongue like you're writing the alphabet. Trust me, it works.

My brother told me this, and just as I was trying it the first time, I got this crazy thought in my head: "Upper or lower case?" Ultimately, it doesn't matter. It works either way.

Posted by: big sarge at October 14, 2016 10:39 AM (NUvoP)

585 Advice from an old football coach:

Always sleep twelve hours.

Never play poker with a guy whose first name is the name of a city.

Never, absolutely never, date a girl who has a dagger tattoo.

Posted by: Ted Snedeker at October 14, 2016 11:41 AM (9vgo+)

586 Forget dating. My advice is, marry the ruthless guy with political ambitions. If you both play your cards right you won't always be stuck in the backwater of Ar...izona, right? Piggyback on his success to launch your own political career. Keep a hot Muslim Brotherhood "aide" as a side piece and let hubby do his own thing.

Posted by: Dem Nominee at October 14, 2016 12:15 PM (JAvsW)

587 Go visit her parents. Watch how she treats her dad. And what her Mom looks like and acts like. In 20 years she will look and act just like her Mom.

Posted by: lovejoy at October 14, 2016 05:24 PM (dST9K)

588 I got to comment 300 and then realized guys on this thread have, collectively, a LOT of deal-breakers.

There aren't that many perfect people out there, so hello loneliness for anyone taking this advice.

Posted by: Jobey in Error at October 16, 2016 08:44 AM (PtUUd)

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