One US Territory Taxes Guns at the Rate of $1000 Per Gun, and Left Looks to Model As Just Delightful

So.

I'm knocking off early.

I have an excuse.

I'm sick. Well, I'm tired and run down and sick.

Because I'm tired, I've been drinking a lot of caffeine.

Because I had a lot of caffeine, I had disaster-pants earlier.

No really. Around 2.

You ever think you're just releasing some pressure, as you do several times a day, and then you suddenly realize, just as that hot bubble of horror erupts, "Oh dear"?

So that's what happened today. I pooped my pants.

It wasn't actually poop. Poop would have been, comparatively, a delight. A mitzvah.

Poop would have been like the flight that Captain Sully crash-landed in the river. You think it's going to be horrible, and then it's like: "Oh, this isn't so bad. This is just an inconvenience. I just need a hand-towel and a fresh ascot."

It takes a lot out of you, actually. I need to hydrate or something.

I haven't felt quite right since The Event.

Everything's different now. Colors are more muted. Music has no life.

Anyway. Good night.


SHOCK ADMISSION: BLOGGER DID TWOSIES AT TWO-ISH

YELLEN: ONLY LOOSE MONEY POLICY CAN KEEP BUBBLE FROM BREAKING

ROGER STONE: "PERFECT SPOKESMAN" FOR "POOPIE-PANTS CRUZ"

TRUMP: I ONLY CRAP ON ITALIAN MARBLE TOILETS AND LUXURIOUS BRAZILIAN CALL-GIRLS

[OregonMuse]: I've got the perfect remedy for what ails ace, and it will also be good for those Oberlin punks:


butt cream.jpg

Posted by: Ace at 06:18 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 Sorry Ace, but that made me laugh out loud.

Enjoy your rest.

Posted by: Cheri at April 13, 2016 06:19 PM (oiNtH)

2 At least you have a cover story for next month's issue of POOP the Magazine.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 06:19 PM (xUVR8)

3 I am laughing so hard it's could be number onesies in Seattle soon.

Posted by: Seattlelite at April 13, 2016 06:22 PM (lMNoM)

4 That's gonna ruin your Aquaman Underoos.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 06:22 PM (xUVR8)

5 Sharting? Al Roker can tell you some stories about that, I tell you!

Posted by: Phinn at April 13, 2016 06:22 PM (fCWi3)

6 When I take off my Depends I find them full of apple butter. I only eat Nutella so it's a mystery to me.

Posted by: Bernie 2016 at April 13, 2016 06:22 PM (d6LpE)

7 This has been a hilariously weird day. Thanks for the overshare, ace. I'm sorry for laughing at your surprise sh*tting.

Posted by: no good deed at April 13, 2016 06:22 PM (GgxVX)

8 >>So that's what happened today. I pooped my pants.



It's like you read my diary.

Posted by: Joe Biden at April 13, 2016 06:23 PM (xUVR8)

9 Aging.

Never trust a fart.

Posted by: golfman at April 13, 2016 06:24 PM (48QDY)

10 Seems like I remember CA trying this kind of shit and somebody took them to court. The court ruled that CA could stick their super gun tax up their ass.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at April 13, 2016 06:24 PM (vvmPQ)

11 TMI, bro.

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2016 06:25 PM (+Ro/f)

12 Best shart ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApNedgj3HBs

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 06:25 PM (/tuJf)

13 Shartweek.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 06:25 PM (OQ9R7)

14 This is why you don't feed Frogurt to the Mogwai after midnight.

Posted by: Old Chinese Shopkeeper at April 13, 2016 06:25 PM (xUVR8)

15 You ever think you're just releasing some pressure, as you do several times a day, and then you suddenly realize, just as that hot bubble of horror erupts, "Oh dear"?

The infamous shart.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:25 PM (rwI+c)

16 I'm laughing my ass off here, imaging an ewok sharting on himself.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 06:25 PM (rlfds)

17 Shartnado.

Posted by: davidt at April 13, 2016 06:25 PM (8aOqE)

18 I'm Shartacus!

Posted by: Esch at April 13, 2016 06:25 PM (98IfL)

19 Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted.
The next time I took a chance, saved a dime and shit my pants.

Posted by: fb at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (JVEmw)

20 You ever think you're just releasing some pressure, as you do several times a day, and then you suddenly realize, just as that hot bubble of horror erupts, "Oh dear"?

So that's what happened today. I pooped my pants.



Never trust a fart when you are over 50.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (4dbPD)

21 When you get old like me you never try to let a fart without being on the toilet first. Especially if you are not feeling well.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (vvmPQ)

22 At least you weren't at the White House.

Posted by: CaliGirl at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (egOGm)

23 The ole trouser chilli.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (rwI+c)

24 But try to ask an abortion clinic to use gloves and betadine.

Just try.

Posted by: blaster at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (2Ocf1)

25 We struck mud before we struck the ground.

Posted by: Thelma and Louise at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (d6LpE)

26 19 Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted.
The next time I took a chance, saved a dime and shit my pants.
Posted by: fb at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (JVEmw)

---

Written on many a portashitter.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (rlfds)

27 It's OK, Ace. It happens to us all.

Of course, I don't mean "all" all.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (sdi6R)

28 No sh*t??!!

Posted by: Diogenes at April 13, 2016 06:27 PM (r65B3)

29 It happens.

Posted by: Al Roker at April 13, 2016 06:27 PM (GgxVX)

30 Ace, This kind of post is why you have best blog on the Internet. I'm still laughing. Lots of crackers, Gatorade, no Kaboom in the morning and maybe another look at Depends?

Posted by: Alf767 at April 13, 2016 06:28 PM (VtSj9)

31 Just the punchline: I don't know I'd a told that.

Posted by: blaster at April 13, 2016 06:29 PM (2Ocf1)

32 This has to be the shittiest post ever.

Posted by: Cloyd Freud, Unemployed at April 13, 2016 06:29 PM (eHpnh)

33 >>TRUMP: I ONLY CRAP ON ITALIAN MARBLE TOILETS AND LUXURIOUS BRAZILIAN CALL-GIRLS


Call me.

Posted by: HornyFemaleDolphin at April 13, 2016 06:29 PM (xUVR8)

34 Dear Ace,

Thank you for making me laugh enough to wet my pants a little.

And feel better.

Posted by: OldDominionMom at April 13, 2016 06:29 PM (GzDYP)

35 I know this feeling all too well, I'm afraid.

Isn't there a term for that fear?

Posted by: Esch at April 13, 2016 06:29 PM (98IfL)

36 ted cruz has black tranny hookers crap on him. though new jersey is about to crap on him by kicking him off the ballot for not being a naturally born citizen and he may not be citizen as his mother registered to vote in canada. illegal alien ted!

Posted by: gunsmoke at April 13, 2016 06:29 PM (0qQf8)

37 Ok Ace. Gotta admit. Your alternate Headlines are funny.

Posted by: Tim in Illinois. Let's play two! at April 13, 2016 06:30 PM (WVsWD)

38 26 19 Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted.
The next time I took a chance, saved a dime and shit my pants.
Posted by: fb at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (JVEmw)

---

Written on many a portashitter.
Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 06:26 PM (rlfds)



Young people may not realize that there used to be pay toilets. You had to insert a coin to unlock the stall. I can't remember the last time I saw one. Do they still exist anywhere?

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 06:30 PM (sdi6R)

39 35 I know this feeling all too well, I'm afraid.

Isn't there a term for that fear?
Posted by: Esch at April 13, 2016 06:29 PM (98IfL)

Poopyourpantsaphobia

Posted by: Insomniac at April 13, 2016 06:30 PM (0mRoj)

40 >>This has to be the shittiest post ever.


You would think. But, oddly enough, it isn't.

Ace wrote a pretty funny diarrhea post years ago.

Posted by: HornyFemaleDolphin at April 13, 2016 06:30 PM (xUVR8)

41 Been there, done that. Haven't we all. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

Posted by: Tuna at April 13, 2016 06:31 PM (JSovD)

42 maybe two coffees and ten cans of diet pepsi are a little much, huh?

Posted by: ace's small intestine at April 13, 2016 06:31 PM (dciA+)

43 sockOFF


The worst part about a shart is the PTSD.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 06:31 PM (xUVR8)

44 Look, let's face facts. Of all the bloggers on the 'net, how many would ever admit to a shart?

And of those, how many would do so without claiming that it's some kind of reaction to the cis-white-male power structure?

Posted by: International League of Dolphins, Local 43 at April 13, 2016 06:31 PM (o+SC1)

45 Posted by: gunsmoke at April 13, 2016 06:29 PM (0qQf
--------
Geez, give it a rest. The NJ court ruled that he was natural born.

Posted by: Old Blue at April 13, 2016 06:32 PM (9iR5/)

46 Juice straightens me out.

Posted by: golfman at April 13, 2016 06:32 PM (48QDY)

47 I had a funny comment but first I gotta drop Obama off at the white house.

Posted by: Jefferson Davis 2016 at April 13, 2016 06:32 PM (WtPLV)

48 Poopyourpantsaphobia
Posted by: Insomniac at April 13, 2016 06:30 PM (0mRoj)

Works for me.

Posted by: Esch at April 13, 2016 06:32 PM (98IfL)

49 >> Of all the bloggers on the 'net, how many would ever admit to a shart?


Althouse

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (xUVR8)

50 >>Young people may not realize that there used to be pay
>> toilets. You had to insert a coin to unlock the stall. I can't
>> remember the last time I saw one. Do they still exist
>> anywhere?

They're routine in Europe, in both coin-op and attendant-with-hand-out form.

Posted by: International League of Dolphins, Local 43 at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (o+SC1)

51 My ass is watertight.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (rwI+c)

52 So - problem with Uranus?

Space thread!!

Is there a way to save threads? This one has merit.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (Io87j)

53 43 sockOFF


The worst part about a shart is the PTSD.
Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 06:31 PM (xUVR

Post Turd Stench Distribution

Posted by: Insomniac at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (0mRoj)

54 This is a shitty time to go off-topic, but the Port Canaveral webcam is still showing the Falcon 9 on the dock.

http://portcanaveralwebcam.com/

Today they've been rigging guy wires, and now some guys in hazmat suits have opened one of the access ports. They may be removing toxic or flammable chemicals. A fire truck was there a little while ago.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 06:34 PM (sdi6R)

55 Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 06:30 PM (sdi6R)
I've never heard of a pay porta John.

Posted by: CaliGirl at April 13, 2016 06:34 PM (egOGm)

56 So, you tried to dry-fire, and found you had one in the chamber!?

Posted by: just wait, you won't believe what happens next at April 13, 2016 06:34 PM (IQI2h)

57 Been here for many years.

And that, my friends, is the best post in the history of AoS!

Posted by: Kevin Canuck at April 13, 2016 06:34 PM (Hlv/w)

58 I'm sick. Well, I'm tired and run down and sick.


Cue Lilly Von Schtupp's song:

https://youtu.be/Uai7M4RpoLU

Posted by: Count de Monet at April 13, 2016 06:34 PM (JO9+V)

59 51 My ass is watertight.
Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (rwI+c)

And you know this how exactly? Run by Underwriters Laboratories and get it tested?

Posted by: Insomniac at April 13, 2016 06:35 PM (0mRoj)

60 "My ass is watertight."
-Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (rwI+c)

You say that but one day, under the right conditions, an O-ring fails and we'll just call you Morton.

(Thiacol, for you damned kids)

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 06:35 PM (OQ9R7)

61 My ass is watertight.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (rwI+c)


Ditto.

Posted by: A Duck at April 13, 2016 06:35 PM (8ZskC)

62 >> The worst part about a shart is the PTSD.

Well, there's the home-shart and the away-shart.

The home-shart involves a change of underwear.

I've been fortunate not to experience an away-shart, which I imagine means a commando afternoon and possibly figuring out how to dry one's tighty-whities in the microwave.

Posted by: International League of Dolphins, Local 43 at April 13, 2016 06:35 PM (o+SC1)

63 That there is a genuine frontier level fart-poop. When ya' been in the saddle all day long, sure, it's gonna happen.

Why do ya' think chaps don't have no asses in them? Well, I mean, your ass is hangin' out if you just have your chaps on.

Posted by: Uncle Scribbles Johnson at April 13, 2016 06:36 PM (RFeQD)

64 I dont think ted cruz pays as much as donald to crap on his tranny hookers.

Posted by: gunsmoke at April 13, 2016 06:36 PM (0qQf8)

65 My ass is watertight.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:33 PM (rwI+c)



It's not truly watertight until you've passed the Firehose Test. Got the certificate?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at April 13, 2016 06:36 PM (8ZskC)

66 Im gonna poop my pants laughing

Posted by: BFD at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (gaZBl)

67 Yeah try the hot date shart.

Posted by: Esch at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (98IfL)

68 Nothing says "alive" like a bit of brown grease in your buttcrack.

Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (Fmupd)

69 And you know this how exactly?

It's withstood the Tijuana Pressure Test.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (rwI+c)

70 AoSHQ: Come for the dank memes, stay for the earnest admissions of clothes-ruining diarrhea.

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (4/i9Y)

71 YELLEN: ONLY LOOSE MONEY POLICY CAN KEEP BUBBLE FROM BREAKING

LOL.

Yellen's directive for bad neighborhoods: "Only suicide can keep one from getting murdered."

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (zc3Db)

72 Your ass isn't watertight until we say it's watertight.

Posted by: US Navy Shipyard at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (0mRoj)

73 EWOK WEARS PANTS AND POOPS IN THEM

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (uURQL)

74 I think you fellers have had enough beans.

Posted by: Taggart at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (8ZskC)

75 Speaking of shits, Piss off, Joe.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (rwI+c)

76 I've had this happen to me a couple of times in my adult life. Of course, it never happened when I was at home. I had it happen to me once minutes before a public speaking engagement. I had to consciously avoid turning my back to the audience to avoid providing evidence to them of my anal mishap.

Anal Mishap actually sounds like a good name for a heavy metal band or punk band.

Posted by: Slappy at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (KS+qL)

77 Do not answer if a Navy diver asks if you've had an airtight test.

Posted by: blaster at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (2Ocf1)

78 69 And you know this how exactly?

It's withstood the Tijuana Pressure Test.
Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 06:37 PM (rwI+c)

Doesn't that involve a donkey?

Posted by: Insomniac at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (0mRoj)

79 Video on Fox News is a sad commentary.

Posted by: golfman at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (48QDY)

80 I had to throw away a chair, once.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (OQ9R7)

81 >> It's not truly watertight until you've passed the Firehose
>> Test. Got the certificate?

I saw NEMA 5 Ass open for God's Strap-On at Bimbo's in 1988.

Posted by: International League of Dolphins, Local 43 at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (o+SC1)

82 Pfft. C'est un amateur.

Posted by: Le Petomane at April 13, 2016 06:38 PM (HtLSE)

83 Ace, I think we need to re-establish the boundaries in our relationship. I know that we've gotten comfortable with each other over the years, but seriously. There are some things that I just. don't. need. to. know.

This is one of those things.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at April 13, 2016 06:39 PM (ef6pV)

84 The Shart.

Some people think it's funny but it's really brown and runny.

Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 06:39 PM (aBI1l)

85 dear Ace: if you had ulcerative colitis, this could be a daily, or even more often thing for you.

i feel your pain.

Posted by: redc1c4 at April 13, 2016 06:39 PM (9E2HE)

86 >>Yeah try the hot date shart.


When she suggested we, "Grab some Ethiopian" I should have just walked right back into the subway...

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 06:40 PM (xUVR8)

87 Young people may not realize that there used to be pay toilets. You had to insert a coin to unlock the stall. I can't remember the last time I saw one. Do they still exist anywhere?
Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 06:30 PM (sdi6R)

---

*blinks*

Never saw one in my life, and I'm pushing 50.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 06:40 PM (rlfds)

88 To Chi, re your question in the previous post:

Mortar mix has more Portland cement than concrete mix, and no gravel, so you should be good.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at April 13, 2016 06:40 PM (Qvgg/)

89 TMI, Ace, TMI

Posted by: kimoloka at April 13, 2016 06:40 PM (2hOA7)

90
The ole trouser chilli.
Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie!
..................

If you're pantless it's a Coyote Omelette

Posted by: wth at April 13, 2016 06:40 PM (HgMAr)

91 Ace,

You are welcome.

Posted by: Explozive Diarrhea at April 13, 2016 06:40 PM (AhyHb)

92 *pours some Gatorade into an Ewok-friendly bottle and readies the trebuchet*

Posted by: pookysgirl at April 13, 2016 06:41 PM (K27gs)

93 >>The home-shart involves a change of underwear.


After two Hot Showers.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 06:41 PM (xUVR8)

94 >> If you're pantless it's a Coyote Omelette

You can cross the dashed line to pass, but not the solid line.

Posted by: International League of Dolphins, Local 43 at April 13, 2016 06:41 PM (o+SC1)

95 TMI, Ace, TMI
Posted by: kimoloka at April 13, 2016 06:40 PM (2hOA7)



Look, just because he's an award winning blogger doesn't mean you read what he writes.

TLDR FTW.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 06:41 PM (uURQL)

96 87 Young people may not realize that there used to be pay toilets. You had to insert a coin to unlock the stall. I can't remember the last time I saw one. Do they still exist anywhere?
Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 06:30 PM (sdi6R)

---

*blinks*

Never saw one in my life, and I'm pushing 50.
Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 06:40 PM (rlfds)

---------------------


Bus stations were famous for them. Saw a few in gas stations as well.

Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 06:42 PM (Fmupd)

97 I think we can all refrain from the childish humor, and call this as Ace did, a disaster-pants.


Ok, probably not.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at April 13, 2016 06:42 PM (Qvgg/)

98 >> Never saw one in my life, and I'm pushing 50.

Pretty much nonexistent in the US now, but common overseas. Don't think I've seen one in the UK in the past decade, but France, Italy, China, etc yes absolutely.

Posted by: International League of Dolphins, Local 43 at April 13, 2016 06:43 PM (o+SC1)

99 I wear underwear made out of Corinthian leather.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at April 13, 2016 06:44 PM (4ErVI)

100 >>maybe two coffees and ten cans of diet pepsi are a little much, huh?


You run out of Prune Juice or something?

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 06:44 PM (xUVR8)

101 Desocking

Posted by: JEM at April 13, 2016 06:45 PM (o+SC1)

102 Hmmm. Sounds like the last visit to Dong's Kuntry Kafe and Sushi Bar...

Posted by: Anon a mouse... at April 13, 2016 06:45 PM (C9pBZ)

103 Shakespeare has something to say about everything...

Diseased nature oftentimes breaks forth
In strange eruptions. Oft the teeming earth
Is with a kind of colic pinched and vexed
By the imprisoning of unruly wind

Posted by: just wait, you won't believe what happens next at April 13, 2016 06:45 PM (IQI2h)

104 ROGER STONE : TRUMP'S SHITS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO SINK A YACHT!!......DEVELOPING

TRUMP : I'M SINKING A YACHT RIGHT NOW! UNLIKE TINY SHITS TED CRUZ.

SEAN HANNITY : TRUMP! HOW ARE YOUR SHITS SO BIG?!!?

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2016 06:45 PM (+Ro/f)

105 Never saw one in my life, and I'm pushing 50.
-------
Yep. Used to have them in airports, bus stations, etc. Cost a dime. Check your pockets and see how many dimes you have. None, you say? Well, you have two choice. Crawl under door in nasty restroom or shart. But first, chi chi.
Now get off my lawn.

Posted by: Old Blue at April 13, 2016 06:45 PM (9iR5/)

106 >> You run out of Prune Juice or something?

Swallowing the CO2 cylinder didn't help.

Posted by: JEM at April 13, 2016 06:45 PM (o+SC1)

107 I'm a bit over 50 and remember them as a kid.

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 06:46 PM (miXPX)

108 >>>I'm sick. Well, I'm tired and run down and sick.<<<



Tired and run down is a kind of sick. So...


Soft Ewok,
Warm Ewok,
Furry little stub.
Happy Ewok,
Sleepy Ewok,
Yub yub nub.

Posted by: Penny at April 13, 2016 06:46 PM (H9MG5)

109 You think you get too old for this kind of thing. But a few weeks back, my wife and I were taking a driving trip across northwest Louisiana, and she started asking "how long to the next town?" and I said about 15 minutes. With a worried voice, she said "that might be close enough" but 5 minutes later "pull over! pull over!!!"

Well, she made it out of the car, but the pants didn't make it off in time. Ooops.

Posted by: Tom Servo at April 13, 2016 06:46 PM (nEOHE)

110 >> ROGER STONE : TRUMP'S SHITS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO
>> SINK A YACHT!!......DEVELOPING

Unless they can blast a Sukhoi from the sky, it hardly matters.

Posted by: JEM at April 13, 2016 06:47 PM (o+SC1)

111 Ace had a poo in his pants pants pants!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dF2ZLq7oBk

(I'll use any excuse to post a Cyriak video...)

Posted by: antisocial justice beatnik at April 13, 2016 06:47 PM (jV8Mq)

112 A volcanic eruption sometime occurs when part of the overlying mountain grows weak or landslides, removing the weight that kept magma down, allowing it to violently froth forth. Mount St. Helens was of this type.

This could happen in the United States, because I think people are coming to accept that the Left is just basically not going to stop. Someone will finally take a stand, and then---the pressure gets uncorked, and things froth forth.

Posted by: Five O'clock Charlie at April 13, 2016 06:47 PM (J3UIw)

113 This is a pretty common formulation.

Some news, and the ridiculous thing people will *actually* talk about until the ONT drops.

In this case, *surprise number twos*.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 13, 2016 06:47 PM (wB8Tg)

114 Well as long as they aren't infringing on MY Constitutional rights or anything! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take dump in the ladies room before I shart. Not that you could judge me if I did because that's against the 14 amendment or something!

Posted by: Commissar M at April 13, 2016 06:48 PM (vcIHi)

115 98 >> Never saw one in my life, and I'm pushing 50.

Pretty much nonexistent in the US now, but common overseas. Don't think I've seen one in the UK in the past decade, but France, Italy, China, etc yes absolutely.
Posted by: International League of Dolphins, Local 43 at April 13, 2016 06:43 PM (o+SC1)


I'm 58, and I don't remember seeing one since I was a kid. I suspect they may have been outlawed in the U.S. because of sex discrimination. I never saw a pay urinal, which means that men only had to pay occasionally, while women had to pay every time. If they were in ladies' rooms, that is, which I couldn't say.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 06:48 PM (sdi6R)

116 (Thiacol, for you damned kids)

And Thiokol for those of us who spell. >8^>

And now back to the show. Here's a goody that's relevant to Ace's situation:

Definition of "surprise"... A fart with a lump in the middle of it.

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at April 13, 2016 06:48 PM (PMGbu)

117 Containment Breach! *klaxxon sounds* AAH-OOO-GA! AAH-OOO-GA!

Posted by: Count de Monet at April 13, 2016 06:48 PM (JO9+V)

118 >>Well, she made it out of the car, but the pants didn't make it
>> off in time. Ooops.

Oh Lord.

I hope you had a bin of baby-wipes and a ziploc in the car.

I think I'm going to duck out of this thread for a while.

Posted by: JEM at April 13, 2016 06:49 PM (o+SC1)

119 Thanks for the well wishes, think I'll go celebrate with a 2 pound ribeye and a picture of a baked tater.

Posted by: CSMBigBird at April 13, 2016 06:49 PM (xInes)

120 George Brett is good for disaster pants about twice a year:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PseNrUeSmXk

Posted by: holygoat at April 13, 2016 06:49 PM (DbBV5)

121 I recall this graffito from the days of my youth:

Here I sit broken hearted
Tried to sh** but only farted,
But glad I did't take the chance
Try to fart and sh** my pants.

Posted by: CAR at April 13, 2016 06:49 PM (FnJ6f)

122 Huh. Figured Kaboom would be more binding.

Posted by: who knew? at April 13, 2016 06:49 PM (H9MG5)

123 Unless they can blast a Sukhoi from the sky, it hardly matters.
---------
Which just goes to show ya how far our military has fallen. In the olden times that Sukhoi's threat radar would have lit up like a Christmas tree, and he would have thought twice about trying that.

Posted by: Old Blue at April 13, 2016 06:49 PM (9iR5/)

124
It's gonna be a long day's journey into night.

(drops backpack, looks around)

Where do they keep the Valu-rite?

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 06:49 PM (5o5ek)

125 JEB BUSH ADMITS THAT CRUZ IS REALLY HIS SON!

TEAM #NEVERTRUMP ADMITS THAT SYRIA HAS A GREAT ELECTORAL SYSTEM

CONSERVATIVE BLOGGERS AND RADIO HOSTS DECIDE THAT PLANTATION LIFE IS BETTER THAN FREEDOM

GOP - "SONS OF LIBERTY IS DEAD! LONG LIVE SONS OF OLIGARCHY!"




Posted by: William Eaton at April 13, 2016 06:50 PM (KhJh8)

126 Someone will finally take a stand, and then---the pressure gets uncorked, and things froth forth.

Posted by: Five O'clock Charlie at April 13, 2016 06:47 PM (J3UIw)


All I could see was the monkey trying to put the cork back in!

Posted by: Just The Punchline at April 13, 2016 06:50 PM (JO9+V)

127 ace, go eat a whole jar of sauerkraut, and drink the juice. That'll finish the job.

Posted by: just wait, you won't believe what happens next at April 13, 2016 06:51 PM (IQI2h)

128 -Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at April 13, 2016 06:48 PM (PMGbu)

Thanks! I was too lazy to look it up!

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 06:52 PM (OQ9R7)

129 Seems like I remember CA trying this kind of shit and somebody took them
to court. The court ruled that CA could stick their super gun tax up
their ass.


The real all-time classic for liberal fail along these lines was Patrick Moynihan proposing a tax on ammunition back in '93. 11-50% on most lines of ammo and 10,000% on things like Black Talon.

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at April 13, 2016 06:52 PM (PMGbu)

130 >>GOP - "SONS OF LIBERTY IS DEAD! LONG LIVE SONS OF OLIGARCHY!"

Somebody needs buttcream.

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 06:53 PM (/tuJf)

131 ANNE COULTER : I TRIPPED OVER A TRUMP SHIT AND NEARLY DIED!! IT WAS ENORMOUS!!
ROGER STONE : ANNE COULTER KNOWS HER SHITS, ASK BILL MAHER!
DONALD TRUMP : NOT ONLY ARE MY SHITS HUGE AND LUXURIOUS, THEY'RE CHOCK FULL OF VITAMINS!!

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2016 06:53 PM (+Ro/f)

132 They used to have pay toilets in some train stations.
I remember taking my little sister, who had to go RIGHT NOW!!!, to the ladies' room at Union Station in Washington, DC. and I didn't have a dime. Panic!

Some nice lady coming out of a stall let my sister sneak in. After all these years I still remember that kindness.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at April 13, 2016 06:53 PM (T/5A0)

133 Old guy advice.
Never trust a fart.
Never pass up a place to pee.
Never waste a hard - on.

Posted by: navybrat at April 13, 2016 06:53 PM (8QGte)

134 One day my brother thought it would funny to take a dump on a prickly pear.........

Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 06:53 PM (Fmupd)

135 Good news:

Thanks to the Drudge thread, this is not the shittiest thread of the day.

Posted by: Joel at April 13, 2016 06:53 PM (HLnbK)

136 Time for the $630,000K abortion tax?

That's how much the average American worker pays in taxes in his/her life so...sounds appropriate...right?

Posted by: 18-1 at April 13, 2016 06:54 PM (pibXr)

137 The real all-time classic for liberal fail along these lines was Patrick Moynihan proposing a tax on ammunition back in '93. 11-50% on most lines of ammo and 10,000% on things like Black Talon.
Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at April 13, 2016 06:52 PM (PMGbu)

*****

So this is where Chris Rock got that 5k a round schtick from.

Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 06:54 PM (aBI1l)

138 I predict this thread makes into the AoSHQ Best of Collection. The day ace posted about shitting his pants.

Posted by: brak at April 13, 2016 06:55 PM (AgEp6)

139 Live in a beach community and you'll find pay toilets in every fast food restaurant within 500 yds of the ocean.

Posted by: Bivalve Curious at April 13, 2016 06:55 PM (S35jl)

140
Old guy advice.

Never trust a fart.

Never pass up a place to pee.

Never waste a hard - on.

Posted by: navybrat at April 13, 2016 06:53 PM (8QGte)


Truth brother!

Posted by: Count de Monet at April 13, 2016 06:56 PM (JO9+V)

141 As soon as leftists pay for their plans, we can talk about what other people have to pay for.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 13, 2016 06:57 PM (wB8Tg)

142 It will be interesting to see how this foolishness affects crime. Get your popcorn.

Posted by: PBJ1515 at April 13, 2016 06:57 PM (r1du+)

143 Ewoks wear pants?

Posted by: IP at April 13, 2016 06:57 PM (wuzqU)

144 >>Live in a beach community and you'll find pay toilets in every fast food restaurant within 500 yds of the ocean.

This is true. I live in a beach community less than 500 yards from the ocean and nobody poops in my place for free.

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 06:57 PM (/tuJf)

145 Oh jeez, Ace, lol..now at my boring meeting I will think of this post and start giggling and have the to run to the ladies/mens/whatever room so i don't pee in my pants.

Posted by: Pj at April 13, 2016 06:57 PM (1/xUf)

146 It takes a big person to admit they have shit themself.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 06:58 PM (Io87j)

147 dear Ace: if you had ulcerative colitis, this could be a daily, or even more often thing for you.

i feel your pain.
Posted by: redc1c4 at April 13, 2016 06:39 PM (9E2HE)

I was just going to say that, guess we're not alone.

Posted by: spypeach at April 13, 2016 06:58 PM (nyYhO)

148 139 Live in a beach community and you'll find pay toilets in every fast food restaurant within 500 yds of the ocean.
Posted by: Bivalve Curious at April 13, 2016 06:55 PM (S35jl)
---------------
Ah. Interesting.
That makes sense, come to think of it.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at April 13, 2016 06:58 PM (T/5A0)

149 Pay toilets in the US did come under attack from feminists because of alleged "discrimination". As a result most cities and States banned them in the US only allowing them if you had free toilets along side of the pay ones.


They are pretty much all gone now.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at April 13, 2016 06:59 PM (vvmPQ)

150 dear Ace: if you had ulcerative colitis, this could be a daily, or even more often thing for you.

i feel your pain.
Posted by: redc1c4 at April 13, 2016 06:39 PM (9E2HE)

I was just going to say that, guess we're not alone.
Posted by: spypeach at April 13, 2016 06:58 PM (nyYhO)

*****

Add C. Difficile to that list.

Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 06:59 PM (aBI1l)

151 One thing I've learned in the ages, if you have me make sure your sweat pants are NOT under your nozzle. Otherwise you be driving naked.

Posted by: Explozive Diarrhea at April 13, 2016 06:59 PM (AhyHb)

152 Spring sharts bring summer flowers.

Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 06:59 PM (Fmupd)

153 So, which activist has-been musician will refuse to play there?

Didn't think so....

Posted by: Commissar M at April 13, 2016 07:00 PM (vcIHi)

154 Maybe you had a number 3? From the movie "Home:"

We only dooz it once a year. I would not call it a holiday. But you dooz need to take the day off.

Posted by: dwinnorcal at April 13, 2016 07:00 PM (3OTR8)

155 And people say I shit the bed!

Posted by: Ann Coulter at April 13, 2016 07:01 PM (eHpnh)

156 In case you want to catch up on this scintillating viewing, go to:

http://www.portfever.com/

Then mouse over the top line to Port Canaveral > HDTV Webcam > Archive > Browse. Then click on any hour.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 07:01 PM (sdi6R)

157
Everyone rises to their level of incontinence.

Posted by: wth at April 13, 2016 07:01 PM (HgMAr)

158 Ooops I explosively dairrheaed my pants!!

Posted by: Saturday Night Live When it was Funny at April 13, 2016 07:02 PM (AhyHb)

159 Over at Zip's place, DeNiro pulled a leftist anti vaccine "movie" from the lineup at Tribeca. Jenny McCarthy reported to be butt hurt. She might need some of that Ace stuff that he used a couple of threads ago.

Posted by: Old Blue at April 13, 2016 07:03 PM (9iR5/)

160 Urinal rules: If you shake it more than three times, your playing with it.

Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 07:03 PM (Fmupd)

161 Whenever you're faced with an explanation of what's going on in Washington, the choice between incompetence and conspiracy, always choose incontinence.

Posted by: wth at April 13, 2016 07:04 PM (HgMAr)

162 Yeah, I'm thinking the $1K tax is not gonna pass muster with the judge who just struck down their handgun ban. It's way too blatant.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 07:04 PM (rwI+c)

163 I'm picturing Ace in a nice bubble bath, a glass of Chardonnay, maybe some light jazz on the radio, a thin cheroot hanging insouciantly from his muzzle, and thinking to himself "I'm glad I capped off the evening with a piece on my horrific trouser mud slide."

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 07:06 PM (jR7Wy)

164
It happens: incontinence is rewarded more often than not.

Posted by: wth at April 13, 2016 07:06 PM (HgMAr)

165 162
Yeah, I'm thinking the $1K tax is not gonna pass muster with the judge
who just struck down their handgun ban. It's way too blatant.

Posted by: Grump928(C) says Free Soothie! at April 13, 2016 07:04 PM (rwI+c)
Wait until you see what the Shrillary is running on in NY. Blaming the Bern for not letting laws get passed that make gun manufacturers liable for gun deaths. And she's getting good reviews from the anti gun crowd. Maybe she should go after hammer manufacturers next.

Posted by: Old Blue at April 13, 2016 07:07 PM (9iR5/)

166 Bus stations were famous for them. Saw a few in gas stations as well.
Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 06:42 PM (Fmupd)

---

Huh.

Maybe that's why.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 07:07 PM (rlfds)

167 160 Urinal rules: If you shake it more than three times, your playing with it.
Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 07:03 PM (Fmupd)
---
What if somebody else shakes it? "Hail fellow well met", and all that?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 07:08 PM (jR7Wy)

168 I know what you mean right!

Let's talk.

Posted by: Al roker at April 13, 2016 07:08 PM (BTnAK)

169 I am William Wall-ACE!

I kill men by the hundreds. And I'd consume the English with fireballs from my eyes, and sharts of lightning from my arse.

Posted by: William Wall-ACE at April 13, 2016 07:08 PM (H9MG5)

170 138 I predict this thread makes into the AoSHQ Best of Collection. The day ace posted about shitting his pants.
Posted by: brak at April 13, 2016 06:55 PM (AgEp6)


In which is also settled the question of whether Ace even wears pants.

So, yes. At least some Wednesdays.

Posted by: TexasDan at April 13, 2016 07:09 PM (7NKH4)

171 NHL Playoffs are Beginining on NBCSN :

Go Blackhawks!

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 07:09 PM (xUVR8)

172 Ace needs a nice so I get bath from the nurse.

Nurse!

*big burly guy with shaved head and tats all over walks in*
Yeah?

Posted by: @votermom at April 13, 2016 07:09 PM (nbrY/)

173 Ace, TMI.

Posted by: the littl shyning man at April 13, 2016 07:10 PM (NNLcy)

174 Sponge bath

Posted by: @votermom at April 13, 2016 07:10 PM (nbrY/)

175 Just turn them inside out and you'll get another use out of em...

Posted by: Slow joe at April 13, 2016 07:11 PM (yq4gk)

176
It happens.

Posted by: Al Roker at April 13, 2016 07:11 PM (9mTYi)

177 May you live long enough to explain the word shart to your father.

Posted by: DaveA at April 13, 2016 07:11 PM (DL2i+)

178 Ace, get some rest. Seriously. You're great, but this was way TMI.

Posted by: Jill v2 at April 13, 2016 07:12 PM (1uBWH)

179 What if somebody else shakes it? "Hail fellow well met", and all that?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 07:08 PM (jR7Wy)
-------Here ya go. IIRC, there is a longer version, but this is what I found on the spur of the moment.http://tinyurl.com/jewe3bw

Posted by: Old Blue at April 13, 2016 07:12 PM (9iR5/)

180 Another argument for assless chaps.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 07:12 PM (Io87j)

181
It takes a big person to admit they have shit themself.
Posted by: Weasel
......................

If you're on an elevator you can try to blame it on the guy next to you.

Posted by: wth at April 13, 2016 07:13 PM (HgMAr)

182 Back in the day, I always felt that way when I ate the culturally appropriated chop suey.

Posted by: Fritz at April 13, 2016 07:13 PM (+E2Y7)

183 Game on! for Red Wings vs. Lightning.

And even though a Canadian team has no shot to hoist my Cup this year, a "Canadian" sure does to be your POTUS. Payback... bitches.

Posted by: zombie Lord Stanley at April 13, 2016 07:14 PM (H9MG5)

184 I can't even get through this --I'm laughing too much.

You did not douse yourself with liquid hot merdema and then say to yourself--"oh dear!"

Posted by: It's Coming to California at April 13, 2016 07:14 PM (mcm0N)

185 >>>>Aging.



Never trust a fart.

1. Never trust a fart.
2. Never pass up a bathroom.
3. Never waste an erection.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 13, 2016 07:14 PM (EUMr7)

186 181 Center seat, coach class, on a transoceanic flight.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 07:14 PM (Io87j)

187 Just checking in.

Jeebus, ace. TMI.

Son is having dinner (pizza) with me tonight while husband is at bidness dinner and tells me a female student at his university felt microaggressed (sp? wth) during the veterans' appreciation day.

Now he has to write a paper in one of his classes on micro vs. macro aggressions.

It is to laff.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 13, 2016 07:15 PM (FsuaD)

188 Sharting is no fun.

Posted by: redbanzai at April 13, 2016 07:15 PM (nUJM6)

189 Colors are more muted

******

It could be a tumor.

Posted by: It's Coming to California at April 13, 2016 07:15 PM (mcm0N)

190
It takes a big person to admit they have shit themself.


Word. And to admit to leaving the dirty drawers in a WH bathroom. Lol.

Posted by: Al Roker at April 13, 2016 07:16 PM (FsuaD)

191 So. Funny poop stories, yes?

Canoe trip in Algonquin Park, Canada. Which had, at the time, lots of wonderful open air boxes in lieu of outhouses. You lifted the lid on the box and there was the hole, so you could park in the great outdoors and there was virtually no smell or flies.

But, the moment arose in a box-less area, a fairly steep hillside. Rocky enough that digging a hole was not really going to work, so I planned to sort of cover with leaves later. At any rate, I was using a small pine tree as an anchor, with my ass downhill, because I am a moron, but not that big a moron.

Small tree, like 4-5 feet. Way too small in retrospect. Mid-business, it lets go.

I'm off balance, flailing a small tree, with a decent slope behind me, upon which, somewhere, is poop. Also pretty much cuffed at the ankles by my shorts.

I had a half second to calculate, and decided to leap backwards. Which, actually, ended pretty well. I didn't break anything, and cleared the poop, so yay for that. Flung the tree waaay off somewhere.

If we ever get to see life on rewind I can't wait to see the expression on my own face when that tree pulled up.

Posted by: TexasDan at April 13, 2016 07:17 PM (7NKH4)

192 186 181 Center seat, coach class, on a transoceanic flight.
Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 07:14 PM (Io87j)


------------------


.......and everyone around you is sound asleep.

Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 07:17 PM (Fmupd)

193 I hereby declare today Wet 'n' Wild Wednesday, what with ace offering to lotion jwest's bottom with his dick, and now his sharting jewel.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 13, 2016 07:18 PM (FsuaD)

194 As I've gotten older, I've learned ~never trust a fart to be dry.

Posted by: Willy at April 13, 2016 07:18 PM (H85Zz)

195 I just need a hand-towel and a fresh ascot

********

Oh ya--a fresh ascot--that'll fix things.

Posted by: It's Coming to California at April 13, 2016 07:19 PM (mcm0N)

196 Ace'd better hope that they don't put a $1k tax on explosive exhaust effluent expulsions.

That'd be a shitload of money, right down the ol' shitter.


Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at April 13, 2016 07:19 PM (McRlu)

197 >>>Now he has to write a paper in one of his classes on micro vs. macro aggressions.

Microaggression is when I say "Bitch, iron my shirt!"

Macroagression is when I attack Pearl Harbor.

Subtle, I know.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 13, 2016 07:19 PM (EUMr7)

198 Since you tax people for exercising a constitutionally recognized right, I suppose a tax on abortions and same sex marriages would be fine too. It's for public safety after all!

Posted by: Commissar M at April 13, 2016 07:20 PM (vcIHi)

199 Just logged onto the HQ for the first time today.

The Drudge Headline Parodies are Fucking Hysterical.

Bravo, chaps! (And ladies.)

Posted by: Mister Christopher (in Atlanta!) at April 13, 2016 07:20 PM (JWMml)

200
Another argument for assless chaps.
......................

I had no idea they needed defending.

Posted by: Don Lemon at April 13, 2016 07:20 PM (HgMAr)

201 Technically, it is "Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month." Thanks for doing your part!

Posted by: ep at April 13, 2016 07:20 PM (XumW2)

202 That's so hot, ace

Posted by: Chelsea Clinton at April 13, 2016 07:21 PM (H9MG5)

203 Adage of the day:

The only surprise anymore is a fart with lumps.

Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at April 13, 2016 07:21 PM (O4NI/)

204 Only six more hours till the ONT!

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 07:21 PM (iQIUe)

205 Its ok Ace, happens to us all. I had it happen when i was out with a friend. Thank goodness i was paying the bill and could just slap a couple of 20s at the cash register and yell "Meet me outside!"


when she caught up to me i asked her "Have you ever thought you were performing one bodily function, but did another instead?"


"yeah," she said. "I shit myself in the barn last week!"


"Then you'll understand why we are driving home with all the windows down." That was one LOOOOOONG car ride, around the block to drop her off then home.

Posted by: Gushka can haz kittys what plays fetch! at April 13, 2016 07:22 PM (cfswg)

206 From the law

"500-foot gun free zones around schools, government buildings, and places of worship"

I thought there was a separation of church and state.

http://preview.tinyurl.com/hmqrst8

Posted by: Willy J. at April 13, 2016 07:22 PM (On7rW)

207 Ace I feel sorry just a little bit for everyone that rage quit AoS during the recent troubles because you've kept us laughing all day and you always keep it interesting and engaging. There's nothing like your site anywhere.

And while we're on the topic you've never known true gastro-fear until you've suffered a severe digestive track infection during allergy season.

Sneezing,... Ugh,... You know that part at the end of 2001 Space Odyssey where they say:
Bowman: You see, something's going to happen. You must leave.
Floyd: What? What's going to happen?
Bowman: Something wonderful.


It's the exact opposite of that.

Posted by: bananaDream at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (Ag8Mw)

208 Gives a whole new meaning to 'KaBoom!', doesn't it?

Posted by: fluffy at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (2hcmo)

209 Wow. Between this and the Jwest manlove thing, it's been a weird day, eh? Cheers horde!

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (7TOkf)

210 The wife swears by Boudreaux's Butt Paste for the incontinent dog. Yes, that is the name of a real product.

Posted by: Splunge at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (iMxBJ)

211 This day should go down in AoSHQ history.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (FsuaD)

212 OMG ROTFLOL

Posted by: Optimizer at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (/q6+P)

213 Damn! I got to work for 8 hours & look what I miss out on! You people are supposed to wait for me!

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 07:24 PM (7qAYi)

214 Boudreaux's Butt Paste
-----------
Excellent on "Jungle Rot" as well.

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at April 13, 2016 07:24 PM (7TOkf)

215 Ah, Stoner's Pizza is finally here.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 13, 2016 07:24 PM (FsuaD)

216
186
Center seat, coach class, on a transoceanic flight.
...................

And no carry-on luggage.

Posted by: wth at April 13, 2016 07:24 PM (HgMAr)

217 Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 07:14 PM (Io87j)
OMG, what did you do?
The worst I can contribute is my friend's husband farts in the middle seat the whole transatlantic flight. Then blames his wife loudly.

Posted by: CaliGirl at April 13, 2016 07:24 PM (egOGm)

218 >> Now he has to write a paper in one of his classes on micro
>> vs. macro aggressions.

We can only hope that what comes out of all this is a generation with very little respect for many of their cohort.

That's not necessarily a good thing, but in the current scheme of things it's looking like a necessary thing.

Posted by: JEM at April 13, 2016 07:25 PM (o+SC1)

219 @211 "This day should go down in AoSHQ history."


Well, there you go!
[Hey, that's kind of a pun!!]

Posted by: Optimizer at April 13, 2016 07:25 PM (/q6+P)

220 They're gonna enshrine Ace's pants in the Shitsonian Institution.



Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at April 13, 2016 07:25 PM (McRlu)

221 HILL TO STAR IN SPIKE LEE WOMEN'S PRISON BIO-PIC: REAL PRISON MATRONS OBJECT. Spike Lee Objects. I object.

Posted by: The Gipper Lives at April 13, 2016 07:26 PM (fPebX)

222 Nurse!



*big burly guy with shaved head and tats all over walks in*


Actually had this happen,
overnight after surgery,
Beautiful nurse in pm, nod off, woke up by big dood with Marine bulldog arm tatoo,
had a laugh re: which was an hallucination.

Posted by: DaveA at April 13, 2016 07:26 PM (DL2i+)

223 "Ah, Stoner's Pizza is finally here."
-Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 13, 2016 07:24 PM (FsuaD)

That is simultaneously the best and worst name for a pizza place, ever.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 07:26 PM (OQ9R7)

224 Largest Coal Miner In America Files For Chapter 11 Protection

Weasel Zippers

Fredo killing one Energy Producer at a time. And shitting all over America ( see how I tied that in here?)

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:26 PM (Ozsfq)

225 >>> with ace offering to lotion jwest's bottom with his dick

WTF? Didn't know ace swung that way.

Posted by: fluffy at April 13, 2016 07:26 PM (2hcmo)

226 Kegels for your sphincter.

,,,,,because this isn't the first time.

There was the time you gave us the blow by blow on how you spray painted your bathroom tile.

Posted by: It's Coming to California at April 13, 2016 07:27 PM (mcm0N)

227 Never let a shart go to waste?

Drudgified Shart Blogging?

Funniest fucking day in AoS history since I've been reading.

Worst part is, I'm sitting here in a small space with other non-politicos and I can't stop laughing, like a schoolkid, and they're like, "WHAT?" and I just. can't. explain. why.

Posted by: A Liberal AoS Reader, Really! at April 13, 2016 07:27 PM (iasYg)

228 Thanks for the laugh, Ace. Needed it.

Posted by: Octopus at April 13, 2016 07:27 PM (Z4WiE)

229 Thanks for sharing!

Posted by: Needs to Know at April 13, 2016 07:27 PM (N7G17)

230 The worst I can contribute is my friend's husband farts in the middle seat the whole transatlantic flight. Then blames his wife loudly.
Posted by: CaliGirl at April 13, 2016 07:24 PM (egOGm)

---

Nice guy.

Not.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 07:28 PM (rlfds)

231 Also pretty much cuffed at the ankles by my shorts.
Wile E. Coyote - with poop.

Posted by: DaveA at April 13, 2016 07:28 PM (DL2i+)

232 the east coast cabal of liberal political shit shovellers have all been pushing the Morning Insult poll. Them yanks love them some Katshit don't they?

Posted by: DanMan at April 13, 2016 07:28 PM (RusNE)

233 >> Center seat, coach class, on a transoceanic flight.

I recall back in the day stuck in the smoking section of a BA flight courtesy of a corporate travel staffer who didn't realize that there still were such things outside the US. She damn well did once I got back.

Oh man, I have slammed down five pounds of raw pinto beans if I'd had them available. Hell, this was before 9/11, a bottle of bleach and a pint of vinegar would have been useful.

Posted by: JEM at April 13, 2016 07:29 PM (o+SC1)

234 The Prosecutor in Florida has come to his senses and will not proceed with that bullshit case against Trumps campaign guy.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:30 PM (Ozsfq)

235 OregonMuse for the win & save

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 07:31 PM (voOPb)

236 That's an interesting tact, do not out right ban the ownership of firearms but effectively nullify it by using the states taxing authority.

Hey, let's ask Merrcik Garland what he thinks about that.

Posted by: Kreplach at April 13, 2016 07:32 PM (WVvzl)

237 The wife swears by Boudreaux's Butt Paste for the incontinent dog. Yes, that is the name of a real product.

Posted by: Splunge at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (iMxBJ)

I used that on my babies when they had diaper rash. Great stuff.

Posted by: redbanzai at April 13, 2016 07:32 PM (nUJM6)

238 That's an interesting tact, do not out right ban the ownership of firearms but effectively nullify it by using the states taxing authority.


Buy now, Save later

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (Ozsfq)

239 "TexasDan at April 13, 2016 07:17 PM"

that there is hilarious bub

Posted by: DanMan at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (RusNE)

240 237 The wife swears by Boudreaux's Butt Paste for the incontinent dog. Yes, that is the name of a real product.

Posted by: Splunge at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (iMxBJ)

I used that on my babies when they had diaper rash. Great stuff.
Posted by: redbanzai at April 13, 2016 07:32 PM (nUJM6)


Tastes great!

Less filling!

Posted by: OregonMuse at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (JJ5/6)

241 217 well it didn't actually happen to me, I was just trying to imagine a worse predicament than ace shitting himself under a railroad trestle or behind a dumpster or wherever.

Besides, I never fly coach!

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (Io87j)

242 Give me a call, Ace. We can discuss #NeverTrump and Sarah Palin.

I'll pay.

Posted by: martin bahir at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (3MK6t)

243 Boudreaux's Butt Paste

---


Sounds like something the JEF would use after Reggie breaks dat ass.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (rlfds)

244 Does this mean we can tax abortions?

Posted by: The Nevada Hat at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (vBeA5)

245 Fredo killing one Energy Producer at a time. And shitting all over America ( see how I tied that in here?)



Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:26 PM (Ozsfq)
--------Just a couple of weeks ago, the Shrillary was bragging that she would completely shut down the coal industry in the US. In Kentucky of all places. Went over like a shart. (see how I worked the thread meme in there?)

Posted by: Old Blue at April 13, 2016 07:34 PM (9iR5/)

246 Besides, I never fly coach!
Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (Io87j)

So I'm guessing you don't have a government job then ha?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:34 PM (Ozsfq)

247 208 Gives a whole new meaning to 'KaBoom!', doesn't it?
Posted by: fluffy at April 13, 2016 07:23 PM (2hcmo)

Well it certainly wasn't Lucky Charms or he would have told us about more intimate moments

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 07:34 PM (voOPb)

248 Do you have sick of the aas hole?

Posted by: bad french translation at April 13, 2016 07:34 PM (mcm0N)

249 Posted by: martin bahir at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM
#242 Darn fingers! They're slippery for some reason.

Posted by: martin bashir at April 13, 2016 07:34 PM (3MK6t)

250 >> Sounds like something the JEF would use after Reggie
>> breaks dat ass.

I buy it by the case.

Posted by: Sir Elton John at April 13, 2016 07:34 PM (o+SC1)

251 How ironic. I emit a bourbon bubble almost every day around two-ish. I call it a cutty shart.

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at April 13, 2016 07:35 PM (Dwehj)

252 Our 'Olestra' caused diahria. On packaging we had a warning: may cause anal leakage. A billion in r&d turned to shit.

Posted by: Procter & Gamble at April 13, 2016 07:36 PM (d6LpE)

253 Tastes great!

Less filling!


Posted by: OregonMuse at April 13, 2016 07:33 PM (JJ5/6)

If you know what it tastes like, you are using it wrong.

Posted by: redbanzai at April 13, 2016 07:36 PM (nUJM6)

254 The Yankee Pitcher, Micheal Pineda always looks like an overweight drunk coming off a day long bender?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:36 PM (Ozsfq)

255 >> Do you have sick of the aas hole?

Damn, I figured there'd be an easy joke out of this one (heh, heh) but AAS as an acronym apparently splatters (heh, he) about 120 organizations per Wikipedia.

Posted by: Sir Elton John at April 13, 2016 07:36 PM (o+SC1)

256 I refuse to submit to either the firearm tax , or that,,, other thing.

Posted by: Eromero at April 13, 2016 07:37 PM (zLDYs)

257 Well since we're asking about shits and giggles Rachel Dolezal announced she's writing a book on racial identity, story at Breitbart

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 07:37 PM (miXPX)

258 ah, sock it.

Posted by: JEM at April 13, 2016 07:37 PM (o+SC1)

259 236 That's an interesting tact, do not out right ban the ownership of firearms but effectively nullify it by using the states taxing authority.
Posted by: Kreplach at April 13, 2016 07:32 PM (WVvzl)


Or just make self-defense illegal, as in England. You can have all the guns and ammo you want, but God help you if you ever use them. You'll be nailed to the wall.

I suspect the Zimmerman-Martin case was an early prototype for that effort.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 07:37 PM (sdi6R)

260 >> Well since we're asking about shits and giggles Rachel
>> Dolezal announced she's writing a book on racial identity,
>> story at Breitbart

Given her chosen identity I'm sure she'd be quite pleased with all those things 'rapper' Azalea Whatsername was throwing at Palin.

Posted by: JEM at April 13, 2016 07:38 PM (o+SC1)

261 246 ok, I lied. I do fly coach for shorter flights. Say, two hours or less. Longer than that, forward of coach but behind the pilots.

Gummint job? Nope. Worked for the same private employer for over 30 years. Smartest thing I've ever done after marrying WeaselWoman is not screwing that up!

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM (Io87j)

262 Get me Secor Laxatives on the phone, Peggy. I've got a great idea for the next campaign.

Plop. Plop. Fizz. Fizz. Oh, what a relief it is!

Posted by: donald draper at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM (3MK6t)

263 I feel like somebody should make a joke about that 60 minutes guy here, but I can't remember his name (Steve kroft maybe?)

Posted by: Farmer Bob at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM (sqpGi)

264 257 Well since we're asking about shits and giggles Rachel Dolezal announced she's writing a book on racial identity, story at Breitbart
Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 07:37 PM (miXPX)


What's the title going to be? Wait, don't tell me: "Attention Whore Wants 15 More Minutes of Fame".

Posted by: OregonMuse at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM (JJ5/6)

265 The Pentagon is considering a version of the NFLs Rooney Rule to diversify its officer corps, a proposal that has already raised internal concerns about its legality, according to documents obtained by USA Today.

The proposal, sent to Defense Secretary Ash Carter for approval, would require the Army, Navy and Marine Corps to consider minority candidates for key jobs such as aide-de-camp and military assistant to senior leaders. Those slots are often springboards to higher ranks.

A) What a total crock of shit
B) It's ALREADY happening

And let's see if we can further destroy Moral in the Military.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:40 PM (Ozsfq)

266 What's the title going to be? Wait, don't tell me: "Attention Whore Wants 15 More Minutes of Fame".
Posted by: OregonMuse at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM (JJ5/6)

---

My Life as a Reverse Oreo.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 07:40 PM (rlfds)

267 That wasn't a joke on CNN. That was NEWS!!!

Posted by: martin bashir at April 13, 2016 07:41 PM (3MK6t)

268 Ace, just read the stories in "Tales of the Smear" and you'll feel a lot better. Strong content warning. http://old.disappointment.com/randomacts/msnsoiling.htm

Posted by: Alex at April 13, 2016 07:41 PM (7Yy8M)

269 Well since we're asking about shits and giggles Rachel Dolezal announced she's writing a book on racial identity, story at Breitbart
-Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 07:37 PM (miXPX)

"What's the title going to be? Wait, don't tell me: "Attention Whore Wants 15 More Minutes of Fame"."
-Posted by: OregonMuse at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM (JJ5/6)

A Non-Crisis
The Lies of a Wanna-Be

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 07:42 PM (OQ9R7)

270 And let's see if we can further destroy morale in the military.
Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:40 PM (Ozsfq)

---

Challenge accepted!


Posted by: Ray Mabus at April 13, 2016 07:42 PM (rlfds)

271 What's the title going to be? Wait, don't tell me: "Attention Whore Wants 15 More Minutes of Fame".
Posted by: OregonMuse at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM (JJ5/6)

---
"For White Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When a Starbucks Frappacino Is Enuf"

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 07:43 PM (jR7Wy)

272 Hope Ace was wearing his brown pants.

Posted by: otho at April 13, 2016 07:43 PM (EWg9n)

273
My best shit story?

Imagine this: SOP for soldiers shitting in the field when a dedicated latrine is unavailable is to dig a cat-hole, drop trou, squat, fill in cat-hole.

In the winter in Alaska though, you had the winter field uniform which included big thick arctic mittens like these

http://tinyurl.com/gnpogky

and when they weren't in use (which was most of the time), they were worn on a cord around your shoulders and snapped together so they hung behind you......

Like the guy on the right.

http://tinyurl.com/jmu66td

You know where this is going, yes?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 07:43 PM (o98Jz)

274 G*d help whoever goes in the barrel next.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at April 13, 2016 07:43 PM (hlMPp)

275 Challenge accepted!


Posted by: Ray Mabus at April 13, 2016 07:42 PM (rlfds)

worst SecNav EVER

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:44 PM (Ozsfq)

276 That is simultaneously the best and worst name for a pizza place, ever.

In Boulder we got "Fatty J".

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 07:44 PM (6FqZa)

277 What's the title going to be? Wait, don't tell me: "Attention Whore Wants 15 More Minutes of Fame"."

-Posted by: OregonMuse at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM (JJ5/6)


Blackish Like Me

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at April 13, 2016 07:44 PM (8ZskC)

278 "You know where this is going, yes?"
-Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 07:43 PM (o98Jz)

I'll take "Sacrificing the Shittin' Mitten" for 1,000, Alex.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 07:45 PM (OQ9R7)

279 252 a friend of mine was the Chief Dietitian at a hospital that I worked at. She tested some chips with olestra and exploded at her desk. She called me in a panic and I had to go to her house to get clean pants and undies. Nasty stuff.

Posted by: Cheri at April 13, 2016 07:45 PM (ylAck)

280 That's an interesting tact, do not out right ban the ownership of firearms but effectively nullify it by using the states taxing authority.

Posted by: Kreplach at April 13, 2016 07:32 PM (WVvzl)


Better tried by twelve than carried by six

Posted by: The Semi-Automatic Hat at April 13, 2016 07:45 PM (vBeA5)

281 Don't try the sugar free gummy bears. Monkeys will literally fly out your ass.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 07:46 PM (jR7Wy)

282 >>You ever think you're just releasing some pressure, as you do several times a day, and then you suddenly realize, just as that hot bubble of horror erupts, "Oh dear"?

So, a day that ends in "Y" is what we're talking about here.

Posted by: Hillary at April 13, 2016 07:47 PM (c7vUv)

283
Well since we're asking about shits and giggles Rachel Dolezal announced she's writing a book on racial identity, story at Breitbart
Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 07:37 PM (miXPX)






I'm almost positive I've seen RD in several amateur videos on xhamster.

I mean, if I knew what xhamster was.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 07:47 PM (o98Jz)

284 Less than a year after he accepted a position at the American University of Beirut, it appears that Steven Salaita is out of work again.

Salaita, who specialized in Native American studies, lost his job at the University of Illinois last year following a series of virulently anti-Israel tweets.

Among other things, Salaita referred to supporters of the Jewish state as awful human beings and suggested that Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu might wear a necklace made from the teeth of Palestinian children.

Salaita later sued the school, which eventually settled out of court for $875,000.

The University of Illinois actually gave this asshole $875,000?????

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:47 PM (Ozsfq)

285 "Hershey Squirts" is the medical term ascribed to such wetness

Posted by: oddnot says ~sigh~ at April 13, 2016 07:47 PM (g1MTt)

286 Here I sit, with gladdened heart. Came to fart, but gained a shart.

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at April 13, 2016 07:47 PM (Dwehj)

287 I have one shit story.

I was on vacation in Mexico, we went to Mexico City and had some street tacos and flavored ices, got back to the hotel and went to bed.

Woke up in a pool of shit, obviously the tacos and ices did not sit well.

Also on that trip, I got wasted on tequila and pissed in a drawer in the hotel lobby.

Fun times.

Posted by: Kreplach at April 13, 2016 07:48 PM (WVvzl)

288 Don't try the sugar free gummy bears.

Yeah, those are awful. Like a brass band playing all night, in one's own rectum.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 07:48 PM (6FqZa)

289 I was on vacation in Mexico, we went to Mexico City and had some street tacos and flavored ices, got back to the hotel and went to bed.

Woke up in a pool of shit, obviously the tacos and ices did not sit well.

Also on that trip, I got wasted on tequila and pissed in a drawer in the hotel lobby.

Fun times.
Posted by: Kreplach at April 13, 2016 07:48 PM (WVvzl)


you sound like a fun date?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 13, 2016 07:49 PM (Ozsfq)

290 My best shit story?



Imagine this: SOP for soldiers shitting in the field when a
dedicated latrine is unavailable is to dig a cat-hole, drop trou, squat,
fill in cat-hole.



In the winter in Alaska though, you had the winter field uniform which included big thick arctic mittens like these



http://tinyurl.com/gnpogky



and when they weren't in use (which was most of the time), they were
worn on a cord around your shoulders and snapped together so they hung
behind you......



Like the guy on the right.



http://tinyurl.com/jmu66td



You know where this is going, yes?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 07:43 PM (o98Jz)


So glad I was never stationed in Alaska.

Back at Ft. Benning, during basic/ait, we would go to the ranges, and they wouldn't let you wear your field jacket. Man, that was cold. Not mid winter, just Spring in Georgia at twilight.


You could spend hours and hours at the ranges, not doing anything, because other guys are on the lines, or you finished what you came there for, and you just stood around and waited. And waited. We would go to the latrines. Because it was warmer.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 07:49 PM (TOk1P)

291
I'll take "Sacrificing the Shittin' Mitten" for 1,000, Alex.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 07:45 PM (OQ9R7)







Just imagine trying to turn them in to CIF for replacement. I never tried that, but a couple of other guys I knew in my unit did.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 07:49 PM (o98Jz)

292 We call that, "You gambled, and you lost."

Posted by: Meerkat at April 13, 2016 07:50 PM (48AwN)

293 142 It will be interesting to see how this foolishness affects crime. Get your popcorn.
Posted by: PBJ1515 at April 13, 2016 06:57 PM (r1du+)

My guess is it will make crime go down. A mugger won't want to get near anybody who's crapped his pants. And if they're really nuclear grade craps, well, hell, I'll bet Al Roker doesn't need bodyguards. George Brett either.

You are talking about ace shitting his pants, aren't you?

Posted by: Donna&&&&V (a white) (whitely brandishing ampersand privilege ) at April 13, 2016 07:50 PM (P8951)

294 Well at least it wasn't a blart.

Posted by: Serenity Now! at April 13, 2016 07:50 PM (LlqmH)

295 Commies are getting violent at the Trump rally in Pittsburgh.

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (/tuJf)

296 Title: Ain't Jemima

Posted by: Cheri at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (ylAck)

297 Young people may not realize that there used to be pay toilets. You had to insert a coin to unlock the stall. I can't remember the last time I saw one. Do they still exist anywhere?

Back in the early 70's when I was about 7 and my younger sister was about 5 my mom and sister had this conversation regarding a pay toilet:

Sis: Mama I need to go potty.

Mom after searching through her purse: I don't have any dimes, so you'll have to wait.

Sis: That's ok I can crawl under like I always do.

Mom: Crawl under!?! I always give you a dime.

Sis: I know, but I save it and put in in my piggy bank when we get home.

Back to lurking.

Posted by: Weird Nick at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (qINLy)

298 Best shit story?

Posted by: Mr. Hankey at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (vBeA5)

299 >>Also on that trip, I got wasted on tequila and pissed in a drawer in the hotel lobby.

Yeah real funny. Took 2 days for all the money to dry out. F'in gringo.

Posted by: Mexican Hotel Clerk at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (c7vUv)

300 -


Posted by: Farmer Bob at April 13, 2016 07:39 PM
---------------------

Don't worry, Ace. I've got your back. -- POP.... gurgle.. gurgle...

Posted by: Steve Kroft at April 13, 2016 07:52 PM (XfEYT)

301 296 Title: Ain't Jemima
---
Brilliance.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 07:52 PM (jR7Wy)

302 296 Title: Ain't Jemima
Posted by: Cheri at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (black)

---

Threadwinner!

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 07:52 PM (rlfds)

303 Well at least it wasn't a blart.

Or a shartkin.

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at April 13, 2016 07:52 PM (Dwehj)

304 288 Don't try the sugar free gummy bears.

Yeah, those are awful. Like a brass band playing all night, in one's own rectum.
Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 07:48 PM (6FqZa)

Sugar-free candy with sorbitol is the invention of the Devil.

Posted by: Donna&&&&V (a white) (whitely brandishing ampersand privilege ) at April 13, 2016 07:52 PM (P8951)

305 @289

Ask me what I did at the top of the pyrimid at Chichen itza....

Posted by: Kreplach at April 13, 2016 07:52 PM (WVvzl)

306 What's with all the squit? Is Ace sick? He seems delirious.

Posted by: freaked at April 13, 2016 07:52 PM (BO/km)

307
Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 07:49 PM (TOk1P)



I went through basic/AIT at Benning from Aug-Nov. Started with sweltering heat, ended with frost every night. And once our duty stations were announced, the damned Drills were downright savage in checking us Alaska-bound soldiers for snivel gear under our BDUs.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 07:53 PM (o98Jz)

308 "Just imagine trying to turn them in to CIF for replacement. I never tried that, but a couple of other guys I knew in my unit did."
-Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 07:49 PM (o98Jz)

"Negative, Ghostrider. The pattern is full of shit."

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 07:53 PM (OQ9R7)

309 Ask me what I did at the top of the pyrimid at Chichen itza....
---
Carved out the heart of a virgin cabana boy and sacrificed it to the God of War?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 07:54 PM (jR7Wy)

310 296 wins

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 07:54 PM (miXPX)

311 I call it a cutty shart.

That's so funny I can smell it thru the internet.

Posted by: DaveA at April 13, 2016 07:54 PM (DL2i+)

312 311 I call it a cutty shart.
---
I prefer Dry Sack.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 07:55 PM (jR7Wy)

313 "Title: Ain't Jemima"
-Posted by: Cheri at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (ylAck)

Oh, that's damn-good!

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 07:55 PM (OQ9R7)

314 You shoulda seen what happened to me in Cuber. Whew.

Posted by: Prez'nit BeansNRice at April 13, 2016 07:55 PM (Dwehj)

315 I went through basic/AIT at Benning from Aug-Nov.
Started with sweltering heat, ended with frost every night. And once our
duty stations were announced, the damned Drills were downright savage
in checking us Alaska-bound soldiers for snivel gear under our BDUs.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 07:53 PM (o98Jz)


A$$holes. That was the single most valuable piece of equipment: the field jacket liner.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 07:56 PM (TOk1P)

316 A$$holes. That was the single most valuable piece of equipment: the field jacket liner.
Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 07:56 PM (TOk1P)

---

Amen.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 07:57 PM (rlfds)

317 The Cabinet of Dr Caligari is on TCM now, iffn you got it


the lead character poops his German expressionist pants

Posted by: S R S at April 13, 2016 07:58 PM (/542q)

318 >>> I went through basic/AIT at Benning from Aug-Nov.

Same here. Mornings in the 2nd half of October were surprisingly cold.

Posted by: fluffy at April 13, 2016 07:58 PM (2hcmo)

319 Ever try to tidy up those "troublesome areas" with palm fronds? It was a nightmare.

Posted by: Prez'nit BeansNRice at April 13, 2016 07:59 PM (Dwehj)

320 Shut up.

Hockey's on.

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 07:59 PM (NBOGy)

321 "I fart in your general direction!"

Sometimes, that's more than just a harmless taunt...

Posted by: Zettai Ryoiki at April 13, 2016 08:01 PM (5csB/)

322 Basic at Fort Benning from July to September. OCS from November to March. I got sweltering heat and freezing cold.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at April 13, 2016 08:01 PM (fC9RO)

323 Shut up.



Hockey's on.

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 07:59 PM (NBOGy)


I turned on the tv the other day, nothing else was on, so I tuned into an MMA fight. Which was pretty good. Until a hockey game broke out.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 08:02 PM (TOk1P)

324
I turned on the tv the other day, nothing else was on, so I tuned into an MMA fight. Which was pretty good. Until a hockey game broke out.
Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 08:02 PM (TOk1P)


--Rangers-Penguins. I'm pulling for the Rangers.

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 08:03 PM (NBOGy)

325
316 A$$holes. That was the single most valuable piece of equipment: the field jacket liner.
Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 07:56 PM (TOk1P)

---

Amen.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 07:57 PM (rlfds)








Nah. The woobie. All hail the woobie.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 08:03 PM (o98Jz)

326 Marc-Andre Fleury is out. Suck up you wingless birds.

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 08:04 PM (/tuJf)

327 Ever try to tidy up those "troublesome areas" with palm fronds?

Every damned day, Fredo. F you.

Posted by: Your bro living in a hut at April 13, 2016 08:04 PM (Dwehj)

328 The most valuable piece of field equipment is the "woobie" or ponch liner!

Posted by: Zettai Ryoiki at April 13, 2016 08:04 PM (5csB/)

329 So that's what happened today. I pooped my pants.

It wasn't actually poop. Poop would have been, comparatively, a delight. A mitzvah.

Posted by: Amy Schumer at April 13, 2016 08:08 PM (7qAYi)

330 Least valuable? That hideous hijab that fits over the women's combination cap.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Literate Savage at April 13, 2016 08:08 PM (jR7Wy)

331 @325: Aaah, beat me to it!

Posted by: Zettai Ryoiki at April 13, 2016 08:09 PM (5csB/)

332 not safe for cubicles, dammit.

I'm still laughing.

Posted by: sulla at April 13, 2016 08:09 PM (0GucZ)

333 A$$holes. That was the single most valuable piece of equipment: the field jacket liner.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 07:56 PM (TOk1P)



---



Amen.



Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain... at April 13, 2016 07:57 PM (rlfds)





Nah. The woobie. All hail the woobie.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 08:03 PM (o98Jz)


Eh, not worth arguing over. Just depends really. Which gets into your head more? The chill that gets into your bones as it goes up and down your spine, or the one that pounds your exterior from all sides?

Personally I don't need a lot of external covering. Never have.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 08:09 PM (TOk1P)

334
There is some hazmat situation going on in apts near UT. One guy died. Hydrogen sulfate is the culprit.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:10 PM (iQIUe)

335 I've calculated that the Blog Clock slides forward at about forty-five seconds per month. We're almost four minutes behind the B.C. because time machine, magic and losing that Saving Throw vs. Pixy.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 08:11 PM (OQ9R7)

336 >>There is some hazmat situation going on in apts near UT. One guy died. Hydrogen sulfate is the culprit.

I though Ace was in NY.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 13, 2016 08:12 PM (EUMr7)

337
Oh, they are reporting it as a suicide by the guy who died. He brought home a tank of hydrogen sulfate. He almost took 11 people with him.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:12 PM (iQIUe)

338 Headcolds suck.

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain at April 13, 2016 08:15 PM (rlfds)

339 This is a sure and certain case where a request for pics is not, repeat not, to be made.

Posted by: Scotty at April 13, 2016 08:17 PM (mR7Es)

340 It's all over the web that Corey Lewandowski isn't going to be charged.

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 08:17 PM (miXPX)

341 After the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles the wardrobe department threw away the cowboy's streak stained pants.

Posted by: Mel Brooks at April 13, 2016 08:18 PM (d6LpE)

342 Well this a new one. I just got an email from FBI Director James Comey informing me that I've won $2.4mil through an international lottery and I'll get paid via an IMF certificate. Of course, I first need to provide all my PII including banking info and a small remittance of $98 in order to claim it...

Posted by: Country Singer at April 13, 2016 08:18 PM (F6NHk)

343 My friend in college decided he wanted to become a SEAL and joined the Navy after graduating at 24 years old. He had to do his basic in the middle of winter on the Great Lakes. Don't know why he thought he could become a SEAL since he didn't last through basic.

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at April 13, 2016 08:19 PM (MNgU2)

344 There is some hazmat situation going on in apts near UT. One guy died. Hydrogen sulfate is the culprit.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:10 PM (iQIUe)

University of Texas? University of Tennessee? Utah?

Posted by: Country Singer at April 13, 2016 08:20 PM (F6NHk)

345 337: I'm scared to ask what dept would collect hydrogen sulfite in tanks on purpose and then be casual about keeping track.

Posted by: Palerider at April 13, 2016 08:21 PM (dkExz)

346 DA declines prosecution of charges against Lewandowski. I'm surprised only that the law prevailed and these phony charges weren't pursued for political purposes.

Meanwhile, from Drudge, video of a Hillary flunky shoving a girl out of the way for her Thighness's convenience.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at April 13, 2016 08:22 PM (Nwg0u)

347 340 It's all over the web that Corey Lewandowski isn't going to be charged.
Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 08:17 PM (miXPX)

==========
If true, you know what this means at the HQ -- melt down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:23 PM (iQIUe)

348 Was just bounding around teh internetz because of this discussion, and came across this:

http://tinyurl.com/go38ttg

Medal of Honor winner talks about the book he's about to publish. Some of these guys... I'm just in awe. Read the interview.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 08:27 PM (TOk1P)

349 139 Live in a beach community and you'll find pay toilets in every fast food restaurant within 500 yds of the ocean.
Posted by: Bivalve Curious at April 13, 2016 06:55 PM (S35jl)

I haven't seen that in my beach town, but we have craploads of Skid-o-Cans on the beach, as well as real public restrooms on the end of the island that's in the city.

I'm old and I've only seen pay toilets a few times, decades ago.

Posted by: stace at April 13, 2016 08:27 PM (ozZau)

350 BLOGGER GAMBLES...AND LOSES!

Posted by: Beorn at April 13, 2016 08:28 PM (SHHqQ)

351 First they came for the Jarts...

Posted by: Bandersnatch at April 13, 2016 08:29 PM (1xUj/)

352 DA declines prosecution of charges against
Lewandowski. I'm surprised only that the law prevailed and these phony
charges weren't pursued for political purposes.



Meanwhile, from Drudge, video of a Hillary flunky shoving a girl out of the way for her Thighness's convenience.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at April 13, 2016 08:22 PM (Nwg0u)


So sad. And now for the lovely Ms. Fields, it will be like not being assaulted and thrown to the ground all over again.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 13, 2016 08:29 PM (TOk1P)

353 Crack spackle!

Posted by: Willy at April 13, 2016 08:29 PM (H85Zz)

354 Hey, Ace, we've all gambled and lost at one point in our lives. If we're lucky, it was when we were a preteen in the middle of the Canadian wilderness and our dad was there to clean up the mess in a gas station bathroom. But I digest...

Posted by: azkaged at April 13, 2016 08:29 PM (mK9Sy)

355 I haven't laughed so hard in a LONG time. Just when I thought I'd catch my breath, I got to the Drudge headlines.
Can't.
Breathe.
Laughing
So.
Hard.

Posted by: Robert at April 13, 2016 08:30 PM (xRhzF)

356 354,

So what did you digest?

Posted by: SMFH while circling the drain at April 13, 2016 08:31 PM (rlfds)

357 295 Commies are getting violent at the Trump rally in Pittsburgh.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (/tuJf)

Where are you watching?

Posted by: @votermom at April 13, 2016 08:31 PM (nbrY/)

358 Trump has plenty of, uhm, weaknesses but pushing this Lewandowski BS was worse than a crime, it was blunder, to paraphrase Talleyrand.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at April 13, 2016 08:31 PM (Nwg0u)

359 An instant classic, Ace! LMCOA (Laughing My Crapping Ass Off) ...

<u>PAUL MANAFORT: BLOGGER USING GESTAPO-LIKE TACTICS FOR LAUGHS ...</u>

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2016 08:32 PM (a6Ff7)

360 ANN COULTER CHECKS HERSELF INTO AN INSANE ASYLUM... TRUMP OFFERS TO LET HER RECOVER AT TRUMP TOWERS FOR HALF PRICE.

Posted by: redridinghood at April 13, 2016 08:33 PM (7GQM/)

361 295 Commies are getting violent at the Trump rally in Pittsburgh.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 07:51 PM (/tuJf)

Uh, that's the Penguins game.

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 08:34 PM (7qAYi)

362 Hate when farts are taken out of context.

Posted by: akak at April 13, 2016 08:35 PM (0HQPC)

363 >>> PAUL MANAFORT: BLOGGER USING GESTAPO-LIKE TACTICS FOR LAUGHS ...

Shouldn't that be Gestapoo?

Posted by: fluffy at April 13, 2016 08:35 PM (2hcmo)

364
So the Bernie Sanders Rolling Flea Circus and Freak Show has decamped to Washington Square Park - 2 blocks from my house and I had to walk near enough to smell it just to get home.

Assholes of all stripes sporting "Bernie!" paraphernalia, blissfully ignorant of how utterly dangerous he and his beliefs are.

I weep for my country.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:35 PM (p4UlV)

365 Old guy advice.

Never trust a fart.

Never pass up a place to pee.

Never waste a hard - on.

Posted by: navybrat


True, just not at the same time.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 08:36 PM (8AdYN)

366 It's all over the web that Corey Lewandowski isn't going to be charged.
Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2016 08:17 PM (miXPX)


#WomenArmsMatter

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 08:37 PM (uURQL)

367 365 Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 08:36 PM (8AdYN)

Never dump a chick until she gets anal.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:37 PM (p4UlV)

368 Speaking of exploding sharts, they're getting the Rockets set up at the BWW here. Maybe they won't disappoint tonight!

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 08:38 PM (lcUkY)

369
Much as I dislike Trump, it would have been nice to have a few hundred of his supporters with me tonight near Washington Square.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:38 PM (p4UlV)

370 >>Uh, that's the Penguins game.

Nah. Pens fans don't riot. They just whine like their hero, Crosby.

Fox was showing some clips earlier of the Trump rally. ANSWER was trying to disrupt the event.

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 08:38 PM (/tuJf)

371 Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:35 PM (p4UlV)


===========
How's your rash?

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:38 PM (iQIUe)

372 It's all over the web that Ace crapped himself.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 08:38 PM (Io87j)

373
Only at AoS can a gun thread immediately turn into a feces thread. Oh, how I love this joint.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 08:39 PM (o98Jz)

374 If Vic, blaster and/or Old Blue are around:

Thanks for earlier advice.
I'll know how it worked out by dinnertime tomorrow, I guess - when I drill, sink the redheads & try to bolt down the mailbox.
Cross your fingers...

Posted by: Chi at April 13, 2016 08:39 PM (Te2JU)

375 371 How's your rash?
Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:38 PM (iQIUe)

Subsided considerably. Thanks for axing.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:39 PM (p4UlV)

376 369
Much as I dislike Trump, it would have been nice to have a few hundred of his supporters with me tonight near Washington Square.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:38 PM (p4UlV)
==========
The left is now spitting on them. You would have been covered with loogies.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:39 PM (iQIUe)

377 Shouldn't that be Gestapoo?

Posted by: fluffy at April 13, 2016 08:35 PM (2hcmo)
=====================================Heh. Nicely done ...

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2016 08:40 PM (a6Ff7)

378 http://tinyurl.com/h3dvycg

Cover up that embarrassing butt cleavage!

Posted by: Willy at April 13, 2016 08:40 PM (H85Zz)

379 373 well I guess projectile shitting is a form of a gun thread. Sort of.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 08:40 PM (Io87j)

380 At least they can't say Ace is full of sh!t... anymore.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 08:41 PM (lcUkY)

381 376 The left is now spitting on them. You would have been covered with loogies.
Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:39 PM (iQIUe)


I long for the days of the hard hats in '68. Man oh man oh man . . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:41 PM (p4UlV)

382
Theory: The meetup between Megyn Kelly and Trump is about her being his White House Press Secretary.

Would that be diggable or what?

"Would the gentleman from the New York Times please remove himself until he's sober? Thank you. THANK YOU."

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 08:41 PM (5o5ek)

383 Can the Horde help me out?

I'm looking for the name of a spoken word song (or very minimal backing music) from the 70s.

The cadence was
An X, a Y /
a da da da da

repeat 50 times with different X and Y

Sorry if this is a stupid request or if it gives anyone else an earworm.

Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 08:41 PM (h99GH)

384 HAHAHA I got the ignore script working again!

Excuse me Imma be busy for a while.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 13, 2016 08:41 PM (wB8Tg)

385 We need an honest national conversation on pants shitting.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 08:41 PM (Io87j)

386 I know I'm late here and I'm sure it's been said above many times but.....I am crying I'm laughing so hard at this!


Only ace....only ace.

Posted by: Tami at April 13, 2016 08:42 PM (v0/PR)

387 Theory: The meetup between Megyn Kelly and Trump is about her being his White House Press Secretary.

Would that be diggable or what?



But that would destroy Trump's WarOnWomen!

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 08:42 PM (uURQL)

388 hmmm...so he lightened his load.

Posted by: concrete girl at April 13, 2016 08:42 PM (ceWrl)

389 383 Can the Horde help me out?

I'm looking for the name of a spoken word song (or very minimal backing music) from the 70s.

The cadence was
An X, a Y /
a da da da da

repeat 50 times with different X and Y

Sorry if this is a stupid request or if it gives anyone else an earworm.
Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 08:41 PM (h99GH)


The only one I can even think that was spoken word was a version of a beat poem called "The Nazz" from a guy/group called The Word. Circa 78-79.

Does that ring a bell? It's a beat poem about Jesus.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:43 PM (p4UlV)

390
I thought Ann Coulter and her 36 Longs had a lock on that gig.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:43 PM (p4UlV)

391 Yes, days like today are why I keep hitting that F5 button like a monkey in a crack experiment.

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 08:43 PM (7qAYi)

392 Looks like it's the Sacramento Kings taking a dump tonight. 24-49, Rockets lead

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 08:44 PM (lcUkY)

393 Aaaacccckkk, no more bra rides for you bub!!!!!

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at April 13, 2016 08:45 PM (Wrtxv)

394 I worked with a guy who had extra briefs in his briefcase. The unit secretary (this was a long time ago) would say "Briefcase to the bathroom, briefcase to the bathroom. Alert, alert." Then we knew to go to the john on another floor.

Posted by: Lester at April 13, 2016 08:46 PM (2UPXV)

395 ACE DROPS A DEUCE. 
Caitlyn Jenner Outraged
Developing...

Posted by: Dax at April 13, 2016 12:22 PM (5WUYo)

Lead us into the future O Prophet of the Porcelain Pooper!

Posted by: Oberlin SJW looking for non-heteronormative transgendered excrement in transition to a liquid state at April 13, 2016 08:47 PM (tWfAs)

396 Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 08:41 PM (5o5ek)

383 Can the Horde help me out?

I'm looking for the name of a spoken word song (or very minimal backing music) from the 70s.

The cadence was
An X, a Y /
a da da da da

Are you thinking of "Da Da Da"?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15YZUXL_ULU

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 08:47 PM (7qAYi)

397 395 a loose deuce, apparently.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 08:47 PM (Io87j)

398 Lundqvist hurt in the eye and goes to the bench.

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 08:48 PM (Mg7wL)

399 396 Are you thinking of "Da Da Da"?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15YZUXL_ULU
Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 08:47 PM (7qAYi)

That's from the 80's but damn if it isn't close to what was described.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:48 PM (p4UlV)

400 metaphorically

Posted by: vizzy at April 13, 2016 08:49 PM (iumjx)

401 Only in Pittsburgh would the fans boo a guy for taking a couple minutes after taking a stick to the eye.

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 08:49 PM (/tuJf)

402 Are you thinking of "Da Da Da"?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15YZUXL_ULU

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 08:47 PM (7qAYi)


Shantih

Posted by: T. S. Eliot at April 13, 2016 08:49 PM (vBeA5)

403 little deuce sploosh
you don't want what ace got!

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 08:50 PM (lcUkY)

404 Penguins score with under 18 seconds in first period.

1-0

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 08:50 PM (Mg7wL)

405 367 365 Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 08:36 PM (8AdYN)

Never dump a chick until she gets anal.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:37 PM (p4UlV)

Or .........
Oh never mind the gag reflex issue

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 08:50 PM (voOPb)

406 I've been away all day, but this was a most refreshing read, I could not stop laughing. If you only visit one site per day, Ace is the place!

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 08:52 PM (wYnyS)

407 >>>>Pittsburgh would the fans boo a guy for taking a couple minutes after taking a stick to the eye.
----
I'm guess it's the Pennsylvania thang

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 08:52 PM (voOPb)

408 Cut loose like a deuce

Another runny in the tights

Posted by: Bandersnatch at April 13, 2016 08:52 PM (1xUj/)

409
OT:

Over at PJ Media, "Russian Jets Buzz US Navy Destroyer In Simulated Attack - more aggressive than anything we've seen in some time."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:52 PM (p4UlV)

410 Theory: The meetup between Megyn Kelly and Trump is about her being his White House Press Secretary.

Would that be diggable or what?


But that would destroy Trump's WarOnWomen!
Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 08:42 PM (uURQL)
**************
You'll need a really good actor or actress for that gig.
Roger Stone is probably the best choice for him -Trump's going to need a lot of spin for the BS.

Posted by: redridinghood at April 13, 2016 08:53 PM (7GQM/)

411 Field's charges thrown out, white knights poop pants.
Best election cycle ever.

Posted by: ChocoCheese at April 13, 2016 08:53 PM (wZCsh)

412 Only at AoS can a gun thread immediately turn into a feces thread. Oh, how I love this joint.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 08:39 PM (o98Jz)

Guns at AoS do not arouse phallic imagery.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at April 13, 2016 08:53 PM (T78UI)

413 "Russian Jets Buzz US Navy Destroyer In Simulated Attack - more aggressive than anything we've seen in some time."

Speaking of pants trouble...

Posted by: Barack Obama at April 13, 2016 08:54 PM (ANVXm)

414 JJ, and J, Thanks.

JJ, not The Nazz/The Word
Josephistan, not that, but it cleared the ear worm

Lyrics more like
A ship, a sail,
a blah blah blah blah,
A bird, a tree,
forget about me

the da da da da was more the meter not the words

Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 08:54 PM (h99GH)

415 414 Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 08:54 PM (h99GH)


If you know any of the lyrics at all, just type them in and do a search.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:55 PM (p4UlV)

416 Trump admits he only whines about states he loses. Trump fans refuse to believe Trump would lie to them.

>>Don't forget I only complain about the ones where we have difficulty

http://tinyurl.com/jr33jxm

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 08:56 PM (/tuJf)

417 Ace is too big to foul. I will bail out his butt.

Posted by: Barack Obama at April 13, 2016 08:57 PM (Z1+Wk)

418 the da da da da was more the meter not the words
Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 08:54 PM (h99GH)

*****

Is it maybe that song "Come on Ali"?

Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 08:58 PM (YLidQ)

419 408 Now THAT is some funny shit right there.

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 08:58 PM (Io87j)

420 On this date in 1943, the first of the Katyn graves were discovered. 22,000 Polish officers and other high ranking Poles - shot in the back of the neck and dumped into mass graves by the commie butchers.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:58 PM (iQIUe)

421 A$$holes. That was the single most valuable piece of equipment: the field jacket liner.

It's worth double it's weight in gold. Plus, you can unass the worthless field jacket and still be just as warm.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Staring at the Lake in the rain at April 13, 2016 08:59 PM (rbPBV)

422 The problem is the lyrics are just A(n) Y, A(n) Y and x and y weren't necessarily related

Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 08:59 PM (h99GH)

423 Over at PJ Media, "Russian Jets Buzz US Navy Destroyer In Simulated Attack - more aggressive than anything we've seen in some time."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:52 PM (

"Buzz" is one way pf describing it. "Missing ramming destroyer by a curly hair" is another way. Have you seen the photos?

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 08:59 PM (7qAYi)

424 Ace......

You can tell me anything but you don't have to tell me everything.

Just sayin.....pudding pants

Posted by: Talon at April 13, 2016 08:59 PM (qsV7W)

425
Who is going to rub Baby Butt Balm on ace's little tush?

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:00 PM (iQIUe)

426 Trump admits he only whines about states he loses. Trump fans refuse to believe Trump would lie to them.

>>Don't forget I only complain about the ones where we have difficulty

http://tinyurl.com/jr33jxm
Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 08:56 PM (/tuJf)


Are we supposed to be bothered that he doesn't whine about states he wins?

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 09:00 PM (uURQL)

427 422 is this algebra?

Posted by: Weasel at April 13, 2016 09:00 PM (Io87j)

428 "Buzz" is one way pf describing it. "Missing ramming destroyer by a curly hair" is another way. Have you seen the photos?

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 08:59 PM (7qAYi)



I still wonder exactly what Obama meant by being more flexible after the election, but I'm beginning to get the picture!

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:01 PM (wYnyS)

429 Who is going to rub Baby Butt Balm on ace's little tush?

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:00 PM (iQIUe)

I got this.

Posted by: Mandingo at April 13, 2016 09:02 PM (T78UI)

430 Who is going to rub Baby Butt Balm on ace's little tush?

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:00 PM (iQIUe)

That's tonight's alternative to The Barrel.

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 09:02 PM (7qAYi)

431 Do you know when it was released, Chuck C?

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:03 PM (OQ9R7)

432 >>>I'm knocking off early.

Neither sleet nor global warming nor sickness can keep this Ewok from his appointed runs.

Posted by: Barack Obama at April 13, 2016 09:03 PM (Z1+Wk)

433 That's tonight's alternative to The Barrel.
Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 09:02 PM (7qAYi)

*****

Well, OK then, but only if he has showered pretty since 2:00 today. We have standards, ya know. They are incredibly low, but we have them.

Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 09:04 PM (YLidQ)

434 >>>Only in Pittsburgh would the fans boo a guy for taking a couple minutes after taking a stick to the eye.

Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 08:49 PM (/tuJf)<<<

Yeah. We'd never boo something like that. We'd only boo if a guy nearly snaps his neck. **coughMichaelIrvincough**

And maybe throw some batteries. Probably.

Posted by: Filthadelphia Fans at April 13, 2016 09:05 PM (H9MG5)

435 Never dump a chick until she gets anal.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton

I know, right?! Thought that was #1 on every dude's list.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:05 PM (8AdYN)

436 Should this be the next art thread?

Long lost Caravaggio painting possibly found in the leaky attic of a French chateau?

http://preview.tinyurl.com/humo5de

Posted by: Anna Puma at April 13, 2016 09:05 PM (su1+Y)

437 Yeah. We'd never boo something like that. We'd only boo if a guy nearly snaps his neck. **coughMichaelIrvincough**

And maybe throw some batteries. Probably.

Hey, we didn't boo Michael Irving breaking his back, we cheered it.

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 09:06 PM (7qAYi)

438 Irvin, not "Irving". Sorry. It is "A Thing" with me.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:07 PM (OQ9R7)

439 We're gonna need a bigger roll.

Posted by: the great cornholio at April 13, 2016 09:07 PM (lcUkY)

440 Who is going to rub Baby Butt Balm on ace's little tush?
Posted by: Bruce With a Wang!

Jwest owes him one. Maybe even a reach around.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:08 PM (8AdYN)

441 @383 Its this, it's that...
It's the Waters of March, by Antonio Carlos Jobim.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3oNSFQVzNM

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 09:09 PM (xq1UY)

442 Lundqvist out to start the 2nd period.

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 09:10 PM (bmB5Y)

443 431,
It sounded early 70s. Heard it last week on Me FM in Chicago which doesnt narrow the time down since they play anything from any era.

Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 09:10 PM (h99GH)

444
I'll be shocked if the Caravaggio wasnt a fake. Then again, maybe the owner was hiding it from the nazis? But then people would have known about its existence. They are acting like no one has heard of it before. They havent done forensic testing and until Fiona Bruce gives it a thumbs up, I'll remain skeptical.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:11 PM (iQIUe)

445 426 Trump admits he only whines about states he loses. Trump fans refuse to believe Trump would lie to them.

>>Don't forget I only complain about the ones where we have difficulty

http://tinyurl.com/jr33jxm
Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 08:56 PM (/tuJf)

Are we supposed to be bothered that he doesn't whine about states he wins?
Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 09:00 PM (uURQL)

in a vacuum no but in combination with his whine about the process in other States , yes. He is apt at doublespeak though so it's not a surprise.

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at April 13, 2016 09:12 PM (MNgU2)

446 Stringer,
Thanks! That's the melody.

Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 09:12 PM (h99GH)

447 Or .........
Oh never mind the gag reflex issue
Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian

Heh, I got chocked up over that one.

Uh, wait, not the best comment for a pun. Nevermind.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:14 PM (8AdYN)

448 Mitzvah is cultural appropriation. So is belly dancing.

Posted by: Sammy Davis, Jr. at April 13, 2016 09:14 PM (Z1+Wk)

449
Here I sit,
Brokenhearted.
Thought I'd fart;
Instead I sharted.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2016 09:15 PM (BK3ZS)

450 I watched some uk doc on Caravaggio where they were on Malta where he had hid in a monastery. The filmmaker kept trying to get the priests to say Caravaggio was scorned bc he was gay. He wasnt. He was on the run bc he killed the husband of the woman whose bed he was found in. Sure he may have been bi but the Church bent over backwards to help him bc of his talent but Caravaggio was simply an asshole.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:15 PM (iQIUe)

451 Ringo Starr Cancels North Carolina Concert to Protest Anti-LGBT Law




Damn, and they had just finished setting up the marque -

Bingo and Ringo. Now the old folk's home will have to take it all down

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 09:15 PM (45oDG)

452 *choked

But chocked could also work.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:16 PM (8AdYN)

453 I've heard of "snuff films", but before that there were "snuff paintings", apparently.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 09:18 PM (sdi6R)

454 Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 09:15 PM (45oDG)

Seems to me like the positive aspects of the NC law far outweigh any disadvantages!

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:21 PM (wYnyS)

455 in a vacuum no but in combination with his whine about the process in other States , yes. He is apt at doublespeak though so it's not a surprise.
Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at April 13, 2016 09:12 PM (MNgU2)


I'm not sure how he needs to be a sore winner to be more consistent or more attractive as a candidate.

You may not care for his being a sore loser ... but that just makes him relatable to the wide class of Americans who have been given a losing hand by PC and racism.

The Man stacked the System against you, dude ...

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 09:21 PM (uURQL)

456 Kerry's vag, yo!

Posted by: Joan F Kerry at April 13, 2016 09:22 PM (Z1+Wk)

457 Thank God for the offsides.

Posted by: Jimmy Howard at April 13, 2016 09:22 PM (H9MG5)

458 I thought from the title that the painting was an ISIS advertisement, until I looked at it more closely!

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:23 PM (wYnyS)

459 Chuck C...

Art Garfunkel has a tune called "Waters of March":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrmcSJGvz4s

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:23 PM (OQ9R7)

460 Maybe Art Garfunkel's cover of The waters of March?

Posted by: bob in houston at April 13, 2016 09:23 PM (b7AU3)

461
Khaled Beydoun @KhaledBeydoun
Washington Square Park looking like Tahrir Square y'all. #Bernie

========
Scary...

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:23 PM (iQIUe)

462 "Snuff painting? Ace's pants, about 2 PM.
Some blogs use National Geographic "boobies" for click-bait.
Not this shart military blog, though.
Come for the Drudge headlines, stay for the...the...
I can't say it.

Well the rest of the threads were pretty much a shitstorm, anyway.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 09:24 PM (xq1UY)

463 >>>Caravaggio was simply an asshole.

If it weren't for those like me, ace would have exploded a long time ago.

Posted by: Caravaggio at April 13, 2016 09:25 PM (Z1+Wk)

464 It ain't the caffeine, I can tell ya.. lay off the Val-U-Rite for a few nights..

And.. have you checked the freshness date on that hobo jerky???

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at April 13, 2016 09:26 PM (UpGcq)

465 Read a tweet highlighted at Twitchy that brought up the point that with these boycotts, the artist are denying their services based on their beliefs.

Mind. Blown.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:26 PM (8AdYN)

466 Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:23 PM (iQIUe)

Frankly, I didn't really want to live in interesting times!

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:27 PM (wYnyS)

467 the word you're looking for is "shat".

As in: I just shat myself.

Posted by: seamrogj at April 13, 2016 09:27 PM (gk5iB)

468 Slapweasel,
Thanks! That's the version I heard.

Many thanks to Stringer Davis, Slapweasel, JJ, and Josephistan and anyone I might have missed.

Posted by: Chuck C at April 13, 2016 09:27 PM (h99GH)

469 Read a tweet highlighted at Twitchy that brought up the point that with these boycotts, the artist are denying their services based on their beliefs.

Mind. Blown.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:26 PM (8AdYN)


Ah yes, but the difference is that the artiste's beliefs are "correct"!

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:28 PM (wYnyS)

470 The Horde is a quality crowd-source, Chuck! You're quite welcome, sir.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:28 PM (OQ9R7)

471 passing gas,
I hope it's that
OMG
I think I shat.

Posted by: seamrog at April 13, 2016 09:29 PM (gk5iB)

472 Is butt cream what you harvest from felching?

Posted by: Barney Frank at April 13, 2016 09:29 PM (Z1+Wk)

473 ...and I wouldn't have found it without Stringer's high-quality bread-crumb.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:29 PM (OQ9R7)

474 >>>the word you're looking for is "shat".



As in: I just shat myself.

Posted by: seamrogj at April 13, 2016 09:27 PM (gk5iB)<<<

You... just... leave me... out... of this.

Posted by: The Shat at April 13, 2016 09:30 PM (H9MG5)

475 Wow, an ad for Labatt Blue.

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 09:30 PM (mS1xT)

476 Walmart sells small washcloths super cheap and they're really absorbent. Buy a few dozen for such occasions. Beats using up an entire roll of Scott tissue.

Posted by: Corona at April 13, 2016 09:31 PM (ragzU)

477 Excuse me, I must go change my pantaloons. It appears I have shat myself.

Posted by: Emperor Palpatine at April 13, 2016 09:31 PM (LlqmH)

478 The Horde is a quality crowd-source, Chuck! You're quite welcome, sir.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:28 PM (OQ9R7)


I've often wondered if there was any topic that could be presented to the Horde that would not get an incredibly detailed response.

Please note that I am not including the topic of this thread in the above.

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:32 PM (wYnyS)

479
All I could see was the monkey trying to put the cork back in!


Posted by: Just The Punchline at April 13, 2016 06:50 PM (JO9+V)


Best. Joke. Ever!
(When you are about ten years old)

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2016 09:32 PM (BK3ZS)

480 Butt paste. For the diaper rash. Better yet, bag balm. It's the best for diaper rash



You're welcome

Posted by: ThunderB at April 13, 2016 09:33 PM (zOTsN)

481 ..."Please note that I am not including the topic of this thread in the above."
-Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:32 PM (wYnyS)

*HAH!*

...indeed!

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:33 PM (OQ9R7)

482 Ah yes, but the difference is that the artiste's beliefs are "correct"!

Or as a lib on facebook said, "one is fighting for equality, and the other is fighting for dominance." :/

Posted by: Al Roker at April 13, 2016 09:33 PM (GgxVX)

483 Ace: Thank you for sharing. Actually TMI, but it does make for a different sort of blog post.

So thanks for that.

Posted by: Evi L. Bloggerlady at April 13, 2016 09:34 PM (hUf3d)

484 Ah yes, but the difference is that the artiste's beliefs are "correct"!
Posted by: Hrothgar

Of course. I denouce myself for sharing. /s

Glad you saw my comment, it was in response to you but forgot to paste your comment. /noob

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:34 PM (8AdYN)

485
Ran across this page while looking up race riots. Interesting vintage photos of really really hawt black women. I like the first black woman US Atty.

https://goo.gl/6hIJrw

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:34 PM (iQIUe)

486 Bag balm. In the square green tin. That's the ticket

Posted by: ThunderB at April 13, 2016 09:35 PM (zOTsN)

487
I've often wondered if there was any topic that could be presented to the Horde that would not get an incredibly detailed response.

Please note that I am not including the topic of this thread in the above.

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:32 PM (wYnyS)







Oh, you bastard. Now everyone's gonna fire off new obscure topics at Teh Horde which will end up being "Six Degrees of Feces"

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 09:35 PM (o98Jz)

488 What the hell are our guys doing on that destroyer. Our sailors on the deck, no helmets? Shouldn't they be at battle stations with all the hatches closed lighting that SOB up with some kind of targeting radar in the event Ivan turns hostile.

Isn't a wave height pass over the bow considered hostile? Any Navy rons' still up?

This seems crazy, although I'm sure Putin rightly suspects they could sink several of our ships before Barky got around to interrupting his golf game to ask pretty please don't do that...





Posted by: Cooldawg at April 13, 2016 09:35 PM (KBvP5)

489 Been there, done that, got the t-shart.

Posted by: RI Red at April 13, 2016 09:35 PM (Zl4df)

490 never, ever, trust a fart
when you reach 50 years old

Posted by: seamrog at April 13, 2016 09:36 PM (gk5iB)

491 As Burt said "And now for the lovely Ms. Fields, it will be like not being assaulted and thrown to the ground all over again. "

Back-on-topic PS: Was the Fields hoax fail announced around 2?

Remember when:

Video Emerges of Corey Landowski Yanking Michelle Fields, Like She Says; Trump World Claims, Fantastically, Vindication

Video Seems to Show Trump Campaign Manager Corey Lewandowski Grabbing Breitbart Reporter Michelle Fields


Posted by: SocietyIs2Blame at April 13, 2016 09:36 PM (5trgC)

492 Maybe actual musicians are so indispensible that their boycotts are significant. But Ringo forgets: he's only a drummer.

Posted by: angela urkel at April 13, 2016 09:36 PM (Z1+Wk)

493 Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:11 PM (iQIUe)

My theory is that the Caravaggio was stolen and stashed there, then the thief died or something.

Posted by: @votermom at April 13, 2016 09:36 PM (nbrY/)

494 This Drudge Headline bit is pretty fucking good. Worth a delurk. My first delurk of the year in fact. Not that the previous good stuff wasn't worth a delurk. OK I guess I should relurk now.

Posted by: ArnieFufkin at April 13, 2016 09:37 PM (2dJSj)

495
You'll need a really good actor or actress for that gig.
Roger Stone is probably the best choice for him -Trump's going to need a lot of spin for the BS.

Posted by: redridinghood at April 13, 2016 08:53 PM (7GQM/)
---------------------
Milo Yiannopoulos wants the gig. I don't know if he can spin, but he sure can do the dip-dip-do-do-dah, doot-doot, just like this, babe, WHAM.

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 09:37 PM (5o5ek)

496 the Hershey squirts

Posted by: seamrog at April 13, 2016 09:37 PM (gk5iB)

497 Our family business once employed a weighmaster, Higginbotham, who'd won the Victoria Cross in the Boer War. Ambushed in an advance, he'd stood his ground as the rest of his regiment broke and ran. The remnant formed up around him, and the day was not lost. An important personage came to award the decoration (the way the story was told me, it was "Winston bluidy Churchill" but I find it unlikely), and asked him the source of his solitary valour.

"Sorr," the Yorkshireman replied, "I coona move. I'd shit meself."

Bravery, my lads, is where you find it.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 09:37 PM (xq1UY)

498 447 Or .........
Oh never mind the gag reflex issue
Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian

Heh, I got chocked up over that one.

Uh, wait, not the best comment for a pun. Nevermind.
Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:14 PM (8AdYN)

Well at least you're not spitting mad

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 09:37 PM (voOPb)

499 Ya know, I really enjoyed the self flagellation over Ka-Boom cereal. This? Not so much.

McGyver, Out

Posted by: McGyver at April 13, 2016 09:37 PM (roQ8j)

500
If we ever get to see life on rewind I can't wait to see the expression on my own face when that tree pulled up.

Posted by: TexasDan at April 13, 2016 07:17 PM (7NKH4)


And the East German judge gave you what? An 8.2?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2016 09:39 PM (BK3ZS)

501 Read a tweet highlighted at Twitchy that brought up the point that with these boycotts, the artist are denying their services based on their beliefs.

Mind. Blown.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:26 PM (8AdYN)

Ah yes, but the difference is that the artiste's beliefs are "correct"!

Posted by: Hrothgar at April 13, 2016 09:28 PM (wYnyS)




I wonder if any of these nitwits actually know what the law is? Ringo you go first.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 09:39 PM (45oDG)

502 So a poll tax would be ok now since Bill of Rights is written on paper that dissolves in the tears of SJW's who have a connection in Charlotte NC.

Posted by: June Shelton at April 13, 2016 09:39 PM (dFmHg)

503 I shat
You shit
He shat
We shitted
You guys shatted
They shitted...

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:39 PM (iQIUe)

504
Over at PJ Media, "Russian Jets Buzz US Navy Destroyer In Simulated Attack - more aggressive than anything we've seen in some time."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:52 PM (p4UlV)
----------------------

Reset.

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 09:39 PM (5o5ek)

505 This backup goalie for the Penguins is playing damn well for his playoff debut.

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 09:40 PM (yc7Dq)

506
Obligatory from Duluth Trading

http://tinyurl.com/zloxfye

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 09:40 PM (o98Jz)

507 492 Maybe actual musicians are so indispensible that their boycotts are significant. But Ringo forgets: he's only a drummer.
Posted by: angela urkel at April 13, 2016 09:36 PM (Z1+Wk)

How do you get a drummer off your porch?
Pay for the pizza

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 09:40 PM (7qAYi)

508 451 Ringo Starr Cancels North Carolina Concert to Protest Anti-LGBT Law
Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 09:15 PM (45oDG)


I know Bob Dylan is planning a U.S. tour, so I checked his website for upcoming dates.

http://bobdylan.com/on-tour/

He doesn't yet have anything scheduled in that region.

I already have my ticket for the July 13 show in Philly. He's currently in Japan. Here is his most recent set list from the other night in Osaka. You can click the song titles for more info:

http://bobdylan.com/date/2016-04-11-osaka-japan-festival-hall/

"Autumn Leaves", "That Old Black Magic", "What'll I Do", "I'm a Fool to Want You", "All or Nothing at All". This is gonna be fun!

Bob's like Honey Badger. He don't give a shit. Fans showing up expecting a "sixties counterculture legend" will be in for the shock of their lives.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 09:41 PM (sdi6R)

509 Rockets still up by 31

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 09:42 PM (lcUkY)

510
Ace is getting up there in years and it is time to have that conversation.

Take him in?
Assisted living?
DNR?
Euthanasia?

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:42 PM (iQIUe)

511 Reset.
Posted by: iforgot

Overcharge.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:42 PM (8AdYN)

512 It's the Waters of March, by Antonio Carlos Jobim.

-
To give you some idea of what a nerd I am, I recently dowmloaded Sinstra Sings Antonio Carlos Jobim.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at April 13, 2016 09:43 PM (Nwg0u)

513 There's always Shittens.
http://tinyurl.com/pza4j3b

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 09:44 PM (7qAYi)

514 Over at PJ Media, "Russian Jets Buzz US Navy Destroyer In Simulated Attack - more aggressive than anything we've seen in some time."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2016 08:52 PM (p4UlV)



The whole world is pissing in the country's face. Just what Barry wanted

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 09:44 PM (45oDG)

515
How do you get a drummer off your porch?
Pay for the pizza
----------
I thought that was a banjo player joke? No worry, it works for both.

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at April 13, 2016 09:44 PM (7TOkf)

516 Are you going to Scarborough Shoal?

Posted by: China at April 13, 2016 09:45 PM (FkBIv)

517 Well at least you're not spitting mad
Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian

I find that hard to swallow.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:46 PM (8AdYN)

518 To give you some idea of what a nerd I am, I recently dowmloaded Sinstra Sings Antonio Carlos Jobim.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at April 13, 2016 09:43 PM (Nwg0u)

One of Sinatra's best albums, IMHO. I especially love "Change Partners"

Posted by: Josephistan at April 13, 2016 09:46 PM (7qAYi)

519 516 Are you going to Scarborough Shoal?

--

Parsley, sage, rosemary and barnacles

Posted by: @votermom at April 13, 2016 09:46 PM (nbrY/)

520 Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:46 PM (8A

Touché

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 09:46 PM (voOPb)

521 2-0 Penguins


Shit

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 09:47 PM (nkuXN)

522 Megyn has internalized Trump's abuse. She now starts every sentence with "In fairness to Mr. Trump...". She pre-states his positions and quotes his statements with doe-eyed sincerity. Even Greta dedicates her whole show to Trump's phony complaints. Like Sharpton, he's learned what works.

Battered Journalist Syndrome-not pretty.

Posted by: The Gipper Lives at April 13, 2016 09:47 PM (Ndje9)

523 An ewok and a rabbit were in the woods and both sharted.
The ewok asks the rabbit if he ever had problems with shart sticking to his fur.
The rabbit told the ewok no.
So the ewok picks up the rabbit and ...

Posted by: Garym at April 13, 2016 09:47 PM (BasZO)

524
Reset.
Posted by: iforgot

Overcharge.
Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:42 PM (8AdYN)
-------------------------

It's little things like that that almost make me regret that she won't be debating Donald Trump.

I'm of the Church of Cosmic Justice down the street, and our prophet has told us that James Comey (PBUH) will usher in a new era. We're going to start our calendars at the year 0 and append "A.C.," for "After Clinton."

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 09:47 PM (5o5ek)

525 Dang, Ace.

Posted by: sinalco at April 13, 2016 09:48 PM (yODqO)

526
Bob's like Honey Badger. He don't give a shit. Fans showing up expecting a "sixties counterculture legend" will be in for the shock of their lives.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 09:41 PM (sdi6R)







It's also rumored that his politics have turned rather conservative, although he's been pretty cagy about it.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 09:48 PM (o98Jz)

527 "Autumn Leaves", "That Old Black Magic", "What'll I Do", "I'm a Fool to Want You", "All or Nothing at All". This is gonna be fun!

Bob's like Honey Badger. He don't give a shit. Fans showing up expecting a "sixties counterculture legend" will be in for the shock of their lives.

-
I downloaded that album, as well. Bob's like Jimmy Durante and women preachers. It's not so much that they do it well as it is that they do it at all.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks at April 13, 2016 09:48 PM (Nwg0u)

528 Well if ace has the poops we should feed him some canned pumpkin and put him in his crate until he stops shitting

Posted by: ThunderB at April 13, 2016 09:48 PM (zOTsN)

529
The whole world is pissing in the country's face. Just what Barry wanted

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 09:44 PM (45oDG)
-----------------

I joke about it (Reset - Overcharge - bah) but it really fills me with sadness, anger, and fear.

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 09:49 PM (5o5ek)

530 Well if ace has the poops we should feed him some canned pumpkin and put him in his crate until he stops shitting


Ace is Seamus!

Put that cage on the roof of the Volvo.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at April 13, 2016 09:50 PM (1xUj/)

531
The whole world is pissing in the country's face. Just what Barry wanted
Posted by: TheQuietMan


I believe "fundamentally transformed" was the phrase.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at April 13, 2016 09:50 PM (FkBIv)

532 "Megyn has internalized Trump's abuse."

She has rather "compartmentalized" it. She shows impartial journalistic integrity, whether some think so, or not.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:50 PM (OQ9R7)

533 come on Houston. all you have to do is not blow a 29 pt lead in 7 minutes

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 09:51 PM (lcUkY)

534
Ace is getting up there in years and it is time to have that conversation.

Take him in?
Assisted living?
DNR?
Euthanasia?
Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 09:42 PM (iQIUe)
-----------------------

Daphne Moon

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 09:51 PM (5o5ek)

535 @512 Remember bumper stickers that said, "My best friends, the Daniels Brothers -- Charlie and Jack"?

In my sportin' car days, I had one that said, "My best friends, the Beam Brothers -- Jim and Joe."

Now that I've been down the Bourbon Trail, I know there really was a Joe Beam, so it's not as funny. He was pretty much the patriarch of the clan, just never got his name on the bottle, other than the signature across the seal.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 09:51 PM (xq1UY)

536 >>>>the poops we should feed him some canned pumpkin and put him in his crate until he stops shitting
Posted by: ThunderB at April 13, 2016 09:48 PM (zOTsN)

And the cone of shame

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 09:51 PM (voOPb)

537 Maybe the Centauri mission can use Ace's gas as rocket-fuel

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 09:52 PM (lcUkY)

538 SHOCK: BIEBER SNIFFS OWN POOP BEFORE EVERY SHOW
SHERIFF JOE: "ILLEGALS POOPING IN STREET"
NBC PLANNING NEW REALITY SHOW ABOUT POOP

Posted by: MacGruber at April 13, 2016 09:52 PM (ZL/7N)

539 I feel your pain Ace. However you have a much better sense of humor about it than I do. I travel over the road a lot and have been cursed several times with Hershey squirts while driving to or from meetings. Gotta do what you gotta do. There's a corn field in Iowa I still think about the poor farmer going through later wondering what the hell got into the deer that shit all over his corn. And when did deer start using McDonald's paper napkins to wipe their asses?

Posted by: RedInaBlueState at April 13, 2016 09:53 PM (ENVge)

540 Well if ace has the poops we should feed him some canned pumpkin and put him in his crate until he stops shitting
Posted by: ThunderB at April 13, 2016 09:48 PM (zOTsN)

****

Bananas, Probiotic yogurt and Miso soup followed by a swat on the nose and a loud "Bad Ewok!" should do it.

Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 09:53 PM (YLidQ)

541
Maybe the Centauri mission can use Ace's gas as rocket-fuel
Posted by: boulder terlit hobo


Keep him away!

Posted by: Londo Molari at April 13, 2016 09:53 PM (FkBIv)

542 CRUZ REVEALS ANTI-DILDO POLICY . . .

ACE SOILS HIMSELF . . .

Coincidence? I think not.

Posted by: tsj017 at April 13, 2016 09:53 PM (jnAOr)

543 mr. poopypants

Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 13, 2016 09:54 PM (0O7c5)

544 Al Sharpton is an ignorant ass. He defies reality at every turn.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:54 PM (OQ9R7)

545 did ace shit his pants? depends........

Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 13, 2016 09:54 PM (0O7c5)

546 Red In A Blue State, or maybe the farmer said "screw it" and packaged that corn into a tortilla which Ace then ate.

It's the circle, the circle of life

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 09:55 PM (lcUkY)

547 Well it didn't hit me........

Posted by: The Fan at April 13, 2016 09:55 PM (Cn6LG)

548 I joke about it (Reset - Overcharge - bah) but it really fills me with sadness, anger, and fear.

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 09:49 PM (5o5ek)




Not that I want it to happen but if someone or group launched a major attack on the country Prezzy Sodomite wouldn't do a thing. Probably lecture us on how we deserved it

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 09:55 PM (45oDG)

549 The Rockets: ace's ass
The Kings: ace's plumbing

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 09:56 PM (lcUkY)

550 Cubs up 9-1 in the 6th. Lackey pitching well.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at April 13, 2016 09:57 PM (T/5A0)

551 >>>Ace is Seamus!



Put that cage on the roof of the Volvo.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at April 13, 2016 09:50 PM (1xUj/)<<<

Seamace.

Posted by: Mittens Romney at April 13, 2016 09:58 PM (H9MG5)

552 Of course, after the Rockets win this they then have to play against the Golden State Stevencurrys.

That... could get ugly.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 09:58 PM (lcUkY)

553 Posted by: iforgot

I can believe, but yet I still somehow can't believe that gaffe during what was the lamest display of foreign policy ever to begin with, has slipped down the memory hole.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:59 PM (8AdYN)

554 I've never said this before, (even during the Wood/Prior era), but this just may be the Cubs' Year.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:59 PM (OQ9R7)

555 Thought I read Trumps doodoo on women?

Posted by: akak at April 13, 2016 10:00 PM (0HQPC)

556 No, that's Angela Merkel's doodoo on women

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 10:01 PM (lcUkY)

557 Here's something...

I refuse to pray for Al Sharpton. In fact, I despise him and await his ultimate doom.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:02 PM (OQ9R7)

558 So, if some Moron were to tell Ace to put a cork in it, the resulting action would be a multiple-choice question on the test?



Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at April 13, 2016 10:02 PM (McRlu)

559 526
It's also rumored that his politics have turned rather conservative, although he's been pretty cagy about it.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 13, 2016 09:48 PM (o98Jz)


I've heard those rumors too. After his early "protest singer" period over 50 years ago, he largely clammed up about politics. You practically never see him in the tabloids or pontificating about Important Issues. He's the living embodiment of "Shut Up and Sing".

Like I said earlier, he hasn't yet announced any dates in the region around North Carolina. I would be very surprised--and disappointed--if he plays in Virginia and South Carolina while avoiding North Carolina.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 10:02 PM (sdi6R)

560 There's a demon named assclown who lives in your colon.

When he's stirring up trouble, your bowels feel swollen.

Hillary hopes he'll behave as she ascends to the podium.

Which is why Huma gives her copious amounts of immodium!

Posted by: Shell Shartstain at April 13, 2016 10:03 PM (Z1+Wk)

561
I can believe, but yet I still somehow can't believe that gaffe during what was the lamest display of foreign policy ever to begin with, has slipped down the memory hole.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 09:59 PM (8AdYN)
--------------------------
If someone were to get real snide with her about it in public -- "And you, with your quote-unquote RESET!' The Russians are LAUGHING at us thanks to you!" -- maybe it would jog a few memories or bring about some hurried, embarrassed liberalsplaining.

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 10:06 PM (5o5ek)

562 -Posted by: Shell Shartstain at April 13, 2016 10:03 PM (Z1+Wk)

5.5/10

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:07 PM (OQ9R7)

563 Ace found the "brown note".

Posted by: the Mythbusters at April 13, 2016 10:08 PM (H9MG5)

564 81-116, to the Rockets. Well done. The Warriors will eat you first

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at April 13, 2016 10:08 PM (lcUkY)

565 554 I've never said this before, (even during the Wood/Prior era), but this just may be the Cubs' Year.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 09:59 PM (OQ9R7)
-----------------------------
Could be. Really could.

I guess it's time to get right with God.
The End Times and all of that.
Just in case.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at April 13, 2016 10:09 PM (T/5A0)

566 Those comments from Ace's last post are having new context in light of The Event:

"The Italian is overcooked pasta and watery sauce that doesn't hold together?

The Chinese food tastes like it's just some meat tossed around in a wok with some sugared soy sauce added?"

The man paints a picture with words. We just didn't know what we were looking at.

Posted by: OneEyedJack at April 13, 2016 10:10 PM (kKHcp)

567 "Not that I want it to happen but if someone or group launched a major attack on the country Prezzy Sodomite wouldn't do a thing. Probably lecture us on how we deserved it"

No doubt about it. Especially if that someone was Iran- Where we thanked them profusely for humiliating our sailors and using them as propaganda props.

Posted by: Cooldawg at April 13, 2016 10:10 PM (KBvP5)

568 >>To give you some idea of what a nerd I am, I recently dowmloaded Sinstra Sings Antonio Carlos Jobim.


Got it on Vinyl.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:11 PM (xUVR8)

569 Bananas. lemons....you have to shove them up your ass.

Posted by: Tootincommon at April 13, 2016 10:11 PM (nEJQ1)

570 "Could be. Really could.

I guess it's time to get right with God.
The End Times and all of that.
Just in case.
"
-Posted by: Margarita DeVille at April 13, 2016 10:09 PM (T/5A0)

*HAH!*

Cats and dogs may be living together earlier than any of us thought possible... lol!

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:11 PM (OQ9R7)

571
Not that I want it to happen but if someone or group launched a major attack on the country Prezzy Sodomite wouldn't do a thing. Probably lecture us on how we deserved it

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 09:55 PM (45oDG)
----------------------
I wish there could be something, kind of harmless yet shocking, that would cause Preezy Sodomite to expose himself. A hostage-taking (that results in no deaths) would work, perhaps with John Kerry sending Barry Manilow to sing "Pleeeease release me, let me goOO00ooo."

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 10:12 PM (5o5ek)

572 I wish there could be something, kind of harmless yet shocking, that
would cause Preezy Sodomite to expose himself. A hostage-taking (that
results in no deaths) would work, perhaps with John Kerry sending Barry
Manilow to sing "Pleeeease release me, let me goOO00ooo."


Please regrease my poor butthole,
For it's getting really sore...

Posted by: The Chicken at April 13, 2016 10:14 PM (YJmuy)

573 GOOOOOAL!!!!


Penguins 2 Rangers 1

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 10:15 PM (nkuXN)

574 Goddamn Windows 10.

Oh, wait...in the spirit of the evening:

MORON KNUCKLES UNDER TO WINDOWS NAG WINDOW, UPDATES SYSTEM, WONDERS WHAT THE FUCK.

WEIRD ICONS AND TYPOGRAPHY DOMINATES NEW WINDOWS LANDSCAPE.

SATYA NADELLA: WE SNAGGED ANOTHER SUCKER!

CHILD HIT BY LAPTOP THROWN OFF 12TH FLOOR BALCONY, SURVIVES.

Posted by: VA GOP Sucks at April 13, 2016 10:15 PM (16TRA)

575 Y'all be my bitchez someday.

Posted by: C. diff at April 13, 2016 10:16 PM (RcpcZ)

576 CRUZ NEWEST FUND RAISER- GOLDEN PACIFIERS WITH AN EMBOSSED T... MADE IN AMERICA-CAMPAIGN MAKES MILLIONS- TRUMP CALLS FOR INVESTIGATION THREATENS TO SUE FOR DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER.
(Siren at Drudge)

Posted by: redridinghood at April 13, 2016 10:16 PM (7GQM/)

577 I think Ace is a little young to be having these sort of accidents. If he had bowel cancer surgery it would be understandable.

Advice: only do your farting on the toilet.

Posted by: Decaf at April 13, 2016 10:16 PM (uxpLH)

578 Bus stations were famous for them. Saw a few in gas stations as well.
Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 06:42 PM (Fmupd)

And do you all know what happened to pay toilets? Just like most capitalist ideas in the USA, charging for something so that it can either make a profit or at least pay for itself so others didn't have to pay for it. there were SJW in the 1970's who demanded they be banned. And first there was one state to ban them, then the next, then the next.....until finally they were no more.

From Wiki.

"The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states."

Posted by: Jen the original at April 13, 2016 10:19 PM (ph1j2)

579 I think Ace is a little young to be having these sort of accidents. If he had bowel cancer surgery it would be understandable.

Ewok years are sort of like dog years.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster Bravely supporting kittens at April 13, 2016 10:19 PM (uURQL)

580 The Russians are LAUGHING at us thanks to you!"
Posted by: iforgot

To be fair... TFG, and her predecessor have done their share in humiliating us.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 10:20 PM (8AdYN)

581 Maybe too much salt in the diet?

Posted by: NaCly Dog at April 13, 2016 10:21 PM (u82oZ)

582 Well Ace, you are a pimple on the Drudge website's ass, so don't try to punch above your weight. Also, Lewandowski will NOT be charged, demonstrating that your hysterics were baseless.

Meanwhile lying Ted Cruz, who I will be happy to vote for if he is the nominee, seems to be concerned over dildos and their use. And lying Ted's main man, Glenn Beck now compares him to Moses.

Trump looks more mainstream all the time.

Posted by: Dogbert at April 13, 2016 10:21 PM (cMqHE)

583 I can believe, but yet I still somehow can't believe that gaffe during
what was the lamest display of foreign policy ever to begin with, has
slipped down the memory hole.




Which one?

Posted by: Infidel at April 13, 2016 10:22 PM (hvjFt)

584 "Sir", said the shart, "I exist!"

"I know", replied the Ewok, "but that does not create in me a sense of obligation.

Posted by: Shell Shartstain at April 13, 2016 10:22 PM (Z1+Wk)

585 So.
What do you guys think of that new gun tax in the Northern Marianas?

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 10:23 PM (xq1UY)

586 Posted by: Dogbert at April 13, 2016 10:21 PM (cMqHE)

Nice that you criticize your host when you can be assured that he won't read it.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:23 PM (Zu3d9)

587 I think all gun owners in the Marianas should run to one side of the island and then it will tip over. That'll show 'me.

Posted by: Tootincommon at April 13, 2016 10:25 PM (nEJQ1)

588 , so don't try to punch above your weight.
Posted by Dogbert

You should take your own advice.

Posted by: AmeriDan at April 13, 2016 10:25 PM (8AdYN)

589 ..."The man paints a picture with words. We just didn't know what we were looking at."
-Posted by: OneEyedJack at April 13, 2016 10:10 PM (kKHcp)

I knew. The comments always sealed the deal.

As someone who prides himself upon the visual clarity of the written word; as descriptive art?

I'm blown away by Ace, at times.

I sit here, in my little corner of the world, and say to myself: "Why can't I do that?"

I am reminded by my lack of talent that perhaps I am better at Simple Public Speaking than defining the minutiae around State Delegates and Electoral Nominations.

I come here because I am reminded of history that I've either forgotten, or never knew.

It is clarified in simple prose, with elegance that only Ace and The Horde can bring.

...are you going to come? Because my mouth is getting tired.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:25 PM (OQ9R7)

590 586 Posted by: Dogbert at April 13, 2016 10:21 PM (cMqHE)

Nice that you criticize your host when you can be assured that he won't read it.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:23 PM (Zu3d9)
--------------
He's got a tablet in there with him. or he did.

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at April 13, 2016 10:25 PM (7TOkf)

591 Fuck, so much for the Rangers winning this one.

Posted by: logprof at April 13, 2016 10:25 PM (nkuXN)

592 >>so much for the Rangers winning this one.


Kinda all fell apart there at the end, didn't it?

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:27 PM (xUVR8)

593 Got it on Vinyl.


Posted by: garrett

Maybe later, after we put the kids to bed, we can talk about Astrud Gilberto.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 10:27 PM (xq1UY)

594 Trump on Hannity, re: Meghan Kelly "She came by today, I guess it was her time..."

The man has a way with the language.

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at April 13, 2016 10:27 PM (7TOkf)

595 Trump looks more mainstream all the time.
Posted by: Dogbert at April 13, 2016 10:21 PM (cMqHE)
************
on Mars.

Posted by: redridinghood at April 13, 2016 10:27 PM (7GQM/)

596 I do donuts in the White House lawn and laugh at you weaklings.

Posted by: Vladimir Putin at April 13, 2016 10:27 PM (RcpcZ)

597 ACE LIKE A BABY. BIG APPETITE. SHITS EVERYWHERE.
JUST LIKE REAGAN.

Posted by: sans_sheriff at April 13, 2016 10:28 PM (+RDoJ)

598 The song people were asking about upthread: Waters of March, by Stan Getz?

Posted by: Josef K. at April 13, 2016 10:28 PM (RcpcZ)

599 Was Ace channeling Barack while Barack was thinking about Vladimir? Can't hide from destiny, Barack, Ace.

Posted by: goon at April 13, 2016 10:29 PM (WCaSy)

600 From Wiki.

"The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states."
Posted by: Jen the original at April 13, 2016 10:19 PM (ph1j2)

--

Holy crap!

Posted by: @votermom at April 13, 2016 10:29 PM (nbrY/)

601 Hi, Dogbert. You're a brave sack of vinegar and water, sweetheart!

Take a break and cool down because that vinegar smell is upsetting the rest of the Real Men and 'Ette Thinkers.

You know what? Hit the showers, pal. You deserve need it.

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Slapweasel

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:29 PM (OQ9R7)

602 132 They used to have pay toilets in some train stations
(T/5A0)


We occasionally took the train from Dallas to San Antonio when I was a wee tyke, circa 1964 or '65. I remember going to the bathroom in the train and watching the railroad ties pass swiftly underneath the toilet.

Some things have changed for the better.

That said, I feel for Ace. That's happened to pretty much all of us at some point in our lives. It's embarrassing and no fun.

Posted by: Michael the Hobbit at April 13, 2016 10:30 PM (dPpmC)

603 "The song people were asking about upthread: Waters of March, by Stan Getz?"
-Posted by: Josef K. at April 13, 2016 10:28 PM (RcpcZ)

It turned out to be Art Garfunkel. Same title, different artist.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:31 PM (OQ9R7)

604 So Bernie is telling his Bernie Bots that Verizon NY hasn't paid any taxes despite making Billions in profit in 'any given year".

The CEO of Verizon has let him have it with both barrels and the company's financial report. The company has paid 15.6 Billion in taxes in the last two years, which is a 35% tax rate.

Won't make any difference to his believers.

Posted by: Jen the original at April 13, 2016 10:31 PM (ph1j2)

605 >> Astrud Gilberto

Best giggles ever caught on tape.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:32 PM (xUVR8)

606 Kinda all fell apart there at the end, didn't it?

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:27 PM (xUVR

They copied the Yankees.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:33 PM (Zu3d9)

607 He's got a tablet in there with him. or he did.
Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at April 13, 2016 10:25 PM (7TOkf)

****

If true, that right there is dedication. (Defecation as a typo would have been too obvious).

Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 10:34 PM (YLidQ)

608 >>They copied the Yankees.


They were up 3 Games!

Posted by: 2004 ALCS at April 13, 2016 10:35 PM (xUVR8)

609 So it's still shit?,

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 10:35 PM (voOPb)

610 Well Ace, you are a pimple on the Drudge website's
ass, so don't try to punch above your weight. Also, Lewandowski will
NOT be charged, demonstrating that your hysterics were baseless.



Meanwhile lying Ted Cruz, who I will be happy to vote for if he is
the nominee, seems to be concerned over dildos and their use. And lying
Ted's main man, Glenn Beck now compares him to Moses.



Trump looks more mainstream all the time.

Posted by: Dogbert at April 13, 2016 10:21 PM (cMqHE)
Wow... asshole much?

Posted by: redbanzai at April 13, 2016 10:35 PM (nUJM6)

611 578
"The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states."
Posted by: Jen the original at April 13, 2016 10:19 PM (ph1j2)


I can see an argument for sex discrimination in this case. As I said in an earlier comment, there were no pay urinals, so men only had to pay occasionally, while women had to pay every time.

Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 10:35 PM (sdi6R)

612 Trump on Hannity, re: Meghan Kelly "She came by today, I guess it was her time..."

The man has a way with the language.
Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at April 13, 2016 10:27 PM (7TOkf)
*********
The Wharton Elementary School

Posted by: redridinghood at April 13, 2016 10:36 PM (7GQM/)

613
Portuguese jazz is very good:

O Pato

https://goo.gl/Vblr7r

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 10:36 PM (iQIUe)

614 Posted by: 2004 ALCS at April 13, 2016 10:35 PM (xUVR

That's not funny.

Seriously.


Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:36 PM (Zu3d9)

615 "That's not funny.

Seriously.
"
-Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:36 PM (Zu3d9)

Dude...

I live around Cleveland.

Take a moment and Shut The Fuck Up.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:38 PM (OQ9R7)

616 Seriously

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:38 PM (OQ9R7)

617 Posted by: rickl at April 13, 2016 10:35 PM (sdi6R)

When I win the Lottery (which won't happen because I don't play) I will build, in NYC, a fantastic bathroom for men only, with every amenity imaginable.

For no other reason than it will irritate some humorless scold of a feminist.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:39 PM (Zu3d9)

618
The CEO of Verizon has let him have it with both barrels and the company's financial report. The company has paid 15.6 Billion in taxes in the last two years, which is a 35% tax rate.

Won't make any difference to his believers.
Posted by: Jen the original at April 13, 2016 10:31 PM (ph1j2)
------------------------

The CEO needs to drop the f-bomb. Or at least call Bernie a filthy, putrid liar and drum-headed idiot, adding that he (the CEO) would say worse but the PR department has advised against it.

Posted by: iforgot at April 13, 2016 10:39 PM (5o5ek)

619 White Castle used to have pay toilets.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at April 13, 2016 10:39 PM (FkBIv)

620 >>I live around Cleveland.


I hear summer there can get steamy.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:39 PM (xUVR8)

621 Only a fantastic bathroom? Not a fabulous one?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 10:40 PM (voOPb)

622 When there were pay toilets, I learned that the one 'way down at the end was (sometimes?) free.

But you reeeeaaallly didn't want to use it.

Posted by: mindful webworker joining in the potty humor at April 13, 2016 10:41 PM (5a8XA)

623 Only a fantastic bathroom? Not a fabulous one?
Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 10:40 PM (voOPb)

*****

It must be Yuugge!!!! And gold leafed.

Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 10:41 PM (YLidQ)

624 Take a moment and Shut The Fuck Up.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:38 PM (OQ9R7)

You have no experience with winning. Why would losing upset you? You have no basis for comparison.

We aren't talking about some washed up, silly, sort-of MLB team. We are discussing real baseball.

Now go home and get your fucking shinebox.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:41 PM (Zu3d9)

625 Been there Ace a few times including an incident at Summerfest in Milwaukee where I had to dispose of my unders in the portapotty and spend the rest of the day commando in a pair of umbros because it was either buy a more suitable pair of shorts or have beer money.

I chose beer money.

Posted by: H Badger at April 13, 2016 10:41 PM (+xIXD)

626 "So it's still shit?,
Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 10:35 PM (

--------


Yep.

Posted by: Decaf at April 13, 2016 10:42 PM (uxpLH)

627 "I hear summer there can get steamy."
-Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:39 PM (xUVR

We have midges*. So there's that.

*those things that landed all over Joba Chamberlain.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:42 PM (OQ9R7)

628 I had to discard my underwear a few months ago. Did they surive? Sometimes it's not worth trying to salvage.

Posted by: drunken sharter at April 13, 2016 10:42 PM (Z1+Wk)

629 "@130 Posted by: JackStraw at April 13, 2016 06:53 PM (/tuJf)"

KING GEORGE SAYS RUSTICS NEED BUTT CREAM!

RUSTICS DECLARE INDEPENDENCE!


Posted by: William Eaton at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (KhJh8)

630 623 Only a fantastic bathroom? Not a fabulous one?
Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 10:40 PM (voOPb)

*****

It must be Yuugge!!!! And gold leafed.
Posted by: Tim in GA at April 13, 2016 10:41 PM (YLidQ)

We' ll have great negotiations. Those NYC negotiators are suckers.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (voOPb)

631 Even after the second game, I was all like -

"Don't worry.
We still only need to one one.
We. Got. This.".

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (xUVR8)

632 Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:42 PM (OQ9R7)

Pistols at dawn?

[I'm not worried. For God's sake, you're an Indians fan]

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (Zu3d9)

633 Ace should consider marketing his poo-stained underwear as a Rorschach test for Trump Disciples.

Posted by: Fritz at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (+E2Y7)

634
*senses that the collegiality rule is not being observed*

Posted by: Mike hammer, etc., etc. at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (oFSUK)

635 When I win the Lottery (which won't happen because I
don't play) I will build, in NYC, a fantastic bathroom for men only,
with every amenity imaginable.

For no other reason than it will irritate some humorless scold of a feminist.


Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:39 PM (Zu3d9)

Excellent plan! Don't forget to hire a guy to stand by the sinks in a tux and hand out linen hand towels and offer cologne.

Posted by: redbanzai at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (nUJM6)

636 Last night was only a little better waking up in the middle of the night and wondering why my shorts were wet and realizing that my 4 year old had decided to piss her pants to a point where 3 loads of laundry had to be done.

Posted by: H Badger at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (+xIXD)

637 >>Summerfest in Milwaukee


Siegel, Schwall Band!

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:44 PM (xUVR8)

638 Where I was raised that unfortunate event the Ace alludes to is known as a plotch. Can be a noun or verb. e.g. "I plotched."

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at April 13, 2016 10:44 PM (UsLZp)

639
*detects faint whiff of Chanel No. 2*

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at April 13, 2016 10:45 PM (oFSUK)

640 Posted by: H Badger at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (+xIXD)

Wow! How much beer did she drink?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:45 PM (Zu3d9)

641 >>Excellent plan! Don't forget to hire a guy to stand by the sinks in a tux and hand out linen hand towels and offer cologne.


True Fact : In Germany, it's customary for the bathroom attendant to tip you.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:45 PM (xUVR8)

642 I saw chalk and splooched in my Underoos.

Posted by: Oberlin College Snowflake at April 13, 2016 10:45 PM (Dwehj)

643 @609 "But, it's good shit."

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 10:46 PM (xq1UY)

644
*senses that the collegiality rule is not being observed*
Posted by: Mike hammer, etc., etc. at April 13, 2016 10:43 PM (oFSUK)
--------
It was shat right out about 2 PM EDT

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at April 13, 2016 10:46 PM (7TOkf)

645 Did someone call flamewar?

I'll flame by not flaming. You(insert name here) are just not worth the effort to flame.

Posted by: Tim in Illinois. Let's play two! at April 13, 2016 10:46 PM (WVsWD)

646 Where I was raised that unfortunate event the Ace alludes to is known as a plotch. Can be a noun or verb. e.g. "I plotched."
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon
------------

Dire Rear

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at April 13, 2016 10:46 PM (oFSUK)

647 The CEO of Verizon has let him have it with both barrels and the company's financial report. The company has paid 15.6 Billion in taxes in the last two years, which is a 35% tax rate.

Won't make any difference to his believers.

Posted by: Jen the original at April 13, 2016 10:31 PM (ph1j2)




I'm sure that Verizon is run by a bunch of lefties who support lefty causes. So I like to hear them squeal like that turd Immelt when Comrade Bernie takes a shot at them. They want lefty progressive shit unless it affects them. So fvck them all.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 10:46 PM (45oDG)

648 ..."Now go home and get your fucking shinebox."
-Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:41 PM (Zu3d9)

Bite Me, You Whining, Elitist Jackass!

*spits*

This is the Mogadishu of sports let-downs!

Have another bottle of champagne as piss-ants like me watch.

I don't envy you.

...Except I do.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:47 PM (OQ9R7)

649 Pretty much nonexistent in the US now, but common overseas. Don't think I've seen one in the UK in the past decade, but France, Italy, China, etc yes absolutely.
Posted by: International League of Dolphins, Local 43 at April 13, 2016 06:43 PM (o+SC1)


France, and also Italy and Germany. I've never visited China but I've heard horror stories about big rooms with many spaced holes in them.

During my first visit to Berlin, years before the wall fell, many public men's bathrooms had older, FEMALE attendants who demanded payment before using or even WHILE using the facilities.

That was awkward and disconcerting.

Surprisingly, the public toilet facilities in East Germany were better, though the few bits of toilet paper available might as well have been newspaper.

Posted by: Michael the Hobbit at April 13, 2016 10:48 PM (dPpmC)

650 Enough to piss her pants but not nearly enough to shit herself like her old man did way back when...

Posted by: H Badger at April 13, 2016 10:49 PM (+xIXD)

651 ...Except I do.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:47 PM (OQ9R7)

Trust me...until the Yankees get rid of Girardi and Cashman, nothing will change. We will never get back to the World Series....

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 10:49 PM (Zu3d9)

652 Cashman has to go. Guy is a dinosaur at this point.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 10:50 PM (xUVR8)

653 AOP - Nice... if one has the spare change lying around. Note the size of the battery compared to the engine:

http://preview.tinyurl.com/js7ujou

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at April 13, 2016 10:51 PM (9mTYi)

654 I've never visited China but I've heard horror stories about big rooms with many spaced holes in them.




They're very different to say the least.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 13, 2016 10:52 PM (45oDG)

655 Urinal rules: If you shake it more than three times, your playing with it.
Posted by: Soona at April 13, 2016 07:03 PM (Fmupd)


That changes once you reach 50 or so. Shake and squeeze until everything is out, or potentially face yellow undies.

Posted by: Michael the Hobbit at April 13, 2016 10:53 PM (dPpmC)

656 Boy, the ONT sure is great tonight. Glad I opted for the platinum-plus membership so I could see it early.

Posted by: mindful webworker would never lie to you at April 13, 2016 10:53 PM (5a8XA)

657 Gentlemen, shart your engines. Shart power is smart power.

Posted by: organic methane fuel at April 13, 2016 10:54 PM (Z1+Wk)

658 On my mark...

Posted by: Chinese restroom attendant at April 13, 2016 10:54 PM (Dwehj)

659 Shitting out of a crouch into a hole does take some getting used too quiet man...less horrific if you remember toilet paper.

Posted by: H Badger at April 13, 2016 10:54 PM (+xIXD)

660 I love my squatty potty.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at April 13, 2016 10:55 PM (FkBIv)

661 China is fucking nothing until they can compete in the big leagues of international baseball. Forget soccer, soccer is for fags, women, and losers.

Posted by: Fritz at April 13, 2016 10:55 PM (+E2Y7)

662 My lord

Still this thread?

Smells like Calcutta in here

Posted by: ThunderB at April 13, 2016 10:55 PM (zOTsN)

663 "Forget soccer, soccer is for fags, women, and losers."
-Posted by: Fritz at April 13, 2016 10:55 PM (+E2Y7)

I played soccer. Your opinion has been noted.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:58 PM (OQ9R7)

664 Baby butt bomb? I invent baby butt bomb.

Posted by: Ahmed Mohammed at April 13, 2016 10:58 PM (Z1+Wk)

665 1.5 billion of us could shit our way to Des Moines. And back.

Posted by: Chinese restroom attendant at April 13, 2016 10:58 PM (Dwehj)

666 NEVER trust a fart. Never.

Posted by: Abiss at April 13, 2016 10:58 PM (UsgHM)

667 I never thought there'd be a thread where it would be on-topic to post this. Thanks, Ace!

Ice cream pooping unicorn said
use squat pot to get more turd
I found out I don't need that
I simply just lean forwurd.


Burma Shart

Posted by: mindful webworker into the toilet once more at April 13, 2016 10:59 PM (5a8XA)

668 The guys get sharts.

Posted by: Paul Anka at April 13, 2016 11:00 PM (Dwehj)

669 I played soccer.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 10:58 PM (OQ9R7)

And you are an Indians fan.

QED

[Really, you shouldn't make it so easy]

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 11:00 PM (Zu3d9)

670 Just one last heave back in the direction of Topic:

I'm sure there's no irony at all in the idea of a total gun ban on Saipan and Tinian.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 11:00 PM (xq1UY)

671 The guys get sharts.
Posted by: Paul Anka


That was pretty good.

Posted by: mindful webworker laughed at April 13, 2016 11:01 PM (5a8XA)

672 Ace
So.
I'm knocking off early.
I have an excuse.
I'm sick. Well, I'm tired and run down and sick.

Be well Ace. I'm in the same boat. Back issues are driving me nutz.

Be well all, time for some possible rest here.

Posted by: D TRUMP at April 13, 2016 11:02 PM (o/90i)

673 I'm used to it, CBD. You didn't like the 3-0 comeback comment? Try forty-five years of it! lol.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 11:03 PM (OQ9R7)

674 Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 11:03 PM (OQ9R7)



Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 13, 2016 11:04 PM (Zu3d9)

675 If I get a sigmoid colon vaginoplasty, will it still smell like a rear, or does it eventually abate?

If I get someone to eat me out, I don't want to embarrass myself.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at April 13, 2016 11:04 PM (Z1+Wk)

676 Ace's favorite color?

Shartreuse

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2016 11:04 PM (xUVR8)

677 I can't even...wtf? Did Ace just announce he shat himself to half the Internet?

Posted by: AlaBAMA at April 13, 2016 11:04 PM (pUDQf)

678 Blackish Like Me

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at April 13, 2016 07:44 PM (8ZskC)


Golf clap.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at April 13, 2016 11:05 PM (UsLZp)

679 ONT is NOOD!

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at April 13, 2016 11:06 PM (OQ9R7)

680 @677 Hell no. He announced that like, 5 hours ago.
It's probably been read into the Congressional Record by now.
InstaPundit's going "heh" trying to decide whether to Instalanche it.
You might not think so on a day to day basis, but they have some standards.
Indeed.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at April 13, 2016 11:07 PM (xq1UY)

681 NEVER trust a fart. Never.

Posted by: Abiss at April 13, 2016 10:58 PM (UsgHM)



Cross my heart and hope to die,

I'm scentless, silent, and totally dry!


(muahahah! sucka!)

Posted by: Your cheatin' fart at April 13, 2016 11:09 PM (Z1+Wk)

682 Jesus how often do we say this:

PREPARE YOUR ANUS

Posted by: Sturt at April 13, 2016 11:10 PM (MXc24)

683 Oh, they are reporting it as a suicide by the guy who died. He brought home a tank of hydrogen sulfate. He almost took 11 people with him.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at April 13, 2016 08:12 PM (iQIUe)


Hydrogen sulfide, Bruce. H2S Very nasty stuff, can kill you in less than a minute. Always a risk in the oil patch, so we have to be trained to avoid it.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at April 13, 2016 11:12 PM (UsLZp)

684 AOP - Nice... if one has the spare change lying around. Note the size of the battery compared to the engine:

http://preview.tinyurl.com/js7ujou

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at April 13, 2016 10:51 PM (9mTYi)


Nice indeed. And nice that they have the parts.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at April 13, 2016 11:39 PM (UsLZp)

685 How to I go about getting this post emblazoned on a scroll for me to hang on my wall?

Posted by: Rbastid at April 14, 2016 12:44 AM (SSvAG)

686 191>>>If we ever get to see life on rewind I can't wait to see the expression on my own face when that tree pulled up.
Posted by: TexasDan at April 13, 2016 07:17 PM (7NKH4)

That's a great story; thanks.

Posted by: m at April 14, 2016 06:24 AM (S/1cF)

687 I'm sick. Welln down and sick.

Because I'm tiren drinking a lot of caffeine.

Posted by: Freedom Apk at April 14, 2016 12:48 PM (mCyDT)

688 Prob'ly a leetle bit "too much information", Ace -lurve ya fer yer "honesty", though...

As fer that dealie with the pistols in the Marianas' - well...you've heard-tell, maybe, of "Lawfare"?...welcome to "Taxfare", full-fledged an' full-blown Eeevil Is As Eeevil Does...

This is what happens, BTW, when Big Gubment (in the "person" of Barky The Puppy-Muncher, of course) manages - with the able-complicity of a "Social-Justice-Minded" SCOTUS, 5 - 4 - to obtain and sustain a "tax" as penalty for not bending the knee to coercion-into-purchase (Lookin' at YOU, Obamacare!!) - but then, you already (mostly) knew that, right?!? ...

This will end - badly...North Marianas' Goobernador Torres has chosen - poorly...

They - far too many of 'em - still don't grasp the meaning of "infringed" - but-they will, one way or another...

ThatIsAll -

Posted by: J.S.Bridges at April 15, 2016 01:43 PM (DsGWS)

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