Liveblogging Fifty Shades of Gray

It just started on HBO "Zone," wtf that is.

I'll live blog it.

All right. Some character development. We saw "Christian Gray" has a sweet walk-in closet (though not as opulent as I would have figured), and there was some Huge character reveal on Anastasia. Asked if she had her GPS, she said "Sure I have my GPS, I also have a four point oh GPA."

What?

Okay so his office is very Gray. It's not terrible, as far as the lighting and stuff. The sky is gray, the outside buildings are gray, everything's Gray. Because he's GRAY you dig?!

They are discussing... something. None of this matters. We're supposed to be looking at how they react to each other subliminally. That doesn't matter anyway.

"I enjoy various physical pursuits" is how he answers about hobbies.

"Are you gay, Mr. Gray?"

"No, Anastasia, I am not gay." Then we see fingers drumming to indicate she's Undone in his sexual presence.

His assistant comes in. She's hot. Also wearing Gray. BECAUSE HE'S GRAY, YOU SEE?

I'm going to the comments now, as posting takes too long.


Posted by: Ace at 09:40 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 Why yes, yes, they are.

Posted by: rickl at February 10, 2016 09:49 PM (sdi6R)

2 Well not anymore, apparently.

Posted by: rickl at February 10, 2016 09:49 PM (sdi6R)

3 The people responsible for sacking the people responsible for sacking the hamsters, have been sacked.

Posted by: Pixy and the Hamsters at February 10, 2016 09:49 PM (2yngH)

4 *manspreads*

Posted by: rickl at February 10, 2016 09:49 PM (sdi6R)

5 I forgot it was Ash Wednesday.

Granted, I'm not Catholic but I should have remembered.

Posted by: Kindltot at February 10, 2016 09:50 PM (q2o38)

6 This is awful. Wish I could comment

Posted by: phadedjaded at February 10, 2016 09:50 PM (q0Dv1)

7 I'm givin' her all she's got, Cap'n!

Posted by: Zettai Ryoiki, Proctologist to the Stars at February 10, 2016 09:51 PM (5csB/)

8 Down?

Down for what?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 09:51 PM (wCF3s)

9 Trump: DEMs' only hope.

Posted by: mnw (rare and flounced) at February 10, 2016 09:51 PM (2fV9Y)

10 Am I commenting?

Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 09:51 PM (2x3L+)

11 It's ALIVE!

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc. etc. at February 10, 2016 09:51 PM (ANVXm)

12 I thought I'd gotten into some bad hooch.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at February 10, 2016 09:52 PM (TnUKj)

13 Commenters' lives matter!

Posted by: Cloyd Freud, Unemployed at February 10, 2016 09:52 PM (u5gzz)

14 And, just like that, people bail on The Group. No loyalty at all.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc. etc. at February 10, 2016 09:52 PM (ANVXm)

15 We have crossed the comment paradox event horizon. Rubicon. Pretty sure.

Posted by: TexasDan at February 10, 2016 09:52 PM (/q+VA)

16 February 10, 2016. The Horde becomes self-aware...

Posted by: Zettai Ryoiki, Proctologist to the Stars at February 10, 2016 09:53 PM (5csB/)

17 Lie the e-mail I get the net day... "e-mail is down".

Posted by: Burnt Toast at February 10, 2016 09:53 PM (T78UI)

18 4 *manspreads*
Posted by: rickl at February 10, 2016 09:49 PM (sdi6R)


Telling people so that they manderstand is Ace's good subject today.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at February 10, 2016 09:53 PM (VdICR)

19 Deep breath...


Deep breath....

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at February 10, 2016 09:54 PM (ptqRm)

20 Seriously, Ewok Central has got to be the last website on Earth with a comments section powered by Geocities.

Posted by: Masturbatin' Pete at February 10, 2016 09:54 PM (IRqa0)

21 We have crossed the comment paradox event horizon. Rubicon. Pretty sure.

Posted by: TexasDan


*claws out eyeballs*

Posted by: Sam Neill at February 10, 2016 09:54 PM (wCF3s)

22 In the last thread, zombie had an interesting comment that revealed that (s)he was "inculcated" to be a liberal when a mere yoot.

But somewhere along the line, (s)he came over to the Dark Side.

I would like to hear the rest of that story.

Posted by: OregonMuse at February 10, 2016 09:55 PM (maOV6)

23 *Trump dance*

Posted by: eman at February 10, 2016 09:55 PM (MQEz6)

24 From reading another blog, I have discovered that some people are thinking of voting for Bloomberg over Trump, because Trump gives them the vapors or something.

So apparently Trump Derangement Syndrome is a real thing.

I mean, I would vote for Sanders before I'd vote for Bloomberg. And I'd write in my cat's name before I'd vote for Sanders.

Trump has not yet shown himself to be a tinpot dictator, while Bloomberg long ago removed all doubt.

Posted by: rickl at February 10, 2016 09:55 PM (sdi6R)

25 See, this what happens when you let New Hampsters vote!!11!

Posted by: Dead Parrot Society at February 10, 2016 09:55 PM (AJeMv)

26 I went through a little detox just then. I'm okay now. Thank God for the yahoo group people.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 09:55 PM (2x3L+)

27 I have to try.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at February 10, 2016 09:56 PM (R+30W)

28 Back on your heads.

Posted by: Ed Anger at February 10, 2016 09:56 PM (RcpcZ)

29 ...and there it is.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at February 10, 2016 09:57 PM (OQ9R7)

30 This reminds me of Stephen Tyler singing "I'm BAAAAACK! Back in the Saddle Again!"

Thanks, Ace.

Posted by: ALH at February 10, 2016 09:57 PM (Z56vq)

31 I'm not commenting right now.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 10, 2016 09:58 PM (Wckf4)

32 *Trump dance*

Posted by: eman


Since we haven't seen what that looks like, he obviously has the good sense to not ever dance.

That said, I have to imagine were he forced to, he would look like Ed Grimley.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 09:58 PM (wCF3s)

33 The system is down
The system is down

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at February 10, 2016 09:59 PM (kpqmD)

34 comment?

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at February 10, 2016 09:59 PM (AkOaV)

35 This comment is a message from the future.

Posted by: eman at February 10, 2016 09:59 PM (MQEz6)

36 Since we haven't seen what that looks like, he obviously has the good sense to not ever dance.

That said, I have to imagine were he forced to, he would look like Ed Grimley.


Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 09:58 PM (wCF3s)

SNL, but you may not call it 'dancing'.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at February 10, 2016 10:00 PM (T78UI)

37 Wouldn't say this if I thought someone would see it, so, Donald Trump is as dangerous as O'Bama.



Posted by: Ralph at February 10, 2016 10:00 PM (U9Qbt)

38 HSN is selling prepper supplies right now. Think about THAT. HSN.

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:00 PM (bA+CL)

39 Jesus ace, even we get tired sometimes! No need for violence!

Posted by: The Hamsters at February 10, 2016 10:00 PM (1FhAQ)

40 Looky here....

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:01 PM (9ym/8)

41 ?

Posted by: Marcel Marceau at February 10, 2016 10:01 PM (DrCtv)

42
32 *Trump dance*

Posted by: eman

Since we haven't seen what that looks like, he obviously has the good sense to not ever dance.

That said, I have to imagine were he forced to, he would look like Ed Grimley.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 09:58 PM (wCF3s)

It doesn't mean Trump is dancing.

Posted by: eman at February 10, 2016 10:01 PM (MQEz6)

43 Cute l'il hamsters.

Posted by: Diogenes at February 10, 2016 10:01 PM (08Znv)

44 Now I'm hungry for cherry pie.

Posted by: Who? at February 10, 2016 10:01 PM (BO/km)

45 Yo Ralph, your fear is:
[ ] Noted
[ ] Not Noted
[X] Hillarious

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:02 PM (bA+CL)

46 Posted by: OregonMuse at February 10, 2016 09:55 PM (maOV6)

Zombie is, as far as I can tell, Bay Area born and bred. That (s)he can string together a coherent sentence with that handicap is a testament to his/her intellect and drive.

And Zombie, if you are around, pleae cop to a gender...this he/she/it shit is tiresome.

I guess we could call you they, in the style of the latest generation of non gender-binary ...things.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 10, 2016 10:02 PM (Zu3d9)

47 Many hamsters died to bring us this information.

Posted by: GnuBreed at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (gyKtp)

48 Hey guys, we've created a store selling conservative and liberal political t-shirts! You might like our silent majority shirts! Check them out at mememilk.com!

Posted by: mememilk at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (cAA5P)

49 *goes back to lurking*

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (OQ9R7)

50 THE COMMENTS ARE DOWN?

I'VE GONE DOWN ON THE COMMENTS!

[HIC!]

[ROBOTIC CACKLE]

Posted by: Hillary! and her Rainbow Exoskeleton at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (rUc9h)

51 22 OregonMuse

Zombie has talked about her path before. She was smart and observant in the Bay Area, and was troubled by the inconsistencies in the Left. She also had a crazy family life early on, but September 11th 2001 was the largest shock.

She most likely will have a more succinct explanation.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (u82oZ)

52 I guess we could call you they, in the style of the latest generation of non gender-binary ...things.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo


I think xombies give up sex for lent and pretty much ever.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (wCF3s)

53 If you're in a burb bunker you should be more worried than those of us out in the country. He'll annex you first.


Posted by: Ralph at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (U9Qbt)

54 Hey, comments are down.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (oVJmc)

55 "Cute l'il hamsters."


You know, if we get some Pom's to run the wheel I might chip in a few bucks. Of course, upgrading to a bigger wheel and all, I get it.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:04 PM (9ym/8)

56 >>> That said, I have to imagine were he forced to, he would look like Ed Grimley.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 09:58 PM
----
Have you seen the SNL Trump of Wings skit? He actually has rhythm and can dance to a beat.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 10:04 PM (2x3L+)

57 If someone makes a comment in the comments section, but no one can read it, does it make a sound? Does anyone even care about it?

Posted by: crazywalt77 at February 10, 2016 10:05 PM (9HBek)

58 23 *Trump dance*
Posted by: eman at February 10, 2016 09:55 PM (MQEz6)

The Trumpty Dance is your chance to do the Trump
Do me baby
Do the Trumpty Trump
Do the Trumpty Trump

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at February 10, 2016 10:05 PM (kpqmD)

59 Trump+dance=Trance

Wake up people.

Posted by: Who? at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (BO/km)

60 The comments page was bleeding red words everywhere.
Like blood coming out of the hamsters ... whatever.

Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (cbfNE)

61 Have you seen the SNL Trump of Wings skit? He actually has rhythm and can dance to a beat.

Posted by: L, Elle


No. I only watch clips when Ace 'forces' us to.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (wCF3s)

62 We really, really need to push comments past 1000 on this thread.

Posted by: TexasDan at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (/q+VA)

63 #hamsterlivesmatter

Posted by: GnuBreed at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (gyKtp)

64 Zombie does NOT want to be identified in shape, form or color. Anonymity is first and foremost.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (OQ9R7)

65 Yay hamsters are back

Posted by: chemjeff - PuppyMonkeyBaby '16 at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (uZNvH)

66 "Does anyone even care about it?"


Most don't care about the comments when you can see them.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (9ym/8)

67 HAMSTERS?

WE'VE GOT YOUR HAMSTERS RIGHT HERE! ON THE INSIDE!

Posted by: Bill Clinton and Richard Gere, screaming from the Outer Darkness at February 10, 2016 10:08 PM (rUc9h)

68 52
I think xombies give up sex for lent and pretty much ever.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:03 PM (wCF3s)


Maybe zombie should start spelling xis/xer name that way.

Posted by: rickl at February 10, 2016 10:08 PM (sdi6R)

69 HSN is selling prepper supplies right now. Think about THAT. HSN.
Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:00 PM (bA+CL)

*****

I'll be headed your way on the way to North GA iffen we can combine supplies and resources and shit.

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 10, 2016 10:08 PM (YLidQ)

70 "The Trumpty Dance is your chance to do the Trump "


The Trumpty-Trump?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:09 PM (9ym/8)

71 Update: Hamsters -- kicked.

Look at 'em go
Look at 'em kick

Posted by: zombie Michael Hutchence at February 10, 2016 10:09 PM (Kxl7Z)

72 66 "Does anyone even care about it?"


Most don't care about the comments when you can see them.
Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (9ym/

If a comment is made and nobody sees it, does that comment exist?

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at February 10, 2016 10:09 PM (kpqmD)

73 46 CBD

She needs to protect her identity. But she has revealed some of her family saga, which would make a good HBO mini-series. Her website is brilliant, but some things seen can never be unseen.

Esp. "Breast not Bombs", and "Folsom Street Fairs." You have been warned.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at February 10, 2016 10:09 PM (u82oZ)

74 [I
*claws out eyeballs*
Posted by: Sam Neill at February 10, 2016 09:54 PM (wCF3s)

Yeah that movie got weird, huh? Like in a really incoherent way.

Posted by: TexasDan at February 10, 2016 10:09 PM (/q+VA)

75 64 Zombie does NOT want to be identified in shape, form or color. Anonymity is first and foremost.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at February 10, 2016 10:07 PM (OQ9R7)

Zombie is literally on the Mooselimb death threat list. He / she is always in my Prayers.

Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:09 PM (cbfNE)

76 I actually went on Facebook for a while. Haven't done that in months.


Yeek.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (9ym/8)

77 So let me get this straight, I make a hammer slicing sized donation to this here fine military blog thing just yesterday and the hamsters decide to go on strike? Is that the long and short of it?

Posted by: Dead Parrot Society at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (AJeMv)

78 Remember, if Bernie is elected, the hamsters will unionized and immune to any incentives, encouragement, or punishment.....and blindly loyal Dem/Socialist voters.

In other words, you wont be in blogging...but the hamster will have do-nothing jobs. With fat pensions.

Other than the loss of of some basic Constitutional freedoms , whats not to like?

Posted by: Lower Class person whose opinions need to be guided at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (jagfX)

79 Comments are overrated.

Posted by: The Trees at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (JA5Qu)

80 I always took Zombie for a chick. Same with Fenelon, but if they both want to remain a mystery, I will respect that and not push the subject.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (2x3L+)

81 Speaking of supplies, resources, and shit:

There was an 'ette with a website/blog about dried food storage in them there jars.

Anyone happen to have the link?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (wCF3s)

82 I think illegal hamsters are being used. Or at least hamsters born to illegal hamsters. Anchor hamsters. This has to stop.

Posted by: Hamster on Trump's head. at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (+LunL)

83 Many commentators went down that day, I can tell you.

The meth delivery the hamsters subsist upon was laced with sunflower and bird seed. Their little organs burst when confronted by the alien metabolic task of digestion.

Posted by: Fritz at February 10, 2016 10:11 PM (BngQR)

84 Posted by: NaCly Dog at February 10, 2016 10:09 PM (u82oZ)

Oh yes....I have seen the Folsom St. Fair pictorial.

Eh....male or female isn't much in the way of identification. But if that's how he rolls......

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 10, 2016 10:11 PM (Zu3d9)

85 "If a comment is made and nobody sees it, does that comment exist?"


It exists, but, had no impact.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:11 PM (9ym/8)

86 I'll be headed your way on the way to North GA iffen we can combine supplies and resources and shit.
--------------
You are on the nice list sir. I hope you are doing well.

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:11 PM (bA+CL)

87 73 46 CBD

She needs to protect her identity. But she has revealed some of her family saga, which would make a good HBO mini-series. Her website is brilliant, but some things seen can never be unseen.

Esp. "Breast not Bombs", and "Folsom Street Fairs." You have been warned.
Posted by: NaCly Dog at February 10, 2016 10:09 PM (u82oZ)

Dear sweet Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, you do NOT want to look at the Folsom Street Fair or Up Your Alley photoessays. Things once seen cannot be unseen.

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at February 10, 2016 10:11 PM (kpqmD)

88 Bernie Sanders is going to tax comments to pay for free comments.

Posted by: jukin Former Republican at February 10, 2016 10:12 PM (2yRD2)

89 Up, down... I'm so confused...

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at February 10, 2016 10:12 PM (n22zQ)

90 i tried to kick them, but i couldn't figure out cherrypi

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:12 PM (9XzdI)

91 There was an 'ette with a website/blog about dried food storage in them there jars.

Anyone happen to have the link?
Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (wCF3s)


Food in Jars, or another one?

http://foodinjars.com/

Posted by: Kindltot at February 10, 2016 10:12 PM (q2o38)

92 zombie is a good spy.
lots of self control.

Posted by: concrete girl at February 10, 2016 10:12 PM (0KgAM)

93 80 L, Elle

Zombie and Fenelon are good people.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at February 10, 2016 10:12 PM (u82oZ)

94 "Is that the long and short of it?"


You buys your ticket, you takes your chances.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:12 PM (9ym/8)

95 80 I always took Zombie for a chick. Same with Fenelon, but if they both want to remain a mystery, I will respect that and not push the subject.
Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (2x3L+)

Yeah, me too, but I wonder if that's because we are female.
Do the male commenters tend to assume they're male?

Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:13 PM (cbfNE)

96 No comments mean no one coming in to tell us Trump is an asshole. How will we cope?

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at February 10, 2016 10:13 PM (oVJmc)

97 You are on the nice list sir. I hope you are doing well.
Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:11 PM (bA+CL)

******

Livin' the dream, one Crown Vic at a time. I hope this finds you doing better than that.

Did my lazy ass roommate ever get in touch?

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 10, 2016 10:13 PM (YLidQ)

98 zombie's site is harsh and decreases my mellow.
still someone has to write the history of america. and he'she'it' has the guts .

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:14 PM (9XzdI)

99 So I got pixied on the last thread rather than willowed?

Here's what I was posting...
Because it wasn't sold to them. But they know they've lost freedom. Can't smoke here. Can't drink this. Have to flush three times. That drink is too big. No more pastries because you can't use lard. All of the pissant nanny state trash we've had loaded on us, every one of them takes or freedom away and the GOP has never sold that. Its a winning approach even with low info voters.
Posted by: Christopher Taylor at February 10, 2016 08:43 PM (39g3+)
_________
Good point.
So how is it a random bunch of commenters on a blog can figure all this out, but expert consultants making $30K a month running campaigns miss it all?
Posted by: Monsieur Moo Moo at February 10, 2016 08:45 PM

Instead of paying consultants they should just crowd source the messaging to the Horde.

I remember back in 2012 there were plenty good ideas posted here that the Romney campaign never even came close to in what they used.

Why you might mention that there are billions of $$ unaccounted for while Hill was SOS which I never heard noted.

Posted by: Farmer at February 10, 2016 10:14 PM (o/90i)

100 Fenelon is a chick. I thought we covered this at Grammie Winger's wake?

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:14 PM (bA+CL)

101 >>> Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:13 PM
----
Idk. My main reason for wanting to know their gender is so that I don't accidentally flirt with women.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 10:14 PM (2x3L+)

102 If comments are down are normal comment rules suspended?

Posted by: TexasDan at February 10, 2016 10:14 PM (/q+VA)

103 Roger Stone was just Hannity and he was hinting that he with Trump's blessing I'm sure is going to set up a superPAC for all of Clinton's bimbos and worse and hammer Hillary with that continuously.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at February 10, 2016 10:15 PM (dvuhZ)

104 "55 You know, if we get some Pom's to run the wheel I might chip in a few bucks."

Like you could get the bloody English to do anything.

Spend the money on some Scottish engineers to get things moving at warp speed.

Then, hire some gerbils for the Barrel.

Posted by: Duncanthrax the Bellicose at February 10, 2016 10:15 PM (sOhww)

105 96 No comments mean no one coming in to tell us Trump is an asshole. How will we cope?
-------
We have the love of our cousins to comfort us in our time of need.

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM (bA+CL)

106 "Do the male commenters tend to assume they're male?"


Not necessarily. If zombie's a chick that's news to me. Fen sorta outed itself a while back. I just happened to be around when it did.

It's all "Crying Game" around here.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM (9ym/8)

107 95 @votermom

Not me.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM (u82oZ)

108 Food in Jars, or another one?

http://foodinjars.com/

Posted by: Kindltot


Mmm, another one. I dont' think she had/has a book out.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM (wCF3s)

109 I remember Zombie posting over at LGF, back before they went insane there. I remember the Folsom Street Fair photo expose.

I've always respected Zombie's work.

Posted by: Dave in Fla at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM (kBIIG)

110 grammiewinger is getting married, it Isn't A WAKE!

well depends on how we all view the mariages we are in i guess.

sometimes we wake up and sometimes we won't.

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM (9XzdI)

111 With apologies to Mason Williams:

Them Hamster Kickers

How about Them Hamster Kickers,
Ain't they crumbs?
Kickin' them Hamsters,
In they buns.
Kickin' them Afghans,
Kickin' them mutts,
Kickin' them puppy Hamsters,
Poor little butts.
Look at Them Hamster Kickers,
Ain't they cute?
Some use a shower-shoe,
Some use a boot.
Them dadgum Hamster Kickers,
Ain't they mean?
Run 'round kickin',
Ever Hamster what's seen.
How to be a Hamster Kicker?
Don't need a ticket.
Find an old Hamster,
Haul off and kick it!

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at February 10, 2016 10:17 PM (n22zQ)

112 I like both zombie and Fenelon in a not sexual way. They're both blog treasures.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 10:17 PM (2x3L+)

113 It's notyourmothersfoodstorage.com

Posted by: Notsothoreau at February 10, 2016 10:17 PM (Lqy/e)

114 If you've ever seen the SNL with Alec Baldwin, Will Ferrell, and I think it was John Goodman toasting the mythical Bill Brasky, that's what I think of when we speak of Zombie.

It's an NBC link, because copyrights.

https://tinyurl.com/j6u2wxs

Posted by: Dead Parrot Society at February 10, 2016 10:17 PM (AJeMv)

115 I hope this finds you doing better than that.

Did my lazy ass roommate ever get in touch?
-----
I'm doing. About to hit a weeks vacation in WNC with the kids, so life ain't half bad.

Never heard from him.

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:17 PM (bA+CL)

116 I also tend to assume that trolls are guys. Like MUMR

Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:18 PM (cbfNE)

117 "My main reason for wanting to know their gender is so that I don't accidentally flirt with women."



What if ya'll hit it off?


*wiggles eyebrows*

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at February 10, 2016 10:18 PM (9ym/8)

118 if i were to guess, zombie is a guy, because , well will point a camera at things i just couldn't, but that isn't really evidential.

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:18 PM (9XzdI)

119 101 L, Elle

She's married as well. NTTAWWT.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at February 10, 2016 10:18 PM (u82oZ)

120 If comments are down are normal comment rules suspended?
Posted by: TexasDan at February 10, 2016 10:14 PM (/q+VA)

*****
Grammie will be missed. This is going to put a real crimp in her upcoming nuptials and Honeymoon.

I believe suspended animation is the term we need here.

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 10, 2016 10:18 PM (YLidQ)

121 110 grammiewinger is getting married, it Isn't A WAKE!

well depends on how we all view the mariages we are in i guess.

sometimes we wake up and sometimes we won't.
Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM (9XzdI)

I like grammie so I'm not going to rain on her parade. My personal views on marriage - especially with regard to how it treats men - I've expressed here on a number of occasions.

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at February 10, 2016 10:19 PM (kpqmD)

122 95 80 I always took Zombie for a chick. Same with Fenelon, but if they both want to remain a mystery, I will respect that and not push the subject.
Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (2x3L+)

Yeah, me too, but I wonder if that's because we are female.
Do the male commenters tend to assume they're male?
Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:13 PM (cbfNE)


No, actually. I think they're both female.

Posted by: rickl at February 10, 2016 10:19 PM (sdi6R)

123 Yeah, me too, but I wonder if that's because we are female.

Do the male commenters tend to assume they're male?
Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:13 PM (cbfNE)


No, I don't. But it doesn't matter. I don't say, "that was a good comment for a woman" I say "I wish I could talk like that."

Posted by: Kindltot at February 10, 2016 10:20 PM (q2o38)

124 "98 zombie's site is harsh and decreases my mellow."
Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:14 PM

They call her Mellow Willow
That's right, yeah

Posted by: zombie Donovan at February 10, 2016 10:20 PM (sOhww)

125 you guys kill off grammie, and i will really lose my mind,

here she is filled with hope and joy.

don't screw with that.!

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:20 PM (9XzdI)

126 enelon is a chick. I thought we covered this at Grammie Winger's wake?

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:14 PM (bA+CL)

Yes she's a chick, but not a lesbian.

Posted by: Blano at February 10, 2016 10:20 PM (heN73)

127 Good night everyone.
Try not to kick anymore hamsters.

Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:21 PM (cbfNE)

128 ONT up

Posted by: Beer Ninja at February 10, 2016 10:21 PM (KBjNt)

129 you guys kill off grammie, and i will really lose my mind,
---------------

Too late Fenelon already done her in.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc. etc. at February 10, 2016 10:21 PM (ANVXm)

130 The remaining *insert your preferred descriptor here* holding out at Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon are on livestream: https://youtu.be/cOlrSain0lk

Apparently LEOs have tightened up their cordon and the holdouts are going into full freakout mode.

Posted by: Country Singer at February 10, 2016 10:21 PM (GUBah)

131 Willow, they both write like women, at least to me. Zombie had a difficult childhood stuck with shitty parents. That would explain her cynicism and hardness and ability to write about all the bad, perverse shit

Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 10:22 PM (2x3L+)

132 grammiewinger is getting married, it Isn't A WAKE!

well depends on how we all view the mariages we are in i guess.

sometimes we wake up and sometimes we won't.
Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM (9XzdI)

Fenelon already tried to kill grammie off over a fruit salad or green bean casserole or something. But grammie's a survivor. Unlike buzzion.

Posted by: Blano at February 10, 2016 10:22 PM (heN73)

133 I'm doing. About to hit a weeks vacation in WNC with the kids, so life ain't half bad.

Never heard from him.
Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at February 10, 2016 10:17 PM (bA+CL)

*****

I'm not surprised. *shakes head and kicks something*

Enjoy the Vacay.

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 10, 2016 10:22 PM (YLidQ)

134 80 I always took Zombie for a chick. Same with Fenelon, but if they both want to remain a mystery, I will respect that and not push the subject.
Posted by: L, Elle at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (2x3L+)
Yeah, me too, but I wonder if that's because we are female.
Do the male commenters tend to assume they're male?
Posted by: @votermom at February 10, 2016 10:13 PM

FenSpoke has said she's female openly in the past.

Zombie wants to remain anonymous, but as a male I read it as a male posting, just hints in the attitude.

Not ready to buy cooth's theory that zombie is a 6'5" black male yet tho.

Posted by: Farmer at February 10, 2016 10:22 PM (o/90i)

135 My personal views on marriage - especially with regard to how it treats men - I've expressed here on a number of occasions.
Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at February 10, 2016 10:19 PM (kpqmD)

giggling, yes i do remember.
we almost came to blows over it. and i sympathize from the other side that Knows how it hurts to get the shaft end!

still i find you amazing and too cute . sincerely , willow

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:23 PM (9XzdI)

136 Fenelon already tried to kill grammie off over a fruit salad or green bean casserole or something. But grammie's a survivor. Unlike buzzion.
Posted by: Blano at February 10, 2016 10:22 PM (heN73)

well see how WE could turn on a dime!

fenelon you say?
LOL

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:24 PM (9XzdI)

137 Great. I am now Willow. Minus the parts.

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 10, 2016 10:25 PM (YLidQ)

138 Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:10 PM (wCF3s)

https://notyourmomsfoodstorage.wordpress.com/

I linked to this blog in the Food Thread.....

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 10, 2016 10:25 PM (Zu3d9)

139 Tim, my parts aren't all that spectacular, sighing.

small everywhere.

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:26 PM (9XzdI)

140 It's notyourmothersfoodstorage.com

Posted by: Notsothoreau/i]

Thanks, but I don't think that's it.

It had dried soup mixes in jars. The whole focus was on dried food like dried onion flakes with lentils and beans and dried tomato flakes, etc.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:26 PM (wCF3s)

141 >>>No comments mean no one coming in to tell us Trump is an asshole. How will we cope?

Trump is an asshole. Also, so are the rest of em.

Posted by: DC in River City at February 10, 2016 10:27 PM (e+1S5)

142 small everywhere.

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:26 PM (9XzdI)



How you doin'?

Posted by: Country Singer at February 10, 2016 10:27 PM (GUBah)

143 not very spectacular, country singer.

but that's life , yes.

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:28 PM (9XzdI)

144 new post!

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:29 PM (9XzdI)

145 Yes, but it will get better.

Posted by: Country Singer at February 10, 2016 10:29 PM (GUBah)

146 still i find you amazing and too cute . sincerely , willow
Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:23 PM (9XzdI)

You are most generous and kind, dear willow.

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at February 10, 2016 10:30 PM (kpqmD)

147 Fenelon kept her sex a secret for a long time because she is also a minister and thought some Moron and ettes might have a negative reaction to a female minister. ( Not I, I'm sure she is a very good one.) I She wanted her posts to stand on their own without any reference to gender.

In zombie's case, I know she is surrounded by leftists in San Fran, including her radical family, and wants to stay anonymous. She apparently is still "passing" as a lefty. I've wondered, if we passed zombie in the street without knowing her, if we'd think "Oh, yet another insane Pelosi voter."

And yes, both of them are highly valued here, in their own ways.

Posted by: Donna&&&&V (a white) (whitely brandishing ampersand privilege ) at February 10, 2016 10:32 PM (P8951)

148 insomniac, ont is up. and be there or be square!

Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:32 PM (9XzdI)

149 Tim, my parts aren't all that spectacular, sighing.

small everywhere.
Posted by: willow at February 10, 2016 10:26 PM (9XzdI)

******

*Arches eyebrow*

You know the rule.....

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 10, 2016 10:33 PM (YLidQ)

150 Ok, mebbe that is the one.

Seemed different.

Thanks peeps.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2016 10:34 PM (wCF3s)

151 Can hamsters be kicked ?

Posted by: Bubba at February 10, 2016 10:34 PM (FhT/k)

152 I remember Zombie posting over at LGF, back before they went insane there. I remember the Folsom Street Fair photo expose.
I've always respected Zombie's work.
Posted by: Dave in Fla at February 10, 2016 10:16 PM

Yep, I was at LFG back then, what yr was it he went insane?
Ditto on respecting zombie's work.

Posted by: Farmer at February 10, 2016 10:34 PM (o/90i)

153 >>>Breast not Bombs<<<, and >>>Folsom Street Fairs<<<

Didn't hurt my eyes. He said with his image and flash blocker on.


Posted by: Ralph at February 10, 2016 10:40 PM (RgjZX)

154 Hi Farmer, I didn't know you used to hang out at the Bike Seat Blog too. I left when it became All Anti-Creationism all the time - and I'm not a creationist. I just didn't think it was the greatest threat to humankind ever.

That was in 2005, I think. In 2004, there was a meetup in Chicago. I was there, were you? Lots of people showed up, including Iowahawk. I didn't get to introduce myself and talk to everyone.

I recall the 2004 Dem convention was on the TV in the dive bar we met in and John F'ing Kerry had just reported for duty, that's how I can remember the year.

Posted by: Donna&&&&V (a white) (whitely brandishing ampersand privilege ) at February 10, 2016 10:44 PM (P8951)

155
Yep, I was at LFG back then, what yr was it he went insane?

Posted by: Farmer at February 10, 2016 10:34 PM (o/90i)

-----

I believe it was 2009. Chuck put forth an essay, "Ten Reasons I Parted Ways with the Right" in October of that year, but had been slipping left for some time before that.

His spectacular banning rampages, attempts at scrubbing his past, bizarre cuntish whining about being cyber-stalked, and doxxing of long time commenters *using information from monetary donations they had made to him* followed after.

Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at February 10, 2016 10:49 PM (6sWDC)

156 Trumpty Dance

A'ight stop whatcha doin'
'Cause I'm about to ruin
The whole economy that you're used-to

I look funny...
'cause YO!, I'm makin' money
See so yo, World I hope you're ready for me.

Now gather 'round
I'm the new dude in town
And my loudness is a product of The Underground.

I suck up all the oxygen you got on your shelf...
So just -Let -Me -In-tro-duce -Myself

My name is Trumpty
-pronounced with an "umpty"
Yo!, ladies -oh how I'd like to bunk thee

But with Milania in the bullpen?
Please allow me to bump thee

I'm steppin' tall, y'all
But just like Humpty Dumpty?
I'm gonna fall when Ted Cruz punks me.

I like to lie; I like when you debunk me
-I'm spunky
-I like my oatmeal lumpy.

I'm sick-with-this.
Ain't got no PAC
Sometimes I get ridiculous
-I'll beat upon jackasses; I'm mellifluous

Hey, yo! Fat Girl!
C'mere, are you ticklish?
-Yeah, I called you fat
Look at me, I'm winning

/Digital Underground-Humpty






Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at February 10, 2016 11:04 PM (OQ9R7)

157 ...save tags rule!

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1), (T) at February 10, 2016 11:05 PM (OQ9R7)

158 Go for it, Pixy!

Posted by: Steamboat McGoo at February 10, 2016 11:54 PM (RK1ZH)

159 Suggest Showtime's The Circus.

Posted by: Carol at February 11, 2016 12:03 AM (sj3Ax)

160 So has the sexing started?

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:03 AM (3DIzJ)

161 Wait, this was the post-ONT thread. WTF?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 11, 2016 12:04 AM (wCF3s)

162 So he asked her if she identified more with Jane Austen or the other one, maybe the Bronte sisters or something.

Her eyebrow quirked like "WELL! Who's THIS guy?!"

This is probably a pretty good question to ask a girl if you want to get her into bed. I'll actually remember this.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:05 AM (dciA+)

163 She describes him to her roommate as "Very clean." And smart, and kinda intimidating.

This is the part where another Girl has to be totally curious about the Heroine's sex life. This is rule in rom-coms. Everyone needs to care about who the Heroine's in love with.

I guess this is a big fantasy women harbor, that other people should be all interested in who they like and stuff.


Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:06 AM (dciA+)

164 She describes him to her roommate as "Very clean."
Posted by: ace

And articulate.

Posted by: Harry Reid at February 11, 2016 12:07 AM (zmW4B)

165 She just had a pencil taken from his office, which says "GREY" on it, which she was sticking in her mouth, lips all putty and whorish.

I guess we know what she's thinking huh?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:08 AM (dciA+)

166 Are the sex scenes good? It looks like bad porn

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:08 AM (2x3L+)

167 She works in a hardware store. But she was just interviewing this guy for like a magazine.

Who knows. I guess she's an intern.

Christian Grey just showed up. he's wearing a GREY sweater. BECAUSE GREY!!!!

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:09 AM (dciA+)

168 >>>re the sex scenes good? It looks like bad porn

not there yet! Still in a nervous flirting mode.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:09 AM (dciA+)

169 Um, he's buying electrical tape and rope from her. Next thing he'll buy chains and a leather gag.

Oh she picked up on it: "You're the complete serial killer."

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:10 AM (dciA+)

170 her shirt is largely grey too.

BECAUSE GREY IS A MAJOR MOTIF YOU GET IT?!

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:11 AM (dciA+)

171 oh look at that, his car is grey.

BECAUSE HIS WORLD AND MORALITY IS GREY, DON'T YOU GET IT?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:11 AM (dciA+)

172 This is probably a pretty good question to ask a girl if you want to get her into bed. I'll actually remember this.

Posted by: ace


Pro-tip: just be seen reading this shiz:

What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew: From Fox Hunting to Whist-the Facts of Daily Life in Nineteenth-Century England

It's actually a fun read. *wink* *wink* *wink*

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 11, 2016 12:12 AM (wCF3s)

173 "I guess this is a big fantasy women harbor, that other people should be all interested in who they like and stuff. "

No man. I went to a women's college. Girls really are like that. I know so many, many things about the genitals of men I've never even met.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:12 AM (3DIzJ)

174 They're having coffee. She is nervously stroking her coffee cup, as if it's a bowl-shaped sex-organ of an alien species made of ceramic.

The sexual tension is so thick you could paint it GREY.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:13 AM (dciA+)

175 Does the chick get naked? That's all I want to know.


And didn't you once stupidly try to read this book not realizing it was a stupid mommy porn fantasy about twilight?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:13 AM (zt+N6)

176 >>>What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew: From Fox Hunting to Whist-the Facts of Daily Life in Nineteenth-Century England

sounds very interesting, seriously. I'll get that.

Wait, we have a moment. He's touching her head. I guess this is Sexy.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:14 AM (dciA+)

177 This is a pretty good line though: "I'm not the man for you... You have to stay clear of me."

Okay, this Grey guy has some moves.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:15 AM (dciA+)

178 I had a chick tear up her styrofoam hot beverage cup up in front of me. Does that count?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 11, 2016 12:15 AM (wCF3s)

179 I was building a roof.

Posted by: little bill at February 11, 2016 12:15 AM (AG7GB)

180 Oh okay so he sent her some like Jane Austen first editions.

Note he did this AFTER telling her "You must stay clear of me. My sexual mojo is too hot for your waifish form to enclose."

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:16 AM (dciA+)

181 empty chair

Posted by: little bill at February 11, 2016 12:16 AM (AG7GB)

182 >>>8 I had a chick tear up her styrofoam hot beverage cup up in front of me. Does that count?

i would actually take that as a minor good sign. nervous energy and all.

then again, she might do that all the time.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:17 AM (dciA+)

183 It sounds like actual porn is better than fake pron based on this review

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:17 AM (2x3L+)

184 Um he's sitting in front of his apple computer (of course) which is GREY.

She's given him a drunken booty call from a bar phone because you know bars still have bar phones and no one has cell phones. He himself had a handset phone. (It was black -- or DARK GREY.)

She wouldn't tell him where she was calling for, but, GET THIS -- he used star six nine to figure out what bar it was.

Wow that's so smart. I guess that's why she called from the bar phone.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:18 AM (dciA+)

185 Have you gotten to the scene in the bathroom yet, Ace?

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:19 AM (2x3L+)

186 She works in a hardware store. But she was just interviewing this guy for like a magazine.

This actually makes sense in the book. Her roommate is scheduled to interview him for the college paper, but comes down with the flu, so she keeps the appointment as a last-minute substitute.

Posted by: jaed at February 11, 2016 12:20 AM (7LR+G)

187 You have to admit there was some technical competency in the cinematography.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 11, 2016 12:20 AM (wCF3s)

188 A hispanic named Jose tried to kiss her and this Aryan Avenger came flying out of nowhere to knock him to the ground and keep her Blood Line pure.

Now he's taking her to his hotel. She passed out. He's carrying her there anyway.

But this is going to be one of those "I didn't touch you. I will not touch you, until you beg it of me" things.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:20 AM (dciA+)

189 >>>You have to admit there was some technical competency in the cinematography.


it's not bad.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:21 AM (dciA+)

190 "he used star six nine to figure out what bar it was. "

So this is a horrible flashback to Jr High then?

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:21 AM (f3Iw2)

191 She wouldn't tell him where she was calling for, but, GET THIS -- he used star six nine to figure out what bar it was.

Wow that's so smart. I guess that's why she called from the bar phone.

Posted by: ace

Good thing he wasn't logged in to CompuServe, she would've gotten the busy signal.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at February 11, 2016 12:21 AM (zmW4B)

192 This guy, Gray, sounds like... so I hear... not that I'd say this myself... but I hear this guy is really... well... is kind of a pussy.

Posted by: D. Trump at February 11, 2016 12:21 AM (H9MG5)

193 >>> Have you gotten to the scene in the bathroom yet, Ace?

no i'm literally exactly where i'm telling you i am

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:21 AM (dciA+)

194 Made it further than I could stomach...

Posted by: Apostate at February 11, 2016 12:22 AM (zaVwL)

195 so he undressed her to sleep -- saying he "had no choice" -- thus putting her in a state of vulnerability tinged with excitement.

Annnnnnd... his shirt's off. "I gotta go take a shower."

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:22 AM (dciA+)

196 Annnnnnd... his shirt's off. "I gotta go take a shower."

Posted by: ace


I still think it needed more pantaloons.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 11, 2016 12:24 AM (wCF3s)

197 He's giving her more "I cannot bear to leave you alone, yet I cannot be with you" shit.

Then he went into the bathroom, I assume to take a dump.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:24 AM (dciA+)

198 Because when you're passed out drunk dead to the world you really can't sleep very well in your clothes.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:24 AM (zt+N6)

199 Why do I think Ace is taking notes?

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:24 AM (2x3L+)

200 This is a wild hair on a couple of levels.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 11, 2016 12:25 AM (Wckf4)

201 197 He's giving her more "I cannot bear to leave you alone, yet I cannot be with you" shit.

Then he went into the bathroom, I assume to take a dump.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:24 AM (dciA+)



Remember, after every line they say to each other it should end in "Edward" or "Bella."

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:25 AM (zt+N6)

202 oh he had a tailor make her a new dress, I guess by measuring her while she was passed out unconscious, and now she's wearing it, and he's touching her face some more.

OH SHIT HE JUST SAID WHAT I SAID HE SAID, almost.

He said "I won't touch you -- not until I have your written consent."

But he couldn't wait for that. They're smooching in an elevator. He probably feels pretty light on his feet now, after that dump he just took.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:25 AM (dciA+)

203 199 Why do I think Ace is taking notes?

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:24 AM (2x3L+)



"You cannot handle the pancakes I could make for you"

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:26 AM (zt+N6)

204 I think he just said "Laterz, baby." No seriously.

Oh he did say it, but he was making fun of this other guy, who was boning her roommate.

Now the two gals are gabbing about the dudes they're having sex with, though Anna didn't have sex with him (as far as she knows).

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:27 AM (dciA+)

205 If there is a Bernie 2016 campaign IP that pops up on this thread, I hope it is reported.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 11, 2016 12:28 AM (wCF3s)

206 so now he's bringing her on his helicopter, which is white BUT OH NO IT'S GOT A LOT OF GRAY FLASH AND PANELING.

Little rule I think applies throughout the universe: When you put a girl in your helicopter, you get to enter her later that night. I doubt this rule has ever not held.

Oh he's a pilot too.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:29 AM (dciA+)

207 so there's a lush poppy song playing as they're going to Seattle. I thought they already WERE in Seattle.

I guess they started in whatever town Bella lives in.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:29 AM (dciA+)

208 Seriously? No tits yet?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:30 AM (zt+N6)

209 If there is a Bernie 2016 campaign IP that pops up on this thread, I hope it is reported.
Posted by: weft cut-loop

I'm taking notes on how to handle the economy. Beat it, humiliate it and it will give us what we want.

Posted by: Feel the Bern at February 11, 2016 12:30 AM (zmW4B)

210 His apartment, which is more like a lair, has some opera playing in it.

Asked if he plays piano, he says "Yes." Of course he does.

Anna in fact says "Of course you do.'

Now he has her signing a Non Disclosure Agreement about All the Boning they're going to be doing.

She signs it without reading it.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:31 AM (dciA+)

211 Well, he does enter the cockpit, so...

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 11, 2016 12:31 AM (Wckf4)

212 >>>Seriously? No tits yet?

i think it's starting now.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:31 AM (dciA+)

213 Little rule I think applies throughout the universe: When you put a girl in your helicopter, you get to enter her later that night. I doubt this rule has ever not held.

Oh he's a pilot too.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:29 AM (dciA+)

*******

Well, damn. I just fly Cessnas for sport, not a living, but was not aware this was even an option for me. Some interior highlights are grey. Shit.

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 11, 2016 12:33 AM (YLidQ)

214 Little rule I think applies throughout the universe: When you put a girl in your helicopter, you get to enter her later that night. I doubt this rule has ever not held.

Oh he's a pilot too.

Posted by: ace


Plots are amazingly unsuspectingly indecipherable.

Posted by: Indian Jurassic World owner at February 11, 2016 12:33 AM (wCF3s)

215 he's letting her into his "Playroom" and being all dramatic about her being able to leave at any time it gets too intense for her.

The room has a lot of handcuffs, whips, ropes. I mean, a lot.

Um, how many whips do you need? If I were into whips, I think I'd just need like three. My regular whip, my classy Sunday Go to Church Whip, and my muddy weather whip. This guy has like 100 whips.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:33 AM (dciA+)

216 the eyerolling is beginning.

"I'm a dominant. I will not take you until you submit yourself to me."

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:34 AM (dciA+)

217 "This guy has like 100 whips.
"

It's an Eskimo word for snow situation.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:34 AM (0C2f1)

218 Most people going into helicopters are burley men doing stuff that is awful in places other people can't get to. Not sexy. Or grey

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 12:35 AM (zOTsN)

219 Everyone knows that you have to have this year's whip. Using last year's whip is tacky and sooooo middle class.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:35 AM (fC9RO)

220 "I'm a dominant. I will not take you until you submit yourself to me."





Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:34 AM (dciA+)


Wait, you're watching the Republican debate?

Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:36 AM (fC9RO)

221 So he's got her moving in, but only Friday through Sundays. She doesn't get to sleep with him. He only sleeps alone.

He's giving more rules. When she asks "Why?," he says, "It's the way I am."

He's basically hiring her as a whore, except not paid.

He wants it all in contract up front about what they will and will not do, sexually.

Thsi movie is sort of a SJW Hookup Manual! All the crazy shit they want you to do, this guy actually does!

Oh she's a virgin because of course she's a virgin.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:36 AM (dciA+)

222 219 Everyone knows that you have to have this year's whip. Using last year's whip is tacky and sooooo middle class.


Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:35 AM (fC9RO)



And can you just imagine what would happen if his new sub finds out that he's using the same whip on her that he used on his last sub?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:36 AM (zt+N6)

223 "I'm a dominant. I will not take you until you submit yourself to me."

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:34 AM (dciA+)

****

Classic topping from the bottom.

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 11, 2016 12:36 AM (YLidQ)

224 so like this is a dirty part.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:37 AM (dciA+)

225


And can you just imagine what would happen if his new sub finds out
that he's using the same whip on her that he used on his last sub?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:36 AM (zt+N6)


I once used a whip that didn't match my codpiece. It was the talk of the society pages for weeks. I was mortified.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (fC9RO)

226 Classic topping from the bottom.
Posted by: Tim in GA

I call it "smart diplomacy."

Posted by: I have become SCoaMF, eater of dogs at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (zmW4B)

227 >>>This guy has like 100 whips.
<<<



Maybe he's, like, some kind of S and M prepper?

Posted by: D. Trump at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (H9MG5)

228 I think spanking is much better. They should have gone with a lot of spanking instead of whips

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (2x3L+)

229 "so like this is a dirty part. "

Is it the tampon thing? That's literally the only thing I know about the book/movie.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (0C2f1)

230

She's more like a whore intern. Cause she is unpaid. I bet she gets paid later tho in some way

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (zOTsN)

231 this is like sex in the typical movie, where they always appear to be posing for the camera, and not like real sex, which is a less dignified and Posey affair.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (dciA+)

232 "Maybe he's, like, some kind of S and M prepper?"

Damn you. My laughing woke up the baby.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:39 AM (0C2f1)

233
I think spanking is much better. They should have gone with a lot of spanking instead of whips

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (2x3L+)


Hello there...

Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:39 AM (fC9RO)

234 by the way there's stupid lush romantic pop music.

The Sex Posing continues.


It's really like sex in any other movie so far. There's some wiggling and some "ahhhing" and lots of Posing.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:40 AM (dciA+)

235
Maybe he's, like, some kind of S and M prepper?


Posted by: D. Trump at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (H9MG5)


When Lord Humongous rules the wasteland, he'll corner the market supplying the army!

Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:40 AM (fC9RO)

236
230

She's more like a whore intern. Cause she is unpaid. I bet she gets paid later tho in some way

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (zOTsN)



Isn't the whole point of this thing though that its a mary sue wish fulfillment where she's just so amazing he winds up breaking all the rules himself for her?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:40 AM (zt+N6)

237 Oh FFS she wondered where he'd gone after he'd boned her and he's out in the main room playing piano naked.

Now there's some Sex Posing on the piano bench, and some Sex Posing Carrying The Woman back to bed.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:41 AM (dciA+)

238 she's making breakfast for them-- it might be PANCAKES!

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:41 AM (dciA+)

239 So would this qualify as torture pr0n if the protag was hideous?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 11, 2016 12:42 AM (wCF3s)

240 Ahem, important question about the "sex." Titties, or is it one of those very precise shots of nothing more than side boob?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:42 AM (zt+N6)

241 it is pancakes. She's mixing the batter.

She knows which way is up.

"I'm making pancakes," she confirms.

Why do you people doubt me?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:42 AM (dciA+)

242 >>>Ahem, important question about the "sex." Titties, or is it one of those very precise shots of nothing more than side boob?

no it's boobs but they focus more on his body than hers.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:43 AM (dciA+)

243 she's making breakfast for them-- it might be PANCAKES!
Posted by: ace

But Shrove Tuesday was yesterday.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at February 11, 2016 12:43 AM (zmW4B)

244

He's the "tortured soul" who she can fix, who is obsessed with her and is rich as hell


Feminist dream boat

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 12:43 AM (zOTsN)

245 Now there's some Sex Posing on the piano bench, and some Sex Posing Carrying The Woman back to bed.



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:41 AM (dciA+)

Sounds like a tellanovella or whatever they're called on Univision.

Back to the ONT.

Posted by: Blano at February 11, 2016 12:43 AM (3eoPa)

246 He's tying her up with a GREY tie now!!!

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:44 AM (dciA+)

247 She enters the bathroom, and his dump is still in the bowl. It is sparkling and shimmering.

Posted by: PRNDL at February 11, 2016 12:44 AM (cvXoy)

248 and not like real sex, which is a less dignified and Posey affair.



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:38 AM (dciA+)

That's a bad thing?

Posted by: Blano at February 11, 2016 12:45 AM (3eoPa)

249 >>>>Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:39
-------
Almost wrote a disgusting, dirty reply to you.
Still trying to be good which just sucks.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:45 AM (2x3L+)

250 so like the dude's mom showed up when he was about to kiss her in her nether area.

I would say it's symbolic of something or foreshadowing but I think it's probably just Something Dumb that Happened For No Reason.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:46 AM (dciA+)

251 I bet his whole "I'm a dom, you're my sub" is actually just a ruse so that anytime her talking gets annoying he can put a ball gag on her.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:46 AM (zt+N6)

252

His poor cleaning lady. Having to get the "sex ass" marks off the piano bench

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 12:46 AM (zOTsN)

253 hey guys guess what color this guest bedroom is?!?!!

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:47 AM (dciA+)

254 253 hey guys guess what color this guest bedroom is?!?!!



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:47 AM (dciA+)


Magenta.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:47 AM (zt+N6)

255 Almost wrote a disgusting, dirty reply to you.

Still trying to be good which just sucks.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:45 AM (2x3L+)




Give in to the dark side...

Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:48 AM (fC9RO)

256 Dude's telling her that they're just going to bone, and that there will be no dinner and movies, "because that's just not my thing."

Gotta admit, sometimes this guy seems like he's on to some shit!

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:48 AM (dciA+)

257
hey guys guess what color this guest bedroom is?!?!!





Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:47 AM (dciA+)


Black, with The Cure posters on the wall.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 12:48 AM (fC9RO)

258 I bet his whole "I'm a dom, you're my sub" is actually just a ruse so that anytime her talking gets annoying he can put a ball gag on her.
Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:46 AM (zt+N6)

****

Who among us, honestly, can not say that this is a dream scenario? Come on now....

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 11, 2016 12:48 AM (YLidQ)

259 It's Red, isn't it?

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:48 AM (2x3L+)

260 256 Dude's telling her that they're just going to bone, and that there will be no dinner and movies, "because that's just not my thing."

Gotta admit, sometimes this guy seems like he's on to some shit!



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:48 AM (dciA+)



Oh just wait until he goes totally beta for her and starts doing all that shit.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:49 AM (zt+N6)

261 In a garagefull of GREY cars, she asks "Which one is yours?" he says "All of them."

Oh they're driving on a highway now. the highway is GREY.

Because they're on a GREY JOURNEY, YOU UNDERSTAND?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:49 AM (dciA+)

262 If they are on a grey journey they should be on greyhound

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 12:51 AM (zOTsN)

263 They're in the woods now where Edward showed his sparkleskin. We're getting some background on "Christian's" upbringing. No one cares.

"By giving up control, I felt free." Oh I guess he was a sub at one time, but now, like a VAMPIRE, he has become the Sire Vampire and is now a dom.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:51 AM (dciA+)

264 "Oh just wait until he goes totally beta for her and starts doing all that shit."

Truth

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:51 AM (0C2f1)

265 Dude's telling her that they're just going to bone, and that there will be no dinner and movies, "because that's just not my thing."

Just figured out what my problem is. I've been doing it wrong.

Posted by: Blano at February 11, 2016 12:51 AM (3eoPa)

266 Oh they're driving on a highway now. the highway is GREY.

Because they're on a GREY JOURNEY, YOU UNDERSTAND?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:49 AM (dciA+)

*******

The imagery is Kafkaesque. Zapruder like, if you will.

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 11, 2016 12:52 AM (YLidQ)

267 "they should be on greyhound"

They'd need to be about 300 lbs heavier for that story.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:52 AM (0C2f1)

268 Ace is funny

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:53 AM (2x3L+)

269 now we have to hear her talk to her dumb roommate again.

He finally gave her that contract he promised her. (Though he boned her before she signed it.)

more galtalk. Wish I could FF.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:53 AM (dciA+)

270 When does he start walking her around town on a leash?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:53 AM (zt+N6)

271 oh they're emailing each other. the text boxes are, and I'm not lying, GRAY.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:54 AM (dciA+)

272
Their relationship is GRAY, don't you see?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:54 AM (dciA+)

273 I think this movie has a theme with gray.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (zt+N6)

274 " the text boxes are, and I'm not lying, GRAY."

So you're saying he's a moron?

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (0C2f1)

275 So this contract is all legalese and buzzwordy. It sounds like VCR Instructions, except about boning and getting tied up.

"The submissive will eat regularly, to maintain her health, from a prescribed list of foods."

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (dciA+)

276 I am beginning to doubt your commitment to Sparkleskin.

Posted by: PRNDL at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (cvXoy)

277 Here is the insight I have gained into the female mind so far:

You are all f***ing nuts.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (dciA+)

278 He finally gave her that contract he promised her. (Though he boned her before she signed it.)

Posted by: ace

That's ex post bono rape. We're going to need to form a tribunal.

Posted by: Campus Sex Police at February 11, 2016 12:56 AM (zmW4B)

279 274 " the text boxes are, and I'm not lying, GRAY."

So you're saying he's a moron?

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (0C2f1)


Does he say "Pics or it didn't happen?"

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:56 AM (zt+N6)

280 You know how I know you're gray?...

Posted by: guy from the 40 Year Old Virgin at February 11, 2016 12:56 AM (H9MG5)

281 Ace making me laugh.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 12:57 AM (2x3L+)

282 I am pretty sure that contract is not enforceable and also would not apply retroactively to their first boning!

Take that Amishdude!

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 12:58 AM (zOTsN)

283 Why can't I be Mr. Gray. This is fuckin' bullshit.

Posted by: Mr. Pink at February 11, 2016 12:58 AM (zmW4B)

284 Here is the insight I have gained into the female mind so far:

You are all f***ing nuts.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (dciA+)

******

Here we have it. This is all that needs to be said on the issue, though it has been uttered many, many times before.

Posted by: Tim in GA at February 11, 2016 12:58 AM (YLidQ)

285 " the text boxes are, and I'm not lying, GRAY."

So you're saying he's a moron?

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (0C2f1)


Does he say "Pics or it didn't happen?"

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:56 AM (zt+N6)

And did he say, "but first...."

Posted by: Blano at February 11, 2016 12:58 AM (3eoPa)

286 Is Christian the Shamwow guy?

Posted by: PRNDL at February 11, 2016 12:59 AM (cvXoy)

287 i think she refused the contract but I'm not sure because I got some almond butter.

He wore a gray suit as he read it.


GREY, the color of sadness, and SEXUAL VIGOR.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:59 AM (dciA+)

288 Plus he exercised undue influence to get her to sign. She was dickmatized!

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 12:59 AM (zOTsN)

289 When does Jacob show up to try and steal her away and the reveal himself to be a werewolf? Or do you have to wait for the second book for that?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 12:59 AM (zt+N6)

290 oh he's taking off his shirt again. either they're going to have sex, or he has to take a dump.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:00 AM (dciA+)

291 290 oh he's taking off his shirt again. either they're going to have sex, or he has to take a dump.



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:00 AM (dciA+)



He's George Costanza?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:01 AM (zt+N6)

292 You know how I know you're gray?...

Posted by: guy from the 40 Year Old Virgin


Fuck off.

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 01:01 AM (wCF3s)

293 Other than he's rich, the guy is metro, weak, and impotent. That's why he has to beat his women. To make him feel like a man.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:01 AM (2x3L+)

294 "either they're going to have sex, or he has to take a dump. "

I'm not sure those two are mutually exclusive in this movie.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:01 AM (0C2f1)

295 so he's doing the ice cube thing on her.

Ever do this?

It's dumb. It adds nothing.

So this was his attempt to bone her into agreeing to the contract.

"What are you doing to me?" he asks, like he's so confounded by her.

Like I said, he's got moves.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:01 AM (dciA+)

296 You know how you shouldn't have appeared in a new movie?

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 01:02 AM (wCF3s)

297 Does she say she was raped and has her groovy new friend Haven Moynihan text him?

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:02 AM (zOTsN)

298 I think ace has made it longer than I think I could watching it.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:04 AM (zt+N6)

299 you know what's funny?

Basically, this movie is about this conflict: He says "I'm just going to bone you, no dinners together, no sleeping in the same bed," and she says "I'm not sure about that, can we discuss it over dinner?"

And he agrees.

So this Cool Dude who knows which way is up is trying to have a fun sexy time and this Evil Woman just keeps tricking him into dinners and sleepovers.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:04 AM (dciA+)

300 "Ever do this? "

Yep.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:04 AM (f3Iw2)

301 Mickey Rourke was better in 9 1/ 2 weeks. He was gorgeous then.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:05 AM (2x3L+)

302 Criminals fear the primal arch types.

Wimmen, not so much.

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 01:05 AM (wCF3s)

303 300 "Ever do this? "

Yep.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:04 AM (f3Iw2)



Does it add nothing?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:05 AM (zt+N6)

304 This whole time he thinks she is dickmatized but in reality she is using her Lazarus pussy on him!

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:06 AM (zOTsN)

305
>>>so he's doing the ice cube thing on her.

Ever do this?

It's dumb. It adds nothing.<<<




Ain't that the truth.

Posted by: XXX: State of the Union at February 11, 2016 01:06 AM (H9MG5)

306 Now they're actually having a business negotiation over the contract, and she proposed striking out, and I'm not lying, 'anal fisting."

Then she said "Strike out vaginal fisting too."

He said, "Are you sure?" Like, he was like, "Do you really want to cross that Rubicon of no vaginal fisting?"

But she was like "yeah, cross it out."

And they're having dinner. Totally tricked this poor guy.

What I wrote above is not a lie. This happened.

They wrote this, then they filmed it.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:06 AM (dciA+)

307 "Does it add nothing?"

You think it's going to be sexy but then the ice just sticks to your skin and it's awkward and then it melts.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:06 AM (f3Iw2)

308 My opening line of, do you wanna see me sharpen my Batarangs on my new Lansky system, doesn't yield the results you might imagine. . .

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 01:08 AM (wCF3s)

309 Real dialogue:

"I'm going to f*** you into the middle of next week."

"You're not fighting fair."

"I never do."

He says that, but she just tricked him into having dinner with her.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:08 AM (dciA+)

310 She's a real lady

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:08 AM (zOTsN)

311 306 Now they're actually having a business negotiation over the contract, and she proposed striking out, and I'm not lying, 'anal fisting."

Then she said "Strike out vaginal fisting too."

He said, "Are you sure?" Like, he was like, "Do you really want to cross that Rubicon of no vaginal fisting?"

But she was like "yeah, cross it out."

And they're having dinner. Totally tricked this poor guy.

What I wrote above is not a lie. This happened.

They wrote this, then they filmed it.



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:06 AM (dciA+)



Because I bet a lot of women would be really interested in a guy that wants vaginal and anal fisting to "be on the menu"

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:08 AM (zt+N6)

312 There's now some Sexy Talk about All the Boning they're going to do.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:09 AM (dciA+)

313 "He says that, but she just tricked him into having dinner with her.
"

She's pretty crafty for a virgin. Which is the real fantasy here.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:09 AM (f3Iw2)

314 I can't believe my friends loved this stupid book and movie.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:09 AM (egOGm)

315 Come on baby, let me do you like Jeff Dunham does Peanut

Posted by: Christian Grey at February 11, 2016 01:09 AM (zt+N6)

316 Ace,
Doing the work so we don't have to.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:10 AM (egOGm)

317 He sounds nice. Does he offer medical?

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:10 AM (zOTsN)

318 This guy is supposedly so masterful but he's like a little bitch. She just left, and he's like "Why does it sound like you're telling me goodbye?" and she said "Because I'm leaving." But not in a bad way-- she's literally just leaving to go somewhere else.

Boy she has really ruined this guy quickly. He began on top of the world but now he's having dinners with her, sleeping in the same bed, and getting all whiny about a goodbye.

I hope someone kills his villain at the end.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:11 AM (dciA+)

319 It's a father's dream that his little girl could find a guy like this Mr. Gray.

Posted by: Brian Williams at February 11, 2016 01:12 AM (H9MG5)

320 Remember this is the book that millions of women loved. Women who believe they are feminists

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:12 AM (zOTsN)

321 Holy Shit, this Villainous Woman now has the dude out at a social event having drinks with her.

SHE IS RUINING EVERYTHING! THIS POOR GUY HAD A CONTRACT OF BONING ONLY AND SHE'S GOT HIM HAVING CHAMPAGNE WITH HER NOW!

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:13 AM (dciA+)

322 That guy is unfuckable. I couldn't do it . Really bad movie

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:13 AM (2x3L+)

323 So this contract is all legalese and buzzwordy. It sounds like VCR Instructions, except about boning and getting tied up.

"The submissive will eat regularly, to maintain her health, from a prescribed list of foods."

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 12:55 AM (dciA+)



You know, say I was a billionaire. Say I was into S&M.

I would still shit myself over a contract like that even existing.

Just one leak of it, just a few cell phone pics of it, could be used to blackmail you forever.

Here's the contract I'd write up:

"You will not talk about my sexual or personal life ever under any circumstances whatsoever."

No contract on this sort of thing should go into much more detail than that. If it's over a page, you're doing it wrong.

Posted by: AD at February 11, 2016 01:14 AM (w7gCr)

324 And this is why you stick to regular porn.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:14 AM (zt+N6)

325 This movie is really just Pretty Woman. He just gave her a car.

Whatever. Now he's getting all cross with her (and it feels right to say "Cross").

He's spanking her for rolling her eyes at him.

She'll probably manipulate him into a dinner over this.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:14 AM (dciA+)

326 it's been an hour and sixteen minutes and there have only been two bonings and one spanking.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:15 AM (dciA+)

327 She'll probably manipulate him into a dinner over this.



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:14 AM (dciA+)



Worse. She'll probably get flowers. Do they make Gray roses?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:16 AM (zt+N6)

328 He's spanking her for rolling her eyes at him.

She'll probably manipulate him into a dinner over this.

Posted by: ace He's spanking her for rolling her eyes at him.

She'll probably manipulate him into a dinner over this.

Posted by: ace


It's too bad that Johnson and Johnson didn't' just sponsor the whole affair.

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 01:16 AM (wCF3s)

329 If he just gave her a car I assume she has lost her amateur status

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:16 AM (zOTsN)

330 They've had more dinners than sex.


I HATE this foul woman.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:16 AM (dciA+)

331 Boy she has really ruined this guy quickly.

Welcome to reality.

Posted by: Blano at February 11, 2016 01:17 AM (3eoPa)

332 there's crying now for Woman Reasons. I don't understand why.

Probably she's just practicing the Water Works to get her next Dinner and Sleepover.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:17 AM (dciA+)

333 Now they're actually having a business negotiation
over the contract, and she proposed striking out, and I'm not lying,
'anal fisting."



Then she said "Strike out vaginal fisting too."



He said, "Are you sure?" Like, he was like, "Do you really want to cross that Rubicon of no vaginal fisting?"



But she was like "yeah, cross it out."



And they're having dinner. Totally tricked this poor guy.



What I wrote above is not a lie. This happened.



They wrote this, then they filmed it.





Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:06 AM (dciA+)


It's not a proper wedding unless there's vaginal AND anal fisting.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at February 11, 2016 01:17 AM (fC9RO)

334 Are Hillary voters really that dried-up, untouched, and unloved that they find this book/movie sexy?

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at February 11, 2016 01:17 AM (zmW4B)

335 I don't always engage in assplay. But when I do, I always use my whole hand.


Stay Loose, My Friends.

Posted by: Christian Grey - The Least Interesting Dom in the World at February 11, 2016 01:18 AM (zt+N6)

336 there's a lot of kissing in this movie. more than it seems like Mr. No Dinners or Sleepovers would be into.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:19 AM (dciA+)

337 Classic story. Rich guy thinks you are special and wants to take care of you. Feminist dream

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:19 AM (zOTsN)

338 so she gets Shlonged in NH but still ends up in a dead heat, eh? I wonder how the real liberal larry of blamebush would have reacted to this news...

Posted by: liberal larry at February 11, 2016 01:19 AM (7nfma)

339 If you want to bail, I'm watching a netflix series and one of the guys looks *exactly* like Marco Rubio. And he's a tool.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:19 AM (3DIzJ)

340 Yeah, I like the kissing. That's very romantic and sweet. And makes no sense and does not belong

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:20 AM (2x3L+)

341 All that talk of fisting and naked piano playing. I would not sit on the furniture. Just saying

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:20 AM (zOTsN)

342 We know he is. But what's this actor that looks like him like?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:21 AM (zt+N6)

343 They're in "The Playroom" again and he's undressing her and saying creepy things like "You have a beautiful body, Anastasia. I want you comfortable with your nakedness."

Which is pretty much the most uncomfortable thing you could say to someone.

He has her kneeling on the ground.

No guy does this. We don't need all these nonsense atmospherics.

She's probably manipulated him into all this crap, too. He was probably just into normal boning but then she subliminally got him into all this prop-work.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:21 AM (dciA+)

344 this gray thing is reminding me of: http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/2009/01/its-official-republicans-hate-sex.html

Posted by: liberal larry at February 11, 2016 01:22 AM (7nfma)

345 So when does he start doing the balloon animal condoms and pulling the never ending handkerchief out of her vagina?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:23 AM (zt+N6)

346 one hour and twenty three minutes in and he's finally got her in restraints.

I'm not saying that like i'm into it. I'm just saying, we've been talking about restraints for 83 f***ing minutes.

Big deal, she has on leather cuffs. Oh and he went to third base. Very sexy stuff.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:23 AM (dciA+)

347 His whole place must smell like ass

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:23 AM (zOTsN)

348 So he really is a beta dom.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:24 AM (zt+N6)

349 here comes the whip. on the butt. the most popular place for a whip.

It's not a whip, though. I don't know what you call it. It has like a flat square head. Almost like a leather flyswatter.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:25 AM (dciA+)

350 What is third base now?? BJ?

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:25 AM (2x3L+)

351 This sounds kinda like Tina Belcher's erotic friend-fiction, only not as well written.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at February 11, 2016 01:25 AM (zmW4B)

352 this is the first bout of what you could call kinda deviant sex (except it's kinda not really all that crazy).

everything else was kissing, and Dinners, and Sleepovers.

oh and there was more dumb pop music.


Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:26 AM (dciA+)

353 349 here comes the whip. on the butt. the most popular place for a whip.

It's not a whip, though. I don't know what you call it. It has like a flat square head. Almost like a leather flyswatter.



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:25 AM (dciA+)



A switch?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:26 AM (zt+N6)

354 >>>What is third base now?? BJ?

um, hand down the girl's pants.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:26 AM (dciA+)

355 A crop?

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:26 AM (egOGm)

356 Is it what the jockeys use on horses?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:27 AM (zt+N6)

357 A crop. That's what's it's called.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:27 AM (2x3L+)

358 Now they're dancing to Sinatra's Witchcraft, and THEN going out to dinner WITH HIS MOM AND SISTER.

Boy this guy's contract really don't mean dick does it?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:27 AM (dciA+)

359 L-- right, i could not find that word.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:27 AM (dciA+)

360 357 A crop. That's what's it's called.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:27 AM (2x3L+)



*makes mental note*

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:28 AM (zt+N6)

361 I'm not sure how I know this. It's a crop

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:28 AM (egOGm)

362 Kissing is a waste of time. The criminals can't be snagged in such a short-time effort.

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 01:28 AM (wCF3s)

363 A riding crop

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:28 AM (zOTsN)

364 Thunder, my friends ride horses. I'm sticking with this story.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:29 AM (egOGm)

365 This movie sounds like Obama's America. Doms don't win anymore. I mean... they can't even negotiate good contracts. When I'm President I'm gonna make sure the doms make the best contracts. The greatest contracts. Doms will be winning so much the subs will say, "Please, please, not so much winning, we can't take it anymore."

Let's make doms great again.

Posted by: D. Trump at February 11, 2016 01:29 AM (H9MG5)

366 He keeps saying "You're mine, do you understand?" but then he's taking her out to dinners with mom.

This guy's not good at beign a dom.

Now she's arguing about sleeping in the same bed.

This pussy's going to crumble again.



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:30 AM (dciA+)

367 He has her kneeling on the ground.

No guy does this.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:21 AM (dciA+)

Say what??

Posted by: Blano at February 11, 2016 01:30 AM (3eoPa)

368 Going out with his mom and sister. He is a tough guy

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:30 AM (zOTsN)

369
THE ONLY CONTRACT I SEE BEING ADHERED TO HERE IS THIS TERRIBLE AWFUL WOMAN'S DINNER AND SLEEPOVER CONTRACT!!!!

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:31 AM (dciA+)

370 Ace, will you do a movie review also?

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:31 AM (egOGm)

371 Sounds like the Jeb Bush of doms.

Posted by: D. Trump at February 11, 2016 01:31 AM (H9MG5)

372 I want a girl just like the girl that fisted dear old mom

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:32 AM (zOTsN)

373 368 Going out with his mom and sister. He is a tough guy

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:30 AM (zOTsN)



Its so nice that he has found such a sweet girl like you. We were always worried about little Christian stealing my pantyhose to tie himself up.

Posted by: Mrs. Grey at February 11, 2016 01:32 AM (zt+N6)

374 so now they're lying in bed together, and he's crying like a bitch, telling her about his dark secrets.

Oh yeah, this is totally what his contract called for.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:33 AM (dciA+)

375 So is the mommy/sister situation a Flowers in the Attic deal?

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:33 AM (0C2f1)

376 **seeks higher ground*

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 01:33 AM (wCF3s)

377 "Oh yeah, this is totally what his contract called for. "

And now she leaves him.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:33 AM (0C2f1)

378 But thank God my use of a rectal thermometer to check his temperature into his late teens didn't leave a damaging impression on him.

Posted by: Mrs. Grey at February 11, 2016 01:34 AM (zt+N6)

379 Now she's with her family in Georgia (if I heard right) and she's crying again for no good reason. Maybe she's hungry because she hasn't tricked this guy into giving her a dinner in 24 hours.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:34 AM (dciA+)

380 A family that lays together stays together

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:34 AM (zOTsN)

381 Ace, you'll hate how this saga ends.
They live happily ever after
Or else fucked up for life

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:34 AM (2x3L+)

382 WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A SEX CONTRACT IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO CALL HER ON THE PHONE WHEN SHE'S GONE FOR ONE F***ING DAY

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:35 AM (dciA+)

383 And he came all the way down to Georgia.

This story is a tragedy about the fall of an Awesome Dude who doesn't like dinner movies and slepovers into the clutches of a cruel succubus who wants him to hang out with her family.

I'm crying now.

The dream is dead.

the dream is dead

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:36 AM (dciA+)

384 Geez ace. You seem pretty disappointed in the failure of this sex contract thing

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:37 AM (zOTsN)

385 oh he just asked her to come to breakfast.


Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:37 AM (dciA+)

386 But thank God my use of a rectal thermometer to check his temperature into his late teens didn't leave a damaging impression on him.
Posted by: Mrs. Grey

I always thought making him wear my hand-me-downs to school would mess him up, but he seems fine now.

Posted by: Christine Grey at February 11, 2016 01:37 AM (zmW4B)

387 It was all downhill the moment he agreed to the "No anal fisting."

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:37 AM (zt+N6)

388 um, I'm just looking to revenge my parents .... wasn't really looking for some hahahahahahah instagram! Check it snapchat in 2?

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 01:37 AM (wCF3s)

389
he just introduced her as "my girlfriend"

the tears, they won't stop flowing

Her cruel victory is complete.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:37 AM (dciA+)

390 so now they're lying in bed together, and he's crying like a bitch, telling her about his dark secrets.

Okay, this is the one part I was curious about. What dark secrets does a billionaire in his late 20s have?

Posted by: AD at February 11, 2016 01:38 AM (w7gCr)

391 >> Geez ace. You seem pretty disappointed in the failure of this sex contract thing

the guy had a dream. This movie is about the dying of this dream.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:38 AM (dciA+)

392 >>>Okay, this is the one part I was curious about. What dark secrets does a billionaire in his late 20s have?

i think he said something about having underage sex with a crack whore when he was little boy. (Seriously.)

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:39 AM (dciA+)

393 "What dark secrets does a billionaire in his late 20s have?"

He boned his mom.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:39 AM (3DIzJ)

394 390 so now they're lying in bed together, and he's crying like a bitch, telling her about his dark secrets.

Okay, this is the one part I was curious about. What dark secrets does a billionaire in his late 20s have?

Posted by: AD at February 11, 2016 01:38 AM (w7gCr)


*SOB*

I'm really just a poorly written fan fiction version of some stupid sparkly vampire fag, written my some woman that touched herself every time she made me kiss her stand in character!

*SOB*

Posted by: Christian Grey at February 11, 2016 01:40 AM (zt+N6)

395 oh was that it? I wasn't sure. His mom?

Sheesh.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:40 AM (dciA+)

396 Christian Grey. Mom boner

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:40 AM (zOTsN)

397 Laughing at Ace. I knew you'd hate this movie. Sorry you hate it, but still funny.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:40 AM (2x3L+)

398 "His mom?

Sheesh. "

I actually just made that up, but I seem to have vague memories that it's true.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:41 AM (3DIzJ)

399 he's barking orders into a phone like a Big Time CEO and now they're hugging and kissing again so I guess that means it's time for another Dinner.

They should call this movie 50 Elegant Dinners.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:41 AM (dciA+)

400 i think he said something about having underage sex with a crack whore when he was little boy.

That's it? That's all?

Posted by: AD at February 11, 2016 01:41 AM (w7gCr)

401 Because what this series was really lacking was some incest.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:42 AM (zt+N6)

402 I realize belatedly, this is a female fantasy. The kinky 29 year old billionaire would be ugly. And she would have to accept the fisting thing in real life.
I haven't read the book or watched the movie.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:42 AM (egOGm)

403 >>>
I actually just made that up, but I seem to have vague memories that it's true.

i think that might actually be it.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:42 AM (dciA+)

404 " 50 Elegant Dinners."

Pure Class

Posted by: Grey Trump at February 11, 2016 01:42 AM (3DIzJ)

405 They're in the playroom again, or, as I call it, "The Pre-Dinner Room."

He's tickling her with a peacock feather. It looks dumb.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:43 AM (dciA+)

406 They should call this movie 50 Elegant Dinners.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:41 AM (dciA+)



Isn't it 49 elegant dinners and a breakfast?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:43 AM (zt+N6)

407 Leave Trump out of this. I almost love him.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:44 AM (2x3L+)

408 there's some vaguely choral religious music while he smacks her with a cat of nine tails.

Now there is some Sex Posing.

It's over.

He's playing piano. Dinner status: Uncertain.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:44 AM (dciA+)

409 405 They're in the playroom again, or, as I call it, "The Pre-Dinner Room."

He's tickling her with a peacock feather. It looks dumb.



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:43 AM (dciA+)



I'm gonna wait until Lauren confirms that its dumb again, like with the ice cube.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:44 AM (zt+N6)

410 No one in real life would do the feather thing. In real life she would be his gimp.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:45 AM (egOGm)

411 It's a good thing she doesn't have a "punch when you're tickled" reflex.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:45 AM (3DIzJ)

412 she's now making him Talk About His Feelings.

This really is porn for women.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:46 AM (dciA+)

413 411 It's a good thing she doesn't have a "punch when you're tickled" reflex.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:45 AM (3DIzJ)



That's what the restraints are for.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:46 AM (zt+N6)

414 Only gay guys have peacock feathers on hand. Stupid movie

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:46 AM (2x3L+)

415 "I'm gonna wait until Lauren confirms that its dumb again"

Haha. I can neither conform nor deny that one.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:46 AM (3DIzJ)

416 He just said, "I'm fifty shades of fucked-up."

You always want to work that title into the movie.

Or, sort of.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:47 AM (dciA+)

417 Ace,
I think women would call the guy you have described a big pu**y

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:48 AM (egOGm)

418 finally we're getting to the end. for some reason, she wants him to "show [her] the worst it can be," I guess so he feels comfortable Talking About His Feelings.

So he's going to spank her and stuff now. But I guess this will be severe.

For some reason, he has raccoon tails hanging on the wall behind him.

Sure, why not. that's hot.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:48 AM (dciA+)

419 Christian Grey sound like someone Chris Christie needs to call a phony little bitch.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:48 AM (zt+N6)

420 >>> This really is porn for women.
------
You forgot to interject the word "dumb" before women

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:49 AM (2x3L+)

421 "Sure, why not. that's hot.
"

Wait, are you coming out as a fur-kin?

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:49 AM (3DIzJ)

422 I believe alexthechick has said it best with "In my porn, people Fuck"

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:50 AM (zt+N6)

423
These raccoon tails are distracting. So many questions.


By the way, "the very worst it could be" turned out to be six spanks with a leather paddle. Not exactly a torture session.

This is now a Crying Scene which will probably lead to a Dinner Reconciliation.


Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:50 AM (dciA+)

424 421 "Sure, why not. that's hot.
"

Wait, are you coming out as a fur-kin?

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:49 AM (3DIzJ)



He was a young ewok once. Maybe he experimented a little.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:51 AM (zt+N6)

425 Why would he play piano post coitus. Would he just fall asleep?

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:51 AM (zOTsN)

426 he now comes to her bedroom, where she's crying.

She says "You will never do that to me again." Once again, it was six spanks.

She says she's fallen in love with him. He now says 'No, you can't love me," like he's a fucking werewolf.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:52 AM (dciA+)

427 I could give a possible idea on the raccoon tails. But I won't.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:52 AM (zt+N6)

428 No woman would be into any of this. The only way they might act like they were is if the guy was a millionaire. Then they would laugh at him with their friends. He touched me with feathers, and cried. I made him buy me dinner again. What a loser.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:52 AM (egOGm)

429 this movie is kind of tame, really. I mean, I guess, what else could it be? It's not going to be porn, it's not going to be real deviant stuff.

There's more crying and dinners than sex.

They have tricked me into watching what is obviously a LOVE STORY in the guise of some weird werewolf sex movie.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:54 AM (dciA+)

430 9 1/2 was far better. Much better leads.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:54 AM (2x3L+)

431 Holy shit that's it?!!!


Bang, it's over.

What the fuh?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:54 AM (dciA+)

432 L,Elle,
I am ashamed to admit all my housewive friends thought the book was great. I'm sure after 20 years of marriage, they imagined all the cool kids do this.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:55 AM (egOGm)

433 "What the fuh?"

Tune in next week for more spankings!

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:55 AM (3DIzJ)

434 well that's it. Unless there's going to be a mid-credits teaser of Thanos in a leather bra, that's all there is of 50 Shades of Grey.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:55 AM (dciA+)

435 >>>Why would he play piano post coitus. Would he just fall asleep?

Posted by: ThunderB at February 11, 2016 01:51 AM (zOTsN)<<<

Maybe he's killing a little time? Waiting 'til she's ready for him to make her a sammich.

Posted by: D. Trump at February 11, 2016 01:55 AM (H9MG5)

436 Well thanks all for the review and entertaining commentary. 'Night all.

Posted by: Blano at February 11, 2016 01:55 AM (3eoPa)

437 434 well that's it. Unless there's going to be a mid-credits teaser of Thanos in a leather bra, that's all there is of 50 Shades of Grey.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:55 AM (dciA+)



He seems like he'd be more into chainmail.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 01:56 AM (zt+N6)

438 you know, i'm making fun, but what the hell? That movie just ended. I don't want to say "I gotta know what happens to Anna and what's his face" but like... what? That's it? No real resolution?

Just some crying and a walk-out?

That's not a resolution, that's bullshit that happens all the time.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:56 AM (dciA+)

439 Ace, there are 2 more books. That just get worse and more stupid.
Hang on

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 01:57 AM (2x3L+)

440 Ace,
Cliffhanger, 51 shades of supper?

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:58 AM (egOGm)

441 can't wait to read the next installment of Anastasia's Dinner and Sleepover Vacation Fantasy.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:58 AM (dciA+)

442 >>>well that's it. Unless there's going to be a
mid-credits teaser of Thanos in a leather bra, that's all there is of 50
Shades of Grey.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:55 AM (dciA+)<<<

Maybe they'll be sitting in a restaurant eating shawarma?

Posted by: Tony Stark, a real, honest to goodness Alpha billionaire at February 11, 2016 01:58 AM (H9MG5)

443 And then there's the book from his perspective.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 01:58 AM (3DIzJ)

444 L,elle,
Did you slog through them?

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:59 AM (egOGm)

445 well, now I know.

Nowwww I know.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:59 AM (dciA+)

446 >>>And then there's the book from his perspective.

are you fucking kidding me

I jsut saw it from his perspective. It was "Dude Gets Jerked Around by a College Girl Who Won't Sign His Sex-Contract"

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:00 AM (dciA+)

447 "are you fucking kidding me

I jsut saw it from his perspective. It was "Dude Gets Jerked Around by a College Girl Who Won't Sign His Sex-Contract"

I am not kidding you. You get to read all about how he feels [/f] about not getting his sex contract signed.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:01 AM (3DIzJ)

448 damn it.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:02 AM (3DIzJ)

449 >>>I am not kidding you. You get to read all about how he feels [/f] about not getting his sex contract signed.

wow, all that i've been missing

i bet he's pretty ANNOYED and FRUSTRATED huh?

that must make for a great read

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:03 AM (dciA+)

450 I mean this as much as I've ever meant anything:

WHAT-EV-errrrr

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:03 AM (dciA+)

451 >>> Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 01:59 AM (egOGm
------
Hell no! I like getting spanked bc I like strong men. Ssh. Don't tell anyone. That's why I paid attention to the first one which was just horrible.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 02:04 AM (2x3L+)

452 Lauren,
I hope you are joking.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:04 AM (egOGm)

453 "i bet he's pretty ANNOYED and FRUSTRATED huh? "

And brooding. Now to be clear, I have not read this book, I've just seen excerpts. And they are hilarious.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:05 AM (3DIzJ)

454 EV+ SQ = perfect glide ... woah, amigo... woah

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 02:06 AM (wCF3s)

455 L,elle,
I like strong men too. I just like watching them chopping wood and manly things like that. But that can stay between us girls.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:07 AM (egOGm)

456 447 "are you fucking kidding me

I jsut saw it from his perspective. It was "Dude Gets Jerked Around by a College Girl Who Won't Sign His Sex-Contract"

I am not kidding you. You get to read all about how he feels [/f] about not getting his sex contract signed.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:01 AM (3DIzJ)



So in other words this hack fan fiction writer went and did what the writer she copied from was going to do?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 02:07 AM (zt+N6)

457 "My balls were so blue because I could not achieve orgasm unless she let me spank her SEVEN times."

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 02:08 AM (zt+N6)

458 These are real excerpts from the Grey's perspective book.

"She peeks up at me and bites down on her full bottom lip.

F**k! How did I not notice how inviting that mouth is?

"S-Sorry, I'm not used to this."

I can tell, baby, but right now I don't give a damn because I can't take my eyes off your mouth."

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:09 AM (3DIzJ)

459 Yeah, Cali, nothing that stings, just a little zing. I don't what to have to be the strong one and in charge of shit.
:-)

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 02:09 AM (2x3L+)

460 And:

"Slowly I turn my head, and she's fast asleep, facing me. Her beautiful face soft in repose.

I have never slept with a woman. I've f**ked many, but to wake up beside an alluring young woman is a new and stimulating experience. My cock agrees."

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:10 AM (3DIzJ)

461 459 Yeah, Cali, nothing that stings, just a little zing. I don't what to have to be the strong one and in charge of shit.
:-)



Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 02:09 AM (2x3L+)


How about a little Bing?

Posted by: Chandler at February 11, 2016 02:11 AM (zt+N6)

462 Lauren
That ish is hilarious.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:11 AM (egOGm)

463 "Looks good, doesn't it?" I ask, so that she'll turn and I can see her face. She does, with a huge cock-tightening grin. "We'll be there in a few minutes," I add."

I don't know what that is.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:12 AM (3DIzJ)

464 L,Elle,
That's cool. I like manly men. Men who can fix a faucet, change a tire, I like watching my husband split the wood. Kill the things that need to be killed is manly as well.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:15 AM (egOGm)

465 And then there's this.

"An image of her shackled to my bench, peeled gingerroot inserted in her ass so she can't clench her buttocks, comes to mind, followed by judicious use of a belt or strap. Yeah... That would teach her not to be so irresponsible. The thought is hugely appealing."

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:15 AM (3DIzJ)

466 >>> How about a little Bing?
Posted by: Chandler at February 11, 2016 02:11 AM (zt+N6)
----
Idk what this refers to. Something about Friends? I'm not a TV person. Threads probably dead anyway bc Ace left

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 02:15 AM (2x3L+)

467 Lauren,
I heard the books were poorly written garbage. They sound like comedy.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:16 AM (egOGm)

468 >>>She does, with a huge cock-tightening grin.

cock-tightening?

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:16 AM (dciA+)

469 468 >>>She does, with a huge cock-tightening grin.

cock-tightening?



Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:16 AM (dciA+)



Her smile causes boners?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 02:17 AM (zt+N6)

470 And here he is fretting about the contract

"As we stand inside I make a mental note to f**k her in an elevator one day. That's if she agrees to my deal. "

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:17 AM (3DIzJ)

471 Lauren,
I have no idea what that means either.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:18 AM (egOGm)

472 do boners get tight?

has anyone ever said, "man that girl makes my boner tight?"

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:18 AM (dciA+)

473 "Her smile causes boners?"

Or penis vises.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:19 AM (3DIzJ)

474 Oh, Ace, hi! Hello.

Can we have a weekend doggeh post? Can you approve that and give it clearance? We have 2 long standing commenters who have no trespasses against them volunteering to commit to it.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 02:19 AM (2x3L+)

475 oh absolultely a doggy post would be great, L.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:20 AM (dciA+)

476 "has anyone ever said, "man that girl makes my boner tight?"
"

Billionaire sex gods apparently.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:20 AM (3DIzJ)

477 Lauren,
the excerpts are making me crack up.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:20 AM (egOGm)

478 Boner tight no. Pants tight, yes. Just remember she's a hack fan fiction writer.

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 02:22 AM (zt+N6)

479 How many of the gray books has she written?

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:22 AM (egOGm)

480 "the excerpts are making me crack up."

Here's a really good one:


"With my eyes locked on hers, I take her panties, crush them to my nose, and inhale deeply. Her mouth pops open and her eyes widen in amused shock."

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:23 AM (3DIzJ)

481 Thanks Ace. It will be Misanrhropic Humanitarian and Chi doing the weekend doggeh thread.

* jumps up and down *

Yay! Thank you, Ace.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 02:23 AM (2x3L+)

482 that sounds awesome. the dogs, not the Christian Grey erotica.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:26 AM (dciA+)

483 Lauren,
There is obviously a huge market for this crap. That surprises me. Slightly kinky bodice rippers. Someone smarter than me should make their fortune.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:27 AM (egOGm)

484 "Someone smarter than me should make their fortune."

The top kindle sellers are always this sort of crap. I've thought of selling my soul before.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:28 AM (f3Iw2)

485 I hope kitties are welcome in the doggy thread.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:29 AM (egOGm)

486 there's a cottage industry in joke erotica, with women having sex with dinosaurs and werewolves and anything else stupid you can think of.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:29 AM (dciA+)

487 50 Shades of Spaniel

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 02:30 AM (dciA+)

488 You people are sick.

Posted by: Dinosaur Porn writer at February 11, 2016 02:30 AM (zt+N6)

489 Arf, arf.
*flits to new barstools*

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 02:30 AM (wCF3s)

490 Lauren,
I wonder how the 50 shades books became so popular. I'm going to look at that tomorrow.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:30 AM (egOGm)

491 "I wonder how the 50 shades books became so popular"

Bored housewives are bored.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:31 AM (f3Iw2)

492 Ace,
Well no more ridiculous than sparkly vampires.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:32 AM (egOGm)

493 Ace, I promise, those guys won't disappoint. I'll make them include a kitteh pic too like Monty does. I already have the first kitty pic lined up.

Thank you! I'm so happy!

Posted by: L, Elle at February 11, 2016 02:32 AM (2x3L+)

494 Gah! That writing is awful. It sounds like the bit on Family Guy about the foreigners who don't quite get how to say things in English.

Like... "I was dancing with this chick at the discotheque. She was so hot, I would totally do the sex to her. She really got my boner tight."

Posted by: make it stop at February 11, 2016 02:32 AM (H9MG5)

495 Lauren,
I mean how was it marketed. Did it get a spot on Oprah? GMA? Every housewife friend of mine read the book.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:33 AM (egOGm)

496 *om-templates the more bored ladies what just provided the past 3 hours of entertainment.

Posted by: Batman at February 11, 2016 02:34 AM (wCF3s)

497 "I mean how was it marketed. Did it get a spot on Oprah? GMA? Every housewife friend of mine read the book."

That I don't know. I think she came out of a fanfic board and somehow that resulted in a book deal.

Must be nice.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:34 AM (f3Iw2)

498 Maybe we could. Combine the doggeh and the food thread.

Mmmmm...

Posted by: SCOAMF at February 11, 2016 02:35 AM (H9MG5)

499 Lauren,
She must have had someone's attention. Why that crappy book. Im just curious about stuff like that.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:36 AM (egOGm)

500 When are you going to live blog the twilight trilogy ace?

Posted by: ChocoCheese at February 11, 2016 02:37 AM (MUDGs)

501 Well, goodnight everyone. You guys always make me smile.

Posted by: CaliGirl at February 11, 2016 02:39 AM (egOGm)

502 Night, Cali! Maybe we can figure out the marketing secret and make our own sleazy millions.

Posted by: Lauren at February 11, 2016 02:40 AM (0C2f1)

503 So in the third book, does the other dom that she meets in the second book but is more into gimp masks, see her and Christian's child for the first time and realize that that is who his true sub will be?

Posted by: buzzion at February 11, 2016 02:51 AM (zt+N6)

504 So in the third book, does the other dom that she
meets in the second book but is more into gimp masks, see her and
Christian's child for the first time and realize that that is who his
true sub will be?

Posted by: buzzion


Such an anti-semite.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 11, 2016 03:20 AM (wCF3s)

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at February 11, 2016 04:30 AM (t2KH5)

506 Didnt the author make like a billion bucks off of this? She's laughing all the way to her banks.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at February 11, 2016 05:34 AM (iQIUe)

507
Fifty Shades of Lactation will be the prequel.

Fifty Shades of Diarrhea will be the final sequel after she reduces him to taking her to Chipotle.

Stick to Overboard, ace. No sex, but you'll get Goldie Hawn in a dinner dress doing tequila shots with the crew of her yacht.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at February 11, 2016 07:38 AM (BK3ZS)

508 1000 pages of Clinton emails will come out this Saturday with the last 7000 coming out at the end of the month.

Will indictements come between, or after?

Posted by: Mr Macca Bean at February 11, 2016 09:39 AM (4ng05)

509 I went through an extreme movie period awhile back. I was watching flicks like 'Martyrs' and 'Salo' and 'Ichi The Killer' and so on, the kind of movies where you think, 'Oh, come on, really? You're going there?' And they go there.

So when my girlfriend rented '50 Shades' I was kinda sorta thinking this might be fun since the kinds of movies I think are extreme are also the kinds of movies she would never watch, so maybe this would be a fun date night experience.

Nope. '50 Shades' was anterrible movie. I thought the actress--whoever she was--had the acting chops to break out of the godawful script on occasion; otherwise, nothing doing. My girlfriend became irritated when I started doing a running, not-very-funnycommentary a la MST3000, but even she agreed it was a terrible movie. I won't go near the book.

Posted by: troyriser at February 11, 2016 09:43 AM (WuTfJ)

510 ...Didnt the author make like a billion bucks off of this?...

The book was pretty good until Anna lost her virginity. I'm not kidding. After that it became pointless.

Posted by: scorecard at February 11, 2016 09:44 AM (I0sxh)

511 All these women so upset about rape...it's just awful.

Then they buy this awful book about the humiliation and sexual abuse of women...volume after volume after volume.

Gimme a break!

No brain, sex, rather homely woman. Gag.

Posted by: Femme Mentalle at February 11, 2016 11:10 AM (SJ184)

512 If I want to enjoy some video bdsm, I'll get it from pornhub like it was meant to be, thank you very much.

although those hillary nutcracker videos give me the willies.

Posted by: Willam J. Clinton at February 11, 2016 11:53 AM (/jecC)

513 Will the sequel feature Hillary in a wing chair?

Posted by: Huma baby! at February 11, 2016 01:04 PM (oeEqm)

514 "the excerpts are making me crack up."

Here's a really good one:


"With my eyes locked on hers, I take her panties, crush them to my nose, and inhale deeply. Her mouth pops open and her eyes widen in amused shock."

My eyes water as I ask her,"You had lunch at Chipotle?"

Posted by: A Guy at February 11, 2016 01:20 PM (UvmoL)

515 >>>Nope. '50 Shades' was anterrible movie. I thought the actress--whoever she was--had the acting chops to break out of the godawful script on occasion

i like her. she's got a real natural, wholesome sort of vibe. She's melanie griffith's kids.

Posted by: ace at February 11, 2016 01:58 PM (dciA+)

516 My wife drug me to this movie after she read all the books. It pissed her off so much I didn't get any for a week.
god almighty woman why can't you watch real p0rn?

Posted by: M1911 at February 11, 2016 02:19 PM (j/KPN)

517 Ace, well shit, now you ruined it for me... raccoon, I thought that you said Bacon....darn, darn, darn!

Posted by: Rob in Katy at February 11, 2016 04:03 PM (uaYXs)

518 1. Fifty Shades of Grey is a romance novel.
Well, actually, the three books taken as a whole are a romance novel. I hope I won't spoil things terribly for anyone planning on reading the second book when I reveal that they get back together on like page five, after five pages of Ana weeping over her lost love and cuddling a helicopter balloon because it reminds her of Christian's helicopter. And yeah, just as you now suspect, they end up happily married and are last seen running through a wildflower meadow playing with their adorable toddler. Literally. I swear to God.

2. Guys do not understand romance novels.
Not even when they're well-written and not wish-fulfillment with completely unrealistic characters and situations.

Therefore:

3. This effort was doomed from the start.

Posted by: jaed at February 11, 2016 05:19 PM (7LR+G)

519 We at 1000 comments yet?

Posted by: Lord Whorfin at February 11, 2016 07:04 PM (kMoe2)

520 This movie was awful. Is this what our little girls are suppose to believe now...that this freak is ok and just needs to be loved. Really sad...and creepy.

Posted by: Eileen at February 11, 2016 08:15 PM (te778)

521 For some reason, he has raccoon tails hanging on the wall behind him.

She probably ate the raccoons whilst he was sleeping.

Posted by: JT at February 11, 2016 08:30 PM (1hvcd)

522 He's basically hiring her as a whore, except not paid.

So.....he's democrat.

Posted by: JT at February 11, 2016 08:34 PM (1hvcd)

523 Why would he play piano post coitus. Would he just fall asleep

Maybe it was a player piano.

Posted by: JT at February 11, 2016 08:53 PM (1hvcd)

524 I hope I won't spoil things terribly for anyone planning on reading the second book

I think you're out of the danger z

Posted by: JT at February 11, 2016 09:08 PM (1hvcd)

525 zone

Posted by: JT at February 11, 2016 09:09 PM (1hvcd)

526 We at 1000 comments yet?

I'm tryin' buddy.

Posted by: JT at February 11, 2016 09:10 PM (1hvcd)

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