Early Morning Thread 1/25/15: Sunday Comics edition. [krakatoa]

Good Lord what a week. Anyone got a good joke?

I'll accept any variation of the well-worn but timeless Boehner/Boner gags.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 06:30 AM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Wake up day walkers!

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:28 AM (YcEhy)

2 Hello!!!!!!!!

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:28 AM (YcEhy)

3 Is this thing on?

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:29 AM (YcEhy)

4 4?

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:29 AM (YcEhy)

5 5?

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:29 AM (YcEhy)

6 Can he make it to 10?

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:30 AM (YcEhy)

7 7

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:30 AM (YcEhy)

8 8

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:30 AM (YcEhy)

9 Pearls Before Swine, one of the few funny comics in the newspapers. Since I don't buy newspapers, it's one comic I buy the books of.

Posted by: nnptcgrad at January 25, 2015 06:30 AM (/iuUL)

10 9

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:30 AM (YcEhy)

11 Ha!

Posted by: nnptcgrad at January 25, 2015 06:30 AM (/iuUL)

12 Noooooooooooo!

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:31 AM (YcEhy)

13 I've been up since 2am EST. You?

Posted by: nnptcgrad at January 25, 2015 06:31 AM (/iuUL)

14 Everything is relative.

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at January 25, 2015 06:32 AM (JGTcy)

15 4ish. Read the entire overnight! Wth i could have watched pron but noooooo.

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:32 AM (YcEhy)

16 Oh look.

The Laptop people are here.

Hello!!!

*Waves*

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at January 25, 2015 06:32 AM (fL+1V)

17 Bob Dole thinks the speaker can only stand for four hours, and if he does stand longer than four hours he should consult his bartender.

Posted by: Bob Dole at January 25, 2015 06:34 AM (vntmB)

18 So Boner goes to the doctor. Says, "Doc, when I was a young man, I could grab my boehner with both hands, and couldn't bend it an iota. When I hit about 40, I could bend it about 20 degrees. Now I can take it, and bend that thing almost double.
I have just one question.
How much stronger am I gonna get?"

Posted by: Henny Young Man at January 25, 2015 06:35 AM (p37xx)

19 HA! I tried to turn into a daywalker and managed to put down 6 hours of sleep, then my body revolted and here I am.

Jokes you want? Sorry, I'm fresh out thanks in no small part to Bohner, who treats conservatives the same way Barky O'Fuckstick treats the Constitution.

Posted by: Gmac- Pulling in feelers in preperation... at January 25, 2015 06:36 AM (baiNQ)

20 What, did I beak it with one comment?

Posted by: Gmac- Pulling in feelers in preperation... at January 25, 2015 06:38 AM (baiNQ)

21 Ok, ok...

BBL, time for a shower. I can take a hint.

Posted by: Gmac- Pulling in feelers in preperation... at January 25, 2015 06:38 AM (baiNQ)

22
Take our Boehner... please!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at January 25, 2015 06:40 AM (bWFHa)

23 I see the Patriots learned a lesson from the government.

"We investigated ourselves and found no wrong doing. Case closed. Move along nothing to see here."

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:40 AM (YcEhy)

24 Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the possum it could be done.

I love that joke. What can I say I'm weird.

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 06:40 AM (JdEZJ)

25 Odd
Farscape episode "Won't get fooled again" just started playing, and Instapundit has a link to Heidegger.

Nothing is what it appears to be, everyone has gone insane, but in the land of insanity, the sane person is sent to re-education camp to get his psychosis treated.

So why are we here?

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at January 25, 2015 06:42 AM (JGTcy)

26 So, a guy goes to Japan to do some business. His host sets him up with a nice young Japanese maiden. While in the throes of passion, she starts yelling, "Ah, boehner, boehner, boehner..."
He believes he has made a good impression.
Next day he is golfing with his hosts, and one makes a long putt. He says, "Ah, boehner".
His host says, what do you mean, "Wrong hole?"

Posted by: Henny Young Man at January 25, 2015 06:42 AM (p37xx)

27 Why did the chicken cross the road?

None of your damn business!

Posted by: The Chicken at January 25, 2015 06:42 AM (YcEhy)

28
The Speaker of the House, the President, a boner and a bonehead walk into a bar... but now I'm just double talking.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at January 25, 2015 06:42 AM (bWFHa)

29 Plucked that sock off

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 06:43 AM (YcEhy)

30

"You think I've got it bad -- I'm standing on John Boehner's shoulders!"

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at January 25, 2015 06:46 AM (kdS6q)

31
I have had it with this mofoin' Boehner in this mofoin' Congress!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at January 25, 2015 06:49 AM (bWFHa)

32
Speaker John Boehner
January 22

Growing up with 11 brothers and sisters, I didnt need to be told or taught that every child is a gift from God. Respect for the sanctity of innocent life has made me who I am, and it is what has made America, America.

For I have never felt a more precious responsibility than to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, and I will never back down from that duty.

"Now, about that baby-killing bill I backed down from..."

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at January 25, 2015 06:49 AM (kdS6q)

33 @Skandia Recluse, I quoted this on the ONT not too long ago, but it's worth quoting again:

"A time is coming when men will go mad, and when they find a man who is not mad, they will take hold of him and say, 'You are mad, you are not like us.'"
--attributed to St. Anthony

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at January 25, 2015 06:50 AM (iuQS7)

34
Speaking of The Bone:

Senate GOP frustrated with Boehner over immigration tactics

Frustration is building among Senate Republicans that Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) is not making more of an effort to manage the expectations of House conservatives.

Some lawmakers think Boehner could have done a better job of reminding rank-and-file conservatives that a repeal of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program and another executive action shielding up to five million illegal immigrants from deportation has no chance of passing the Senate.

http://tinyurl.com/kt7gab9

Well -- not with you guys running the asylum.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at January 25, 2015 06:56 AM (kdS6q)

35 In this day in 1950 it was 79 degrees here in Mid GA.

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 06:59 AM (JdEZJ)

36 Freaked, it's 32 here in South West Ga.

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:00 AM (YcEhy)

37 Albany wft?

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:02 AM (JdEZJ)

38 For to bring Teh Silly: Am planning to introduce my students this week to the concept of the Bible as sitcom--specifically, Acts 12:6-18 with special guest star Valerie Harper as Rhoda.

Seriously. Think about it.

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at January 25, 2015 07:02 AM (iuQS7)

39 Just North. Leesburg

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:03 AM (YcEhy)

40 Mom's home town is Colquitt. They are in Americus now.

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:04 AM (JdEZJ)

41 Just up the road. Waves at freaked's Mom!

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:06 AM (YcEhy)

42 I watched "The Interview" last night.

If Hollywood would only skewer Obama in the same manner, the Secret Service would be crawling up their collective butts.

Posted by: Grampa Jimbo at January 25, 2015 07:06 AM (V70Uh)

43 @38 Tonight, on a very special edition of "Wacky Shit Angels Do..."

Posted by: Stringer Davis at January 25, 2015 07:07 AM (xq1UY)

44 We begin bombing in five minutes.

Posted by: Gentlemen, This is democracy manifest at January 25, 2015 07:08 AM (LWu6U)

45 @43 Actually, what started me giggling was the reaction of my inner Dean Winchester when the angel disappeared.

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at January 25, 2015 07:09 AM (iuQS7)

46 29 here now in NE GA. But it will be closer to 60 by mid-afternoon. That's winter in GA.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 25, 2015 07:10 AM (fIv/H)

47

DAY 810

653 to go (726 to Inauguration Day 2017)

Muzzies, Marxists, Maoists, Mau-Maus, MFM's, Moochelle, McCain's, McConnell's, machiavellian Mississippi mudslingers, McAuliffe's, Maduro's, MIRV's, Mexifornians, menacing Mozillan 'mo's, Mugwumps, mutants, malcontents, malthusians, maniacs, malignant medical mandates, martial law, miscreants, microagressors, minions, maladjusted masochistic multiculturalists, momzers, mamalukes, mooks, mopes, mariuoli, meeskeits, maricons, marauders, malodorous militants, menstruating mons veneri, malfunctioning Moron microsites and miscellaneous meshugas notwithstanding.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:11 AM (CMkNk)

48 Actually wft they are in Lake City FL right now with their RV buddies.

Do you know Spring Creek? We are planning a canoe trip down the creek to Lake Seminole in the Spring. When I was a kid my PaPa and I spent a lot of time fishing there.

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:11 AM (JdEZJ)

49 Ga. has 4 seasons. Early summer, summer, late summer and Christmas.

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:12 AM (YcEhy)

50

A little birdy informs me that some people around here are flirting with the red line of Joo hatred.

Knock it off, m'kay?

Sheesh.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:13 AM (CMkNk)

51

Dear Ms Wolfe,

I am not an intellectual. I am a retired truck driver. If better men than me have already made these same observations, I wouldn't know for I am an uneducated man.

I hope you can see the humor in this. Think of it as one of your students finally gets what it is you have been trying to tell him.

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at January 25, 2015 07:14 AM (JGTcy)

52 The Book of The Acts, Laff riot:

"And upon a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat upon his throne, and made an oration unto them. And the people gave a shout, saying, It is the voice of a god, and not of a man. And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him..."

We have most of this strategy down pat. It is not noted which teleprompter scroll Herod read from. Asteroid, due in tomorrow.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at January 25, 2015 07:14 AM (xq1UY)

53 Yes freaked I know where it is. You prepared for the gnats?

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:14 AM (YcEhy)

54
There is no such thing as climate change. The world is as utterly shitty as it has ever been.

Just with neater gadgets and easily accessible porn.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:14 AM (CMkNk)

55 Thank goodness I'm above the Gnat Line.
But there's been an awful invasion of stinkbugs the last couple years.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 25, 2015 07:15 AM (fIv/H)

56 I think you're in the clear as far as gnats go Dr. Varnoe.

Be advised however, Love Bugs are on the march ever northward. They left Florida and are relentless.

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:17 AM (YcEhy)

57 'You prepared for the gnats?'

Oh yea. I spent a lot of time in South GA growing up. We have gnats here too we're below the fall line.

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:17 AM (JdEZJ)

58 Skandia, no, just posting for confirmation. And yeah, it is one of those situations where you have to laugh to keep from crying.

Stringer, that's a little past the point I was talking about... I mainly meant Peter making grand declarations to empty streets and then getting left on the doorstep because Rhoda forgets to actually open the door. But yeah, where *is* SMOD when you need him?

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at January 25, 2015 07:18 AM (iuQS7)

59 Read through #48 so far. I'd say Morning, Glories! except it's still night here and I'm not awake. Call me if Vic shows up.

Posted by: mindful webworker - not up at January 25, 2015 07:19 AM (Rt8Uf)

60 57 'You prepared for the gnats?'

Oh yea. I spent a lot of time in South GA growing up. We have gnats here too we're below the fall line.
Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:17 AM (JdEZJ)

We have flies with beaks. "Jose Grecos de Muertos" - the flamenco dancers of death. The people watched helplessly as they took brown babies in their beaks away to almost certain death . . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:19 AM (CMkNk)

61 China's president, Xi Jinping, calls it the "new normal" -- but strikes are increasing, wages going unpaid and businesses are struggling to survive as the vast economy adjusts to a more sedate pace of growth after more than a decade of explosive expansion.

Official figures published last week showed that China's GDP expanded by 7.4% in 2014. That was a significant drop from the 7.7% seen in 2013, and the weakest rate of growth since 1990, when the country was grappling with international sanctions in the wake of the Tiananmen Square massacre.

And while the government has spun the downturn as a good thing, as it deliberately shifts from an unsustainable, export-led boom to relying on demand at home to fuel economic growth, people across the country are feeling the heat.

Coal and copper prices are down owing to lack of demand; strikes and protests are becoming increasingly common. The prospect of weaker demand from China has also been a key factor behind plunging global oil prices.

Posted by: Henry Kissinger at January 25, 2015 07:19 AM (e8kgV)

62 Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 06:40 AM (JdEZJ)

It's not that they can't cross the road. It's that they change their mind half way across turn around then change their mind half back turn around then change their mind half way back to the half way point.

By that time they're usually road grease.

They are so repulsive, inedible and feisty, they're not used to anything bothering them.

Except those bright lights that are getting closer yet further apart.

What goes thru a possum's mind as he crosses the road?

His AZZ.

*crunch*

(and can you imagine eating something that looks like that?) Yet some do.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at January 25, 2015 07:19 AM (RZzX3)

63 Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:17 AM (JdEZJ)

In that case, enjoy. Ftr I hate gnats more than anything I can think of.

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:20 AM (YcEhy)

64 JJ Sefton you don't have anything to do with those Russian escort girls do you? I heard they can be bought with a can of Spam and a pair of hose.

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:20 AM (JdEZJ)

65 A helium atom walks into a bar
"I left an electron in here?"
"Are you sure?"
"Why I'm positive!"

Posted by: AE at January 25, 2015 07:20 AM (+ft6G)

66 >>Be advised however, Love Bugs are on the march ever northward. They left Florida and are relentless.

Are those the ones that fornicate while flying?
Those are more of a novelty. We do have lubber infestations during the summer though.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 25, 2015 07:22 AM (fIv/H)

67 Yes Dr. Varnoe.

They don't last long but now they get their freak on twice a year and will destroy your cars paint job.

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:24 AM (YcEhy)

68 Oh, I got yr Joo-hatred right here, with a punchline, too:
(cite from some lawperfesser in Tinnasy)

http://tinyurl.com/k2urlmc

Belief beggared, and, who knew Godwin's was an actual philosophical precept?

Posted by: Stringer Davis at January 25, 2015 07:25 AM (xq1UY)

69 A blond was casually driving down a long Kansas highway when she spotted something strange out in one of the never ending wheat fields along the highway. She stopped to take a closer look, and to her dismay, what she saw was another blond woman sitting way out in the midst of the wheat field in, of all things, a row boat. The blond in the boat was rowing as hard as she could but not moving in the slightest.

As the blond watched the other blond in the boat, she grew fiercely mad at the strange sight before her. She yelled loudly to the blond in the boat, "I'm so mad at you!" "It's stupid idiot blonds like you that give us all a bad name!" "If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

Posted by: Caunotaucarius at January 25, 2015 07:25 AM (aruDZ)

70 64 JJ Sefton you don't have anything to do with those Russian escort girls do you? I heard they can be bought with a can of Spam and a pair of hose.
Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:20 AM (JdEZJ)

Stormovik boobehs of death!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:26 AM (CMkNk)

71 Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the possum it could be done.

I love that joke. What can I say I'm weird.

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 06:40 AM (JdEZJ)

Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

Don't blame me, a Marine told me that one years ago.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at January 25, 2015 07:27 AM (6fyGz)

72 How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up

Posted by: Caunotaucarius at January 25, 2015 07:28 AM (aruDZ)

73 In that case, enjoy. Ftr I hate gnats more than anything I can think of.
Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:20 AM (YcEhy)

Yeah I can't think of anything worse than gnats

Posted by: Biting Fire Ants at January 25, 2015 07:29 AM (Pa9vP)

74 Posted by: Biting Fire Ants at January 25, 2015 07:29 AM (Pa9vP)

Heh. Yeah they're bad but you can at least avoid the mounds.

No avoiding gnats.

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:31 AM (YcEhy)

75 J. J., if anything I said gave offense, none was meant, and I do apologize. There's a woman in the original story whose name is Rhoda, and she's so astonished when Peter escapes that she forgets to let him in, which struck me as something the modern Rhoda would have done. That's all.

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at January 25, 2015 07:33 AM (iuQS7)

76 68 Posted by: Stringer Davis at January 25, 2015 07:25 AM (xq1UY)

Fantastic article! Thanks.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:33 AM (CMkNk)

77 Did I see another Lake County moron here?

Posted by: Mandy P., lurking lurker who lurks at January 25, 2015 07:34 AM (KkVB6)

78 So, a cigarette, a pickle and John Boehner walk into a bar, no wait, a pickled John Boehner, smoking a spray tan, oh, never mind...

Posted by: Artuen at January 25, 2015 07:34 AM (q06Vy)

79
Meanwhile, over at Reason.com: Free Minds, Free Markets and Beta Males with Complacent Asian Mail-order Wives:

Why the GOP Congress Should Welcome More Immigrants (Even Illegals!)
Amanda Winkler, Nick Gillespie Jason Keisling

So instead of trying to reduce immigration by securing the border, completing the dang fence, and forcing ALL residents to show work papers and ALL employers to become agents of the federal government, why dont we just...

Let (a Lot More of) Them In...

reason.com/reasontv/2015/01/06/more-immigration

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at January 25, 2015 07:35 AM (kdS6q)

80 Candles (citronella or not) and ceiling fans on the porch seem to repel the mosquitos well enough. Does this work at all with gnats?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 25, 2015 07:35 AM (fIv/H)

81 Apparently King James translators used gnat, louse, mosquito, and gadfly interchangeably, yow, which may tell us more about Elizabethan England than about holy writ. But there has to be a punchline in Matt. 23 somewhere...

Posted by: Stringer Davis at January 25, 2015 07:36 AM (xq1UY)

82 Nothing works with gnats. You just learn to ignore them. Thankfully they don't bite.

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 07:36 AM (JdEZJ)

83 75 J. J., if anything I said gave offense, none was meant, and I do apologize. There's a woman in the original story whose name is Rhoda, and she's so astonished when Peter escapes that she forgets to let him in, which struck me as something the modern Rhoda would have done. That's all.
Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at January 25, 2015 07:33 AM (iuQS7)

Don't worry, I think you're okay.

Full disclosure - I have not read the ONT but a fellow moron sent me an e-mail about someone else's post.

It takes a lot to offend me. I can tell generally a joke and sarcasm. But stupid "hey-I'm-only-asking-questions" bits get me rather steamed.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:37 AM (CMkNk)

84 72 How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up
Posted by: Caunotaucarius at January 25, 2015 07:28 AM (aruDZ)

You owe me a new laptop - and cat!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:37 AM (CMkNk)

85 Don't worry, I think you're okay.

Whew. Thanks. I wasn't on the ONT at all last night, so missed anything that might have transpired there.

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at January 25, 2015 07:40 AM (iuQS7)

86 Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 25, 2015 07:35 AM (fIv/H)

If its warm weather the only time we don't have gnats is if we have a strong wind. The problem is if it's warm we don't have any wind.

Posted by: weirdflunkyonatablet at January 25, 2015 07:41 AM (YcEhy)

87 Watching the blondes on Fox and Friends discuss the Deflategate talk of balls was good for a smile or two this morning

Posted by: Tmitsss at January 25, 2015 07:42 AM (Pa9vP)

88 >>> Full disclosure - I have not read the ONT

The war movie list skipped over Stalag 17.

Posted by: fluffy at January 25, 2015 07:44 AM (Ua6T/)

89 I watched "The Interview" last night.

If Hollywood would only skewer Obama in the same manner, the Secret Service would be crawling up their collective butts.

Posted by: Grampa Jimbo at January 25, 2015 07:06 AM (V70Uh)

I see it's on Netflix now, but I won't watch it. I just can't find myself supporting Rogen at this point in time.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:45 AM (IXrOn)

90 Adapted from something seen on FB: Have you heard about Strauss' new NFL opera? It's called Deflator Mouse.

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at January 25, 2015 07:45 AM (iuQS7)

91 Love the doggie picture.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:45 AM (IXrOn)

92 Morning all....

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at January 25, 2015 07:45 AM (g0iKS)

93 Anybody watching Daytona?
Anybody thinking "007" was kind of a cute number for Aston-Martin?
And now just the punchline, Why did that Ferrari cross the road?

Kind of took me back to the grand old days of motor racing, like Paris-Madrid.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at January 25, 2015 07:49 AM (xq1UY)

94 So I was going to go out last night, about 7 of the clock I sat down on the bed to take my shoes off and about 7:15 I woke up. I had been sleeping while sitting on the bed.

So I went to sleep instead and woke up at 5 this morning. That's more sleep than I usually get, I must have really been tired.

That isn't a good thing, however, since I have to work all night tonight. I will be up all day and then will have to be up all night. I'll try to catch a nap this afternoon but if history is any judge it won't help much.

It's going to be a long night.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at January 25, 2015 07:49 AM (6fyGz)

95 88 >>> Full disclosure - I have not read the ONT

The war movie list skipped over Stalag 17.
Posted by: fluffy at January 25, 2015 07:44 AM (Ua6T/)

Blatant Joo-hate right there, for sure.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 07:49 AM (CMkNk)

96 You want to laugh out loud?

http://hytaipan.home.comcast.net/~hytaipan/media/serenity2.html

watch it

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:50 AM (IXrOn)

97 Vanilla is a good gnat repellent.

Posted by: Ben Had at January 25, 2015 07:50 AM (gp2Uh)

98 You want to laugh out loud?

http://hytaipan.home.comcast.net/~hytaipan/media/serenity2.html

watch it

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:50 AM (IXrOn)

ahhh...now I think I'm ready to face the day. Thanks artisanal 'ette!

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at January 25, 2015 07:52 AM (6fyGz)

99

Bibi eating Cheerios...

http://iotwreport.com/?p=271786

you get the picture

"Will You Meet With Him Now?"

lulz

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:53 AM (IXrOn)

100 All good news, all the time.

Union Membership Rate Falls to 100-Year Low

the dailysignal.com

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:56 AM (IXrOn)

101 I made some peach cobbler last night. It was stupid easy.

Preheat the oven to 375. While it is heating chunk a stick (1/2 cup) of butter (that means cut it into chunks, not just toss it in) in a 9x13 baking dish and put it in the oven to melt. Mix 1 cup of flour, 1 cup of sugar, 1 tablespoon of baking powder and a dash of salt in a bowl. Mix in 1 cup of milk, just enough to moisten the ingredients and no more. Take the melted butter out of the oven (careful, its hot!) and pour the batter evenly over the butter but do not mix. Open two cans of peach slices in heavy syrup. Drain one can and then dump both cans evenly, drained can first, over the batter but do not mix. Pop the whole damn thing in the oven (it's still hot!) and bake for 40 minutes. It's good cool but even better hot.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at January 25, 2015 07:58 AM (6fyGz)

102 96
You want to laugh out loud?

http://hytaipan.home.comcast.net/~hytaipan/media/serenity2.html

watch it

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:50 AM (IXrOn)
Damned if I didn't!That was definitely LOL-worthy, 'ette...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at January 25, 2015 07:58 AM (10n/H)

103 Bibi eating Cheerios...

http://iotwreport.com/?p=271786

you get the picture

"Will You Meet With Him Now?"

lulz

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:53 AM (IXrOn)

minor quibble...thems is froot loops...

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at January 25, 2015 07:58 AM (6fyGz)

104 good news, all the time

[Warner Bros. Distribution President Dan Fellman] joyfully recounted the phone call he placed to Eastwood last weekend, when he said "Clint, this is your biggest [opening] weekend ever."

How'd he respond? "He's the coolest dude on the planet, you know," Fellman said. "He said, 'Gee, man, that's great.'"

http://theconservativetreehouse.com/
The Last Refuge

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 07:59 AM (IXrOn)

105 Love the doggie picture!

Posted by: Y-not at January 25, 2015 08:01 AM (9BRsg)

106
Accidentally put hot sauce on my lox and cream cheese.

It's good!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 08:05 AM (CMkNk)

107
Can Obama do something about the Pal-Pal killing the Joo-Joos?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 08:06 AM (CMkNk)

108 PaPa is shopping and walks up to the produce technician "I don't see any onions".
"the delivery truck was delayed due to winter weather, or global warming per that RINO Romney, or climate change per those squishes Shrub and Rubeo, whichever is your demental choosing" stated the PT.
"OK," said Papa and he mosied off to do some more shopping, but was back in 10 minutes and asked the PT.
"Say, I'm making a stew and need some onions".
The PT replied, "we won't have onions until tomorrow , and that's if the don't shoot black only lives matter punks being paid by Soros don't block the entrance 'cause you white privileged people shop here ".
"OK," said Papa and he mosied off to do some more shopping, but was back in 10 minutes and asked the PT.
"You got any onions in the back room, young man" asked PaPa?
To which the PT soliloquyized: ",
" Look, POP,"
"what do you have when you take the p out of potatoes".
"Taters" said PaPa. "Right" said the PT.
"What do you get when you take the t off tomatoes"
"Why you get maters" said PaPa. "Correct" said the PT. and
"What do you have when you take the fuck out of onions, daddyO" to which PaPa perplexily replied: "There ain't no fuck in onions".

" That's what I'm telling you PaPa".

"THERE AIN'T NO FUCKIN' ONIONS"!!

Only joke my papa ever told me that I remember.

Posted by: Gotsome at January 25, 2015 08:08 AM (80yQt)

109 "Accidentally put hot sauce on my lox and cream cheese."

I haven't found much that hot sauce isn't good on.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at January 25, 2015 08:08 AM (g0iKS)

110 Can Obama do something about the Pal-Pal killing the Joo-Joos?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 08:06 AM (CMkNk)

Following the GGE Method all you do is tell Israel "do what ya gotta do, I'll keep the UN off of you" and the problem would sort of solve itself IYKWIM.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at January 25, 2015 08:08 AM (6fyGz)

111 the funny

If I ~~had a son~~ was married to a woman

http://tinyurl.com/pj6x4np

...she would look like GloZell

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 08:09 AM (IXrOn)

112 How we got like this
#1 in a series on our intelligent design

Scene: Earth-life designer studios, six billion years ago:

Designer A: You know, that facial hair looks pretty good on men. We should add a little bit more, right above the mouth, though, don't you think? Round it out?

Designer B: Yeah, that looks good. Done.

Designer C: Wait! Isn't that right under where we put the excess mucus exit ports?

Designers A & B: [giggling] Yeah. Your point?

Posted by: mindful webworker - the o logian at January 25, 2015 08:10 AM (pGfNT)

113 Accidentally put hot sauce on my lox and cream cheese.

It's good!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 08:05 AM (CMkNk)

what were you reaching for? ketchup?

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 08:12 AM (IXrOn)

114 90 ... Elizabeth, You absolutely should be ashamed of that pun!! Now I can't wait to tell it to my wife.

Posted by: JTB at January 25, 2015 08:15 AM (FvdPb)

115 Why the GOP Congress Should Welcome More Immigrants (Even Illegals!)
Amanda Winkler, Nick Gillespie Jason Keisling

Reason doesn't.

Posted by: toby928(C) at January 25, 2015 08:16 AM (rwI+c)

116 Venezuela's economy has been in the toilet for a decade, but it's finally OK to report on it with oil prices so low.

Posted by: fluffy at January 25, 2015 08:17 AM (Ua6T/)

117 Isn't it funny that the democrats can work their will wen the at in the majority and when they are in the minority.

Leads me to believe that the government as currently constituted is constructsd to promote and codify democrat principles and policy preferences.

And there doesnt seem to be a damn thing we can do about.

Posted by: Kreplach at January 25, 2015 08:19 AM (DDFkt)

118 How many Boehners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2

One to mix the martinis.
One to call the electrician.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at January 25, 2015 08:23 AM (5buP8)

119 >>Reason doesn't.

That rag does a valuable service of reminding me why libertarians are not going to be the saviors of the GOP or the Right.

Posted by: Y-not at January 25, 2015 08:26 AM (9BRsg)

120 This time, however, instead of a summary of things that didn't happen in the past year, we are offering a list of Top Ten Things To Come in the coming year.

1. Recovery will reach escape velocity and escape the economy altogether
2. All executive orders will be declared constitutional by executive order
3. Robert Kennedy Jr. will apologize for being white and male, blaming his parents
4. The New York Times will cut operating costs by replacing fact-checkers with rubber stamp
5. A Harvard professor will find evidence proving evidence proves nothing
6. City of San Francisco will be leveled because steep hills made it handicap inaccessible
7. Nobel-winning economists will admit bafflement that deficit keeps growing despite increased government spending
8. Last Baby Boomer will go kicking and screaming into his 60s; generation will be renamed 'Crybaby Boomers'
9. Congress will stand up to Wall Street; bankers will take their seats
10. Sesame Street will sue Letter 'S' for monopolizing both plural and possessive nouns

time to shovel some snow then breakfast

h/t the people's cube

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 08:26 AM (IXrOn)

121 Being inside the belly of the stupid party as a precinct captain, I received a survey on presidential hopefuls for 2016. Ah, the list of unfavorables and highly unfavorables was large.

Posted by: Better Feared than Loved at January 25, 2015 08:31 AM (nRvEn)

122 So I was going to go out last night, about 7 of the clock I sat down on the bed to take my shoes off and about 7:15 I woke up. I had been sleeping while sitting on the bed.
-----------------

The bad news: Such moments will occur more often as you grow older.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at January 25, 2015 08:37 AM (F2IAQ)

123 I see the Patriots learned a lesson from the government.

"We investigated ourselves and found no wrong doing. Case closed. Move along nothing to see here."

---

I had the same thought.

The NFL is doing a crap job handling this. Wish I could say I was surprised.

Posted by: Y-not at January 25, 2015 08:39 AM (9BRsg)

124 'The bad news: Such moments will occur more often as you grow older'

You got that right Mike. Sometimes I....

zzzzz

Posted by: freaked at January 25, 2015 08:39 AM (JdEZJ)

125 what were you reaching for? ketchup?

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 08:12 AM (IXrOn)

The fried egg was the intended receiver.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 08:45 AM (CMkNk)

126 120 Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 08:26 AM (IXrOn)

And numer 11, there's a very large pair of underwear flying on the flagpole this morning!

h/t "Meatballs"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 08:47 AM (CMkNk)

127 123 It seems the entire Country is now corrupt. Here, Lickenpooper wants to keep county severance money (from drilling) to cover tax refunds which will be due to the citizens under Tabor.

Tabor = taxpayers bill of rights. If the State collects more than they should have, (tied to inflation) they have to return it to the taxpayer.

Posted by: Infidel at January 25, 2015 08:49 AM (7GLRQ)

128 117 Isn't it funny that the democrats can work their will wen the at in the majority and when they are in the minority.

Leads me to believe that the government as currently constituted is constructsd to promote and codify democrat principles and policy preferences.

And there doesnt seem to be a damn thing we can do about.
Posted by: Kreplach at January 25, 2015 08:19 AM (DDFkt)

DING DING DING!

If the Constitution let's them do it, they do it. If it doesn't, then they sue. If they lose in court, the Federal bureaucracies issue regulations with the force of law.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at January 25, 2015 08:49 AM (CMkNk)

129 If the Constitution let's them do it, they do it. If it doesn't, then they sue. If they lose in court, the Federal bureaucracies issue regulations with the force of law.

R.Regan: "The governments view: if it moves, tax it. If it keeps on moving, regulate it. If it doesn't move, subsidize it."

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at January 25, 2015 08:55 AM (5buP8)

130 If the Constitution let's them do it, they do it. If it doesn't, then they sue. If they lose in court, the Federal bureaucracies issue regulations with the force of law.
----------------

For conservatives, The Constitution is The Rule Book. For the Left, it is a time-consuming bottleneck.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at January 25, 2015 08:55 AM (F2IAQ)

131 ReAgan.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at January 25, 2015 08:55 AM (5buP8)

132 @122 Mike Hammer, etc., etc

"The bad news: Such moments will occur more often as you grow older."

My wife is amazed how I can fall asleep anywhere. Couch. Car. Floor.

I give credit to the hitch in the army.

Posted by: Buckeye Abroad at January 25, 2015 08:57 AM (nywSB)

133 Pretty quiet in here. Must be time to start the sausage links and taters.

Posted by: Infidel at January 25, 2015 08:59 AM (7GLRQ)

134 So I got off Air Force One when we landed in New Deli. I was very disappointed. I couldn't find the sandwiches anywhere.

Posted by: Mooch at January 25, 2015 09:01 AM (3rrMW)

135 Book thread up.

Posted by: Y-not at January 25, 2015 09:06 AM (9BRsg)

136 Hey Mooch, it's because they don't want to be a food desert when you leave.

Posted by: Infidel at January 25, 2015 09:06 AM (7GLRQ)

137 I give credit to the hitch in the army.
Posted by: Buckeye.
--------------

I have taken a nap on the sidewalk.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at January 25, 2015 09:13 AM (F2IAQ)

138 Then there were the command servers themselves. After studying the implant, Marquis-Boire and the others were able to recreate the fingerprint it used when it phoned home to the command server, which gave them a new way to catch FinFisher in the act. Why not send the ping into the wild and see how many servers answered? If it worked, it would show them all the FinFisher installations running on the open web.

But finding that out meant sending out a ping to billions of IP addresses at once -- which also meant finding an extremely understanding traffic provider. "I remember telling providers, 'I want a big box with a lot of bandwidth,'" Marquis-Boire says. Most assumed he wanted it for criminal purposes, rather than to catch hackers in the act. "We finally found a provider that I was able to explain it to, and they still accidentally shut down the box halfway through." After a few false starts, the pings finally went out and the team waited to see what would come back.

Instead of a few outposts, they found an army. FinFisher's agents were everywhere: Japan, Germany, India, Serbia, Mongolia -- there were even servers in the US. It was an atlas of personal invasions. All told, 25 countries hosted a server of some kind, each hired out to a different regime and pointing the x-ray at a different enemy of the state.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at January 25, 2015 09:17 AM (e8kgV)

139 I have taken a nap on the sidewalk.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at January 25, 2015 09:13 AM (F2IAQ)

I never served but I have slept on the sidewalk, too, but only after getting drunk, tripping on the sidewalk, falling and hitting my head.

I was into the Moron Lifestyle even before I knew there was a Moron Lifestyle.

Posted by: RickZ at January 25, 2015 09:19 AM (iXu5P)

140 From Obvious Magazine, posted to Facebook:

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.

Posted by: Putin's Puppet Barry at January 25, 2015 09:28 AM (qk792)

141 can't add this to the book thread, so the funnies keep a rolling

SNL OPEN HILARIOUSLY SKEWERS TOM BRADY, BILL BELICHICK AND THE 'DEFLATED BALLS' SCANDAL

http://tinyurl.com/qdz3fxr

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at January 25, 2015 09:38 AM (IXrOn)

142 Fewer than 33.3 million Americans watched President Obama's State of the Union address on television last night, the lowest turnout since President Clinton's final State of the Union address in 2000, according to newly released Nielsen ratings.

Viewership for Obama's State of the Union addresses has been in decline since 2009, when he drew 52.4 million television viewers. 48.0 million watched on television in 2010, 42.8 million in 2011, 37.8 million in 2012 and 33.5 million in 2013. This year's speech now replaces last year's as the second-lowest rated since Nielsen began recording viewership in 1993.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at January 25, 2015 09:41 AM (e8kgV)

143 Joke I told on my wife while laying in bed...

What's the difference between an erection and a camaro?

I don't have a camaro.

I didn't get laid but she almost laughed.

Posted by: fatso at January 25, 2015 10:53 AM (vu484)

144 NOOD above the book thread

Posted by: Y-not at January 25, 2015 11:01 AM (9BRsg)

145 Three fat, loud, drunks in an Atlanta bar had been making fun of us Georgia rednecks, all evening. I was fed up, so I stepped over to them, to request that they tone it down.

I politely asked, "Hi there, are you three lads from Scotland?"

One of them lurched from his chair and bellowed, "It's Wales, WALES, you bloody twit!"

"Oh, I beg your pardon!" I apologized. "Are you three whales from Scotland?"

. . . and that's the last thing I remember.

Posted by: Nurse, can I have another cherry Jello? at January 25, 2015 12:18 PM (pCFVh)

146 I claim bragging rights to sleeping almost anywhere. I once fell asleep across a tractor steering wheel while I was waiting for my dad to come back from counting the cattle. (I was a teenager then.)

Many years later, I once fell asleep on my then-girlfriend's office floor. (We lived in different states, and I was visiting.) I put an opened briefcase over my head like a tent, and then went lights out.

She married me anyway.

Posted by: Weak Geek at January 25, 2015 02:58 PM (K7u45)

147 Escort girls http://REGMODELS.RU

Posted by: Tina at January 26, 2015 07:17 PM (95udX)

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