Ten Years of Nonsense: When We Began Calling Ourselves "Morons"

votermom wanted to know how the "Morons" label started.

It started with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I thought Arnold was funny when he said "Let's be honest, Democrats are losers." I loved the way he introduced the insult so casually. Like, come on, we all know this. You're losers. Let's be honest.

Schwarzenegger Calls Democrats 'Losers'
Once 'Girlie Men,' Dems May Also Be 'Losers' In Governor's Mind
LOS ANGELES -- Two days after the worst election defeat in decades for Democrats, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger referred to them as "losers" in response to a reporter's question about tax increases.
...
"Why would I listen to losers?" the governor asked. "Let's be honest."

I started using the "Let's be honest" insult-introduction:

Nancy Pelosi? You're an idiot. I mean-- let's be honest. There's no point maintaining this charade of your non-idiocy. It's the elephant in the room we've finally got to talk about.
Michael Moore? You smell like a wet camel. Let's be honest. We've got to get you to one of those industrial-sized circus showers and hose you down like the big sweaty filthbeast you are.

Anyway, after the 2004 elections, progressives did what they do after every losing election: They called the public stupid. Bob Herbert of the New York Times wrote a piece called "Voting Without the Facts" to explain John Kerry's loss in a manner insulting to Americans.

So that's why I wrote to readers, "Let's be honest: You're morons."

Originally published November 9, 2004.

Let's Be Honest: You're Morons

That's quickly become the basic liberal explanation for Democrats' failure.

You're stupid. Every one of you. Some more than others, but let's be honest, none of you is precisely a rocket scientist.

And I'm not exactly splitting atoms myself here, either.

It's about time we faced the facts.

You people are all so dumb-stupid you believe that proof of a connection between Hussein and Al Qaeda constitutes, I don't know, some sort of proof of a connection between Hussein and Al Qaeda.

How do you make that leap, exactly? What kind of subcretins are you imbeciles?

Let's be honest: The most intelligent thing that comes out of your mouths is a prodigious amount of ropy moron-drool.

How many of you short-bus commuters can successfully differentiate between Dido and Kylie Minogue? Not many, I bet. Y'all can probably better tell the difference between a smell-hound and a coon-hound than successfully identify pop divas.

How many of you corncob-smokin', cousin-pokin' inbred Hillybilly riffraff understand that Kim Cattrall's performance in Sex in the City is a brave and deliriously over-the-top paeen to female sexual empowerment? You squirrel-huntin' redneck trash-scavengers probably just know her as the chick who gets turned on by gym socks in Porky's.

Come to think of it, that's how I know her, too.

Like I said: I'm stupid too.

Let's be honest: How many of you have the wit and insight to know which of Maureen Dowd's tastelessly-puerile wisecracks you're supposed to pretend are funny?

The lot of you are stock characters out of The Dukes of Hazzard, except with fewer fingers and feet, owing to a series of tragic yet comical accidents with the band-saw and gator-wrasslin', cartoonishly runnin' shine round muddy Georgia back-roads while tryin' to bail your beloved Uncle Jesse out of the hoosegow.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Every single one of you is a slack-jawed shaved-baboon who needs to put in his'n "lucky tooth" when Nana Nooney makes her county-famous muskat pie.

Idiots. Don't you know the media wanted you to vote for Kerry? Did they have to draw you a road map? How obvious do they have to make it for you? Maybe next time they'll need to resort to explaining things to you with rebus-puzzles-- simple rebus-puzzles, I mean, because, let's face it, it's not like any of you can recognize a line-drawing of anything more complex than a hole-digger. Or Jeff Foxworthy.

You make the Mountain Men from Deliverance look like a Mensa mixer.

I don't know how any of you feel -- I don't know much, truth be told; my Pappy wasn't much for book-learnin' neverways, choosing instead to teach me instead about real-world type stuff, like tyin' a good lure or Jew-hatin' -- but I for one am sick to death of being such a halfwit pinhead stupidbrain.

Next time, I'm going to listen to Dan Rather. I'll vote for whoever he tells me to vote for, just so long as he makes it real clear for me. Maybe he can put out a colorin' book or somethin'. I like to color. My teacher sometimes even lets me use Magic Markers, so long as she's nearby and keepin' a sharp eye on me, because otherwise I tend to eat them.

They don't taste very good. But they're colorful like licorice and rock-candy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get myself to a hoe-down. I play the best fidjo in Oshawalla County. The fidjo is an instrument I created myself-- basically, I just tooks me a fiddle and glued it to the back of my trusty banjo.

Right now I'm workin's on makin' me a shotgunjo. Basically that's a-- wait, let me keep it a secret until it's ready. Don't want no carpetbagger Yanks stealin' my ideas.

Sometimes I'm a moron, but othertimes I have flashes of real smarts like that. So that gives me hope that maybe I'll vote right next time. I just hope Dan Rather isn't so G-darn cagey about telling me the right way to vote. Sometimes when he talks, it confuses me, and makes my head hurt somethin' fierce.

And when my head gets to achin', the only way to relieve the pain is to walk me down to the stockyards and start strangling tramps and railroad hobos in their sleep.

Just to watch them die. It makes me feel powerful, almost God-like, as if I were, I don't know, Randall "Tex" Cobb or somethin'.

Err... I reckon I shouldn't have said that. Too bad I'm such a Hee Haw doofus that I can't figure out this magic word-machine technology and delete that.

Well, I guess I gotta go. Cletus and Enos will be showin' up on my ramshackle shack's stoop to take me away any minute now, on account of that serial tramp killin' I was just tellin' y'all about, if you remember, which you probably don't, being so stupid and all.

Luckily, I just put in a new Hemi in my '64 El Camino, so I can make a fast getaway, I think.

On the other hand, it doesn't have any tires. I don't know what kind of mileage it's going to get on cinderblocks.

Either way, I got my shotgunjo. They'll never take me alive. I'll go down killin' poe-lice and playing select favorites from the Charlie Daniels Band.

...

And so that's how it started.

Posted by: Ace at 05:09 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 first

Posted by: Mallfly at January 02, 2014 05:10 PM (bJm7W)

2 bout time, too.

Posted by: Mallfly at January 02, 2014 05:11 PM (bJm7W)

3 I was a moron a LONG time before I was a Moron...

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at January 02, 2014 05:11 PM (vHRtU)

4 Is that where killing hobos started as well?

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Now with extra taunting. at January 02, 2014 05:12 PM (VtjlW)

5 Posted by: votermom at are you votermom on Twitter? You were Twitter quoted in a Blaze story the other day

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:12 PM (q+zA9)

6 Michael Moore? You smell like a wet camel.

on behalf of the wet camel, I resent that!! (3 Stooges reference here)

Posted by: Mallfly at January 02, 2014 05:12 PM (bJm7W)

7 Plan 9 is their go to meme. "All you Earth people are stupid!"

Proud member of the Moron Horde here.

Posted by: Chelsea Puma (+SmuD) at January 02, 2014 05:13 PM (cubpP)

8 ......and start strangling tramps and railroad
hobos in their sleep.

----

Oh...tell me this thread didnt spawn TWO memes??

Posted by: fixerupper at January 02, 2014 05:13 PM (nELVU)

9 well you can't fool me, because I'm a moron! (Bugs Bunny reference)

Posted by: Mallfly at January 02, 2014 05:14 PM (bJm7W)

10 Paeen?

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That (Unexpurgated Edition) at January 02, 2014 05:14 PM (LSDdO)

11 First 10!

Posted by: toby928� at January 02, 2014 05:14 PM (QupBk)

12 >>>4 Is that where killing hobos started as well?

nah i think that was a long-established joke.

but I don't know.

Posted by: ace at January 02, 2014 05:14 PM (/FnUH)

13 dammit

Posted by: toby928� at January 02, 2014 05:14 PM (QupBk)

14 if I was a moron, I'd moron in the evening...

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:15 PM (q+zA9)

15 I got a thread!
Bow before me!

Posted by: votermom at January 02, 2014 05:15 PM (GSIDW)

16
I remember how Gleen Grenwald got his name!

Posted by: soothsayer at January 02, 2014 05:15 PM (BUcLz)

17 You were Twitter quoted in a Blaze story the other day

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:12 PM (q+zA9)

----
yes.... he's the one and the same.

Posted by: fixerupper at January 02, 2014 05:16 PM (nELVU)

18 bugs bunny reference: http://tinyurl.com/oc6lebs

Posted by: Mallfly at January 02, 2014 05:16 PM (bJm7W)

19 So, are we doing requests now?

Posted by: toby928� at January 02, 2014 05:16 PM (QupBk)

20 I got a thread! Bow before me!
Posted by: votermom at January 02, 2014 05:15 PM (GSIDW)

ya right! with this group of morons......

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:16 PM (q+zA9)

21 votermom, to quote Han Solo - "Don't get cocky kid!"

Congrats

Posted by: Chelsea Puma (+SmuD) at January 02, 2014 05:16 PM (cubpP)

22 This is the shit that makes this a smart military blog........oh, crap, who am I kidding.

I am just a moron.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at January 02, 2014 05:16 PM (OWjjx)

23 I had a lucky tooth once. Lost it at prayer meeting.

Posted by: grammie winger at January 02, 2014 05:16 PM (P6QsQ)

24 I'm a moron.

...and I am going to install a woodburner that will belch more black smoke than a pre-Dreadnaught at flank speed.

Fuck you, government.

Fuck you, EPA.

Fuck. You.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at January 02, 2014 05:17 PM (Sk+sz)

25 "Would turn the gas on if my friends (hobos) were inside that oven?"

"You might, rabbit, err moron, you might."

"Would I throw a lit match into that oven if my friends were inside that oven?"
===========================
I'm old enough to remember this post, but not old enough to have forgotten it. Yet. Then again, the day isn't over.

Posted by: physics geek at January 02, 2014 05:17 PM (MT22W)

26 Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:12 PM (q+zA9)

Guilty!
Thanks!

Posted by: votermom at January 02, 2014 05:17 PM (GSIDW)

27 "Aye ye might do that rabbit."

"Oh no! Oh no! Please take me away! Ya gotta!"

Posted by: Chelsea Puma (+SmuD) at January 02, 2014 05:18 PM (cubpP)

28 I know u probably got this before -- or it was intended to be part of the joke: "I just put in a new Hemi in my '64 El Camino"

Hmmmm..... a Hemi into a Chevy? How'd the other hook-ups go?
A Hemi into a Ford orChrysler.... but a Chevy? That be tough, but maybe the motor mounts and all the other hookups are the same?

Posted by: jb at January 02, 2014 05:18 PM (3tdHf)

29 You see have teeth? I don't think you're legitimately a moron. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 02, 2014 05:19 PM (BC6cY)

30 Re: the killing hobos thing, I kind of thought that that started with Frank J.'s blog war against Instapundit, in which he accused Glenn Reynolds of killing hobos and worshippping Satan. Sounded like such fun (rhetorically; okay, not really) that it caught on. Of course, I might have been busy pokin' my cousin at the time and simply became confused.

Posted by: physics geek at January 02, 2014 05:19 PM (MT22W)

31
Oh! Oh!

Remember this one?

Ace is afraid of vagina!!

Tell them how that started, Ace.

Posted by: soothsayer at January 02, 2014 05:19 PM (KwX0v)

32 I remember how Gleen Grenwald got his name!

Posted by: soothsayer at January 02, 2014 05:15 PM (BUcLz)

That's super constitutional scholar and author, Gleen Grenwald, to you bubba

Posted by: Rick Ellensburg at January 02, 2014 05:19 PM (Pr6hk)

33 Any one know how to get a stain out of a blue dress?

I'm asking for a friend

Posted by: W. J. Clinton at January 02, 2014 05:20 PM (q+zA9)

34 Meant You "still" have teeth? I can't even get a silly quip typed properly. I'm sub moron.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 02, 2014 05:20 PM (BC6cY)

35 speaking of morons (from gateway pundit):

"New York�s small-business owners, seniors and doctors are among the big losers as President Obama�s prescription for health-insurance reform takes effect.

The National Federation of Independent Businesses, an organization that represents nearly 11,000 entrepreneurs across the state, says it has yet to find a single member whose health-care costs are going down under the ObamaCare program, whose plans took effect New Year�s Day."

Posted by: Mallfly at January 02, 2014 05:20 PM (bJm7W)

Posted by: Rick Ellensburg at January 02, 2014 05:20 PM (Pr6hk)

37
♪ Roll out the barrel...♫

Posted by: fixerupper at January 02, 2014 05:20 PM (nELVU)

Posted by: Arbalest at January 02, 2014 05:20 PM (FlRtG)

39 I found this place by accident in 2008 while I was looking for an online gambling website.

Posted by: Lucky Pierre at January 02, 2014 05:20 PM (5fSr7)

40 wowzer! we gots some italics now for sure!

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:21 PM (q+zA9)

41 Looks to be an unclosed italics tag in #32. Just an FYI.

Posted by: physics geek at January 02, 2014 05:21 PM (MT22W)

42 20 I got a thread! Bow before me!
Posted by: votermom at January 02, 2014 05:15 PM (GSIDW)

If you can get rid of Preznit Telewoobie and reset us back to pre-Klintoon, you name it, I'll do it.

Also a cash bonus!

I recommend getting rid of Ross Perot, but that's just me.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at January 02, 2014 05:21 PM (Sk+sz)

43 Posted by: Rick Ellensburg at January 02, 2014 05:19 PM (Pr6hk)

---

Barrel.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at January 02, 2014 05:21 PM (/Crba)

44 The Barrel gets fed for 2014.

Posted by: Chelsea Puma (+SmuD) at January 02, 2014 05:21 PM (cubpP)

45 Fitting that the blog gets broken in the cousin humpin thred.

Posted by: eleven at January 02, 2014 05:21 PM (fsLdt)

46 10
Paeen?

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That

It's a Spanish dish. CBD did a post on it this weekend.

Posted by: pep at January 02, 2014 05:22 PM (6TB1Z)

47 How Ross Perot never caught a strong breeze and was carried away I will never know.

Posted by: Chelsea Puma (+SmuD) at January 02, 2014 05:22 PM (cubpP)

48 Two morons walk into a bar and order a bottle of Val-u-rite Vodka.

The bartender says, " how are you going to pay for this"

The morons reply " With our good looks and money, but , mostly money, because lets be honest"

Posted by: polynikes at January 02, 2014 05:22 PM (m2CN7)

49 >>>smell-hound and a coon-hound than successfully identify pop divas.

Scent hound. Scent. FTR the coonhound breeds *are* scent hounds. The *other* type of hound is a sight-hound: Greyhound, Irish Wolfhound Scottish Deerhound, Whippet. They are scary fast.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at January 02, 2014 05:23 PM (0q2P7)

50 This whole Anniversary is useless without some epic fucking bannings!

Posted by: garrett at January 02, 2014 05:24 PM (mIAI5)

51 A Hemi into a Ford orChrysler.... but a Chevy? That be tough, but maybe the motor mounts and all the other hookups are the same?
Posted by: jb at January 02, 2014 05:18 PM (3tdHf)

It takes a little shade tree engineering, but very doable. Relocate motor mounts, customize the headers and possibly relocate the tranny rearward.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at January 02, 2014 05:24 PM (Sk+sz)

52 Whippet

---

Speaking of Arnold, I think I know what kind of dog he owns.

Take a look at a "double Whippet" and tell me I'm wrong.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at January 02, 2014 05:24 PM (/Crba)

53
You know what I havent seen in awhile.

Some good Jose Conseco haiku. Whoever was sockin that was pure effin genius.

Posted by: fixerupper at January 02, 2014 05:25 PM (nELVU)

54
You make the Mountain Men from Deliverance look like a Mensa mixer.

Boy, you going to squeal for that comment

http://tinyurl.com/2dbmes

Posted by: White Southern Racists at January 02, 2014 05:25 PM (0FSuD)

55 Hmmmm..... a Hemi into a Chevy? How'd the other hook-ups go?>>

If you have e nough dough you can convert a Chevy motor to a Hemi.

http://nickariasjr.com/bb-chevy-hemi.asp

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 02, 2014 05:25 PM (tf9Ne)

56 Rick Ellensburg, C'mon on down!

Posted by: The Barrel at January 02, 2014 05:25 PM (4WhSY)

57 15
I got a thread!
Bow before me! Posted by: votermom at January 02, 2014 05:15 PM (GSIDW)

More fitting would be for all of us to stand in a long line to congratulate you, one worthy of the Weimar republic...

Posted by: LizLem at January 02, 2014 05:26 PM (BF+2f)

58 speaking of a moron getting it right for a change: from weaselzippers:

"Governor Cuomo may be a liberal but he is on the money on this one.
If you don�t absolutely have to be outside or on the roads tonight do
not go out.
With gusts in excess of 40mph and temperatures dipping
below 0 in most places, you�ll be adding to emergency workers
frustrations if they have to come rescue you because you didn�t stay
home."

(well, I still intend to walk home tonight, fully intoxicated and in the knowledge that alcohol keeps you going, but mostly fully intoxicated.)

Posted by: Mallfly at January 02, 2014 05:26 PM (bJm7W)

59 I always mentally attributed it to the classic line from Blazing Saddles:

Jim: [consoling Bart] What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

Posted by: Brother Cavil at January 02, 2014 05:26 PM (naUcP)

60
/thinkin

/rememberin

Jill from Feminista!

I don't know what's sadder. Ace really being afraid of vagina, or that he really liked Jill and the other two twits from Feminista.

Posted by: soothsayer at January 02, 2014 05:26 PM (BUcLz)

61 but first you will blow me!

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:27 PM (q+zA9)

62 Most of Leftism is actually contingent upon the idea that most people are stupid and will always be stupid. Whether it's Leftist notions of social organization or anything else for that matter.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:27 PM (DhGW2)

63 If you have enough money, you can convert a hemi into a Briggs & Stratton.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at January 02, 2014 05:27 PM (aDwsi)

64 I'm going to re-post this from the thread below because it fits here, too. It's not often that two successive threads mention coon hounds.

I saw one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes yesterday. An old
hillbilly and his coon hound go coon hunting and manage to drown
themselves. The hillbilly is invited into Heaven but won't go because
they don't accept dogs. Then a hillbilly angel comes down and tells him
that was actually hell and they were trying to trick him into entering.
They don't allow dogs because dogs are too smart to fall for that shit.
And in real Heaven they do take dogs.

Posted by: WalrusRex at January 02, 2014 05:28 PM (XUKZU)

65 33
Any one know how to get a stain out of a blue dress?
I'm asking for a friend Posted by: W. J. Clinton at January 02, 2014 05:20 PM (q+zA9)

Windex?

Posted by: LizLem at January 02, 2014 05:28 PM (BF+2f)

66 That is so funny. I didn't know the moron thing started like that; I always thought some troll called the commenters morons and that stuck. I love the Arnold quote. That's hilarious.

Posted by: Adrienne at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (lVcuh)

67 We're morons, it takes a genius to get stuck in ice in Antarctica in summer....

Morons not as smart as Matt "all property originates from the state" Yglesias.

Posted by: Sven10077 at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (TE35l)

68 This whole Anniversary is useless without some epic fucking bannings

What the 10 year Anniversary still needs:

1.&nb

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (OWjjx)

69 This whole Anniversary is useless without some epic fucking bannings

What the 10 year Anniversary still needs:

1. Palin Steele's epic " Captain America" post and,
2. Republication of Banhammer I: The Blooding and Banhammer II: Son of Banhammer threads.

And boobehs.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (OWjjx)

70 It was a MAD Magazine meme too, of course - they were the original gang of idiots.

But ace didn't plagiarise it. We did.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (0m29n)

71 Weedmaps.com has already bogarted my idea! Full map-directions/menus/price lists updated in real time. Colorado, you sneaky bastids. It'll be legal in 15 states by 2020, minimum.

Posted by: Lincolntf at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (ZshNr)

72 Paternalism is inherently insulting. In fact, that's part of what draws many people to it. It places the "paternalist" above the "paternalized" and allows the former to look down upon the latter. It feeds people's natural "verticalistic" aspirations.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (DhGW2)

73 Clearly, my No. 68 and 69 was to celebrate Ace's ability to repost a thread that a cob just posted literally minutes before his.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at January 02, 2014 05:30 PM (OWjjx)

74 Well, half the population IS below average in intelligence.

Posted by: Count de Monet at January 02, 2014 05:30 PM (BAS5M)

75
@ 49. Mike the Moose

I've owned Greyhonds. Crazy fast. Also, teh Stupid. True morons.

Posted by: grammie winger at January 02, 2014 05:30 PM (P6QsQ)

76 I wondered how I got this way. And to think that for years, I've let my shrink convince me that it way my mother.

I feel as if a great burden has been...

Whatever

Posted by: LoneStarHeeb at January 02, 2014 05:30 PM (BZAd3)

77 I love you guys. No, really. I know some of us have to get nailed to a tree for what we say here, but it'll be worth it. Right? Be prepared. This is what the other side has planned for us.

Posted by: Erowmero at January 02, 2014 05:30 PM (OONaw)

78 Jessica Nigri displaying her cosplaying talents on FB
http://tinyurl.com/kgcu96n

Posted by: Chelsea Puma (+SmuD) at January 02, 2014 05:31 PM (cubpP)

79 was! You stupid moron. was!

Posted by: LoneStarHeeb at January 02, 2014 05:31 PM (BZAd3)

80 69 Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (OWjjx)

Gerg vs the Volcano would be nice as well....

Posted by: Sven10077 at January 02, 2014 05:31 PM (TE35l)

81 Radio had a call in contest earlier today. Question was "What do 30% of Americans have in their closet?"

I called in and answered "A dead hobo."

They aired it!

I never did hear the real answer.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at January 02, 2014 05:31 PM (vHRtU)

82 This is great -- it's like a clip show.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 02, 2014 05:32 PM (V4CBV)

83 50
This whole Anniversary is useless without some epic fucking bannings!Posted by: garrett at January 02, 2014 05:24 PM (mIAI5)

"And YOU get a ban, and YOU get a ban, and YOU get a ban, and you get a ban Garret most of all!"

Posted by: Oprah at January 02, 2014 05:32 PM (BF+2f)

84 This is also part of what makes a lot of people who "really, really care about the poor" seem like ass holes. They come off as if they're more interested in sucking their own cocks than actually helping people out.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:32 PM (DhGW2)

85 Gerg vs the Volcano would be nice as well....

You need that and, of course, the thread where Ace banned erg.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at January 02, 2014 05:32 PM (OWjjx)

86 If you have enough money, you can convert a hemi into a Briggs Stratton.
>>

That's a cheap conversion you just paint "Briggs Stratton" on it.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 02, 2014 05:32 PM (tf9Ne)

87 81 Radio had a call in contest earlier today. Question was "What do 30% of Americans have in their closet?"

I called in and answered "A dead hobo."

They aired it!

I never did hear the real answer.

---

I'm going to take a guess that "The FBI" or "The NSA" would be an acceptable answer these days.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (/Crba)

88 How much to use "squirrel-huntin' redneck trash-scavengers" in perpetuity? I know my request to use the 'colorful' description and the word perpetuity don't exactly match up, but I am in deep cover.

Posted by: kevin at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (/GHvP)

89 Thank you Ace, I wanted to know as well. My. Question is now answered

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (HVff2)

90 Buzzsaw - Heh. Not a MOPAR fan, eh?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (aDwsi)

91 ...And now I know.
Thank you Ace!

Posted by: Filly at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (gr/p1)

92 "What the hell we supposed to do? you mo-ron" - Stork
0:20
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ep-xgd_eETE

Posted by: Vredesco at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (Xv7f/)

93 I always knew I was a Moron. AoSHQ merely confirmed it.

Hmm . . .

Moron Confirmation?

Who's got the coffee and lemon bars?

Posted by: filbert at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (roTS7)

94 "They come off as if they're more interested in sucking their own cocks than actually helping people out."

This can be done? Please continue...

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (vHRtU)

95 There are three general ways to discredit someone/something. Stupidity, insanity, and evilness/sadism. And, of course, one can always mix and match.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:34 PM (DhGW2)

96 >>You need that and, of course, the thread where Ace banned erg.

Which time? erg is like herpes, he never really goes away.

A good Fun Facts About .... would be nice. The comments were often the best part of those posts.

Posted by: JackStraw at January 02, 2014 05:34 PM (g1DWB)

97 This can be done? Please continue...

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at January 02, 2014 05:33 PM (vHRtU)

*cough cough*

Posted by: Ron Jeremy at January 02, 2014 05:34 PM (nELVU)

98
If you have enough money, you can convert a hemi into a Briggs Stratton.

>>

That's a cheap conversion you just paint "Briggs Stratton" on it.

But you have to spring for good quality paint. Watercolors won't cut it. Trust me on this.

Posted by: The Barrel at January 02, 2014 05:35 PM (4WhSY)

99 They come off as if they're more interested in sucking their own cocks than actually helping people out.

Works for me.

Posted by: Spot at January 02, 2014 05:35 PM (6TB1Z)

100 What the 10 year Anniversary still needs:

1. Palin Steele's epic " Captain America" post

&&&&

Posted by: fluffy at January 02, 2014 05:36 PM (Ua6T/)

101 Someone link the thread with the first Stuff Thomas Jefferson Said.

Posted by: toby928� at January 02, 2014 05:36 PM (QupBk)

102 Could *rezalB* get undammed for 12 3hours or so?

Just for old times sake

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:36 PM (q+zA9)

103 A good Fun Facts About .... would be nice. The comments were often the best part of those posts.
Posted by: JackStraw at January 02, 2014 05:34 PM (g1DWB)

I always loved the Dick Cheney was so mean facts.

Dick Cheney was so mean he took candy away from babies and gave it to diabetic babies.

Posted by: polynikes at January 02, 2014 05:36 PM (m2CN7)

104 Next year for Christmas , ace should publish a compilation. "Book of Moron".

Posted by: grammie winger at January 02, 2014 05:36 PM (P6QsQ)

105 Buzzsaw - Heh. Not a MOPAR fan, eh?>>

I like Mopars but I hate to pass up a good straight line.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 02, 2014 05:36 PM (tf9Ne)

106 1. Palin Steele's epic " Captain America" post
&&

Trying again

Posted by: fluffy at January 02, 2014 05:36 PM (Ua6T/)

107 If you have enough money, you can convert a hemi into a Briggs Stratton.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at January 02, 2014 05:27 PM (aDwsi)

You mean like this?

http://tinyurl.com/l398ozy

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That (Unexpurgated Edition) at January 02, 2014 05:37 PM (LSDdO)

108 Just a mow-rahn.

Posted by: Sphynx at January 02, 2014 05:37 PM (OZmbA)

109 But that doesn't apply merely to people. It also applies to ideas. As well as to undermining people's self confidence and therefore their ability to adhere to their own ideas instead of simply submitting to the capricious will of the collective, thereby abdicating individualism and their individual existence.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:37 PM (DhGW2)

110 I just thought we were normal morons, not special ones

Posted by: TexasJew at January 02, 2014 05:37 PM (yhPOh)

111 I always suspected the label came from Stork in Animal House.

Posted by: fluffy at January 02, 2014 05:38 PM (Ua6T/)

112 And, of course, one can always mix and match.
Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:34 PM (DhGW2)

yo! I'm not going anywhere soon

Posted by: THE RACE CARD !! at January 02, 2014 05:38 PM (q+zA9)

113 The history of moron-ettes stretches back into antiquity. It is an honorable history filled with many tales of bravery and drunkeness.

Posted by: Angel with a sword at January 02, 2014 05:38 PM (hpgw1)

114 >>Someone link the thread with the first Stuff Thomas Jefferson Said.

That was a DiT invention I believe. He had some troll on the ropes with bullshit quotes from Jefferson, stuff that was so obviously wrong it was, well, obvious. Troll was totally confused. Much hilarity ensued.

Posted by: JackStraw at January 02, 2014 05:38 PM (g1DWB)

115 Stuff Jefferson Said started with DiT . Funny shit .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at January 02, 2014 05:38 PM (XWw96)

116 Btw, whichever moron it was who linked the "I smoke two joints in the morning" song a couple nights back, on behalf of Colorado:

Fuck you very much. I can't get that earworm out of my skull now

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at January 02, 2014 05:38 PM (0m29n)

117 You're a Jew for crying out loud. Of course you're a special one.

Posted by: grammie winger at January 02, 2014 05:39 PM (P6QsQ)

118 ...prodigious amount of ropy moron-drool.

***

Well, now at least I have name for it. But what I really need is a super absorbent paper towel.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at January 02, 2014 05:39 PM (g4TxM)

119 Bitter Clinger - Hemi air raid siren

http://www.victorysiren.com/x/index.htm

Posted by: Mike Hammer at January 02, 2014 05:39 PM (aDwsi)

120 It's better than dipshits, I guess.

Posted by: � Sponge at January 02, 2014 05:39 PM (xmcEQ)

121 Missed it by that much .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at January 02, 2014 05:39 PM (XWw96)

122
Per Bufs Bunny, I suggest that one of the AoSHQ team colors be maroon.

I would have suggested a second color such as, say, white, but I wished to avoid being tagged as raaaaacist. I'm a filthy Scandi, if you please, or "snowbilly" if that suits you.

So, the choice of a second color is left up to all y'all.

'Rons and 'ronettes rule!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars� at January 02, 2014 05:40 PM (HsTG8)

123 111 I always suspected the label came from Stork in Animal House.

---

We all used to think the Stork was brain dead!

Posted by: Eric "Otter" Stratton at January 02, 2014 05:40 PM (/Crba)

124
Bugs

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars� at January 02, 2014 05:40 PM (HsTG8)

125 boulder toilet hobo,

The toilets in Iowa are warmer and more sanitary. We welcome you with open arms provided you come with a centerfire rifle and 1,000 rounds.

Posted by: Angel with a sword at January 02, 2014 05:41 PM (hpgw1)

126 What the 10 year Anniversary still needs:
Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at January 02, 2014 05:29 PM (OWjjx)

I can't remember when the Wicket meme images got whipped out; it was during the time of Ace's mancrush on Marco Rubio, in rosier, more idealistic, less RINO-ey days. I live in cubie-land, could not contain my laughs but was worth it. Rubio's garbage is safe now, it is true, but at what cost?

I tried to make copies of all the meme images but I think I missed some; would love a compilation of them.

Posted by: LizLem at January 02, 2014 05:41 PM (BF+2f)

127 >>Right now I'm workin's on makin' me a shotgunjo

I'd like to see that.

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 02, 2014 05:41 PM (DpEwG)

128 If the first color is maroon, the second color would obviously be burgundy.

Both to honor that racist football team, as well as Ron. Oh, and the beverage, too.

Posted by: filbert at January 02, 2014 05:42 PM (roTS7)

129 I can't believe this is almost ten years old...
Good, moronic work, Ace.

All the references - shotgunjo? Charlie Daniels, el caminos, corncobs, Randall "Tex" Cobb? Fucking brilliant.

Posted by: shredded chi, a little happier than last year at January 02, 2014 05:42 PM (82LNv)

130 Btw, whichever moron it was who linked the "I smoke two joints in the morning" song a couple nights back, on behalf of Colorado:

Fuck you very much. I can't get that earworm out of my skull now

You're welcome. Been stuck in my head since 1982.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at January 02, 2014 05:42 PM (4WhSY)

131 Next year for Christmas , ace should publish a compilation. "Book of Moron".
Posted by: grammie winger at January 02, 2014 05:36 PM (P6QsQ)

like they can read, please....

Posted by: The MSM at January 02, 2014 05:42 PM (q+zA9)

132 A lot of words are merely attack/pain words. Some examples would include those favored by Leftists like "racist," "sexist," and homo-phobe. These words are inevitably aggressive and they cannot be deployed except as an act of "societal combat."

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:43 PM (DhGW2)

133 The Hippie Calendar they forgot to password was pretty funny .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at January 02, 2014 05:43 PM (XWw96)

134 votermom wanted to know how the "Morons" label started.

That votermom asks a lot of questions. People who ask too many questions get bad luck.

Posted by: A Friend at January 02, 2014 05:43 PM (8ZskC)

135 Right now I'm workin's on makin' me a shotgunjo

I'd like to see that.

Thanks to my Pocket Shotgunjo you'll never find yourself without a shotgunjo, again!

Posted by: Zombie Ron Popiel at January 02, 2014 05:43 PM (mIAI5)

136 Peace Blimp would be a good one to revisit.

Posted by: garrett at January 02, 2014 05:44 PM (mIAI5)

137 Where's the link to the original post?

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 02, 2014 05:45 PM (DpEwG)

138 So has sockpuppeting always been legal?

for all 120 months of this places existance

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:45 PM (q+zA9)

139 Scent hound. Scent. FTR the coonhound breeds *are* scent hounds. The *other* type of hound is a sight-hound: Greyhound, Irish Wolfhound Scottish Deerhound, Whippet. They are scary fast.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at January 02, 2014 05:23 PM (0q2P7)

****

You've apparently never met my dog Kenoh! Smell-hound is the correct term.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at January 02, 2014 05:45 PM (g4TxM)

140 130 Btw, whichever moron it was who linked the "I smoke two joints in the morning" song a couple nights back, on behalf of Colorado:

Fuck you very much. I can't get that earworm out of my skull now

You're welcome. Been stuck in my head since 1982.

***

A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend with weed is better
A friend with breasts and all the rest
A friend who's dressed in leather

A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend who'll tease is better
Our thoughts compress
Which makes us blessed
And makes for stormy weather

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at January 02, 2014 05:46 PM (/Crba)

141 Since Atheistic human existence is predicated upon perpetual conflict (because, as St. Darwin teaches us, this is how humanity Progresses), it is not surprising that such a large part of the vocabulary exists merely for this purpose.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:46 PM (DhGW2)

142 it was during the time of Ace's mancrush on Marco Rubio,

Remember the Fred Thompson memes? Along the lines of the old Chuck Norris jokes. I think 90%of us had a crush on him back then (I still kinda do).

Posted by: shredded chi, a little happier than last year at January 02, 2014 05:46 PM (82LNv)

143 Post 104: http://minx.cc/?blog=86&post=288223#c5010771

Posted by: toby928� at January 02, 2014 05:47 PM (QupBk)

144 Well, now at least I have name for it. But what I really need is a super absorbent paper towel.

Sham-Wow. BTW, you'll like his nuts.

Posted by: rickb223 at January 02, 2014 05:47 PM (t+DWU)

145
I wish to see the Sleeza Jane Moocowski "MOAR COKE!" bear posting... hilarious!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars� at January 02, 2014 05:49 PM (HsTG8)

146
I hear somethin' sayin'

(Hooh! aah!) (hooh! aah!)
(Hooh! aah!) (hooh! aah!)

(Well, don't you know)
That's the sound of the men working on the choom ga-a-ang
That's the sound of the men working on the choom gang

All day long they're singin'
(Hooh! aah!) (hooh! aah!)
(Hooh! aah!) (hooh! aah!)
(Well, don't you know)
That's the sound of the men working on the choom ga-a-ang
That's the sound of the men working on the choom gang

Posted by: WalrusRex at January 02, 2014 05:49 PM (XUKZU)

147 This is also an objective means of determining how aggressive someone really is. Observing how often they leverage attack words just because they can.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:49 PM (DhGW2)

148 Scent hound. Scent. FTR the coonhound breeds *are* scent hounds. The *other* type of hound is a sight-hound: Greyhound, Irish Wolfhound Scottish Deerhound, Whippet. They are scary fast. Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at January 02, 2014 05:23 PM (0q2P7)

Just watched an episode of Duck Dynasty where Uncle Si gets a French Poodle trained as a retriever. They took him dove hunting. Hilarious.

Posted by: polynikes at January 02, 2014 05:50 PM (m2CN7)

149 128 If the first color is maroon, the second color would obviously be burgundy.

Well, but for maroons, if the first color is maroon, the second color would obviously be maroon.

Posted by: m at January 02, 2014 05:50 PM (omrQI)

150 And, of course, Leftism is pretty much little more than a large collection of attack words and phrases.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:50 PM (DhGW2)

151 Are there any bowl games on tonight?

Posted by: grammie winger at January 02, 2014 05:50 PM (P6QsQ)

152 Wow...the original post had a whole 13 comments.

You've come a long way, baby.

Posted by: Tami at January 02, 2014 05:50 PM (bCEmE)

153 Are there any bowl games on tonight?

**spit take**

Posted by: toby928� at January 02, 2014 05:51 PM (QupBk)

154 151 Are there any bowl games on tonight?

Posted by: grammie winger at January 02, 2014 05:50 PM (P6QsQ)

Looks like Oklahoma v Alabama. 8:30 ET.

Posted by: Tami at January 02, 2014 05:51 PM (bCEmE)

155 Wow...the original post had a whole 13 comments. You've come a long way, baby.
Posted by: Tami at January 02, 2014 05:50 PM (bCEmE)

you can be #14 if you want.....

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:52 PM (q+zA9)

156 Once we go to the camps, will we have large scarlet "M"'s sewn on our garments?

Sort of like a secret handshake or something.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at January 02, 2014 05:52 PM (GcYmn)

157 you can be #14 if you want.....

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:52 PM (q+zA9)

I'm a moron but I'm not that dumb.

Posted by: Tami at January 02, 2014 05:52 PM (bCEmE)

158 Are there any bowl games on tonight?

IT'S A TRAP!

Posted by: admiral ackbar at January 02, 2014 05:52 PM (QupBk)

159 I used to be rather smart according to some leftists on political sites, anyway. Then I had a political conversion and went from being a liberal to being a conservative and my IQ immediately dropped at least 20 points-according to them. So now I might as well be toothless, have no running water or indoor john and cook possum-as all Red State Conservatives do. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 02, 2014 05:53 PM (BC6cY)

160 Which is to say, Leftism is not interested in understanding the world as it exists, but rather in Nihilistic intrasocial combat purely for its own sake.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:53 PM (DhGW2)

161 Once we go to the camps, will we have large scarlet "M"'s sewn on our garments?

Yep. Sewn right there on the ass of our chaps.

Posted by: garrett at January 02, 2014 05:53 PM (mIAI5)

162 nood

Posted by: Refresh Data at January 02, 2014 05:54 PM (q+zA9)

163 So now I might as well be toothless, have no running water or indoor john and cook possum-as all Red State Conservatives do. ;^)Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 02, 2014 05:53 PM (BC6cY)

You have running water?

Posted by: Ammo Dump at January 02, 2014 05:54 PM (GgPam)

164 74 Well, half the population IS below average in intelligence.

Posted by: Count de Monet at January 02, 2014 05:30 PM (BAS5M)

Wait, won't that tip over Guam?

Posted by: Hank Johnson at January 02, 2014 05:56 PM (0FSuD)

165 Remember the Fred Thompson memes? Along the lines of the old Chuck Norris jokes. I think 90%of us had a crush on him back then (I still kinda do).

Fred Thompson? I could be upside down, in the first year of a 30 year mortgage, and Fred could make me want to sign up for a reverse mortgage.

Posted by: Ugg Boots at January 02, 2014 05:56 PM (6Nqkf)

166 And the whole thing is obviously inherently counterproductive. But Leftism has never produced anything and never will. It is an ideology of pure grievance and power, and nothing else. Because, within the context of Leftism, and Atheism in general, there is nothing else. Grievance and power are the totality of human existence and the human experience.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:56 PM (DhGW2)

167 Well, grievance, power, conflict, and hedonism. So, there's that.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 05:57 PM (DhGW2)

168 And that is, in fact, part of Atheists complaint against Christianity. That it interferes with their ability to acquire power, to engage in conflict for conflict's sake, and to "hedonize" each other and themselves.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 06:00 PM (DhGW2)

169 143 Post 104: http://minx.cc/?blog=86&post=288223#c5010771
Posted by: toby928� at January 02, 2014 05:47 PM (QupBk)

That was HILARIOUS

Posted by: itchytriggerfinger at January 02, 2014 06:00 PM (XwN3V)

170 You know what I havent seen in awhile. Some good Jose Conseco haiku. Whoever was sockin that was pure effin genius. Posted by: fixerupper at January 02, 2014 05:25 PM (nELVU)

Agreed. I love the deep thoughts of Jose Conseco.

Posted by: Donna V. at January 02, 2014 06:01 PM (R3gO3)

171 So the whole thing is quite high brow and noble, as one would expect from people who have somehow become convinced that man is simultaneously a base animal and his own deity.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 06:01 PM (DhGW2)

172
Who's got the coffee and lemon bars?

I do, I do.

Posted by: lindafell at January 02, 2014 06:02 PM (PGO8C)

173 Thanks Ace.
I read part of the NY Time opinion, it is still insulting 9 years later.

Posted by: Carol at January 02, 2014 06:03 PM (z4WKX)

174 163 So now I might as well be toothless, have no running water or indoor john and cook possum-as all Red State Conservatives do. ;^)Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 02, 2014 05:53 PM (BC6cY)

Don't forget the Kaboom.

Posted by: Donna V. at January 02, 2014 06:03 PM (R3gO3)

175 But, if one seeks merely the accumulation of power and pleasure for their own sakes, there really is no reason to be all that consistent or contemplative. In fact, that sort of thing seems "stupid."

Later, all.

God bless. :-)

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at January 02, 2014 06:05 PM (DhGW2)

176 Originally published November 9, 2004.

So Ace, in 11/04 put the contraction after the "y" in y'all. Not the "a" as in ya'll. Did you see that Gabriel?

Posted by: olddog in mo at January 02, 2014 06:07 PM (EKOIc)

177 Buzzsaw - Heh. Not a MOPAR fan, eh?

I think that's pronounced "MOPARini" now.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at January 02, 2014 06:12 PM (XLoA6)

178 I'm surprised none of the Dick Cheney warcock threads have made it into these "Ten Years After" reminiscences that ace is doing.. That's some classics right there.

Posted by: OregonMuse at January 02, 2014 06:23 PM (xm1A1)

179 So in conclusion, moral authority is what Captain America represents. It's something that President Obama is bringing back to our great nation.

And this is why the troll known as 'palin steele' was christened 'Dum Dum' by ace, and that's the name he is known by to this day.

Posted by: OregonMuse at January 02, 2014 06:26 PM (xm1A1)

180
I saw Warcock open for Ten Years After at the San Diego Sports Arena. In the '70s.

Actually, I don't so much "remember" it, as have random flashbacks, now n' then.

Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at January 02, 2014 06:27 PM (vvk2F)

181 Brilliant!! You had me in tears ace.

Posted by: cowboyup at January 02, 2014 07:07 PM (wG6KW)

182 Still golf clap worthy after all these years.

Posted by: Mizflame98 at January 02, 2014 07:14 PM (clvfn)

183 Brilliant! Thanks for sharing that bit of history.

It turns out the 10th anniversary of my (much more modest) blog is coming up soon as well next month. I'm already preparing to mark it.

Posted by: WannabeAnglican at January 02, 2014 07:26 PM (7KvT6)

184 You summarized my own encounters with folks who mindlessly toss out these stereotypes. So I react to your post with bittersweet laughter. Perhaps I need lighten up; but I've run into too many regional bigots, and I lack the grace to ignore their casual insults about my region and political beliefs. The day I finally got over my cultural training to "ignore rude people and continue to be gracious under fire" occurred when I was introduced to a Stanford academic as a Kentucky student. Before I uttered one word, he immediately responded: "you are from Kentucky? That must mean you're stupid." I'm afraid I burned the entire bridge that day. But I've had enough of these casual assumptions of intellectual and cultural regional superiority, and of the belief that it is perfectly acceptable to make obnoxious public smears about certain regions and their political, religious and cultural beliefs. Pardon the venting, I do appreciate your ability to bring humor into such a frustrating pattern. Btw, do you remember Iowahawk's "Heart of Redness" reply to an idiotic reporter who bravely travelled into the Redstare during the 04 elections? Hysterical. I'd loved to read it again.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at January 02, 2014 08:23 PM (q7hLO)

185 For those of you who missed it, the best Cheney fact was:
"While on a sex-spree in a Tijuana whorehouse, Dick Cheney used a live cougar as a condom.

The bodycount was fourteen Mexican whores and one cougar.

In Tijuana, they refer to this as "The Night of the Sodomizing Cougar-Man."

Dick Cheney refers to it as "last Thursday."

Posted by: RightWingProf at January 02, 2014 09:25 PM (RtR5I)

186 That's fine, call me "moronette." It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Posted by: shinypie at January 02, 2014 11:49 PM (3nZXa)

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