Everything becomes clear - or at least, slightly less murky - in Episode 13 of The Blogfather: For Your Blog Only.

Not actually appearing in this film are Mickey Kaus, Andrew Sullivan, Eugene Volokh, Michele of A Small Victory, and Dave Barry.

Newcomers can find the rest of the series here.

Meanwhile, Susie (or possibly her robot twin, it's hard to tell) reports on the latest bloggers to fall victim to D.Film.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:49 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Her Imperial Highness, Condi, has declared war on Saint Helena, Saint Kitts and Nevis (is that in Scotland?), Saint Lucia, Saint Pierre and Miquelon (sounds French. Good call, Condi), Saint Vincent and the Grenadines (sounds like a really lousy band. Paging Dave Barry...), Samoa, San Marino, Sao Tome and Principe (are they anything like The Captain and Tenille? If so, they deserve it.), Saudi Arabia (our friends!), Senegal, Serbia and Montenegro (seems rather pointless), Seychelles (she shells Seychelles from off the sea shore), Sierra Leone, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia (are you trying to tell me that Slovakia and Slovenia are two different countries?), Solomon Islands, Somalia (another pointless exercise), South Africa, South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands (at least the troops won't go hungry), Spain (hang on, Spain?), Spratly Islands (whatly islands?), Sri Lanka (where the tea comes from), Sudan (and Coupe as well), Suriname, Svalbard (and his half-brother Aethelbard), Swaziland (perhaps because it sounds like you-know-who-land), Sweden (commies had it coming!), Switzerland (see Sweden), and last but probably least, Syria.

Yes, it's another In My World by Frnak, but I'm not linking to him right now.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 02:04 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Today's episode of The Blogfather, number, um, twelve, is called You Only Blog Twice.

And you thought James Lileks' server had crashed! Only Ambient Irony brings you the real story!

Don't forget my Blurb Contest! You too can appear in a poorly-conceived cartoon dressed as a heron! C'mon, who else offers you that sort of opportunity?

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:49 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Glenn (Reynolds) continues to link to movie blurbs you're not likely to see, but fails to link to his own life story.

So, I'm having a blurb contest! The winner - to be decided by a poll, of course - gets a cameo in an upcoming episode of The Blogfather. Or, if the winner happens to be Susie, Jennifer, Tiger, Kevin, Frnak or Glenn (Reynolds) himself (all of whom feature already and are scheduled for further appearances), they will get... Um, I'll think of something. But it will be cool! Whatever it is.

You can blurb any episode of The Blogfather, the four previous short films, or any of the prequels by Jennifer and Susie.

The sort of thing I'm looking for is:

Contains more robotic Glenn Reynolds than most recent Hollywood features.

Possibly the only film featuring a spaceship controlled by a vending machine labelled in Ancient Greek.

Blurb away! Leave them in the comments, or email me if you want to keep your genius hidden from your competitors.

Update:

In answer to Susie's question (see comments), I was thinking of review blurbs, particularly nasty review blurbs, the art of the subtle put-down, back-handed compliment, damning with faint praise and all that, but advertising blurbs are also welcome if they are funny.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 03:29 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Two women. A perfect plan. One fateful night.... "Cruisin" (rated pg 13 for language, off-screen violence and brief nudity references.)
Hmm..were these supposed to be movie review blurbs?

Posted by: Susie at August 06, 2003 04:33 AM (pgVBn)

2 Well, I was thinking of review blurbs. Particularly bad review blurbs. But whatever

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 06, 2003 04:39 AM (b9eZf)

3 "Cruisin'" hits a reef...
One of the must-avoid blockbusters of the Summer, neophyte director Susie's "Cruisin'" has it all...wrong.

maybe I can do better...let me work on it and come back....

Posted by: Susie at August 06, 2003 04:47 AM (pgVBn)

4 ...full of more obscure "in jokes" than a Toastmasters' Roast for Don Rickles....

Posted by: Susie at August 06, 2003 04:52 AM (pgVBn)

5 "I've always liked naps, so I have to say I liked the time spent 'watching' this film."

Posted by: Jennifer at August 06, 2003 09:27 PM (qs1UK)

6 Ummm Susie... Does you mouth really go "Wokka Wokka Wokka" when you talk ??? Or is that just bad dubbing

Posted by: Evil Kean at August 07, 2003 12:42 AM (hxxzM)

7 Hi Kean! Pity I missed out on last weekend But blurb my films! I'll make you a heron!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 07, 2003 12:52 AM (yO0zZ)

8 "Seeing the Blogfather in the theater is an interesting experience...half the dialogue is on the snackbar menu"

Posted by: Tuning Spork at August 07, 2003 02:50 AM (pVRGE)

9 See "The Blogfather" now, if you want The World's Most Annoying Music in your head for forever and ever, amen.

Posted by: Victor at August 11, 2003 12:13 PM (FNHVL)

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Tiger found this poem which describes how Texas came to be... Texas, but couldn't find the author of the poem. Using my Super Googling Power™ (and a certain amount of persistence), I tracked down this page which attributes the poem to E. U. Cook. Searching on this name unfortunately produces vast amounts of cruft from some Euroweenie named Cook, but more persistence found this page about The First Mortgage, also by one E. U. Cook, containing this poem:

Author's Preface

Now reader, go along with me,
Away back to Eternity;
Go back beyond the days of youth,
Where everything that was, was truth.

Beyond the sorrow and the tears,
Beyond the suffering and fears,
Beyond the anguish and the gloom,
Beyond the shadow of the tomb.

Beyond all trouble and all pain,
Beyond all losses and all gain,
Beyond all sobs and bitter sighs,
Beyond the limit of the skies.

Before there was a ray of light,
Before there was a day or night,
Before a prayer was ever prayed,
Before the world was ever made.

Before there was a moon, or sun,
Before old time itself begun;
Before there was a now, or then,
Before there was a where, or when.

Before there was a 'here', or 'there',
Or anything, or anywhere;
Go back a hundred thousand years,
And farther still, though filled with fears.

Go back until within the past,
You fail to find the place at last
Where the beginning you can see,
At one end of Eternity.

Go back until there's not a trace
Of anything, but God and space;
God all around, below, above;
Unlimited in power and love.

Away back here removed from sight,
Where everything that was, was right;
Away back here removed from sin,
Is where my story does begin.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:39 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

While you're waiting for your next helping of The Blogfather, take a look at these works from two fine young independent filmmakers:

First, When Frnak Attacks by Jennifer.
Then Cruisin' by Susie.
And then A New Hope by Jennifer again.

Update:

And then Frnak Lives! by Susie again.

And then there's No Moonies for Oil, which is by Susie* but is found on Tiger's blog. (And is now to be found on Susie's blog too.)

Update:

And then again, there's Idle Chatter by Jennifer once more.

Update:

Somehow I missed Presidential Fun Facts! by Tuning Spork. This has now been corrected.

Update:

And now Tiger has got into the act with Frnak Must Die!

I'm not sure exactly where these fit into the plot... Presumably before Susie and Jennifer were abducted by Movable Frnak.

*Random linkage again.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:42 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

The trouble spreads in episode 11 of The Blogfather: Blograker. Today's episode guest stars Jennifer, Tiger, Kevin, and, um, also Kevin.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:30 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 LOL! The saga continues!!!! And that's the same character I picked for Tiger in the D Film I sent him! Great minds think alike....

Posted by: Susie at August 06, 2003 12:44 AM (pgVBn)

2 Oh my George! They cloned Kevin. I have to report on that right now. I like my character, and just wish I had that much hair IRL.

Posted by: Tiger at August 06, 2003 01:08 AM (19LVT)

3 LOL, thanks for bringing DFilm to my attention, Pixy Misa. Now I get nothing done.

Posted by: Jennifer at August 06, 2003 01:26 AM (E9paH)

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Red Hat, makers of Pixy Misa's preferred Linux distribution, have countersued SCO. (I discussed SCO and their evil irrelevance here.) They are not only requesting a declaratory judgement of non-infringement of copyright and trade secrets, but have also alleged false advertising, deceptive trade practices, unfair competition, tortious interference and trade libel and disparagement. That, as Tiger* can tell you, is a lawyer's way of calling SCO a bunch of lying litigious shitweasels.

It will be very interesting to see how this works out.

*Pinging a randomly selected link rather than the main page just to see what happens on the ecosystem.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:21 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Well, I've put in my application to move my ADSL service from my current, profoundly sucky, provider to a new and hopefully less sucky one. At the new ISP, I'll have full unrestricted internet access - no offpeak speed limits, no "transparent" proxies that repeatedly drop my connections, a real static IP address, and no blocked ports so I can run my own web and mail servers at home. Upload speeds will go up from 256kb/s to 512kb/s.

Yay!

Also, download costs drop from $150 to $6 per gigabyte, which will be nice.

And with any luck I won't have to deal with constant routing screwups on the weekend. Six more days in purgatory...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:43 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Yay! I have no idea what most of that meant, but I take it that it's a good thing, so "Yay"!

Posted by: Susie at August 05, 2003 02:00 PM (pgVBn)

2 Yay!
You can probably tell that a price cut from $150 to $6 is a good thing, at least

Posted by: PixyMisa at August 05, 2003 04:56 PM (LBXBY)

3 Oh, yes - one thing it means is that I'll have a backup server, so if the main server goes PLOOIE! like lileks.com, your blog keep on ticking. And my blog, too, of course.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 05, 2003 08:26 PM (MB7Fq)

4 Yay!

Posted by: Susie at August 06, 2003 06:08 AM (pgVBn)

5 They seem to have lost my application
Not yay.
At least they answer emails...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 08, 2003 01:26 AM (/kcmY)

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The Bleat has gone blat. James Lileks's server has crashed and taken the whole site out.

Remember, boys and girls, always backup your work! Fortunately for us all, The Bleat is backed up and will return soon.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 03:00 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Here in one convenient location you can find all of my movies... Such as they are. The management takes no responsibility for - well, for anything.

First, the short features:

Susie Loves Pixy
Frnak Hates Pixy
Susie and the Ghost
Susie vs. The Aliens

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6: Blogfather Returns (a.k.a. Susie Conquers the Martians)
Part 7: Blogfather and Robin
Part 8: Blogfather Forever
Part 9: Live and Let Blog
Part 10: Blogfinger
Part 11: Blograker
Part 12: You Only Blog Twice
Part 13: For Your Blog Only
Part 14: Doctor Blog
Part 16: The Blogging Daylights
Part 17: License to Blog
Part 380: Fragulate This!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:52 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 wow. you have de-railed.

Posted by: Collins at August 05, 2003 01:49 PM (eRGV+)

2 I'll take that as a compliment

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 05, 2003 07:17 PM (a1gWn)

3 In my never-ending quest to find out what was happening in the blogosphere while I was at the beach (and you weren't), I've just watched all 42 episodes of The Blogfather. A few observations:
1. I've got to pick a new body for myself before Tiger sues me.
2. Little Rave-Girl Susie is hot.
3. I've got that furshluginner music going thru my head and it may never go away.
Man, that hurt.

Posted by: Victor at August 11, 2003 12:11 PM (FNHVL)

4 A fine word, fershluginner.
However, all the other music on offer is even more annoying.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 11, 2003 08:13 PM (jtW2s)

5 You know, in episode 13, you should've turned Rachel Lucas into a grackle.

Posted by: Victor at August 13, 2003 03:46 AM (FNHVL)

6 Well, there's still time...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 13, 2003 04:02 AM (jtW2s)

7 Those aren't herons. They're turkeys, you egret!

Posted by: Roger Sweeny at August 20, 2003 03:16 AM (WNPY6)

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Someone stop me! Help!

The Blogfather episode 10, Blogfinger, is now available.

I think I'd better take my medicine now...

[I wonder if we should tell Glenn Reynolds... He is, after all, the star of the show. Well, co-star, after Susie. And you, Pixy. And Frnak and the cast of herons. And the Moon Men. Well, he did appear in one scene. Before being upstaged by his robot double. So maybe we shouldn't tell him. — Ed.]

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:33 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Good evening, and welcome to Pixy Misa's Theatre of the Absurd. Tonight's feature, flown in by special arrangment from southern Lemuria, is the little known Frnak Capra masterpiece, Live and Let Blog. Please do not adjust your sets, it's meant to look that way.

(Warning: This is episode 9 in the continuing story of The Blogfather. If you are confused, you should first watch the earlier works, to be found here, here, here, and here. If you are still confused after that, we suggest that you give up blogging and start a new life as a potato farmer. We know it worked for us.)

[No one saw that, did they? Good. — Ed.]

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:55 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Well, I missed the deadline for today's episode, so I'll just abuse the power of the Internet for a few minutes and pretend I'm in a different time zone... There, done.

Now sit back and thrill in The Blogfather episode 8: Blogfather Forever

Oh, and in case you hadn't guessed, that last line is a Susie original. Limited edition replica fonts are available at Practical Penumbra.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:20 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Well, it was my turn for a twelve-hour day at work today. Blah. Blah fooie. That was no fun at all.

But after I've had a nap, I shall return with episode 8 of The Blogfather: Blogfather Forever.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 09:11 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

I did say it was an epic tale, didn't I?

Anyway, here is The Blogfather Part 7 for your entertainment and possible edification.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 07:44 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Lost in Space meets Dr. Who! Kewl! You could keep this up for decades...or until your bandwidth runs out, whichever comes first....
Dr. Pepper is better than Cherry Coke, by the way...tho I do like Vanilla Coke...

Posted by: Susie at August 04, 2003 01:01 AM (Dl2AW)

2 LOL, I love these.

Posted by: Jennifer at August 04, 2003 10:01 AM (E9paH)

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Well, I seem to have internet access again, so it's time for

The Blogfather Part 6!

And it's a special feature-length episode too!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:49 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 LOL again!!!! You are a genius!!!!

Posted by: Susie at August 03, 2003 03:11 PM (Dl2AW)

2 Could be the amaretto talking, but these are bloody hilarious! More, more!

Posted by: Jennifer at August 03, 2003 05:45 PM (WKyJ9)

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OK, you'll need to read, um, watch the previous entries:

Susie Loves Pixy
Frnak Hates Pixy
Susie and the Ghost
Susie vs. The Aliens

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:46 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Hey Pixy, none of these links are working for me. They go to the moviemaker site but no movie shows up

Posted by: Tim the Michigander at August 03, 2003 05:03 AM (VlBRg)

2 LOL! ROFLMAO!!!!!!! Do Susie and Pixy ever make it back to earth? or do they travel the galaxy like Dr. Who and [pick curvacious companion], righting wrongs and tackling templates? I can't wait for the next exciting episode!!!!!

Posted by: Susie at August 03, 2003 06:09 AM (Ft4c6)

3 I don't know who this Frnak is, but he sure sounds evil!

Posted by: Frank J. at August 03, 2003 06:40 AM (+wPKi)

4 Dang, that Frnak is an evil one! I wonder if he's a ninja?

Posted by: Ith at August 03, 2003 09:50 AM (9Prhv)

5 Tim, I was having a little trouble with it last night, but it seems to be happy now. Give it another try.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 03, 2003 12:43 PM (/kcmY)

6 Next exciting episode coming up! And it's a special movie-length one!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 03, 2003 12:44 PM (/kcmY)

7 Yes, Frnak, interplanetary man... uh, simian... of mystery. Who could he be?

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 03, 2003 12:45 PM (b9eZf)

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This thing is addictive.

Pixy Misa's Playhouse presents:

Susie and the Ghost and Susie vs. The Aliens.

Yay Susie! You're a star!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:43 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

You've read the novel, you've heard the music, now see the film!

Then see the other film!

(Thanks to DFILM, via Tiger)

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 10:34 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Another fine and funny writer has left Blogspot for sunnier climes. Visit Tim, the Michigander, at his shiny new home.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 02:55 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Weird Al is coming to Australia!

Woohoo!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 02:35 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Yay!

Posted by: Hirsute Kean at August 02, 2003 05:43 PM (hxxzM)

2 Yay!

Posted by: Hirsute Kean at August 02, 2003 05:43 PM (hxxzM)

3 Dumb MT won't remeber my preferences
Poo!

Posted by: Annoyed Kean at August 02, 2003 05:45 PM (hxxzM)

4 Damn, and it doesn't fix my spelling mistakes either

Posted by: Silly Kean at August 02, 2003 05:46 PM (hxxzM)

5 I highly recommend you see him if you get a chance. True Genius is a very rare find.

Posted by: Victor at August 10, 2003 04:08 AM (FNHVL)

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Brain continues cloudy, so here's some more music to keep you entertained: my album-in-not-very-much-progress, Return of the Return of the Electric Ant, and some never-before-released unedited pieces, which I have titled Rough Cuts. Note that they are rough cuts... One track in particular includes a bonus minute of silence at the end.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:48 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

The Electric Ant is the one in the blue hat.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:42 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

This is a selection of tracks that are more or less complete but haven't made their way into the world - prior to this. Some because they need a bit of tweaking, some because they are a bit... odd... and don't fit on any of my compilations.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:40 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)