I knew it.
*sigh*
Actually, I knew this back on Wednesday.And, it explains my mini-melt down at work Thursday.
But, damn it... I don't need this right this second. Or ever, really. But, yeeessssss.....
It's coming.
My terrorist buddy is enroute to my two-four.
(Old cop parlance meaning "coming to where I am".) I can tell. Everything is wanting to make me cry and I really don't have time for this crap, ya know? Especially, I don't have the time to figure out the one thing that bugs me the most, brought to me by this visitor of mine, the wondering of what's gonna happen to me in the next few years or so when I "get old". I hate this shit. I don't like it anytime, but now it's way worse.
It scares me, chokes me up and fucks me up and I know it's all just a buncha pre-terrorist "strike" bullshit. I know that, but it doesn't help a bit. Hell, I also know I'll probably be okay no matter what, but that doesn't help a bit either. It's really a lot like my brain and emotions get hijacked by a trojan or something. One of those ones that reset your homepage to some other stupid shit than what you had and replaces all your bookmarks (ie: "happy thoughts" ) with links to various states of hell. Pure bullshit and I hate it, but seem to be pretty much helpless against it.
Nothing I do makes the slightest difference.
I think maybe that one thing I do makes it remotely bearable, but nothing makes it STOP. *bites back teeth* Anyway, I gotta go wash some dishes and such shit, then go to work.
11pm til 5am, hostessing. I'm in that "want the house clean before I leave" mode again.
That way, when I get home tomorrow, the whole day is mine.
To sit here and be taken over by this morbid horseshit...
*wonderful* Maybe not.
One thing I can say for this crap is that it doesn't last very long, thank God.
It's just very intense inside me when it is here. One breath at a time.
That's all I need to do right now. One breath at a time.
And no crying, damn it. Eyes?
You hear me talkin'?
Quit stinging and dry up already. I am NOT gonna die alone.
I'm gonna die FIRST. *I know that sounds weird, but it made me laugh (thru the tears that haven't actually fallen, thus don't count... yet)* deeeep breath Okay.
Gonna go wash the dishes.
Clean the kitty-potties.
Vacuum.
Get ready.
Go to work.
Be fine.
Come home. I think I can manage that much.
For now... Peace, y'all
Comments
1
Hi Love,
Please get all calmed down. I've already lost
one daughter, and I can't afford to have anything happen to you, a real, actual daughter... It's been a very long ten days, especially the July nights 1,2,3, because I'm on night work all by myself (Charlie's on vacation-he'll be here tomorrow night, thank God.) and the time just drags. You stay healthy, ya bum. We gotta get to Kareoke up there sometime soon. (or down here if you're legal to show up in our fair state again.) By the way, what's the skinny about you losing your blog. It's the first thing I read whenever I get on the old computer... Drop me a line, I'm
just working here in the old lab, making beter things for better profits..
Love you....
Hi Love,
Please get all calmed down. I've already lost
one daughter, and I can't afford to have anything happen to you, a real, actual daughter... It's been a very long ten days, especially the July nights 1,2,3, because I'm on night work all by myself (Charlie's on vacation-he'll be here tomorrow night, thank God.) and the time just drags. You stay healthy, ya bum. We gotta get to Kareoke up there sometime soon. (or down here if you're legal to show up in our fair state again.) By the way, what's the skinny about you losing your blog. It's the first thing I read whenever I get on the old computer... Drop me a line, I'm
just working here in the old lab, making beter things for better profits..
Love you....
Posted by: haveayen at July 03, 2005 09:08 PM (SB0/u)
Posted by: Stevie at July 03, 2005 11:19 PM (uhVof)
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