It's Father's Day and my Dad just called me...

It wasn't about it being Father's Day, though.

My 24 year old step-sister died this morning of a heart attack in her bedroom... with her boyfriend there.
He did CPR on her the entire time from when she collapsed til the rig got there, about 20 minutes. Then, the paramedics worked on her another 20 minutes to no avail.

She was 24, slim, healthy, active, beautiful... and now she's gone.
She looked like a younger, prettier version of Julia Roberts, no shit, no lie.

Damn.

I didn't know her very well, for her having been in my life for 24 years.

I do know she was a quality person, though. She was a good kid.

I swear to God, I don't believe this shit.

Adrienne dead....
Can't grasp that yet.

Not even from a car accident or something "halfway normal", but a heart attack at the age of 24 with no warning signs, no behaviors that could've induced it that I know of, no nothing.

The only other person I've ever even HEARD of to die of such a thing at such a young age is Karen Carpenter.
And, yeah, Adrienne was slender, but not anorexic... that I know of, or ever heard of or even thought.

I knew her her whole life.
Her whole way too short life... Holy shit, man...

I can remember when she was a baby.

This one time, Dad and Kim had stopped by a local tavern to get boxes for moving and had her in the truck.
They had gone right behind the truck to actually get the boxes and in the space of those few seconds, Adrienne had locked both truck doors and was sitting smack in the middle of the seat, eating a cigar, totally ignoring Dad and Kim at each window, exhorting her to unlock the doors.
They wound up having to call me to bring them the spare set of keys.
And, yeah... she was still gnawing on that cigar when I got there, tobacco stuck all over her little face.

Then, there was the time, again, as a toddler, she ate a whole container of butter... straight.
Ew, man. I still don't know how she managed that.

I can also remember being up in a tree one day and Kim handed me up Adrienne, then took our picture.

And, for as strange as it is to be making myself laugh thru tears at the shit she did, it's even weirder to me to be feeling this... whatever it is.

I mean, it keeps landing on my heart like a boulder that she actually DIED this morning, yet, it's almost like it was someone else's family that this happened to.
Then, it hits me again...

24.

Jesus.

I feel so utterly horrible for Kim, my Dad and Norman the third.
A whole entire being/entity/light is gone from their lives. She was there with them every day, now she won't be anymore.
How bizzare.
How harsh.

And, her poor boyfriend, Shawn.... my God, that poor kid.
I can't even imagine....

For all the people and "other species" best friends (meaning Storm and other assorted critters) that I've lost throughout my life, no one has ever just dropped in front of me.

Sure, I've tried to save stranger's lives that didn't make it when I was in an ambulance squad way back when, but, hell, I didn't know those people and I felt shitty enough not being able to save them.
I can't begin to fathom it being someone I know and love and I tried and it didn't work...

God, be with Shawn... and Kim and Dad and Norm.

You're not supposed to outlive your kids.

And, frankly, if anyone "shoulda" dropped, especially of a heart attack, I'm sorry, but it shoulda been me.
I'm the "old fart".
I'm the one with a bad heart history on both parental sides.
I'm the one who smokes everything that doesn't blow away.
I'm the one who's lived for what feels sometimes like forever.

Not her.

Jesus...

*coupla minutes later*

Well, look y'all... (wiping whole face)
Any prayers y'all want to say, say them for Kim, Dad and Norm, okay?

I'm wiggin' out, yeah, but I'm also okay, especially compared to those guys.
I'll be okay. Them, I'm not so sure...

So, give it all to them.
They need all the strength they can get, all of God's love that can be sent.
And, Adrienne... just let God know she's enroute.
Because she is.

That much, I do know.

"Adrienne died this morning..."
I'm still hearing that echoing in my brain and I still can't believe it.
I'm looking right at it in black and white and I still can't believe it.

Why?
Why her?
Why now?
Why?

Godspeed, little sister.
I am so sorry this had to happen to you....
and Kim and Dad and Norman.
Especially Kim.

Posted by: Stevie at 08:56 PM

Comments

Posted by: david at June 19, 2005 10:18 PM (ZVhuO)

Posted by: RP at June 20, 2005 01:14 PM (LlPKh)

Posted by: dee at June 20, 2005 03:10 PM (sZnML)

Posted by: Stevie at June 20, 2005 10:24 PM (DXoCH)

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