This song made me cry earlier, for the first time ever...
T'was the second chorus and on that got me, too.
It seems like yesterdayBut it was long ago
Janey was lovely she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playing low
And the secrets that we shared
The mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
Til there was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it never would end
I remember how she held me oh so tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then Against the wind
We were runnin' against the wind
We were young and strong, we were runnin'
Against the wind
The years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worried about paying or even how much I owed Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again
Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter against the wind Well those drifter's days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out Against the wind
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm older now but still runnin' against the wind
Well I'm older now and still runnin'
Against the wind
Against the wind
Against the wind
Still runnin'
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm still runnin'
I'm still runnin' against the wind
Still runnin'
Runnin' against the wind
Runnin' against the wind
See the young man run
Watch the young man run
Watch the young man runnin'
He'll be runnin' against the wind
Let the cowboys ride
Let the cowboys ride
They'll be ridin' against the wind
Against the wind ... Now, this one is playing on a loop tape in my brain... When I think of those East End lights
Muggy nights,
The curtains drawn in the little room downsairs.
Prima Donna lord you really should have been there,
Sitting like a princess perched in her electric chair.
And it's one more beer,
And I don't hear you anymore.
We've all gone crazy lately,
My friend's out there,
Rolling 'round the basement floor. (Chorus)
And someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear.
You almost had your hooks in me
Didn't you dear
You nearly had me roped and tied,
Altar bound, hypnotized,
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You're a butterfly,
And butterflies are free to fly,
Fly away, high away bye bye. I never realized the passing hours
Of evening showers,
A slip noose hanging in my darkest dreams.
I'm strangled by your haunted social scene
Just a pawn out-played by a dominating queen.
It's four-o-clock in the morning
Damn it!
Listen to me good.
I'm sleeping with myself tonight
Saved in time, thank God my music is still alive. Chorus And I would have walked head on
Into the deep end of the river,
Clinging to your stocks and bonds
Paying your H.P. demands forever.
They're coming in the morning
With a truck to take me home Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
So save your strength
And run the field you play alone. Chorus Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight And, it's true. I think I need to find my headphones, my (PF, The) Wall CD and play the whole damned thing, volume maxed.
Twice, even.
Or something... And, to answer the question I know you're asking yourself...
I have no idea what's wrong with me.
I only know it's not depression, not like it was before, anyway.
Overall, I'm fine and I'll BE fine. I used to be all freaked out and emotional because I always felt all alone, cornered, back to the wall and didn't know what to do.
This time, it's more of a "balls to the wall" kinda thing, as in: that's the mode I need to be in to make everything work like we need it to. I DO know what to do, I know I'm not alone and the proof of that is what's got me all emotional and freaked out. So, it really is a different kinda freaked out, but it's still freaked out and I wish I could get a frickin' grip already. I really am trying really hard to do the right things in the right ways and it's obviously obvious because people see it and are right there, willing to help me, without even feeling a need to put their two cents in, which is highly unusual, but nice. But, WHY is THAT making me all teary and goofy? Every single thing that's come up that's been "not s'hot" has been handled... smacked down and rectified, if I may say it like it feels. So far, so good. But...
I was still on my knees from the past coupla weeks, financially speaking (and maybe emotionally too, a little... I am exhausted), but now... I'm up. I was stood back up on my feet, dusted off and steadied by someone who owes me NOTHING, in fact, I owe this person more friggin' money than I can ever hope to repay, yet they did it again. I understand allll about how feeling like life or people are being "mean" could make ya a candidate for emotional rescue, but how is that things working out and people helping you can have the same effect, even if it is somehow kinda different? Am I making any sense at all?
Prolly not. One hundred, thirty dollars, three packs of smokes and a sympathetic ear...
Made all the difference in the world, even if it does look like the same old reaction... Well, I am something, even if I don't know what word to use first... humbled, grateful, awed, relieved, determined, tired, happier, more aware of just everything... I'm alla those things at once and then some. And wet.
Tired of being WET faced all the time, here, over things I don't know are gonna cause that til they do.
Like Bob Seegar.
And, (God help me) hearing that stupid song "Ben", about the farkin' RAT, the other night. THAT silliness made me cry about Storm... The part where Mike sings, "Ben, the two of us need look no more. We both found what we've been looking for..."
See? It's doing it again... Hell, I thought we'd both found what we'd been looking for. Me, a great horse and him, a great home.
Guess I was wrong, or God just figured Brandy needed me more than Storm did or some damned thing, but, fuck me runnin', I still hurt over him. BUT... that is truly the only "bad/downer" thing there is... (and how bad can that even be with her out there now?)
Every other time I lose it, it's because of... random acts of utter kindness, which is NUTSO to do, right? *several minutes later* Ah well... lem'me take this opportunity to publicly, loudly and with profound humility say thank you again, God, for Eric, George, my job, Brandy, Action, every other creature You've seen fit to have me care for for You, my life, my twisted, humor-in-any-situation-finding brain and mostly You, Yourself. Thank you for never giving up on me, even when I did, myself. Thank you for everything and please help me to continue to be the kind of person who might just actually deserved all these blessings, if indeed I am that these days. (And, can Ya maybe give me a hand with the constant wetness before my face gets all pruny or tearstained? Thanks again again...) And, thank alla you guys, too....
I don't know where I'd be right now if not for this... blogging... and y'all.
Scares me to think of it. So... I won't. Gonna go do a load of wash, watch a movie and I'll do the Pink Floyd thing tomorrow morning, before I go "hostess". And, Happy Birthday, Baby.
Can't wait til the year I can do it up like you deserve and I wanna do. Meantime, I do love you....
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