Happy Thursday....

Well, Paul and I finally found each other and I got to run that CWShredder thing. Excellent. I also re-ran Adaware.
Now, if we could only get YM to connect us again. For some damn, stupid reason he isn't getting my messages. He sees me as online on my profile, but not in his 'friends' list. Odd. He's asleep in my 'friends' list, too. Even tried deleting and re-adding him. Still nuthin'. Yet.

In the meantime, George is being way cool. He brought me his little TV/VCR combo so I can watch movies while I go bald behind this shit and he's got a folder in my mail stuffed with jokes, which I am about to put here so I can free up the space....so hang on a sec....

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving
to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you
adapt to the wonderful difference in lifestyles:

The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy,
The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters,
The South has crawdads.

The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.

In the South: -- If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four
men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them, ! just stay out of their way. This is
what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
store....do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's
is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They
can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol" truck or
"big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever
say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have
to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will
accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Well...that one was kinda long. I'll put the others in another post.

Posted by: Stevie at 10:44 AM

Comments

Posted by: mac at January 01, 2004 11:05 AM (jzNv7)

Posted by: Mad William Flint at January 01, 2004 11:25 AM (jRssG)

Posted by: Minerva at January 02, 2004 08:57 PM (CWQXd)

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