"Headache" Part Deux (not starring Charlie Sheen, damn it...)
Okay, Blogger didn't eat the last part. Good. And, I got to picture Charlie Sheen for minute. Even better. (Lord he's gorgeous!)
Anyway, I've got this person in my life who is exhibiting behavior that would normally signal a parting of the ways to me. Disrespecting his Dad, acting stupid, lying, causing unnecessary drama, involving cops, bleeding....God. Who needs this shit? Ironically, the one person on the entire Goddamn planet who could hope to get away with that kind of shit, is the last person would ever DO that kinda shit. Eric, Sr. Want another dose of irony? (It's good for your blood.) The last person on the entire Goddamn planet that I'd ever want to hurt, is the person I'd hurt the worst if I did disconnect from this current dillhole/child.
I'll bet the name of this blog is making more and more sense, ain't it?
Eric, Jr. is going to be here again sometime Sunday, for up to three weeks. When I first heard that, I was like," Nuh-uh, no way. That's too long..." His father and I decided to let him know that how long he's here depends on him and his behavior. If he starts his stupid shit again, he's going back to Jersey early. End of story.
My biggest problem with all this, is this: I don't know what is "normal" teenage,-parents-are-seperated,-mom-is-a-complete-bitch,-pubescent,-adolescent behavior and what is a total lack of respect, regard and caring a damn about his Dad. I do realize that I'm hyper-senstive to people fuckin' with Eric, Sr. And, I'd like to believe that none of this behavior of Jr.'s really is such a complete and total lack of respect, BUT....Where is the line? And, what can you do when the line gets crossed that doesn't include having to hang around all day with someone you're pissed at? Grounding Eric Jr. to the house keeps him away from the asswits outside, but I'M the one who's here all day. And, the last thing I need or he would want is to be stuck with me all day, after he's fucked up again. I'll be pissed. I know me. And, when I get pissed atcha, the last thing I want is to HAVE to talk to you. If I have to before I'm ready to, it'll probably be brutally honest and ugly. So, if you insist on being a jerk-off, it's probably better to just get and stay away from me. If you're honestly stupid, or at least sorry, I'll come around. Given enough time and distance, I'll cool off. But, I'm not gonna keep forgiving the same stupid shit over and over, either.
So, what do I do? What do we do? What would YOU do?
From day one, Eric and I have gone the "treat him like a small adult to an extent" route. Eric Sr. wants to be his buddy because he never gets to see him and he wants him to keep wanting to move up here. I'm aware of the 'buddy' thing and kept a close eye on it- or so I thought. This was working great with Eric Jr., until the beginning of this summer. Is it the age he is? Or did the 'buddy' routine blow up? This boy is a young 14. He's not as mature as most 14/15 year olds. I don't know why. He's certainly living a life he could learn from. We try to show him...
Another thing...I was a Daddy's girl to DEATH. I'd have gladly shot my mom in the face, if Dad had asked me to. And, my mom was NOTHING compared to Jr.'s. He knows how horrible she is, he knows how his Dad is, too. So, I cannot even begin to fathom what I see as a lack of loyalty to his Dad. The not listening, the lying to his face...Christ, I get pissed just thinking about it. How FUCKING DARE he do that? Whom, exactly does the little snot think he is? Eric Jr. has taken me right up to the edge of "If this is how little you think of your Dad, then just get away from him." I'm scared almost shitless that he'll wind up shoving me off that cliff this time. Of course, I'd love to (drop enough acid or smoke enough weed to ) blythely believe that he'll be his younger, sweeter, smarter self, but I hate liars. Even when it's me tryin' to lie to me. After the crap he pulled last time, how CAN I believe he'll not keep it up? He does anally stupid shit here, when he's around his Dad and when he's in Jersey around his mom. So, what do I have to go on?
Recent past experience with this kid-not good.
Past experience with kids in general-limited, mostly negative.
Patience with this kind of shit-Nonexistant.
Room for error-Fuck if I know.
help
I really don't want to watch this kid get lost. Even when he's had me so pissed I couldn't think straight, I still have the instinct to help him, if for no other reason, for his Dad. So far. Ya know what else? I've fucked up enough stuff in my own life and inadvertantly in other's lives by not being able to get my head outta my ass quick enough and by not knowing what the right thing was to do. I don't want to do that again. Not this time. I want to save them both. Father AND son. But, if I'm forced to choose one or the other....GOD help me, here. How the flyin' FUCK to you save Dad by rippin' his heart out by lettin' the kid go to save yourself? I do not want to have to do that. And, which is worse for Dad? Letting go to save himself or being right there while the kid slowly consigns himself to hell? Jesus.
How do you parents with good, stable teenagers do it? Ass beatings? Church? What?
Sigh.....well, people. Enough about this for now. As usual, any hints, suggestions-hell, any comments AT ALL, will be appreciated...
Peace to ya...
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