I just had to call off from work...
I was in the bathroom, getting ready to get a shower when Eric came in.
He looked simply awful.He said, "Honey, I have something I've gotta tell ya, but I... but... Sweetie... Storm is dead. He's in the creek, dropped.... like he went to get a drink and just dropped..." I am completely numb right now. Here are the things I am thinking: 1. Thank God it wasn't Eric who... did that.
2. If anybody had to take a kick to the balls like this, I'm glad it was me and not Eric.
3. Thank you God that I heeded my instinct not to ride him yesterday. It was nice in the am, but, by the time I had time, it had gotten so hot. If I had ridden him and then he died... oh, Jesus, I can't even think of it...
4. Aw fuck man, my horse died... this is killin' me here. Hurts so bad... He was such a character... we fit each other so well... Goddamn, I'm gonna miss him. Hell, I do already. When Eric first said it, my first thought was, "Well, I hafta go to work now. I can't deal with this NOW. I'll do this later, when I get home, then it can be not true til... fuck." Ow.
Ya know? I hope ya don't, actually. Ya wanna know what else?
Stuart Big, the rat, died last night too.That, I was kinda okay with.
They don't live forever anyway, plus, he thought everything, including fingers, was food, so we weren't really that close. But, Storm?
Holy good Goddamn. I keep just sitting here, staring for a few seconds, then snapping to again...
I really find this all so hard to believe. Shit. Just thank God it wasn't Eric in any of the ways possible. Well, I don't really know what to do now.
I don't think I want to go down there. I just stopped in the driveway last night, next to where he was standing under the tree and said "Hey, Gorgeous-Boy. How ya doin'?" to him and he was fine.
The other picture I have in my head is from a movie, "My Friend Flicka", when the horse nearly dies in a stream and Roddy Mc Dowell nearly dies saving her. I don't need to see him dead. For this, among many other reasons, I thank God for Eric.
Somehow, he can do what needs to be done. And, I believe right now, I could, in fact, do this same chore for him, God forbid... but, for him, I could. Of course.
I wouldn't expect him do it any more than he expects me to be out there now. So, I'm just gonna sit here, picturing Terry's, Paul's, Rob's, Mikey's, Mike-in-Brooklyn's and Cat's faces, talkin' to y'all for a bit.
Til I feel like I can stand without dropping to my knees goddamnthishurtsguys.... Sorry to be dribbling tears and such on ya's but, damn damn damn...
now whaddo I do.... go hug action, I guess... Yeah... yeah.
Let me go get dressed real quick.
Action don't need to be out there any more than I do.
I can take him for a long walk, out thru the woods, where we ride... rode... will ride again, if that's what God has in mind. I'll be back.
I don't believe this shit...
Comments
1
Oh, christ. I'm sorry :-(
Posted by: Mad William Flint at June 09, 2005 10:27 AM (/j9KS)
2
Stevie, sweetie - I am so sorry about this news and am sitting here in shock. While I've never had a horse of my own, many years ago I took care of a friend's horse and we became very close. In fact, one of the best New Years Eves I ever spent was the night I saddled up Princeton and rode up into the foothills outside of Denver and spent the night watching the stars. Just me and my horse. Saddle for a pillow. Campfire for heat. Perfect. God, I'm rambling cuz I don't want to think about what you're going through. I hope you know that I'm here for you. I'll email you my phone number if you want to talk. Hugs to both of you and a shoulder to cry on if you need it. Sh*t, I don't know what to say and I'm having trouble seeing the keyboard. Love, Terry
Posted by: Terry Reynolds at June 09, 2005 12:10 PM (OPRCz)
3
(((((Stevie))))))
Goddamn, I am so sorry. There is nothing worse than losing your horse. I've lost 2 to colic and cancer, one was my son's therapy horse.
I wish that there was something I could do to help ease your pain. I'm so sorry.
Goddamn, I am so sorry. There is nothing worse than losing your horse. I've lost 2 to colic and cancer, one was my son's therapy horse.
I wish that there was something I could do to help ease your pain. I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Maeve at June 10, 2005 01:06 AM (6E1RR)
4
I am truly sorry for your loss. I had horses when I was a young man and I know they become like a brother or sister to you. This must be very devastating to you. I am not a religious person but I do believe in God. I will say a prayer for you and for your horse's soul. Call me nuts but I believe that animals have souls. I know this will take a long time to for you to feel better about. I wish you the best. Talk about how you feel to people you trust. This will ease the pain eventually. Hope to see you back on your feet and blogging soon.
Posted by: assrot at June 10, 2005 08:20 AM (9rmCm)
5
Stevie, please accept my most sincere condolences on your loss. I'm so sorry.
Posted by: RP at June 10, 2005 10:05 AM (LlPKh)
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