Y'all tell me...

Before I even get into this, let me begin by saying that I've been awake for 39 out of the last 41 hours and pretty much, so has he.
I'm cleaning this house like it's never been cleaned before, I had to work today and I'm still alive and speaking English, so I think I'm doing good.

I come home, go to sleep for two hours, then Eric-the-person-I-love-more-than-life-itself-and-whom-I'm-also
-gonna-give-such-a-smack-if-he-doesn't-cut.-it.-out!, wakes me up so I can take the rugdoctor back to the store.

While I'm still laying there, wishing I was what I felt like, which was approximately.... DEAD!!!!... he comes back into the room, leaving the door hanging wide-da-fug open, while being fully aware that we don't DO this because then CATS would go in there and maybe PEE ON SHIT, and when I, even whilst still DEAD, asked him, "Why ya leavin' the door open?", he gets.. I dunno, insane, I guess.

In response to my question, he stomps outta the room, saying, "Fine. I'll go over there BAREFOOT, then."

Wha?
WTF are you even talking about, there, Dude?
DAMN.
(And, I'm the one who gets accused of being goofy...)

Needless to say, I just layed there, wondering what the fuck he was on about.

I get up.
Mistake.

I come out here, crosseyed, and am sitting here, waking up.
He looks at me and AGAIN says the one thing I've explained to him 62 trillion times NOT to say to me, then tosses out another non-sequiter (sp?) and stomps off.
*pissed off Joey Tribiani face*

Here's what was said:

Me: (Not a WORD. Just sitting, minding my own business, not bothering anybody)

Him: (Looking at me) Ya know....

*Note: At this instant, I already know what he's about to say. Again. That I've told him to stop saying for FOUR YEARS so far, God HELP ME!!!!!!! So, knowing what's coming, my face slowly starts to contort. My eyes cross, my mouth looks like I've been suckin' a lemon and it just gets all squinched up. He continues...)*

Him a.k.a, "Mr. Oblivious": Ya know... you really should just go to bed. Don't worry about this shit now, you've got all day tomorrow... yada, yada, yada..."

At this point, he becomes Charlie Brown's teacher for me. Waa wa waaaa wawa wa wa, etc., because having "all day tomorrow" means exactly jack SHIT because it'd take a MINIMUM of a week to get this place like it really oughta be and besides, like I mighta mentioned once or 62 trillion times before, I hate it when he tries to get me to "let shit go for now..."

Fuck man, I have a hard enough time getting motivated in the first place. Frankly, I do NOT need this cinder block of his around my leg, ya KNOW?

YES, I DO TOO HAVE TO DO THIS NOW!!!!!
IT AIN'T GONNA DO ITSELF!!!!
*turning purple*

But...
I don't say any of that.

I calmly (read: through gritted teeth) said, "Yeah, I do hafta do this now... I have the shades off the windows, I need to take them out to the parlor where I can "hang" 'em and clean 'em, since the thought of doing it in the tub makes me wanna kill myself and I also have..."

Here, he says, as he stomps away... (Better do up the conversational seatbelt, folks, the second "curve" is a hairpin...)

"I'll just call my brother and tell him not to come."

BUT, he doean't get away quick enough.
I manage to get out: "Fine. You do that. I still hafta to take these blinds out to the parlor, etc. etc..."

Now, he stomps into the livingroom and says"
"I NEVER get to see MY family."

I just sat here, jaw agape.
(Like it's my fault all his family lives in other states... *tsk and an eyeroll*)
Then, I just shot the bird in his general direction. (I woulda farted, but the bird was nearly automatic in that intance... and quicker. Never have been able to "fart on demand", darn it.)

Anyway...
Pinhead.

Now.
What da fuck was that shit?
Did that make ANY SENSE, whatsoever?

*Chandler: (speaking to Joey) "Ya know that thing we do? Where we talk?"
Joey: "Yeaaah..."
Chandler: (looking pained) "Let's not do that anymore..." and he walks away.*

Know what I'm sayin', people?

Jeezus.

And, yesterday...
(This has nothing to do with his insanity, just mine...)

Yesterday, while we were getting ready to leave (read: I was waitin' for him..), I was typing something on here and he says:

"I'm ready."

Me: "I'm happy for ya."

Him: "Let me rephrase that. I'm ready when you are."

Me: "Well, I'm happy for you right now."

Him: Long withering look, as I peal off into gales of laughter.... He eventually leaves the room while I'm still pissin' myself.

SO.
Which one of us is the NUTJOB?

oooh, oooh... just remembered another one....
(Oh, and this "update" is at 1:17am, btw...)

We were at this Chinese buffet one night. Right after I put a forkful of food in my mouth, which, just by the way, is his FAVORITE-EST time to begin a conversation, he says:

"Ya know what I was just thinkin'?"

Me: Nothing. I have a mouthfulla food, remember, but the look on my face musta gave me away, because he says:

"What?"

I swallow mightily and nearly choke, trying to tell him the line my brain spit out to me upon hearing his question, which was:

"I dunno... hmmmmmmmmmm...." (imitating a dial tone)

I fell out and he just sat there, lookin' at me, which made me just laugh harder.

Ahhhh... *wiping tears from laughing at the memory*
Like I always say...

I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass.
*shrugs, giggling madly*

Okay... gonna go wash (expletives deleted) miniblinds now.... ew.

Peace, ya'll...

Posted by: Stevie at 12:58 AM

Comments

Posted by: Light & Dark at June 03, 2005 02:38 AM (+Ds2b)

Posted by: Stevie at June 03, 2005 07:38 AM (zoOkY)

Posted by: Mad Mikey at June 03, 2005 11:21 AM (YthHk)

4 If you were a guy you could fart on cue. Men are FULL of hot air and can do that kind of thing.....

Posted by: Maeve at June 03, 2005 06:19 PM (6E1RR)

Posted by: Alexa at June 07, 2005 07:26 PM (7IwNX)

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