Dear "FGN" editors of MAD magazine,
I know y'all could give two shits, but don't, about what I think, but, ya know what?
I'm gonna tell ya, anyway.
Well, okay, maybe only 39 or so. I do have an infinity for reading but it did take me a coupla years to learn how to do it, still... I can remember being small enough to fit into the closet where Dad kept all his back issues of MAD and Playboy. (Yes, I've read that forever too and it IS for the articles, in my particular case, thankyouevers'much.) I'm talking 4,5 and 6 years old, here. Forever, to me. Somewhere along the line, MAD has gone to hell in a tattered handbasket. I don't really know when this abomination started, you having ADS in there, because I tried so hard to overlook it, like you'd maybe had a case of brainfarts and would stop it soon.
Nope. You're killing me, Dudes. I look at even just the covers these days and I immediately hear John Lennon's soulful voice in my head, crooning this hit:
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more..."
Monroe.
WTF is "Monroe"? He's the dude who lived "upstairs" on "Too Close for Comfort", dickweeds.
I don't know, get, understand or even like "Monroe", so of course, he takes up a third of the stupid magazine.
We have more ads.
Lovely. Where are the song parodies?
Where the HELL'S the humor?
Where, on which page, is the "worth" of the cover price? Back when the magazine had heart and, just by the way... NO FRIGGIN' ADS, it cost less than it does now, when it sucks and does, indeed, contain ads, which has probably got the Godfather of MAD spinning like an oversized lathe in his grave.
Explain that, please. While you're at it, tell me what, if anything, any of these names mean to you, because I can already guarantee you they mean more to me than they do you twits: Bill Berg
Mort Drucker
Sergio Argones
WILLIAM GAINES Any of those ring a bell?
And, shit guys, they were right off the top of my head.
I'm not even peeking in an old MAD, which, thank Jesus Himself, I have a ton of. I can't read them very often though, because as soft as tears are, which I shed by the gallon when I realize just how "to shit" MAD is these days while I peruse them, they do damage them with repeat wettings. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
I am.
Ashamed of you, I mean. Of all the things lost to me forever from my childhood, this is nearly the worst, because it doesn't have to be like this.
You could cut the shit and get back to what Bill intended, you materialistic turdburglars. But, yer not gunna, any more than I'm gonna keep buying that rag you excrete. I guess it wasn't enough for you bastards that NatLamp quit being published, much like GAMES seems to have been again.
Noooo. You hadda go and ruin MAD, too. Nice going. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest each and every one of you dipshit's shorts forever. I hate you all. Sincerely,
me
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