Alrighty then, ya smartass...

Siiiigh. Seems Eric woke up fulla piss & vinegar today. He's been off the last few days because of his back. He broke it twice riding bulls and if he fucks it up one more time...it could be bad. Permanant bad. So, he's been in the house. The 'I-still-ain't-cleaned-it-yet' house. The house in which the livingroom looks like a hangout for beavers on crack. See, we have a fireplace and ever since last week, when it 'foul and filthy four-lettered worded', we've had wood in the livingroom. We've had wood ALL OVER the livingroom; on the floor, on the furniture, drug through pretty much every. single. room. in. the. house. That is because of the dogs...a.k.a. the beavers on crack.
They must think that we are just the nicest Mommy and Daddy to have brought them such a huge and never-ending pile of chew toys. These assnuggets are more efficient wood shredders than...I don't know what. Lord. Place looks like a HUGE fuckin' hamster cage or something. This, in addition to the usual mess that can be created by 292 animals and two men. I am blameless, here. (*ducks, assuming lightening bolt must surely be enroute*) Well, I'm not as bad as all them. (Put together...)
Anyhow...I mentioned a while back that I haven't been in the best of frames of mind lately, so the house has gone to hell. And, Eric's been 'stuck' in it because of his back.
We were discusssing the intelligence (or lack of) of going back out to work today. I, being the "screw that, your back is more important than anything they're doing" type, was arguing for taking it easy. He, on the other hand, after being asked if he was going to be out there for the vet check (vastly different from milking and feeding and the usual shit he does), got all retarded on me and decided to chance it and go on and do his regular job this afternoon. I explained to him the various reasons why this was a dopey idea. He then said...and I quote: "Yeah, but I've already been off for two whole days..stuck in the hou....rut-roh." as he looks up at me. Slowly.

Uh-huh. Stuck, were ya. Hokay. Gotta go now.

Punkass.

Not 20 minutes later, we were again discusssing this inanity when he says "You just don't get it. Never will, either."
Me: "Oh Lord, look out...he's threatening to withhold sex, now...", smirking.
Him: "What sex?"

Ooohhh, so that's how he wants ta play, hum? Okay. Time for another Eric story, I see.

This one, I call:

"The Poor Little Snake" It is true. (Teach you to bust my nads, Son...heh, heh, heh)

Once upon a time, there was this poor little unco-ordinated, slightly klutzy snake. He lived in the woods. His favorite thing to do was lay around in a tree, sleeping, dreaming little snake dreams, while the sun warmed him. One day, the clumsy lil snake woke up and went to stretch. When he did, he slipped. When he slipped, he fell outta the tree and when he fell outta the tree, his day went to hell in a huge-assed hurry.
See, when the poor little (not an anaconda here, folks) clumsy snake fell outta that tree, not only did he get all embarassed and shit, he landed on this big, bi-ped, screaming-like-a-girl, creature. The thing the poor widdle snake landed on leapt up and began shrieking and flailing about as if he was on fire.
The poor defenseless and now utterly confused, disoriented and probably dizzy little snake flew off into the brush. Just as he was about to thank God Himthelf that he thurvived...he didn't. He got his poor lil snake head blown off just FER BEING CLUMSY. Poor little thing. His parents musta been mortified. Twice, even. Once for him being so klutzy and second cause he was DEAD.
And, that huge shrieking thing he landed on? Well, that one ran screaming after blowing his head off. The other hige bi-ped creature who was there too just pissed himself laughing.

The End.

There. Got any more smart remarks, there, Cheeky-Boy?
Yeah.
I didn't think so.

Posted by: Stevie at 09:34 AM

Comments

1 Did Ewic bwow the poor widdle snakey wakey to hell and gone? Poor widdle snakey wakey... he dust wanted to be fwiends... *sad*

(BTW, I'm laughin my ass off, here.

Posted by: Min at December 12, 2003 10:05 AM (rzNqL)

Posted by: eric at December 12, 2003 10:08 AM (w7lD2)

Posted by: eric at December 12, 2003 10:11 AM (w7lD2)

Posted by: Pixy Misa at December 12, 2003 10:41 AM (jtW2s)

Posted by: Sgt Hook at December 12, 2003 12:54 PM (9wALQ)

Posted by: Eric at December 12, 2003 06:35 PM (fZKKx)

Posted by: Eric at December 12, 2003 06:35 PM (fZKKx)

Posted by: The Bejus Pundit at December 12, 2003 09:43 PM (ORGBi)

Posted by: Stevie at December 12, 2003 10:33 PM (i3ihE)

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