Hey God...
What in Your name is going on lately?
Ya know, Your Dudeness, this shit with my Dad might not hurt me so much if it was ALL that was hurting me, but it's not. There's Pa. Rob, too. I talked to him by YIM a few days before the 30th and he tells me "Of COURSE I'll be by Saturday..." NOT. When he came by Friday night to go with Eric to get the stuff he wanted to get for my "Yeah, let's celebrate this goddamned day why don't we... Jeezus" day, Rob was acting like he hated it.Didn't say four words to me and didn't show up Saturday either. Except for 30 seconds ago, when I contacted him by DirectConnect, not a peep since, either. What. the. fuck. Ya know? Look, people of planet Earth... If y'all don't want anything, or any MORE, to do with me, FINE.
Just say so.
I can take it. What I can't take any more of is people saying one thing and acting some other way. Just cut the shit, howsabout. If you people want me to fuck off...
JUST SAY SO. I'm tired of guessing and gettin' it WRONG, okay? In fact, in light of everything that HASN'T happened lately, I think I will.
I'm just gonna fuck off and if y'all want me, come find me. Sick and damned tired of being a fool. It's not all bad, either.
In this world of shit I'm currently inhabiting, I AM trying to see the "good" in alla this...
Like...
Maybe these people I was "counting on" as people I could always turn to are going away because maybe God is trying in His own twisted, fucked up way, to tell me that I won't need to have them in my life, because nothing horrible is going to happen to Eric. And, just by the way, I think THAT is what's fuckin' me up the worst. The two people, besides Bill, that I, personally, figured Eric would be okay because of, Dad and Rob, are both of the ones doing this. I feel like, if anything does happen to him, I can't really call either of these guys. Hell, I was scared to hafta call Dad in the first place. Scared I'd get... turned down, or whatever.
Now? Pfft. Don't got that worry no more. As of this moment, I'll be on my own if Eric gets "in the shit". How fuckin' scary is THAT? Tremendously, that's how scary it is. It's also highly painful and hugely enraging. The only other "good" I can find in this is that Eric is even more of a miraculous hero than I first thought, loving me at all, let alone like he does. So.
THAT'S what ails me and how are ya'll? Update @ 6:50am
Rob beeped back.
Thank you, God...
It's not me, for once.
It's not me at all.
Or us.
In fact, I feel "hugged" by Rob now.
Seems he didn't really realize how much he means to us around here and is, or was, lost in his own world of shit.
(Stupid wimmen... gah.) Anyway... I can breathe better now.
Got one lung back, anyway... Thank you again, God.
Now, about Dad...
Another "update" at 7:02am....
Yeah... about Dad... I just had a thought that made me actually laugh out loud. Does anybody have a copy of that book "He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys" that I can borrow? *snerk* God, give me strength....(Thanks, man...)
Comments
1
I've spent some time reading your archives and just laughing and crying with you.
Today's post I so "get" as it hurts so damn much to be told to depend upon someone and then find out that you cannot.
I'm glad Rob got back to you!
Today's post I so "get" as it hurts so damn much to be told to depend upon someone and then find out that you cannot.
I'm glad Rob got back to you!
Posted by: dee at May 04, 2005 11:09 AM (sZnML)
2
yikes. I have spent some time reading your posts also after stumbling on your site. Laughing some, enjoying some. But also a bit of, whoa, slow down there,.....
All women aren't bitches. Lots are yes. And being one myself, I am angered by them as well. But, serious, it's not worth it, slow down, collect yourself, go for a walk, look at the sky.
There's lots of pretty stuff in life.
All women aren't bitches. Lots are yes. And being one myself, I am angered by them as well. But, serious, it's not worth it, slow down, collect yourself, go for a walk, look at the sky.
There's lots of pretty stuff in life.
Posted by: mlrb at May 08, 2005 04:09 PM (bjUbT)
Processing 0.0, elapsed 0.0088 seconds.
18 queries taking 0.0073 seconds, 10 records returned.
Page size 6 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.