AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!
Horns honk, are ya listenin?
Across three lanes, I'm a-spinnin'.
I caused a big fuss
When I sideswiped a bus,
Driving in a winter wonder (why this shit has to even exist) land.
By tomorrow they will file a lawsuit.
I'll be hearing from the lawyer Brown....
I want to live in whatever state we have that DOES NOT ALLOW SNOW. Illegal immigrants are fine, just do not allow snow under ANY circumstances. Fuuuuck. Siiiigh. Great. As if my depression wasn't enough of a lard-assed entity to hafta live with. This just adds about a half a ton to it's weight.
If I could, I'd really, really like to go into suspended animation starting this instant and not ending until, at the extreme earliest, around January 9th or 10th, when people have pretty much cut the shit with the fake holiday crap.
Or, I could also stay that way til around April or May when it gets warm again and even the lamest shitheads have finally TAKEN DOWN THE STUPID CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. (We have neighbors who have icicle lights hanging and ON 24/7, 365 days in a row. Idiots.)
God, Puh-LEEZE give me strength. And, I'm not talkin' about some wimpy "I'll get by" strength, I'm talkin "I'm taking steroids" strength. I'mina need it. The ONLY, and I do mean ONLY, people I've ever seen who actually seem to have even the slightest idea what Christmas is SUPPOSED to be about, are the guys in Full Metal Jacket. They don't do all the asinine decorating, spending of money they don't have for people who won't appreciate it or any of that horseshit. They sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and go about their business.
Perfect.
I like that.
I bet it (nature, God, whomever) wouldn't even have the nerve to snow on those guys in the first place. I also bet that if I was wearing a machine gun and it DID snow, I'd be trying to kill it.
I hate snow.
(And winter and cold.) Pay attention. There may be a test on this shit later.
(After I get done trying to rid us of this pestilence with my trusty hairdrier. And a blowtorch.)
Can I get a few low-ball bids on what it might cost to put a dome over me and my surroundings?
Or...could I just move into the Astro-dome or someplace til this is over?
(Say it with me....)
Gawd, I hate snow.
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