Being alive can, at times, be a major league pain right in the ass...
Or ovaries.
Same goddamned thing.
Everything else, pretty much, is giving me a more intense, prolonged STAB of pain... in the ass, the brain and the attitude. I'm almost surprised I haven't jacked anybody's jaw. Yet. I mean, there's only about 10 people and an increasing number of what can only be BRAIN DAMAGED animals in that line, lemme tell ya's.
I almost wouldn't know where to start.
Except, I do.
With the people. Sure, animals fuck up my house faster than I can clean it. Sure, they shit a lot. Sure, they leave me "gifts" of dead creatures in the kitchen. Sure, they claw and bark and crow and climb and spray and HAVE BABIES and do all kindsa other shit that can make ya crazy. BUT...
They're better than people and the shit they pull. Wanna know what the number one most annoying fuckin' thing is that people do?
Breathe. *disgusted sigh* Everybody, including me, is gittin' on my LAST NERVE.
Also including these two asshole kittens who're waging WW5 between my back and the back of this chair.
It's soooo easy to type when you're doing what amounts to the frickin' WATUSI to keep from being clawed (Claude?) to death.
Well, I'm not a game warden, so I guess it'd be "clawed". Friday sucked total donkey dick at work. Stood around with my thumb up my ass for 7 fuckin' hours and made squat.
I came up with an idea around 11am, when I heard the Boss Lady frettin' over not being able to find anybody to "hostess" from 11p to 5a. I told her, "Let me the hell outta here now and I'll come back at 11p."
She liked that idea, but she missed the fuckin' POINT by 210 miles.
She kept me there til 3p anyway, which completely pissed me off and taught me to never EVER do that again, then I got a call after I got home that the regular hostess chick was coming in, so nevermind.
Fine.
I had a cat having her first kittens ever, anyway. Yeah.
Now I have four MORE cats.
Shut up. You shut the hell up too, you stupid, redundant, unoriginal, LOUD asshole rooster.
I'M AWAKE, YOU FUCK!!! CAN YOU NOT SEE ME SITTING UP, TYPING, YOU BLIND PRE-CHICKEN POTPIE PECKERHEAD?!??! Gawd. I have the only two roosters on the planet who'll duck and run when they see me aim a water bottle at 'em. Which I am about to do.
Alright. That's it.
Now the other one has to add his two cents.
Time for a little "shower", I think...
brb... Idiots. I heard of "water aversion training", as I call it, from Paula Poundstone, the comedienne. She uses it to keep her cats from doing stupid shit. So do I.
Little does she know it'll also shut a rooster up from 10 feet away.
*smug grin* Mine are so "well trained" now, all ya gotta do is show them the squirt bottle and they "git it" real quick.
Shuts 'em right the hell up.
Til I leave the room, that is.
Which is fine.
Crow yer stupid asses off, I don't care.
Just don't do it right into my left ear, jerkweed.
It's farkin' LOUD.
Ain't it sure ain't AC/DC or anything you'd want blasted into yer head.
Know what I mean?
Cool.
So do they... now. Also, thanks to a computer-generated, S.O.P.-type court letter about back "spousal" support, everybody is freakin' out.
I, myself, hate this shit and it gives me yet another reason to thank GOD for my defective ovaries and shows me IN DETAIL why NOT having kids is GREAT. Except, it still sucks, because, even though I've never had any kids, I'm still affected by shit pertaining to them.
Not good shit, either.
When da FUCK does that happen, by the way? *rolls eyes* Anyway, we got one, SHE got one and SHE assumed we started something (yeah, right...) and got all retarded and blabbed to Joe and the fossil that she was gonna do a buncha shit in court that day, since we wanted to start shit. She was gonna tell 'em a buncha shit and try to get Eric locked up.
Which is why, besides the fact we don't have the amount of the "arrearage" in hand, nor do we have a goddamned lawyer, we ain't going.
We told him to tell HER not to go.
Fuck 'em, these assholes of the oh so high and mighty STUPID court. Actually, I owe Rob again...
Reading all his Blogspot archives (which I'm still working my way through), I came across an editorial he linked from Philly.com about men getting fucked in court like this. And, there's an email address for an organization for Dads that I'm gonna write to, if I ever get a break from being pissed off by people and events.
Til then, I'm just too busy being pissed to write right.
As y'all can well see. Oh good. It's finally light enough out to see and it's frickin' raining. Perfect. *bangs head on desk repeatedly* Guess I oughta just be glad it's not snow and shut the fuck up, huh? Honestly.
One more thing, and I swear, I'm gonna take the TV, an armload of tapes and the coffeepot into the bathroom and nail myself in.
Just watch.
I'm gunna do it. It's gonna be either do that, or kill something or someone. Ya know what? About Friday... I shoulda known something was up when, after I washed my hair and had about an hour before I had to leave for work, my stupid hairdryer died.
I had a backup, thank God and Grandmom, but, still... I shoulda just known.
And, here's how goddamned annoyed I've been since then... I haven't even gone out and gotten a new one.
I don't even care.
Oh, I will care, if I don't "fix" this, the next time I hafta dry my hair... like later today.
But, right now?
Fuck it. Actually, to be 100% perfectly honest, as is my wont to do... fuck EVERYTHING for right now.
Ya know?
Juuust everything. I don't gotta do nuttin but shit and die. I don't own property, so I don't have to worry so much about "pay taxes". I just hafta shit and die.
Not clean. Not eat shit. Not be tormented half to insanity. Just shit, then die. Be kinda hard to do the other way 'round, now wouldn't it? And, actually... I'm watching "American Graffiti" and it is working. Milner and Carol just made me laugh and a little bit ago, I caught myself singing with the band at the sockhop. That reminds me... I caught a bit of "The Burning Bed" the other day and I LOVE PAUL LE MAT. Fuckin' GORGEOUS. That's the only thing I truly hate about this movie... that John has to be killed by a goddamned drunk driver. What kinda rip-off bullshit is THAT?
He's a racer, for fucks sake.
You mean to tell me, Lucas, that he couldn't have avoided that drunk dickhead? John friggin' Milner, the best driver in the fuckin' Valley had to die like THAT? Or, at all?
You suck for that, Georgie.
So do you, Coppola.
For this and that BOMB, "Godfather III".
Lord GAWD, did that one suck. Only good thing in that movie is Sophia being shot. Just needs to happen much sooner.
Is she the shittiest actress ever, or is it just me?
Pee-frickin'-eww, she stinks.
And, that Appallonia chick in the first one had the weirdest lookin tits I've ever seen. Looked like a 12 year old or something.
Ew.
Glad when she blew up, too.
How Kay didn't end up dead is beyond me.
She shoulda.
Ugly frump. Well, ain't I just Susie Sunshine, here.... lol. Oh shit.
I just remembered...
Two of the four dogs escaped the pen last night and they're now locked in George's bedroom.
Guess I oughta take 'em out to pee, maybe feed 'em and give 'em some water, huh? AND, toddle my ACHIN' ASS outside and fix the freakin' hole, too. THEN, I can put 'em back out.
Hmmm...
Wonder if I can "fix" this quick enough to skip all the other shit?
Just feed everybody out there, as it oughta be... Well, I suppose I could... IF I get up from here like, NOW. So...
I'm gonna. I'll probably be back later.
Unless, of course, that "one more damned thing" happens, whch causes me to do the "nail myself in" thing.... Peace P.S. Now d'ya see why it was a good idea to just blogroll Rob's archives?
Comments
1
My son just gave me 3 little kitties, I will make them yard cats, I don't have a yard I have acres. I will do that when they grow a little. I had dogs until I had to put my last one down, she was 12 years old and I love dogs better than cats but they are both nasty bastards. I want a large monkey for a pet but they shit everywhere and hide it under the sofa and cushions and everywhere. Seems like everything that is nice to have is a nasty bastard, all of my ex-wifes were nasty bastards also. Till next time, peace, Cat.
Posted by: catfish at March 20, 2005 11:38 PM (ur72s)
Processing 0.0, elapsed 0.007 seconds.
18 queries taking 0.0055 seconds, 9 records returned.
Page size 11 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.