Just gotta remember what's really important....
I'll re-arrange my schedule, I'll try to re-learn habits I've had since I was 17. I'll even overlook, as much as possible, blatant stupidity, but... I will NOT let this job (or any other ever again) become my life. I will not let this (or any other) shit stress me into a heart attack or fists.
I'll care, but not too-overly much. It's just a job. It's not the be all end all of waitress-hood. Know what I mean?S'okay.
I do.
*giggle* Sure this shit is important, but it's not life and death, nor will it ever be. Wanna know what IS important? Home. Here. This chair, this machine, these stupid cats (don't ask, they're gettin' on my dick nerve right about now...lol)... all the shit that matters to no one but me is what's most important. I don't mean that egotistically, either. I just mean it in a practical, everyday way. Same way I don't know or really care about anybody else's "life" from the diner, I don't expect mine to matter much either, except to me. So it shall. This life. This place. These people.
Not those. Not all the time. And, if anyone wants to ask me to choose, don't- if you're "of" the diner, cause you will NOT like my answer. (Jeezus. Am I about to PMS-y again? Is it time? I kinda wondered that the other day when I melted down in the diner. Now, I'm about to start a rousing game of "handcat" with one of these pooping fuzz balls and this other shit I'm coming out with is about to make me cry and I have NO earthly idea why... lol. And, I'm laughing at it at the same time. When, that is, I'm not screaming at/lecturing the TV for eating another tape or threatening the can opener and oh yeah, it's starting it's shit, too. "Duuuh... how do ya op'n a can again?" With a hammer, you fuck. Same thing I use to do "surgery" on YOU.... bitch. *rolls eyes* See what I mean? It's either PMS or schizophrenia and yes there are a few tiny differences.) Any-friggin'-way....
I go in again today. I already know, because BL told me that I'm gonna have a station of two tables and she said and I quote..."Just keep to yourself, don't worry about anybody else's shit, just get good at the ordering..."
Okay. I can do that.
Especially the "stay to myself" part. Hell, I like that part.... All this is, this time I have to be away from here where I wanna be, is a way to make being here even more cool and no, not because I'm not here... that's not what makes it cool, so just shut up, Comedian-trapped-in-my-brain.
I'm gonna do this other insane shit just so things can be better here. BUT... I do NOT wanna get caught in that mental-toilet-swirl of "have to". I HAVE TO do that for Eric, or HAVE TO do that to validate my existence or some dumb shit. If I do that AGAIN, it's gonna beat me down AGAIN, just like it usually does. I get all twisted up over "I hate this and I don't wanna do this anymore, but I HAVE TO or I'm a big, fat, pussy loser who Eric oughta run screaming from, blah blah blah." I get pissed when I'm "there", wherever "there" happens to be, and I get bent here, too, because this is all why I HAVE TO go back to Hell. Then, it gets into "I can't even escape Hell by going home, because all I'm surrounded by there are "reasons" why I HAVE TO do this again... ugh" I lose sight of what's truly the important thing and get all bunged up and walk. It doesn't have to be like that, either. I know that. There IS a balance and I will find it and IF it has to be just a little "not perfectly balanced", it's gonna be tilted in "here's" favor, not "there's". Basically, I don't need to and I'm not going to get all stressed out over shit at work. That's not what's the most important at the end of the day (or any time, really).
AND, I don't need to get all stressed over shit here, because I seriously doubt Eric would "fire" me, nor will he become 3 Italian cooks who yell and act scary and have access to knives. (And, if they aren't all Italian, they may as well be for the "Godfather" vibes they generate...) All I can do is try my best. And, I will. And, my "best", if I can get to it, will be kickASS. BUT... it's gonna be my own personal definition of "best". I'm not gonna compare myself to every other waitress in the world and feel inadequate. I mean, damn, every waitress alive has a weak spot or two. I can't be "perfect", nor do I wanna be. (I like M&M's waaaay too much for that. Yeah, I know... "What da fuck does that mean?", right? Okay, lem'me 'splain, Lucy... I don't wanna be "perfect" because the only "perfect" person I've ever heard of was Jesus and with those holes in his hands, how can he eat M&M's? They'd fall through, wouldn't they? Well, that's just ONE tiny reason why I'm certain that "perfection" really does actually suck... Hey. It works for me, okay? lol) In the words of the immortal (to me, anyway) Tincup, "Perfection is unattainable." He's right. True perfection is non-existant. John Bender: "It's an imperfect world. Screws fall out..."
Yeah, I know that last part didn't really fit here, but it made me laugh... Okay... so I hafta go in today. I'm also going in Tuesday, but I'm off Wednesday and Thursday, so that's what I'm gonna look to first as a "release valve"... that I will be off soon. Then, if need be, I intend to focus on my "important shit", which includes, but is not limited to: My real life. In which, yesterday, while I was working and after I got home, cool shit happened. While I was working, Eric and Rob got a LOT done on the stalls, then went to the Quakertown Farmer's Market and Central Tractor. Hung out and had a blast. *grin*
Then, when I got home, first off, I finally had some fuckin' CASH on me, then, I got some more. THEN, I got to go grocery shopping and I made steaks, mac & cheese, aparagus, corn, garlic limas, nuked potatoes and corn muffins for dinner for the three of us while the guys went riding. Now, THAT was cool as all hell. Then, I went to bed sometime before 9p, got up at around 4:30a and here I am. Speaking of which, I need to wrap this up so I can get my kitchen back in shape before I go in. See, that's how I'm gonna do this. I'll be working mornings, but I'm gonna live 3 to 11.
In other words, when I go to work, it's gonna be "late" enough in my (personal) day to seem like "afternoon" to me. Then, when I get off, I'm gonna come home, make dinner and go to bed, pretty much. Get up at anywhere from midnight to no later than 3am and start over. Get my shit done, relax, be able to wake up as slowly as I need to to not feel sick, ect. Then, I go in, after already having been awake for several hours, when I'm at the peak of my albility to handle shit, then come home, wind down, go to bed, repeat. And, Goober-Boy just came in here and dropped off the usual LOAD of shit-stained thermal cups for me to wash, so now I've really gotta go if I wanna be able to do this shit I just described. Pray for me, people, okay?
lol...
Thanks. *hugs alla ya* Peace
Comments
1
Don't sweat it, Hon. You're just not used to
being somewhere at a certain time, putting up with nincompoops. You're an expert waitress, and you just have to get used to having a 'schedule'
for the first time in about seventyeleven years...
I, personally, couldn't deal with the dipshit
public, and, as you know, I'm very personable and
will talk to anyone. But if I HAD to deal with our fellow semi-humans as a job, I'd be behind bars, drinkin from a tin cup and fighting off
large ectomorphs whose main objective would be
probing my poop-shoot with their pee-pees (fighting off..enjoying..who knows...) because I had dispatched some dickweed I had to deal with
in my wonderful job as a bank employee, waiter,
pizza man or paid male escort ( in my case, all
$2.00/hour positions..)by strangling the bastard.
But, YOU are experienced in being charming to asswipes, so don't kill anyone before you get used to it again....
being somewhere at a certain time, putting up with nincompoops. You're an expert waitress, and you just have to get used to having a 'schedule'
for the first time in about seventyeleven years...
I, personally, couldn't deal with the dipshit
public, and, as you know, I'm very personable and
will talk to anyone. But if I HAD to deal with our fellow semi-humans as a job, I'd be behind bars, drinkin from a tin cup and fighting off
large ectomorphs whose main objective would be
probing my poop-shoot with their pee-pees (fighting off..enjoying..who knows...) because I had dispatched some dickweed I had to deal with
in my wonderful job as a bank employee, waiter,
pizza man or paid male escort ( in my case, all
$2.00/hour positions..)by strangling the bastard.
But, YOU are experienced in being charming to asswipes, so don't kill anyone before you get used to it again....
Posted by: haveayen at November 23, 2004 05:59 AM (KrZEf)
2
lol... I'm tryin' not to.
So far, telling myself, "Don't kill 'em, just use this as "material"... just go rat 'em out.", seems to work.
(It's kept Eric alive a time or two, too... *giggle*)
That I didn't, at the very least, at least, give either of those two dingalings at my last table last night matching brain-dusters, says a lot.
(A brain-duster, btw, is a sharp smack upside the back of the offending party's head. Great stress reliever... *snerk*)
I kept thinking, "Oooh, I oughta..."
I have no idea where that comes from originally, but I got it from the movie "Peggy Sue Got Married", which the majority of takes place in the 50's. Where they got it from, I don't know, but I do know what whomever said it meant. BOY, do I.... lol.
So far, telling myself, "Don't kill 'em, just use this as "material"... just go rat 'em out.", seems to work.
(It's kept Eric alive a time or two, too... *giggle*)
That I didn't, at the very least, at least, give either of those two dingalings at my last table last night matching brain-dusters, says a lot.
(A brain-duster, btw, is a sharp smack upside the back of the offending party's head. Great stress reliever... *snerk*)
I kept thinking, "Oooh, I oughta..."
I have no idea where that comes from originally, but I got it from the movie "Peggy Sue Got Married", which the majority of takes place in the 50's. Where they got it from, I don't know, but I do know what whomever said it meant. BOY, do I.... lol.
Posted by: Stevie at November 23, 2004 06:13 AM (V+Dgo)
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