Trying something here...
If ya don't believe me, ask the NJSP...
The year is 1981. I've just graduated high school and my stupid mother has moved to Florida with my boyfriend. So, Dad gave me her car. A 1980 Ford Pinto with a sunroof and manual tranny. I was out driving around the back roads of Mannington Township, drinking beer, like it used to be safe to do. Naturally, I had to pee. Having spent my youth on horseback, I learned the benefits of peeing in bushes long ago. So, I pulled over on this unlined, rarely used road, found a bush and made room for more beer. Mind you, I wasn't drunk...yet. Just a little buzzed and a lot silly. I get done, get in the car and start down the road. I hadn't even gotten in third, when a deer jumped outta the woods and attacked my car. She put a one inch dent in the passenger side front quarter panel and passed out. I freaked. "OH GOD!! THE DEER, THE DEER!!" I thought she was dead. So, with my mind somewhere between crushing guilt at having murdered this poor animal and visions of venison dancing in my head, I decided to try to minimize the loss. I decided to take her home to my deer hunting Dad and let him handle it. With a Ford PINTO. That has a "trunk" about 4X6 inches big.
Getting her into the trunk wasn't working out too well, so I opted for the back seat.
I got her limp body up okay and had her about 2/3 of the way in, when my "dead" deer came to. And, she was NOT thrilled about the idea of going for a ride, let me tell ya. Not the least bit...
I had been stuffing her in through the drivers side door, so I opened the passenger door, pushed the seat forward and she scrambled out. And, just stood there. Looking at me. I noticed then that she had a lump on the side of her mouth, like a chew of tobacco, with just a little bit of bleeding. She let me walk up to her and I checked her legs and spine for deformaties, found none and was thrilled she was okay. I couldn't just leave her standing in the road, so I pushed her to the side, where there was a horse pasture and fortunately, a gate into the pasture. I opened it and pushed her through to safety. She just stood there. Again. Okay....
I decided I needed my Dad anyway and went off to find him. Not home. Must be at the Moose, playing cards....The Moose was in the process of switching locations, from one side of Woodstown to the other. I checked the old location first. Not there. Damn. On to the new place. Or, so I thought.
What I didn't realize at the time, was that the entire back of my car, part of the drivers side and most of my shirt was covered in blood, from her cut mouth. Oops.
One of my cop buddies from town, Donald, saw my car, saw the blood and pulled me over to find out who I had killed and how many times. I told him what had transpired and I don't think he believed me-at first. (Who the FUCK would try to put a deer in the back seat of a PINTO, fer Chrissake? me...)
By the time I got that whole story told, I had to pee again. So, now I'm outta my car, crouching down next to Donald's drivers door with my heel crammed in my crotch to keep from peeing myself because Donald is being a comedian about this. He had to call the STATE POLICE because it happened just out of his jurisdiction. So we wait. And, I've GOTTA PEE!!! (You know how it is drinking beer-one bottle turns into a bucketfull and once you've peed the first time, ya gotta pee at just about every telephone pole after that...sigh) So, what seemed like three days later, the Sate Boys show up. By that time, I've got Donald talked into letting me swing by my house (which is on the way) so I can PEE!!!
So, we all go to my house so I can pee. Picture that. Three cop cars lined up at the end of the driveway, while I go pee. Gawd. I grabbed my Dad's friend Carol, while I was there and got her to come with me.
Now, I get to lead this absurd parade to the location of my altercation with said deer. SHE WAS STILL STANDING THERE IN THE FIELD.
Unbelievable.
Two of the Staties walked up to her and were petting her for a few minutes. Then one smacked her ass and she took off. Yeay!
Cool. Glad I could help. Even gladder that y'all didn't find my sixer I had stashed in the bushes prior to going off to find my Dad.
This is true. Like the title says... if ya don't believe me, ask the NJSP-Woodstown Barracks.
Well...Hot Day-um. It worked. This is an old post from Blobsnot. Instead of importing all the archives, I'm jusy going to bring the good posts over and re-post 'em. Yep. I'm gonna repost all TWO of 'em.
Well, there may be a couple more...but most of my site was 'dedicated to getting comments to work', as Kevin at Wizbang once said.
Finally, I'll have that worry offa my mind. Have fun...I know I will be...sigh.
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