I'm not sure which thing to lead off with, here...
Do I start with "Kathie Lee Gifford makes me ill in a way that Martha Stewart can only hope to", or do I tell ya's first about one of the endless reasons why cats, especially little ones, are so cute, which in this case is because there are TWO kittens sleeping together inside of my Puff's box on this desk....?
Let's go with the cats, first. They might move or start doing something "not cute".... Kathie Lee will be nauseating for eternity.... Besides the two in the tissue box, I've got one sitting so closr to my arm, I can feel her foot fuzz, staring at me like she's thinking, "G'head... keep typing. You won't be able to resist me much longer..." Then, she reaches out her paw and taps my chest and looks even more intently at me. Awwww.... *kiss on the head, without missing a keystroke* Then, there's the little shit who is currently chewing on my left little finger as I type. Wrestling with it, he is and jeez man, I can misspell enough shit on my own, yo. There is another one lying across the top of the monitor. Another one is apparently having a Grand Mal seizure between my back and the back of my chair, too. (She's just playing, but my God... she's also about knocking me outta the chair... lol.) Then, right over there are four more. Make that six. Two more just strode into view.And, there went two more. Don't see any to my right, but a short counter blocks my view of most of the kitchen floor. Okay, there went Leo. One of the cats who was "over there" on my left, just ran past, between my eyes and the keyboard- a flash of gold- and now he's on my right.
Thanks, Bud. Now, I'm surrounded.
Good. See? They're so good for me... they always make me feel better, less like ralphing or punching people/things, even after I've read yet more pages of KLG's autobiography. She thinks she can't believe she said that?!? Well, time and again, neither can I. I wonder 40 times a chapter if she bothered to READ the shit she says. She is stunning in her inherent snobbery and even moreso in her cluelessness about said snobbery.
Bitch needs to GET OVER HER LITTLE SELF, immediately, if not sooner. Jesus. My apologies to Traci Bingham. She's not thee most irritating female crotch on the planet. She's number two. I stand corrected.
Gawd... *rolling eyes* Anyhoo, I got the cookies all made, the house all clean, everything's fine, including the fact, that as of 14 hours ago, I'm again legal to drive in the Commonwealth of Pa. (finally, and thank you Jesus!). All I need to do is pony-express myself down to the mailbox again and see if my mugshot's back yet. If not, I'm totally content to give it a day or two, but sooner or later, if push comes to shove, I so will drive without it in my hot little hand. As long as it's valid, I'll eat the ticket for not having it on me, if I have to. And, I promise NOT to drive up and down the Turnpike to Jersey and back at 90+mph to "blow the carbon out". And, that'd be MY carbon, I'm referring to, not any car's. I keep telling myself that that's what the horses are for.... right? I don't need to drive like a total bat out of hell for "just a coupla minutes" to "catch back up to how much driving I'd have done if I'd had my license this whole time"... right?
Right.
But, I do think of this shit.
It does NOT get by ME, lemme tell ya. Which is usually one of the quickest ways, that and being "bored" for me to get my ass in a jam, so.... must. curb. this. shit.
Right?
Right
(siiigh) "What a drag it is growing up..."
(Well, I refuse to grow "old", so I changed it...) Besides, it's not my fault that song is in my head.... Nope. That'd be Heinz ketchup's doing, not mine. (And, I don't give a flying fig or fuck at a rolling anything about John Freakin' Kerry or his moronic wife in regards to my ketchup choices, okay? I've used Heinz all my life and I'm gonna KEEP using it because it's some good shit, I don't care WHO does what whose affiliated with it... okay?
Just like I'm not gonna let some idiotic celebrity piss me off into never seeing the best movie of all time just because said celebrity is probably an idiot of some kind.... got it? Good, now back to my ketchup story....) Have y'all seen the labels on this ketchup lately? Ya oughta check 'em out. They started in the spring with the "cute" ones about french fries and shit. But, now they're getting better and the one on the bottle I have now made me laugh right out loud when I noticed it... It says "Mother's other little helper" in the middle of it. So, now I keep hearing that goofy little guitar part that happens right before the words, "I hear every mother say..." in the Stone's song. After two days of this, I'd rather have "Lowrider" back, stuck in there, ya know. Neer na neernt, neernt, neernt, na neernt.... over and over again.
I hate you right now, Mick Jagger. Where da fuck's Up in Smoke, man... I'll be back.
I have to go kick this earworm's ASS, man. Peace
Comments
1
It could be worse......you could have something from 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' jumping around in there. 
Posted by: Mad Mikey at September 08, 2004 02:33 PM (xGZ+b)
2
OKay - I think I get the whole ketchup/movie/celebrity thing...
Not only will you not let some doltoid bouffant glitterati's publicly expressed thoughts keep you from their oeuvre - you deliberately wallow in it ala Gifford in order to make yourself stronger?
Ohtohellwiththat. Cool cats.
Not only will you not let some doltoid bouffant glitterati's publicly expressed thoughts keep you from their oeuvre - you deliberately wallow in it ala Gifford in order to make yourself stronger?
Ohtohellwiththat. Cool cats.
Posted by: John of Argghhh! at September 08, 2004 03:16 PM (AqZSF)
3
Actually, Mikey... I've been watching my tapes of "I love the 70's" again and they do mention that movie, but instead of any songs from it, what I've got in my mind for that movie is "But, Deddie, I wont an Oompa-Loompa noo-o-oww!!", that little shit, Veruca Salt. What a trip that whole deal is. (And, people think Sid and Marty Kroftt were stoned? Yeahokay...)
And, John... yep, pretty much, now that ya put it that way... *giggle*
The reading Kathi Lee's book part, is because of Howard (Stern). I've got both of his books and I read 'em all the time and I like him. He, conversely, hates her and, to see for myself why, I "obtained" (read: "borrowed" and haven't returned) her book. I never have and just cannot (or could not) watch her show. It makes me violent... and violently ill.
He's right.
She's retarded. (At least, I hope she is, for her own sake. If not, she's just plain fucked... whew)
And, the ketchup thing is just cause I didn't want anybody calling me a comunist, or comrade (as in thinking I support Kerry, or not, or whatever) for using Heinz shit. Truth be told, I have a stonger, more personally formed, opinion of HER, than him. She, too, must be retarded, what with that, "Hey, asshole... I don't like rude language in politics" thing she said a while back. (I'm totally paraphrasing the hell outta that, too, by the way, but it IS the gist of what she did... the dork.)
And, I'm still bugged because of Dax Montana giving up "Lonesome Dove" forever just because Robert Duvall says stupid shit in public... that's all.
And, John... yep, pretty much, now that ya put it that way... *giggle*
The reading Kathi Lee's book part, is because of Howard (Stern). I've got both of his books and I read 'em all the time and I like him. He, conversely, hates her and, to see for myself why, I "obtained" (read: "borrowed" and haven't returned) her book. I never have and just cannot (or could not) watch her show. It makes me violent... and violently ill.
He's right.
She's retarded. (At least, I hope she is, for her own sake. If not, she's just plain fucked... whew)
And, the ketchup thing is just cause I didn't want anybody calling me a comunist, or comrade (as in thinking I support Kerry, or not, or whatever) for using Heinz shit. Truth be told, I have a stonger, more personally formed, opinion of HER, than him. She, too, must be retarded, what with that, "Hey, asshole... I don't like rude language in politics" thing she said a while back. (I'm totally paraphrasing the hell outta that, too, by the way, but it IS the gist of what she did... the dork.)
And, I'm still bugged because of Dax Montana giving up "Lonesome Dove" forever just because Robert Duvall says stupid shit in public... that's all.
Posted by: Stevie at September 08, 2004 03:48 PM (Ez316)
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