Hint from Hell-on-wheels...me
Here's something Heloise never told ya....You don't need to 'thaw' chicken for two or three days. In fact, if you do, when you open it, it's garanteed to make everybody in the general vicinity retch and run screaming.
Sigh. God. That was gross. Funny...but gross. Needless to say, it was back to the store for chicken that did not have that aroma. And, bad-assed attitude. I forgot to make the stupid corn muffins, tho. I guess we'll have them tonight.This whole weekend, I've been cooking and baking my ass off. That's part two of my plan about me losing weight. I'll lose it while I feed Eric. I like that. I get to make all this fattening shit and he eats it. I 'taste'. Maybe a bit too much, but, I'm fine with it. Some days, tho, I swear, I wanna get him up there in weight so I can stand there and tell him how good he looks when he hates how he looks. He does that to me all the time. I'd almost like it, except that I know perfectly well that he's used to seeing a 350 woman...naked, even. (GAG!!!) So, when he tells me I look good, I flash on the BC and realize how shitty the competition is and vow to keep losing weight. Okay...let's go back to Saturday for a few minutes. It's rainy, cold and kinda shitty out. I'm parking people out at the agri-tainment field in this mess. I get about 92 people pulling up and asking (in view of a field fulla cars, I might add) "Are they going ahead with it tonight?" DUH. Stupid assed, knob-headed..."Well, I certainly hope so. If not, I'm getting all wet for nothing." What I really wanted to say was something like "Do ya see all those cars? Do ya think that many people work here? Can you not see the tractors, right over there, pulling wagons full of straw and asstards? Yes, Numbshit, it's on for tonight."
Another 92 people thought it would be cute to ask "If I get stuck, can somebody pull me out?" Again..DUH. All I said was "Tractors, we got..." One guy in a gorgeous F-150 asked about that. To him I said "What..a FORD get stuck? Never..."
So, it keeps raining. And, I, the knothead that I am, am dressed in jeans, a T-shirt and I've got my duster on. I was freezing. So, I radio Eric and ask him to bring me a sweatshirt, flashlight and a BLACK baseball hat when he comes down. (I was going to need that flashlight when it got dark. See? I can be a bonehead...like y'all need convincing of that...)
Anyway...he sent George down because he (Eric) was gonna be a while. He sent George down with a huge red sweatshirt (good), a flashlight (good) and a hat (uuuhhhhmmm...) Not black. The hat he sent down is from Hatfield-Quality Meats Since 1895. It's a hunting hat. No earflaps, thank God Almighty, but, still, it's camo...bright orange, dark green and brown. I put it on and looked exactly like DAX MONTANA'S HOMEPAGE!! A wet homepage, but his homepage, to be sure... After the parking detail was done and before the fireworks started, I raced back to the house to change, brush out the hair and shit. I got back, got a funnelcake and watched the fireworks with Eric. Last year, I remember, all I was worried about was getting the last hayride done so I could leave for work. This year, it was nice to not have that worry. I'm standing there, with Eric, watching and when they got to the finale....it got weird. There were tons of fireworks exploding in the sky and Lee Greenwood's voice singing "Proud to be an American" and I'm thinking about Eric and how lucky I am to have someone who loves me like he does and how, even tho I spend a great majority of my time wanting to punch Bill in the solar plexus, this really is kinda cool and my life is pretty damn good and I actually kinda like it and all...then, I flashed on the WTC and all those people. My mind almost got to finish the thought that they were being represented by the individual streamers and sparkles coming from the fireworks, when, the next thing I knew, I had tears running down my face. I felt so fuckin' good and so fuckin' bad at the same time and I really was proud to be an American right then.
Then, the show ended, the music went back to that 'God-kill-me-NOW-Electric-Slide' shit, I remembered Bush and went back to feeling rather normal. I kept crying because Bush is in charge, but...only kidding.
Hell, I'm still getting goose-bumps writing it down, now. I remember thinking to myself "How corny is this?" I couldn't believe I was in tears out there. First time Lee's got me with that song. ("Ring on her finger"...now, that one gets me every time. Of course, I switch it around to "Ring on HIS finger" and make it more real-life by changing it to 'her' fault. Told ya's before, I'm a die-hard 'man-fan'...)
I got to actually go on a hayride with Eric driving. It was cool...droll, but cool. They have these 'scenes' set up that are supposed to be scary and I guess they would be...to a 3 year old. There were no people in 'em. Just spiderwebs, 'ghosts' and pretty colored lights. Sigh...The way they used to do it sounds great. Actors in the scenes, chainsaws, electric chairs, blood, guts...you know...good stuff. I don't know why they stopped.
Bill got a break this year, tho. Everybody else's corn mazes got knocked flat by Isabelle. Bill had a few bald spots from it, but he had people out there STANDING IT BACK UP. Only Bill would try to 'heal' snapped off corn stalks and only Bill could find a way to profit from a friggin' hurricane. Old farmers...gotta love 'em, cause if ya don't, you'll wanna kick 'em in the ass every 9 seconds.
Alright...this is long enough and Pixy left a comment, I think, about my Collin's post, so I wanna go see what he said....
I 'll be back... Two updates: Pixy's thinking that maybe if some of the Tall Dogs put out the word on Collins it may help
and
Dax done went and changed his address. You can still get to the original page, in fact, he's still posting there, but his new address is gonna be 'www.Daxmontana.net'. No fair hollerin' at me because that isn't a link. It's not a link on his page, either...
Oh, and that camo background didn't come up, either. It's black now-which, if you remember is the color hat I wanted in the first place. Anyway, if you've seen his page before, you'll know what my hat looked like and maybe he'll put the camo back when he gets moved...
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