Wonder which one it is I really need?

A cop... or a doctor.
(Probably wouldn't hurt to have one of each, actually.)

I actually went to bed at a halfway decent time for once. Be advised that 'decent' to me would be called 'insane' by most people (and we all know what I think of them, anyway, right? *lmao* I crack me up...) because in this case 'decent' means before 5:30am. Right before, too. But, ya gotta admit, that's better than 10am or noon.

Aaanyway... Went to bed, slept well (I guess. I really don't know. I wasn't paying attention.) Got up, on my own, everythings fine, come out here, get some coffee, go to feed the cats.... and lose what little I have left of my mind.

I beat the shit out of a can opener.

Not even an electric one, mind you. It's one of these (allegedly) "better than old fashioned metal ones" with big black, plastic handles.

I hate it.

It will NOT cut cans. I connect this stupid thing to the can and it spins it alright, but it doesn't pierce or cut the fuckin' thing. I have to grip it with more PSI than Drago punched with way back in Rocky 47 or whatever the hell one it was when he went to Russia, bear down on it harder than a Persecutor on a Mafioso, only to see it ride discreetly around the top the can, making not so much as a DENT, so as not to offend said can, I assume.

Piece of shit.

I beat that damned thing on the table like a guy wielding a cheap-assed QVC sword and then threw it across the kitchen. John Belushi got nuttin' on ME, man.

God help me...

Alrighty then... I need to either clean this house or burn it and rebuild. I cannot stand looking at it nomo'... I've had enough (of this, too.)!! Hell, I've had about enough of every-damned-thing, I think. For now, anyway.

The only other thing on my mind at the moment (besides the unending shriek), is this poison cocktail of politics, women and logic, soooo... Before I go making a big old dumbass outta myself on my front page again (I heard that... ya wiseass), let's step out onto the porch, shall we? This won't take long, but you can bring a beer, if ya want...

Okay, so... I'm cruising Yahoo News and see this:

Heinz Kerry attended a Massachusetts Statehouse reception Sunday night for fellow Pennsylvanians, telling them, "We need to turn back some of the creeping, un-Pennsylvanian and sometimes un-American traits that are coming into some of our politics." She criticized the tenor of modern political campaigns without being specific.

Bare seconds later...

Minutes later, the Tribune-Review's Colin McNickle questioned Heinz Kerry on what she meant by the term "un-American," according to a tape of the encounter recorded by Pittsburgh television station WTAE.

Heinz Kerry said "I didn't say that" several times to McNickle. She then turned to confer with Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell and others. When she faced McNickle again a short time later, he continued to question her, and she replied: "You said something I didn't say. Now shove it."

And, THIS drivel is what that Clinton-bitch and this twat's husband had to say about it...

"I think my wife speaks her mind appropriately," Kerry told reporters Monday when asked about the exchange between his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, and the editorial page editor of the conservative Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.

Asked about the response on CNN's "American Morning," Clinton said Monday, "A lot of Americans are going to say, 'Good for you, you go, girl,' and that's certainly how I feel about it."

My aching ASS!!!

Put aside for just a second that she fucking well DID TOO say that. Scope this gem... Pay attention, too. It's subtle, but then all good JOKES are...

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry (news - web sites) doesn't have a problem with his wife telling an insistent journalist to "shove it" when urged to explain her plea for more civility in politics. Neither does Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (news - web sites)

There, did ya see it? I highlighted the pertinent words and phrases.

What a stupid bitch this one is.

First off, KERRY, you damned well better DEVELOPE a problem with yer wife spouting off stupid shit like that. She requests civility, then acts like an uncivilized cuntbag in the next breath? Lovely. And, what? Her baldfaced lying is okay with you, too, you useless piece of humanity, a.k.a. "a politician", thanks for proving my fuckin' point, you asshole?

And, Hillary... where, oh, WHERE do I start with you, you disgusting skank? Let's see.... *tapping chin with index finger*

Okay, well, first off... You are FUG-LY. You were maybe a little cute when Billy-boy was back in Arkansas and you had hair to your shoulders, but, lady, you look like holy hell now and frankly, I don't blame Bill one little bit for screwin' around on you. You come across as an emasculating cunt-on-wheels and you dress for shit.
Furthermore, do NOT ever presume to speak for ME again... "A lot of Americans are going to say, 'Good for you, you go, girl'...." Dear CHRIST, I hope not!!! I HOPE a lot of Americans are gonna call "BULLSHIT!!!", especially seeing how friggin' BLATANT this case is.

And, Ms. Ketchup-Queen?

Sit the FUCK down and shut the FUCK up.
Immediately and forever.

Unless, of course, you want that numbshit you're married to to lose....
(Like it even matters...)

Posted by: Stevie at 01:44 PM

Comments

Posted by: Mad Mikey at July 26, 2004 02:30 PM (c4GB+)

Posted by: Stevie at July 26, 2004 02:47 PM (8PUIX)

Posted by: Mad Mikey at July 26, 2004 03:40 PM (c4GB+)

4 Rock on. You should go to the Democratic convention with a fully automatic weapon. I'm sure Kim du Toit could hook you up.

Or hell, maybe just pose with one and post the pics.

What was my point? I think my point was "don't drink 7 Key Lime Martinis on a Monday night or you'll start babbling on people's blogs."

owwie, my poor head.

Posted by: Mad William Flint at July 27, 2004 08:48 AM (/j9KS)

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