'Scuse me for a few minutes, okay?
I have this thing I need to do and it may not make much sense without a huge, long backstory that involves too many people for me to be comfortable naming and explaining about.
But, in an effort to not clog up the person's comments that I care the most about in this situation and for the easier structuring of the whole thing, I've drug it home.
Okay...when I first read this, I realized the best way to 'answer' it is line by line.
I'm the italics...
Oh God... *rolling eyes*
You like me you really like me. Do what? *stifling a giggle* Why else would you write so much about me. I have no idea. Maybe trying to get someone to see sense? Damned if I know. I mean I am flattered Flattered? Are you nuts? *lol* and slightly curious but I just don't go for all that. Really? You seem to have some very serious men issues. Possibly. I have been shit on more than once. You say you don't but really you are raging. Nah. Not even close. Believe me. I also think that you have anger issues as well. Well, yeah, when it's so patently obvious someone I like is so liable to be hurt...let alone 'again'. I mean it's not my place to psychoalalyze you, Feel free. Lord knows I'm guilty of some form of it myself with you. but I think that all this anger directed at me has to do with your having been in a situation like this. Ya think? Tell me if I'm wrong, Rest assured, I will... but I don't think I am. Again, possibly. BUT... keep in mind you also 'think' that what you're doing to this person is "loving" them, so be careful widdat.
We deal with the hands we are dealt. Yes, SHE is...
I am an ass but I don't pretend I'm not. Points for not denying it. I admit to what I am. Except married? You seem like a really educated person i.e. the use of Emily Post in one of your notes. Thank you...
Is you are so educated do me a favor watch The Talented Mr Ripley or Ripley's game and you will have a better idea of what I am. Indulge at least this request. Um..."Houston, we have a problem", here. I did look up both of these movies at the IMDb and now I'm not sure what to think. Granted, I only read a synopsis of the plot, but, now I'm more scared for her than before.
I eagerly await your reply. More to follow, I promise.
Your friend
"Her Addiction" Points received and I will address them in a minute. First, however, I feel compelled to point out that you are, once again, overlooking the most important factor in this.
Her.
Remember her? She is a special kinda female, I'm tellin' ya. There is just something about her that brings out the Pitbull in me. You two make me feel like I've stepped into a parallel universe, unlike any I've known with any certainty, where, suddenly, men are the real bad guys and women are the real victims. This is totally contrary to what my life has taught me. It's not every, or just any, female I like as much as I do her. The heart she has is a rare one and should not be toyed with. If that heart of hers gets destroyed by some bunch of bullshit based on lies, that's gonna be a real, honest-ta-God, go-straight-to-hell, do-not-pass-Go, do-not-collect-$200 SIN. Do you really realize that?
Do you really realize what you have in her loving you? I have to believe you don't, 'cause, if you really do and you're still allowing this thing to drag on, hurting her every day, then you must really be 'that wank'. I truly don't understand how, if you love someone, you put them in this position in the first place.
How could you keep your marriage from her for all that time? It's like you waited til you knew you had her but good, THEN you told her. After it was too late for her to turn and walk away. Without dying. Without it killing her heart. How can anything based on such a huge lie be honorable? And, if you're not honorable with her, how's she NOT gonna get hurt? Again.
Honor, respect and love are all intertwined. Maybe it's possible to honor or respect a person without actually loving them, but 'loving' someone without honor and respect isn't love.
In other words... if I were in the service, I'd probably respect the shit outta my C.O., but I doubt like hell I'd love him.
I honor all Viet Nam Vets, once a day, every day, all day long. I can't say I love all of them, because I don't even know all of them, but I do honor them, so honor without love is also possible. But, for the life me, I just don't 'get' love without honor and respect. And, I just KNOW that you don't treat a person like she's being treated or make a person feel the way she's made to feel, if you honor and respect, hence LOVE, them. As for me having been in this situation, sure I have. I said so right in her comments. I've certainly loved people more than they've loved me. If I can, in any way, help her to not have to follow every miserable footstep I've had to take to get to where I am now, you're damned right thinking I'm gonna try like hell to help her avoid it.
It hurts, damn it.
It can even kill you if you're not strong enough or if it's endless enough.
I know. It damn near killed me before God relented and gave me Eric. That's all I want for her...her 'Eric'. Her guy who is gonna look at her and see pure love. The guy who is gonna treat her with more respect than she can almost handle. The guy who is gonna be honest and total in his love for her. The guy who it will be 'him' when she gets that little "You've got mail" notification that she always hopes is you, that never is. That's what she deserves.
That's what her heart NEEDS to survive, to LIVE. And, if you need her...if you LOVE her as much (or even half as much) as she does you, you need to make this thing right. You have to do what you have to do to be with her.
Just like Eric did.
Just like other lost and lonely people have had to do when they've fallen in (real) love with someone outside their marriage. If you're staying with your wife 'for the kids', I can tell you from personal experience, you're not doing them any favors. My mother had no regard for my Dad at all, and they stayed together. It was hell. Not a day goes by that I don't wish my Dad had just dumped her ass, took me with him and gotten the hell away from the insanity.
Kids aren't stupid and if you and your wife are in a loveless marriage and are just sitting there in it, stagnating, what are you doing for or teaching your kids?
You and their mother being miserable with each other and your lives isn't helping them a bit with anything and you're giving them all the wrong lessons about life and love doing what you're doing.
Not to even mention the fact that once they pick up on what's going on, and they will, do you want them to shoulder the blame for you two both being so unhappy? 'Cause they will. Especially if it's made known to them that THEY are the reason for it...'it' being you two still being together when you don't love and simply want to be be with each other, as it should be. I hear a lot of men bitch and I often agree, that there are very few real, honest, good women out there.
It's true. There aren't many.
So, what are you doing treating one of those few like THIS?
Are you evil, or just that dumb, or what?
(Here's a hint: If I thought you were evil or that dumb, I wouldn'ta just spent all this energy and thought trying to understand you, okay?) What ARE you doing to this good woman and her heart fulla love? And why? Now.
I eagerly await YOUR response.
And, feel free to make it an email, instead of a comment, if that's more comfortable for ya. And, for the record, I'd feel the same way about any guy who made her love him like this and also made her hurt like this.
Honest.
Comments
1
Stevie,
Amy is in trouble, and in pain.
I respect what you're trying to do.
I think she's going to keep walking the railroad tracks towards the oncoming train. Dammit if it don't hurt to watch.
You have a good heart stevie and a strong personality. Keep at her if you can find the strength and stomach to do it.
I think there are a few of us reading out here that are glad you keep coming out swinging at Vin for her.
Way to go.
Amy is in trouble, and in pain.
I respect what you're trying to do.
I think she's going to keep walking the railroad tracks towards the oncoming train. Dammit if it don't hurt to watch.
You have a good heart stevie and a strong personality. Keep at her if you can find the strength and stomach to do it.
I think there are a few of us reading out here that are glad you keep coming out swinging at Vin for her.
Way to go.
Posted by: Lori at April 28, 2004 07:09 AM (osUaX)
2
Hi girl...my head is spinning with all this at the moment, so you'll have to forgive me for keeping this short. I love and appreciate your words, and even more, your motives. I know you have my best interests at heart and it makes me feel blessed that you look out for me the way you do. It's hard to know what to say without sounding like I'm justifying...so until I find the words I really want, I'm going to be quiet and think. I'll post on this later today, I'm sure. Oh..and I should probably clear up at least one point - I said that wrong about the email and hoping it's from him all the time but then finding it's newsletters or whatever - I meant I hate when that happens, but I didn't mean that he never emails me - he does, a lot. Sometimes I am just so selfish that I want EVERY SINGLE ONE to be from him, and they're not. It came out all wrong in that post. At any rate. I'll stop clogging up YOUR comments now. *giggle* hugs.
Posted by: AmyVegas at April 28, 2004 09:42 AM (lBFdX)
3
(Again... line by line answers here... for the most part, anyway.)
Lori...
I know. I especially know the pain.
And, thank you. I kinda think you're right and, yes,it does kill me to see her do this this way.
Thank you again, twice. Believe me, I don't intend to give up on her. If I'd had ONE PERSON who didn't throw their hands up in exasperation at me for doing a lot of the same shit back in my younger days, it may not have been such a long and hard road to where I am now. And, honestly, the only place I am now that is so blessed important is "with Eric". I'm praying it doesn't take Amy til she's 38 to find her Eric, like it did me.
Not to even mention how much of my life I pissed away in pursuit of this real love... How many opportunities, great jobs, etc. did I let go by because of how fried my brain was trying to understand why I kept getting jerked around by (feckless) men and trying to just handle that all-encompassing feeling of loneliness and the certainty that I was really never gonna find "him"?
It hurts my brain to think about it.
And, thank you once again, for letting me know that I'm not the only one who wants to see him do right by her or...Well, there is no 'or'. I want him to do right by Amy, period. If he can't, not only is it his loss, he needs to cut the crap (and that's what it is, if he can't make it real for her), so she can be free to find her "Eric".
And, that IS what she's looking for. That guy who is every love song that's ever touched her heart and made her say, "Yes. That's it. That's what I want...", personified. (Such as pretty much anything by Bread, Chicago, Journey, Foreigner...hell, even some of Barry White's stuff, 'cuz I DO understand her so well and she IS so much like me....lol.)
And, ya know what? She really does NOT want too much. What she wants, what she dreams love can be, it is. It can be. It's NOT too much to expect... though I bet the situation she's in, if not "He" himself, makes her feel like it is, more often than not.
That bugs me.
She calls herself 'selfish' because she hopes every email she gets is from him. *shaking my head* Gawd. That is so sweet... and it's also not the epitome of selfishness I see in this deal.
He's the one who won't 'shit or get off the pot', as it were. He's the one who continues to drag Amy down the highway to hell in his quest to have it all and give up nothing. He's the one who either allowed or made her fall so in love with him, him knowing the whole time, unlike HER, that he was MARRIED!
That'd be the deal-killer for me. How the fuck do ya overlook that? Him OR her? How'd he forget to mention that til it was way too late for her to leave him and how does she overlook such a huge lie? Seems to me it happens pretty much the same way the rest of this relationship does...with her loving him enough to do, allow and forgive anything for him and him not giving enough of a damn about her to do ANYTHING, including being honest with her.
What I really have the biggest 'issues' with are liars. Not men or women specifically...ANYBODY who makes a living outta lying.
Especially about something so fundamental.
Shit man...If he lied about THAT, how can I, you, we or she believe ANYTHING he says?
THAT is what scares me for her the most.
There is more pain and heartache waiting down this particular road than even I can tell ya, if she keeps letting him be the driver. It'd be bad enough if she was at least in the front seat with him, but she's not. His FAMILY is in this car with him. Amy he's got stuffed in the trunk so his spousal unit won't find out.
(Grrr. Christ, that pisses me off.)
I'm about at the point where I'd consign my soul to HELL, just to see Amy tell herself, "Ya know what, God damn it? I AM a good girl and I DO have a heart of gold and I do NOT deserve this. Dude... stick yo' head up-ith yer ass and twist it, okay? I'm outta here."
Of course, I KNOW her and I'm fully aware she'd probably add, "If you ever get free, 100% F-R-E-E from your situation, by all means, let me know...blah, blah."
I do, however, reserve the right to hope to Gawd she wouldn't actually stand around, waiting for that day. (Though I suspect she may, for quite a while...God love her.)
As for me continuing to swing at him...well, hell. He's SUCH as easy target, letting things go on like this. HE had all the relevant information from day one. She didn't. HE is the one who allowed this to happen, in spite of that information. SHE is the one who didn't GET that information until it was too late. HE'S the one who keeps lying to EVERYBODY. The only person Amy seems to be fibbing to so far is herself, in thinking he's EVER gonna do what's right.
As long as HE keeps walking around, impersonating a great big old red target, I'mina keep firing these paintballs that hit and form a scarlet "A" on his forehead as long as I can do it in such a way that I don't cause Amy any more pain.
God knows Amy is the most important one, the most innocent victim in all this.
All she did was fall in love. HE has and still is perpetrating a HUGE, HUGE lie. On everybody involved.
Ya know what, though? I really don't wish anything bad on the guy...at least not any more than I would any other guy who did this to her. Hell, he's got enough shit to deal with just being who and how he is.
All I want is for him to stop shitting on her and the tremendous love she has to give.
I have this feeling that somewhere, not too far away, is the man who'd KILL for her love and I'm scared that she won't be able to recognize him when she does see him, because all she can see now is this 'him'.
If that happens... if he messes that up for her by continuing to play this shit on her, THAT'S when he's gonna see me 'raging'.
I just can't sit by and watch her throw away any more (or all) of her life for a guy who won't give up ANYTHING for her.
I don't know what it is about her, but... there IS something, hell, there's a LOT about her that draws me to her. From the first day I read her pain and knew it so well, I've felt as if she's, like... my little sister or something and protecting her, or trying to, is as natural as breathing to me. And, I'm gonna keep doing it, 'til she's in a good place...the wonderful place that she deserves to be in, in love.
And, Amy?
Take all the time ya need, Sweetie. We only have the rest of my life, if need be. I'm not goin' anywhere until either a.) You're truly happy and in love with a GOOD man, or b.) Ya tell me to piss off.
And, thank you for knowing how I mean all this. I ask God every time I start to open my mouth (type) about this, to help me word it in such a way that you DO know I mean you no harm and never want to hurt you.
Truth isn't meant to be a weapon, although that's how a lot of people wield it. And, withhold it.
And, thank you, too, for clearing that up about him emailing you. When I read that, it HURT me. All I could think was "That bastard..."
It's nice to know he does do that, at least.
And, you are NOT selfish. When all you're getting is bits and pieces, it stands to reason that you'd want them all to be from him.
Oh, and feel free to ramble on for hours. Lord knows ya got a ways to go to even come close to me in the 'clogging up comments' department...*grin*
If all the hell I had to go through to get to Eric was for no other reason than to help you through it, so be it. At least NOW I know why it was necessary. Granted, I do believe there was an element of "Gotta go through hell before you get to heaven" so I'd fully appreciate all that Eric is, but it's nice to finally see it be of some use to someone. God knows, there was enough 'hell' for me to get through that it oughta be for more than just one reason.
And, I have been given that gift of really being able to see Eric for all that he is and to fully appreciate the love he gives me. In fact, it's his love that gives me the seemingly endless strength to offer you my hand for no matter how long it takes ya to make it through the 'hell' portion of the program.
That's what love does. It feeds you, strengthens you, allows you to LIVE...it's wonderful and I really want that for you. So much so, that I'm here for you, for as long as it takes.
Count on it.
(As should you, Vin, cause I'm really NOT going away and leaving her to slog through your endless bullshit by herself. I'll stop (sometime waaay after)whenever you do.)
Lori...
I know. I especially know the pain.
And, thank you. I kinda think you're right and, yes,it does kill me to see her do this this way.
Thank you again, twice. Believe me, I don't intend to give up on her. If I'd had ONE PERSON who didn't throw their hands up in exasperation at me for doing a lot of the same shit back in my younger days, it may not have been such a long and hard road to where I am now. And, honestly, the only place I am now that is so blessed important is "with Eric". I'm praying it doesn't take Amy til she's 38 to find her Eric, like it did me.
Not to even mention how much of my life I pissed away in pursuit of this real love... How many opportunities, great jobs, etc. did I let go by because of how fried my brain was trying to understand why I kept getting jerked around by (feckless) men and trying to just handle that all-encompassing feeling of loneliness and the certainty that I was really never gonna find "him"?
It hurts my brain to think about it.
And, thank you once again, for letting me know that I'm not the only one who wants to see him do right by her or...Well, there is no 'or'. I want him to do right by Amy, period. If he can't, not only is it his loss, he needs to cut the crap (and that's what it is, if he can't make it real for her), so she can be free to find her "Eric".
And, that IS what she's looking for. That guy who is every love song that's ever touched her heart and made her say, "Yes. That's it. That's what I want...", personified. (Such as pretty much anything by Bread, Chicago, Journey, Foreigner...hell, even some of Barry White's stuff, 'cuz I DO understand her so well and she IS so much like me....lol.)
And, ya know what? She really does NOT want too much. What she wants, what she dreams love can be, it is. It can be. It's NOT too much to expect... though I bet the situation she's in, if not "He" himself, makes her feel like it is, more often than not.
That bugs me.
She calls herself 'selfish' because she hopes every email she gets is from him. *shaking my head* Gawd. That is so sweet... and it's also not the epitome of selfishness I see in this deal.
He's the one who won't 'shit or get off the pot', as it were. He's the one who continues to drag Amy down the highway to hell in his quest to have it all and give up nothing. He's the one who either allowed or made her fall so in love with him, him knowing the whole time, unlike HER, that he was MARRIED!
That'd be the deal-killer for me. How the fuck do ya overlook that? Him OR her? How'd he forget to mention that til it was way too late for her to leave him and how does she overlook such a huge lie? Seems to me it happens pretty much the same way the rest of this relationship does...with her loving him enough to do, allow and forgive anything for him and him not giving enough of a damn about her to do ANYTHING, including being honest with her.
What I really have the biggest 'issues' with are liars. Not men or women specifically...ANYBODY who makes a living outta lying.
Especially about something so fundamental.
Shit man...If he lied about THAT, how can I, you, we or she believe ANYTHING he says?
THAT is what scares me for her the most.
There is more pain and heartache waiting down this particular road than even I can tell ya, if she keeps letting him be the driver. It'd be bad enough if she was at least in the front seat with him, but she's not. His FAMILY is in this car with him. Amy he's got stuffed in the trunk so his spousal unit won't find out.
(Grrr. Christ, that pisses me off.)
I'm about at the point where I'd consign my soul to HELL, just to see Amy tell herself, "Ya know what, God damn it? I AM a good girl and I DO have a heart of gold and I do NOT deserve this. Dude... stick yo' head up-ith yer ass and twist it, okay? I'm outta here."
Of course, I KNOW her and I'm fully aware she'd probably add, "If you ever get free, 100% F-R-E-E from your situation, by all means, let me know...blah, blah."
I do, however, reserve the right to hope to Gawd she wouldn't actually stand around, waiting for that day. (Though I suspect she may, for quite a while...God love her.)
As for me continuing to swing at him...well, hell. He's SUCH as easy target, letting things go on like this. HE had all the relevant information from day one. She didn't. HE is the one who allowed this to happen, in spite of that information. SHE is the one who didn't GET that information until it was too late. HE'S the one who keeps lying to EVERYBODY. The only person Amy seems to be fibbing to so far is herself, in thinking he's EVER gonna do what's right.
As long as HE keeps walking around, impersonating a great big old red target, I'mina keep firing these paintballs that hit and form a scarlet "A" on his forehead as long as I can do it in such a way that I don't cause Amy any more pain.
God knows Amy is the most important one, the most innocent victim in all this.
All she did was fall in love. HE has and still is perpetrating a HUGE, HUGE lie. On everybody involved.
Ya know what, though? I really don't wish anything bad on the guy...at least not any more than I would any other guy who did this to her. Hell, he's got enough shit to deal with just being who and how he is.
All I want is for him to stop shitting on her and the tremendous love she has to give.
I have this feeling that somewhere, not too far away, is the man who'd KILL for her love and I'm scared that she won't be able to recognize him when she does see him, because all she can see now is this 'him'.
If that happens... if he messes that up for her by continuing to play this shit on her, THAT'S when he's gonna see me 'raging'.
I just can't sit by and watch her throw away any more (or all) of her life for a guy who won't give up ANYTHING for her.
I don't know what it is about her, but... there IS something, hell, there's a LOT about her that draws me to her. From the first day I read her pain and knew it so well, I've felt as if she's, like... my little sister or something and protecting her, or trying to, is as natural as breathing to me. And, I'm gonna keep doing it, 'til she's in a good place...the wonderful place that she deserves to be in, in love.
And, Amy?
Take all the time ya need, Sweetie. We only have the rest of my life, if need be. I'm not goin' anywhere until either a.) You're truly happy and in love with a GOOD man, or b.) Ya tell me to piss off.
And, thank you for knowing how I mean all this. I ask God every time I start to open my mouth (type) about this, to help me word it in such a way that you DO know I mean you no harm and never want to hurt you.
Truth isn't meant to be a weapon, although that's how a lot of people wield it. And, withhold it.
And, thank you, too, for clearing that up about him emailing you. When I read that, it HURT me. All I could think was "That bastard..."
It's nice to know he does do that, at least.
And, you are NOT selfish. When all you're getting is bits and pieces, it stands to reason that you'd want them all to be from him.
Oh, and feel free to ramble on for hours. Lord knows ya got a ways to go to even come close to me in the 'clogging up comments' department...*grin*
If all the hell I had to go through to get to Eric was for no other reason than to help you through it, so be it. At least NOW I know why it was necessary. Granted, I do believe there was an element of "Gotta go through hell before you get to heaven" so I'd fully appreciate all that Eric is, but it's nice to finally see it be of some use to someone. God knows, there was enough 'hell' for me to get through that it oughta be for more than just one reason.
And, I have been given that gift of really being able to see Eric for all that he is and to fully appreciate the love he gives me. In fact, it's his love that gives me the seemingly endless strength to offer you my hand for no matter how long it takes ya to make it through the 'hell' portion of the program.
That's what love does. It feeds you, strengthens you, allows you to LIVE...it's wonderful and I really want that for you. So much so, that I'm here for you, for as long as it takes.
Count on it.
(As should you, Vin, cause I'm really NOT going away and leaving her to slog through your endless bullshit by herself. I'll stop (sometime waaay after)whenever you do.)
Posted by: Stevie at April 28, 2004 02:42 PM (WRZQu)
4
I'm dizzy.
Posted by: Mad William Flint at April 28, 2004 04:47 PM (jRssG)
5
I responded to you on my blog.
Posted by: The Spartan at April 29, 2004 10:16 PM (hmyl9)
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