Whoa...shit....it worked....

So...I take Storm out to the big field and tie him, with a reallly long rope, to a dead piece of farm equipment. He did fine.
While he was eating his grass, I was smokin' mine...er, I was taking care of a little ecological situation I had asked Eric to do...oh....WEEKS ago.
Remember that huge tree branch that was blocking the pond drain pipe?
Well...it ain't no more.
(Oh, and it would help to know that this is a pipe that stands upright in the pond. The 'drain hole' itself is about 8 to 10 inches or so around. And, that the branch had the hole completely blocked...)

I took Eric's "ropin' rope" out there and did it...I'd say "myself", but I'd be lying and you'll never believe who 'helped' me first.


This rope of Eric's is...is....horrifying. All it gets used for these days is hauling stupid cows out who fall into the manure pit. Consequently, his rope is this foul-smelling, stiffer'n-a-dick-fulla-Viagra thing, that doesn't cooperate...much.
So, I'm out there, standing at the edge of this pond and there's the branch, blocking the drain pipe about 10-15 feet out.
I throw the rope...miss. Throw the rope...miss. Throw the whole rope into the pond by accident, missing the branch yet again....retrieve the rope.
I keep throwing and missing for quite a while.
Finally, I yelled in an upward direction, "Andy! Yes, Anderson Wood Harris!!! I need ya, Buddy! You know more about this shit than I do, so how's about puttin' the beer down and helpin' me out here for a minute, huh?!!"
I gathered and recoiled the stupid, smelly, stiff-assed stick masquerading as a rope and gave it another toss.
PLOOP!
Went around the top of that branch just as nice as you please.
I flipped!
I mean, I know he's still with me and that he hears me, but he answered so FAST...for a GUY...I almost wasn't sure how to act.
I was highly impressed. (Always was anyhow, right Andy? *wink*)
Anyhoot, the rope dropped over the top of the branch, I yanked it tight, pulled....and pulled and pulled.
Nothing.
Hmmm.
I yanked it, I tugged, I pulled some more.
Still nothing.

Shit, man.

I started walking back and forth, up and down along the edge, making the branch twist, kinda, inside the drain. I gave another huge yank and it came part way out.
That was good....except now the water was once again able to flow into the pipe and that didn't make anything any easier, really.
I kept pullin' and yankin' and walking it back and forth, looking more and more often around to see if Eric was coming to see how I was doing, yet.
Nope.

Now, I can't NOT win, here. The top of that branch was bigger around than where I had the rope cinched and there wasn't gonna be any getting the rope off the branch without getting the branch outta that pipe, so I was kinda stuck.

Kinda.
Heh.

I kept screwin' around with it for a bit, then trudged allll the way back to the house to get Eric. I just did NOT have the oomph to get that damned thing outta there myself and Andy was too busy giggling and probably drinkin' his beer again, so I needed Eric. Plus, I had to pee and I felt like I was 'crashing", which is what I call it when I suddenly get all hot, sweaty and shaky and all I can think of is a HUGE, cold glass of sweetened tea and eating something right quick.
(Fuck, I hate that.)
So, anyway, I got Eric and he went on out there and did some pulling, yanking and pacing back and forth. Then, he gave this violent YANK! and the branch broke off and he landed on his fanny and very nearly went down the hill, into the stickers, backwards...
Thank Gawd I had already peed....

At least he got his rope back and it was CLEAN by then.
Also got the damned drain cleared, so I was happy, too. The broken off part of the branch went on down and we could just turn around and SEE the improvement in the flow of the whole thing all the way out to the next pond.

Now, if I can just get that mud puddle the size of a swimming pool to drain....
without bleeding.

Peace.

Posted by: Stevie at 12:33 AM

Comments

1 wow, you really burned my ass on HAC. I'm really not a sexist, I think that all people should be treated equally. I don't think that all people are the same. I don't think that women can't be frank, as matter of fact, my best female friend is such because she is a refreshingly forthright person. But in general, I find women to be less straightforward than men. Of course I've spent my whole life in New England, which could certainly have an atypically high number of guileful women(does seem to have a reputation for that, especially here in Taxachusetts). By the way, I enjoyed your story about clearing the drain pipe. I noticed you made a comment about your friend Andy responding quickly 'for A GUY'. Now are you saying that all men are slow and unresponsive? I don't think so, I think your probably just pointing out a tendency you've noticed in the men around you. I'm not going to throw it in you face(too much) that you are basically doing the same exact thing you flamed my ass for...

Posted by: kidvegas at April 24, 2004 12:04 PM (2iq2y)






Processing 0.0, elapsed 0.007 seconds.
18 queries taking 0.0056 seconds, 9 records returned.
Page size 7 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.