Wanted to trade...

One barely used* uterus for a decent sized** winkie.

(*-goes through the motions, but has never been pregnant.)
(**-6-7"with a noticable 'girth', please...)

Willing to trade even-up, organ for organ. Will deliver and pick up. No indian-giving. Will settle for just giving away uterus, if necessary. Inquire within.

I mean it. I am sick of this crap. I am 40 years old, I have never been pregnant, will never BE pregnant and I do not wish to participate in this archaic, useless, painful, stupid and SEXIST ritual any longer. PMS sucks. Periods suck. The pieces of equipment that I euphimistically refer to as 'plugs' suck. The commercials relating to this shit all suck. Everything about it sucks.

I don't wanna do this no more!!! And I will whine, if necessary.
Aw, who am I tryin' to kid? I'd be willing to do a helluvalot more than merely whine to be rid of this plague forever. I even asked for a hysterectomy at around age 25. Stupid doctor said no. Stupid GUY doctor. He was of the opinion the side-affects would be worse than the periods. I beg to differ.
I'd much rather have a nice beard, like my Dad's, than all this foo-foo nonsense.

As for the 'trade for a winkie' part....All I really want my very own winkie for is to pee all over stuff. Trees, bushes, Dumpsters, car tires...whatever. And, seeing how if I ask reeeaaalllyyyy nicely, Eric can be persuaded to let me use his for that (outside, anyway. He gets nervous about me 'missing' in the bathroom...), I am willing to just give this damn thing (my uterus-not his winkie) away.

Ya know...I don't know what he's so worried about. I don't try to write stuff with it unless we're outside. And, if we are in the bathroom, I know not to wiggle it around too much. I understand the concept of 'arcing'. Geez. It's just fun it make it splash and stuff. It feels just like a little fire hose. And, 'little' IS NOT the operative word in that sentence. Fire hoses are huge. (I was a fireman, remember...) And, no guy could walk around with a firehose in their pants (Shut up, Tom Jones...and, you too, Uncle Miltie.). So, when I say 'little', I mean as in 'little for a firehose', not just little. 'Cause it ain't.

Which reminds me of another reason to hate my period. (I know what some people do. I'll pass. *shudders*)

I hear menopause is a REAL hoot.
God.

Posted by: Stevie at 01:56 AM

Comments

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 28, 2003 10:18 AM (jtW2s)

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 29, 2003 11:57 AM (jtW2s)

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