Damn, Cat...
Whatchoo tryin' to do, kill me?
I damned near choked to death reading these out loud to George.Nursery Rhymes for Big Kids Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb fuck."
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
Especially that next-to-last-one....
Jeezus... *slithers outta chair laughing*
Comments
1
Believe it or not these have been around for a LLLOOONNNNGGGG time. My dad taught me the simple simon and humpty dumpty ones when I was in kindergarten. But Simple Simon said stupid shit instead. Also you might like this one:
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and sat down besider her and said
Whaddya got in the bowl bitch?
Yes I got in trouble from my mom for telling the teacher my version. Mom had a lot of explaining to do - it was 1968...lol.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and sat down besider her and said
Whaddya got in the bowl bitch?
Yes I got in trouble from my mom for telling the teacher my version. Mom had a lot of explaining to do - it was 1968...lol.
Posted by: Cindy at January 14, 2007 08:27 AM (Iigtw)
2
Glad you liked. Old but funny.
Posted by: Catfish at January 15, 2007 07:52 AM (VEJX0)
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